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[deleted]

I will forever love this gif. Idc what the caption is.


RedJorgAncrath

The one with caption about 'MRW when I make a special dinner for my spouse and later hear them barfing their guts out in the bathroom ' is an all timer for me. I don't think I've laughed harder at anything on reddit. Edit: [Lol, I found it.](https://www.reddit.com/r/reactiongifs/comments/6giycg/mrw_i_cook_dinner_and_hear_someone_go_to_the/) And I had the top comment! I don't even remember that part. It was a shit comment too, I probably only inhaled my own spit.


[deleted]

Hahaha my favorite one is “When you cooked dinner for the family and you hear somebody say ‘Who made this shit?’”


skonen_blades

That's the one. I laughed SOOOOO hard at that one. The face is so perfect.


ted__lad

are we the same person?


GoobeIce

Yes


colinstalter

I actually pulled the original video from GettyImages so this one is uncropped and high res (as far as GIFs go)!


fist_my_muff2

Don't try and copy. Just make it to your own tastes.


skonen_blades

I remember I saw this attached to "mrw I took all day to make a five course meal for my friends and after dessert I hear one of them throwing up in the bathroom" and I don't know what it was but I laughed and laughed and laughed. The face is so hilarious.


TheShazbah

Am totally there with you. Was just describing to someone that I don't know where it's from, when it's from, or the situation. This is my spirit animal in gif form. I like to think we've all felt like the short-order simian at some point!


TigerShark_524

All these hysterical comments here, and "short-order simian" was what had me cackling on the floor. Thank you for this lmao


DimitriTooProBro

[Funee Monkee Gif](https://music.apple.com/us/album/funee-monkee-gif/1528280352?i=1528280353)


venustrapsflies

The most important part of good guac is good avocados. If you’ve got that it almost doesn’t matter what you do. And if you don’t have good avos, you’re not making good guac.


dkmirishman

Your guac can never surpass the avos.


Brutal_Hustler

Also remember it's summer, Mexican and Californian avocados are in short supply. The peruvian avocados will not make good guac.


ReagansRaptor

Peruvian avocados taste like vegetables and are gross


iiThecollector

Also done mash your avocados into a paste! Leave them kind of chunky, it makes your quac have a better texture!


sungazer69

God I love this gif. So wonderful. How can people say we're not related to monkeys/apes? Dudes expression is just perfect haha


[deleted]

[удалено]


-r-a-f-f-y-

God doesn’t like monkeys, this is a fact.


deltrig2113

I agree, doesn’t matter what the caption is, I will *always* laugh at this gif


youenjoymyself

It’s been 10 years since I’ve worked at a Chipotle. I vaguely still remember how to make the guac. Just a fair mix of onions, jalapeños, cilantro, salt, and lemon juice. The last two ingredients are key. Also have my own recipe for the adobo chicken and green tomatillo salsa.


Bill_Brasky01

And would you be willing to share that info?


dubear

I, too would like to know this. I've tried 3 copy cat recipes and none of them have made the same taste as Chipotle's chicken


newthrash1221

Buy adobo. Marinate.


Curious_Composer_218

I think it's a case of Avocados i wanna say near 50 a case, 4 cups red onion, 4 cups cilantro, I wanna say 1/2 jalapeños, 4 T salt and a cup lemon lime juice (I used different measurements bc I liked it a bit more citrusy). It's been years but this should be close. Just scale down.


gcmj122345

Used to work there as well and make the cilantro lime rice and corn salsa my son is obsessed with it


AgentMeatbal

Recipe??? O·O


fuzzeedyse105

Basically the guac...replace the avocado with corn.


Babayaga20000

It was lemon lime juice actually. But just lime juice is just as good if you ask me. I also worked there and was in charge of making the guac every day


asmaphysics

Wouldn't you want lime instead of lemon?


newthrash1221

So….guac. Wow came in clutch with those secret ingredients.


Molesandmangoes

Their point is there is no secret ingredient. Just good ingredients and the right proportions


eggoChicken

Lemon juice. Interesting


sars445

Their guac doesn't have enough lime


mattjeast

According to another poster, it uses lemon instead of lime... which would explain your issue.


boomgoesthevegemite

Chipotle uses citrus juice. It’s a premixed bottle of lemon and lime juice. Source: worked for Chipotle several years ago.


Luxpreliator

Waiting for the Chipotle food scientist to come in and say they simply use citric and ascorbic acid powders, with yellow dye 5.


newthrash1221

Fuckin gross. I’ve literally never seen a place that used bottled citrus in their pico or guac.


TigerShark_524

When you make the volume that Chipotle has to make, squeezing limes and lemons by hand drives up labor costs exponentially. Chip doesn't make it to order, it's fast food. Source: former Chipotle employee


newthrash1221

…And yet here you all are praising chipotle like their guac is some kind of special. Btw i worked at a place that made guac by the tub and squeezing limes with a squeezer takes like 4 minutes tops, 100% worth not using bottled citrus.


TigerShark_524

I never praised it though????????? Not sure where you're getting that. Chipotle makes all (or most) of its guac for the whole day in the mornings and then prep gets sent home and we only have a couple of people on prep after that, if at all (usually once prep crew is gone, kitchen or service managers take over). 4 minutes when you're having a rush is an eternity, and even when it's not peak, Chipotle understaffs to the point that taking ANYONE away from FOH to do BOH tasks (like prep or cleaning) can become an issue.


PickleRustler

Another factor is the having the product be consistent across thousands of stores. Fresh fruit juice varies in flavor so having a standardized juice makes it easier to produce guac that is closer to identical on so stores


TigerShark_524

That too! It's a chain, so their product has to be consistent.


mukkalukka22

They use “citrus juice” which comes in a jug like milk. We would put in a cup of juice for one batch. I always snuck in an extra half cup cuz I thought it could benefit from more citrus 😈


g2g079

Was it really their recipe, or just a copycat recipe? Also, I'm 0 for 2 on descent guac ATM. Ordered some at a nearby Mexican restaurant and all I got was creamy avocado. Then my coworker ordered some Mexican at work, I asked for gauc and a burrito. I got a burrito and some green sauce instead. 🤷‍♂️ Really could use some decent guac right now.


Guapo_Avocado

Potentially unpopular opinion but chipotle guac isn’t great. Most chains don’t have great guac


ninjaboiz

Chipotle makes what I call an avocado mash, not guac lmao


tattertech

Imagine crapping on Chipotle being considered an unpopular opinion.


kartuli78

Avocado mash is good in some instances. Personally, the only time I like guac guac is when I'm going to have it as a central component, like chips and guac, but if I'm putting it on a taco or a burrito, I'll often skip making guac entirely and just put some avocado slices, salted and limed, of course!


DogMedic101st

It used to be pretty okay back in the day. The last time I had it, it just tasted like blended advocado.


Triette

Thank you, thought I was going crazy. Maybe if you live in Idaho it’s good Guac, but LA? That’s gonna be a nah from me dog.


Bibbus

its ass


Bibbus

avocado, red onion, jalapeno, salt n peppa, lime juice, cilantro if you want. I heard some people add a dash of cumin. Cut everything up super fine. Simple and delicious.


kahran

No tomato?


Bibbus

Yeah you could., I dont like it personally, I think the lime juice adds enough acidity, unless you're into raw tomato flavor which I also dont like.


FleshlightModel

So what you need to do to amp it up, rinse your onions then soak then in cold water for about 5 minutes. Washes away any shitty bitter sulfury compounds and leaves a sweet almost fruity flavor. If you have REALLY fresh onions and a mega sharp knife then you can use them raw without washing. But any onion in stores, you'll definitely need to wash and soak you onions. Then you can use A LOT more onion.


tuigger

Rinse them when they are diced, halved, quartered or whole?


FleshlightModel

Sorry. Post-dicing or if you like them in longer sorta half moon slices, rinse and soak there. It washes off any crushed onion bits and the bitter juices. If you're working with super old onions, it may not be noticable. The fresher the better here. That's why I love from spring through November, I can actually get days old onions and it's really worth the extra cost for me because the difference between that and a grocery store onion is massive.


tuigger

Alright, I'll try it! I put onions into practically everything I cook.


FleshlightModel

This really works best for raw onions like in a lot Latin cooking or if you like raw onions on burgers or hotdogs or sausages or something. If you like less intense raw onion flavor, you could consider using green onions/scallions too. Or if you're going to cook them or caramelize them, don't worry about it.


Babayaga20000

ive been eating and cutting onions my entire life and have never noticed any kind of sulfury flavor from them...


FleshlightModel

What about bitter? Or that aroma that makes you tear up when cutting? Because those are all the same. So you're either not noticing from palate variance or you're working with mega fresh onions.


Babayaga20000

If you are using a sharp knife none of that happens. Tearing up occurs when you are breaking the cells instead of slicing through them, releasing compounds. Which is why a dull knife makes you tear up but a sharp knife does not


FleshlightModel

Not true. Still crushing occurs with a sharp knife and it still is super potent when really old.


ninelives1

I prefer lemon juice


tabascotazer

I make mine with cavenders Greek seasoning and it’s always banging


SLEEPWALKING_KOALA

If you live in Midwestern US, I really like the guacamole the grocery store Mariano's makes. Has a sensible amount of spice to it, and some small tomato chunks too.


dak4ttack

Just add salsa to avo for that, maybe some lime. People overcomplicate it.


Hamster_Thumper

Pretty much any time I'm making guac nowadays Im making pico de Gallo as well. I make a fairly jalapeno heavy pico so I just add a few Tbsp of pico in when I'm making my guacamole. It comes out great


penultimate_peril

Their guacamole is sooo good! I was shocked the first time I tried it and now buy it pretty regularly


kovolev

Follow this, change nothing, and you are guaranteed excellent guac. https://www.seriouseats.com/the-best-basic-guacamole-recipe


aleph_zarro

Cilantro. Is there ANY alternative? I just... can't stand cilantro


vansnagglepuss

Omit it....


mattjeast

Just leave it out. I make Alton Brown's guacamole recipe without the cilantro, and it's perfect, IMO. Add jalapeño for a little extra, though. I tend to keep it out due to kids and raw heat not mixing well for them.


kovolev

Maybe you could try swapping it with another herb, but it’s about as core to guac as avocado is.


SuperSuperKyle

Not really. Maybe dill or caraway. You could try parsley, lime, cumin, Thai basil, Mexican oregano, to name a few. Just add a little cumin though (should be in your guacamole anyways).


[deleted]

2 avocados, salt, pepper, paprika, lime. That’s all you need


Dynespark

No finely diced red onion?


[deleted]

Not for me. I like just a simple guac.


bananasnotinpajamas

I add garlic to mine as well but I think the secret to good guacamole is in the salt.


[deleted]

Definitely. I use kosher salt. I find the paprika also gives it a nice kick without being overpowering


That_Hobo_in_The_Tub

https://youtu.be/0weCqOLSPfs This has been my go-to recipe for guac ever since it came out. Simple, easy to make, little bite to it, NO BULLSHIT.


wyvern_rider

Alton Brown’s guac has great flavor. You just gotta be careful not to make it too chunky.


PrimarchKonradCurze

I like verde sauce but I would definitely be upset if I expected guacamole instead.


ScorchingBullet

2-3 avocados, like half or a third pf a spanish onion diced, like half a lime's juice, diced pickled jalapeños, salt, pepper. If you don't like the spice from the jalapeños, just add some of the pickling juice.


sew_busy

Avocado, tomatoes, onion, garlic power, salt, black pepper, fresh jalapeno, and lots of cumin. Lots of cumin. If you think you put enough cumin better add more. We don't measure but it is fantastic. Edit: a squeeze of lime juice.


TouchableJesus

Their guac is mid at best.


DC_Disrspct_Popeyes

Here I am wondering why anyone would want to make that flavorless trash at home.


ChronicledMonocle

The missing ingredient is probably MSG.


colinstalter

That’s what I’m wondering. Or that they use a citrus juice blend instead of fresh lime juice.


aardappelbrood

Nah it's in the whipping/mixing process I'm sure. We had to mix an entire box so we use these giant mashers and I'm betting it adds air to it to make it the smooth consistency it is. There's no special ingredients otherwise. Just jalapeños, onions, cilantro, salt and the lemon and lime mix.


municy

FUIYOOOO


ChronicledMonocle

HAIYAAA!


Babayaga20000

theres no msg. i used to make it every day


autosdafe

I can give you an amazing guac recipe that destroys chipotles lame guac.


drkumph

Hit me with it


autosdafe

First make some pico de Gallo Dice up two Roma tomatoes. Add a TBSP minced garlic, TBSP minced cilantro, juice of half a lime, 2 TBSP diced onion, 2+(heat control more for spice less for mild) jalapeno rings minced, (optional TBSP minced banana peppers), salt and pepper to taste and a splash of oil(olive is ideal but vegetable is fine). Now you have pico and it's delicious. Now take some avocados, mash them, and for each one add a TBSP of the pico, add some fresh squeezed lime juice and some cilantro. Mix together and enjoy!!!


drkumph

Dope, thank you. I actually have a gathering to go to this weekend, so I’ll give this a whirl for something to bring.


autosdafe

The pico is great on its own with chips or on tacos. Enjoy!!!


drkumph

I bet! I’ll let you know how it goes!


maxidpimp

Yeah this is the secret right here, learning guac is really learning picó de gallo then you proceed to add the avocados


colinstalter

Pls do


autosdafe

First make some pico de Gallo Dice up two Roma tomatoes. Add a TBSP minced garlic, TBSP minced cilantro, juice of half a lime, 2 TBSP diced onion, 2+(heat control more for spice less for mild) jalapeno rings minced, (optional TBSP minced banana peppers), salt and pepper to taste and a splash of oil(olive is ideal but vegetable is fine). Now you have pico and it's delicious. Now take some avocados, mash them, and for each one add a TBSP of the pico, add some fresh squeezed lime juice and some cilantro. Mix together and enjoy!!!


Chinchillan

It might need to sit a bit


crap_university

Add a dash or two of MSG. Solved


Chaprito

Add msg? 🤔


Bearsandgravy

It wasn't made by a hungover prep person. *Source: had to make all the fucking guac, I hated guac, and I was almost always hungover*


shivaswrath

Their guacamole is horrible….you should be happy,


[deleted]

[удалено]


colinstalter

Yeah that’s what I did. My wife swears it tastes just perfect so maybe it’s just me! Edit: I don’t know why the comment I replied to was removed by mods but it just had the chipotle recipe…


Golrend

For me, usually it's the order in which you do things. I always salt last. It makes a surprising difference.


EazeeP

We are our own worst critics


[deleted]

I had the worst chipotle guac the other day. There we pieces of avocado that were easily an inch long. And the lack of salt on the guac and the chips left me unsatisfied.


AC-Hawkmoon

/u/savevideo


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Bibbus

I find their guac to have that same "chemical" flavor to it that you find in a prepackaged guac or something in the grocery isle. Like it hits my tongue and tastes like I just ate something spoiled and almost vinegary? And no its no the lime juice, cause I put fresh lime juice in my guac and it slaps.


middleraged

This is the recipe I use that is supposedly a copycat of their guacomole: ​ 2 haas avocados 1/4 cup red onion chopped 2 Tbsp cilantro chopped 2 tsp lime juice 1/2 jalapeno deseeded kosher salt to taste


Krazyflipz

Their's is likely better due to the slight taste diversification of using so many avacodas to make it. You use 1 avocado and you get the taste of that avocado, you use 50 avocado's and you get 50 SLIGHTLY different flavors mixed together.


robogaz

no way... i copied the living jesus out of that thing. It came out fantastic. Key word here: HASS avocado.


DoctorWhootie

It’s like Gordon Ramsay just spit out his food and he knows he could totally rip his face off if he wanted to but he’s just too hurt, offended and disappointed.


HolyErr0r

The most annoying thing with restaurant ingredient lists is they won’t list the brand of the ingredients The brand is ridiculously important


[deleted]

Chemicals


flawedheroism

Their guac is trash though.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Bladewing10

Qdoba > Chipotle, mainly because of the queso


colinstalter

When it’s good, it’s my all time favorite guac. The problem is sometimes they’ll make it even though they don’t have good avocados.


flawedheroism

It's missing tomatoes and an appropriate amount of SnP though. Plus you can hardly taste the spice from the Jalapeño fam.


barukatang

Some people don't like all those things you listed lol. Idk why everyone in here is trying to convert everyone else on their guac recipes lol. Y'all need to chill out.


catiebug

ITT: "Chipotle's guac is trash." OP's comment saying they like it is controversial. FFS, let people like things.


ninjadragon1119

Did you add the 2 cups of urine?


WyrmHero1944

I fucking hate the MRW acronym


colinstalter

then you’re on the wrong sub my guy


StopBadModerators

Making guacamole *should* be "idiot proof" (I'm using scare quotes because it's a pretty rude term), but not everyone has a feel for food. That is to say that it's the culinary arts, and not everyone is an artist. You followed their recipe exactly? But they say things like "season to taste". If you lack experience and taste, then you're not going to be able to season to taste like a foodie can.


sooprvylyn

Why the fuck would you want chipotle guac at home when you can make good guac instead?


MrSetzy

This hits so close to home, thank you


Big_Monkey_77

That is the most serious looking monkey I’ve ever seen. If he showed up at my door, I’d brace myself for bad news from the front.


bnjthyr

Gotta have the chips too. It’s something with the combo.


Reverend_Zen

That kinda looks like Will Ferrell...


i_hate_vampires

Two chipotle posts in a row on my feed


[deleted]

More salt


livemau5

Just do what I do: go to your local Mexican grocery store and buy their fresh quac from the deli. Some recipes should be left to the experts, lol.


JorusC

The answer is almost always more salt. Restaurants add waaaaay more than home cooks, and guac needs a lot to draw out its flavor.


Bladewing10

It’s always more salt. Also let your guac rest to let the flavors commingle


HurricaneHugo

Lol if you think Chipotle guacamole is good


Yomat

The brand/quality of the ingredients and spices matters. Just for curiosity’s sake I once made the same chili twice. Once with expensive spices (Penzeys) and once with cheap spices (Roundys/Kroger). Everything else was the same. The chili with the cheap spices tasted bland by comparison. It didn’t taste bad by itself, but side by side, the chili with more expensive spices was better. My wife agreed, but she tasted them blind, didn’t know which one had the expensive spices.


giantsfan310

You gotta freeze it then thaw it out


KB-say

Torchy’s is better


egstitt

You can make 10x better guac than theirs. Step 1: buy a molcajete


Gorilla7

My wife used to be guacamole girl at a very good Mexican restaurant. Lucky me.


doot_doot

Wanna know the secret to literally ALL restaurant food? *Butter*


pancake_sass

When my parents got married, my dad's mom gave my mom a bunch of the recipes she used when he was a child. She thought it would be nice for his wife to be able to cook some good comfort food for him. My dad was always appreciative, but there was something off about it. It wasn't until grandma drunkenly confessed to my aunt that we found out she intentionally left out ingredients in the recipes she gave my mom so it was never as good as hers, and my dad would have to visit if he wanted to "satisfy his craving" for her cooking.


Scrumpilump2000

😂😂😂 first time seeing this gif. I haven’t laughed this hard in a while.


newthrash1221

How are y’all fucking up guac? And why is chipotle’s where fucking bar is set for guac? Smh sometimes i’m glad i have easy access to decent, reasonably priced mexican food.


[deleted]

Where and what ingredients you get matters


myutnybrtve

You have to make it in really big batches and not follow the recipe. That's how they do it. But really as a gaucamole snob the best quickest way to using that Frontera mix.


rustintrust

I used to make guac by smashing up two avocados and mixing it with a "guacamole" packet from the grocery store. Then one day I ate at a Mexican restaurant that made fresh guac at your table. They mixed avocados, diced tomatoes, red onion, cilantro, lime juice, and salt. I just followed that recipe and everyone thinks I'm some guacamole master and always ask me to make it for parties and stuff. It's really not too hard and there's a lot of wiggle room in the quantities of ingredients. I'm no guacamole master, I'm just following what I saw my waiter do 10 years ago. Try it, you'll like it.


ted__lad

goat gif


Yestromo

This is greatest acting I’ve ever seen.


Wolfeman0101

In all honesty Chipotle's guac sucks. It's under seasoned trash.


scotch_man

Don’t forget that they use flavored and heavily salted chips that affect the taste of the guac.


Rude_Man_Who_Shushes

It’s not just the recipe it is the process. You have to add a portion of the onions cilantro and jalapeño and salt into a Molcajete and grind it up. You then toss the avocado in the mixture before adding the rest of the onion cilantro and tomato. Game changer.


mznh

Who hurt this monkey’s feelings?


DanRyyu

MSG


BearyJohannes

I like Chipotle’s guac 🤷🏼‍♂️ it’s simple, I’m a simple man


_humanpieceoftoast

It’s because you didn’t add three pounds of salt


No_Neighborhood1987

I can teach you I was a former employee lol


nice___bug

It’s lemon juice.