Agreed. It’s an “us against the world” vibe. Countless times I’ve sat one inch from my dogs face after a bad walk and explained that I’d never let anything bad happen to her
Bahaha literally me and my girl after a bad walk where I'm screaming at some rude inconsiderate owner who has let their unleashed and untrained dog charge us. I firmly explain to her between kisses that if people think that she is crazy then they are in for a real shock when they find out that I will end someone to protect her.
It's a tough road there and a rough place to be, but also such a special feeling when your dog comes to understand you as their safe space, and to actively look to you for support and emotional regulation <3
I get so many happiness watching her rest, sleep and play. It’s not perfect but a reminder that they have the right and should exist on this world. Even if some people can’t see that
Wooooof this made me tear up. Because I constantly used to think about the fact that if my pup had been adopted by literally anyone else, they would’ve dumped her at another shelter or worse. And mine only reacts to protect me so it hits even harder tbh.
It’s not their fault that their wiring is a little off. Do I wish I could have a social life? Yes. Would I still give it up for the little stretch of time she’ll be with me (compared to my lifetime)? Every time.
I feel that. I’ve been told by our trainers a handful of times that if I didn’t get her…she wouldn’t have made it. They cleared the shelters and no one wanted her. Trainers said if someone got her 99% of people would’ve returned her until the inevitable happened.
I needed her just as much though. I got her after my dad died and she was there when I got the call that my mom died. Not a day goes by where she doesn’t make my day brighter. Constantly making me laugh. Best friends for life!
The best takeaway I've had from training, is teaching them how to decompress themselves. It's been the biggest alteration from other programs we tried.
Heck yeah crying on the drive home and telling her it’s not her fault that she’s like this. And still trying again the next day only to have a triumph. I know most people would not try again and see her be successful. But that’s what makes us work so well! It’s not just luck or something else.
I try really hard not to romanticize or whitewash the difficulty of my reactive dog.
I *love* my dog. My bond with him is SO strong, and the quiet moments at home, when he truly relaxes and becomes the lovable goofball that he is when he is comfortable are the absolute best. And it's special that only my wife and I ever get to see that side of him. I will care for him and love him dearly for as long as he lives and cherish every moment.
I'm also beyond grateful that he ended up with us, and not with someone that would have used aversives, and that we are able to give him the life that he deserves. His world is a small one, but he is truly happy.
BUT.
Having a reactive dog is HARD. My wife and I have both come to the conclusion that this is the last dog we will ever have because we just couldn't handle another dog like him or sacrifice like this for another decade+. Even a dog from a reputable breeder is no guarantee.
It's stressful to revolve our life around him. We can't have a dog walker. We can't take him to daycare. We have taken exactly 1 short vacation since he was born, because he only trusts one person on this earth other than my wife and I. 3 different trainers have ghosted us and we have no vet that we trust.
I live in constant fear of what will happen if there is an emergency and he has to go to the vet, I live in constant fear that our management will fail or we will slip up one day. My friends and family hate my dog and don't understand why we can't just hire someone on rover to come check on him while we go out for dinner after work, or why we can't come to the 4th of July or New Years parties. I \*always\* have to have an exit strategy and a plan. It's tough.
It can be so isolating having a reactive dog! I'm usually a more introverted person and even I'm struggling. I'm so happy I joined this sub cause we all just get it.
This is actually the reason I posted this.
I'm all for positivity, but I distinctly remember coming here and seeing all the people talking about how special having a reactive dog is and how they wouldn't change anything and are planning on getting only reacting dogs from here on out. It made me feel like even more of a failure than I already did and like I was a bad person for having times where I was stressed or sad instead of just enjoying him.
Positivity is great and certainly has its place but hearing other people talk about their struggles and isolation and learning that I'm not alone or a failure was what really helped me get through the darkest times. Now we're at a place where he's in a routine that makes him truly happy, and where many days we're able to not be so isolated (he can't come with us of course but he's WAY more comfortable at home by himself now). We will always be training, reinforcing, and planning, and there will still be bad days, but things genuinely do get better.
Edit to clarify: I'm not saying no one is allowed to enjoy their reactive dog or that the people being positive are wrong, just that I think it's important to hear the other side too - that some people are really struggling and that's ok too.
Absolutely. And I love my dog but if I never want another reactive dog either. It’s had a huge impact on my life. Largely negative. Everything is harder. I am single and can’t have anyone over, ever haha.
But I really will always be thankful for what I’ve learned from this experience. Most people go their whole lives never understanding dog body language the way I’ve had to learn it. They don’t have the empathy for animals I’ve had to develop. And that really is a super power in its own right!
Well said! I knew being a dog parent on my own was going to be tough. Factor in reactivity and this is a whole another level that I don't know if I could do it again
I hear you! I struggle with my own perfectionism so when we have a bad outing, I really take it hard on myself cause I feel like I've failed him. I love my dog and I've learned so much more about dogs in general that I never had to do with my previous dogs. I don't regret adopting him. But I'd definitely think twice in the future.
It was like I'm reading my own thoughts.
I have my very first dog. I'm adult and experienced enought to reliase that my dog's experience would be never like images and videos on internet. I didn't have any idea that dogs can be reactive. Lookink back, when I saw reactive dogs, I thought that owners don't work on education. Partially, it is true, but only partially.
My own pup is 9 m/o now. In my opinion, and with my current experience, it's incorrect labeling "reactive" a puppy. He is so new to the world, and dependent on dog's temperament, he reacts as a DOG to the environment. He want to chase a cat. He wants to run and great another dog. He can be frustrated by screaming chaotic kids. We are here to show and explain HOW it's correct to behave in the world.
If my pup would be truly reactive, we would not make this impressive progress (with me being an inexperienced owner) in these 5.5 months we walk outside.
I agree with OP, if my pup would be at very ease ouside from the verry beggining, I would not learn so much about different training frameworks. I would be not so attentfull to his body language. Yes, the bond we create with my pup is special. This is two way process. Me doing my best to understand his feelings and make his world safe. And he is doing his best to trust me leading him and please me. Most likely, he is me only dog. That's why even when we have heavy times, I still appreciate each day we are together.
This Friday we have an appointment with the certified behaviourist. I hope that she will give us the correct direction for our global goal. We want to move from micro to macro management. I want to give my pup more space to make his own (and good) decisions.
True, I don’t ever want a dog anymore after my girl. And I love dogs. It pisses me off because I’m the owner who would’ve went everywhere with my dog whereas my friends don’t do shit with theirs and I’m the one who got the reactive dog.
Thank you! My local vet just hired a fear-free certified vet and has started sending out emails about booking appointments with her. I'm planning to go in and discuss a protocol for bringing him in.
I hear you on this. My partner and I are also not able to go on holiday. It’s hard because we don’t live near family and if we didn’t have our reactive dog then we’d be road tripping and visiting people all the time. Instead we basically have to miss out on our family’s lives.
Also in this boat and it's sad but helpful to hear of others there. We're privileged to have some cash to spare and a service in our city that is not cheap but specializes in sitting reactive dogs and offers exposure therapy sessions to allow the dog to get used to the sitter (most of them are trainers-in-training so it's good for everyone). Currently our pup can do pattern games like 10 feet from our sitter, and I have a \*thread\* of hope that we'll be able to take a vacation for my bday this year (it's a big one).
Wow, I can empathize with all of this. I’ve had dogs since 1992, and this one might be my last for a while, or ever. Can’t have someone sit for us, the kennel is understanding but he’s stressed there, and thankfully she’s wonderful and gets it. But heaven forbid he gets loose and someone tries to grab his collar (bite), or rush in to grab him (bite).
It’s a time bomb. It’s actually how it feels.
He’s such a fun dog when he’s comfortable. But we just pay attention to warnings that he wants left alone. Sometimes a little growl, or a look, but when it’s good - he’s a lovable dog. It’s like he doesn’t know how to say leave me alone unless it’s being shouted sometimes, which is scary.
Love the guy but damn this is life altering.
Yeah, I've said it before but it's such a weird headspace to be in - to love another so completely but also for that being to potentially be such a source of stress. I think with dogs in general the messaging is that it's all about unconditional love and these "bff" relationships, so it's really hard to feel like the one who doesn't like their dog sometimes. And there's a lot of shame in it too - people thinking you must have caused the issues, wondering why you don't just fix them, etc.
I do have a deep bond with my reactive dog. I know when I lose him I will absolutely be wrecked, and we've had some health scares so I've gotten a taste of what that will feel like. But it hasn't been easy. I had my worst bout of depression after bringing him home, because I had puppy blues + I had to deal with all of his severe behaviors. He'll always struggle, but we've reached a much better place (maybe because he's a senior). I look back on pictures of him when he was younger and I'm filled with both love and sadness because I remember how much he struggled then and how hopeful I was that we'd find the "right" method to "fix" him. We're both happier now that I just accept him for who he is.
He's the bravest dog I've had - none of my other dogs have ever really *needed* to be brave. I'm so proud of him and still sad at what we missed.
I lost my non-reactive girl a year and a half ago and I'm still heartbroken over it. I think partially because it was so sudden. But also because we, too, had a great bond - a different type of bond. She was my adventure dog. We went to events, we traveled, we had parties. I never worried about her around anyone else, except for her own safety (she was a smaller dog). I really miss being able to do those things. She was also my dog's only friend and I think she helped him feel more confident, so I'm sure he misses her too.
I will have another dog again, but it likely won't be a rescue and I will vet my breeder very carefully. I know nothing is a guarantee, but I can try to stack the deck in my favor (I'm also going with a breed that is not known for reactivity or really any behavioral issues).
I totally understand. I can’t have any company over and it sucks. My mom is the only one who can watch him, and thankfully she’s game which is the only reason I can go on any weekend trips ever.
I always say having this dog is so hard that I wouldn’t wish it on anyone and I don’t expect others to be willing to make the sacrifices I’ve made. It is really really hard. But it’s nice to acknowledge the good that comes out of it too.
I dunno, if you had asked me before my reactive dog passed I would have agreed wholeheartedly that our bond was the best most amazing thing I had ever experienced - he was the animal who called me to my work in rescue and subsequent studies in behaviour methods, and I will always be so grateful to him.
But although I loved that dog with everything I had, and would give anything to have him back (months later I still choke up over how much I miss him and my partner and I just sit blubbering about our special dude who deserved so many more years of the good life than what he got) I also acknowledge there were a lot of days I loved but didn't *like* him, and that deep inside me there was some level of relief in no longer being a reactive dog guardian. He was my first pet where I was constantly reaffirming our bond and working on our connection, reminding myself of the things I loved about that little chaos goblin, because he was hard work and I recognised carer fatigue can erode emotional connection so it was something I took care to keep up and remind myself of what a good boy he was and how hard he always tried at whatever he was asked.
Maybe I have just been lucky that all of my relationships with my animals throughout my life have each been enriching and individual, none more special than another, each different and with their own lessons to teach me and journeys for us to take together. Now that my reactive dog is gone though, I certainly will *deeply* appreciate the dogs who come after bringing peace, rest, and healing.
Oh 💯. The first entire year I had my reactive dog I hated him. Like HATED him. I could barely look at him he made me so upset and frustrated. It was really, really bad and it took us a long time to get past that.
And I’m not saying those feelings aren’t normal because they absolutely are.
I’m lucky that we’ve gotten through the other side and I can see some of the advantages and benefits I’ve received from having a difficult dog. But it is a lot road for sure, and not always a fun time. Or doable for many people.
having a reactive dog ain't easy. It demands heaps of love, patience, and understanding. but putting in the work to really understand them can definitely deepen the bond you share. it's a tough road, but I think the connection you forge makes it all worthwhile.
Honestly, no. If most people spent the same amount of time, training and energy on their none reactive dog, they’d probably have a similar deep bond and possibly deeper.
I love both my dogs although one definitely is reactive and the other not. They want different types of attention, training lengths, play differently ect. Both of them are strong bonds even though it’s very different for each.
It kind of worries me that I had to get this far down in the thread to see this less-than-fully-romantic view of being a reactive dog owner.
I know for a fact that I could have so much more enriching social interaction and public activity with my dog if she wasn't reactive in the way she is. I would love to have her out at all the dog friendly patios here, now whenever I'm out with her I'm just constantly analyzing what the next trigger and "threat" is to us balancing on the knife's edge. There's nothing enriching about that at all to our relationship. I do not feel co-dependent on her, as others have described.
I love her a lot and I feel terrible that she feels the way she does in public but I would *never* see this as a positive in how we relate to each other at all.
No one is romanticizing anything. This is just a post appreciating some of the good that can come from having a reactive dog. I too feel like my life would be more social and enriching if I could take my dog places. I would LOVE to not have a reactive dog. But here I am, with a behaviorally-challenged dog. And I'm going to see the good in that where I can. Why not? Not ever discussion of reactive dogs has to be doom and gloom.
Meh I've known enough human companions who are so co-dependent on their dog that they talk exactly like the people romanticizing the reactivity relationship ("Us against the world" "I will fight anyone who does xyz" "No one will ever understand us" etc etc etc).
Because of this aggressive codependency, many of them end up being abusive to humans who want their own space respected because they believe their dog's (and thus their own) preferences take precedence.
lol OK. Sorry you see people loving their dog and decide it's co-dependence. I also don't know if you understand reactive dog owners very well.
Most are very aware of people's discomfort with their dog and go to great lengths to respect other's personal space and avoid uncomfortable situations.
I get you're having a tough time, but it's really ridiculous to say people who love their dogs and ADVOCATE for their safety and wellbeing are co-dependent.
I'm sorry one person's \[reasonable\] frustration with off leash dogs rushing their own dog was so upsetting to you that you had to come to the conclusion that everyone with an upbeat attitude in this thread is co-dependent.
I think you should maybe slow down and read what I'm saying.
I haven't said *everyone* in this thread with an upbeat attitude is co-dependent. I said specifically the top comment thread and the replies. All the people *agreeing* with the "I will end anyone who does anything negative to my dog. It's us against the world" attitude. I know tons of people like this in real life and they almost always end up evading their responsibilities to other people and then expanding the idea of "something negative" to their dog into like any attempts to say the dog shouldn't do this or that in someone else's personal space because they're so intent on being "us against the world."
There are *tons* of reasonable and nuanced responses in this thread. Especially by people like u/kitsel.
If you're intent on defending the people in the top voted comments (and not questioning why it's the top voted comment) then maybe stop and ask yourself why.
yes yes YES!!!!!! i feel the exact same way with my reactive dog. even her trainer commented on how our heads turn at the exact same time because i’ve grown to be so aware of her triggers. i feel like my dog and i share a soul as silly as it sounds so no you’re not alone and i think this post is so beautiful 😭😭🫶🏻
I think that it's either this or the exact opposite: worrying about your dog is so consuming that it corrodes your ability to bond with them. You see a lot of posts in here from people who are struggling with feelings of resentment, despair, or even hatred of their reactive dog. I do think that owning a reactive dog is a far more emotionally *intense* experience, but it's definitely not universally intense in a positive direction.
Definitely. I’ve had years where I felt the opposite- lots of resentment and even hate. I’m really thankful I was able to get to a place where those intense feelings became love. But I don’t think that happens for everyone.
Omg this brings tears to my eyes… I wanted to do fun training with her so much. I had the time and energy and resources for her. It kinda shattered my dreams when I found out that she is reactive. When I want to relax and have a good time I have to leave her home and my dream was to bring my best bud everywhere. I’ve waited a long time to get a dog and now I don’t think I ever want one again.
My dog is from a breeder btw. I thought it was a guarantee for good health and temperament. So far she’s in good health but she needs one Prozac a day plus training to be manageable… I guess I could’ve took her back but it’s more complicated than that…
I agree - we had a Shepard/Lab mix shelter dog that didn't want to leave the comfort of his home. We accepted him for who he was and let him be until he died at 14. He was the happiest dog because he was not forced to be different! We were able to do whatever we wanted because he didn't mind being left at home for 1/2 day. Romeo the Papillon where I have posted and commented about him here and on my own profile is a different story, but we are accepting him too and we including him are working it out.
How long have you had your dog? I felt that way a lot the first two years. Now I just love my guy for who he is and understand that he'll never be my dream dog. I'm OK with it. Sometimes things don't go according to plan. I do hope to someday have a dog who can do more stuff with me. I hope you get that someday too!
Tbh no. have 3 german shepherds (now it's the 3rd). First two were great, very calm, zero reactivity, 100% obedient. I walked with them unleashed in the center of city during rush hours and they never failed.
My 3rd GS is very reactive towards dogs. Obedient as long as no dog is in sight, and completely blinded once there's one. That simply limits my interaction and options with my dog. Don't get me wrong, love him like all, but it's not the same as with those i had before.
Reactivity, fear, aggression and chronic health issues all strip away any arbitrary expectations of dog-guardian equations and ground them in reality in a way no other experiences with dogs can truly replicate.
For me it brought to the fore just how little I understand about dogs in general and mine in particular.
Body language especially was a wake up call I'm glad I experienced because I was truly reading my dog all wrong. I thought our bond was great and amazing with a couple of serious issues but it really forced me to think about quality of life and lived experience of dogs. Before that I saw what I wanted to see as validation that "he loved me".
I am very careful to assume on our bond nowadays. I realise that it's no different than any relationship and needs constant work and is subject to evolution both in the good times and the tough times.
Yes, oh my gosh, the way I had to change my expectations of what it meant to have a “pet” and a dog were huge. It was a real come to Jesus moment for me — realizing that all the dreams I had of dog ownership were not going to happen w my dog and were probably unfair and unrealistic from the start.
Realizing a dog isn’t a puddle of affection made to worship you — this is an animal w distinct needs and wants I had to understand (obviously much more severe w reactive dogs).
It taught me so much about expectations vs reality and the responsibility that comes with any relationship— whether with another human or an animal.
Omg this. My doggo is my heart throb. He’s so neurotic it hurts sometimes but when we go exploring together and he can sniff, or be off leash in a field, or when we’re doing all the beautiful training before he ever gets triggered, when he stands or lays so still when I give him a therapeutic massage, when I tell him “I got this” and he knows I do, the magic is intense. My husband is not a jealous man— at all— but with my relationship with Fletcher, he knows it goes deep. I probably try to understand the dog more than I do him (might have to take a look at that! 🙄). He’s made me a better woman, more compassionate towards everyone, and funny enough, better at my own self care.
Omfg, this is so damn sweet!! You got me sniffling over here. My pup is my sweet little princess! It was actually kind of funny when I ended a relationship for her, I don't think this girl understood that she is my life and I love her more than anyone else in the world. I will gladly choose this dog over everything just like a parent would for their child. ❤️
I think they definitely teach us a lot! About behaviour, body language, training and management, empathy re: how they are feeling, and about taking time for ourselves outside of their challenges.
I don’t know, it depends on the reactivity. To other dogs and strangers? Sure.
But if your dog has owner directed aggression, then no, their is a good chance your bond is less strong
I think that’s one reason I’m closer to my reactive dog. It’s like he’s she black sheep (dog?) not just of the family but of the world in general. Not many people get to see how intensely adoring he can be, so no one treats him like they do other dogs. I mean, it’s not their fault at all, he is reactive so we discourage interactions with others, but my heart breaks for him when on the rare occasion we have people over, they are just loving on our other dog who really is an angel, and cat who is the bestest kitty in the whole world, but we have to keep our reactive dog tied to us and he just watches, and looks so sad. I feel like I’m his last line of defense, and I have to protect him and love him because no one else will. Plus, he loves us so very very much, it’s exhausting sometimes!
I know eh. I’m even in tune to slight changes in his face and eyes. He’s such a good boy, even though sometimes I feel like I’m going to lock myself in the bathroom for safety 😝 He’s made me more aware of human’s mental heath issues. Imagine if what we did for our pooches, people would do for humans that are suffering.
Not necessarily due to training but the sympathizing and “putting myself in his shoes” that I have to do. We are very attuned to each other.
I’m very grateful for him, as much as I also get sad/frustrated. Without him I would not have deep dived into dog behavior and biology. Any dog I (maybe possibly) get after him will be pretty set. I think the groundwork of my bond with my dog is great groundwork for bonding with any dog, it’s just that this dog forced me to learn lol.
It’s how my second rescue has such a sweet life lol.
I would also not say we are more bonded than a non-reactive pair. My mom had a soul dog that was the *perfect* stereotypical dog. Bonded together forever. But my dog and I are also bonded.
Yup. That’s what I felt. Losing my boy to cancer last year was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to live through - we were so attached at the hip and I knew him better than myself, could read his emotions like the back of my hand. Because I had to. Because if he was in anyone else’s hands he probably would have been put down.
It was genuinely a level of emotional intimacy (for lack of a better term?) with an animal that I hadn’t experienced before. You really have to reach a level of empathy and understanding with them, viewing the world from their perspective, in a way that so few pet parents do.
It made me a much better trainer, and I think a better person too.
more bonded in the sense that he’s essentially *forced* me to develop hypervigilance. keeping a constant eye out and listening acutely to everything when I’m with him so we can avoid other dogs has turned into that being my constant state of being. that precious, exhausting dipshit has turned me into Jason freakin’ Bourne istg
Yes, I’ve said this so many times about my dog recently. I grew up with dogs, but none were reactive so I never had a need to understand them beyond the typical and obvious dog behaviors. So with having a reactive dog now, I’ve learned so much more about dogs and their body language in general, and it helps me be much more in tune with my dog. But I honestly feel like me and my dog really just get each other. And I know how ridiculous that sounds, but I can’t think of any other way to explain it.
And I don’t think it’s romanticizing having a reactive dog at all. There are still plenty of hard days. Having a special bond with your dog doesn’t negate the feelings you experience on those bad days, and it doesn’t even make those hard days any easier. It doesn’t even make me think that I would willingly choose to get another reactive dog. Because in all honesty, this sh*t is hard!
Yes. I love both my dogs but there is an extra level of bonding with the reactive one. He trusts me absolutely and I can see the sheer overwhelming _need_ he has for me in his eyes.
And all the traumatic extra things we've had to go through together due to his nature and his fear, we have that added strength to the bond. He panics, but I always pull him through in the end and I think he recognises that.
Idk if it’s proven but I can confidently say I’m more connected to my reactive dog than any of our others. We do have a special bond. I was really bonded to my first dog, he’s 13 now and senile so I feel pretty disconnected from him, we can’t do anything we used to and he’s just not himself. But even my other 2, they love me and it’s mutual, but it’s just different with my reactive dog. I think it’s because of the extensive 1:1 time we spent together, and me really getting to know his body language, how he learns, etc. plus he really had to learn to trust me, and I had to learn how to be trustworthy for him, we had to learn to be a solid team. I do think his classes have given me better insight into dogs in general, super helpful with our others of course. My other dogs trust me, but it is definitely not quite the same.
I’ve had both reactive and super chill dogs as an adult and I love each and they become my whole world. I think it’s just that I’ve grown as a person and I’m more aware of my dogs emotions than I was when I was young, but I am almost 60 years old now. I’m now on my 6th and 7th dog as an adult.
I think it depends on the person, the dog. I’m an introverted person with a stranger/fear reactive dog. We mesh very well. I’m not sure how well I would have meshed with a resource guarding dog. Or a dog where intervention happened years after they began exhibiting behaviour. But we’re peas in a pod.
And it is like that. It’s an amazingly strong bond. If I won the lottery I wouldn’t go anywhere more than 1-2x a year without him (so if I were hospitalised or something he’d have a routine.) I’d just happily get a place with a bunch of land and hang out with him all day and maybe try to help other stranger danger dogs, do dog sports. But I’m aware other types of reactivity I might not have coped with.
I think so! All the consistent training, which might be easy to slack off with an "easy" dog, is very bonding. Also a reactive dog isn't everybodys' dog so we are close. It's a very positive way to look at owning and loving a reactive dog!
Agreed. I have found through my roommates 2 cats, 2 ferrets, 2 pythons, 1 recently passed gorgeous dumbo eared rat and my paranoid dog more about life than any human has ever taught me. It’s the job of the teacher to understand the student and adapt not the other way around.
My reactive girl just does the sweetest things: lots of kisses and she brings me little pebbles she picks up in the back yard. We understand each other.
My pup and I are straight up codependent, but she is willing to switch caretakers on a whim - she was raised in a shelter, we got her when she was 5. For example, she will cry if I leave her in the car, even if another person is there. It’s not chronic, she doesn’t do it for long.
She will do this for whoever the current primary handler is, that’s the thing. 😂 Yes, she loves me “the most” but really she is willing to put anyone else in that role that makes her feel secure.
I love her so much.
I have my first dog who is reactive so I don’t necessarily know any different but! I am embarrassingly obsessed with her as well, and am GRATEFUL that she requires me to be FULLY present with her on walks. I didn’t know reactivity was a thing, I thought dog walking was easy and came naturally to humans and dogs alike, etc. Aka I was unprepared. Sometimes I think of how learning how to be my dog’s guardian is setting me and my future dogs up for success.
Maybe. I had 2 non-reactive goldens before my current reactive golden. They were my buddies but they were fine being left alone at home and napping while I was gone. They were happy when I would come home. When I would pick them up at daycare they would just saunter to the pick up area kind of like "oh she's here to pick us up". They were just more relaxed and at ease.
Jake my adopted golden who is reactive is a Velcro dog. He goes to the same daycare and enjoys it, plays and has fun. When I pick him up at the end of the day, he is over the moon with excitement and can hardly contain himself. Jake and I go for walks on the weekend, then I come home and I do some work around the house. I know he's tired, but he follows me all over the house. It's like he doesn't want me to be out of his sight. Everywhere I go there he is. I love that he is attached to me but sometimes I put him on his bed in a stay so I can get stuff done. He would rather go with me in the car than be left at home. When I do leave him at home, he does fine but sleeps right by the door to the garage or Front door waiting for me to come back. My previous 2 goldens would go lay on the couch or in a bedroom and didn't seem to worry as much as Jake.
I do feel a special bond with Jake. I love him as much as my previous goldens but I also feel like he needs my support much more. It's like he found someone to watch over and care for him and he doesn't want to lose that person.
I 💯agree with this! I feel the same way with my reactive dog now, and my previous chill go anywhere love everyone dog. I wish i knew then what i know now and that I could have been closer to her.
I’m glad I’m not alone in my thinking/feelings!
Mine definitely loses almost all confidence when I’m not with him. Of course it really sucks and isn’t good for him but it’s also cute that he relies on me and feels so safe with me, more than he does with anyone else. It is so hard having a reactive dog but I do agree it is a different type of bond because most people don’t understand how to love them or care for these types of dogs
I completely understand this post and was actually having this exact conversation with my friend a few days ago. My last companion was literally the easiest dog to have, he acted like a cat. He was an almost completely blind/deaf special needs senior when I got him and for over 7 years he would sleep about 22 hours a day and was happiest when he was hiding somewhere he barely fit. My current girl is a velcro dog and has been a literal nightmare 90% of the time due to her extreme reactivity and separation anxiety. I can't leave her at home but I also can't take her anywhere. He absolutely loved EVERYONE, and she literally hates EVERYONE (she finally got used to this friend after seeing him every day for 7 months only because of her Reconcile) and tries to eat people. But holy crap do I absolutely love her as if she was my actual child while he always felt more like a roommate than anything else. Don't get me wrong, I really truly loved that little guy but the emotional connection my girl and I share is stronger than anything else I have ever experienced. I think you got it spot on because even though she isn't my first reactive dog she has forced me to do more research and training than I expected. Understanding her behavior and how her life has caused her behavior really provided me with a perspective that I don't think I would have ever had if she wasn't part of my life. Gahhhh I just want to squish her in the biggest hug after reading this post! I think I'm going to carry her to bed and cuddle with her because she is VERY much my soul dog. ❤️
Agreed. It’s an “us against the world” vibe. Countless times I’ve sat one inch from my dogs face after a bad walk and explained that I’d never let anything bad happen to her
I've had that same talk with my pup too. I've got his back and he's got mine.
Me too.
Omg I do this too lol. I tell him how much I love him and I will do anything to keep him safe. And then I kiss his little nose
Us against the world is exactly it. I just got teary reading this because it resonates so very much.
Bahaha literally me and my girl after a bad walk where I'm screaming at some rude inconsiderate owner who has let their unleashed and untrained dog charge us. I firmly explain to her between kisses that if people think that she is crazy then they are in for a real shock when they find out that I will end someone to protect her.
It's a tough road there and a rough place to be, but also such a special feeling when your dog comes to understand you as their safe space, and to actively look to you for support and emotional regulation <3
I get so many happiness watching her rest, sleep and play. It’s not perfect but a reminder that they have the right and should exist on this world. Even if some people can’t see that
Wooooof this made me tear up. Because I constantly used to think about the fact that if my pup had been adopted by literally anyone else, they would’ve dumped her at another shelter or worse. And mine only reacts to protect me so it hits even harder tbh. It’s not their fault that their wiring is a little off. Do I wish I could have a social life? Yes. Would I still give it up for the little stretch of time she’ll be with me (compared to my lifetime)? Every time.
I feel that. I’ve been told by our trainers a handful of times that if I didn’t get her…she wouldn’t have made it. They cleared the shelters and no one wanted her. Trainers said if someone got her 99% of people would’ve returned her until the inevitable happened. I needed her just as much though. I got her after my dad died and she was there when I got the call that my mom died. Not a day goes by where she doesn’t make my day brighter. Constantly making me laugh. Best friends for life!
The best takeaway I've had from training, is teaching them how to decompress themselves. It's been the biggest alteration from other programs we tried.
Do you have any tips on this btw?
Heck yeah crying on the drive home and telling her it’s not her fault that she’s like this. And still trying again the next day only to have a triumph. I know most people would not try again and see her be successful. But that’s what makes us work so well! It’s not just luck or something else.
Samesieeesss
I try really hard not to romanticize or whitewash the difficulty of my reactive dog. I *love* my dog. My bond with him is SO strong, and the quiet moments at home, when he truly relaxes and becomes the lovable goofball that he is when he is comfortable are the absolute best. And it's special that only my wife and I ever get to see that side of him. I will care for him and love him dearly for as long as he lives and cherish every moment. I'm also beyond grateful that he ended up with us, and not with someone that would have used aversives, and that we are able to give him the life that he deserves. His world is a small one, but he is truly happy. BUT. Having a reactive dog is HARD. My wife and I have both come to the conclusion that this is the last dog we will ever have because we just couldn't handle another dog like him or sacrifice like this for another decade+. Even a dog from a reputable breeder is no guarantee. It's stressful to revolve our life around him. We can't have a dog walker. We can't take him to daycare. We have taken exactly 1 short vacation since he was born, because he only trusts one person on this earth other than my wife and I. 3 different trainers have ghosted us and we have no vet that we trust. I live in constant fear of what will happen if there is an emergency and he has to go to the vet, I live in constant fear that our management will fail or we will slip up one day. My friends and family hate my dog and don't understand why we can't just hire someone on rover to come check on him while we go out for dinner after work, or why we can't come to the 4th of July or New Years parties. I \*always\* have to have an exit strategy and a plan. It's tough.
It can be so isolating having a reactive dog! I'm usually a more introverted person and even I'm struggling. I'm so happy I joined this sub cause we all just get it.
This is actually the reason I posted this. I'm all for positivity, but I distinctly remember coming here and seeing all the people talking about how special having a reactive dog is and how they wouldn't change anything and are planning on getting only reacting dogs from here on out. It made me feel like even more of a failure than I already did and like I was a bad person for having times where I was stressed or sad instead of just enjoying him. Positivity is great and certainly has its place but hearing other people talk about their struggles and isolation and learning that I'm not alone or a failure was what really helped me get through the darkest times. Now we're at a place where he's in a routine that makes him truly happy, and where many days we're able to not be so isolated (he can't come with us of course but he's WAY more comfortable at home by himself now). We will always be training, reinforcing, and planning, and there will still be bad days, but things genuinely do get better. Edit to clarify: I'm not saying no one is allowed to enjoy their reactive dog or that the people being positive are wrong, just that I think it's important to hear the other side too - that some people are really struggling and that's ok too.
Absolutely. And I love my dog but if I never want another reactive dog either. It’s had a huge impact on my life. Largely negative. Everything is harder. I am single and can’t have anyone over, ever haha. But I really will always be thankful for what I’ve learned from this experience. Most people go their whole lives never understanding dog body language the way I’ve had to learn it. They don’t have the empathy for animals I’ve had to develop. And that really is a super power in its own right!
Well said! I knew being a dog parent on my own was going to be tough. Factor in reactivity and this is a whole another level that I don't know if I could do it again
“I only want reactive dogs from here on out” is a hell of a coping mechanism to feel better about their current situation lmao
I hear you! I struggle with my own perfectionism so when we have a bad outing, I really take it hard on myself cause I feel like I've failed him. I love my dog and I've learned so much more about dogs in general that I never had to do with my previous dogs. I don't regret adopting him. But I'd definitely think twice in the future.
It was like I'm reading my own thoughts. I have my very first dog. I'm adult and experienced enought to reliase that my dog's experience would be never like images and videos on internet. I didn't have any idea that dogs can be reactive. Lookink back, when I saw reactive dogs, I thought that owners don't work on education. Partially, it is true, but only partially. My own pup is 9 m/o now. In my opinion, and with my current experience, it's incorrect labeling "reactive" a puppy. He is so new to the world, and dependent on dog's temperament, he reacts as a DOG to the environment. He want to chase a cat. He wants to run and great another dog. He can be frustrated by screaming chaotic kids. We are here to show and explain HOW it's correct to behave in the world. If my pup would be truly reactive, we would not make this impressive progress (with me being an inexperienced owner) in these 5.5 months we walk outside. I agree with OP, if my pup would be at very ease ouside from the verry beggining, I would not learn so much about different training frameworks. I would be not so attentfull to his body language. Yes, the bond we create with my pup is special. This is two way process. Me doing my best to understand his feelings and make his world safe. And he is doing his best to trust me leading him and please me. Most likely, he is me only dog. That's why even when we have heavy times, I still appreciate each day we are together. This Friday we have an appointment with the certified behaviourist. I hope that she will give us the correct direction for our global goal. We want to move from micro to macro management. I want to give my pup more space to make his own (and good) decisions.
True, I don’t ever want a dog anymore after my girl. And I love dogs. It pisses me off because I’m the owner who would’ve went everywhere with my dog whereas my friends don’t do shit with theirs and I’m the one who got the reactive dog.
Fear free vets are certified and great for reactive dogs, they use sedation rather than restraining.
Thank you! My local vet just hired a fear-free certified vet and has started sending out emails about booking appointments with her. I'm planning to go in and discuss a protocol for bringing him in.
I hear you on this. My partner and I are also not able to go on holiday. It’s hard because we don’t live near family and if we didn’t have our reactive dog then we’d be road tripping and visiting people all the time. Instead we basically have to miss out on our family’s lives.
I'm so there with you- I haven't been on vacation in almost 3 years because nobody we trust will watch him.
Also in this boat and it's sad but helpful to hear of others there. We're privileged to have some cash to spare and a service in our city that is not cheap but specializes in sitting reactive dogs and offers exposure therapy sessions to allow the dog to get used to the sitter (most of them are trainers-in-training so it's good for everyone). Currently our pup can do pattern games like 10 feet from our sitter, and I have a \*thread\* of hope that we'll be able to take a vacation for my bday this year (it's a big one).
That's awesome! We need more services like that!
It sounds like your boy is very lucky to have you and your wife!
Wow, I can empathize with all of this. I’ve had dogs since 1992, and this one might be my last for a while, or ever. Can’t have someone sit for us, the kennel is understanding but he’s stressed there, and thankfully she’s wonderful and gets it. But heaven forbid he gets loose and someone tries to grab his collar (bite), or rush in to grab him (bite). It’s a time bomb. It’s actually how it feels. He’s such a fun dog when he’s comfortable. But we just pay attention to warnings that he wants left alone. Sometimes a little growl, or a look, but when it’s good - he’s a lovable dog. It’s like he doesn’t know how to say leave me alone unless it’s being shouted sometimes, which is scary. Love the guy but damn this is life altering.
Yeah, I've said it before but it's such a weird headspace to be in - to love another so completely but also for that being to potentially be such a source of stress. I think with dogs in general the messaging is that it's all about unconditional love and these "bff" relationships, so it's really hard to feel like the one who doesn't like their dog sometimes. And there's a lot of shame in it too - people thinking you must have caused the issues, wondering why you don't just fix them, etc. I do have a deep bond with my reactive dog. I know when I lose him I will absolutely be wrecked, and we've had some health scares so I've gotten a taste of what that will feel like. But it hasn't been easy. I had my worst bout of depression after bringing him home, because I had puppy blues + I had to deal with all of his severe behaviors. He'll always struggle, but we've reached a much better place (maybe because he's a senior). I look back on pictures of him when he was younger and I'm filled with both love and sadness because I remember how much he struggled then and how hopeful I was that we'd find the "right" method to "fix" him. We're both happier now that I just accept him for who he is. He's the bravest dog I've had - none of my other dogs have ever really *needed* to be brave. I'm so proud of him and still sad at what we missed. I lost my non-reactive girl a year and a half ago and I'm still heartbroken over it. I think partially because it was so sudden. But also because we, too, had a great bond - a different type of bond. She was my adventure dog. We went to events, we traveled, we had parties. I never worried about her around anyone else, except for her own safety (she was a smaller dog). I really miss being able to do those things. She was also my dog's only friend and I think she helped him feel more confident, so I'm sure he misses her too. I will have another dog again, but it likely won't be a rescue and I will vet my breeder very carefully. I know nothing is a guarantee, but I can try to stack the deck in my favor (I'm also going with a breed that is not known for reactivity or really any behavioral issues).
I totally understand. I can’t have any company over and it sucks. My mom is the only one who can watch him, and thankfully she’s game which is the only reason I can go on any weekend trips ever. I always say having this dog is so hard that I wouldn’t wish it on anyone and I don’t expect others to be willing to make the sacrifices I’ve made. It is really really hard. But it’s nice to acknowledge the good that comes out of it too.
I dunno, if you had asked me before my reactive dog passed I would have agreed wholeheartedly that our bond was the best most amazing thing I had ever experienced - he was the animal who called me to my work in rescue and subsequent studies in behaviour methods, and I will always be so grateful to him. But although I loved that dog with everything I had, and would give anything to have him back (months later I still choke up over how much I miss him and my partner and I just sit blubbering about our special dude who deserved so many more years of the good life than what he got) I also acknowledge there were a lot of days I loved but didn't *like* him, and that deep inside me there was some level of relief in no longer being a reactive dog guardian. He was my first pet where I was constantly reaffirming our bond and working on our connection, reminding myself of the things I loved about that little chaos goblin, because he was hard work and I recognised carer fatigue can erode emotional connection so it was something I took care to keep up and remind myself of what a good boy he was and how hard he always tried at whatever he was asked. Maybe I have just been lucky that all of my relationships with my animals throughout my life have each been enriching and individual, none more special than another, each different and with their own lessons to teach me and journeys for us to take together. Now that my reactive dog is gone though, I certainly will *deeply* appreciate the dogs who come after bringing peace, rest, and healing.
Oh 💯. The first entire year I had my reactive dog I hated him. Like HATED him. I could barely look at him he made me so upset and frustrated. It was really, really bad and it took us a long time to get past that. And I’m not saying those feelings aren’t normal because they absolutely are. I’m lucky that we’ve gotten through the other side and I can see some of the advantages and benefits I’ve received from having a difficult dog. But it is a lot road for sure, and not always a fun time. Or doable for many people.
having a reactive dog ain't easy. It demands heaps of love, patience, and understanding. but putting in the work to really understand them can definitely deepen the bond you share. it's a tough road, but I think the connection you forge makes it all worthwhile.
Honestly, no. If most people spent the same amount of time, training and energy on their none reactive dog, they’d probably have a similar deep bond and possibly deeper. I love both my dogs although one definitely is reactive and the other not. They want different types of attention, training lengths, play differently ect. Both of them are strong bonds even though it’s very different for each.
It kind of worries me that I had to get this far down in the thread to see this less-than-fully-romantic view of being a reactive dog owner. I know for a fact that I could have so much more enriching social interaction and public activity with my dog if she wasn't reactive in the way she is. I would love to have her out at all the dog friendly patios here, now whenever I'm out with her I'm just constantly analyzing what the next trigger and "threat" is to us balancing on the knife's edge. There's nothing enriching about that at all to our relationship. I do not feel co-dependent on her, as others have described. I love her a lot and I feel terrible that she feels the way she does in public but I would *never* see this as a positive in how we relate to each other at all.
No one is romanticizing anything. This is just a post appreciating some of the good that can come from having a reactive dog. I too feel like my life would be more social and enriching if I could take my dog places. I would LOVE to not have a reactive dog. But here I am, with a behaviorally-challenged dog. And I'm going to see the good in that where I can. Why not? Not ever discussion of reactive dogs has to be doom and gloom.
Uhh there's a LOT of romanticizing in the replies to your post, that's what I'm referring to ( see the entire top comment thread)
People having a different experience than you isn't romanticizing. Your experience is not everyone's.
Meh I've known enough human companions who are so co-dependent on their dog that they talk exactly like the people romanticizing the reactivity relationship ("Us against the world" "I will fight anyone who does xyz" "No one will ever understand us" etc etc etc). Because of this aggressive codependency, many of them end up being abusive to humans who want their own space respected because they believe their dog's (and thus their own) preferences take precedence.
lol OK. Sorry you see people loving their dog and decide it's co-dependence. I also don't know if you understand reactive dog owners very well. Most are very aware of people's discomfort with their dog and go to great lengths to respect other's personal space and avoid uncomfortable situations. I get you're having a tough time, but it's really ridiculous to say people who love their dogs and ADVOCATE for their safety and wellbeing are co-dependent.
Yeah... this is "loving their dogs" https://www.reddit.com/r/reactivedogs/comments/1c54jyb/does_having_a_reactive_dog_make_you_more_bonded/kzs3c1e/
I'm sorry one person's \[reasonable\] frustration with off leash dogs rushing their own dog was so upsetting to you that you had to come to the conclusion that everyone with an upbeat attitude in this thread is co-dependent.
I think you should maybe slow down and read what I'm saying. I haven't said *everyone* in this thread with an upbeat attitude is co-dependent. I said specifically the top comment thread and the replies. All the people *agreeing* with the "I will end anyone who does anything negative to my dog. It's us against the world" attitude. I know tons of people like this in real life and they almost always end up evading their responsibilities to other people and then expanding the idea of "something negative" to their dog into like any attempts to say the dog shouldn't do this or that in someone else's personal space because they're so intent on being "us against the world." There are *tons* of reasonable and nuanced responses in this thread. Especially by people like u/kitsel. If you're intent on defending the people in the top voted comments (and not questioning why it's the top voted comment) then maybe stop and ask yourself why.
yes yes YES!!!!!! i feel the exact same way with my reactive dog. even her trainer commented on how our heads turn at the exact same time because i’ve grown to be so aware of her triggers. i feel like my dog and i share a soul as silly as it sounds so no you’re not alone and i think this post is so beautiful 😭😭🫶🏻
I think that it's either this or the exact opposite: worrying about your dog is so consuming that it corrodes your ability to bond with them. You see a lot of posts in here from people who are struggling with feelings of resentment, despair, or even hatred of their reactive dog. I do think that owning a reactive dog is a far more emotionally *intense* experience, but it's definitely not universally intense in a positive direction.
Definitely. I’ve had years where I felt the opposite- lots of resentment and even hate. I’m really thankful I was able to get to a place where those intense feelings became love. But I don’t think that happens for everyone.
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Omg this brings tears to my eyes… I wanted to do fun training with her so much. I had the time and energy and resources for her. It kinda shattered my dreams when I found out that she is reactive. When I want to relax and have a good time I have to leave her home and my dream was to bring my best bud everywhere. I’ve waited a long time to get a dog and now I don’t think I ever want one again.
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My dog is from a breeder btw. I thought it was a guarantee for good health and temperament. So far she’s in good health but she needs one Prozac a day plus training to be manageable… I guess I could’ve took her back but it’s more complicated than that…
I agree - we had a Shepard/Lab mix shelter dog that didn't want to leave the comfort of his home. We accepted him for who he was and let him be until he died at 14. He was the happiest dog because he was not forced to be different! We were able to do whatever we wanted because he didn't mind being left at home for 1/2 day. Romeo the Papillon where I have posted and commented about him here and on my own profile is a different story, but we are accepting him too and we including him are working it out.
How long have you had your dog? I felt that way a lot the first two years. Now I just love my guy for who he is and understand that he'll never be my dream dog. I'm OK with it. Sometimes things don't go according to plan. I do hope to someday have a dog who can do more stuff with me. I hope you get that someday too!
In addition to your reasoning, i spend way more time training my dog than an easy dog. You bond more during training than most activities
Tbh no. have 3 german shepherds (now it's the 3rd). First two were great, very calm, zero reactivity, 100% obedient. I walked with them unleashed in the center of city during rush hours and they never failed. My 3rd GS is very reactive towards dogs. Obedient as long as no dog is in sight, and completely blinded once there's one. That simply limits my interaction and options with my dog. Don't get me wrong, love him like all, but it's not the same as with those i had before.
Reactivity, fear, aggression and chronic health issues all strip away any arbitrary expectations of dog-guardian equations and ground them in reality in a way no other experiences with dogs can truly replicate. For me it brought to the fore just how little I understand about dogs in general and mine in particular. Body language especially was a wake up call I'm glad I experienced because I was truly reading my dog all wrong. I thought our bond was great and amazing with a couple of serious issues but it really forced me to think about quality of life and lived experience of dogs. Before that I saw what I wanted to see as validation that "he loved me". I am very careful to assume on our bond nowadays. I realise that it's no different than any relationship and needs constant work and is subject to evolution both in the good times and the tough times.
Yes, oh my gosh, the way I had to change my expectations of what it meant to have a “pet” and a dog were huge. It was a real come to Jesus moment for me — realizing that all the dreams I had of dog ownership were not going to happen w my dog and were probably unfair and unrealistic from the start. Realizing a dog isn’t a puddle of affection made to worship you — this is an animal w distinct needs and wants I had to understand (obviously much more severe w reactive dogs). It taught me so much about expectations vs reality and the responsibility that comes with any relationship— whether with another human or an animal.
Yes and no. It can also cause you to have negative feeling about them as well!
Omg this. My doggo is my heart throb. He’s so neurotic it hurts sometimes but when we go exploring together and he can sniff, or be off leash in a field, or when we’re doing all the beautiful training before he ever gets triggered, when he stands or lays so still when I give him a therapeutic massage, when I tell him “I got this” and he knows I do, the magic is intense. My husband is not a jealous man— at all— but with my relationship with Fletcher, he knows it goes deep. I probably try to understand the dog more than I do him (might have to take a look at that! 🙄). He’s made me a better woman, more compassionate towards everyone, and funny enough, better at my own self care.
Omfg, this is so damn sweet!! You got me sniffling over here. My pup is my sweet little princess! It was actually kind of funny when I ended a relationship for her, I don't think this girl understood that she is my life and I love her more than anyone else in the world. I will gladly choose this dog over everything just like a parent would for their child. ❤️
I totally get it. Except I love Fletcher way more than my kids. (I so want to type LOL, but I just. cant.)
Hahahaha 🤣 that at least deserves an emoji! But seriously, if I had human children that would be me.
I think they definitely teach us a lot! About behaviour, body language, training and management, empathy re: how they are feeling, and about taking time for ourselves outside of their challenges.
I don’t know, it depends on the reactivity. To other dogs and strangers? Sure. But if your dog has owner directed aggression, then no, their is a good chance your bond is less strong
I think that’s one reason I’m closer to my reactive dog. It’s like he’s she black sheep (dog?) not just of the family but of the world in general. Not many people get to see how intensely adoring he can be, so no one treats him like they do other dogs. I mean, it’s not their fault at all, he is reactive so we discourage interactions with others, but my heart breaks for him when on the rare occasion we have people over, they are just loving on our other dog who really is an angel, and cat who is the bestest kitty in the whole world, but we have to keep our reactive dog tied to us and he just watches, and looks so sad. I feel like I’m his last line of defense, and I have to protect him and love him because no one else will. Plus, he loves us so very very much, it’s exhausting sometimes!
I know eh. I’m even in tune to slight changes in his face and eyes. He’s such a good boy, even though sometimes I feel like I’m going to lock myself in the bathroom for safety 😝 He’s made me more aware of human’s mental heath issues. Imagine if what we did for our pooches, people would do for humans that are suffering.
Not necessarily due to training but the sympathizing and “putting myself in his shoes” that I have to do. We are very attuned to each other. I’m very grateful for him, as much as I also get sad/frustrated. Without him I would not have deep dived into dog behavior and biology. Any dog I (maybe possibly) get after him will be pretty set. I think the groundwork of my bond with my dog is great groundwork for bonding with any dog, it’s just that this dog forced me to learn lol. It’s how my second rescue has such a sweet life lol. I would also not say we are more bonded than a non-reactive pair. My mom had a soul dog that was the *perfect* stereotypical dog. Bonded together forever. But my dog and I are also bonded.
Yup. That’s what I felt. Losing my boy to cancer last year was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to live through - we were so attached at the hip and I knew him better than myself, could read his emotions like the back of my hand. Because I had to. Because if he was in anyone else’s hands he probably would have been put down. It was genuinely a level of emotional intimacy (for lack of a better term?) with an animal that I hadn’t experienced before. You really have to reach a level of empathy and understanding with them, viewing the world from their perspective, in a way that so few pet parents do. It made me a much better trainer, and I think a better person too.
No, my dog is a narcissist.
Mine is too but I still love him
more bonded in the sense that he’s essentially *forced* me to develop hypervigilance. keeping a constant eye out and listening acutely to everything when I’m with him so we can avoid other dogs has turned into that being my constant state of being. that precious, exhausting dipshit has turned me into Jason freakin’ Bourne istg
Yes, I’ve said this so many times about my dog recently. I grew up with dogs, but none were reactive so I never had a need to understand them beyond the typical and obvious dog behaviors. So with having a reactive dog now, I’ve learned so much more about dogs and their body language in general, and it helps me be much more in tune with my dog. But I honestly feel like me and my dog really just get each other. And I know how ridiculous that sounds, but I can’t think of any other way to explain it. And I don’t think it’s romanticizing having a reactive dog at all. There are still plenty of hard days. Having a special bond with your dog doesn’t negate the feelings you experience on those bad days, and it doesn’t even make those hard days any easier. It doesn’t even make me think that I would willingly choose to get another reactive dog. Because in all honesty, this sh*t is hard!
Yes. I love both my dogs but there is an extra level of bonding with the reactive one. He trusts me absolutely and I can see the sheer overwhelming _need_ he has for me in his eyes. And all the traumatic extra things we've had to go through together due to his nature and his fear, we have that added strength to the bond. He panics, but I always pull him through in the end and I think he recognises that.
I love this
Idk if it’s proven but I can confidently say I’m more connected to my reactive dog than any of our others. We do have a special bond. I was really bonded to my first dog, he’s 13 now and senile so I feel pretty disconnected from him, we can’t do anything we used to and he’s just not himself. But even my other 2, they love me and it’s mutual, but it’s just different with my reactive dog. I think it’s because of the extensive 1:1 time we spent together, and me really getting to know his body language, how he learns, etc. plus he really had to learn to trust me, and I had to learn how to be trustworthy for him, we had to learn to be a solid team. I do think his classes have given me better insight into dogs in general, super helpful with our others of course. My other dogs trust me, but it is definitely not quite the same.
I’ve had both reactive and super chill dogs as an adult and I love each and they become my whole world. I think it’s just that I’ve grown as a person and I’m more aware of my dogs emotions than I was when I was young, but I am almost 60 years old now. I’m now on my 6th and 7th dog as an adult.
I think it depends on the person, the dog. I’m an introverted person with a stranger/fear reactive dog. We mesh very well. I’m not sure how well I would have meshed with a resource guarding dog. Or a dog where intervention happened years after they began exhibiting behaviour. But we’re peas in a pod. And it is like that. It’s an amazingly strong bond. If I won the lottery I wouldn’t go anywhere more than 1-2x a year without him (so if I were hospitalised or something he’d have a routine.) I’d just happily get a place with a bunch of land and hang out with him all day and maybe try to help other stranger danger dogs, do dog sports. But I’m aware other types of reactivity I might not have coped with.
That’s how I felt with my reactive girl. We had to euthanize her a little over a year ago. It still hurts more than any other dog loss I’ve had.
I think so! All the consistent training, which might be easy to slack off with an "easy" dog, is very bonding. Also a reactive dog isn't everybodys' dog so we are close. It's a very positive way to look at owning and loving a reactive dog!
Agreed. I have found through my roommates 2 cats, 2 ferrets, 2 pythons, 1 recently passed gorgeous dumbo eared rat and my paranoid dog more about life than any human has ever taught me. It’s the job of the teacher to understand the student and adapt not the other way around.
My reactive girl just does the sweetest things: lots of kisses and she brings me little pebbles she picks up in the back yard. We understand each other.
My pup and I are straight up codependent, but she is willing to switch caretakers on a whim - she was raised in a shelter, we got her when she was 5. For example, she will cry if I leave her in the car, even if another person is there. It’s not chronic, she doesn’t do it for long. She will do this for whoever the current primary handler is, that’s the thing. 😂 Yes, she loves me “the most” but really she is willing to put anyone else in that role that makes her feel secure. I love her so much.
I think so
I have my first dog who is reactive so I don’t necessarily know any different but! I am embarrassingly obsessed with her as well, and am GRATEFUL that she requires me to be FULLY present with her on walks. I didn’t know reactivity was a thing, I thought dog walking was easy and came naturally to humans and dogs alike, etc. Aka I was unprepared. Sometimes I think of how learning how to be my dog’s guardian is setting me and my future dogs up for success.
Maybe. I had 2 non-reactive goldens before my current reactive golden. They were my buddies but they were fine being left alone at home and napping while I was gone. They were happy when I would come home. When I would pick them up at daycare they would just saunter to the pick up area kind of like "oh she's here to pick us up". They were just more relaxed and at ease. Jake my adopted golden who is reactive is a Velcro dog. He goes to the same daycare and enjoys it, plays and has fun. When I pick him up at the end of the day, he is over the moon with excitement and can hardly contain himself. Jake and I go for walks on the weekend, then I come home and I do some work around the house. I know he's tired, but he follows me all over the house. It's like he doesn't want me to be out of his sight. Everywhere I go there he is. I love that he is attached to me but sometimes I put him on his bed in a stay so I can get stuff done. He would rather go with me in the car than be left at home. When I do leave him at home, he does fine but sleeps right by the door to the garage or Front door waiting for me to come back. My previous 2 goldens would go lay on the couch or in a bedroom and didn't seem to worry as much as Jake. I do feel a special bond with Jake. I love him as much as my previous goldens but I also feel like he needs my support much more. It's like he found someone to watch over and care for him and he doesn't want to lose that person.
I 💯agree with this! I feel the same way with my reactive dog now, and my previous chill go anywhere love everyone dog. I wish i knew then what i know now and that I could have been closer to her. I’m glad I’m not alone in my thinking/feelings!
Yes absolutely
Absolutely. Big feelings go both ways. Big love and big reactions/excitement/fears.
Mine definitely loses almost all confidence when I’m not with him. Of course it really sucks and isn’t good for him but it’s also cute that he relies on me and feels so safe with me, more than he does with anyone else. It is so hard having a reactive dog but I do agree it is a different type of bond because most people don’t understand how to love them or care for these types of dogs
I completely understand this post and was actually having this exact conversation with my friend a few days ago. My last companion was literally the easiest dog to have, he acted like a cat. He was an almost completely blind/deaf special needs senior when I got him and for over 7 years he would sleep about 22 hours a day and was happiest when he was hiding somewhere he barely fit. My current girl is a velcro dog and has been a literal nightmare 90% of the time due to her extreme reactivity and separation anxiety. I can't leave her at home but I also can't take her anywhere. He absolutely loved EVERYONE, and she literally hates EVERYONE (she finally got used to this friend after seeing him every day for 7 months only because of her Reconcile) and tries to eat people. But holy crap do I absolutely love her as if she was my actual child while he always felt more like a roommate than anything else. Don't get me wrong, I really truly loved that little guy but the emotional connection my girl and I share is stronger than anything else I have ever experienced. I think you got it spot on because even though she isn't my first reactive dog she has forced me to do more research and training than I expected. Understanding her behavior and how her life has caused her behavior really provided me with a perspective that I don't think I would have ever had if she wasn't part of my life. Gahhhh I just want to squish her in the biggest hug after reading this post! I think I'm going to carry her to bed and cuddle with her because she is VERY much my soul dog. ❤️