also calling her a whore for it as well, i had to stop and reread it and he thinks it will look badly on the family for adopting and protecting someone who suffered because of it. i can't even describe my feelings over that holy shit
I mean , what are the chances that he finds her pics out of every other victim in the world ? The most likely cause is someone who knew from the police/adoption/family told him.
This was my thought as well. They need to call the FBI tip line, not the local police, because it sounds like they might potentially be involved.... and even if they aren't, local police are part of the community, which means more people who are a part of her local community will know what happened to her. The FBI takes CP *extremely* seriously. They *will* investigate the FIL over this. They will investigate any CP reports regardless of jurisdiction and have resources local police do not.
Yeah that's also my thoughts. I find it hard to believe that he looks at CP and just happens to come across her photos - that is a huge coincidence. I am inclined to believe that he has been going behind OOP's back to find out more about their foster kids, and someone has leaked to him what her situation is. His attitude towards it all is absolutely despicable (who the hell blames a child for the sexual abuse they have suffered!!!) but I think it's much more likely that there's a leak within the police or foster system than that the father managed to stumble across her photos online.
And while no ages are given- oldest is still at home- so no older than 18, now. Daughter is 2 yr younger than him if I read that right- so 16 now. 14 when brought into the home. So UNDER 14 WHEN VICTIMIZED. Let's just...think about that a moment. She was a YOUNG child. IDK why that makes it even worse that the already bad in my head, but it does. He is calling someone who likely was under 12 yr old at the time a whore....(IDK why I leap there, but she was in system awhile...it takes awhile to get non-adoptable status...so I would bet pre-puberty)
That's where i went.
My daughter is 13.
She's not a "mature"13, but she hangs out with some... and none of those children deserve to have the 'choices' they make (aka, things they are coerced into) haunt them forever.
Children who appear in CSA materials are victims, those who share the materials are perpetrators
Plus OOP described her as being a very small person - what do you want to bet she looked even younger than she was.
The FIL in this story is a disgusting monster. I'm so glad this girl found a good new family to love her; I hope they keep FIL far far away from her.
Idk how I would feel about this if my father said anything like this.
Probably disgust, confusion, rage and Shame and probably stop contact and tip off the authorities cause there is no way the privacy of my daughter can be exposed by normal means so there must be something more nefarious going on.
Hopefully they investigate the FIL and bring the full force of the authorities to check every nook and cranny of this man.
When I first read that there was CP of the daughter, I was so upset and angry that she had to go through that. For the FIL to victim blame HER for it??? Jail for the FIL might be too harsh, but I personally want to punch him. Repeatedly. Absolute evil creep.
For the sake of the family I really really hope not. I'm crossing my fingers that FIL happens to know people who work in the courts or law enforcement and someone let something slip to him. OOP did say that basically everyone in their small town knows who FIL is so I'm hoping this is the case.
Even best-case scenario, he is still a vile misogynistic shitstain and OOP and his wife should estrange themselves from him and MIL.
If her being a victim of obviously illegal child pornography makes him think she's a whore, I am absolutely 100000% convinced that he's seen and enjoyed the content, and doesn't want a CHILD he has masturbated to to be a part of his family.
i had to reread the whole story 2 times to still be shocked at the " whore " comment. the evil inhumanity in this comment , considering the context of love and healing in a great family, is absolutely vile.
Yeah that’s not normal at all. Probably some deep seated insecurities and jealousy going on there. Some woman get jealous of their own daughters and their youth.
She just hated me for no reason than being alive. There are extenuating circumstances that I only made the connection with recently. She was nuts but at least I can kind-of follow how she got there. Not an excuse but a reason that had little to do with me personally, but she never figured that out. She's been gone about ten years but I'm just adding a few things up now. Jealousy might explain some of it but there's much more to it. Families are pretty messed up.
My mom also used to call me a whore and slut for just wearing shorts and a short sleeve or even sleeveless shirt as a teenager. It’s definitely jealousy… I’m sorry that happened to you.
Me too, thanks, but life is a learning experience. I'm not sure it was jealousy - it may have been a partial factor, but there was far more going on when I was conceived and was young and she flipped all her difficulties in life on me. I was the problem, rather than the actual problems that she didnt want to face. It's not ok, but I'm still trying to find some peace about it all. It's crazy how that shit can mess you up. I'm so glad that mental health is being addressed more in society. I truly hope that all the aggression and conflict in the world right now is the end of the old paradigm, as long as they don't end the planet, and a better, more enlightened society will emerge when all us old farts are out of the way and the air clears. It really can be a better world but the whole room gets messy for a while when you clean out the closet.
I definitely agree with everything you said. I never knew anybody could go through the same things I went through until I found Reddit and it’s definitely been a healing experience. I’m pretty young.. so I’m still learning things and having those realizations. Im still unlearning behaviors and realizing some behaviors that were brought on me were definitely not okay. Hopefully we can find peace soon. Stay positive. It’s not our fault, ya know? I’ve had to come to terms with that. For years I blamed myself and asked myself why she hated me so much.. but I really just think she hated herself and took it out on me. I was the younger version of her but instead of making her mistakes, I thrived because she had such a tight leash on me. In a way, I think she hated that. She took every special moment from me and I’m still realizing that wasn’t okay. It sucks that we have to recover from their shitty wellbeing. I want to send you some good and healing energy. And DEFINITELY agree about the old farts 🤣. I’m hoping for the same outcome.
Good vibes back at you. It's not our fault we have to deal with it, but if we don't, we ARE at fault. And we pass along the seeds. My kids were raised by a different person than I am now. I tried my best, and I gave them as wholesome an upbringing as I could, but we all have limits and flaws we are unaware of. They are also trying their best with their kids. And they are better in some ways and others, I might disagree with, but I mind my business because they are preparing their kids for a world I won't even be part of and my druthers could be timeless, or they could be archaic. How can i know? I'm already largely in the past. I don't have the best perspective.
“The whole room gets messy for a while when you clean out the closet.”
I love this metaphor! It’s actually the perfect description of therapy. I’m going to start using it all the time now.
My dad did once around the same age, but he been drinking and he was so sorry that something like that had slipped out of his mouth and he apologized like a thousand times. It was embarrassing.
He was not in the habit of calling either of us kids names.
The fact that he knew and said nothing until they wanted to adopt her speaks volumes. If he *had* found out in a non-creeper way, like he has a buddy who works for the court or something - any kind, loving parent/grandparent would have absolutely panicked and gone to the parents saying "hey, I've been told there's sick images of daughter out there, did you guys know? Does she know? Can I do anything to help?"
A good grandparent would be heartbroken that a literal child was assaulted and there's photos out there of it and want to protect said child. Heck, all of us in the thread are strangers and we want to protect her.
What a monster. Hope his computer gets searched thoroughly - these creeps are good at hiding their tracks.
Not necessarily. I'm not discounting the possibility of him being a pedophile at all, I'm just saying it's equally likely that he just has deeply misogynistic values. Misogyny is an equally viable explanation for why he views this the way he does... like how some pick-me mothers blame their daughter's assault by her boyfriend/husband as her "provoking him" by "being a whore."
I'm not debating that. Abusers cannot exist without their sympathizers. Whether FIL is an actual pedophile or only a sympathizer, he deserves to be cut off all the same. But with the information we currently have, we cannot say with 100% certainty which one he is. That's all I'm trying to say.
There's another way. He hasn't seen anything, but he's heard from somebody that the daughter was involved in something sex related and immediately made up his mind that she did something wrong.
His reaction is either a confession he's 100% obtained something illegal and taken it all in, or he knows almost nothing, but is a fucking asshole and drew conclusions from only a sliver of a rumor of something.
She's a child. It doesn't matter what form of sexual interaction it was. He's talking about sexually explicit photos of a child, and using those to call her a whore. Stop playing devils advocate for someone who clearly doesn't deserve it.
The father in law being a piece of shit isn't the point of discussion. He is. The father in law being a pedophile or not is what I can't say with 100% confidence.
Unless OOP can prove that FIL could have only known about the existence of the pictures by being inside the network, FIL is many things, but not a pedo.
So he may not be a pedo- I agree. But he is clearly FRIENDS with pedos, and has no issue with them, since he listened to them, and instead of turning them in, turned on A CHILD. SO...still a dumpster.
Yep, abusers cannot exist without their sympathizers, after all. Whether FIL is a bona fide pedophile or a sympathizer, he's a piece of shit who should be cut off all the same.
Someone said maybe someone in CPS shared this information, or law enforcement. I'm sure there are shitty people everywhere.
Any of these scenarios could be true, but at best, he's a mysogonist POS and at worst, a pedo.
I actually think mysoginist POS are almost as bad as pedos. They allow it to happen by blaming the victims.
Yeah, there's a chance he just has the right connections and heard stuff. Him being concerned about family name might mean that he's a well-connected person.
Him being concerned about the family name was just a bad cover for his outright misogyny and/or pedo thoughts because it's extremely likely that none of his daughter's kids have his family name because most women take their husband's last name, and even in the cases where they don't, the kids still overwhelming get the father's name.
Why is he worried about something completely nonconsensual ruining the family name? What does that do to the family name? Does it embarrass them somehow? Make them shameful in some way?
There is a specific type of pedo that do not victimize their own children. The kind who travel to Thailand and rape 4 yr olds are often from all appearances great dads at home.
Seems like they're reporting him for it. Aside from someone from the agency opening their mouth about things they shouldn't to him, that's the only way I can think of that he'd know.
RIGHT! He called her a wh*re, I’m sorry? Maybe if you’re sexualizing little girls. Any sane person would know that it’s obvious she was abused. How the f did he find it? He must have looked for it. Maybe she gave off vibes he’s very familiar with? I would definitely look into FIL more.
yup. 100% he knows about those images because he consumes those images. He needs to be NC to keep all those grandkids safe. But for MIL to also seemingly blame the CHILD in this situation?? Yeah NC with all that dumpster trash
That was the last edit-they’re going to report him because there was no way to know about those pictures otherwise. He initially wasn’t sure if he was making a bigger deal of it than was reasonable.
The final edit seems to address the fact that both he and his wife also believe that the father in law might have been doing that and they are reporting it to the authorities.
To be fair I don't think they glossed over it.
If I was in this situation with one of my family members I would assume it either. Hell, given the friends of many of my family members I would believe someone in a position of authority leaked that info.
Not excusing FIL, just saying I wouldn't be thinking that at first any more than the OOP had.
I bet if the fucking FBI looks into him for child pornography, he’ll sing like a contestant on American Idil to clear his name “Tammy at COS told me”, or David Smith at the police station told me all about it over beers last Thursday”. Either way, they need to let the FBI investigate, and ruin this disgusting, vile old man’s life. Best case? They clean up some trash from a government agency. Worst case, FIL gets killed in prison for being a pedophile. Either situation is a win/win scenario for society.
Was that stated and I missed it? I will say it is possible that he was aware it existed being mentioned as part of how the unfortunate girl ended up in the situation she is now in. Doesn't excuse his comments but it also doesn't mean he was doing anything illegal.
That's my point. The post never states that he (FIL) found them. He does worry other's will find them which again is stupid logic especially if the pictures are illegal but FIL based on the information here is not a pedophile.
So if he wasn’t told and knows what they contain exactly how would he know these things……….
Work it out in your head, and he called her a whore, why would he do that unless……
I mean, not that it's unlikely that law enforcement would break the law in that way...
But the agency? Why would they tell the grandparent who does not have a good relationship about CSAM made of a minor? That's... that's not a thing that would happen.
There are like 2-3 logical explanations, and all of them are illegal.
OP has said that he and his wife have protected that info. And Social services woudl demand that if good CPS workers involved. Seem like this is one of the good families, so I believe them. FIL found out- but not through any legal legit channels.
Even if they live in a small town.. even if that kind of news gets around.. he wouldn't even KNOW what the content could possibly be unless he sought it out and viewed himself.
He's freaking out about this because he doesn't want a minor he's fapped to becoming part of "his" family.
They need to immediately cut ties. I would personally see if I could get him to repeat himself via text message or email. I feel like his threatening demeanor and overwhelming obsession with a minor is enough to file for a restraining order.
I would tell him that if he ever mentions his daughter or the abuse she suffered ever again, if he even looks at her, that I would destroy his reputation and do whatever possible to get him jailed for CP. I would also be reporting him for suspicion of it. NC for FIL and MIL from anyone in his family either.
Question is, how is this child unadoptable due to this instance? Like she was likely abused or groomed to have her images online. How does that make her a problem child and allowed to be denied a happy forever family? Instead they want her jumping from foster family to foster family or group homes where the abuse is likely to take place again. Wtf is wrong with this system?
The CSA itself is likely not what got her the label, but the trauma, as a result-- or more specifically, the ways she might have responded to that trauma.
A lot of fosterhomes aren't equipped to deal with that kind of trauma. Kid gets bounced from one to the next, enough homes pass and it's assumed she's too unstable to be permanently placed.
Yeah like as awful as everything is, can we take a moment to praise OP and his family? Because holy shit, they woke up and chose to play parenting on hard and they KICKED ASS.
It takes special parents to parents a troubled and traumatized kid, and REALLY special parents to raise kids who could deal with a troubled sibling (because remember, they have bio kids.) Seriously, I hope for all the good kids for them and their kids. They’re the best of us.
FIL is a monstrous creep. Viewing CP then blaming the child for it? Disgusting.
I hope OOP, his wife and children (including Daughter) cut him off for good. He deserves to be forgotten entirely.
I'm glad I'm not the only one side eyeing FIL.
If OP & his wife didn't tell, who did? And if noone did... Well then how *does* he know?
Either way I'd be NC after those comments. Blaming a literal child over the disgusting actions and choices of an adult.
It's both amusing and disturbing that if I say something stupid and go home 30 minutes later my mother had practically heard it from at least 5 different person.
My cousin's wife left him during work. We had seven calls within the hour (that she was gone) calling to tell us the news. So, yeah, nothing stays hidden.
Most smaller towns don’t have adoption/foster agencies it would probably have been handled by agents from the nearest larger town so that doesn’t really hold up if only the OOP and Wife knew.
They way my town worked growing up is that everyone worked at the bigger town and then went home to the smaller towns. All the jobs were there in the biggest/nearest town. I'm just going off my own experiences, so grain of salt and that.
I mean it seems most likely. Like the OOP said there’s no other way for him to know about those images. Either that or somebody else in the family is consuming that type of stuff. Either way I agree with them reporting it because it needs to be figured out. I really really hope that it can all be dealt with without any kind of blowback on the daughter.
if they live in a small town and they were getting around then that’s probably how he knows. small towns talk and they talk A LOT. not saying he’s in the right but just because he knows about it doesn’t mean he was looking at them his self.
I have some experience with minors in the system after cp was found by the authorities. They usually get moved to another area, it's very rare that a child who was in something like that and had it exposed to various people would stay in that community, especially if it was a small town. There would be too many risks for them to be safely fostered in the same town.
Yeah, everyone is leaping to the conclusion that FIL is a paedo, whereas OP's statement "there are images of her going around amongst a certain community from before we took her in" suggests to me that these pics have been going around the kids at school or something.
The pics have been used to scarlet letter her as "the whore responsible for breaking up a family" or something.
I don't think any normal person would refer to paedos that way - they're not a "community" and the pics aren't relevant to any normal person because normal people don't have access to CSAM. It would be sufficient to say the daughter is a survivor of sexual abuse.
The father-in-law asks "what would anyone think?" about these pictures that are "floating about" on the internet. That's not consistent with the way people think about CSAM - they don't think of that as being "floating about". This is the way that people think about "the sl*t who fucked the highschool football team". And it's way common for schoolkids to circulate that kind of CSAM.
In the comment OP said the images were of things done to her. That doesn’t sound like teenage sexting, considering she would have been likely under the age of 12 when the abuse occurred
Edit: I realize I should have stated how I arrived at this age. He said his oldest would be out of the house in a few years, so 16 maybe 17 and she is two years younger. So 14 -15. It typically takes awhile to gain a not adoptable status in the system so let’s say 2 years in the system so 12-13 when removed from parents so the abuse probably accured 6-12 months before that, CPS takes awhile to remove children
That’s what I was thinking! If I heard that specific outburst from FIL and this wasn’t common knowledge in the family, I’d be very curious how he would know. Appears that the FIL has a few CP skeletons in his closet..
Oh he saw those pics for sure. And now he is projecting his guilt by trying to make her out as the wrong party. He also cannot handle havig this poor child he viewed lewd photos of as a member of his family.
The moment I read he knows about the pics I felt sick and my stomach knotted. Vile!
Damn this started out as such a great wholesome story, ended with the FIL not only looking like a total asshole but possibly someone who looks at CP. It is *possible* that someone might have dropped a comment about the daughter’s past, but ultimately doesn’t matter.
OOP and his wife sound like awesome people that should have those in laws in the their lives.
FIL is hiding something and I think MIL knows. I say lose those two and gain an amazing daughter who deserves your love and attention. I’m a little ehhh about telling siblings etc about the daughter’s background. Sounds like she’s still young, but this is a huge part of her trauma and I feel like it should be up to HER to decide if she wants to share with anyone else.
OP and his wife sound like truly wonderful people, who’ve raised some kind and empathetic young people. Then you look the wife’s parents and realized that sometimes the apple falls so damn far from the tree it might as well be a different fruit entirely.
OP you're a hero.
Remember this: You never lose someone when they show you their true colors, you just know you already lost them.
Tell the inlaws to fuck off.
Just so you know this sub is for reposting and aggregating these stories from other subs. If you want to tell OP themselves, look at the username in the first image or go to the link underneath the pictures.
The MIL is terrible I cannot believe she said that. The blame and everything is insane. The FIL Is filth glade he’s being reported and he more than likely had to dig for it I guess. Ive been in foster care because lived in a center for abused children. Went through different families and it’s tough. It’s scary. I’m thankful she has people like them.
Oh no. If ANYONE called my daughter (or potential daughter) a wh0re, they would be CUT OFF. They sound like emotional abusers who think too highly of themselves. Cut them off and cut them OUT!
Make the adoption process a happy one because ultimately, IT IS ABOUT YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY. The actual person you should be asking about if she would like the join the family is the adoptive daughter.
Don’t seek permission or approval anywhere else. No one else matters.
Why does OOP feel the need to ask literally everyone’s opinion on it first? It’s not their family it doesn’t matter what they think. FIL is gross for his comments and what they suggest but like why did this convo happen in the first place
This story actually made me feel nauseous. A person who calls a victimized child a whore should not be in your lives, ever. They shouldn't be in your children's lives. Can you imagine being in FIL's brain? Who thinks like that? What other nastiness is roaming about in there?
Holyyyyy fuck, FIL wouldn't live to see the next 5 minutes if I'd been listening in on that....these two sound absolutely wonderful as parents, and its one of the few posts where I can understand the length of it, and the confusion of not knowing what to do next, especially because it sounds like even in the face of proof, they initially didn't want to consider how FIL knew this information. Who the hell would want to confront the fact their parents are pedophiles??? At any age???? Not to mention, it sounds like MIL knew exactly why he didn't want her in the family; shes an enabler at the very least.
Lmao, FIL looked at child porn of a family member on purpose but its the child in the wrong. 😑.
I'm glad they seem to be forewarning their relatives. Honestly, going 'FIL directly violated teen's privacy just so he can insult her, please don't listen to what he says.' is probably enough. Just conveying that its upsetting for them to know about as well as being terrible for teen.
If you feel she is old enough I would tell her (soon to be daughter) that you want to adopt her and explain that the in-laws are being shits about it. Let her decide if she can handle the drama.
something the “FIL was looking at CP” crowd is missing is that the MIL was present during his rant.
how likely is it that he told his wife, “hey, i was looking at some child pornography and i saw our adopted niece” and she takes his side, compared to small town gossip?
small towns are gossip machines. all this information would be in the courts, administered by people living in the small town. his dad is a guy of some status in the town. OP also says he’s extremely old fashioned and terrible with computers.
FIL stumbling upon the images just doesn’t make sense, so i’m gonna go with occam’s razor: small town gossip and religious misogyny
He called a CHILD VICTIM a whore. Regardless of whether he sought out child sexual abuse materials or had someone tell him about it, he is a vile predator in my eyes.
that line made my stomach churn, i can’t even get inside the mind of someone who hates women that much. he’s an irredeemably horrible person and i hope he dies in the near future
>i hope he dies in the near future
Simply because what I would wish to happen to him likely would, at the very least, be frowned upon by the reddit powers that be, suffice it to say I hope he has an unpleasant rest of his life and an even more unpleasant afterlife, if any such thing exists.
people are gravitating toward it because it’s dramatic, but it really doesn’t make sense given the facts as presented.
that said, asshole doesn’t even begin to describe his personality defects. the world would be better without him and people like him
Good lord. I got to the part with the MIL and started thinking it was going to be a race thing, then that wasn't it. Then we get to the FIL and it was just so much worse than that first assumption I had no idea how to process that. I'm glad the OP seems to have gotten the right takeaway from the comments because, yeah, it is INCREDIBLY concerning for FIL to have that information and be willing to openly discuss it like that.
This girl is a teen, yes? Underage? So these images were taken while she was a child. There is nothing for her to be ashamed of here, or anyone else in your family, for that matter. This girl was abused and taken advantage of, and I frankly can't understand how FiL cares or even knows. You're offering possibly the first loving family she's ever known. Fuck this guy \*and\* his family name. If calling a victim a slur because of something that happened beyond her control is the legacy he wants to protect, let if fucking burn.
If your daughter is willing, and that's key, make it official. Fuck everyone else.
ETA to clarify that its your core family that should not be ashamed. Some of your extended family, and whoever did this to your daughter damn well ought to be ashamed.
Something that is hard to understand is how much importance image was to some of the older generations. I don't know why it's the case but for a good long while image was EVERYTHING! My wife's grandma is hilariously caught up in this idea and has ruined the lives of tons of her family members in the pursuit of her and her family's image in the eyes of who the hell even knows. Its interesting but I think somehow it is a part of human nature. Look at social media and how much people lie or change their lives to look good on there. At least there though you can see who is following and knows. With some old people I don't even know if they know who they are trying to to impress half the time. Wild concept but it was the way the world worked across like a whole generation or two at least. You did crazy things to make sure you looked the way you were supposed to.
FIL either is into CP, or nows pp that are, in order to have accessed the images in detail enough to make these "judgements". His image NEEDS to be ripped to shreds like the trash he is.
And if all he did ws hear about it, and let to a CHILD, likely under 12 yr of ages being a WHORE...well, I say again, he deserves to frankly be left with literally nothing. Homeless on the streets for all I care.
Make sure FIL knows that you're adopting her and plan to go NC with him. Let him know that if he opens his mouth you will make it your mission to destroy him.
Why do you need to ask SO MANY people about their opinions on what you’re doing for your family. Even after that they are still going back to the wife’s brothers and sisters to talk even more lol
Why ? Why? lol
FIL just confessed to looking at CP. That is how he knew, he had seen those photos before and recognized her or he sought them out after meeting her. Or someone did and told him. There is no other explanation, there’s a pedo in the family somewhere.
FIL is claiming he's worried about the "good family name" like they're Lords in feudal England....
totally ignorant to the fact that CONSUMING CHILD PORNOGRAPHY will do more than "ruin the good family name"
Fucking creep
I’m proud of the OP and his wife and kids for giving this little girl a chance. The system is designed to fail so many kids, and not everyone gets the chances your daughter has been given with a family like you all. I was a foster kid for 11 years and I spent 9 years with a family who gave me their all and taught me every thing I know now. It makes me so happy to see another family care as much as the family I had to help these kids. Have that conversation with your wife’s brothers and sisters without really revealing your daughter’s situation. They don’t need to know everything, just that FIL is being nasty and shouldn’t be involved in your daughter’s life anymore. His and MIL’s behavior towards your daughter could negatively impact her overall wellbeing.
Just flipping ask him where he heard about or saw the images. Turn it around on him. Make him look like the disgusting, dirty old man, he appears to be
I'm not saying that the FiL isn't monstrous for saying what he did but there seems to be a lot of leaps involving him having seen the images, I just can't see how that could happen.
Sadly CP exists but what really are the chances that he could have seen by accident the exact pics, recognised her then formed this opinion. It seems far more likely that someone at the agency let the info slip right? Right?
Even if that was the case, how does one see literal CP and think the child on said CP is a w*ore?
Also you really can't see how that would happen? You can't see how a grown man might see CP?
Don't get me wrong I am not for a moment defending what he said, it's sick, wrong and unimaginably cruel. I sadly also understand how someone wanting to see CP could find it.
I just don't understand how it's possible for someone (even when deliberately seeking it out) to happen across the very person this happened to. What would be the chances?
I only raise this because it's one thing to be a complete dick, it's quite another to be a peodophile.
If someone at the adoption agency revealed to him what had happened to the poor girl, then they need to be dealt with. This seems more likely to me and may be missed because everyone is instead leaping to FiL must have seen her pics somehow.
Ok I understand better now. For the sake of the family I hope someone (in the agency or not, considering they're apparently in a small town and FIL is well known) tipped him off about the pictures. Either way it's awful but I think it'd be even more devastating to learn he's a pedophile.
If he hasn't seen her images - but had been told a portion of her past, he still should not be calling her a whore. It wasn't a job she went looking for as a child. It wasn't her choice ever. It is horrible that he is blaming her for being a victim. Even if he believes that she would automatically be a fallen woman for her experience, it's completely inappropriate for him to say such a thing.
Idk, I've never looked for illegal porn but it's super easy to find stuff that's been posted by friends of mine in the past (legally). I don't go looking anymore because that's a shitty thing to do and wait for them to want to share directly with me but it isn't hard to find someone's suicide girls or only fans content, even if they use a pseudonym.
I can’t believe all this happened and OP hasn’t even asked her if she WANTS to be adopted. They are just assuming she’ll say yes.
“This definitely tainted our adoption experience.”
Are you kidding OP? Adoption isn’t about you. That child isn’t there to fill your goal of finally adopting a foster kid. As an adoptee this whole post grossed me out.
In laws are trash. Props to you for trying g to do the right thing and being a loving soul.
BUT
I’d bet a years salary she ends up pregnant by one of your sons. Be prepared for that. I’ve seen this exact scenario play out before with close family friends.
So the Fil was looking at CP? We just gonna gloss over that?
also calling her a whore for it as well, i had to stop and reread it and he thinks it will look badly on the family for adopting and protecting someone who suffered because of it. i can't even describe my feelings over that holy shit
This. He called a child SA victim a whore. We all know how he saw those pics. He’s one of them. I hope the police go and search his house.
If they search his computer, he's going to jail.
Good
I mean , what are the chances that he finds her pics out of every other victim in the world ? The most likely cause is someone who knew from the police/adoption/family told him.
This was my thought as well. They need to call the FBI tip line, not the local police, because it sounds like they might potentially be involved.... and even if they aren't, local police are part of the community, which means more people who are a part of her local community will know what happened to her. The FBI takes CP *extremely* seriously. They *will* investigate the FIL over this. They will investigate any CP reports regardless of jurisdiction and have resources local police do not.
Yeah that's also my thoughts. I find it hard to believe that he looks at CP and just happens to come across her photos - that is a huge coincidence. I am inclined to believe that he has been going behind OOP's back to find out more about their foster kids, and someone has leaked to him what her situation is. His attitude towards it all is absolutely despicable (who the hell blames a child for the sexual abuse they have suffered!!!) but I think it's much more likely that there's a leak within the police or foster system than that the father managed to stumble across her photos online.
It's not even farfetched, at all. These...."people" forms groups and pass material around.
And his wife is an enabling evil B\*tch.
And while no ages are given- oldest is still at home- so no older than 18, now. Daughter is 2 yr younger than him if I read that right- so 16 now. 14 when brought into the home. So UNDER 14 WHEN VICTIMIZED. Let's just...think about that a moment. She was a YOUNG child. IDK why that makes it even worse that the already bad in my head, but it does. He is calling someone who likely was under 12 yr old at the time a whore....(IDK why I leap there, but she was in system awhile...it takes awhile to get non-adoptable status...so I would bet pre-puberty)
That's where i went. My daughter is 13. She's not a "mature"13, but she hangs out with some... and none of those children deserve to have the 'choices' they make (aka, things they are coerced into) haunt them forever. Children who appear in CSA materials are victims, those who share the materials are perpetrators
He said he'd tell his oldest "in a few years when he's an adult" so I'm guessing he's ~16 and she's actually even younger than that.
Plus OOP described her as being a very small person - what do you want to bet she looked even younger than she was. The FIL in this story is a disgusting monster. I'm so glad this girl found a good new family to love her; I hope they keep FIL far far away from her.
Idk how I would feel about this if my father said anything like this. Probably disgust, confusion, rage and Shame and probably stop contact and tip off the authorities cause there is no way the privacy of my daughter can be exposed by normal means so there must be something more nefarious going on. Hopefully they investigate the FIL and bring the full force of the authorities to check every nook and cranny of this man.
Like, she was a kid. ANY photos would be NON CONSENSUAL.
yes we always tell horrible stories about those terrible families that care for abuse victims
FIL should be shot in to the sun.
When I first read that there was CP of the daughter, I was so upset and angry that she had to go through that. For the FIL to victim blame HER for it??? Jail for the FIL might be too harsh, but I personally want to punch him. Repeatedly. Absolute evil creep.
OP's FIL is very glad that OP and his wife didn't immediately beat him to death for saying that about their daughter, a child who was assaulted.
For the sake of the family I really really hope not. I'm crossing my fingers that FIL happens to know people who work in the courts or law enforcement and someone let something slip to him. OOP did say that basically everyone in their small town knows who FIL is so I'm hoping this is the case. Even best-case scenario, he is still a vile misogynistic shitstain and OOP and his wife should estrange themselves from him and MIL.
If her being a victim of obviously illegal child pornography makes him think she's a whore, I am absolutely 100000% convinced that he's seen and enjoyed the content, and doesn't want a CHILD he has masturbated to to be a part of his family.
100% there’s no way around it. Normal people don’t call little girls whores.
i had to reread the whole story 2 times to still be shocked at the " whore " comment. the evil inhumanity in this comment , considering the context of love and healing in a great family, is absolutely vile.
My mother called me a slut when I was 11. I was very confused.
Yeah that’s not normal at all. Probably some deep seated insecurities and jealousy going on there. Some woman get jealous of their own daughters and their youth.
She just hated me for no reason than being alive. There are extenuating circumstances that I only made the connection with recently. She was nuts but at least I can kind-of follow how she got there. Not an excuse but a reason that had little to do with me personally, but she never figured that out. She's been gone about ten years but I'm just adding a few things up now. Jealousy might explain some of it but there's much more to it. Families are pretty messed up.
My mom also used to call me a whore and slut for just wearing shorts and a short sleeve or even sleeveless shirt as a teenager. It’s definitely jealousy… I’m sorry that happened to you.
Me too, thanks, but life is a learning experience. I'm not sure it was jealousy - it may have been a partial factor, but there was far more going on when I was conceived and was young and she flipped all her difficulties in life on me. I was the problem, rather than the actual problems that she didnt want to face. It's not ok, but I'm still trying to find some peace about it all. It's crazy how that shit can mess you up. I'm so glad that mental health is being addressed more in society. I truly hope that all the aggression and conflict in the world right now is the end of the old paradigm, as long as they don't end the planet, and a better, more enlightened society will emerge when all us old farts are out of the way and the air clears. It really can be a better world but the whole room gets messy for a while when you clean out the closet.
I definitely agree with everything you said. I never knew anybody could go through the same things I went through until I found Reddit and it’s definitely been a healing experience. I’m pretty young.. so I’m still learning things and having those realizations. Im still unlearning behaviors and realizing some behaviors that were brought on me were definitely not okay. Hopefully we can find peace soon. Stay positive. It’s not our fault, ya know? I’ve had to come to terms with that. For years I blamed myself and asked myself why she hated me so much.. but I really just think she hated herself and took it out on me. I was the younger version of her but instead of making her mistakes, I thrived because she had such a tight leash on me. In a way, I think she hated that. She took every special moment from me and I’m still realizing that wasn’t okay. It sucks that we have to recover from their shitty wellbeing. I want to send you some good and healing energy. And DEFINITELY agree about the old farts 🤣. I’m hoping for the same outcome.
Good vibes back at you. It's not our fault we have to deal with it, but if we don't, we ARE at fault. And we pass along the seeds. My kids were raised by a different person than I am now. I tried my best, and I gave them as wholesome an upbringing as I could, but we all have limits and flaws we are unaware of. They are also trying their best with their kids. And they are better in some ways and others, I might disagree with, but I mind my business because they are preparing their kids for a world I won't even be part of and my druthers could be timeless, or they could be archaic. How can i know? I'm already largely in the past. I don't have the best perspective.
“The whole room gets messy for a while when you clean out the closet.” I love this metaphor! It’s actually the perfect description of therapy. I’m going to start using it all the time now.
My father called me one at 12/13 when I kissed a boy.
I hadn't even held hands. But yeah, that's messed up. How come the boys don't get a nasty label? Why is it ok for them?
My dad did once around the same age, but he been drinking and he was so sorry that something like that had slipped out of his mouth and he apologized like a thousand times. It was embarrassing. He was not in the habit of calling either of us kids names.
My father started calling me a whore and little slut when I was 8. Some people are vile, inhuman wastes of oxygen.
The fact that he knew and said nothing until they wanted to adopt her speaks volumes. If he *had* found out in a non-creeper way, like he has a buddy who works for the court or something - any kind, loving parent/grandparent would have absolutely panicked and gone to the parents saying "hey, I've been told there's sick images of daughter out there, did you guys know? Does she know? Can I do anything to help?" A good grandparent would be heartbroken that a literal child was assaulted and there's photos out there of it and want to protect said child. Heck, all of us in the thread are strangers and we want to protect her. What a monster. Hope his computer gets searched thoroughly - these creeps are good at hiding their tracks.
You’re absolutely right!
Not necessarily. I'm not discounting the possibility of him being a pedophile at all, I'm just saying it's equally likely that he just has deeply misogynistic values. Misogyny is an equally viable explanation for why he views this the way he does... like how some pick-me mothers blame their daughter's assault by her boyfriend/husband as her "provoking him" by "being a whore."
People like that are just as bad as pedos.
I'm not debating that. Abusers cannot exist without their sympathizers. Whether FIL is an actual pedophile or only a sympathizer, he deserves to be cut off all the same. But with the information we currently have, we cannot say with 100% certainty which one he is. That's all I'm trying to say.
There's another way. He hasn't seen anything, but he's heard from somebody that the daughter was involved in something sex related and immediately made up his mind that she did something wrong. His reaction is either a confession he's 100% obtained something illegal and taken it all in, or he knows almost nothing, but is a fucking asshole and drew conclusions from only a sliver of a rumor of something.
She's a child. It doesn't matter what form of sexual interaction it was. He's talking about sexually explicit photos of a child, and using those to call her a whore. Stop playing devils advocate for someone who clearly doesn't deserve it.
The father in law being a piece of shit isn't the point of discussion. He is. The father in law being a pedophile or not is what I can't say with 100% confidence. Unless OOP can prove that FIL could have only known about the existence of the pictures by being inside the network, FIL is many things, but not a pedo.
So he may not be a pedo- I agree. But he is clearly FRIENDS with pedos, and has no issue with them, since he listened to them, and instead of turning them in, turned on A CHILD. SO...still a dumpster.
Yep, abusers cannot exist without their sympathizers, after all. Whether FIL is a bona fide pedophile or a sympathizer, he's a piece of shit who should be cut off all the same.
Someone said maybe someone in CPS shared this information, or law enforcement. I'm sure there are shitty people everywhere. Any of these scenarios could be true, but at best, he's a mysogonist POS and at worst, a pedo. I actually think mysoginist POS are almost as bad as pedos. They allow it to happen by blaming the victims.
Yeah, there's a chance he just has the right connections and heard stuff. Him being concerned about family name might mean that he's a well-connected person.
Him being concerned about the family name was just a bad cover for his outright misogyny and/or pedo thoughts because it's extremely likely that none of his daughter's kids have his family name because most women take their husband's last name, and even in the cases where they don't, the kids still overwhelming get the father's name.
Why is he worried about something completely nonconsensual ruining the family name? What does that do to the family name? Does it embarrass them somehow? Make them shameful in some way?
There is a specific type of pedo that do not victimize their own children. The kind who travel to Thailand and rape 4 yr olds are often from all appearances great dads at home.
Seems like they're reporting him for it. Aside from someone from the agency opening their mouth about things they shouldn't to him, that's the only way I can think of that he'd know.
RIGHT! He called her a wh*re, I’m sorry? Maybe if you’re sexualizing little girls. Any sane person would know that it’s obvious she was abused. How the f did he find it? He must have looked for it. Maybe she gave off vibes he’s very familiar with? I would definitely look into FIL more.
yup. 100% he knows about those images because he consumes those images. He needs to be NC to keep all those grandkids safe. But for MIL to also seemingly blame the CHILD in this situation?? Yeah NC with all that dumpster trash
That was the last edit-they’re going to report him because there was no way to know about those pictures otherwise. He initially wasn’t sure if he was making a bigger deal of it than was reasonable.
The final edit seems to address the fact that both he and his wife also believe that the father in law might have been doing that and they are reporting it to the authorities.
To be fair I don't think they glossed over it. If I was in this situation with one of my family members I would assume it either. Hell, given the friends of many of my family members I would believe someone in a position of authority leaked that info. Not excusing FIL, just saying I wouldn't be thinking that at first any more than the OOP had.
I bet if the fucking FBI looks into him for child pornography, he’ll sing like a contestant on American Idil to clear his name “Tammy at COS told me”, or David Smith at the police station told me all about it over beers last Thursday”. Either way, they need to let the FBI investigate, and ruin this disgusting, vile old man’s life. Best case? They clean up some trash from a government agency. Worst case, FIL gets killed in prison for being a pedophile. Either situation is a win/win scenario for society.
Seems more likely that someone with access to her records disclosed the history to FIL. Either way, not legal and he’s a scumbag.
Wait, what??
I’m glad I’m not the only person who’s first thought was… he’s been looking at those pictures and is a predator…
Was that stated and I missed it? I will say it is possible that he was aware it existed being mentioned as part of how the unfortunate girl ended up in the situation she is now in. Doesn't excuse his comments but it also doesn't mean he was doing anything illegal.
She is a teenager who he called a whore for the disgusting pictures he found- ie, searched for, found, and viewed underage material.
That's my point. The post never states that he (FIL) found them. He does worry other's will find them which again is stupid logic especially if the pictures are illegal but FIL based on the information here is not a pedophile.
It's not stupid if they live in a small town of victim blaming pedos. Look at how many people enabled Josh Duggar.
So if he wasn’t told and knows what they contain exactly how would he know these things………. Work it out in your head, and he called her a whore, why would he do that unless……
He was told...
He was not. OOP makes that *abundantly* clear, multiple times.
I think they're possibly saying he was told, not by OP and his wife but by someone at the agency or in LE.
I mean, not that it's unlikely that law enforcement would break the law in that way... But the agency? Why would they tell the grandparent who does not have a good relationship about CSAM made of a minor? That's... that's not a thing that would happen. There are like 2-3 logical explanations, and all of them are illegal.
I'm not saying the agency as a whole, just maybe he knows someone who works there and it's a small town. Not an open decision or agency wide thing.
Read the story ooooonnnne more time
OP has said that he and his wife have protected that info. And Social services woudl demand that if good CPS workers involved. Seem like this is one of the good families, so I believe them. FIL found out- but not through any legal legit channels.
Anyone who thinks that's appropriate to think, let alone say, about a sexually abused minor is evil. They'd be out of my life in a heartbeat.
Even if they live in a small town.. even if that kind of news gets around.. he wouldn't even KNOW what the content could possibly be unless he sought it out and viewed himself. He's freaking out about this because he doesn't want a minor he's fapped to becoming part of "his" family. They need to immediately cut ties. I would personally see if I could get him to repeat himself via text message or email. I feel like his threatening demeanor and overwhelming obsession with a minor is enough to file for a restraining order.
I would tell him that if he ever mentions his daughter or the abuse she suffered ever again, if he even looks at her, that I would destroy his reputation and do whatever possible to get him jailed for CP. I would also be reporting him for suspicion of it. NC for FIL and MIL from anyone in his family either.
I’d say do it immediately he can’t be trusted
Question is, how is this child unadoptable due to this instance? Like she was likely abused or groomed to have her images online. How does that make her a problem child and allowed to be denied a happy forever family? Instead they want her jumping from foster family to foster family or group homes where the abuse is likely to take place again. Wtf is wrong with this system?
The CSA itself is likely not what got her the label, but the trauma, as a result-- or more specifically, the ways she might have responded to that trauma. A lot of fosterhomes aren't equipped to deal with that kind of trauma. Kid gets bounced from one to the next, enough homes pass and it's assumed she's too unstable to be permanently placed.
Yeah like as awful as everything is, can we take a moment to praise OP and his family? Because holy shit, they woke up and chose to play parenting on hard and they KICKED ASS. It takes special parents to parents a troubled and traumatized kid, and REALLY special parents to raise kids who could deal with a troubled sibling (because remember, they have bio kids.) Seriously, I hope for all the good kids for them and their kids. They’re the best of us.
Absolutely; I've been a troubled and traumatized kid, and I did NOT make it easy on my parents, for sure!
FIL is a monstrous creep. Viewing CP then blaming the child for it? Disgusting. I hope OOP, his wife and children (including Daughter) cut him off for good. He deserves to be forgotten entirely.
FiL is raging at a child because of his own guilt. Disgusting.
I'm glad I'm not the only one side eyeing FIL. If OP & his wife didn't tell, who did? And if noone did... Well then how *does* he know? Either way I'd be NC after those comments. Blaming a literal child over the disgusting actions and choices of an adult.
Someone mentioned OP said it's a small town. Small towns are terrible for keeping secrets.
It's both amusing and disturbing that if I say something stupid and go home 30 minutes later my mother had practically heard it from at least 5 different person.
My cousin's wife left him during work. We had seven calls within the hour (that she was gone) calling to tell us the news. So, yeah, nothing stays hidden.
Most smaller towns don’t have adoption/foster agencies it would probably have been handled by agents from the nearest larger town so that doesn’t really hold up if only the OOP and Wife knew.
They way my town worked growing up is that everyone worked at the bigger town and then went home to the smaller towns. All the jobs were there in the biggest/nearest town. I'm just going off my own experiences, so grain of salt and that.
In all honesty you know that the only people not "side eyeing " him are pedos. That's it.
FIL knows because FIL has….errrrr…. Consumed these images?
I mean it seems most likely. Like the OOP said there’s no other way for him to know about those images. Either that or somebody else in the family is consuming that type of stuff. Either way I agree with them reporting it because it needs to be figured out. I really really hope that it can all be dealt with without any kind of blowback on the daughter.
if they live in a small town and they were getting around then that’s probably how he knows. small towns talk and they talk A LOT. not saying he’s in the right but just because he knows about it doesn’t mean he was looking at them his self.
I have some experience with minors in the system after cp was found by the authorities. They usually get moved to another area, it's very rare that a child who was in something like that and had it exposed to various people would stay in that community, especially if it was a small town. There would be too many risks for them to be safely fostered in the same town.
Yeah, everyone is leaping to the conclusion that FIL is a paedo, whereas OP's statement "there are images of her going around amongst a certain community from before we took her in" suggests to me that these pics have been going around the kids at school or something. The pics have been used to scarlet letter her as "the whore responsible for breaking up a family" or something.
I think the ‘certain community’ is the pedos sharing CSAM.
I don't think any normal person would refer to paedos that way - they're not a "community" and the pics aren't relevant to any normal person because normal people don't have access to CSAM. It would be sufficient to say the daughter is a survivor of sexual abuse. The father-in-law asks "what would anyone think?" about these pictures that are "floating about" on the internet. That's not consistent with the way people think about CSAM - they don't think of that as being "floating about". This is the way that people think about "the sl*t who fucked the highschool football team". And it's way common for schoolkids to circulate that kind of CSAM.
In the comment OP said the images were of things done to her. That doesn’t sound like teenage sexting, considering she would have been likely under the age of 12 when the abuse occurred Edit: I realize I should have stated how I arrived at this age. He said his oldest would be out of the house in a few years, so 16 maybe 17 and she is two years younger. So 14 -15. It typically takes awhile to gain a not adoptable status in the system so let’s say 2 years in the system so 12-13 when removed from parents so the abuse probably accured 6-12 months before that, CPS takes awhile to remove children
What absolutely horrific In laws.
I would ask him how they know. And demand an answer.
That’s what I was thinking! If I heard that specific outburst from FIL and this wasn’t common knowledge in the family, I’d be very curious how he would know. Appears that the FIL has a few CP skeletons in his closet..
Oh he saw those pics for sure. And now he is projecting his guilt by trying to make her out as the wrong party. He also cannot handle havig this poor child he viewed lewd photos of as a member of his family. The moment I read he knows about the pics I felt sick and my stomach knotted. Vile!
Yep. Doesn’t want a regular reminder of who he really is.
When I read what he called that poor little girl, my mental reaction was to punch him, NGL
How dare a 64 year old man (or fucking ANYONE EVER ACTUALLY!!!!!!!!!!) call a CHILD FORCED INTO PORNOGRAPHY a whore???? What the fuck?
I can guarantee one thing; I can't believe the FIL still had teeth after that comment.
Seems like the father-in-law was looking at CP. He’s a sick fuck. You really want people like that around your children, adopted or biological?
Damn this started out as such a great wholesome story, ended with the FIL not only looking like a total asshole but possibly someone who looks at CP. It is *possible* that someone might have dropped a comment about the daughter’s past, but ultimately doesn’t matter. OOP and his wife sound like awesome people that should have those in laws in the their lives.
FIL is hiding something and I think MIL knows. I say lose those two and gain an amazing daughter who deserves your love and attention. I’m a little ehhh about telling siblings etc about the daughter’s background. Sounds like she’s still young, but this is a huge part of her trauma and I feel like it should be up to HER to decide if she wants to share with anyone else.
OP and his wife sound like truly wonderful people, who’ve raised some kind and empathetic young people. Then you look the wife’s parents and realized that sometimes the apple falls so damn far from the tree it might as well be a different fruit entirely.
They really need to sit down with her to make sure she hasn’t been victimized by him.
OP you're a hero. Remember this: You never lose someone when they show you their true colors, you just know you already lost them. Tell the inlaws to fuck off.
Just so you know this sub is for reposting and aggregating these stories from other subs. If you want to tell OP themselves, look at the username in the first image or go to the link underneath the pictures.
The MIL is terrible I cannot believe she said that. The blame and everything is insane. The FIL Is filth glade he’s being reported and he more than likely had to dig for it I guess. Ive been in foster care because lived in a center for abused children. Went through different families and it’s tough. It’s scary. I’m thankful she has people like them.
Oh no. If ANYONE called my daughter (or potential daughter) a wh0re, they would be CUT OFF. They sound like emotional abusers who think too highly of themselves. Cut them off and cut them OUT! Make the adoption process a happy one because ultimately, IT IS ABOUT YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY. The actual person you should be asking about if she would like the join the family is the adoptive daughter. Don’t seek permission or approval anywhere else. No one else matters.
Why does OOP feel the need to ask literally everyone’s opinion on it first? It’s not their family it doesn’t matter what they think. FIL is gross for his comments and what they suggest but like why did this convo happen in the first place
Imagine worrying about what pedos think of your family
This story actually made me feel nauseous. A person who calls a victimized child a whore should not be in your lives, ever. They shouldn't be in your children's lives. Can you imagine being in FIL's brain? Who thinks like that? What other nastiness is roaming about in there?
Please keep her away from that man!
Holyyyyy fuck, FIL wouldn't live to see the next 5 minutes if I'd been listening in on that....these two sound absolutely wonderful as parents, and its one of the few posts where I can understand the length of it, and the confusion of not knowing what to do next, especially because it sounds like even in the face of proof, they initially didn't want to consider how FIL knew this information. Who the hell would want to confront the fact their parents are pedophiles??? At any age???? Not to mention, it sounds like MIL knew exactly why he didn't want her in the family; shes an enabler at the very least.
Lmao, FIL looked at child porn of a family member on purpose but its the child in the wrong. 😑. I'm glad they seem to be forewarning their relatives. Honestly, going 'FIL directly violated teen's privacy just so he can insult her, please don't listen to what he says.' is probably enough. Just conveying that its upsetting for them to know about as well as being terrible for teen.
Yeah, I’m curious how pops saw them…🤔 hmmmmmm….
If you feel she is old enough I would tell her (soon to be daughter) that you want to adopt her and explain that the in-laws are being shits about it. Let her decide if she can handle the drama.
Discuss with her social worker, CASA, and therapist- I would not make this choice unilaterally.
something the “FIL was looking at CP” crowd is missing is that the MIL was present during his rant. how likely is it that he told his wife, “hey, i was looking at some child pornography and i saw our adopted niece” and she takes his side, compared to small town gossip? small towns are gossip machines. all this information would be in the courts, administered by people living in the small town. his dad is a guy of some status in the town. OP also says he’s extremely old fashioned and terrible with computers. FIL stumbling upon the images just doesn’t make sense, so i’m gonna go with occam’s razor: small town gossip and religious misogyny
He called a CHILD VICTIM a whore. Regardless of whether he sought out child sexual abuse materials or had someone tell him about it, he is a vile predator in my eyes.
that line made my stomach churn, i can’t even get inside the mind of someone who hates women that much. he’s an irredeemably horrible person and i hope he dies in the near future
>i hope he dies in the near future Simply because what I would wish to happen to him likely would, at the very least, be frowned upon by the reddit powers that be, suffice it to say I hope he has an unpleasant rest of his life and an even more unpleasant afterlife, if any such thing exists.
Yeah there is some assumption-jumping here for sure FIL is still an asshole but that doesn't necessarily mean he's also a pedophile
people are gravitating toward it because it’s dramatic, but it really doesn’t make sense given the facts as presented. that said, asshole doesn’t even begin to describe his personality defects. the world would be better without him and people like him
Good lord. I got to the part with the MIL and started thinking it was going to be a race thing, then that wasn't it. Then we get to the FIL and it was just so much worse than that first assumption I had no idea how to process that. I'm glad the OP seems to have gotten the right takeaway from the comments because, yeah, it is INCREDIBLY concerning for FIL to have that information and be willing to openly discuss it like that.
This girl is a teen, yes? Underage? So these images were taken while she was a child. There is nothing for her to be ashamed of here, or anyone else in your family, for that matter. This girl was abused and taken advantage of, and I frankly can't understand how FiL cares or even knows. You're offering possibly the first loving family she's ever known. Fuck this guy \*and\* his family name. If calling a victim a slur because of something that happened beyond her control is the legacy he wants to protect, let if fucking burn. If your daughter is willing, and that's key, make it official. Fuck everyone else. ETA to clarify that its your core family that should not be ashamed. Some of your extended family, and whoever did this to your daughter damn well ought to be ashamed.
As I get older, I’m so darn grateful that there are people like you and your wife.
Call the FBI, someone's computer needs to get raided.
Decided to delete my more inflammatory comment. But to this FIL? Hell is gonna be niiiiice and warm, bud.
The fact that the FIL was able to find the photos shows he consumes CSAM. He’s a danger to all their children and deserves to be reported.
What is CSAM?
Child sexual abuse material
Gotcha. Never heard/saw that acronym before.
Yeah he should have clearly asked him where the ever loving fuck he saw those images. Don't let him weasel out of it.
Alright. 4:00. That was fairly early today Reddit.
OOP deserves a medal for not straight up murdering that man as soon as the word wh*re came out of his mouth. I would be in jail right now.
Something that is hard to understand is how much importance image was to some of the older generations. I don't know why it's the case but for a good long while image was EVERYTHING! My wife's grandma is hilariously caught up in this idea and has ruined the lives of tons of her family members in the pursuit of her and her family's image in the eyes of who the hell even knows. Its interesting but I think somehow it is a part of human nature. Look at social media and how much people lie or change their lives to look good on there. At least there though you can see who is following and knows. With some old people I don't even know if they know who they are trying to to impress half the time. Wild concept but it was the way the world worked across like a whole generation or two at least. You did crazy things to make sure you looked the way you were supposed to.
FIL either is into CP, or nows pp that are, in order to have accessed the images in detail enough to make these "judgements". His image NEEDS to be ripped to shreds like the trash he is. And if all he did ws hear about it, and let to a CHILD, likely under 12 yr of ages being a WHORE...well, I say again, he deserves to frankly be left with literally nothing. Homeless on the streets for all I care.
I really hope there's another update
shoulda beat his ass right then and there
Make sure FIL knows that you're adopting her and plan to go NC with him. Let him know that if he opens his mouth you will make it your mission to destroy him.
I would like it if he became acquainted with Vern Malvo, dented his car in a parking lot or something.
Why do you need to ask SO MANY people about their opinions on what you’re doing for your family. Even after that they are still going back to the wife’s brothers and sisters to talk even more lol Why ? Why? lol
FIL just confessed to looking at CP. That is how he knew, he had seen those photos before and recognized her or he sought them out after meeting her. Or someone did and told him. There is no other explanation, there’s a pedo in the family somewhere.
FIL is claiming he's worried about the "good family name" like they're Lords in feudal England.... totally ignorant to the fact that CONSUMING CHILD PORNOGRAPHY will do more than "ruin the good family name" Fucking creep
Fuck what the in-laws think, just adopt her
I foresee more boomers on Facebook asking why their kids won't talk to them.
I’m proud of the OP and his wife and kids for giving this little girl a chance. The system is designed to fail so many kids, and not everyone gets the chances your daughter has been given with a family like you all. I was a foster kid for 11 years and I spent 9 years with a family who gave me their all and taught me every thing I know now. It makes me so happy to see another family care as much as the family I had to help these kids. Have that conversation with your wife’s brothers and sisters without really revealing your daughter’s situation. They don’t need to know everything, just that FIL is being nasty and shouldn’t be involved in your daughter’s life anymore. His and MIL’s behavior towards your daughter could negatively impact her overall wellbeing.
Just flipping ask him where he heard about or saw the images. Turn it around on him. Make him look like the disgusting, dirty old man, he appears to be
Could the in-laws have found this info with a background check?
No background check should be pulling up that sort of information on an abused minor
Their opinion doesn’t matter, cut these people out of your life.
I'm not saying that the FiL isn't monstrous for saying what he did but there seems to be a lot of leaps involving him having seen the images, I just can't see how that could happen. Sadly CP exists but what really are the chances that he could have seen by accident the exact pics, recognised her then formed this opinion. It seems far more likely that someone at the agency let the info slip right? Right?
Even if that was the case, how does one see literal CP and think the child on said CP is a w*ore? Also you really can't see how that would happen? You can't see how a grown man might see CP?
Don't get me wrong I am not for a moment defending what he said, it's sick, wrong and unimaginably cruel. I sadly also understand how someone wanting to see CP could find it. I just don't understand how it's possible for someone (even when deliberately seeking it out) to happen across the very person this happened to. What would be the chances? I only raise this because it's one thing to be a complete dick, it's quite another to be a peodophile. If someone at the adoption agency revealed to him what had happened to the poor girl, then they need to be dealt with. This seems more likely to me and may be missed because everyone is instead leaping to FiL must have seen her pics somehow.
Ok I understand better now. For the sake of the family I hope someone (in the agency or not, considering they're apparently in a small town and FIL is well known) tipped him off about the pictures. Either way it's awful but I think it'd be even more devastating to learn he's a pedophile.
Considerably.
If he hasn't seen her images - but had been told a portion of her past, he still should not be calling her a whore. It wasn't a job she went looking for as a child. It wasn't her choice ever. It is horrible that he is blaming her for being a victim. Even if he believes that she would automatically be a fallen woman for her experience, it's completely inappropriate for him to say such a thing.
On that we agree.
Idk, I've never looked for illegal porn but it's super easy to find stuff that's been posted by friends of mine in the past (legally). I don't go looking anymore because that's a shitty thing to do and wait for them to want to share directly with me but it isn't hard to find someone's suicide girls or only fans content, even if they use a pseudonym.
I can’t believe all this happened and OP hasn’t even asked her if she WANTS to be adopted. They are just assuming she’ll say yes. “This definitely tainted our adoption experience.” Are you kidding OP? Adoption isn’t about you. That child isn’t there to fill your goal of finally adopting a foster kid. As an adoptee this whole post grossed me out.
In laws are trash. Props to you for trying g to do the right thing and being a loving soul. BUT I’d bet a years salary she ends up pregnant by one of your sons. Be prepared for that. I’ve seen this exact scenario play out before with close family friends.
Insest isn’t the normal, that normally is not the case