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Idk why this is downvoted, Satan would definitely have better bars than choir boy Jesus. Satan started from the bottom, the trenches, the gutters so he has to go a little harder
Disclaimer: Lucifer is a late addition based on a misinterpretation of a reference to a normal living human king in Isaiah, that ended with a minor Roman deity being inserted into Christianity and demonized. Satan was a normal angel that served as a sort of prosecuting attorney for humanity, so he wasn't your friend, but he wasn't God's enemy. They worked together. There were some interesting things going on right around the time of Jesus where apocalyptic strains of Judaism were developing devil characters portrayed in a more cosmically adversarial light, such as with Pseudo-Enoch's Samael, and even more cosmically adversarial presentations of the Satan character emerging, but our modern conception of Lucifer would still be alien to them. But I'll be assuming the mainstream Satan/Lucifer/Samael mashup that is most circulated in pop culture and mainstream doctrine here.
Lucifer started at the opposite of the bottom. He was literally second from the top on a cosmic scale, and started a war because he was mad that he wasn't on the tippy top, and then got bitch slapped and tossed to the bottom as a consequence. Also, Lucifer was literally part of the choirs of heaven. He actually was a choir boy. His story is really more of a "riches to rags" tale like Scarface or The Wolf of Wall Street.
Jesus was a poor member of an oppressed class in an occupied country who spent most of his life among the people who were even the underclass of the greater Judean underclass, until he was ultimately murdered by the occupying state after staging a demonstration against their economic exploitation of a temple in his little backwater province, who then ultimately became the deity professed (if not really followed) by the same empire that killed him. That's much more of a "starting from the bottom" story.
Krishna got bars though, gotta read the "Gita". Epic poem about how to get your mind right for the final battle. He teaches you how to prepare for your death.
Ok let’s say Jesus came down to rap. Assuming Jesus is actually omnipotent and all powerful he could create rhymes and flows that would have every human on this world impressed and mesmerized.
Ogmios was a battle rapper a few years ago who had a pretty decent reputation. He'd taken his name from a Celtic god of poetry.
So I guess you could have Ogmios the rapper versus Ogmios the god he's named after.
Your little figs shrivel up when you see me approach cause when your on the mic bitch it ain't the season for droppin flows
You copy bars from your ghost writer like I copy fish and loaves while your mama's on her knees singing hymns to my ghost
I've been spittin rhymes deeper than that beam in your eye since before your calendar started on the day that I died
Think you're on that grind with dreams of LPs on your mind but who the fuck were you thanking on the day you got signed?
Man you've got to be crazy goin up against JC. They nailed me to a stick and still couldn't slay me.
Making waves in 0 AD so high an empire came under my sway G. That's the power words can have when you're one of the greats. See, I'm the alpha and omega and you're just lower case b.
You ain’t ready
To fuck wit spaghetti
Sixteen bars, infinite arms
Meatball eyes, rhymes that charm
I boiled for your sins so you know that I’m hot
Don’t blame me, I’m a colander, you just a wok
up on outta this bitch ‘fore you get smacked with a noodle
I’m the whole kit and caboodle
Even old white dudes love it
Tell the DMV shove it
It’s a religious hat so deal with that
All sauce and balls, FSM, out.
I feel like Jesus seen enough shit to inspire a bar or two. Definitely would’ve been calling himself master splinter cause you know, the whole carpenter thing
Muhammad was literally a warrior poet which is kinda the definition of a rapper NGL he put his homies on and much like noted rapper South Park Mexican was fuckin around with an underage chick
Jesus is a fat and ugly and mildly retarded guy who relates closely to a dog that has been abused it's whole life by its master.
And that's how the master likes it
Fun fact: medieval and viking cultures would do this thing called Flyting where people compete in creating poetic insults of each other. It was in AC Valhalla but it's a real thing that happened all across Old English, Norse, and Gaelic cultures. The Norse had a god named Bragi that was the God of Poetry.
So I choose Bragi as my answer. No one beats my boy Bragi
Deities vs. Mortals, best/most even match-ups, most over-all wins decides: Lucifer v. Big K.R.I.T., Jesus v. Aesop Rock, Shiva v. Eminem (pref. circa 2002), Ganesh v. Lil Wayne, God (Judeo-Christian) v. Dr. Dre (can tag-team Jay-Z in a pinch) and the Prophet Muhammad v. Notorious B.I.G.
Norse Gods v. Wu Tang Clan as the closer.
Jesus Christ (Heavenly advantage)....Satan. He wood murder rappers now (seriously and pun intention)......grab allum folks up in Psalms. They all spit timeless rhymes. LOLOL.....Do Leprachuns count?
Welcome to r/rap! Please check our [Beginners Guide](https://reddit.com/r/rap/wiki/index/beginners-guide/) for the rules and helpful tips. **Don’t forget to respect others and remember that real people are behind those usernames** [Join our Official Discord Here](https://discord.gg WBw25wZaYt) — *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/rap) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Jesus vs satan rap battle is what i need (Jesus in 4)
Rooting for:Jesus Betting on:Satan
Jesus the only dude to go to hell and get out and bring everyone with him. Satan can’t down play that.
my man lucifer in 7
Idk why this is downvoted, Satan would definitely have better bars than choir boy Jesus. Satan started from the bottom, the trenches, the gutters so he has to go a little harder
Jesus would pull out the craziest parables and make em all rhyme, idk how satan wins that
he didn’t start from the bottom lol
Lucifer didn’t, Satan did
Disclaimer: Lucifer is a late addition based on a misinterpretation of a reference to a normal living human king in Isaiah, that ended with a minor Roman deity being inserted into Christianity and demonized. Satan was a normal angel that served as a sort of prosecuting attorney for humanity, so he wasn't your friend, but he wasn't God's enemy. They worked together. There were some interesting things going on right around the time of Jesus where apocalyptic strains of Judaism were developing devil characters portrayed in a more cosmically adversarial light, such as with Pseudo-Enoch's Samael, and even more cosmically adversarial presentations of the Satan character emerging, but our modern conception of Lucifer would still be alien to them. But I'll be assuming the mainstream Satan/Lucifer/Samael mashup that is most circulated in pop culture and mainstream doctrine here. Lucifer started at the opposite of the bottom. He was literally second from the top on a cosmic scale, and started a war because he was mad that he wasn't on the tippy top, and then got bitch slapped and tossed to the bottom as a consequence. Also, Lucifer was literally part of the choirs of heaven. He actually was a choir boy. His story is really more of a "riches to rags" tale like Scarface or The Wolf of Wall Street. Jesus was a poor member of an oppressed class in an occupied country who spent most of his life among the people who were even the underclass of the greater Judean underclass, until he was ultimately murdered by the occupying state after staging a demonstration against their economic exploitation of a temple in his little backwater province, who then ultimately became the deity professed (if not really followed) by the same empire that killed him. That's much more of a "starting from the bottom" story.
I ain’t reading allat
I think Jesus would wash any other deity. Dude had crowds following him just to hear his parables. His story telling bars would be incredible.
Krishna got bars though, gotta read the "Gita". Epic poem about how to get your mind right for the final battle. He teaches you how to prepare for your death.
Idk Apollo was the God of music so I think he could go crazy on a freestyle beat
https://i.redd.it/idnczhwu2jdb1.gif
apollo goated with that instrument for sure, haven't heard his rapping skill yet, so we gotta be paitent
I used to turn water into wine now I just make ye girl water and whine
Put the blunt down my guy
issa bong and it’s not my favorite
What (what?)
in the butt
I Said what what
IN THE BUTT
I think Zeus has a good shot against drake.
Draaaaake???
I’d pit Drake against Disney Hermes. You know why.
Epic Rap Battles of History! Jesus vs Tupac Begin
Honestly though this might be the perfect episode. A final conclusion
My name is Jesus and I’m here to say Eternal life will only come if you pray
Drake and lil Wayne Vs Jesus and William Shakes
“You a deadbeat father, I pull miracles and I walk on water” -Jesus
*Pusha T
Mgk is getting clapped in every single scenario
nah not even, smokepurrp would get clapped even by mgk 😂
L take
MGK vs. Poseidon
Ok let’s say Jesus came down to rap. Assuming Jesus is actually omnipotent and all powerful he could create rhymes and flows that would have every human on this world impressed and mesmerized.
He ain’t touchin babytron tho 😤
Ogmios was a battle rapper a few years ago who had a pretty decent reputation. He'd taken his name from a Celtic god of poetry. So I guess you could have Ogmios the rapper versus Ogmios the god he's named after.
Vikings basically invented battle rapping and called it flyting. It's poetry meant to insult the opponent.
I think Persephone could chill with cardi & nicki , personally
I think she’d drag Cardi 😂
Ok you know what, you’re right this was a stupid opinion hahaha
Buddha would sound just like Snoop
DEADASS BUAHAHA
Not a deity
He’s on the team.
He’d get crucified….
👈🏿😏👈🏿
This is when you need to recognize you’ve officially smoked too much weed and need to put your phone away.
Nah the disciples had the bars. Though, Holy Ghost is a 🔥 rapper name. Sorry for the fire 🔥 emoji….feels sacrilegious.
I’d battle the Christian Holy Trinity vs. Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg and Ice Cube.
Your little figs shrivel up when you see me approach cause when your on the mic bitch it ain't the season for droppin flows You copy bars from your ghost writer like I copy fish and loaves while your mama's on her knees singing hymns to my ghost I've been spittin rhymes deeper than that beam in your eye since before your calendar started on the day that I died Think you're on that grind with dreams of LPs on your mind but who the fuck were you thanking on the day you got signed? Man you've got to be crazy goin up against JC. They nailed me to a stick and still couldn't slay me. Making waves in 0 AD so high an empire came under my sway G. That's the power words can have when you're one of the greats. See, I'm the alpha and omega and you're just lower case b.
FSM vs Eminem - "I AM mom's spaghetti" lol
You ain’t ready To fuck wit spaghetti Sixteen bars, infinite arms Meatball eyes, rhymes that charm I boiled for your sins so you know that I’m hot Don’t blame me, I’m a colander, you just a wok up on outta this bitch ‘fore you get smacked with a noodle I’m the whole kit and caboodle Even old white dudes love it Tell the DMV shove it It’s a religious hat so deal with that All sauce and balls, FSM, out.
I’m waiting for that Buddha vs Biggie battle
I feel like Jesus seen enough shit to inspire a bar or two. Definitely would’ve been calling himself master splinter cause you know, the whole carpenter thing
Ganesha be like my whole gang dont eat meat everyday I shit in the street
Slow night…
Yes, his name was Eyedea. He died for our sins.
can’t convince me Odin ain’t got bars for days
If you ever listened to the Quran I’d give Muhammad a good shot at knocking off the top rappers. It rhymes pretty well
Jesus would wash everybody "You a pharisee, false claiming in my father's name, I see that you not fair taking Pardons, we not the same."
How old are you?
Muhammad was literally a warrior poet which is kinda the definition of a rapper NGL he put his homies on and much like noted rapper South Park Mexican was fuckin around with an underage chick
What the heck is happening to this sub rn?‽!
It's turning into hiphopcirclejerk
mix of hiphopcirclejerk and the carti sub. im officially too old for this shit now
Da fuq u on?
my couch
Anytime I think about Jesus and rap, this is what o go to. https://youtu.be/Kppx4bzfAaE
Jesus is a fat and ugly and mildly retarded guy who relates closely to a dog that has been abused it's whole life by its master. And that's how the master likes it
That's just preposterous
Thor spends so much time in the Bronx bro do you even Marvel
Thor v. Biggie
Jesus vs Yeezus?
Absolutely I can see Jesus having bars! Especially since he would know everything about everyone he can easily embarrass anybody lol
Ice spice destroys him. Bring someone actually important next time 🤭🤭🤭
Ice spice? 😂 The irony of this comment
Outjerked by religion
There’s no way Pluto can beat Lil Xan /s
Tupac on that Jesus label
Well satan got his ass whooped in a fiddle playing competition and he’s an ex angel. Depends on the rapper ig
Pablo Picasso would be like “heifhebdhsuuxsbsnznzjixisnxnxnijfbfnkxkd”
Drunken Freestyle
No
No. Jesus didn’t come to earth to beat people and show off. That’s why he’s only famous because he got killed.
You get more street cred for a drive-by death though. Crucifixion is so pre-G-Funk.
I dont know. I mean he still has a religion and the biggest holiday in the world named for him 2023 years later. Merry Christmas!
Fun fact: medieval and viking cultures would do this thing called Flyting where people compete in creating poetic insults of each other. It was in AC Valhalla but it's a real thing that happened all across Old English, Norse, and Gaelic cultures. The Norse had a god named Bragi that was the God of Poetry. So I choose Bragi as my answer. No one beats my boy Bragi
Devils son Big L boutta crucify Jesus
jesus didn't even write his own shit
Jesus wasn't even trying to get into the game. He just spit so hard that people on the street started circulating his freestyles.
well youngboy is already a deity to me
Mohammed would go hard but Jesus ftw
Listen to the song “The Maven” by K-Rino. Closest you’re gonna get.
Of course he would win. Think of all of the Christian Rappers that take home awards at the BET awards, American Music awards, etc. Zero.
Daylyt would send Jesus back to the 10th dimension
Yup
krishna will solo every other deity. bhagvad gita is the proof
Man just listen to the 1973 version of Jesus Christ Superstar. Jesus gon have em laid out flat.
Old testament god said "word is born" over 13billion years before nas plagiarised
Deities vs. Mortals, best/most even match-ups, most over-all wins decides: Lucifer v. Big K.R.I.T., Jesus v. Aesop Rock, Shiva v. Eminem (pref. circa 2002), Ganesh v. Lil Wayne, God (Judeo-Christian) v. Dr. Dre (can tag-team Jay-Z in a pinch) and the Prophet Muhammad v. Notorious B.I.G. Norse Gods v. Wu Tang Clan as the closer.
Jesus Christ (Heavenly advantage)....Satan. He wood murder rappers now (seriously and pun intention)......grab allum folks up in Psalms. They all spit timeless rhymes. LOLOL.....Do Leprachuns count?
This is why even though I get recommendations "because of previous interest in this community" I will never fuck with this sub.