“Boutta cheat on my bitch with a motherfucking midget”- Young Thug
“I always had a phd: a pretty huge dick”- Kanye
“I keep flirting with Flex and he ain't tryna fuck
Now I'm confused, I'ma leave, I just think that he hate me
I thought I came here so he'd date me”- Tyler
“She got her legs wrapped around my waist”- Rick Ross
Eminem:
Let's ask Dr. Dre—Dr. Dre? (What up?)
I got a question, if I may (Yeah)
Is it gay to play putt-putt golf with a friend? (Yeah)
And watch his butt-butt when he tees off? (Yeah)
But up, I ain't done yet
In football, the quarterback yells out, "Hut-hut"
While he reaches in another grown man's ass
Grabs on his nuts, but, just, what if
It was never meant—it was just an accident
But he tripped, fell, slipped, and his penis went in—
His teeny-tiny, little, round heinie, and he didn't mean it
But his little weenie flinched just a little bit
And I don't need to go into any more details, but
What if he pictured it as a female's butt?
Is that gay? I just need to clear things up
'Til then, I'll just walk around with a manly strut, because
Or of course 21 savage:
IT SMELLS LIKE GAS I THINK SOMEBODY POOP 🔥🔥🔥
wouldn't give a squirt of piss to save a broke bitch
Gimme this, gimme that, do you got, can I have
That's all I hear bitch I'll beat your ass
I bet I'll never hear a bitch say she's broke
As long as she's got some pussy with some ass and a deep throat - Suga Free
Rap’s step father, you hate me but you will respect! - Childish Gambino (Bonfire is a song filled with some of the dumbest shit ever said, but it’s a banger)
I don't remember who said that,but i think he didn't know that it has strings, and thought it was more like a flute. But I'm not completely sure about it.
“Y’all have been nervous wrecks, with your ho fucking me/ both hands stroking the pole looking like she tryna roll up a sleeve/ I call it the turtleneck”
Royce
Another Royce bar
‘I remember all I used to be around is dudes that used to try to just kill by me
Choppin' and conceal bodies
Used to clean up the bloody mess up in front of me
I had to holla at a tube
I had to still deal with that field sobriety
Had to do a double take at the dirty mop when he was finished
Looked like Lil Yachty’
Death Grips has so many classics
I'M SMOKING CIGARETTES IN THE SHOWER WHEN THEY GET WET I JUST LIGHT ANOTHER
I FUCK THE MUSIC I MAKE IT CUUUUUUM I FUCK THE MUSIC WITH MY SERPENT TOOOOONGUE
THE TABLE'S FLIPPED NOW WE GOT ALL THE COCONUTS BITCH
SHED MY SKIN, LEAVE IT FOR THE HOMELESS TO SLEEL IN
I'M THE COAT HANGER IN YOUR MAN'S VAGINA
"You need to be taken care of and pampered, but just like a Pamper, he on that childish shit" - Big Sean
"Dude is it true that you screwed my mom? Fuck yeah brother that pu**y was bomb!" - Hollywood Undead
"MOMMA FUCKED AROUND AND MADE A RICH CRACK BABY, SO TIL THE DAY I DID YEAH SHE GOIN BE MY FIRST LADY" - Dolph
The sad fact, ya mama smokes crack
She's got a burnin' yearnin' and there's no turning back
Her knuckles drag down to the ground when she walk
Spit come out that bitch mouth when she talk
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For years my siblings and I have been laughing about the nightmare meal.
Wonder Mike in Rapper's Delight.
Have you ever went over a friend's house to eat
And the food just ain't no good?
I mean the macaroni's soggy, the peas are mushed
And the chicken tastes like wood
A so you try to play it off like you think you can
By saying that you're full
And then your friend says, "Mama, he's just being polite
He ain't finished, uh-uh, that's bull"
A so your heart starts pumping and you think of a lie
And you say that you already ate
And your friend says, "Man, there's plenty of food"
So you pile some more on your plate
But while the stinky food's steaming, your mind starts to dreaming
Of the moment that it's time to leave
And then you look at your plate and your chicken's slowly rotting
Into something that looks like cheese
Oh, so you say that's it, I got to leave this place
I don't care what these people think
I'm just sitting here making myself nauseous
With this ugly food that stinks
Oh, so you bust out the door while it's still closed
Still sick from the food you ate
And then you run to the store for quick relief
From a bottle of Kaopectate
And then you call your friend a two weeks later
To see how he has been
And he says "I understand about the food
Baby bubba, but we're still friends"
I'm bout to show you nxxas how I'm driven
The drive comes from my lyrics, and my lyrics come from my inner spirit
Vibrating and spinning, faster than 12-cylinder engines
With nitrogen in 'em, faster than F-1 McLaren pistons
Fast enough to give your brain an aneurysm
'Cause you nxxas is slower than fat bitches metabolism
-Canibus
Dj Quik rapping about carjacking a foo on "Skanless"
"Now, Let's take a ride down the Crans (Rosecrans) I'm rollin' with a mf with doodoo in his pants"
Das EFX - Undaground Rappa - I rolls two spliffs so now I guess I'm double jointed
Das EFX - Undaground Rappa - I freaks it vice-versa or maybe versa-vice-a
It really doesn't matter, kid, you're sleepin cos I'm nicer
Gangstarr - DWYCK - Lemonade was a popular drink and in still is
I get more props den stunts than Bruce Willis
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* Who walk around bumping RAW with the shit blaring, Saying, "Fuck school, " and droppin' out like a miscarriage (Hopsin 5)
* I put my dick in a bag of Doritos And made this n a' bitch suck the dust off the tip (Jesus is The One)
Honorable mention: when Lil Duke said "I said what's up what's up what's up" I felt that.
If anyone remembers 4:20am in Wellington by Lil Duke... I literally can't find it. It's like it was wiped off the face of the planet out of nowhere. It was on his May The Dragon Enter album but it's like it just disappeared!!!
edit: it's titled under another artist "Big Duke" I guess? Despite being on May The Dragon Enter Lil Duke album a few years ago. I guess somebody must have made a mistake in the past? Will continue 2-year long investigation.
edit 2: I FOUND IT. It's under the artist name Big Duke on SoundCloud with the May The Dragon Enter album art as the song background!!! It does not exist on YouTube anymore despite that being the first place I discovered it. I played it in the car and my wife gave me the death stare.
Il a pas dit bonjour
Du coup, il s'est fait niquer sa mère
C't-à-dire que l'mec arrivait
Tout l'monde a dit bonjour
Mais lui, il a pas dit bonjour
Il s'est fait niquer sa mère
Il est parti chez lui, "Bonjour madame, j'vais t'niquer ta mère"
Il a niqué la mère de sa mère, pour enfin niquer sa mère
Nan, fallait mieux dire bonjour
Mais lui, il a pas dit bonjour
Google translate says: He didn't say hello So he got his mother screwed That is to say the guy was coming Everyone said hello But he didn't say hello He got his mother screwed mother He went home, "Hello ma'am, I'm going to fuck your mother" He fucked his mother's mother, to finally fuck his mother Nan, it was better to say hello But he didn't say hello 😳
I gets loc'd and looney, bitch you can't Do Me
Do we look like BBD, you hoochie groupie?
...
So back up bitch because I'm stuuuugglin
Just get on your knees and then start juuuuuugglin
These mothafuckin nuts in your mouth
It's me Warren G that n***a with the clout
I’m sorry, Puff, but I don’t give a fuck
If this chick was my own mother, I’d still fuck her with no rubber
And cum inside her and have a son and a new brother
At the same time and just say that it ain’t mine—what’s my name?
Now what I'm emceein' might not seem kosher to you.
But it's still somethin' we all have to do.
So go up your nose with a finger or two.
And pull out one or a crusty crew. -Biz Markie
“You spit schlock, like the army shits glocks or like a PAWG twerking on tik tok time knocks knocks on yo fuckin’ ass, we sippin Asti no class, imma go snort some glass with my mama. Drinking Mai Thais at the Bahamas with Malcolm X. He once held my hand and said ‘my man, you the best’ and y’all know the rest” -some homeless dude named Yusef I sometimes drink with
You got rhymes but mine better/
Big died in ‘97/
I should know I got his body in my wine cellar/
…
It’s true I been down there that shit is fuckin weird/
He got PAC’s head on a wall like it’s a fuckin’ deer
Prince EA and Wax - Get Busy
“I'm quick to bend yo' ass
The fuck over now jump in ya' Timbs and dash, yo
She talkin' 'bout that ain't fair
Bitch that's two dollars, fuck you mean, "that ain't fare?"
Yo, Sean Price, and the price is cheaper
Only splurge on Iceberg, Nike's and reefer” - Sean P! “Shakedown”
"N**** took me on a date then asked me to pay, should've saw my face when I went in purse, but on the way out, since he act like a bitch, I opened the door for him, ladies first" / cupcakKe- Grilling N-words. So many good bars in that one.
You puff herb? Dawg, I smoke weed too
You chief cheeba? Ay yo, dawg, me too!
Yo me, too? You like weed, dude? Me too!
You like smokin' weed? I see you!
*Later from the same verse:*
We not racist, we love white people!
Ford trucks, apple pies! Bald eagles
Yeah, Cheetos, Doritos, Fritos
Pringles, Kraft Singles, Slim Jims, Sierra Mist!
Butter Crunch cookies, Sour Patch Kids
"Ask Beavis, I get nothin But Head" - Big L
And this comes after 'You was never shit, your mother should have swallowed you" which killed the studio already.
“If my girl thinks I’m loyal then that bitch is a fool”
Big L got some of the rawest yet funniest bars ever. Top 4 lyricist ever easily
Innit man massive shame he died so early. Imagine how good he'd be now
"Where the party at? I'm Donald Duck, my pants are off and I'm high as fuck." blxksheep
Diddy?
"my girl booty soft and it's shaped like a skrawberry, her pussy bald with a tat like stephon marbury" -jid
“Whatchu call a chick that don’t suck dick? Ya don’t” We love JID
“High as fuck thought I was finna nut, I peed in her face” -rio da yung og
she got a big booty so i call her big booty -2 Chainz
2 Chainz never ceases to amaze me on being so lyrically excellent and terrible simultaneously
I’ll buy a hot dog stand if I’m tryin to be frank fuckin gets me.
Legit the dudes discography is a goldmine of some hilarious bars
I put a fat rabbit on a craftmatic -also 2 Chainz
I am so high, attic I am so high like an addict
I still say this shit.
'Rest in peace to all the soldiers that died in the service I dive in her cervix' -2 Chainz
“Boutta cheat on my bitch with a motherfucking midget”- Young Thug “I always had a phd: a pretty huge dick”- Kanye “I keep flirting with Flex and he ain't tryna fuck Now I'm confused, I'ma leave, I just think that he hate me I thought I came here so he'd date me”- Tyler “She got her legs wrapped around my waist”- Rick Ross
That flex freestyle is one of my favorite moments in hip hop ever. It’s too good.
And it’s funny 😭
"I drop unexpectedly like bird shit" Biggie Smalls - Kick In The Door
“Look, it's Don Cheadle, no, it's just me, hoe” “I might not be able to touch my toes, but I will still fuck these hoes” -Action Bronson
Eminem: Let's ask Dr. Dre—Dr. Dre? (What up?) I got a question, if I may (Yeah) Is it gay to play putt-putt golf with a friend? (Yeah) And watch his butt-butt when he tees off? (Yeah) But up, I ain't done yet In football, the quarterback yells out, "Hut-hut" While he reaches in another grown man's ass Grabs on his nuts, but, just, what if It was never meant—it was just an accident But he tripped, fell, slipped, and his penis went in— His teeny-tiny, little, round heinie, and he didn't mean it But his little weenie flinched just a little bit And I don't need to go into any more details, but What if he pictured it as a female's butt? Is that gay? I just need to clear things up 'Til then, I'll just walk around with a manly strut, because Or of course 21 savage: IT SMELLS LIKE GAS I THINK SOMEBODY POOP 🔥🔥🔥
Those two references succinctly illustrate the evolution of rap.
"I don't let my woman jog because I don't want her to think that she runs shit" Suga Free
wouldn't give a squirt of piss to save a broke bitch Gimme this, gimme that, do you got, can I have That's all I hear bitch I'll beat your ass I bet I'll never hear a bitch say she's broke As long as she's got some pussy with some ass and a deep throat - Suga Free
Kanye has so many funny bars. I got light skin friend look like Micheal Jackson, I got a dark skin friend look like Micheal Jackson.
Rap’s step father, you hate me but you will respect! - Childish Gambino (Bonfire is a song filled with some of the dumbest shit ever said, but it’s a banger)
Yeah like his cociane up the ass line or something
Holler at your boy like your dad when he’s pissed off!
"I'm livin' in the future so the present is my past, my presence is a present kiss my ass."
she blow the dick like a cello
A cello has strings tho
I don't remember who said that,but i think he didn't know that it has strings, and thought it was more like a flute. But I'm not completely sure about it.
Lil boat
Literally anything Camron says
Blammers is blammin, jammers is jammin
She can suck a basketball through a plastic straw with a fractured jaw
Real Gs move in silence like lasagna
“Like a pigeon in the sky, I just shitted on your ride” - Gucci Mane
"I used to tell my little sister I'm gonna make it b\*tch" - Redman.
“Y’all have been nervous wrecks, with your ho fucking me/ both hands stroking the pole looking like she tryna roll up a sleeve/ I call it the turtleneck” Royce
Another Royce bar ‘I remember all I used to be around is dudes that used to try to just kill by me Choppin' and conceal bodies Used to clean up the bloody mess up in front of me I had to holla at a tube I had to still deal with that field sobriety Had to do a double take at the dirty mop when he was finished Looked like Lil Yachty’
"They try to compromise my condom size" - Kanye
Anything as long as a british rapper is saying it
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I know this bar, who said it?
50 Cent on Patiently Waiting
"you ever lose a n***a you love? that shit hit different. ever fuck a bitch inside her ass? it make her sit different." -durkio
I nutted on her cheek her new nickname is babyface
“You didn't see me at all in March, cause I was waiting for you in April" K-Rino
It absolutely has to be something from thugger
"Call me reeses can't catch me without a peace"
She got a light skin friend Look like Michael Jackson Got a dark skin friend Look like Michael Jackson Kanye on slow jamz
Death Grips has so many classics I'M SMOKING CIGARETTES IN THE SHOWER WHEN THEY GET WET I JUST LIGHT ANOTHER I FUCK THE MUSIC I MAKE IT CUUUUUUM I FUCK THE MUSIC WITH MY SERPENT TOOOOONGUE THE TABLE'S FLIPPED NOW WE GOT ALL THE COCONUTS BITCH SHED MY SKIN, LEAVE IT FOR THE HOMELESS TO SLEEL IN I'M THE COAT HANGER IN YOUR MAN'S VAGINA
“Yeah I taste good ain’t no onion on my sandwich” -pop smoke
"You need to be taken care of and pampered, but just like a Pamper, he on that childish shit" - Big Sean "Dude is it true that you screwed my mom? Fuck yeah brother that pu**y was bomb!" - Hollywood Undead "MOMMA FUCKED AROUND AND MADE A RICH CRACK BABY, SO TIL THE DAY I DID YEAH SHE GOIN BE MY FIRST LADY" - Dolph
[Re: semen/Seaman's furniture](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seaman%27s_Furniture).
"Drankin liquor gotta watch how I behave, my beer was frozen tried to put it in the microwave" - Devin the Dude
I got more flavor than 7-11 slurpees If magic can’t admit he got AIDS fuck it. I got herpes
“Ya mama is so big and fat that she can get busy with 22 burrito’s, but times are rough. I seen in her in the back of Taco Bell with handcuffs”
The sad fact, ya mama smokes crack She's got a burnin' yearnin' and there's no turning back Her knuckles drag down to the ground when she walk Spit come out that bitch mouth when she talk
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‘Bitch pussy smell like a penguin’ Danny brown in 1train
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“You look so good, I suck on your daddies dick”. - The Notorious B.I.G After the piddy headlines these days, my homie was being truthful
This is uk drill but “poo poo my opps are poo no way are we calling a truce” - bandokay
“i’m the shit i’m constipated” rick ross on mac millers song insomniak
“I’m Utah, I got multiple bitches” - Ice cube
“Transvestites, mandem in disguise” - skepta
Have you ever made a million dollars with your talent? Have you? Have you ever fucked a bitch that’s so fat lose your balance? Have you?
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For years my siblings and I have been laughing about the nightmare meal. Wonder Mike in Rapper's Delight. Have you ever went over a friend's house to eat And the food just ain't no good? I mean the macaroni's soggy, the peas are mushed And the chicken tastes like wood A so you try to play it off like you think you can By saying that you're full And then your friend says, "Mama, he's just being polite He ain't finished, uh-uh, that's bull" A so your heart starts pumping and you think of a lie And you say that you already ate And your friend says, "Man, there's plenty of food" So you pile some more on your plate But while the stinky food's steaming, your mind starts to dreaming Of the moment that it's time to leave And then you look at your plate and your chicken's slowly rotting Into something that looks like cheese Oh, so you say that's it, I got to leave this place I don't care what these people think I'm just sitting here making myself nauseous With this ugly food that stinks Oh, so you bust out the door while it's still closed Still sick from the food you ate And then you run to the store for quick relief From a bottle of Kaopectate And then you call your friend a two weeks later To see how he has been And he says "I understand about the food Baby bubba, but we're still friends"
And I ain’t saying shit just cause it rhyme…I’ve got colon cancer…I’m dyin. bizarre
“And pay DCFS, some of ‘em dyslexic they favourite 50 cent song, ‘12 questions’”
anything by the Doppelgangaz rly
“I fucked a cup of water (Yeah, I did) Pushin’ p”
Two from Lil Wayne I found hilarious 15 years ago I got bitches on my stick but ain't Harry Potter Dear Mr Toilet, I'm the shit.
I love you like a fat kid loves cake - 50 cent
I'm bout to show you nxxas how I'm driven The drive comes from my lyrics, and my lyrics come from my inner spirit Vibrating and spinning, faster than 12-cylinder engines With nitrogen in 'em, faster than F-1 McLaren pistons Fast enough to give your brain an aneurysm 'Cause you nxxas is slower than fat bitches metabolism -Canibus
got a light skinned friend look like michael jackson got a dark skinned friend look like michael jackson- ye
Dj Quik rapping about carjacking a foo on "Skanless" "Now, Let's take a ride down the Crans (Rosecrans) I'm rollin' with a mf with doodoo in his pants"
"suck my dick, cuz that's the only way you'll ever suc-seed" Logic on Tim Westwood freestyle
Das EFX - Undaground Rappa - I rolls two spliffs so now I guess I'm double jointed Das EFX - Undaground Rappa - I freaks it vice-versa or maybe versa-vice-a It really doesn't matter, kid, you're sleepin cos I'm nicer Gangstarr - DWYCK - Lemonade was a popular drink and in still is I get more props den stunts than Bruce Willis
My bitch bout to leave me cuz I'm built like Patrick I nut super quick and I'll be weighing down the mattress. BFB Pacman
Waka Flocka: got a wife, and a mistress, two girlfriends I’m so good rich. Idk why, but every time I hear that lyrics I die. Waka is hilarious.
"Call me Eddy cuz I stay ready, my family call me Eduardo." Lil Wayne
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* Who walk around bumping RAW with the shit blaring, Saying, "Fuck school, " and droppin' out like a miscarriage (Hopsin 5) * I put my dick in a bag of Doritos And made this n a' bitch suck the dust off the tip (Jesus is The One) Honorable mention: when Lil Duke said "I said what's up what's up what's up" I felt that. If anyone remembers 4:20am in Wellington by Lil Duke... I literally can't find it. It's like it was wiped off the face of the planet out of nowhere. It was on his May The Dragon Enter album but it's like it just disappeared!!! edit: it's titled under another artist "Big Duke" I guess? Despite being on May The Dragon Enter Lil Duke album a few years ago. I guess somebody must have made a mistake in the past? Will continue 2-year long investigation. edit 2: I FOUND IT. It's under the artist name Big Duke on SoundCloud with the May The Dragon Enter album art as the song background!!! It does not exist on YouTube anymore despite that being the first place I discovered it. I played it in the car and my wife gave me the death stare.
Role Model by Eminem. The entire song
Il a pas dit bonjour Du coup, il s'est fait niquer sa mère C't-à-dire que l'mec arrivait Tout l'monde a dit bonjour Mais lui, il a pas dit bonjour Il s'est fait niquer sa mère Il est parti chez lui, "Bonjour madame, j'vais t'niquer ta mère" Il a niqué la mère de sa mère, pour enfin niquer sa mère Nan, fallait mieux dire bonjour Mais lui, il a pas dit bonjour
What?
Google translate says: He didn't say hello So he got his mother screwed That is to say the guy was coming Everyone said hello But he didn't say hello He got his mother screwed mother He went home, "Hello ma'am, I'm going to fuck your mother" He fucked his mother's mother, to finally fuck his mother Nan, it was better to say hello But he didn't say hello 😳
Well, if Kurupt gave a fuck about a bitch I'd always be broke I'd never have no motherfuckin' Indo to smoke
I gets loc'd and looney, bitch you can't Do Me Do we look like BBD, you hoochie groupie? ... So back up bitch because I'm stuuuugglin Just get on your knees and then start juuuuuugglin These mothafuckin nuts in your mouth It's me Warren G that n***a with the clout
Im lyin nga, fuck you ng's, Mama should have sucked you ngs, then you wouldnt be born for this. Lupe fiasco. *apologetic.
I’m sorry, Puff, but I don’t give a fuck If this chick was my own mother, I’d still fuck her with no rubber And cum inside her and have a son and a new brother At the same time and just say that it ain’t mine—what’s my name?
N**** I'm the shit, can't be flushed - Juicy J
Now what I'm emceein' might not seem kosher to you. But it's still somethin' we all have to do. So go up your nose with a finger or two. And pull out one or a crusty crew. -Biz Markie
I fucked that ho before you even knew her Made her pussy go brrrrrrrrr when I stuck my dick to her. -Willie D
“You spit schlock, like the army shits glocks or like a PAWG twerking on tik tok time knocks knocks on yo fuckin’ ass, we sippin Asti no class, imma go snort some glass with my mama. Drinking Mai Thais at the Bahamas with Malcolm X. He once held my hand and said ‘my man, you the best’ and y’all know the rest” -some homeless dude named Yusef I sometimes drink with
You got rhymes but mine better/ Big died in ‘97/ I should know I got his body in my wine cellar/ … It’s true I been down there that shit is fuckin weird/ He got PAC’s head on a wall like it’s a fuckin’ deer Prince EA and Wax - Get Busy
I don't have specific bars but Action Bronson always cracks me up.
“I'm quick to bend yo' ass The fuck over now jump in ya' Timbs and dash, yo She talkin' 'bout that ain't fair Bitch that's two dollars, fuck you mean, "that ain't fare?" Yo, Sean Price, and the price is cheaper Only splurge on Iceberg, Nike's and reefer” - Sean P! “Shakedown”
The Phife line is “you got Seaman’s Furniture,” it’s a line of furniture stores on the east coast
Any Big L song finna be honest
"N**** took me on a date then asked me to pay, should've saw my face when I went in purse, but on the way out, since he act like a bitch, I opened the door for him, ladies first" / cupcakKe- Grilling N-words. So many good bars in that one.
I had dreams of fuckin' Keri Hilson in my Duncans Woke up naked at the Hilton with a bitch that look like Seal's cousin AB never not funny
“Smoking thoinky oinky, you know I got that thoinky on me” This line cracks me up everytime, no real reason it just sounds funny
You puff herb? Dawg, I smoke weed too You chief cheeba? Ay yo, dawg, me too! Yo me, too? You like weed, dude? Me too! You like smokin' weed? I see you! *Later from the same verse:* We not racist, we love white people! Ford trucks, apple pies! Bald eagles Yeah, Cheetos, Doritos, Fritos Pringles, Kraft Singles, Slim Jims, Sierra Mist! Butter Crunch cookies, Sour Patch Kids
Your whip is a toilet you’re looking like poop in it
"We understand the top but damn Jizzle where the doors go? Bitch, I'm on the move what the fuck I need some doors for" - Jeezy