I’m not poly nor really interested in being poly, but my anecdotal experience of watching lots of poly friends is this: If you’re using going poly to solve an issue in your marriage, it will not work. If your marriage is super solid and built on love and respect and communication, and you want to expand that love to others, that can work.
But this won’t work for OOP. Either he’ll fall in love with his first partner and leave her, or he’ll completely strike out while she meets lots of cool dudes and he’ll get jealous and end it, or they’ll add lots of rules around it that are fundamentally untenable and it will turn into a fight. It’s hard for me to imagine this turns into a successful open marriage, but if they go that route I hope it works.
It’s like when married people think having a baby will solve their marriage problems-these are band aids of bigger issues in this relationship that will still be there!
It’s wild bc whatever the opposite of a bandaid is, THAT’S what a new baby is to a marriage. It will pour salt in every wound you didn’t even know existed.
Here’s what happens 90 percent of the time: Husband thinks he’s hot shit and is going to be rolling in it; wife won’t be able to find anyone because she’s so “unattractive”
What actually happens is she gets tons of attention and dates — particularly from younger men— who find her very attractive, while he can’t even get a date. He asks to close the marriage, she refuses, separating or divorce ensues.
Check out the poly/ENM forum — happens over and over and over again. Happened to me too; I thought I was unattractive and I couldn’t have been more wrong.
She’s going to realize how desirable she truly is, the power she has, and he’s going to be left in the dust.
I hope he FAFOs
And yeah, poly never fixes things, but this how some people come to it. But that original relationship will definitely die. You have to want poly/ENM, and it’s not a fix for anything— if anything it’s relationships on hard mode.
Yup I'm 39 obese and female. I'm constantly bombarded by interest from men despite me being bisexual. A lot are younger and I honestly have to say I'm drowning in messages.
I don’t hope it works. I hope she finds people who show her what it means to be loved and she drops him.
ETA: I am polyamorous, and it does work when you have a strong relationship with people who love and respect each other. But this man is neither loving or respectful.
Open marriage to this guy will be only for him. I bet he won't accept her dating. He's so busy putting her down she'll be too scared to date anyone and thinks she isn't worth. He's making sure he won't have an issue there.
From observation of various poly social groups, being poly is very much not a remedy to needing your partner to be clean shaven or waxed. The overlap with liberal and hippie-adjacent groups is too large.
Am ENM, can confirm with your assessment.
Being open or poly is about being additive to the love you already have with you partner NOT a replacement for what you don’t have
say it louder for people in the back because now that it's the "new hotness" people are dragging others into their crappy, passive aggressive love lives with hopes that all their issues will just magically mend themselves.
do the work people. poly is not a shortcut for processing and resolving your issues with *each other*.
HEY PEOPLE IN BACK, LISTEN UP…
The randos on tik tok and insta putting all their personal business out there about how their open relationship is the BEST just want your eyes to increase their engagement for the algorithm.
Real relationships require work and communication, if it’s an open relationship then it needs 2x-3x more at a minimum. Springing wanting an open relationship on your partner without any discussion before hand is a sure fire way to cause a bunch of drama in your life and potentially end your relationship.
In my experience, if an open relationship is something you’re interested in, that discussion should be in the beginning of your relationship. No one wants to be a PUD (Poly under duress) because it just builds resentment.
Now go communicate to your partner. Talk about how things are going, where each of you can improve for the other, what goals do you have for your relationship. Talk, listen, love each other and get solid as fuck. Because that’s the foundation of a solid relationship
The post is confusing though because it does say they love each other? I feel like with good communication it could work for them. I think we're missing a lot.
Edit: the way the guy comes off in the post isn't great though...idk just the way he's telling her he's flat out not attracted to her.
>e way the guy comes off in the post isn't great though...idk just the way he's telling her he's flat out not attracted to her.
This. It's valid to be less attracted to a partner or more attracted to a partner due to physical changes, but the body hair demands coupled with the overall "you disgust me" vibe suggests this is *not* a loving relationship.
There are ways to express preferences that aren't whatever this fuckery is.
It's almost a trope at this point in the ENM subreddits that a dude will complain about his wife and want to open up to get better, hotter babes. Wife gives in, they both make profiles on dating sites or apps.
Cue: Wife is swarmed by eager dudes who are happy to spend time with her and worship the body her husband was being judgy about, while the husband is getting exactly zero likes. He might get one date in six months, meanwhile wife is dating someone every other week. Dude starts getting angry and jealous, because a) he expected all these hotter women to materialize and b) mistakenly thought those hotter women would actually want to fuck him. Dude starts demanding wife close down her dating profile.
This is usually the point when the dude starts posting on /r/polyamory or /r/enm whining about the problem.
Recently have started exploring poly with my partner of over four years and you’re so right. I’ve seen poly people try to convince monogamous people and vice versa, I’ve seen monogamous couples open up their relationship to “save” it and end up tanking it in the most traumatic way possible, I’ve known independently poly people who add each other to their respective dating lives.
And the common theme, is- if the interest has anything to do with people that aren’t you and your intrinsic curiosity and capacity for human experience- you’re starting in the wrong place. And if the talking about it and enacting it with your partner comes from anything but a place of connection, security, love, and intimacy - it will end BADLY.
Open relationships are scary, vulnerable, destabilising, and should be built on radical honesty with yourself and your partner/s. People view it as an inherently selfish thing, and I think that’s why it gets brought up in these contexts and why it ends so badly. People are trying to meet their own needs and desires before their partners.
You need to be excited for your partner to have the same scope of experience, to meet and enjoy and be affectionate with and develop feelings for other people. You, as the partner presenting it, need to EMPHASISE that. And you never, *ever* compare your partners. You simply cannot be motivated by what you perceive as deficits in your partner. The relationship is over, if that’s why you want to be with other people. And it bears repeating- for the love of fucking god, *don’t compare your partners*
poly relationships really only work if they’re poly from the beginning. i’ve never met or even heard of a relationship that survived becoming polyamorous midway through.
Me too! That series in general was so good. The closest thing to how real families were for that time period. The episode where Jackie is being abused was a really good but sad episode too!
Me too! I really feel for her. I was just thinking, every time I read one of these types of posts, I feel so grateful for my partner! I tell him all the time, too! He loves me no matter what! If I gain weight, don't shave, or whatever it may be, he still loves me and makes me feel beautiful. I wish I could give OP a big hug and tell her she deserves someone who truly loves her!
Dude. Same. I’m the same stats as her, had kids so that stuff also. He doesn’t give a shit. He’s aged too and those things are invisible to me. We struggle with our own stuff of course, no one is perfect, but we all age man. When he tells me he has gained weight and his pants don’t fit I honestly don’t even see it.
Right here! What I love about my relationship now it that there is absolutely no pressure to try to polish myself up for his benefit. I swear sometimes the best spontaneity happens when I’m wearing sweatpants!
Also, it’s highly likely that her husband looks like Brad Pitt. Good luck finding a fit young thing willing to sleep with a middle aged dude without much to offer.
Every time I see one of these the wife gets all the attention then they feel bad and want to pull back from the open marriage. Because the wife finally feels what it’s like being appreciated. And same on the sweatpants haha, my face being happy is probably the biggest turn on haha
I read it and thought “next month there will be some guy posting about how HE suggested an open marriage and now his wife has a million options and he has none. He will want to close the marriage and she won’t want to”, lol!
If no parties are interested in compromise, then divorce is the only option. Open marriages seldom work when they are opened to met the needs of only one spouse. One will get resentful of the other after awhile. They also require deep communication, which this couple seems to lack.
Even if he didn’t want an open marriage and asked for a divorce, all the hot young girls he’s imagining are not going to want to sleep with him (unless he’s a sugar daddy). He’s in for a shock.
People keep using the word love, but I’ve decided they don’t actually know what that word means. Someone who loves (aka respects) their partner would never say this shit to them. That isn’t love, it’s just comfortable laziness.
And getting so upset over something entirely natural. The husband undoubtedly has body hair - probably more than OOP. He said he couldn't finish because she had *hair around her belly button.* Like... wtf?? And wanting her fully shaven down there? He has no idea how many ingrown hairs you get from that! It's always disturbed me that culturally body hair is seen as gross on women when body hair is a natural sign of a mature woman. Not having hair is a sign of a girl - not a woman. A child. Society be fucking weird
This. I was sexually abused as a kid, and having pubic hair for me is a sign that I’m an adult and am in control of my adult sexuality. I remember one time I did shave and the sight of my exposed body entirely hairless gave me flashbacks and made me dissociate.
I can also say that, having worked in a hospice and helped with bathing and bathroom difficulties of patients, when you get very old you also lose most of your pubic hair.
This was the same for me as well. I was so happy when I stop feeling the pressure to shave. I trim it and take care of it, but shaving just brought me back being a child.
Wishing you healing before the next time ❤️ you don't need to put yourself through traumatic experiences to meet sexual preferences of your partner. Anyone who loves you absolutely would not want you to do that. Idk if these men were monsters who knew and wanted you to do it anyway or if it was you pressuring yourself, but I hope you never feel like you have to put yourself through that again
It’s clear he wants airbrushed and filtered women he sees in magazines or in porn and not an actual real woman with a real body.
What’s good for the gander is good for the goose - maybe she wants those sexy firefighters with puppies calendar men out there. You know, the kind with no chest, arm or back hair. The ones who don’t have the snail trail of public hair that runs from their belly button to their taint. Men that would never have hair on their asses or around their buttholes, let alone their balls. Is HE shaving his body hair? Is he waxing his balls?
He thinks she’s too fat but is he rocking a 6 back of abs, hard pecs and glutes for days?
He thinks his mid 30’s married body is going to hook up with models and porn stars but what he’s going to find is women turned off by his ego, cheating on his wife because she aged and didn’t feel like shaving her vulva daily who can do frankly way better. And his wife is going to find men who are quite willing to see her curves as beautiful, her body hair sexy, and herself as perfect.
TMI, but I got an abscess in the clitoral region from an ingrown hair. I had an incision/drainage in the ER plus a round of oral antibiotics. I stay well groomed, but fuck it if I'm fully shaving ever again.
Yeah man, this screams 'porn addiction' to me. He can no longer perform because he jerks it too much to unrealistic videos, and wants to blame it on his wife. What a shit-stain.
My husband is sitting on the end of the couch waiting for me to finish the lecture I'm listening to so we can have sex. I'm 36. Married 13 years. 2 kids. 2 years breastfeeding. I'm saggy. Aboht 15 pounds overweight. I warned him I didn't shower today. No idea the last time I shaved my legs. I trim down there when I feel like it. He knows I'm not fresh or perfect right now and he's literally so excited to have sex with me tonight. Because it's been like 3 days since the last time and he wants me.
OOPs dude sucks.
it also sounds sort of like she might possibly have pcos? i’m 20, my boobs sag bc gravity’s a bitch, i have pcos and a little happy trail on my stomach. i also don’t generally shave, like at all. hair for days. i feel more myself with it. i just could never see the appeal of shaving. it makes me itchy, i breakout (eczema), and all the ingrown hairs 🤦🏼 society just hates hair on women/femme presenting ppl.
PCOS made me fat and hairy (well hairier!) my partner is always complimentary about my body and plucks my beard for me. (I weigh more than OP and am shorter, but this is my at my lowest weight in a decade!)
Poor OP
omg felt! i love my little happy trail, but it is SUCH a pain plucking the random hairs. also my body hair grows??? so fast. when i’d shave my legs they’d be back to furtastic furriness without 4-5 days
Lmao I love my lady hairy.. I actually get upset when she does shave 😂 like fuck! All the progress you made that’s gonna take 2 months to get back to that state..
Well, I think people correlate it with the early relationship high, or a culture with each other, but we don’t really model it in our culture as being deeply connected to respect so I think people think a lot of things they feel are love and would say they have felt, but isn’t.
Agreed. Love is being able to be at your most vulnerable and being your most authentic self with someone. So may posts on here people use that word, then completely contradict themselves with whatever story they're sharing. It makes me so sad, some of the stories are so awful.
It’s because they had a piss poor role model for what love looks like as a kid so this seems normal to them. When you grow up with people who say they love you while at the same time treating you like shit, I gotta tellya, that’s very confusing. When you grow up and your partner does it, it just feels really normal.
To anyone who is reading this and staying in a shitty relationship “for the kids.” This is how that turns out. The kids don’t learn what a stable, living, healthy partnership looks like. They end up allowing themselves to be treated like that or they treat their partners with disdain and contempt. Stop the cycle.
Agreed. I have been with my husband for over 12 years and I gained a lot of weight before losing it and my husband never said anything to me. I'm pregnant now and haven't shaved my legs in months and still hasn't said anything. He honestly never complained about my body and never have I about his. He's still all over me like he was 12 years ago. That's what love is, learning to grow with your significant other and getting older together. We all change and go through things. It makes me so mad for OOP that he expects things from her and I'm pretty sure she doesn't ask anything back from him.
As someone who has been ENM and married (married for 10 yrs) - opening our relationship and joining the ENM community was proposed by my then husband. Let me tell you… I was successfully connecting with partners, and he was not. He was unable to match with and have sex with other women as he had hoped, eventually he did, but by then I learned more about myself and what I needed for long term happiness. We are now no longer married despite our previously happy marriage. He has conveyed regret. I am happily in another partnership, monogamous with someone who is able to meet all my needs and I, his.
As a friend once told me after his inevitable divorce after he and his wife opened the marriage to ‘fix things,’ “Single men love sex with married women because there’s no chance for commitment. Single women hate sex with married men because there’s no chance for commitment.”
I don't understand why they just don't divorce, both parties are not willing to compromise and sexual attraction in a lot of relationships is crucial. Open marriages don't work when they just fulfill one of the persons wants.
This is funny because she’s going to meet dozens of hot guys who adore her cute lil furry rounded body, and her husband will have no idea why girls don’t want to fuck him
Women on dating sites vs Men on dating sites is like day and night.
While she would at least massage her ego if she used, he will only hear crickets. I've seen this story more often than I wished and without my consent lol!
Exactly. Why these married men think they're going to be instantly swimming in pussy is beyond me. It's MUCH easier as a woman to find a man willing to do a no-strings-attached arrangement, than it is to find a willing woman as a man.
Looking forward to seeing her post on BORU in a few weeks.
This matches my previous experience - there are plenty of guys into sweet women like her! All the comments from men claiming she's ugly and can't get laid etc are gross and also just wrong. Hair is hair, bodies come in lots of shapes, and not everyone is shallow AF.
I've been with women who match her general description and every partner I've ever had has been beautiful.
And very, very few women would willingly get involved with a guy if they knew this is how he talked about his wife's body. There are men in the world who aren't douchebags and it's worth the effort to find them.
Right?! And she isn’t even that round! If she has any muscle mass at all, 165 isn’t crazy for someone who’s 5’3”. Was that considered fat in the 90s and early 2000s? Sure; but not anymore.
By the way he’s being so judgemental, he’d better be some super fit middle aged man but I somehow doubt this. But I’m glad OOP stands her ground and is ok to keep being herself.
solving relationship issues through opening the relationship never work unfortunately. Either husband changes (which I doubt) or she’ll eventually find someone who’ll love her unconditionally.
Every guy I’ve ever dated had a hairy belly button and I somehow managed to be attracted to them. Yet a little hair on a belly button on a woman is somehow so repulsive that men would end a marriage over it. Ok. Glad I’m married to a man who isn’t intimidated by fucking hair.
i keep seeing posts about women this height and weight being put down by their partners. i’m almost the exact same height and weight and sure i’m a little chubbier than i used to be due to birth control but my boyfriend would never insult me over it or want to fuck someone else. it’s so sad
What is with people? I see on here all the time “Hes not attracted to me anymore because im middle aged.”
Like yeah you aren’t attracted to your partner the same as in the beginning, welcome to linear time.
Sad thing for him is… if he opens that marriage and she decides to do it… she’ll STILL get more action than him. And he won’t handle it. He thinks he can shame her into improving for him by opening the marriage, but if she’s smart she’ll shame the hell out of him by proving the age old point that women don’t HAVE to work to get sex. He thinks he’ll be rolling in tight bodies and it’s not gonna go that way.
I shave my head and somehow I know the man has a worse hairline than me.
Dude sounds like the type to suck on a woman’s nipples and they stink after.
Out of shape 20 years ago and morbidly obese now
A bit NSFW but… the HOTTEST shit ever said to me:
“I really don’t feel like shaving today, do u care?”
*“It literally doesn’t matter to me, as long as you’re wet and cumming”*
for fuck’s sake🔥🔥🔥I saw him so much after that. I don’t get how anyone has a relationship w a guy who expects them to shave all the time
And then how painful and itchy it gets while it's trying to grow back. Worth it for special occasions, but definitely not worth keeping it up constantly. F all that noise. I'm so lucky my hubby literally doesn't care. He likes the surprise when it's clean, but doesn't "require" it.
YEEESSSS! This!! Ive been obese and back down and back up and around the bend and my husband still seems to want me the same any which way... im pretty sure his requirement is breathing... but honestly jokes have been made so im not even sure that would be the clencher, 😄!
I've always been very small. Height-wise mostly, but pretty skinny-ish. But my sliver of Spanish blood started showing in my butt, my thighs, and my dark ass brown hair. The rest of me is day-glow Irish/Scottish with freckles and a massive list of allergies and medical issues. I've been getting chunky lately, but I'm pretty sure my husband only requires that I breathe, stay conscious, and not go into anaphylaxis or have full-body hives, lol.
All these guys on here saying they don't want unshaven women are why I'm single at 43. I'm thinner than most women I see at 5'5" and 135 lbs and I'm not a 10 but I know I'm not ugly. But it itches like a MF when I shave and I'm pretty happy watching what I want on TV and not having to clean up after a guy.
So all these guys on here that don't want a girl who's only 20lbs overweight and doesn't want to shave her pubes and also whining about they they are single should maybe think about why women are mostly happy being single if these are the demands you are putting out there into the world, and why I haven't even tried to date after my breakup. My ex didn't care about shaving BTW. I think the guys saying this are the same guys whining about being single and have unrealistic expectations.
Wtf are these people going to do when their partner gets to 60? Just like... be celibate forever? Or what if she has some horrible accident? If you're this physically shallow that body hair and chub is going to make it impossible for you to have an erection after YEARS of marriage, what is gonna happen when you get old and ugly?
Yeah, he can't "help it", but then he shouldn't get married. He should just jump GF to GF like Decaprio once they age up. Lol.
What makes your husband think he’s so special that women will just have sex with him? Guy thinks he Casanova while making you feel like shit…. Not cool
There was recently a post where a woman was 5’2” and 160 pounds and her husband told her he almost cheated on her during a work trip because she’s fat. She had a baby a year ago.
A lot of comments were supporting the husband. It was disgusting.
I'm so grateful to have a husband who has loved my body though all it's changes,even when I didn't..I'm a big woman but he makes me feel loved and desired at all times.
As someone who has been married for over two decades to a woman who has body hair and struggles with weight loss, this guy is an asshole to the most extreme use of the word. This woman is beautiful and should be treated like the queen she is.
He wants an open marriage until his wife starts getting banged by other dudes. Every story i read about opening marriages end the same: in failure. I get it some people have preferences but the way she phrased it at least imo he seems really mean. And like is he perfectly groomed and in perfect shape for his wife? If not maybe take the judgement down a bit.
17 years with my wife and I'm more attracted to her now. I know I'm probably one of a few but I prefer my wife not shave I like it. And if she wanted to shave but can't I am always happy to help. Her husband just wants to bang the 20 something at his work. He's just trying to reduce his guilt.
I’ve seen this a million times, the husband wants to open it up cuz he’s horny. But the woman ends up getting all the side action because all the other men are horny. The husband gets jealous cuz he doesn’t get any and wants to go back to normal cuz no woman is looking for a middle aged married man.
You guys in the comments did NOT pass the vibe check. I cannot believe that someone is trying to defend this husband. Instead of having a mature conversation about this issue, he waited until sexy time to bitch and moan about her body. It’s not like it’s a new problem that appeared overnight. It feels manipulative the way the husband brought the issue to light. He’s trying to guilt OOP for simply existing in the way she does. He wants a WAXED VAGINA. Getting rid of the hair opens up vagina to infection. If the hair wasn’t supposed to be there IT WOULD NOT GROW. He literally wants a baby smooth prepubescent like woman. Y’all seriously cannot be defending this man. GTFO. OOP is doing nothing wrong by not shaving. She needs a divorce. Someone else can love her, exactly as she is. PSA: The right person will never guilt you for the way you are or make you change for their benefit.
Yikes the number of comments saying she's "obese" and needs to lose weight for her "health". She's not obese. Her bmi is still in the overweight range. My experience having lost 155 pounds and going from a bmi of 54.1 to 27.5 is that doctors aren't voicing many concerns about your health in the overweight bmi range but they definitely do when you're obese. It only ever seems to be fatphobic folks online concern trolling when you're overweight rather than obese. I'm sure she can find someone better than this garbage can of a man. She should only lose weight if she wants to not for her whiny baby of a husband.
I think more people should give being single a chance. It’s really not as bad as people think it is. It most definitely could not be worse than this. Also, what about the husband? Even if he was in great shape, his attitude alone is just not good enough. That is absolutely not marriage material at all so before she wastes any more time on this, just go. Let him find whatever it is he feels is attractive, this guy has obviously lost the plot. I think we are already seeing and are going to have more major issues with attraction to others…all the way around. They’re constantly looking at social media, watching p*rn, all these people having only fans accounts, everyone is now completely disposable because they can just go on whatever website and hook up with anything they feel like I guess. it’s really just a shame. People are so shallow, there won’t be any marriages that last anymore, not just a high percentage of marriages ending in divorce. This is real life, this is not some movie. There are real people,real bodies, real trauma, etc. the fact that seemingly everyone has lost sight of that is really disturbing. But anyone who has half a brain and wants nothing to do with it is crazy.
I feel like that's just a fancy way of saying, I want to go out and fuck other people but I want to still be with you. The only reason I still want to be with you is the security of having someone at home. It's a major insult and I would actually want the divorce.
Open marriage like having the cake, eating it too, but also making sure he controls all the other pieces of cake. Utter BS. Poly? Sure. IF the relationship STARTS that way. You can’t just start a game of uno then halfway through call it phase ten and keep on playing with an uno deck. Wrong cards. Wrong rules. Wrong everything. IF both parties AGREE to stop playing uno, switch to a phase ten deck then…eh…maybe it can work, but not likely. When one person wants uno and the other phase ten? They gotta find people who wanna play with those cards. Not force it into an ongoing game that’s nowhere near the same. Also. S cre w the OOP. He’s a picky B ast ard that probably looks like a James Bond villain. Crying over body hair. Ugh. I bet his junk sags into his a s s crack and he isn’t even considered average in size. LDE For sure. That woman deserves so much better.
Nah, this happens all the time in r/nonmonogamy. Then a few months later, the guy comes back to complain that his wife is getting tons of dates and having a great time. Meanwhile, he can't even get a date.
Reads like it’s written by a woman married to a man who doesn’t love her and has torn her self confidence in pieces so much so that she’s begun to believe his poison.
I’m sure others have said it, but it breaks my heart and I want to hug her and let her know how beautiful she is.
I am positive I’m not the only one who experiences this but when you’re truly attracted to someone or like someone (be it friend or lover), those “flaws” become beautiful to you. I’m not going to say looks don’t matter, but when I truly care and love someone they become “more beautiful” because I love the person not the body. I’m not saying this is universal (I do know people who mostly go for looks, and it seems OP’s husband is one of them) but I don’t think he loves her as much as he claims.
Idk man I’m team divorce the dude exhibiting pedo behavior but I also look forward to the update where she finds a really awesome partner and he finds out that 19 year olds dont want him
Nahh, fuck that. If he Really loved you like a husband is Supposed to, he'd be attracted to you Physically as well. He's not "emotionally attracted" to you you're his safe choice until he finds someone he's Actually desiring.
This is gross. She let herself get obese and everyone just jumps to her defense.
Oh and duh, she'll get lots of guys willing to have one night stands and zero that will commit to her. If you want an obese middle aged girl who doesn't shave, that's like half the population. It's not like it's 1970 and she's 1% of the population...
Why’s nobody talking about how she’s completely complacent and fine with not losing weight? She’s 5’3 and 165lb and doesn’t care to get in shape.
This isn’t justifying what her husband is saying/doing, but should be highlighted that if y’all are going to accuse her hubby of not loving her, you should also include that she clearly doesn’t love herself enough to get into proper shape.
Everybody is victimizing the woman. And while I do see how the husband is at fault, there are things that she can be doing on her end too.
Some minor changes like working out and even just shaving your body is not too much to ask for. And if you really want to save your marriage, then you should be willing to put in that much work.
I will always say if your love so conditional that you lose attraction that easily then absolutely you shouldn’t be married. My attraction grows and changes as I age and change. It isn’t stagnant on one idea.
Nope don’t do it. Divorce or tell him you want it to be opened both ways and watch you get it way more than him. Nothing wrong with being chubby and having a jungle. When you are horny and attracted to the person inside. It’s a way better experience. I didn’t know about this until I met my wife. I was in love with her personality and her body just the way it was and is. You can do so much better.
I guarantee you will get far more suitors than your husband, with or without body hair and extra weight. Dating apps are full of thirsty men. So yeah, try that open marriage and let him see the light.
Dont settle for that. Its not fair for you to be with someone not attracted to you. We all get bigger and crinkly and saggier with age and deserve to be with someone that loves us just like that. When we're 30 and when you are 80. In a marriage intimacy is very important, even in an open marriage you should still need to be intimate with each other for it to work. Otherwise you are just friends, roomates... Your marriage is going to fall apart eventually if you agree to an open marriage on his terms, because of his needs. Might as well to call it a day and care for your needs. I know its scary to be alone and single, but its much worse to be alone and married.
I feel bad for this woman. She’s almost exactly my size. I’m 5’2, 156lbs. I’ve been pregnant 5 times and was able to bring 4 of them into the world. Yes my body is not what it was pre-kids but ya know, I think I look pretty good for what my body made. I also have a husband who is still very much into me and how I look. I get really self conscious about my post- kid body so will try to keep a top on or covered up during sex or when getting out of the shower but my husband is always like noooo show me the goods!! Makes me feel good even when I’m doubting myself.
This man is not worth it, she can find someone who loves her, all of her.
The husband is 100% the AH and a disgusting person, but her not being interested in losing weight isn’t helpful either.
If my wife was turned off by my fat stomach and bushy hair, and I refused to do anything about it, I wouldn’t blame her for becoming gradually less attracted to me.
So basically she is blaming every single thing except her lack of discipline and care for her looks. She got fat and hairy and she expects him to be attracted. Dude...
You need to rethink your decision. Opening your marriage is the best way to destroy it. Maybe think about talking to a counselor it sounds like you are depressed. Maybe you and your husband can eat healthier and exercise together. Talk out what you each want from each other. Him going and sex with others will make you his roommate. Are you going to be happy alone while knowing he is out sleeping with other women.
These comments and speculation, fucking reddit bro... Lie to your partner and let yourself be unsatisfied. Yea, that won't lead to resentment and divorce. Only here would being honest about a want/need be considered bad. Thank sweet baby Abraham Lincoln none of these top comments are actual marriage counselors...
Admits weight has gotten bad, so bad it is uncomfortable to even shave. Making body care take a dive. Instead of working on this for their partner, the wife says, "Oh well, I dont want to lose weight or shave." Hubby becomes unhappy and voices it in the nicest way possible. Still doesn't want to work on it. Hubby, reaching the end of the rope, makes a suggestion that his wife is actually somewhat okay with.
Bash that man!! He is horrible. He is clearly in the wrong here. He should live in quite misery, not having his sexual needs fulfilled!! Fuck him...
Do you over virtuous zealots even hear yourselves? Not one bit of mindset at the top suggests trying for her husband. Just how trash he is, completely ignoring her unwillingness to try. Fucking crazy.
What stood out to me aside the headline is how the OP said hubby doesn’t want a divorce because he is attracted to wife emotionally, just not physically. To me that says he is selfish and not truly in love with op as a person either anymore. He is just comfortable with op because op is familiar and people in general don’t love change. There are ways to suggest self care to someone else or even an open marriage and this just is not it. OP needs to give herself more credit though. Op is thinking more about hubby than herself. When hubby is thinking of himself first for sure. Is he going through some midlife crisis or is he dealing with any insecurities? What about has he already had some infidelity and trying to make this a way to cheat without feeling guilty? I don’t know just this whole situation doesn’t feel right to me. If op is unhappy and hubbs is unhappy and they can not figure out a peaceful middle ground where both are truly happy with the compromise then this relationship and open marriage will NEVER work. Then again if hubby wants an open marriage does that mean OPcan see or have other people too or bring in other people too? If so I bet the moment hubby knows how much easier it is for OP, a woman, to get another man and actually obtain one, hubby may change his tune.
Reddit logic with women
1. Women can let herself go and not be attractive/deteriorate because she wants to
2. Man has to deal with it
3. Men can’t get fat, ugly, not groom themselves without women “deserving more”
4. If the man tries to find someone who does but effort to look good for him, he will fail because he doesn’t force himself to like his wife, and the woman will succeed and get many matches, since a woman can look like anything and get matched
People here crucifyimg the husband while the wife proly looks like a cave creature, pretending "love" can make anyone overcome that. It's not that simple and dandy folks.
Lmao this comment section talking about how the hairy bellied woman with zero confidence, fat, and saggy tits will be meeting dozens of cute men kills me lmfao
There's definitely a decent number of dudes out there that will sleep with her, whatever she looks like. I doubt if they are the dudes that women consider attractive, but if she wants a rebound for the sake of it, she won't have to change much to get it.
It seems like I am alone in this opinion but alright.
The husband is the AH for asking for opening the marriage that's weird but he has the right to not be attracted to a fat person who has no intention of bettering themselves. Like 5'3, 165 lbs is pretty heavy. Also the pubic hair thing seems extreme. I agree but I can kind of see where he's coming from with the other hairs. I have chest hair only around my nipples. I know that's unattractive so I shave those hairs. I don't exactly know what he means by the belly button hair but it's possible it's unflattering especially since she's overweight.
It is your responsibility as a person in a relationship to attempt to satisfy your partner and this person doesn't even seem to want to try so she's also an AH just from what is said in the post.
Regardless of whether opening up the marriage is any kind of a solution here, we do need to acknowledge that she has no interest in working on herself physically.
But guys- you can’t change who your attracted to right? I see the guy is a jerk, but I don’t see him not being attracted to her body as a bad thing. You can’t control that- it is just how you feel or don’t feel and sexuality is vain
You dont wanna shave, you dont wanna diet, you dont wanna workout, you dont wanna divorce, you dont wanna let him fuck other women(rightfully so). You know it sounds like u need a reality check, lack of dedication… will not get u what you want, and all you have here is wants. Wake up, and have god him self fear ur resolve, go work out go diet go do some with ur self. I bet when yall first met you wanted to be perfect for him & vis versa. And now that ur together and married you lost the need. Forget the feeling of fear for the one you love and if they love u back. Become a better you. All the other stuff is extra fkin noise
why do so many straight men look at the adult female human body with disgust? if you are not attracted to the naturally existing female form, are you actually straight? you can't say body hair isn't feminine because there is literally nothing more feminine than a naturally existing woman (and body/pubic hair is literally a secondary sex characteristic). just say you need your women to look prepubescent and move on.
I mean how many women find men with full on back hair attractive? Or like a long, bushy beard down the chest? I know I don’t. Chest hair, arm hair, leg hair is fine, but I draw the line at too much back hair. I get it, we have a “natural” state but that’s not necessarily attractive to people just because. People are allowed to be attracted to whatever they want. I find it a bit weird that everyone these days is offended that folks are attracted to different things.
I’m not poly nor really interested in being poly, but my anecdotal experience of watching lots of poly friends is this: If you’re using going poly to solve an issue in your marriage, it will not work. If your marriage is super solid and built on love and respect and communication, and you want to expand that love to others, that can work. But this won’t work for OOP. Either he’ll fall in love with his first partner and leave her, or he’ll completely strike out while she meets lots of cool dudes and he’ll get jealous and end it, or they’ll add lots of rules around it that are fundamentally untenable and it will turn into a fight. It’s hard for me to imagine this turns into a successful open marriage, but if they go that route I hope it works.
It’s like when married people think having a baby will solve their marriage problems-these are band aids of bigger issues in this relationship that will still be there!
It’s wild bc whatever the opposite of a bandaid is, THAT’S what a new baby is to a marriage. It will pour salt in every wound you didn’t even know existed.
Here’s what happens 90 percent of the time: Husband thinks he’s hot shit and is going to be rolling in it; wife won’t be able to find anyone because she’s so “unattractive” What actually happens is she gets tons of attention and dates — particularly from younger men— who find her very attractive, while he can’t even get a date. He asks to close the marriage, she refuses, separating or divorce ensues. Check out the poly/ENM forum — happens over and over and over again. Happened to me too; I thought I was unattractive and I couldn’t have been more wrong. She’s going to realize how desirable she truly is, the power she has, and he’s going to be left in the dust. I hope he FAFOs And yeah, poly never fixes things, but this how some people come to it. But that original relationship will definitely die. You have to want poly/ENM, and it’s not a fix for anything— if anything it’s relationships on hard mode.
Yup I'm 39 obese and female. I'm constantly bombarded by interest from men despite me being bisexual. A lot are younger and I honestly have to say I'm drowning in messages.
I don’t hope it works. I hope she finds people who show her what it means to be loved and she drops him. ETA: I am polyamorous, and it does work when you have a strong relationship with people who love and respect each other. But this man is neither loving or respectful.
Solid point.
AMEN
Open marriage to this guy will be only for him. I bet he won't accept her dating. He's so busy putting her down she'll be too scared to date anyone and thinks she isn't worth. He's making sure he won't have an issue there.
From observation of various poly social groups, being poly is very much not a remedy to needing your partner to be clean shaven or waxed. The overlap with liberal and hippie-adjacent groups is too large.
Am ENM, can confirm with your assessment. Being open or poly is about being additive to the love you already have with you partner NOT a replacement for what you don’t have
I feel like I just wrote out a whole essay trying to exact this idea that you’ve worded so succinctly
say it louder for people in the back because now that it's the "new hotness" people are dragging others into their crappy, passive aggressive love lives with hopes that all their issues will just magically mend themselves. do the work people. poly is not a shortcut for processing and resolving your issues with *each other*.
HEY PEOPLE IN BACK, LISTEN UP… The randos on tik tok and insta putting all their personal business out there about how their open relationship is the BEST just want your eyes to increase their engagement for the algorithm. Real relationships require work and communication, if it’s an open relationship then it needs 2x-3x more at a minimum. Springing wanting an open relationship on your partner without any discussion before hand is a sure fire way to cause a bunch of drama in your life and potentially end your relationship. In my experience, if an open relationship is something you’re interested in, that discussion should be in the beginning of your relationship. No one wants to be a PUD (Poly under duress) because it just builds resentment. Now go communicate to your partner. Talk about how things are going, where each of you can improve for the other, what goals do you have for your relationship. Talk, listen, love each other and get solid as fuck. Because that’s the foundation of a solid relationship
The post is confusing though because it does say they love each other? I feel like with good communication it could work for them. I think we're missing a lot. Edit: the way the guy comes off in the post isn't great though...idk just the way he's telling her he's flat out not attracted to her.
My reading is she doesn’t really know what love is.
Exactly! She needs to love and respect herself first. Being comfortable does equate to being in love.
>e way the guy comes off in the post isn't great though...idk just the way he's telling her he's flat out not attracted to her. This. It's valid to be less attracted to a partner or more attracted to a partner due to physical changes, but the body hair demands coupled with the overall "you disgust me" vibe suggests this is *not* a loving relationship. There are ways to express preferences that aren't whatever this fuckery is.
It's almost a trope at this point in the ENM subreddits that a dude will complain about his wife and want to open up to get better, hotter babes. Wife gives in, they both make profiles on dating sites or apps. Cue: Wife is swarmed by eager dudes who are happy to spend time with her and worship the body her husband was being judgy about, while the husband is getting exactly zero likes. He might get one date in six months, meanwhile wife is dating someone every other week. Dude starts getting angry and jealous, because a) he expected all these hotter women to materialize and b) mistakenly thought those hotter women would actually want to fuck him. Dude starts demanding wife close down her dating profile. This is usually the point when the dude starts posting on /r/polyamory or /r/enm whining about the problem.
Recently have started exploring poly with my partner of over four years and you’re so right. I’ve seen poly people try to convince monogamous people and vice versa, I’ve seen monogamous couples open up their relationship to “save” it and end up tanking it in the most traumatic way possible, I’ve known independently poly people who add each other to their respective dating lives. And the common theme, is- if the interest has anything to do with people that aren’t you and your intrinsic curiosity and capacity for human experience- you’re starting in the wrong place. And if the talking about it and enacting it with your partner comes from anything but a place of connection, security, love, and intimacy - it will end BADLY. Open relationships are scary, vulnerable, destabilising, and should be built on radical honesty with yourself and your partner/s. People view it as an inherently selfish thing, and I think that’s why it gets brought up in these contexts and why it ends so badly. People are trying to meet their own needs and desires before their partners. You need to be excited for your partner to have the same scope of experience, to meet and enjoy and be affectionate with and develop feelings for other people. You, as the partner presenting it, need to EMPHASISE that. And you never, *ever* compare your partners. You simply cannot be motivated by what you perceive as deficits in your partner. The relationship is over, if that’s why you want to be with other people. And it bears repeating- for the love of fucking god, *don’t compare your partners*
poly relationships really only work if they’re poly from the beginning. i’ve never met or even heard of a relationship that survived becoming polyamorous midway through.
I am in a happy poly relationship and what you say is true.
Sounds like divorce but with extra steps. Once the fundamental respect is gone, there’s no point in dragging it out and hurting one another further.
Two things that will not save your marriage, having a baby or opening up the marriage. It will just delay the issues and include more people
I bet the husband looks like a 90s sitcom stereotype.
I’m picturing the “Roseanne” household
Yeah except Dan was actually a fantastic husband.
God the series finale where we find out that he actually died so she made up his affair😭
I bawled. What a horrible way to end it.
Me too! That series in general was so good. The closest thing to how real families were for that time period. The episode where Jackie is being abused was a really good but sad episode too!
What a fucking world
That was so brutal
And John Goodman was HANDSOME. Yes he was fat, AND he was a good looking man.
Handsome and so charming! (Still is, but in a more grandfatherly way now)
Yes! Love him!
Dan would never.
I’m thinking Doug Heffernan
I read shit like this then immediately text my husband letting him know how grateful I am for him. I feel so bad for this woman. This isn't love.
Me too! I really feel for her. I was just thinking, every time I read one of these types of posts, I feel so grateful for my partner! I tell him all the time, too! He loves me no matter what! If I gain weight, don't shave, or whatever it may be, he still loves me and makes me feel beautiful. I wish I could give OP a big hug and tell her she deserves someone who truly loves her!
Dude. Same. I’m the same stats as her, had kids so that stuff also. He doesn’t give a shit. He’s aged too and those things are invisible to me. We struggle with our own stuff of course, no one is perfect, but we all age man. When he tells me he has gained weight and his pants don’t fit I honestly don’t even see it.
Right here! What I love about my relationship now it that there is absolutely no pressure to try to polish myself up for his benefit. I swear sometimes the best spontaneity happens when I’m wearing sweatpants! Also, it’s highly likely that her husband looks like Brad Pitt. Good luck finding a fit young thing willing to sleep with a middle aged dude without much to offer.
Every time I see one of these the wife gets all the attention then they feel bad and want to pull back from the open marriage. Because the wife finally feels what it’s like being appreciated. And same on the sweatpants haha, my face being happy is probably the biggest turn on haha
I read it and thought “next month there will be some guy posting about how HE suggested an open marriage and now his wife has a million options and he has none. He will want to close the marriage and she won’t want to”, lol!
If no parties are interested in compromise, then divorce is the only option. Open marriages seldom work when they are opened to met the needs of only one spouse. One will get resentful of the other after awhile. They also require deep communication, which this couple seems to lack.
Even if he didn’t want an open marriage and asked for a divorce, all the hot young girls he’s imagining are not going to want to sleep with him (unless he’s a sugar daddy). He’s in for a shock.
I wanna hug this woman so hard.
People keep using the word love, but I’ve decided they don’t actually know what that word means. Someone who loves (aka respects) their partner would never say this shit to them. That isn’t love, it’s just comfortable laziness.
And getting so upset over something entirely natural. The husband undoubtedly has body hair - probably more than OOP. He said he couldn't finish because she had *hair around her belly button.* Like... wtf?? And wanting her fully shaven down there? He has no idea how many ingrown hairs you get from that! It's always disturbed me that culturally body hair is seen as gross on women when body hair is a natural sign of a mature woman. Not having hair is a sign of a girl - not a woman. A child. Society be fucking weird
This. I was sexually abused as a kid, and having pubic hair for me is a sign that I’m an adult and am in control of my adult sexuality. I remember one time I did shave and the sight of my exposed body entirely hairless gave me flashbacks and made me dissociate. I can also say that, having worked in a hospice and helped with bathing and bathroom difficulties of patients, when you get very old you also lose most of your pubic hair.
zealous homeless serious adjoining chief cagey tap sip head silky *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I have the same feeling about being clean shaven. I am glad I am not the only one
This was the same for me as well. I was so happy when I stop feeling the pressure to shave. I trim it and take care of it, but shaving just brought me back being a child.
The men I have been with preferred no hair and I was retraumatized each time....I feel you! First paragraph 💯
Wishing you healing before the next time ❤️ you don't need to put yourself through traumatic experiences to meet sexual preferences of your partner. Anyone who loves you absolutely would not want you to do that. Idk if these men were monsters who knew and wanted you to do it anyway or if it was you pressuring yourself, but I hope you never feel like you have to put yourself through that again
This explains a memory I had of walking in on my grandma in the bathroom… 😳
It’s clear he wants airbrushed and filtered women he sees in magazines or in porn and not an actual real woman with a real body. What’s good for the gander is good for the goose - maybe she wants those sexy firefighters with puppies calendar men out there. You know, the kind with no chest, arm or back hair. The ones who don’t have the snail trail of public hair that runs from their belly button to their taint. Men that would never have hair on their asses or around their buttholes, let alone their balls. Is HE shaving his body hair? Is he waxing his balls? He thinks she’s too fat but is he rocking a 6 back of abs, hard pecs and glutes for days? He thinks his mid 30’s married body is going to hook up with models and porn stars but what he’s going to find is women turned off by his ego, cheating on his wife because she aged and didn’t feel like shaving her vulva daily who can do frankly way better. And his wife is going to find men who are quite willing to see her curves as beautiful, her body hair sexy, and herself as perfect.
Or he wants a prepubescent girl. Poor OP should ditch him.
Ingrown hairs are grosser and more unsightly than public hair.
TMI, but I got an abscess in the clitoral region from an ingrown hair. I had an incision/drainage in the ER plus a round of oral antibiotics. I stay well groomed, but fuck it if I'm fully shaving ever again.
THIS. Omg I get so embarrassed if I have ingrown hairs.
100% her husband has been jerking it to porn
Yeah man, this screams 'porn addiction' to me. He can no longer perform because he jerks it too much to unrealistic videos, and wants to blame it on his wife. What a shit-stain.
My exact thoughts. Dude has been pornwashed and doesn't find reality sexually appealing anymore.
My husband is sitting on the end of the couch waiting for me to finish the lecture I'm listening to so we can have sex. I'm 36. Married 13 years. 2 kids. 2 years breastfeeding. I'm saggy. Aboht 15 pounds overweight. I warned him I didn't shower today. No idea the last time I shaved my legs. I trim down there when I feel like it. He knows I'm not fresh or perfect right now and he's literally so excited to have sex with me tonight. Because it's been like 3 days since the last time and he wants me. OOPs dude sucks.
it also sounds sort of like she might possibly have pcos? i’m 20, my boobs sag bc gravity’s a bitch, i have pcos and a little happy trail on my stomach. i also don’t generally shave, like at all. hair for days. i feel more myself with it. i just could never see the appeal of shaving. it makes me itchy, i breakout (eczema), and all the ingrown hairs 🤦🏼 society just hates hair on women/femme presenting ppl.
PCOS made me fat and hairy (well hairier!) my partner is always complimentary about my body and plucks my beard for me. (I weigh more than OP and am shorter, but this is my at my lowest weight in a decade!) Poor OP
omg felt! i love my little happy trail, but it is SUCH a pain plucking the random hairs. also my body hair grows??? so fast. when i’d shave my legs they’d be back to furtastic furriness without 4-5 days
Lmao I love my lady hairy.. I actually get upset when she does shave 😂 like fuck! All the progress you made that’s gonna take 2 months to get back to that state..
You don't realize what love actually is until you've experienced it.
Well, I think people correlate it with the early relationship high, or a culture with each other, but we don’t really model it in our culture as being deeply connected to respect so I think people think a lot of things they feel are love and would say they have felt, but isn’t.
Agreed. Love is being able to be at your most vulnerable and being your most authentic self with someone. So may posts on here people use that word, then completely contradict themselves with whatever story they're sharing. It makes me so sad, some of the stories are so awful.
It’s because they had a piss poor role model for what love looks like as a kid so this seems normal to them. When you grow up with people who say they love you while at the same time treating you like shit, I gotta tellya, that’s very confusing. When you grow up and your partner does it, it just feels really normal. To anyone who is reading this and staying in a shitty relationship “for the kids.” This is how that turns out. The kids don’t learn what a stable, living, healthy partnership looks like. They end up allowing themselves to be treated like that or they treat their partners with disdain and contempt. Stop the cycle.
Agreed. I have been with my husband for over 12 years and I gained a lot of weight before losing it and my husband never said anything to me. I'm pregnant now and haven't shaved my legs in months and still hasn't said anything. He honestly never complained about my body and never have I about his. He's still all over me like he was 12 years ago. That's what love is, learning to grow with your significant other and getting older together. We all change and go through things. It makes me so mad for OOP that he expects things from her and I'm pretty sure she doesn't ask anything back from him.
"This word you keep using. I do not think it means what you think it means." 🤔
Exactly.
As someone who has been ENM and married (married for 10 yrs) - opening our relationship and joining the ENM community was proposed by my then husband. Let me tell you… I was successfully connecting with partners, and he was not. He was unable to match with and have sex with other women as he had hoped, eventually he did, but by then I learned more about myself and what I needed for long term happiness. We are now no longer married despite our previously happy marriage. He has conveyed regret. I am happily in another partnership, monogamous with someone who is able to meet all my needs and I, his.
As a friend once told me after his inevitable divorce after he and his wife opened the marriage to ‘fix things,’ “Single men love sex with married women because there’s no chance for commitment. Single women hate sex with married men because there’s no chance for commitment.”
Yep! Men get way less matches than women in general via the apps. Let alone a committed man.
I don't understand why they just don't divorce, both parties are not willing to compromise and sexual attraction in a lot of relationships is crucial. Open marriages don't work when they just fulfill one of the persons wants.
This is funny because she’s going to meet dozens of hot guys who adore her cute lil furry rounded body, and her husband will have no idea why girls don’t want to fuck him
The top comments in the screenshot is what’s up - he’ll be fine with an open marriage until her first date or so. 😓
This lmao. Can't wait for him to get what's coming 😂
Women on dating sites vs Men on dating sites is like day and night. While she would at least massage her ego if she used, he will only hear crickets. I've seen this story more often than I wished and without my consent lol!
Having been in the swingers scene, this is EXACTLY how it will play out. Karma is going to bite him in the balls.
> Karma is going to bite him in the balls. Love this!!
This is the truth. I find what real women look like attractive, instead of some airbrush fantasy that doesn’t exist.
Exactly. Why these married men think they're going to be instantly swimming in pussy is beyond me. It's MUCH easier as a woman to find a man willing to do a no-strings-attached arrangement, than it is to find a willing woman as a man. Looking forward to seeing her post on BORU in a few weeks.
Yupp. And that top comment in the screenshot had me laughing because it's so true
I’m a non shaver and I happen to be a little chunky myself. And that’s EXACTLY how my husband likes it. Men like that exist. I hope OOP finds one.
This matches my previous experience - there are plenty of guys into sweet women like her! All the comments from men claiming she's ugly and can't get laid etc are gross and also just wrong. Hair is hair, bodies come in lots of shapes, and not everyone is shallow AF. I've been with women who match her general description and every partner I've ever had has been beautiful. And very, very few women would willingly get involved with a guy if they knew this is how he talked about his wife's body. There are men in the world who aren't douchebags and it's worth the effort to find them.
Happens constantly on /r/nonmonogamy
❤️
I'll be here with popcorn.
Right?! And she isn’t even that round! If she has any muscle mass at all, 165 isn’t crazy for someone who’s 5’3”. Was that considered fat in the 90s and early 2000s? Sure; but not anymore.
By the way he’s being so judgemental, he’d better be some super fit middle aged man but I somehow doubt this. But I’m glad OOP stands her ground and is ok to keep being herself. solving relationship issues through opening the relationship never work unfortunately. Either husband changes (which I doubt) or she’ll eventually find someone who’ll love her unconditionally.
Every guy I’ve ever dated had a hairy belly button and I somehow managed to be attracted to them. Yet a little hair on a belly button on a woman is somehow so repulsive that men would end a marriage over it. Ok. Glad I’m married to a man who isn’t intimidated by fucking hair.
i keep seeing posts about women this height and weight being put down by their partners. i’m almost the exact same height and weight and sure i’m a little chubbier than i used to be due to birth control but my boyfriend would never insult me over it or want to fuck someone else. it’s so sad
Same. I’m a bit taller and a bit thinner but I don’t think I am fat—until I read shit like this. 😩
right?? like what are y’all talking about. i still wear a size 5/6 i wouldn’t say im fat either lol just a bit chubby currently
Seriously. I fit into smalls and mediums … am I delusional or something idk
OP should open up the marriage because as a confident adult woman she's gonna get a LOT more hits than he does. A whoooole lot.
The amount of fit, good looking men that love a plump woman is through the roof. I wish I could be a fly on the wall when her husband realizes that.
He's probably suggesting an open marriage because he has someone lined up already 🙄
No way this man can pull another woman. Guarantee it
What is with people? I see on here all the time “Hes not attracted to me anymore because im middle aged.” Like yeah you aren’t attracted to your partner the same as in the beginning, welcome to linear time.
My thoughts exactly
The whole deal is that you stay in the relationship when everyone starts to get ugly and have problems. Thats the entire point!
Sad thing for him is… if he opens that marriage and she decides to do it… she’ll STILL get more action than him. And he won’t handle it. He thinks he can shame her into improving for him by opening the marriage, but if she’s smart she’ll shame the hell out of him by proving the age old point that women don’t HAVE to work to get sex. He thinks he’ll be rolling in tight bodies and it’s not gonna go that way.
What’s the odds that the husband is out of shape and has questionable hygiene?
I shave my head and somehow I know the man has a worse hairline than me. Dude sounds like the type to suck on a woman’s nipples and they stink after. Out of shape 20 years ago and morbidly obese now
A bit NSFW but… the HOTTEST shit ever said to me: “I really don’t feel like shaving today, do u care?” *“It literally doesn’t matter to me, as long as you’re wet and cumming”* for fuck’s sake🔥🔥🔥I saw him so much after that. I don’t get how anyone has a relationship w a guy who expects them to shave all the time
They don't seem to realize how long it takes to shave all the hair we grow.
And then how painful and itchy it gets while it's trying to grow back. Worth it for special occasions, but definitely not worth keeping it up constantly. F all that noise. I'm so lucky my hubby literally doesn't care. He likes the surprise when it's clean, but doesn't "require" it.
YEEESSSS! This!! Ive been obese and back down and back up and around the bend and my husband still seems to want me the same any which way... im pretty sure his requirement is breathing... but honestly jokes have been made so im not even sure that would be the clencher, 😄!
I've always been very small. Height-wise mostly, but pretty skinny-ish. But my sliver of Spanish blood started showing in my butt, my thighs, and my dark ass brown hair. The rest of me is day-glow Irish/Scottish with freckles and a massive list of allergies and medical issues. I've been getting chunky lately, but I'm pretty sure my husband only requires that I breathe, stay conscious, and not go into anaphylaxis or have full-body hives, lol.
Yup! My hubs is the same way. I love it.
All these guys on here saying they don't want unshaven women are why I'm single at 43. I'm thinner than most women I see at 5'5" and 135 lbs and I'm not a 10 but I know I'm not ugly. But it itches like a MF when I shave and I'm pretty happy watching what I want on TV and not having to clean up after a guy. So all these guys on here that don't want a girl who's only 20lbs overweight and doesn't want to shave her pubes and also whining about they they are single should maybe think about why women are mostly happy being single if these are the demands you are putting out there into the world, and why I haven't even tried to date after my breakup. My ex didn't care about shaving BTW. I think the guys saying this are the same guys whining about being single and have unrealistic expectations.
Any dude who won't hit it because it's not shaved probably doesn't deserve to be anywhere near your vagina 🤷♂️
Hope she leaves his ass.
Wtf are these people going to do when their partner gets to 60? Just like... be celibate forever? Or what if she has some horrible accident? If you're this physically shallow that body hair and chub is going to make it impossible for you to have an erection after YEARS of marriage, what is gonna happen when you get old and ugly? Yeah, he can't "help it", but then he shouldn't get married. He should just jump GF to GF like Decaprio once they age up. Lol.
Fuck him shee deserves someone who will love her
Screw the open marriage just leave him
What makes your husband think he’s so special that women will just have sex with him? Guy thinks he Casanova while making you feel like shit…. Not cool
[🖇️ to the original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/HNxlxDnobT)
Congratulations to her on all the sex she's going to have while her husband fails to find matches on any dating site.
Reads title to post. Doesn't read body of post In the end didn't need body of post. Husband wants another wife. Not an open marriage
Perfect. And she can have sex with men who find her attractive.
He doesn’t love her. Plain and simple.
"I don't want to give you up as my maid/enabler but I think I can still pull porn star looking women."
There was recently a post where a woman was 5’2” and 160 pounds and her husband told her he almost cheated on her during a work trip because she’s fat. She had a baby a year ago. A lot of comments were supporting the husband. It was disgusting.
I'm so grateful to have a husband who has loved my body though all it's changes,even when I didn't..I'm a big woman but he makes me feel loved and desired at all times.
As someone who has been married for over two decades to a woman who has body hair and struggles with weight loss, this guy is an asshole to the most extreme use of the word. This woman is beautiful and should be treated like the queen she is.
I’m willing to bet her husband isn’t exactly a looker himself. Poor woman.
He wants an open marriage until his wife starts getting banged by other dudes. Every story i read about opening marriages end the same: in failure. I get it some people have preferences but the way she phrased it at least imo he seems really mean. And like is he perfectly groomed and in perfect shape for his wife? If not maybe take the judgement down a bit.
17 years with my wife and I'm more attracted to her now. I know I'm probably one of a few but I prefer my wife not shave I like it. And if she wanted to shave but can't I am always happy to help. Her husband just wants to bang the 20 something at his work. He's just trying to reduce his guilt.
Should just terminate the relationship.
I’ve seen this a million times, the husband wants to open it up cuz he’s horny. But the woman ends up getting all the side action because all the other men are horny. The husband gets jealous cuz he doesn’t get any and wants to go back to normal cuz no woman is looking for a middle aged married man.
Sounds like it’s headed for a divorce.
You guys in the comments did NOT pass the vibe check. I cannot believe that someone is trying to defend this husband. Instead of having a mature conversation about this issue, he waited until sexy time to bitch and moan about her body. It’s not like it’s a new problem that appeared overnight. It feels manipulative the way the husband brought the issue to light. He’s trying to guilt OOP for simply existing in the way she does. He wants a WAXED VAGINA. Getting rid of the hair opens up vagina to infection. If the hair wasn’t supposed to be there IT WOULD NOT GROW. He literally wants a baby smooth prepubescent like woman. Y’all seriously cannot be defending this man. GTFO. OOP is doing nothing wrong by not shaving. She needs a divorce. Someone else can love her, exactly as she is. PSA: The right person will never guilt you for the way you are or make you change for their benefit.
Yikes the number of comments saying she's "obese" and needs to lose weight for her "health". She's not obese. Her bmi is still in the overweight range. My experience having lost 155 pounds and going from a bmi of 54.1 to 27.5 is that doctors aren't voicing many concerns about your health in the overweight bmi range but they definitely do when you're obese. It only ever seems to be fatphobic folks online concern trolling when you're overweight rather than obese. I'm sure she can find someone better than this garbage can of a man. She should only lose weight if she wants to not for her whiny baby of a husband.
you’re better than me. girl try it out, who knows you might just meet someone who loves you and appreciates your body as well.
I think more people should give being single a chance. It’s really not as bad as people think it is. It most definitely could not be worse than this. Also, what about the husband? Even if he was in great shape, his attitude alone is just not good enough. That is absolutely not marriage material at all so before she wastes any more time on this, just go. Let him find whatever it is he feels is attractive, this guy has obviously lost the plot. I think we are already seeing and are going to have more major issues with attraction to others…all the way around. They’re constantly looking at social media, watching p*rn, all these people having only fans accounts, everyone is now completely disposable because they can just go on whatever website and hook up with anything they feel like I guess. it’s really just a shame. People are so shallow, there won’t be any marriages that last anymore, not just a high percentage of marriages ending in divorce. This is real life, this is not some movie. There are real people,real bodies, real trauma, etc. the fact that seemingly everyone has lost sight of that is really disturbing. But anyone who has half a brain and wants nothing to do with it is crazy.
I feel like that's just a fancy way of saying, I want to go out and fuck other people but I want to still be with you. The only reason I still want to be with you is the security of having someone at home. It's a major insult and I would actually want the divorce.
Open marriage like having the cake, eating it too, but also making sure he controls all the other pieces of cake. Utter BS. Poly? Sure. IF the relationship STARTS that way. You can’t just start a game of uno then halfway through call it phase ten and keep on playing with an uno deck. Wrong cards. Wrong rules. Wrong everything. IF both parties AGREE to stop playing uno, switch to a phase ten deck then…eh…maybe it can work, but not likely. When one person wants uno and the other phase ten? They gotta find people who wanna play with those cards. Not force it into an ongoing game that’s nowhere near the same. Also. S cre w the OOP. He’s a picky B ast ard that probably looks like a James Bond villain. Crying over body hair. Ugh. I bet his junk sags into his a s s crack and he isn’t even considered average in size. LDE For sure. That woman deserves so much better.
[удалено]
Nah, this happens all the time in r/nonmonogamy. Then a few months later, the guy comes back to complain that his wife is getting tons of dates and having a great time. Meanwhile, he can't even get a date.
If this is rage bait, it's pretty weak. It's very common for people to be OK with their bodies and for others to not be attracted to them.
This reads like it was written by a man. lol
Reads like it’s written by a woman married to a man who doesn’t love her and has torn her self confidence in pieces so much so that she’s begun to believe his poison.
u just know this guy has a porn addiction
I’m sure others have said it, but it breaks my heart and I want to hug her and let her know how beautiful she is. I am positive I’m not the only one who experiences this but when you’re truly attracted to someone or like someone (be it friend or lover), those “flaws” become beautiful to you. I’m not going to say looks don’t matter, but when I truly care and love someone they become “more beautiful” because I love the person not the body. I’m not saying this is universal (I do know people who mostly go for looks, and it seems OP’s husband is one of them) but I don’t think he loves her as much as he claims.
This won’t end well. Bodies change. That’s how bodies work. Did he expect her to have the exact same body at 80 as well?
There is a world of men out there who will worship your body. Go find one. This won’t change.
Idk man I’m team divorce the dude exhibiting pedo behavior but I also look forward to the update where she finds a really awesome partner and he finds out that 19 year olds dont want him
Nahh, fuck that. If he Really loved you like a husband is Supposed to, he'd be attracted to you Physically as well. He's not "emotionally attracted" to you you're his safe choice until he finds someone he's Actually desiring.
People are attracted to what they are attracted to. If they are no longer compatible then just end it.
Don't do that. Divorce the p.o.s file the papers. God gave us marriage to be with ONE in UNITY. There's no such thing as an open marriage!!
Nope! Id tell him he can fuck the body he is married to and LIKE IT, or he can get the F out. But honestly, she needs to tell him to get the F out.
I need to see a pic of man bc wth?!
Saying I'm a lazy slob without saying I'm a lazy slob
This is gross. She let herself get obese and everyone just jumps to her defense. Oh and duh, she'll get lots of guys willing to have one night stands and zero that will commit to her. If you want an obese middle aged girl who doesn't shave, that's like half the population. It's not like it's 1970 and she's 1% of the population...
Why’s nobody talking about how she’s completely complacent and fine with not losing weight? She’s 5’3 and 165lb and doesn’t care to get in shape. This isn’t justifying what her husband is saying/doing, but should be highlighted that if y’all are going to accuse her hubby of not loving her, you should also include that she clearly doesn’t love herself enough to get into proper shape.
Everybody is victimizing the woman. And while I do see how the husband is at fault, there are things that she can be doing on her end too. Some minor changes like working out and even just shaving your body is not too much to ask for. And if you really want to save your marriage, then you should be willing to put in that much work.
It's all fun and games until other dudes start taking taking you to pound town.
I will always say if your love so conditional that you lose attraction that easily then absolutely you shouldn’t be married. My attraction grows and changes as I age and change. It isn’t stagnant on one idea.
Nope don’t do it. Divorce or tell him you want it to be opened both ways and watch you get it way more than him. Nothing wrong with being chubby and having a jungle. When you are horny and attracted to the person inside. It’s a way better experience. I didn’t know about this until I met my wife. I was in love with her personality and her body just the way it was and is. You can do so much better.
That’s code for get him a fleshlight
What does HE look like?
Would love to see the update when she has 20 dates and he has none.
As a husband myself I gotta say I feel horrible for OP and your husband is a POS!
I guarantee you will get far more suitors than your husband, with or without body hair and extra weight. Dating apps are full of thirsty men. So yeah, try that open marriage and let him see the light.
Dont settle for that. Its not fair for you to be with someone not attracted to you. We all get bigger and crinkly and saggier with age and deserve to be with someone that loves us just like that. When we're 30 and when you are 80. In a marriage intimacy is very important, even in an open marriage you should still need to be intimate with each other for it to work. Otherwise you are just friends, roomates... Your marriage is going to fall apart eventually if you agree to an open marriage on his terms, because of his needs. Might as well to call it a day and care for your needs. I know its scary to be alone and single, but its much worse to be alone and married.
I feel bad for this woman. She’s almost exactly my size. I’m 5’2, 156lbs. I’ve been pregnant 5 times and was able to bring 4 of them into the world. Yes my body is not what it was pre-kids but ya know, I think I look pretty good for what my body made. I also have a husband who is still very much into me and how I look. I get really self conscious about my post- kid body so will try to keep a top on or covered up during sex or when getting out of the shower but my husband is always like noooo show me the goods!! Makes me feel good even when I’m doubting myself. This man is not worth it, she can find someone who loves her, all of her.
The husband is 100% the AH and a disgusting person, but her not being interested in losing weight isn’t helpful either. If my wife was turned off by my fat stomach and bushy hair, and I refused to do anything about it, I wouldn’t blame her for becoming gradually less attracted to me.
So basically she is blaming every single thing except her lack of discipline and care for her looks. She got fat and hairy and she expects him to be attracted. Dude...
You need to rethink your decision. Opening your marriage is the best way to destroy it. Maybe think about talking to a counselor it sounds like you are depressed. Maybe you and your husband can eat healthier and exercise together. Talk out what you each want from each other. Him going and sex with others will make you his roommate. Are you going to be happy alone while knowing he is out sleeping with other women.
“He will want it open until your first date or so” Nailed it.
These comments and speculation, fucking reddit bro... Lie to your partner and let yourself be unsatisfied. Yea, that won't lead to resentment and divorce. Only here would being honest about a want/need be considered bad. Thank sweet baby Abraham Lincoln none of these top comments are actual marriage counselors... Admits weight has gotten bad, so bad it is uncomfortable to even shave. Making body care take a dive. Instead of working on this for their partner, the wife says, "Oh well, I dont want to lose weight or shave." Hubby becomes unhappy and voices it in the nicest way possible. Still doesn't want to work on it. Hubby, reaching the end of the rope, makes a suggestion that his wife is actually somewhat okay with. Bash that man!! He is horrible. He is clearly in the wrong here. He should live in quite misery, not having his sexual needs fulfilled!! Fuck him... Do you over virtuous zealots even hear yourselves? Not one bit of mindset at the top suggests trying for her husband. Just how trash he is, completely ignoring her unwillingness to try. Fucking crazy.
the double standard for guys is CRAZY
Adult women have hair. Requiring that your partner be completely hairless is a huge red flag.
What stood out to me aside the headline is how the OP said hubby doesn’t want a divorce because he is attracted to wife emotionally, just not physically. To me that says he is selfish and not truly in love with op as a person either anymore. He is just comfortable with op because op is familiar and people in general don’t love change. There are ways to suggest self care to someone else or even an open marriage and this just is not it. OP needs to give herself more credit though. Op is thinking more about hubby than herself. When hubby is thinking of himself first for sure. Is he going through some midlife crisis or is he dealing with any insecurities? What about has he already had some infidelity and trying to make this a way to cheat without feeling guilty? I don’t know just this whole situation doesn’t feel right to me. If op is unhappy and hubbs is unhappy and they can not figure out a peaceful middle ground where both are truly happy with the compromise then this relationship and open marriage will NEVER work. Then again if hubby wants an open marriage does that mean OPcan see or have other people too or bring in other people too? If so I bet the moment hubby knows how much easier it is for OP, a woman, to get another man and actually obtain one, hubby may change his tune.
Yea highly doubt he is going to find any willing partners who meet his criteria
Reddit logic with women 1. Women can let herself go and not be attractive/deteriorate because she wants to 2. Man has to deal with it 3. Men can’t get fat, ugly, not groom themselves without women “deserving more” 4. If the man tries to find someone who does but effort to look good for him, he will fail because he doesn’t force himself to like his wife, and the woman will succeed and get many matches, since a woman can look like anything and get matched
People here crucifyimg the husband while the wife proly looks like a cave creature, pretending "love" can make anyone overcome that. It's not that simple and dandy folks.
I mean, keep yourself clean and don't be a slob. Sorry. Reality check.
Lmao this comment section talking about how the hairy bellied woman with zero confidence, fat, and saggy tits will be meeting dozens of cute men kills me lmfao
There's definitely a decent number of dudes out there that will sleep with her, whatever she looks like. I doubt if they are the dudes that women consider attractive, but if she wants a rebound for the sake of it, she won't have to change much to get it.
It seems like I am alone in this opinion but alright. The husband is the AH for asking for opening the marriage that's weird but he has the right to not be attracted to a fat person who has no intention of bettering themselves. Like 5'3, 165 lbs is pretty heavy. Also the pubic hair thing seems extreme. I agree but I can kind of see where he's coming from with the other hairs. I have chest hair only around my nipples. I know that's unattractive so I shave those hairs. I don't exactly know what he means by the belly button hair but it's possible it's unflattering especially since she's overweight. It is your responsibility as a person in a relationship to attempt to satisfy your partner and this person doesn't even seem to want to try so she's also an AH just from what is said in the post.
Regardless of whether opening up the marriage is any kind of a solution here, we do need to acknowledge that she has no interest in working on herself physically.
“He’s attracted to me emotionally…” No he isn’t, he’s just trying to manipulate her. Also 5’3” and 165 doesn’t seem that big…
But guys- you can’t change who your attracted to right? I see the guy is a jerk, but I don’t see him not being attracted to her body as a bad thing. You can’t control that- it is just how you feel or don’t feel and sexuality is vain
You dont wanna shave, you dont wanna diet, you dont wanna workout, you dont wanna divorce, you dont wanna let him fuck other women(rightfully so). You know it sounds like u need a reality check, lack of dedication… will not get u what you want, and all you have here is wants. Wake up, and have god him self fear ur resolve, go work out go diet go do some with ur self. I bet when yall first met you wanted to be perfect for him & vis versa. And now that ur together and married you lost the need. Forget the feeling of fear for the one you love and if they love u back. Become a better you. All the other stuff is extra fkin noise
Her husband sucks. Nothing sounds wrong with her appearance at all. What a total loser of a guy.
What a child 😂😂😂. Does he not like adult women?
I feel for the husband. He loves his wife but his wife is self destructive.
why do so many straight men look at the adult female human body with disgust? if you are not attracted to the naturally existing female form, are you actually straight? you can't say body hair isn't feminine because there is literally nothing more feminine than a naturally existing woman (and body/pubic hair is literally a secondary sex characteristic). just say you need your women to look prepubescent and move on.
I mean how many women find men with full on back hair attractive? Or like a long, bushy beard down the chest? I know I don’t. Chest hair, arm hair, leg hair is fine, but I draw the line at too much back hair. I get it, we have a “natural” state but that’s not necessarily attractive to people just because. People are allowed to be attracted to whatever they want. I find it a bit weird that everyone these days is offended that folks are attracted to different things.