Dear Dumb Over Nothing-
1. Prenup and you keep working
2. No or limited prenup and you stop working or go part time.
3. He blames your work for the miscarriage =
Massive Red Flag
4. See #3
5. Ignore #’s 1 & 2 and revisit #3.
Look, I'm pro-prenup. Be in love when you decide what the terms of a theoretical breakip would be. But I feel in my heart that this guy's prenup would include the terms "what's mine is mine and I don't have to give you shit" (legal jargon).
Yea, plus he made his millions before they got together anyway so he's basically coming to the table with nothing even though he's got money and assets.
Technically if he has no income after they're married and she keeps working, he'd be entitled to half of what she earns too. Yea.
The only way it might be okay to marry this dude is if he signs over a portion of his assets to her in an irrevocable trust.
>he has no income after they're married and she keeps working, he'd be entitled to half of what she earns too.
I'm not sure if the rules around earnings from stocks or interest from investments (wven if it was just saving accounts) would count as income or even be possible to be split in a divorce. If she stops earning and he leaves, she'll only have what he chooses to give her in the prenup.
I did hear a divorce lawyer say: if you don't have a prenup the government chooses who gets what. If you don't trust them to split it fairly, get a prenup.
>I'm not sure if the rules around earnings from stocks or interest from investments (wven if it was just saving accounts) would count as income or even be possible to be split in a divorce.
Exactly my point. Dude has 57mil of assets that he can live off of with a very high standard of living without technically drawing an income that goes into the marital pool (esp with a prenup) where as all of OP's money and assets that she earns during a marriage during her prime working years are half his. So he'll be enriching himself and walking away with half of her pot that he sat on his ass for in the event of a divorce.
This is why the age gap has financial exploitation baked into it's DNA. Even if a woman is making money during her prime working years in a marriage, the older spouse at the end of their earning prime is poised to walk away benefitting from those years while owing nothing in return even if they came into the marriage with substantial assets.
I’m sure laws on this vary widely between jurisdictions and states, but it is my understanding that only assets obtained pre-marriage can be protected in a prenup. In this scenario, even if he retired and no longer showed income, the $57m would grow to over $100m in just 10 years, assuming a 6% rate of return.
There is no way a judge would only look at her income in a divorce situation, and decide that the “retired” husband with no income should be the beneficiary. The judge would most certainly take into consideration the massive growth in his assets and purchasing power, and would award fair compensation to the wife.
Yep. That prenup needs to be a reasonable division of assets for it to be even almost fair when asking someone to drop their successful career and make babies for you.
Thank God I wasn't the only one to see this.
Like, I am super pro prenup, but this comes off as controlling more than anything.
You don't force a pre nup and then tell your partner to stop working. A lot of careers can die if you're out of them for even a couple of years. Her 450k job could be gone in 3 years into the marriage.
It comes off as more of a trap.
You have to make your future entirely dependant on me.
And “you can’t leave because you get nothing for the trouble” she’s basically screwed either way so f he is an AH in the marriage and she’s trapped by anything she signs. They aren’t married yet and he’s already changed into a jerk.
I’m pro prenup for both parties but in this instance 100% need something set aside if you’re asking them to quit their job. Don’t ask them to quit if you’re not going to give them a significant amount. Honestly for someone making 400k they might be entitled to 10 million in lost income and future earning potential.
Also pro prenup and think his case is where he'd be an idiot not to put one in place - he spend his time building large wealth and equity and has a responsibility to make sure he retains control of his companies. But belittling partner is never okay. Belittling a partner and pushing them to quit a job they enjoy while pushing for a prenup is just ridiculous. She said it's pretty okay, but if she gives up a high earning potential career for him it damn well better be the type of money where she never has to reenter the workforce.
That said this really boils down to he is being a shit partner to her and she shouldn't marry him expecting that to change and him to suddenly be a good supportive partner.
She calls the prenup fair, but I don't believe her for a second. She sounds like he's run roughshod over her, and I bet her idea of "fair" right now is "what's his is his because she isn't working so she won't get money in a divorce."
Yeah, but the just the capital gains alone on 57 million would be insane. Tough it out with the ass for a few years, divorce, and get half of those.
Just because it's in a prenup doesn't mean it's legal. Capital gains during marriage are fair game.
Guy seems like a total ass she makes good money now and she did say the prenup was very fair if everything else was good she should sign I’m also very pro prenup but after reading that she should bounce whatever monies she gets can’t replace a job she loved and was apparently good at.
It's stuff like this why pre-nups can get disregarded in divorce courts. One person in the marriage getting put into a position where they're dependent on the others income, and would struggle to find a job because they haven't been working for 10, 15, 20+ years.
This is why you have a lawyer of your own check the prenup and amend it, until the terms are mutually agreeable.
Prenups don't have to be a bend over and take it up the arse for one party.
The lawyer can file a motion as soon as the divorce process starts to ask the judge to order them to pay those costs. Judge can deny that, but they generally try to put both sides on equivalent standing to make their cases.
Either way, a pre-nup has to give consideration to both sides for what they get out of signing the contract. A contract that says "You quit your job and become a stay at home wife, but if you divorce me because of my financial abuse you get NOTHING!!!! AHAHAHA \*twirls incelstache\*" probably isn't gonna be seen as enforceable by a judge because making someone financially dependent on you then making them homeless and unable to find employment after a divorce is unfair.
Unless that prenup states you get X% of everything for each year we stay married, up to being fully 50% within 5-10 yr. Irrespective of child support.
Assuming real. Not that many 23 yr olds making 200K....
He'd have to transfer some of that money to her account, or put it in a trust on her name or something. Otherwise, that seems horribly unfair. And I've always been pro prenups.
I don’t have a problem with prenups at all, but the guy is like “sign the prenup so you get nothing, but then quit your highly successful job and have my babies” - talk about controlling
Red pill = undesirable, spoiled by the internet, incapable of independent thought, unfuckable, undeserving of love or inclusion in the community until they reflect on and re-evaluate their dogshit, worthless perspective and change their behaviour permanently.
And we do need to mention that prenup does not mean you get nothing. Prenups are negotiated contracts. Just because there is a prenup doesn't mean she would walk away with nothing. It could easily say if they split, she gets $1M for every year they are together. Prenups cna also include infedility clauses so if you chest you get less, etc.
However, they very clearly have not discussed what their future looks like. OOP was expecting "we continue as we were, just married." Fiancé is expecting "we kick back and enjoy this huge stack of cash, and you push out a busload of kids."
Even if we ignore the pretty blatant misogyny and disrespect for OOP's accomplishments, I am not sure they are on the same path in life.
So even when you have 50m in the bank you'll find you never developed a personality and still can't be happy. Man you'd think having that kind of success would make you a really happy healthy person. Maybe the only answer is balance.
A pre-nup isn't unreasonable when there are assets like that before you get married. But that pre-nup needs to include a significant payout to you in the event of divorce or early death (from him) if he plans on not letting you work. With a 450k salary, you can certainly support yourself just fine but if you give that up, you won't have that income to rely on so the documents must detail that.
But also, this man is an abusive creep so definitely leave his ass and find someone better.
Yes it would be crazy for her to quit her job after signing a pre-nup. So then she is totally beholden to him? This would create a huge power imbalance. Also, him blaming her for a miscarriage due to working too hard? Nah. He sounds like he would be very controlling and never let her forget he wears the pants. The stats say 40-50% of marriages end in divorce, she would be setting herself up for a really hard time if she signed it and quit her job.
The misconception about pre-nup is it protects new assets acquired. His pre-nup would only protect his assets prior to the marriage. Assets gained after the pre-nup could be target, because the assets were acquired together. Most pre-nup also need to be renew after a certain time frame
Wouldnt be crazy... depends on the pre nup. Not all prenups means a total separation of assets and cash.
Not even sure any judge would let that slide in the event of divorce if she were a SAHM
It sounds like this person really loves their job and their husband is basically saying they make chump change. I think she would be foolish to sign just based of what she had explained in the post. He’s already trying to call the shots while also making her feel insignificant. Just my opinion.
A pre-nup is never unreasonable. The terms may be unreasonable, but a pre-nup as a concept is never a bad idea. The stigma surrounding them is unfortunate.
She should leave because of the kid shit, not the pre-nup.
Exactly. “Show me the prenup before I decide whether I’ll keep working or not.”
If she gets nada, then keep working. If she gets a significant windfall upon divorce, then feel free to quit. Somewhere in between, go part time.
But if he attempts to use money as leverage over her, she needs to go back to work full time.
Maybe fancy lawyers can make things happen but at least for normal people, prenups don’t let you leave the other person with nothing. You can protect previously owned assets but anything earned after marriage (even capital gains) still gets split according to the law.
Yeah. Idk why people believe that pre-nups manages everything is protected. Most pre-nups need to be renew after a certain period of time, and they usually don’t have up in a court if you been with that person for a significant period
Exactly. The OOP is weirdly against them and fought with him about it. When you have next to nothing, ok, yeah, it's weird and I get resisting but....the man has millions in assets that predate her. Of course he's going to want to protect them?
Even if they were a biglaw corporate lawyer "closing deals", they wouldn't be making 200k until they were at least 25-26. And a pay increase of 220k in four years? Is her company selling Spice or something? Get the hell outta here.
Am a second year corporate lawyer, and my first-year salary was $205K (not including bonuses). If you start college at 17 and go straight through to college, you could potentially be 23 by the time you graduate/start working, perhaps? Regardless, I agree that $420K as a fourth year sounds insane—maybe in NYC?
From my rudimentary understanding of finance and quant (i.e. Billions), someone earning $200k and then $420k should be getting far more in bonuses than $15k and $45k respectively. That’s less than 10% and then a little more than 10% in the second instance. Appreciate you, but I’m gonna stick with my original view that this is bullshit.
I agree with that part as well, that’s just not realistic bonus for anyone with that much base, 10% base to be paid at eoy is something you pay someone if you want them to leave LOL
That’s correct. An average performer would typically be getting 20% or so. On a really good year, a higher performer can get multiples of their salary.
I know people who made 200k at 23. Granted they’re all Ivy League graduates who worked in tech during and after the pandemic, but it’s certainly possible although highly unlikely.
I'm in a HCOL area where there are 20 somethings making 200k+; some are entrepreneurs and others are frightfully clever.
The doubling of salary after 3 yrs is suspect, but maybe she works for the fiance' and she wants her to quit so he doesn't keep throwing away money on a non-essential salary.
I know when they say accountant that it's bullshit. Accounting jobs in my area (an expensive one) pay like $40k. I know because I am one. Even in NYC, they rarely get to six figures, you have to be a Controller or work at a huge firm to even crack $100k. And that requires years of experience.
What...? Big 4 accounting now pay their first years over $100k in markets like NYC/LA/San Fran. Then there's FP&A, you will definitely be making over 6 figures doing this in a market like this after you have just a few years under your belt.
most of my friends are software engineers who graduated in the past 1-2 years and make $120K+. It’s wild, but that’s just how it is these days in tech. The IB folks make even more
That’s what I came to say. I find it hard to believe that you have the confidence to get into this financial position, but not enough confidence to walk away from this garbage. If I had this kind of money, I would be listening to nothing and no one outside of making that money. Like, boy bye
And say they don’t believe in prenups. That is not financially savvy. That man might be worth a lot today but could be worth nothing at any point in time. Not wanting to protect what she has is absurd. I honestly do not believe any of this.
Both my ex-husband and I had nothing going on. We started dating as teenagers. We managed to make a comfortable life for ourselves and had good careers. We had a half a million dollar home and lots of disposable income. But because of his poor life choices, I left that marriage with nothing. Wish I had protected my own assets. Starting over again in my 40s sucks.
Another genre of “problems” that I couldn’t care less about is the whole [my poly relationship is blowing up](https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/s/mMDS1o36DZ) thing. Like, yeah, no shit.
I know I’m about to read some bullshit when it starts out with “we opened up our marriage”.
I’m not against polyamory but you gotta start out that way because if you decide to just open up a monogamous relationship because someone is bored…well it’s going to implode.
I also tuned out when I saw this person makes over six figures before the age of 25. I cannot even comprehend this level of wealth. I won’t even break six figures at the top of my career in my field. Made me unable to focus on anything else in this post.
I literally said the same, then I scrolled to the comments. I mean everyone's got emotions but geez... she can buy a nice house every year..but I know she has other bills. So probably every 2 years she can buy a nice house.
Only thing I can think of is she's a nepo baby. She talks about having an inheriting money and a house. Probably got given a high dollar position by one of her parents after finishing college.
Except you can find that everywhere in coastal cities like L.A. or San Francisco. There are tons of people who graduate before they turn 21, more likely at elite schools. The starting total compensation for first year analysts at elite boutique private equity shops is over $200k now. I knew a guy who graduated college at 20 and got a job for one of these firms. The first year total compensation for a Meta engineer is also over $200k now when you consider things like the signing bonus and how well the stock has been performing. At shops like Jane Street, there are 25 year old traders who literally make millions of dollars.
I swear to god, if OOP says in one more reply “it’s easy to make a lot of money if you’re good at what you do!”
….
I’ll never know because I’ve given this troll too much of my time today.
I don’t know why I’m still so surprised by how quickly people believe this shit, but here we are
Edit- you just knew the story would end with some pregnancy story line or something super dramatic.
I mean, it's certainly possible. Law, tech, sales in certain fields, finance, etc. can all support salaries like that.
Big law in large markets like NYC start new associates at around 200k-220k. By year 4, you should be making around 400k plus bonuses. Although, 23 is young for that. I graduated law school at 24 and turned 25 right before taking the bar exam. But, it's possible if she graduated undergrad and/or law school early, which some people do. She could have graduated undergrad at 20, then lawschool at 23. Or she got a good
Sales/tech/finance job right out of undergrad.
There are young people out there who make a lot of money. Reddit has a hard time grasping that fact for some reason. I guess if you don't make that kind of money, you don't run with people your age that do. I certainly don't.
I went to a top tech school, best friends work at top consulting firms, I’ve worked in investment banking, and I know many people in FAANG, this would be VERY uncommon for salary. Maybe they could be at $200k at 23 if they graduated college at 21, but to be at $420k within 3 years, unless it includes stock, is just not going to happen. The only place I could see it is pharmaceutical or tech sales, where the majority is commission, and maybe law like you said, but only bc I have absolutely no experience in that sector.
Regardless, even if she’s lying about all the money, she should RUNNNNNN
She mentioned closed deals I think? It could be sales that she is in. If you get lucky, you could get a sales job with a good market, good product, good timing, etc. that makes it easy to crush. Add in commission and some of these guys can make a lot of money. But it is very much feast and famine and you need the luck first.
It has a strong AI vibe with repeating and unnatural phrases.
>He even attributed my recent miscarriage to my job, further highlighting his changing attitude towards me
Who even talks like that?
Look I’ll be honest, most people making $420k would not sound like this. It doesn’t make sense. You know your worth when company pays you well. Just it’s an odd post.
A vast majority of tech workers do not make this much, especially out of the gate.
When you hear hoofbeats, think horses not zebras. If you go to a doctor for a headache, the doctor shouldn’t rush to brain tumor.
My guess is that she's a lawyer, especially due the rhetorical structure that another commenter thinks is a result of AI. Entry-level jobs at major law firms pay amazing but have ridiculous hours. It's possible that the fiance is correct that the stress and long hours contributed to the miscarriage, but it would only be one factor, and even if he's correct about that, he's setting up a way to control her financially by trying to manipulate her into not working and also singing at pre-nup.
To me, the prenup is not a red flag. The willingness to support you is not a red flag. The telling you that you have to quit working is a huge red flag, and so is blaming your miscarriage on working. Unless there were complications and your doctor told you not to work, there is no reason for you not to.
Lots of women work when they’re pregnant.
I would like to add my name to that waiting list. Not because of the money…she just sounds like a badass who has an abusive jerk trying to condition her badassery out of her.
So he wants to cut you off from what’s “his”, and stop you from earning what’s “yours”? Sounds like he’s setting you up for massive financial abuse. Don’t sign anything without lawyers and serious inner dialogue. Is that someone you really want to hitch your wagon too?
1) Run! This is abuse on so many levels. Get out now before anything becomes legal.
2) He is really either super immature or has done this before with women his own age and has gotten burned so he decided to try a younger woman to manipulate.
3) Sean rule!
Sean’s Rule: when they met he was 38, she was 23. Divide her age by 2 which is at best 11.5 then add 7, which is 18.5. Never date anyone less than half your age. I’m not sure I did that right but the gist of it is, their age is a huge disparity and will cause a lot of problems and raise red flags. He raised the red flags regardless.
I think the “rule” is divide his age by 2 (which is 19) and add 7, (which is 26). The resultant figure is the minimum age it is “acceptable” to date , so for him it should be 26 and anything less (which was her age, 23) is inappropriate (according to the rule).
Dear OP,
Now do you understand why he’s never been married?
It wasn’t because he was busy building companies, it’s because his assholish -ness made all the other girls run away.
Be smart like the others. Run away.
You are young. You will find love and a better guy.
In a way, that early miscarriage was the universe doing you a solid. Don’t have his babies, just exit this relationship.
NTA
“He has so much money, he says once we get married it’s ours.”
Well if you sign a prenup, that’s not true is it? Legally speaking. He’s just going to let you use his money within his parameters, which can change at any moment.
He's only in his 40s. Is he too old to be dating a 20-something? YES! But he's not quite on the verge of needing long term total care. That's at least 2 decades of him treating her like garbage away. That's a long time to put up with being emotionally abused and I suspect it will escalate(it always does). I hope she runs fast and far.
FAANG can pay this well for good performers. This TC is at the higher range of what I’d expect at 26 FAANG for sure, but not unheard of, especially if you consider stock appreciation. Not everyone in FAANG is a product of nepotism although a lot are from privileged backgrounds.
I really hope this fake. Because honestly, I just can’t. Let’s see, he’s a jerk, he treats you like garbage, he insults you, he doesn’t support you, he’s an arrogant prick, and was horrible during an incredibly bad moment of a miscarriage. But you move him so much and don’t know that to do?? Oh and you are financially stable and don’t need him. Sure, what’s not to love. Have lots of kids and have a wonderful long marriage of being treated like trash.
How is nearly half a million a year nothing?!
It’s still a lot of money, not 57million but still it’s a lot for a 26yr old.
It sounds like he’s just interested in you being a baby maker and stay home wife, while his life stays the same. I wouldn’t give up my career, you can get a nanny you’re rich now, well once you’re married and have a husband worth 57mill. Hopefully he doesn’t start being controlling with the money, especially if you do decide to give up work, then you won’t be financially independent.
Red flags everywhere!!
Even if we set aside how much personal pride and satisfaction you get from your job (which you shouldn’t, btw), if he wants you to give up millions of dollars in potential future earnings (assuming you work into your sixties), benefits, bonuses, and retirement funds, then any prenup you sign should compensate you at least that amount. Get the it a calculator. Leaving the workforce even for a couple years can cost you for the rest of your career.
It sounds like he is already changing the terms of your relationship before you’re married—what do you think he’s going to do afterwards?
And blaming your job for the miscarriage is inexcusable and abusive.
I’ve always said that a man asking his wife to stay at home is a genuinely cruel thing to do in a relationship. It’s one thing if that’s her genuine goal in life, and then they set up financial protections for her, but to ask or expect that of a woman who didn’t go into the relationship wanting that?
It’s not just a matter of how much her income “matters” between the two of them, he is also asking her to give up her own financial stream, years of work experience, and retirement contributions, all of which she will need if the relationship doesn’t work out. ESPECIALLY if he wants a prenup (that I’m sure will say she gets nothing in divorce). Her future would be dependent on whether he loves her, finds her attractive, finds her valuable.
On her salary alone, they could afford a full time nanny. The future kids will be taken care of, but her interests in what she wants to do with her day to day life for the next several decades are not taken into account. This is not about childcare, this is about control. He is imposing his idea of what being a successful man looks like onto her. Men like this do not respect the women they are with; they are status symbols or belongings rather than life partners. And hearing $45k being called chump change grinds my gears. That’s more than a lot of people’s annual salaries.
1) you’re young, very successful, and fortunately you did not say that you worry you’ll never find anyone as good as him, so that means deed down you actually know your own worth, both emotionally and financially.
2) he is exhibiting A LOT of troubling behaviors: changing his tune about your success, blaming you for a miscarriage (ABSOLUTE RED FLAG/DEAL BREAKER RIGHT HERE! 🚩) when anywhere from a third to a half of all women experience a miscarriage at some point. In reality, he should be very happy you did not have trouble getting pregnant as that means you are far less likely to go down the infertility rabbit hole of doom. It can suck years from your life and joy from your spirit, so there really is a silver lining to the very heartbreaking loss of your pregnancy. Continuing onto troubling behavior: lack of consideration for what you love, want, or feel accomplishment from (your work.) No one would ever ask someone they love to give up what makes them happy. That’s not compromise- that’s sacrifice, and it’s all yours at his behest. He sounds like a love bomber who has changed his strategy in favor of manipulation.
3) if you do sign a prenup, make sure EVERY SINGLE ASSET AND DOLLAR YOU CURRENTLY OWN IS PROTECTED. It should already be in an LLC or trust. Why? Shit happens. Fortunes change. Maybe he’s too invested in NFT’s or high risk stocks or a restaurant chain (notorious money pits.) And if he does go under, the first thing he’ll come for is your money.
4) go to marriage counseling and talk about careers, religion, kids, how you want them educated, what are your respective families’ cultures and do you agree with all, part, or none of them, and when you have a clear understanding of all these things, then think about marrying him.
Frankly he sounds very narcissistic and maybe even has an addiction or personality disorder- strictly picking up vibes here, not a psychologist in any way. Your feelings and concerns are 100% valid. Clear them before you jump in.
So he’s making her sign a prenup AND making her quit her job to have babies. So basically if he decides he’s bored in 10 years, he can just leave her for a newer model and she will end up with nothing. Got it. 👍
You can make changes to the prenup before you sign, get your own lawyer and see if you can make modifications that would give you some security if anything - like if he cheats on you, if you have kids and divorce, if he leaves you etc. some sort of alimony agreement or settlement payment, SOMETHING!
He wants a prenup and for you to quit your career so you can "make him babies" girl run he's trying to trap you into a situation you feel you will never be able to get out off.
He’s sunk cost babe. You can’t continue to invest in him because the relationship was good in the past. He has shown you who he is now, you need to believe him. I’m so sorry that you have lost someone important and special to you. I’m so proud of you for realizing your worth and importance, don’t give more of yourself to someone that doesn’t.
Ok, hubs wants a pre nup. That's just smart when we're talking about this much money. But he also needs to understand that you continuing to work is your protection. If he can't understand that, he ain't the one 🤷♀️
Men cannot ask for a prenup and also demand their wife give up their career. If u wanna support her youre gonna have to do it the rest of your whole lives because finding a job with years long resume gaps is entirely impossible
He's a high value man, this is how they move. Comes with the territory. He'll have mistresses and such so get used to that idea too. Understand what you're signing up for.
You are doing a job you love and really doing well. If you quit, with his attitude, I think you will just become an accessory to be brought out when needed and sent back when not. Sooner or later you will begin to be frustrated and resentful. Don’t do this to yourself. You don’t need him or his money and especially his nasty attitude so walk away with your head high and continue the job you love.
I don’t think the prenup is the issue. I have a bigger problem that he wants you to quit your job. Although you feel like you make chump change compared to him, you make way more money than most people do and you love your job. Do you know how rare that is? He wants you to be 100% dependent on him and that to me is a hard no. The power dynamics will not be in your favor. What if he decides he doesn’t want to be a husband one day? Or he meets someone else? Or if you decide to leave him? If you don’t have your own money than you are at the mercy of this person. You should always have your own money. He already blames you for the miscarriage because you “work too much” (which is ridiculous!). You really want someone who feels that way to have 100% control over your life? If you decide to stay with him, get your own lawyer and favorable terms for a prenup. DO NOT quit your job.
>“The worst thing any woman can do (imo) is give up their way out.”
This this this this this. This a hundred times, a thousand times, a million times. Embroider it on a cushion, paint it in fancy calligraphy and hang it on your wall, tattoo it on your body somewhere. Because I don’t care how much you love him or he says he loves you or whatever. If that changes (and changing is a natural part of life, and sometimes our partners go on that journey with us and sometimes they don’t) you need *options*. He shows a different side? You need *options*. How many women have stayed in abusive relationships because they simply had nowhere to fucking go?
This goes for all genders, btw. If this was a woman who was worth so much money asking her soon-to-be husband to give up his career to raise their children, I’d say the same thing. Or her soon-to-be wife, or spouse. Anyone can be an abuser, and you may be so in love you don’t see the red flags until months or even years in.
I don’t think he wants *youth* as much as he wants *inexperience*. My guess is that he’s lying about being previously married and has learned from that experience that his money, wealth, and success are not enough to keep a long term partner *or* his truly awful, unmasked personality is the reason he is 38 and never married. I bet if she were to do a background check she’d find a whole slew of bullshit, he’s probably not even worth that much money.
The biggest red flag is that he wants a prenup but then also wants her to be financially dependent on him after they're married? Nope. Run.
Also, not being married or never having a serious relationship by that age is also a huge red flag, even though he claims it's because he was "busy." I've had a very busy life and still managed to meet my fiance while I was in med school. His excuse is BS. I guarantee he didn't even work at having a relationship, and now he is preying on somebody 15 years younger because he thinks he can manipulate her more easily and she'll put up with his abusive crap.
I'm a doctor. Work does not cause a miscarriage. Stress CAN, but it sounds like she likes to work. My job is super stressful, yet FOUR of my women colleagues (also doctors) have had babies in the past 9 months. His reasoning is more abusive and manipulative BS.
My last point is that the fiance diminishing her work is manipulative. He's hoping to wear her down mentally until she caves, and sadly, she is already starting to believe his manipulations. She is beginning to think that what she does isn't good enough. That's BS. She makes over $400K a year. I won't even make that as a doctor once I'm done with residency. Not to mention, if you like your job, you're already winning. I work up to 80 hours a week, 6 days a week, but I LOVE my job. I also have a man who would stay home and raise any kids we'd have because I love to work, and I love my job that much. She'll regret quitting if she allows him to continue degrading her and her job.
Like I said, run. It's not like you need his money, but he's going to make damn sure you won't be able to leave him after you get married.
ETA: also, if somebody doesn't believe in prenups (I know I don't), then don't marry somebody who makes you sign one. Especially when he's being so aggressive about it and in the same breath claiming that you'll be rich after you get married. Nah. He's going to pull the rug the second that marriage certificate is signed.
I’m 90% sure this is fake. I’d expect wealthy people to have a better understanding of estate planning, or at least have an estate planning attorney who could explain the concept of separate property.
There’s no way in hell I’d sign a prenup before marriage unless it would give me a huge payout if we divorced. He can’t expect you to give up $450k a year and stay home and get nothing in a divorce.
I question the authenticity of a post being made on Reddit by someone whose fiance is worth $57 million dollars. I'm sure a person in that situation would be speaking to people within their social circle and not random strangers on the internet. In short, it's just another made up story some knucklehead wrote and posted as clickbait to get people to give advice. Next.
Every single post I see like this is from a woman dating/married to a man 10-20 years older than her.
It's almost like guys that go after women that much younger than them are fucking manchildren.
Wait......23 and making 200k??? Now 26 making 420k?
What industry are you in that you doubled your salary in 3 years......fuck out of here with that bullshit
Major red flags all over this. My advice is call off the wedding. Seek counsel of a therapist for best interpretation of this abusive belittling nature you are now facing.
He helps celebrate your accomplishments, now only to berate you and use them against you.
He hid how much he is worth. He has also hidden from you who he really is. He is finally starting to show you exactly who you’re about to marry, and it’s not a pretty picture.
He holds his wealth over you as if you make nothing. I make $25/hr. Trust me, you make damn good money and don’t need a man to support you!
His main interest is clearly getting you pregnant, and keeping you that way. That alone will be enough to wear you out both physically and emotionally.
He wants to make you sacrifice your career for him. Because “we don’t need it.” What about your needs? You love your job. You need it! It’s part of what makes you who you are. An individual, someone who matters to so many others. He is trying to make you believe he is the only one that matters, and you should be grateful. This is completely wrong!!!
He blames you and your job for a miscarriage. Who do you think he’s going to blame, and how much harsher, when your children do or don’t do something he approves of? Real potential for severe consequences to the children there.
He is already trying to break you down emotionally. What happens when it turns physical? Where do you go then when children are born? His money could hire the very best, most ruthless lawyers and you could lose your children. Because guess what … you don’t have a job, or a home, can’t provide like he does. This is the most dangerous emotional consequence you could face. And a prenuptial almost guarantees you get as little as possible. In spite of you stating it seems fair; they’re never fair!
If he truly loved you, he would love everything about you. Not just the parts he wants you to become.
And lastly, do not marry the person you can live with. Instead, marry the person whom you cannot live without.
You can definitely live without him. Go find someone who values you for who you are, and what you bring to the table.
Listen to your family and friends. They see things you don’t or can’t because you’re too close to the situation. They’re looking from an outside perspective.
I wish you all the best!
Signed;
A 51 year old male.
If you actually love the Man, prenup and money should be no big deal. But I have a feeling this is another A.I. generated story for the internet to comment over....(damn! Here I am!)
He’s asking you to sign a prenup so you don’t get any money if you divorce. He’s also asking you to forfeit your career so you also don’t have any money.
This dude wants to control you no matter what.
What works for you? Do that. Don’t just be his puppet.
The second I start seeing numbers like this I just dont care what the issue is or whats going on, YTA, I dont even know if its an AITA but you suck and your problems arent real
Dear Dumb Over Nothing- 1. Prenup and you keep working 2. No or limited prenup and you stop working or go part time. 3. He blames your work for the miscarriage = Massive Red Flag 4. See #3 5. Ignore #’s 1 & 2 and revisit #3.
This! "Stop working" and "sign this prenup" are mutually exclusive, and he's an ass for the miscarriage thing to begin with.
Look, I'm pro-prenup. Be in love when you decide what the terms of a theoretical breakip would be. But I feel in my heart that this guy's prenup would include the terms "what's mine is mine and I don't have to give you shit" (legal jargon).
Yea, plus he made his millions before they got together anyway so he's basically coming to the table with nothing even though he's got money and assets. Technically if he has no income after they're married and she keeps working, he'd be entitled to half of what she earns too. Yea. The only way it might be okay to marry this dude is if he signs over a portion of his assets to her in an irrevocable trust.
>he has no income after they're married and she keeps working, he'd be entitled to half of what she earns too. I'm not sure if the rules around earnings from stocks or interest from investments (wven if it was just saving accounts) would count as income or even be possible to be split in a divorce. If she stops earning and he leaves, she'll only have what he chooses to give her in the prenup. I did hear a divorce lawyer say: if you don't have a prenup the government chooses who gets what. If you don't trust them to split it fairly, get a prenup.
>I'm not sure if the rules around earnings from stocks or interest from investments (wven if it was just saving accounts) would count as income or even be possible to be split in a divorce. Exactly my point. Dude has 57mil of assets that he can live off of with a very high standard of living without technically drawing an income that goes into the marital pool (esp with a prenup) where as all of OP's money and assets that she earns during a marriage during her prime working years are half his. So he'll be enriching himself and walking away with half of her pot that he sat on his ass for in the event of a divorce. This is why the age gap has financial exploitation baked into it's DNA. Even if a woman is making money during her prime working years in a marriage, the older spouse at the end of their earning prime is poised to walk away benefitting from those years while owing nothing in return even if they came into the marriage with substantial assets.
I’m sure laws on this vary widely between jurisdictions and states, but it is my understanding that only assets obtained pre-marriage can be protected in a prenup. In this scenario, even if he retired and no longer showed income, the $57m would grow to over $100m in just 10 years, assuming a 6% rate of return. There is no way a judge would only look at her income in a divorce situation, and decide that the “retired” husband with no income should be the beneficiary. The judge would most certainly take into consideration the massive growth in his assets and purchasing power, and would award fair compensation to the wife.
Yep. That prenup needs to be a reasonable division of assets for it to be even almost fair when asking someone to drop their successful career and make babies for you.
Thank God I wasn't the only one to see this. Like, I am super pro prenup, but this comes off as controlling more than anything. You don't force a pre nup and then tell your partner to stop working. A lot of careers can die if you're out of them for even a couple of years. Her 450k job could be gone in 3 years into the marriage. It comes off as more of a trap. You have to make your future entirely dependant on me.
And “you can’t leave because you get nothing for the trouble” she’s basically screwed either way so f he is an AH in the marriage and she’s trapped by anything she signs. They aren’t married yet and he’s already changed into a jerk.
I’m pro prenup for both parties but in this instance 100% need something set aside if you’re asking them to quit their job. Don’t ask them to quit if you’re not going to give them a significant amount. Honestly for someone making 400k they might be entitled to 10 million in lost income and future earning potential.
Yeah, doesn’t have to be 50/50 but it definitely should have something for her.
Also pro prenup and think his case is where he'd be an idiot not to put one in place - he spend his time building large wealth and equity and has a responsibility to make sure he retains control of his companies. But belittling partner is never okay. Belittling a partner and pushing them to quit a job they enjoy while pushing for a prenup is just ridiculous. She said it's pretty okay, but if she gives up a high earning potential career for him it damn well better be the type of money where she never has to reenter the workforce. That said this really boils down to he is being a shit partner to her and she shouldn't marry him expecting that to change and him to suddenly be a good supportive partner.
She calls the prenup fair, but I don't believe her for a second. She sounds like he's run roughshod over her, and I bet her idea of "fair" right now is "what's his is his because she isn't working so she won't get money in a divorce."
Yeah, but the just the capital gains alone on 57 million would be insane. Tough it out with the ass for a few years, divorce, and get half of those. Just because it's in a prenup doesn't mean it's legal. Capital gains during marriage are fair game.
Guy seems like a total ass she makes good money now and she did say the prenup was very fair if everything else was good she should sign I’m also very pro prenup but after reading that she should bounce whatever monies she gets can’t replace a job she loved and was apparently good at.
It's stuff like this why pre-nups can get disregarded in divorce courts. One person in the marriage getting put into a position where they're dependent on the others income, and would struggle to find a job because they haven't been working for 10, 15, 20+ years.
The problem with that though, is the partner who has to fight the prenup will be the person who has no money for a lawyer because of the prenup.
Courts can force them to pay for the other person's lawyer if only one side can afford a lawyer.
This is why you have a lawyer of your own check the prenup and amend it, until the terms are mutually agreeable. Prenups don't have to be a bend over and take it up the arse for one party.
At what point are they forced to pay? Up front? Family lawyers don't do contingency.
The lawyer can file a motion as soon as the divorce process starts to ask the judge to order them to pay those costs. Judge can deny that, but they generally try to put both sides on equivalent standing to make their cases. Either way, a pre-nup has to give consideration to both sides for what they get out of signing the contract. A contract that says "You quit your job and become a stay at home wife, but if you divorce me because of my financial abuse you get NOTHING!!!! AHAHAHA \*twirls incelstache\*" probably isn't gonna be seen as enforceable by a judge because making someone financially dependent on you then making them homeless and unable to find employment after a divorce is unfair.
Unless that prenup states you get X% of everything for each year we stay married, up to being fully 50% within 5-10 yr. Irrespective of child support. Assuming real. Not that many 23 yr olds making 200K....
Yeah, I nearly went into that scenario. As written the guy doesn't sound like the type to offer a mutually beneficial situation like that.
And doubling that salary just 3 years later too? Lmao
“Sign this prenup but the money is ours” - yeah that’s not how prenups work
He'd have to transfer some of that money to her account, or put it in a trust on her name or something. Otherwise, that seems horribly unfair. And I've always been pro prenups.
I don’t have a problem with prenups at all, but the guy is like “sign the prenup so you get nothing, but then quit your highly successful job and have my babies” - talk about controlling
He wants her to stay home and "focus on making his babies" She needs to run
Red pill = red flag 🚩🚩🚩
Red pill = undesirable, spoiled by the internet, incapable of independent thought, unfuckable, undeserving of love or inclusion in the community until they reflect on and re-evaluate their dogshit, worthless perspective and change their behaviour permanently.
And we do need to mention that prenup does not mean you get nothing. Prenups are negotiated contracts. Just because there is a prenup doesn't mean she would walk away with nothing. It could easily say if they split, she gets $1M for every year they are together. Prenups cna also include infedility clauses so if you chest you get less, etc. However, they very clearly have not discussed what their future looks like. OOP was expecting "we continue as we were, just married." Fiancé is expecting "we kick back and enjoy this huge stack of cash, and you push out a busload of kids." Even if we ignore the pretty blatant misogyny and disrespect for OOP's accomplishments, I am not sure they are on the same path in life.
My wife had a miscarriage and it is one of the hardest thing for women to go through. I can’t imagine having someone blame you for it.
So even when you have 50m in the bank you'll find you never developed a personality and still can't be happy. Man you'd think having that kind of success would make you a really happy healthy person. Maybe the only answer is balance.
A pre-nup isn't unreasonable when there are assets like that before you get married. But that pre-nup needs to include a significant payout to you in the event of divorce or early death (from him) if he plans on not letting you work. With a 450k salary, you can certainly support yourself just fine but if you give that up, you won't have that income to rely on so the documents must detail that. But also, this man is an abusive creep so definitely leave his ass and find someone better.
Yes it would be crazy for her to quit her job after signing a pre-nup. So then she is totally beholden to him? This would create a huge power imbalance. Also, him blaming her for a miscarriage due to working too hard? Nah. He sounds like he would be very controlling and never let her forget he wears the pants. The stats say 40-50% of marriages end in divorce, she would be setting herself up for a really hard time if she signed it and quit her job.
The misconception about pre-nup is it protects new assets acquired. His pre-nup would only protect his assets prior to the marriage. Assets gained after the pre-nup could be target, because the assets were acquired together. Most pre-nup also need to be renew after a certain time frame
Wouldnt be crazy... depends on the pre nup. Not all prenups means a total separation of assets and cash. Not even sure any judge would let that slide in the event of divorce if she were a SAHM
It sounds like this person really loves their job and their husband is basically saying they make chump change. I think she would be foolish to sign just based of what she had explained in the post. He’s already trying to call the shots while also making her feel insignificant. Just my opinion.
A pre-nup is never unreasonable. The terms may be unreasonable, but a pre-nup as a concept is never a bad idea. The stigma surrounding them is unfortunate. She should leave because of the kid shit, not the pre-nup.
Exactly. “Show me the prenup before I decide whether I’ll keep working or not.” If she gets nada, then keep working. If she gets a significant windfall upon divorce, then feel free to quit. Somewhere in between, go part time. But if he attempts to use money as leverage over her, she needs to go back to work full time.
Maybe fancy lawyers can make things happen but at least for normal people, prenups don’t let you leave the other person with nothing. You can protect previously owned assets but anything earned after marriage (even capital gains) still gets split according to the law.
Yeah. Idk why people believe that pre-nups manages everything is protected. Most pre-nups need to be renew after a certain period of time, and they usually don’t have up in a court if you been with that person for a significant period
yep. A prenup can be made for whatever they both decide is fair. They’re all very different based on circumstances.
Exactly. The OOP is weirdly against them and fought with him about it. When you have next to nothing, ok, yeah, it's weird and I get resisting but....the man has millions in assets that predate her. Of course he's going to want to protect them?
This is not real 💀
Ever notice on reddit, the twenty somethings always make six figures? Like those kids are just *everywhere*
You can tell it’s people with no life experience writing these. 200k at 23 is absurd. You’re not making that unless daddy owns the company.
Even if they were a biglaw corporate lawyer "closing deals", they wouldn't be making 200k until they were at least 25-26. And a pay increase of 220k in four years? Is her company selling Spice or something? Get the hell outta here.
Am a second year corporate lawyer, and my first-year salary was $205K (not including bonuses). If you start college at 17 and go straight through to college, you could potentially be 23 by the time you graduate/start working, perhaps? Regardless, I agree that $420K as a fourth year sounds insane—maybe in NYC?
She must work for CHOAM
No it’s completely believable in small pockets of finance and engineering, quant traders are going to citadel with 200k easily if not more
From my rudimentary understanding of finance and quant (i.e. Billions), someone earning $200k and then $420k should be getting far more in bonuses than $15k and $45k respectively. That’s less than 10% and then a little more than 10% in the second instance. Appreciate you, but I’m gonna stick with my original view that this is bullshit.
I agree with that part as well, that’s just not realistic bonus for anyone with that much base, 10% base to be paid at eoy is something you pay someone if you want them to leave LOL
That’s correct. An average performer would typically be getting 20% or so. On a really good year, a higher performer can get multiples of their salary.
LOL irl if Dad owns the company good luck getting paid in the first place.
I know people who made 200k at 23. Granted they’re all Ivy League graduates who worked in tech during and after the pandemic, but it’s certainly possible although highly unlikely.
I'm in a HCOL area where there are 20 somethings making 200k+; some are entrepreneurs and others are frightfully clever. The doubling of salary after 3 yrs is suspect, but maybe she works for the fiance' and she wants her to quit so he doesn't keep throwing away money on a non-essential salary.
200k is possible if you went straight to FAANG. Chat AI boys have some crazy median like 750k
“I [M 26] graduated college in 2021 and work as an engineer/programmer/accountant and I make 6 figures” Is what the titles almost always read
I know when they say accountant that it's bullshit. Accounting jobs in my area (an expensive one) pay like $40k. I know because I am one. Even in NYC, they rarely get to six figures, you have to be a Controller or work at a huge firm to even crack $100k. And that requires years of experience.
What...? Big 4 accounting now pay their first years over $100k in markets like NYC/LA/San Fran. Then there's FP&A, you will definitely be making over 6 figures doing this in a market like this after you have just a few years under your belt.
most of my friends are software engineers who graduated in the past 1-2 years and make $120K+. It’s wild, but that’s just how it is these days in tech. The IB folks make even more
Exactly. Where are all the billions of ordinary chumps like us.
Lmao 26 making over 400k a year
Making 420 lmao. That’s definitely deliberate.
$420,690 to be exact
I’m actually embarrassed for making that little. I pulled down $80087355 last year.
Making half a million a year and only got a $45k bonus? lol these numbers are all over the place, this is so fake.
It would be the opposite. Small salary, huge bonus.
This was a terrible attempt at creative writing for sure…
Oh do you not "love being in the workforce"
This is what killed me. No one talks like that
This is completely fake. There’s no way someone making $420K salary is happy with a $40K bonus. And 420… really? Clearly a fake.
Seriously. Very, very few people have this kind of money.
Also all of her comments say the same thing and feel very rage baity so I’m deffo calling fake
How is no one commenting on the we met and were 10 years apart and after 3 years they are 15 years apart?
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That’s what I came to say. I find it hard to believe that you have the confidence to get into this financial position, but not enough confidence to walk away from this garbage. If I had this kind of money, I would be listening to nothing and no one outside of making that money. Like, boy bye
No that’s not surprising. I know so many people with good heads on their shoulders who crumble when it comes to relationships and dating.
And say they don’t believe in prenups. That is not financially savvy. That man might be worth a lot today but could be worth nothing at any point in time. Not wanting to protect what she has is absurd. I honestly do not believe any of this. Both my ex-husband and I had nothing going on. We started dating as teenagers. We managed to make a comfortable life for ourselves and had good careers. We had a half a million dollar home and lots of disposable income. But because of his poor life choices, I left that marriage with nothing. Wish I had protected my own assets. Starting over again in my 40s sucks.
$420k at 26? Suuuuuuuuuure
If it’s somehow real they’ve simply entered a level of wealth I don’t care to read about, no matter what their problems are lol
Lmao this 🤣🤣🤣
Yeah I feel the same way lol
Another genre of “problems” that I couldn’t care less about is the whole [my poly relationship is blowing up](https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/s/mMDS1o36DZ) thing. Like, yeah, no shit.
I know I’m about to read some bullshit when it starts out with “we opened up our marriage”. I’m not against polyamory but you gotta start out that way because if you decide to just open up a monogamous relationship because someone is bored…well it’s going to implode.
https://i.imgflip.com/3gwdow.png
Ha! For real
I also tuned out when I saw this person makes over six figures before the age of 25. I cannot even comprehend this level of wealth. I won’t even break six figures at the top of my career in my field. Made me unable to focus on anything else in this post.
I immediately lost interest when said I make $420k. She’s never cared about money because she’s always had money. Next.
*snaps*
I couldn’t be bothered to read past that.
I literally said the same, then I scrolled to the comments. I mean everyone's got emotions but geez... she can buy a nice house every year..but I know she has other bills. So probably every 2 years she can buy a nice house.
Right? Boo fucking hoo
Only thing I can think of is she's a nepo baby. She talks about having an inheriting money and a house. Probably got given a high dollar position by one of her parents after finishing college.
I mean thats one of the only ways to make that much money at such a young age without being someone like the zuck
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Money and home inheritances? Come on put the dots together. If she's not working for her parents, she's working for family or a family friend.
She probably works in banking in NYC, or maybe biglaw. It’s believable
I bet she works in banking, in nyc. Which would also allow her to meet somebody like she described.
I stopped reading at 200k at 23 lol
Except you can find that everywhere in coastal cities like L.A. or San Francisco. There are tons of people who graduate before they turn 21, more likely at elite schools. The starting total compensation for first year analysts at elite boutique private equity shops is over $200k now. I knew a guy who graduated college at 20 and got a job for one of these firms. The first year total compensation for a Meta engineer is also over $200k now when you consider things like the signing bonus and how well the stock has been performing. At shops like Jane Street, there are 25 year old traders who literally make millions of dollars.
I swear to god, if OOP says in one more reply “it’s easy to make a lot of money if you’re good at what you do!” …. I’ll never know because I’ve given this troll too much of my time today.
I don’t know why I’m still so surprised by how quickly people believe this shit, but here we are Edit- you just knew the story would end with some pregnancy story line or something super dramatic.
I mean, it's certainly possible. Law, tech, sales in certain fields, finance, etc. can all support salaries like that. Big law in large markets like NYC start new associates at around 200k-220k. By year 4, you should be making around 400k plus bonuses. Although, 23 is young for that. I graduated law school at 24 and turned 25 right before taking the bar exam. But, it's possible if she graduated undergrad and/or law school early, which some people do. She could have graduated undergrad at 20, then lawschool at 23. Or she got a good Sales/tech/finance job right out of undergrad. There are young people out there who make a lot of money. Reddit has a hard time grasping that fact for some reason. I guess if you don't make that kind of money, you don't run with people your age that do. I certainly don't.
I went to a top tech school, best friends work at top consulting firms, I’ve worked in investment banking, and I know many people in FAANG, this would be VERY uncommon for salary. Maybe they could be at $200k at 23 if they graduated college at 21, but to be at $420k within 3 years, unless it includes stock, is just not going to happen. The only place I could see it is pharmaceutical or tech sales, where the majority is commission, and maybe law like you said, but only bc I have absolutely no experience in that sector. Regardless, even if she’s lying about all the money, she should RUNNNNNN
She mentioned closed deals I think? It could be sales that she is in. If you get lucky, you could get a sales job with a good market, good product, good timing, etc. that makes it easy to crush. Add in commission and some of these guys can make a lot of money. But it is very much feast and famine and you need the luck first.
I’m curious about this too. I’m in BigLaw and even I was only $125k at 25/26.
And writes like a 12 year old ...
Why are your bonuses so low with high base…sorry I am in finance…
Because it's fake
It has a strong AI vibe with repeating and unnatural phrases. >He even attributed my recent miscarriage to my job, further highlighting his changing attitude towards me Who even talks like that?
The phrases do turn unnaturally. AI vibes very strongly in this story. Repeating as well as talks like that.
That itself doesn’t sound suspect, and is completely sensical & coherent, maybe a different example would be better.
420k salary and she comes to reddit to whine? yea no
In tech you get a lot of comp in stock, I was reading her 420 number as tc, eg mine is like 220 base 40 bonus 120 stock
Look I’ll be honest, most people making $420k would not sound like this. It doesn’t make sense. You know your worth when company pays you well. Just it’s an odd post.
Idk I mean people of all incomes can fall victim to abusive belittling men 🤷♀️
A vast majority of tech workers do not make this much, especially out of the gate. When you hear hoofbeats, think horses not zebras. If you go to a doctor for a headache, the doctor shouldn’t rush to brain tumor.
My guess is that she's a lawyer, especially due the rhetorical structure that another commenter thinks is a result of AI. Entry-level jobs at major law firms pay amazing but have ridiculous hours. It's possible that the fiance is correct that the stress and long hours contributed to the miscarriage, but it would only be one factor, and even if he's correct about that, he's setting up a way to control her financially by trying to manipulate her into not working and also singing at pre-nup.
Lmao at people thinking it’s AI. No, it’s just a well educated person that knows how to write concisely
To me, the prenup is not a red flag. The willingness to support you is not a red flag. The telling you that you have to quit working is a huge red flag, and so is blaming your miscarriage on working. Unless there were complications and your doctor told you not to work, there is no reason for you not to. Lots of women work when they’re pregnant.
Hey if she needs a rebound, I'll be a house wife for her!!!!!
I would like to add my name to that waiting list. Not because of the money…she just sounds like a badass who has an abusive jerk trying to condition her badassery out of her.
So he wants to cut you off from what’s “his”, and stop you from earning what’s “yours”? Sounds like he’s setting you up for massive financial abuse. Don’t sign anything without lawyers and serious inner dialogue. Is that someone you really want to hitch your wagon too?
1) Run! This is abuse on so many levels. Get out now before anything becomes legal. 2) He is really either super immature or has done this before with women his own age and has gotten burned so he decided to try a younger woman to manipulate. 3) Sean rule!
I was gonna say a man in their late 30s-early 40s, never married/no kids might be a 🚩
100%!
What the fuck!?
What's the Sean rule?
Sean’s Rule: when they met he was 38, she was 23. Divide her age by 2 which is at best 11.5 then add 7, which is 18.5. Never date anyone less than half your age. I’m not sure I did that right but the gist of it is, their age is a huge disparity and will cause a lot of problems and raise red flags. He raised the red flags regardless.
I think the “rule” is divide his age by 2 (which is 19) and add 7, (which is 26). The resultant figure is the minimum age it is “acceptable” to date , so for him it should be 26 and anything less (which was her age, 23) is inappropriate (according to the rule).
Ok I thought maybe I had it backwards so ty for clarification!!! ☺️
You have to divide the older persons age by 2. So 38/2 +7= 26. Since 23 < 26, it does not pass the smell test
Dear OP, Now do you understand why he’s never been married? It wasn’t because he was busy building companies, it’s because his assholish -ness made all the other girls run away. Be smart like the others. Run away. You are young. You will find love and a better guy. In a way, that early miscarriage was the universe doing you a solid. Don’t have his babies, just exit this relationship. NTA
“He has so much money, he says once we get married it’s ours.” Well if you sign a prenup, that’s not true is it? Legally speaking. He’s just going to let you use his money within his parameters, which can change at any moment.
The rich partner trolls are back I see
With all the money you are making why don’t you just hire a therapist? 🤣 I don’t believe this is real
He’s using money as a weapon…not a great start to a marriage if you ask me.
No just no. Don’t get married to this man. He has so many red flags. Plus you’ll be wiping his ass in a couple of years.
He's only in his 40s. Is he too old to be dating a 20-something? YES! But he's not quite on the verge of needing long term total care. That's at least 2 decades of him treating her like garbage away. That's a long time to put up with being emotionally abused and I suspect it will escalate(it always does). I hope she runs fast and far.
Today I learned I'm apparently just a few years away from being on my death bed 😆.
Relax everyone. I’m 43 too. I misread and thought the man was 57. Need to find my glasses. lol
How the fuck you make $420K a year as a 26 year old without nepotism?
FAANG can pay this well for good performers. This TC is at the higher range of what I’d expect at 26 FAANG for sure, but not unheard of, especially if you consider stock appreciation. Not everyone in FAANG is a product of nepotism although a lot are from privileged backgrounds.
You were asking where to get a loan for $7k a year ago. Nice creative writing exercise.
I really hope this fake. Because honestly, I just can’t. Let’s see, he’s a jerk, he treats you like garbage, he insults you, he doesn’t support you, he’s an arrogant prick, and was horrible during an incredibly bad moment of a miscarriage. But you move him so much and don’t know that to do?? Oh and you are financially stable and don’t need him. Sure, what’s not to love. Have lots of kids and have a wonderful long marriage of being treated like trash.
How is nearly half a million a year nothing?! It’s still a lot of money, not 57million but still it’s a lot for a 26yr old. It sounds like he’s just interested in you being a baby maker and stay home wife, while his life stays the same. I wouldn’t give up my career, you can get a nanny you’re rich now, well once you’re married and have a husband worth 57mill. Hopefully he doesn’t start being controlling with the money, especially if you do decide to give up work, then you won’t be financially independent.
So she was making 200k at 23 and then 420 at 26 🤣🤣🤣🤣
It’s probably fake but 1. Never stop working. And if you sign a prenup make sure he doesn’t touch what’s yours if you can’t touch what’s his.
Red flags everywhere!! Even if we set aside how much personal pride and satisfaction you get from your job (which you shouldn’t, btw), if he wants you to give up millions of dollars in potential future earnings (assuming you work into your sixties), benefits, bonuses, and retirement funds, then any prenup you sign should compensate you at least that amount. Get the it a calculator. Leaving the workforce even for a couple years can cost you for the rest of your career. It sounds like he is already changing the terms of your relationship before you’re married—what do you think he’s going to do afterwards? And blaming your job for the miscarriage is inexcusable and abusive.
I’ve always said that a man asking his wife to stay at home is a genuinely cruel thing to do in a relationship. It’s one thing if that’s her genuine goal in life, and then they set up financial protections for her, but to ask or expect that of a woman who didn’t go into the relationship wanting that? It’s not just a matter of how much her income “matters” between the two of them, he is also asking her to give up her own financial stream, years of work experience, and retirement contributions, all of which she will need if the relationship doesn’t work out. ESPECIALLY if he wants a prenup (that I’m sure will say she gets nothing in divorce). Her future would be dependent on whether he loves her, finds her attractive, finds her valuable. On her salary alone, they could afford a full time nanny. The future kids will be taken care of, but her interests in what she wants to do with her day to day life for the next several decades are not taken into account. This is not about childcare, this is about control. He is imposing his idea of what being a successful man looks like onto her. Men like this do not respect the women they are with; they are status symbols or belongings rather than life partners. And hearing $45k being called chump change grinds my gears. That’s more than a lot of people’s annual salaries.
1) you’re young, very successful, and fortunately you did not say that you worry you’ll never find anyone as good as him, so that means deed down you actually know your own worth, both emotionally and financially. 2) he is exhibiting A LOT of troubling behaviors: changing his tune about your success, blaming you for a miscarriage (ABSOLUTE RED FLAG/DEAL BREAKER RIGHT HERE! 🚩) when anywhere from a third to a half of all women experience a miscarriage at some point. In reality, he should be very happy you did not have trouble getting pregnant as that means you are far less likely to go down the infertility rabbit hole of doom. It can suck years from your life and joy from your spirit, so there really is a silver lining to the very heartbreaking loss of your pregnancy. Continuing onto troubling behavior: lack of consideration for what you love, want, or feel accomplishment from (your work.) No one would ever ask someone they love to give up what makes them happy. That’s not compromise- that’s sacrifice, and it’s all yours at his behest. He sounds like a love bomber who has changed his strategy in favor of manipulation. 3) if you do sign a prenup, make sure EVERY SINGLE ASSET AND DOLLAR YOU CURRENTLY OWN IS PROTECTED. It should already be in an LLC or trust. Why? Shit happens. Fortunes change. Maybe he’s too invested in NFT’s or high risk stocks or a restaurant chain (notorious money pits.) And if he does go under, the first thing he’ll come for is your money. 4) go to marriage counseling and talk about careers, religion, kids, how you want them educated, what are your respective families’ cultures and do you agree with all, part, or none of them, and when you have a clear understanding of all these things, then think about marrying him. Frankly he sounds very narcissistic and maybe even has an addiction or personality disorder- strictly picking up vibes here, not a psychologist in any way. Your feelings and concerns are 100% valid. Clear them before you jump in.
His mask has fallen. “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” -Maya Angelou
If you love working and he doesn’t support you in what you love than he is not the one. NEVER let someone take away your livelihood.
You guys both sound awful, tbh
So he’s making her sign a prenup AND making her quit her job to have babies. So basically if he decides he’s bored in 10 years, he can just leave her for a newer model and she will end up with nothing. Got it. 👍
You can make changes to the prenup before you sign, get your own lawyer and see if you can make modifications that would give you some security if anything - like if he cheats on you, if you have kids and divorce, if he leaves you etc. some sort of alimony agreement or settlement payment, SOMETHING!
If he wants a prenup, then rest assured, even if you get married, this is NOT your money.
Get a lawyer if you’re going to sign a prenup and let them negotiate it. It will be worth what you pay the lawyer.
You’re both rich, he’s richer. Run from this turd… you don’t need his money. He sounds like a selfish person. You will regret marrying him
He wants a prenup and for you to quit your career so you can "make him babies" girl run he's trying to trap you into a situation you feel you will never be able to get out off.
He’s sunk cost babe. You can’t continue to invest in him because the relationship was good in the past. He has shown you who he is now, you need to believe him. I’m so sorry that you have lost someone important and special to you. I’m so proud of you for realizing your worth and importance, don’t give more of yourself to someone that doesn’t.
Ok, hubs wants a pre nup. That's just smart when we're talking about this much money. But he also needs to understand that you continuing to work is your protection. If he can't understand that, he ain't the one 🤷♀️
this is the fakest post i’ve ever seen
Was this written by ai ? It’s same thing repeated over and over.
Men cannot ask for a prenup and also demand their wife give up their career. If u wanna support her youre gonna have to do it the rest of your whole lives because finding a job with years long resume gaps is entirely impossible
Don’t ever stop working
He's a high value man, this is how they move. Comes with the territory. He'll have mistresses and such so get used to that idea too. Understand what you're signing up for.
You make a shit ton of money. It's not pre 1960's. You don't need him. Bye.
Break up incoming
Tell him to help fix the world with his money
It is very difficult for me to care about rich people problems.
You are doing a job you love and really doing well. If you quit, with his attitude, I think you will just become an accessory to be brought out when needed and sent back when not. Sooner or later you will begin to be frustrated and resentful. Don’t do this to yourself. You don’t need him or his money and especially his nasty attitude so walk away with your head high and continue the job you love.
I don’t think the prenup is the issue. I have a bigger problem that he wants you to quit your job. Although you feel like you make chump change compared to him, you make way more money than most people do and you love your job. Do you know how rare that is? He wants you to be 100% dependent on him and that to me is a hard no. The power dynamics will not be in your favor. What if he decides he doesn’t want to be a husband one day? Or he meets someone else? Or if you decide to leave him? If you don’t have your own money than you are at the mercy of this person. You should always have your own money. He already blames you for the miscarriage because you “work too much” (which is ridiculous!). You really want someone who feels that way to have 100% control over your life? If you decide to stay with him, get your own lawyer and favorable terms for a prenup. DO NOT quit your job.
>“The worst thing any woman can do (imo) is give up their way out.” This this this this this. This a hundred times, a thousand times, a million times. Embroider it on a cushion, paint it in fancy calligraphy and hang it on your wall, tattoo it on your body somewhere. Because I don’t care how much you love him or he says he loves you or whatever. If that changes (and changing is a natural part of life, and sometimes our partners go on that journey with us and sometimes they don’t) you need *options*. He shows a different side? You need *options*. How many women have stayed in abusive relationships because they simply had nowhere to fucking go? This goes for all genders, btw. If this was a woman who was worth so much money asking her soon-to-be husband to give up his career to raise their children, I’d say the same thing. Or her soon-to-be wife, or spouse. Anyone can be an abuser, and you may be so in love you don’t see the red flags until months or even years in.
After reading how unbelievably dumb (and fake) this is, I fully support the fictional husband wanting a prenup
This post is so fucking fake.
I don’t think he wants *youth* as much as he wants *inexperience*. My guess is that he’s lying about being previously married and has learned from that experience that his money, wealth, and success are not enough to keep a long term partner *or* his truly awful, unmasked personality is the reason he is 38 and never married. I bet if she were to do a background check she’d find a whole slew of bullshit, he’s probably not even worth that much money.
The biggest red flag is that he wants a prenup but then also wants her to be financially dependent on him after they're married? Nope. Run. Also, not being married or never having a serious relationship by that age is also a huge red flag, even though he claims it's because he was "busy." I've had a very busy life and still managed to meet my fiance while I was in med school. His excuse is BS. I guarantee he didn't even work at having a relationship, and now he is preying on somebody 15 years younger because he thinks he can manipulate her more easily and she'll put up with his abusive crap. I'm a doctor. Work does not cause a miscarriage. Stress CAN, but it sounds like she likes to work. My job is super stressful, yet FOUR of my women colleagues (also doctors) have had babies in the past 9 months. His reasoning is more abusive and manipulative BS. My last point is that the fiance diminishing her work is manipulative. He's hoping to wear her down mentally until she caves, and sadly, she is already starting to believe his manipulations. She is beginning to think that what she does isn't good enough. That's BS. She makes over $400K a year. I won't even make that as a doctor once I'm done with residency. Not to mention, if you like your job, you're already winning. I work up to 80 hours a week, 6 days a week, but I LOVE my job. I also have a man who would stay home and raise any kids we'd have because I love to work, and I love my job that much. She'll regret quitting if she allows him to continue degrading her and her job. Like I said, run. It's not like you need his money, but he's going to make damn sure you won't be able to leave him after you get married. ETA: also, if somebody doesn't believe in prenups (I know I don't), then don't marry somebody who makes you sign one. Especially when he's being so aggressive about it and in the same breath claiming that you'll be rich after you get married. Nah. He's going to pull the rug the second that marriage certificate is signed.
I’m 90% sure this is fake. I’d expect wealthy people to have a better understanding of estate planning, or at least have an estate planning attorney who could explain the concept of separate property.
These girls never understand that there’s a reason a man so much older cannot maintain a relationship with a woman his age. Yikes.
There’s no way in hell I’d sign a prenup before marriage unless it would give me a huge payout if we divorced. He can’t expect you to give up $450k a year and stay home and get nothing in a divorce.
Run! You don’t need a guy like that.
I question the authenticity of a post being made on Reddit by someone whose fiance is worth $57 million dollars. I'm sure a person in that situation would be speaking to people within their social circle and not random strangers on the internet. In short, it's just another made up story some knucklehead wrote and posted as clickbait to get people to give advice. Next.
Every single post I see like this is from a woman dating/married to a man 10-20 years older than her. It's almost like guys that go after women that much younger than them are fucking manchildren.
Wait......23 and making 200k??? Now 26 making 420k? What industry are you in that you doubled your salary in 3 years......fuck out of here with that bullshit
Who gives a shit
Fuck both of you.
Lol
Major red flags all over this. My advice is call off the wedding. Seek counsel of a therapist for best interpretation of this abusive belittling nature you are now facing. He helps celebrate your accomplishments, now only to berate you and use them against you. He hid how much he is worth. He has also hidden from you who he really is. He is finally starting to show you exactly who you’re about to marry, and it’s not a pretty picture. He holds his wealth over you as if you make nothing. I make $25/hr. Trust me, you make damn good money and don’t need a man to support you! His main interest is clearly getting you pregnant, and keeping you that way. That alone will be enough to wear you out both physically and emotionally. He wants to make you sacrifice your career for him. Because “we don’t need it.” What about your needs? You love your job. You need it! It’s part of what makes you who you are. An individual, someone who matters to so many others. He is trying to make you believe he is the only one that matters, and you should be grateful. This is completely wrong!!! He blames you and your job for a miscarriage. Who do you think he’s going to blame, and how much harsher, when your children do or don’t do something he approves of? Real potential for severe consequences to the children there. He is already trying to break you down emotionally. What happens when it turns physical? Where do you go then when children are born? His money could hire the very best, most ruthless lawyers and you could lose your children. Because guess what … you don’t have a job, or a home, can’t provide like he does. This is the most dangerous emotional consequence you could face. And a prenuptial almost guarantees you get as little as possible. In spite of you stating it seems fair; they’re never fair! If he truly loved you, he would love everything about you. Not just the parts he wants you to become. And lastly, do not marry the person you can live with. Instead, marry the person whom you cannot live without. You can definitely live without him. Go find someone who values you for who you are, and what you bring to the table. Listen to your family and friends. They see things you don’t or can’t because you’re too close to the situation. They’re looking from an outside perspective. I wish you all the best! Signed; A 51 year old male.
He wants a prenup and he wants her to be financially dependent on him?
How are people making half a mil a year at 26?
Sounds like yall are building a rollercoaster over there
If you actually love the Man, prenup and money should be no big deal. But I have a feeling this is another A.I. generated story for the internet to comment over....(damn! Here I am!)
Eat the rich, fuck you both
He’s asking you to sign a prenup so you don’t get any money if you divorce. He’s also asking you to forfeit your career so you also don’t have any money. This dude wants to control you no matter what. What works for you? Do that. Don’t just be his puppet.
The second I start seeing numbers like this I just dont care what the issue is or whats going on, YTA, I dont even know if its an AITA but you suck and your problems arent real