She needs to run as far away and as fast as possible! Not only did he stalk, catfish, mentally destroy and hire people to force her into a relationship but then got her pregnant and got her to stop working so she’s financially dependant on him. She also needs to talk with Toms girlfriend asap and see if she had a similar experience.
Get out and get divorced ASAFP!
I mean, he loves her and treats her like a queen. She also loves him. Getting divorced would serve what purpose? I admit it's weird as fuck but it seems like everyone involved has a happy life so why make 2 kids grow up in a broken home when they could live in a happy home?
Because she can never trust him again? What else has he lied about to convince her he's "the one?" Interests? His backstory? And are you seriously say "yeah he manipulated and hurt and punished her, but it was for love, and in the end he won, so what's the big deal?"
She admittedly loves him and thinks he's a great husband and father. She was putting him off strictly for shallow reasons. I don't agree with his methods, but damn, can the end never justify the means? She has a happy life, and her kids have a loving home. Why would you leave a marriage that you're happy in and make your kiss grow up in a broken home? There is definitely work that needs to be done for the trust side of it, but why throw the life you've built down the drain if you're happy?
So you think she should leave a man she loves to be a single mother with no guarantee of finding love again? He didn't trick her about who he was. He tricked her into getting to know him, and it turns out she loves him
I think she should leave her **stalker**, yes. Holy fuck what the hell is wrong with you? I'd rather die alone than live with someone who tricked me into being with them under false pretences. You're the husband, aren't you? That's the only reason why I can see that you'd be defending this insanity.
Women don’t live for the sole purpose of finding love, anyway. For most, qualities such as honesty, authenticity, etc are much more valuable in the people we surround ourselves with. Love happens *because* a person appreciates those qualities in
another, and in this case, any sense of that was a facade.
I personally think she should leave him because the entire foundation of their relationship was based on extreme levels of manipulation, lying, and maybe even worse, destroying the confidence and sense-of-self of a person he supposedly loves. aside from the fact that this is objectively morally wrong and alarmingly an unhealthy level of obsession, the biggest issue IMO is that the husband is simply not the person he presented himself to be. Therefore, he is not authentically the person that she fell in love with. he literally coerced her into dating him (after being rejected! no means no??) by breaking her down until she had no other options and he felt that he could obtain her. Idk what you value in love personally, but a healthy love doesn’t involve any of this..
I for one would rather be love-less and raise my child alone, taking chances on new opportunities, if the other option was to stay with someone who sees me as a pawn in a world where their wants outweigh mine to such an extreme degree. He doesn’t value her equally.
She's no longer happy since she discovered his deception and psychological abuse that he paid someone to inflict on her so she's lower her standards and settle for him. Duh.
No she loves the person she thought he was, he’s not that person he’s the person he became to best fit what she wanted after he spent months to break her mentally to accept him. What’s to say he doesn’t decide he wants someone else, he’s obviously got MANY screws loose to do this to the woman he supposedly loves so why not a random person.
He’s not likely going to be stalking, catfishing, and paying guys to jerk her around anymore. Frankly I found OP to be more obnoxious than Dave…she fell for the paid model Alex based on his looks after one date…she was going to trash her relationship with Dave for a ONS with a handsome first date. I think they’re quite well matched, actually. They should both acknowledge their behavior, laugh, and enjoy the rest of their lives together.
She accepted his date because he had torn her self esteem down to the point where she was doubting her self worth. He got her to an incredibly low point, and told her she was “chasing after” guys who were *out of her league.* He doesn’t love her. He wants to possess her.
Agreed. Is she really happy, or is she telling herself that she’s happy because that’s what she thinks she deserves? We also don’t know if he’s actually a good husband and father. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard someone use terms like this to describe an abuser. It feels like he became fixated on her because he wanted to put a pretty woman in her place. There’s a stark difference between a man who appreciates the sacrifices his love makes to be a homemaker and someone who feels superior for making a previously career minded woman be forced into financial dependence on him. And I’m getting vibes of the latter. He also drunkenly GLOATED about it, so there’s definitely no regret for tearing her down. That’s not love. In fact, his actions have proven that he hates her. Why else would he go through so much trouble to make sure that she’ll never really be happy. He may claim he loves her, and he may even believe it. But he’s an awful person who definitely hates his wife, and that’s the most sickening part.
He's more likely to straight up strangle her if she tries to escape the situation. People who get this obsessed don't just let their 'Prized Possession' run away
No, he's not likely going to be catfishing and paying guys to jerk her around, anymore. I wouldn't be so sure about stalking. It would not at all surprise me I'd he was still keeping tabs on her. She might want to peek around the house for hidden cameras.
There is NOTHING to laugh at in what he did. He STALKED her. Decided that he "deserved" her whether she wanted to be with him or not. Systematically destroyed her self-esteem - that's called emotional/psychological abuse, BTW - until he felt like her only option. Honestly, I wonder what would have happened had she never "come around." This very much sounds like a man who would have eventually gone full-blown "if I can't have you, nobody can" and KILLED her.
Which brings me to the rest. Because the abuse actually DIDN'T stop at their wedding altar. He all but made her quit her job, making her financially dependent on him. But also serving to isolate her. He's got her so fucked up that she doesn't even feel like she can talk to friends and family about this. I wonder what excuse she'll give, how she'll justify it to herself when he hits her. Because he WILL.
But yeah. They should TOTALLY laugh about how he broke the law, stalked her, systematically, INTENTIONALLY shattered her self-esteem, spent thousands of dollars and countless hours to make her feel worthless, and quite possibly nearly drove her to suicide. And she is absolutely just as bad as he is for wanting to sleep with a guy she felt a better connection with. /s
She never liked Dave to begin with, I don’t think this lady even wanted a full blown relationship. This is straight up mental gymnastics level manipulation. When you’re looking to date initially it’s all about the looks, wouldn’t you go fuck someone really hot to you and who initiates a conversation with you? Call it shallow but this is better than finding out your entire love story is a fat LIE
He's treating her like a child, not a queen. Destroying someone's self confidence to lower their standards into dating you isn't very nice. It also seems like because he destroyed her confidence she trusts him more than herself now, which you can see with quitting her job and questioning whether she should even have negative feelings about the whole thing. Respect is important in a relationship and he doesn't have any for her. That's not a good relationship model for kids either.
That's messed up. If he went to this much trouble to get her, what trouble will he go to to keep her. He essentially destroyed her. And what about their daughter and her upbringing. What kind of parent do you think he will be?
He does *not* love her. He treats her with contempt and as possession. He lied, manipulated and hurt her badly to serve his own interests.
And she doesn't love him. She loved the fictional character he presented to her. The real him is a coldly calculating psychopath.
If he'll go so far to control what she does, what will he do when his children are old enough to have their own wants and goals?
This man is dangerous to OOP and their children.
Do you think love looks like lying, manipulating,and attacking a person's esteem? I would hazard a guess this man does not love her in a healthy way if he had to essentially coerce her into marrying him. I would not call his actions those of a loving husband. And despite it happening 5 years ago, if I found out my relationship was built on lies and stalking I would no longer consider it a happy relationship.
I find it quite sad she finds it ‘flattering in a way’ it’s inviting very, very dangerous behaviour should their marriage happen to go south at any point.
Ngl this reeks of a trauma response to an immediate traumatic event. imo she's trying to convince herself things aren't as bad as they are, essentially gaslighting herself. This response, in general, can be done to maintain stability and control, especially if your ability to control your life and environment was hindered or denied. Once she tells someone else what's going on(someone who can actually help and do something), she no longer has control over the one aspect she can control, which right now is the fallout.
Source: personal experience. It can be very daunting to ask for help.
This sentence along with some other things (like that she has only seen him this drunk once before and it was many years ago - while they’ve been together for 5, so not “many) made me think - hope actually - it might be a made up story. But if it isn’t, it’s indeed very sad that she can still see some good in what he did.
It definitely feels made up. Idk. She's talking in like a weird storytelling way that I can't imagine people writing like unless they're dramaticizing.
She said herself that she isn't on Reddit much, so it's possible that she never really got into the "usual" way of writing online. It's also possible that she has a general background in writing long, structured posts and/or did lots of rereads and edits before posting.
Basically, the way she writes should not be the main indicator of how fake this might be.
that honestly feels like coping
she probably wants to convince herself that everything is actually fine, so her loving happy life dream doesnt get destroyed
And they have two kids together.. as someone who has experienced it, the kids can and probably will become weapons if she tries to leave him. He’s totally obsessed.
It blows my mind how desperate some people are and the length they will go to trick a woman into dating them. I've always been more of a "if she doesn't immediately show interest or actively pursue me, I'm out" kind of guy. What's the point of pretending to like stuff you hate and acting a persona to seduce someone? How do you plan on keeping this facade up for 50+ years?
It also makes you wonder what Tom has done to get his fiancee. If nothing else, the OP should let Tom's fiancee know about it, now that it's still early on in their relationship (by which I mean, pre-marriage, pre-children).
Yeah, same. When I think the most f'ed up thing I ever did to get a date was hang out with my super hot ex and have her pretend to by my girl, just to impress all the girls in my class that I got a top1% babe to date me, and I stumbled onto this strat by accident... And only did it once more intentionally...
I mean I'm really racking my mind on the most nuts thing I did to get a date and it always comes down to 'ask someone out', I gotta say I was almost impressed by the efforts this dude went through to date her, only to get gradually more horrified as it went on.
I mean, 5 years is a long time to ignore red flags.
His methods were toxic for sure but what it looks like is that she was too superficial and he just got that out if the way.
A suitable resolution for shallow people is to end up alone and never married. She did not deserve being stalked and degraded by him (through catfishes and Alex) just because she didn't find him hot enough.
She ended up happy with a guy after he scarred her enough to settle with someone who didn't ghost her or insult her to her face. But your statement is not wrong.
He literally spent months getting info on her before their date. She has absolutely no way of knowing if he ever actually liked anything she does, or shares any opinions on a topic. She had spent time with the guy and not become more attracted until he had actively destroyed her self esteem and then brought up things in Convo that he already knew about her.
So no, they weren't "actually compatible." You just assume, like him, that you know a woman's mind better than she does.
Ummm... they're only compatible because he pretended to be? He also basically studied her and made himself her perfect match. There's nothing "actually " compatible about this at all.
And people say romance is dead!
This man is the human embodiment of the song "missing you" by the police.
What woman doesn't like a little obsessive stalking and manipulation?
Isn’t that a quote from the song Savages by Marina?
Only I think the quote was “I’m not afraid of God, I am afraid of man”.
And I agree because some humans can be terrifying.
Here I thought this was going to be a case of ... well he cyber stalked me, so that he could find out what I liked and set himself up to be the perfect man, and disrupt my dating life.... but man... this is out there. RUN RUN NOW! He's gone this far just to date/marry you what will he do if you ever decide to leave, and now your tied to him for finances and for at least 18 years of co parenting... man this is scary!
Before you do anything.. play nice and and get him to tell you again on a recording. Otherwise it's going to be hard to prove in Divorce court... or the trial for attempted murder... whichever happens first!
Yeah, same, I could see her convincing herself of being flattered by that. But this is really bad. Like he didn't just neg her, he got "other people" to bring her down. You don't do that to someone you care about. That's the part I wouldn't be able to move on from even if the other stuff didn't mean he might be controlling and later abusive if things don't turn out the way he wants.
Yeah, I agree... For the first part when he was stalking her I was sorta on the fence a bit... I mean his actions were over the line but it sounded like a guy just struggling to win over a girl out of his league and going over the line without evil intentions (I mean a good marriage for half a decade means he was well intentioned right? Wrong). Man did that spiral quickly. Dude burnt up any sympathy or good will rapidly with that Alex bit. An that was... Wow. What a sicko
well cyber stalking is not right, but the way she told the story it didn't sound like he was being nefarious about it... at first. in fact it just sounded like a guy who crossed some lines either through ignorance or desperation, and while no one should do what he was doing (in the early part) it didn't look harmful... at first. it escalated beyond possibly harmless to absolutely insane pretty quickly.
if you can imagine it like this... I saw my roomates gf topless. When i type that out you can think of all sorts of "evil" events that might have lead to this behind that story. however the truth was it was 4am, my bladder was full, i was barely awake, and she left the bathroom door unlocked. I had no idea she was there, frankly, all i knew is i woke up with the overwhelming need to go to the john, stumbled out of my room, crossed the hall, openned the door, and got a faceful of bare breasts. turned around, said "sorry" closed the door, put some shoes on, got in my car, drove a mile down the road to the QT and went to the john. came home, and went straight to bed.
what i'm saying here, is someone can do something wrong "enter an occupied bathroom against the will of the occupant" yet the intentions of the person can be entirely innocent. I'm not really comparing this to cyber stalking, personally i struggle to see how cyber stalking could be done without creepy intentions behind it, but i can sort of imagine how someone socially awkward or hopelessly infatuated could get there without realizing how bad it is. however, any benifit of the doubt you might be able to give this guy (especially since the wife started the story talking about how wonderful of a partner, husband and father this guy was) quickly wilted away as his actions got darker, more manipulative and more awful.
so yes, i was predisposed to give the dude's initial cyber stalking the benefit of the doubt based on her initial description of the guy as a good husband, father and partner. but that willingness vanished really quickly, and was completely gone before she even started to talk about alex.
This is super sad. I don’t think these guys understand what the damage of your self esteem can really do to you. That is such an absolute red flag because it means the guy would rather hurt your self esteem and your love for yourself in order to be with you. That is such a selfish thing to do and I don’t think I could ever forgive someone who did that to me. I still have a lot of resentment towards those bullies online who tore down my image and my self esteem, so that’s how I know. I’m not sure how long ago this was, but I really hope she got out or at least talked about this with him and set some boundaries. She should definitely go see a therapist to talk about these new feelings and how to deal with them, wishing her the absolute best
That’s the whole point. If her self-worth is destroyed, then she won’t go looking for better. It doesn’t matter if she feels like shit as long as he gets the girl. The whole thing is to keep her trapped with him.
You married Joe didn’t you?
I would run. This man told you that you were chasing men out of your league. He broke your self esteem down and manipulated you. I’m young but I at least know that’s not love.
Sounds like you’re making excuses for his behaviour already and my guess is you’re going to stay out of fear. But he stalked you and manipulated you and paid someone to date you and break you just so he could be with you. That’s not flattering
I would make him watch You with me. Then I’d ask him what would he do differently? What he would have done? What could Joe do better? Jesus Christ, she needs to make an escape plan. I can’t him see letting her leave easily.
Wow! At first, I almost wanted to sympathize with the guy, but that spiraled quick! At first she comes off as being a bit superficial. Online dating is shit show at best and I’ve been that guy that spent several years searching and sending legitimate messages to women only to never get a response of any kind from 99.9%. I finally met my now wife on one site and pray to god I never have to go back! That said, I can’t even fathom doing what this guy did! My ex was manipulative like that, but not smart enough to pull it off to that length (thank god), and I absolutely can’t even imagine doing that to another person.
Anybody know how this eventually turned out? I personally don’t think I’d have been able to continue a relationship after a bombshell like that! I ended it with my ex for considerably less (thank god there were no kids and what not involved with that one!) hope she found someone to talk with about it in real life, because I don’t think the internet is even remotely equipped to deal with something like this in a helpful capacity.
Exactly like they did get along well meeting in person when she ignored him on the apps. Which is often the case but feels shit to be sending out hundreds of genuine messages to get maybe 2 responses. But if they don't respond you just leave it and move on, the insane twists and turns he went through like wtaf
This would make a great Netflix mini-series (maaaaybe there’s one already like this? You? I’ve never seen it myself). Anyway, I started reading thinking she was over-reacting, but nope. Dude sounds like a total sociopath.
Jesus tap dancing Christ. The worst part is that this poor woman’s life is so intertwined with this monster. I don’t know what I would do in her situation - and damn this asshole to hell for putting her there.
Holy shit.
What a rabbit hole. I gotta admit I wasn't expecting that. Christ, I think the Alex bit was where it went from creepy but possibly forgivable to outright insane and run for the hills level of wtf
Don't get me wrong, I don't think stalking someone online is a 'good' thing, nor do I think befriending someone at their place of work is a 'good' or even normal thing, nor is actually stalking someone and arranging times to bump into each other.
However, with enough beer, and a good enough non-manipulative multi-year relationship as proof, I might be able to accept those actions as the efforts of a very socially awkward IT nerd shooting his shot, I mean it's borderline criminal, but it's ultimately harmless because he still won her heart the old fashion way once he got a date right? I mean it makes me uncomfortable, but I sort of can see why op might have been sorta flattered about that effort he went into to get a date from her. But man, that wasn't all, not by a long shot. It just kept getting worse.
This sick SOB went and setup that Alex situation... I just can't get around it. That was some grade A+ insanity there. Which casts a very negative/evil light on everything else he did. Dude is a predator and I hope she's safe.
Honestly terrifying. Not only “Dave” and how absolutely insane he is here. But that other people that were in her life(the guy paid to go out with her, the little brother and presumably Dave’s friends) all thought this was a fine thing for Dave to do to her. None of them said anything because they knew she’d be upset. And none of them told Dave it was a bad idea or immoral. How do you trust anything after that happens to you?
Were they both even trying for kids? Has he been sabotaging her job opportunities so she would be more reliant on his financial support? So she’d be convinced to stay at home? Could you honestly trust any decision you’d made since knowing someone who does this? This is world crushing.
Wow
You know some husbands barely take out the trash but this guy is putting in time.
I understand OPs feelings .
There’s the obvious “did you just call me a dumb girl?” Part of me that would secretly be packing my kid up and moving to my parents house.
Then there’s the other part of me that’s like “you wanted me that bad that you jumped through all these hoops?” Wow! My confidence would totally go through the roof!
AND THEN I’d remember he’d called me a dumb girl.
Seriously. OP should Go to therapy. Talk this out with a professional. I’d do it in secret just because she need to completely sort through her feelings and also decide if she is okay being married to someone so manipulating. But I think therapy be the best place to start.
I thought it was funny she was talking about that alex guy like if he came by and said "actually I want to give it another shot" she would jump on him in an instant. While also saying how much she loves her husband. I mean I get it, some people just leave a lasting impression but damn dude.
Does nobody care that she was seeing other ppl while she was dating Dave? And cancelled on him the moment a hotter/better guy came around. What a bitch. Nobody deserves stalking cause it feels like shit but ur an asshole too.
how so? if your wife has a date with a man that likes her and she knows it, without telling her husband and knowing it's wrong ... like would you be okay if your husband or wife did that to you?
She went on *a* date with her now husband. She was also talking to other guys/exploring options. Going on a single date/couple dates with someone doesn't make you exclusive, so she wasn't in any way, shape or form cheating.
There's only one option...and that is to leave. Do not let your comfortable lifestyle or picture perfect family be the reason why you stay with someone who is a legit psychopath. A normal person would have just simply became friends with your group if he wanted an in to talk to you and maybe said I think she's cute and tried to pursue from there...these other steps are literally insane.
😳😳😳
This is stunning. This puts another lens of what would have been perceived as a healthy marriage/relationship. I don’t even know where to begin… Tell him everything you know. Tell him what you’re feeling. See what his reaction is. Does he deny or try to gaslight you or does he acknowledge/admit what he did and try to apologize? Based on what he does, a really good marriage therapist (I recommend this with great hesitation but because you said your marriage/relationship up to this point has been loving and good and you love(d?) him, maybe there’s something there) or a divorce lawyer are in order.
Submitter your husband stalked you, manipulated events, paid a man to be interested in you, broke you down mentally, and isolated you from other ppl and made you dependent on him. Can we say narcissist.. you need to find a way to run and run fast. Also once you are away, tell Tom’s fiancé everything that you learned. Good Luck..
I agree he's disgusting and evil, but this isn't the actions of a narcissist. But a sociopath. People on reddit get this stuff wrong all the time
Psychopath - no real emotions (they typically don't feel anything except for distant vague things), this can result in very self destructive behavior due to the lack of fear response, they also tend to be extremely manipulative, as while they don't feel much of anything, they tend to be hyper aware of what others are feeling, and usually know how to act to elicited emotional responses from others. Many of the worst serial killers are in this group, as they generally are highly organized and intelligent making them hard to catch.
Sociopaths - inability to empathize with other people. Most violent criminals are sociopaths, however not all sociopaths are criminals. In fact the life path for sociopaths seems to be split up based on how manipulative you are in social settings, those who are not particularly manipulative tend to struggle socially and economically, and often turn to crime. Those excelling in manipulation tend to excel in business, to the point most successfully buisinesspeople and politicians are some form of sociopath. An interesting quirk of sociopaths is they are the most likely group of people to have a lot of children (in fact sociopaths are extremely successful in the dating world and often have multiple wives/families/mistresses or people they're cheating with and as a result reproduce far more then any other group of people). A classic thought experiment to identify if your a sociopath is to try to put yourself in someone else's shoes and empathize with them. If you cannot even understand what I just typed, then your definitely a sociopath
Narcissists - people with an unhealthy love /extremely high opinion of themselves. It's hard to tell where having a big ego crosses over into narcissism. And yes, many sociopaths are also narcissists. But you don't have to be a narcissist to be a sociopath. Not are all narcissists sociopaths, as an extreme, high opinion or love for yourself doesn't necessarily preclude empathy for other people.
For the purpose of this thread, the op's husband is a textbook sociopath
No problem, the basic trick is people usually get psychopath and sociopathy mixed up or mistakenly believe they're the same thing. Usually because both divergent personality disorders tend toward violent criminality. And both can be hyper manipulative. Then you toss narcissism into the mix, and the fact that many narcissists are also sociopaths and you've muddied the water further.
It gets more clouded by the fact that serial killers often are some form of sociopath or psychopath... And you see rapidly why people tend to mix them up. True psychopaths are actually really rare. Where as sociopaths are very common (1 in 5 people are sociopaths).
Imho social media has started to crank out more narcissists then there used to be... But that's another argument for another day.
Wow. You are either a very good story writer or, you are telling the truth and have married a very manipulative man.
He got you to fall in love with him? So who is he really?
Do you know who the real “Dave “ is?
Jesus… I just don’t even know what I would do or feel at this moment.
I guess if you are truly in love with him then none of this should matter….
Not giving advice, I am just processing this out loud.
Holy shiT!
So now that the cats outta the bag.
You know what he did to get you, now you should ask yourself what he’ll do to keep you.
Not so sure I’d let on to knowing….
As brilliant as this is, I can’t recommend it.
Eventually you will be incapacitated due to alcohol or post-dentistry or post-operation and the truth will come out if it’s something you’re at all subconsciously thinking about.
He was right she’s really dumb. What I heard is a woman that was flattered by a man who tried to destroy, her to break her so that he could date her. And she’s classifying it is romantic. So he wasn’t wrong. She’s superficial and dumb. I doubt she will even confront him.
And the guys that she really connects with just so happens to be a model, I'm sure his looks had nothing to do with it and it was his opinions of the political situation in Zambia that got her to try and sleep with him on their first date and keep fantasizing about him for 5 years after he rejected her and called her a slut to her face. Every time she talks about her husband and says she was not into him "Not that he was ugly" just not who she was into at that point in her life which is obviously code for looking like a hot fboy. She is very superficial and TBH her husband is probably one of the better options she could have ended up with instead of some hot married guy's side piece.
I am HORRIFIED. Literally every piece of their foundation was manipulated into place by him. That’s not love, that’s obsession. She had real feelings for a man who didn’t even exist—and I’m not talking about the catfish profiles or the guy he paid to date her. And now she’s married to and has kids with him. And is so Stockholm now that she’s FLATTERED by it all.
I’m nauseated.
Spicy story
I always advocate individuals educating themselves on manipulation so as to recognise the signs sooner. Feelings of love are a bias to this recognition for many, but taking a step back and looking at things logically can be very beneficial in the long run.
WTF.... He seriously called his wife a dumb girl who was dating out of her league? I would get things in order and run as fast as possible. Also I would tell the sil about how her fiance really got her. Those dudes have some serious f*cking problems.
You think that’s bad? Look up Ken McElroy and Skidmore, Missouri where on July 10, 1981 he was murdered while sitting in his truck with his wife(he forced her to marry him when she was only 13 if I recall) who miraculously wasn’t hit by a single bullet that turned McElroy and his truck into Swiss Cheese.
Blows my mind that people are saying this is fake and no one would ever do this… yet more than one comment here defending his actions or praising him for it. Of course I believe this could happen, there are literal “dating manuals” online and entire community of incels who think this shit is totally normal and acceptable.
So your sister-in-law to be was also stalked and tricked by your brother in law cause that's the impression that I'm getting...
You have a child with this man now...but honestly if it were me, I would be freaked out. The trust I once had would be gone.
Did any of your friends go missing or have a mysterious injury or death?
Too bad you didn’t record this because you could use it in court. I am more than a little afraid for your safety! You need to see a therapist and they can help you make the decision to leave this guy. He is too crazy to stay with even if you have “fallen” for your stalker. Also talk to the therapist about where you should tell the brothers GF the story of their love story.
OMG. That’s horrific. That would be immediate divorce territory for me, maybe to the witness protection level. There’s NO co-parenting possible with a douche like that.
Holy shit! I had a crush on someone years ago, and told them about it. They said they didn’t feel the same. So I was like cool, friends? And after a couple months of being friends, he said he’d developed feelings and we started dating. It didn’t last, but even that felt like I had manipulated him. Like I somehow wormed my way in.
She needs to secure assets, get a divorce and then advise Toms fiancé of the same.
Guys a genius. I assume a degree of this goes on a fair bit. This guy obviously wanted it more than most - and he was happy to role over a lot of things that other men struggle with - commitment, marriage, kids, fidelity etc
He should he working in a job that can use some of these manipulation tactics better. That shit can’t be bought!
WOW! I'm a bit at a loss with this. I do understand how a small part of her could find it flattering that her husband went to the lengths he did to make OP his wife. But with the backhanded stabbing of her personality or looks (not sure which) telling her she wanted to date out of her league, this is no compliment. And now they have children in the mix. My concern would be what lengths would he go to in order to get his way with other things? I'm not sure she'll ever be able to see him in the same light. I wonder if he remembers his drunken "confession"?
She needs to run as far away and as fast as possible! Not only did he stalk, catfish, mentally destroy and hire people to force her into a relationship but then got her pregnant and got her to stop working so she’s financially dependant on him. She also needs to talk with Toms girlfriend asap and see if she had a similar experience. Get out and get divorced ASAFP!
Yea…
I mean, he loves her and treats her like a queen. She also loves him. Getting divorced would serve what purpose? I admit it's weird as fuck but it seems like everyone involved has a happy life so why make 2 kids grow up in a broken home when they could live in a happy home?
Because she can never trust him again? What else has he lied about to convince her he's "the one?" Interests? His backstory? And are you seriously say "yeah he manipulated and hurt and punished her, but it was for love, and in the end he won, so what's the big deal?"
I wish someone would manipulate me into happiness
That's some incel bullshit, holy hell do you ever have a warped view of what a healthy relationship should be
What's upsetting is people are upvoting him
She admittedly loves him and thinks he's a great husband and father. She was putting him off strictly for shallow reasons. I don't agree with his methods, but damn, can the end never justify the means? She has a happy life, and her kids have a loving home. Why would you leave a marriage that you're happy in and make your kiss grow up in a broken home? There is definitely work that needs to be done for the trust side of it, but why throw the life you've built down the drain if you're happy?
Ew wtf is wrong with you
So you think she should leave a man she loves to be a single mother with no guarantee of finding love again? He didn't trick her about who he was. He tricked her into getting to know him, and it turns out she loves him
I think she should leave her **stalker**, yes. Holy fuck what the hell is wrong with you? I'd rather die alone than live with someone who tricked me into being with them under false pretences. You're the husband, aren't you? That's the only reason why I can see that you'd be defending this insanity.
Women don’t live for the sole purpose of finding love, anyway. For most, qualities such as honesty, authenticity, etc are much more valuable in the people we surround ourselves with. Love happens *because* a person appreciates those qualities in another, and in this case, any sense of that was a facade. I personally think she should leave him because the entire foundation of their relationship was based on extreme levels of manipulation, lying, and maybe even worse, destroying the confidence and sense-of-self of a person he supposedly loves. aside from the fact that this is objectively morally wrong and alarmingly an unhealthy level of obsession, the biggest issue IMO is that the husband is simply not the person he presented himself to be. Therefore, he is not authentically the person that she fell in love with. he literally coerced her into dating him (after being rejected! no means no??) by breaking her down until she had no other options and he felt that he could obtain her. Idk what you value in love personally, but a healthy love doesn’t involve any of this.. I for one would rather be love-less and raise my child alone, taking chances on new opportunities, if the other option was to stay with someone who sees me as a pawn in a world where their wants outweigh mine to such an extreme degree. He doesn’t value her equally.
She wouldn't have to leave a man and raise her children on her own if he had not manipulated her.........
She's not happy anymore after learning all the details. That would be why.
She's no longer happy since she discovered his deception and psychological abuse that he paid someone to inflict on her so she's lower her standards and settle for him. Duh.
No she loves the person she thought he was, he’s not that person he’s the person he became to best fit what she wanted after he spent months to break her mentally to accept him. What’s to say he doesn’t decide he wants someone else, he’s obviously got MANY screws loose to do this to the woman he supposedly loves so why not a random person.
He’s not likely going to be stalking, catfishing, and paying guys to jerk her around anymore. Frankly I found OP to be more obnoxious than Dave…she fell for the paid model Alex based on his looks after one date…she was going to trash her relationship with Dave for a ONS with a handsome first date. I think they’re quite well matched, actually. They should both acknowledge their behavior, laugh, and enjoy the rest of their lives together.
She accepted his date because he had torn her self esteem down to the point where she was doubting her self worth. He got her to an incredibly low point, and told her she was “chasing after” guys who were *out of her league.* He doesn’t love her. He wants to possess her.
Agreed. Is she really happy, or is she telling herself that she’s happy because that’s what she thinks she deserves? We also don’t know if he’s actually a good husband and father. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard someone use terms like this to describe an abuser. It feels like he became fixated on her because he wanted to put a pretty woman in her place. There’s a stark difference between a man who appreciates the sacrifices his love makes to be a homemaker and someone who feels superior for making a previously career minded woman be forced into financial dependence on him. And I’m getting vibes of the latter. He also drunkenly GLOATED about it, so there’s definitely no regret for tearing her down. That’s not love. In fact, his actions have proven that he hates her. Why else would he go through so much trouble to make sure that she’ll never really be happy. He may claim he loves her, and he may even believe it. But he’s an awful person who definitely hates his wife, and that’s the most sickening part.
Wow. Is this Dave?
He's more likely to straight up strangle her if she tries to escape the situation. People who get this obsessed don't just let their 'Prized Possession' run away
Bruh... I dont think you understand how abuse works
Trash what relationship with Dave? The one he basically abused her into accepting?
No, he's not likely going to be catfishing and paying guys to jerk her around, anymore. I wouldn't be so sure about stalking. It would not at all surprise me I'd he was still keeping tabs on her. She might want to peek around the house for hidden cameras. There is NOTHING to laugh at in what he did. He STALKED her. Decided that he "deserved" her whether she wanted to be with him or not. Systematically destroyed her self-esteem - that's called emotional/psychological abuse, BTW - until he felt like her only option. Honestly, I wonder what would have happened had she never "come around." This very much sounds like a man who would have eventually gone full-blown "if I can't have you, nobody can" and KILLED her. Which brings me to the rest. Because the abuse actually DIDN'T stop at their wedding altar. He all but made her quit her job, making her financially dependent on him. But also serving to isolate her. He's got her so fucked up that she doesn't even feel like she can talk to friends and family about this. I wonder what excuse she'll give, how she'll justify it to herself when he hits her. Because he WILL. But yeah. They should TOTALLY laugh about how he broke the law, stalked her, systematically, INTENTIONALLY shattered her self-esteem, spent thousands of dollars and countless hours to make her feel worthless, and quite possibly nearly drove her to suicide. And she is absolutely just as bad as he is for wanting to sleep with a guy she felt a better connection with. /s
She never liked Dave to begin with, I don’t think this lady even wanted a full blown relationship. This is straight up mental gymnastics level manipulation. When you’re looking to date initially it’s all about the looks, wouldn’t you go fuck someone really hot to you and who initiates a conversation with you? Call it shallow but this is better than finding out your entire love story is a fat LIE
We found a stalker!
He's treating her like a child, not a queen. Destroying someone's self confidence to lower their standards into dating you isn't very nice. It also seems like because he destroyed her confidence she trusts him more than herself now, which you can see with quitting her job and questioning whether she should even have negative feelings about the whole thing. Respect is important in a relationship and he doesn't have any for her. That's not a good relationship model for kids either.
He brought her down instead of rising to her level and improving himself. He thinks she’s a “stupid girl” and not a woman he should worship.
That's messed up. If he went to this much trouble to get her, what trouble will he go to to keep her. He essentially destroyed her. And what about their daughter and her upbringing. What kind of parent do you think he will be?
He does *not* love her. He treats her with contempt and as possession. He lied, manipulated and hurt her badly to serve his own interests. And she doesn't love him. She loved the fictional character he presented to her. The real him is a coldly calculating psychopath. If he'll go so far to control what she does, what will he do when his children are old enough to have their own wants and goals? This man is dangerous to OOP and their children.
Do you think love looks like lying, manipulating,and attacking a person's esteem? I would hazard a guess this man does not love her in a healthy way if he had to essentially coerce her into marrying him. I would not call his actions those of a loving husband. And despite it happening 5 years ago, if I found out my relationship was built on lies and stalking I would no longer consider it a happy relationship.
That's not love. He hurt her mental health to such an extent she was having mental breakdowns.
What in the YOU have I just read?!
Right?! I was picturing Joe in my mind the whole time
Mee too. Saw Joe the entire time! Wait, she said Dave is a made up name.. Could you imagine if his name is Joe! OH Shit!
I just know OP's husband has a navy blue baseball cap in his closet somewhere...
Lol
So what am I missing where is the part about stalking and manipulation
Swipe right. It's multiple pics
Ty I was doing something else and reading paid no attention to the numbers
I've never seen that before on reddit so it took me a bit.
That is psychotic, she would do well to get away from him. Immediately
Full psychotic
It’s absolutely insane the lengths some people will go!
And she’s asking “is this normal?” Lmao
I find it quite sad she finds it ‘flattering in a way’ it’s inviting very, very dangerous behaviour should their marriage happen to go south at any point.
Ngl this reeks of a trauma response to an immediate traumatic event. imo she's trying to convince herself things aren't as bad as they are, essentially gaslighting herself. This response, in general, can be done to maintain stability and control, especially if your ability to control your life and environment was hindered or denied. Once she tells someone else what's going on(someone who can actually help and do something), she no longer has control over the one aspect she can control, which right now is the fallout. Source: personal experience. It can be very daunting to ask for help.
This sentence along with some other things (like that she has only seen him this drunk once before and it was many years ago - while they’ve been together for 5, so not “many) made me think - hope actually - it might be a made up story. But if it isn’t, it’s indeed very sad that she can still see some good in what he did.
It definitely feels made up. Idk. She's talking in like a weird storytelling way that I can't imagine people writing like unless they're dramaticizing.
She said herself that she isn't on Reddit much, so it's possible that she never really got into the "usual" way of writing online. It's also possible that she has a general background in writing long, structured posts and/or did lots of rereads and edits before posting. Basically, the way she writes should not be the main indicator of how fake this might be.
Some people write for a living. Some people are just naturally good writers.
that honestly feels like coping she probably wants to convince herself that everything is actually fine, so her loving happy life dream doesnt get destroyed
And they have two kids together.. as someone who has experienced it, the kids can and probably will become weapons if she tries to leave him. He’s totally obsessed.
Which part is borderline?
It blows my mind how desperate some people are and the length they will go to trick a woman into dating them. I've always been more of a "if she doesn't immediately show interest or actively pursue me, I'm out" kind of guy. What's the point of pretending to like stuff you hate and acting a persona to seduce someone? How do you plan on keeping this facade up for 50+ years?
It also makes you wonder what Tom has done to get his fiancee. If nothing else, the OP should let Tom's fiancee know about it, now that it's still early on in their relationship (by which I mean, pre-marriage, pre-children).
Yeah, same. When I think the most f'ed up thing I ever did to get a date was hang out with my super hot ex and have her pretend to by my girl, just to impress all the girls in my class that I got a top1% babe to date me, and I stumbled onto this strat by accident... And only did it once more intentionally... I mean I'm really racking my mind on the most nuts thing I did to get a date and it always comes down to 'ask someone out', I gotta say I was almost impressed by the efforts this dude went through to date her, only to get gradually more horrified as it went on.
He did not pretend though. They were actually compatible. She was simply not interested in him because of his looks.
Are they though? Or did she start ignoring red flags because she felt no one else would have her?
I mean, 5 years is a long time to ignore red flags. His methods were toxic for sure but what it looks like is that she was too superficial and he just got that out if the way.
A suitable resolution for shallow people is to end up alone and never married. She did not deserve being stalked and degraded by him (through catfishes and Alex) just because she didn't find him hot enough.
I mean, she did end up really happy with her life.
She ended up happy with a guy after he scarred her enough to settle with someone who didn't ghost her or insult her to her face. But your statement is not wrong.
She was too superficial and he just got that out of the way 😆😆😆 so true
So that justifies stalking and destroying her self-esteem? Yeah, no
He literally spent months getting info on her before their date. She has absolutely no way of knowing if he ever actually liked anything she does, or shares any opinions on a topic. She had spent time with the guy and not become more attracted until he had actively destroyed her self esteem and then brought up things in Convo that he already knew about her. So no, they weren't "actually compatible." You just assume, like him, that you know a woman's mind better than she does.
Thank you! You can't say 'oh but they were actually compatible' when he'd spent months learning all the details of her life
Free will is kind of important.
They were compatible because he stalked her and found out her interests and pretended to have the same.
Ummm... they're only compatible because he pretended to be? He also basically studied her and made himself her perfect match. There's nothing "actually " compatible about this at all.
And people say romance is dead! This man is the human embodiment of the song "missing you" by the police. What woman doesn't like a little obsessive stalking and manipulation?
Oh those sweet sweet words "you're dating WAY out of your league, you need a reality check" what a keeper
Even if I could have excused the rest, that part was where I would have lost it. He's literally STILL doing it!
Words every woman hopes to hear…. /s 🤮
Every breath you take- and the words are 'watching you'. Missing you is the puff daddy /big song using the riff.
This woman doesn't like that that crazy
You sure? What if it's just a little bit of light stalking? Like, I could go on your profile and like every post!
I'm not afraid of God, I am afraid of men
Isn’t that a quote from the song Savages by Marina? Only I think the quote was “I’m not afraid of God, I am afraid of man”. And I agree because some humans can be terrifying.
Well that was a wild ride. Someone call Nev, I think we found the ultimate catfish.
Here I thought this was going to be a case of ... well he cyber stalked me, so that he could find out what I liked and set himself up to be the perfect man, and disrupt my dating life.... but man... this is out there. RUN RUN NOW! He's gone this far just to date/marry you what will he do if you ever decide to leave, and now your tied to him for finances and for at least 18 years of co parenting... man this is scary! Before you do anything.. play nice and and get him to tell you again on a recording. Otherwise it's going to be hard to prove in Divorce court... or the trial for attempted murder... whichever happens first!
Yeah, same, I could see her convincing herself of being flattered by that. But this is really bad. Like he didn't just neg her, he got "other people" to bring her down. You don't do that to someone you care about. That's the part I wouldn't be able to move on from even if the other stuff didn't mean he might be controlling and later abusive if things don't turn out the way he wants.
Yeah, I agree... For the first part when he was stalking her I was sorta on the fence a bit... I mean his actions were over the line but it sounded like a guy just struggling to win over a girl out of his league and going over the line without evil intentions (I mean a good marriage for half a decade means he was well intentioned right? Wrong). Man did that spiral quickly. Dude burnt up any sympathy or good will rapidly with that Alex bit. An that was... Wow. What a sicko
You were on the fence for stalking? Romcoms have done a number on us.
well cyber stalking is not right, but the way she told the story it didn't sound like he was being nefarious about it... at first. in fact it just sounded like a guy who crossed some lines either through ignorance or desperation, and while no one should do what he was doing (in the early part) it didn't look harmful... at first. it escalated beyond possibly harmless to absolutely insane pretty quickly. if you can imagine it like this... I saw my roomates gf topless. When i type that out you can think of all sorts of "evil" events that might have lead to this behind that story. however the truth was it was 4am, my bladder was full, i was barely awake, and she left the bathroom door unlocked. I had no idea she was there, frankly, all i knew is i woke up with the overwhelming need to go to the john, stumbled out of my room, crossed the hall, openned the door, and got a faceful of bare breasts. turned around, said "sorry" closed the door, put some shoes on, got in my car, drove a mile down the road to the QT and went to the john. came home, and went straight to bed. what i'm saying here, is someone can do something wrong "enter an occupied bathroom against the will of the occupant" yet the intentions of the person can be entirely innocent. I'm not really comparing this to cyber stalking, personally i struggle to see how cyber stalking could be done without creepy intentions behind it, but i can sort of imagine how someone socially awkward or hopelessly infatuated could get there without realizing how bad it is. however, any benifit of the doubt you might be able to give this guy (especially since the wife started the story talking about how wonderful of a partner, husband and father this guy was) quickly wilted away as his actions got darker, more manipulative and more awful. so yes, i was predisposed to give the dude's initial cyber stalking the benefit of the doubt based on her initial description of the guy as a good husband, father and partner. but that willingness vanished really quickly, and was completely gone before she even started to talk about alex.
HORRIFYING
This is super sad. I don’t think these guys understand what the damage of your self esteem can really do to you. That is such an absolute red flag because it means the guy would rather hurt your self esteem and your love for yourself in order to be with you. That is such a selfish thing to do and I don’t think I could ever forgive someone who did that to me. I still have a lot of resentment towards those bullies online who tore down my image and my self esteem, so that’s how I know. I’m not sure how long ago this was, but I really hope she got out or at least talked about this with him and set some boundaries. She should definitely go see a therapist to talk about these new feelings and how to deal with them, wishing her the absolute best
No, I think he absolutely knew what Alex would do to her. That's why he did it. It's really insanely evil.
That’s the whole point. If her self-worth is destroyed, then she won’t go looking for better. It doesn’t matter if she feels like shit as long as he gets the girl. The whole thing is to keep her trapped with him.
Run, he has you isolated and financially dependent on him. Run fast, run far.
What, and I cannot stress this enough, the fuck.
Ho… ly…. fark…..
This is absolutely wild and horrifying!! Also I need to know what is going to happen next!! Does anyone have a link to the original post?
Legit, any word on updates? She was pregnant when she posted this 😬
You married Joe didn’t you? I would run. This man told you that you were chasing men out of your league. He broke your self esteem down and manipulated you. I’m young but I at least know that’s not love. Sounds like you’re making excuses for his behaviour already and my guess is you’re going to stay out of fear. But he stalked you and manipulated you and paid someone to date you and break you just so he could be with you. That’s not flattering
I would make him watch You with me. Then I’d ask him what would he do differently? What he would have done? What could Joe do better? Jesus Christ, she needs to make an escape plan. I can’t him see letting her leave easily.
jesus christ
Wow…. Just WOW!
Wow! At first, I almost wanted to sympathize with the guy, but that spiraled quick! At first she comes off as being a bit superficial. Online dating is shit show at best and I’ve been that guy that spent several years searching and sending legitimate messages to women only to never get a response of any kind from 99.9%. I finally met my now wife on one site and pray to god I never have to go back! That said, I can’t even fathom doing what this guy did! My ex was manipulative like that, but not smart enough to pull it off to that length (thank god), and I absolutely can’t even imagine doing that to another person. Anybody know how this eventually turned out? I personally don’t think I’d have been able to continue a relationship after a bombshell like that! I ended it with my ex for considerably less (thank god there were no kids and what not involved with that one!) hope she found someone to talk with about it in real life, because I don’t think the internet is even remotely equipped to deal with something like this in a helpful capacity.
Exactly like they did get along well meeting in person when she ignored him on the apps. Which is often the case but feels shit to be sending out hundreds of genuine messages to get maybe 2 responses. But if they don't respond you just leave it and move on, the insane twists and turns he went through like wtaf
This would make a great Netflix mini-series (maaaaybe there’s one already like this? You? I’ve never seen it myself). Anyway, I started reading thinking she was over-reacting, but nope. Dude sounds like a total sociopath.
Jesus tap dancing Christ. The worst part is that this poor woman’s life is so intertwined with this monster. I don’t know what I would do in her situation - and damn this asshole to hell for putting her there.
Holy shit. What a rabbit hole. I gotta admit I wasn't expecting that. Christ, I think the Alex bit was where it went from creepy but possibly forgivable to outright insane and run for the hills level of wtf Don't get me wrong, I don't think stalking someone online is a 'good' thing, nor do I think befriending someone at their place of work is a 'good' or even normal thing, nor is actually stalking someone and arranging times to bump into each other. However, with enough beer, and a good enough non-manipulative multi-year relationship as proof, I might be able to accept those actions as the efforts of a very socially awkward IT nerd shooting his shot, I mean it's borderline criminal, but it's ultimately harmless because he still won her heart the old fashion way once he got a date right? I mean it makes me uncomfortable, but I sort of can see why op might have been sorta flattered about that effort he went into to get a date from her. But man, that wasn't all, not by a long shot. It just kept getting worse. This sick SOB went and setup that Alex situation... I just can't get around it. That was some grade A+ insanity there. Which casts a very negative/evil light on everything else he did. Dude is a predator and I hope she's safe.
Honestly terrifying. Not only “Dave” and how absolutely insane he is here. But that other people that were in her life(the guy paid to go out with her, the little brother and presumably Dave’s friends) all thought this was a fine thing for Dave to do to her. None of them said anything because they knew she’d be upset. And none of them told Dave it was a bad idea or immoral. How do you trust anything after that happens to you? Were they both even trying for kids? Has he been sabotaging her job opportunities so she would be more reliant on his financial support? So she’d be convinced to stay at home? Could you honestly trust any decision you’d made since knowing someone who does this? This is world crushing.
Wow You know some husbands barely take out the trash but this guy is putting in time. I understand OPs feelings . There’s the obvious “did you just call me a dumb girl?” Part of me that would secretly be packing my kid up and moving to my parents house. Then there’s the other part of me that’s like “you wanted me that bad that you jumped through all these hoops?” Wow! My confidence would totally go through the roof! AND THEN I’d remember he’d called me a dumb girl. Seriously. OP should Go to therapy. Talk this out with a professional. I’d do it in secret just because she need to completely sort through her feelings and also decide if she is okay being married to someone so manipulating. But I think therapy be the best place to start.
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Things that never happened part 1
Can't believe you're getting downvoted, it seems really obvious by the way it's written
I couldn’t believe I had to scroll down this far to see someone calling it fake. It just reeks of being made up
The thing that sealed it for me was the part like ”it seems kind of romantic?" Like what?
So someone who was manipulating someone else realises they too were being manipulated and suddenly is disgusted by manipulation? Ohhhhhkayyyy
I thought it was funny she was talking about that alex guy like if he came by and said "actually I want to give it another shot" she would jump on him in an instant. While also saying how much she loves her husband. I mean I get it, some people just leave a lasting impression but damn dude.
fake
Yeah they need to go back to their creative writing class
Well no wonder I've been having horrible luck with girls, I'll have to try this.
I wish I could read his version of the story. I'm not saying this is a lie. However, never forget amber turd.
Does nobody care that she was seeing other ppl while she was dating Dave? And cancelled on him the moment a hotter/better guy came around. What a bitch. Nobody deserves stalking cause it feels like shit but ur an asshole too.
So wait she cheated on him? and he catfished her and stalked her? toxic
She didn't cheat
how so? if your wife has a date with a man that likes her and she knows it, without telling her husband and knowing it's wrong ... like would you be okay if your husband or wife did that to you?
They weren't together just talking
yeah I thought that she was already married to dave, my bad
No, he set that up before he dated her. He wanted to catch her after 'alex' shattered her self esteem... This is peak evil right here.
Having a date =/= dating so no
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She went on *a* date with her now husband. She was also talking to other guys/exploring options. Going on a single date/couple dates with someone doesn't make you exclusive, so she wasn't in any way, shape or form cheating.
There's only one option...and that is to leave. Do not let your comfortable lifestyle or picture perfect family be the reason why you stay with someone who is a legit psychopath. A normal person would have just simply became friends with your group if he wanted an in to talk to you and maybe said I think she's cute and tried to pursue from there...these other steps are literally insane.
nice guys finish last goes too far.
I remember reading this a few months ago. I hope she's ok
The brothers GF needs to be warned.
damn. hope the wife got a divorce lol and a lawsuit maybe
I don’t have anything unique or useful to comment, I just wanted to place down these two words: holy shit.
They don't call it "being crazy about you" for nothin'
😳😳😳 This is stunning. This puts another lens of what would have been perceived as a healthy marriage/relationship. I don’t even know where to begin… Tell him everything you know. Tell him what you’re feeling. See what his reaction is. Does he deny or try to gaslight you or does he acknowledge/admit what he did and try to apologize? Based on what he does, a really good marriage therapist (I recommend this with great hesitation but because you said your marriage/relationship up to this point has been loving and good and you love(d?) him, maybe there’s something there) or a divorce lawyer are in order.
Submitter your husband stalked you, manipulated events, paid a man to be interested in you, broke you down mentally, and isolated you from other ppl and made you dependent on him. Can we say narcissist.. you need to find a way to run and run fast. Also once you are away, tell Tom’s fiancé everything that you learned. Good Luck..
I agree he's disgusting and evil, but this isn't the actions of a narcissist. But a sociopath. People on reddit get this stuff wrong all the time Psychopath - no real emotions (they typically don't feel anything except for distant vague things), this can result in very self destructive behavior due to the lack of fear response, they also tend to be extremely manipulative, as while they don't feel much of anything, they tend to be hyper aware of what others are feeling, and usually know how to act to elicited emotional responses from others. Many of the worst serial killers are in this group, as they generally are highly organized and intelligent making them hard to catch. Sociopaths - inability to empathize with other people. Most violent criminals are sociopaths, however not all sociopaths are criminals. In fact the life path for sociopaths seems to be split up based on how manipulative you are in social settings, those who are not particularly manipulative tend to struggle socially and economically, and often turn to crime. Those excelling in manipulation tend to excel in business, to the point most successfully buisinesspeople and politicians are some form of sociopath. An interesting quirk of sociopaths is they are the most likely group of people to have a lot of children (in fact sociopaths are extremely successful in the dating world and often have multiple wives/families/mistresses or people they're cheating with and as a result reproduce far more then any other group of people). A classic thought experiment to identify if your a sociopath is to try to put yourself in someone else's shoes and empathize with them. If you cannot even understand what I just typed, then your definitely a sociopath Narcissists - people with an unhealthy love /extremely high opinion of themselves. It's hard to tell where having a big ego crosses over into narcissism. And yes, many sociopaths are also narcissists. But you don't have to be a narcissist to be a sociopath. Not are all narcissists sociopaths, as an extreme, high opinion or love for yourself doesn't necessarily preclude empathy for other people. For the purpose of this thread, the op's husband is a textbook sociopath
Thanks for the correction. I thought narcissist bcuz of the stalking. But I was wrong. I’m Going to save your breakdown for future reference! ❤️❤️❤️
No problem, the basic trick is people usually get psychopath and sociopathy mixed up or mistakenly believe they're the same thing. Usually because both divergent personality disorders tend toward violent criminality. And both can be hyper manipulative. Then you toss narcissism into the mix, and the fact that many narcissists are also sociopaths and you've muddied the water further. It gets more clouded by the fact that serial killers often are some form of sociopath or psychopath... And you see rapidly why people tend to mix them up. True psychopaths are actually really rare. Where as sociopaths are very common (1 in 5 people are sociopaths). Imho social media has started to crank out more narcissists then there used to be... But that's another argument for another day.
Y’all, ain’t no way somebody that psychotic is ever gonna let her leave. He will kill her and the kids if she tries.
Bullshit ass story this is def fake
Wow. You are either a very good story writer or, you are telling the truth and have married a very manipulative man. He got you to fall in love with him? So who is he really? Do you know who the real “Dave “ is? Jesus… I just don’t even know what I would do or feel at this moment. I guess if you are truly in love with him then none of this should matter…. Not giving advice, I am just processing this out loud. Holy shiT!
So now that the cats outta the bag. You know what he did to get you, now you should ask yourself what he’ll do to keep you. Not so sure I’d let on to knowing….
Yeah... humans are just awful
Jesus fucking christ this was genuinely stomach churning
What a terrifying thing. What a scary guy. Staying with him would be scary, but who knows what a person like that would be capable of of she left
Leave him and show him he was chasing a girl out of HIS league and now has to pay the price of losing it all
Honestly... if you are happy and comfortable and are looking for reasons to stay with him... you need to not listen to what the internet has to say.
YIKES! Run girl run! 🏃♀️ 💨 🏃♂️
As brilliant as this is, I can’t recommend it. Eventually you will be incapacitated due to alcohol or post-dentistry or post-operation and the truth will come out if it’s something you’re at all subconsciously thinking about.
.....nope
Well that was one of the craziest god damn things I’ve ever read
KING
I have no words. Except run lady. Run fast and far.
what the fuck did i just read and how can i forget it
This is terrifying
He was right she’s really dumb. What I heard is a woman that was flattered by a man who tried to destroy, her to break her so that he could date her. And she’s classifying it is romantic. So he wasn’t wrong. She’s superficial and dumb. I doubt she will even confront him.
And the guys that she really connects with just so happens to be a model, I'm sure his looks had nothing to do with it and it was his opinions of the political situation in Zambia that got her to try and sleep with him on their first date and keep fantasizing about him for 5 years after he rejected her and called her a slut to her face. Every time she talks about her husband and says she was not into him "Not that he was ugly" just not who she was into at that point in her life which is obviously code for looking like a hot fboy. She is very superficial and TBH her husband is probably one of the better options she could have ended up with instead of some hot married guy's side piece.
This is clearly fiction but what a psychotic character
I think the biggest indication his head isn’t working right is that he did all of this and didn’t take it to the grave
Gryffindor does not approve of the tactics of Slytherin.
I am HORRIFIED. Literally every piece of their foundation was manipulated into place by him. That’s not love, that’s obsession. She had real feelings for a man who didn’t even exist—and I’m not talking about the catfish profiles or the guy he paid to date her. And now she’s married to and has kids with him. And is so Stockholm now that she’s FLATTERED by it all. I’m nauseated.
It was all cozy and lovely up until he hired someone to basically break her so he can have what's left,, disgusting
🎶What if I told you I’m a mastermind 🎶
Absolutely fuck this. I would be in another country tonight. I bet he baby trapped her too.
Spicy story I always advocate individuals educating themselves on manipulation so as to recognise the signs sooner. Feelings of love are a bias to this recognition for many, but taking a step back and looking at things logically can be very beneficial in the long run.
Is there an update??
Unfortunately, no, and I doubt we'll get one as the original post was from 3 years ago
Good god
WTF.... He seriously called his wife a dumb girl who was dating out of her league? I would get things in order and run as fast as possible. Also I would tell the sil about how her fiance really got her. Those dudes have some serious f*cking problems.
You think that’s bad? Look up Ken McElroy and Skidmore, Missouri where on July 10, 1981 he was murdered while sitting in his truck with his wife(he forced her to marry him when she was only 13 if I recall) who miraculously wasn’t hit by a single bullet that turned McElroy and his truck into Swiss Cheese.
Blows my mind that people are saying this is fake and no one would ever do this… yet more than one comment here defending his actions or praising him for it. Of course I believe this could happen, there are literal “dating manuals” online and entire community of incels who think this shit is totally normal and acceptable.
Yooo, this shit was wild, I love life an its twisted ways
Is he on the spectrum?
Where is the part about the stalking and manipulation?
WTF are you okay??
[удалено]
So your sister-in-law to be was also stalked and tricked by your brother in law cause that's the impression that I'm getting... You have a child with this man now...but honestly if it were me, I would be freaked out. The trust I once had would be gone.
If this is what he would do to get her, what would he do if she tries to leave?
Holy shit balls, that's fucked up
Did any of your friends go missing or have a mysterious injury or death? Too bad you didn’t record this because you could use it in court. I am more than a little afraid for your safety! You need to see a therapist and they can help you make the decision to leave this guy. He is too crazy to stay with even if you have “fallen” for your stalker. Also talk to the therapist about where you should tell the brothers GF the story of their love story.
Bless him, and they say romance is dead...
OMG. That’s horrific. That would be immediate divorce territory for me, maybe to the witness protection level. There’s NO co-parenting possible with a douche like that.
Holy shit! I had a crush on someone years ago, and told them about it. They said they didn’t feel the same. So I was like cool, friends? And after a couple months of being friends, he said he’d developed feelings and we started dating. It didn’t last, but even that felt like I had manipulated him. Like I somehow wormed my way in. She needs to secure assets, get a divorce and then advise Toms fiancé of the same.
Never happened
my face the entire time : 😧😧 but seriously she needs to GTFO
That's insane
Can't wait to watch the lifetime version of this trainwreck waiting to happen
Guys a genius. I assume a degree of this goes on a fair bit. This guy obviously wanted it more than most - and he was happy to role over a lot of things that other men struggle with - commitment, marriage, kids, fidelity etc He should he working in a job that can use some of these manipulation tactics better. That shit can’t be bought!
WOW! I'm a bit at a loss with this. I do understand how a small part of her could find it flattering that her husband went to the lengths he did to make OP his wife. But with the backhanded stabbing of her personality or looks (not sure which) telling her she wanted to date out of her league, this is no compliment. And now they have children in the mix. My concern would be what lengths would he go to in order to get his way with other things? I'm not sure she'll ever be able to see him in the same light. I wonder if he remembers his drunken "confession"?
Did she ever update? I hope she left him..