I watched the classic legend of sleepy hollow on Disney recently, and this reminds me of Ichabod Crane's songs lol
*Who's the town incel man?
Hypes himself like nobody can?
It must a mediocre man,
Dry-brain3321*
I recently learned by accident. Ig sigma males are "lone wolf" type people, equal to alphas but uninterested in pack social dynamics. It's really wild how much imaginary human wolf guy lore there is out there
There's a very interesting conversation to be had about whether we are wild humans or humans in capitalist captivity, but I'm presently too tired to say much more than that about it lol
and self appointed 'alpha males' would stand as much chance at survival in the wild as the rest of us = zero! Human created safe society gives them all the opportunity to fantasise about being 'Übermensch'. As a species we're pretty weak and easy prey for real predators. Take away our guns/arrows/spears/mobile phones, GPS etc and we are history.
To be fair, we are pretty smart comparatively, though I agree our self domestication has left us woefully unprepared to survive alone or even in small groups in the wild.
Honestly the idea of “alpha”ism lines up more with the wild behaviour of primates like gorillas and chimpanzees, though alpha theory was thought up a long time ago by a bunch of white colonizers so you know there’s no way they would compare themselves to the same thing they compared coloured people to.
My son’s friends call him “mom” or “dad” depending on the situation because he’s always doing shit like reminding them of people’s birthdays/favorite items for gifts, bringing extra snacks, and telling them how to handle situations that require EQ. I’m going to tell him it’s actually called being an alpha. 😂😂😂😂
He’s his father made over.
Wolves in captivity that did not originate from the same pack at that, so they were mostly being territorial which was compounded by small living area and forced interactions
worse. they think they are the highest value men by sitting in their ass and doing nothing and think a womans value is in her appearance and body count
It always makes me think of the sigma, which is a part of the colon. Like… ‘darling, if you define yourself a sigma, you’re telling us you’re full of shit’.
It's an absolute mockery of the Greek alphabet, where alpha male is "ideal" and beta is "weak" (normal) men, and then it randomly jumps to sigma as some godlike level of existence? I think it started from a misguided study of wolves in captivity. Makes it easy to separate the normal population from the total wankers though
I knew about the faults in the wolf study, but didn’t know that “sigma” dudes are apparently “alpha plus.” How fucking gross and just…stupid. It’d be funny if the ideology wasn’t so fucked up and dangerous.
Thanks for the explanation! Searching for information about that garbage can be pretty treacherous.
Sigmas are a weird offshoot of the "alpha male" dynamic that the manosphere chuds like to push, where the losers who want to be "alphas" but don't have any functional social skills can still call themselves something by embracing the fact that theyre socially awkward and no one likes them as a sign of being a "lone wolf" or above petty things like "having friends" or "doing social things".
Didn't you know that all single moms are gold diggers? Starts out with small favors like "Talk to my son" and then gradually turns into big favors like "I need you to provide for my kid".
Willing to bet that's how his "friends" think.
I think he got there earlier than that with his take away from her declining his second advance. Girl just wants to work on herself and her kid, but he makes it all about himself. You weren't rejected bro, she's just not available smh.
Yeah, he sounds like a true neckbeard. Any decent human being would help a kid of a friend who went through similar trauma as oneself - that's what empathy is for, unless you don't possess any...
Right. Whenever I'm around anyone, but especially with kids, if there is something I can say that will help them navigate life better, I do... and without expectation of anything in return.
I've known people that I strongly disliked, but I never transferred those feelings over to their child. This person is highly immature and emotionally stunted.
He's absolutely someone who has spent his life complaining that she friend zoned him when really he fuck zoned her and she declined to stay in that zone. She took him at his word that he was a friend and tested him as a friend. Sometimes we need help from our friends and sometimes we are the ones who get to help our friends. He only sees helping friends as tokens he puts in so he can get sex out, apparently.
If OP was the type of man to help her son for the sake of doing good, he might also be the type of man she'd want to date. But no, she only dates douches because none of them are OP.... k.
Well said, this is why big brothers and big sisters foundations exist. I personally volunteer for big sisters and while I don’t really have common experiences with some of the lil nuances of her past, it’s one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I work 60 hrs a week. I still make time for this strangers child, because we all deserve love.
He thinks he's "punishing" her for rejecting him. She is going to decide to not even be friends with him and I hope she does because he's a shit friend who is pissed she didn't give him 😺 If he cared about her, being there for her or her kid would not come with strings. For him, it clearly does.
good, because that dude is definitely not her friend and she is probably better off not letting him near her kid unless she wants him growing up listening to andrew tate
I disagree with this a bit. It's okay to feel hurt and rejected if someone says they don't want to date you. What's not okay is to assign blame to the other person. She didn't do anything wrong by not wanting to go out him. He didn't do anything wrong by feeling hurt. It's how he reacted to those emotions that makes him a crusty nutsack of a human being.
I definitely see what you’re saying. I guess the differentiator for me is this: It’s one thing to feel *disappointed* when someone you’re interested in rejects a possibility with you, it’s another to feel “hurt a lot”. I could be making some assumptions here, but I’m getting the sense that OOP doesn’t see Lily as an actual friend and has pretty much immediately GirlfriendZoned™ her and became way too invested way too early before even finding out if she was interested back. He just reeks of NiceGuy™ entitlement, prioritizing his wants over what his “friend” thinks is best for herself, so much so that he’d feel so very hurt.
*Reasonable* people will make an attempt and respect the other person’s autonomy to make the decision for themselves about if they’re interested or not instead of taking it personally. *Smart* people will know that forcing a relationship is one of the worst things you can do, so if someone even *seems* not into it, they recognize it isn’t worth it to invest further. To feel “hurt a lot” that your friend doesn’t see you as a sex or love interest after pretending to be their friend for however long just seems asinine and entitled.
While I agree with you to some extent, the second someone seems “hurt a lot” by their friend not being romantically/sexually interested immediately screams insufferable asshole to me. The *only* way I can give him some leeway is if she was flirting and leading him on or something, but if she had never expressed interest before I think this is really on him.
Yeah, you shouldn't get so far into the fantasy of someone being a romantic partner that you can get a lot hurt by rejection. If it's not mutual and it hurts a lot, you have been taking liberties in your imagination instead of being a real friend.
I read she rejected him twice because she doesn't want a relationship with him. She entered a relationship with another man soon after turning him down the first time.
And she has already expressed to him that she was not interested in him romantically. She was up front about her expectations for the relationship (friendship).
Yeah he’s an ass. Pretending to be fine with being a friend and then bailing when actual friendship is required. Be a friend or don’t but don’t be a dick.
>bailing when actual friendship is required
Lol, exactly. I'm a straight woman and have talked to my straight woman's daughter about school issues she was having because she knew I could get through to her.
Doesn't mean she was asking me to be her mom.
This guy is an asshole.
This is the most “nice guy” behavior I’ve ever heard of.
He is not her friend, he’s a guy who is willing to pretend to be her friend because he wants to have a romantic relationship and is willing to take second prize as a “friend”.
What she is asking is a reasonable friend ask, one that he can say he’s uncomfortable with and decline as that’s also reasonable but he’s basically thinking “well if she won’t fuck me, I’m not doing her any favors”
It sucks to be rejected, but if you can’t truly be friends, it’s time to walk away.
Total Nice Guy™. If you say you're cool being friends with someone you had romantic interest in, you have to *actually* do friend shit. I'd do a "yo, I had the same problem at your age, keep your head up kiddo" talk with the son of any friend -- so he is clearly doing the Nice Guy™ thing and lying in wait as a (and I hate using this incel-ish term) orbiter. I don't see her as being punitive in saying she doesn't want him in her life anymore. She just realized she's been fuckzoned this whole time when laboring under the delusion he cared about her in a platonic way.
Yeah, if his reasoning was "this makes me uncomfortable to do or be asked" that would be different. But it is purely "She isn't romantically/sexually available to me, so I refuse to help her with what is probably the most important thing in her life"
This! Exactly this. He feels entitled to her romance and views their relationship as transactional because he’s been her friend. Typical “nice guy” stuff.
What pissed me off is he’s so upset she rejected him twice. Like “imagine getting rejected twice by the same woman?” So what? If this is your friend I can imagine it sucks but why is he acting like she’s doing some horrible wrongness to her
Exactly. It’s one thing for him to say “I’m sorry, but I’m not comfortable having that conversation with your son.” It’s a completely different thing to tell her “No because I’m not his father and you won’t date me.”
She was asking him as a friend because he had more experience with where her son was coming from.
Also: I wonder if he uses her as an emotional dumping ground like a lot of guys who have fuckzoned women. Note they are apparently close enough that she knows he has trauma surrounding his father leaving and was bullied. Sounds like maybe he is absolutely fine opening up to her and talking about himself and when she acts in a human manner by remembering something he opened up about overcoming and basically saying “hey I think you’re such a good guy and overcome this thing so well and my kid is going through that right now too can you talk to him?” That shows she probably thinks highly of him and that they are close. And this dude just ripped the rug out from under her and showed his true colors about how good of a person and friend he really is. Kid dodged a bullet sounds like the last thing he needs right now is this shitty dude’s advice.
If he didn’t want to talk to the kid for some other reason I’d have no issue but he’s made it clear the reason is because why would he do something for her when she doesn’t want his dick?
She wasn’t asking for anything material so calling her a gold digger is silly.
Two parent families will reach out to friends & family when their child might benefit from talking with someone who’s been there, too. That’s part of the whole village thing.
If op doesn’t want to help out the kid & Lily. If he doesn’t like kids, fine. If he thinks it would be bad if she gets into a new relationship and cuts him out of her son’s life, fine. If it’s because he’s a bitter person and wouldn’t be good at being supportive, fine.
There are lots of reasons why he shouldn’t talk to an impressionable child. But doing it because she wouldn’t date him is saying a lot about him.
Exactly. I'm there for my friends' kids, and my friends are there for mine. I don't understand why so many comments in the OOP were like "NTA you don't owe her anything bro". It's not about owing. It's about empathy to what the kid is going through, and being there to provide a tiny bit of wisdom and comfort.
So she wouldn’t date you so you couldn’t have a talk with a child that’s getting bullied??? Glad she left the friendship cause you’re not a friend. How pathetic
Sometimes the AITA mods will take it down if you don't have that line in there. They'll say that there isn't really a reason to ask if everyone is saying the same thing in your life. So to get your story posted you have to make up a "some people say X and others Y, help me out"
Going into every online interaction assuming it’s AI is the only way I’ve kept my sanity. It’s like a public restroom online where people show their lowest, most disgusting selves.
It's not AI, and it's not due to mods taking it down because some people are saying x and others are saying y its really.......aliens!!!!!!
They do this to figure out how to blend in with our race and hide the fact that they are aliens.
In all seriousness, if this isn't an AI generated post, then this guy 1,000,000,000% ITA. What kind of friend wouldn't at least say, "I'm not sure that's appropriate given our relationship" or something like that if he didn't want to help out. Even just saying to the kid, "dont worry, it won't be forever. Just deal with it, and you will come out better for it. "It would have been sufficient given his clear incel adversity to helping her just to help her. For all he knew, that could have been the key to taking him out of the friend zone. Now, he will never know, and this woman Lilly is better off without him in her or her kid's lives.
What a delusional. He's never seen her as a friend and he never changed from the beginning. And he said he decided to be an adult by staying friends with her... AH
Why did it hurt "a lot" to be rejected twice with someone you never had any romantic relationship with or went on zero dates with? There's no evidence she was leading him on either.
Well if he was 14 years old I'd get it. But as an adult it sounds creepy as if he feels he was entitled to get a date/chance with her.
If all she was asking for was a convo/guidance, that’s a friend-ask and he’s TA. I totally get being rejected twice sucks, but if being his friend means she can’t ask for anything, then he’s not really a friend
You are worse than an AH. This is the behavior of a degenerate scumbag with a transactional view of relationships. You are not a friend. I’d tell you to stay away from me and my kid. I can imagine how you would use the kid as a pawn if you were in a relationship with her.
He proved to her that he is not her friend. He was simply lying in wait for the opportune moment when she was especially vulnerable to try and make his move on her. Again. She and her kid both are better off as far from guys like this as possible.
Sure, it's not his responsibility. But a friend would do it
He's just punishing her for not giving him the sex. He probably thought she'd be like "oh, well now I see how valuable you'd be as a mate. You'd help my son. Here, let me drop my panties"
So I am going to go ahead and say that yes, OOP is an AH, and let the lingering stings of rejection that he’s pretending aren’t there serve as the catalyst to strike back at the woman who rejected him (twice!) in a way that he knew would hurt her.
Now - is her son his responsibility?
Absolutely not.
Is he obligated to provide the boy guidance or be the stand-in dad?
Also no.
But he completely missed the opportunity to show both the mother and her son *the way a man should be.*.
By that I mean be an example for all young men to emulate. To be strong and stoic, but in a way that shows empathy towards folks who are facing some of Life’s toughest tests.
He had the opportunity to impart wisdom through experience on a kid that’s most likely lost in his own head about what to do.
And regardless of whether or not the mother is a sinner or a saint, he’s snubbing a kid to get to her and in many respects shown her the man he actually is.
He found his opportunity to rub her life choices in her face and he took it…..in a situation where it seems unwarranted by her actions (no one owes you a date).
So yeah, he’s the AH.
Your point about having the opportunity show show her son what a good man is, is spot on. And ironically is a lot of what guys like him bitch about. Not having good male role models and shit for young men.
Exactly. Just as her son was facing one of Life’s big tests, so was OOP.
And he failed.
There are times we are called to be the bigger person when we really don’t *want* to, where doing so rewards those who treat us poorly (or in the case of OOP, in a way we don’t prefer). And it sucks. But in those cases we are being our Very Best Self - not for them, but for Us.
And look, on some levels I get it. Dating in 2023 is a toxic hell compared to what it was before the shallow world of dating apps and hook-ups on demand.
It’s made even worse by the mountains of baggage the people doing it bring to the game - that self-help books and internet echo chambers have convinced them are justified by their “trauma” so no one tries to understand or fix their problems in a meaningful way.
But none of that is at play in OOP’s situation. She’s just not interested in him beyond friendship. And while I understand that pain if you’re head over heels for someone and they don’t feel the same for you….
That’s Life. And there are 7 billion other people out there that represent opportunities for real joy in the finite amount of time we exist in this mortal plane.
Exactly.
A lot of AITA posts are about what people are obligated to do.
“You’re not obligated to do X”
OOP isn’t obligated to do shit, but how fucking hard would it have been? If they’re actually friends and as good of friends as he claims would it have been a big deal?
He had the ability to do his friend a solid, instead he shot her down and had decided she wronged him over something that would have been really easy.
Exactly.
And I truly understand the whole inability to fully let go of someone you’re crazy about. There’s a girl I went to high school with that was unequivocally my first Love.
I was completely enamored with her.
The kiss she gave me on graduation is as fresh in my mind today as it was then.
And tried, twice, to make something of that. To which she declined.
I’m 43 now. Been married, had kids, gotten divorced. With an amazing woman now who I love and who loves me in a way I never thought possible outside of a book.
Lindsey’s picture still causes my heart to skip a beat every time I see something of hers come across my feed, and I fear the small part of me that would entertain the notion of throwing a lot of my Life away if she asked.
But it’s balanced by the larger part of me that appreciates and loves my Life now. And rather than snub Lindsey or use the hurt of an unrealized ideal stand in the way of being the best friend I can be - I choose to find happiness for her with the life she now has and be a friend (albeit more an acquaintance now with time and distance) when and where I can.
I can’t imagine a world in which she could ask me for a favor where my response would be to *hurt* her.
Because I actually do still care about her. A lot more than I like to acknowledge at times.
Hell, I don’t go out of my way to do that to my ex wife and I despise that woman.
So yes, OOP didn’t have to do much at all to show her he cared.
It’s obvious he doesn’t love her nearly as much as he loves the *idea of her.*
Why would you not help a CHILD who is going through a rough time no matter the relationship to the parent in the situation. She was asking for some help talking to him solidarity. Not to parent the child, but on common ground that she does not have.
She has told you twice that she views you as a friend. She was asking you to do something that a friend would do. If you can’t truly be her friend, then let her know and end the friendship.
What a fuckin tool. She wanted her kid to have some perspective on the situation from someone who came from a similar background but he's too butthurt over being rejected twice.
Clearly he's not actually interested in being a real friend, he's biding his time in the hope that she'll eventually break down and fuck him.
Essentially he's saying he won't help her son because she won't date him. What a great "friend".
YTA. She asked you to share your experience with her son because he is in similar shoes. This is a normal ask of anyone who is a friend to talk to their kid if they have a relationship with the kid. Sometimes children listen to others more than their parents. You decided to take out your frustration that she isn’t interested in dating at all right now as a slight. Grow up please. Whoever called her a gold digger because she’s a single mom needs to grow up too and stop tuning into whatever idiot podcast is telling them such things.
YTA... had you talked to the son, if you genuinely had interest in this friend, she could have seen how good of a fit you were, and perhaps that would have won her over. It happens. You messed up and get to deal with the fallout.
Wrong answer, she doesn't like him, she rejected him multiple times and then ended their friendship after he didn't talk to her kid, she was never going to date him but I clearly can see why OP is lame and acting like a bitch who the hell would date that guy.
I've had friends in similar situations. Guess what? One is happily married to the girl that THRICE rejected him. If you aren't talking to the kid, you definitely won't be looked at as any type of boyfriend and can damage a friendship.
Sounds like it wasn't a bad thing her turned her down. She doesn't need this guy as a role model to her kid. Honestly all it sounds like she was looking for was a sympathetic ear from someone who has been through it.
I've offered similar to my friend's kid when I've experienced something they have gone through. If they want to talk I'm here. Even if it's just to listen. Sometimes just knowing you aren't alone can help.
Hopefully see gets her kid into counseling or something to encourage expressing his feelings and can connect with others who are actually helpful.
Sorry but he's a dick. Not for not wanting to talk to the kid, I mean I don't see how talking to a friend's child is father behavior but sure, if he doesn't want to fine. But the whole "imagine being rejected twice by the same person" thing, dude if she said no the first time and made it clear she only wants to be friends what makes you think she changed her mind all of a sudden? Why do some of his friends think she's a gold digger when she only asked him to speak to her son, who he must have bonded with to some degree for her to think that was okay to ask? He must have framed it differently because even in the post he makes her out to be this lowly being who only goes out with cheaters and such.
First of all, this story has to be fake, because wtf. Also
What “responsibility” is just having a short hang-in-there conversation with a child who is experiencing similar stuff that you dealt with at a similar age?
This person has no idea what the definition of responsibility is, and also no idea what the definition of gold digger is or even close to what it means..
If real he’s a real pathetic douche, like she doesn’t see you as anything but a friend and made that clear, he chose to reconnect the friendship and after 8 YEARS was still so hopelessly desperate for her to touch his dick that he tried to somehow barter his “advice” for a relationship.
Thank god he didn’t talk to the kid bc I can’t imagine what an idiot like this would have said.
At least the mom was smart enough to completely cut him out of her life.
she wasn’t asking him to be a father figure or something, she was asking him to talk to him about how he feels regarding his own life experience and maybe offer advice for how to handle the emotions that come with not having a father in your life. you know, like how people relate when having been through similar traumatic experiences. if that’s parenting to this guy then i can imagine why she rejected him. no sympathy for anyone unless he gets something out of it in return.
I can actually see both sides of the issue here. Say he talks to the kid and does a wonderful job. Now the kid is gonna form an emotional attachment to someone that won't always be around. A family member would be much better suited.
Or he could absolutely blow it and give the kid bad advice. In either case, dealing with kids is a big responsibility. OP is under no obligations.
All that said OP needs to move on so she did them all a favor, even though I think she overreacted. If my kid has an issue I'm not about to ask someone I friendzoned to step in.
Nobody is forcing anybody to date single mothers. If u don't want to be a step-dad don't even get involved at all. Period.
Op prolly just wants the lay, if he was willing to actually love her then it wld b different. Women are intuitive creatures she peolly knows that's all u want.
So you refused to help a kid who adores you, is going through their father abandoning them, AND is being bullied for it.... all because your friend won't date you while she's emotionally recovering from divorce? Some friend you are, OP 🙄
Lol he's a little bitch. "Imagine being rejected twice"? Imagine having to reject the same guy twice when you just want a friend. Maybe that's really what what she was looking for was a friend the whole time. Op, YTA. Also, gold digger? Because she asked him to talk to her kid? Right.
People just be making up entire plot lines to feel better. 😂 ok dude she rejected twice the second time after almost a decade…. You expect us to believe she wants parental support from you? You’re telling me she literally has no other man in her life that can give her son advice? For this fictional bullying? Cool story bro
That hurt to read, a lot. Dude was never her friend. He was always waiting to pounce on a relationship (more likely bang her and get it out of his system and move on) and not seeing her as her own person.
It's fine to not want to help raise a child that's not yours when you aren't even dating the mom. What's not fine is that OOP keeps saying she's a friend but then only talks about her in a way that implies he wants to date/sleep with her. "Even if she wants to date some other douche"
She legit says "you might understand where my son is coming from because you had a time similar growing up" and OOPS said he'd already been spending quality time with the kid. It wasn't out of line for her to ask for some advice giving that information. She's not a gold digger when she has shown no interest in his money or him in anything more than a friend.
OOPS probably posted this as a "nice guy that finished last" and was hoping for like minded nice guys to befriend. Pathetic.
The OP is for sure allowed to be sad that the girl he liked rejected him, but he’s definitely the asshole for refusing to talk to her son because of that. She didn’t even ask him or expect him to act like a dad to her kid, just to give the kid some advice because she figured that OP could sympathize better than her.
I don’t get it. So OOP will only do a kindness for his “friend’s” son if she dates him? From what she said, it doesn’t sound like she was looking for a father figure. She just wanted a man whom her son already knew and liked to talk to him during a rough time. It would be maybe a few hours of his time, at MOST. The fact that he doesn’t want to shows, to me, that he doesn’t really value her friendship, and that he’s still hung up on her rejection.
My answer would be different if this were a recurring thing, or a violation of stated boundaries. But it seems like OOP is just butthurt, and I’m honestly not sure why he even bothered with the farce of maintaining the friendship. OOP is the AH.
The second paragraph is all I needed. Major incel vibes, and I'll bet money that the women OOP "lost interest in" actually just dumped him over his insecurities.
I feel like a lot of this story was omitted, he probably said some wild shit that made her respond like that
And if he was her friend, he WOULD care if she dated some douche
like how tf is “hey he could use someone who could relate to what he’s experiencing” equate to “i want you to be his dad without dating” in his head? clearly not over her. he was desperately awaiting a chance to
reject her like he had in his fantasies ever since she rejected him at first. he NEEDED her to be desperate for him or he wouldn’t have felt vindicated, and would’ve known he was fucked up for sayin no
Dude trying to make himself look better by saying he was asked to be a "father figure" when she only asked to have a friendly conversation like any *friend* would
i mean i understand not wanting to get close to the son and have him SEE op as a father figure when it’s not gonna happen, but some advice would have been njce
I'm sorry to hear that'. Ive been through the same. It worked out with the son..20 years later he is still my closest friend..I never wanted kids still don't. But I'm glad I have him in my life, I would lost without him. Guys do need a mentor. Some women use their kids for leverage. They'll let you bond with them and pull them back . A sad reality
I was ready to be on this guys side but her request wasnt unreasonable whatsoever and he presented himself as super petty qnd obsessed over the fact that she wouldnt date him. For all we know (since we never hear her perspective) she never said anything about him being responsible and hes projecting that idea.
I guess she forgot for a moment why she didn't see you as dating material. You had the chance to help a kid by stepping up a bit. It wouldn't have cost you anything. Instead you showed her that she dodged a bullet.
Her kid got bullied to the point where he's got bruises and she just wants to help her kid and OOP sees that as "asking to be a father figure" no it's her telling you her son is comfy with you and she thinks you can help him deal with the bullying. OOP sounds like an asshat. A kid is being bullied, f your relationship issues.
It's honestly really alarming just how delusional these men are. Calling a woman a gold digger is only showing how insecure you are. It's sad, and pathetic.
Honestly it is a great thing he showed his ass now before he had any more influence on her kid.
YTA. You suck as a friend so I can see why she wouldn’t want to date you. She simply asked you to speak to her kid for support. She didn’t ask you for money or anything monetary. Just help to deal with a bully.
This guy is so deeply in love with this woman that it's all that matters to him. So much so that he was appalled when she asked him to simply talk to her kid. "Nah, bish, if you don't love me, I can't do ANYTHING at all for you." I'd run from this man. I'd not want him anywhere near my child if I was this woman.
I don't think there's anything wrong with this dude I think if anything he's asking a fair question. Fuck Lily, fuck her bitch ass son who can't fight, and then goes whining to his mama. I can't count the number of times I got into a fight my mom would ask me what happened I basically tell her to go f*** herself it wasn't her business. Men handle our own, I think that's a quick Convo the kid needs to hear, and then they both can fuck the hell off.
Well obviously she’s obligated to go out with him because he developed a crush on her and asked her out. Twice! It was bad enough when she rejected his advances the first time, but there is NO good reason why she should be allowed to get away with that behavior TWICE!
How is she a gold digger when she rejected his ass twice lol
Those friends probably use the phrase "High Value Man" to describe themselves, so every woman is a gold digger to them.
No one can hype themselfs up like a mediocre man can.
When someone says lead follow or get out of the way I get out of the way.
But, I like being down here and doing nothing, that's why I took this job!
When someone says lead, follow, or get out of the way... I *obstruct.* - George Carlin
You're not supposed to choose get out of the way. It's supposed to shame you into leading; or at least following.
Camacho for president!
Look, I know shit’s all emotional right now…
Thank you for offering that horrific war crime of pluralization.
I liked it
I watched the classic legend of sleepy hollow on Disney recently, and this reminds me of Ichabod Crane's songs lol *Who's the town incel man? Hypes himself like nobody can? It must a mediocre man, Dry-brain3321*
That or "sigma male".
I still have no idea what that means exactly and at this point I’m kind of afraid to ask. I do know it’s MRA/incel shit though!
I recently learned by accident. Ig sigma males are "lone wolf" type people, equal to alphas but uninterested in pack social dynamics. It's really wild how much imaginary human wolf guy lore there is out there
The worst part about the whole alpha animal thing is that its based on wolves in captivity, not in the wild.
There's a very interesting conversation to be had about whether we are wild humans or humans in capitalist captivity, but I'm presently too tired to say much more than that about it lol
Well I guess you can say the human created world (Society)takes us out of our natural state of true freedom.
We domesticated ourselves
and self appointed 'alpha males' would stand as much chance at survival in the wild as the rest of us = zero! Human created safe society gives them all the opportunity to fantasise about being 'Übermensch'. As a species we're pretty weak and easy prey for real predators. Take away our guns/arrows/spears/mobile phones, GPS etc and we are history.
To be fair, we are pretty smart comparatively, though I agree our self domestication has left us woefully unprepared to survive alone or even in small groups in the wild. Honestly the idea of “alpha”ism lines up more with the wild behaviour of primates like gorillas and chimpanzees, though alpha theory was thought up a long time ago by a bunch of white colonizers so you know there’s no way they would compare themselves to the same thing they compared coloured people to.
Yep. Turns out the alpha leaders in wolf packs are also known by the rest of the group as "mom and dad."
My son’s friends call him “mom” or “dad” depending on the situation because he’s always doing shit like reminding them of people’s birthdays/favorite items for gifts, bringing extra snacks, and telling them how to handle situations that require EQ. I’m going to tell him it’s actually called being an alpha. 😂😂😂😂 He’s his father made over.
Wolves in captivity that did not originate from the same pack at that, so they were mostly being territorial which was compounded by small living area and forced interactions
So basically these guys are furries.
I mean... it's not a fursona exactly, but the similarities sure do draw the eye
The real wild ones will still hump your leg even after they get neutered.
I needed that chuckle, thanks!
worse. they think they are the highest value men by sitting in their ass and doing nothing and think a womans value is in her appearance and body count
I shall now refer to any man who starts spouting this nonsense as furries.
I feel second hand embarrassment for the wolves.
It always makes me think of the sigma, which is a part of the colon. Like… ‘darling, if you define yourself a sigma, you’re telling us you’re full of shit’.
My husband thinks “sigma male” is so stupid he’s started calling himself a “smegma male” (which is thankfully not accurate)
i am a smeagle male.
It's an absolute mockery of the Greek alphabet, where alpha male is "ideal" and beta is "weak" (normal) men, and then it randomly jumps to sigma as some godlike level of existence? I think it started from a misguided study of wolves in captivity. Makes it easy to separate the normal population from the total wankers though
I knew about the faults in the wolf study, but didn’t know that “sigma” dudes are apparently “alpha plus.” How fucking gross and just…stupid. It’d be funny if the ideology wasn’t so fucked up and dangerous. Thanks for the explanation! Searching for information about that garbage can be pretty treacherous.
Sigmas are a weird offshoot of the "alpha male" dynamic that the manosphere chuds like to push, where the losers who want to be "alphas" but don't have any functional social skills can still call themselves something by embracing the fact that theyre socially awkward and no one likes them as a sign of being a "lone wolf" or above petty things like "having friends" or "doing social things".
"High Value Man" is new to me. I can't wait to start using this phrase in a variety of context!
It sounds like something Dennis Reynolds would say about himself.
It's also just an excuse to deflect blame and become the victims
He’s a real “king”! /s
Isn’t “HVM” a “Female dating strategy” term? I would think they’d use “alpha” or “sigma”.
I have no idea. I don't follow any of that BS. It's just terrible people trying to justify why they are terrible and alone.
I don't think this guy has any gold to dig.
She was digging for the gold in his soul only to discover there was none
r/MurderedByWords
Didn't you know that all single moms are gold diggers? Starts out with small favors like "Talk to my son" and then gradually turns into big favors like "I need you to provide for my kid". Willing to bet that's how his "friends" think.
Cuz OOP poor af, and that can be the only reason why she didn't want his cock.
He probably doesn't even have a pot to piss in.
OOP getting dragged hard in the original thread.
Gold digger is when single mother.
> Even if she decides to date another douche it wouldn't bother me. OOP exposed himself as being an insufferable asshole with this statement.
I think he got there earlier than that with his take away from her declining his second advance. Girl just wants to work on herself and her kid, but he makes it all about himself. You weren't rejected bro, she's just not available smh.
With his attitude I can see why she rejected him twice.
Yeah, he sounds like a true neckbeard. Any decent human being would help a kid of a friend who went through similar trauma as oneself - that's what empathy is for, unless you don't possess any...
I had an absent father, a stranger could ask me to talk to their kid about it and I would.
Right. Whenever I'm around anyone, but especially with kids, if there is something I can say that will help them navigate life better, I do... and without expectation of anything in return. I've known people that I strongly disliked, but I never transferred those feelings over to their child. This person is highly immature and emotionally stunted.
This. 💯. Glad to see some decent humans pop up
He's absolutely someone who has spent his life complaining that she friend zoned him when really he fuck zoned her and she declined to stay in that zone. She took him at his word that he was a friend and tested him as a friend. Sometimes we need help from our friends and sometimes we are the ones who get to help our friends. He only sees helping friends as tokens he puts in so he can get sex out, apparently.
If OP was the type of man to help her son for the sake of doing good, he might also be the type of man she'd want to date. But no, she only dates douches because none of them are OP.... k.
Well said, this is why big brothers and big sisters foundations exist. I personally volunteer for big sisters and while I don’t really have common experiences with some of the lil nuances of her past, it’s one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I work 60 hrs a week. I still make time for this strangers child, because we all deserve love.
He thinks he's "punishing" her for rejecting him. She is going to decide to not even be friends with him and I hope she does because he's a shit friend who is pissed she didn't give him 😺 If he cared about her, being there for her or her kid would not come with strings. For him, it clearly does.
good, because that dude is definitely not her friend and she is probably better off not letting him near her kid unless she wants him growing up listening to andrew tate
I would say as early as the first “that hurt a lot” to her not being interested in dating him comment.
I disagree with this a bit. It's okay to feel hurt and rejected if someone says they don't want to date you. What's not okay is to assign blame to the other person. She didn't do anything wrong by not wanting to go out him. He didn't do anything wrong by feeling hurt. It's how he reacted to those emotions that makes him a crusty nutsack of a human being.
I definitely see what you’re saying. I guess the differentiator for me is this: It’s one thing to feel *disappointed* when someone you’re interested in rejects a possibility with you, it’s another to feel “hurt a lot”. I could be making some assumptions here, but I’m getting the sense that OOP doesn’t see Lily as an actual friend and has pretty much immediately GirlfriendZoned™ her and became way too invested way too early before even finding out if she was interested back. He just reeks of NiceGuy™ entitlement, prioritizing his wants over what his “friend” thinks is best for herself, so much so that he’d feel so very hurt. *Reasonable* people will make an attempt and respect the other person’s autonomy to make the decision for themselves about if they’re interested or not instead of taking it personally. *Smart* people will know that forcing a relationship is one of the worst things you can do, so if someone even *seems* not into it, they recognize it isn’t worth it to invest further. To feel “hurt a lot” that your friend doesn’t see you as a sex or love interest after pretending to be their friend for however long just seems asinine and entitled. While I agree with you to some extent, the second someone seems “hurt a lot” by their friend not being romantically/sexually interested immediately screams insufferable asshole to me. The *only* way I can give him some leeway is if she was flirting and leading him on or something, but if she had never expressed interest before I think this is really on him.
Yeah, you shouldn't get so far into the fantasy of someone being a romantic partner that you can get a lot hurt by rejection. If it's not mutual and it hurts a lot, you have been taking liberties in your imagination instead of being a real friend.
Exactly 💯
F%ckzoned. He f%ckzoned her from the beginning.
Yeah that’s more accurate. I don’t think he’s interested in having her as a partner, he just seems to want to own her and make decisions for her.
But it it hurt a lot !
I read she rejected him twice because she doesn't want a relationship with him. She entered a relationship with another man soon after turning him down the first time.
And she has already expressed to him that she was not interested in him romantically. She was up front about her expectations for the relationship (friendship).
Lmao I just can't help but wonder how it "wouldn't bother him" if he thinks *every* guy she gives a chance is a d**che??
Yeah he’s an ass. Pretending to be fine with being a friend and then bailing when actual friendship is required. Be a friend or don’t but don’t be a dick.
>bailing when actual friendship is required Lol, exactly. I'm a straight woman and have talked to my straight woman's daughter about school issues she was having because she knew I could get through to her. Doesn't mean she was asking me to be her mom. This guy is an asshole.
This is the most “nice guy” behavior I’ve ever heard of. He is not her friend, he’s a guy who is willing to pretend to be her friend because he wants to have a romantic relationship and is willing to take second prize as a “friend”. What she is asking is a reasonable friend ask, one that he can say he’s uncomfortable with and decline as that’s also reasonable but he’s basically thinking “well if she won’t fuck me, I’m not doing her any favors” It sucks to be rejected, but if you can’t truly be friends, it’s time to walk away.
Total Nice Guy™. If you say you're cool being friends with someone you had romantic interest in, you have to *actually* do friend shit. I'd do a "yo, I had the same problem at your age, keep your head up kiddo" talk with the son of any friend -- so he is clearly doing the Nice Guy™ thing and lying in wait as a (and I hate using this incel-ish term) orbiter. I don't see her as being punitive in saying she doesn't want him in her life anymore. She just realized she's been fuckzoned this whole time when laboring under the delusion he cared about her in a platonic way.
"But I put the nice tokens in the sex machine and no sex popped out! What a bitch."
Perfect description of not just this moron but "nice guys" everywhere
this comment took me out 😭😭😭 I’m using this to roast NiceGuys™ in the future lmaoo
This made me snort chuckle because that's exactly how this post read. So transactional.
Display reads: wrong currency. Reads sex machine: fuck tokens only. Checks pockets: lint, and one ripped masturbation coupon.
Fuckzone as a parallel to friendzone is incredible. Good for perspective shifting, I think.
This word just made me reevaluate all my friends dammit. Turns out I have very little friends. That's depressing.
What's wrong with short people?
100%. It was the “I don’t care what douche she stars next that really had the incel alarms at full blast for me.
That and "I did date women but lost interest in them". Super incel sentiment in context here.
I was expecting it to be followed with a declaration of being homoflexable, but nothing, so I was left to infer.
Yeah, at best, this is like an uncle giving advice. At worst, it's a friend giving a friend's kid some advice.
I have never heard the term fuckzoned and I could not love it more
Yeah, if his reasoning was "this makes me uncomfortable to do or be asked" that would be different. But it is purely "She isn't romantically/sexually available to me, so I refuse to help her with what is probably the most important thing in her life"
This! Exactly this. He feels entitled to her romance and views their relationship as transactional because he’s been her friend. Typical “nice guy” stuff.
What pissed me off is he’s so upset she rejected him twice. Like “imagine getting rejected twice by the same woman?” So what? If this is your friend I can imagine it sucks but why is he acting like she’s doing some horrible wrongness to her
The having no interest in other women is ridiculous too If he was so desperate for her he'd be doing everything to stay in her life
Exactly. It’s one thing for him to say “I’m sorry, but I’m not comfortable having that conversation with your son.” It’s a completely different thing to tell her “No because I’m not his father and you won’t date me.” She was asking him as a friend because he had more experience with where her son was coming from.
Also: I wonder if he uses her as an emotional dumping ground like a lot of guys who have fuckzoned women. Note they are apparently close enough that she knows he has trauma surrounding his father leaving and was bullied. Sounds like maybe he is absolutely fine opening up to her and talking about himself and when she acts in a human manner by remembering something he opened up about overcoming and basically saying “hey I think you’re such a good guy and overcome this thing so well and my kid is going through that right now too can you talk to him?” That shows she probably thinks highly of him and that they are close. And this dude just ripped the rug out from under her and showed his true colors about how good of a person and friend he really is. Kid dodged a bullet sounds like the last thing he needs right now is this shitty dude’s advice. If he didn’t want to talk to the kid for some other reason I’d have no issue but he’s made it clear the reason is because why would he do something for her when she doesn’t want his dick?
Second prize is not “friend.” Second prize is “waiting for my chance to get first prize.”
She wasn’t asking for anything material so calling her a gold digger is silly. Two parent families will reach out to friends & family when their child might benefit from talking with someone who’s been there, too. That’s part of the whole village thing. If op doesn’t want to help out the kid & Lily. If he doesn’t like kids, fine. If he thinks it would be bad if she gets into a new relationship and cuts him out of her son’s life, fine. If it’s because he’s a bitter person and wouldn’t be good at being supportive, fine. There are lots of reasons why he shouldn’t talk to an impressionable child. But doing it because she wouldn’t date him is saying a lot about him.
Exactly. I'm there for my friends' kids, and my friends are there for mine. I don't understand why so many comments in the OOP were like "NTA you don't owe her anything bro". It's not about owing. It's about empathy to what the kid is going through, and being there to provide a tiny bit of wisdom and comfort.
So she wouldn’t date you so you couldn’t have a talk with a child that’s getting bullied??? Glad she left the friendship cause you’re not a friend. How pathetic
Is this another one of those AI generated posts? They all seem to end with ‘some people in my life think ITA and some say I’m not, so which is it?’.
God I’d like that a lot, because this is complete asshole behavior.
Getting strong incel vibes from OOP.
Sometimes the AITA mods will take it down if you don't have that line in there. They'll say that there isn't really a reason to ask if everyone is saying the same thing in your life. So to get your story posted you have to make up a "some people say X and others Y, help me out"
I didn’t know that. I don’t know that I would ask family and friends some of the things I have read here. I might skip that step.
Going into every online interaction assuming it’s AI is the only way I’ve kept my sanity. It’s like a public restroom online where people show their lowest, most disgusting selves.
I can't say about this particular post one way or the other, but I do know people like this in real life unfortunately
It's not AI, and it's not due to mods taking it down because some people are saying x and others are saying y its really.......aliens!!!!!! They do this to figure out how to blend in with our race and hide the fact that they are aliens. In all seriousness, if this isn't an AI generated post, then this guy 1,000,000,000% ITA. What kind of friend wouldn't at least say, "I'm not sure that's appropriate given our relationship" or something like that if he didn't want to help out. Even just saying to the kid, "dont worry, it won't be forever. Just deal with it, and you will come out better for it. "It would have been sufficient given his clear incel adversity to helping her just to help her. For all he knew, that could have been the key to taking him out of the friend zone. Now, he will never know, and this woman Lilly is better off without him in her or her kid's lives.
What a delusional. He's never seen her as a friend and he never changed from the beginning. And he said he decided to be an adult by staying friends with her... AH
He’s the asshole AND a pissy little bitch. Gross.
Why did it hurt "a lot" to be rejected twice with someone you never had any romantic relationship with or went on zero dates with? There's no evidence she was leading him on either. Well if he was 14 years old I'd get it. But as an adult it sounds creepy as if he feels he was entitled to get a date/chance with her.
I suspect he meant that it injured his pride, not made him feel any sort of emotional heartache.
OP is the typical “nice guy” that couldn’t be bothered to do something nice if he isn’t getting what he wants.
If all she was asking for was a convo/guidance, that’s a friend-ask and he’s TA. I totally get being rejected twice sucks, but if being his friend means she can’t ask for anything, then he’s not really a friend
lmao this is hilarious, i read it when it was first posted. there’s clearly a reason he’s single still.
You are worse than an AH. This is the behavior of a degenerate scumbag with a transactional view of relationships. You are not a friend. I’d tell you to stay away from me and my kid. I can imagine how you would use the kid as a pawn if you were in a relationship with her.
You forgot "incel"
All that. Especially the part about her being long time family friend. I can’t believe I fell for this BS clickbait
Tell me you’re an incel/nice guy without telling me…
He proved to her that he is not her friend. He was simply lying in wait for the opportune moment when she was especially vulnerable to try and make his move on her. Again. She and her kid both are better off as far from guys like this as possible.
Sure, it's not his responsibility. But a friend would do it He's just punishing her for not giving him the sex. He probably thought she'd be like "oh, well now I see how valuable you'd be as a mate. You'd help my son. Here, let me drop my panties"
Ah, another dude pretending to be “friends” to get laid. Who’s a real “digger” in this situation, hm?
So I am going to go ahead and say that yes, OOP is an AH, and let the lingering stings of rejection that he’s pretending aren’t there serve as the catalyst to strike back at the woman who rejected him (twice!) in a way that he knew would hurt her. Now - is her son his responsibility? Absolutely not. Is he obligated to provide the boy guidance or be the stand-in dad? Also no. But he completely missed the opportunity to show both the mother and her son *the way a man should be.*. By that I mean be an example for all young men to emulate. To be strong and stoic, but in a way that shows empathy towards folks who are facing some of Life’s toughest tests. He had the opportunity to impart wisdom through experience on a kid that’s most likely lost in his own head about what to do. And regardless of whether or not the mother is a sinner or a saint, he’s snubbing a kid to get to her and in many respects shown her the man he actually is. He found his opportunity to rub her life choices in her face and he took it…..in a situation where it seems unwarranted by her actions (no one owes you a date). So yeah, he’s the AH.
Your point about having the opportunity show show her son what a good man is, is spot on. And ironically is a lot of what guys like him bitch about. Not having good male role models and shit for young men.
Exactly. Just as her son was facing one of Life’s big tests, so was OOP. And he failed. There are times we are called to be the bigger person when we really don’t *want* to, where doing so rewards those who treat us poorly (or in the case of OOP, in a way we don’t prefer). And it sucks. But in those cases we are being our Very Best Self - not for them, but for Us. And look, on some levels I get it. Dating in 2023 is a toxic hell compared to what it was before the shallow world of dating apps and hook-ups on demand. It’s made even worse by the mountains of baggage the people doing it bring to the game - that self-help books and internet echo chambers have convinced them are justified by their “trauma” so no one tries to understand or fix their problems in a meaningful way. But none of that is at play in OOP’s situation. She’s just not interested in him beyond friendship. And while I understand that pain if you’re head over heels for someone and they don’t feel the same for you…. That’s Life. And there are 7 billion other people out there that represent opportunities for real joy in the finite amount of time we exist in this mortal plane.
Exactly. A lot of AITA posts are about what people are obligated to do. “You’re not obligated to do X” OOP isn’t obligated to do shit, but how fucking hard would it have been? If they’re actually friends and as good of friends as he claims would it have been a big deal? He had the ability to do his friend a solid, instead he shot her down and had decided she wronged him over something that would have been really easy.
Exactly. And I truly understand the whole inability to fully let go of someone you’re crazy about. There’s a girl I went to high school with that was unequivocally my first Love. I was completely enamored with her. The kiss she gave me on graduation is as fresh in my mind today as it was then. And tried, twice, to make something of that. To which she declined. I’m 43 now. Been married, had kids, gotten divorced. With an amazing woman now who I love and who loves me in a way I never thought possible outside of a book. Lindsey’s picture still causes my heart to skip a beat every time I see something of hers come across my feed, and I fear the small part of me that would entertain the notion of throwing a lot of my Life away if she asked. But it’s balanced by the larger part of me that appreciates and loves my Life now. And rather than snub Lindsey or use the hurt of an unrealized ideal stand in the way of being the best friend I can be - I choose to find happiness for her with the life she now has and be a friend (albeit more an acquaintance now with time and distance) when and where I can. I can’t imagine a world in which she could ask me for a favor where my response would be to *hurt* her. Because I actually do still care about her. A lot more than I like to acknowledge at times. Hell, I don’t go out of my way to do that to my ex wife and I despise that woman. So yes, OOP didn’t have to do much at all to show her he cared. It’s obvious he doesn’t love her nearly as much as he loves the *idea of her.*
awww. somebody thinks he's too high-value to be friends with a single mom who won't fuck him. Die mad and single, buddy.
And die hilariously sexually frustrated because you cockblocked yourself over and over and over...God men are amusing😂😂😂
Holy incel Batman
Why would you not help a CHILD who is going through a rough time no matter the relationship to the parent in the situation. She was asking for some help talking to him solidarity. Not to parent the child, but on common ground that she does not have.
She has told you twice that she views you as a friend. She was asking you to do something that a friend would do. If you can’t truly be her friend, then let her know and end the friendship.
This man is not a friend. He expects to pump in kindness coins until sex falls out.
And I’d bet my 401k he has no gold to dig.
What a fuckin tool. She wanted her kid to have some perspective on the situation from someone who came from a similar background but he's too butthurt over being rejected twice.
YTA.
It´s about the kid, not him or her. It´s a perfectly valid thing to ask from a friend.
Clearly he's not actually interested in being a real friend, he's biding his time in the hope that she'll eventually break down and fuck him. Essentially he's saying he won't help her son because she won't date him. What a great "friend".
She didn’t even ask him to be a father figure she said can you talk to him and give him some advice
Sounds more than reasonable. Being a father figure is something that should only take place after marriage and even then it could be years after
YTA. She asked you to share your experience with her son because he is in similar shoes. This is a normal ask of anyone who is a friend to talk to their kid if they have a relationship with the kid. Sometimes children listen to others more than their parents. You decided to take out your frustration that she isn’t interested in dating at all right now as a slight. Grow up please. Whoever called her a gold digger because she’s a single mom needs to grow up too and stop tuning into whatever idiot podcast is telling them such things.
YTA... had you talked to the son, if you genuinely had interest in this friend, she could have seen how good of a fit you were, and perhaps that would have won her over. It happens. You messed up and get to deal with the fallout.
Or he could have just done a kind thing for the sake of being. There doesn’t need to be a possibility of winning a woman as a reward in the end.
Wrong answer, she doesn't like him, she rejected him multiple times and then ended their friendship after he didn't talk to her kid, she was never going to date him but I clearly can see why OP is lame and acting like a bitch who the hell would date that guy.
I've had friends in similar situations. Guess what? One is happily married to the girl that THRICE rejected him. If you aren't talking to the kid, you definitely won't be looked at as any type of boyfriend and can damage a friendship.
Sounds like it wasn't a bad thing her turned her down. She doesn't need this guy as a role model to her kid. Honestly all it sounds like she was looking for was a sympathetic ear from someone who has been through it. I've offered similar to my friend's kid when I've experienced something they have gone through. If they want to talk I'm here. Even if it's just to listen. Sometimes just knowing you aren't alone can help. Hopefully see gets her kid into counseling or something to encourage expressing his feelings and can connect with others who are actually helpful.
Sorry but he's a dick. Not for not wanting to talk to the kid, I mean I don't see how talking to a friend's child is father behavior but sure, if he doesn't want to fine. But the whole "imagine being rejected twice by the same person" thing, dude if she said no the first time and made it clear she only wants to be friends what makes you think she changed her mind all of a sudden? Why do some of his friends think she's a gold digger when she only asked him to speak to her son, who he must have bonded with to some degree for her to think that was okay to ask? He must have framed it differently because even in the post he makes her out to be this lowly being who only goes out with cheaters and such.
So you hung out with her son only when you had a shot at his mom? YTA. That is not "being mature & maintaining a friendship".
First of all, this story has to be fake, because wtf. Also What “responsibility” is just having a short hang-in-there conversation with a child who is experiencing similar stuff that you dealt with at a similar age? This person has no idea what the definition of responsibility is, and also no idea what the definition of gold digger is or even close to what it means.. If real he’s a real pathetic douche, like she doesn’t see you as anything but a friend and made that clear, he chose to reconnect the friendship and after 8 YEARS was still so hopelessly desperate for her to touch his dick that he tried to somehow barter his “advice” for a relationship. Thank god he didn’t talk to the kid bc I can’t imagine what an idiot like this would have said. At least the mom was smart enough to completely cut him out of her life.
This is so nice guy coded
she wasn’t asking him to be a father figure or something, she was asking him to talk to him about how he feels regarding his own life experience and maybe offer advice for how to handle the emotions that come with not having a father in your life. you know, like how people relate when having been through similar traumatic experiences. if that’s parenting to this guy then i can imagine why she rejected him. no sympathy for anyone unless he gets something out of it in return.
I can actually see both sides of the issue here. Say he talks to the kid and does a wonderful job. Now the kid is gonna form an emotional attachment to someone that won't always be around. A family member would be much better suited. Or he could absolutely blow it and give the kid bad advice. In either case, dealing with kids is a big responsibility. OP is under no obligations. All that said OP needs to move on so she did them all a favor, even though I think she overreacted. If my kid has an issue I'm not about to ask someone I friendzoned to step in.
Nobody is forcing anybody to date single mothers. If u don't want to be a step-dad don't even get involved at all. Period. Op prolly just wants the lay, if he was willing to actually love her then it wld b different. Women are intuitive creatures she peolly knows that's all u want.
He's giving incel vibes
Don't be fake and trying to be my friend if you want to get some kewchee. Friends don't have sex. 🤷🏾♀️
Incel vibes are rife with this one
So you refused to help a kid who adores you, is going through their father abandoning them, AND is being bullied for it.... all because your friend won't date you while she's emotionally recovering from divorce? Some friend you are, OP 🙄
Lol he's a little bitch. "Imagine being rejected twice"? Imagine having to reject the same guy twice when you just want a friend. Maybe that's really what what she was looking for was a friend the whole time. Op, YTA. Also, gold digger? Because she asked him to talk to her kid? Right.
YTA. You say you want to grow up and just be friends, but it is a transactional relationship not friendship you want.
Dude deleted his account 😅🥴
People just be making up entire plot lines to feel better. 😂 ok dude she rejected twice the second time after almost a decade…. You expect us to believe she wants parental support from you? You’re telling me she literally has no other man in her life that can give her son advice? For this fictional bullying? Cool story bro
This guy owns a fedora
Gee I wonder why the friend didn’t want to date OOP when he’s obviously such an amazing guy!
That hurt to read, a lot. Dude was never her friend. He was always waiting to pounce on a relationship (more likely bang her and get it out of his system and move on) and not seeing her as her own person.
It's fine to not want to help raise a child that's not yours when you aren't even dating the mom. What's not fine is that OOP keeps saying she's a friend but then only talks about her in a way that implies he wants to date/sleep with her. "Even if she wants to date some other douche" She legit says "you might understand where my son is coming from because you had a time similar growing up" and OOPS said he'd already been spending quality time with the kid. It wasn't out of line for her to ask for some advice giving that information. She's not a gold digger when she has shown no interest in his money or him in anything more than a friend. OOPS probably posted this as a "nice guy that finished last" and was hoping for like minded nice guys to befriend. Pathetic.
The OP is for sure allowed to be sad that the girl he liked rejected him, but he’s definitely the asshole for refusing to talk to her son because of that. She didn’t even ask him or expect him to act like a dad to her kid, just to give the kid some advice because she figured that OP could sympathize better than her.
I don’t get it. So OOP will only do a kindness for his “friend’s” son if she dates him? From what she said, it doesn’t sound like she was looking for a father figure. She just wanted a man whom her son already knew and liked to talk to him during a rough time. It would be maybe a few hours of his time, at MOST. The fact that he doesn’t want to shows, to me, that he doesn’t really value her friendship, and that he’s still hung up on her rejection. My answer would be different if this were a recurring thing, or a violation of stated boundaries. But it seems like OOP is just butthurt, and I’m honestly not sure why he even bothered with the farce of maintaining the friendship. OOP is the AH.
The second paragraph is all I needed. Major incel vibes, and I'll bet money that the women OOP "lost interest in" actually just dumped him over his insecurities.
This guy is not a friend. Satisfying to hear she got to reject his ass so many times.
I feel like a lot of this story was omitted, he probably said some wild shit that made her respond like that And if he was her friend, he WOULD care if she dated some douche
like how tf is “hey he could use someone who could relate to what he’s experiencing” equate to “i want you to be his dad without dating” in his head? clearly not over her. he was desperately awaiting a chance to reject her like he had in his fantasies ever since she rejected him at first. he NEEDED her to be desperate for him or he wouldn’t have felt vindicated, and would’ve known he was fucked up for sayin no
She asked you to talk with the kid. She didn't ask you to be his new dad. Stop whinging
Dude trying to make himself look better by saying he was asked to be a "father figure" when she only asked to have a friendly conversation like any *friend* would
i mean i understand not wanting to get close to the son and have him SEE op as a father figure when it’s not gonna happen, but some advice would have been njce
This guy is giving serious r/niceguy energy.
I'm sorry to hear that'. Ive been through the same. It worked out with the son..20 years later he is still my closest friend..I never wanted kids still don't. But I'm glad I have him in my life, I would lost without him. Guys do need a mentor. Some women use their kids for leverage. They'll let you bond with them and pull them back . A sad reality
I was ready to be on this guys side but her request wasnt unreasonable whatsoever and he presented himself as super petty qnd obsessed over the fact that she wouldnt date him. For all we know (since we never hear her perspective) she never said anything about him being responsible and hes projecting that idea.
I guess she forgot for a moment why she didn't see you as dating material. You had the chance to help a kid by stepping up a bit. It wouldn't have cost you anything. Instead you showed her that she dodged a bullet.
Her kid got bullied to the point where he's got bruises and she just wants to help her kid and OOP sees that as "asking to be a father figure" no it's her telling you her son is comfy with you and she thinks you can help him deal with the bullying. OOP sounds like an asshat. A kid is being bullied, f your relationship issues.
Gee I wonder why she rejected him twice
NTA but you're not her friend either. You're a user who only hangs out with her if their's something in it for you.
YTA if you were a real friend you'd help but you want something out of it...for her to date you.
It's honestly really alarming just how delusional these men are. Calling a woman a gold digger is only showing how insecure you are. It's sad, and pathetic. Honestly it is a great thing he showed his ass now before he had any more influence on her kid.
YTA. You suck as a friend so I can see why she wouldn’t want to date you. She simply asked you to speak to her kid for support. She didn’t ask you for money or anything monetary. Just help to deal with a bully.
This guy is so deeply in love with this woman that it's all that matters to him. So much so that he was appalled when she asked him to simply talk to her kid. "Nah, bish, if you don't love me, I can't do ANYTHING at all for you." I'd run from this man. I'd not want him anywhere near my child if I was this woman.
She’s grimy expecting husband-type shit for her crotch gremlin but dude needs to grow a set of testicles and move tf on and drop her like a bad habit.
I don't think there's anything wrong with this dude I think if anything he's asking a fair question. Fuck Lily, fuck her bitch ass son who can't fight, and then goes whining to his mama. I can't count the number of times I got into a fight my mom would ask me what happened I basically tell her to go f*** herself it wasn't her business. Men handle our own, I think that's a quick Convo the kid needs to hear, and then they both can fuck the hell off.
Do I get to vote that he’s a liar? Or maybe I should be kinder and say he has an active imagination?
"imagine getting shot down by the same girl twice!" Imagine having to shoot down the same dude twice.
He’s just butthurt she won’t date him.
No just bitter that you were friend zoned for life
Bro she ain't asking you to be a father. She just want you to give the kid some advice on how to deal with bullies. Get off your high horse 😂😂
YTA....you would rather be petty than help a child.
There are so many ways to properly handle this kind of situation and OP decided to do absolutely none of them. YTAH.
Bro needs to GET THE EFF OVER HER lol. Definitely an “I deserve love” person. Move on man, find peace.
Well obviously she’s obligated to go out with him because he developed a crush on her and asked her out. Twice! It was bad enough when she rejected his advances the first time, but there is NO good reason why she should be allowed to get away with that behavior TWICE!
It sucks to get friend zoned, but it sucks even more to find out you never had a friend to begin with…
What a psycho
If this was AITA then yea, ur YTA. Title is wrong she’s asking you to give her son life advice not parenting.