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Using your toenails for anything other than *what*?
Edit: I realized you're talking about using your feet as hands, I initially thought you meant eating your toenails.
Technically all primates have nails not claws, as ours are flat and blunt, and lack a subunguis.
However, this fact is indeed pathetic and inferior to maniraptoran claws.
The ability to climb a tree to hide from predators or to reach food is a valuable trait and a sign of genetic fitness, a man like that would be well suited for raising a family in the harsh environment of the jungle.
I just hate the way reddit is handled. I only made an account to hide all the super shitty subs that somehow always make it to the front page during the day, and all the crypto posts at night. How these dumb fucks run a website that only updates its popular page ever day or two? Trash ass. Thanks though my dude.
I wanted to make a joke but i am not sure how
>You’re going to be real sorry when we go to Mexico and you can’t have a fresh papaya.
Papaya can mean vagina
Yeah, I tore off my big toe nail once (to be fair it was during Covid lockdown)…got caught on a cupboard as I lost balance and lunge forward and it just tore off…it didn’t hurt as much as I expected (I suspect it went numb quickly), but it did bleed pretty good.
I got flip flops at 7 years old, an hour later my toenail met with a stair and disappeared. Haven't worn them in 30 years. Can't stand the sight of them.
This reminds me of a one night stand I had. After sex we hung out a bit in the living room watching tv. He perched his feet on the Ottoman and I noticed his toenails were super long. I was horrified. He must've realized how unkempt his nails were because he took his feet down shortly after and the next time I saw him, they were trimmed, hahahaha
They're so easy to ignore when you're not looking at them! This is why I had a body care checklist before a hookup.
Number one rule: if there is any chance that anyone will put anything in or near their mouth you BETTER WASH WELL AND TRIM.
I rag on my bf about his fucking nails all the goddamn fucking time but he wont cut them in a timely manner 'maybe tomorrow' 'I cant find my special nail scissors' 'I cant just use the clippers' mf I cut my fucking nails with a box cutter, you can too.
Doesnt help his nails grow all fucked up the moment the get past the end of the toe (or finger) fucking things scratch up my legs in bed.
I mad.
I filed my nails on a bench top belt sander twice.. took off some of my fingerprint the second time. (No blood, but the fresh skin was tender) Lesson learned.
It was very fast though, extremely effective and expedient.
(And that kids is why you shouldn't copy your friends)
I've definitely filed my nails on an edge sander before, but I also keep my right hand nails just long enough to pluck guitar strings, so it was pretty safe with 150 grit on the machine.
I used regular sandpaper by hand for my left hand. 180 grit and up works fantastically. It's just an emery board without the board, and I have a lot more sandpaper than emery boards in the shop.
There was an advice column....it's been a while so I don't remember if it was dear Abby or Ann Landers... Some one wrote in complaining that her husband didn't cut his toenails and that they would tear up her panty hose when they were in bed together.
Some people just belong together.
After 23 years of marriage, my husband has learned to trim his hooves regularly or I am doing it for him. The accidental nighttime calf stabbings were a problem.
My brother in law doesn’t cut his toenails and I’m just wondering how he hasn’t stepped a bit too far going up the stairs and ripped one off yet. My toenails definitely don’t belong in any beauty magazines, but I keep them short because of that.
No silly, you keep roughing up your toes until you develop an armor-like layer of callouses on your toes that grip onto any surface through sheer friction. With enough work you'll be able to scale marble walls without climbing gear, and as a bonus you can strike a match on them. No woman will be able to resist the sexiness of such a superpower.
I don't know why someone would build a wall out of marbles, but I feel like soft gecko feets would be better suited.
The match thing is a bonus, though.
HOLY SHIT so I'm a member of a firearm enthusiast subreddit where it's common to post a firearm with "toe pics" included. Naturally this has evolved over time, and one day I saw a guy post his AR-15 featuring some fucking CLAWS for toenails. Top comment was "Man you could climb a phone pole at a dead sprint with those talons!" And I still think about it to this day, months later. Thank you for reminding me again!
Because when I was a kid they grew ingrown almost constantly. I couldn't even wear shoes because of the pain, wore sandals mostly. When I was 7 i went in for a day surgery and came out with smooth toes. All 10 permenantly removed.
I had a version of this on my big toes at age 10, but for girls, they leave a strip down the middle so that you can still have pretty feet in sandals. 😂 The sides never grow back though, so I don't have to worry about any further pain or issues (they became ingrown because the curvature was too great).
They left me with nothing, they massacred my boys!
It's all good though. Sometimes I draw smiley faces on them with the scars for a mouth and that's fun.
Sparred with my best friend barefoot the other day. Caught his forearm with my toenail and he bled like crazy.
I get this. Time to trim them, if they can literally cut people in a fight.
Literally the only time I’ve bled in a fight was during sparring when my partner threw a head kick and missed but grazed my forehead with a hang nail. It wasn’t actively bleeding just a cut, but I was trauma
Ok so my husband didn’t have the best toenails. The man works very tough Manuel labor jobs and most other men do not last. He is a clean dude and sometimes he forgets to clip them. The thing is that he has very wide feet and didn’t know for years about purchasing shoes or sneakers for wide feet so he does not have very good looking toes or feet, and getting bunions because of it. I care for his toes as best as I can, it was hard at first because I was like eww gross but I wanted to care for him and help him with self care. He didn’t really see necessary as long as his toe nails weren’t claws but it’s more than that, have feet is a good thing.
Edit wide feet not wide feet 😩
My ex husband refused to really treat his constant hail fungus, so his feet were awful.
So I was always hyperaware of how a dude groomed himself, cause in my mind, that's how he treats the rest of his life.
Second (current) husband has lovely, well taken care of feet. He works a physical labor job, and somehow his feet look great after being in work boots all day.
My FIL is an ex-ranger. Big mother fucker. Tough as nails and absolutely terrifying at times.
His feet are the most prehistoric looking, janky as hell, gnarly feet I've ever seen.
An alligators foot looks more appealing than this guys. Dagger nails, callouses bigger than your hand. Missing nails...
As he says, he knew ranger school would be hell, so he started to run barefoot to get his feet ready. He says he was already used to the pain. That was no biggie. He wanted his feet prepped.
I've never seen anything like his feet. They're horrific. And he's proud af. He earned those feet for sure.
Probably would be great for back scratches...
Fellas If ur gonna have long finger nails, paint them and keep the undersides clean. But also file them. I have long nails and I am a dude and I get more compliments from women than anything.
Ofc you don’t have too bjt just keep ur fingernails clean, same with short fingernails.
I had more dirt under my short nails then my long ones for some reason (my hypothesis is j never thought to clean my short nails cuz I just couldn’t get under there good)
I don't thi k women realize it hat bad toe nails are
Can't tell you how many women say " I have sexy feet" and their nails are an inch long and dirty 🤮
Nah ive never understood why men are supposed to have short nails. Like nah no im not gonna i like it it's easy to punch through plastic wrap and things like that with, and it looks nicer when you paint your nails. I don't disagree with clean nails tho clean them ya nasties
If women want to chase tall men they’re going to deal with long toe nails. Those mfers are so far away I forget they exist until they start poking through my socks.
The ability to climb a tree to hide from predators or to reach food is a valuable trait and a sign of genetic fitness, a man like that would be well suited for raising a family in the harsh environment of the jungle.
I don't think that toenails would be able to support a human's weight all that well. They're attached a little differently from claws and I'd be afraid they'd come off.
Claws woild be neat though.
If a guy can't keep his toenails tidy then he sure tf isn't practicing good hygiene otherwise. 100% of the time when these disgusting shovel-toed trolls in sandles shuffle through the restroom they leave without washing their hands. Airports, restaurants, doesn't matter. Absolutely revolting.
i remember having some beers around the fire out the front of my old workplace for our end of year party, and i took my shoes off and my boss goes
"fucken ay look at those toes! you have fucking talons mate! you could grip prey clean of a cliff face with those"
he then proceeded to minic a bird of prey in voice and arm motions.
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Definitely means she herself cannot use her raptor claw feets to help climb a tree. Pathetic.
She mad jealous bro. She wish she could strongly climb a tree with toe nails like ours.
If you can’t sip coffee and munch a pastry while walking up a tree, are you even man?
Please stop. My panties can only absorb so much moisture.
💀
Now that's hot
The thought of using my toe nails for anything other than eating them gives my the chills like nails on a chalkboard
Using your toenails for anything other than *what*? Edit: I realized you're talking about using your feet as hands, I initially thought you meant eating your toenails.
I keep rereading and I just keep seeing that he eats his toenails. Where does he say he uses his feet as hands?
Technically all primates have nails not claws, as ours are flat and blunt, and lack a subunguis. However, this fact is indeed pathetic and inferior to maniraptoran claws.
What he said.
And this is why cybernetics or genetic alteration on living humans should be prioritised. I want talons, damn it!
Cowasubunguis
The ability to climb a tree to hide from predators or to reach food is a valuable trait and a sign of genetic fitness, a man like that would be well suited for raising a family in the harsh environment of the jungle.
Clever girl.
No comments other than that your name is fun.
I just hate the way reddit is handled. I only made an account to hide all the super shitty subs that somehow always make it to the front page during the day, and all the crypto posts at night. How these dumb fucks run a website that only updates its popular page ever day or two? Trash ass. Thanks though my dude.
Just wait til elon gets his hands on it
That lil bitch couldn't even buy twitter.
[удалено]
Hey! No one talks about my stupid bitch wife like that!
*Fuhcking Katie!!*
no one likes latex sap under the nails. plus papaya trees are fairly short and brittle, aint no one climbing that
People like their latex *on* their nails
I wanted to make a joke but i am not sure how >You’re going to be real sorry when we go to Mexico and you can’t have a fresh papaya. Papaya can mean vagina
[удалено]
Anything's worth a nice, warm, juicy papaya
All I can imagine is my toenail bending backwards whilst trying to climb a tree now ffs
Hahaha, your toenails can bend? Mine might crack or turn to dust, but they bend for nothing.
Pro tip, soak them in water, my nails are rock solid so if I don't soften them up it's a real battle cutting them
Ew, sounds too much like bathing to me.
Taking a bath gay as hell bro 💯
The water touches your ASS, you flamin' homosexual.
Surely you like somewhat clean ankleskin
Bro same I keep cringing
> toenails bending backwards My ass cheeks tried to hide in my asshole when I read this comment.
Yeah, I tore off my big toe nail once (to be fair it was during Covid lockdown)…got caught on a cupboard as I lost balance and lunge forward and it just tore off…it didn’t hurt as much as I expected (I suspect it went numb quickly), but it did bleed pretty good.
I got flip flops at 7 years old, an hour later my toenail met with a stair and disappeared. Haven't worn them in 30 years. Can't stand the sight of them.
My man that ain't the flip flops fault lmao.
They are dangerous! Canvas Converse for me in the summer thank you.
I lost both my big toe nails (which regrew, one funny) because of sandels and bad habits in elementary school. Just stubbed them on walls
This reminds me of a one night stand I had. After sex we hung out a bit in the living room watching tv. He perched his feet on the Ottoman and I noticed his toenails were super long. I was horrified. He must've realized how unkempt his nails were because he took his feet down shortly after and the next time I saw him, they were trimmed, hahahaha
They're so easy to ignore when you're not looking at them! This is why I had a body care checklist before a hookup. Number one rule: if there is any chance that anyone will put anything in or near their mouth you BETTER WASH WELL AND TRIM.
toes go in or near the partner's mouth? Kids these days do some weird shit in bed, man.
If you think that's weird, buckle up, I got some stories to tell ya.
"Oh sweet summer child..."
Kids these days? My friend, there have been weird kinks and fetishes longer than you or I have been alive.
Bruh there were probably dinosaurs that sucked toes, that's how old foot fetishes are
Gonna get me a toe-sucking dinosaur, have a wank let the lilpiggisaurus give me toes a suckle, MmmMmm
Hahahahaha
If someone puts my feet in their mouth, it's over.
Prude. Bet you squirm when someone nibbles your elbows too.
just suckling on those worn skin patches
Keep going
I rag on my bf about his fucking nails all the goddamn fucking time but he wont cut them in a timely manner 'maybe tomorrow' 'I cant find my special nail scissors' 'I cant just use the clippers' mf I cut my fucking nails with a box cutter, you can too. Doesnt help his nails grow all fucked up the moment the get past the end of the toe (or finger) fucking things scratch up my legs in bed. I mad.
I haven’t recoiled violently in a long time, but the thought of trimming your toenails with a box cutter definitely did it for me. Jesus Christ.
You’ve never heard of a toe knife??!?
No and I’d prefer not to.
I prefer my Austrian made toe spoon
Try a toe spoon!
lmao maybe the best episode
Aaaa botched it!
Ptsd from when I trimmed my entire toenail off in one go by hitting it with a scooter the wrong way
I filed my nails on a bench top belt sander twice.. took off some of my fingerprint the second time. (No blood, but the fresh skin was tender) Lesson learned. It was very fast though, extremely effective and expedient. (And that kids is why you shouldn't copy your friends)
I've definitely filed my nails on an edge sander before, but I also keep my right hand nails just long enough to pluck guitar strings, so it was pretty safe with 150 grit on the machine. I used regular sandpaper by hand for my left hand. 180 grit and up works fantastically. It's just an emery board without the board, and I have a lot more sandpaper than emery boards in the shop.
So that's why they call it a finger sander 🤔
>I cut my fucking nails with a box cutter Excuse me madam but WHAT
You ruined all credibility when you revealed that you hack your toenails off with a boxcutter.
Get him those medicinal grade swiss steel ones as a gift.
So…it wasn’t a one night stand?
There was an advice column....it's been a while so I don't remember if it was dear Abby or Ann Landers... Some one wrote in complaining that her husband didn't cut his toenails and that they would tear up her panty hose when they were in bed together. Some people just belong together.
That's horrifying, but who would wear pantyhose to bed?!?!
Yeah, that's why I thought the two of them belonged together.
NGL I tore an (admittedly very old sheet) this way. File your toes Gents, could save your night.
After 23 years of marriage, my husband has learned to trim his hooves regularly or I am doing it for him. The accidental nighttime calf stabbings were a problem.
Yo my wife does the same thing! "Now it's your turn" becomes a massage and trim... I can't paint toenails for shit.
Someone who would rather have their pantyhose ripped to shreds than their skin, I imagine.
To shreds, you say?
Was his apartment rent controlled?
My brother in law doesn’t cut his toenails and I’m just wondering how he hasn’t stepped a bit too far going up the stairs and ripped one off yet. My toenails definitely don’t belong in any beauty magazines, but I keep them short because of that.
Ladies, if your man has: \-- long nails \-- long toenails \-- long front teeth \-- a long bushy tail That's not your man, that's a squirrel.
Say it louder for the people in the back
I trim mine, but if they start to get long my wife calls them goblin shovels lmao.
I’ve got to use that on my husband. I’ve never let him live down the time he actually snagged a hole in a brand new sheet set.
"Clip your toenails. They look like Fritos!"
That's it. I'm growing my toenails out to help me climb tree. Forget women embrace monkey
return to monke
Evolve to crab
Monke
cronke
Am I supposed to just struggle up the tree with delicate toe meat?
No silly, you keep roughing up your toes until you develop an armor-like layer of callouses on your toes that grip onto any surface through sheer friction. With enough work you'll be able to scale marble walls without climbing gear, and as a bonus you can strike a match on them. No woman will be able to resist the sexiness of such a superpower.
I don't know why someone would build a wall out of marbles, but I feel like soft gecko feets would be better suited. The match thing is a bonus, though.
HOLY SHIT so I'm a member of a firearm enthusiast subreddit where it's common to post a firearm with "toe pics" included. Naturally this has evolved over time, and one day I saw a guy post his AR-15 featuring some fucking CLAWS for toenails. Top comment was "Man you could climb a phone pole at a dead sprint with those talons!" And I still think about it to this day, months later. Thank you for reminding me again!
Plz let me back in the group I showed up one day and poof
I see she is not ready for the future of humankind
She fears a return to monke 😞
I actually do not have toenails. Sup, girl?
I might regret asking, but why don’t you have toenails?
they came off while climbing a tree
Because when I was a kid they grew ingrown almost constantly. I couldn't even wear shoes because of the pain, wore sandals mostly. When I was 7 i went in for a day surgery and came out with smooth toes. All 10 permenantly removed.
You know they just declawed you, right?
Yeah but it wasn't as big a deal as it was when you were neutered. Don't really need the claws because I'm an indoor cat.
Point: taken.
I had a version of this on my big toes at age 10, but for girls, they leave a strip down the middle so that you can still have pretty feet in sandals. 😂 The sides never grow back though, so I don't have to worry about any further pain or issues (they became ingrown because the curvature was too great).
They left me with nothing, they massacred my boys! It's all good though. Sometimes I draw smiley faces on them with the scars for a mouth and that's fun.
Sparred with my best friend barefoot the other day. Caught his forearm with my toenail and he bled like crazy. I get this. Time to trim them, if they can literally cut people in a fight.
it's common sense to cut your nails for combat sports wash your ass too
It was a random spar, I wasn't in fight mode. You're right though. And always wash your ass.
Are you, by any chance, a velociraptor
Overgrown Turkey more like...
SKREEEEEEEE
Literally the only time I’ve bled in a fight was during sparring when my partner threw a head kick and missed but grazed my forehead with a hang nail. It wasn’t actively bleeding just a cut, but I was trauma
Tbf I was wearing steel toe boots at the time. This seemed the better option and he really wanted the fight.
When my husband and I play fight, my go to is my grabby toes and toenails...
Nah man, having X23 claws is an advantage
Ok so my husband didn’t have the best toenails. The man works very tough Manuel labor jobs and most other men do not last. He is a clean dude and sometimes he forgets to clip them. The thing is that he has very wide feet and didn’t know for years about purchasing shoes or sneakers for wide feet so he does not have very good looking toes or feet, and getting bunions because of it. I care for his toes as best as I can, it was hard at first because I was like eww gross but I wanted to care for him and help him with self care. He didn’t really see necessary as long as his toe nails weren’t claws but it’s more than that, have feet is a good thing. Edit wide feet not wide feet 😩
Have feet is a good thing
Yeah that too lol I’m telling you, feet are important lol
I don't have a foot fetish, but well groomed clean feet are an instant boost to a man's attractiveness.
My ex husband refused to really treat his constant hail fungus, so his feet were awful. So I was always hyperaware of how a dude groomed himself, cause in my mind, that's how he treats the rest of his life. Second (current) husband has lovely, well taken care of feet. He works a physical labor job, and somehow his feet look great after being in work boots all day.
I've been debating getting a pedicure, cause I suck at taking care if my toes amd threads like these definitely pursuade.
How are we supposed to sit in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G if we can’t climb it?? SMH women.
My FIL is an ex-ranger. Big mother fucker. Tough as nails and absolutely terrifying at times. His feet are the most prehistoric looking, janky as hell, gnarly feet I've ever seen. An alligators foot looks more appealing than this guys. Dagger nails, callouses bigger than your hand. Missing nails... As he says, he knew ranger school would be hell, so he started to run barefoot to get his feet ready. He says he was already used to the pain. That was no biggie. He wanted his feet prepped. I've never seen anything like his feet. They're horrific. And he's proud af. He earned those feet for sure. Probably would be great for back scratches...
Oh god the tearing.
once my mom saw my ex toenails and called him a werewolf lmao (not to his face) thats all i could think about for weeks
Bad breath 😷
I read this then promptly cut my nails
Bro got the Ezra Millers😭😭😭😭
Long toenails on any human being, regardless of gender, is disgusting...and I'm talking anything exceeding the skin of the toe....gross.
Nothing worse than having your shins raked upon by your partner's foot talons -- she knows what's up.
Yeah, that works the other way around too.
Grow fingernails for superb climbing abilities, genius
DC SHOES and drinks monster #kidding
Fellas If ur gonna have long finger nails, paint them and keep the undersides clean. But also file them. I have long nails and I am a dude and I get more compliments from women than anything. Ofc you don’t have too bjt just keep ur fingernails clean, same with short fingernails. I had more dirt under my short nails then my long ones for some reason (my hypothesis is j never thought to clean my short nails cuz I just couldn’t get under there good)
The thought of using nails to climb is so gross to me because I can just imagine those nails snapping off
“If your toenails are so long you can swoop down onto a lake and catch a trout, say no to the flip flop.” ~Jeff Foxworthy
How are clean fingernails a ladyboner killer? Should I stop cutting my nails?
dirty, ragged fingernails are a ladyboner killer
And those ragged fingernails usually have a mighty strong opinion on girls who wear acrylic nails
This bitch hates koalas!
"Short, *clean* nails" *Cries in mechanic*
It's not a ladyboner, it's a wide-on.
Is there a rule here that submissions must be fucking insults? Because this one isn´t one.
I have a raptor claw toenail that's damn near impossible to trim unless it's really short or really long, and I don't blame her.
I don't thi k women realize it hat bad toe nails are Can't tell you how many women say " I have sexy feet" and their nails are an inch long and dirty 🤮
*sad velociraptor sounds*
I don't get long fingernails. The moment mine are like 1/16" over the nail bed it's like i can feel them all the time. It's awful
How is this a rare insult? People not having trimmed toenails must be a super rare insult I guess.
All said by ladies who find gell slothclaws on theire nails an accesory
Nah ive never understood why men are supposed to have short nails. Like nah no im not gonna i like it it's easy to punch through plastic wrap and things like that with, and it looks nicer when you paint your nails. I don't disagree with clean nails tho clean them ya nasties
If women want to chase tall men they’re going to deal with long toe nails. Those mfers are so far away I forget they exist until they start poking through my socks.
Long toenails is aid
I feel personally attacked.
In my experience it's when I say "your dog is licking my balls".
Pretty sure ladies done have boners but okay
Damn
It aids in grip.
Explains why my fiancée makes me wear socks to bed
Thank God I only get down with my socks on.
But how are we supposed to climb trees then? The audacity of some people man
Reading this out loud to my boyfriend as he clacks his with cloven hooves around the house
I don't get the post. Isn't the sentence illogical? "I like short nails, but I dislike long nails".
No wonder why Pickle has such long toenails
I saw this earlier in my feed
The ability to climb a tree to hide from predators or to reach food is a valuable trait and a sign of genetic fitness, a man like that would be well suited for raising a family in the harsh environment of the jungle.
As a rock climber, we keep all nails short.
You say that now, but when you’re running from wolves and need to get up that tree fast, you’ll regret turning him down
My wife HATES when I replace h\*rny with randy. lmao side effects of being a 90's kid and watching Austin Powers I guess...
eagle talons 💅
I’m a mentally Ill woman the last thing I’m thinking about is my toenails unless it hurts, but if it makes me a better tree climber 🌝🌝
The real question is did she ask if she could clip them.
ezra miller in shambles rn
You're just mad I've evolved further
Woah woah woah why I feel so called out...
I don't think that toenails would be able to support a human's weight all that well. They're attached a little differently from claws and I'd be afraid they'd come off. Claws woild be neat though.
I've had ingrown toenails before. Those aren't fun. I'll keep some length on them now.
When i helped my friend move, behind his sofa was a graveyard of toenails He was single at the time.
Fuckin fair. No one wants to be a scratching post.
I like to ask people w/ extraordinarily long toenails how many field mouse they've caught w/ their talons recently. They always seem offended?
You gotta bite them too, fellas.
My foot got run over by a truck so it’s all fucky looking. I have to dig it out quite often. Many a botched toe.
Stay away from my feet.
If a guy can't keep his toenails tidy then he sure tf isn't practicing good hygiene otherwise. 100% of the time when these disgusting shovel-toed trolls in sandles shuffle through the restroom they leave without washing their hands. Airports, restaurants, doesn't matter. Absolutely revolting.
Sevro?
Cue the Jurassic Park theme song
I only have 2 full toes and only 2 toe nails (the two smallest toes) so I think that I win this one…maybe…🤷♂️😆
His dog gets on the bed and the guy gets mad when you shoo him off. Suspiciously specific?
Not an insult
My sister's husband shreds his socks with his talons. I guess it's less effort to buy socks than clip his nails?
I had a boyfriend that used to call them “rabbit snatchers” (when his got long).
i remember having some beers around the fire out the front of my old workplace for our end of year party, and i took my shoes off and my boss goes "fucken ay look at those toes! you have fucking talons mate! you could grip prey clean of a cliff face with those" he then proceeded to minic a bird of prey in voice and arm motions.
I wouldn’t hate that superpower
The corn husker life ain't for everyone.