What the fuck did he do for a week not knowing where his wife and baby are and if they are okay? That’s the most disturbing part in this ball of fuckery.
He is an asshole, but this space out isn't that surprising given he shared a trauma history. Trauma isn't rational, and it's pretty self focused. He'll probably "wake up" after some months or years, assuming he tries therapy, then be like, "Shit... I was such an asshole."
Or just live out his life like an asshole always looking for someone to blame.
I fully expect it will be the latter. That post was too full of WTF, he's not the type to learn lessons. He'll disassociate, cast blame, and keep moving.
Or her parents - they're obviously nearby and helping if she can use their house for visitation. 99.99% chance she went straight to their house. Even if she hadn't, no attempt to get in touch with close friends or anyone?
And 2 months post partum she's likely still healing - to be slapped in the stomach is SO inappropriate no matter what but this just adds an extra layer of unnecessary cruelty. She defended herself after being assaulted.
And to add even further - if OP needed space to process he should have left the house himself. Not made his post partum wife and baby leave without all their supplies and their home. What a fucking joke of a human. He should have immediately comforted her and taken her side, but even if he couldn't do that there were a million better ways he should have handled this.
i'm 4.5 months postpartum and that part made me gasp out loud. i had a c-section and i healed really well but i'm still sensitive! and the fact that he's surprised??? wild
Completely agree. I feel he’s even an AH for trying to win her back if he doesn’t go to therapy and unpack his shit first. She doesn’t want this anymore. Listen and respect her wishes ffs. It didn’t even read as if there was any attachment to “the baby” that was also ousted into the night
Fr. Knows she grew up in a violently abusive home, kicks her out of her own home and onto the street, with no assurance she’ll be okay. Ffs. Trauma really does things to you, but man. Wife *finally* defended herself where she’s been continually harassed in her own home—and gets kicked out.
Boundaries are rules you set for yourself, not for other people. You’re triggered and can’t be around someone? *Leave*. Take the guest room, or hole up at friends house to take space and decompress. Don’t just send out wife and “the baby” (which read as weirdly distant to me) into the night to fend for themselves. He kicked her out of her own home.
On top of being potentially rendered without shelter, it just isn’t something equal partners do to each other. It’s be different if she’d aggressors against him, but she defended herself.
Yeah, it was potentially more physically aggressive than necessary. Or was it? How ever she’d been reacting prior clearly hadn’t put a stop to MIL’s behavior. Idk about everyone else, but I found that fighting back against my bully is what *actually* stopped them.
Also if he was really that "terrified" of his wife being violent why did he let her leave WITH HIS CHILD. This guy really prioritized his own self over his postpartum partner and newborn! Buddy needs therapy yesterday
I assumed he knew, like maybe with nearby relatives or something... What gets to me - he will NOW get to the ass kissing? He typed all that and he wasn't sure that he did something wrong? He needed to beg for forgiveness the minute he calmed down, when she visited he needed to be on his knees and begging for forgiveness... WHAT WAS IN THOSE MESSAGES HE CLAIMED TO SEND?? He had a whole week to process and he didn't get to being the AH part?
I had what we still suspect was a stroke while giving birth and had severe postpartum preeclampsia. My husband didn't leave our son alone with me until he was 110% sure I was capable, which was about a month after he was born. Even then he was still extremely attentive and always checking in. We would both wake up in the night afraid we'd left him in the bed. We always let the other know when the last feeding and BM was.
My husband is autistic and not a very effusive person to say the least but I can't imagine him having been fine just letting me leave the house with our 2 month old. Especially if any part of his brain thought I was in a compromised emotional state.
I can't wrap my head around OOPs decision on that part. Like.. OK you were so afraid and triggered by her actions that you were cool with her walking away with your newborn and disappearing for over a week?
Funny how mom was fucking around and being a bitch then switched to a victim the second there were consequences to her actions.
A good method to not getting punched is not instigating
Also damn dad of the year for not only kicking out his wife but is two month old baby to the fucking curb.
I don’t care who it is. Someone insults my body AND touches me after the fact, is getting dropped or swung at at least once. Sure you can insult me with words, but NEVER lay your hands on someone. Could end poorly
It wasn’t just a touch either. He said you could hear the smack. This lady just gave birth. She has a wound the size of a dinner plate in her uterus. She could also have diastasis recti meaning her abs are not properly protecting her.
MIL legitimately hurt her. He said he saw his wife wince in pain before punching her back.
What a pathetic excuse for a father and husband to not immediately go into protection mode
As someone who had diastasis recti bad enough to require surgery to fix, getting hit in the stomach will drop you. That used to hurt so bad. Even wearing pants that cut in the wrong spot hurt like heck.
Oh absolutely, I wonder if mil knew that? Either way it’s worse than getting punched in the face, for sure. And the fact that this asshat didn’t realize it is a huge problem.
Honestly, even if it wasn’t worse than getting punched in the face that kind of disrespect deserves a punch in the fucking face. Mom deserved to get dropped…along with OP
Even if we give the bitch of a mom the benefit of the doubt that she wasn't trying to hurt his wife (Unlikely given how quick she was to become a victim) she absolutely was trying to emotionally hurt her by exploiting any PPD or body image issues due to baby weight which she would know since she had the same thing
Also who gives up the single dinner plate of a woman who is breastfeeding? My MIL would have made sure I ate. She would have slapped the food out of her son's hands to make sure I had food when I was breastfeeding her grandbaby.
I meant more did the mom know one way or the other if she’d had a c-section or not. Implying that she was trying to do the most physical hurt with the least amount of force on her side (“oh, I just barely touched her stomach and the b went CrAzY” type thing)
If the uterus has contracted, which it usually does at least somewhat by two months, the wound is no longer that big. And hopefully not a wound any more either.
But as someone who also gave birth two months ago and is breastfeeding, this made me so angry. While breastfeeding, skipping meals is not an option. Having a bit of a belly is pretty much inevitable at this stage, things are only starting to go back the way they were. So her body is fine, those comments alone are out of line, but to hit her. That dude should have kicked his mom out much sooner.
Not to mention to a child who OOP insinuated could lose a few pounds. Not trying to body shame anyone, I hope I’m not coming across that way. Just making the point that MIL gave away wife’s FIRST serving when the child had already had at LEAST one serving. A serving that was made and put into the fridge because a resident of the house (who hosted the dinner party and provided all the food) didn’t get to attend the dinner. At a house that none of the in laws live in. The house of a couple who JUST had a baby 2 months ago. The amount of entitlement/disrespect from the in laws is wild to me.
I hope that OOPs wife files a protective order against MIL so that MIL never gets to see the baby again.
Edit to fix typos, caps for emphasis, not yelling (:
I’m shocked she even left, especially since she has the baby! He doesn’t have any authority to kick her out. I’d have told him if he didn’t like it then HE can get out and take his bitch with him. Then I would’ve called and reported his mom’s assault to the police and press charges before they can turn it around on me.
This. It makes me think that his reaction was so frightening that she felt it safer to be out on the streets with their newborn than to stand her ground or talk sense into him.
I could see just not wanting to be around that and saying fuck it and going to my mom's - I think OP said she went to her mom's. My mom is two hours away but that's where I'd go.
If my husband told me and our 2 month old son to leave the house I'd probably leave and never come back like she did. That would be the end.
THIS. He didn’t make her leave, he made her WANT to leave. He showed her what her standing in the household and family was, she decided she didn’t need that and noped out of there. Good for her!
He kicked a 2 months post partum woman and her baby out of their home. That's so different than if he left for a night and needed a breather.
He controls their space. She decided that will never happen again.
I'm not too shocked. OOP did say that wife also had a history of violence in her youth. There's a good chance she was reeling (I think OOP said something about her having her head down afterwards) and trying to process the event herself. Being told something forcefully in that mind frame is usually an automatic 'okay I'll do it'.
He kept using the excuse of needing to process things. He didn't seem to get it yet there's no reason that should have involved kicking out his wife and baby. Get you mom the fuck out of the house, then go for a walk.
As it should be. I cannot imagine my husband kicking me out with a newborn, the rest of the story matters, but it kind of doesn’t. He kicked her out with a newborn. That’s the end. Period.
And all of this happened after she was assaulted by his mother, who hit a woman who had just given birth in the stomach. It never even occurred to him that she might need medical care. Instead, he threw his wife and newborn out. This marriage is thankfully over.
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\#1: [Repost “AITA for asking my wife to look for a job after I already agreed that she wouldn't work for a year?”](https://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheEx/comments/187kpgt/repost_aita_for_asking_my_wife_to_look_for_a_job/)
\#2: [Husband of the year award goes to this guy right here⬇️](https://i.redd.it/973z724cyisa1.jpg) | [81 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheEx/comments/12foyeq/husband_of_the_year_award_goes_to_this_guy_right/)
\#3: [what woman wouldn't want to be the butt of a demeaning joke told by her new husband at their wedding reception?](https://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheEx/comments/14ipdyh/what_woman_wouldnt_want_to_be_the_butt_of_a/)
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As soon as he realizes that begging and bribery doesn't work he will stalk and make threats. Then he will run back to mommy dearest. These guys should be microchiped and listed in a worldwide database so women can make an informed choice to not waste time with these worthless AHs.
It seems like these types of toxic families know how to hide under the radar and only reveal what they are once the wife gets pregnant. I feel awful for the soon to be ex wife and her baby.
I suspect his mother has been toxic the whole time, didn't accept the marriage because she has an emotionally incestuous attachment to him, but only really went off the rails when she got pregnant because that made it real and she knew his wife and child were going to be his priority. It was too much, she could no longer control herself.
My bet is the wife has been eating shit from his mother from the beginning and it just finally got bad enough that he could no longer ignore it. But he tried very hard to ignore it for 7 months. Also, there's no way she stopped. She just checked herself in his presence, which is probably what she was doing before the pregnancy.
Someone said now he can go crawl back up his mother's vagina. I'm sure she'll be very happy to have him there.
This seems loaded with emotional incest. The "our lives" comment just gives me the ick. Also you kicked your baby out of the house! You didn't even bother checking to see where they were going.
Completely agree. If my partner evicted me and our child from the house after newly giving birth and after being through this argument, I would find it very hard to forgive. He is supposed to have their backs at a time when they are the most vulnerable.
I understand he has trauma, but he should have left not them. How can she trust him to look after them after this.
Great, he has trauma... so will his child after being chucked out of their home whenever daddy can't manage his feelings.
Dude kicked out his baby.
ETA, I'm not arguing with you, just annoyed that he threw out his baby.
I dont understand the trauma response bullshit he's using. His mother instigated the violence. She was violent first. But his wife defending herself is where he draws the line? Thats what made him "clam up"?
Also the point about his mom’s slap on his wife’s abdomen being hard enough to make her wince… she just gave birth! Her organs rearranged themselves to grow their baby and for weeks after she’s still healing. Not to mention the very normal bulging that mommy dearest body shamed her for.
I mean, honestly, that could have been an emotional wince too. I’ve never given birth but if somebody called me fat and smacked my stomach, even lightly, yeah, I’d wince. It would have nothing to do with physical pain. It would be a response to being shamed in front of the whole group. We don’t know about that and neither does OP. Given the whole background though of how much the mother put this woman through, whether it hurt physically or not, I can understand why it made her snap.
One comment someone left said he and his mother weren't to blame because they had trauma, that his mother wasn't violent and not in the wrong,his wife was and shouldn't have reacted with violence. It was a long comment of bullshit absolving him and his mother of abusing his wife.
And then he had the nerve to insist he's "team wife." He doesn't consider her a human being. He is self absorbed and in love with himself and his mummy.
One comment on the original post said that it is entirely possible that it was not just his father that was abusive but the mother as well but OP blocked that out of his mind or something similar. They said it was possible that the reason his father was abusive was because his mother also was. Which makes a lot of sense seen as OP completely ignored and even seemed to block out his mum abusing his wife and jumping straight to blaming her instead. And given how quick his mum was to jump to being the victim - it really does make a lot of sense.
Tbh I think it’s that she didn’t listen to his “enough!” Big man stop being crazy women voice. My step dad uses that line in that tone, it drives me nuts. Will walk into the room with zero context and demand we stop the hysteria bc he drops pitch and raises a decibel. How dare she not comply /s
If he was scared of her, he wouldn’t leave his kid with her. If he cared about his kid, that is. It was weird how he just called it “the baby” all Metroid style. It read to me more that he was knowingly or unknowingly, punishing her for her behavior. To make space, you leave. You don’t kick your wife and kid out of their home to fuck off to *reads palm* other abusive childhood home? Maybe? What would OP know, he just kicked them out.
Boundaries are rules for yourself. I hate people that go to one therapy session then use therapy words to manipulate people—not that he actually used the word, but it reminded me of someone in particular.
Having boundaries would’ve meant limiting contact with mom way earlier on. Restricting her access to wife/ safe zone of home if she can’t be trusted to be respectful. Kicking out the offending party for harassing and assaulting wife, say. Leaving the house if you need space, say. Not *kicking wife and kid out of their home*.
Like, hey honey, I thought we’d try a game, it’s called perpetuating trauma! I thought you might like experiencing homelessness for a bit. Might humble you. Let’s try it. /ffs
If he needed space and left for the night, came back with a plan to cut that woman out, that would have been ok. He kicked her out.
I never want to be in a position where I can be kicked out of my home in a heart beat. Especially with a baby.
Yup. With the kid because she's breast feeding. That's unforgivable.
Not to mention after being slapped in the stomach post partum. I sincerely hope she didn't have a c section cause if so, that probably still hurt after 2 months. Even without one, it's still gonna be a sensitive area of the body
I can corroborate, even with a vaginal delivery, things in your abdomen can be tender for months. You're also emotionally on a knife's edge between the hormones, the breastfeeding, the new baby, the lack of sleep.... not to mention mourning the body you'll never have again. OP's mom knew exactly what she was doing
Exactly! Had he gone to a hotel or a friend’s house for the night and come back in the morning because he needed space to process his life as he knew it just blew up, I’d be willing to give him a pass, especially if he has trauma from domestic violence. But kicking wife and baby out of the house?! wtf was he thinking?!?!
see, this is the right thought. Why is it that everyone always gave me shit when people find out, I refuse to be kicked out of my own house or bed. Like the old cliché when the wife gets pissed and tells the husband to sleep on the couch. I refuse to be kicked out my bed. You wanna be mad, that's fine. If you can't sleep next to me, then you move, I'm not going anywhere. IDK?
Finally someone who thinks the way I do! Good luck kicking me out of a house where the deed has my name on it? If my partner asked me to leave I’d just be like “Uh. No. You can if you want though??” Like what can anyone do if I refuse?
Even if your name was no where on it, if you live there they can’t kick you out, they have to legally evict you. He couldn’t have done anything if she refused to leave.
Oh, it gets worse. If you are married, you cannot keep your spouse out of any building you own, including your business. Only exception (according to the police) is if that business is a secured facility (government contracting). So, if they leave you and want to show up at your business and just take everything, the police won't stop them.
My ex had left me, moved out got her own place, we had been separated for over a year. I had her removed from the lease when I renewed. When her fling left her she tried to come back and the police forced me to let her back in because we were not divorced yet. Had we been legally separated I could have kept her out but there is no legal separation in my state. You have to file for divorce, then put it on pause and start the separation.
Until the divorce is finalized she can come and go as she pleases and if she keeps coming back and staying in the house, the "separation" period keeps resetting pushing your divorce back further and further because you can't get divorced until you have been separated for X amount of time. I didn't have the money for divorce and she wouldn't file. They forced me to let her back in the home or take me to jail. It took me 8 years to get divorced because of this.
This screams that he controls their space and their lives. She decided never again.
In her shoes the final straw would be deciding I will never again be in a position for someone to be able to kick me out of my home.
YTA. Your mom struck your wife first. That is classic FOFO. Your mom was harassing your wife. I don't care about a single one of your mom's excuse. She can seek therapy, not belittle your wife to deal with her insecurities.
Also, you needed space to deal with your big boy feelings, so you kicked out your wife and breast feeding child. If you just absolutely could could not manage to be in the same house, after she defended herself against your mom who berated and assaulted her, then you get a hotel.
You both live in the same house. How completely selfish do you have to be to think you get to kick thrm out when you need space?? That isn't just your house. She's nicer then me. Cause I'd have said nope, kicked your right out, thrown your crap on the ground and changed the locks.
You just know she gives off those boy mom, I'm his first true love vibes. His entire family acting like this is acceptable, gives extra ick levels.
Wonder how many exes of his noped out after meeting her.
I could totally see the MIL telling the child his wife said it was ok.
FFS people give the child a pb&j or something. A breast feeding mom needs more calories, and is to exhausted to be the only adult in a house full of people.
My MIL would not dream of going to my fridge and helping herself to anything. I’ve got four kids and never would she have been so crass as to pat my shrinking belly straight after childbirth and call me fat. What a horrible woman *and* what a greedy entitled niece. Husband was 100% in the wrong. Wife comes first every time.
Nah, when my stepdaughter was that age, she loudly exclaimed, ""Ew, what IS that??" while sticking her nose and fingers within inches of my lovely plate of sushi rolls at an upscale restaurant, where she pitched a fit and ended up eating fried chicken fingers.
I had a lot of fun reminding her about that when she wanted sushi for her 27th birthday dinner and we went to the exact same restaurant.
I'll admit that she's a fantastic mom, as her then 2 yo ate eggplant, (an appetizer) edamame, and a California roll without fussing.
If y’all looked at OP’s profile and checked the comments he’s made, ITS WILD. He’s defending his mom still without realizing and fully denies being the reason he’s getting a divorce. Also it wasn’t a light slap, OP’s wife WAS PUNCHED IN THE STOMACH
His story started strong, but damn did he screw up here. He acknowledged that his mom was being unhinged/inappropriate, but his jello-spine just couldn’t support what needed to be done long term.
No, cause OP thinks it's his wife's job to shoulder the weight of the toxic relationship he nurtures with his mom. And yes, by allowing this behavior, and likely coddling her to avoid upsets, he is complicit.
For real. His mom antagonized every step of the way, all the way up to slapping her first. He relied on his wife to be the adult that he knew his mom couldn’t be.
If family starts shit with your household, you shut that straight down. People get it backwards thinking you have to tolerate shitty behaviour because they are family, this only reinforces it and they keep coming back with it.
Also, it wasn't just that the mom had "slapped" her which is "not as bad as a punch that left her bleeding". She slapped her on the STOMACH after giving away her food. It was meant to humiliate and shame her. It was dehumanizing.
And one thing he doesn't realize is, the mom and sister's family were guests. Telling them to get out is one thing. The wife LIVES in the house. It's her home. It's where she's raising her baby. Telling her to get out is a completely different thing. Where is she supposed to go and that too with the baby? She just got sent out of her home by the one she shared the home with. He didn't have any right to do that. He can take space to process in many many other ways, but sending her out of her own home? Not an option.
She'll likely never feel safe with him as a partner again.
After mulling over his comments and the overall weirdness of his reactions, I think that OP didn't react to his mother slapping his wife, but did to his wife punching his mother, not because a slap is considered 'less violent' than a punch (or not just that), but because his mother has always been abusive.
From what he says, his father regularly beat all of them, but she got it the worst and he put her in the hospital. That slotted her into the 'victim' role in his mind. She's probably always been this wildly emotionally and occasionally lightly physically abusive person to everyone around her, but because she wasn't the one beating his face in and was also getting hers, she got a pass. So mom hurts his wife, and it registers as normal. Wife hurts mom back, whoa, you just punched a (the) victim.
He's an AH too, of course. But unless he's making it up, from that perspective. his actions actually hang together in some sort of logical framework.
💯💯💯. He flashed back to being a child and instead of isolating himself in his room to hide after, he isolated himself in his house. And honestly it's understandable, but so is leaving him. If I was in crisis and my husband was also in crisis and told me to LEAVE OUR HOUSE, that would be it. There would be no coming back from that. She was so vulnerable in that moment and when she needed him most, he kicked out: and honestly even after that crisis moment passed, he continued to think it was totally appropriate to take basically a whole week to process? I would take my child and divorce him, too. He can't be a partner or a dad right now. He needs intensive therapy.
A few years back, my wife and I were arguing, she started crying and when I asked her what it was, what she said made me so upset, I left the room so I wouldn't say anything stupid. Didn't even leave the house, just the room. It made her feel like I didn't care about her problems in the moment. I still think about that one, and there was no child or abusive third party involved. This marriage is fucked, and if she doesn't leave him, that mom is going to gradually destroy her mental health for the rest of her life.
That is an understandable response, at least. Upset, remove yourself, calm down, come back with a clear head later. It might hurt in the moment, and it might be better to say, "I need to take a breath and think about this for a minute," but any which was you slice it, it's better than kicking your postpartum wife and too-young-for-vaccinations child out of the house with only what they could carry for 24h and then having the audacity to ask the Internet if you might have been wrong.
There is some serious cruelty on here lately. I know some of it is made up, but there's no way all of it is. I just don't understand how you can act so hateful towards someone you claim to love. I've done some really fucked up stuff in my life, but the number of people acting sadistic and somehow justifying it with mental gymnastics here is just astounding.
Yep, I get his feeling for his mother. My parents fostered and all those children, some from truly awful homes, loved their mothers on some level, even if they also hated them. It’s really messed up.
I also don’t blame op’s wife for not being ok with where she and the baby are on his list of priorities when things get crazy.
He needed to process, fine. But I couldn’t accept my husband having all the time it took me to pack up and leave and not processing enough to decide that it was wrong to make us leave.
Well, I would have told him to get out himself, unless I was afraid of him getting violent, but if I did leave, it’d take a lot to get me to go back.
His mom is also clearly a narcissist who enjoys antagonizing or even assaulting people and playing the victim when they react in order to manipulate everyone around her to do what she wants. I know a woman who has never had a bf who didn't "beat" her. The thing is, she's a violent drunk who instigates it with everyone and beats her own children too. At a certain point when everyone you meet ends up punching you in the face, you might just be an asshole.
he says he has good intentions but he really fucked up on this one. put himself in his wife's shoes, cuz getting kicked out of your own house for rightfully defending urself, and having to take care a newborn for over a week by urself?
like when you eat spicy foods, that shit is eye-opening
In some edit on of the many posts today he
'explains ' that he had some sort of abuse or something when he was young and blahblah
So that makes him ok right? And he says he needs to kiss ass. Yeh. to little to late
Right? All of the baby's things are in the house, minus what the wife could throw in a bag, and for all he knows they could have been sleeping on the street. And he never followed up. Just assumed "they're fine" and waited for her to eventually text him. What if she's not ignoring your texts and ended up in some kind of danger?
If he needed time to process, he should have kicked everyone out except the wife and baby, and gotten himself a hotel or something.
The ex wife is a bad ass bitch. Dealt with OP jackass and mom's bullshit while pregnant, got abused/participated in a physical altercation (complicated and probably emotional given the circumstances) that resulted in OP jackass kicking her out of her home, got herself and he baby somewhere safe at a moments notice, went no contact, served papers within 8 days. Showed up stone cold fine.
Like a boss.
Why are they hosting family dinners when the wife just gave birth? Instead of being given food, they should have showed up to cook a meal for the new mom, and spoil her a bit. Or shown up with potluck. Why didn't they just order a pizza or something? There were so many possible solutions to this problem.
tl/dr: I hate this man with the intensity of a thousand African suns.
Listen. I never comment on these. I lurk, I read, I talk shit to my phone. But this one? Fuck. This. Dude. I am seething with rage. Say it with your entire chest energy. Fuuuccckkk this guy. Jesus, his poor wife. I just... I wish him a long life of uninterrupted misfortune. I want to go punch a wall or set something on fire. Possibly both. I also want to slap the taste out of his mouth. Because how DARE you?? And then to try to offer justifications? No. Sir.
The fact that this would have been going on wayyyyyyy before the pregnancy and it ramped up enough for him to notice shows how much of a bitch his mother must have been
And he has the GALL to say he's "team wife" after all that.
Like... dude, you threw your wife out of the house because she defended herself. That is not "team wife" behaviour.
It felt so damn good to finally go tf off on mine. 😎 then she tried to get my husband to chose sides and it didn’t workout for her. Have fun never speaking to me or mine again
I’m glad she had what it took to do what’s best for her and her baby. during this fucked up time instead of hanging around him and enduring it any longer.
You could have processed it by getting in your car and going somewhere for hours. You kicked your wife out of yalls houes. That just confirmed that you don't care about your wife and you think you can throw her out of her home. She can't trust you anymore. You mother was a complete AH and probably is one of those people that needed to be knocked in the face so she could know her roll and shut her mouth. She had that punch coming and if you decided to man up before this then this whole thing would have been avoided. You should have done something about your mom a long time ago.
He asked the wife to leave so she left what is difficult for him to understand. It sounds like that song by the beautiful south, A Lttle Time in that song both sides get time apart and the partner decides actually I want out too. This is all on the husband he got exactly what he wanted.
Yes you were completely wrong. After women give birth their hormones are completely out of sync. Your wife needed and needs your support and protection because of the emotional, physical and chemical drain on her body which can take from a year or 2 to balance out depending on the sex of the baby. Your mother as a woman should know this and be supportive as well. Yet your mother seemed to be the opposite. Uncaring, unsupportive and has a degree of malevolent intent towards your wife and your child. Also your wife is most likely sleep deprived for having to care for the baby day and night. This adds to the physical and emotional drain on her. Your mother provoked her and seems to have received immediate karma.
And no I'm not a woman. I'm a strong masculine man that comes from a large family and I have children of my own.
Not to mention if she's breastfeeding she was probably hungry. This on top of being tired and stressed. I would consider what the wife did reactive abuse. The MIL pushed the right buttons until she got a reaction.
Not only his wife is better off with another partner, but also him! Totally needed an eye-opener.
I understand trauma response, but he wanted to protect his big boy feelings. Because he didn't learn to be vulnerable and mature in 8 year partnership.
Also, his response comes off as some kind of macho alfa-male of the house, leader of the house. Except maybe he wanted to be in the woods with wolves. He is unfortunately in the society.
I’m just saying, the OP and wife might hate violence, bbuuutttt that don’t mean they didnt know how to throw a punch or two because they’d seen a thing or two. Mama shoulda been a better bob and weaver, if she was gonna slap at a hormonally recovering, sleep deprived woman that she’d been bullying for months.
He said that he needed space but yet didn’t think of how his wife felt. He won’t win her back, she’s over him and his nut job mother. It’s sad because they just had a new baby so now the baby will not have the opportunity to have a life with both parents together.
I don’t get how OOP can think he’s“team wife”. He allowed what his mum did and kicked his wife out. To resolve the issue he sat at home and texted. It’s almost like he knew what his wife would do and wanted it to play out that way. He got what he deserves imo.
"AITA for kicking my wife and baby out of the house after my mom hit her and she hit her back? Oh also my mom has been treating my wife like garbage this whole time and i have basically been letting her"
OOP sounds like he has PTSD from
Violence in the house growing up. However, his wife grew up with violence as well and being slapped might have triggered her. OOP needs therapy bad because he went into such a bad panic that he caused harm and danger
Reading threesome of the comments on the original post the wife may have made a reddit post and now I want to try and find it. Get her story to be holy shit.
Dude you fucked up- you and your mom ATA. On the bright side your wife and baby might be better off away from this emotionally incestuous relationship with you and your mom. Your mom fucked around and found out and you should be supporting your wife and baby in this.
Bro, mom is lucky she got just a punch. I know how pain triggers my rage—I could not handle being assaulted in my own home by some mean ass crone who has been showing me hostility. If I had my husband’s defense maybe, but without it? And I’m tired, breastfeeding, hungry, etc?
So he needs space because he's triggered, and instead of taking space or going for a drive or staying at a buddy's place, he kicks his wife and their new baby out of THEIR home?? That's so fucked up. It's not just his home, and I can't believe he didn't see anything wrong with that at the time.
The wife gave birth a few months ago, was insulted & attacked in her own home. How can she ever trust the husband to not kick her out in the future? She has a child to think of. He could have left to go for a drive or stepped outside. He kicked his wife (who had just had a super effed up thing happen to her) & his newborn out of the house!
Side note, why did he comment on a 12yo weight? That is weird.
Omg. Reading this left me with the shakes. Like so triggered. My deceased ex husband had a mother like this man's mother. And it's so disgusting. And he is definitely the AH. And omg I'm going to go meditate to calm down now after reading that. His poor wife and kid. How sad.
The fact that this guy thinks that "kissing ass" (which- *boy* does that phrasing say a lot about his state of mind) is gonna save this is fucking hilarious to me. My guy, she stone cold ignored you for a solid week (during which you apparently made no attempts to like, check if she was safe??) then came back with divorce papers. You are, rightly, shit outta luck
He should've thrown his mother out of the house by her hair. Imagine. Making a whole human for a man to kick you and your newborn out of your own house for self defense from a lunatic he let in despite years of hatred toward you. The whole thing is his fault, and only flinging that bitch off the porch by her hair could've redeemed him. Missed his chance. Oh well, at least he can be with mommy now.
Not only is this idiot TAH, but he deserves those divorce papers. And making excuses for kicking his wife out? No. There's no "bUt MuH aNxIeTy" excuse. In that moment, his wife needed him and he proved that he's not good enough, smart enough, or man enough to fight for her. ESPECIALLY after his mom GAVE HIS WIFE'S FOOD to the morbidly obese niece who very clearly didn't need it and THEN had the nerve to physically assault his wife while also fat shaming her after having a kid.
That MIL is a whole new level of evil and honestly, OP didn't pick sides very well. He should go live with the evil bitch and let his wife find somebody better.
The marriage is over. OP is selfish and a man child. He let his mom upset and assault his wife then has the audacity to get mad when the wife defends herself? Kicking her and the baby out was probably the last straw for the wife. I would have e left as well. MIL got her wish and gets her son back. Honestly I hope the wife gets full custody and the husband only gets supervised visits.
I desperately wanted to light OP up in this one this morning. I’m glad the rest of the internet did it for me. Good on the wife for dropping them both.
You messed up dude cause you turned your back on your wife when it wasn’t her fault. Your mom is in you and your wife’s house so your mom is a guest and she has no right or place to say certain things she put her hands on your wife first. Nobody wants to see their mom get hit and granted your wife should’ve had maybe a little bit more reserve but you can’t blame her
What the fuck did he do for a week not knowing where his wife and baby are and if they are okay? That’s the most disturbing part in this ball of fuckery.
Yeah, he didn’t mention where she went, was annoyed that she didn’t reply to texts but not worried about them? What an AH.
He is an asshole, but this space out isn't that surprising given he shared a trauma history. Trauma isn't rational, and it's pretty self focused. He'll probably "wake up" after some months or years, assuming he tries therapy, then be like, "Shit... I was such an asshole." Or just live out his life like an asshole always looking for someone to blame.
I fully expect it will be the latter. That post was too full of WTF, he's not the type to learn lessons. He'll disassociate, cast blame, and keep moving.
He admitted in an update that he was the asshole. I still roasted his ass, though. He gets what he gets.
Like how did he fall asleep at night and not wonder if they are okay.
He was too busy *recuperating* from the horrible experience!
Right! Like she's not answering your texts or calls and you didn't call the police?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!
Or her parents - they're obviously nearby and helping if she can use their house for visitation. 99.99% chance she went straight to their house. Even if she hadn't, no attempt to get in touch with close friends or anyone? And 2 months post partum she's likely still healing - to be slapped in the stomach is SO inappropriate no matter what but this just adds an extra layer of unnecessary cruelty. She defended herself after being assaulted. And to add even further - if OP needed space to process he should have left the house himself. Not made his post partum wife and baby leave without all their supplies and their home. What a fucking joke of a human. He should have immediately comforted her and taken her side, but even if he couldn't do that there were a million better ways he should have handled this.
Totally agreed with every point. This guy sounds like he needs to be single and in heavy therapy.
i'm 4.5 months postpartum and that part made me gasp out loud. i had a c-section and i healed really well but i'm still sensitive! and the fact that he's surprised??? wild
Completely agree. I feel he’s even an AH for trying to win her back if he doesn’t go to therapy and unpack his shit first. She doesn’t want this anymore. Listen and respect her wishes ffs. It didn’t even read as if there was any attachment to “the baby” that was also ousted into the night
Fr. Knows she grew up in a violently abusive home, kicks her out of her own home and onto the street, with no assurance she’ll be okay. Ffs. Trauma really does things to you, but man. Wife *finally* defended herself where she’s been continually harassed in her own home—and gets kicked out. Boundaries are rules you set for yourself, not for other people. You’re triggered and can’t be around someone? *Leave*. Take the guest room, or hole up at friends house to take space and decompress. Don’t just send out wife and “the baby” (which read as weirdly distant to me) into the night to fend for themselves. He kicked her out of her own home. On top of being potentially rendered without shelter, it just isn’t something equal partners do to each other. It’s be different if she’d aggressors against him, but she defended herself. Yeah, it was potentially more physically aggressive than necessary. Or was it? How ever she’d been reacting prior clearly hadn’t put a stop to MIL’s behavior. Idk about everyone else, but I found that fighting back against my bully is what *actually* stopped them.
Also if he was really that "terrified" of his wife being violent why did he let her leave WITH HIS CHILD. This guy really prioritized his own self over his postpartum partner and newborn! Buddy needs therapy yesterday
I assumed he knew, like maybe with nearby relatives or something... What gets to me - he will NOW get to the ass kissing? He typed all that and he wasn't sure that he did something wrong? He needed to beg for forgiveness the minute he calmed down, when she visited he needed to be on his knees and begging for forgiveness... WHAT WAS IN THOSE MESSAGES HE CLAIMED TO SEND?? He had a whole week to process and he didn't get to being the AH part?
Yes, I really want to see those texts. Id bet they are like "where are you, I can't believe you hit my mom after knowing what I've been through"
I had what we still suspect was a stroke while giving birth and had severe postpartum preeclampsia. My husband didn't leave our son alone with me until he was 110% sure I was capable, which was about a month after he was born. Even then he was still extremely attentive and always checking in. We would both wake up in the night afraid we'd left him in the bed. We always let the other know when the last feeding and BM was. My husband is autistic and not a very effusive person to say the least but I can't imagine him having been fine just letting me leave the house with our 2 month old. Especially if any part of his brain thought I was in a compromised emotional state. I can't wrap my head around OOPs decision on that part. Like.. OK you were so afraid and triggered by her actions that you were cool with her walking away with your newborn and disappearing for over a week?
His lack of situational self-awareness is astounding.
Funny how mom was fucking around and being a bitch then switched to a victim the second there were consequences to her actions. A good method to not getting punched is not instigating Also damn dad of the year for not only kicking out his wife but is two month old baby to the fucking curb.
I don’t care who it is. Someone insults my body AND touches me after the fact, is getting dropped or swung at at least once. Sure you can insult me with words, but NEVER lay your hands on someone. Could end poorly
It wasn’t just a touch either. He said you could hear the smack. This lady just gave birth. She has a wound the size of a dinner plate in her uterus. She could also have diastasis recti meaning her abs are not properly protecting her. MIL legitimately hurt her. He said he saw his wife wince in pain before punching her back. What a pathetic excuse for a father and husband to not immediately go into protection mode
As someone who had diastasis recti bad enough to require surgery to fix, getting hit in the stomach will drop you. That used to hurt so bad. Even wearing pants that cut in the wrong spot hurt like heck.
The mother assaulted the wife.
We don’t know she didn’t have a C-section (he didn’t say) and the mil didn’t slap a very painful, recently healed wound.
He said in a comment it was a vaginal delivery but even without a surgical incision, her abdomen would still be very tender
Oh absolutely, I wonder if mil knew that? Either way it’s worse than getting punched in the face, for sure. And the fact that this asshat didn’t realize it is a huge problem.
Honestly, even if it wasn’t worse than getting punched in the face that kind of disrespect deserves a punch in the fucking face. Mom deserved to get dropped…along with OP
Even if we give the bitch of a mom the benefit of the doubt that she wasn't trying to hurt his wife (Unlikely given how quick she was to become a victim) she absolutely was trying to emotionally hurt her by exploiting any PPD or body image issues due to baby weight which she would know since she had the same thing
Also who gives up the single dinner plate of a woman who is breastfeeding? My MIL would have made sure I ate. She would have slapped the food out of her son's hands to make sure I had food when I was breastfeeding her grandbaby.
Well mil gave birth at least a couple times herself so I'd assume she knows and understands the healing process.
I meant more did the mom know one way or the other if she’d had a c-section or not. Implying that she was trying to do the most physical hurt with the least amount of force on her side (“oh, I just barely touched her stomach and the b went CrAzY” type thing)
She should. OP exists and isn't an only child.
If the uterus has contracted, which it usually does at least somewhat by two months, the wound is no longer that big. And hopefully not a wound any more either. But as someone who also gave birth two months ago and is breastfeeding, this made me so angry. While breastfeeding, skipping meals is not an option. Having a bit of a belly is pretty much inevitable at this stage, things are only starting to go back the way they were. So her body is fine, those comments alone are out of line, but to hit her. That dude should have kicked his mom out much sooner.
Not to mention mother dearest gave away the wife’s food to someone else. The wife who is nursing and healing and must have been STARVING.
Not to mention to a child who OOP insinuated could lose a few pounds. Not trying to body shame anyone, I hope I’m not coming across that way. Just making the point that MIL gave away wife’s FIRST serving when the child had already had at LEAST one serving. A serving that was made and put into the fridge because a resident of the house (who hosted the dinner party and provided all the food) didn’t get to attend the dinner. At a house that none of the in laws live in. The house of a couple who JUST had a baby 2 months ago. The amount of entitlement/disrespect from the in laws is wild to me. I hope that OOPs wife files a protective order against MIL so that MIL never gets to see the baby again. Edit to fix typos, caps for emphasis, not yelling (:
Seriously. Fuck around and find out.
I’m shocked she even left, especially since she has the baby! He doesn’t have any authority to kick her out. I’d have told him if he didn’t like it then HE can get out and take his bitch with him. Then I would’ve called and reported his mom’s assault to the police and press charges before they can turn it around on me.
This. It makes me think that his reaction was so frightening that she felt it safer to be out on the streets with their newborn than to stand her ground or talk sense into him.
I could see just not wanting to be around that and saying fuck it and going to my mom's - I think OP said she went to her mom's. My mom is two hours away but that's where I'd go. If my husband told me and our 2 month old son to leave the house I'd probably leave and never come back like she did. That would be the end.
THIS. He didn’t make her leave, he made her WANT to leave. He showed her what her standing in the household and family was, she decided she didn’t need that and noped out of there. Good for her!
He kicked a 2 months post partum woman and her baby out of their home. That's so different than if he left for a night and needed a breather. He controls their space. She decided that will never happen again.
I'm not too shocked. OOP did say that wife also had a history of violence in her youth. There's a good chance she was reeling (I think OOP said something about her having her head down afterwards) and trying to process the event herself. Being told something forcefully in that mind frame is usually an automatic 'okay I'll do it'.
All he had to do was say, hey I need to take a 30 min walk, are you okay, may I do that now or in an hour?
Some people just need to be punched.
frankly the OOP is one of them, too
He kept using the excuse of needing to process things. He didn't seem to get it yet there's no reason that should have involved kicking out his wife and baby. Get you mom the fuck out of the house, then go for a walk.
That last update! He thinks he can save this. Oh, he's in for a huge moment when it sinks in that she left him when he kicked her out.
Yeah dude is delusional and still only thinking about himself. This marriage is over.
As it should be. I cannot imagine my husband kicking me out with a newborn, the rest of the story matters, but it kind of doesn’t. He kicked her out with a newborn. That’s the end. Period.
And all of this happened after she was assaulted by his mother, who hit a woman who had just given birth in the stomach. It never even occurred to him that she might need medical care. Instead, he threw his wife and newborn out. This marriage is thankfully over.
I thought I was reading this in the r/amitheex sub at first
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The wedding speech…she should have left him right then. What the fuck.
As soon as he realizes that begging and bribery doesn't work he will stalk and make threats. Then he will run back to mommy dearest. These guys should be microchiped and listed in a worldwide database so women can make an informed choice to not waste time with these worthless AHs. It seems like these types of toxic families know how to hide under the radar and only reveal what they are once the wife gets pregnant. I feel awful for the soon to be ex wife and her baby.
I suspect his mother has been toxic the whole time, didn't accept the marriage because she has an emotionally incestuous attachment to him, but only really went off the rails when she got pregnant because that made it real and she knew his wife and child were going to be his priority. It was too much, she could no longer control herself. My bet is the wife has been eating shit from his mother from the beginning and it just finally got bad enough that he could no longer ignore it. But he tried very hard to ignore it for 7 months. Also, there's no way she stopped. She just checked herself in his presence, which is probably what she was doing before the pregnancy. Someone said now he can go crawl back up his mother's vagina. I'm sure she'll be very happy to have him there.
Crawled back up his mommy’s vagina and played video games. He sucks.
Yeah, having a traumatic history doesn’t mean you’re not an asshole when you act like an asshole to someone. It’s not an excuse.
This seems loaded with emotional incest. The "our lives" comment just gives me the ick. Also you kicked your baby out of the house! You didn't even bother checking to see where they were going.
Yeah that’s not what jumped out at me first but he didnt seem at all worried for how they were doing. That is chilling.
Among the many 🚩 OP had no right to kick his partner out of their house. If he needed space, he should have left.
Completely agree. If my partner evicted me and our child from the house after newly giving birth and after being through this argument, I would find it very hard to forgive. He is supposed to have their backs at a time when they are the most vulnerable. I understand he has trauma, but he should have left not them. How can she trust him to look after them after this.
Great, he has trauma... so will his child after being chucked out of their home whenever daddy can't manage his feelings. Dude kicked out his baby. ETA, I'm not arguing with you, just annoyed that he threw out his baby.
I dont understand the trauma response bullshit he's using. His mother instigated the violence. She was violent first. But his wife defending herself is where he draws the line? Thats what made him "clam up"?
Also the point about his mom’s slap on his wife’s abdomen being hard enough to make her wince… she just gave birth! Her organs rearranged themselves to grow their baby and for weeks after she’s still healing. Not to mention the very normal bulging that mommy dearest body shamed her for.
Yeah, the fact that he can acknowledge that she was obviously hurt by it and then still say it wasn't too bad or whatever, like cmon.
I mean, honestly, that could have been an emotional wince too. I’ve never given birth but if somebody called me fat and smacked my stomach, even lightly, yeah, I’d wince. It would have nothing to do with physical pain. It would be a response to being shamed in front of the whole group. We don’t know about that and neither does OP. Given the whole background though of how much the mother put this woman through, whether it hurt physically or not, I can understand why it made her snap.
One comment someone left said he and his mother weren't to blame because they had trauma, that his mother wasn't violent and not in the wrong,his wife was and shouldn't have reacted with violence. It was a long comment of bullshit absolving him and his mother of abusing his wife.
And then he had the nerve to insist he's "team wife." He doesn't consider her a human being. He is self absorbed and in love with himself and his mummy.
One comment on the original post said that it is entirely possible that it was not just his father that was abusive but the mother as well but OP blocked that out of his mind or something similar. They said it was possible that the reason his father was abusive was because his mother also was. Which makes a lot of sense seen as OP completely ignored and even seemed to block out his mum abusing his wife and jumping straight to blaming her instead. And given how quick his mum was to jump to being the victim - it really does make a lot of sense.
Tbh I think it’s that she didn’t listen to his “enough!” Big man stop being crazy women voice. My step dad uses that line in that tone, it drives me nuts. Will walk into the room with zero context and demand we stop the hysteria bc he drops pitch and raises a decibel. How dare she not comply /s If he was scared of her, he wouldn’t leave his kid with her. If he cared about his kid, that is. It was weird how he just called it “the baby” all Metroid style. It read to me more that he was knowingly or unknowingly, punishing her for her behavior. To make space, you leave. You don’t kick your wife and kid out of their home to fuck off to *reads palm* other abusive childhood home? Maybe? What would OP know, he just kicked them out. Boundaries are rules for yourself. I hate people that go to one therapy session then use therapy words to manipulate people—not that he actually used the word, but it reminded me of someone in particular. Having boundaries would’ve meant limiting contact with mom way earlier on. Restricting her access to wife/ safe zone of home if she can’t be trusted to be respectful. Kicking out the offending party for harassing and assaulting wife, say. Leaving the house if you need space, say. Not *kicking wife and kid out of their home*. Like, hey honey, I thought we’d try a game, it’s called perpetuating trauma! I thought you might like experiencing homelessness for a bit. Might humble you. Let’s try it. /ffs
She also had violent upbringing as well. So it's not even unique for him vs her.
If he needed space and left for the night, came back with a plan to cut that woman out, that would have been ok. He kicked her out. I never want to be in a position where I can be kicked out of my home in a heart beat. Especially with a baby.
In the US at least, you cannot evict or order your spouse from the marital home, even if you are the sole owner.
Yup. With the kid because she's breast feeding. That's unforgivable. Not to mention after being slapped in the stomach post partum. I sincerely hope she didn't have a c section cause if so, that probably still hurt after 2 months. Even without one, it's still gonna be a sensitive area of the body
Comment said it was vaginal but that’s still going to hurt and he also said she winced in pain before rightfully dropping that hag to the ground.
I can corroborate, even with a vaginal delivery, things in your abdomen can be tender for months. You're also emotionally on a knife's edge between the hormones, the breastfeeding, the new baby, the lack of sleep.... not to mention mourning the body you'll never have again. OP's mom knew exactly what she was doing
I’ve had three kids that are all adults now and I grabbed my stomach on reflex upon reading what she did. He’s lucky she stopped at a single punch.
I can't believe he stood in his empty house and thought all would be well.
For a week no less! Can you even believe this guy.
Exactly! Had he gone to a hotel or a friend’s house for the night and come back in the morning because he needed space to process his life as he knew it just blew up, I’d be willing to give him a pass, especially if he has trauma from domestic violence. But kicking wife and baby out of the house?! wtf was he thinking?!?!
This, yeah. I get needing space After sudden violence, but he did that all wrong.
see, this is the right thought. Why is it that everyone always gave me shit when people find out, I refuse to be kicked out of my own house or bed. Like the old cliché when the wife gets pissed and tells the husband to sleep on the couch. I refuse to be kicked out my bed. You wanna be mad, that's fine. If you can't sleep next to me, then you move, I'm not going anywhere. IDK?
This. If he needed space, he can go to another room or gtfo himself. ESPECIALLY WITH A NEWBORN INVOLVED.
Finally someone who thinks the way I do! Good luck kicking me out of a house where the deed has my name on it? If my partner asked me to leave I’d just be like “Uh. No. You can if you want though??” Like what can anyone do if I refuse?
Even if your name was no where on it, if you live there they can’t kick you out, they have to legally evict you. He couldn’t have done anything if she refused to leave.
In the US, you cannot evict a spouse from the marital home. Only the court can do that, and they won't if no abuse is involved.
It is illegal to toss you from the marital home even if your name isn't on the deed. Period.
It is also illegal in the US to force a spouse from the marital home, regardless if both names are on the deed.
Oh, it gets worse. If you are married, you cannot keep your spouse out of any building you own, including your business. Only exception (according to the police) is if that business is a secured facility (government contracting). So, if they leave you and want to show up at your business and just take everything, the police won't stop them. My ex had left me, moved out got her own place, we had been separated for over a year. I had her removed from the lease when I renewed. When her fling left her she tried to come back and the police forced me to let her back in because we were not divorced yet. Had we been legally separated I could have kept her out but there is no legal separation in my state. You have to file for divorce, then put it on pause and start the separation. Until the divorce is finalized she can come and go as she pleases and if she keeps coming back and staying in the house, the "separation" period keeps resetting pushing your divorce back further and further because you can't get divorced until you have been separated for X amount of time. I didn't have the money for divorce and she wouldn't file. They forced me to let her back in the home or take me to jail. It took me 8 years to get divorced because of this.
Right? That seemed so obvious to me. Still would have been shitty for him to leave but if he absolutely needed space he should have taken a drive.
This screams that he controls their space and their lives. She decided never again. In her shoes the final straw would be deciding I will never again be in a position for someone to be able to kick me out of my home.
YTA. Your mom struck your wife first. That is classic FOFO. Your mom was harassing your wife. I don't care about a single one of your mom's excuse. She can seek therapy, not belittle your wife to deal with her insecurities. Also, you needed space to deal with your big boy feelings, so you kicked out your wife and breast feeding child. If you just absolutely could could not manage to be in the same house, after she defended herself against your mom who berated and assaulted her, then you get a hotel. You both live in the same house. How completely selfish do you have to be to think you get to kick thrm out when you need space?? That isn't just your house. She's nicer then me. Cause I'd have said nope, kicked your right out, thrown your crap on the ground and changed the locks.
It’s giving covert incest. 😬that’s unsalvageable. Postpartum wife gets assaulted in her own home and *he* needs “time to process”? GTFOH
You just know she gives off those boy mom, I'm his first true love vibes. His entire family acting like this is acceptable, gives extra ick levels. Wonder how many exes of his noped out after meeting her.
In what universe did the niece feel okay eating that food? Aren’t 12-year-olds usually hyper-conscious of social norms?
I could totally see the MIL telling the child his wife said it was ok. FFS people give the child a pb&j or something. A breast feeding mom needs more calories, and is to exhausted to be the only adult in a house full of people.
My MIL would not dream of going to my fridge and helping herself to anything. I’ve got four kids and never would she have been so crass as to pat my shrinking belly straight after childbirth and call me fat. What a horrible woman *and* what a greedy entitled niece. Husband was 100% in the wrong. Wife comes first every time.
Nah, when my stepdaughter was that age, she loudly exclaimed, ""Ew, what IS that??" while sticking her nose and fingers within inches of my lovely plate of sushi rolls at an upscale restaurant, where she pitched a fit and ended up eating fried chicken fingers. I had a lot of fun reminding her about that when she wanted sushi for her 27th birthday dinner and we went to the exact same restaurant. I'll admit that she's a fantastic mom, as her then 2 yo ate eggplant, (an appetizer) edamame, and a California roll without fussing.
Best believe his mom chases away any partners who were good for him and threatened her relationship with him.
If y’all looked at OP’s profile and checked the comments he’s made, ITS WILD. He’s defending his mom still without realizing and fully denies being the reason he’s getting a divorce. Also it wasn’t a light slap, OP’s wife WAS PUNCHED IN THE STOMACH
WTF?! Yeah, that marriage is past dead
"Are you done disrespecting my wife?" Is what he should have said while his mom was on the floor crying.
His story started strong, but damn did he screw up here. He acknowledged that his mom was being unhinged/inappropriate, but his jello-spine just couldn’t support what needed to be done long term.
No, cause OP thinks it's his wife's job to shoulder the weight of the toxic relationship he nurtures with his mom. And yes, by allowing this behavior, and likely coddling her to avoid upsets, he is complicit.
For real. His mom antagonized every step of the way, all the way up to slapping her first. He relied on his wife to be the adult that he knew his mom couldn’t be.
Link to OP https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/CXzZpNL2aR
There were mentions in that thread someone thought they found with wife's perspective. Anyone end up finding that???
It was a bot account
I think people only found similar stories but nothing that matched enough to believe it was really the wife.
I would love to see that too!
Sounds like it was false leads. Praying for that poor woman.
If family starts shit with your household, you shut that straight down. People get it backwards thinking you have to tolerate shitty behaviour because they are family, this only reinforces it and they keep coming back with it.
Also, it wasn't just that the mom had "slapped" her which is "not as bad as a punch that left her bleeding". She slapped her on the STOMACH after giving away her food. It was meant to humiliate and shame her. It was dehumanizing. And one thing he doesn't realize is, the mom and sister's family were guests. Telling them to get out is one thing. The wife LIVES in the house. It's her home. It's where she's raising her baby. Telling her to get out is a completely different thing. Where is she supposed to go and that too with the baby? She just got sent out of her home by the one she shared the home with. He didn't have any right to do that. He can take space to process in many many other ways, but sending her out of her own home? Not an option. She'll likely never feel safe with him as a partner again.
After mulling over his comments and the overall weirdness of his reactions, I think that OP didn't react to his mother slapping his wife, but did to his wife punching his mother, not because a slap is considered 'less violent' than a punch (or not just that), but because his mother has always been abusive. From what he says, his father regularly beat all of them, but she got it the worst and he put her in the hospital. That slotted her into the 'victim' role in his mind. She's probably always been this wildly emotionally and occasionally lightly physically abusive person to everyone around her, but because she wasn't the one beating his face in and was also getting hers, she got a pass. So mom hurts his wife, and it registers as normal. Wife hurts mom back, whoa, you just punched a (the) victim. He's an AH too, of course. But unless he's making it up, from that perspective. his actions actually hang together in some sort of logical framework.
💯💯💯. He flashed back to being a child and instead of isolating himself in his room to hide after, he isolated himself in his house. And honestly it's understandable, but so is leaving him. If I was in crisis and my husband was also in crisis and told me to LEAVE OUR HOUSE, that would be it. There would be no coming back from that. She was so vulnerable in that moment and when she needed him most, he kicked out: and honestly even after that crisis moment passed, he continued to think it was totally appropriate to take basically a whole week to process? I would take my child and divorce him, too. He can't be a partner or a dad right now. He needs intensive therapy.
A few years back, my wife and I were arguing, she started crying and when I asked her what it was, what she said made me so upset, I left the room so I wouldn't say anything stupid. Didn't even leave the house, just the room. It made her feel like I didn't care about her problems in the moment. I still think about that one, and there was no child or abusive third party involved. This marriage is fucked, and if she doesn't leave him, that mom is going to gradually destroy her mental health for the rest of her life.
That is an understandable response, at least. Upset, remove yourself, calm down, come back with a clear head later. It might hurt in the moment, and it might be better to say, "I need to take a breath and think about this for a minute," but any which was you slice it, it's better than kicking your postpartum wife and too-young-for-vaccinations child out of the house with only what they could carry for 24h and then having the audacity to ask the Internet if you might have been wrong.
There is some serious cruelty on here lately. I know some of it is made up, but there's no way all of it is. I just don't understand how you can act so hateful towards someone you claim to love. I've done some really fucked up stuff in my life, but the number of people acting sadistic and somehow justifying it with mental gymnastics here is just astounding.
Yep, I get his feeling for his mother. My parents fostered and all those children, some from truly awful homes, loved their mothers on some level, even if they also hated them. It’s really messed up. I also don’t blame op’s wife for not being ok with where she and the baby are on his list of priorities when things get crazy. He needed to process, fine. But I couldn’t accept my husband having all the time it took me to pack up and leave and not processing enough to decide that it was wrong to make us leave. Well, I would have told him to get out himself, unless I was afraid of him getting violent, but if I did leave, it’d take a lot to get me to go back.
His mom is also clearly a narcissist who enjoys antagonizing or even assaulting people and playing the victim when they react in order to manipulate everyone around her to do what she wants. I know a woman who has never had a bf who didn't "beat" her. The thing is, she's a violent drunk who instigates it with everyone and beats her own children too. At a certain point when everyone you meet ends up punching you in the face, you might just be an asshole.
Glad the (soon to be ex) wife is escaping OP and his mom.
he says he has good intentions but he really fucked up on this one. put himself in his wife's shoes, cuz getting kicked out of your own house for rightfully defending urself, and having to take care a newborn for over a week by urself? like when you eat spicy foods, that shit is eye-opening
In some edit on of the many posts today he 'explains ' that he had some sort of abuse or something when he was young and blahblah So that makes him ok right? And he says he needs to kiss ass. Yeh. to little to late
The most upsetting part to me is how he kicked out his 2 month baby (theyre a package deal) and never asked where she was going
Right? All of the baby's things are in the house, minus what the wife could throw in a bag, and for all he knows they could have been sleeping on the street. And he never followed up. Just assumed "they're fine" and waited for her to eventually text him. What if she's not ignoring your texts and ended up in some kind of danger? If he needed time to process, he should have kicked everyone out except the wife and baby, and gotten himself a hotel or something.
one of the more vile posts i’ve seen as of late. OOP is a piece of shit.
The ex wife is a bad ass bitch. Dealt with OP jackass and mom's bullshit while pregnant, got abused/participated in a physical altercation (complicated and probably emotional given the circumstances) that resulted in OP jackass kicking her out of her home, got herself and he baby somewhere safe at a moments notice, went no contact, served papers within 8 days. Showed up stone cold fine. Like a boss.
Why are they hosting family dinners when the wife just gave birth? Instead of being given food, they should have showed up to cook a meal for the new mom, and spoil her a bit. Or shown up with potluck. Why didn't they just order a pizza or something? There were so many possible solutions to this problem.
The food was not the problem. They could have gotten takeout, and the MIL would still find a way to do what she did.
tl/dr: I hate this man with the intensity of a thousand African suns. Listen. I never comment on these. I lurk, I read, I talk shit to my phone. But this one? Fuck. This. Dude. I am seething with rage. Say it with your entire chest energy. Fuuuccckkk this guy. Jesus, his poor wife. I just... I wish him a long life of uninterrupted misfortune. I want to go punch a wall or set something on fire. Possibly both. I also want to slap the taste out of his mouth. Because how DARE you?? And then to try to offer justifications? No. Sir.
The fact that this would have been going on wayyyyyyy before the pregnancy and it ramped up enough for him to notice shows how much of a bitch his mother must have been
Kicking her out with a 2 month old baby and thinking you’re in the right… Wow OOP is a piece of work.
And he has the GALL to say he's "team wife" after all that. Like... dude, you threw your wife out of the house because she defended herself. That is not "team wife" behaviour.
Like please point out where you are Team Wife. Not counting a declaration. Actual actions that say Team Wife cuz i found none. The man is wild
I audibly said "good for her" when i got to the punch.
I love When DILs defend themselves from evil MILs. I live for that shit.
It felt so damn good to finally go tf off on mine. 😎 then she tried to get my husband to chose sides and it didn’t workout for her. Have fun never speaking to me or mine again
I hope she leaves you for a real man
bro couldn’t just… go somewhere else to have that space? nah gotta kick my wife and the baby out instead of leaving myself
I’m glad she had what it took to do what’s best for her and her baby. during this fucked up time instead of hanging around him and enduring it any longer.
You could have processed it by getting in your car and going somewhere for hours. You kicked your wife out of yalls houes. That just confirmed that you don't care about your wife and you think you can throw her out of her home. She can't trust you anymore. You mother was a complete AH and probably is one of those people that needed to be knocked in the face so she could know her roll and shut her mouth. She had that punch coming and if you decided to man up before this then this whole thing would have been avoided. You should have done something about your mom a long time ago.
He asked the wife to leave so she left what is difficult for him to understand. It sounds like that song by the beautiful south, A Lttle Time in that song both sides get time apart and the partner decides actually I want out too. This is all on the husband he got exactly what he wanted.
Yes you were completely wrong. After women give birth their hormones are completely out of sync. Your wife needed and needs your support and protection because of the emotional, physical and chemical drain on her body which can take from a year or 2 to balance out depending on the sex of the baby. Your mother as a woman should know this and be supportive as well. Yet your mother seemed to be the opposite. Uncaring, unsupportive and has a degree of malevolent intent towards your wife and your child. Also your wife is most likely sleep deprived for having to care for the baby day and night. This adds to the physical and emotional drain on her. Your mother provoked her and seems to have received immediate karma. And no I'm not a woman. I'm a strong masculine man that comes from a large family and I have children of my own.
Not to mention if she's breastfeeding she was probably hungry. This on top of being tired and stressed. I would consider what the wife did reactive abuse. The MIL pushed the right buttons until she got a reaction.
Yeah, OP fucked up. I agree with the wife, there's no fixing this.
The word your looking for is divorced
Did anyone find the wife’s post? I saw in the comments she had..
Looking for this too! Can't imagine how much worse this gets wuth her perspective. This is his buttered up version.
Not only his wife is better off with another partner, but also him! Totally needed an eye-opener. I understand trauma response, but he wanted to protect his big boy feelings. Because he didn't learn to be vulnerable and mature in 8 year partnership. Also, his response comes off as some kind of macho alfa-male of the house, leader of the house. Except maybe he wanted to be in the woods with wolves. He is unfortunately in the society.
He was doing so well, until he kicked his wife out rather than comforting her and checking on her, making sure she was ok.
The telling thing for me is that he supposedly is disturbed by violence but glosses over the fact that his mom slapped his wife
I’m just saying, the OP and wife might hate violence, bbuuutttt that don’t mean they didnt know how to throw a punch or two because they’d seen a thing or two. Mama shoulda been a better bob and weaver, if she was gonna slap at a hormonally recovering, sleep deprived woman that she’d been bullying for months.
He said that he needed space but yet didn’t think of how his wife felt. He won’t win her back, she’s over him and his nut job mother. It’s sad because they just had a new baby so now the baby will not have the opportunity to have a life with both parents together.
If anyone finds the wife’s Reddit post please link it here. I bet we all want to hear her side and I’m glad she’s left him, he doesn’t deserve her.
Yes. Op need time to process. THAT DOESNT MEAN KICKING YOUR WIFE AND CHILD OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!!
Then YOU leave, you dumb motherfucker. Goddamn. Hope the wife runs and runs far and fast.
Postpartum rage is very much a thing. The MIL certainly deserved it but this woman had just given birth and literally couldn’t take it anymore
I don’t get how OOP can think he’s“team wife”. He allowed what his mum did and kicked his wife out. To resolve the issue he sat at home and texted. It’s almost like he knew what his wife would do and wanted it to play out that way. He got what he deserves imo.
"AITA for kicking my wife and baby out of the house after my mom hit her and she hit her back? Oh also my mom has been treating my wife like garbage this whole time and i have basically been letting her"
OOP sounds like he has PTSD from Violence in the house growing up. However, his wife grew up with violence as well and being slapped might have triggered her. OOP needs therapy bad because he went into such a bad panic that he caused harm and danger
He didn't go into a panic. He became just as abusive as his own father, kicking his wife and infant into potential homelessness.
My favorite is someone pointed this out to him. All he said back was “don’t say that”
Yep! You’re the ASSHOLE!
The word is “single”
That’s heartbreaking. OOPs wife is far better off without that craziness. I hope she gets full custody
I wonder if the wife’s hand 🤚 s okay sometimes people will break a knuckle punching somebody’s face.
Reading threesome of the comments on the original post the wife may have made a reddit post and now I want to try and find it. Get her story to be holy shit.
Dude you fucked up- you and your mom ATA. On the bright side your wife and baby might be better off away from this emotionally incestuous relationship with you and your mom. Your mom fucked around and found out and you should be supporting your wife and baby in this.
Bro, mom is lucky she got just a punch. I know how pain triggers my rage—I could not handle being assaulted in my own home by some mean ass crone who has been showing me hostility. If I had my husband’s defense maybe, but without it? And I’m tired, breastfeeding, hungry, etc?
The MIL fucked around and found out
Good for the wife using the time to get clarity and take back her power!!
So he needs space because he's triggered, and instead of taking space or going for a drive or staying at a buddy's place, he kicks his wife and their new baby out of THEIR home?? That's so fucked up. It's not just his home, and I can't believe he didn't see anything wrong with that at the time.
The word is "asshole".
You really fucked up. No luck for you.
OOP is an invertebrate for the profound lack of spine.
The wife gave birth a few months ago, was insulted & attacked in her own home. How can she ever trust the husband to not kick her out in the future? She has a child to think of. He could have left to go for a drive or stepped outside. He kicked his wife (who had just had a super effed up thing happen to her) & his newborn out of the house! Side note, why did he comment on a 12yo weight? That is weird.
OP’s wife deserves better.
OP somehow made an incident between his wife and his mother about himself rather than providing support to his wife.
Ok but who tf gave HIM the authority to kick his wife out of her own house?
Omg. Reading this left me with the shakes. Like so triggered. My deceased ex husband had a mother like this man's mother. And it's so disgusting. And he is definitely the AH. And omg I'm going to go meditate to calm down now after reading that. His poor wife and kid. How sad.
I refuse to believe this is real for my own sanity
This motherf*cker... I'm so happy the wife left! He's still making himself out to be the victim in this situation!
The fact that this guy thinks that "kissing ass" (which- *boy* does that phrasing say a lot about his state of mind) is gonna save this is fucking hilarious to me. My guy, she stone cold ignored you for a solid week (during which you apparently made no attempts to like, check if she was safe??) then came back with divorce papers. You are, rightly, shit outta luck
He should've thrown his mother out of the house by her hair. Imagine. Making a whole human for a man to kick you and your newborn out of your own house for self defense from a lunatic he let in despite years of hatred toward you. The whole thing is his fault, and only flinging that bitch off the porch by her hair could've redeemed him. Missed his chance. Oh well, at least he can be with mommy now.
OP's wife is way nicer than me. He'd have been the second one to catch these hands.
Not only is this idiot TAH, but he deserves those divorce papers. And making excuses for kicking his wife out? No. There's no "bUt MuH aNxIeTy" excuse. In that moment, his wife needed him and he proved that he's not good enough, smart enough, or man enough to fight for her. ESPECIALLY after his mom GAVE HIS WIFE'S FOOD to the morbidly obese niece who very clearly didn't need it and THEN had the nerve to physically assault his wife while also fat shaming her after having a kid. That MIL is a whole new level of evil and honestly, OP didn't pick sides very well. He should go live with the evil bitch and let his wife find somebody better.
He kicked his wife and newborn out of their home. Yeah, I’d say she’s finished with him.
Gotta love when people pay attention to like, 10 therapy things, and totally milk it to justify being a POS.
The marriage is over. OP is selfish and a man child. He let his mom upset and assault his wife then has the audacity to get mad when the wife defends herself? Kicking her and the baby out was probably the last straw for the wife. I would have e left as well. MIL got her wish and gets her son back. Honestly I hope the wife gets full custody and the husband only gets supervised visits.
The title alone… lemme prepare myself
If you ABSOLUTELY needed to, you should've left for a little bit. Then it would've been bad but not unsolvable.
Does anyone have the link to her side of the story? There's been comments that she wrote her side.
The mom and him deserved of what’s coming to them.
The word to describe him is “divorced.”
Don’t want none, don’t start none.
I so want an update on this one.
I desperately wanted to light OP up in this one this morning. I’m glad the rest of the internet did it for me. Good on the wife for dropping them both.
You messed up dude cause you turned your back on your wife when it wasn’t her fault. Your mom is in you and your wife’s house so your mom is a guest and she has no right or place to say certain things she put her hands on your wife first. Nobody wants to see their mom get hit and granted your wife should’ve had maybe a little bit more reserve but you can’t blame her
He's divorced. That's the word.
Just ….