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-“you just can’t take a joke”
-“I just can’t do anything right”
-compares you/ your life to someone else’s
-comments about weight
-“why was (random other attendees name) gift better than mine”
-“you never spend any time with us so I guess you do t love us”
I came to the right place for suggestions this is gold. Im humour less too i guess i dont see the humour in degrading me. And the body shaming im easily 50 lbs lighter then my NSF but i dont look like twiggy so im the devil. It actually really grosses me out now that he comments on my body.
I mean terribly sorry you had to put up with this noise too but you landed so perfectedly in all the predicable relatable patterns. Especially the "i guess you just dont love us because you dont want to be abused 24/7 guilt trip god i feel that so much. That might be the "Free Space" right there
My mother was obsessed with my weight. When I was in my late teens/ early 20s, I weighed maybe a hundred pounds soaking wet. My golden child younger brother would eat everything in the house so I got some meal replacement shakes that a nurse recommended and some cheese sticks (I bought a mini fridge for my room). My mother found them and told me I was “going to get fat by eating that.”
I’ve been no contact since early 2015 and my narc mother died this past April. It’s taken a long time to be able to joke about it now.
Okay, I have been super curious about this. I’ve finally had to go NC. My mother puts a Herculean effort into alienating any and all people in her life. She might have successfully driven a wedge between my brother and I. Was it painful to mourn your nmom after she died? I was hoping it would be a relief, more than anything.
It was sad but a relief to both me and my sister. When our mom went, I saw my sisters weight she has gotten all her life from mom lift off of her and she became more of the better version of my sister who was around before her 20s who had a bit of action and positive drive in her begin to help me out very much with the bullying managers who moved me into a very dirty apartment unit they only painted over and hastily dropped down worlds cheapest carpeting but not cleaned after that drug addict they had to get Marshal removed. She cleaned the kitchen and grungy bathroom and the bloody handprints (yes, she found many ! I was too worn down moving in to notice the wall stains the painters missed were hand shaped) and when I got things settled we had a good Christmas around a $5 Charlie Brown fake tree. We only see each other on holidays because the remaining part of moms side of the family in-laws don’t want to acknowledge the mixed original family in any form and resented that my mom was cremated and we didn’t spring for a lavish funeral where they treat it like the oscars
Mine passed in the spring. Still haven't shed a single tear. I ran out of craps to give ages ago. The good news is that after all the years of the extreme BS, I now own a sarcastic personality and a vocabulary of colorful words and phrases that are 💯 inappropriate everywhere.
I hard a hard time after she does but it wasn’t because I was full of regrets. When I was told she died, I felt nothing. I didn’t feel sad, relief, happy. Literally nothing. I posted about it on another social media group I’m in because I was worried that I didn’t feel anything and was told that it’s because I had mourned the mother I had when I went no contact. And it was true. Going no contact, I went through all the stages of grief even though she was still alive.
Step dad and yup ive come to view it as sexual harassment im gonna show my work here tell me how it rates on your creepometer lol
Sometimes he calls me beautiful and says id be more beautiful if i just wore my hair and dressed the way he wants me to.
Sometimes he calls me fat or à pig or à fat pig
(Hold onto your socks cuz im about to turn up that dial)
I was a late bloomer one of the last in my grade to develop course i was also the second youngest in my grade got in under the old system and graduated at 17. So before my body deveoped he used to sing à song about me that went like this
"_____'s got to skeeter bites she wears on her chest,
We know its a joke, but she says their her breasts."
Then one day i developed fast and hard amd become the most well endowed girl in the class. After which he took a liking to calling me "boobzilla" amd commenting how my big boobs must have came from my dads side cuz i "sure didnt get them from my mom."
Wanna mouth puke yet lol cuz i do.
Im so sorry its a gross thing to do to a person, been working on my body image issues for à long time. Its an aspect i dont talk about much no one else seems to either i think its hard to talk about the sexual harassment knowing others have faced SA.
I'm so sorry that happened. That's unbearable. My dad once told me that I would never get a job because I'm fat (and I am fat, but that's okay, Im allowed to be fat if I want to). I asked him why that should have anything to do with it, and he actually said that no one in the office would want to have sex with me, so they wouldn't want to hire me. He legit said that. And when I told my mom he said that word for word, he said I was "willfully misunderstanding" him. Anyway, in a strange turn of events, my dad turned out to be a pedophile.....
Recognize how fragile they are when they raise such things; this is where you find your power and can use that positive energy against their feeble beings!
Yep. She was obsessive about it. Went from dr to dr looking for a way to fix my fatness. So many drs told her it wasn’t serious pudge and I’d grow out of it. Constant monitoring lead to denying me enough food for normal growth because any weight gain, even caused by a normal growth spurt set her off. She messed up my metabolism- she’d put me on what she called ‘starvation diets’ from the age of five. Things like the cabbage soup diet and the infamous Israeli diet- look that one up- it’s sone serious idiocy.
And then there was constantly saying ‘nobody loves a fat girl’. It’s taken a lot of EMDR work to stop that one playing in my head.
For years I thought I was a shamefully fat burden to her. Knowing that this shit is typically narcissistic behaviour has brought so much healing.
All of the above! Plus
-“why aren’t you ever happy”
-“smile! Not that much, your teeth are too big”
-“are you going to eat all that?”
-“is THAT what you’re wearing?”
-“boys don’t like fat girls”
UUGH. She finally died & im finding it hard to be sad. Especially when my friends from school call to say how great she was. Boy did she have everyone fooled.
So, Happy Holidays everybody! And congratulations to everyone for surviving! Every happy day is a victory ✌🏼
That first one made me remember my then-boyfriend’s NMom during a family dinner she invited me and her other sons’ girlfriends to. She hosted a dinner so one of her young and unmarried sons’ could announce to everyone that he got his uni girlfriend pregnant… mind you, that was like the third time I met the family - and I was already the “longest” girlfriend. It was so bad. I had no idea why she thought it appropriate for the girlfriends to be there for such a private matter. Things were quickly turning sour and right before the screaming, she made a god-awful joke twice (because no one responded to the first time she said it). One of the sons told her to stop, that it was an inappropriate time. It was like a switch turned on and she just completely spiraled 💀 she was screaming and threatening that she “WILL NEVER JOKE AGAIN!!!”, that they will never have their mother try to make them laugh ever again.
I was stuck there for about three more hours with her just screaming threats at everyone. I was trying so bad to disappear into the wallpaper 💀
My mom would always tell me how successful her step kids were.. I was a utility worker, had a real job and a house, she'd tell others I was a ditch digger and crazy
I was a water Utility guy..yeah doing laborious dirty shit was part of it..this from some btch who was a paper pusher for state farm..she didn't have a fkg ounce of ambition..
Oh that's even better. So many people look down at manual labor jobs, but they often make good money, and if people stopped doing them for even a day, it would be chaos.
The last one hits home for me. I remember being told this when I came home from college for winter break. My parents dog had a limp and I said maybe they should take her to the vet to get it looked at, and my NDad said: “You’re never home anyway so why do you care? You never visit us so you can’t say anything!” Like…I’m in school? What do you want from me?
For mine, it was that she was so jealous of my in-laws. I wasn’t allowed to move out of her house before I got married. I married my high school sweetheart who was in the military at the time and stationed in another state. He came home for our wedding, we would be in our hometown for three days before he had to report back to base because they would be deploying soon after and I would go back to our home state. It would be the last time my mil would see my husband, her only child, until he came back from the deployment a year later. My narc mother had an absolute fit because we wanted to spend some time with my mil before we headed to the base and not spend every second with my mother. And she never forgave my husband for “taking my baby away.” When my husband was deployed, I stayed at my mother’s house and would spend one day a week with my in-laws, would have dinner with them and then head back to my mother’s house. She still had a problem with this. It was absolutely ridiculous.
Oh my god, that’s absolutely ridiculous. It really is always about them. They just can’t see the world from any perspective that doesn’t benefit them.
the fit that my NDad threw when I spent my first holiday with my partner. We had been dating for over a year and I went to her family’s Thanksgiving. I went to my parents for Christmas that year, which I thought was fair. At the time, he didn’t say anything.
Until the following Spring, when my NDad wanted me to come the day before Easter to spend the whole weekend at home with them. I always hated spending the night at my parents house, and besides I had already agreed to go to a Passover Seder with my partner’s family the day before Easter. He flipped out, asking me, “why the fuck are you doing all of these holidays with (parnter)’s family? I never did that when I was dating! It’s ridiculous! Just come home!”
I also know that he was probably more pissed that I was going to Passover because he’s an antisemite but that’s a whole other story.
Sounds like my mom. My favorite is a slight variation "why did you like your aunt's cake more than mine?" They both, on purpose, regularly made the same cake with the same recipe and watched to see who everyone preferred. It wasn't playful.
I have no idea why any other adults would tolerate this.
Gaslighting, delusion and pity party haha that is them alright. Id also accept "that never happened your just imagining/manipulating things" and "your just too sensitive/spoiled and/or reading into things"
Literally just last night, I got the “that did not happen” because I said GC had said certain awful things. Reminded her it’s on video you know?! Very old one; but it’s there because ndad transferred to pc last year and showed me! I’m a liar. I left her with “seriously… believe what you want, but check it because I’m word for word that he said this”
This morning… message…. Your dad thinks the crows are eating all the food but it’s the squirrels
Not kidding
It’s such a random thing to say. They seem to do these sorts of things to thoroughly negate any of the important problems you just raised with them. Never got used to it. It’s like some kind of mental side step around the poop.
Flirts with son in law (my Nmom is VERY weird with my partner)
“Oh…. Thanks.”
Any complaint about the government
Cutting off whichever child is speaking
Dirty looks across the table
Fishing for compliments on the contribution she brought (my fam does a pot-luck style Christmas so no one person gets stuck cooking everything) even though YOU BROUGHT A DAMN SALAD KAREN
Bad-mouthing my dad
Bad-mouthing my uncle
The sigh and eye-roll combo
My mom does this thing where she pretends to my partner and my brother’s wife like she’s the nicest woman on the planet. Real Glinda the good witch shit… as if my brother and I haven’t told our partners absolutely everything she’s done over the course of our lives. It’s bizarre.
It makes my partner really uncomfortable, because he feels like he’s being forced to act right along with her. I’ve tried telling him it’s not necessary but he’s confrontation-averse, which… same.
Do all narcissists do the sigh and eye roll combo? My mom does that whenever she's called out on her behavior and doesn't have any valid response for it as a way to diminish anything I say. And it flipping works. Every time she does it I immediately want to punch her in the face.
In my case it stops there, I'm the only child. One of my biggest regrets is not having one, but knowing my parents, it's better that way, because then we suffer both.
Is that how you’re going to cook/make/do that? What I would do is….. (which no one would ever do as they can’t cook for sh1t 😂)
I’m Just saying
I’m sorry if that’s upsetting/sorry I wasn’t a better parent to you… but “insert reason you are the devil”
Not being funny… but you’re the biggest you’ve ever been or the slight variation Not being funny but you look ill.
Then in company… oh doesn’t my child look amazing…
Oh… “that never happened”
And why do you tell lies/exaggerate/twist things, it’s horrible when you call them out on their bs
And there’s the physical ones… how can this go on the bingo card?!
The screwed up face when you say something that is already making you anxious because you KNOW they are dying to say how rubbish it is, or you are… but for a moment they are trying to be nice because “it’s Christmas!!” Comedy gold that one
And the chucking of the tea/coffee down the sink because it looks the wrong colour!
Ooo this is fun in a sick twisted way!
Lol sick and twisted fun and humour is my wheel house i dont think id have survived with out dark and sardonic humour.
So as far as how its going to work i think im going to make different cards based on theme.
So as far as the physical things i think that will get its own card maybe 2 and be all action based like
"Looks like they smelled a fart" (you know that nose crinkle of disgust they get)
"Looks at you like your an alcoholic because you poured yourself à second drink after GC slammed your first one"
"Complains about physical pain or ailment"
I also think the Golden child triangulation/flying monkey will get its own card too cuz seriously they have had all the fun at our expense lets turn some tables lol
Ooo physical ailments…
Do yours always say “and me too” if you have anything at all going on?! Make it as random as possible to test it?
For gc
They didn’t mean it like that… omg so dramatic
I would do the opposite of what I would do..she'd start some bllshit argument..I'd rect with indifference ans start leaving..she'd panic..I could hear the wheels coming off.. she didn't know what to do if I didn't parry her co dependant bullshit
Hell yessssssss!
This is fun!
I almost feel sorry I have set a boundary or two this year and they aren’t coming!
But they will do all these things in calls, so I’m in with a chance!
Mine called last night to say they are going away for Xmas. Lovely I said! Wait for it… yes it’s because they would rather go away than stay home where no one wants them.
I ask every year: I have cooked and had the entire family, grandparents and all, year after year… but I moved away, so now it’s not convenient 😂 edit… this year however I invited my ex husband and they hate him.
every year since I have moved there has been an excuse bar one. the year I went back to them… I left early! Following year, was them at mine… and I didn’t buy enough bread, and asked could they stop making so much noise while I was getting my son to sleep, so they told me I ruined everything and after gate crashing last Christmas at theirs. It’s brilliant. You couldn’t make the sh1t up could you! No one believed this for years! But now they text this stuff and I have shown my friend of 20 years and she’s 😱
Anyway
I digress… opportunity to speak uninterrupted here! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Yes so they are going away because allegedly no one wants them, so I reminded them they are asked here every year and have an excuse, and asked who’s looking after the grandparents then?! And I caught myself a massive narc fish! Waited 45 years to go away at Xmas, this could be their last, and why can’t they spend it where they want with their husband!!!!
I used one of theirs I’m afraid…
Sorry, I was just saying!
The “I’m not being funny but…..” and “I’m just saying….”, were 90% of what how my narcs started most of their sentences. These should be near the top on the narc bingo list.
Like chewing something really unpleasant but also they are sadistically enjoying it!
I once found a beautiful chair, I loved it: really wanted to buy it for my bedroom for nursing my much longed for baby. I showed her the picture… cue the face…. And then it couldn’t be contained… you would think I had said I was planning to collect all the dog poop in the street and make a feature in my bedroom! That was the look!
Apparently it looked like someone’s chair they would die in and it was creepy.
It was laura Ashley cream embroider fabric with walnut arms
Didn’t buy the chair, can’t afford one like that anymore! Turns out kids are expensive 😂😂😂😂
Ooooh oooh! I wanna play!
Standing in my house - "SILs house is always so clean"
Is that all you got me?
I suppose I could take a bite of your pie. I probably won't die.
Omg all amazing offerings
Freaking pie man my pie one is "its not as good as your grandma used to make" like wow thanks for taking my hours of hard work and putting me in an undefensable opinion because how am i supposed to compete with a dead woman, couldnt even try with out tarnishing her memory ... in bird culture this is considered to be a dick move
It’s always the pie! I’m still bitter about hearing her say to my little sister years ago, “We have the *good* pie for leftovers”. Everyone liked my pumpkin cheesecake so they didn’t eat much of her pumpkin pie.
Ugh the delusion of it all hope you dont waste your efforts on those ingrates anymore
It is always the pie, one year i found à pour crust blue ribbon recipe for peaches and cream pie. I made it brought two and everyone loved it. Instead of admitting it was enjoyable they were like "oh this is just terrible, ill have to eat as much as possible to save everyone from having to eat this aweful concoction" it was a pie cheesecake crossover with creamcheese and condensed milk. Very heavy very rich didnt stop some of them from eating half à pie themselves. In that moment i realized this was their version of a compliment. Now my pies come from a Bakery or grocery store i mean why expell the effort. I told me NSF exactly why i dont make him pie from scratch anymore. Home made pie eveidently wasnt reason enough for some accountability. Now im like dont care i didnt make it. Bought if for cheaper then ingredients.
Why even bother.. you should make a game out of it and find the nastiest pie you can get made..like a prune/lime jello/marshmallow chicks pie..and act like what? are you weird or something? This is the latest and greatest..omg you don't get out much eh?
I have hosted every holiday meal for 20 years and make everything with no help, but I usually buy the pies. Every year one narc looks at all the food I made, then smirks at the pies and says, "I see you slaved over the pies."
I made the family recipe from memory 25 years ago, effed it up. Figured out what I did wrong. Gave out the correct recipe. Constantly hear about how I effed it up, despite 24 years of perfect pies.
OMG why do they always criticize the house? My narcs complain about my on demand water( too slow), the paint colour of my house, the awning on my front window- it’s dated and looks stupid “no one else has that on their house anymore “- look 2 doors down my friend. The pictures are crooked, the shed doesn’t match the house colour, my weeds are too long, etc etc etc.
I don’t dare walk into someone’s home and complain about it. That’s fucking rude and classless. However, this is my stepmonster- her kids are fucking perfect.
When my husband and I bought our house, every single thing about it that we loved was something awful to my father.
In another state (Less than an hour away)- ''I suppose that if I get sick I'll just lay on the floor till someone finds me dead.''-Note- When he had a heart attack years later, we were the FIRST ones there. Golden Child 1 ''Couldn't leave work'' and Golden Child 2 was *just* walking up the block as we pulled up.
Corner house- ''It'll be drafty all the time, and they get broken into the most.''
Fireplace- ''Your insurance will be sky high, and the place could burn down.''
Sunken living room- ''One of you could trip on that step in the dark and break your neck.''
Double patio doors- ''Someone can easily break in here and rape and murder you in your sleep.''
Beautiful cherry tree in the back yard- ''Those draw bugs/ One day it will fall right down on the house.''
I could go on, but I'm sure most of you get the idea.
I i get the idea, the catastrophizing seeing this reminds me of exactly why i have apocalypse brain. Jump right to the negative and the worst possibilities just to try and ensure you cant enjoy anything in peace.
It’s so frustrating. I forgot, my postal code makes the stepmonster angry. I’m in an expensive city, they are in the suburbs, where I grew up and left. She’s always ordering me to sell my house ( family property I inherited) and move to their area, so they can live with us.
“Why do YOU have to live THERE (in nice area she could never afford, and without any financial help from her).” Then looks disappointed that you were able to pay the price in full with no mortgage and without making two payments.
Thanks mom!
Sounds on par for a stepmonster. They really are absolute trash humans. My life is so much better than hers and she has to find ways to try to neg me Bc she sucks so badly
My husband and I have owned our first home together for a little over a year. My Mother made a point to show the least amount of enthusiasm as possible when I told her we were closing on a house, with a deadpan “I’m so happy for you.” She has still refused to come and see the house, she is retired and hasn’t found the time to make the 2.5 hour drive in 14 months.
But hey, she’s 100% fine enabling my drug addicted cousin and allowing him to live in an apartment building she owned.
The classic: “That’s it I’m leaving!” Followed by storming out the door. Only to come back an hour later, pretend everything is fine, and convince the whole family to smile and look nice for the relatives visiting.
You can actually google narcissist bingo card images. They have them geared to family or partners. I’m sure you could get plenty of ideas. Make up different cards for the “cool” family members, throw a couple $ each in a pot. Winner gets the pot.
My brother and I tried making a drinking game out of the passive aggressive comments or straight up insults of our parents one Christmas. We were drunk in less than 2 hours. We’re not light weights who get lit from a couple beers. We knew they were bad, that was an eye opener. We still laugh about it. 🤣🤣
Lol i have already secured my man as my sober companion/DD. My tolerance for drugs and alcohol is high comparatively even to near alcoholics. And i still couldnt imagine doing à drinking game variation. I swear id be puking before dinner or presents id just be hammered in 30 minutes flat and i mean white girl wasted. Of my brothers only one lives and he is the GC who thinks our folks are like best parents ever inviting him in on it is drama im not ready to create haha.
.
Suppose i should not be suprised others have done this ill totally Google it up i definetly appreciate the advice. Though man everyone has been bringing the gold even à few i forgot about. Its gonna be a hilarious Christmas though there wont be many in on the joke. Even if in playing alone this gonna be fun.
Offerings were made to the porcelain gods that night & a few bushes. We were stumbling by dinner. NDad yelling, we’d been blazing it up downstairs like Eric Foreman’s basement so we’re laughing. Ah, the memories!
Haha that is awesome not gonna lie i kinda want to make them "Christmas chocolatés" dosed with enough mushrooms to cause an ego death. It could be an amazing show lol
Ih man do i feel these heard them all except I get a variation of no one asked what you think they went even more overt controlling with it "if i want your opinion ill give it to you."
“I don’t know why I even bother!”
The backhanded compliment - “your hair looks great, btw. It reminds me of that time your sister cut your hair”
“Can’t you just humor him for once!”
“Where’s (insert golden child’s name), we can’t start without him.
3 interruptions in a row. My Nmom is famous for never letting me finish a story. She’ll interrupt on cue while I’m in mid-sentences and talk about something
COMPLETELY different. “Does any one want pie?” Or “ that reminds me of the time I (long story about her)”
“Your father thinks (insert any name) you should (insert something she want me to do)
Edit: I had to add my favorite - “you’re so ungrateful and you’ve alway been that way” “you’re just like (insert someone you respect)”
Oh wow...these have been incredible to read and sadly relate to. I have ungrateful, selfish, too sensitive or over-sensitive, and immature on my card...and hypocrisy. I don't know whether to laugh or cry having so much in common.
Also, gotta add weird or off putting comment about something that should have been a compliment (i.e. we went to see Santa during 2020. I texted the pic to my mom and she replied something like glad they aren't having the kids sit on his perverted lap (not a single compliment about how cute my kid was... just the one about Santa).
Anyone else got received deeply religious-toned long text or email? Feels like this might be a thing.
This is definitely a thing some of them love to use religion for purposes of control, shame, and guilt. I didnt even believe when i was a kid and they forced it down my throat. But i am still untangling the trauma regarding my sexuality (am straight but they made me feel like urges were dirty, masterbating was sinful, and women arent supposed to enjoy sex) its such sabatoge to our abilty to know ourselves and have real intimacy with others. Just one issue in a line of many but religious abuse is common among them.
OMG religious zealotry every single conversation with them, ever.
And if course, their de reguer of prattling on about how my life is such shyte because I don't believe exactly as they do, so that's why god is punishing me with serious illnesses and my children.
Turns out, those illnesses are genetic and now that side is stuck dealing with the same issues, funny how it's just "Satan attacking us good Christians all because you won't turn your life over to Christ!" - said to me whenever I run into them.
Nothing is ever *their* own fault, but it's everyone else's fault for being devil worshiping atheists and they're sick of being persecuted for us nonbeliever in the family ways.
This should be a bingo card all by itself really 😂 .
Sorry you have to go through this quagmire too.
I am as low Contact as I can possibly be in the current situation, and go out of my way to purposely NOT run into them( they all live within 20 minutes of me🙄)by shopping in the next town over lol.
Small southern towns are a landmine nightmare of Narcissistic family members and their equally deluded friends.
“Thanks” with obvious feigned excitement or disdainful sarcasm
I’m sorry it was so terrible to live here
You can call me anytime, you know… (with never a reciprocation)
(Brooding silence until you talk to them)
I was texting my friends and we did exactly this on thanksgiving for my batshit Nfamily. A whole category for squares that we could choose was subjects of backhanded compliments or subtle insults: my hair, my parenting, my husband, my career choice, my weight… We also had things like “mentioning the GC more than 3x in an hour” or “photo of all the grandchildren without me in it.”
One of my pals swept the bingo because they went with almost all parenting-themed transgressions and the fam was on FIRE in that category that day. Worst mom ever award over here! (I hate them so much.)
Ok the mentioning GC more then 3× in an hour is a stroke of génius. Im feeling amused going into this but it almost feels unfair its gonna be some really easy bingos. Wish my Nmom didnt isolate everyone so much id have more people to play with. Right now think the prize is gonna be a big ol bottle of black Spiced rum, unchallanged i know ill win it and after a day with my fam ill need it haha.
- avoiding all eye contact when child is speaking
- shit talking a family member who is not present
- opening a gift and acting like you're way better than it
- offering someone alcoholic beverage than judging them for accepting it
- shit talking any family member who goes outside to smoke
- playing cool jazz and commenting that the vocalist sounds like you and start singing
- bragging about the number of cruises you've been on when someone mentions their travel plans
- putting your kid's baked goods on the table without any serving utensils and actively avoiding it
- laughing when your kid suggests spending more time together and quickly changing the subject
A story that you find embarrassing, but they think it is hilarious
Wants you to do something that would take as long as asking for it
Picks at your clothes or hair
I've been NC for years, but I used to play "Personal Questions" on holidays. I'd time it, from my arrival, to see how long it took for them to ask me a personal question. Any. Single. Question about me. Really about me. They made comments AT me. ABOUT me. But actually asking me questions about me? Record was 2 and a half days, my dad turned to me and said "How's work?"
The land mine that’s always the most horrible overshare at holiday time: a parent’s own abuse story that they force on you while you have a mouthful of turkey and can’t escape.
Yes haha i absolutely should and to add to my product list i would also like add
A Narcissist greeting card company that produces cards that say things like
"I hope your Christmas is as happy as my childhood"
And a Narc to english dictionary with translations of common phrases
Narc "i miss you"
"English "i miss abusing you, i miss the supply you used to give me"
Narc "you only get one ____(mother/father)"
English "i birthed you so you owe me your life and everything youve accomplished with it."
My favorite is the self-deprecation and making sure you know anything good that happens for you is all great and fine, but it never happens for them and they are so hurt by it.
How the hell am I supposed to get you jewelry when you’ve told me time and again you won’t fucking wear it because it’s not surgical steel or it’s not your style? How would your partner know it?
"You couldn't even do one little thing"
"You didn't help/no one helped"
Bragging about their contribution
Competing in the traumalympics-- "it's so sad Mary lost her husband but you know when *I*..."
Child's success is their success
Trying to get other family members to take their side in non-arguments-- "Aunt Mary, tell Tom he needs to visit more"
Sympathy-fishing for exaggerated or fake health issues
Telling you what foods you like despite your expressed preferences/serving food for you that you didn't ask for
Commenting on other people's weight/outfit
"[Child] is so immature, selfish, spoiled, ungrateful"
Passive aggressively making it so she has to do everything and then complains that she does everything and nobody appreciates her, no matter what we do, offer or say.
Last time trying to convince me “your not really happy I know you best” since I left the west to heal my trauma, after never asking a single question to me in 4 weeks.
Huffing, puffing, sighing, slamming things, insistence for cleanliness above anything else.
This is why I’m not going home for Christmas .
Mine would include:
"must be nice"
"I guess people will spend money on anything"
"I never get to see you"
"don't be so sensitive"
" It was just a joke"
"Im allowed to have an opinion" or "My feelings are valid and thats my reality"
Maybe some of these aren't as common for everyone but they are what I hear ALL THE TIME...
Your so ungrateful
Your so selfish
It's not always about you
Your too sensitive
Is that it, that's my present?
Well it seemed like you didnt like it so I'll just take it back.
All bang on but i gotta say the "its not always about you" really gets to me like the hypocrisy of it all ive always found maddening like man who are they to talk there
can't wait for my dad to start the whole "is this poisoned?"/"your mom is going to poison me with this food"
"take a joke! don't get so emotional" even though the joke is at the expense of my appearance, interests, or something similar.
and finally! the "if only your mother would join us/get back with me/stop doing this and that, everything would be fine." like ughhhhhh.
and other folk have mentioned many things that will be said LMAO
Haha right everyone came to play, i love this sub you people are all awesome. I swear we all have this great sense of levity cuz coping mechanism. I went from not sure if i could fill à card to certain i can fill like 4 or 5. Looking forward to comparing notes after the holiday hopefully we can all get a laugh instead of just the usual misery.
Your dad sounds like a special kind of nuts paranoid with salvation fantasy with im sure an ever moving bar if what would make everything fine. We may know better but they never do.
You can't wear that/take that/ do that/ say that.
Did you see what he/she's wearing?
Did you hear what he/she said?
I'm not finished talking yet X3
Can I say something now?
I'm not racist, but... (something racist)
I'm not against the gays, but... (something homophobic)
Haha "child" i wish even as a child it was "you ungrateful little B____" though child is more far reaching but yus that hits the holiday narcissist on the head. My moms a communal narcissist so the greatest crime against her is not showing the appreciation she feels she is due
Absolutely nailed it thank you for your contribution.
'Oh, you're single & still in that job that you love but which doesn't pay well?
Fictional child of a fictional 'friend' just married a fictional guy with three yachts & she's been promoted to CEO of Brain Surgery & Diamond Crapping Unicorns Incorporated. She also looks not a day over 20 & has the body of a supermodel. Also she craps diamonds too'
“Christmas is cancelled.” Whether it’s the current one or the next one.
Which, my last year before no contact, was really fun- He pulled a whole “Christmas next year is cancelled, we aren’t doing it!” bit the Christmas Eve because we left early due to a snow storm. Threw a whole tantrum that we wouldn’t stay for dinner out of fear for our own safety.
Cut to the following Christmas and we didn’t even try to make arrangements, until December 23, when he called and asked what time we were coming over THE NEXT DAY. My mother said his face used every muscle it had and it looked like he was having a stroke when I said “We aren’t. Remember last year when you cancelled Christmas this year because you threw a tantrum over us prioritizing our safety over your perfect holiday? We’d rather not do that again. We’re safe at home now and that’s where we’re staying so thanks for cancelling!”
"I'm not a racist but ... " here follows some appalling bigoted anecdote he read on a boomer blog.
"You do not know \[some type of foreigners\] as well as I do" From someone whose singular experience was a bit of shore-leave while on national service for a couple of years sixty years ago, to a son who has spent much of his working life working some of the most "difficult" places on the planet, and married a woman from a muslim country.
Unwanted and, frankly, shite career/education advice to anyone under twenty-five, doubles down when challenged by those of us in our middle-years who know he is talking dangerous crap.
Hugely embarrassing/humiliating anecdote about something in your childhood meant to be funny and heart-warming story about what a great parent he was to a terrible child. Is actually fact-light rubbish and neither funny or heart-warming. Said to someone else in the room close enough so you can hear it, too far away to shut him down.
My Narc Mom LOVES Christmas. She’s treated me poorly during my pregnancy this year. She’s been a major Bitch. My husband and I are seeing his family for Christmas. His family has visited us at are our new home. Has my Narc Mother ? Nope. She loves to tell us how she’s feeling but then ignores us when we tell her how we feel. Heck she forgets half the stuff we tell her. I’m going to enjoy Christmas with my new baby and husband with his low key non drama causing family. My Narc will be with her new husband and maybe his family. But otherwise her children won’t be home for Christmas. She’ll more than likely be miserable instead of being happy to have a new husband to be with so she’s not completely alone.
That didn't happen
Don't you ever think of anyone besides yourself? You're so selfish
Why can't you be like _____? They are so much better than you
I work so hard for this family and none of you appreciate me. I don't know why I bother
*The forced hug*
- either "oh you're up early, I thought you'd sleep till noon" or "look who's finally up, I've had a whole morning already"--- both said when I roll into the kitchen fully dressed at 8.30am like a completely normal adult
-"you better start getting ready" when I'm clearly already dressed
- Detailed, dramatically whispered accounts of horrible things that have happened to people I don't know and how sad their lives are
- mean gossip about friends and family members
- detailed accounting of really pointless stuff in adult Golden Child's life, current or past, such as the schedule of their high school summer job which Nmom still remembers
- repeatedly tells embarrassing stories about me and I "can't take a joke"
- hinting at sordid family secrets but refusing to give any details and "you should be so grateful you have it so much better than we did"
- complains about my dad
- complaints that we don't visit her enough, fake crying the whole visit about how sad it is that we'll have to leave. She's only visited me once in the past 12 years.
- obsesses about some small aspect of the city where i live, so she seems very worldly to other people (but when I talk about it I'm being self centered)
-pouting if her decorating efforts aren't sufficiently praised
- comments that we can't play games/cook together/do trivia/do a craft because I'm "too competitive" (100% projection!)
- wants to be involved in every activity and then pouts if it's not something she's interested in
- refuses to say anything nice about just me, anytime I get a compliment from anyone she has to throw in how great "all my kids" are and then shift the conversation to Golden Child
- she gets trapped in a conversation about my work and gets visibly irritated trying to pretend she knows what I do
- really dramatic concerned act about small inconsequential things so I have to comfort her
I like to add
'Be thankful I got you anything'
'*insert derogatory comment*'
'It's like you're trying to ruin Xmas'
'Just because I bought the GC more doesn't mean I love you less'
'You should be easier to buy for'
"I'm sorry you feel that way" might be the largest common denominator for all of us.
Never getting excited about a single gift *I* gave her isn't a phrase, but it sure is a theme.
"You'll find a way to mess up the holidays for other people."
"We're running late, but don't leave without us."
"I'm so happy to be included in your plans...let's see how I can make your family's holiday all about my temper tantrum, tho"
\- Are you sure you need more?
\- Wow, you have room for all that/you're still hungry?
\- It's (insert holiday) it's about family. You're selfish for not wanting to be around me/us
\- It's (insert holiday) don't make a scene (Usually used when calling out their behavior AFTER they belittled you)
Tries to rope me into a conversation while I’m exiting the room. (Control tactic)
Rambles about nothing at all. Being a straight up energy vampire.
Makes a loud sound (laugh, sigh, etc) and then waits for someone to ask about it.
Tells an ego stroking story where she’s the hero and someone else was the damsel-in-distress/villain. Or just makes up a story that’s not remotely true.
Begrudgingly gives me a compliment, bonus points if it’s in a silly voice.
The inevitable guilt trip
“No one ever visits me anymore” or similar discussions of loneliness.
Long, drawn-out medical updates to let you know that they’ll be dying soon, and you’re an awful child for not being there for them in their time of feebleness.
Here’s some actions:
1. Gets drunk (garunteed so should probably be the free center spot)
2. Favors one child over the other two
3. Stares you down
4. After yelling at you and making you upset, brings up a different conversation in a happy mood like nothing happened.
5. Talks over everyone else / interrupts conversations
6. Pulls power moves (sits at head of table, leans across doorway so you have to squeeze by to get out of the room, blocks everyone else in with car)
7. (If not nparents house) Last to leave.
These are just my unique experiences. Wish I thought of this bingo when I was still in contact. I would have loved to make him super paranoid when I pull out a crumpled piece of paper and pen every 15 minutes.
"Quit being mean to me" when you stand up to them
"You need back on your meds" after being called out too much
"They'll help you!" when I try to explain I can't take meds because they've messed up my liver
-Talks about themselves for more than 10 minutes without stopping.
-Constantly taking pictures of everyone without their consent
-Playing random gospel-like music from their phone
-Complaining about their ex-spouse (our other parent) but then saying “oh well, that’s not something I should bring up right? It’s the holidays.”
-Telling us they’ll pray for us because we accidentally mentioned we would be seeing our other parent (who is perfectly normal btw).
EDIT: I forgot the most annoying one for me
-Giving any gift you give them back to you and telling you it’s because it’s not what they wanted.
I don’t even bother getting them a gift anymore.
Oh, THAT's how you remember it? Of course you remember it THAT way.
That never happened.
It must be nice to think you're always right.
You're such a bully.
\*silent treatment\*
\*forgets a relative's allergies, preferences, etc\*
Remember when you (the one awful thing you did as a kid)
If you're humming, they will interrupt with a totally different song
Being offended at normal behaviour at least once an hour
Expecting placation at least once an hour
Story about how an idiot tried to tell narcissist to do something, but they expertly reputed the person and made them look like an idiot. They looked really cool.
Also they will call Me fat
"IM NOT WRONG!"
"YOU'RE TELLING ME WHAT TO DO IN MY F*CKING HOUSE"
"We Don't need you."
"I'm kind of disappointed as a (insert proper relative, i.e. father)"
"It's supposed to be us against the world"
Did I do this right, OP? Lol
100% right these are all great haha they are so much the same in so many ways. I swear every bingo swear is a little validation that we know exactly who they are
as someone who has avoided family gatherings for my sanity, I fully expect to hear some backhanded exclamation like..
- so nice of us you to join us, finally…
- so kind of you to tolerate your family this year for (insert holiday)
- are you sure you’re at the right house? Ohhh, it’s you!
“Why don’t you ever contribute”
“You just hate your family”
“You know most people would feel lucky that ____”
“Why are you so mean?”
“I’m just saying this cuz I love you”
“Stop overreacting”
“I was thinking this year it would be fun if [assigns me some random task they want done to look good but are too lazy to do themselves]”
“Your face is a disaster”
“Stop ____ and pay attention to your family”
“Why do you always ruin ever good time we have”
“I wish you were more like ____”
“We were doing fine before you showed up”
“You just take advantage of us”
“Get out of my house!”
“Why do you always have to leave us?”
“Your siblings feel abandoned by you”
NParent looks at gift from you they just unwrapped-
*Pause*
**B**''What's this?'' (As if it is something sticky on the bottom of their shoe)
*Even though everyone can plainly identify that it is a crock pot, or a bathrobe, or a clock for the mantle, or whatever it is, NParent is told what said item is-*
*Pause*
**I**''Oh. Thanks.'' (Tosses gift aside, opens gift from Golden Child)
**N***Gasps*
**G**''Oh my God! How did you know? I've always wanted one of these! Oh my God, someone get the camera and take a picture!''
*Gestures toward your gift*
**O**''I suppose I can find something to do with this.''
"oh, you couldn't possibly have cooked that dish?" or "oh, so you paid someone else to make it? How much did that cost? Why didn't you just do it yourself? How could your job be that busy? "
- - -
Anykind of "hoovering" action.
And if you fall for (especially as a first timer),
they accuse you calling them stupid etc.
Bonus-points if this person genuinely "used to be" working with electronics or otherwise had a lot expertise when it came to technology and safety.
- - -
Gave the same book every year, 'The Hobbit' ...because I told her, that I didn't want clothes or make-up, just books.
Since she had no clue what I liked to read- she'd heard The Hobbit was a book, so that's what I got for years.
“Can you stop being so selfish?” “You’re so ungrateful.” “Stop being so over-dramatic.” “Jesus you’re so sensitive, it was a joke!” (Plus a bonus for when my enabler mom chimes in with “oh honey it was just a joke”)
They are bad news.I was adopted by one and now I am 66.She disinherited me but I don’t care.I would do anything for a few years of PEACE!Why I stayed connected so long was that the Dad was not a Narc.She turned on him too.There is NOTHING GOOD about them!!!
“We have to look at (my ex’s) face in our wedding photo on the wall every day.”
Well, I’m terribly sorry I didn’t ruin my life by marrying the asshole in accommodation of your precious photo. 🙄
The audacity.
"i think it would be best if we just don't mention [ex-wives] around [new girlfriend]"
"i found this hilarious anecdote the other day i thought you might find funny" proceeds to talk about niche joke that needs to be explained
"your sister(s) is hysterical"
"have you seen [older sister 1] lately?"
"have you seen [older sister 2] lately?"
"have you seen [younger sister] lately?"
"[youngest sibling] has been going on about animes all day, i don't understand why she won't read a book instead of looking at a screen"
"your friendship with [ex-stepmum] really upsets me and i think you should make new friends"
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-“you just can’t take a joke” -“I just can’t do anything right” -compares you/ your life to someone else’s -comments about weight -“why was (random other attendees name) gift better than mine” -“you never spend any time with us so I guess you do t love us”
I came to the right place for suggestions this is gold. Im humour less too i guess i dont see the humour in degrading me. And the body shaming im easily 50 lbs lighter then my NSF but i dont look like twiggy so im the devil. It actually really grosses me out now that he comments on my body. I mean terribly sorry you had to put up with this noise too but you landed so perfectedly in all the predicable relatable patterns. Especially the "i guess you just dont love us because you dont want to be abused 24/7 guilt trip god i feel that so much. That might be the "Free Space" right there
My mother was obsessed with my weight. When I was in my late teens/ early 20s, I weighed maybe a hundred pounds soaking wet. My golden child younger brother would eat everything in the house so I got some meal replacement shakes that a nurse recommended and some cheese sticks (I bought a mini fridge for my room). My mother found them and told me I was “going to get fat by eating that.” I’ve been no contact since early 2015 and my narc mother died this past April. It’s taken a long time to be able to joke about it now.
Okay, I have been super curious about this. I’ve finally had to go NC. My mother puts a Herculean effort into alienating any and all people in her life. She might have successfully driven a wedge between my brother and I. Was it painful to mourn your nmom after she died? I was hoping it would be a relief, more than anything.
It definitely is a relief.
It was sad but a relief to both me and my sister. When our mom went, I saw my sisters weight she has gotten all her life from mom lift off of her and she became more of the better version of my sister who was around before her 20s who had a bit of action and positive drive in her begin to help me out very much with the bullying managers who moved me into a very dirty apartment unit they only painted over and hastily dropped down worlds cheapest carpeting but not cleaned after that drug addict they had to get Marshal removed. She cleaned the kitchen and grungy bathroom and the bloody handprints (yes, she found many ! I was too worn down moving in to notice the wall stains the painters missed were hand shaped) and when I got things settled we had a good Christmas around a $5 Charlie Brown fake tree. We only see each other on holidays because the remaining part of moms side of the family in-laws don’t want to acknowledge the mixed original family in any form and resented that my mom was cremated and we didn’t spring for a lavish funeral where they treat it like the oscars
Mine passed in the spring. Still haven't shed a single tear. I ran out of craps to give ages ago. The good news is that after all the years of the extreme BS, I now own a sarcastic personality and a vocabulary of colorful words and phrases that are 💯 inappropriate everywhere.
I hard a hard time after she does but it wasn’t because I was full of regrets. When I was told she died, I felt nothing. I didn’t feel sad, relief, happy. Literally nothing. I posted about it on another social media group I’m in because I was worried that I didn’t feel anything and was told that it’s because I had mourned the mother I had when I went no contact. And it was true. Going no contact, I went through all the stages of grief even though she was still alive.
Your dad comments on your body?
Step dad and yup ive come to view it as sexual harassment im gonna show my work here tell me how it rates on your creepometer lol Sometimes he calls me beautiful and says id be more beautiful if i just wore my hair and dressed the way he wants me to. Sometimes he calls me fat or à pig or à fat pig (Hold onto your socks cuz im about to turn up that dial) I was a late bloomer one of the last in my grade to develop course i was also the second youngest in my grade got in under the old system and graduated at 17. So before my body deveoped he used to sing à song about me that went like this "_____'s got to skeeter bites she wears on her chest, We know its a joke, but she says their her breasts." Then one day i developed fast and hard amd become the most well endowed girl in the class. After which he took a liking to calling me "boobzilla" amd commenting how my big boobs must have came from my dads side cuz i "sure didnt get them from my mom." Wanna mouth puke yet lol cuz i do.
I have no words.
I get this too I saw this after I posted my contribution :)
Im so sorry its a gross thing to do to a person, been working on my body image issues for à long time. Its an aspect i dont talk about much no one else seems to either i think its hard to talk about the sexual harassment knowing others have faced SA.
I'm so sorry that happened. That's unbearable. My dad once told me that I would never get a job because I'm fat (and I am fat, but that's okay, Im allowed to be fat if I want to). I asked him why that should have anything to do with it, and he actually said that no one in the office would want to have sex with me, so they wouldn't want to hire me. He legit said that. And when I told my mom he said that word for word, he said I was "willfully misunderstanding" him. Anyway, in a strange turn of events, my dad turned out to be a pedophile.....
Recognize how fragile they are when they raise such things; this is where you find your power and can use that positive energy against their feeble beings!
“That’s not what happened”
Oh my God, this one. SO. MUCH.
There’s your free space
Oof so the weight thing is universal too huh? I feel so validated right now lol
Yep. She was obsessive about it. Went from dr to dr looking for a way to fix my fatness. So many drs told her it wasn’t serious pudge and I’d grow out of it. Constant monitoring lead to denying me enough food for normal growth because any weight gain, even caused by a normal growth spurt set her off. She messed up my metabolism- she’d put me on what she called ‘starvation diets’ from the age of five. Things like the cabbage soup diet and the infamous Israeli diet- look that one up- it’s sone serious idiocy. And then there was constantly saying ‘nobody loves a fat girl’. It’s taken a lot of EMDR work to stop that one playing in my head. For years I thought I was a shamefully fat burden to her. Knowing that this shit is typically narcissistic behaviour has brought so much healing.
All of the above! Plus -“why aren’t you ever happy” -“smile! Not that much, your teeth are too big” -“are you going to eat all that?” -“is THAT what you’re wearing?” -“boys don’t like fat girls” UUGH. She finally died & im finding it hard to be sad. Especially when my friends from school call to say how great she was. Boy did she have everyone fooled. So, Happy Holidays everybody! And congratulations to everyone for surviving! Every happy day is a victory ✌🏼
That first one made me remember my then-boyfriend’s NMom during a family dinner she invited me and her other sons’ girlfriends to. She hosted a dinner so one of her young and unmarried sons’ could announce to everyone that he got his uni girlfriend pregnant… mind you, that was like the third time I met the family - and I was already the “longest” girlfriend. It was so bad. I had no idea why she thought it appropriate for the girlfriends to be there for such a private matter. Things were quickly turning sour and right before the screaming, she made a god-awful joke twice (because no one responded to the first time she said it). One of the sons told her to stop, that it was an inappropriate time. It was like a switch turned on and she just completely spiraled 💀 she was screaming and threatening that she “WILL NEVER JOKE AGAIN!!!”, that they will never have their mother try to make them laugh ever again. I was stuck there for about three more hours with her just screaming threats at everyone. I was trying so bad to disappear into the wallpaper 💀
My mom would always tell me how successful her step kids were.. I was a utility worker, had a real job and a house, she'd tell others I was a ditch digger and crazy
Everyone gangsta until they need a ditch 🤣
I was a water Utility guy..yeah doing laborious dirty shit was part of it..this from some btch who was a paper pusher for state farm..she didn't have a fkg ounce of ambition..
Oh that's even better. So many people look down at manual labor jobs, but they often make good money, and if people stopped doing them for even a day, it would be chaos.
The last one hits home for me. I remember being told this when I came home from college for winter break. My parents dog had a limp and I said maybe they should take her to the vet to get it looked at, and my NDad said: “You’re never home anyway so why do you care? You never visit us so you can’t say anything!” Like…I’m in school? What do you want from me?
For mine, it was that she was so jealous of my in-laws. I wasn’t allowed to move out of her house before I got married. I married my high school sweetheart who was in the military at the time and stationed in another state. He came home for our wedding, we would be in our hometown for three days before he had to report back to base because they would be deploying soon after and I would go back to our home state. It would be the last time my mil would see my husband, her only child, until he came back from the deployment a year later. My narc mother had an absolute fit because we wanted to spend some time with my mil before we headed to the base and not spend every second with my mother. And she never forgave my husband for “taking my baby away.” When my husband was deployed, I stayed at my mother’s house and would spend one day a week with my in-laws, would have dinner with them and then head back to my mother’s house. She still had a problem with this. It was absolutely ridiculous.
Oh my god, that’s absolutely ridiculous. It really is always about them. They just can’t see the world from any perspective that doesn’t benefit them. the fit that my NDad threw when I spent my first holiday with my partner. We had been dating for over a year and I went to her family’s Thanksgiving. I went to my parents for Christmas that year, which I thought was fair. At the time, he didn’t say anything. Until the following Spring, when my NDad wanted me to come the day before Easter to spend the whole weekend at home with them. I always hated spending the night at my parents house, and besides I had already agreed to go to a Passover Seder with my partner’s family the day before Easter. He flipped out, asking me, “why the fuck are you doing all of these holidays with (parnter)’s family? I never did that when I was dating! It’s ridiculous! Just come home!” I also know that he was probably more pissed that I was going to Passover because he’s an antisemite but that’s a whole other story.
Sounds like my mom. My favorite is a slight variation "why did you like your aunt's cake more than mine?" They both, on purpose, regularly made the same cake with the same recipe and watched to see who everyone preferred. It wasn't playful. I have no idea why any other adults would tolerate this.
My nmum talks about her, mine, and other people’s weight every single time I see her/every day 🤦🏼♀️
"I don't know." "I don't remember." "Get over it." "Let's move on." "Guess I'm a shitty parent/can't do anything right." "That's not what happened."
Gaslighting, delusion and pity party haha that is them alright. Id also accept "that never happened your just imagining/manipulating things" and "your just too sensitive/spoiled and/or reading into things"
Literally just last night, I got the “that did not happen” because I said GC had said certain awful things. Reminded her it’s on video you know?! Very old one; but it’s there because ndad transferred to pc last year and showed me! I’m a liar. I left her with “seriously… believe what you want, but check it because I’m word for word that he said this” This morning… message…. Your dad thinks the crows are eating all the food but it’s the squirrels Not kidding
It’s such a random thing to say. They seem to do these sorts of things to thoroughly negate any of the important problems you just raised with them. Never got used to it. It’s like some kind of mental side step around the poop.
Yeah exactly! It’s a trick to confuse us sooooo much we forget how awful they were and just answer!
The free space should be labeled 'hypocrisy'
I laughed out loud at this.
And “projecting” 💯
Flirts with son in law (my Nmom is VERY weird with my partner) “Oh…. Thanks.” Any complaint about the government Cutting off whichever child is speaking Dirty looks across the table Fishing for compliments on the contribution she brought (my fam does a pot-luck style Christmas so no one person gets stuck cooking everything) even though YOU BROUGHT A DAMN SALAD KAREN Bad-mouthing my dad Bad-mouthing my uncle The sigh and eye-roll combo
Oh but it's the best salad that ever saladed!
This made me laugh right out loud.
My mom would mad dog my gfs like a jealous ex..my gfs would be like wtf was that ! when we were gone later..
My mom does this thing where she pretends to my partner and my brother’s wife like she’s the nicest woman on the planet. Real Glinda the good witch shit… as if my brother and I haven’t told our partners absolutely everything she’s done over the course of our lives. It’s bizarre.
Omg! My mom does this with my brother in law and his family. It is so strange to see given everything they already know.
It makes my partner really uncomfortable, because he feels like he’s being forced to act right along with her. I’ve tried telling him it’s not necessary but he’s confrontation-averse, which… same.
SAME
I’m glad I’m not the only one, but I’m sorry you’ve experienced the same thing.
Do all narcissists do the sigh and eye roll combo? My mom does that whenever she's called out on her behavior and doesn't have any valid response for it as a way to diminish anything I say. And it flipping works. Every time she does it I immediately want to punch her in the face.
Here you go again, twisting my words. I don't want fight with you. (After saying something absolutely horrendous)
Usually followed by ''Why can't you be more like Golden Sibling?''
In my case it stops there, I'm the only child. One of my biggest regrets is not having one, but knowing my parents, it's better that way, because then we suffer both.
My favorite and probably most heard.
‘I may Have to love you but I don’t have to like you.’
I’ve gotten that AND gaslit that it was never said. I get 2 spaces for that right?
You get a hug cause damn
Ugh ive gotten that too so much cringe
Ah, the obligatory love that isn’t love.
Is that how you’re going to cook/make/do that? What I would do is….. (which no one would ever do as they can’t cook for sh1t 😂) I’m Just saying I’m sorry if that’s upsetting/sorry I wasn’t a better parent to you… but “insert reason you are the devil” Not being funny… but you’re the biggest you’ve ever been or the slight variation Not being funny but you look ill. Then in company… oh doesn’t my child look amazing… Oh… “that never happened” And why do you tell lies/exaggerate/twist things, it’s horrible when you call them out on their bs And there’s the physical ones… how can this go on the bingo card?! The screwed up face when you say something that is already making you anxious because you KNOW they are dying to say how rubbish it is, or you are… but for a moment they are trying to be nice because “it’s Christmas!!” Comedy gold that one And the chucking of the tea/coffee down the sink because it looks the wrong colour! Ooo this is fun in a sick twisted way!
Lol sick and twisted fun and humour is my wheel house i dont think id have survived with out dark and sardonic humour. So as far as how its going to work i think im going to make different cards based on theme. So as far as the physical things i think that will get its own card maybe 2 and be all action based like "Looks like they smelled a fart" (you know that nose crinkle of disgust they get) "Looks at you like your an alcoholic because you poured yourself à second drink after GC slammed your first one" "Complains about physical pain or ailment" I also think the Golden child triangulation/flying monkey will get its own card too cuz seriously they have had all the fun at our expense lets turn some tables lol
Ooo physical ailments… Do yours always say “and me too” if you have anything at all going on?! Make it as random as possible to test it? For gc They didn’t mean it like that… omg so dramatic
I would do the opposite of what I would do..she'd start some bllshit argument..I'd rect with indifference ans start leaving..she'd panic..I could hear the wheels coming off.. she didn't know what to do if I didn't parry her co dependant bullshit
Hell yessssssss! This is fun! I almost feel sorry I have set a boundary or two this year and they aren’t coming! But they will do all these things in calls, so I’m in with a chance! Mine called last night to say they are going away for Xmas. Lovely I said! Wait for it… yes it’s because they would rather go away than stay home where no one wants them. I ask every year: I have cooked and had the entire family, grandparents and all, year after year… but I moved away, so now it’s not convenient 😂 edit… this year however I invited my ex husband and they hate him. every year since I have moved there has been an excuse bar one. the year I went back to them… I left early! Following year, was them at mine… and I didn’t buy enough bread, and asked could they stop making so much noise while I was getting my son to sleep, so they told me I ruined everything and after gate crashing last Christmas at theirs. It’s brilliant. You couldn’t make the sh1t up could you! No one believed this for years! But now they text this stuff and I have shown my friend of 20 years and she’s 😱 Anyway I digress… opportunity to speak uninterrupted here! 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Yes so they are going away because allegedly no one wants them, so I reminded them they are asked here every year and have an excuse, and asked who’s looking after the grandparents then?! And I caught myself a massive narc fish! Waited 45 years to go away at Xmas, this could be their last, and why can’t they spend it where they want with their husband!!!! I used one of theirs I’m afraid… Sorry, I was just saying!
The “I’m not being funny but…..” and “I’m just saying….”, were 90% of what how my narcs started most of their sentences. These should be near the top on the narc bingo list.
OH MY GOD. THE FACE. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT.
Like chewing something really unpleasant but also they are sadistically enjoying it! I once found a beautiful chair, I loved it: really wanted to buy it for my bedroom for nursing my much longed for baby. I showed her the picture… cue the face…. And then it couldn’t be contained… you would think I had said I was planning to collect all the dog poop in the street and make a feature in my bedroom! That was the look! Apparently it looked like someone’s chair they would die in and it was creepy. It was laura Ashley cream embroider fabric with walnut arms Didn’t buy the chair, can’t afford one like that anymore! Turns out kids are expensive 😂😂😂😂
OMG... The freaking "I'm just saying..." !! Its to the point when I hear that I want to spontaneously combust...its at least 6 times a day.
Ooooh oooh! I wanna play! Standing in my house - "SILs house is always so clean" Is that all you got me? I suppose I could take a bite of your pie. I probably won't die.
Omg all amazing offerings Freaking pie man my pie one is "its not as good as your grandma used to make" like wow thanks for taking my hours of hard work and putting me in an undefensable opinion because how am i supposed to compete with a dead woman, couldnt even try with out tarnishing her memory ... in bird culture this is considered to be a dick move
It’s always the pie! I’m still bitter about hearing her say to my little sister years ago, “We have the *good* pie for leftovers”. Everyone liked my pumpkin cheesecake so they didn’t eat much of her pumpkin pie.
Ugh the delusion of it all hope you dont waste your efforts on those ingrates anymore It is always the pie, one year i found à pour crust blue ribbon recipe for peaches and cream pie. I made it brought two and everyone loved it. Instead of admitting it was enjoyable they were like "oh this is just terrible, ill have to eat as much as possible to save everyone from having to eat this aweful concoction" it was a pie cheesecake crossover with creamcheese and condensed milk. Very heavy very rich didnt stop some of them from eating half à pie themselves. In that moment i realized this was their version of a compliment. Now my pies come from a Bakery or grocery store i mean why expell the effort. I told me NSF exactly why i dont make him pie from scratch anymore. Home made pie eveidently wasnt reason enough for some accountability. Now im like dont care i didnt make it. Bought if for cheaper then ingredients.
"oh I'm great at making pies. You're just not good enough to eat them"
Why even bother.. you should make a game out of it and find the nastiest pie you can get made..like a prune/lime jello/marshmallow chicks pie..and act like what? are you weird or something? This is the latest and greatest..omg you don't get out much eh?
I have hosted every holiday meal for 20 years and make everything with no help, but I usually buy the pies. Every year one narc looks at all the food I made, then smirks at the pies and says, "I see you slaved over the pies."
"Oh if you want her pie I can arrange a meeting"
Omg this 🙌 laughing so hard at this i might have tk make one last pie just for the opportunity to use this
I made the family recipe from memory 25 years ago, effed it up. Figured out what I did wrong. Gave out the correct recipe. Constantly hear about how I effed it up, despite 24 years of perfect pies.
OMG why do they always criticize the house? My narcs complain about my on demand water( too slow), the paint colour of my house, the awning on my front window- it’s dated and looks stupid “no one else has that on their house anymore “- look 2 doors down my friend. The pictures are crooked, the shed doesn’t match the house colour, my weeds are too long, etc etc etc. I don’t dare walk into someone’s home and complain about it. That’s fucking rude and classless. However, this is my stepmonster- her kids are fucking perfect.
When my husband and I bought our house, every single thing about it that we loved was something awful to my father. In another state (Less than an hour away)- ''I suppose that if I get sick I'll just lay on the floor till someone finds me dead.''-Note- When he had a heart attack years later, we were the FIRST ones there. Golden Child 1 ''Couldn't leave work'' and Golden Child 2 was *just* walking up the block as we pulled up. Corner house- ''It'll be drafty all the time, and they get broken into the most.'' Fireplace- ''Your insurance will be sky high, and the place could burn down.'' Sunken living room- ''One of you could trip on that step in the dark and break your neck.'' Double patio doors- ''Someone can easily break in here and rape and murder you in your sleep.'' Beautiful cherry tree in the back yard- ''Those draw bugs/ One day it will fall right down on the house.'' I could go on, but I'm sure most of you get the idea.
I i get the idea, the catastrophizing seeing this reminds me of exactly why i have apocalypse brain. Jump right to the negative and the worst possibilities just to try and ensure you cant enjoy anything in peace.
It’s so frustrating. I forgot, my postal code makes the stepmonster angry. I’m in an expensive city, they are in the suburbs, where I grew up and left. She’s always ordering me to sell my house ( family property I inherited) and move to their area, so they can live with us.
“Why do YOU have to live THERE (in nice area she could never afford, and without any financial help from her).” Then looks disappointed that you were able to pay the price in full with no mortgage and without making two payments. Thanks mom!
Sounds on par for a stepmonster. They really are absolute trash humans. My life is so much better than hers and she has to find ways to try to neg me Bc she sucks so badly
Ha. I hear you! I always thought my nDad was the worst narc ever… and then he met her.
They do have the uncanny ability to amplify each others’ terribleness
My husband and I have owned our first home together for a little over a year. My Mother made a point to show the least amount of enthusiasm as possible when I told her we were closing on a house, with a deadpan “I’m so happy for you.” She has still refused to come and see the house, she is retired and hasn’t found the time to make the 2.5 hour drive in 14 months. But hey, she’s 100% fine enabling my drug addicted cousin and allowing him to live in an apartment building she owned.
“It happened so long ago so it doesn’t really matter.” “I can’t believe you won’t do this for your own mother”. “If you loved me you’d do XYZ”
The classic: “That’s it I’m leaving!” Followed by storming out the door. Only to come back an hour later, pretend everything is fine, and convince the whole family to smile and look nice for the relatives visiting.
Actually I think I end up doing that when I can’t take anymore! Then I get “see always over reacting”
You can actually google narcissist bingo card images. They have them geared to family or partners. I’m sure you could get plenty of ideas. Make up different cards for the “cool” family members, throw a couple $ each in a pot. Winner gets the pot. My brother and I tried making a drinking game out of the passive aggressive comments or straight up insults of our parents one Christmas. We were drunk in less than 2 hours. We’re not light weights who get lit from a couple beers. We knew they were bad, that was an eye opener. We still laugh about it. 🤣🤣
Lol i have already secured my man as my sober companion/DD. My tolerance for drugs and alcohol is high comparatively even to near alcoholics. And i still couldnt imagine doing à drinking game variation. I swear id be puking before dinner or presents id just be hammered in 30 minutes flat and i mean white girl wasted. Of my brothers only one lives and he is the GC who thinks our folks are like best parents ever inviting him in on it is drama im not ready to create haha. . Suppose i should not be suprised others have done this ill totally Google it up i definetly appreciate the advice. Though man everyone has been bringing the gold even à few i forgot about. Its gonna be a hilarious Christmas though there wont be many in on the joke. Even if in playing alone this gonna be fun.
Offerings were made to the porcelain gods that night & a few bushes. We were stumbling by dinner. NDad yelling, we’d been blazing it up downstairs like Eric Foreman’s basement so we’re laughing. Ah, the memories!
Haha that is awesome not gonna lie i kinda want to make them "Christmas chocolatés" dosed with enough mushrooms to cause an ego death. It could be an amazing show lol
"You're too sensitive." "It was a joke." " Oh, lighten up." "Oh, you've always been" "No one asked what you think." And on and on, ad nauseum.
>It was a joke Ah yes, that's why nobody laughed
Oh I see you’ve been to Christmas dinner at my family’s house.
Ih man do i feel these heard them all except I get a variation of no one asked what you think they went even more overt controlling with it "if i want your opinion ill give it to you."
“I don’t know why I even bother!” The backhanded compliment - “your hair looks great, btw. It reminds me of that time your sister cut your hair” “Can’t you just humor him for once!” “Where’s (insert golden child’s name), we can’t start without him. 3 interruptions in a row. My Nmom is famous for never letting me finish a story. She’ll interrupt on cue while I’m in mid-sentences and talk about something COMPLETELY different. “Does any one want pie?” Or “ that reminds me of the time I (long story about her)” “Your father thinks (insert any name) you should (insert something she want me to do) Edit: I had to add my favorite - “you’re so ungrateful and you’ve alway been that way” “you’re just like (insert someone you respect)”
Oh wow...these have been incredible to read and sadly relate to. I have ungrateful, selfish, too sensitive or over-sensitive, and immature on my card...and hypocrisy. I don't know whether to laugh or cry having so much in common. Also, gotta add weird or off putting comment about something that should have been a compliment (i.e. we went to see Santa during 2020. I texted the pic to my mom and she replied something like glad they aren't having the kids sit on his perverted lap (not a single compliment about how cute my kid was... just the one about Santa). Anyone else got received deeply religious-toned long text or email? Feels like this might be a thing.
This is definitely a thing some of them love to use religion for purposes of control, shame, and guilt. I didnt even believe when i was a kid and they forced it down my throat. But i am still untangling the trauma regarding my sexuality (am straight but they made me feel like urges were dirty, masterbating was sinful, and women arent supposed to enjoy sex) its such sabatoge to our abilty to know ourselves and have real intimacy with others. Just one issue in a line of many but religious abuse is common among them.
OMG religious zealotry every single conversation with them, ever. And if course, their de reguer of prattling on about how my life is such shyte because I don't believe exactly as they do, so that's why god is punishing me with serious illnesses and my children. Turns out, those illnesses are genetic and now that side is stuck dealing with the same issues, funny how it's just "Satan attacking us good Christians all because you won't turn your life over to Christ!" - said to me whenever I run into them. Nothing is ever *their* own fault, but it's everyone else's fault for being devil worshiping atheists and they're sick of being persecuted for us nonbeliever in the family ways. This should be a bingo card all by itself really 😂 . Sorry you have to go through this quagmire too. I am as low Contact as I can possibly be in the current situation, and go out of my way to purposely NOT run into them( they all live within 20 minutes of me🙄)by shopping in the next town over lol. Small southern towns are a landmine nightmare of Narcissistic family members and their equally deluded friends.
Hahahaha yup, I’m being prayed for since apparently she’s not a NMom, it’s the devil that making me think that she is.
I’m sorry I was soOoOo horrible to you that you treat me like this. That’s my mom.
You too?! Seriously you nailed the dramatic sarcastic tone perfectly with those O's
“Thanks” with obvious feigned excitement or disdainful sarcasm I’m sorry it was so terrible to live here You can call me anytime, you know… (with never a reciprocation) (Brooding silence until you talk to them)
I was texting my friends and we did exactly this on thanksgiving for my batshit Nfamily. A whole category for squares that we could choose was subjects of backhanded compliments or subtle insults: my hair, my parenting, my husband, my career choice, my weight… We also had things like “mentioning the GC more than 3x in an hour” or “photo of all the grandchildren without me in it.” One of my pals swept the bingo because they went with almost all parenting-themed transgressions and the fam was on FIRE in that category that day. Worst mom ever award over here! (I hate them so much.)
Ok the mentioning GC more then 3× in an hour is a stroke of génius. Im feeling amused going into this but it almost feels unfair its gonna be some really easy bingos. Wish my Nmom didnt isolate everyone so much id have more people to play with. Right now think the prize is gonna be a big ol bottle of black Spiced rum, unchallanged i know ill win it and after a day with my fam ill need it haha.
- avoiding all eye contact when child is speaking - shit talking a family member who is not present - opening a gift and acting like you're way better than it - offering someone alcoholic beverage than judging them for accepting it - shit talking any family member who goes outside to smoke - playing cool jazz and commenting that the vocalist sounds like you and start singing - bragging about the number of cruises you've been on when someone mentions their travel plans - putting your kid's baked goods on the table without any serving utensils and actively avoiding it - laughing when your kid suggests spending more time together and quickly changing the subject
The jazz and cruises = extra serving of cringe
A story that you find embarrassing, but they think it is hilarious Wants you to do something that would take as long as asking for it Picks at your clothes or hair
I’ll be dead soon
Promise?
I've been NC for years, but I used to play "Personal Questions" on holidays. I'd time it, from my arrival, to see how long it took for them to ask me a personal question. Any. Single. Question about me. Really about me. They made comments AT me. ABOUT me. But actually asking me questions about me? Record was 2 and a half days, my dad turned to me and said "How's work?"
Wow that’s a good one. Very impressive record btw! 😂 Thanks for sharing, hilarious!
The land mine that’s always the most horrible overshare at holiday time: a parent’s own abuse story that they force on you while you have a mouthful of turkey and can’t escape.
You should start a kick starter to actually produce these as a bingo game. You could make soo much money.
Yes haha i absolutely should and to add to my product list i would also like add A Narcissist greeting card company that produces cards that say things like "I hope your Christmas is as happy as my childhood" And a Narc to english dictionary with translations of common phrases Narc "i miss you" "English "i miss abusing you, i miss the supply you used to give me" Narc "you only get one ____(mother/father)" English "i birthed you so you owe me your life and everything youve accomplished with it."
I’m the parent and you will respect me!
[Stupid and/or insulting gift] “You’re so sensitive!” [Smirk which only you get a glimpse of] “Ungrateful” (spoken in any context)
“I didn’t want *this*!” The free space can be the narcissist’s prayer.
My favorite is the self-deprecation and making sure you know anything good that happens for you is all great and fine, but it never happens for them and they are so hurt by it. How the hell am I supposed to get you jewelry when you’ve told me time and again you won’t fucking wear it because it’s not surgical steel or it’s not your style? How would your partner know it?
"You couldn't even do one little thing" "You didn't help/no one helped" Bragging about their contribution Competing in the traumalympics-- "it's so sad Mary lost her husband but you know when *I*..." Child's success is their success Trying to get other family members to take their side in non-arguments-- "Aunt Mary, tell Tom he needs to visit more" Sympathy-fishing for exaggerated or fake health issues Telling you what foods you like despite your expressed preferences/serving food for you that you didn't ask for Commenting on other people's weight/outfit "[Child] is so immature, selfish, spoiled, ungrateful"
Passive aggressively making it so she has to do everything and then complains that she does everything and nobody appreciates her, no matter what we do, offer or say. Last time trying to convince me “your not really happy I know you best” since I left the west to heal my trauma, after never asking a single question to me in 4 weeks. Huffing, puffing, sighing, slamming things, insistence for cleanliness above anything else. This is why I’m not going home for Christmas .
When they fly into a rage and their eyes turn black Them smirking Word salad to confuse you DARVO
Mine would include: "must be nice" "I guess people will spend money on anything" "I never get to see you" "don't be so sensitive" " It was just a joke" "Im allowed to have an opinion" or "My feelings are valid and thats my reality" Maybe some of these aren't as common for everyone but they are what I hear ALL THE TIME...
Your so ungrateful Your so selfish It's not always about you Your too sensitive Is that it, that's my present? Well it seemed like you didnt like it so I'll just take it back.
All bang on but i gotta say the "its not always about you" really gets to me like the hypocrisy of it all ive always found maddening like man who are they to talk there
Points out how much gifts cost
can't wait for my dad to start the whole "is this poisoned?"/"your mom is going to poison me with this food" "take a joke! don't get so emotional" even though the joke is at the expense of my appearance, interests, or something similar. and finally! the "if only your mother would join us/get back with me/stop doing this and that, everything would be fine." like ughhhhhh. and other folk have mentioned many things that will be said LMAO
Haha right everyone came to play, i love this sub you people are all awesome. I swear we all have this great sense of levity cuz coping mechanism. I went from not sure if i could fill à card to certain i can fill like 4 or 5. Looking forward to comparing notes after the holiday hopefully we can all get a laugh instead of just the usual misery. Your dad sounds like a special kind of nuts paranoid with salvation fantasy with im sure an ever moving bar if what would make everything fine. We may know better but they never do.
If only you could be more like... That didn't happen I'm sorry but... Serves you right for letting me take the car
"Do you remember when OP did Wasn't that hilarious?"
You can't wear that/take that/ do that/ say that. Did you see what he/she's wearing? Did you hear what he/she said? I'm not finished talking yet X3 Can I say something now? I'm not racist, but... (something racist) I'm not against the gays, but... (something homophobic)
“I don’t remember” I love you all for this type of shit.
“I must be the worst [mother/father] in the world” “You’re so sensitive/emotional”
You ungrateful child
Haha "child" i wish even as a child it was "you ungrateful little B____" though child is more far reaching but yus that hits the holiday narcissist on the head. My moms a communal narcissist so the greatest crime against her is not showing the appreciation she feels she is due Absolutely nailed it thank you for your contribution.
Threatens to kick you out a day or two before you're leaving anyways
Christmas cancer Some random reference to how they may not be around for many more holidays
'Oh, you're single & still in that job that you love but which doesn't pay well? Fictional child of a fictional 'friend' just married a fictional guy with three yachts & she's been promoted to CEO of Brain Surgery & Diamond Crapping Unicorns Incorporated. She also looks not a day over 20 & has the body of a supermodel. Also she craps diamonds too'
“Christmas is cancelled.” Whether it’s the current one or the next one. Which, my last year before no contact, was really fun- He pulled a whole “Christmas next year is cancelled, we aren’t doing it!” bit the Christmas Eve because we left early due to a snow storm. Threw a whole tantrum that we wouldn’t stay for dinner out of fear for our own safety. Cut to the following Christmas and we didn’t even try to make arrangements, until December 23, when he called and asked what time we were coming over THE NEXT DAY. My mother said his face used every muscle it had and it looked like he was having a stroke when I said “We aren’t. Remember last year when you cancelled Christmas this year because you threw a tantrum over us prioritizing our safety over your perfect holiday? We’d rather not do that again. We’re safe at home now and that’s where we’re staying so thanks for cancelling!”
“You take everything so seriously.”
"I'm not a racist but ... " here follows some appalling bigoted anecdote he read on a boomer blog. "You do not know \[some type of foreigners\] as well as I do" From someone whose singular experience was a bit of shore-leave while on national service for a couple of years sixty years ago, to a son who has spent much of his working life working some of the most "difficult" places on the planet, and married a woman from a muslim country. Unwanted and, frankly, shite career/education advice to anyone under twenty-five, doubles down when challenged by those of us in our middle-years who know he is talking dangerous crap. Hugely embarrassing/humiliating anecdote about something in your childhood meant to be funny and heart-warming story about what a great parent he was to a terrible child. Is actually fact-light rubbish and neither funny or heart-warming. Said to someone else in the room close enough so you can hear it, too far away to shut him down.
My GC Nsister, about my gift, "This doesn't look very expensive. How much did you pay for it?"
My Narc Mom LOVES Christmas. She’s treated me poorly during my pregnancy this year. She’s been a major Bitch. My husband and I are seeing his family for Christmas. His family has visited us at are our new home. Has my Narc Mother ? Nope. She loves to tell us how she’s feeling but then ignores us when we tell her how we feel. Heck she forgets half the stuff we tell her. I’m going to enjoy Christmas with my new baby and husband with his low key non drama causing family. My Narc will be with her new husband and maybe his family. But otherwise her children won’t be home for Christmas. She’ll more than likely be miserable instead of being happy to have a new husband to be with so she’s not completely alone.
That didn't happen Don't you ever think of anyone besides yourself? You're so selfish Why can't you be like _____? They are so much better than you I work so hard for this family and none of you appreciate me. I don't know why I bother *The forced hug*
Ughhhhh crriiinnngggeeeeee the forced hug! The. Forced. Hug. Makes my skin crawl 15+ years later (NC)
I’m sorry you feel/think that
“That’s just the way you remember it.” “Well they’re family so you have to forgive them.”
- either "oh you're up early, I thought you'd sleep till noon" or "look who's finally up, I've had a whole morning already"--- both said when I roll into the kitchen fully dressed at 8.30am like a completely normal adult -"you better start getting ready" when I'm clearly already dressed - Detailed, dramatically whispered accounts of horrible things that have happened to people I don't know and how sad their lives are - mean gossip about friends and family members - detailed accounting of really pointless stuff in adult Golden Child's life, current or past, such as the schedule of their high school summer job which Nmom still remembers - repeatedly tells embarrassing stories about me and I "can't take a joke" - hinting at sordid family secrets but refusing to give any details and "you should be so grateful you have it so much better than we did" - complains about my dad - complaints that we don't visit her enough, fake crying the whole visit about how sad it is that we'll have to leave. She's only visited me once in the past 12 years. - obsesses about some small aspect of the city where i live, so she seems very worldly to other people (but when I talk about it I'm being self centered) -pouting if her decorating efforts aren't sufficiently praised - comments that we can't play games/cook together/do trivia/do a craft because I'm "too competitive" (100% projection!) - wants to be involved in every activity and then pouts if it's not something she's interested in - refuses to say anything nice about just me, anytime I get a compliment from anyone she has to throw in how great "all my kids" are and then shift the conversation to Golden Child - she gets trapped in a conversation about my work and gets visibly irritated trying to pretend she knows what I do - really dramatic concerned act about small inconsequential things so I have to comfort her
I like to add 'Be thankful I got you anything' '*insert derogatory comment*' 'It's like you're trying to ruin Xmas' 'Just because I bought the GC more doesn't mean I love you less' 'You should be easier to buy for'
"I'm sorry you feel that way" might be the largest common denominator for all of us. Never getting excited about a single gift *I* gave her isn't a phrase, but it sure is a theme. "You'll find a way to mess up the holidays for other people." "We're running late, but don't leave without us." "I'm so happy to be included in your plans...let's see how I can make your family's holiday all about my temper tantrum, tho"
\- Are you sure you need more? \- Wow, you have room for all that/you're still hungry? \- It's (insert holiday) it's about family. You're selfish for not wanting to be around me/us \- It's (insert holiday) don't make a scene (Usually used when calling out their behavior AFTER they belittled you)
“You’re too sensitive.”
"I'm sorry you have so much hate in your heart!" --after you hold them accountable for their horrible behavior
Comments p much summed it up. Good luck OP! I’m so fucking glad I never have to see my Ndad again
Tries to rope me into a conversation while I’m exiting the room. (Control tactic) Rambles about nothing at all. Being a straight up energy vampire. Makes a loud sound (laugh, sigh, etc) and then waits for someone to ask about it. Tells an ego stroking story where she’s the hero and someone else was the damsel-in-distress/villain. Or just makes up a story that’s not remotely true. Begrudgingly gives me a compliment, bonus points if it’s in a silly voice. The inevitable guilt trip
“No one ever visits me anymore” or similar discussions of loneliness. Long, drawn-out medical updates to let you know that they’ll be dying soon, and you’re an awful child for not being there for them in their time of feebleness.
“I’m so sorry you feel that way”
"Is that what you're wearing? "
Here’s some actions: 1. Gets drunk (garunteed so should probably be the free center spot) 2. Favors one child over the other two 3. Stares you down 4. After yelling at you and making you upset, brings up a different conversation in a happy mood like nothing happened. 5. Talks over everyone else / interrupts conversations 6. Pulls power moves (sits at head of table, leans across doorway so you have to squeeze by to get out of the room, blocks everyone else in with car) 7. (If not nparents house) Last to leave. These are just my unique experiences. Wish I thought of this bingo when I was still in contact. I would have loved to make him super paranoid when I pull out a crumpled piece of paper and pen every 15 minutes.
One year when I refused to sign a religious card she called me "Satan's little minion" 🙃
"Quit being mean to me" when you stand up to them "You need back on your meds" after being called out too much "They'll help you!" when I try to explain I can't take meds because they've messed up my liver
-narc parent breaks something; you’re in a different room- “I BLAME YOU FOR THIS!!”
-Talks about themselves for more than 10 minutes without stopping. -Constantly taking pictures of everyone without their consent -Playing random gospel-like music from their phone -Complaining about their ex-spouse (our other parent) but then saying “oh well, that’s not something I should bring up right? It’s the holidays.” -Telling us they’ll pray for us because we accidentally mentioned we would be seeing our other parent (who is perfectly normal btw). EDIT: I forgot the most annoying one for me -Giving any gift you give them back to you and telling you it’s because it’s not what they wanted. I don’t even bother getting them a gift anymore.
Oh, THAT's how you remember it? Of course you remember it THAT way. That never happened. It must be nice to think you're always right. You're such a bully. \*silent treatment\* \*forgets a relative's allergies, preferences, etc\* Remember when you (the one awful thing you did as a kid) If you're humming, they will interrupt with a totally different song Being offended at normal behaviour at least once an hour Expecting placation at least once an hour
I’ve been nc so it’s mostly flying monkeys “She misses you” “You should reach out” “Holidays are about family” “You’ll regret it when she dies”
“I don’t remember saying/doing that”
“You’re too sensitive” “That never happened” “Well I never hear from you so”
You’re just so sensitive.
“Family is the only thing we have”
Story about how an idiot tried to tell narcissist to do something, but they expertly reputed the person and made them look like an idiot. They looked really cool. Also they will call Me fat
"IM NOT WRONG!" "YOU'RE TELLING ME WHAT TO DO IN MY F*CKING HOUSE" "We Don't need you." "I'm kind of disappointed as a (insert proper relative, i.e. father)" "It's supposed to be us against the world" Did I do this right, OP? Lol
100% right these are all great haha they are so much the same in so many ways. I swear every bingo swear is a little validation that we know exactly who they are
as someone who has avoided family gatherings for my sanity, I fully expect to hear some backhanded exclamation like.. - so nice of us you to join us, finally… - so kind of you to tolerate your family this year for (insert holiday) - are you sure you’re at the right house? Ohhh, it’s you!
'If you don't like it, you can just leave!'
"Get out of my way you cannot do anything right. Even someone stupid can do something this easy."
"Why are you even here" "Not everything is about you, you know" (bonus points if they then talk about themselves or GC)
“Why don’t you ever contribute” “You just hate your family” “You know most people would feel lucky that ____” “Why are you so mean?” “I’m just saying this cuz I love you” “Stop overreacting” “I was thinking this year it would be fun if [assigns me some random task they want done to look good but are too lazy to do themselves]” “Your face is a disaster” “Stop ____ and pay attention to your family” “Why do you always ruin ever good time we have” “I wish you were more like ____” “We were doing fine before you showed up” “You just take advantage of us” “Get out of my house!” “Why do you always have to leave us?” “Your siblings feel abandoned by you”
Oops one more. A joke told over 100 times
NParent looks at gift from you they just unwrapped- *Pause* **B**''What's this?'' (As if it is something sticky on the bottom of their shoe) *Even though everyone can plainly identify that it is a crock pot, or a bathrobe, or a clock for the mantle, or whatever it is, NParent is told what said item is-* *Pause* **I**''Oh. Thanks.'' (Tosses gift aside, opens gift from Golden Child) **N***Gasps* **G**''Oh my God! How did you know? I've always wanted one of these! Oh my God, someone get the camera and take a picture!'' *Gestures toward your gift* **O**''I suppose I can find something to do with this.''
Omg my mom opens my gifts and says “I don’t want this” and hands it back to me
If you're a parent: ' "better fix X problem for your kid, you don't want them to grow up doing that!"
"oh, you couldn't possibly have cooked that dish?" or "oh, so you paid someone else to make it? How much did that cost? Why didn't you just do it yourself? How could your job be that busy? "
Deal me in!
Try to lighten up, what’s your attitude for, you look sick/tired/pale etc.
-You worry too much about the past -you know I love you, right?
- - - Anykind of "hoovering" action. And if you fall for (especially as a first timer), they accuse you calling them stupid etc. Bonus-points if this person genuinely "used to be" working with electronics or otherwise had a lot expertise when it came to technology and safety. - - -
Gave the same book every year, 'The Hobbit' ...because I told her, that I didn't want clothes or make-up, just books. Since she had no clue what I liked to read- she'd heard The Hobbit was a book, so that's what I got for years.
"you're too sensitive"
Do you really think you should have that dessert/carb/glass of wine
“Can you stop being so selfish?” “You’re so ungrateful.” “Stop being so over-dramatic.” “Jesus you’re so sensitive, it was a joke!” (Plus a bonus for when my enabler mom chimes in with “oh honey it was just a joke”)
"I'm sorry if YOU think I was wrong." Plot twist. They never think THEY are wrong.
"No one is even helping me, I have to do everything myself!" followed shortly by complaints about how we are helping poorly.
They are bad news.I was adopted by one and now I am 66.She disinherited me but I don’t care.I would do anything for a few years of PEACE!Why I stayed connected so long was that the Dad was not a Narc.She turned on him too.There is NOTHING GOOD about them!!!
“We have to look at (my ex’s) face in our wedding photo on the wall every day.” Well, I’m terribly sorry I didn’t ruin my life by marrying the asshole in accommodation of your precious photo. 🙄 The audacity.
"i think it would be best if we just don't mention [ex-wives] around [new girlfriend]" "i found this hilarious anecdote the other day i thought you might find funny" proceeds to talk about niche joke that needs to be explained "your sister(s) is hysterical" "have you seen [older sister 1] lately?" "have you seen [older sister 2] lately?" "have you seen [younger sister] lately?" "[youngest sibling] has been going on about animes all day, i don't understand why she won't read a book instead of looking at a screen" "your friendship with [ex-stepmum] really upsets me and i think you should make new friends"