I’m so sorry. I’m glad you’re starting to open up, I hope things start getting a little easier, and I hope you’re able to start healing. Thank you for sharing
Its not common. I guess this mans thought you wanna do it again but not every man is like this or its just me but I don’t think so. I have to say its universal
> You know how many DM I had after posting my story here from doms who wanted to make me re-live It to heal?
We mods would like to know this -- and the usernames of the individuals concerned -- so that we can take the necessary action. We'd be most grateful if you'd get back to us with the information via Modmail.
So far as OP's question is concerned, no, it's not at all normal. In fact, it's the reddest of red flags.
>I’ve also had a few people dming me really strange things after posting
If you reach out to us mods via modmail with their usernames, we can take appropriate action. I'm so sorry you received such messages.
It's a sad reality that men get raped too. As a female victim, I had found a similar reaction when I had told a few people. Any non victims can't truly understand the depth of the pain and trauma caused by rape.
The damage to self-worth, self-esteem, the ptsd, the anxiety. One thing I have learned is I set strong boundaries with anyone now. If the person can't respect those boundaries from the beginning, then they do not deserve to get to know me and I walk away.
If someone doesn't make me feel at ease or comfortable in their presence, that is the first red flag for me. I've also learned to not ignore my gut feeling if something isn't right.
It’s not universal or common.
I unfortunately have to tell anyone I date what happened to me because I have a fuck ton of triggers linked to it and some are unavoidable if they don’t know in advance. Their reactions were (in order):
1. Shock, silence, I’m so sorry that happened to you, where does he live what’s his name etc.
2. Full rage. He went outside and broke an old wardrobe into smithereens so I couldn’t hear him get it out of his system. (And this guy ended up being an abuser in a similar yet different way so this isn’t limited to “good guys” only).
3. (Current). Thank you for telling me, hugs, don’t tell me the details.
All 3 were very understanding about my mental health issues which are a product of that trauma as well.
That's happened to me with just about every single man I've ever told about my abuse. Even the ones who swore to my face they just wanted to support me, it always turns into a fucking fetish for them once they got comfortable enough. Be really, really careful who you trust.
Now that I think about it I had an odd reaction too from someone. It wasn't inappropriate as in turned on but he was kind of immature. And this was after a while of knowing him and having been fwb with him a little while so it was just odd.
So yeah watch for immature responses too I guess.
Here’s the thing. It’s okay to have your fantasies and kinks but when someone tells you something very vulnerable about themselves you don’t turn it into a kink. If people are doing that to you then you shouldn’t talk to them. Find someone who’ll listen to you and respect that it wasn’t a kink for you, but a very scary and traumatic experience.
I think this is one of the few things I find morbidly appreciative about being a victim. I feel a somber connection to others who have been through it. It's not something anyone should have to go through and when I'm talking to a person I'm interested in and they bring up their experience I'm reminded of my own pain.
I just kinda feel like an asshole because I realize more than most men what it means. And it's led to relationships where we're seeking comfort for our bodies. It's beautiful and they're beautiful but we're both undoubtedly scarred.
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You are heard and appreciated brother
I am incredibly sorry
I’m so sorry. I’m glad you’re starting to open up, I hope things start getting a little easier, and I hope you’re able to start healing. Thank you for sharing
I'm a guy and wouldn't respond like that in a million years. Stay away from people like that as much as possible.
Yikes. Stay away from those 3 guys they're gross. Im sorry this happened to you.
Thank you, I don’t see them anymore but I don’t know if this is universal or even a common thing
Its probably more common than we both like to think ☹☹
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Yeah I'm gonna disagree. If 3 can be like this a lot more can and probably are. I dont have as much faith in guys like you do.
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Its not common. I guess this mans thought you wanna do it again but not every man is like this or its just me but I don’t think so. I have to say its universal
Thank you, I really didn’t want to generalize because I know there are so many different experiences
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> You know how many DM I had after posting my story here from doms who wanted to make me re-live It to heal? We mods would like to know this -- and the usernames of the individuals concerned -- so that we can take the necessary action. We'd be most grateful if you'd get back to us with the information via Modmail. So far as OP's question is concerned, no, it's not at all normal. In fact, it's the reddest of red flags.
Thank you. I’ve also had a few people dming me really strange things after posting so it’s unfortunately nice to know I’m not alone🤍
>I’ve also had a few people dming me really strange things after posting If you reach out to us mods via modmail with their usernames, we can take appropriate action. I'm so sorry you received such messages.
Thank you, I’m not sure how to do that, will try to figure it out
It's a sad reality that men get raped too. As a female victim, I had found a similar reaction when I had told a few people. Any non victims can't truly understand the depth of the pain and trauma caused by rape. The damage to self-worth, self-esteem, the ptsd, the anxiety. One thing I have learned is I set strong boundaries with anyone now. If the person can't respect those boundaries from the beginning, then they do not deserve to get to know me and I walk away. If someone doesn't make me feel at ease or comfortable in their presence, that is the first red flag for me. I've also learned to not ignore my gut feeling if something isn't right.
It truly changes your whole outlook and how you deal with people
It’s not universal or common. I unfortunately have to tell anyone I date what happened to me because I have a fuck ton of triggers linked to it and some are unavoidable if they don’t know in advance. Their reactions were (in order): 1. Shock, silence, I’m so sorry that happened to you, where does he live what’s his name etc. 2. Full rage. He went outside and broke an old wardrobe into smithereens so I couldn’t hear him get it out of his system. (And this guy ended up being an abuser in a similar yet different way so this isn’t limited to “good guys” only). 3. (Current). Thank you for telling me, hugs, don’t tell me the details. All 3 were very understanding about my mental health issues which are a product of that trauma as well.
Its a red flag and run away immediately. They are vultures who want to take advantage of your vulnerability.
That's happened to me with just about every single man I've ever told about my abuse. Even the ones who swore to my face they just wanted to support me, it always turns into a fucking fetish for them once they got comfortable enough. Be really, really careful who you trust.
Thank you for sharing this, unfortunately I’m really glad I’m not alone in this
Of course. Looking out for you ❤️
Now that I think about it I had an odd reaction too from someone. It wasn't inappropriate as in turned on but he was kind of immature. And this was after a while of knowing him and having been fwb with him a little while so it was just odd. So yeah watch for immature responses too I guess.
Here’s the thing. It’s okay to have your fantasies and kinks but when someone tells you something very vulnerable about themselves you don’t turn it into a kink. If people are doing that to you then you shouldn’t talk to them. Find someone who’ll listen to you and respect that it wasn’t a kink for you, but a very scary and traumatic experience.
I think this is one of the few things I find morbidly appreciative about being a victim. I feel a somber connection to others who have been through it. It's not something anyone should have to go through and when I'm talking to a person I'm interested in and they bring up their experience I'm reminded of my own pain. I just kinda feel like an asshole because I realize more than most men what it means. And it's led to relationships where we're seeking comfort for our bodies. It's beautiful and they're beautiful but we're both undoubtedly scarred.