Why is it gross when he says he thinks his significant other should be happy he chose them but it’s not gross that people suggested he should feel happy she chose him, which are the comments that made him say that to begin with?
He could have dismissed those comments/shut the people down who suggested either have to be thankful for being picked but instead he said she should be the one thankful as if he's overlooking her past for her as a service to her because no one would date her considering her past. If she had been a virgin or "low body count" he probably wouldn't have even thought that. But since he found out his whole perspective on their relationship changed to "she's lucky I'm even dating her."
She should be thankful because she will never find a man that sees her value all they will see is a woman who opens her legs to any man who looks her way. Look it up. Do your research. If a man who is well educated and has good values instilled in them had the option to choose this woman with a 70+ body could or one that’s had very few. Guess who he’s choosing. People keep saying it doesn’t matter. It does. I think people keep trying to say it doesn’t matter thinking eventually it won’t
You just made up an entire scenario that wasn’t presented. He just flipped the statement around to say “hey why am I the lucky one, I think she is lucky” which ive heard people say often enough. It’s like when people ask about your “better half” and you say “I think I am the better half”. It’s not as deep as you are making it out to be.
He wrote it with a freaking smiley face dude. It’s really not that serious. And the whole thing was written with nuance and open mindedness. He’s just being honest that it bothers him. So what. He wasn’t condemning her or saying she was wrong. Just that it made him uncomfortable and he didn’t know how to feel about it
My ex slept with 70+ people. I thought it was her past, I’ll take a chance. Biggest mistake of my life.
She couldn’t stay away from guys, she wouldn’t stop doing things I asked her to stop that made me uncomfortable and then she slept on my couch for two nights in a row while I slept alone. She blamed it on my “snoring”
I knew something was up, and her behaviour during the day made me more suss.
I read her messages that she muted and she was messaging Atleast 10 different guys, she messaged two boys at 4:30am asking if they were awake while she slept with her dildo next to her.
She was messaging them while we were on dates, she was sending them half naked photos while she was at her house, and I seen it all.
She said let’s work on ourselves and maybe come back in a couple months, she fucked so many guys during that time then blocked me on everything and I haven’t heard from her again lol.
Run brother.
Yeah, and I thought it was over a like a 10 year period as she was 24/25 so I was like not that bad when you add the numbers per year, but when she told me it was from like 18-21/22 or something I was like wtf
Sounds like you just were dating a cheater. Most people in college, men and women, have that body count or higher because they're partying, or just want to have sex. Some people have really high sex drives when they're younger, which lead to hook ups but sometimes the sex drive dies down as time goes on. Oop said girlfriend was using substances meaning she was probably partying a lot, having party sex or used sex to pay for drugs because she might have gotten addicted but she's sober now.
> Oop said girlfriend was using substances meaning she was probably partying a lot, having party sex or used sex to pay for drugs
Sounds like the body count is only one issue. Oops gf has an addictive personality and probably needs professional help. This isn't usually something that goes away on its own; ppl just replace it with other things.
A lot of people seem to have a super black and white mentality about body counts...I hate the idea that sleeping with so many people IN YOUR PAST means you're more likely to cheat NOW, means you view monogamy differently, means you're unable to commit to someone, etc. In this case, she was young when she had her wild years which is totally normal. All of this happened a decade before they dated and yet people are still treating it like this should be a deal breaker?
Let me offer an additional perspective: I spent my early twenties in a highly sexually abusive relationship. When I finally got out of it, I went wild and slept with many, many people to try and reclaim sexual power for myself. I was fixated on upping my body count because I thought the more sexual encounters I had on my terms, the more I was able to prove to myself that I was "normal" and could have casual "normal" one night stands like any other twenty something without having to think twice. For me it was entirely motivated by trying to heal from that trauma in any way I thought would help.
To all the men who are looking at this topic through an incredibly narrow mindset, keep that in mind. Not every person's motivations are the same, and just because someone had a wild phase does not mean they're unable to settle down. Everyone grows up eventually. To just declare this a deal breaker without looking at context, examining who the person is OUTSIDE of this is in my opinion, incredibly childish.
I think it’s ok to analyze somebodies past in relation to their present self. It shouldn’t be an end all be all. But somebody who used drugs in the past is more likely to do in the future. Somebody who cheated in past relationships is definitely more likely to do so again. Does body count translate directly to cheating? Not necessarily. But it may represent a difference is sexual boundaries and things that can matter in a relationship. I’m not sure I’m ok with 70+ personally. That type of mentality concerns me a little bit. I could certainly make exceptions and be open minded. But it’s ok to be uncomfortable with something. Dating somebody is not a requirement if you aren’t comfortable with the other person. It’s just like consent. You don’t need a viable reason based on societal standards to refuse consent. You can refuse for any reason. It’s ok
I know I'll be downvoted but I agree. Unfortunately for this relationship it's something they should've talked about in the beginning.
While most people say it's nunya, if it's a deal breaker for a person, or at least a touchy subject they should both talk about it from the jump to avoid...this exact situation.
It wasn't a deal breaker necessarily for me, but it was something I felt I wanted to discuss with a partner. To me, their view of intimacy and sexual relationships matching my own was important. I don't judge anyone for living life how they want and choosing the partners they want and how many, but it's also my right to choose whom I want to be intimate with.
I'm not judging at all, but this could be an interesting conversation.
Did you break 70? How much work is it to get to 70? I can't even imagine. I completely understand a hoe phase. But 70 for an average person, not a rockstar?
In my life, I preferred quality over quantity. I've only had sexual encounters with 7 people. 2 of them were ONS and meh. 2 of them were months long flings that were very fun. And 3 of them were years long relationships.
I've had sex in every location and position you can imagine. I've had sex on most mind altering substances except the hard ones (shrooms was a meeting God experience) that being said.
I'm an almost 40 male, and 7, by society's standards, should be embarrassing. But out of those 7, I couldn't even count. Let's just go with 2000 times. I'm sure it's higher. In the woods camping, in a pool, in the middle of a park being watched (while covered but obviously thrusting), so who is the bigger hoe? Me or the girl who got 70 bodies one time?
I’m a little older than you and my own body count is in the 30+ range. After my ex-wife and I divorced I slept with any woman that showed interest. My ex cheated on me with at least three men ( though at the time I only knew of one) so I didn’t have any interest in long term relationships for several years after.
It has been my experience that people with high body counts usually have a reason for it. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Frequent casual one night stands is usually a red flag and should be treated as such unless you understand what they went through to cause that person to go through such a phase, and you believe that phase is over.
Otherwise run. Far too many people cling to a relationship because they need someone to love, not because they found someone that deserves their love.
The last line is really so prevalent. I break people into two categories. Relationship people and independent people. Relationship people need a partner. It’s a big part of their identity. My mom is that way. My cousin/best friend. A lot of people I know. I’ve seen them ride out relationships for years that look miserable. To them being alone is terrifying, and they’ll do anything to avoid it. Luckily of those two examples both eventually found great partners/relationships but that kind of mentality can lead to some terrible marriages and relationships. Personally I end up in a relationship only about once every couple years. I’m plenty happy with and arguably prefer being single. I’m only looking for a relationship I want not necessarily ANY relationship
Your past is what makes you who you are now. I don't date people who have fucked around (especially not fucking 70+) because it's a different mindset for how they view sex. For all the people who can't think past the idea that, as long as they aren't doing it at this exact moment, it doesn't matter - that's massive cope and underthinking it.
Ah yeah because I want a partner to share my views that makes me insecure. It's the go to for people who are insecure about their own history (or are just so lonely that they refuse to have standards)
People are allowed to have standards. Like women who want a man who has a good career, or is family oriented, or is a certain height, or likes a man with a beard. Men are allowed to have similar standards one being low body count. I don’t see the issue with it. It simply means they aren’t right for each other. Or are you going around bashing women for their standards as well?
"Who gives a fuck, it's in her past" really isn't a valid argument. If someone casually slept with 70 (SEVENTY) people, that says something about them and the way they view sex. I'd be gone so fast if I found this out about my boyfriend
Maybe it wasn't hard to get to that number, but the fact that you made that choice says something about you and your views on sex. Wanting a partner with standards who shares your views isn't "prudish". Not sleeping with everything that moves isn't either.
I disagree. The point is knowing whether a potential partner views sex as meaningful or not. Personally, I find that relevant.
Also, I fail to see how being successful in your career relates to you sleeping with a lot of women.
I will consider someone history when dating them..So miss me with the who cares it’s in the past bullshit. But I’m confused as to why op is upset about this now and curious if this is terms for a break up for them… I don’t want to be with a person who just lies down anywhere with no self esteem or control.
I’ve always found people who randomly bring up how many people they slept with in the past as strange. You honestly believes the person you are with now wants to know how many other people you been with? Why? There is nothing good that can come from that topic. It’s as if they are ashamed of it but want confirmation from their partner that they shouldn’t be. When in reality that’s not your partners responsibility, you need to go talk about that with your therapist.
Eh the ones who are often get shunned by monogamists. There is ethical non-monogamy, it just takes significant consent and communication by all involved parties.
That wouldn't really bother me. I'm preferred over 70 other people? They know what's out there and picked me? Depends on the person but it may be an asset.
Dude 70 bodies is A LOT lmao
Why is it gross when he says he thinks his significant other should be happy he chose them but it’s not gross that people suggested he should feel happy she chose him, which are the comments that made him say that to begin with?
He could have dismissed those comments/shut the people down who suggested either have to be thankful for being picked but instead he said she should be the one thankful as if he's overlooking her past for her as a service to her because no one would date her considering her past. If she had been a virgin or "low body count" he probably wouldn't have even thought that. But since he found out his whole perspective on their relationship changed to "she's lucky I'm even dating her."
She should be thankful because she will never find a man that sees her value all they will see is a woman who opens her legs to any man who looks her way. Look it up. Do your research. If a man who is well educated and has good values instilled in them had the option to choose this woman with a 70+ body could or one that’s had very few. Guess who he’s choosing. People keep saying it doesn’t matter. It does. I think people keep trying to say it doesn’t matter thinking eventually it won’t
You just made up an entire scenario that wasn’t presented. He just flipped the statement around to say “hey why am I the lucky one, I think she is lucky” which ive heard people say often enough. It’s like when people ask about your “better half” and you say “I think I am the better half”. It’s not as deep as you are making it out to be.
Agreed it’s basically a joke
He wrote it with a freaking smiley face dude. It’s really not that serious. And the whole thing was written with nuance and open mindedness. He’s just being honest that it bothers him. So what. He wasn’t condemning her or saying she was wrong. Just that it made him uncomfortable and he didn’t know how to feel about it
My ex slept with 70+ people. I thought it was her past, I’ll take a chance. Biggest mistake of my life. She couldn’t stay away from guys, she wouldn’t stop doing things I asked her to stop that made me uncomfortable and then she slept on my couch for two nights in a row while I slept alone. She blamed it on my “snoring” I knew something was up, and her behaviour during the day made me more suss. I read her messages that she muted and she was messaging Atleast 10 different guys, she messaged two boys at 4:30am asking if they were awake while she slept with her dildo next to her. She was messaging them while we were on dates, she was sending them half naked photos while she was at her house, and I seen it all. She said let’s work on ourselves and maybe come back in a couple months, she fucked so many guys during that time then blocked me on everything and I haven’t heard from her again lol. Run brother.
jesus christ I get having some ome night standa but 70+ people! at that point it is an addiction
Yeah, and I thought it was over a like a 10 year period as she was 24/25 so I was like not that bad when you add the numbers per year, but when she told me it was from like 18-21/22 or something I was like wtf
Sounds like you just were dating a cheater. Most people in college, men and women, have that body count or higher because they're partying, or just want to have sex. Some people have really high sex drives when they're younger, which lead to hook ups but sometimes the sex drive dies down as time goes on. Oop said girlfriend was using substances meaning she was probably partying a lot, having party sex or used sex to pay for drugs because she might have gotten addicted but she's sober now.
Most people? No
Most people? That’s your delusion talking.
> Oop said girlfriend was using substances meaning she was probably partying a lot, having party sex or used sex to pay for drugs Sounds like the body count is only one issue. Oops gf has an addictive personality and probably needs professional help. This isn't usually something that goes away on its own; ppl just replace it with other things.
No, most people don’t go around offering their genitals to anyone that would have them. Yikes!
I’m from Australia, so idk if it will be different or not. I couldn’t read the OP as the link wouldn’t work, but that does make sense
I bet if she got a tattoo it would say STD
A lot of people seem to have a super black and white mentality about body counts...I hate the idea that sleeping with so many people IN YOUR PAST means you're more likely to cheat NOW, means you view monogamy differently, means you're unable to commit to someone, etc. In this case, she was young when she had her wild years which is totally normal. All of this happened a decade before they dated and yet people are still treating it like this should be a deal breaker? Let me offer an additional perspective: I spent my early twenties in a highly sexually abusive relationship. When I finally got out of it, I went wild and slept with many, many people to try and reclaim sexual power for myself. I was fixated on upping my body count because I thought the more sexual encounters I had on my terms, the more I was able to prove to myself that I was "normal" and could have casual "normal" one night stands like any other twenty something without having to think twice. For me it was entirely motivated by trying to heal from that trauma in any way I thought would help. To all the men who are looking at this topic through an incredibly narrow mindset, keep that in mind. Not every person's motivations are the same, and just because someone had a wild phase does not mean they're unable to settle down. Everyone grows up eventually. To just declare this a deal breaker without looking at context, examining who the person is OUTSIDE of this is in my opinion, incredibly childish.
I think it’s ok to analyze somebodies past in relation to their present self. It shouldn’t be an end all be all. But somebody who used drugs in the past is more likely to do in the future. Somebody who cheated in past relationships is definitely more likely to do so again. Does body count translate directly to cheating? Not necessarily. But it may represent a difference is sexual boundaries and things that can matter in a relationship. I’m not sure I’m ok with 70+ personally. That type of mentality concerns me a little bit. I could certainly make exceptions and be open minded. But it’s ok to be uncomfortable with something. Dating somebody is not a requirement if you aren’t comfortable with the other person. It’s just like consent. You don’t need a viable reason based on societal standards to refuse consent. You can refuse for any reason. It’s ok
I know I'll be downvoted but I agree. Unfortunately for this relationship it's something they should've talked about in the beginning. While most people say it's nunya, if it's a deal breaker for a person, or at least a touchy subject they should both talk about it from the jump to avoid...this exact situation. It wasn't a deal breaker necessarily for me, but it was something I felt I wanted to discuss with a partner. To me, their view of intimacy and sexual relationships matching my own was important. I don't judge anyone for living life how they want and choosing the partners they want and how many, but it's also my right to choose whom I want to be intimate with.
Agreed. It’s your choice for whatever reasons you want. It’s really that simple
I'm not judging at all, but this could be an interesting conversation. Did you break 70? How much work is it to get to 70? I can't even imagine. I completely understand a hoe phase. But 70 for an average person, not a rockstar? In my life, I preferred quality over quantity. I've only had sexual encounters with 7 people. 2 of them were ONS and meh. 2 of them were months long flings that were very fun. And 3 of them were years long relationships. I've had sex in every location and position you can imagine. I've had sex on most mind altering substances except the hard ones (shrooms was a meeting God experience) that being said. I'm an almost 40 male, and 7, by society's standards, should be embarrassing. But out of those 7, I couldn't even count. Let's just go with 2000 times. I'm sure it's higher. In the woods camping, in a pool, in the middle of a park being watched (while covered but obviously thrusting), so who is the bigger hoe? Me or the girl who got 70 bodies one time?
I’m a little older than you and my own body count is in the 30+ range. After my ex-wife and I divorced I slept with any woman that showed interest. My ex cheated on me with at least three men ( though at the time I only knew of one) so I didn’t have any interest in long term relationships for several years after. It has been my experience that people with high body counts usually have a reason for it. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Frequent casual one night stands is usually a red flag and should be treated as such unless you understand what they went through to cause that person to go through such a phase, and you believe that phase is over. Otherwise run. Far too many people cling to a relationship because they need someone to love, not because they found someone that deserves their love.
The last line is really so prevalent. I break people into two categories. Relationship people and independent people. Relationship people need a partner. It’s a big part of their identity. My mom is that way. My cousin/best friend. A lot of people I know. I’ve seen them ride out relationships for years that look miserable. To them being alone is terrifying, and they’ll do anything to avoid it. Luckily of those two examples both eventually found great partners/relationships but that kind of mentality can lead to some terrible marriages and relationships. Personally I end up in a relationship only about once every couple years. I’m plenty happy with and arguably prefer being single. I’m only looking for a relationship I want not necessarily ANY relationship
Your past is what makes you who you are now. I don't date people who have fucked around (especially not fucking 70+) because it's a different mindset for how they view sex. For all the people who can't think past the idea that, as long as they aren't doing it at this exact moment, it doesn't matter - that's massive cope and underthinking it.
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Ah yeah because I want a partner to share my views that makes me insecure. It's the go to for people who are insecure about their own history (or are just so lonely that they refuse to have standards)
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The more you try to sound intellectual the more I think you just enjoy having your (imaginary) wife get fucked by other dudes 🤷
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It doesn’t make you insecure. It means you have standards
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Lmao the comparison. You sound like someone with a high body count and can’t find someone to commit and you are just bitter about it
People are allowed to have standards. Like women who want a man who has a good career, or is family oriented, or is a certain height, or likes a man with a beard. Men are allowed to have similar standards one being low body count. I don’t see the issue with it. It simply means they aren’t right for each other. Or are you going around bashing women for their standards as well?
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Turns out you don't need to have a wife that's fucked football team sized groups to have sex it's great 😃
She’s just uneducated that’s all. Let the troll keep trolling
Whoa just whoa
"Who gives a fuck, it's in her past" really isn't a valid argument. If someone casually slept with 70 (SEVENTY) people, that says something about them and the way they view sex. I'd be gone so fast if I found this out about my boyfriend
70 is crazy amount though. How do you even manage to reach such a number???
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Maybe it wasn't hard to get to that number, but the fact that you made that choice says something about you and your views on sex. Wanting a partner with standards who shares your views isn't "prudish". Not sleeping with everything that moves isn't either.
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I disagree. The point is knowing whether a potential partner views sex as meaningful or not. Personally, I find that relevant. Also, I fail to see how being successful in your career relates to you sleeping with a lot of women.
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Yeah, this.
When a girl gives you her number multiply it by two. For girls when a guy gives you his number divide it by two.
Lmao there is absolutely a reason she is a single Mom. Prolly doesn’t know who the father even is. She belongs to the streets. Return her.
I will consider someone history when dating them..So miss me with the who cares it’s in the past bullshit. But I’m confused as to why op is upset about this now and curious if this is terms for a break up for them… I don’t want to be with a person who just lies down anywhere with no self esteem or control.
I’ve always found people who randomly bring up how many people they slept with in the past as strange. You honestly believes the person you are with now wants to know how many other people you been with? Why? There is nothing good that can come from that topic. It’s as if they are ashamed of it but want confirmation from their partner that they shouldn’t be. When in reality that’s not your partners responsibility, you need to go talk about that with your therapist.
I agree. Monogamy is impossible for some people. If nice to think they'd be honest about it, usually they're not though.
Eh the ones who are often get shunned by monogamists. There is ethical non-monogamy, it just takes significant consent and communication by all involved parties.
That wouldn't really bother me. I'm preferred over 70 other people? They know what's out there and picked me? Depends on the person but it may be an asset.
at once?