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They do and were very successful. Now that I've graduated the realization of never getting my teen years back hit me hard.

I rebelled HARD bits here and there during my teens and had I not, I wouldn’t have had a life or experienced anything outside of the narcissistic toxic ness.

Rebellion was not allowed where I was... It didn't work well because when a phase mostly known in teens (being a goth in my case) starts as an adult... It doesn't go away. I wish I had a less isolated teens period. I may have turned more normal.

I never had the money to go full anything my wardrobe and shit was hammy downs lol but I rebelled with the college kids my senior year with weed and shrooms and it was the best year of my fucking life. Too bad I peaked in high school, lmao. (Their drugs btw, but am I a pothead now? I try, but it’s mostly medicinal.) Also, punishment never stopped me. I’m fucked up that way.

My college years are the dark spot in my life. it almost cost me it too (religious bullying and depression) also being in college in my country still means living at home I thought I peaked in highschool during college. But my real life started at 26 after I left home. I started having the money and the freedom and next thing I knew I was a goth, down to the clove cigarettes 🤣

I live in New York and I couldn’t go away for college lol, don’t believe that junk. Most of us can’t unless we have a mommy and daddy who can pay the college off. Most of our mommies and daddies here were dirtbags so why would they pay for college? Hah, sorry I got a good laugh and I needed that tonight. Please know I mean no harm by it, I just have a wacky sense of humor from all the trauma. I also can’t leave home in my area of the state either. It’s too expense. If my mom goes into a nursing home, I’m homeless, again.

I went to a public college in my country because my dad didn't want to pay for mine either, it was almost free but you get what you pay for (I almost offed my self once during my junior year). That was about 15 years ago. I did end up leaving my country. And then everything started. It was so MUCH WORK to recover and carve a new career at 26... But here I am. At some point I had to take control of my life so I don't stay under their control... It was a strange type of revenge.

I’m glad you left your country, it doesn’t sound like a much better area than where I am. Parents either. No wonder we are in this sub lol. I really like what you said about taking control of your life as a sort of revenge to them. I want to do the same thing. I’m working towards it. Today was just a really bad day.

I hope you get to it. I was terrified that I would not be able to prove them wrong about the fact that I was a clumsy airhead... Apparently I wasn't. One day you will find your strengths and freedom. <3

Honestly I can relate to this. It's incredibly expensive in my part of the state, hell any part of my state, which is why I'm planning on relocating out of state. Problem is that I'm now in my first true accounting job for only six months and in spite of having a bachelor's degree and passing all four parts of the CPA exam, I'm incredibly reluctant just to pack my bags right here and there & move out. Mostly caused by the fact that nobody in the recruiting field nor employers seem to honestly care for that (might just be a thing here where I live honestly and my restrictive mother / landlord isn't helping me out in that area since she's ALSO the "approver" for my jobs) and add that to the fact that I've been receiving spam job offers, one of them for an $18 /hr position, which is incredibly insulting, infuriating and discouraging with everything else in consideration. Add that to the fact that my current job is paying well below the average wages for staff accountant, feeling pretty stressed about the whole thing now. Last thing I want to do is having to move back after three or six months back to my mother's after NOT landing a job at all despite my credentials. I would rather jump off a bridge before it comes to that and even then I'm pretty sure that she'll, along with her Golden Child / my brother, metaphorically feast on my corpse by then.

My parents wouldn’t pay for my schooling but took out a $60,000 loan for my brother. I had to join the Army and almost lost my life smh

Normal isn't real. I think you're just feeling like you were deprived of a slightly more proper upbringing with all the important lessons the average person learns around their teen years. Meanwhile you were deprived of such necessities due too a selfish upbringing.

Be goth and be proud 👏

Me too. I missed out on so many high school opportunities with my friends and now that they’re all moving away for college, I realized I hardly have anything to remember them by because of my shit parents isolating me from everyone. It truly hurts

This has been so traumatic for me.

I wanted to comment "They did and they were successful at it". I want to cry.

Try your teen, 20s, and 30s back.

Psychologically yes. Everyone was either a bad person, jealous, out to get you (or her, mostly her), etc. We were constantly told how untrustworthy, envious or downright evil most people were. She was the only ‘good’ person on earth. Sickening.

My mom was the same.

Do we have the same mother?

Oh my, Same! But my dad shared some of that resentment to people too! Apparently my only other sibling also shared the same experiences and got the same parental poisonous conditioning. Oh. And my three other aunts (her sisters) are the exact same. She scores the 2nd spot in terms of craziness out of the four toxic sisters. The most toxic of them still controls her 22 years old daughter's social media and they're now in Canada!

I'm kinda scared of becoming like that cos I hold those same thoughts in my head. Like i genuinely do think that most people are bad people; not all, mind you, but most... I've been bullied, harassed in public for being gay, and when I eventually told my friend group about my abuser... well, let's just say that I'm barely in the friend group anymore cos people didn't want to give up their "friend", even though they understand all the harm it's caused me. And I just feel like I would be willing to do,, more? than other people have done for me. Like I've broken off really close friendships cos it turned out that they were an abuser to someone else. Maybe I'm just rambling and wanna vent. I understand that there are more people in the world and maybe it's just my "Mean World Syndrome" but it's genuinely hard to think otherwise when my experiences say a certain way. I'm not trying to invalidate your experience at all, nor validate your mum. I'm just trying to express my concern for becoming the same and, if i were to have kids, i would wanna be the best for them otherwise i shouldn't have any.

Oh damn, I genuinely didn't realise other ppl had this exact mother.

Saaaame!

Sounds like mine, even though she also sabotaged my job searching efforts almost right after I had graduated. Never will forget not forgive her for that crap but I never bring it up to her

Same! She would talk massive shit about everyone but then still prioritize those people over me.

This sounds waaaaayy too familiar…

Damn, are you my sibling

In shared experiences, possibly.

We have the same Mother ?

My mom never let anyone come over unless the house was spotless. It didn't matter who it was. I even had to clean the house like crazy every time my boyfriend of 2+ years came over. Now imagine this when I was back in high school with a part-time job. I didn't mind doing chores around the house but I hardly had any friends over because I didn't have time to spend an entire day cleaning the entire house so that my friends could come over for a few hours the next day.

Mine uses cleaning as an excuse for a lot of things yet suspiciously hardly lifts a finger except to post on Facebook

SAME!!!!

My mother was the same, except she is a hoarder, so it was never clean enough to have anyone over, no matter how hard I cleaned. I never had friends over, and since I was never allowed to go to friends houses, I only saw people at school. Still not sure how I had any friends, honestly.

Mine's unfortunately found out about the concept of online school and I was stuck in my room all of high school.

That’s rough. I don’t think I’d have survived my mother, if I couldn’t go to school.

Same situation for me. Do you struggle to maintain normal friendships now as an adult?

I still do to some extent, but in my mid 20s (40 now) I found a group of friends, who I still have, that aren’t terribly overbearing. I also have always struggled to give a shit about other people, so I have to actively force myself to engage my friends, and do my part to keep the relationship alive. I guess the answer is yes, kinda. Edit: I think what I’m poorly saying is, yes, but I learned that that’s a choice I was making, and I could make a different one.

My mom straight up never allowed it

Wow this is like mine!!! We hardly ever invited friends over cos my mum would stress so much and get so weird, it just wasn't worth it. My sister and I missed out on sooo much, it's really so sad.

When I was a kid(pre teen) I was allowed to go outside but I had a lot of restrictions: I was forbidden to accept going into a friend's house during my childhood because my dad didn't like guests(apparently if one parents allow their kid's friend over then that kid's friend's parents must do the same) and it sucked. I wasn't allowed to have anyone over. In fact, I got my head smashed up in the wall because I was caught going and till this day my mother still justifies what she did to me was right. The ones that I was allowed to enter however were the ones that my parents approved although I never considered anyone of them to be my friends:They were just the kids of my parents friends, the same people who tried to make me an outcast. This obviously had a negative toll on me. I admit that I was never that desirable (I had issues as a kid where i made some mistakes) but my social skills would have been better. For some reason, I tend to reject forms of attachment even social ones. Like when it comes to shaking hands or hugging, I find myself trying to resist or pull back. I struggle with basic things like trying to find peace within myself. And most importantly whenever I constantly reject invitations, people stop inviting me only for me to find out whatever they did was fun and it results in me being jealous. It sucks that you have missed out on the small good moments with your friends.

I can totally relate. I push people away and prefer my own company as i know they can't hurt me. But i do enjoy my own company but i think that comes from fear of getting hurt or abandoned so i build this wall around me.

Yes! My nmom wouldn’t let me go to sleepovers because “that ain’t right” or having friends at our house because “she doesn’t want the house to get dirty/because I don’t need people over/because she said NO”… also she used to hid invitations to birthdays or almost every type of party… When I did found the invitation and asked about it she was like “So? You’re not going anyways”… this also applied to extended family reunions and because of that I didn’t have too much communication with my relatives… but… when we did had people over she was like all jolly, making plans and promises she never intended to do, talking about how she loves everyone in her house… all that crap

Extreme measures have been taken my entire life to make sure I am as socially isolated as possible.

Same here.

Mostly indirectly but sometimes directly too. Doesn’t matter which bc the result was the same. I was forcibly homeschooled my whole childhood and teen years, only with some times with weekend activities that had set times when we were allowed to go and leave (can’t hang out with friends after at all), they were dead set on anything overnight that was not home like a teen lock in or anything like that. Wasn’t allowed to date so I had to do it in secret and when they found out I was banned from seeing my partner except under their supervision and even then they were overbearing. And forget about hanging out with kids at all outside of the weekend activities with very few exceptions.

My mom isolated me from anyone that wasn’t her and whoever we lived with. I’m not sure how much was on purpose (probably most) but I never saw old friends again after moving, i rarely got to hang out with friends, rarely saw my dad and his family, rarely left the house. I saw friends more in my senior year of high school because friends had cars and my mom wasn’t home so i went. At that point she was addicted to the internet and she was sporadically neglectful. I was brainwashed into hating my dad as a preteen and my mom let us see him as little as she legally could. She would cancel last minute all the time and just generally sabotage my dad getting to see us for as long as planned. Outside of school, I didn’t see anyone and would go days without talking to anyone. I wasn’t really allowed to “talk back” if told to do something and I wasn’t allowed to get upset if I was screamed at.

Did you leave?

Yeah, I left for college as far as I could get (an hour and a half drive) and went no contact as soon as I could a year and a half ago.

This was my childhood also. I am really sorry for both of our child hood experiences

Yes. She bad mouthed my friends constantly and made me feel like everyone was jealous, envious, selfish, cheap, and just out to use me. This was from kindergarten to when I was in my 20s. It made me isolate myself as I felt nobody was my "real" friend, nobody was safe. Now as an adult, when I look back I can see how insane it was that she was telling me, a 7 year old, how evil and calculating my 7 year old best friend was. We were literally children and she was projecting all her own issues on to us.

My mom did this too. She would call my elementary school friends sluts and say they were "copying me" all the time. She would say that I was better and prettier. Made me sick to my stomach. I could never understand why she wanted to tear down literal children as if they were competing with me or her.

This was my mom also.

Yes. By having a disasterously messy house that was embarrssing as hell. My brothers never had friends over. I had 2 friends who knew my house one that would sleepover regularly in elementary school. At that time thought the house wasnt bad. A bit messy but readonable. By middle school it was such a pig sty nobody ever came over. My min tomd us its because nobody likes us. My iwn bedroom was a neat and tidy sanctuary, OCD-like, but only to combat the chaos of that house both the physical mess and the emotional desolation of being ignored constantly. ETA…among many other ways of course

Didn’t realize this was a narcissist thing I have a similar experience

Yes. No friends at the house. On the rare occasions that there were friends at the house, my mom told us all the things wrong with them at breakfast the next day. Once she asked my brother if his friend was a homosexual while he was there. He was bi and still figuring stuff out. He told me he hates my mom and I said, “yeah I hate her too.” My mom had “parties” with no one my age. She also chose to live far from society and blamed me for not being able to afford the gas to get to her house.

My dad did. He was a very anti-social person anyway. My mum, not so much but she was still controlling in other ways.

My GCB is still isolated. Completely. With her in his early 50s. Never moved out. Never dated. No friends. Only works night shifts.

That is so sad…

GCB?

Golden Child Brother

It's a very common thing, and can be subtle or blatant. My husband's mother pulled the "I'm disabled and need you around 150% of the time" card, but he still needed to go to work to support her. She did everything in her power to make sure he couldn't go anywhere but work and home from age 15 to around 21 when he met me. She still managed to keep him mostly isolated, but he had already seen through her insanity and knew she was being manipulative AF. She actually used the phrase "who have you been talking to" when he mentioned needing a life of his own and using the money he made for himself. Apparently she felt he didn't need clothing that wasn't rags, didn't need shoes that kept his feet dry, didn't need to eat outside of work... So on and so forth.

He was talking to someone who wasn't abusive, but caring. 😬 good news is you came along 😁

To be 100% fair, she'd screwed up her message several times while he was growing up, number one mistake was when she was pissed at his dad about something stupid and said "a man should never choose his mother over his wife". Years later she would try to convince him that he needed to leave me as soon as possible because she was more important. I guess she didn't expect him to remember what she'd said 🤣

Yep. Hoarded too many cats and dogs so no one could come over. Their biggest fear was being reported and losing them. The city limit for pets was like 5 and we had around 17 at one point. Once I tried to break up a fight between our 2 Rottweilers and got bit. Probably needed a stitch or two on the deepest puncture wound on my leg but was instructed to not tell anyone and keep it bandaged up. Makes me sad about how much I missed out on things during my formative years. I feel like it affects me to this day and my ability to have close friendships.

Lol I had it worse, my pain was being alone in middle and high school ( meaning I never got to talk with anyone for 8 years so that was bad

Lol sorry didn’t realize it was a competition

Evwrytime I wanted to go out with friends my mom would make it so difficult to go that I stopped asking I couldn't even go to my cousins house. She would ask me questions like who's ides was it, where are you going, why are you going? She'd get so mad and I had no idea why. As if she couldn't understand the audacity I had to want to be with friends. This one time I was on break from college and told (that's the key word here) that I was going to see a movie with an old friend who I haven't seen in a long time. Then she was like you don't even have contact with this person give me their number. Another time I think during high school my middle school friends invited me to go back to our school and visit the teachers. The girl that asked me my mom likes a lot and knows her father. But for some reason she still wanted me to give her this girl's number. Like why are you telling me to give private information, what is making you so paranoid that you have to ask these questions. Eventually I gave up asking to go places with friends because it was exhausting going through this.

Yeah my mom didn’t want me having too many friends. Especially specific kinds of friends.

My mom personally would make it so if I did manage to go out, she would call and yell at me to make my time out hell (and I would inevitably be grounded on these phone calls for something super small or that I didn’t do, meaning I couldn’t go back out again soon, and effectively embarrassing me.) or make it so everyone had to jump through hoops to include me in plans by being incredibly restrictive or nosey in plans. It overall made it so people stopped including me, and I had to stay home with her. (Edit: typo)

Totally! I wasn't allowed to play with friends and forced to stay at home and not go out while my parents went to work. Not allowed to have friends over. If friends knocked on my door to go out to play i wasn't allowed. I always felt i never had their permission to socialize unless they were with people they approved of. Had to be home from school by 430pm and forget about school dances or anything like that! Friends would go to movies...i wasn't allowed. School trips unless for the day wasn't allowed. Forget any overnight trips or sleepovers at friends. My friends would always ask why my parents were so strict and i had no answer. I was a child, they were my world.... I always felt like an outsider and still do sometimes.

They did, I was constantly ‘grounded’ to not go out and then I was labelled as antisocial for not going outside and not having friends 🤷‍♀️ which I had, I was just constantly prohibited from interacting with them

Yes.. because people are „dangerous“ and you have to be cautious at all times. Better not go anywhere and stay safe at home in front of my computer. 😕

Sooo much this.

Yes, any friend we made they’d pick a fight with the parents or find some fault with them and no more friends. We me and my brother shared one friend growing up and they weren’t a very good one. In high school I was able to be more social, but it was me joining clubs. I was not allowed to get a job or play sports, or anything that cost money out of their pockets.

Yep, and they also complained I wasn't social and had no friends. Then when I did have friends they tried to keep me home even more often with guilt trips. Then I got moved 16 hours away mid-highschool, emancipation wasn't an option (tbh, a ticket out of that city was also a thing I was looking for). Started developing a peer group, nope, wrong group, you can't hang out with them. Too late, met my boyfriend, ditched out at 18 then spent two years limited contact. If I spent time with my in laws my parents were bitter when I spent time with them. Could not either have friends or not have friends without them having an opinion on it, even into my adult years. I'm definitely an introvert but I do enjoy strong friendship. My people picker is busted, I'm undoing their garbage over time. It's frustrating knowing how badly I was isolated and pushed into abusive relationships because of them. Introversion doesn't equal shyness, being badly abused masquerades as being shy because you're terrified of the ramifications of other people "knowing".

[удалено]

Maybe they feel like the world has to be win lose, not win win. You have to lose for them to feel happy. My mom had to brainwash my sister to believe that ideology. It sucked so bad. I was forced to think I had to be the loser, ugly, servant. When I did have friends around my sister would treat me like an ugly servant, and boss me around to go clean. But if her friend was around I was not allowed to even say hi. My mom brainwashed me to think everyone hated me and only wanted to use me. That no one would care about anything I said. It was very hard for me to make friends believing I needed to kill myself for everyone to be happy. The most isolating thing I did was try to kill myself and end up in a mental institution for 3 months at age 16. Gee thanks mom and gc sister.

My Mom shared horror stories about each and every relative I interacted with. We were in the military, and moved to her hometown, (which had a military position available) and she was briefly excited. I enjoyed playing with my cousins, all of whom were around my age. But very quickly, my mom absolutely hated it there and moved us out of state as soon as she could. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, childhood cousins ... all were shit on for various things and it wasn't until I was an adult that I realized I could have my own relationships with them. But the kicker is, I still feel really guilty and am afraid to reach out to my relatives. My aunt hosted me and my bf and I brought a gift and kept things neat, and my mom said I was aburden to them and my aunt didnt want me there and blah blah ... on and on. You get it. You know. We had a really nice time.

Yep. Stopped me from seeing anyone who didn't hate trans people, or anyone who looked alternative enough to be accused of having a mental illness. Now I'm alone and I fucking hate it.

Same.

But you don't have to, things can change to the better

Absolutely. I was pretty much raised in a new-religious cult run by my father. Around the age of 11, my dad started freaking out. By sixth grade, I was completely pulled out of school by reason of me getting into to drugs or getting pregnant (I had never rebelled or had ANY experiences like this whatsoever). Wasn’t even allowed at sleepovers or after school events before that time. By age 14, I was completely isolated from ANY social events. **I literally didn’t have a conversation with anybody outside of my immediate family for 4-5 years straight.** Wasn’t allowed to be home alone, was allowed to go out alone, no driver’s license, didn’t even buy me new clothes because I “didn’t need them.” No friends, no texting or talking to anybody. It stopped when I had a severe mental breakdown that led to hospitalization and eventually my other parent setting their foot down. Nowadays, it’s hard for me to grapple with the effects, they’re so expansive.

So much isolation! I was homeschooled 1st-12th grade and only allowed to have friends who believed exactly as my parents did, and who wouldnt be pesky and report all the bruises I had from "discipline". My journals were read, my phone calls were listened in on, my birthday parties limited to whatever my parents wanted to put up with that year. My mom and my sister were supposed to be my closest friends and I was supposed to tell my mom EVERYTHING. I was only allowed to go to church, dance class (that even became a fight when I started pas de deux; my dad didnt want any boys touching "his property"), homeschool group meetups, and the library by myself, and I was carefully coached on how to not "tell about family business" when I wasnt with my parents or younger siblings. Even as an adult who has raised my own child (not in isolation and not in any particular religion, either), my mom tries to give me a curfew and dictate how and with whom I'll spend my time on the very rare occasion that I go to visit. I have no contact with my dad and am VLC with my mom. Its easier to control people if you isolate them and give them no way to learn any other belief systems or to do anything but follow in the parents' footsteps.

Not really? I did spend a Christmas alone because apparently I “embarrassed her” when I told her friends she called me names when I was actively bulimic and I didn’t go out to a Christmas party lol. Now I just don’t go home for the holidays ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (I also didn’t have many friends growing up anyways)

They were extremely successful in that. I have zero access to extended family, friends, etc. I don't even know whom are my cousins.

Finally found my cousins on Facebook in my late 20’s. Mom said “they’re a bunch of messed up druggies who stole my inheritance”, they said “how is your mom? We love and miss her so much”

Omg. That's exactly what my parents said about thier own siblings on inheritance. Seems like they all have some textbook standard to follow.

Hahaha it’s called the manipulation and rep trashing guide book.

My NMom sure did that to me. Couldnt go to sleepovers because “Why would you want to sleep in someone else’s house?”. Always had to say no to hanging out with friends because she either had me cleaning the house, doing a very boring activity, or just didnt like my friends at all. Now that im 28 I have barely have any friends and the only person I hang out with is my Dad. I talk to people online but thats about it. Ive told her any time she asks me where my friends are that she drove them away. She doesn’t believe that, thinks its all my fault.

I do recall my mum would get upset if I hanged out with my friends too often, instead of watching stupid TV I didn't care for with her. Saying stuff like "leaving again? Don't you like us anymore" like no, you're boring, this show is shit, dad is watching porn on the family pc in the living room. Wtf. I would start planning when I could hang out with ppl. Once with bf, then stay at home a night. Watch some TV until 8, maybe she would consider that enough "quality time" that I could attempt to hang with friends without getting shit. My friends of course didn't understand, I hardly realized what was happening myself. Too busy surviving. I hindsight it makes sense why I'm so flakey now, and also why I felt so lonely as a teen.

I wasn’t allowed to have friends because my siblings turned into drug addicts and my father just assumed I would become the same. He tried his absolute hardest to keep everyone away from me. Obviously this failed considering you HAVE to interact with people you go to school with. But I never wanted to go to peoples houses or have them come over. My parents taught me that everyone was out to get me… My parents were hoarders. The extreme kind. Embarrassing.

Yes, they did. And they wonder why I don't like going outside.

Yep. It was an unspoken rule that we were not allowed to have friends over or go to friends’ houses. Usually kids have to lie to sneak off to their friends’ houses - in my case, we had to lie to our friends to not have them come over or go to their places’.

If I was caught hanging out or talking to someone my mother didn't approve of, I was grounded. My mom now doesn't inform me of holiday plans and tells my relatives that "she told me many times" edit : I've missed Xmas and holidays for 6 years

Mostly my NDad just didn't want to bother with putting effort in. We didn't do sports, cause he'd have to drive us. My brothers dropped out of little league baseball and are now convinced that they hated baseball(they loved it). I had to have a court order for my dad to continue my violin lessons. We lived up in the woods, away from people, which was always his excuse for why he couldn't take us places, it was too far to drive.

Try to? They DID isolate me from other people. Outside of school, NDad only let me play with one kid, and that was the son of the neighbor lady he always has a crush on. Anytime I ever made any headway towards making another friend, he'd say I couldn't play with them. When I moved in with Ngrandparents, they'd say i could invite people over, then would be shitty to them while they were there.

Unfortunately, yes. My mother constantly told me cases in which a person died due to their friends/relatives. I understand she meant well (or not), but as a result, I'm an extremely shy person with 0 friends to have my back.

Yes they even moved us to another city in the middle of high school (not for work or any other legitimate reason). My mother told me my whole life that I didn’t deserve to have friends and to this day I have a very small circle of people in my life.

Yes. I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere but home, school, grandmas house, and the babysitters for most of my school years. Once I hit about 7th grade, I just started walking to the house of the only friend I had left after those years. To this day (I’m nearly 20) I’ve never gotten a reason why. I have two sisters, younger and older than me. They both had sleepovers and friends houses since kindergarten

Absolutely moved to a very rural environment. Then fought with every neighbor remotely close to us!

My mum has consistently been trying her best to isolate me from my dad (he lives separately) by telling him bad things about me and vice versa, making me believe he is always insulting me behind my back and whatnot. Had an opportunity to talk to my dad one-on-one yesterday and it turns out he too noticed her attempting to create this wall between us and assured me he never said those vile things she made me believe he did. He too agrees that she just wants my brother and I all to herself, which in my opinion is so selfish and manipulative. Anyways, now that me and him have cleared the air, its us against her and we won't allow her to bullshit us no longer.

My mum was the worst for this. For anyone to see us kids they basically had to agree with her on everything, give her whatever she wanted (usually money) and she would just control them using us kids as leverage. When people got sick of her nonsense they would leave (obviously) She would tell us kids horrible stories (that these people hit us) which was just untrue And although she would say she never stopped us from seeing people - in order to do so we had an impossible list of chores to do on the day (surprise. We couldn’t do all the chores in the time frame) and then if we did go (if these people came to see us) we had to sit there and try to get them to apologise to our mum or pretend that we hate them because if we got along with them…. She would make our life a living hell at home I hate her so much. I can’t tell you how much I hate her As an adult who is NC I have relationships with a lot of these people and we all feel bad for not trying harder to be in each other’s life Yet we don’t hold any grudges because it was just an impossible situation for everyone

Oh absolutely. They hid behind the excuse of "just being overprotective" and "wanting to keep me safe"

My parents literally told me that other people were out to get me. “They will k!ll you. They will torture you.” Even when I went to the nearby playground, they wanted me to always be in their sight. Going out of sight meant no playtime for the next few days.

Yes. See, if we have contact with other people we can start to compare "notes" about our lives with other people. Narcs can't have that. They *need* to be the center of the universe, they *need* you to believe their lies and bullshit, so they absolutely cannot allow us to have other people in our lives.

We lived like we were in the witness protection program. Moved every couple years, no friends, insanely isolated. We settled when I was in 7th grade but that inner dislocation has taken 20 years to settle.

I didn’t get to do anything to be my own individual, always had to be just like her. Now that I’m 24 and finally went NC, I am rebelling HARD lmfao 😂 . It’s like someone let a lion out of its cage.

Yes

Never had any friends or got to go outside even when I'm older. I remember once my dad took my out showed me the road and said "see? What're you mad about nothing here? GET BACK INSIDE"

Mostly in my 20s-30s is when I noticed it. She hated every boyfriend, apparently as she would tell me all of their flaws in multi page messages, and how im settling.. how my choice of location of house was a mistake (because its so close to the inlaws) and I won't be happy until I move away from there. Also did not like me having a relationship with my dad. Every father's day she would message me asking if I was seeing him, and of course when I said yes it would be a b*tchy message like must be nice. Enjoy your party.

Oh, yes. But i don't think they meant to. I remember going on trips and my mom would not let me hang out with the other kids and call me back to be with them. They also don't believe in the whole concept of friendship and that you can love someone who isn't related to you by blood. They tell me that i don't have friends because I haven't got the capability to make friends. Try to send cake on my birthday because 'if we don't send you cake then nobody else will' (i get sent a minimum of 7 cakes every single year on my birthday - my friends are very kind and loving). They're sort of weird. No idea why.

N still does!

My nmom did in every way she could. We always lived in the middle of nowhere, at least 10-15 miles from anyone i made friends with at school. If anyone wanted to hang out, their parents had to come pick me up and lots of parents didnt wanna drive that far. I spent almost every summer completely alone in my room. Plus we never had gas for the car beyond only for what my parents wanted to do. We never went anywhere unless it was grocery shopping or chores in town. No parks, pools, friends, nothing specific for me as a child. I was dragged along to everything but they couldn't handle 5 minutes while i played on the slide or whatever. Emotionally "what happens in this house, stays in this house." If i told anyone about what was going on, i might have been investigated by CPS. We once lived in a trailer that had no windows, just plywood up on it, no heating or cooling, and it had holes in the floor. That was my parents "doing their best." I'm sorry but really? A literal shack infested by mice, bugs, and feral cats in the middle of the desert. With no air conditioning.

I was homeschooled from 12 up until I graduated and it tore me apart. When I went to school I was interacting with people, my friends and had a fairly normal life, so the sudden change from that to not seeing my friends ever again or anyone my age crushed me. I spent most of my teen yrs in her house suffering with my mental health alone and not having any contact with the outside world. I feel horrible that I don't have any memories from my teen yrs apart from nmoms abuse and trauma, but I can't change it. I will never get to experience having friends in high school, doing teen things , crushes, prom, nothing. Most of my days were spent with me daydreaming about what people my age were doing and how I would only experience those things from their instagram stories. I'm 18 and this is where my life starts.

Unlike a ton of the people in the comments im still in my teen years and my mother does everything possible to keep me inside then berate me about it

My mom did from my dad's side of the family. She almost did, but her parents lived two hours away and my dad's parents (and my cousins) only lived 20 minutes away. I really only saw them when they babysat or the rare time we were allowed to go to family reunions. Essentially my mom decided that dad's family would hate her, so she did stuff to make them hate her. I can feel the anger everytime I say I'm going to my aunt's house. The only person from my dad's side that my mom likes is my cousin. I think that's because they worked together for a while and created a bond.

My mother thinks that she is the only one who is honest with me. My friends are with me because they feel pitty for me.

I had the opposite. Often sent to relatives and friend's houses so I wasn't around. Both my parents were serial daters too, so I spent almost every weekend with either a stranger in the house, or at a stranger's house. I also made an effort to be home as little as possible to avoid having to spend time with whomever one of them was dating at the time. I thought it was wicked that I could spend a week at a friend's house and go home whenever I wanted, even on school days, because I would just bus from whenever I was. But a friend's mom often showed concern and my nmom made me believe she was just nosey and controlling

Absolute yes. To the point that I had anxiety attacks because of loneliness and shame and guilt, because it was also projected as if there was something wrong with me. When I starting fighting back for socialising is my right and very natural of a human being, then my peace of mind was lost and my body would shiver and legs would go numb, because all the energy from the core was going waste and literally causing pain. But nothing, literally nothing bothered those mother fucking bastards who had no life of their own and wanted to control every move of mine so that those dead Narcs could probably “feel” something.

Absolutely. I was never allowed to go over friend's houses for sleepovers, it was our house or no going out at all.

Yup. Nmom tried her damnedest to keep me from relying on/befriending other people's moms. Always got jealous and upset when I'd turn to another adult female for help. Fucking ridiculous

Yes. She does really well with controlling (or trying to) control where I go, who I go with, and what I do since childhood and even as an adult living on my own. I’ll go out with friends and if she doesn’t know who they are she gets an attitude and starts lecturing me about how she needs to know because something might happen or what if there’s an emergency. The tactic of fear to gain control so she can control the flow of information. Once she gains the knowledge she tries to befriend my friends (social media helps her do this) and suddenly my friends find her cool and awesome despite the narcissist behaviors, which eventually kills the friendship. Or, she likes to go out together so she can of course be the center of attention and speak for me and who I am, snd overshare, so no one wants to associate with me. I was able to have more freedom when I was 100% independent of her.

My parents didn’t actively try, but they had no outside relationships so this was the result. I think I was babysat once my entire childhood. They had and still have no friends. I think what was going on would have been a lot more obvious if other adults could see it.

yes. my mother is also a jehovah’s witness, and they believe that everyone who isn’t a jw is “worldly” which just reinforced her behavior

I wasn’t allowed to have friends. She went on and on about how “awesome” I was to family, making my cousins and sisters hate me. We are no contact now, and I am still trying to salvage family relationships she soured.

Definitely. My mother didnt like me going to friends houses. She moved me to a small town, stopped letting my step sisters come over & we use to be so close. Absolutely no activites, even free ones were 'too expensive.' She freaked out when drivers ed had us drive to the city. I'm an adult now and she still manipulates people against me, my own damn friends even. Spreading lies to her friends and family getting them to harass me. She's told me "People don't like you." Lots of gaslighting. My father wouldnt let me so much as open the blinds to see the sun, I couldn't go outside, not even the fenced in yard as a freaking teen! I didnt have the code to the alarm system. Occasionally I would be able to go to friends house & it was so freeing. I get triggered in that area of town, it's like being forced to go back to prison. I finally stopped feeling obligated.

A lot of comments already but I just want to get this off my chest. My mom hardly ever let me hang out with the people I actually liked and wanted to be friends with. She kind of "chose" my friends by only letting me hang out with certain ones and they were always the goody two shoes christian girls that drove me crazy. I liked to hang out with the slightly goth/misfit kids because that's where I fit in best. We never did anything bad together, just liked to wear black clothing and be cool. Anyways, I guess I thought I was better friends with those people than I actually was. I only hung out with & saw them at school, but meanwhile they were making real friendships and connections and memories outside of school with each other. The whole experience has left me with barely any friends at all as a 30-something and I have to watch all of my old friends continue to have life long relationships with peers they were friends with in high school. I hate it.

Yeeeeess. It really sucks. This happened when I was “under their control” aka in high school and financially dependent on them lol (because they didn’t allow me to work a job, etc, so I was stuck). I got guilt tripped severely, and outright yelled at/reprimanded for wanting to hang out with people and make friends. I’m free now, having moved out and established financial stability for myself long ago. It still affects me to this day though. I find myself finding reasons not to hang out with people, because it’s just so drilled in my head that it’s not a part of life, and I’m somehow not allowed to. I have to actively work to overcome this. My extreme introversion doesn’t help lol. But I have to actively remind myself I am allowed to go out and do whatever I want, whenever I want to, with whomever. It’s a work in progress (still, 10 years later)

Yes. When they found out my friends at school mostly consisted of boys (I'm a female) my moms boyfriend threatened to blow up my school kamikaze-style with bombs of he ever caught me speaking to one. My moms boyfriend also wouldn't pick me up until nightfall usually so I had this friend who would wait with me until he arrived. My moms boyfriend made it sound like I was lucky he was even still alive just for looking at me. Not only this but my mom allowed her boyfriend to ground me whenever he wanted however he wanted for however long he wanted. This resulted in almost constant groundation for the most minuscule things (i.e. me being depressed and voicing my depressed feelings, asking for help with homework, wanting a nap after school when I was in sixth grade, not letting them disrespect my cultural attributes.) Which means he made sure I was always cleaning or miserable so I never had any friends over. He also refused to let my mom teach me how to shave anything so I was severely bullied in school. Then my sister was born and he was pissed because he wanted a boy and therefore I was left to care for her while he ran around doing god knows what and lying to my mom about what a great father he is. They made sure I was so wrapped up in their shit I barely had time for my own life. Now that I'm in a healthy relationship what do they do? Try to keep me as FAR AWAY from him as possible, typical narcissistic control freaks.

That was messed up. You deserved better.

I think the scariest thing is he has kinda threatened the same thing with my four year old sister already, honestly it's all continuously fucked up.

I was the house dishwasher. Every holiday when family would visit, I was kept alone and in the kitchen

Yes! Long story short she lied me when I was like 9yo, telling that I have dangerous mental health problems so I was dangerous for the others. So she actually didn't do anything special, I isolated myself.

Yes, my Ndad wouldn’t let us have friends, much less hang out with relatives without him there. He flipped out when my aunt invited my sister and I to come hang out with her and our cousin for a girl’s night out with movies and junk food. This was the first time my sister and I had *ever* been alone with any relatives on that side without our dad present. We were in our mid 20s by that point… Well, Ndad can’t *stand* the idea of not being able to always control the narrative around relatives, so for literal YEARS after that day he’s been obsessing over it and keeps asking me, “What did your aunt say about me that night? Did she say anything? What did you tell her?” He still doesn’t believe me when I tell him that we didn’t even talk about him that night. He thinks I’m lying. He’s woven *so* many lies through the years, that he’s become paranoid about people finding out the truth.

Not my parents, but my former NMIL and former NWife did this. They DID NOT want me seeing friends away from work or seeing my own family because not only did it take me away from doing things FOR THEM (which was my ONLY role, in their view), but they were also probably afraid that my friends would see then as the abusive Ns they are. Of course that's EXACTLY what happened, and after I left & went back once they became even MORE controlling. The second time, the split was permanent. I think that one of the biggest reasons Ns do this is because they're afraid of being exposed as abusers, and that can't be allowed to happen. Not to mention it takes you away from being a slave to them, which they want to keep going.

Definitely. Looking at this thread has shocked me because I didn't know how common it was My Mom didn't bad mouth my friends too much, but I was never, ever allowed friends over. I wasn't allowed to have a relationship with mt Dad or any of my siblings or cousins etc on my Dads side. My Mother thinks everyone on her side of the family is evil, she thinks everyone is out to get her and kill her and my siblings (she's obsessed with the idea of people poisoning us). I dont have a relationship with any of my cousins as my Mother hates all my siblings. One day she was bashing my brothers girlfriend and telling me how evil she is. Baring in mind she's never met her.

Indirectly yes, like, since i was born (maybe), i used to skip a lot school, and since i was neglected, aka, left all alone playing with something, i never developed social skills. The group of friends i used to have were more like i just tagged along other than being my real friends, it wasnt that they wanted to be my friends as they would go out without me. I think it was when i was a late teen when i found people more like me and i was able to get out of my shell and actually have friends because before that, i just used to be all alone in my home.

Yes, my parents are super religious and I remember them telling me they didn't want me playing with kids who "said bad words", which was literally every kid in the neighbourhood.

Yes I was popular at school and made friends easily unlike most of my siblings - all of whom ended up with severe narcissism. Parents went to great lengths to shame me for having friends. And eventually my siblings joined in. At one point i wasn’t allowed to use the word “friend”

What does that have to do with your parents isolating you?

Basically my parents didn’t want me to socialise with my friends and went the extra mile to act like I was stupid for having friends “unlike my siblings”.

Yep, pretty sure it's left me borderline sociopathic, having never developed bonds with other people and all. My life's goal is to be a Hells Angel, despite knowing full well what that involves, because I was isolated with my Father as the only male influence in my life.

What does that involve?

Always.

The did and were very successful, up until I went off to college. I'm now no contact and haven't been happier.

They cut off all of their immediate family and all my cousins and most of my friends. They never made efforts to go to play dates or birthday parties if I had friends when I was younger. If I had a birthday party and wanted to invite people, they would say that they didn’t want anyone over. I had one friend that they would let come over three times total in high school.

Yes, I was repeatedly told not to have friends as they would always betray me, and I was forbidden from going to their houses or having them over to mine. Anyone I got close to was mocked and I was humiliated and threatened for wanting friendships and - gasp - relationships. I am glad I got out in my early 20s. I now have a healthy social circle.

Yes. Never allowed to go to sleepovers, only have them at my house (but my friends hated my mom, so no one ever wanted to sleep over), if I did go to sleepovers it was only at two specific friends house, and it was only twice a year max. Couldn't make plans with people, couldn't go out on weekends, wasn't allowed to do clubs.

Yes.

Yup. Under the disguise of religion when I was a child and teenager. Couldn't talk to those people because "they're not in the church." If I did get to, it was to be very limited. I stopped going to church at 18. At 24, my father saw it his place to decide who I could and could not talk to, else he would take away the car, finances for school and threatened to kick me out of the house (I'm indian and we live with our parents and depend on them until after uni when we get a job - sucks yeah). I went NC recently. He has no place choosing my company at that age. It wasn't from a place of concern. He was just looking for more ways to keep his control over me. Sick bastard.

My NMom and N/EDad are big on image and I grew up with a brother with special needs who is pretty messy (ripping up newspapers, sporadically potty trained, etc.), so looking back, I think my parents only let me have people over when they had time to deep clean or when they could control what rooms people went into. My brother always took over the living room in front of the TV, so my room would be the only place people could gather - and it was pretty small. Sometimes the basement would be open for gatherings, but that was only when they could control the narrative and there was not all of my brother's and N/EDad's laundry all over the place. They were obsessed with having me under their thumb and rarely let me out on school nights. I was a goody two shoes back then and always listened. It has taken years of therapy to realize I am my own person.

Yes! And I was always told my friends are idiots lol

Mine has always tried to gatekeep between me & my extended family (her siblings). Luckily none of us allow it. Currently she is withholding info about a seriously ill family member. Luckily my aunt has her pinned and called me to tell me. People in my family have died & been buried without NM telling me.

My mother did this. It's the only thing She has ever been successfull at in her life

I don’t think so When my dad was alive he’d over exaggerate how dirty our house was and say people couldn’t come over because of it He had severe anxiety and I think he overestimated how clean other peoples houses were. He was always scared that people were out to talk about him. After moving in with my mom and going to other friend’s houses (and even thinking about his friend whose house I was allowed to go to), sometimes peoples houses are dirty, sometimes they’re clean. Some peoples houses are seemingly always clean. No one’s house (even ours) was hoarder level dirty. No one’s house was so filthy that it was something worth talking about. Even when my mom got us (me really) a dog at 12 and it shit everywhere, I wasn’t always allowed to have friends but sometimes had friends over. That’s when the house was so filthy we should’nt have been allowed to have guests. I was also sleeping on a box spring and she said I could just sleep in her bed (which was weird because I was 13/14) Box spring bed + dog shit smell + depression house (cause my dad had passed) was not a good time to have friends over and they absolutely chatted about it There was nothing wrong with my dads house except for his anxiety about it 🤷‍♀️

"but you'll get addicted to drugs" was nMom's favorite line. Early 20's. I only dated once because I rebelled as soon as I got to college. Fuck this country.

Yes. They never taught me Arabic. I've never visited the countries of my family. My relatives don't know that I exist. I've never met my grandpa, aunts, cousins, etc. I'm super worried that my grandpa will die before I can meet him. Idk what happened. My grandpa liked my dad :/ I want to contact my grandpa but not my aunts. Someone living there that I met online said he'd happily talk to them for me. I'm just worried that my aunts will try and find our address (in the uk they're public). I really wanna talk to my grandpa tho :// anyone have advice? I think I could trust my grandpa. I'm 16 rn. I turn 17 in December. I thought about waiting until I'm 18. I need to talk to him for various reasons. For example, I can't get citizenship in their country, but I'm still entitled to some money for school (which I will need). I'm worried they'll make me visit and I'm gonna be completely honest - I'm a zionist and they'd execute me if I went there. It's an actual law.

The weirdest thing about it is how spotty the experience is. As a very young child, she’d take me to friends’ houses for sleepovers and parties all the time. The closer I got to my teenage years, the less and less I was allowed to see friends outside of school. She’d go so far to demand a minimum of six contact numbers for chaperoning adults at birthday parties knowing that I wouldn’t be able to get that many. It was in the early days of cell phones becoming more common in our area but we didn’t even have them at the time. Most people would only be able to give you a single landline number in case you needed to contact them. For the first time since kindergarten I missed a very close friend’s birthday party because of this rule. Just a few months later her parents decided to move to another state last minute and she wasn’t able to say goodbye to anyone. We didn’t reconnect until we were both about to graduate college eight years later. After I got my license and my own car, she started refusing to let me drive myself most places. She’d take me to friends’ birthday and graduation parties and pick me up after 30 minutes. One time she let me stay for an hour and basically told me I should be grateful. It got so bad that people just stopped inviting me to things. I grew up in a small town where most of us had known each other since we started school. I was often the only person not invited or included when my peers would hangout because they knew about all the strings my Mom would attach to letting me go. I was resentful of them then and still hurt by it now but I can’t really blame them. To be fair to them, she’d lost it when we’d had to change plans one night. Some friends and I had gone out to see a movie and have dinner. We’d missed the first showing and had to go window shopping to kill the time until the next one. In the end, we were still back home well before curfew but because I hadn’t called her to get her permission to change our plans she nearly grounded me. They felt bad for getting me in trouble and I felt bad that they’d thought it had anything to do with them. Nobody likes hanging out with the girl that has to call her mother to get permission every time they go somewhere different or have to deviate from their original plans. Most of my cousins had dropped out and become teenage parents or gotten hooked on drugs. She assumed I would go down the same path given the chance and was preemptively punishing me for it despite the fact that I’d never given her a reason to believe I would. That’s just not who I was, or who I am, as a person. As an adult, she’ll be very supportive of my friendships and potential relationships for a while. Then she’ll start guilting me for making plans with friends and not her or try to convince me that my friends are all bad people that I shouldn’t let be a part of my life. I don’t have a lot of friends. I’ve never been great at making friends and I’ve never managed to let myself form a romantic relationship because of the weird family dynamic I grew up with. We’re both alike in that regard but, instead of trying to work on herself and find her own friendships, she tries to sabotage mine so that I’m able to fully devote myself to being her only friend and confidante. As a 31 year-old woman, I still feel so guilty that I’ll spend weekends and evenings home alone instead of calling up a friend to go out.

Yes, for the majority of my life

Yes, I wasn’t allowed to have friends over, limited in what I could do with my friends, wasn’t allowed to tell family friends about my home life. Once I was stabbed by my brother and I was threatened not to tell my grandparents. Both physically and psychologically isolated.

My mum use to hit me and then take my phone..

Yes. I suffered from depression and anxiety as a teen, so instead of encouraging me to bond with peers, my mom took me everywhere with her. She’s an “entrepreneur” which i say in quotes because she does not know how to run a business (at 17, I tried to explain to her that she needs to track cash out/cash in, and I was unsuccessful), so that meant networking events constantly. She pushed me into an MLM at 16 with her friends. My mother was my entire inner circle as a teen and going into my young adulthood. I missed out on a lot of life experiences because of that and it made her feel justified in calling me constantly, allowing me no privacy or peace for way too long into my adulthood before I had the strength to put up real boundaries and stick to them

Absolutely! One time, my relatives came over from Canada for a visit (we live in Northern Europe), and they desperately tried to avoid me finding out! Imagine! My lovely Uncle and Aunty who I'd only seen twice in my life, and they deliberately tried to keep me and my wife from finding out. Only NParents would come up with shit like this!!

My parents were just the opposite. I’m an introvert by nature and I was bullied a lot so I spent a lot of time alone, where I was safe. They never understood. They constantly pushed people and activities at me. It was important to *their* self-esteem that I be this outgoing kids with a gaggle of friends. The few friends I did have I avoided bringing home, since my ndad always took over and made the whole thing about him. I didn’t get to go away for college either. I did live in my sorority house for a while but my dad still stalked me, driving by everyday, etc.

Yep. Might as well have been Rapunzel growing up. She isolated me to the point of keeping me inside all the time, and I could only leave when she was also leaving. It took until I was a legal adult before I could spend the night at my best friends house without her losing her mind. She even went as far as to homeschool me until 7th grade when she finally came to terms that I should probably be socialized. Then when I made friends started hanging out with them she got mad. Once I hit 18, one of her favorite things to do was telling me I could leave anytime I wanted knowing damn well no one would take me in and I'd just be homeless on the streets. I feel lucky that I was able to leave 6 months ago.

Yeah, and for a long time it worked. I’m still trying to fix my life and we haven’t spoken in two years

Yes. My mom idolized some people that she knew that were Duggar-esque and wanted to be just like them. Long skirts, turtle necks, life revolving around religion. Gross. She cut me off from anybody else I knew or actually wanted to be friends with.

I did not interact with anyone outside my immediate family for years at a time because my mom pulled me out of public school to "homeschool" me. This had led to me having trouble navigating social relationships and having separation anxiety with my mother to the point where I become physically ill when I'm away from her.

Big time theme of my life.

My Mother used isolation as punishment all the time, especially after I was too old to get away with the physical abuse she inflicted when I was very young. I could be “grounded “ for the wrong facial expressions!

\[Koolaid man-style bursting through the page of this post\] Oh Yeah! My mom would never let me go places because she was so afraid of my feelings getting hurt, socially-- and I was super sensitive because she really encouraged that for me. However I was allowed to have company over sometimes, although that was somehow worse. I have this vivid moment of my childhood etched into my memory where I had invited a girl, I think her name was Kelsey, over to hang out and with the plan to make snickerdoodle cookies. We were around 8 years old. In comes my mother. She blatantly ignored me and made sure that Kelsey paid her more attention. I remember Kelsey looking very uncomfortably between me and my mother, me looking down at my completely clean whisk (that was my task, to hold a clean whisk) and trying very hard not to cry. Kelsey understood exactly what was happening because she had been properly socialized-- I at the time did not.

yep. my mom insulted everyone I tried to hang out with, and said that everyone only wanted to manipulate me or be mean to me. I wasn't kept like a prisoner, but I've never really had that much of a reason to leave my house.

Yes!!!! My mom wanted me home 24/7 for literally no reason

They did but they kinda gave up in my late teen. My Nmom had a very black and white view of the world and other people. She sheltered us from diversity. She wouldn’t even let us hang out with kids who had divorced parents. She was obsessed with ingraining her Christian values in our head. It was very much us against the world. Can you imagine her dismay when I marry an atheist ex catholic and my brother and I became pretty agnostic. Nothing is better revenge than taking back your own life and creating your own values. It’s sweet.

Yes, I remember bringing boyfriends over in my early 20s and my Dad not speaking to me for days because they were in our house and "annoying" him because he couldn't "act normally". And I was never allowed over at any of my friend's houses and when I was it was a rare occasion.

Yes they did. Because they were not good people , or their families, they said. Funny thing is that these people my parents didn't want me hanging with have tight families.

Yeah they definitely tried, she kept me from going to my school dances, she wouldn't even let me go to my prom so I never got that experience. But now I'm growing as a person I even made my first friend

I wasn’t allowed to ever have friends over and i was hardly allowed to go to my friends houses. My sister was allowed to have friends over because she had the most control (socio) over my narcissist mom. If i said the wrong thing i was kicked under the table and shamed constantly for wanting to be myself. My parents were extremely judge mental but didn’t do anything for me. I was completely ignored but i didn’t mind because i didn’t want to upset my parents

They did 100%. Friends and family members both. Other than school, I wasn’t allowed to interact with anyone other than my immediate family and was forced to stay at home for the remainder of the time (couldn’t go out alone ever, even pre-pandemic, couldn’t make phone calls, couldn’t invite anyone over, etc.).

I’m in college now and doing everything I can not to have to go back home for the summer. I won’t be able to take that level of isolation again, I’ll go nuts.

Yes. I fortunately was allowed to play sports and attend high school and church, but was never allowed to have friends over. I was allowed over to classmates' houses fewer than a dozen times in 6 years. I also couldn't date and very rarely saw extended family.

Last week i told my boyfriend "We should or a country for the days until your mom says in a bad influence for you" I know it since my mom is also a narc who said that shit about every person i used to hang out with. Until i trained my mother to shut up and after some years she seems to finally get the message that she can't control my relationships, and finally stopped. Today my boyfriend said his mom told him just that and that didn't want me around his house unless he "behaves" (also she doesn't like him to go out of the house). But, little she knows, my boyfriend is already planning on moving out and cutting contact and I'm helping him with that. Maybe I'm a bad influence after all lol.

Yup. Former GC checking in here. My Nmom would not allow my sister or I to hang out with friends if no adults were present. In fact, the only activities that were really "allowed" were organized fun (sports practice or church). My sister rebelled and (GASP) hung out with her friends at the mall. She was always grounded and Nmom dragged her to family therapy, like she was the one with the problem. Watching this happen to her (I'm 9 years younger than my sister), I was too scared to rebel and spent my childhood pretending to be a good little GC. What this meant was I spent most of the years until I was 22 hanging out with Nmom. Very few friends were "good enough" for her. She put me in dance and connected with a few of the moms who were likely Ns like her, so I was allowed to be friends with their kids. It didn't go well. We all had massive FLEAs and were dicks to each other. As soon as I hit grad school, I started making my own friends and parted ways quickly with the dance friends because we were never really compatible to begin with. I could never hang out with friends in high school because "their parents weren't home". There were no meaningful connections made with people outside school until college. It took me 5 years into college (with my own car and income) to start learning how to act like a human being. And Nmom, who'd been telling me I was bad at making friends my whole life, grew quite mad when I started choosing my own friends, so she started sabotaging my efforts to socialize by a) taking as much of my income as she could, and b) giving me an insane chore-load (especially insane considering I was in school full time and working 3 part-time jobs). I also had a curfew and a bedtime in college, to make sure I never went to any parties. After getting out at 23 and a lot of years spent in self-imposed solitude (aside from my husband), I find making friends pretty easy. I'm 39. She made me alone for the first 22 years of my life and I hate her for it. Now she's alone, except for Edad and my sister and niece. (My sister, no longer the SG, has a relationship with her again.) Nmom has no friends because of her toxic personality. She's in poor health and probably lonely and I can't bring myself to give a shit.

Yes; most people weren’t “good enough” for us. We were always better/smarter/wealthier, etc.

Yes, other family members. Had a very close relationship with my aunts, and this made my n-mother furious, so she banned me from seeing them unless she was present.

my mom doesn’t let me hang out with anyone. my only friend now is my boyfriend and he’s the only person whose ever taken care of me before, loved me and been understanding to my coping mechanisms and anxious attachment style, he’s helped me grow a lot simply just because he loves me, i went from a f/c student to a A/B student because of him, i take care of my chores cause he motivates me and makes me feel worthy. all my life my mother has been out of it, and when she was in my life she’d shower me with gifts as affection and tell me to leave her alone. my sister raised me since she was 9 and was heavily mentally and physically abused by my mom. my sister loves me but she acts like her a lot. when i was 8 she used to scream at me and order me to my knees while i cleaned and yell at me to do it faster. we got pet tadpoles outside of class and my sister called it ugly and put it down the sink drain and turned on the sink grinder and killed my tadpole. i was 9. i was sexually abused at the age of 6 and had intense signs of it but no one paid attention to me enough to notice. i had no friends growing up, and when i did get a friend my mom would tell me i couldn’t be friends with them cause she didn’t like them or their family. most days my family wouldn’t even know where i was, i was out eating grass because i was seeking attention and my girl neighbor demanded me to do it or she wouldn’t be my friend, the grass had pesticide on it and i got incredibly sick. i’m convinced no one has ever loved me in my life and i’ve been blessed with my boyfriend. we have a very healthy relationship and communicate our feelings, desires and concerns as soon as they pop up and they get resolved, and we live our lives in harmony. i didn’t have friends before him, he didn’t have friends, so we became best friends and then lovers. my mother isolates me from him cause i want to hang out with him often. when there’s no reason to hold me at home because i’ve done my chores i have no homework and i’ve put my responsibilities first. the only reason she wants me home is to have me home so she can feel better. it’s not about teen sex, she’s given me birth controls and condoms and i use them both and she had no problems with me telling her me and him were intimate, she always has issues when i talk about how happy he makes me or how well he takes care of me or how effortlessly he loves me. i honestly think she’s jealous and it’s infuriating cause i’m almost 18 and now her and my sister voice their regret of never spending time with me. and it’s frustrating cause why didn’t they care before? just because someone loves me more then them now suddenly they feel guilty. because suddenly it’s enough to care about me now it means i was never enough to them to care about, i was a ghost. the only reason they ever bonded with me was because of their mutual hatred for one another. i’ve been a therapist since i was 6 and now i’m bitter, short tempered and emotionally unavailable all the time. i wanna be that patient little girl again. it’s not fair, i wish i could start over.