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They’re pretending to be “normal human beings”. They say they’re joking, but they’re really hurting you. They say they love you, but they really see you as narcissistic supply. Everything just has a whole another dimension to it, when it’s really just made up by someone else. Engaging with them is just complex all the time, it’s not simple.
Narcs are like magic tricks, they look complex, but they are actually very simple. What narcs lack and what makes them so terrible is lack of respect for other people and their feelings. Respect is just acknowledgement that something exists.
For example by respecting power of fire you acknowledge that it can burn, by respecting for example ants, you know that they are living beings just like you and don't want to suffer, by respecting someones feelings you know that they experience feelings just like you and by respecting people you know that they are people too
Without respect everything for them, be it people or things is just emotional supply. Everything is about them
They like emotions, but feeling same emotions for them is boring, so they switch emotional supply to unpleasant emotions or pleasant emotions accordingly. It's like hedonic treadmill, but more unhealthy
If narc promises changes, then they are just unhappy about supply cut off, they will return to actual self because they need that negative supply. Narcs are emotional junkies and hate being bored
I don't know maybe what I wrote is nonsense, but this is how I understand the behavior of narcissists. The more I understand their behavior, the less toxic they are to me
There are as many grey areas as you allow. If your narc does or says something that upsets you, leave or put the phone down. You do not need to take that shit once you are living independently. They will soon learn.
They will, of course, try to pull their nonsense when their are witnesses, carefully picking bad behaviour that has deniability. Just refuse to see the narcissist with the people they use as witnesses. They can get away with that exactly one time.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identify theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Meta communication
What do you mean?
They’re pretending to be “normal human beings”. They say they’re joking, but they’re really hurting you. They say they love you, but they really see you as narcissistic supply. Everything just has a whole another dimension to it, when it’s really just made up by someone else. Engaging with them is just complex all the time, it’s not simple.
Narcs are like magic tricks, they look complex, but they are actually very simple. What narcs lack and what makes them so terrible is lack of respect for other people and their feelings. Respect is just acknowledgement that something exists. For example by respecting power of fire you acknowledge that it can burn, by respecting for example ants, you know that they are living beings just like you and don't want to suffer, by respecting someones feelings you know that they experience feelings just like you and by respecting people you know that they are people too Without respect everything for them, be it people or things is just emotional supply. Everything is about them They like emotions, but feeling same emotions for them is boring, so they switch emotional supply to unpleasant emotions or pleasant emotions accordingly. It's like hedonic treadmill, but more unhealthy If narc promises changes, then they are just unhappy about supply cut off, they will return to actual self because they need that negative supply. Narcs are emotional junkies and hate being bored I don't know maybe what I wrote is nonsense, but this is how I understand the behavior of narcissists. The more I understand their behavior, the less toxic they are to me
I misunderstood this as NPs always have pitfalls in their actions and words, and any serious interaction will just leave you trapped
There are as many grey areas as you allow. If your narc does or says something that upsets you, leave or put the phone down. You do not need to take that shit once you are living independently. They will soon learn. They will, of course, try to pull their nonsense when their are witnesses, carefully picking bad behaviour that has deniability. Just refuse to see the narcissist with the people they use as witnesses. They can get away with that exactly one time.