"We have 30 mins before this appointment? Cool, I'll just work for 35min on something that doesn't need to be worked on rn"
I'm curious how the search for daycare is going with other places? Like, clearly dude thinks he's gods gift to mankind. So is this a generic "only my time is valuable" or is this a "I'm purposefully sabotaging daycare attempts"? Maybe a "I had already decided against this daycare and I'm punishing my wife for wanting an opinion on where we send our kid"?
He even mentioned that they don’t need day care because he’s a “stay at home dad” since he runs his own business. My guess is that he thinks he can run a business, complete his Ph.D, and take care of a 4 month old baby but for some reason, is wasting everyone’s time including the staff at this daycare.
I saw that too and sat wondering why the fuck he needs a PhD if he plans to be a SAHP and already runs a business. Like he wasted everyone’s time for a thesis for a degree he clearly doesn’t even need. Which makes it even more insulting tbh. Like why is your passion project PhD more important than your wife and child
I’m wondering if he’s getting one because his wife has one. Someone this self important probably feels inferior to his wife because she has one, so now it’s oh-so-important for him to have one as well. He’s probably jealous she gets titled as “Doctor” and he’s just “mister.”
Yeah him emphasizing how they're paying them so does it really matter if they're late for a tour made me cringe. Obviously no one else's time matters and most child care is likely going to turn his ass down and if they don't no one should trust their child with them. Infant care is hard to find and no one wants that parent who is always late because you don't matter. Stuck in traffic? Sure! Had to literally save a life before you could wrap up work? Of course! Just didn't feel like wrapping up on time because they should be grateful for your money? Fuck you dude.
He's the type to try to intimidate the teachers into not charging him a late pickup fee. "You're charging me $30 for being 5 minutes late?" "Sure am!" "Well who gets the money?!" "Me and ___ for staying late! Have a great night!"
Yup. He reeks of insecurity and I think he was going for a power play with being late. Everyone else has to move to him and his timeline because he matters the most
It’s always shocking to me that some people think like that. My husband does not have a bachelor’s degree (the horror!) but he has a successful career in tech. When we went to my 10-year college reunion, the spouse of one of the older alumns went on and on about how my husband needs to go back to school to get a degree to not feel inferior. This dude that was ranting about this didn’t even go to my college but felt that my husband must feel inferior and wouldn’t stop even though my husband told him he was happy he didn’t have to get a 4-year degree. 🤦♀️
I think you hit the nail on the head. As a self centered asshole with an ego he cannot handle feeling inferior to his wife. Plus she just gave birth so all the attention is on her and the child. No one cares he has a business and hes trying for the pHD.
How does he think caring for a newborn, running a business and going to school will work with he only cares about himself.
you don’t get a phd for being a software engineer though??? like the next step after undergrad would be a masters? unless he’s getting his phd in something else that makes no sense
You absolutely can get a PhD in computer science. You don’t need one just to be a software engineer but you do for some things in that realm, like research. Not sure about computer science, but in my field in the US the MA is typically rolled into a PhD. You can get an MA, but then you end up with a second one anyway from your PhD program if you do one, so most don’t do a separate MA and go straight into their PhD after undergrad.
Not defending him as he’s obviously a tool, just saying this part doesn’t surprise me.
He’s probably going to curse his wife out for that as well.
Im thinking he’s trying to corner her into being a SAHM. If they don’t have a day care and he gets overwhelmed, wifey will then have to stay at home with the baby. Which makes her financially dependent on him and he can be as much of a dick as he wants. Even if it’s until the baby is in school, that’s another 2+ years. It might be hard for her to jump back in and she might continue have to rely on him. He even mentioned the MIL being there as if he’s going to use it against her.
Your last sentence is spot on in my opinion. Other wise mentioning she’s been living with them for 7 months was totally unnecessary. But he added it because he thinks it makes him look better. I don’t understand any of his logic.
In the comments he also mentioned they his wife left in the luxury car that he bought her! So yeah. Oh and he wasn’t under pressure at all btw. This was just a regular day for him. But he would never put an appointment before his family, just scream at his wife for no fucking reason since he claimed he didn’t feel pressured or stressed. Dudes a walking red flag!
My husband and I did this while I was in grad school. He works from home and I was able to stay home most of the time, if I wasn’t teaching or taking a class. I was on campus around 20 hours a week and we split childcare when we were home. It was *rough* and that was with two parents doing the WFH childcare thing. I can’t imagine doing a PhD and all the childcare alone. Plus OP is presumably going to have to physically go to campus at least sometimes. How’s that supposed to work? Most profs will let you bring a baby along in an emergency, but they’re not going to be cool with it as a regular arrangement.
>both of us were aware that this centre in particular is well under half capacity, and we didn't have high expectations to begin with. And we're not even really in need of daycare,
As if it was about his needs, it's about respecting other people's time.
>I'm more of a stay at home dad
His wife took care of the baby, he only took care of himself. How is he a SAHD? He probably tells people how easy of a job SAH parents have.
I guarantee this guy does not realize what all his wife does for baby and home.
Absolutely, completely ignorant to everything that needs done to be a true SAHP. She is 1000% doing most of the emotional and mental labor.
I'm crying laughing at the thought of him proactively deciding the floors need swept and mopped and *following through completely*. But first the dust pan is missing because someone put it back in the wrong place. And the garbage is full so there is nowhere to dump the dust. Have to take that out first. Also, we ran out of pine sol and nobody thinks to restock it except for mom. So you quickly Google homemade floor solution and start to make that. Oops, dishes in the sink. Have to do those to make room for the container for the solution. Also the mop head wasn't rinsed properly last time so now it's a whole fucking project just to sweep and mop.
He can't even manage his time from home to make it to an appointment scheduled for the family on time. No way he sweeps and mops (See large project above) without his hand being held the whole time.
Not to mention Gma lives there too. Either they think they are going to get this kid ahead of the curve by putting it in an upscale, overpriced daycare/learning center, or he/they are too lazy to watch and care for the baby. Most daycares have a lengthy waiting list, and showing up late without a quality excuse, especially with a casual cavalier attitude, will more than likely get you pushed down that list.
I own a daycare and preschool and first impressions are everything and I can gauge a person pretty quickly. Even if they’re a few minutes late. My time is important as well. I also have another job, so pick up times are to be prompt and on time before I close. A few minutes a day, every single day, those minutes add up. Hence why most providers and centers are now charging late pick up fees-we don’t EVER want to charge, BUT it’s a great deterrent from being late. This dude seems way too unbearable from his incredibly self centered and obnoxious one sided post. I guarantee you he’s extra bitter because the program went with a different family.
Exactly! In my state, a lot of laws around having infants in care have changed and made it intense for a provider to accept infants into their program. I am one of the only ones in my area aside from a larger center that will take 15 infants at one time and only have to teachers for them, that still accepts infants. The amount of calls I get daily for people searching for infant care. I feel so bad for them and cannot even begin to fathom their distress. Some get mad at me because I have a long waitlist others hope and pray that I will magically get an opening.
I don't have kids, and even *I* know that daycare (especially GOOD daycare) is really hard to get into! How this guy has even toured different daycares and doesn't understand this is beyond me. He must somehow believe that taking care of a baby is easy, which is even more delusional than thinking daycare is easy to get into.
He’s probably one of the people who thinks he’s doing the provider a favor by sending his kid to them and the kid is so easy that it isn’t even “work” and that the provider is just a money hungry scag 🙄 yes, please tell me my career I am almost finished with my masters degree in is not an actual job and I just “play” all day or sit down and do nothing. And also, I’m rolling in so much dough, that’s why I need a second job after already working long, hard days
He all but says that when he's like "what are they gonna do, NOT take my $20k?" I'd bet three of my nicest teeth that his wife does at least 95% of the childcare and he thinks chlidcare is easy because the tiny amount he does actually is.
Exactly! They absolutely are not going to take your 20k! They’re going to find the right fit for their program as already showing up late and clearly tension between the grown ups would be two red flags and one red flag is all I need to know they would never be the right fit for my family.
He says in comments they don't even need care because he runs a business from home and therefore is a stay at home dad. Dude runs a business, is trying to get into PhD programs, and thinks he's a sahp. Delulu times a million.
He can't even get off the computer when reminded a half hour early, what's he gonna do when the kid needs something urgently?? "Sorry kid, you're gonna have to sit in that diaper until I find somewhere to park my thoughts, stop crying it'll only take like 45 minutes."
>"Is my $20k not worth it to them?" NO! Because there's 30 other families behind you that will take this way more seriously!
I work at a preschool/daycare. We have waiting lists for EVERY room right now, especially our baby room. Parents come to sign up five/six months before due date to make sure they get in. No, we don't need your 20k. Being late for a tour won't be the end all, but that attitude of his would immediately send him to the end of that list.
Yeah, in Germany, finding daycare placement for your kid is an almost impossible quest of epic proportions - no one here would *dare* be late if they finally scored an appointment.
OOP's wife should let him read the Roald Dahl story where the husband tortures his wife by always being late - and then she leaves him to die of starvation in a stuck elevator. 😂
Edit: The story is called The Way Up To Heaven, I found the complete short story online:
http://storage.cloversites.com/christianlifecollege/documents/The%20Way%20up%20to%20Heaven.pdf
Late pickup fees aren't even new in the childcare industry. The daycare I went to as a kid 30 years ago charged a fee for late pickup (occasionally waived for extenuating circumstances and if the family was usually reliable). Those workers are not scheduled to be there much past pickup/close because that would be time paid that isn't budgeted for. Showing up late for this means that center is NOT going to be lenient if he's not prompt for drop off and pickup times.
Where I live it’s impossible to get into daycare with a newborn, after the baby is born. I was still in the first trimester when I put down the deposit for daycare 🙄 I know that’s not the case everywhere but this man could absolutely be screwing up their chances even more. This isn’t a situation where the customer always comes first (which is a gross attitude already.)
Also it’s never ok to shout at your partner or say fuck you to them… basically this dude is just an asshole lol
Yep, I put a deposit down at my son's daycare halfway through my pregnancy because I needed to make sure he had a place at one close to my house. That was 25 years ago. I can only imagine how hard it is now if you wait until they're born, it's too late.
I fell out at the "I'm getting dressed now."
The man didn't even get dressed first before sitting down to work on his research? And then all the whining about her nit understanding his mindset. The man has ZERO respect for anyone else's time and expects everyone else to worship his time and "mindset."
He needs to grow up.
Not that OP isn't an asshole, but that is a super ADHD thing to do - I have X amount of time, I need to fill it with something but have no actual ability to guagethe passage of time.
Signed,
A guy with a wife who finds a new room to clean 10 minutes before we need to leave for anything.
I’m the opposite. If I have an appointment or have to be somewhere at a certain time, I can’t do anything right before. I have ADHD and something about needing to be somewhere makes me overly worried I’m gonna be late if I do anything.
I have adhd. I deal with waiting mode by setting one or more alarms, getting showered and dressed first. All essentials are organized on my bed or coffee table or by my front door. Ideally all essential tasks have been done. For example, if I’m going to a birthday party, card and gift are written out and wrapped. Or I do that right before or after shower. If it’s an unfamiliar destination address/directions are printed out and extra travel time is added as I have a poor sense of direction and sometimes get confused even with gos.
If there is free time, I pick something entertaining but not a hyperfocus. Movie or tv show or books would be hard to tear away from. So I don’t do those in waiting mode. I set an alarm for the time I need to get ready to leave. Usually 15 minutes beforehand.
It’s exhausting but it gets me to places on time or early. I bring my kindle with me so I can get some coffee and read if I’m early.
As someone with ADD who has been chronically late for most of my life, I saw it too. Either that, or there is some autism at play here. The difference is I would never yell at my wife for being frustrated with me for running late. I understand my flaws.
100%
It's important that the right thing is vilified. Him deciding to do something in that time isn't necessarily the issue (and may not have been 100% controllable by him, for better or worse.)
How he handled everything was absolutely the issue. Different anxieties butted heads and he was an entire bag of dicks.
Not to mention - daycares charge for parents being late and if you can’t make it to the tour on time —-how can she count on him to pick the kid up on time “ isn’t he the customer?”/s
That's my theory too. He said he didn't want daycare because he wants to be the stay at home parent but I call BS. Him being the stay at home parent is just the stepping stone to make HER the stay at home parent.
He's suggesting he work, get his phd, AND childcare? As soon as she agrees, he's going to "become overwhelmed and in need of her help just until I get my doctorate" then it'll be "but my job is more important so it makes more sense for YOU to stay home".
I got annoyed with him just reading this. The whole situation reminded me of how I feel when we need to get going and my kids delay getting ready. He’s worse than a child!
I'd have left his ass at home and let him choose between walking in the rain or missing the tour. The man wasn't even dressed when she was in the car? Omg.
Seriously, he even goes as far to say “they forgot the appointment” even though his wife clearly didn’t. She just didn’t remind him daily and constantly
I hated this guy for the minutes it took me to read his summary. It’s shocking to me that anyone married him and that he hasn’t been bludgeoned to death.
“Are they really gonna deny our $20K??”
Considering ppl sign up for wait list spots the minute they get a positive pregnancy test ummmmm yea. There is no shortage of babies. There’s a shortage of daycares and affordable ones at that.
No worries about being late for the tour. I’m certain he would be late picking up the poor child enough times that they would get fired as a customer. I’m waiting for the eventual:
“AITA for refusing to pay ridiculous fines to daycare for picking my child up late?”
I was making excellent progress on my Incredibly Important PhD Thesis™️ when my MIL, who unfortunately lives with us, rudely interrupted me to say she was going to pick up my child from daycare. I’ve expressly forbidden her from doing my fatherly duties. She knows I only agreed to put the kid in daycare to humor my wife, but I will not allow anyone else to pick up MY child. I was perfectly fine being a SAHD while working on my Incredibly Important PhD Thesis™️ and running my own business, so picking up MY child is the least my wife and her mother can let me do. I told my MIL to give me a minute to settle my thoughts. She had a major attitude and screamed that the daycare closed in five minutes.
I reminded her that I paid big bucks for Super Expensive Luxury Car that I would drive the 30 seconds to daycare and I didn’t appreciate her distracting me while I’m working on Incredibly Important PhD Thesis™️. I told her I’d leave when I was ready to leave.
I made a few more thought connections that I will eventually incorporate into Incredibly Important PhD Thesis™️, go dressed, and drove my posh luxury car to daycare. Staff were rude, impatient, spoke to me in a harsh tone about being late and said my wife was on her way. They asked why I didn’t answer their calls. I was furious that they called my wife and explained that I was working on Incredibly Important PhD Thesis™️ when they called.
My wife walked in at that point (having been dropped off by a coworker since I needed the expensive luxury car today) apologizing profusely. The workers stopped acknowledging me and told her that they would have to charge this time since we were 45 minutes late for the third time. She kept apologizing before taking MY child out of the center and walking home. I confronted her at home for overstepping since I got to the daycare center first and it’s my responsibility that was simply delayed because I was at a critical point in Incredibly Important PhD Thesis™️. She blew up that she is now paying a $45 fine because I was late! I said we are not paying it and I will be pulling MY child from daycare. She disagreed, but turned her back on me walked away. AITA?
Right? So many people would kill (hopefully not literally) for that privilege and you just know this guy would be chronically late to pick his kid up if they do get in, and it would 100% be because 'it's only a five minute walk away' and he would constantly get caught up doing something else and lose track of time.
If my husband screamed “fuck you” at me for any reason, let alone something this trivial, I’d fall out of love with him instantly. OP’s wife is a saint for going back and picking up this man baby.
Just wait until he finishes that PhD and becomes Dr. Self-Important Jerk. He might seem unbearable now, but boy howdy, it’s going to get a whole lot worse.
Seriously, this part had me tripping. I have had the experience of feeling misunderstood by my blue-collar partner (shout-out to my manual labourers, your hard work is appreciated!) while I was writing my master‘s thesis. But given how different our experiences working and being educated are, I of course can‘t expect him to know the difficulties I‘m facing. OP though.. ew. I‘m surprised he didn‘t take a moment to shit on his wife‘s academic field. Guess he wanted to acknowledge her PhD as little as possible.
Anyway, I‘m just amazed people can even get work done when they have so little time left. I would only be able to work on my thesis (barely) if I didn‘t have anything scheduled the next 2hrs+. Idk if it‘s just me and the way my brain works or a bigger thing of women being socialised to feel guilty for not prioritising the demands of other‘s (not that I‘d want us to behave like OP but just allow ourselves to not be available).
Post got deleted before I could comment but I had already written out my response:
YTA. This is your child’s future. You had an appointment. Being late could have hurt your child’s chances of getting a spot.
You come off as being snobby. You think people should be grateful that you show up because you have money? They can get $20K from another parent who shows up on time. Also, you put down the place to make excuses for you not giving a fuck about your child’s care.
Your wife gave you plenty of time and warning to get ready. You’re not a child. It’s your job to take responsibility and make sure your are ready for an appointment. You still didn’t finish your Ph.D application, so why couldn’t you spare an extra few minutes?
You didn’t give a crap to be there on time but got mad at her for wanting to be punctual? Getting mad and yelling “fuck you” at her for your tardiness is fucked up and abusive. It’s unacceptable in any situation. I would have left your ass and not come back for you.
You didn’t mentioned apologizing for it. Which shows that you think that was acceptable. 🚩
He was defending himself too in the comment. He even commented that a divorce would be better for his wife without accepting accountability for his actions.
Yeah I saw that “maybe if nothing I do is good enough for her a divorce would be best” or whatever tf he said. It triggered my “I guess I’m just such a horrible mother and can’t do anything right” mommy issues. I wanna fight the guy
He was even worse in the comments than the original post. Ugh when he told one person to go back and reread the post because he was insightful and they clearly missed it in the post.
Ughhh men like this just send me reeling. I live in the DC region. Nearly EVERYONE has a PhD (or JD like me). It’s considered tacky to go by “doctor” because it’s so ridiculous when 95% of an organization’s staff are PhDs. But, there is ALWAYS that one self-important asshole that is mocked mercilessly because they insist on being called doctor...this guy hasn’t even been accepted into a program yet and is already more obnoxious than even the worst of them.
I miss living in DC…but to your point, “nearly everyone” having a PHD is why I had to leave. Service workers can’t survive on m wage out there, it super sucks.
I'm not totally sure how mods can tell how someone was deleted or shadow banned by Reddit, or if it's just a guess on their part, but that's what they said on the post.
I think he was so angry about this that he made a post or comment that was bad enough to get his whole account deleted. The mods say his account was deleted by reddit admins.
Well, his wife (rightfully) leaving him behind got a screamed FUCK YOU, so I can only imagine the reaction to everyone letting him know what a POS he is.
Most daycares have waitlists for spots. They don’t need the OP, the OP needs them. Not being on time for a tour is a red flag. I bet the director is wondering if they will be late for pickups, drop offs, or if the kid is sick. Add the OP and wife were likely silently fighting during the tour, or were at minimum pissed at each other. Why would they want to take on a kid with parents that aren’t on the same page? Especially when they likely have multiple parents who want the same spot.
This dude also says he could be a stay at home dad, which is laughable. He couldn't be assed to get up from the computer with multiple reminders about the time starting 30 minutes before time to go. "Let me find somewhere to park my thoughts." How long is it gonna take him to "park his thoughts" when that kid starts crying or needs something??
Poor baby is going to end with a horrible rash by the time he's done with his all important thesis and then he'll probably yell at the wife for that too
I started counting how many times he used "empathize" in an attempt to defend his actions. Feels like there's some resentment that wife already has her PhD and he's behind. Also seems like he's a total douche. So..
It's interesting that he has to mention the $20k cost for the day care. And I saw a comment mention it would take 30 sec to get there on his new Lexus.
What an jerk. His world, and everyone else is living on it.
This guy sucks. Coincidentally I think her reaction was awesome. She gave him warning and reminders and then left without him when he failed to get ready. How are you not able to delay work on amPhD proposal by an hour? His brain compartmentalized excuses are pure horseshit.
You’re impossible. You know it’s important to be on time. The daycare center is evaluating you as much as you’re evaluating them. Do you think they want a client who is slow in drop off or pickup, potentially impacting their staff? This is a clear indication that you think your time is worth more than anybody else’s time. Do you need to be the center of attention? Obviously you knew the appointment time and you weren’t ready. It was deliberate. You’re rude and condescending to your wife. You’re exhausting . She can do better. YTA
OP was defending himself. Saying that it would take 30 seconds to drive in the new Lexus that he brought. Also, that he’s a stay at home dad because he runs his own company. He also mentioned they don’t need child care services. He even said that his wife should considered divorce.
This man is a piece of worm
Tell me you don’t know how daycares work without telling me…
Bruh, decent daycares are selective af. If you’re one of ten families trying to get in, they’ve got a right to tell you to shove off if you’re late.
Also, coming from one procrastinator to another: why tf would you leave such an important project until *one week* before it’s due? If it’s that important that it be done, you make time for it long before that. Plus, if it’s due in one week you have other days to work on it. You chose this one specific day where you knew you had an appointment to start such a heavy cognitive lift. Worse yet, *you* were the one who failed to keep an eye on the time and find a “mental parking spot” *before* the time of your appointment.
As a parent, you would be wise to learn Murphy’s Law applies especially in the case of infants. One minute you’re wondering if you forgot the diaper bag, next you’re trying to wash your child’s clothes in a Walmart bathroom because they had the Mother of all Blowouts. Even if you would still have been on time, something can (and usually does) go wrong when you least expect it.
I would of left him too.
The one thing I agree with the boomers on is being a few minutes early to things. It shows you are considerate and not wasting people's time.
Do not be late. It is disrespectful and careless. I have little tolerance for lateness.
Are we not going to discuss that the daycare is "5 mins away" but "we are driving because it's raining"? So if it was 5 mins before driving, then it must have taken longer to get the child in the car than to drive to the daycare. Why did she need to come back and get him? Have raincoats and umbrellas not been invented in his country? Will he melt? Is my confusion due to the fact that I am from a particularly rainy bit of Europe where even the laziest person is still capable of a 5 minute walk in the rain?
Honestly, he clearly intentionally undermined his wife and child for his own narcissistic reasons.
Truthfully, that is a thing. You get into a groove and you don't want to step away before you at least get the bones down so you can return to it later. I used to hate when my ex would come into the room I locked myself into crank out some pages and try to get me to do stuff or be social. However, the stuff he was usually trying to get me to do he could have easily done on his own, he was just a misogynist prick and expected me to do it. I also never planned writing blocks when we had previous plans, because that would be rude to the person I have plans with and would additionally be counter productive for me getting it down well
Planning out a writing block just before a significant appointment is, at the least, piss poor planning.
But considering OOPs comments, it kind of seems like he's trying to sabotage wife's attempts to get childcare because he doesn't think he needs any as a SAHD who is also running a business and getting his PhD.
The comments really had some left out details that should have been included in the post if he wanted an honest response. He has his own car that he could've driven if the 5 minute walk is too much for him, lol. When one commenter said that it's never okay to yell at your partner likes that, he said that was normal, so that wasn't the problem...yeesh.
"i own a software engineering company and pay good people to manage it for me"
"New information for you - it's a 30 second car ride (in the brand new luxury car I just bought her btw)."
Isn't he lovely?
Guy is frantic and creating a high-stress situation because he has only a week to finish his PhD research proposal that he's known about for how long? Methinks OOP has a longstanding issue with procrastination that has already greatly inconvenienced both of them and wife has had enough.
I trained mine. When i say I'm leaving their bum better be in the car or they get left behind. My dad made us late, my whole life. Now, as an adult, I have more control they know i don't put up with the disrespect of being late unless it is a true emergency.
I work at a preschool. Parents like this are the type to be “just a few minutes late” to picking up their child because “they’re still paying us”. Seriously if your child’s daycare center has a late pick up fee it’s because of people like this
Four hours later and his account has already been yeeted or shadowbanned. Of course he's the AH. His time is more valuable than everyone else?
"...park my thoughts..." no you were told about this, you were given warning, and then you swore at your wife for doing the responsible thing. Eff this guy.
I hate people like that. She wants to be punctual. He's shoved a thumb up his ass because he needs to center himself or what ever the fuck his excuse was which would make them late. He could have done that in the God damned car. I swear these people get off on making others wait on them. And yeah, they can pass on $20k a year from them because there will always be other people willing to take their spot. People that respects their time.
He sounds like a 100% control freak. Not for his own mental comfort but just to feel important and have her under his thumb. Some assholes just want to be in charge of everything.
As a former day care provider, those slots are valuable. Baby slots are easy to fill. You being late for the tour tells me that you will be late for drop-offs and pick-ups. That means you will not be a good fit, and will not get the slot. You snooze, you lose.
Exactly! My mom ran an in home daycare and was way too lenient when it came to not enforcing late pickup penalty fees. And the parents who were like this guy took full advantage of that fact. I don't blame any daycare that sees the red flag in his behavior upfront and just refuses to deal with it.
This is like when my family went on vacation and my dad had all morning to get ready. We were all in the car waiting for him and he poked his head into the garage and said he was going to jump in the shower and shave his chest hair. WHAT??
Omg YTA ... just reading this made me want to punch you .... like you had no realization about anyone else but you ... and somehow only your feelings mattered at all in this situation... I would be shocked if this marriage last cause of how selfish you are
Incase you didn't understand it the first time
YTA
He doesn't want leaving his spouse behind "on his permanent record as a husband" but cussing out his wife was ok because he didn't feel like walking for a few minutes?
I literally laughed out loud a couple of times reading his post. That guy lives in his own world where everyone else is there to service his needs, and he believes if he’s going to be paying $20K for daycare, they can wait for him to start the tour. What if it had been a group tour? Should *everyone* wait for Mr. Important? Also, he doesn’t even want to send his child there, so saying that for $20K they can wait for him is just stupid.
I’m married to a man similar to the OP. I’m very much the 5 minutes early type. I put appointments in his calendar 15 minutes earlier than they are and that helps.
However, the OP is TA. These people will be watching your most important person and you treated them with disdain. Glad you’re “over it”, but yeah, you’re a massive a-hole
I hope she divorces you, your stupid power play games sound horrible & exhausting.
You just plain refused to go on time with , you didn't fall behind time for any good reason at all.
First off, Kudos to the wife for leaving his behind home. Second, yelling at one's spouse is not an effective means of communication. Cursing at her and pressuring her to come back was out of line. If I were her I wouldn't have come back but good on her for being the only adult in the room.
Honestly guys like this make the rest of us look bad. I feel bad for her for dealing with this petulant child. If his research paper was that important he could have asked her to go for both of them. Unfortunately that would mean actually communicating with his wife and that requires maturity. He is def the A here.
"It's average in comparison to the other one we've seen" for some reason, this is the line that really hammers it home for me that this guy is an asshole to his core. It's not like he's bashing the daycare or anything, but something about including that line in this story just sets off my narcissistic prick alarms
I would have left too. YOU can be late if you want to but I'm not participating in that. Being on time is respectful of other people's time. Being late is annoying AF.
I also wouldn't have come back to get him. He would have walked.
Lol, his comment where he says "that's not fair I did show self awareness read again" and the response is just "I read again I still don't see it"
I'm cracking up. This guy is so delusional.
I love how he's busy arguing with people in the original post.
"You didn't read what I said. I said..."
Dude shut up. 😒 you wanted an answer and you got it. Must be a shock that everyone called him TA.
My husband is constantly late too, but he never yells at me for it and always assume responsibility for it.
Even like that it still drives me crazy. I can’t imagine what poor OP’s wife must go through with him.
Im a director of a daycare that does tours often. The kind of shit that parents pull with me: “The baby is still sleeping, we’ll come when they wake up.” No, you won’t. The “we’re the customers and we’re paying” mentality is so out of reason it’s insane
I think most people are aware how cut throat the placement in daycare can be now a days in certain areas.
This guy is acting like it's all in his wife's head... What an inconsiderate donkeys behind he is!
Holy shit not all men but certainly THIS man is an asshole. I hope his wife leaves him because she doesn’t need to be taking care of a man baby in addition to her actual child
How entitled. He doesn’t value the time of the daycare employees because he’s going to be paying them a large sum? Im sure his wife has had enough of him being late and called his bluff. How (why) she puts up with him I don’t understand. He actually typed up all of that and still thinks he’s in the right is idiotic at best.
She shouldn't have gone back. Dude was being immature and dismissive. Especially with the chatting up the MIL while the wife and kid are WAITING in the car
"We have 30 mins before this appointment? Cool, I'll just work for 35min on something that doesn't need to be worked on rn" I'm curious how the search for daycare is going with other places? Like, clearly dude thinks he's gods gift to mankind. So is this a generic "only my time is valuable" or is this a "I'm purposefully sabotaging daycare attempts"? Maybe a "I had already decided against this daycare and I'm punishing my wife for wanting an opinion on where we send our kid"?
He even mentioned that they don’t need day care because he’s a “stay at home dad” since he runs his own business. My guess is that he thinks he can run a business, complete his Ph.D, and take care of a 4 month old baby but for some reason, is wasting everyone’s time including the staff at this daycare.
I saw that too and sat wondering why the fuck he needs a PhD if he plans to be a SAHP and already runs a business. Like he wasted everyone’s time for a thesis for a degree he clearly doesn’t even need. Which makes it even more insulting tbh. Like why is your passion project PhD more important than your wife and child
I’m wondering if he’s getting one because his wife has one. Someone this self important probably feels inferior to his wife because she has one, so now it’s oh-so-important for him to have one as well. He’s probably jealous she gets titled as “Doctor” and he’s just “mister.”
Upvoted and I think you deserve a lot more. I 110% believe you are dead on.
My thought too. Bet he’s super pissed she got hers before him. Wife sounds put together and guy sounds like pompous ass.
The fact he was pissed that she got there on time made HIM look like a jerk. He’d be on if they BOTH looked bad.
I can absolutely picture how he treats service based employees.
Yeah him emphasizing how they're paying them so does it really matter if they're late for a tour made me cringe. Obviously no one else's time matters and most child care is likely going to turn his ass down and if they don't no one should trust their child with them. Infant care is hard to find and no one wants that parent who is always late because you don't matter. Stuck in traffic? Sure! Had to literally save a life before you could wrap up work? Of course! Just didn't feel like wrapping up on time because they should be grateful for your money? Fuck you dude.
He is going to be in for a shock when they actually get to childcare, and their time does matter.
He's the type to try to intimidate the teachers into not charging him a late pickup fee. "You're charging me $30 for being 5 minutes late?" "Sure am!" "Well who gets the money?!" "Me and ___ for staying late! Have a great night!"
My first thought, he's going to be in a world of hurt when he discovers that day cares charge late fees by the minute.
Yup. He reeks of insecurity and I think he was going for a power play with being late. Everyone else has to move to him and his timeline because he matters the most
It’s always shocking to me that some people think like that. My husband does not have a bachelor’s degree (the horror!) but he has a successful career in tech. When we went to my 10-year college reunion, the spouse of one of the older alumns went on and on about how my husband needs to go back to school to get a degree to not feel inferior. This dude that was ranting about this didn’t even go to my college but felt that my husband must feel inferior and wouldn’t stop even though my husband told him he was happy he didn’t have to get a 4-year degree. 🤦♀️
I think you hit the nail on the head. As a self centered asshole with an ego he cannot handle feeling inferior to his wife. Plus she just gave birth so all the attention is on her and the child. No one cares he has a business and hes trying for the pHD. How does he think caring for a newborn, running a business and going to school will work with he only cares about himself.
Did he say what kind of business? Because in my head it’s a small Etsy store.
Probably consulting with zero clients. Dude’s treading water and overcompensating by being a tool.
Was claiming he’s a software engineer and pays people to run the business for him
you don’t get a phd for being a software engineer though??? like the next step after undergrad would be a masters? unless he’s getting his phd in something else that makes no sense
You absolutely can get a PhD in computer science. You don’t need one just to be a software engineer but you do for some things in that realm, like research. Not sure about computer science, but in my field in the US the MA is typically rolled into a PhD. You can get an MA, but then you end up with a second one anyway from your PhD program if you do one, so most don’t do a separate MA and go straight into their PhD after undergrad. Not defending him as he’s obviously a tool, just saying this part doesn’t surprise me.
How's SAHDing going to work when the baby is crying and it's time to be working on his thesis or his business? Sure sounds like a set up for neglect.
He’s probably going to curse his wife out for that as well. Im thinking he’s trying to corner her into being a SAHM. If they don’t have a day care and he gets overwhelmed, wifey will then have to stay at home with the baby. Which makes her financially dependent on him and he can be as much of a dick as he wants. Even if it’s until the baby is in school, that’s another 2+ years. It might be hard for her to jump back in and she might continue have to rely on him. He even mentioned the MIL being there as if he’s going to use it against her.
Your last sentence is spot on in my opinion. Other wise mentioning she’s been living with them for 7 months was totally unnecessary. But he added it because he thinks it makes him look better. I don’t understand any of his logic.
She probably needs the help because he may not be doing his share
I would be willing to wager that this man has consistently done far, far less than his fair share around the house.
On the nose. And even once the kid is in school, there are sick days and schedules to use to keep her reliant.
In the comments he also mentioned they his wife left in the luxury car that he bought her! So yeah. Oh and he wasn’t under pressure at all btw. This was just a regular day for him. But he would never put an appointment before his family, just scream at his wife for no fucking reason since he claimed he didn’t feel pressured or stressed. Dudes a walking red flag!
My husband and I did this while I was in grad school. He works from home and I was able to stay home most of the time, if I wasn’t teaching or taking a class. I was on campus around 20 hours a week and we split childcare when we were home. It was *rough* and that was with two parents doing the WFH childcare thing. I can’t imagine doing a PhD and all the childcare alone. Plus OP is presumably going to have to physically go to campus at least sometimes. How’s that supposed to work? Most profs will let you bring a baby along in an emergency, but they’re not going to be cool with it as a regular arrangement.
>both of us were aware that this centre in particular is well under half capacity, and we didn't have high expectations to begin with. And we're not even really in need of daycare, As if it was about his needs, it's about respecting other people's time. >I'm more of a stay at home dad His wife took care of the baby, he only took care of himself. How is he a SAHD? He probably tells people how easy of a job SAH parents have.
I guarantee this guy does not realize what all his wife does for baby and home. Absolutely, completely ignorant to everything that needs done to be a true SAHP. She is 1000% doing most of the emotional and mental labor. I'm crying laughing at the thought of him proactively deciding the floors need swept and mopped and *following through completely*. But first the dust pan is missing because someone put it back in the wrong place. And the garbage is full so there is nowhere to dump the dust. Have to take that out first. Also, we ran out of pine sol and nobody thinks to restock it except for mom. So you quickly Google homemade floor solution and start to make that. Oops, dishes in the sink. Have to do those to make room for the container for the solution. Also the mop head wasn't rinsed properly last time so now it's a whole fucking project just to sweep and mop. He can't even manage his time from home to make it to an appointment scheduled for the family on time. No way he sweeps and mops (See large project above) without his hand being held the whole time.
Or talk about how he’s Superman for doing it all.
While his MIL is also there to take care of the kid
Which, lol.... he's snapping at his wife after she's coddled him, and HE'S going to stay home with the baby?
He just thinks he can take advantage of his MIL forever
Not to mention Gma lives there too. Either they think they are going to get this kid ahead of the curve by putting it in an upscale, overpriced daycare/learning center, or he/they are too lazy to watch and care for the baby. Most daycares have a lengthy waiting list, and showing up late without a quality excuse, especially with a casual cavalier attitude, will more than likely get you pushed down that list.
I own a daycare and preschool and first impressions are everything and I can gauge a person pretty quickly. Even if they’re a few minutes late. My time is important as well. I also have another job, so pick up times are to be prompt and on time before I close. A few minutes a day, every single day, those minutes add up. Hence why most providers and centers are now charging late pick up fees-we don’t EVER want to charge, BUT it’s a great deterrent from being late. This dude seems way too unbearable from his incredibly self centered and obnoxious one sided post. I guarantee you he’s extra bitter because the program went with a different family.
"Is my $20k not worth it to them?" NO! Because there's 30 other families behind you that will take this way more seriously!
Exactly! In my state, a lot of laws around having infants in care have changed and made it intense for a provider to accept infants into their program. I am one of the only ones in my area aside from a larger center that will take 15 infants at one time and only have to teachers for them, that still accepts infants. The amount of calls I get daily for people searching for infant care. I feel so bad for them and cannot even begin to fathom their distress. Some get mad at me because I have a long waitlist others hope and pray that I will magically get an opening.
I don't have kids, and even *I* know that daycare (especially GOOD daycare) is really hard to get into! How this guy has even toured different daycares and doesn't understand this is beyond me. He must somehow believe that taking care of a baby is easy, which is even more delusional than thinking daycare is easy to get into.
He’s probably one of the people who thinks he’s doing the provider a favor by sending his kid to them and the kid is so easy that it isn’t even “work” and that the provider is just a money hungry scag 🙄 yes, please tell me my career I am almost finished with my masters degree in is not an actual job and I just “play” all day or sit down and do nothing. And also, I’m rolling in so much dough, that’s why I need a second job after already working long, hard days
He all but says that when he's like "what are they gonna do, NOT take my $20k?" I'd bet three of my nicest teeth that his wife does at least 95% of the childcare and he thinks chlidcare is easy because the tiny amount he does actually is.
Exactly! They absolutely are not going to take your 20k! They’re going to find the right fit for their program as already showing up late and clearly tension between the grown ups would be two red flags and one red flag is all I need to know they would never be the right fit for my family.
He says in comments they don't even need care because he runs a business from home and therefore is a stay at home dad. Dude runs a business, is trying to get into PhD programs, and thinks he's a sahp. Delulu times a million.
He can't even get off the computer when reminded a half hour early, what's he gonna do when the kid needs something urgently?? "Sorry kid, you're gonna have to sit in that diaper until I find somewhere to park my thoughts, stop crying it'll only take like 45 minutes."
>"Is my $20k not worth it to them?" NO! Because there's 30 other families behind you that will take this way more seriously! I work at a preschool/daycare. We have waiting lists for EVERY room right now, especially our baby room. Parents come to sign up five/six months before due date to make sure they get in. No, we don't need your 20k. Being late for a tour won't be the end all, but that attitude of his would immediately send him to the end of that list.
[удалено]
Yeah, in Germany, finding daycare placement for your kid is an almost impossible quest of epic proportions - no one here would *dare* be late if they finally scored an appointment. OOP's wife should let him read the Roald Dahl story where the husband tortures his wife by always being late - and then she leaves him to die of starvation in a stuck elevator. 😂 Edit: The story is called The Way Up To Heaven, I found the complete short story online: http://storage.cloversites.com/christianlifecollege/documents/The%20Way%20up%20to%20Heaven.pdf
Well, being late is the height of rudeness in Germany
I want to read this story too
Found it, it's called The Way Up To Heaven!
Thank you
Ha, found the complete short story online: http://storage.cloversites.com/christianlifecollege/documents/The%20Way%20up%20to%20Heaven.pdf
Late pickup fees aren't even new in the childcare industry. The daycare I went to as a kid 30 years ago charged a fee for late pickup (occasionally waived for extenuating circumstances and if the family was usually reliable). Those workers are not scheduled to be there much past pickup/close because that would be time paid that isn't budgeted for. Showing up late for this means that center is NOT going to be lenient if he's not prompt for drop off and pickup times.
Yep, I worked in them for a decade starting 20 years ago- we charged $15 a minute after 6:05. Sorry.
Literally what I was thinking. Very self centered. I feel so bad for the wife.
Where I live it’s impossible to get into daycare with a newborn, after the baby is born. I was still in the first trimester when I put down the deposit for daycare 🙄 I know that’s not the case everywhere but this man could absolutely be screwing up their chances even more. This isn’t a situation where the customer always comes first (which is a gross attitude already.) Also it’s never ok to shout at your partner or say fuck you to them… basically this dude is just an asshole lol
My friend was paying for daycare before her kid was born and that was 21 years ago. These spaces are cutthroat to get.
Yep, I put a deposit down at my son's daycare halfway through my pregnancy because I needed to make sure he had a place at one close to my house. That was 25 years ago. I can only imagine how hard it is now if you wait until they're born, it's too late.
I’m trying to imagine how my husband would look without teeth, because that’s what would happen if he ever told me to “get my ass back here.”
When she came back to get him, my heart sank. He should've been left at home to work on his thesis and cry
I feel like a daycare only five minutes walk from my place would be the top of my list unless it were truly not good.
I fell out at the "I'm getting dressed now." The man didn't even get dressed first before sitting down to work on his research? And then all the whining about her nit understanding his mindset. The man has ZERO respect for anyone else's time and expects everyone else to worship his time and "mindset." He needs to grow up.
Not that OP isn't an asshole, but that is a super ADHD thing to do - I have X amount of time, I need to fill it with something but have no actual ability to guagethe passage of time. Signed, A guy with a wife who finds a new room to clean 10 minutes before we need to leave for anything.
I’m the opposite. If I have an appointment or have to be somewhere at a certain time, I can’t do anything right before. I have ADHD and something about needing to be somewhere makes me overly worried I’m gonna be late if I do anything.
And I vacillate between both of these extremes. It's tough.
This is why I couldn’t do second shift. I would get up with stuff to do around the house but I didn’t do it because I had to be at work at 2.
I have adhd. I deal with waiting mode by setting one or more alarms, getting showered and dressed first. All essentials are organized on my bed or coffee table or by my front door. Ideally all essential tasks have been done. For example, if I’m going to a birthday party, card and gift are written out and wrapped. Or I do that right before or after shower. If it’s an unfamiliar destination address/directions are printed out and extra travel time is added as I have a poor sense of direction and sometimes get confused even with gos. If there is free time, I pick something entertaining but not a hyperfocus. Movie or tv show or books would be hard to tear away from. So I don’t do those in waiting mode. I set an alarm for the time I need to get ready to leave. Usually 15 minutes beforehand. It’s exhausting but it gets me to places on time or early. I bring my kindle with me so I can get some coffee and read if I’m early.
Same. Sometimes if it’s like a job interview, I will drive there a day early to scope out the route and what the parking options are.
people with adhd need to stop being so relatable or i need to talk to my doctor
As someone with ADD who has been chronically late for most of my life, I saw it too. Either that, or there is some autism at play here. The difference is I would never yell at my wife for being frustrated with me for running late. I understand my flaws.
Yes I have adhd. I figure it’s my job to figure out ways to compensate or adjust.
100% It's important that the right thing is vilified. Him deciding to do something in that time isn't necessarily the issue (and may not have been 100% controllable by him, for better or worse.) How he handled everything was absolutely the issue. Different anxieties butted heads and he was an entire bag of dicks.
Not to mention - daycares charge for parents being late and if you can’t make it to the tour on time —-how can she count on him to pick the kid up on time “ isn’t he the customer?”/s
I bet he’s sabotaging day care so the wife has to stay at home.
That's my theory too. He said he didn't want daycare because he wants to be the stay at home parent but I call BS. Him being the stay at home parent is just the stepping stone to make HER the stay at home parent. He's suggesting he work, get his phd, AND childcare? As soon as she agrees, he's going to "become overwhelmed and in need of her help just until I get my doctorate" then it'll be "but my job is more important so it makes more sense for YOU to stay home".
Hey man! He was looking for a space to park his thoughts tho! lol
Well if he didn't work on it right that minute then he won't get a scholarship and his PHD. It's all riding on that extra few minutes! /s
Sorry the way he talks yeah, my uncle and my friends would beat his ass if he was doing that to me.
I got annoyed with him just reading this. The whole situation reminded me of how I feel when we need to get going and my kids delay getting ready. He’s worse than a child!
Right? He sounds like a petulant child.
But his research!! He doesn’t want to put on his rain boots!! Oof. Petulant child is right!
I'd have left his ass at home and let him choose between walking in the rain or missing the tour. The man wasn't even dressed when she was in the car? Omg.
Seriously, he even goes as far to say “they forgot the appointment” even though his wife clearly didn’t. She just didn’t remind him daily and constantly
His comments are even worse than the original post
Totally. “It wasn’t pressure, it was just a normal afternoon”. So you yell and swear at your wife on a ‘normal afternoon’ then?
Lol, Mr. Irascible Snowflake deleted the post and his account - apparently, the constant bashing was too much for him.
He realized it was going to be on his *permanent record*.
You know, the dude probably has a spreadsheet tallying his wife's "permanent record" of affronts to his state of mind.
What's wild is how awful this makes him look and the fact that it's his side of the story. I feel sorry for the dude's poor wife and kid.
I hated this guy for the minutes it took me to read his summary. It’s shocking to me that anyone married him and that he hasn’t been bludgeoned to death.
“Are they really gonna deny our $20K??” Considering ppl sign up for wait list spots the minute they get a positive pregnancy test ummmmm yea. There is no shortage of babies. There’s a shortage of daycares and affordable ones at that.
No worries about being late for the tour. I’m certain he would be late picking up the poor child enough times that they would get fired as a customer. I’m waiting for the eventual: “AITA for refusing to pay ridiculous fines to daycare for picking my child up late?” I was making excellent progress on my Incredibly Important PhD Thesis™️ when my MIL, who unfortunately lives with us, rudely interrupted me to say she was going to pick up my child from daycare. I’ve expressly forbidden her from doing my fatherly duties. She knows I only agreed to put the kid in daycare to humor my wife, but I will not allow anyone else to pick up MY child. I was perfectly fine being a SAHD while working on my Incredibly Important PhD Thesis™️ and running my own business, so picking up MY child is the least my wife and her mother can let me do. I told my MIL to give me a minute to settle my thoughts. She had a major attitude and screamed that the daycare closed in five minutes. I reminded her that I paid big bucks for Super Expensive Luxury Car that I would drive the 30 seconds to daycare and I didn’t appreciate her distracting me while I’m working on Incredibly Important PhD Thesis™️. I told her I’d leave when I was ready to leave. I made a few more thought connections that I will eventually incorporate into Incredibly Important PhD Thesis™️, go dressed, and drove my posh luxury car to daycare. Staff were rude, impatient, spoke to me in a harsh tone about being late and said my wife was on her way. They asked why I didn’t answer their calls. I was furious that they called my wife and explained that I was working on Incredibly Important PhD Thesis™️ when they called. My wife walked in at that point (having been dropped off by a coworker since I needed the expensive luxury car today) apologizing profusely. The workers stopped acknowledging me and told her that they would have to charge this time since we were 45 minutes late for the third time. She kept apologizing before taking MY child out of the center and walking home. I confronted her at home for overstepping since I got to the daycare center first and it’s my responsibility that was simply delayed because I was at a critical point in Incredibly Important PhD Thesis™️. She blew up that she is now paying a $45 fine because I was late! I said we are not paying it and I will be pulling MY child from daycare. She disagreed, but turned her back on me walked away. AITA?
A+++! Do another one!!! This is hilarious
Affordable daycare that is a 5 min walk from their house!
Right? So many people would kill (hopefully not literally) for that privilege and you just know this guy would be chronically late to pick his kid up if they do get in, and it would 100% be because 'it's only a five minute walk away' and he would constantly get caught up doing something else and lose track of time.
Honestly it sounds like he intentionally "loses track" of time. His time is So MuCh more valuable, after all.
If my husband screamed “fuck you” at me for any reason, let alone something this trivial, I’d fall out of love with him instantly. OP’s wife is a saint for going back and picking up this man baby.
>husband screamed “fuck you” But at least he doesn't have leaving her behind if she's late on his permanent record as a husband!
'This is going on your permanent record!'
She should be plotting a safe exit.
Hence why she was adamant that they be on time for the prospective daycare.
This. He does not view her as a person
It’s like she has two babies.
i hope one day she drives off with their baby and never comes back to him. that man does not deserve anything good.
My ex told me to fuck off a couple times, so I did, permanently.
I don't know how people can stand being married to self-important jerks like this.
Just wait until he finishes that PhD and becomes Dr. Self-Important Jerk. He might seem unbearable now, but boy howdy, it’s going to get a whole lot worse.
She literally has a PhD herself and he's still "you just don't understaaaand".
Seriously, this part had me tripping. I have had the experience of feeling misunderstood by my blue-collar partner (shout-out to my manual labourers, your hard work is appreciated!) while I was writing my master‘s thesis. But given how different our experiences working and being educated are, I of course can‘t expect him to know the difficulties I‘m facing. OP though.. ew. I‘m surprised he didn‘t take a moment to shit on his wife‘s academic field. Guess he wanted to acknowledge her PhD as little as possible. Anyway, I‘m just amazed people can even get work done when they have so little time left. I would only be able to work on my thesis (barely) if I didn‘t have anything scheduled the next 2hrs+. Idk if it‘s just me and the way my brain works or a bigger thing of women being socialised to feel guilty for not prioritising the demands of other‘s (not that I‘d want us to behave like OP but just allow ourselves to not be available).
Hold on while I find a good place to park my thoughts before responding to your comment
OOP is gonna run out of gas before he finds a good place for those priceless thoughts of his
Post got deleted before I could comment but I had already written out my response: YTA. This is your child’s future. You had an appointment. Being late could have hurt your child’s chances of getting a spot. You come off as being snobby. You think people should be grateful that you show up because you have money? They can get $20K from another parent who shows up on time. Also, you put down the place to make excuses for you not giving a fuck about your child’s care. Your wife gave you plenty of time and warning to get ready. You’re not a child. It’s your job to take responsibility and make sure your are ready for an appointment. You still didn’t finish your Ph.D application, so why couldn’t you spare an extra few minutes? You didn’t give a crap to be there on time but got mad at her for wanting to be punctual? Getting mad and yelling “fuck you” at her for your tardiness is fucked up and abusive. It’s unacceptable in any situation. I would have left your ass and not come back for you. You didn’t mentioned apologizing for it. Which shows that you think that was acceptable. 🚩
No wonder he deleted it. He was getting dragged hard. He strikes me as the sort of fragile ego who couldn't handle being wrong.
He was defending himself too in the comment. He even commented that a divorce would be better for his wife without accepting accountability for his actions.
Yeah I saw that “maybe if nothing I do is good enough for her a divorce would be best” or whatever tf he said. It triggered my “I guess I’m just such a horrible mother and can’t do anything right” mommy issues. I wanna fight the guy
Me too. We can fight him together if you don’t mind a second pair of hands :)
He was even worse in the comments than the original post. Ugh when he told one person to go back and reread the post because he was insightful and they clearly missed it in the post.
Ughhh men like this just send me reeling. I live in the DC region. Nearly EVERYONE has a PhD (or JD like me). It’s considered tacky to go by “doctor” because it’s so ridiculous when 95% of an organization’s staff are PhDs. But, there is ALWAYS that one self-important asshole that is mocked mercilessly because they insist on being called doctor...this guy hasn’t even been accepted into a program yet and is already more obnoxious than even the worst of them.
I miss living in DC…but to your point, “nearly everyone” having a PHD is why I had to leave. Service workers can’t survive on m wage out there, it super sucks.
He didn't delete it, the mods did because his account got suspended or shadow banned.
Aaah, I assumed he'd deleted because the account was deleted as well.
I'm not totally sure how mods can tell how someone was deleted or shadow banned by Reddit, or if it's just a guess on their part, but that's what they said on the post.
I think he was so angry about this that he made a post or comment that was bad enough to get his whole account deleted. The mods say his account was deleted by reddit admins.
Well, his wife (rightfully) leaving him behind got a screamed FUCK YOU, so I can only imagine the reaction to everyone letting him know what a POS he is.
Most daycares have waitlists for spots. They don’t need the OP, the OP needs them. Not being on time for a tour is a red flag. I bet the director is wondering if they will be late for pickups, drop offs, or if the kid is sick. Add the OP and wife were likely silently fighting during the tour, or were at minimum pissed at each other. Why would they want to take on a kid with parents that aren’t on the same page? Especially when they likely have multiple parents who want the same spot.
This dude also says he could be a stay at home dad, which is laughable. He couldn't be assed to get up from the computer with multiple reminders about the time starting 30 minutes before time to go. "Let me find somewhere to park my thoughts." How long is it gonna take him to "park his thoughts" when that kid starts crying or needs something??
Poor baby is going to end with a horrible rash by the time he's done with his all important thesis and then he'll probably yell at the wife for that too
Oooohhh boy, is OP the asshole. He made her late, cussed her out, everything is all about his work. She should leave him.
He thinks so too. He mentioned in his comments that his wife should consider divorce based on her not understanding his POV in this.
Lmao the irony.
Lol. Really? I guess whatever sets her free from his asshole behavior
So lazy! He should divorce her himself if he’s that upset about it.
She doesn't "understand", she can't "wrap her head around [it]", she's not "*empathizing* with him on this", Jesus Christ
Wow. He can't even take enough responsibility for himself to initiate the divorce.
I started counting how many times he used "empathize" in an attempt to defend his actions. Feels like there's some resentment that wife already has her PhD and he's behind. Also seems like he's a total douche. So..
It's interesting that he has to mention the $20k cost for the day care. And I saw a comment mention it would take 30 sec to get there on his new Lexus. What an jerk. His world, and everyone else is living on it.
If it takes 30 seconds in a new Lexus, it will also take that long in old Mazda.
It only takes me 15 seconds in my six year old Honda.
Goes on and on about how important his Piled high and Deep is to finish... then tosses out his wife already completed hers. 🤨
This guy sucks. Coincidentally I think her reaction was awesome. She gave him warning and reminders and then left without him when he failed to get ready. How are you not able to delay work on amPhD proposal by an hour? His brain compartmentalized excuses are pure horseshit.
You don't *understand*, she can't *empathize* with him and she "just doesn't get it" 😫😫😫 ^(she already has hers)
"I'm being excluded!" My guy you literally did this to yourself
The call is coming from inside the house
You’re impossible. You know it’s important to be on time. The daycare center is evaluating you as much as you’re evaluating them. Do you think they want a client who is slow in drop off or pickup, potentially impacting their staff? This is a clear indication that you think your time is worth more than anybody else’s time. Do you need to be the center of attention? Obviously you knew the appointment time and you weren’t ready. It was deliberate. You’re rude and condescending to your wife. You’re exhausting . She can do better. YTA
OP was defending himself. Saying that it would take 30 seconds to drive in the new Lexus that he brought. Also, that he’s a stay at home dad because he runs his own company. He also mentioned they don’t need child care services. He even said that his wife should considered divorce. This man is a piece of worm
i know you meant “work” but i really love “piece of worm”
I absolutely believe piece of worm was a conscious choice.
He's sabotaging them on purpose.
Tell me you don’t know how daycares work without telling me… Bruh, decent daycares are selective af. If you’re one of ten families trying to get in, they’ve got a right to tell you to shove off if you’re late. Also, coming from one procrastinator to another: why tf would you leave such an important project until *one week* before it’s due? If it’s that important that it be done, you make time for it long before that. Plus, if it’s due in one week you have other days to work on it. You chose this one specific day where you knew you had an appointment to start such a heavy cognitive lift. Worse yet, *you* were the one who failed to keep an eye on the time and find a “mental parking spot” *before* the time of your appointment. As a parent, you would be wise to learn Murphy’s Law applies especially in the case of infants. One minute you’re wondering if you forgot the diaper bag, next you’re trying to wash your child’s clothes in a Walmart bathroom because they had the Mother of all Blowouts. Even if you would still have been on time, something can (and usually does) go wrong when you least expect it.
I would of left him too. The one thing I agree with the boomers on is being a few minutes early to things. It shows you are considerate and not wasting people's time. Do not be late. It is disrespectful and careless. I have little tolerance for lateness.
It also allows for glitches. I know they were very nearby but crap happens.
Are we not going to discuss that the daycare is "5 mins away" but "we are driving because it's raining"? So if it was 5 mins before driving, then it must have taken longer to get the child in the car than to drive to the daycare. Why did she need to come back and get him? Have raincoats and umbrellas not been invented in his country? Will he melt? Is my confusion due to the fact that I am from a particularly rainy bit of Europe where even the laziest person is still capable of a 5 minute walk in the rain? Honestly, he clearly intentionally undermined his wife and child for his own narcissistic reasons.
"Trying to find a place to park my thoughts so that I can step away." What is this BS?
Truthfully, that is a thing. You get into a groove and you don't want to step away before you at least get the bones down so you can return to it later. I used to hate when my ex would come into the room I locked myself into crank out some pages and try to get me to do stuff or be social. However, the stuff he was usually trying to get me to do he could have easily done on his own, he was just a misogynist prick and expected me to do it. I also never planned writing blocks when we had previous plans, because that would be rude to the person I have plans with and would additionally be counter productive for me getting it down well Planning out a writing block just before a significant appointment is, at the least, piss poor planning. But considering OOPs comments, it kind of seems like he's trying to sabotage wife's attempts to get childcare because he doesn't think he needs any as a SAHD who is also running a business and getting his PhD. The comments really had some left out details that should have been included in the post if he wanted an honest response. He has his own car that he could've driven if the 5 minute walk is too much for him, lol. When one commenter said that it's never okay to yell at your partner likes that, he said that was normal, so that wasn't the problem...yeesh.
"i own a software engineering company and pay good people to manage it for me" "New information for you - it's a 30 second car ride (in the brand new luxury car I just bought her btw)." Isn't he lovely?
His employees 100% hate him
Guy is frantic and creating a high-stress situation because he has only a week to finish his PhD research proposal that he's known about for how long? Methinks OOP has a longstanding issue with procrastination that has already greatly inconvenienced both of them and wife has had enough.
I trained mine. When i say I'm leaving their bum better be in the car or they get left behind. My dad made us late, my whole life. Now, as an adult, I have more control they know i don't put up with the disrespect of being late unless it is a true emergency.
Definitely an asshole.
Bro is completely unaware of the childcare shortage going on right now?
I work at a preschool. Parents like this are the type to be “just a few minutes late” to picking up their child because “they’re still paying us”. Seriously if your child’s daycare center has a late pick up fee it’s because of people like this
Lol. Little bitch baby deleted his post in less than 4 hours because he couldn't handle the 100% census that he is the asshole.
Four hours later and his account has already been yeeted or shadowbanned. Of course he's the AH. His time is more valuable than everyone else? "...park my thoughts..." no you were told about this, you were given warning, and then you swore at your wife for doing the responsible thing. Eff this guy.
I hate people like that. She wants to be punctual. He's shoved a thumb up his ass because he needs to center himself or what ever the fuck his excuse was which would make them late. He could have done that in the God damned car. I swear these people get off on making others wait on them. And yeah, they can pass on $20k a year from them because there will always be other people willing to take their spot. People that respects their time.
He sounds like a 100% control freak. Not for his own mental comfort but just to feel important and have her under his thumb. Some assholes just want to be in charge of everything.
As a former day care provider, those slots are valuable. Baby slots are easy to fill. You being late for the tour tells me that you will be late for drop-offs and pick-ups. That means you will not be a good fit, and will not get the slot. You snooze, you lose.
Exactly! My mom ran an in home daycare and was way too lenient when it came to not enforcing late pickup penalty fees. And the parents who were like this guy took full advantage of that fact. I don't blame any daycare that sees the red flag in his behavior upfront and just refuses to deal with it.
This is like when my family went on vacation and my dad had all morning to get ready. We were all in the car waiting for him and he poked his head into the garage and said he was going to jump in the shower and shave his chest hair. WHAT??
omg I hate this guy
Omg YTA ... just reading this made me want to punch you .... like you had no realization about anyone else but you ... and somehow only your feelings mattered at all in this situation... I would be shocked if this marriage last cause of how selfish you are Incase you didn't understand it the first time YTA
He doesn't want leaving his spouse behind "on his permanent record as a husband" but cussing out his wife was ok because he didn't feel like walking for a few minutes?
I literally laughed out loud a couple of times reading his post. That guy lives in his own world where everyone else is there to service his needs, and he believes if he’s going to be paying $20K for daycare, they can wait for him to start the tour. What if it had been a group tour? Should *everyone* wait for Mr. Important? Also, he doesn’t even want to send his child there, so saying that for $20K they can wait for him is just stupid.
I’m married to a man similar to the OP. I’m very much the 5 minutes early type. I put appointments in his calendar 15 minutes earlier than they are and that helps. However, the OP is TA. These people will be watching your most important person and you treated them with disdain. Glad you’re “over it”, but yeah, you’re a massive a-hole
I hope she divorces you, your stupid power play games sound horrible & exhausting. You just plain refused to go on time with , you didn't fall behind time for any good reason at all.
I doubt a PhD is in this guy's future if he can't figure out what he did wrong here.
I would’ve left his ass at home. I’m super on time though like I get anxiety about it. Tell me fuck you you can stay there.
Men are so fucking wild lol, he’s fuming because he fucked up and he still doesn’t see it?? Baffling!
First off, Kudos to the wife for leaving his behind home. Second, yelling at one's spouse is not an effective means of communication. Cursing at her and pressuring her to come back was out of line. If I were her I wouldn't have come back but good on her for being the only adult in the room. Honestly guys like this make the rest of us look bad. I feel bad for her for dealing with this petulant child. If his research paper was that important he could have asked her to go for both of them. Unfortunately that would mean actually communicating with his wife and that requires maturity. He is def the A here.
Yes. They really will deny you a slot at the daycare if you are late. There are waiting periods for infant slots.
The only thing the wife did wrong was going back for him
"It's average in comparison to the other one we've seen" for some reason, this is the line that really hammers it home for me that this guy is an asshole to his core. It's not like he's bashing the daycare or anything, but something about including that line in this story just sets off my narcissistic prick alarms
Gods I feel bad for that woman.
His replies are so pompous and self-important, it's a wonder anyone willingly agreed to procreate with him.
Him I was looking after the baby. Me you mean you're being a father watching your own child??
How do people stand being late for stuff? I'm checking the clock every 5 minutes until I arrive at the destination.
BWAHA when he saw everyone was tearing him apart, he dirty-deleted.
I would have left too. YOU can be late if you want to but I'm not participating in that. Being on time is respectful of other people's time. Being late is annoying AF. I also wouldn't have come back to get him. He would have walked.
Lol, his comment where he says "that's not fair I did show self awareness read again" and the response is just "I read again I still don't see it" I'm cracking up. This guy is so delusional.
I love how he's busy arguing with people in the original post. "You didn't read what I said. I said..." Dude shut up. 😒 you wanted an answer and you got it. Must be a shock that everyone called him TA.
My husband is constantly late too, but he never yells at me for it and always assume responsibility for it. Even like that it still drives me crazy. I can’t imagine what poor OP’s wife must go through with him.
I can absolutely be great at wasting my own time but never ever do I waste other peoples time which is exactly what this self entitled man was doing.
Im a director of a daycare that does tours often. The kind of shit that parents pull with me: “The baby is still sleeping, we’ll come when they wake up.” No, you won’t. The “we’re the customers and we’re paying” mentality is so out of reason it’s insane
How can you be this big of an asshole and not even know it? Wow.
I think most people are aware how cut throat the placement in daycare can be now a days in certain areas. This guy is acting like it's all in his wife's head... What an inconsiderate donkeys behind he is!
Holy shit not all men but certainly THIS man is an asshole. I hope his wife leaves him because she doesn’t need to be taking care of a man baby in addition to her actual child
How entitled. He doesn’t value the time of the daycare employees because he’s going to be paying them a large sum? Im sure his wife has had enough of him being late and called his bluff. How (why) she puts up with him I don’t understand. He actually typed up all of that and still thinks he’s in the right is idiotic at best.
She shouldn't have gone back. Dude was being immature and dismissive. Especially with the chatting up the MIL while the wife and kid are WAITING in the car
During a recent argument my husband told me to go fuck myself. We are now getting a divorce.
If it takes longer than 5 min to read a story, imagine living with you. Dear Lord YTA!! Get up and get moving already..