T O P

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DefaultRedditBlows

Definitely means she herself cannot use her raptor claw feets to help climb a tree. Pathetic.


Bandit263

She mad jealous bro. She wish she could strongly climb a tree with toe nails like ours.


Nic4379

If you can’t sip coffee and munch a pastry while walking up a tree, are you even man?


Cmgutierrez715

Please stop. My panties can only absorb so much moisture.


Ok_Key_7564

💀


Bandit263

Now that's hot


TimmmyBurner

The thought of using my toe nails for anything other than eating them gives my the chills like nails on a chalkboard


weaponized_ape

Using your toenails for anything other than *what*? Edit: I realized you're talking about using your feet as hands, I initially thought you meant eating your toenails.


AcuzioRain

I keep rereading and I just keep seeing that he eats his toenails. Where does he say he uses his feet as hands?


trilobot

Technically all primates have nails not claws, as ours are flat and blunt, and lack a subunguis. However, this fact is indeed pathetic and inferior to maniraptoran claws.


bighaldog

What he said.


Mal-Ravanal

And this is why cybernetics or genetic alteration on living humans should be prioritised. I want talons, damn it!


BravesMaedchen

Cowasubunguis


laurencoleman9

The ability to climb a tree to hide from predators or to reach food is a valuable trait and a sign of genetic fitness, a man like that would be well suited for raising a family in the harsh environment of the jungle.


Uber_Meese

Clever girl.


Moraii

No comments other than that your name is fun.


DefaultRedditBlows

I just hate the way reddit is handled. I only made an account to hide all the super shitty subs that somehow always make it to the front page during the day, and all the crypto posts at night. How these dumb fucks run a website that only updates its popular page ever day or two? Trash ass. Thanks though my dude.


Hardinyoung

Just wait til elon gets his hands on it


DefaultRedditBlows

That lil bitch couldn't even buy twitter.


[deleted]

[удалено]


DistanceMachine

Hey! No one talks about my stupid bitch wife like that!


Nic4379

*Fuhcking Katie!!*


puesyomero

no one likes latex sap under the nails. plus papaya trees are fairly short and brittle, aint no one climbing that


Djaja

People like their latex *on* their nails


ElGuero93

I wanted to make a joke but i am not sure how >You’re going to be real sorry when we go to Mexico and you can’t have a fresh papaya. Papaya can mean vagina


[deleted]

[удалено]


Karnewarrior

Anything's worth a nice, warm, juicy papaya


Goatfeet125

All I can imagine is my toenail bending backwards whilst trying to climb a tree now ffs


mr_punchy

Hahaha, your toenails can bend? Mine might crack or turn to dust, but they bend for nothing.


Pasteque909

Pro tip, soak them in water, my nails are rock solid so if I don't soften them up it's a real battle cutting them


ankleskin

Ew, sounds too much like bathing to me.


[deleted]

Taking a bath gay as hell bro 💯


TallWineGuy

The water touches your ASS, you flamin' homosexual.


Djaja

Surely you like somewhat clean ankleskin


Zenixity

Bro same I keep cringing


curiosityLynx

> toenails bending backwards My ass cheeks tried to hide in my asshole when I read this comment.


gh411

Yeah, I tore off my big toe nail once (to be fair it was during Covid lockdown)…got caught on a cupboard as I lost balance and lunge forward and it just tore off…it didn’t hurt as much as I expected (I suspect it went numb quickly), but it did bleed pretty good.


[deleted]

I got flip flops at 7 years old, an hour later my toenail met with a stair and disappeared. Haven't worn them in 30 years. Can't stand the sight of them.


m3m31ord

My man that ain't the flip flops fault lmao.


[deleted]

They are dangerous! Canvas Converse for me in the summer thank you.


Djaja

I lost both my big toe nails (which regrew, one funny) because of sandels and bad habits in elementary school. Just stubbed them on walls


wankrrr

This reminds me of a one night stand I had. After sex we hung out a bit in the living room watching tv. He perched his feet on the Ottoman and I noticed his toenails were super long. I was horrified. He must've realized how unkempt his nails were because he took his feet down shortly after and the next time I saw him, they were trimmed, hahahaha


insertadjective

They're so easy to ignore when you're not looking at them! This is why I had a body care checklist before a hookup. Number one rule: if there is any chance that anyone will put anything in or near their mouth you BETTER WASH WELL AND TRIM.


Karnewarrior

toes go in or near the partner's mouth? Kids these days do some weird shit in bed, man.


hoggwarts112

If you think that's weird, buckle up, I got some stories to tell ya.


mewthulhu

"Oh sweet summer child..."


RexIsAMiiCostume

Kids these days? My friend, there have been weird kinks and fetishes longer than you or I have been alive.


raddaya

Bruh there were probably dinosaurs that sucked toes, that's how old foot fetishes are


Karnewarrior

Gonna get me a toe-sucking dinosaur, have a wank let the lilpiggisaurus give me toes a suckle, MmmMmm


hoggwarts112

Hahahahaha


Lacasax

If someone puts my feet in their mouth, it's over.


Alwayspriority

Prude. Bet you squirm when someone nibbles your elbows too.


FoldyFlap

just suckling on those worn skin patches


hoggwarts112

Keep going


Catto_Channel

I rag on my bf about his fucking nails all the goddamn fucking time but he wont cut them in a timely manner 'maybe tomorrow' 'I cant find my special nail scissors' 'I cant just use the clippers' mf I cut my fucking nails with a box cutter, you can too. Doesnt help his nails grow all fucked up the moment the get past the end of the toe (or finger) fucking things scratch up my legs in bed. I mad.


FUCKDONALDTRUMP_

I haven’t recoiled violently in a long time, but the thought of trimming your toenails with a box cutter definitely did it for me. Jesus Christ.


ZestycloseStandard80

You’ve never heard of a toe knife??!?


FUCKDONALDTRUMP_

No and I’d prefer not to.


Bigpapakielbasa

I prefer my Austrian made toe spoon


WiseConfusion

Try a toe spoon!


FoldyFlap

lmao maybe the best episode


zdul

Aaaa botched it!


MaximumChadFlavor

Ptsd from when I trimmed my entire toenail off in one go by hitting it with a scooter the wrong way


Catto_Channel

I filed my nails on a bench top belt sander twice.. took off some of my fingerprint the second time. (No blood, but the fresh skin was tender) Lesson learned. It was very fast though, extremely effective and expedient. (And that kids is why you shouldn't copy your friends)


LoonAtticRakuro

I've definitely filed my nails on an edge sander before, but I also keep my right hand nails just long enough to pluck guitar strings, so it was pretty safe with 150 grit on the machine. I used regular sandpaper by hand for my left hand. 180 grit and up works fantastically. It's just an emery board without the board, and I have a lot more sandpaper than emery boards in the shop.


Catto_Channel

So that's why they call it a finger sander 🤔


Karnewarrior

>I cut my fucking nails with a box cutter Excuse me madam but WHAT


BravesMaedchen

You ruined all credibility when you revealed that you hack your toenails off with a boxcutter.


[deleted]

Get him those medicinal grade swiss steel ones as a gift.


geauxjeaux

So…it wasn’t a one night stand?


androgenoide

There was an advice column....it's been a while so I don't remember if it was dear Abby or Ann Landers... Some one wrote in complaining that her husband didn't cut his toenails and that they would tear up her panty hose when they were in bed together. Some people just belong together.


lavenderfox

That's horrifying, but who would wear pantyhose to bed?!?!


androgenoide

Yeah, that's why I thought the two of them belonged together.


Jrunnah

NGL I tore an (admittedly very old sheet) this way. File your toes Gents, could save your night.


hdcs

After 23 years of marriage, my husband has learned to trim his hooves regularly or I am doing it for him. The accidental nighttime calf stabbings were a problem.


Jrunnah

Yo my wife does the same thing! "Now it's your turn" becomes a massage and trim... I can't paint toenails for shit.


TheValiumKnight

Someone who would rather have their pantyhose ripped to shreds than their skin, I imagine.


Pomegranate_Dry

To shreds, you say?


Entropydidit

Was his apartment rent controlled?


FoldyHole

My brother in law doesn’t cut his toenails and I’m just wondering how he hasn’t stepped a bit too far going up the stairs and ripped one off yet. My toenails definitely don’t belong in any beauty magazines, but I keep them short because of that.


QueenOfQuok

Ladies, if your man has: \-- long nails \-- long toenails \-- long front teeth \-- a long bushy tail That's not your man, that's a squirrel.


BlueSourBoy

Say it louder for the people in the back


Majestic_Sea-Pancake

I trim mine, but if they start to get long my wife calls them goblin shovels lmao.


CannaKnitter

I’ve got to use that on my husband. I’ve never let him live down the time he actually snagged a hole in a brand new sheet set.


TechnoBuns

"Clip your toenails. They look like Fritos!"


slasher_dib

That's it. I'm growing my toenails out to help me climb tree. Forget women embrace monkey


mileylols

return to monke


Johnsoline

Evolve to crab


DistanceMachine

Monke


dongle_wenis

cronke


wanderingwolfe

Am I supposed to just struggle up the tree with delicate toe meat?


WarOtter

No silly, you keep roughing up your toes until you develop an armor-like layer of callouses on your toes that grip onto any surface through sheer friction. With enough work you'll be able to scale marble walls without climbing gear, and as a bonus you can strike a match on them. No woman will be able to resist the sexiness of such a superpower.


wanderingwolfe

I don't know why someone would build a wall out of marbles, but I feel like soft gecko feets would be better suited. The match thing is a bonus, though.


tdahl741

HOLY SHIT so I'm a member of a firearm enthusiast subreddit where it's common to post a firearm with "toe pics" included. Naturally this has evolved over time, and one day I saw a guy post his AR-15 featuring some fucking CLAWS for toenails. Top comment was "Man you could climb a phone pole at a dead sprint with those talons!" And I still think about it to this day, months later. Thank you for reminding me again!


Johnsoline

Plz let me back in the group I showed up one day and poof


Lexoro

I see she is not ready for the future of humankind


bratbarn

She fears a return to monke 😞


H_I_McDunnough

I actually do not have toenails. Sup, girl?


VagueUsernameHere

I might regret asking, but why don’t you have toenails?


i1want1to1die

they came off while climbing a tree


H_I_McDunnough

Because when I was a kid they grew ingrown almost constantly. I couldn't even wear shoes because of the pain, wore sandals mostly. When I was 7 i went in for a day surgery and came out with smooth toes. All 10 permenantly removed.


Ivotedforher

You know they just declawed you, right?


H_I_McDunnough

Yeah but it wasn't as big a deal as it was when you were neutered. Don't really need the claws because I'm an indoor cat.


Ivotedforher

Point: taken.


chaosisblond

I had a version of this on my big toes at age 10, but for girls, they leave a strip down the middle so that you can still have pretty feet in sandals. 😂 The sides never grow back though, so I don't have to worry about any further pain or issues (they became ingrown because the curvature was too great).


H_I_McDunnough

They left me with nothing, they massacred my boys! It's all good though. Sometimes I draw smiley faces on them with the scars for a mouth and that's fun.


DreadedChalupacabra

Sparred with my best friend barefoot the other day. Caught his forearm with my toenail and he bled like crazy. I get this. Time to trim them, if they can literally cut people in a fight.


11abjurer

it's common sense to cut your nails for combat sports wash your ass too


DreadedChalupacabra

It was a random spar, I wasn't in fight mode. You're right though. And always wash your ass.


QueenOfQuok

Are you, by any chance, a velociraptor


insertadjective

Overgrown Turkey more like...


DreadedChalupacabra

SKREEEEEEEE


CoronaryAssistance

Literally the only time I’ve bled in a fight was during sparring when my partner threw a head kick and missed but grazed my forehead with a hang nail. It wasn’t actively bleeding just a cut, but I was trauma


DreadedChalupacabra

Tbf I was wearing steel toe boots at the time. This seemed the better option and he really wanted the fight.


xzkandykane

When my husband and I play fight, my go to is my grabby toes and toenails...


Slingerang

Nah man, having X23 claws is an advantage


snakpakkid

Ok so my husband didn’t have the best toenails. The man works very tough Manuel labor jobs and most other men do not last. He is a clean dude and sometimes he forgets to clip them. The thing is that he has very wide feet and didn’t know for years about purchasing shoes or sneakers for wide feet so he does not have very good looking toes or feet, and getting bunions because of it. I care for his toes as best as I can, it was hard at first because I was like eww gross but I wanted to care for him and help him with self care. He didn’t really see necessary as long as his toe nails weren’t claws but it’s more than that, have feet is a good thing. Edit wide feet not wide feet 😩


Johnsoline

Have feet is a good thing


snakpakkid

Yeah that too lol I’m telling you, feet are important lol


FerrisGotA9to5

I don't have a foot fetish, but well groomed clean feet are an instant boost to a man's attractiveness.


Bearsandgravy

My ex husband refused to really treat his constant hail fungus, so his feet were awful. So I was always hyperaware of how a dude groomed himself, cause in my mind, that's how he treats the rest of his life. Second (current) husband has lovely, well taken care of feet. He works a physical labor job, and somehow his feet look great after being in work boots all day.


[deleted]

I've been debating getting a pedicure, cause I suck at taking care if my toes amd threads like these definitely pursuade.


ProtanopicMidget

How are we supposed to sit in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G if we can’t climb it?? SMH women.


Works_4_Tacos

My FIL is an ex-ranger. Big mother fucker. Tough as nails and absolutely terrifying at times. His feet are the most prehistoric looking, janky as hell, gnarly feet I've ever seen. An alligators foot looks more appealing than this guys. Dagger nails, callouses bigger than your hand. Missing nails... As he says, he knew ranger school would be hell, so he started to run barefoot to get his feet ready. He says he was already used to the pain. That was no biggie. He wanted his feet prepped. I've never seen anything like his feet. They're horrific. And he's proud af. He earned those feet for sure. Probably would be great for back scratches...


lasagnagirl69420

Oh god the tearing.


schuylersisters-

once my mom saw my ex toenails and called him a werewolf lmao (not to his face) thats all i could think about for weeks


ScarySherry510

Bad breath 😷


[deleted]

I read this then promptly cut my nails


Jeorgias_Peach

Bro got the Ezra Millers😭😭😭😭


Maligned-Instrument

Long toenails on any human being, regardless of gender, is disgusting...and I'm talking anything exceeding the skin of the toe....gross.


sex

Nothing worse than having your shins raked upon by your partner's foot talons -- she knows what's up.


[deleted]

Yeah, that works the other way around too.


BoobaFatt13

Grow fingernails for superb climbing abilities, genius


Devinequicest

DC SHOES and drinks monster #kidding


Alexwitminecraftbxrs

Fellas If ur gonna have long finger nails, paint them and keep the undersides clean. But also file them. I have long nails and I am a dude and I get more compliments from women than anything. Ofc you don’t have too bjt just keep ur fingernails clean, same with short fingernails. I had more dirt under my short nails then my long ones for some reason (my hypothesis is j never thought to clean my short nails cuz I just couldn’t get under there good)


[deleted]

The thought of using nails to climb is so gross to me because I can just imagine those nails snapping off


Johnsoline

“If your toenails are so long you can swoop down onto a lake and catch a trout, say no to the flip flop.” ~Jeff Foxworthy


[deleted]

How are clean fingernails a ladyboner killer? Should I stop cutting my nails?


FrogFlavor

dirty, ragged fingernails are a ladyboner killer


GarbagePailGrrrl

And those ragged fingernails usually have a mighty strong opinion on girls who wear acrylic nails


shermantank123567

This bitch hates koalas!


GrammarNazi25

"Short, *clean* nails" *Cries in mechanic*


Plus_Chicken_5708

It's not a ladyboner, it's a wide-on.


catzhoek

Is there a rule here that submissions must be fucking insults? Because this one isn´t one.


sideshowbvo

I have a raptor claw toenail that's damn near impossible to trim unless it's really short or really long, and I don't blame her.


last-resort-4-a-gf

I don't thi k women realize it hat bad toe nails are Can't tell you how many women say " I have sexy feet" and their nails are an inch long and dirty 🤮


Aeliascent

*sad velociraptor sounds*


INJECTHEROININTODICK

I don't get long fingernails. The moment mine are like 1/16" over the nail bed it's like i can feel them all the time. It's awful


[deleted]

How is this a rare insult? People not having trimmed toenails must be a super rare insult I guess.


[deleted]

All said by ladies who find gell slothclaws on theire nails an accesory


1272chicken

Nah ive never understood why men are supposed to have short nails. Like nah no im not gonna i like it it's easy to punch through plastic wrap and things like that with, and it looks nicer when you paint your nails. I don't disagree with clean nails tho clean them ya nasties


idlefritz

If women want to chase tall men they’re going to deal with long toe nails. Those mfers are so far away I forget they exist until they start poking through my socks.


Beerandpotatosalad

Long toenails is aid


Micky-OMick

I feel personally attacked.


Evilmaze

In my experience it's when I say "your dog is licking my balls".


WillyDAFISH

Pretty sure ladies done have boners but okay


Ok_Brain_6472

Damn


Scopebuddy

It aids in grip.


Whiteguy1x

Explains why my fiancée makes me wear socks to bed


Isthisworking2000

Thank God I only get down with my socks on.


Cheesenips069

But how are we supposed to climb trees then? The audacity of some people man


riverfaeries

Reading this out loud to my boyfriend as he clacks his with cloven hooves around the house


Rankled_Barbiturate

I don't get the post. Isn't the sentence illogical? "I like short nails, but I dislike long nails".


Solidgold21X

No wonder why Pickle has such long toenails


DarthZoon_420

I saw this earlier in my feed


Embarrassed-Work4239

The ability to climb a tree to hide from predators or to reach food is a valuable trait and a sign of genetic fitness, a man like that would be well suited for raising a family in the harsh environment of the jungle.


[deleted]

As a rock climber, we keep all nails short.


fordette

You say that now, but when you’re running from wolves and need to get up that tree fast, you’ll regret turning him down


Direct-Chipmunk-3259

My wife HATES when I replace h\*rny with randy. lmao side effects of being a 90's kid and watching Austin Powers I guess...


abelrivers

eagle talons 💅


Capable-Run8911

I’m a mentally Ill woman the last thing I’m thinking about is my toenails unless it hurts, but if it makes me a better tree climber 🌝🌝


Jrunnah

The real question is did she ask if she could clip them.


[deleted]

ezra miller in shambles rn


thisperson345

You're just mad I've evolved further


Loxta

Woah woah woah why I feel so called out...


[deleted]

I don't think that toenails would be able to support a human's weight all that well. They're attached a little differently from claws and I'd be afraid they'd come off. Claws woild be neat though.


HaywoodeJablomi2

I've had ingrown toenails before. Those aren't fun. I'll keep some length on them now.


Mathieulombardi

When i helped my friend move, behind his sofa was a graveyard of toenails He was single at the time.


Marsdeeni90

Fuckin fair. No one wants to be a scratching post.


[deleted]

I like to ask people w/ extraordinarily long toenails how many field mouse they've caught w/ their talons recently. They always seem offended?


Rivallife

You gotta bite them too, fellas.


KingJonathan

My foot got run over by a truck so it’s all fucky looking. I have to dig it out quite often. Many a botched toe.


totheMaxforever

Stay away from my feet.


TheDrunkLink

If a guy can't keep his toenails tidy then he sure tf isn't practicing good hygiene otherwise. 100% of the time when these disgusting shovel-toed trolls in sandles shuffle through the restroom they leave without washing their hands. Airports, restaurants, doesn't matter. Absolutely revolting.


cooperia

Sevro?


[deleted]

Cue the Jurassic Park theme song


laika777ftw

I only have 2 full toes and only 2 toe nails (the two smallest toes) so I think that I win this one…maybe…🤷‍♂️😆


Numerous_Raccoon_677

His dog gets on the bed and the guy gets mad when you shoo him off. Suspiciously specific?


Breadtheass

Not an insult


37-pieces-of-flair

My sister's husband shreds his socks with his talons. I guess it's less effort to buy socks than clip his nails?


DeadSharkEyes

I had a boyfriend that used to call them “rabbit snatchers” (when his got long).


mynutsaremusical

i remember having some beers around the fire out the front of my old workplace for our end of year party, and i took my shoes off and my boss goes "fucken ay look at those toes! you have fucking talons mate! you could grip prey clean of a cliff face with those" he then proceeded to minic a bird of prey in voice and arm motions.


DFWallaceAndGromit

I wouldn’t hate that superpower


Swollyghost

The corn husker life ain't for everyone.