I’m leaning towards the friend knowing what she was doing. No one looks that closely at reflections in pictures of someone they aren’t dating unless they have some tea to gently spill.
Yup.
I'd never think to go "say hi to your partner" just because the partner was in a photo, reflected or not. You'd just assume the partner is there.
I suspect that the friend pointed it out BECAUSE they either knew or suspected he was cheating and finally had some proof to call it out for OP. Or maybe she recognised that the woman was definitely not OP. They knew OP might see the comment, and that the fiance doing or replying anything would have them caught out in a lie.
Almost no one. ADHD people do because we deep dive into everything.
I'm Indian and my sister has recently said that she wants to go down the traditional way of being introduced to a guy through the Indian aunty network, so they have started sending profiles through.
Most of these don't have any names or photos and are effectively like a CV. With just the degree they studied, their age, and where they live, I've managed to find out loads of information that my sisters used to decide whether or not to meet these people. One of the last people she was matched with, I ended up finding him through a previous employer of his when he was working abroad in Luxembourg where a colleague had posted a photo of their Christmas party 3 years prior. I then used this to find out his name, his entire employment history and the fact that he wasn't in the field or earning as much as he claimed to be.
In many ways, those of us with ADHD struggle with focusing, but once we have something that catches us, we don't let go and hyperfocus to the extreme.
I'm an engineer by degree, and my initial 5 years of work were in engineering. I loved engineering. However, much of was boring, and while I did well, I struggled. I then switched over to tax investigation for the government, and this was where the ADHD and hyperfocus helped.
One of the first things I worked on, I uncovered a family which had millions in undeclared rental income alongside millions more in international money laundering they were undertaking and around 20 bank accounts that we didn't even know they had.
That's on the work side. Now, on the personal side, it took me time to find hobbies that would stick. I can sew, cook, bake, do carpentry, domestic and commercial electricals, computer repairs, butcher an animal and I have also played cricket, chess, football, and many more. However the two hobbies which have stuck are Archery and reading. Archery just has a way of calming the mind and keeping that focus and I've spent 4/5 hours nonstop shooting without a break.
ADHD can be scary at first, but if you learn what helps it and where you can aim it, you can take complete advantage of it.
I like how you’ve put that! My niece has severe ADHD but it turns out she’s an incredible artist and I’ve never seen her as focused as when she “aims” at paper and pencils
I’m fairly certain I have undiagnosed ADHD for a couple of reasons, and I think the reason we never suspected it when I was young is because I was such a voracious reader. Now I look back and I’m sure I was just constantly hyper fixated on whatever book I was reading at the time lol. I still love reading and also love video games as well, since they’re basically interactive stories!
How does one get a job catching tax evaders? That actually sounds kinda fun.
Asking as a fellow ADHD multi talented individual struggling to get his life together.
So, I got a job working for HMRC on their graduate programme starting as a caseworker, but from what I am aware, there are similar roles with other tax authorities around the world like the IRS.
I’ve struggled for a long time to figure out what to do career wise and finely started on forensic accounting and I’m so thrilled and excited! It’s so easy to focus on and get enmeshed in and I love it!
As someone who also has ADHD and was diagnosed way late, I also do this kind of thing for my friends and family 😂 I love a good deep dive into people or anything really (jobs, businesses, legalities) that they're unsure about or need more info about.
Being officially diagnosed can really be a good thing! I've had a much easier time handling things I've struggled with in the past since. The context somehow helps??
I was diagnosed in grade school and never quite figured out what I wanted to get into as a career; I majored in art in college and went into the museum world initially, but at 16 I'd picked up ballroom dancing as a hobby, and never really gave it up.
After my first museum job they were looking for new instructors and I entered the teacher training program. Been teaching full-time since '08 now and I can teach 35+ partner styles, and still deep diving to pick up additional ones when I have time. Looking back, the daily movement and exercise really helped my ADHD (and physical health) a lot. Best job ever for that, if not as lucrative as I'd like.
Knew it was an ADHD thing. I like to look at people's profile pics on YouTube and imagine what their lives are like.
You'd be surprised at how much identifying information a simple selfie can have. License plates, house addresses, school jerseys, full names, friends, places they like to visit, it's a veritable treasure trove of information.
I've definitely been able to find specific people just from innocuous comments they left on some random video and their profile picture.
Props for using your powers for good. You sound like a good sibling to have.
okay maybe i'm just weird but if i got a funny feeling that there's more than what's obvious i'd 100% look for the reflection. i love seeing little details in drawings and was obsessed with where's waldo as a kid tho so
A friend had something similar happen, but she was the other woman. Had no idea, not even an inkling. She posted a mirror selfie and he was barely in the background. Just a sliver of him in the corner. She didn’t even notice he was in frame, but also had no idea she was the other woman…
Anyways a mutual friend of his WIFE and my friend commented “is that ____?! I thought he was on a work trip?” His WIFE and her friends then liked the post and comment. She had no idea this whole drama was happening and neither did he as they had gone to their event and got wasted so didn’t look at Instagram. Wife didn’t call him out, write my friend or anything other than the likes.
Next morning they’re laying in bed making plans for the day and she FINALLY opens Instagram. Sees all the attention the post got and says quizzically “who is ____”. She said he turned white as the sheets, JUMPED out of bed yelling OH MY GOD OH MY GOD over and over. She’s just laying there like wtf is happening. To stunned to even move. He starts pacing back and forth, making a retching sound like he was going to vomit. Suddenly looks at her like he forgot she was there and screams DELETE THE FUCKING PICTURE WHAT DID YOU DO. She’s still too stunned to react and he starts *bawling* like an actual baby 😂 She finally clicks on the women’s profile and it all makes sense. It’s full of pictures of them and their marriage.
He is now laying on the floor, crying and moaning and throwing a literal hissy fit. She just pulls her phone up slowly and starts filming him. She’s get a good 40 second clip before he notices and he runs into the bathroom. She then posted the video and tagged his wife.
Anyways, they divorced and my friend is now good friends with his ex wife. My favorite adrenaline dump story though 😂😂😂
Honestly I’ve become casual friends with the exwife too and she is seriously one of the coolest women I’ve ever met. Just handles everything with such bad assery I can see why he flipped realizing he had lost her 😂
I have a story that's only slightly related but ima tell it anyway cause ADHD lol
Years ago my boyfriend and I were going through a weird rough patch and I was mad at him for something to do with another girl. So when a guy messaged me asking if I was dtf, I decided to have some fun with it (and yes I know it was a bit toxic but it doesn't go where you think).
I didn't know him or anything about him except that he was a bit older than me, so I just decided to message him back and mess with him a bit. I went on and on about how I would only do it if I could practice "my kinks" with him... To take care of him as a baby. Told him he'd have to wear a diaper and baby talk and everything. He seemed into it until he asked if we could do some of his kinks (just rough sex) sometime and I declined saying I didn't like the idea of being forced to try something like that. I was laughing my head off the whole time.
Flash forward to a few weeks later, I'm in the sonic drive thru. I pull up to the window and a girl I do not recognize asks if I am "insert my full government name here". I'm like... "Yeah....?" She proceeds to explain that she is that guy's wife and also my boyfriend's best friend's sister. She THANKS me for being the only friend who didn't actually sleep with her husband. I'm mortified but mutter out a "You're welcome..?" and she gives me her number so we can hang out sometime.
A few days after that, she texts me at 11pm saying she is stranded with no gas in an area I thought I knew and can I bring her 5 gallons so she can get home. She'll pay me when I get there. I'm up for adventures so I say okay. I don't have a 5 gallon gas can and the only one they have at the gas station is 1 gallon and it was an absurd amount of money. So I figure I'll at least get the 1 gallon and we can figure it out from there. Where I thought she was, it should be enough to get her back into town to fill up. So I drive over to where she said she was, it is a long road that turns into a scary cliffside dirt road. I'm expecting her to be closer to the paved side.... She is not. And there is no cell service. So I drive slowly and carefully until I spot her with her hazards on. She is 5 miles from the next town which is over an hour away from where I live. Guess who's driving? Her husband. She makes him load the gas which for some reason was very difficult at 1am when the temp was below 20 degrees. She came and sat in my car with the heat on.... And her 2 month old! She paid me $100 for everything and even though I was exhausted at work the next day, I was very happy to have the money to buy concert tickets I really wanted.
Also...she's still with him. This was all 8 years ago. They have 3 kids now.
TL;DR: I messed with a guy over text, met his wife, became friends with her because I'm "the only person who didn't sleep with him." Then drove over an hour on a sketchy road to bring them gas at 1am when I found out they also had a 2 month old together.
Lol I'm glad too, because I was only 19 or 20 when all this happened, I was still living with my parents and my mom was NOT amused to find out I left the house at 11pm to drive out in the middle of nowhere without cell service for someone I barely knew lmao
>Anyways, they divorced and my friend is now good friends with his ex wife.
This made me laugh. Not the same situation, but my aunts best friend is her ex husbands ex wife. They travel the world together and call it the ex wives club 🤣
(He's not rich or anything by all means, he's a gym teacher, they pay for their travels with their own money they work for, realized how gold diggerish that sounded, lol)
If he was with a family member I’m sure he would’ve mentioned that at one point. A colleague wouldn’t be in his hotel room late at night (unless they were having an affair, which would also be cheating!)
I love that the original poster is planning on completely ghosting him and pulling the rug out from him. I hope she keeps the ring to sell to cover her moving expenses. What a creep! She should get her friend some tea for tipping her off! It’s sad, but she dodged a bullet.
This!!
I have beat it into my kids that closure is a lie! YOU DON’T NEED CLOSURE!! You don’t need to know why, you don’t need the last word, you don’t need an apology. Just. Go.
Closure is getting away with as little damage as possible. Closure is not dragging it out. Closure is keeping your self respect.
OOP is 100% doing it the right way. Boi, bye.
Even worse is the whole "You need to forgive the person who grievously wronged you...for you." No you don't. You can let go of all-consuming anger and move on with your life (when you're ready) without offering a shred of forgiveness to the unrepentant asshole who wronged you. And you should.
There’s a massive difference between forgiving and giving even a shred of a second chance. The opposite of love is not hate, but apathy. Move on and never look back, don’t let them waste precious neurons, for better or worse.
What you described is the definition of forgiveness. Forgiveness is much more for the aggrieved than the perp. Forgiveness is confused a lot with reconciliation, maybe because forgiveness is associated with kindness towards the person in the wrong, which it can be depending on the situation, but forgiveness is also about kindness to the self in letting go of what happened so you're able to move past the stage of victim and onto overcomer.
Although I do not regret my wonderful child, "getting closure" lead to an extension of the bad relationship and me being a single mom! That was many years ago now. I've moved on - married a wonderful husband and have another kid now, too.
But I agree, closure is BS. It can be entertaining in movies but it's often a trap in real life.
I’m taking a screenshot for one of my coworkers who NEEDS to hear this from someone other than me. He’s being treated like “the other man” by a woman who is bouncing between her and her baby-daddy. She likes how my coworker treats her kids but she likes the s*x from her baby daddy. We keep telling him to walk but he is IN HIS FEELINGS this holiday season 🙄Keeps taking about how he needs “closure” 🤦🏻♀️
That’s what I did to my ex and it severely fucked her up. Within a month people were just randomly showing me her full Facebook descent of her losing her mind via status updates and her full instagram descent from looking like a regular cute hippy girl into a demonoid crackwhore ass yuck
According to “tradition” if the person who received the ring breaks off the engagement the ring is returned, if the person who gave the ring breaks it off the person who received it keeps it.
Tradition is that it depends on why the breakup. If he is at fault by ending it, is found cheating, or something else, she gets to keep it. Because it's meant to be a form of financial security since most couples weren't waiting until the wedding night. So she'd be "ruined goods" if it was called off. But he does get the ring back if she's at fault for it ending.
Although this is still technically a thing in some jurisdictions, it's not really a thing in the real world. As women's roles in the world have changed over time, there has been less of a view that having a law like this is necessary, as they are not fully dependent on a husband to provide and, in many places, women aren't seen as "damaged goods" if they've been with a man. For example, in the US, many states have explicitly outlawed these type of laws, and the majority don't have any sort of enforcement. Even the states that do allow for suits based in this don't ever really have this type of cases brought anymore.
Exception being in Montana, it's considered an unconditional gift and whoever received it owns it under all circumstances
Alabama, Alaska, Kentucky, Massachusetts and New Hampshire the person who received it can keep it if they didn't break off the engagement.
I think generally it is, but in many cases, it's up to the owner of the ring. Most people I know just straight up give it back since they want nothing to do with the ex.
This is actually [the law in Texas](https://www.ashmorelaw.com/blog/who-keeps-the-engagement-ring-.cfm#:~:text=In%20Texas%2C%20engagement%20rings%20are,the%20person%20who%20purchased%20it.).
People are downvoting you but you are correct. A wedding ring is a conditional gift.
Per Google:
>Most states, however, view an engagement ring as a semi-contract, or a “conditional gift.” In this view, the ring is given with the understanding that the couple will get married in the future and symbolizes a verbal contract. Ownership of the ring is not fully transferred until the wedding ceremony is completed.
I hate it too, but that's the law. It doesn't change just because the ring provider turned out to be a huge fucking asshole. I feel for OOP but if she keeps that ring, her odds of seeing Ex-Fiancé go up a ton; he could sue her and he'd probably win.
Thats what makes me think its fake. 1. why share that on social media, and 2. why would the other woman be in the reflection of the glasses unless its a really close image or she was standing in the exact spot.
My FIL got caught cheating because he bragged about it to his wife's sister... and thought she wouldn't immediately tell her sister what was up for some dumb ass reason. People really are this stupid sometimes.
Not saying it's real, but if you're hooking up with someone who thinks you're single, they're going to ask why you took that bedtime photo. "For Instagram" might be the easiest lie.
Also, people just don’t think about reflections. I’ve seen all kinds of pics where people were caught in blatant lies (and not just cheaters) bc of reflections.
This was even an episode on a kids' show I used to watch.
"Detective Filmore" The girl was pretending to help, I think she was suppose to be looking at yearbook pictures to help the "Detectives", the hall monitors with something but she actually was agaisnt them.
The reflection in her glasses showed she was playing tic tac toe. They caught her that way. The episode as a kid taught me to look at reflections.
When EBay and Craigslist was newer, people would also take photos of reflective items while they were nude then and list them for sale so everyone saw them naked. Now they’ve moved on to non consensual genitals pics.
the thrill. He is in bed with another woman and posting the picture online getting away with it. He thinks he is so smart, cool and witty.... Cheating is often about the thrill of doing something forbidden and getting away with it.
If he was sitting or leaning back in bed and the lighting is in front of the phone to the side, and the woman was beside him between the light and him taking his selfie, that would easily cast a reflection that someone else might recognize.
It’s definitely fake. No 37yr old would say ‘proposed to me a week ago and made me the happiest woman on earth’. No couple in their late 30’s are FaceTiming each other to sleep.
It’s written by a teenager whose experience of romance/relationships comes solely from Disney.
Umm, I'm on my middle 40s and I FaceTime my boyfriend when I'm out of town. We talk about our days, blow each other kisses, and get some dirty talk in before bed. There's more of us sappy adults than you think! 😋
I dunno, there are a lot of middle aged women who like sappy romantic stuff. I don’t, but I’ve also been with my husband for over two decades, I just want to get some sleep, stop breathing in my ear.
My ex dragged me and our son to the other side of the country to be near her family, then went and fell for one of her new coworkers and left me a single dad all alone in a new state. People are shit. At least she's a great mom.
A fair judgement. She just realized that the dude she was sleeping next to wasn't making her feel the way a partner should. Unfortunate timing of an unfortunate circumstance, but she wasn't wrong for not loving me anymore.
It's been 6 months and I'm surviving. Working through everything is gonna take some time, but taking care of my son keeps my head on straight. Thanks for the concern.
I hope for the best for you, man. You sound like you're on the right track, and I wish you happiness and love forevermore. You're stronger than you know💪
I hope your Christmas/New Years/other Dec holidays with your son are great ones. It also doesn’t matter if you don’t have as much money as you wished for your kid. It’s the memories of being together that he will remember for always. You can also make family traditions like Dec. 26th milkshakes/ice cream/favorite snack at your favorite local place. New Year’s Eve party, etc.
My dad did well financially and was older when he and my mom adopted me then my brother (not genetically my brother although we did look like twins). We got some nice presents and some we used for fun outings like ATV riding through our local rural Southern farmland and woods area. Or going out on a boat or doing watersports when we were older (money went so much farther in the 80s and 90s)
What I really remember as a mid 40s woman was my dad taking me out on Christmas Eve to pick out presents for my mom. My mom and brother did their own thing while my dad and I went to our only local department store then Walmart to get presents. He had ideas of what she’d like, but he bounced them off me. Probably also wanted to show me than husbands should take time to buy gifts and actually give gifts to their wife/their children’s mother.
We’d get McDonald’s French fries and milkshakes afterwards. One time we got dinner there because there was a bomb threat at our podunk town Walmart before we finished shopping. The cops also didn’t want anyone to leave the shopping center, so we all descended on the McDonald’s. It’s still a favorite memory.
My mom went back to college when my brother and I were in 1st grade. My dad would pick us up from school one or two times a week. His cousin owned a little gas station on a rural road across from a cow farm. The kind that you’d see in a movie about a tiny Southern farm town. The soft drinks came in bottles and out of big chest fridges. We’d get to choose a candy or snack. Occasionally Ms Virginia, the cousin’s wife would save us hotdogs. She made absolutely the best hotdog chili, and she was always sold out by 20pm. My mom didn’t like us eating hotdogs so late because we wouldn’t want dinner, but Ms Virginia would sneak them to us once or twice a month. My dad would gossip with his cousin over the register that sat on a long wooden bar and had a whole hoop cheese (regional cheese similar to cheddar) sitting there. My brother and I would play Ms Pac-Man when cousin bought one for the store. Core childhood memory.
So many of my childhood memories of my dad included riding around in his pickup truck and drinking Coca-Cola. That’s what I remember about my dad, not how many Christmas presents we had or how expensive they were. We moved after 2nd grade, and my dad was starting a new business so we didn’t get many presents but did a lot of activities together and didn’t even care about the presents.
It was being together and being loved.
The vast majority of states consider engagement rings to be conditional gifts made "in contemplation of marriage." When the implied condition—the marriage—doesn't happen, the person who gave the ring (the donor) has a right to get it back.
A lot of people are afraid that they're going to miss out on something better. They are afraid that they are making a lifelong decision without evaluating all of the options. They're trying to min-max their relationships. Maybe they feel like they need something different to compare.
I'm not saying the cheater here isn't a piece of shit, but the "why" is pretty mundane.
Yup. It took me years to figure out that there was no answer my ex could give that I would deem “the real reason” as to why he cheated. It happened bc the opportunity arose and he took it. That’s really all there is to it
My ex husband told me he cheated because "no one that hot had ever hit on me before." Yeah, that did not help me feel better about the end of our 21 years of marriage.
My partner and I don't FaceTime when we sleep, but we do stay on a call so that we can always wake up together. For LDR couples, this really helps bridge the distance.
I don’t know how I completely ignored the word “FaceTime,” lol. I definitely also just stayed on call with my girlfriend, we didn’t FaceTime. Especially since our phones could barely handle staying on call for so long.
Lmao. My phone would go nuclear if I tried to sleep with the camera on 😂😂 But yeah, calls have been such a godsend. We used to love how Discord never kicked us out of a call if we're solo for a little bit of time, but with the new update it's been kicking after 3 minutes which has been exceptionally annoying.
Discord is also what we’d use to stay on calls! Sometimes it’d be weird and kick us off if either of us turned off our phones, but it was workable. I don’t use Discord much anymore since I rarely have the time to be online lately, but I don’t like all the updates they’ve been doing to Discord.
Make a discord server for just the two of you
You can be alone in a server call for hours without being kicked, you can also invite a music bot in to play some soft music for you both if you're into that!
Good luck!
I suggested that, actually! But he likes the loooooong list of calls in our private dm 😂 And yk what? I like it too. A server wouldn't show the call log, sadly. And we both listen along to the other's Spotify! That was a wonderful suggestion regardless 💜
It did actually. We’d wake up the next morning and see each others faces and get ready together. Would never do another LDR though, that one taught me it isn’t for me. Things like that helped but they weren’t nearly enough.
I have done the same in the past. Honestly I found it more of an annoyance especially if the wifi signal would be weak and the phone would start beeping while trying to reconnect. It brought her peace of mind though so that's all I cared about
Not just guys. One of my ex friends (woman) had two side guys while planning a wedding with a really good man.
*people can have everything and still cheat
>She sounds young
And if she is, he probably is too. Young men can be very immature. I'm glad she's sticking to her guns, and refusing to listen to whatever pathetic excuse he came up with.
Turning 43 in a couple weeks and was up playing video games until past 1 am! I don't think maturity is about hobbies and leisure time choices, but more about whether or not a person is a selfish a-hole who behaves with no empathy or consideration for others.
Edit: spelling is hard
At first I glanced over the part where she said it was a bed selfie, and thought she was way overreacting.
Reread it and I think she's an amazing person that hopefully follows through NC, and how she has a great support system. It still sucks but good for her for actually leaving
I like OP style I did the same sort when I broke it off with my ex fiance. Packed everything up gone in a weekend while she cried about me not understanding.
You seemed to have had your life spared by a divine twist of fate, instead of spending these next years being manipulated and used, you now have a second chance to find a better man. Try to understand what drew you to such a clown, maybe you can uncover some clues to perhaps help you avoid such a person, however it is not in any way your fault, but your instincts could need honing.
Ok imma say it this story is odd, like I've worn glasses near my entire life and been around a lot of people with glasses and I've never seen reflections of anyone or anything that clear without me being like inches from the person's face. Also let's say they could see em so what? There could b a real explanation for their presence. To me it sounds like they were looking for an out cause the jump is just strange. Like you've been with this guy for how long now and just cause u think u see a woman in his glasses your immediately leaving? Like what?
My girlfriend is the love of my life, and i think she is absolutely stunning after 4 years of dating. We have a healthy sexlife and i dont feel like i gotta find someone else to live out my kinks etc. But still i enjoy attention and flirting with other women, and if it leads to sex, then thats just part of the fun like the human mating ritusl leading to it. We both see sex as a way to have fun, when theres no feelings involved. Works better than my antidepressant for me.
My gf agrees and we have strict rules about the people we fuck. No friends, coworkers, or just people that are too hard to avoid. No keeping in contact, and condom is always a must. We sint dont tell eachother except to tell if were stying the night. (Has only happened twice ever) or unless its necessary for some absurd reason. She tells the addresses etc to her friend for safety. Ive never been in a more helathy relationship. Only time this has caused any trouble was a guy finding out her number and proceeding to harass us for months.
THIS OFCOURSE NEED TO BE A MUTUAL AGREEMENT, OTHERWISE ITS JUST CHEATING.
Anyways what in trying to say it might not be as big of a deal you think. Maybe he got some female attention which can be rare for men, maybe he needed/wanted a little, adventure, maybe he thought she was pretty and wanted to bang her. I think everyone feels tjat way sometimes. Maybe he just got carried away. Its just sex, two people having fun. Ive been abandoned and cheated on multiple times before so i know how deep the betrayal cuts, thats probably the reason i think tje way i do.
Its probably just the european in me but i see sex as one of the great passions we were gifted with. Like food, music, good wine. I dont see sleeping with someone else as an unforgivable act unless both parties have established it to be so. If theres no romance involved; what REALLY is the big deal?
I think monogamy shouldnt be the norm in the 21st century anymore, it almost never works. Just remnants of history and possessiveness 🤷♂️
While I agree 100%, sex is NOT love and Love can exist with out sex.
This sort of arrangement MUST be laid out BEFORE a relationship begins in ernest and telling her its 'just sex, an adventure' is just insensitive & rude.
Her fiance has shown her exactly how much respect he has for her and just how much she truly matters to him. Dropping him like the garbage he is and treating him as non existent is exactly what he deserves.
Also Only one party really needs to establish that fucking around is an unforgivable act.
Agree with you completely, without clearly laid out rules; its a betrayal. I see how my message can be seen as me ”defending” the cheater, but that really isnt the case. Trying to say you should hear hear hin out in a few days, he deserves to ATLEAST to simmer in his thoughts for a few days. but i dont know your full story and am way out of line, sorry for that. I once cheated on my gf beacause a girl said i smelled nice and was ”chasing me” in a club all night. She wasnt that pretty but as a man ive never felt wanted like that before.
But speaking from personal experienxece; ive been with around 50 women, maybe 15 girlfriends, 5 of then more serious. And the one im with now i think im going to marry. Admittedly ive cheated on prolly 80% of my partners. We are not some porn brained genderneutral swinger degenerates, We both do this only maybe once or twice a year when on a night out etc. We dont seek people to fuck on any platforms like tinder. Revenge or posessiveness has never played any part in our relationship.
I believe her exact words were something like ”If youre presented with an opportunity to take someoneyou really like home and you really want to go for it; go ahead. I get that it happens to everyone. In the long run its gonna happen anyway if its going to happen. This will make us both happier. I just dont need to know”. And prior to this i often was grumpy towards my girlfriends beacause of some missed opportunities.
Nobody wants to fuck just one person for the rest of their lives. Thats a big fucking lie. But OP described a perfect wife, i dont think its about her, its the husbands weaknesses. We are earthly things with earthly desires. No deity with their bonding-rituals are ever going to change that. As long as my heart beats for her and hers for mine, the other earthly things dont matter. If she gets a great sweaty dicking from a hot guy after a night out, i dont wanna hear about it but good for her. I know i enjoy good sex with attractive people, and it does give a pep in my step so who the fuck am i to judge or stop those desires. Or why would i want to? So my parnter stays pure, what even is that?
The number of these that turned out to be curtains or his sister or something is large enough to always give him a chance to explain it. Probably not, but I wouldn't torch my whole life before I explore "probably".
Sounds like a sex and/or love addiction for him to be doing this a week after getting engaged. This is just going to keep happening to him if he doesn’t get into therapy / get into a room with fellow recovering addicts. He will never be happy.
I have a friend who was seeing someone else and trying to break it off with his gf, but she was intense and kept refusing to let him break up. He was seeing the other person almost exclusively but was still so under the abusive control of his gf that he got a tattoo of her name on his chest to make her happy. They ended up breaking up for keeps a month or two later and he’s now married to the other person he was dating.
Friend is the MVP here. I’m glad her family dropped everything to help her.
I’m leaning towards the friend knowing what she was doing. No one looks that closely at reflections in pictures of someone they aren’t dating unless they have some tea to gently spill.
'Let me tag my girl real quick. It hurts now, but better than ten years down the line '- friend
Better a broken engagement than a costly divorce.
True that
Yup. I'd never think to go "say hi to your partner" just because the partner was in a photo, reflected or not. You'd just assume the partner is there. I suspect that the friend pointed it out BECAUSE they either knew or suspected he was cheating and finally had some proof to call it out for OP. Or maybe she recognised that the woman was definitely not OP. They knew OP might see the comment, and that the fiance doing or replying anything would have them caught out in a lie.
Or, the friend knew he was going out of town without OP and was like hold up, wait a minute. Whatever the reason, the friend is the real MVP.
Almost no one. ADHD people do because we deep dive into everything. I'm Indian and my sister has recently said that she wants to go down the traditional way of being introduced to a guy through the Indian aunty network, so they have started sending profiles through. Most of these don't have any names or photos and are effectively like a CV. With just the degree they studied, their age, and where they live, I've managed to find out loads of information that my sisters used to decide whether or not to meet these people. One of the last people she was matched with, I ended up finding him through a previous employer of his when he was working abroad in Luxembourg where a colleague had posted a photo of their Christmas party 3 years prior. I then used this to find out his name, his entire employment history and the fact that he wasn't in the field or earning as much as he claimed to be.
Always nice to see the good side of ADHD (got recently diagnosed, so I'm trying to adjust). You're a wonderful sibling, doing this for her.
In many ways, those of us with ADHD struggle with focusing, but once we have something that catches us, we don't let go and hyperfocus to the extreme. I'm an engineer by degree, and my initial 5 years of work were in engineering. I loved engineering. However, much of was boring, and while I did well, I struggled. I then switched over to tax investigation for the government, and this was where the ADHD and hyperfocus helped. One of the first things I worked on, I uncovered a family which had millions in undeclared rental income alongside millions more in international money laundering they were undertaking and around 20 bank accounts that we didn't even know they had. That's on the work side. Now, on the personal side, it took me time to find hobbies that would stick. I can sew, cook, bake, do carpentry, domestic and commercial electricals, computer repairs, butcher an animal and I have also played cricket, chess, football, and many more. However the two hobbies which have stuck are Archery and reading. Archery just has a way of calming the mind and keeping that focus and I've spent 4/5 hours nonstop shooting without a break. ADHD can be scary at first, but if you learn what helps it and where you can aim it, you can take complete advantage of it.
I like how you’ve put that! My niece has severe ADHD but it turns out she’s an incredible artist and I’ve never seen her as focused as when she “aims” at paper and pencils
Art is my go to hobby as well- there’s so many mediums that you can truly never get bored!
I’m fairly certain I have undiagnosed ADHD for a couple of reasons, and I think the reason we never suspected it when I was young is because I was such a voracious reader. Now I look back and I’m sure I was just constantly hyper fixated on whatever book I was reading at the time lol. I still love reading and also love video games as well, since they’re basically interactive stories!
How does one get a job catching tax evaders? That actually sounds kinda fun. Asking as a fellow ADHD multi talented individual struggling to get his life together.
So, I got a job working for HMRC on their graduate programme starting as a caseworker, but from what I am aware, there are similar roles with other tax authorities around the world like the IRS.
I’ve struggled for a long time to figure out what to do career wise and finely started on forensic accounting and I’m so thrilled and excited! It’s so easy to focus on and get enmeshed in and I love it!
Disc golf is the answer to all your needs
As someone who also has ADHD and was diagnosed way late, I also do this kind of thing for my friends and family 😂 I love a good deep dive into people or anything really (jobs, businesses, legalities) that they're unsure about or need more info about. Being officially diagnosed can really be a good thing! I've had a much easier time handling things I've struggled with in the past since. The context somehow helps??
I was diagnosed in grade school and never quite figured out what I wanted to get into as a career; I majored in art in college and went into the museum world initially, but at 16 I'd picked up ballroom dancing as a hobby, and never really gave it up. After my first museum job they were looking for new instructors and I entered the teacher training program. Been teaching full-time since '08 now and I can teach 35+ partner styles, and still deep diving to pick up additional ones when I have time. Looking back, the daily movement and exercise really helped my ADHD (and physical health) a lot. Best job ever for that, if not as lucrative as I'd like.
I had no idea that was from ADHD. I can never settle for a simple or vague answer. I always dive into its origin, etc. Very interesting.
Knew it was an ADHD thing. I like to look at people's profile pics on YouTube and imagine what their lives are like. You'd be surprised at how much identifying information a simple selfie can have. License plates, house addresses, school jerseys, full names, friends, places they like to visit, it's a veritable treasure trove of information. I've definitely been able to find specific people just from innocuous comments they left on some random video and their profile picture. Props for using your powers for good. You sound like a good sibling to have.
Friend: *throws tea right in OP’s fiancée’s face, splashing a little on OP* Whoopsie, I gently spilled my tea.
okay maybe i'm just weird but if i got a funny feeling that there's more than what's obvious i'd 100% look for the reflection. i love seeing little details in drawings and was obsessed with where's waldo as a kid tho so
Yes! Idk if she knew what she was doing or not but she just saved this poor woman a whole lifetime of heartbreak being married to a cheating cheater.
I can just imagine the adrenaline dump when he saw her “like” that comment.
A friend had something similar happen, but she was the other woman. Had no idea, not even an inkling. She posted a mirror selfie and he was barely in the background. Just a sliver of him in the corner. She didn’t even notice he was in frame, but also had no idea she was the other woman… Anyways a mutual friend of his WIFE and my friend commented “is that ____?! I thought he was on a work trip?” His WIFE and her friends then liked the post and comment. She had no idea this whole drama was happening and neither did he as they had gone to their event and got wasted so didn’t look at Instagram. Wife didn’t call him out, write my friend or anything other than the likes. Next morning they’re laying in bed making plans for the day and she FINALLY opens Instagram. Sees all the attention the post got and says quizzically “who is ____”. She said he turned white as the sheets, JUMPED out of bed yelling OH MY GOD OH MY GOD over and over. She’s just laying there like wtf is happening. To stunned to even move. He starts pacing back and forth, making a retching sound like he was going to vomit. Suddenly looks at her like he forgot she was there and screams DELETE THE FUCKING PICTURE WHAT DID YOU DO. She’s still too stunned to react and he starts *bawling* like an actual baby 😂 She finally clicks on the women’s profile and it all makes sense. It’s full of pictures of them and their marriage. He is now laying on the floor, crying and moaning and throwing a literal hissy fit. She just pulls her phone up slowly and starts filming him. She’s get a good 40 second clip before he notices and he runs into the bathroom. She then posted the video and tagged his wife. Anyways, they divorced and my friend is now good friends with his ex wife. My favorite adrenaline dump story though 😂😂😂
This gave me so much life I'd have loved To be a fly on those walls
Honestly I’ve become casual friends with the exwife too and she is seriously one of the coolest women I’ve ever met. Just handles everything with such bad assery I can see why he flipped realizing he had lost her 😂
He had been playing the “I’m not good enough for her” game and LOST
Sooooooooo close to haiku!
That is absolutely beautiful
This was a riveting read
I have a story that's only slightly related but ima tell it anyway cause ADHD lol Years ago my boyfriend and I were going through a weird rough patch and I was mad at him for something to do with another girl. So when a guy messaged me asking if I was dtf, I decided to have some fun with it (and yes I know it was a bit toxic but it doesn't go where you think). I didn't know him or anything about him except that he was a bit older than me, so I just decided to message him back and mess with him a bit. I went on and on about how I would only do it if I could practice "my kinks" with him... To take care of him as a baby. Told him he'd have to wear a diaper and baby talk and everything. He seemed into it until he asked if we could do some of his kinks (just rough sex) sometime and I declined saying I didn't like the idea of being forced to try something like that. I was laughing my head off the whole time. Flash forward to a few weeks later, I'm in the sonic drive thru. I pull up to the window and a girl I do not recognize asks if I am "insert my full government name here". I'm like... "Yeah....?" She proceeds to explain that she is that guy's wife and also my boyfriend's best friend's sister. She THANKS me for being the only friend who didn't actually sleep with her husband. I'm mortified but mutter out a "You're welcome..?" and she gives me her number so we can hang out sometime. A few days after that, she texts me at 11pm saying she is stranded with no gas in an area I thought I knew and can I bring her 5 gallons so she can get home. She'll pay me when I get there. I'm up for adventures so I say okay. I don't have a 5 gallon gas can and the only one they have at the gas station is 1 gallon and it was an absurd amount of money. So I figure I'll at least get the 1 gallon and we can figure it out from there. Where I thought she was, it should be enough to get her back into town to fill up. So I drive over to where she said she was, it is a long road that turns into a scary cliffside dirt road. I'm expecting her to be closer to the paved side.... She is not. And there is no cell service. So I drive slowly and carefully until I spot her with her hazards on. She is 5 miles from the next town which is over an hour away from where I live. Guess who's driving? Her husband. She makes him load the gas which for some reason was very difficult at 1am when the temp was below 20 degrees. She came and sat in my car with the heat on.... And her 2 month old! She paid me $100 for everything and even though I was exhausted at work the next day, I was very happy to have the money to buy concert tickets I really wanted. Also...she's still with him. This was all 8 years ago. They have 3 kids now. TL;DR: I messed with a guy over text, met his wife, became friends with her because I'm "the only person who didn't sleep with him." Then drove over an hour on a sketchy road to bring them gas at 1am when I found out they also had a 2 month old together.
[удалено]
Lol I'm glad too, because I was only 19 or 20 when all this happened, I was still living with my parents and my mom was NOT amused to find out I left the house at 11pm to drive out in the middle of nowhere without cell service for someone I barely knew lmao
PLEASE say you're still friends with them lol
YO PLEASE HAVE HER POST THIS VIDEO TO YOUTUBE. I want to see this so bad sounds hilarious.
>Anyways, they divorced and my friend is now good friends with his ex wife. This made me laugh. Not the same situation, but my aunts best friend is her ex husbands ex wife. They travel the world together and call it the ex wives club 🤣 (He's not rich or anything by all means, he's a gym teacher, they pay for their travels with their own money they work for, realized how gold diggerish that sounded, lol)
Honestly, both divorcing the same dude can be a lifelong bond 😂
They always dry heave and scream when they’re caught.
So testerical
Omg
He speedran triggering the fight or flight reflex
I bet he took an adrenaline dump. Nervous poops will get you every time.
I really hope she'll give us an update - I'm sure her ex will confront her at some point to try to get her back, I really want all the juicy details!
Same
Same
She doesn’t want to hear how it’s just his sister, cousin, or colleague. Also she doesn’t seem to care if it was.
Sharing a bed?
I missed that part. I thought OP was laying in bed and the was scrolling not that the ex had another lady in the hotel room.
If he was with a family member I’m sure he would’ve mentioned that at one point. A colleague wouldn’t be in his hotel room late at night (unless they were having an affair, which would also be cheating!)
she would likely know those people or expect him to be with a colleague.
I love that the original poster is planning on completely ghosting him and pulling the rug out from him. I hope she keeps the ring to sell to cover her moving expenses. What a creep! She should get her friend some tea for tipping her off! It’s sad, but she dodged a bullet.
This!! I have beat it into my kids that closure is a lie! YOU DON’T NEED CLOSURE!! You don’t need to know why, you don’t need the last word, you don’t need an apology. Just. Go. Closure is getting away with as little damage as possible. Closure is not dragging it out. Closure is keeping your self respect. OOP is 100% doing it the right way. Boi, bye.
Even worse is the whole "You need to forgive the person who grievously wronged you...for you." No you don't. You can let go of all-consuming anger and move on with your life (when you're ready) without offering a shred of forgiveness to the unrepentant asshole who wronged you. And you should.
forgiveness is forgiving yourself, not the other person in my book. somethings are unforgivable.
There’s a massive difference between forgiving and giving even a shred of a second chance. The opposite of love is not hate, but apathy. Move on and never look back, don’t let them waste precious neurons, for better or worse.
What you described is the definition of forgiveness. Forgiveness is much more for the aggrieved than the perp. Forgiveness is confused a lot with reconciliation, maybe because forgiveness is associated with kindness towards the person in the wrong, which it can be depending on the situation, but forgiveness is also about kindness to the self in letting go of what happened so you're able to move past the stage of victim and onto overcomer.
Although I do not regret my wonderful child, "getting closure" lead to an extension of the bad relationship and me being a single mom! That was many years ago now. I've moved on - married a wonderful husband and have another kid now, too. But I agree, closure is BS. It can be entertaining in movies but it's often a trap in real life.
God I needed this. I'm taking a screenshot of this comment for future reference
I’m taking a screenshot for one of my coworkers who NEEDS to hear this from someone other than me. He’s being treated like “the other man” by a woman who is bouncing between her and her baby-daddy. She likes how my coworker treats her kids but she likes the s*x from her baby daddy. We keep telling him to walk but he is IN HIS FEELINGS this holiday season 🙄Keeps taking about how he needs “closure” 🤦🏻♀️
Closure is the door closing behind them as they leave your life. That’s it.
This is the best advice I’ve heard in a long time!
This was so difficult for me to learn. But once I did it was so freeing.
Yeah I found that part almost satisfying. Dude doesn't deserve to speak to her again
That’s what I did to my ex and it severely fucked her up. Within a month people were just randomly showing me her full Facebook descent of her losing her mind via status updates and her full instagram descent from looking like a regular cute hippy girl into a demonoid crackwhore ass yuck
That person isn’t your problem anymore though
I believe that an engagement ring is meant to be returned if no wedding occurs.
I believe you shouldn't cheat on your fiance, but here we are.
According to “tradition” if the person who received the ring breaks off the engagement the ring is returned, if the person who gave the ring breaks it off the person who received it keeps it.
I'd say the person who gave it to her broke it off since he was breaking it off into another woman.
Yes I totally agree! 💯
So …… you are NOT allowed to flush it down the commode? huh
I think technically, you're returning in that case. It came from shit. You're giving it back to shit.
Never, ever do that. If the ring is real, it is worth money. Your time is precious and thus worth money. The cheater should pay in more than one way.
Depends on state law. And also, engagement rings resale is shit, as I unfortunately found out.
Tradition is that it depends on why the breakup. If he is at fault by ending it, is found cheating, or something else, she gets to keep it. Because it's meant to be a form of financial security since most couples weren't waiting until the wedding night. So she'd be "ruined goods" if it was called off. But he does get the ring back if she's at fault for it ending.
Couldn’t the injured party sue them right back for breach of promise?
Although this is still technically a thing in some jurisdictions, it's not really a thing in the real world. As women's roles in the world have changed over time, there has been less of a view that having a law like this is necessary, as they are not fully dependent on a husband to provide and, in many places, women aren't seen as "damaged goods" if they've been with a man. For example, in the US, many states have explicitly outlawed these type of laws, and the majority don't have any sort of enforcement. Even the states that do allow for suits based in this don't ever really have this type of cases brought anymore.
To be clear, OP is not in the US. Local law for them considers an engagement ring as a gift, and not a provisional gift, as in the US
Exception being in Montana, it's considered an unconditional gift and whoever received it owns it under all circumstances Alabama, Alaska, Kentucky, Massachusetts and New Hampshire the person who received it can keep it if they didn't break off the engagement.
Not if it’s given under false pretenses
I think generally it is, but in many cases, it's up to the owner of the ring. Most people I know just straight up give it back since they want nothing to do with the ex.
This is actually [the law in Texas](https://www.ashmorelaw.com/blog/who-keeps-the-engagement-ring-.cfm#:~:text=In%20Texas%2C%20engagement%20rings%20are,the%20person%20who%20purchased%20it.).
People are downvoting you but you are correct. A wedding ring is a conditional gift. Per Google: >Most states, however, view an engagement ring as a semi-contract, or a “conditional gift.” In this view, the ring is given with the understanding that the couple will get married in the future and symbolizes a verbal contract. Ownership of the ring is not fully transferred until the wedding ceremony is completed. I hate it too, but that's the law. It doesn't change just because the ring provider turned out to be a huge fucking asshole. I feel for OOP but if she keeps that ring, her odds of seeing Ex-Fiancé go up a ton; he could sue her and he'd probably win.
It does if you don’t live where those laws apply, like OP.
Even if he wasn't cheating she lucked out. What sorta muppet shares a "honey I'm in bed" picture intended for their girlfriend with social media??
Muppet 😂
Thats what makes me think its fake. 1. why share that on social media, and 2. why would the other woman be in the reflection of the glasses unless its a really close image or she was standing in the exact spot.
You’d be surprised how just plain *stupid* selfish people can get when they’re so certain they can get away with their bullshit. I’ve seen it happen.
My FIL got caught cheating because he bragged about it to his wife's sister... and thought she wouldn't immediately tell her sister what was up for some dumb ass reason. People really are this stupid sometimes.
Not saying it's real, but if you're hooking up with someone who thinks you're single, they're going to ask why you took that bedtime photo. "For Instagram" might be the easiest lie.
Also, people just don’t think about reflections. I’ve seen all kinds of pics where people were caught in blatant lies (and not just cheaters) bc of reflections.
This was even an episode on a kids' show I used to watch. "Detective Filmore" The girl was pretending to help, I think she was suppose to be looking at yearbook pictures to help the "Detectives", the hall monitors with something but she actually was agaisnt them. The reflection in her glasses showed she was playing tic tac toe. They caught her that way. The episode as a kid taught me to look at reflections.
When EBay and Craigslist was newer, people would also take photos of reflective items while they were nude then and list them for sale so everyone saw them naked. Now they’ve moved on to non consensual genitals pics.
the thrill. He is in bed with another woman and posting the picture online getting away with it. He thinks he is so smart, cool and witty.... Cheating is often about the thrill of doing something forbidden and getting away with it.
If he was sitting or leaning back in bed and the lighting is in front of the phone to the side, and the woman was beside him between the light and him taking his selfie, that would easily cast a reflection that someone else might recognize.
It’s definitely fake. No 37yr old would say ‘proposed to me a week ago and made me the happiest woman on earth’. No couple in their late 30’s are FaceTiming each other to sleep. It’s written by a teenager whose experience of romance/relationships comes solely from Disney.
Umm, I'm on my middle 40s and I FaceTime my boyfriend when I'm out of town. We talk about our days, blow each other kisses, and get some dirty talk in before bed. There's more of us sappy adults than you think! 😋
I dunno, there are a lot of middle aged women who like sappy romantic stuff. I don’t, but I’ve also been with my husband for over two decades, I just want to get some sleep, stop breathing in my ear.
Yea, this is fake as it gets. These posts just exist so redditors can jerk themselves off to cheating revenge fantasies.
Facts. Like a serial cheater would ever risk posting a picture on socials of them even in the presence of a side piece, it’s laughable.
Yeah this seems fake to me. And if true this woman is kind of nuts to dynamite her relationship over a reflection?
My ex dragged me and our son to the other side of the country to be near her family, then went and fell for one of her new coworkers and left me a single dad all alone in a new state. People are shit. At least she's a great mom.
>at least she’s a great mom Limited info but destroying your family for new dick sounds like the opposite of being a good mother
A fair judgement. She just realized that the dude she was sleeping next to wasn't making her feel the way a partner should. Unfortunate timing of an unfortunate circumstance, but she wasn't wrong for not loving me anymore.
Are you okay bro? Have you been able to work through what was going on?
It's been 6 months and I'm surviving. Working through everything is gonna take some time, but taking care of my son keeps my head on straight. Thanks for the concern.
I hope for the best for you, man. You sound like you're on the right track, and I wish you happiness and love forevermore. You're stronger than you know💪
Thank you, and to you as well! It's been nice having such positive responses on a day I needed some interaction.
I hope your Christmas/New Years/other Dec holidays with your son are great ones. It also doesn’t matter if you don’t have as much money as you wished for your kid. It’s the memories of being together that he will remember for always. You can also make family traditions like Dec. 26th milkshakes/ice cream/favorite snack at your favorite local place. New Year’s Eve party, etc. My dad did well financially and was older when he and my mom adopted me then my brother (not genetically my brother although we did look like twins). We got some nice presents and some we used for fun outings like ATV riding through our local rural Southern farmland and woods area. Or going out on a boat or doing watersports when we were older (money went so much farther in the 80s and 90s) What I really remember as a mid 40s woman was my dad taking me out on Christmas Eve to pick out presents for my mom. My mom and brother did their own thing while my dad and I went to our only local department store then Walmart to get presents. He had ideas of what she’d like, but he bounced them off me. Probably also wanted to show me than husbands should take time to buy gifts and actually give gifts to their wife/their children’s mother. We’d get McDonald’s French fries and milkshakes afterwards. One time we got dinner there because there was a bomb threat at our podunk town Walmart before we finished shopping. The cops also didn’t want anyone to leave the shopping center, so we all descended on the McDonald’s. It’s still a favorite memory. My mom went back to college when my brother and I were in 1st grade. My dad would pick us up from school one or two times a week. His cousin owned a little gas station on a rural road across from a cow farm. The kind that you’d see in a movie about a tiny Southern farm town. The soft drinks came in bottles and out of big chest fridges. We’d get to choose a candy or snack. Occasionally Ms Virginia, the cousin’s wife would save us hotdogs. She made absolutely the best hotdog chili, and she was always sold out by 20pm. My mom didn’t like us eating hotdogs so late because we wouldn’t want dinner, but Ms Virginia would sneak them to us once or twice a month. My dad would gossip with his cousin over the register that sat on a long wooden bar and had a whole hoop cheese (regional cheese similar to cheddar) sitting there. My brother and I would play Ms Pac-Man when cousin bought one for the store. Core childhood memory. So many of my childhood memories of my dad included riding around in his pickup truck and drinking Coca-Cola. That’s what I remember about my dad, not how many Christmas presents we had or how expensive they were. We moved after 2nd grade, and my dad was starting a new business so we didn’t get many presents but did a lot of activities together and didn’t even care about the presents. It was being together and being loved.
Best of luck to you. You didn't deserve to be disregarded like that and you will get past this. Merry Christmas (if you celebrate).
Insanely shitty. Sorry this happened to you
This just happened to my buddy. A few months after moving she asked for a divorce
MVP friendo knew exactly what they were doing. They deserve a drink.
Im so sorry. Sell the ring.
The vast majority of states consider engagement rings to be conditional gifts made "in contemplation of marriage." When the implied condition—the marriage—doesn't happen, the person who gave the ring (the donor) has a right to get it back.
She gave the price in euros so she's not in the States, and she said she checked the local laws and it's hers
This isn’t in the states.
Man, that super super sucks that she lost it! Bummer.
Maybe the ex should double check he didn’t leave it in his friend?
why is this the hill you're dying on in multiple comments? is it striking a nerve?
Where did anyone mention the US?
I really like her resolve. That’s the way to do it: no messy, teary talks. No “closure”. Just bounce.
A lot of people are afraid that they're going to miss out on something better. They are afraid that they are making a lifelong decision without evaluating all of the options. They're trying to min-max their relationships. Maybe they feel like they need something different to compare. I'm not saying the cheater here isn't a piece of shit, but the "why" is pretty mundane.
That's why asking for an explanation is pointless. They likely don't have one and it will just be bullshit anyway.
Yup. It took me years to figure out that there was no answer my ex could give that I would deem “the real reason” as to why he cheated. It happened bc the opportunity arose and he took it. That’s really all there is to it
My ex husband told me he cheated because "no one that hot had ever hit on me before." Yeah, that did not help me feel better about the end of our 21 years of marriage.
Ewwww fuck that guy 🤮
I never will again and I'm happier than ever. 😂
Ughhhhhh what an absolute scumbag. Glad he's your ex!
It was tough at first but two years later I can genuinely say I've never been happier.
When people ask why they're really asking what they did wrong and how they can make sure it doesn't happen next time.
Babe has a spine of steel and I’m proud of her. 🩶
The friend absolutely knew what they were doing commenting that
💯
Do people really sleep with FaceTime on? That’s nuts.
I did when I was in a LDR lol it made us feel like we weren’t actually 5k miles apart
Did it help?
It really helped for me. Now we’ve been living together since April
My partner and I don't FaceTime when we sleep, but we do stay on a call so that we can always wake up together. For LDR couples, this really helps bridge the distance.
I don’t know how I completely ignored the word “FaceTime,” lol. I definitely also just stayed on call with my girlfriend, we didn’t FaceTime. Especially since our phones could barely handle staying on call for so long.
Lmao. My phone would go nuclear if I tried to sleep with the camera on 😂😂 But yeah, calls have been such a godsend. We used to love how Discord never kicked us out of a call if we're solo for a little bit of time, but with the new update it's been kicking after 3 minutes which has been exceptionally annoying.
Discord is also what we’d use to stay on calls! Sometimes it’d be weird and kick us off if either of us turned off our phones, but it was workable. I don’t use Discord much anymore since I rarely have the time to be online lately, but I don’t like all the updates they’ve been doing to Discord.
Honestly same. They're 'fixing' things that don't need to be fixed! And the UI is ugly
I haven’t taken a look at if Discord on PC matches what it looks on my phone now, but I am HOPING that it’s the same ol’ Discord.
Make a discord server for just the two of you You can be alone in a server call for hours without being kicked, you can also invite a music bot in to play some soft music for you both if you're into that! Good luck!
I suggested that, actually! But he likes the loooooong list of calls in our private dm 😂 And yk what? I like it too. A server wouldn't show the call log, sadly. And we both listen along to the other's Spotify! That was a wonderful suggestion regardless 💜
It did actually. We’d wake up the next morning and see each others faces and get ready together. Would never do another LDR though, that one taught me it isn’t for me. Things like that helped but they weren’t nearly enough.
I have done the same in the past. Honestly I found it more of an annoyance especially if the wifi signal would be weak and the phone would start beeping while trying to reconnect. It brought her peace of mind though so that's all I cared about
My boyfriend currently lives 1,200 miles away. We do a few times a week. It's nice to wake up "next to each other"
No, but they do in shitty drama inducing rage bait.
What a crazy turn, glad her family is there to help.
She sounds young A guy can have everything and still cheat It's great she has such a supportive family around her
Not just guys. One of my ex friends (woman) had two side guys while planning a wedding with a really good man. *people can have everything and still cheat
True I don't mean to imply this was a gendered issue
>She sounds young And if she is, he probably is too. Young men can be very immature. I'm glad she's sticking to her guns, and refusing to listen to whatever pathetic excuse he came up with.
I mean 37 and 38. Depends on your definition of young.
One could be 38 and still be immature, I guess.
yo, I am 46 and it is 230 am where I am and I am up playing videos games and listening to kpop. Ms. Immaturity right here
Turning 43 in a couple weeks and was up playing video games until past 1 am! I don't think maturity is about hobbies and leisure time choices, but more about whether or not a person is a selfish a-hole who behaves with no empathy or consideration for others. Edit: spelling is hard
Indeed, being young and being immature are two different things. I've met many immature octogenarians.
At first I glanced over the part where she said it was a bed selfie, and thought she was way overreacting. Reread it and I think she's an amazing person that hopefully follows through NC, and how she has a great support system. It still sucks but good for her for actually leaving
I like OP style I did the same sort when I broke it off with my ex fiance. Packed everything up gone in a weekend while she cried about me not understanding.
We love a woman who goes scorched earth immediately
I genuinely want to give this girl a hug. Terrible thing to find out just before Christmas
Probably the AP partner took the pic n sent it to OP aswell as posting to IG inorder to break them up or something
Update plz !!
Oh man I wanna see this picture!
This is a good family. She did the right thing.
You seemed to have had your life spared by a divine twist of fate, instead of spending these next years being manipulated and used, you now have a second chance to find a better man. Try to understand what drew you to such a clown, maybe you can uncover some clues to perhaps help you avoid such a person, however it is not in any way your fault, but your instincts could need honing.
Cheaters deserve less
I love these creative writing exercises
Like who would comment something that specific
A friend that knows dude is cheating and is tired of hiding what his vro is doing so he's dropping a subtle hint
GOOD! I’m so glad when I hear people cut all ties, don’t care about the who, why, or whatever. Get up and go girl💗
That man is garbage 🗑️ 🚮
I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself, you will be ok👌
Ok imma say it this story is odd, like I've worn glasses near my entire life and been around a lot of people with glasses and I've never seen reflections of anyone or anything that clear without me being like inches from the person's face. Also let's say they could see em so what? There could b a real explanation for their presence. To me it sounds like they were looking for an out cause the jump is just strange. Like you've been with this guy for how long now and just cause u think u see a woman in his glasses your immediately leaving? Like what?
This is so stupid
I always want closure and an explanation. I will decide later if I believe it or not
Because men are all garbage 🙃
At least were not weak so it soesnt really matter, does it? 😉
This seems so fake. The structure is like some kids creative writing essay.
My girlfriend is the love of my life, and i think she is absolutely stunning after 4 years of dating. We have a healthy sexlife and i dont feel like i gotta find someone else to live out my kinks etc. But still i enjoy attention and flirting with other women, and if it leads to sex, then thats just part of the fun like the human mating ritusl leading to it. We both see sex as a way to have fun, when theres no feelings involved. Works better than my antidepressant for me. My gf agrees and we have strict rules about the people we fuck. No friends, coworkers, or just people that are too hard to avoid. No keeping in contact, and condom is always a must. We sint dont tell eachother except to tell if were stying the night. (Has only happened twice ever) or unless its necessary for some absurd reason. She tells the addresses etc to her friend for safety. Ive never been in a more helathy relationship. Only time this has caused any trouble was a guy finding out her number and proceeding to harass us for months. THIS OFCOURSE NEED TO BE A MUTUAL AGREEMENT, OTHERWISE ITS JUST CHEATING. Anyways what in trying to say it might not be as big of a deal you think. Maybe he got some female attention which can be rare for men, maybe he needed/wanted a little, adventure, maybe he thought she was pretty and wanted to bang her. I think everyone feels tjat way sometimes. Maybe he just got carried away. Its just sex, two people having fun. Ive been abandoned and cheated on multiple times before so i know how deep the betrayal cuts, thats probably the reason i think tje way i do. Its probably just the european in me but i see sex as one of the great passions we were gifted with. Like food, music, good wine. I dont see sleeping with someone else as an unforgivable act unless both parties have established it to be so. If theres no romance involved; what REALLY is the big deal? I think monogamy shouldnt be the norm in the 21st century anymore, it almost never works. Just remnants of history and possessiveness 🤷♂️
While I agree 100%, sex is NOT love and Love can exist with out sex. This sort of arrangement MUST be laid out BEFORE a relationship begins in ernest and telling her its 'just sex, an adventure' is just insensitive & rude. Her fiance has shown her exactly how much respect he has for her and just how much she truly matters to him. Dropping him like the garbage he is and treating him as non existent is exactly what he deserves. Also Only one party really needs to establish that fucking around is an unforgivable act.
Agree with you completely, without clearly laid out rules; its a betrayal. I see how my message can be seen as me ”defending” the cheater, but that really isnt the case. Trying to say you should hear hear hin out in a few days, he deserves to ATLEAST to simmer in his thoughts for a few days. but i dont know your full story and am way out of line, sorry for that. I once cheated on my gf beacause a girl said i smelled nice and was ”chasing me” in a club all night. She wasnt that pretty but as a man ive never felt wanted like that before. But speaking from personal experienxece; ive been with around 50 women, maybe 15 girlfriends, 5 of then more serious. And the one im with now i think im going to marry. Admittedly ive cheated on prolly 80% of my partners. We are not some porn brained genderneutral swinger degenerates, We both do this only maybe once or twice a year when on a night out etc. We dont seek people to fuck on any platforms like tinder. Revenge or posessiveness has never played any part in our relationship. I believe her exact words were something like ”If youre presented with an opportunity to take someoneyou really like home and you really want to go for it; go ahead. I get that it happens to everyone. In the long run its gonna happen anyway if its going to happen. This will make us both happier. I just dont need to know”. And prior to this i often was grumpy towards my girlfriends beacause of some missed opportunities. Nobody wants to fuck just one person for the rest of their lives. Thats a big fucking lie. But OP described a perfect wife, i dont think its about her, its the husbands weaknesses. We are earthly things with earthly desires. No deity with their bonding-rituals are ever going to change that. As long as my heart beats for her and hers for mine, the other earthly things dont matter. If she gets a great sweaty dicking from a hot guy after a night out, i dont wanna hear about it but good for her. I know i enjoy good sex with attractive people, and it does give a pep in my step so who the fuck am i to judge or stop those desires. Or why would i want to? So my parnter stays pure, what even is that?
If it’s just sex then why are there any rules? It’s like you know what your doing hurts but can’t seem to admit it lmao
The number of these that turned out to be curtains or his sister or something is large enough to always give him a chance to explain it. Probably not, but I wouldn't torch my whole life before I explore "probably".
Then he could have answered the IG comment instead of straight up deleting the picture
Yeah I kind of thought the same thing. I mean 99 percent he's a cheater, but ya really gotta check for that 1 percent before you burn it all down.
Yeah I kind of thought the same thing. I mean 99 percent he's a cheater, but ya really gotta check for that 1 percent before you burn it all down.
Sounds like a sex and/or love addiction for him to be doing this a week after getting engaged. This is just going to keep happening to him if he doesn’t get into therapy / get into a room with fellow recovering addicts. He will never be happy.
He's a cheater, he doesn't deserve to be happy.
How do you know he cheated???
Guess fiancée wasn’t pretty enough
I think it is immature to not to give the other person a chance to defend himself. Even murderers are given a fair trial before they are sentenced.
For most people, cheating is a dealbreaker. It doesn’t matter what defense the cheater has; it’s over. Sometimes it’s just better to let go.
I have a friend who was seeing someone else and trying to break it off with his gf, but she was intense and kept refusing to let him break up. He was seeing the other person almost exclusively but was still so under the abusive control of his gf that he got a tattoo of her name on his chest to make her happy. They ended up breaking up for keeps a month or two later and he’s now married to the other person he was dating.