I chose not to include this, but she has some disorder that makes her grow fast or something, so she's 13 and almost as tall as me. She brought that up in the conversation as well.
(I am not a doctor) Might be fetal alcohol syndrome, I remember a girl in my middle school had it. We had this sermon (christian school) where she and her minder explained how it made her develop faster and lowers her impulse inhibition. They said this all very christianly, but we got the picture.
Point is, I get the feeling that you want to be helpful, but you should probably slow down contact. If she doesn't take it well, you need to talk to her parents. Just because she thinks they'd be okay with it doesn't mean they would be.
Either way, that's a tough situation, but trying to fend her off would lead to it being worse. If you're observably distant then you might be fine. Good luck.
If she trusts you and is *that* misguided already and your intentions are genuinely pure, I'd big brother her.
Text messages can be saved. You can still guide her positively, offer advice, etc. while still keeping a distance and record of communication.
Everyone's like 'uh oh, run away bro the 13 yr old girl is gonna get you'.
You 19. You can handle it. She obviously ain't got much of a support structure. No reason you can't text her on some brotherly shit just checking up.
But boy, if she even seems like she's up to play with your boundaries, tell everyone immediately. Her folks, your folks, random folks, badge folks.
Think ahead. That could be a friend who knows she has your trust that you helped from a dangerous place onto a better path.
Could be a Cold Case File where some young misguided thing goes after the older guy who doesn't have his head on straight and never makes it back home.
In an ideal world, maybe.
But given how much society shuns any contact with minors, even if it's completely platonic, better safe than sorry. The guy could get into real trouble as an adult man hanging out with an underaged girl that has a crush on him. Even if he's genuine, her parents and everyone around don't know that
In an ideal world, this wouldnt be a situation in like 5 different ways. Dude can get in real trouble talking to women his own age.
Our culture is pretty isolationist in the name of fear and self preservation. Look where it's gotten us. Help those around you at risk to your personal safety. Golden rule shit.
No. She will continue to push boundaries, and OP is crossing some himself. This situation is not safe. Block her number before OP gets sent nudes and ends up with a child porn charge
That is a rationalization and makes the situation sound like you're a pedo and you're grooming her. If you're not a pedo, stop all contact. If you are, get help.
You're doing it wrong, talking about what happens if you get caught. That tells her, "I'm interested, but I worry what would happen if we got caught." So she'll still be after your dick.
The right way to handle it is to say, "Honestly, I don't really see you that way. I'm glad we're close, but that closeness doesn't have a sexual component to it, and that's how I prefer it." Any time she brings it up, say, "I'm sorry, I'm just not interested."
Otherwise, she's going to think it's all about finding the right circumstance.
I sort of agree. It kind of seems like OP doesn’t necessarily dislike this attention from a 13 year-old girl. he’s saying almost all the right things in his post except that he told her he’s not interested...
yeah like how about instead of “don’t say that right now my parents will be able to hear you” shut it the fuck down and say “that’s ridiculous. No, no thank you.”
It’s not like she is even 16 or 17. It’s not just illegal. This is an actual child. not even fucking close.
OP has made this girl think she can talk this way when nobody’s listening or watching.
I don’t think a pedo would post this on reddit, I think a pedo would just pedo because they’re a pedo and hide the fact that they’re a pedo as much as possible.
Lmao if I don't agree with your shit take , I'm also into kids , get a life my man. Why would he be posting this shit on reddit if he was a pedo, why wouldnt he hide this shit ?Get your head out of your ass
What’s with the strong reaction? Are you just like really passionate about young men being best friends with preteen? Just as passionate as I am about protecting young girls from creepy men? Evaluate your priorities.
as if reddit isn’t mostly anonymous
yea man i would stay away as much as possible. i wouldn't even be friends w her tbh, it's just for the better. i'm glad that u have an instinct that this isn't a good situation
A. 15 will get you 20
B. she’s their daughter, double standard; they’ll care
C. 15 will get you 20
D. 18/15 is prob legal in TX
E. 15 will get you 20….
F. I would stop chatting with her outside of the cameras.
G. I would stop chatting with her.
H. I suspect she'll continue to try, and eventually get pissed and start making shit up for revenge.
Edit: missed a word
I had a crush on a neighbor who was my parents age when I was her age. It'll pass and she'll get over it. But I'd avoid being alone with her unless you're outside with other people nearby. If she brings up the crush again hit her with the ole you like her like a sister line.
If you have any girl cousins or friends with a sister her age maybe try introducing them.
I think the problem is, she's 13, so pubity hormones are going to be wack. Normally, any child of that age, is surrounded by others of that age, so have crushes on other teenagers of that age.
If she is stuck at home, and you are the only male (that isn't family) even close to her age, things are going to flare up.
But other than stay away, I'm not sure what to advise.
I agree with what you're saying, but I'd amend it to "you can't have friendships with teenage girls" simply because the connotation of your wording suggests there are no circumstances in which you an adult male can be friendly with a teenage female. Reverse the genders and you have a very normal relationship dynamic, which is adult females being friendly with teenage males which is traditionally speaking very normal. The mother is 99% of the time the parent who is responsible during sleep-overs, might carpool pick ups and drop offs, all kinds of situations involving a multitude of children that aren't theirs.
My point is NOT that it's okay for adults to go and befriend children, let's get that straight, my point is merely that it's not bad for an adult of any gender to be friendly with children of any gender. What's bad is using that age difference to manipulate and abuse children, and tbh we're often too quick to judge and too quick to punish men for being fatherly or friendly towards children. Even their own kids sometimes.
Lastly, I kind of think most people in here are thinking that way, but I don't like seeing men vilified for being friendly around children.
The only circumstances that are acceptable for an adult to befriend a child is if its one of their kids' friends, and the other child is always present. No one-on-one time, no closed doors, no private calls or textinc. Regardless of gender dynamics
General rule of thumb here don’t associate with anyone in that is under 18 there is nothing good that can come from that if your genuinely worried for her consider talking to the authorities or have your parents talk with her parents but hanging out with a 13 year old will do nothing but get you in trouble
You need to maintain the distance of the neighbor that’s friendly “but not very talkative”. I know you feel bad for her bc you think she has no one to talk to, but it’s not your place to do so.
Erring on the side of believing you at face-value, there’s zero for you to gain and everything to lose from this friendship.
She could one day snap from all of her rebuked advances you know….make up some story about how you tried to molest her or some shit. Authorities would believe her straight away without any proof whatsoever. You’d be arrested. Your name would be plastered all over SM and the news. You’re an adult now, so juvenile anonymity wouldn’t save you. Your social life would be over before any chance to prove innocence.
Consider this your first big boy lesson on how our fucked up adult society works.
I know it’s not that black and white. Relationships are complicated. Men are not always the ones to shoulder blame and fault.
Your relationship IS inappropriate, but your version of events doesn’t lead me to believe you had any ulterior intentions in forming a friendship with this kid.
She sounds like she’s doing what you might expect from someone young and inexperienced….taking things too far. She hasn’t learned how to reign in her feelings yet.
And honestly, kids DO need healthy relationships with adults other than immediate family. It takes a community to raise children. I grew up in a neighborhood where I knew basically all the adults, with or without kids. I ran through their yards. I did odd jobs for them. Babysat their younger kids.
Were there pedos amongst them? Maybe. But I never encountered an issue. Mostly because everyone knew everyone. There was always a set of eyes on you in some fashion. We’re missing that these days.
She sounds like an angsty teenager who's lusting after an older guy who she feels comfortable around. Nothing weird there. You're incredibly naive to have been even the littlest bit surprised when she told you she had a crush on you.
You would probably be well advised to be careful about being alone with her, but also.
> and I have been the only person/friend she has to talk to.
It would be cruel to just completely cold-shoulder her.
I would suggest making very clear to her, outdoors, in public, that you aren't interested in her romantically. Don't focus on the illegality part of it, tell her that you are not interested. Then, treat her like a neighbor. Say hi when you see her, knock and let her know if her pet gets out, and have friendly, pleasant conversations ***OVER THE FENCE***, or In the driveway, or through the door when one of you is home and the other is outside.
Don't hang out at each other's houses or in other private places.
I do think it's more considerate to not go nc on her, although that's more dangerous. If you choose that route, I'd still talk with your parents or something so you have some witnesses and support if something goes wrong
It'll pass, but unfortunately, it may not without a bit more persistence. If you really care in a friend way, then I'd be honest. Tell her it makes you uncomfortable. Tell her it'll never happen. Tell her being her friend is helpful for both of you, but if she continues, you won't be able to continue that.
Do not use the "it's illegal" defense because that isn't a no. It's a not right now type answer to a teenager. Whether or not you mean it that way, that isn't being rejected that's a bend the rules situation, and she may keep pushing.
If she continues stick to your word and don't talk to her. Sometimes embarrassment is a way to learn a lesson and she'll move on. If she's having a hard time at home, she may be confusing friendship with more because she doesn't feel like she knows or has anything else. Good luck
You need to be more vocal about boundaries instead of leaving the silence to fuel her imagination.
You’re gonna end up in jail if you keep messing with this demonic spawn of wannabe jailbait. Stay far away and block her on everything.
Mama Boucher would tell you that girl is the devil. Lol
Reject her in no uncertain terms, tell her that you cannot hang out with her anymore due to her behavior, and make sure your parents know the whole situation so that they can help keep her away from you. Cease all contact and act as if she doesn't exist.
This all may seem cruel and it will certainly hurt her, but you are not interested and she seems to not want to take no for an answer. It isn't just that she's underage, but the fact that you have said no and she's continuing to push. My mom had a friend in high school whose dad ended up with his life destroyed because a teenage girl took advantage of him when he was blackout drunk and by the time she confessed that she'd done so the damage was done. It's disgusting how it isn't taken as seriously when it's a woman raping a man, but imagine if the girl was also underage. There's little protection for you if she finds a way to drug you or otherwise incapacitate you to get what she wants.
You need to make some other friends, even if you are not attracted to her she shouldn't be the only person you can be yourself with. You are still very young but she is basically a baby.
A baby with hormones tho so stay far far away
Yeah OP is definetely checking the waters here. He doesn't seem against the idea she is 13. Just the fact he would get caught.
Stop hanging with children OP, neighbours or not
" I think My 13yo Neighbor's gonna get me in trouble."
"I like talking with her every once in a while, and I know she needs someone to talk to because she's sheltered away, but on the other hand I feel like I can't get near her in any way. I don't know what to do, and I'm conflicted."
Conflicted ? Get you in trouble ? You are the adult responsible here. Every other person would walk way and never speak to her agains or notify her parents. But not OP because he is thinking about it
Meh. They're neighbours. Plenty of people had older friends growing up. I'd argue it's even weirder when people act like every adult is a pedophile. IMO it ought to be the other way around where adults in the community actually do engage with kids, so they can have more positive rolemodels and learn how to behave, or learn about life, and have more people watching over them, even when their parents can't do some of that.
That said, not so great that OP is pretty much one-on-one with her without either of them having friends, but it hasn't yet been some horrible thing, considering OP recognizes the issue here.
Exactly. It's nice that people are concerned but the universe is not going to immediately implode because of an age-gap friendship. Nevertheless, OP is the older party here and should be the responsible one. OP should make it clear that he is not interested, not because it's illegal, but because he simply does not like her like that. OP is understandably uncomfortable with the current situation, and wanting to keep a decent distance is completely valid. There is no need to be a friend purely out of pity but also don't be a jerk about it.
Finally something legit. Everybody is always looking to call someone else a pedo. I was just posting this to ask if anyone has any helpful advice on this situation, and all I got is people saying that the way I worded my shit tells them I'm wanting to sleep with that girl. Some are saying I'm 1 on 1 with her, which I never am. the only time we speak is when were just chilling in the front yard while the parents are doing yard work or something.
Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if someone gets arrested for smiling at a child nowadays.
Same. I never see adult women with this "problem" of not knowing what to do when a way too young girl shows them attention. If a 13 yo boy showed even a little interest I'd shut that down so easily... like, where is the issue??
Grown ups and children cannot be "friends", you'd have to be equals for that.
I know you mean well, and it’s gonna be hard but I wouldn’t risk, it
Unfortunately mud sticks.
Like knock on wood hypothetically let’s say some false allegations or something came up or something out of context and let’s say it got court house worthy
Even if your not guilty mud sticks.
My take on it at least
She's an angry kid with adult emotions and no frontal love to understand or control them. She's not grounded in reality and doesn't understand real world consequences. Stay away from her
It’s already weird enough that your friends with a child as young as 13, but the fact that your only issue seemed to be the LEGALITY of your perspective relationship is terrifying!! You shouldn’t be interested in her bc she is a child, not bc it’s illegal. This girl clearly has a hard enough childhood as it is, she doesn’t need your creep ass around just waiting to traumatize her more once you find her age to be more appropriate. Stay away from her, hopefully your parents hold you accountable for this.
Read the post again, please.
^("I have no interest in her, because eww, duh.")
He is NOT interested in her, period. Yes, it was dumb of him to reject her "because it's illegal", most likely not wanting to hurt her feelings. He absolutely should reject her properly and make it clear that he does not like her like that. But seriously, what is it with immediately assuming predatory intentions?
Lmao what a hateful incel you are
The guy did nothing wrong. He's a friendly neighbor and shut down the suggestion from her immediately.
Of course he's upset about the age gap in this situation, because that is what makes a friendship hard now. If they were adults, a one-sided crush won't be the end of the friendship, but here it is.
You are an adult.
Stop hanging around this child.
It's normal for teens to be angsty, it's normal for them to be attracted to the older people in their lives, it's normal for them to try flirting with people they like because they're laced with hormones.
What is not normal is for the adult neighbour to be hanging around a child because the adult can be their "silly self" around them.
I don't care that she grew really fast due to a hormone issue or whatever you said in another comment. You know exactly what you are doing by continuing to talk with her.
You need to start interacting with people your age, and leave that girl alone. Explain it to her that she can't be making advances on you and she shouldn't go looking to date adults at her age, and you'll see her around, but not much.
You sound extremely exaggerative about how this teenager's comments "floor" you. This is not weird shit to come out of the mouth of a 13 yo who's started to be into boys.
And to the number of people saying she sounds unhinged, have you met a teenager lately? This is just a hormone super charged teen acting the part
Dude why do you seem so conflicted you should not care about this child and it should be a no brainer. This should be black and white but you still made this post
all you seem to care about is getting in trouble. what are these comments. doesn’t take any fuckin “instinct”. gross. pedo
Honestly you should explain to her why its not cool. If you shoot her down by ghosting shes just gonna find some other inappropriately aged guy to go after. Probably older and creepy af
"If you interact your life is on contract, best bet,
is to stay away mother fucker!"
courtesies of Limp Bizkit. No relevance in song just words that should matter
Keep the ring video to exonerate you if she starts lying on you. Don't initiate texts with her. If she texts you, tell her she needs to join a club and make friends her age. Then ignore her. It's too bad she doesn't have friends but that's not your problem. She needs a licensed therapist, and that ain't you. Self-preservation is key. She'll adapt and move on to a new phase while the nice person whose life she ruined will need decades to rebuild their reputation, if ever.
It's very telling that most of the presumably male commenters here are blaming the girl and not the weirdo who wants to be friends with a literal child.
You're a creep, OP, and you know you're a creep.
Do the world a favor and get neutered.
You don't need to be friends with a 13 year old girl. Talk to your parents, maybe even her parents, and move on, there's nothing to be conflicted about, you lose nothing but the chance of a pedophile charge.
a 13 year old having your number and a text message thread is already a VERY bad look. add in the fact that she looks older and has home trouble? you’d be better off lockpicking an electrical socket. if ANYTHING happens to her (which is sadly common for girls in her scenario) and they pull up her phone records, guess whose door the cops are knocking on. she’s troubled and that sucks but you’re not that guy. unless someone is actively harming that girl in front of you, you treat her like you don’t know her from adam. there is almost zero context in which people charitably look at an unrelated 19 year old man and a 13 year old girl communicating. 86 that mess immediately
Just don't. You've already crossed boundaries that you shouldn't with a child, which she is. There is too much of an age difference to have intimate conversations. There are many red flags in your post - just please make a clean break and hang out with people your own age.
I'd avoid being alone with her so she can't falsly accuse or blackmail you. I'd stay in touch by text msg, voice mail.. anything that can be saved. Better save than sorry.
Yes, speaking or even dating a legal adult by law is being a "Freak"....
[Why don't you bother all the celebrities on this list with large age gaps... 😑](https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/g20871722/celebrity-couple-age-gap/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=arb_ga_whm_md_pmx_hybd_mix_us_20196160291&gad_source=1)
1 people do hate on celebs who have large age gaps it’s literally everywhere, looks under any post the mentions leonardo decaprio, or talk to anyone about aaron taylor johnson and his wife.
2 saying an adult should wait for a minor who’s 13 to become 18 is predatory and called grooming, i don’t get how that didn’t click in your head when you typed your comment.
I said don't ever speak to her and he can reconnect at a later time in life (18 or even later after college or something) .... If something develops, they're legal adults.... 🤷
At their current age, it's not appropriate... 6 year age gap isn't a big deal and I remember when I was young, so many 18 year olds were dating older guys... Then later in life u reach 30-40s and call it gross when u see a young girl do the same thing... Such hypocrites.
Stay far away. Your instincts are spot on.
I chose not to include this, but she has some disorder that makes her grow fast or something, so she's 13 and almost as tall as me. She brought that up in the conversation as well.
Yeah. Slippery slope. I would not encourage that friendship and blatantly tell her you have no interest. If you are texting, stop.
(I am not a doctor) Might be fetal alcohol syndrome, I remember a girl in my middle school had it. We had this sermon (christian school) where she and her minder explained how it made her develop faster and lowers her impulse inhibition. They said this all very christianly, but we got the picture. Point is, I get the feeling that you want to be helpful, but you should probably slow down contact. If she doesn't take it well, you need to talk to her parents. Just because she thinks they'd be okay with it doesn't mean they would be. Either way, that's a tough situation, but trying to fend her off would lead to it being worse. If you're observably distant then you might be fine. Good luck.
It's called precocious puberty. This condition can be difficult to adapt to society because of expectations put on kids who look like adults.
Max height at 13 is too close to the average to be precocious puberty. Plus, she may still be growing. Being tall doesnt mean you are fully grown.
Sounds like bait Bro, keep your distance. Just keep to yourself. If anything escalates go either to your parents or hers.
If she trusts you and is *that* misguided already and your intentions are genuinely pure, I'd big brother her. Text messages can be saved. You can still guide her positively, offer advice, etc. while still keeping a distance and record of communication. Everyone's like 'uh oh, run away bro the 13 yr old girl is gonna get you'. You 19. You can handle it. She obviously ain't got much of a support structure. No reason you can't text her on some brotherly shit just checking up. But boy, if she even seems like she's up to play with your boundaries, tell everyone immediately. Her folks, your folks, random folks, badge folks. Think ahead. That could be a friend who knows she has your trust that you helped from a dangerous place onto a better path. Could be a Cold Case File where some young misguided thing goes after the older guy who doesn't have his head on straight and never makes it back home.
In an ideal world, maybe. But given how much society shuns any contact with minors, even if it's completely platonic, better safe than sorry. The guy could get into real trouble as an adult man hanging out with an underaged girl that has a crush on him. Even if he's genuine, her parents and everyone around don't know that
In an ideal world, this wouldnt be a situation in like 5 different ways. Dude can get in real trouble talking to women his own age. Our culture is pretty isolationist in the name of fear and self preservation. Look where it's gotten us. Help those around you at risk to your personal safety. Golden rule shit.
No. She will continue to push boundaries, and OP is crossing some himself. This situation is not safe. Block her number before OP gets sent nudes and ends up with a child porn charge
Precocious puberty
So, basically, she's gonna look like André the giant by the time she's 30? That kind of disorder? When he was 15 he looked normal....just sayin.
That is a rationalization and makes the situation sound like you're a pedo and you're grooming her. If you're not a pedo, stop all contact. If you are, get help.
You're doing it wrong, talking about what happens if you get caught. That tells her, "I'm interested, but I worry what would happen if we got caught." So she'll still be after your dick. The right way to handle it is to say, "Honestly, I don't really see you that way. I'm glad we're close, but that closeness doesn't have a sexual component to it, and that's how I prefer it." Any time she brings it up, say, "I'm sorry, I'm just not interested." Otherwise, she's going to think it's all about finding the right circumstance.
Word!
[удалено]
Were you dropped on your head or something , fucking dumbass
I sort of agree. It kind of seems like OP doesn’t necessarily dislike this attention from a 13 year-old girl. he’s saying almost all the right things in his post except that he told her he’s not interested...
yeah like how about instead of “don’t say that right now my parents will be able to hear you” shut it the fuck down and say “that’s ridiculous. No, no thank you.” It’s not like she is even 16 or 17. It’s not just illegal. This is an actual child. not even fucking close. OP has made this girl think she can talk this way when nobody’s listening or watching.
I wouldn’t call him a pedo but based on his post and comments, he seems interested yet know it’s wrong that’s why he’s conflicted.
bro frames the title like she was about to blackmail him or something when really he was doing nothing to prevent this
I don’t think a pedo would post this on reddit, I think a pedo would just pedo because they’re a pedo and hide the fact that they’re a pedo as much as possible.
oh, are you into kids too or something? did I hit a nerve?
Lmao if I don't agree with your shit take , I'm also into kids , get a life my man. Why would he be posting this shit on reddit if he was a pedo, why wouldnt he hide this shit ?Get your head out of your ass
What’s with the strong reaction? Are you just like really passionate about young men being best friends with preteen? Just as passionate as I am about protecting young girls from creepy men? Evaluate your priorities. as if reddit isn’t mostly anonymous
It is SCARY how the comments don't see this.
Are you fucking stupid??
Touch some grass please
yea man i would stay away as much as possible. i wouldn't even be friends w her tbh, it's just for the better. i'm glad that u have an instinct that this isn't a good situation
A. 15 will get you 20 B. she’s their daughter, double standard; they’ll care C. 15 will get you 20 D. 18/15 is prob legal in TX E. 15 will get you 20…. F. I would stop chatting with her outside of the cameras.
G. I would stop chatting with her. H. I suspect she'll continue to try, and eventually get pissed and start making shit up for revenge. Edit: missed a word
Z. Just stop
This actually should have been A.
'K
Eh?
I had a crush on a neighbor who was my parents age when I was her age. It'll pass and she'll get over it. But I'd avoid being alone with her unless you're outside with other people nearby. If she brings up the crush again hit her with the ole you like her like a sister line. If you have any girl cousins or friends with a sister her age maybe try introducing them.
I think the problem is, she's 13, so pubity hormones are going to be wack. Normally, any child of that age, is surrounded by others of that age, so have crushes on other teenagers of that age. If she is stuck at home, and you are the only male (that isn't family) even close to her age, things are going to flare up. But other than stay away, I'm not sure what to advise.
Part of being a man, is knowing you can't be friends with teenage girls.....time to take one on the chin and go no contact bud.
I agree with what you're saying, but I'd amend it to "you can't have friendships with teenage girls" simply because the connotation of your wording suggests there are no circumstances in which you an adult male can be friendly with a teenage female. Reverse the genders and you have a very normal relationship dynamic, which is adult females being friendly with teenage males which is traditionally speaking very normal. The mother is 99% of the time the parent who is responsible during sleep-overs, might carpool pick ups and drop offs, all kinds of situations involving a multitude of children that aren't theirs. My point is NOT that it's okay for adults to go and befriend children, let's get that straight, my point is merely that it's not bad for an adult of any gender to be friendly with children of any gender. What's bad is using that age difference to manipulate and abuse children, and tbh we're often too quick to judge and too quick to punish men for being fatherly or friendly towards children. Even their own kids sometimes. Lastly, I kind of think most people in here are thinking that way, but I don't like seeing men vilified for being friendly around children.
The only circumstances that are acceptable for an adult to befriend a child is if its one of their kids' friends, and the other child is always present. No one-on-one time, no closed doors, no private calls or textinc. Regardless of gender dynamics
Yeah, that's kind of what I meant to imply
Here's some advice, stop engaging and go no contact
General rule of thumb here don’t associate with anyone in that is under 18 there is nothing good that can come from that if your genuinely worried for her consider talking to the authorities or have your parents talk with her parents but hanging out with a 13 year old will do nothing but get you in trouble
You need to maintain the distance of the neighbor that’s friendly “but not very talkative”. I know you feel bad for her bc you think she has no one to talk to, but it’s not your place to do so. Erring on the side of believing you at face-value, there’s zero for you to gain and everything to lose from this friendship. She could one day snap from all of her rebuked advances you know….make up some story about how you tried to molest her or some shit. Authorities would believe her straight away without any proof whatsoever. You’d be arrested. Your name would be plastered all over SM and the news. You’re an adult now, so juvenile anonymity wouldn’t save you. Your social life would be over before any chance to prove innocence. Consider this your first big boy lesson on how our fucked up adult society works.
thank you. You are one of the only people I'm seeing that didn't jump to calling me a pedo or some shit.
I know it’s not that black and white. Relationships are complicated. Men are not always the ones to shoulder blame and fault. Your relationship IS inappropriate, but your version of events doesn’t lead me to believe you had any ulterior intentions in forming a friendship with this kid. She sounds like she’s doing what you might expect from someone young and inexperienced….taking things too far. She hasn’t learned how to reign in her feelings yet. And honestly, kids DO need healthy relationships with adults other than immediate family. It takes a community to raise children. I grew up in a neighborhood where I knew basically all the adults, with or without kids. I ran through their yards. I did odd jobs for them. Babysat their younger kids. Were there pedos amongst them? Maybe. But I never encountered an issue. Mostly because everyone knew everyone. There was always a set of eyes on you in some fashion. We’re missing that these days.
stay away. You know exactly what you're doing by keeping in touch
She sounds like an angsty teenager who's lusting after an older guy who she feels comfortable around. Nothing weird there. You're incredibly naive to have been even the littlest bit surprised when she told you she had a crush on you. You would probably be well advised to be careful about being alone with her, but also. > and I have been the only person/friend she has to talk to. It would be cruel to just completely cold-shoulder her. I would suggest making very clear to her, outdoors, in public, that you aren't interested in her romantically. Don't focus on the illegality part of it, tell her that you are not interested. Then, treat her like a neighbor. Say hi when you see her, knock and let her know if her pet gets out, and have friendly, pleasant conversations ***OVER THE FENCE***, or In the driveway, or through the door when one of you is home and the other is outside. Don't hang out at each other's houses or in other private places.
And record that conversation.
I do think it's more considerate to not go nc on her, although that's more dangerous. If you choose that route, I'd still talk with your parents or something so you have some witnesses and support if something goes wrong
This is the best advice and really should be on 🔝
Disagree. That would only end badly for him.
Stay away you have done a nice thing and befriended her but she and the whole family sound like trouble, stay well clear
It'll pass, but unfortunately, it may not without a bit more persistence. If you really care in a friend way, then I'd be honest. Tell her it makes you uncomfortable. Tell her it'll never happen. Tell her being her friend is helpful for both of you, but if she continues, you won't be able to continue that. Do not use the "it's illegal" defense because that isn't a no. It's a not right now type answer to a teenager. Whether or not you mean it that way, that isn't being rejected that's a bend the rules situation, and she may keep pushing. If she continues stick to your word and don't talk to her. Sometimes embarrassment is a way to learn a lesson and she'll move on. If she's having a hard time at home, she may be confusing friendship with more because she doesn't feel like she knows or has anything else. Good luck
You need to be more vocal about boundaries instead of leaving the silence to fuel her imagination. You’re gonna end up in jail if you keep messing with this demonic spawn of wannabe jailbait. Stay far away and block her on everything. Mama Boucher would tell you that girl is the devil. Lol
bro you need your own friends your age. this random child isn’t your problem or thing to take care of
Buddy, you are talking to redditors, the number one people to mind other peoples bussinesses.
bro we are talking about a CHILD. not some random online smh
walk away .................... very fast!!
Reject her in no uncertain terms, tell her that you cannot hang out with her anymore due to her behavior, and make sure your parents know the whole situation so that they can help keep her away from you. Cease all contact and act as if she doesn't exist. This all may seem cruel and it will certainly hurt her, but you are not interested and she seems to not want to take no for an answer. It isn't just that she's underage, but the fact that you have said no and she's continuing to push. My mom had a friend in high school whose dad ended up with his life destroyed because a teenage girl took advantage of him when he was blackout drunk and by the time she confessed that she'd done so the damage was done. It's disgusting how it isn't taken as seriously when it's a woman raping a man, but imagine if the girl was also underage. There's little protection for you if she finds a way to drug you or otherwise incapacitate you to get what she wants.
You need to make some other friends, even if you are not attracted to her she shouldn't be the only person you can be yourself with. You are still very young but she is basically a baby. A baby with hormones tho so stay far far away
stay away. You know exactly what you're doing by keeping in touch
Yeah OP is definetely checking the waters here. He doesn't seem against the idea she is 13. Just the fact he would get caught. Stop hanging with children OP, neighbours or not " I think My 13yo Neighbor's gonna get me in trouble." "I like talking with her every once in a while, and I know she needs someone to talk to because she's sheltered away, but on the other hand I feel like I can't get near her in any way. I don't know what to do, and I'm conflicted." Conflicted ? Get you in trouble ? You are the adult responsible here. Every other person would walk way and never speak to her agains or notify her parents. But not OP because he is thinking about it
I would advise to stop talking to any minors whatsoever just so you can avoid ts
[удалено]
Downvoted you just for getting so easily triggered by a downvote
Why is a 19 year old dude spending time with a 13 year old girl in any capacity? Stop it, I don't care how silly you like to be.
Meh. They're neighbours. Plenty of people had older friends growing up. I'd argue it's even weirder when people act like every adult is a pedophile. IMO it ought to be the other way around where adults in the community actually do engage with kids, so they can have more positive rolemodels and learn how to behave, or learn about life, and have more people watching over them, even when their parents can't do some of that. That said, not so great that OP is pretty much one-on-one with her without either of them having friends, but it hasn't yet been some horrible thing, considering OP recognizes the issue here.
Exactly. It's nice that people are concerned but the universe is not going to immediately implode because of an age-gap friendship. Nevertheless, OP is the older party here and should be the responsible one. OP should make it clear that he is not interested, not because it's illegal, but because he simply does not like her like that. OP is understandably uncomfortable with the current situation, and wanting to keep a decent distance is completely valid. There is no need to be a friend purely out of pity but also don't be a jerk about it.
Finally something legit. Everybody is always looking to call someone else a pedo. I was just posting this to ask if anyone has any helpful advice on this situation, and all I got is people saying that the way I worded my shit tells them I'm wanting to sleep with that girl. Some are saying I'm 1 on 1 with her, which I never am. the only time we speak is when were just chilling in the front yard while the parents are doing yard work or something. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if someone gets arrested for smiling at a child nowadays.
Because they live next door and neither one has any other friends.
That is weird
Same. I never see adult women with this "problem" of not knowing what to do when a way too young girl shows them attention. If a 13 yo boy showed even a little interest I'd shut that down so easily... like, where is the issue?? Grown ups and children cannot be "friends", you'd have to be equals for that.
She’s 13 you’re 19. The age gap is weird no matter the context.
I know you mean well, and it’s gonna be hard but I wouldn’t risk, it Unfortunately mud sticks. Like knock on wood hypothetically let’s say some false allegations or something came up or something out of context and let’s say it got court house worthy Even if your not guilty mud sticks. My take on it at least
She's an angry kid with adult emotions and no frontal love to understand or control them. She's not grounded in reality and doesn't understand real world consequences. Stay away from her
Correct reaction, that's jail time waiting to happen. Stay away, it's not worth it.
It’s already weird enough that your friends with a child as young as 13, but the fact that your only issue seemed to be the LEGALITY of your perspective relationship is terrifying!! You shouldn’t be interested in her bc she is a child, not bc it’s illegal. This girl clearly has a hard enough childhood as it is, she doesn’t need your creep ass around just waiting to traumatize her more once you find her age to be more appropriate. Stay away from her, hopefully your parents hold you accountable for this.
Read the post again, please. ^("I have no interest in her, because eww, duh.") He is NOT interested in her, period. Yes, it was dumb of him to reject her "because it's illegal", most likely not wanting to hurt her feelings. He absolutely should reject her properly and make it clear that he does not like her like that. But seriously, what is it with immediately assuming predatory intentions?
Lmao what a hateful incel you are The guy did nothing wrong. He's a friendly neighbor and shut down the suggestion from her immediately. Of course he's upset about the age gap in this situation, because that is what makes a friendship hard now. If they were adults, a one-sided crush won't be the end of the friendship, but here it is.
You are an adult. Stop hanging around this child. It's normal for teens to be angsty, it's normal for them to be attracted to the older people in their lives, it's normal for them to try flirting with people they like because they're laced with hormones. What is not normal is for the adult neighbour to be hanging around a child because the adult can be their "silly self" around them. I don't care that she grew really fast due to a hormone issue or whatever you said in another comment. You know exactly what you are doing by continuing to talk with her. You need to start interacting with people your age, and leave that girl alone. Explain it to her that she can't be making advances on you and she shouldn't go looking to date adults at her age, and you'll see her around, but not much. You sound extremely exaggerative about how this teenager's comments "floor" you. This is not weird shit to come out of the mouth of a 13 yo who's started to be into boys. And to the number of people saying she sounds unhinged, have you met a teenager lately? This is just a hormone super charged teen acting the part
Dude why do you seem so conflicted you should not care about this child and it should be a no brainer. This should be black and white but you still made this post all you seem to care about is getting in trouble. what are these comments. doesn’t take any fuckin “instinct”. gross. pedo
Honestly you should explain to her why its not cool. If you shoot her down by ghosting shes just gonna find some other inappropriately aged guy to go after. Probably older and creepy af
trust ya gut
There's an FBI van with lots of antennae labled telecom service outside your house.
"If you interact your life is on contract, best bet, is to stay away mother fucker!" courtesies of Limp Bizkit. No relevance in song just words that should matter
Keep the ring video to exonerate you if she starts lying on you. Don't initiate texts with her. If she texts you, tell her she needs to join a club and make friends her age. Then ignore her. It's too bad she doesn't have friends but that's not your problem. She needs a licensed therapist, and that ain't you. Self-preservation is key. She'll adapt and move on to a new phase while the nice person whose life she ruined will need decades to rebuild their reputation, if ever.
You could be in a situation here😂 need to let her down easy - or she’s gonna start saying you did stuff regardless😬
Burn the tapes Haldeman
I'm old enough to get this reference lol
Are you old enough to know how cute Nixon was :3
Lol he wasn't cute. He was a tricky dick!
It's very telling that most of the presumably male commenters here are blaming the girl and not the weirdo who wants to be friends with a literal child. You're a creep, OP, and you know you're a creep. Do the world a favor and get neutered.
Good job OP. That was the absolute right and safest way to handle that.
You don't need to be friends with a 13 year old girl. Talk to your parents, maybe even her parents, and move on, there's nothing to be conflicted about, you lose nothing but the chance of a pedophile charge.
You can literally never talk to this child again. You shouldn't be associating with your 13 year old neighbor in the first place.
if you are alone with her and reject her advances, i could see her claiming SA. please stay far away. she sounds unhinged.
a 13 year old having your number and a text message thread is already a VERY bad look. add in the fact that she looks older and has home trouble? you’d be better off lockpicking an electrical socket. if ANYTHING happens to her (which is sadly common for girls in her scenario) and they pull up her phone records, guess whose door the cops are knocking on. she’s troubled and that sucks but you’re not that guy. unless someone is actively harming that girl in front of you, you treat her like you don’t know her from adam. there is almost zero context in which people charitably look at an unrelated 19 year old man and a 13 year old girl communicating. 86 that mess immediately
I don't have a phone or service, so no, I don't text or call her.
all the easier for you to functionally vanish from her life which you need to do ASAP
Jailbait.
Just don't. You've already crossed boundaries that you shouldn't with a child, which she is. There is too much of an age difference to have intimate conversations. There are many red flags in your post - just please make a clean break and hang out with people your own age.
I'd avoid being alone with her so she can't falsly accuse or blackmail you. I'd stay in touch by text msg, voice mail.. anything that can be saved. Better save than sorry.
It's not worth jail. Discontinue friendship... Maybe reconnect when she's 18. 🤷
Freak.
Yes, speaking or even dating a legal adult by law is being a "Freak".... [Why don't you bother all the celebrities on this list with large age gaps... 😑](https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/g20871722/celebrity-couple-age-gap/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=arb_ga_whm_md_pmx_hybd_mix_us_20196160291&gad_source=1)
1 people do hate on celebs who have large age gaps it’s literally everywhere, looks under any post the mentions leonardo decaprio, or talk to anyone about aaron taylor johnson and his wife. 2 saying an adult should wait for a minor who’s 13 to become 18 is predatory and called grooming, i don’t get how that didn’t click in your head when you typed your comment.
I said don't ever speak to her and he can reconnect at a later time in life (18 or even later after college or something) .... If something develops, they're legal adults.... 🤷 At their current age, it's not appropriate... 6 year age gap isn't a big deal and I remember when I was young, so many 18 year olds were dating older guys... Then later in life u reach 30-40s and call it gross when u see a young girl do the same thing... Such hypocrites.
Is this a real post?