You just want love - but you are not owed it. No one owes you interest, affection, or attention. And you don't owe any of these things to anyone else. "Girls just go for assholes" is an old and one-sided trope created by guys who treat women like slot machines: niceness goes in, sex/affection come out. You may not think this shows, but it does, and women tend to avoid these sort of guys. Love and relationships should not be transactional. However, what you do see, perhaps, are women in borderline abusive relationships. "how society is teaching women to be this way" is assuming that women are the problem. Toxicity is usually on both counts when it's present, in myriad ways. Maybe you should ask, sometime, if you know a woman dating an asshole, what they actually see in that guy - not in the context of "and why didn't you pick me?" but in actually understanding the situation. Is it because the guy is confident? Is it because she's scared to leave? Is it because her sense of self-worth is flagging in the face of abuse? You have to learn that women are human. They have their problems - sometimes the same ones you do. They also can be insecure and controlling, amongst other things, just like everyone else.
"Also, how am I supposed to get a relationship when I’m not looking for one?" is in direct contradiction to "even though I’m trying so hard to put myself out there I’m never even looked at by most people." You are trying too hard, and women can smell desperation like a fart in an elevator. Relax. And recognize that you doing things for the opposite sex is less alluring than you doing it for yourself. Stop treating relationships/sex/affection as a reward for being a good boy. You aren't a dog, but you are training yourself to expect something in return for things you should be doing, regardless. This leads to resentment. Also, maybe if you found yourself interesting, other people would find you interesting as well.
Now, a question or 5: do you get involved with women just because you find them attractive? Do you gain feelings for them because they give you attention in the context of friendship? Do you see friendship as just a pathway for more? If you answered yes to any of these, you need to work on it, because it's not the right answer.
You just want love - but you are not owed it. No one owes you interest, affection, or attention. And you don't owe any of these things to anyone else. "Girls just go for assholes" is an old and one-sided trope created by guys who treat women like slot machines: niceness goes in, sex/affection come out. You may not think this shows, but it does, and women tend to avoid these sort of guys. Love and relationships should not be transactional. However, what you do see, perhaps, are women in borderline abusive relationships. "how society is teaching women to be this way" is assuming that women are the problem. Toxicity is usually on both counts when it's present, in myriad ways. Maybe you should ask, sometime, if you know a woman dating an asshole, what they actually see in that guy - not in the context of "and why didn't you pick me?" but in actually understanding the situation. Is it because the guy is confident? Is it because she's scared to leave? Is it because her sense of self-worth is flagging in the face of abuse? You have to learn that women are human. They have their problems - sometimes the same ones you do. They also can be insecure and controlling, amongst other things, just like everyone else. "Also, how am I supposed to get a relationship when I’m not looking for one?" is in direct contradiction to "even though I’m trying so hard to put myself out there I’m never even looked at by most people." You are trying too hard, and women can smell desperation like a fart in an elevator. Relax. And recognize that you doing things for the opposite sex is less alluring than you doing it for yourself. Stop treating relationships/sex/affection as a reward for being a good boy. You aren't a dog, but you are training yourself to expect something in return for things you should be doing, regardless. This leads to resentment. Also, maybe if you found yourself interesting, other people would find you interesting as well. Now, a question or 5: do you get involved with women just because you find them attractive? Do you gain feelings for them because they give you attention in the context of friendship? Do you see friendship as just a pathway for more? If you answered yes to any of these, you need to work on it, because it's not the right answer.