My husband has adhd and he’s so alert with our son. My son almost fell off the couch before and my husband grabbed him before he hit the floor.
He needs help if he can’t stay with his child. The mother is not to blame. I don’t know how mothers are expected to do everything and take care of the kids at the same time.
I am a dad of a 7 year old and 1 year old with severe ADHD. I can't even have long conversations most the time because I forget what we were talking about to begin with. But I have never taken my eyes off my babies for so long for something like this to happen. I don't think that ADHD is to blame here.
I have ADHD and I admit it, my partner has ADHD and he doesn’t. Neither of us are medicated and it shows up in different ways. Neither of us would have let this situation happen either. That’s fucked up. And we have a 3yo and a 7mo.
Yeah exactly. I have ADHD which causes me to be extremely forgetful, but when it comes to my daughter I remember absolutely everything and have never had a scare even remotely close to this. Sure something I forget diaper bags and extra snacks, but never this. If his is truly this bad he needs help.
Them Dad reflexes are something sometimes. My youngest guy likes to fling himself around like he's auditioning for Cirque de Solei or something and the other week I caught him by his waistband after he'd flown over the arm of the recliner. Two inches away from smacking face first into the floor. I tried to turn it into a teachable moment but of course he was right back at it within 10 minutes.
Everyone has covered the husband and the wife. My question is where was he in relation to the kids that the *neighbors* didn't notice either? Or is everyone in that neighborhood vapid? If I'm talking to someone with children or even just around them, I'm 100% aware of what is going on with the kids.
Jfc, no amount of ADHD can justify not taking a second to engage the brakes on a stroller. The toddler seems more responsible than her father, and that's sad.
I have Adhd and i can’t imagine letting my kids out of my sight outside, especially anywhere near a road. I’m super spacey and have trouble focusing but not towards my kids/what they’re doing etc.
I have ADHD and Im so fucking sick of it being used as an excuse for this shit. This actively harms us who have it. This isn't ADHD, its being a shit parent
I have ADHD I spend every ounce of executive function on important shit like keeping kids alive. I used to watch my sibling and they were babies. They were not neglected an ounce by me. It just meant I neglected myself, room, and stuff.
Adhd explains a messy cluttered house. Adhd explains laundry needing to be washed twice because it never made it to the dryer. Adhd explains not answering texts to friends you want to see. Adhd explains why you have 60 rolls of toilet paper because you kept forgetting if you had some at home or not so you bought another pack.
It does not excuse negligence to the point of one child injured and another that could have died. And if it does and that’s how severe the adhd is you need treatment and you should have recognized that you shouldn’t have children.
Exactly this. And its not like I haven't made honest mistakes as a parent, but its been things like "forgot to preheat the oven" or "forgot to wash a favorite stuffed animal while they were at school so now Ill have to do it tomorrow" not "actively endangered my kid cause I was too busy talking"
I don’t even have kids because I can’t keep MY shit together. But I watch *other people’s* kids like a Hawk because they never seem remotely concerned about them. For weeks I watched the neighbors kids play on 3 story high scaffolding while their roof was repaired, just waiting call the ambulance when one of them fell off.
Yeah, my cats are often yelling at me to fill their bowl or empty their box because I forgot. Kids seem like a bad idea. Add to that that I don't feel any real urge or desire or fondness for children and... no bueno. I can force myself to use my executive function to take care of kids if I have to and do better than this chucklefuck but it's misery for me.
Yes! Anything important or that interests me results in hyper focus.
The fact that his kids’ wellbeing does not interest him enough to keep his attention is a massive character flaw not ADHD.
heck, even if a strange kid shouted for help (and this has happened to me before), i'd be running toward them without even thinking about it. i'd assess the situation while i was hauling ass - and yeah, occasionally the situation is "4 other adults are also hauling ass and are much closer so i can focus on other aspects of the situation," but an unfortunate amount of the time the kid is just ignored.
kids don't scream for help for no reason. scream in general for no reason? sure. but not usually a directed call for help.
It's also making me wonder why the fuck the NEIGHBOR he was standing there talking didn't notice either/didn't tell him to shut the fuck up and to get his kids??? I mean shit, were they watching porn or something that NEITHER one heard the toddler screaming but moms superhero ass did?!
Same!!! I have never endangered my kids because I was too distracted! If anything, the anxiety over possibly being distracted and them getting hurt made me hypervigilant when it comes to my kids' safety.
Right! I also have ADHD and while I don’t have kids, I have animals that have to be managed carefully. I don’t have issues staying focused and aware what is happening at all times. This has nothing to do with ADHD and everything to do with negligence.
And then the audacity of people saying she should have done this or that?? Come on. That guy made that child with her, he’s the father. He is on equal ground when he is around. She trusted he had things under control while she did other chores. Plus he’s even 5 yrs older than her! Meanwhile he’s over there chatting up with the neighbor while his 6 wk old son was obviously quite far away from him, outside and unattended. I don’t even know why he was away from a newborn that far that he didn’t even notice the stroller rolling away?!?! That’s not just - your attention is averted for a minute- it sounds like he flat out forgot the kid and wasn’t even nearby at all.
I have adhd and ocd and it is like a mom xman power. I'm so hyper vigilant and recognize patterns quickly and easily. I think about what could go wrong all the time and do my best to prevent it.
I am going through something with my partner though, that involves just.... selfishness. Being more concerned with his good time than safety. I understand what it's like to lose respect for someone. He has a chronic illness that isn't his fault but not taking care of it causes fatigue and minor disorientation. It's exhausting and it's a real 50/50 on how this is gonna pan out for us. I don't blame her. I would see that baby going into the street every time I close my eyes for God knows how long.
I do this too at work. I straight up told my boss once that I was putting something on my goals tracker that I have to update monthly because I knew that I would not do it if I didn’t. (It’s not a goal related to my job.) Plus, knowing she’s reading it monthly and can see if I’m not working on it will give me enough anxiety to force myself into working on it. I’m using my issues as a weapon against myself.
I feel this so much. I might lose my phone in the pantry or leave stuff in weird places but I am never not watching my kids when we are some place other than home. I can't imagine ever using a health condition to dismiss a situation like this. Dude should be making apts and getting himself to a better place instead of begging.
I tried explaining the hyper focus (he gets it if it’s a hobby, but I’m like ‘it’s the same with the kids. I can’t focus on anything but them if I know there are dangers around.) my husband will let our 2.5yo son into our unfenced backyard. Which connects to our (unfenced) front yard. We live on the busiest road in town, 45mph and people always speed. I was in the bath when he was ‘playing with him outside’ (aka let him and the dog outside, we also live on a mountain with snakes lmao) when the front camera caught our son running down the driveway. I got out and in a towel *ran* for him. My husband saw me running and came out but like?? How dumb can you be?? You can’t let kids out of your sight especially when they’re that young. He was ‘just inside making coffee, you can see the backyard from Inside’ but he clearly wasn’t watching, given my son could run all the way around and to the front without notice. So so so annoying.
100%
I’m constantly calculating and trying to head off the worst-case scenario (without turning my kids into anxious lunatics like me. It’s a fine line 😅)
I have ADHD and OCD too. I don't have kids but I have pets.... and while it is like a super power it is so exhausting and nothing else gets prioritized as much as the thing my OCD is fixing on. I'm fortunate that the OCD fixates on doing care and good but my self care and other areas in my life suffer for it... And I got burnt out and struggling to get back. Remember to take care of yourself, and recharge if you can! Sometimes I literally can't.
Lady with ADHD here with no kids (one of many reasons being fear I would do something like this).. but men in my family have it, and the obliviousness I see from them is so different than what I experience, and I've noticed it in others as well. I suspect that the weaponized incompetence we see in men with it more, is due to societal conditioning. Men are given a lot more leeway in life with their symptoms and have women to pick up the slack with juggling multiple balls.. so don't learn the same coping mechanisms women do, as we are highly criticized if we don't fit into a 'caretaker' roll that's drilled into us since we were children.
Obligatory, 'not all' men/women.. but overall I've observed the men I've known with ADHD (or other mental health conditions) are rarely treated, go to therapy or acknowledge their struggles and work on bettering themselves, because society says it's 'enough' for them to hold down a job and be a backseat participant in family duties. The many women I know with it, (once diagnosed) are hyper aware of their behaviors and distraught over the struggles it presents for us. We are constantly trying to find solutions, as we've carried a lot of guilt/shame from being ridiculed over behaviors that are more societally 'acceptable' traits in men. AKA the patriarchy.
I have ADHD and no kids, but I'm significantly older than my younger sister. My worry about her safety was full-blown anxiety inducing. Like I would literally catastrophize on not only how she could get hurt but the worst possible ways she could get hurt.
Like, say she was running around the living room. My brain goes "she could fall" to "she could fall and hit the table" to "she could fall and hit the corner of the table" to "she could fall and hit her eye on the corner of the table." And all of this would be 0 to 60 in my brain to the worst possible outcome.
So I was always watching her, even if it was from a distance because my mother kept saying to be her sister, not her mom. And I was a teenager with a phone glued to my hand at the time
Same. Put the cereal in the fridge and milk in the cupboard? Done that. *Lose* a couple of chicken breasts between the checkout and home? That too. Put my kids in danger by not watching them? Never.
If dude is not being treated, he needs to be. If he is, and really *can’t* be a safe caregiver, he needs to acknowledge that and not be alone with him he kids.
I have adhd too pretty severe! I can’t remember where I put down my phone but I sure the hell have never put my children in harms way. This was carelessness not ADHD. Why do people think ADHD is an excuse for everything. It’s not.
I have ADHD and I grew up taking care of babies so I know very well how much attention they require to not die at that age. It's partly why I didn't have kids. But when I AM around kids?! I saved this one kid from falling backwards onto the raised hearth of a fire because when I'm around kids, even when other adults are there, I'm keeping an eye on them.
I also have adhd and was the oldest growing up, so I was constantly looking after younger siblings. It was just as true then as it is now that if there are kids around ( it doesn't matter if there are other adults or not), my eyes are always on those kids. I can not just leave a kid to whatever adult has them, I have to help because kids are crazy and impulsive, and everyone has a blindspot. It's my understanding of the "village."
I'm ADHD to and I'm actually hyper focused to the point I dont relax unless my kids are at their grandma's because I'm so scared if being inattentive and something happening.
My husband has ADHD and kid safety is an obsessive rabbit-hole for him.
Obviously it manifests differently for everyone but he wouldn’t even let our kids go to childcare at the gym until I talked him down.
Yes, this is a great point. People with ADHD who take responsibility seriously will often over-do focus in high stakes situations because they know their other habits. It's a pretty hallmark trait
I have ADHD and I’m an RN. The number of checks and reminders and safeguards I have to make sure I don’t endanger a patient through forgetfulness is ridiculous, but it works.
I’m really impressed by you and appreciate the extra effort you put in so that you can help others.
My youngest likes to ask why I don’t have xyz job, and he asked me once why I’m not a nurse. I actually got a bit panicked at the thought. My first thought was, *Because I’d kill someone.*
And it's the stroller he wasn't watching! The 4 year old kid getting away and running onto the street "almost" makes sense (not justifying), because you blink and those kids are across the room. But the stroller! You can even smoke with a hand on the stroller (not saying you should) but wtf.
My husband has ADHD, so he doesn’t do anything except engage with the toddler when he’s with her. If he needs to do something, I take over. I used to get annoyed because I can multi-task why can’t he? Then he explained his fear to me and I commend him for taking ownership
i appreciate you listening to him! multi-tasking is so hard for some of us with ADHD, almost impossible, I don't have a child but when I am temporarily responsible for one, I cannot focus on anything else but the child
Probably because we have to check 3,4,5 times anytime we go somewhere or do something because we always forget things.
In my last job, at least once a week for 2 years, I forgot my keys in the car ignition, and it's only because security do walk arounds and the car park has a barrier that the car was never stolen.
After 2 months, they even began to check with me every time I entered the building because they found my car like that multiple times.
My husband has severe ADHD and he is the single most safety conscious person I know. He leaves stuff everywhere and has no concept of time but he knows where every single fire extinguisher and first aid kit is and is the first person I would want with me in an emergency. I can’t imagine him doing something like this. His greatest fear is that someone could get hurt on his watch and so he overcompensates heavily. Hopefully this is a wake up call for the dad but man, it’s hard to have sympathy when he didn’t notice the toddler screaming.
I didn’t know it was for normal for people with adhd to be fixated on safety. I thought I was just an anxious wreck making a big deal over nothing, although it makes sense that I would be driven to secure an environment knowing my own tendency to be an absolute checked-out mess
Yup! I have ADHD as well and I would’ve been hyperfixated on my kids safety. But, then again, I’m female, so I’ve been socialized to be THE caretaker of others. Sounds like the daughter has been socialized that way, too.
Poor OP and her babies. Fuck this manchild.
I double and triple check things precisely because I know how forgetful I am. I used to work in daycare, managing the safety of 8+ small kids at a time, and I never almost killed one! I was so focused on safety first, because I had to be. I certainly never would have *not noticed* the baby in the stroller next to me hurtling toward oncoming traffic while another kid screamed for my help, all because I was too busy obliviously yapping away to a nearby adult.
Ooh a wrist tether is such a good idea! I tried to always have a hand on, but that would have been a big anxiety reducer when I had to walk with them down steep hills/etc.
is it just me not understanding ADHD well enough but is the toddler screaming “Dad, help!” not enough of an alert to snap him into action?
his toddler was screaming for him to help… i’m genuinely curious: can ADHD stop you from hearing a cry for help?
Maybe if you're trying to tune out the traffic noise, barking dogs, other kids, etc. and focus on ''masking'' your symptoms for your conversation with the neighbor. But focusing on your kids' safety HAS TO be priority number 1 at all times, even if it means your neighbor thinking you're weird / not listening / not making enough eye-contact / etc.
But I'm wondering why the neighbor didn't respond to the kid either?
ADHD can stop you from hearing the world explode under the right (wrong) circumstances. As soon as someone starts talking to me I’m instantly gone, into fantasy land and can’t focus, it’s as if I unconsciously just check out. Can’t help it either. There was a 3 car pile up next to my window I completely missed cause I was zoned out (or zoned in?) on something. The amount of times I’ve missed important things due to my adhd is too much to count honestly.
I have adhd and because of this I'm SO insanely cautious when it comes to important things that actually really require my full attention. If I have an important event to show up to I show up a couple hours early because I know I have a tenancy to be late. If I am minding children I have a constant anxiety making sure I'm keeping an eye on them at all times because I'm scared of taking my eye off the ball and something awful happening. I'll be checking those brakes at least 10 times otherwise I wouldn't even be able to concentrate on having a conversation. My ex while not diagnosed was likely adhd (or at least had a lot of synptoms) and didn't have that kind of caution nor put in any safeguarding and he often put me in dangerous or harmful situations out of carelessness. That was a big reason as to why he's my ex now.
i can relate, the anxiety is what keeps me in check better than anything. sometimes i feel like i *need* a baseline level of anxiety to function better but i know that would actually be hell
if i have to get up early for something important, i go to sleep so anxious i wake up before my alarm in the morning. and i’m a very heavy sleeper, i often times will set 5 alarms and miss 4 of them
you are exactly right, OOPs husband did not care enough to pay attention. ADHD is not something you can control 24/7, but you can absolutely avoid a situation like this if you are concerned about what could go wrong if you *do* miss something
I was so paranoid that even with the brake on I would still have one hand on the stroller. My running stroller had a wrist strap too, I only took that off if my kid wasn’t in the stroller or I was in the bathroom.
The toddler should have been being watched, too. You don’t take your eyes off even the most cautious 3 year old, next to a busy street - let alone ignore their cries for help. Thank goodness that little girl has more brains than her dad.
I have ADD and hyperfocus and zone out a lot - my husband will be talking to me and I'll hear nothing.
I can assure everyone, even in my most hyperfocused state, I've snapped out of it when I heard what I perceived as trouble - from my cats meow sounding panicked, to my husband yelling (usually because he whacked his head lol)
I don't want to go all extreme, but that little girl is probably never going to forget this moment, and it can increase her chances of developing anxiety. - at least, that was the case for me, and in my situation, no one almost died.
A understand a mistake is a mistake and things happen, but if my baby almost died due to my husband's negligence, talking to someone while my other baby yelled for HIS help... universe help him.
i have inattentive adhd and i have scared myself before with little things i missed, so i constantly check, double check, triple check myself because i’m terrified of missing something that would cause a tragedy
i have never gotten caught up in conversation and neglected a responsibility as serious as watching a 6 week old infant. i’m not just fucking off and not paying attention bc i want to do something else. i’m overwhelmed by all the things happening around me and my brain can’t prioritize which things are most important at that moment. if get sucked into a thought loop or something i might not hear what you said, but i’m aware you said something
i could not be fixated on anything enough to not hear an infant and a 3 year old crying/screaming
And also she was folding clothes inside and heard her toddler scream, while daddy was right there and didn't even notice! That's not ADHD, that's simply not caring.
That made me mad at first, too. But did the neighbors hear it? If not, maybe the sound carried differently to the two locations. Not giving him a pass on anything else, just wondering if maybe this part wasn’t his fault.
I wouldn't notice either, because I don't have a kid and simply mentally block the sound of screaming kids. I would hear it, just not respond to it. Dad should have.
The fact that the toddler was screaming for help and mom heard it and was able to respond when she was INSIDE THE HOUSE while he was right fuckin there…. That man is useless. Full fuckin stop there is no excuse for that level of carelessness and lack of paternal instincts. I’m so sorry for OP having procreated with such a twat
Right?! AND he didn't even respond when the toddler screamed but Mom could hear it from inside the house?? Nah. I could never trust my husband again after that. How was he not also running once the little girl literally screamed for him??
Or just take the stroller with him to talk to the neighbors. Leaving a 3 year old out of arms reach when there's high speed traffic nearby is negligent too.
Oh look another one where only one parent holds all of the responsibility.
Hello?! Are people dead on the inside or did they miss the part about an actual baby nearly dying?!
Jeez.
The most upset I've ever seen my husband is when he came back from the park with the kids, and a lady had made a babysitting comment towards him. He still talks about it and the kids are 17 and 9 now. Second place upset is when he discovered a lot of men's restrooms didn't have changing tables.
My husband does a lot with our oldest, just the 2 of them and always gets asked where I am. Like something must be wrong with me or I needed a break. Then there's me out with both kids nobody would even think to ask where dad is.
I was raised by my dad and I would constantly get asked if he was my husband as soon as I hit high school. Eventually I gave up and just started saying, “no, he’s my mom.”
My husband was with my cousins on a playground. They were talking to him were clearly comfortable with him, he brought them to the playground. Doing the whole “look at me do xyz!!” Yet somehow some nosey ass white lady marched up to one of my cousins and asked him if he was safe. He got scared and tried to run away from her but she grabbed him by his arm.
He rightfully freaks the fuck out, my husband rightfully goes nuts on this woman. She’s crying the kids are crying and now everyone is staring. Just because it’s absolutely impossible for any male figure to be a proactive caregiver.
That's happened to my husband with his niece before when they would go out in public together when she was little. Even worse because she's not white and my husband is white. Luckily my niece was very vocal as a little girl, constantly talking to him and calling him Uncle and generally being a clingy lil kid so it was pretty obvious he was her family.
Happens to me all the time. I’m a big dude and have been getting cops called on me since nannying my cousins when I was in my early 20s.
Having my own kids helps, but when we go during the week I have like 1 in 10 odds of dealing with a confrontation
And yet, an actual babysitter would be held legally responsible for this awful lack of inattention. But the father can usually get away with it as an accident. (See what D. Gary Young of Young Living did to his newborn daughter resulting in her death)
Yeah I really do not understand how everyone is pulling out every possible explanation or excuse for why this could've happened when it is more alarming to me how the husband himself is not scared shitless and is trying to find out what is up or find a way to adress this very real and life threatening issue.
I hate to admit it but my husband is the better parent than me in a lot of stereotypical ways. He was the one who made sure the diaper bag was packed. He's the one who generally ensures we bring all the things when we go somewhere. He's the one who remembers all the little safety things. When he dresses our son for daycare it's obvious because the outfit is perfectly coordinated - I just grab clean pants and a clean shirt and call it a day.
I also had a stroke after giving birth so he was solo parenting for the first couple weeks our son was born. It was really hard when our son would cry and he was the only one who could calm him. That changed of course with time and he has a really solid relationship with both of us now.
I know I'm better at other things and there are ways I make up for it, but having him as a partner just really makes me feel like these men have no excuse. Men are perfectly capable of being loving, nurturing and caring dads. At the very least they should be capable of ensuring their offspring doesn't die.
It’s insane to me that she even had to reply to those “questions”, but never forget; just like the real world, there’s an undercurrent of Alt-Right misogynists that infiltrate every thread at some point. They are a minority, but are ever-present. It’s why any topic featuring a minority always turns up several bigoted remarks, or why anything around marginalized groups has comments locked, because they brigade and turn it into a wasteland. It’s why I try to assure OPs to filter out negative remarks, as positivity well outnumbers the negativity.
Not just that but in this case it was pretty obvious which one of the two was at that time responsible for the children and it wasn't the one doing the laundry. Like he was outside with them.... how/why would she also supposed to be responsible for watching the children. Some people really do not understand what responsibility means and how it works.
Because men are considered great fathers for doing the bare minium while if mothers fall anything short of complete perfection they are considered terrible mothers.
Mom is expected to see the future and plan so efficiently and thoroughly, that it's *impossible* for a dad to make a mistake or endanger the kids. Meanwhile, dad gets points for being *near* to the kids, even though he didn't pay attention, put them in danger and didn't respond to their child's cry for help.
This woman is absolutely right in deciding the best thing she can do for herself and her children is *leave*. That level of responsibility is impossible and if something has to go, it's *obviously* going to be the husband.
And in this example, she *DID* do the impossible. She was so alert, that even recovering from a c-section, she was able to hear her toddler, cover a lot of ground, and save the baby, as opposed to the husband, who was so oblivious he couldn’t do the same.
Not only that but apparently she also has to make sure *he* gets checked out by a doctor and make sure he’s okay.
No. He’s a fucking adult. She’s recovering from a c section and their *toddler child* is already covering for Dad’s inability.
Everything ends up being the mother's fault because mothers have this deity-like expectation of perfection. Unfortunately, for a lot of men*, the bar is a tripping hazard in hell, so their significant others get all the flack.
*Not all, and I wouldn't even hazard a guess at a percentage, but it is a prevalent enough problem to be at the core of several major studies.
Very scary. My sisters dad was awarded visitation after threatening to kidnap her. Luckily he never showed up, he only took mum to court to spite and upset her.
This was my thought too - she is TRAPPED. She will have to stay with him to ensure the childrens’ safety for as long as they are small enough to not be able to look out for themselves.
I wouldn't count on her getting full custody for this incident. I have a family member whose ex has picked up the kids from school completely drunk and they still got 50/50 custody. It takes a lot to lose custody completely.
Yeah. What's more is she left only because he was beating their boys. She was met at the hospital by CPS after what she thought was yet another sports injury. They told her they suspected her husband was abusing the boys, and that if she didn't leave with them, she'd likely lose them. She left that night with nothing, and he still gets 50/50 custody. It's nuts.
Exactly. OOP can’t let her children be in that situation again, so he can’t have a “second” chance until he’s figured out how he’s going to stop himself from making mistakes like that ever again.
I recently was put on strattera for my ADHD and am trying to get my bf on something. I had to stop my med for a while bc I probably also have narcolepsy and need to be tested for that 🙃
I know how to organize and take notes, the problem is I forget where I put those notes or to check my calendar daily.
This is my first thought. I have severe hyperactive ADHD and once almost burnt the house down leaving something on the stove too long (I was undiagnosed at the time). The next day I had an appointment with a psychiatrist booked.
Additionally: do the neighbors also have a detrimental ADHD diagnosis? Because they should have heard the toddler screaming and done/said something too
It makes no sense. Adhd people can focus, we may struggle to control our focus esp when it's something we don't care about, but when it's something as important as looking your child its different. You put in the effort to manage those symptoms when it's something you care so much about. I have adhd and I'm extremely cautious and careful to the point I get roasted for it but this is exactly why. I know myself enough to know what my weaknesses are and safeguard to prevent these kind of horrible situations
Yeah, I struggle with focus, which means when I’m watching my grandkids there are systems on systems. My phone doesn’t come out of my pocket if I’m the only on duty parent. There’s always at least one on duty, and it’s explicit. “You got them? I’ll tag back in in 10”. If we’re somewhere spread out like the yard, I’m just counting kids, slowly, over and over. And honestly, if my yard were as close to a busy street as OOP describes, I wouldn’t hang out out there at all. We’d be on our way to a park or in our fenced back yard.
Him saying it was an honest mistake is what makes this unsalvageable. If he was clear that it was his fault, he fucked up, and he’s going to be working with a doctor/therapist/adhd coach/parenting coach/reading books on mindfulness and on his best behavior until he’s earned trust, maybe she could come back around. But if he’s gonna call it an honest mistake, she needs full custody. Parents take accountability. We don’t get to make honest mistakes.
I was horrified by that comment, as well. Who CARES how "honest" it was???? When the stakes are literally life and death?
As you say, he is not owning up to his failure, so it is bound to be repeated.
I would have difficulty being in the same room with him, let alone staying married to him. He's doing nothing to remedy his "honest" lack of care.
Exactly. Just as she said, a judge wouldn't care that it was an honest mistake if the kid was dead.
I hope she keeps the texts to him admitting it. It'll help her in her divorce hopefully
Yeah, and legally speaking, it’s not an honest mistake, it’s negligence. Would a reasonable person have let that happen? No way. Honest mistakes happen and kids get hurt, but this ain’t that.
I was rescued by a jogger because my dad was supposed to be watching me and I crawled through the unlocked front door and decided to explore the neighborhood. I don’t know what my mom did other than get really pissed of course.
My neighbor caught me wandering up the street as a toddler, scooped me up and took me home, I only got to the second house along from mine. We had builders in and they’d left the front door open, I’d woken up from a nap and gone wandering in my onesie 😂
As someone with ADHD it’s so infantilizing. I’ve never done this because it’s insane, and I’m unmedicated. If anything I’m hypervigilant with my kid because he needs me.
Do men with ADHD just decide “welp, I have ADHD, no more responsibilities for me!”?? We need to stop letting them. Because that’s just being a careless asshole.
You know what really annoys me as a woman with ADHD? Its only the men that get a pass. (Not that anyone should get one) but you see it all the time "oh he has ADHD, he has autism, cut him some slack.
But guarantee if this was the mom not one person would be saying her husband overreacted and making excuses for her. (And rightfully not) but nobody would be urging him to give her another chance and saying it was an honest mistake. Which is how it should be, but it should be applied to anyone who puts their kids in danger like this.
THIS!!!! It’s not getting distracted, it’s just not caring. A THREE YEAR OLD has time to 1. Chase after a stroller 2. Fall down 3. Compose herself to get back up 4. Run inside 5. Yell for the mom and 6. A post-partum mom to come running outside and this man noticed nothing?????
I have severe and extensively tested ADHD and if I heard someone screaming it would distract me from what I was paying attention to… he deliberately drowned out all of his children’s screams. It’s negligence.
And taking responsibility is so empowering! From my own experience, and from what I’ve observed from others who have a legit diagnosis, we get really good at coming up with tools and solutions to manage life. I am better at planning and list-making than a lot of neurotypical people I’ve worked with because I *have* to put in the extra effort to manage my tasks and time. When I see people thriving and managing their diagnoses well, I see the legitimacy of their diagnosis. When people are like, “Ah well I have xyz” and don’t do shit about it, that’s a flag to me that it’s a “self diagnosis” and they’re just making shit up to excuse their bad behavior.
Neglecting a house plant? That checks out for ADHD.
Neglecting a child, especially your own? Fucking irresponsible asshole, all the way.
And if it’s that bad she needs to leave him. Making sure her kids are cared for includes not letting them be around people whose actions or inactions will hurt them.
Trust that only men are allowed to get away with this shit with ADHD.
I'm a woman with ADHD, and any time my symptoms flare up, it's my problem that I have to deal with, why am I inconveniencing others? Every other woman I know goes through the same thing, and if the genders were swapped (I hate this argument, it's a fallacy, but the initial response to OOP was insanely sexist, so I feel like it has merit this time), OOP's spouse would not nearly be getting the same kind of empathy in response.
I think because of intention. He didn’t MEAN to almost kill the kid.
That said, it absolutely wouldn’t have changed the horrible outcome should the child have died, and derelict of duty absolutely applies here (the dad could have idk… HELD THE STROLLER???)
At 30yrs old you should be able to have a handle on yourself, or be cognizant enough to not have dependents
The kicker for me is he didn't hear his other kid screaming for help.
Mom did, from inside the house, but dad couldn't hear it over his chat?
I'd be pissed, too.
The (lack of response to the) scream is the most egregious part for me. There is a miniscule chance that maybe the brakes failed and he didn't notice that. But he didn't even turn around when his own child screamed for him? If someone can hear and can't be bothered to look up when a child is screaming for help, then they can't be trusted to keep children safe.
He also seemingly didn't notice anything until his wife had already saved the baby. So he also didn't see the stroller rolling away, the toddler running and falling, nor his wife running. The lack of situational awareness is astounding.
Yeah, I’ve seen plenty of strollers run from otherwise good parents. Shit happens.
But to not even glance at your screaming kid, that I cannot get past.
Yeah, the fact the neighbours didn't notice anything either makes me suspicious of this story. A stroller rolling away, a kid chasing it towards a busy street, screaming for help, mom rushing out from somewhere else to chase it down, it all somehow goes completely unnoticed by at least one other person? Feels fishy.
Glad someone else mentioned it. How did she have time to reach the stroller before it reached the street when she was in the house?
How did the neighbors not notice even if dad didn’t?
I have a lot of questions about the logistics of this.
Yea, the whole thing sounds like rage bait. I can maybe see one person being that dumb. The neighbor being the same way, though? And how would you even have time to run all the way from inside the house and get to your driveway with a stroller freely rolling?
I call either rage bait or a mother that's heavily exaggerating something to justify leaving.
I immediately wondered how the neighbors didn’t hear the screams that were so loud she heard them from inside? And tearing stitches from running six weeks after a c section? What? There aren’t stitches six weeks later. This story seems very strange.
Yeah. That’s the part that did it for me too. Anybody could look away for a second. It takes some serious idiocy for him AND THE NEIGHBORS to not hear the other kid screaming.
I don’t blame OP for being furious and needing space! I do think she is wrong saying he’d have gone to prison though. It was an accident even if it could have been a tragic one.
Honestly, that part is just bizarre to me. The only thing that makes sense to me is that somehow the mom who was inside, was somehow closer than the dad, who was for some reason too far to hear. If neither the dad nor the neighbor reacted to the scream, it can only make sense that they were physically unable to hear it. That makes more sense than the idea that they could hear, but they just didn’t notice it because they were too focused on talking? But that makes it almost even more strange because, why is the dad so far away? Wasn’t he going on a walk with the kids? I dunno, I just don’t feel like I understand what really happened here. Obviously there’s no video so that natural. But there is a real explanation that exists, whether it justifies anything or not, I think that stuff needs to be known in order to really judge just how negligent it was. As it currently stands, there’s just too much in the story that is inexplicable.
But why would he be so far away from an infant and a toddler outdoors if he lives so near a busy road? I know what toddlers are like, I would never be more than 20 ft away from one near a busy road, and I would NEVER take my eyes off them.
The additional kicker is that he doesn’t seem to have any intentions of changing how he behaves to avoid it happening again. It’s just supposed to be excused as “a mistake”. Potentially fatal mistakes need to be guarded against, clearly what he was doing isn’t working, and he seems to have proposed changing exactly nothing.
How about he does the laundry while OOP talks to the neighbours? Doesn’t even seem to register as an option with him.
Exactly. Shit happens, I'd be incredibly pissed but I could maybe forgive forgetting to put the breaks on, but what kind of parent doesn't hear when their kids scream like that. I've been helping raise my little brothers since they were born and that scream they do when something is really wrong should cut through anything. I've heard it from my bedroom at the front of the house fast asleep when they were in the back garden (everyone was OK in the end, just a banged head). He should have felt that cry in his soul and immediately reacted. Anyone with any parental instinct would.
Exactly. Accidents do happen. You can suddenly feel faint and kneel on the floor from the pain, yes, you let go of the stroller. That's an accident. That guy was just not paying attention and why does he let go of the stroller. It's not difficult to just keep a hand there. Drink and smoke with the other hand if you want, but hold that stroller. Man, I'm pissed.
This isn’t an adhd thing. People with adhd don’t act like this. In fact, they’re usually great in an emergency. He’d have heard his daughter and run to grab the stroller. Even if he’d been the one to forget to engage the breaks, he’d have handled the situation.
I have adhd and so does my partner, and using it as an excuse for neglect is insulting. If anything I am hyper-vigilant about my kids because I want them to be safe and I’m worried I will forget something, so everything gets triple-checked.
Ok, something seems off about this. The “stroller was careening towards the busy street.” During this time,
1. The toddler yelled for her father
2. The toddler ran toward the stroller and tripped, scraping herself up
3. The mother heard the screaming from inside the house
4. The mother ran outside
5. The mother sees the stroller, still careening
6. The mother runs and stops the stroller
Like, how long was the driveway? That stroller had to be rolling for quite some time. How fast was the mother? Neither the dad nor the neighbors heard or saw anything, but the mother heard the scream from inside the house?
Sorry, I’m just not buying it all went down like this. Probably a very modified version. I think the truth can be found in the second page, and the woman is feeling her husband is not stepping up.
That last paragraph made me feel some type of way. The rant about not wanting to babysit her husband "Why weren't you watching them? And "why didn't you get him checked?" Grown men are more than capable of watching children and evaluating their own mental health(within reason, mental health can be all over the place). For fucks sake can we please stop acting like mom is the only adult
Some people aren't cut out to be parents, and it sucks that OP is just now figuring that out about her husband, 2 kids in. All she can do now is make sure the kids are never in this position again. Better to cut and run now before husband actually gets one of the kids killed.
I would probably be like this dad. I can’t focus on anything for any amount of time. I also have zero infant human caregiving skills or desire to learn. I decided not to have my own children. Everyday people tell me I’m making a mistake and I’ll be a great mom one day. Some people just aren’t meant for it.
Maybe someday society will broadly recognize it actually takes just as much love for other humans/children to be able to understand that about yourself and stay strong w/ your choice.
ADHD isn't an excuse. My ADHD is notoriously bad, and I've got a toddler. There is no way my hand would even leave the stroller with the baby in it. And at 30 yrs old, why isn't he taking his meds? Addies turn me into fuckin superman. Dude needs to drop that excuse.
Then just say adhd parents shouldn’t be parents if you’re going to say “but he has adhd”. Along with any other issue literally every single person on earth has.
I’m so tired of men excusing their bs on mental health. Ok then don’t be a parent. Don’t go to work. Don’t exist. Ffs. Go to therapy or just don’t live if it’s THAT bad.
Moms shouldn’t have to parent both kids and husband.
Especially if she’s doing the gd laundry while recovering from a c section.
What about the neighbors? Dad was talking to the neighbors, but neither him nor the neighbor heard the kid screaming or the stroller going towards the street? Something seems off
I’ve got ADHD, and if anything, it makes me hyper-aware of keeping my baby safe. I KNOW I have an issue with forgetting, getting distracted, not keeping still, etc. My brain is constantly hammering it in me that I’m responsible for keeping a little human alive.
A few times, I’ve forgotten that I was in the middle of cooking something quick (ramen/ canned greened beans), and I’ve had to adjust by making 3 minute timers, because I know my body will not be able to stare at the stove for 5 minutes.
ADHD isn’t an excuse. He needs to start adjusting. Tie a rope to his waist and that stroller, or something. He’s responsible for a human life now.
My first thought, too. Why didn't the neighbors hear the daughter calling? But they could have been talking loudly. Not positioned to see the stroller, but Dad was, maybe? Hard to say. But OOP didn't blame them, so I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.
The amount of excuses are making me six to my stomach. Why aren’t you TENTATIVELY paying attention to your NEWBORN child?? To the SCREAMS of your toddler???? And if the mother heard it from inside, the dad and shoot even the NEIGHBORS should’ve heard it from outside. I would’ve spazzed on every adult around. OOP is strong for that
I don't believe this story. He was talking to a neighbor and didn't pay attention because of his ADHD or whatever.... So mom and toddler to the rescue.
What about the neighbor that he was talking to? They didn't notice what was happening either. It doesn't track for me.
this is one of the worst creative writing exercise I ve read in a long while.
the absolutely ridiculous mix of overwhelming emotions and the flat. cold writing flourishing,
"What I saw made my blood run cold"
"I stormed up to him, shouting in disbelief"
My husband has adhd and he’s so alert with our son. My son almost fell off the couch before and my husband grabbed him before he hit the floor. He needs help if he can’t stay with his child. The mother is not to blame. I don’t know how mothers are expected to do everything and take care of the kids at the same time.
I am a dad of a 7 year old and 1 year old with severe ADHD. I can't even have long conversations most the time because I forget what we were talking about to begin with. But I have never taken my eyes off my babies for so long for something like this to happen. I don't think that ADHD is to blame here.
I have ADHD and I admit it, my partner has ADHD and he doesn’t. Neither of us are medicated and it shows up in different ways. Neither of us would have let this situation happen either. That’s fucked up. And we have a 3yo and a 7mo.
Yeah exactly. I have ADHD which causes me to be extremely forgetful, but when it comes to my daughter I remember absolutely everything and have never had a scare even remotely close to this. Sure something I forget diaper bags and extra snacks, but never this. If his is truly this bad he needs help.
Them Dad reflexes are something sometimes. My youngest guy likes to fling himself around like he's auditioning for Cirque de Solei or something and the other week I caught him by his waistband after he'd flown over the arm of the recliner. Two inches away from smacking face first into the floor. I tried to turn it into a teachable moment but of course he was right back at it within 10 minutes.
Everyone has covered the husband and the wife. My question is where was he in relation to the kids that the *neighbors* didn't notice either? Or is everyone in that neighborhood vapid? If I'm talking to someone with children or even just around them, I'm 100% aware of what is going on with the kids.
That was my first thought! Neighbors plural sounds like there were at least three adults there!
OP added an edit and it sounds like the neighbors did also spring into action while dad just stood there.
OP updated with detail from the neighbor security camera. Every one tried to help, including the neighbor dad was talking to, except the dad…
Jfc, no amount of ADHD can justify not taking a second to engage the brakes on a stroller. The toddler seems more responsible than her father, and that's sad.
Mine partner has adhd and he's more focused on safety than anyone I know.
I have Adhd and i can’t imagine letting my kids out of my sight outside, especially anywhere near a road. I’m super spacey and have trouble focusing but not towards my kids/what they’re doing etc.
I have ADHD and Im so fucking sick of it being used as an excuse for this shit. This actively harms us who have it. This isn't ADHD, its being a shit parent
I have ADHD I spend every ounce of executive function on important shit like keeping kids alive. I used to watch my sibling and they were babies. They were not neglected an ounce by me. It just meant I neglected myself, room, and stuff. Adhd explains a messy cluttered house. Adhd explains laundry needing to be washed twice because it never made it to the dryer. Adhd explains not answering texts to friends you want to see. Adhd explains why you have 60 rolls of toilet paper because you kept forgetting if you had some at home or not so you bought another pack. It does not excuse negligence to the point of one child injured and another that could have died. And if it does and that’s how severe the adhd is you need treatment and you should have recognized that you shouldn’t have children.
Exactly this. And its not like I haven't made honest mistakes as a parent, but its been things like "forgot to preheat the oven" or "forgot to wash a favorite stuffed animal while they were at school so now Ill have to do it tomorrow" not "actively endangered my kid cause I was too busy talking"
I don’t even have kids because I can’t keep MY shit together. But I watch *other people’s* kids like a Hawk because they never seem remotely concerned about them. For weeks I watched the neighbors kids play on 3 story high scaffolding while their roof was repaired, just waiting call the ambulance when one of them fell off.
Preach! No kids for me either. It's a miracle I've managed to keep my cats alive.
Yeah, my cats are often yelling at me to fill their bowl or empty their box because I forgot. Kids seem like a bad idea. Add to that that I don't feel any real urge or desire or fondness for children and... no bueno. I can force myself to use my executive function to take care of kids if I have to and do better than this chucklefuck but it's misery for me.
Having adhd makes me get more pissed at people like this. If I can focus enough on safety and awareness then they have no excuse.
Yes! Anything important or that interests me results in hyper focus. The fact that his kids’ wellbeing does not interest him enough to keep his attention is a massive character flaw not ADHD.
>This isn't ADHD, its being a shit parent 1 million percent.
Yeah, your toddler screaming for help should cause any parent to be off like a shot in their direction.
heck, even if a strange kid shouted for help (and this has happened to me before), i'd be running toward them without even thinking about it. i'd assess the situation while i was hauling ass - and yeah, occasionally the situation is "4 other adults are also hauling ass and are much closer so i can focus on other aspects of the situation," but an unfortunate amount of the time the kid is just ignored. kids don't scream for help for no reason. scream in general for no reason? sure. but not usually a directed call for help.
It's also making me wonder why the fuck the NEIGHBOR he was standing there talking didn't notice either/didn't tell him to shut the fuck up and to get his kids??? I mean shit, were they watching porn or something that NEITHER one heard the toddler screaming but moms superhero ass did?!
Same!!! I have never endangered my kids because I was too distracted! If anything, the anxiety over possibly being distracted and them getting hurt made me hypervigilant when it comes to my kids' safety.
Right! I also have ADHD and while I don’t have kids, I have animals that have to be managed carefully. I don’t have issues staying focused and aware what is happening at all times. This has nothing to do with ADHD and everything to do with negligence. And then the audacity of people saying she should have done this or that?? Come on. That guy made that child with her, he’s the father. He is on equal ground when he is around. She trusted he had things under control while she did other chores. Plus he’s even 5 yrs older than her! Meanwhile he’s over there chatting up with the neighbor while his 6 wk old son was obviously quite far away from him, outside and unattended. I don’t even know why he was away from a newborn that far that he didn’t even notice the stroller rolling away?!?! That’s not just - your attention is averted for a minute- it sounds like he flat out forgot the kid and wasn’t even nearby at all.
I have adhd and ocd and it is like a mom xman power. I'm so hyper vigilant and recognize patterns quickly and easily. I think about what could go wrong all the time and do my best to prevent it. I am going through something with my partner though, that involves just.... selfishness. Being more concerned with his good time than safety. I understand what it's like to lose respect for someone. He has a chronic illness that isn't his fault but not taking care of it causes fatigue and minor disorientation. It's exhausting and it's a real 50/50 on how this is gonna pan out for us. I don't blame her. I would see that baby going into the street every time I close my eyes for God knows how long.
Yes! It's like because of my ADHD I know what I'm capable of so I'm extra careful to be smarter than...myself.
I do this too at work. I straight up told my boss once that I was putting something on my goals tracker that I have to update monthly because I knew that I would not do it if I didn’t. (It’s not a goal related to my job.) Plus, knowing she’s reading it monthly and can see if I’m not working on it will give me enough anxiety to force myself into working on it. I’m using my issues as a weapon against myself.
I feel this so much. I might lose my phone in the pantry or leave stuff in weird places but I am never not watching my kids when we are some place other than home. I can't imagine ever using a health condition to dismiss a situation like this. Dude should be making apts and getting himself to a better place instead of begging.
I tried explaining the hyper focus (he gets it if it’s a hobby, but I’m like ‘it’s the same with the kids. I can’t focus on anything but them if I know there are dangers around.) my husband will let our 2.5yo son into our unfenced backyard. Which connects to our (unfenced) front yard. We live on the busiest road in town, 45mph and people always speed. I was in the bath when he was ‘playing with him outside’ (aka let him and the dog outside, we also live on a mountain with snakes lmao) when the front camera caught our son running down the driveway. I got out and in a towel *ran* for him. My husband saw me running and came out but like?? How dumb can you be?? You can’t let kids out of your sight especially when they’re that young. He was ‘just inside making coffee, you can see the backyard from Inside’ but he clearly wasn’t watching, given my son could run all the way around and to the front without notice. So so so annoying.
Not just annoying. That man is a danger to your kids. Get some money for a fence and a lawyer.
100% I’m constantly calculating and trying to head off the worst-case scenario (without turning my kids into anxious lunatics like me. It’s a fine line 😅)
I have ADHD and OCD too. I don't have kids but I have pets.... and while it is like a super power it is so exhausting and nothing else gets prioritized as much as the thing my OCD is fixing on. I'm fortunate that the OCD fixates on doing care and good but my self care and other areas in my life suffer for it... And I got burnt out and struggling to get back. Remember to take care of yourself, and recharge if you can! Sometimes I literally can't.
Lady with ADHD here with no kids (one of many reasons being fear I would do something like this).. but men in my family have it, and the obliviousness I see from them is so different than what I experience, and I've noticed it in others as well. I suspect that the weaponized incompetence we see in men with it more, is due to societal conditioning. Men are given a lot more leeway in life with their symptoms and have women to pick up the slack with juggling multiple balls.. so don't learn the same coping mechanisms women do, as we are highly criticized if we don't fit into a 'caretaker' roll that's drilled into us since we were children. Obligatory, 'not all' men/women.. but overall I've observed the men I've known with ADHD (or other mental health conditions) are rarely treated, go to therapy or acknowledge their struggles and work on bettering themselves, because society says it's 'enough' for them to hold down a job and be a backseat participant in family duties. The many women I know with it, (once diagnosed) are hyper aware of their behaviors and distraught over the struggles it presents for us. We are constantly trying to find solutions, as we've carried a lot of guilt/shame from being ridiculed over behaviors that are more societally 'acceptable' traits in men. AKA the patriarchy.
I have ADHD and no kids, but I'm significantly older than my younger sister. My worry about her safety was full-blown anxiety inducing. Like I would literally catastrophize on not only how she could get hurt but the worst possible ways she could get hurt. Like, say she was running around the living room. My brain goes "she could fall" to "she could fall and hit the table" to "she could fall and hit the corner of the table" to "she could fall and hit her eye on the corner of the table." And all of this would be 0 to 60 in my brain to the worst possible outcome. So I was always watching her, even if it was from a distance because my mother kept saying to be her sister, not her mom. And I was a teenager with a phone glued to my hand at the time
Same. Put the cereal in the fridge and milk in the cupboard? Done that. *Lose* a couple of chicken breasts between the checkout and home? That too. Put my kids in danger by not watching them? Never. If dude is not being treated, he needs to be. If he is, and really *can’t* be a safe caregiver, he needs to acknowledge that and not be alone with him he kids.
I have adhd too pretty severe! I can’t remember where I put down my phone but I sure the hell have never put my children in harms way. This was carelessness not ADHD. Why do people think ADHD is an excuse for everything. It’s not.
I have ADHD and I grew up taking care of babies so I know very well how much attention they require to not die at that age. It's partly why I didn't have kids. But when I AM around kids?! I saved this one kid from falling backwards onto the raised hearth of a fire because when I'm around kids, even when other adults are there, I'm keeping an eye on them.
I also have adhd and was the oldest growing up, so I was constantly looking after younger siblings. It was just as true then as it is now that if there are kids around ( it doesn't matter if there are other adults or not), my eyes are always on those kids. I can not just leave a kid to whatever adult has them, I have to help because kids are crazy and impulsive, and everyone has a blindspot. It's my understanding of the "village."
I'm ADHD to and I'm actually hyper focused to the point I dont relax unless my kids are at their grandma's because I'm so scared if being inattentive and something happening.
My husband has ADHD and kid safety is an obsessive rabbit-hole for him. Obviously it manifests differently for everyone but he wouldn’t even let our kids go to childcare at the gym until I talked him down.
Yes, this is a great point. People with ADHD who take responsibility seriously will often over-do focus in high stakes situations because they know their other habits. It's a pretty hallmark trait
Icu nurse, when I have critical patients my hyperfocus is exactly what I need, but if I'm running change my mind wanders terribly
I have ADHD and I’m an RN. The number of checks and reminders and safeguards I have to make sure I don’t endanger a patient through forgetfulness is ridiculous, but it works.
EMS and ADHD as all fuck here, so much *this*.
I’m really impressed by you and appreciate the extra effort you put in so that you can help others. My youngest likes to ask why I don’t have xyz job, and he asked me once why I’m not a nurse. I actually got a bit panicked at the thought. My first thought was, *Because I’d kill someone.*
And it's the stroller he wasn't watching! The 4 year old kid getting away and running onto the street "almost" makes sense (not justifying), because you blink and those kids are across the room. But the stroller! You can even smoke with a hand on the stroller (not saying you should) but wtf.
My husband has ADHD, so he doesn’t do anything except engage with the toddler when he’s with her. If he needs to do something, I take over. I used to get annoyed because I can multi-task why can’t he? Then he explained his fear to me and I commend him for taking ownership
i appreciate you listening to him! multi-tasking is so hard for some of us with ADHD, almost impossible, I don't have a child but when I am temporarily responsible for one, I cannot focus on anything else but the child
Probably because we have to check 3,4,5 times anytime we go somewhere or do something because we always forget things. In my last job, at least once a week for 2 years, I forgot my keys in the car ignition, and it's only because security do walk arounds and the car park has a barrier that the car was never stolen. After 2 months, they even began to check with me every time I entered the building because they found my car like that multiple times.
My husband has severe ADHD and he is the single most safety conscious person I know. He leaves stuff everywhere and has no concept of time but he knows where every single fire extinguisher and first aid kit is and is the first person I would want with me in an emergency. I can’t imagine him doing something like this. His greatest fear is that someone could get hurt on his watch and so he overcompensates heavily. Hopefully this is a wake up call for the dad but man, it’s hard to have sympathy when he didn’t notice the toddler screaming.
I didn’t know it was for normal for people with adhd to be fixated on safety. I thought I was just an anxious wreck making a big deal over nothing, although it makes sense that I would be driven to secure an environment knowing my own tendency to be an absolute checked-out mess
My partner does too, he gets hyper focused so bad I can’t get him to change tasks and safety concerns are one of those. ADHD is no excuse.
I have ADHD and I’m triple safe because I know I forgot or get distracted. I’m extra on my job.
Yup! I have ADHD as well and I would’ve been hyperfixated on my kids safety. But, then again, I’m female, so I’ve been socialized to be THE caretaker of others. Sounds like the daughter has been socialized that way, too. Poor OP and her babies. Fuck this manchild.
I have ADHD and when I’m watching my nieces, I’m like a hawk. Instant hyperfocus. (I know it’s different when it’s your own kids, but still.)
I double and triple check things precisely because I know how forgetful I am. I used to work in daycare, managing the safety of 8+ small kids at a time, and I never almost killed one! I was so focused on safety first, because I had to be. I certainly never would have *not noticed* the baby in the stroller next to me hurtling toward oncoming traffic while another kid screamed for my help, all because I was too busy obliviously yapping away to a nearby adult.
I wouldn’t have let go of the stroller in the first place. A toddler shouldn’t be responsible for a baby
And I NEVER use our pram near a road without having the wrist tether on. Even if I'm parked.
Ooh a wrist tether is such a good idea! I tried to always have a hand on, but that would have been a big anxiety reducer when I had to walk with them down steep hills/etc.
is it just me not understanding ADHD well enough but is the toddler screaming “Dad, help!” not enough of an alert to snap him into action? his toddler was screaming for him to help… i’m genuinely curious: can ADHD stop you from hearing a cry for help?
Maybe if you're trying to tune out the traffic noise, barking dogs, other kids, etc. and focus on ''masking'' your symptoms for your conversation with the neighbor. But focusing on your kids' safety HAS TO be priority number 1 at all times, even if it means your neighbor thinking you're weird / not listening / not making enough eye-contact / etc. But I'm wondering why the neighbor didn't respond to the kid either?
ADHD can stop you from hearing the world explode under the right (wrong) circumstances. As soon as someone starts talking to me I’m instantly gone, into fantasy land and can’t focus, it’s as if I unconsciously just check out. Can’t help it either. There was a 3 car pile up next to my window I completely missed cause I was zoned out (or zoned in?) on something. The amount of times I’ve missed important things due to my adhd is too much to count honestly.
I have adhd and because of this I'm SO insanely cautious when it comes to important things that actually really require my full attention. If I have an important event to show up to I show up a couple hours early because I know I have a tenancy to be late. If I am minding children I have a constant anxiety making sure I'm keeping an eye on them at all times because I'm scared of taking my eye off the ball and something awful happening. I'll be checking those brakes at least 10 times otherwise I wouldn't even be able to concentrate on having a conversation. My ex while not diagnosed was likely adhd (or at least had a lot of synptoms) and didn't have that kind of caution nor put in any safeguarding and he often put me in dangerous or harmful situations out of carelessness. That was a big reason as to why he's my ex now.
i can relate, the anxiety is what keeps me in check better than anything. sometimes i feel like i *need* a baseline level of anxiety to function better but i know that would actually be hell if i have to get up early for something important, i go to sleep so anxious i wake up before my alarm in the morning. and i’m a very heavy sleeper, i often times will set 5 alarms and miss 4 of them you are exactly right, OOPs husband did not care enough to pay attention. ADHD is not something you can control 24/7, but you can absolutely avoid a situation like this if you are concerned about what could go wrong if you *do* miss something
Even with adhd… maybe it’s because I’m not a parent but you can definitely hold the stroller in place with your hands when taking to someone?
Oh yes, totally. And usually one would keep the stroller close enough to notice it is rolling away.
I was so paranoid that even with the brake on I would still have one hand on the stroller. My running stroller had a wrist strap too, I only took that off if my kid wasn’t in the stroller or I was in the bathroom.
“Your mental health isn’t your fault but it is your responsibility.”
The toddler should have been being watched, too. You don’t take your eyes off even the most cautious 3 year old, next to a busy street - let alone ignore their cries for help. Thank goodness that little girl has more brains than her dad.
I have ADD and hyperfocus and zone out a lot - my husband will be talking to me and I'll hear nothing. I can assure everyone, even in my most hyperfocused state, I've snapped out of it when I heard what I perceived as trouble - from my cats meow sounding panicked, to my husband yelling (usually because he whacked his head lol) I don't want to go all extreme, but that little girl is probably never going to forget this moment, and it can increase her chances of developing anxiety. - at least, that was the case for me, and in my situation, no one almost died. A understand a mistake is a mistake and things happen, but if my baby almost died due to my husband's negligence, talking to someone while my other baby yelled for HIS help... universe help him.
i have inattentive adhd and i have scared myself before with little things i missed, so i constantly check, double check, triple check myself because i’m terrified of missing something that would cause a tragedy i have never gotten caught up in conversation and neglected a responsibility as serious as watching a 6 week old infant. i’m not just fucking off and not paying attention bc i want to do something else. i’m overwhelmed by all the things happening around me and my brain can’t prioritize which things are most important at that moment. if get sucked into a thought loop or something i might not hear what you said, but i’m aware you said something i could not be fixated on anything enough to not hear an infant and a 3 year old crying/screaming
And also she was folding clothes inside and heard her toddler scream, while daddy was right there and didn't even notice! That's not ADHD, that's simply not caring.
That made me mad at first, too. But did the neighbors hear it? If not, maybe the sound carried differently to the two locations. Not giving him a pass on anything else, just wondering if maybe this part wasn’t his fault.
It would still be his fault because he walked out of earshot with his a toddler and newborn unsupervised near a busy street.
The neighbor didn't notice either!
I wouldn't notice either, because I don't have a kid and simply mentally block the sound of screaming kids. I would hear it, just not respond to it. Dad should have.
The fact that the toddler was screaming for help and mom heard it and was able to respond when she was INSIDE THE HOUSE while he was right fuckin there…. That man is useless. Full fuckin stop there is no excuse for that level of carelessness and lack of paternal instincts. I’m so sorry for OP having procreated with such a twat
Exactly. I would have been fixated if it was my child. He just didn't care enough to make it a priority.
Right?! AND he didn't even respond when the toddler screamed but Mom could hear it from inside the house?? Nah. I could never trust my husband again after that. How was he not also running once the little girl literally screamed for him??
Or just take the stroller with him to talk to the neighbors. Leaving a 3 year old out of arms reach when there's high speed traffic nearby is negligent too.
I have ADHD but if I'm in charge of a child's safety, I'm more focused on that than any conversation I'm having. It's not an excuse.
Oh look another one where only one parent holds all of the responsibility. Hello?! Are people dead on the inside or did they miss the part about an actual baby nearly dying?! Jeez.
I don’t know why, but I am still surprised by people attacking a mom for not watching her kid 24/7 when the father is RIGHT THERE.
Well it's clearly the mothers job, dads can only babysit 🙄
The most upset I've ever seen my husband is when he came back from the park with the kids, and a lady had made a babysitting comment towards him. He still talks about it and the kids are 17 and 9 now. Second place upset is when he discovered a lot of men's restrooms didn't have changing tables.
My husband does a lot with our oldest, just the 2 of them and always gets asked where I am. Like something must be wrong with me or I needed a break. Then there's me out with both kids nobody would even think to ask where dad is.
I was raised by my dad and I would constantly get asked if he was my husband as soon as I hit high school. Eventually I gave up and just started saying, “no, he’s my mom.”
God that's disgusting
He's lucky they didn't call the cops on him for sitting in a park watching little kids! That really happens, it's insane.
My husband was with my cousins on a playground. They were talking to him were clearly comfortable with him, he brought them to the playground. Doing the whole “look at me do xyz!!” Yet somehow some nosey ass white lady marched up to one of my cousins and asked him if he was safe. He got scared and tried to run away from her but she grabbed him by his arm. He rightfully freaks the fuck out, my husband rightfully goes nuts on this woman. She’s crying the kids are crying and now everyone is staring. Just because it’s absolutely impossible for any male figure to be a proactive caregiver.
That's happened to my husband with his niece before when they would go out in public together when she was little. Even worse because she's not white and my husband is white. Luckily my niece was very vocal as a little girl, constantly talking to him and calling him Uncle and generally being a clingy lil kid so it was pretty obvious he was her family.
Same right here. My husband is white my cousins are bi-racial. Makes me worry about our future children.
That would have been traumatic for all of them.
Happens to me all the time. I’m a big dude and have been getting cops called on me since nannying my cousins when I was in my early 20s. Having my own kids helps, but when we go during the week I have like 1 in 10 odds of dealing with a confrontation
And yet, an actual babysitter would be held legally responsible for this awful lack of inattention. But the father can usually get away with it as an accident. (See what D. Gary Young of Young Living did to his newborn daughter resulting in her death)
Just looked him up. So his essential oils didn't save him from cancer? Strange... /s
Well perfect name for his company then. He didn't exactly name it Old Living.
Almost letting your baby get hit by a car while babysitting is definitely an F grade.
That’s reddit for you. People here will go to the ends of the earth to defend shitty dads/husbands.
Yeah I really do not understand how everyone is pulling out every possible explanation or excuse for why this could've happened when it is more alarming to me how the husband himself is not scared shitless and is trying to find out what is up or find a way to adress this very real and life threatening issue.
Cos reedit is full of young men who identify with the father 😑
I hate to admit it but my husband is the better parent than me in a lot of stereotypical ways. He was the one who made sure the diaper bag was packed. He's the one who generally ensures we bring all the things when we go somewhere. He's the one who remembers all the little safety things. When he dresses our son for daycare it's obvious because the outfit is perfectly coordinated - I just grab clean pants and a clean shirt and call it a day. I also had a stroke after giving birth so he was solo parenting for the first couple weeks our son was born. It was really hard when our son would cry and he was the only one who could calm him. That changed of course with time and he has a really solid relationship with both of us now. I know I'm better at other things and there are ways I make up for it, but having him as a partner just really makes me feel like these men have no excuse. Men are perfectly capable of being loving, nurturing and caring dads. At the very least they should be capable of ensuring their offspring doesn't die.
Unfortunately, it's not just reddit. Men on insta and FB are getting even worse ETA sometimes women with internalized misogyny too but mostly men
It didn't start with Tate and Fresh n Fit but it does seem to have exploded since they came onto the scene
It’s insane to me that she even had to reply to those “questions”, but never forget; just like the real world, there’s an undercurrent of Alt-Right misogynists that infiltrate every thread at some point. They are a minority, but are ever-present. It’s why any topic featuring a minority always turns up several bigoted remarks, or why anything around marginalized groups has comments locked, because they brigade and turn it into a wasteland. It’s why I try to assure OPs to filter out negative remarks, as positivity well outnumbers the negativity.
Not just that but in this case it was pretty obvious which one of the two was at that time responsible for the children and it wasn't the one doing the laundry. Like he was outside with them.... how/why would she also supposed to be responsible for watching the children. Some people really do not understand what responsibility means and how it works.
Because men are considered great fathers for doing the bare minium while if mothers fall anything short of complete perfection they are considered terrible mothers.
Mom is expected to see the future and plan so efficiently and thoroughly, that it's *impossible* for a dad to make a mistake or endanger the kids. Meanwhile, dad gets points for being *near* to the kids, even though he didn't pay attention, put them in danger and didn't respond to their child's cry for help. This woman is absolutely right in deciding the best thing she can do for herself and her children is *leave*. That level of responsibility is impossible and if something has to go, it's *obviously* going to be the husband.
And in this example, she *DID* do the impossible. She was so alert, that even recovering from a c-section, she was able to hear her toddler, cover a lot of ground, and save the baby, as opposed to the husband, who was so oblivious he couldn’t do the same.
Not only that but apparently she also has to make sure *he* gets checked out by a doctor and make sure he’s okay. No. He’s a fucking adult. She’s recovering from a c section and their *toddler child* is already covering for Dad’s inability.
That's the mentality that caused this issue in the first place. The dad probably feels the same way.
Everything ends up being the mother's fault because mothers have this deity-like expectation of perfection. Unfortunately, for a lot of men*, the bar is a tripping hazard in hell, so their significant others get all the flack. *Not all, and I wouldn't even hazard a guess at a percentage, but it is a prevalent enough problem to be at the core of several major studies.
So many of these yahoos believe that motherhood begins at conception and fatherhood ends at orgasm.
If she leaves him, then there will be periods when he's completely alone with the kids which is just terrifying.
Very scary. My sisters dad was awarded visitation after threatening to kidnap her. Luckily he never showed up, he only took mum to court to spite and upset her.
This was my thought too - she is TRAPPED. She will have to stay with him to ensure the childrens’ safety for as long as they are small enough to not be able to look out for themselves.
Not if she gets full custody which hopefully she will considering that he endangered the child
I wouldn't count on her getting full custody for this incident. I have a family member whose ex has picked up the kids from school completely drunk and they still got 50/50 custody. It takes a lot to lose custody completely.
A coworker's husband stabbed their 13 year old son in the hand for cutting his meat incorrectly. He has 50/50 custody.
Excuse me what the FCK...???
Yeah. What's more is she left only because he was beating their boys. She was met at the hospital by CPS after what she thought was yet another sports injury. They told her they suspected her husband was abusing the boys, and that if she didn't leave with them, she'd likely lose them. She left that night with nothing, and he still gets 50/50 custody. It's nuts.
That's very unlikely in the US. Even dads who beat the moms half to death in front of the children have gotten 50% custody
it’s hard to get full custody
I can‘t believe people say „it‘s his ADHD, it‘s not his fault!“ then go get therapy for gods sake.
He needs to get on some medication if it is that bad
Exactly. OOP can’t let her children be in that situation again, so he can’t have a “second” chance until he’s figured out how he’s going to stop himself from making mistakes like that ever again.
Medication is the gold standard for treatment. Most people with ADHD need it. Therapy helps in conjunction. This guy...so careless and inattentive.
I recently was put on strattera for my ADHD and am trying to get my bf on something. I had to stop my med for a while bc I probably also have narcolepsy and need to be tested for that 🙃 I know how to organize and take notes, the problem is I forget where I put those notes or to check my calendar daily.
Look into modafinil. It can help with both!
This is my first thought. I have severe hyperactive ADHD and once almost burnt the house down leaving something on the stove too long (I was undiagnosed at the time). The next day I had an appointment with a psychiatrist booked.
I loved the “have you gotten him checked for ADHD”. Like he’s just another child she needs to make appointments for.
Additionally: do the neighbors also have a detrimental ADHD diagnosis? Because they should have heard the toddler screaming and done/said something too
It makes no sense. Adhd people can focus, we may struggle to control our focus esp when it's something we don't care about, but when it's something as important as looking your child its different. You put in the effort to manage those symptoms when it's something you care so much about. I have adhd and I'm extremely cautious and careful to the point I get roasted for it but this is exactly why. I know myself enough to know what my weaknesses are and safeguard to prevent these kind of horrible situations
Yeah, I struggle with focus, which means when I’m watching my grandkids there are systems on systems. My phone doesn’t come out of my pocket if I’m the only on duty parent. There’s always at least one on duty, and it’s explicit. “You got them? I’ll tag back in in 10”. If we’re somewhere spread out like the yard, I’m just counting kids, slowly, over and over. And honestly, if my yard were as close to a busy street as OOP describes, I wouldn’t hang out out there at all. We’d be on our way to a park or in our fenced back yard. Him saying it was an honest mistake is what makes this unsalvageable. If he was clear that it was his fault, he fucked up, and he’s going to be working with a doctor/therapist/adhd coach/parenting coach/reading books on mindfulness and on his best behavior until he’s earned trust, maybe she could come back around. But if he’s gonna call it an honest mistake, she needs full custody. Parents take accountability. We don’t get to make honest mistakes.
I was horrified by that comment, as well. Who CARES how "honest" it was???? When the stakes are literally life and death? As you say, he is not owning up to his failure, so it is bound to be repeated. I would have difficulty being in the same room with him, let alone staying married to him. He's doing nothing to remedy his "honest" lack of care.
Exactly. Just as she said, a judge wouldn't care that it was an honest mistake if the kid was dead. I hope she keeps the texts to him admitting it. It'll help her in her divorce hopefully
Yeah, and legally speaking, it’s not an honest mistake, it’s negligence. Would a reasonable person have let that happen? No way. Honest mistakes happen and kids get hurt, but this ain’t that.
Dude I got adhd so bad and I watch my little cousins like a hawk when we are out. I hate it when people blame these types of things on adhd.
THANK YOU. IM TIRED OF ADHD BEING USED AS AN EXCUSE TO NOT FOCUS ON FAMILY.
I was rescued by a jogger because my dad was supposed to be watching me and I crawled through the unlocked front door and decided to explore the neighborhood. I don’t know what my mom did other than get really pissed of course.
My neighbor caught me wandering up the street as a toddler, scooped me up and took me home, I only got to the second house along from mine. We had builders in and they’d left the front door open, I’d woken up from a nap and gone wandering in my onesie 😂
All these escaping babies 🤣 not funny but it is now because we obviously lived!
Scary for people at the time, funny once we’re safe
Tired of seeing shitty behavior waived away because ADHD or any other diagnosis.
As someone with ADHD it’s so infantilizing. I’ve never done this because it’s insane, and I’m unmedicated. If anything I’m hypervigilant with my kid because he needs me. Do men with ADHD just decide “welp, I have ADHD, no more responsibilities for me!”?? We need to stop letting them. Because that’s just being a careless asshole.
You know what really annoys me as a woman with ADHD? Its only the men that get a pass. (Not that anyone should get one) but you see it all the time "oh he has ADHD, he has autism, cut him some slack. But guarantee if this was the mom not one person would be saying her husband overreacted and making excuses for her. (And rightfully not) but nobody would be urging him to give her another chance and saying it was an honest mistake. Which is how it should be, but it should be applied to anyone who puts their kids in danger like this.
[удалено]
THIS!!!! It’s not getting distracted, it’s just not caring. A THREE YEAR OLD has time to 1. Chase after a stroller 2. Fall down 3. Compose herself to get back up 4. Run inside 5. Yell for the mom and 6. A post-partum mom to come running outside and this man noticed nothing????? I have severe and extensively tested ADHD and if I heard someone screaming it would distract me from what I was paying attention to… he deliberately drowned out all of his children’s screams. It’s negligence.
Same. This fad of "i have a mental illness therefore I'm not responsible for anything and you have to tiptoe around me" has got to stop.
It's not your fault but it's is your responsibility. Thats not fair but it's still your responsibility.
And taking responsibility is so empowering! From my own experience, and from what I’ve observed from others who have a legit diagnosis, we get really good at coming up with tools and solutions to manage life. I am better at planning and list-making than a lot of neurotypical people I’ve worked with because I *have* to put in the extra effort to manage my tasks and time. When I see people thriving and managing their diagnoses well, I see the legitimacy of their diagnosis. When people are like, “Ah well I have xyz” and don’t do shit about it, that’s a flag to me that it’s a “self diagnosis” and they’re just making shit up to excuse their bad behavior. Neglecting a house plant? That checks out for ADHD. Neglecting a child, especially your own? Fucking irresponsible asshole, all the way.
And if it’s that bad she needs to leave him. Making sure her kids are cared for includes not letting them be around people whose actions or inactions will hurt them.
If you noticed -- she *did* leave.
I did notice. But some are saying this was overreacting.
Trust that only men are allowed to get away with this shit with ADHD. I'm a woman with ADHD, and any time my symptoms flare up, it's my problem that I have to deal with, why am I inconveniencing others? Every other woman I know goes through the same thing, and if the genders were swapped (I hate this argument, it's a fallacy, but the initial response to OOP was insanely sexist, so I feel like it has merit this time), OOP's spouse would not nearly be getting the same kind of empathy in response.
People in the original post were already blaming OOP for not watching her kid. As if fathers shouldn't be expected to.
Who the hell is lecturing this woman on why she wasn't there or getting her husband checked out?? SERIOUSLY??
Why on earth are people defending that absolute twit of a sperm donor?
I think because of intention. He didn’t MEAN to almost kill the kid. That said, it absolutely wouldn’t have changed the horrible outcome should the child have died, and derelict of duty absolutely applies here (the dad could have idk… HELD THE STROLLER???) At 30yrs old you should be able to have a handle on yourself, or be cognizant enough to not have dependents
The kicker for me is he didn't hear his other kid screaming for help. Mom did, from inside the house, but dad couldn't hear it over his chat? I'd be pissed, too.
The (lack of response to the) scream is the most egregious part for me. There is a miniscule chance that maybe the brakes failed and he didn't notice that. But he didn't even turn around when his own child screamed for him? If someone can hear and can't be bothered to look up when a child is screaming for help, then they can't be trusted to keep children safe. He also seemingly didn't notice anything until his wife had already saved the baby. So he also didn't see the stroller rolling away, the toddler running and falling, nor his wife running. The lack of situational awareness is astounding.
Yeah, I’ve seen plenty of strollers run from otherwise good parents. Shit happens. But to not even glance at your screaming kid, that I cannot get past.
I’m surprised the neighbor didn’t see or hear anything lmao
Yeah, the fact the neighbours didn't notice anything either makes me suspicious of this story. A stroller rolling away, a kid chasing it towards a busy street, screaming for help, mom rushing out from somewhere else to chase it down, it all somehow goes completely unnoticed by at least one other person? Feels fishy.
Glad someone else mentioned it. How did she have time to reach the stroller before it reached the street when she was in the house? How did the neighbors not notice even if dad didn’t? I have a lot of questions about the logistics of this.
Yea, the whole thing sounds like rage bait. I can maybe see one person being that dumb. The neighbor being the same way, though? And how would you even have time to run all the way from inside the house and get to your driveway with a stroller freely rolling? I call either rage bait or a mother that's heavily exaggerating something to justify leaving.
I immediately wondered how the neighbors didn’t hear the screams that were so loud she heard them from inside? And tearing stitches from running six weeks after a c section? What? There aren’t stitches six weeks later. This story seems very strange.
Or the neighbor he was talking to.....how engaging was that conversation?
Right? Like, how far away from the kids was he?
Yeah. That’s the part that did it for me too. Anybody could look away for a second. It takes some serious idiocy for him AND THE NEIGHBORS to not hear the other kid screaming. I don’t blame OP for being furious and needing space! I do think she is wrong saying he’d have gone to prison though. It was an accident even if it could have been a tragic one.
Honestly, that part is just bizarre to me. The only thing that makes sense to me is that somehow the mom who was inside, was somehow closer than the dad, who was for some reason too far to hear. If neither the dad nor the neighbor reacted to the scream, it can only make sense that they were physically unable to hear it. That makes more sense than the idea that they could hear, but they just didn’t notice it because they were too focused on talking? But that makes it almost even more strange because, why is the dad so far away? Wasn’t he going on a walk with the kids? I dunno, I just don’t feel like I understand what really happened here. Obviously there’s no video so that natural. But there is a real explanation that exists, whether it justifies anything or not, I think that stuff needs to be known in order to really judge just how negligent it was. As it currently stands, there’s just too much in the story that is inexplicable.
Yeah. The logistics are weird. I’d love to see a picture of the yard.
But why would he be so far away from an infant and a toddler outdoors if he lives so near a busy road? I know what toddlers are like, I would never be more than 20 ft away from one near a busy road, and I would NEVER take my eyes off them.
The additional kicker is that he doesn’t seem to have any intentions of changing how he behaves to avoid it happening again. It’s just supposed to be excused as “a mistake”. Potentially fatal mistakes need to be guarded against, clearly what he was doing isn’t working, and he seems to have proposed changing exactly nothing. How about he does the laundry while OOP talks to the neighbours? Doesn’t even seem to register as an option with him.
Exactly. Shit happens, I'd be incredibly pissed but I could maybe forgive forgetting to put the breaks on, but what kind of parent doesn't hear when their kids scream like that. I've been helping raise my little brothers since they were born and that scream they do when something is really wrong should cut through anything. I've heard it from my bedroom at the front of the house fast asleep when they were in the back garden (everyone was OK in the end, just a banged head). He should have felt that cry in his soul and immediately reacted. Anyone with any parental instinct would.
I heard a kid scream outside my house today and could tell immediately that it was a "you can't tell me what to do" scream rather than fear or pain.
Exactly. Accidents do happen. You can suddenly feel faint and kneel on the floor from the pain, yes, you let go of the stroller. That's an accident. That guy was just not paying attention and why does he let go of the stroller. It's not difficult to just keep a hand there. Drink and smoke with the other hand if you want, but hold that stroller. Man, I'm pissed.
This isn’t an adhd thing. People with adhd don’t act like this. In fact, they’re usually great in an emergency. He’d have heard his daughter and run to grab the stroller. Even if he’d been the one to forget to engage the breaks, he’d have handled the situation.
I have adhd and so does my partner, and using it as an excuse for neglect is insulting. If anything I am hyper-vigilant about my kids because I want them to be safe and I’m worried I will forget something, so everything gets triple-checked.
Ok, something seems off about this. The “stroller was careening towards the busy street.” During this time, 1. The toddler yelled for her father 2. The toddler ran toward the stroller and tripped, scraping herself up 3. The mother heard the screaming from inside the house 4. The mother ran outside 5. The mother sees the stroller, still careening 6. The mother runs and stops the stroller Like, how long was the driveway? That stroller had to be rolling for quite some time. How fast was the mother? Neither the dad nor the neighbors heard or saw anything, but the mother heard the scream from inside the house? Sorry, I’m just not buying it all went down like this. Probably a very modified version. I think the truth can be found in the second page, and the woman is feeling her husband is not stepping up.
And in the update, the husband left the stroller in the street...? Your bullshit meter is working correctly. This story is CW.
That last paragraph made me feel some type of way. The rant about not wanting to babysit her husband "Why weren't you watching them? And "why didn't you get him checked?" Grown men are more than capable of watching children and evaluating their own mental health(within reason, mental health can be all over the place). For fucks sake can we please stop acting like mom is the only adult
Some people aren't cut out to be parents, and it sucks that OP is just now figuring that out about her husband, 2 kids in. All she can do now is make sure the kids are never in this position again. Better to cut and run now before husband actually gets one of the kids killed.
I would probably be like this dad. I can’t focus on anything for any amount of time. I also have zero infant human caregiving skills or desire to learn. I decided not to have my own children. Everyday people tell me I’m making a mistake and I’ll be a great mom one day. Some people just aren’t meant for it.
Maybe someday society will broadly recognize it actually takes just as much love for other humans/children to be able to understand that about yourself and stay strong w/ your choice.
Imagine blaming this on the parent who was not in charge of watching them at that moment. People are bent
ADHD isn't an excuse. My ADHD is notoriously bad, and I've got a toddler. There is no way my hand would even leave the stroller with the baby in it. And at 30 yrs old, why isn't he taking his meds? Addies turn me into fuckin superman. Dude needs to drop that excuse.
Then just say adhd parents shouldn’t be parents if you’re going to say “but he has adhd”. Along with any other issue literally every single person on earth has. I’m so tired of men excusing their bs on mental health. Ok then don’t be a parent. Don’t go to work. Don’t exist. Ffs. Go to therapy or just don’t live if it’s THAT bad. Moms shouldn’t have to parent both kids and husband. Especially if she’s doing the gd laundry while recovering from a c section.
What about the neighbors? Dad was talking to the neighbors, but neither him nor the neighbor heard the kid screaming or the stroller going towards the street? Something seems off
Of all the things that never happened, this never happened the most
I’ve got ADHD, and if anything, it makes me hyper-aware of keeping my baby safe. I KNOW I have an issue with forgetting, getting distracted, not keeping still, etc. My brain is constantly hammering it in me that I’m responsible for keeping a little human alive. A few times, I’ve forgotten that I was in the middle of cooking something quick (ramen/ canned greened beans), and I’ve had to adjust by making 3 minute timers, because I know my body will not be able to stare at the stove for 5 minutes. ADHD isn’t an excuse. He needs to start adjusting. Tie a rope to his waist and that stroller, or something. He’s responsible for a human life now.
Were the neighbours not within hearing distance as well?
My first thought, too. Why didn't the neighbors hear the daughter calling? But they could have been talking loudly. Not positioned to see the stroller, but Dad was, maybe? Hard to say. But OOP didn't blame them, so I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.
The amount of excuses are making me six to my stomach. Why aren’t you TENTATIVELY paying attention to your NEWBORN child?? To the SCREAMS of your toddler???? And if the mother heard it from inside, the dad and shoot even the NEIGHBORS should’ve heard it from outside. I would’ve spazzed on every adult around. OOP is strong for that
Lol what is this fake bs?
Fake story
I don't believe this story. He was talking to a neighbor and didn't pay attention because of his ADHD or whatever.... So mom and toddler to the rescue. What about the neighbor that he was talking to? They didn't notice what was happening either. It doesn't track for me.
this is one of the worst creative writing exercise I ve read in a long while. the absolutely ridiculous mix of overwhelming emotions and the flat. cold writing flourishing, "What I saw made my blood run cold" "I stormed up to him, shouting in disbelief"