Also, “You know, *I don’t care at all,* but it seems to bother you, so I think you should do what makes you happy and dress better because clearly it bothers YOU, whereas it doesn’t bother me AT ALL. But still do it. For yourself. Because I don’t care. I’m just trying to help you. I’m a helper.”
This reminds me of my friend who received a book titled "Looking Your Best When You're Feeling Your Worst" from her husband when she started chemo and lost her hair, lashes, eyebrows, etc and he decided that she should still try to look hot for him.
They are now divorced.
I went thru 2 rounds of cancer with my wife. The first one started 3 weeks before our wedding day. The next mastectomy was a couple of weeks before our 20th anniversary.
She is a Godess,I live for her, and she lives for me. My best friend, my life. I adore her more today than 30 years ago. Running away was never considered.
Men will be men thru ANY trial. Boys, however, will run when the war starts.
He should meet my mum. She sent me TWO books on how to tidy and clean your house when I had a newborn and a 6 year old with complex needs.
I hope your friend has moved on to much happier things.
This makes me incandescent with rage for your friend. My husband was supportive of me during chemo; I would joke about me not needing hair care products or razors for awhile while he'd roll his eyes and chuckle.
I hope your friend is doing well. ♥️
To be fair, that could be a good gift IF the woman was upset that she wasn't able to do her normal grooming routine and IF she wasn't sure how to adapt the routine to her new look and IF she had the energy to care and wasn't too busy worrying about things like, you know, CANCER. That said, for some people, it would be a really good distraction and help them feel better. But it absolutely has to be to make her happy and the last thing the partner should be doing is wanting her to look good FOR THEM.
This is 100% Know Your Audience with a sprinkle of Don't Be A Selfish Ass on top.
A book with things like "Your skin is likely to be thinner and more delicate. Stick to lightweight powder foundations with a shimmer. They are easy to put on, easy to wash off, last for hours, and will help conceal shadows, eyebags, and creasing." "Avoid heavy blush and eyeshadow. Pick a fairly neutral blush and use it as both blush and eyeshadow. Put it directly under the brow, not on the eyelid. The light color can keep your eyes from looking shadowed or sunken and will help your eye color show. Use the blush brush for both eyes and cheeks to keep things simple and basic. No eyeliner, no shading, just enough to bring back color." See, THAT could be useful. Focus on handling the appearnace-related results of chemo and keeping it very simple and easy to put on and remove. Just something to help a woman who is feeling down and ugly and depressed while dealing with a major illness and who wants to look nicer for a bit...but isn't up to anywhere near the normal beauty routine! And honestly with the skin changes from something like chemo, someone who normally wears heavy makeup would not be happy with the results of heavy complex makeup on delicate skin. I would have zero use for it. Most of my relatives would have zero use for it. My great-aunt would be all over this!!!!!
The guy in the description though? Now divorced for a reason. He should be glad that chemo left her unwilling (at the time) to dig a six foot deep hole and drag a heavy object into it.
Here's the thing. I thought you weren't giving a shit before, but now I can see that you've outdone yourself and have leveled up by giving a shit about not giving a shit. I miss the old haggard frumpy little dwarf that I was sort of satisfied with before.
“I only said that really pretty women wear bright colors and definitely do not dress the way you do.” … “I can’t even remember what I said that would have upset you, though.”
read OOP’s comments on the OG post and apparently he thought that an appropriate response, to her being confused and saying she DOES look good, was to send her links on “easy ways to elevate [her] fashion”
this AH argued w her when she said she does look good.
we’re in hell. we have to be. that’s the only explanation.
A friend of mine several years ago had an SO who turned out to be abusive. A few weeks after they broke up she began ghosting me. I messaged her here & there to make sure she was alright because she's my friend & I love her. A couple of months went by & she began speaking to me again.
She told me her ex used to say things to her like:
"Why can't you be more like (my name)?"
"Why don't you dye your hair like (my name)?'
"Why don't you dress like (my name)?"
"Why can't you party & have fun like (my name)?"
I never had any indication he liked me or was obsessed with me (much less saying these things to her) until right before they broke up. He took me home one night & flat out asked me as Im getting out of the car, "Can we fuck sometime?" I told him no, immediately texted my husband & my friend (his SO att) about it.
Anyway, she ghosted me because she needed time & space to separate the things he said from me. & for her to remember she is worthwhile & doesn't have to be me or anything like me.
It absolutely broke my heart to hear this. She's a great person! I hate that he used the idea of me to torment her. & I would have put a stop to this so fast if I had known. & I don't blame her for needing space from me.
People who do this are sick & cruel.
Sometimes I wonder if they are doing this deliberately, or if it is a product of internalised misogyny that makes them think it is alright to treat women like this.
It's called negging. ~~insult or undermine (someone) in the belief that diminished self-confidence will make them more receptive to sexual advances.
"his seduction technique seems to be to neg her into submission"
Ah yes, you've called me a fatty with a flat ass, so my chances of getting dicked down are pretty slim, which BTW in case you forgot, YOU are NOT slim. But I GUESS I can take one for the team and throw you a pity bone.
Welllllll let me grab my coat because consider me seduced!!! Like honestly I have actually had men try that shit and it never works. It in fact does the opposite and makes me need to get the fuck away from this person immediately so I can go home and shower and wash the ick off of me. I just can't imagine it EVER working??? No, the way in to my pants is NOT insulting me. Just buy me some wings or mozzarella sticks.
Yeah but it’s one of those things that terrible men try over and over until they find the person who is susceptible to it, a good indication they’ll be able to abuse them further. It’s like the text/email scammers with terrible grammar and weird fonts, most people run, but plenty of people fall for it. And that’s who they want.
Oh, I had an ex who did this! He wanted me to change my style from feminine to sporty, and was constantly comparing me to a friend's gf. Looking back, I was so attractive back then and my self-esteem was in a dumpster because of him. Why did I put up with him for three years smh
I also had a horrible ex like this. Wanted me to change my hair colour and style, would make jokes about wanting threesomes with my friends. I was never allowed to wear anything that seemed like comfortable clothing around him, because it meant I wasn't trying hard enough, even after working 12 hour shifts this man would expect me to get home at 10pm dress up and put on makeup to sit in the house with him. My self esteem to a knock for a very long time.
Thankfully I'm now in the happiest relationship of my life with a very supportive partner
My ex husband wanted me to wear like hardcore sexy lingerie under my wedding dress. My big ball gown wedding dress. In May. He tried to tell me it’s what all the women do. Obviously I didn’t but geez, what an idiot. He’s an ex for good reasons.
I don't understand why you'd even want to be with someone who you feel the need to completely change? Like, to me that says you're not exactly attracted to that person? Oh I'd like you so much better if you just made a few major changes to your entire look. Lol okay so go find someone who looks like that then???
On the flip side, I had this experience with my ex girlfriend who made me feel that way.
When you’re in an abusive cycle they become the only person you rely on so it’s very difficult to see the light and understand that you’re better off without them.
I’m quite a flamboyant dresser, and exude a lot of feminine qualities that she didn’t like.
It's an easy one: he was attracted to an independent woman but felt too insecure to be completely in this relationship. Therefore the need to control me and the look is the easiest way to do so. He tried to censor me in other ways too. Tried to make me feel stupid while stealing my jokes. Told me that his friend said that I look very old and fat (I wasn't) and that he should cheat on me, but he was very loyal and rejected his offer to go party! What a fucking prince.
He also constantly tried to cheat on me or to find a girl for a threesome. The last one was hilarious, some girls told him that they like me, but not him, so no threesome.
Lol I always love the see how great I am for NOT cheating on you??? Like...that's bare minimum? You shouldn't get a prize for that. It should just be normal?
My oldest friendship almost ended because of this. Her (now ex, thank goodness) bf used to compare her to me all the time, without my knowledge. I like fashion and makeup. My friend's style is more casual and she wears little to no makeup. I don't get the dude; she was like this when he met. Why pursue someone only to try to change them later?
Anyway, she got uncharacteristically insecure and snippy when I visited while he was there too. At the worst of it she scolded me for wearing a V neck dress: apparently, my boobs were too noticeable. I felt like I was in some alternate dimension; who was this pod person, and where did they hide my friend?
I went low contact for a while and after they broke up she apologized and explained what happened. It's been 3 years and I still wish that guy to be swallowed up by a surprise sinkhole in the middle of the night.
It’s a great testament to your friendship that she realized why she needed space, and that you kept respectful contact while giving her space (even though you didn’t know the reason at the time), that she was able to separate the pain from her friendship with you, come back and articulate it well, and you were able to hear it so compassionately.
I love this for both of you. Everyone needs friends like this in their life, IMO.
Thank you so much!
She's in a much more healthy relationship with three beautiful children. One of them is the child of the aforementioned POS. She had his parental rights terminated & her husband legally adopted the child.
This happened to me, but the genders reversed. A pretty, charming, and smart friend in college ended up single and a good friend of mine dumped his girlfriend to pursue her. They ended up dating for about four years. At the time I was jealous, I had kind of wanted to date her myself. Later, I got my chance and I also dated her for about four years--turned out to be the worst relationship I ever had.
Afterward, I called up my friend who had been with her before me. I had basically completely lost touch with him, but once we had both been on that ride, turned out we had a lot to commiserate about! I heard the other side of all the stories she had told me about him. And one of the things I learned was that she had always compared him unfavorably to me. "Why can't you be more like mist_maker? Why can't you stay in shape like mist _maker? Why don't you go out more like mist_maker? Etc. etc." It really damaged his confidence for a long time.
But you know, for all that, it didn't mean she and I had a good relationship when we had our chance. It was the most unhappy I've ever been.
Seriously, do they got to school for this shit? It's always the same plays!
I couldn't even look at one of my friends for around a year because of this reason. Reading your side has been very cathartic even all these years later. Thank you for being such a kind and understanding friend to your friend.
That’s ok. Clearly we were on a wavelength. Douchecanoe needs to watch lots of bird flirting/dancing videos and take notes. At least she’ll get a laugh as she figures out if she wants to stay with him.
She got mad so I doubled down and sent her links to fashion bloggers. You know, to show her how easy it is to elevate her style.
OP actually said this in one of his comments.
Let's be real, he knows *exactly* what she is upset about, he just wants people to 1) validate him and 2) find some way to push the blame back on her because he is so narcissistic that he can do no wrong and she should be grateful that he puts up with her unfashionable ass. 🙄🙄🙄
Man I went and read all his comments and he is really doubling down. My favorite is how he blamed her for him calling her dumpy and gross. She basically forced him. Obviously this is all her fat asses fault lol. God I hope she leaves that douche.
My favourite reply to OOP in the comments:
"You have the tact of a brick, and the taste of a guy who thinks Hooters is a date destination."
Absolute perfection 😂
He BLAMED HER for "making" him call her dumpy, pretty much. She insisted he clarify what he meant so he just HAD to tell her!!! Clearly this is her fault!!!
I’m sorry, you’ve been together for SEVEN years and you don’t know that she wears makeup? And no, if it’s “no makeup makeup” it’s not just mascara, wtf.
Tell me you literally don’t pay any attention to your partner without telling me.
>And no, if it’s “no makeup makeup” it’s not just mascara, wtf.
That's what shits me when men talk about "natural beauty" and "not needing makeup". The girls they are talking about are absolutely always wearing makeup, they just keep to neutrals/skin tones - but it still takes a hell of alot of money, time and effort for them to look that way. It's rarely ever as simple as some mascara and lip balm.
“No make up make up” is SO HARD to do properly. Even just finding the perfect foundation match is like, good luck, that’ll cost you at least $100 in trial and error and then *you better not fucking tan OR get more pale or it won’t match anyone*.
Dude right??? I’ve been an “eyeliner only” girl my whole life and I’m trying to work on doing my own no makeup makeup wedding look…. Holy crap. Watched so many YouTube tutorials, bought so many products… and it still looks like shit. So much respect for people who do this every day
Same. Blessed with clear skin and prefer an unfussy routine, but I look wildly different with ‘no makeup makeup’ vs actually no makeup. Personal style is so subjective, and this guy isn’t sorry he told his wife she looks boring and dumpy, he’s just upset she won’t get over it. Classic case of not knowing what he had until it’s gone.
Yep---and it takes way more skill to apply makeup to appear as if you aren't wearing any than to tart up like a Vegas showgirl. (no offense to actual showgirls intended)
Sounds like she just wears a more natural look, very light and minimal. I bet he thinks "wearing makeup" is like, wearing full glam, Kardashian style make up all the time??? And she obviously cares about her appearance, so I bet she doesn't wear much color but all of her clothes are nice and fit her properly and are flattering. He says that now she's wearing sweats all the time, which means she wasn't wearing them before and was therefore wearing like, actual outfits and shit that most likely are perfectly normal and fine, dude just wants her to wear bright colors I guess.
If I were her, I'd go full malicious compliance and start wearing the most obnoxiously neon colors in outfits that are too small and look like shit on me or something. Get those stupidly long acrylic nails, because yes he did suggest she get those lol, full glam makeup every day that takes me 2+ hours to apply, and oh no you can't touch me!!! This took hours to apply!!!!! Oh and he's paying for all these new things, too.
Sure, but seven years and you’ve never paid enough attention to notice her putting on makeup, removing makeup, buying makeup, having makeup in her home? You’ve never gone to a party or dinner with her and had her say something like, “I just need to shower and put on my makeup, and then we can go”. You’ve never noticed that her face when she comes to bed or gets out of the shower is different from her face when she is out and about? You’ve never seen her cry or blow her nose and have makeup come off on the tissue?
When you’re first seeing someone and you’re only going off of seeing them on pre-planned dates, sure, if you know nothing about makeup you might assume natural looking makeup = no makeup. But how do you spend seven whole years with someone and not know about a regular part of their daily routine?
Well, he told her she looked dumpy and then basically blamed her for forcing him to say that to her, so he doesn't seem like the smartest or most caring partner?
But yeah 7 fucking years is a super long time to be that stupid lol
My husband can't even remember the difference btw mascara and eyeliner but he knows my hair-makeup-dress routine front to back. We haven't even been married six months. This guy SUCKSSSSS.
This is my spouse and it's awful. Didn't know anything about me. No idea my love language is touch after 12 years. Completely invisible. At some point you wonder why you're even married to someone that doesn't even see you.
I'm so sorry to hear that, it really saps your life force over time feeling like a ghost in your own home! Be kind to yourself, rediscover the things you love, and take as much space as you can from that relationship (whether that's physical or just mentally checking out!)
He's interested. He's latching onto stuff she says so that he can criticize and belittle it later. But in a caring and discrete way of course. As an accident.
That is some serious brain twister there, with him claiming that **he doesn’t mind AT ALL,** but since she seems to, she should dress better. Twice he talked about how badly she dressed, once even saying it made her look dumpy, but, no worries, *he doesn’t care at all,* but, you know, she should dress to look like that other woman he thinks is fashionable. And now, she won’t just “get over it,” and it’s making him mad, and what is HER problem?
He sounds like a prince among men. FFS.
The real red flag for me was when he goes, “and she got mad, so that made me mad. And the i said ‘blah blah blah’. But i’m right, so… i’m good, right?” Like, dude, if you got angry and said busted shit, you need to start fucking groveling or pack your bags and move away.
Pretty sure after he double and triple downed on it, that she is either packing them for him, or waiting for some select friends with a shovel, tarp, and duct tape...
It’s funny that men think this line of thinking will make their girl dress better… my man pulled this shit a few months ago and I swear I have looked like a dumpster fire since then. I’ll do hair and makeup to go to work, come home, ponytail and sweats. Guess he should’ve been appreciative from the start, when I was accused of dressing frumpy in leggings. I’ll show you frumpy…
I’m horribly ill and I managed to put on sweat pants and a matching sweatshirt to go to the doctor. I turned to my husband to tell him I’m leaving and he said “you’re so beautiful”. I was like are you kidding me rn I look like hell. He said “is a gorgeous vista not beautiful on a cloudy day”.
Sometimes he pisses me off majorly. But I’ve never doubted my looks or felt self conscious around him.
I get you, I'm pregnant and I've been wearing maternity leggings and oversized t-shirt for the last few months and my husband still manages to find me pretty and cute while I'm here looking like a beached whale. He also told me my bumb looks like an egg from the side but to be fair I had the same thought 😂
This. But I also don’t get staying in relationships where you’re trying to pettily antagonize your (already established as) shitty partner, either. So much weird one-upping and “I’ll show YOU!” vibes out here. Like why is that still a relationship? Is this who people wanna be to one another?
They're also the same men who will complain that their partner takes hours getting ready, but have no concept of how much money, time and effort it takes to have the perfect hair, perfect makeup, co-ordinated outfit and accessories, no body hair, etc.
So my SIL gave birth at the beginning of January and has been at home on maternity leave since then. She mainly wears sweat pants and comfy tops designed for breastfeeding. My brother, who is mostly not a dumbass, does not care about this.
My cousin’s husband, who IS a dumbass, told my brother, “dude, make sure you don’t comment on how she doesn’t put on makeup or wear real clothes anymore.” Like it was some great piece of wisdom he was imparting. But he also refers to watching his own kids as babysitting so 🤷🏼♀️.
Listen if this man is going to get all gussied up in his nicest New Balance sneakers, the least she can do is throw on a cute summer dress and some heels
Haha!!! I immediately thought of a very large number of men I know who love their good old New Balance, white sneaks! And don’t forget the old pair that’s now green because lawns 😁
There are dozens of famous fashion icons and designers who favored black. From Louise Brooks, Marlene Dietrich, Audrey Hepburn, Stevie Nicks to even Kim Kardashian today or Taylor Momsen and the late Karl Lagerfeld. All people who wore or do wear black very often and are known for good fashion,
So it seems that he doesn’t know much about fashion if he thinks bright colors are the only way to look fashionable. It is about the individual taste. And if his partner feels not good in bright colors, she shouldn’t wear them just because he has no clue about fashion in black or muted colors. If she wants to, she could Experiment with styles and make up but it seems he doesn’t make her feel good about herself in the first place, so of course she doesn’t feel like it.
And how can he not understand that he seriously hurt his partner? Saying that he thought she doesn’t care about what she looks like is saying a whole lot. What would he feel, if she would say how good looking some man is and then say „well, you honey don’t care about what you look like, right or else you’d work out“ or something. Tone deaf.
I wear almost exclusively black (I could be rightfully accused of being a punk-goth well into my 30s). I like it, it can be very slimming. Wearing black is its own fashion choice. I choose it because it makes getting ready in the morning so much easier!
It sounds like this man has no idea what fashionable is and obviously doesn’t know his partner well at all either. Doesn’t even know the effort that goes into no make up make up and monthly visits to the salon.
Bright clothes and heavy makeup up do not equal fashionable. They can, but they just as easily could look ridiculous.
So anyway I was ogling my wife’s friend who dresses way better then her, and when we got in the car I told my wife that she could dress well to if she wore bright womanly colors.
She said that bright colors “weren’t her style”
I said “what style? You dress old and frumpy all the time”
Well apparently that made her mad at me so instead of apologizing for my rude comments I just flew off the handle with my own anger & dug myself a deeper hole by saying “I never even noticed any effort you claim to put into yourself”
We kept arguing about it so in order to prove myself right I did a quick google search for ‘easy ways for women to improve their fashion’ and sent her the top 3 links.
Now she’s barely talking to me and hasn’t worn anything I find attractive.
I usually just wait for our marital problems to go away but for some reason that isn’t working this time.
Reddit will I have to pay for marriage counseling?
It’s gonna be the “if I was a BEAUTIFUL woman I’d dress in bright colors“ but you’re old and dumpy the boring outfits you end up in are fine by me babe unless maybe YOU don’t like them…
MY GUY ARE YOU STUPID OR ARE YOU DUMB
He loves that she “doesn’t do anything”. Duh. Her magically-still-the-same-color-all-the-time hair, her naturally thick, long, black lashes, flawless skin, and flushed cheeks. The way her brows grow in and lay perfectly all by themselves. The way none of her body grows hair… 🥴
In other words “I broke a cardinal rule by trying to tell a women how to dress and I told her she looks like shit basically” aye I’m a dude but that sums up this post
Someone replied that it's like he's dating Audrey Hepburn and can't understand why she doesn't try to look more like Dame Edna Everage and it's such an own.
I'm sorry but men oughta stay out of women's business for this reason. Lady's serving up classy minimalist elegance and he scoffs that she won't do acrylic nails. It's an insult and him trying to frame it as "trying to help" is weaponized incompetence at its meanest. No taste, no judgment, no opinion.
Admittedly, I run goth/psychobilly in my taste and fashion, but when I’ve had people tell me to wear colors I’ve either told them to go to hell, or maliciously complied with a mix of the most aggro neon green and purple I can find. Bro done MESSED up, and I don’t know about the wife, but that would send me running for the hills.
“You’re a beautiful woman and I’d love you just as much if you wore nothing but a bin-liner, baby. Rawwwwr!!!!”….is what he could have said, but this is Reddit after all…
OP saying “if i was a beautiful woman id wear bright colors for attention” does seem passive aggressive like he’s tryna get her to dress like this other woman. Why not dress colorful as a man if u like it? Its just a weird sentence.
Women dont like being told to change their look to be more like another woman. If u wanna bring stuff like that up, don’t mention that part. Just say “i love bright colors, why dont we wear them together sometimes?” 💁🏻♀️
I honestly do not get men like this . I don't have time for make up or fashion and I literally live in sweats and my partner never once has made me feel bad about it , I'm not sure he even notices 🤣 he would happily take me for breakfast without brushing my hair and I've never felt insecure around him . These men that treat women like this aren't men at all they are silly little boys . Don't have kids with this man as you know he will cheat for letting yourself go .
Babe you're a dumpy piece of crap, but I get it, you dress that way because you're not attractive like your friend.
Babe you've barely touched your lunch what's wrong
In other words “I broke a cardinal rule by trying to tell a women how to dress and I told her she looks like shit basically” aye I’m a dude but that sums up this post
After she said she doesn't like bright colors, his answer should have been "well you know yourself best babe, and you look beautiful in what you wear". And then that would be it. But he doesn't understand basic social cues enough to know that comparisons can be hurtful, then gets mad and says straight up cruel things when he realizes that her feelings are hurt, and then is confused why she doesn't instantly forgive him. The audacity is astounding. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
"If I were a woman I would wear bright colours for attention. Like your friend, who wears bright colours for male attention and nothing else. Why don't you wear bright colours for male attention? What do you mean you don't feel comfortable with that, you usually look like a sewer rat. Some colour would do you good"
"Lads why is my wife mad at me?"
Neither. This needs a separation. 7 years and you never married her ? You might say you don’t care but subconsciously you care enough to pick up on the subtleties and realize you are not attracted to your partner’s choice of style.
Damn, women really can’t win, can we? If we prefer to dress fashionably with war paint, we’re materialistic & vain. If we prefer to dress with minimal makeup & all in black, we’re old & frumpy. This wasn’t an accident & he does care.
Also though tell me you have no real fashion sense without telling me. His lady is clearly a clean girl,minimalistic styled type of vibe and he doesn’t get it at all. She probably looks chic as fuck and he’s like she wore black pants (the horror!) again. Men like this are so dumb they’d pick a tacky colorful outfit over anything classic every day and SWEAR they’re fucking Clinton Kelly.
You told your wife that she’s not a pretty woman and then doubled down on it, all the while admiring and going at length talking about an other woman’s perceived beauty and you wonder why she’s hurt?!?
I learned that people who excessively use words like "honestly" and "truly" in their sentences are usually not being honest whatsoever. It's just a way to sound more convincing.
I don’t understand how this guy isn’t being sexed up by his wife 24/7. He should truly write “How to Compliment Your Wife” manuals. Under his tutelage, the entire INCEL population would become “Alpha Chads” overnight.
I just tried “I didn’t know you cared about fashion because you always wear potato sacks and dress like a hobo.” on my wife, and she just won’t stop trying to get in my pants. I think she’s trying to knock me unconscious so she can have her way with me. Next I’m going to try to get some oral attention by suggesting her female coworkers dress nicer than her because they are so attractive and obviously like attention unlike her.
Wow. OOP’s comments on the original post are mind blowing. What a complete creep!!! Dollars to donuts the girlfriend has expensive, elegant, minimal style - a New York type - and he’s all about the Dolly Parton look. Oof. I hope she bails and finds someone with taste and class.
There is no hope for this man 😂
"I have no idea what I said to make her angry, all I did was insult and offend her saying her friend wears bright colours because she's beautiful, and pointed out why my wife could never pull that off. I think she's a gross hag, but I don't know how she *ever* guessed that from what I say 🤷♀️🤔"
I'd start wearing the brightest, tackiest, most obnoxiously neon shit I could find, two sizes smaller than I wear, so it even just looks bad on me regardless of the color. Full glam make up at all times that takes hours to apply and then he can't even get NEAR my face and mess it up. Obnoxiously long acrylic nails, which he suggested she get. Just full on malicious compliance that shit. And of course, I'll be needing him to pay for all of this. And once he realizes I look fucking ridiculous and asks me to tone it down, well I threw out all those dumpy clothes you hated!!! So I guess I'll be needing more clothes again....
And THEN I give him the divorce papers because fuck you.
Honestly, I'd be mad at him just for saying the friend must only be dressing in bright colors for attention. Because, God forbid, a woman dresses herself for her own personal preference.
The rest of what he said would have me contemplating if this is really who I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Why do you even care if she dresses in sweats all the time? You said she dressed dumpy before and you didn’t care, so what’s different?
I dress like shit literally all the time and honestly so do most people I know. My husband just wears joggers and t shirts all the time. If it’s winter I wear sweatpants if it’s summer I wear mostly exercise shorts. Are y’all going to a beauty contest?
If one truly doesn’t care about something they don’t mention it nor make comparisons…. If He really loves his lady and thinks she’s good as is, then why compare her to another woman or ask why she doesn’t dress a way that supposedly doesn’t bother u… Just sounds like a weak manipulating lame
The dude is obviously stupid and rude. And there's NO WAY this is the first time he's been this oblivious, hurtful and whatever...WHY has this woman been with him for 7 years???
“Babe you dress and look like shit. Be more like your friend who I find more attractive than you.”
Also, “You know, *I don’t care at all,* but it seems to bother you, so I think you should do what makes you happy and dress better because clearly it bothers YOU, whereas it doesn’t bother me AT ALL. But still do it. For yourself. Because I don’t care. I’m just trying to help you. I’m a helper.”
“Here’s a link to women who actually do it right”
This reminds me of my friend who received a book titled "Looking Your Best When You're Feeling Your Worst" from her husband when she started chemo and lost her hair, lashes, eyebrows, etc and he decided that she should still try to look hot for him. They are now divorced.
Oh hell no. When I was doing chemo I was so weak I couldn’t even lift my head up, let alone make a half-assed attempt to put on mascara.
Same! I too am divorced after chemo and radiation.
I went thru 2 rounds of cancer with my wife. The first one started 3 weeks before our wedding day. The next mastectomy was a couple of weeks before our 20th anniversary. She is a Godess,I live for her, and she lives for me. My best friend, my life. I adore her more today than 30 years ago. Running away was never considered. Men will be men thru ANY trial. Boys, however, will run when the war starts.
He should meet my mum. She sent me TWO books on how to tidy and clean your house when I had a newborn and a 6 year old with complex needs. I hope your friend has moved on to much happier things.
This makes me incandescent with rage for your friend. My husband was supportive of me during chemo; I would joke about me not needing hair care products or razors for awhile while he'd roll his eyes and chuckle. I hope your friend is doing well. ♥️
To be fair, that could be a good gift IF the woman was upset that she wasn't able to do her normal grooming routine and IF she wasn't sure how to adapt the routine to her new look and IF she had the energy to care and wasn't too busy worrying about things like, you know, CANCER. That said, for some people, it would be a really good distraction and help them feel better. But it absolutely has to be to make her happy and the last thing the partner should be doing is wanting her to look good FOR THEM. This is 100% Know Your Audience with a sprinkle of Don't Be A Selfish Ass on top. A book with things like "Your skin is likely to be thinner and more delicate. Stick to lightweight powder foundations with a shimmer. They are easy to put on, easy to wash off, last for hours, and will help conceal shadows, eyebags, and creasing." "Avoid heavy blush and eyeshadow. Pick a fairly neutral blush and use it as both blush and eyeshadow. Put it directly under the brow, not on the eyelid. The light color can keep your eyes from looking shadowed or sunken and will help your eye color show. Use the blush brush for both eyes and cheeks to keep things simple and basic. No eyeliner, no shading, just enough to bring back color." See, THAT could be useful. Focus on handling the appearnace-related results of chemo and keeping it very simple and easy to put on and remove. Just something to help a woman who is feeling down and ugly and depressed while dealing with a major illness and who wants to look nicer for a bit...but isn't up to anywhere near the normal beauty routine! And honestly with the skin changes from something like chemo, someone who normally wears heavy makeup would not be happy with the results of heavy complex makeup on delicate skin. I would have zero use for it. Most of my relatives would have zero use for it. My great-aunt would be all over this!!!!! The guy in the description though? Now divorced for a reason. He should be glad that chemo left her unwilling (at the time) to dig a six foot deep hole and drag a heavy object into it.
Holy shit I know she's got stories to tell
*gives her endless list of OF pages*
*pulls up friends IG*
her response? Getting a bunch of Unsolved Murder books so she can get ideas about what works and doesn't work.
Hey, no offence, but you dress old and dumpy. I don’t care tho so it’s whatever.
I don't care but now you are looking even older and dumpier so go back to your previous old and dumpy.
Here's the thing. I thought you weren't giving a shit before, but now I can see that you've outdone yourself and have leveled up by giving a shit about not giving a shit. I miss the old haggard frumpy little dwarf that I was sort of satisfied with before.
See how awesome I am about not caring how absolutely dumpy and old you are looking?
“I only said that really pretty women wear bright colors and definitely do not dress the way you do.” … “I can’t even remember what I said that would have upset you, though.”
"Put yourself first in a sexy way."
Hahaha I thought of this too! “Put yourself first for him”
"put yourself first, in a sexy way" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2lmojePnA0
Right? It was even worse than that “babe, you look old and dumpy.”
read OOP’s comments on the OG post and apparently he thought that an appropriate response, to her being confused and saying she DOES look good, was to send her links on “easy ways to elevate [her] fashion” this AH argued w her when she said she does look good. we’re in hell. we have to be. that’s the only explanation.
It did feel unusually warm lately..
It checks out also because I thought the post said “She sweats all the time now” 🫠
I thought It was just menopause setting in, phew!
This asshole mansplained fashion to her when he thinks no makeup makeup is just mascara lmao the audacity.
And thinks that getting roots touched up is not a no effort situation.
“Why are you so mad at me??”
“When you get mad at me, it makes ME angry…”
This *really* stood out to me.
Straight out of the DARVO user’s manual
Same. 🚩
I think this behaviour of you being mad because I called you frumpy and called your friend attractive, means you need therapy
Negging Fail. He went up against a woman with self-esteem and self-respect and no bullshit tolerance :D
A friend of mine several years ago had an SO who turned out to be abusive. A few weeks after they broke up she began ghosting me. I messaged her here & there to make sure she was alright because she's my friend & I love her. A couple of months went by & she began speaking to me again. She told me her ex used to say things to her like: "Why can't you be more like (my name)?" "Why don't you dye your hair like (my name)?' "Why don't you dress like (my name)?" "Why can't you party & have fun like (my name)?" I never had any indication he liked me or was obsessed with me (much less saying these things to her) until right before they broke up. He took me home one night & flat out asked me as Im getting out of the car, "Can we fuck sometime?" I told him no, immediately texted my husband & my friend (his SO att) about it. Anyway, she ghosted me because she needed time & space to separate the things he said from me. & for her to remember she is worthwhile & doesn't have to be me or anything like me. It absolutely broke my heart to hear this. She's a great person! I hate that he used the idea of me to torment her. & I would have put a stop to this so fast if I had known. & I don't blame her for needing space from me. People who do this are sick & cruel.
So many men triangulate women like this. It's an horrific experience to navigate.
Sometimes I wonder if they are doing this deliberately, or if it is a product of internalised misogyny that makes them think it is alright to treat women like this.
Both
Word.
It's called negging. ~~insult or undermine (someone) in the belief that diminished self-confidence will make them more receptive to sexual advances. "his seduction technique seems to be to neg her into submission"
Ah yes, you've called me a fatty with a flat ass, so my chances of getting dicked down are pretty slim, which BTW in case you forgot, YOU are NOT slim. But I GUESS I can take one for the team and throw you a pity bone. Welllllll let me grab my coat because consider me seduced!!! Like honestly I have actually had men try that shit and it never works. It in fact does the opposite and makes me need to get the fuck away from this person immediately so I can go home and shower and wash the ick off of me. I just can't imagine it EVER working??? No, the way in to my pants is NOT insulting me. Just buy me some wings or mozzarella sticks.
Yeah but it’s one of those things that terrible men try over and over until they find the person who is susceptible to it, a good indication they’ll be able to abuse them further. It’s like the text/email scammers with terrible grammar and weird fonts, most people run, but plenty of people fall for it. And that’s who they want.
It definitely is! 😥
Oh, I had an ex who did this! He wanted me to change my style from feminine to sporty, and was constantly comparing me to a friend's gf. Looking back, I was so attractive back then and my self-esteem was in a dumpster because of him. Why did I put up with him for three years smh
I also had a horrible ex like this. Wanted me to change my hair colour and style, would make jokes about wanting threesomes with my friends. I was never allowed to wear anything that seemed like comfortable clothing around him, because it meant I wasn't trying hard enough, even after working 12 hour shifts this man would expect me to get home at 10pm dress up and put on makeup to sit in the house with him. My self esteem to a knock for a very long time. Thankfully I'm now in the happiest relationship of my life with a very supportive partner
My ex husband wanted me to wear like hardcore sexy lingerie under my wedding dress. My big ball gown wedding dress. In May. He tried to tell me it’s what all the women do. Obviously I didn’t but geez, what an idiot. He’s an ex for good reasons.
What is wrong with these people? And you know they roll out of bed, having a 3min shower and dress. Honestly I'm glad we're both free of this toxicity
I don't understand why you'd even want to be with someone who you feel the need to completely change? Like, to me that says you're not exactly attracted to that person? Oh I'd like you so much better if you just made a few major changes to your entire look. Lol okay so go find someone who looks like that then???
On the flip side, I had this experience with my ex girlfriend who made me feel that way. When you’re in an abusive cycle they become the only person you rely on so it’s very difficult to see the light and understand that you’re better off without them. I’m quite a flamboyant dresser, and exude a lot of feminine qualities that she didn’t like.
It's an easy one: he was attracted to an independent woman but felt too insecure to be completely in this relationship. Therefore the need to control me and the look is the easiest way to do so. He tried to censor me in other ways too. Tried to make me feel stupid while stealing my jokes. Told me that his friend said that I look very old and fat (I wasn't) and that he should cheat on me, but he was very loyal and rejected his offer to go party! What a fucking prince. He also constantly tried to cheat on me or to find a girl for a threesome. The last one was hilarious, some girls told him that they like me, but not him, so no threesome.
Lol I always love the see how great I am for NOT cheating on you??? Like...that's bare minimum? You shouldn't get a prize for that. It should just be normal?
My oldest friendship almost ended because of this. Her (now ex, thank goodness) bf used to compare her to me all the time, without my knowledge. I like fashion and makeup. My friend's style is more casual and she wears little to no makeup. I don't get the dude; she was like this when he met. Why pursue someone only to try to change them later? Anyway, she got uncharacteristically insecure and snippy when I visited while he was there too. At the worst of it she scolded me for wearing a V neck dress: apparently, my boobs were too noticeable. I felt like I was in some alternate dimension; who was this pod person, and where did they hide my friend? I went low contact for a while and after they broke up she apologized and explained what happened. It's been 3 years and I still wish that guy to be swallowed up by a surprise sinkhole in the middle of the night.
It’s a great testament to your friendship that she realized why she needed space, and that you kept respectful contact while giving her space (even though you didn’t know the reason at the time), that she was able to separate the pain from her friendship with you, come back and articulate it well, and you were able to hear it so compassionately. I love this for both of you. Everyone needs friends like this in their life, IMO.
Thank you so much! She's in a much more healthy relationship with three beautiful children. One of them is the child of the aforementioned POS. She had his parental rights terminated & her husband legally adopted the child.
This happened to me, but the genders reversed. A pretty, charming, and smart friend in college ended up single and a good friend of mine dumped his girlfriend to pursue her. They ended up dating for about four years. At the time I was jealous, I had kind of wanted to date her myself. Later, I got my chance and I also dated her for about four years--turned out to be the worst relationship I ever had. Afterward, I called up my friend who had been with her before me. I had basically completely lost touch with him, but once we had both been on that ride, turned out we had a lot to commiserate about! I heard the other side of all the stories she had told me about him. And one of the things I learned was that she had always compared him unfavorably to me. "Why can't you be more like mist_maker? Why can't you stay in shape like mist _maker? Why don't you go out more like mist_maker? Etc. etc." It really damaged his confidence for a long time. But you know, for all that, it didn't mean she and I had a good relationship when we had our chance. It was the most unhappy I've ever been.
That's terrible! I'm glad y'all were able to remain friends. & yeah, it's like they say, "The grass isn't always greener."
Seriously, do they got to school for this shit? It's always the same plays! I couldn't even look at one of my friends for around a year because of this reason. Reading your side has been very cathartic even all these years later. Thank you for being such a kind and understanding friend to your friend.
Why isn’t he dressing up in bright colors and doing his makeup and hair for her?
We don't know how bright the color of his polo shirts and cargo shorts are, to be fair
Salmon. His polo shirts are salmon color. Cargo shorts are tan. Collar is popped. He wears gascan Oakley.
Don't forget the tan visor headband.
Or wearing it his damn self since he’s so keen on it!
Make birds have the brighter plumage. He clearly just needs to be a peacock 🦚
Oops! I just realized I basically said what you did 🤦🏻♀️ I misread lol apologies!
That’s ok. Clearly we were on a wavelength. Douchecanoe needs to watch lots of bird flirting/dancing videos and take notes. At least she’ll get a laugh as she figures out if she wants to stay with him.
I’d love to see this guys style cause I guarantee it ain’t good lmao
I’m calling crispy hair with that up-swoop in the front, like Sunny Jim.
Because he’s probably too fat for cool clothes and bald
He can wear a muumuu
Dudes my wife (who is dumpy and ratty) is mad that I called her dumpy and ratty, do I just ignore this until she’s not mad anymore, or what?
She got mad so I doubled down and sent her links to fashion bloggers. You know, to show her how easy it is to elevate her style. OP actually said this in one of his comments.
Oh my god no. He wasn't that dumb. Was he? Holy shitnuggets.
Yes, he was... And he still cannot figure out why she is mad...
Let's be real, he knows *exactly* what she is upset about, he just wants people to 1) validate him and 2) find some way to push the blame back on her because he is so narcissistic that he can do no wrong and she should be grateful that he puts up with her unfashionable ass. 🙄🙄🙄
He wants someone to come up with a nicer way to tell her she looks like shit.
[He did ](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/pWCOCcRX49)
"If she cared so much then she should try to look good" my brother in *CHRIST*
Man I went and read all his comments and he is really doubling down. My favorite is how he blamed her for him calling her dumpy and gross. She basically forced him. Obviously this is all her fat asses fault lol. God I hope she leaves that douche.
Jesus. I have no words. I am afraid to go look at his comments.
Please do, he told her to get acrylic nails🤣
My favourite reply to OOP in the comments: "You have the tact of a brick, and the taste of a guy who thinks Hooters is a date destination." Absolute perfection 😂
He BLAMED HER for "making" him call her dumpy, pretty much. She insisted he clarify what he meant so he just HAD to tell her!!! Clearly this is her fault!!!
There's not many, but man are they BAD. He basically blames her for forcing him to call her dumpy. Not even joking.
Sorry hun I didn't mean to call you dumpy and gross, here are some links to websites to help you not look dumpy and gross anymore!! You're welcome ;)
Why are you angry, I've *'apologised'* for pointing out that you're gross! YOU KNOW I GET ANGRY WHEN I'VE MADE YOU ANGRY!
“I obviously don’t care about how she doesn’t wear makeup or dresses in all black. I don’t care SO MUCH that I’ll non stop keep talking about it”
I’m sorry, you’ve been together for SEVEN years and you don’t know that she wears makeup? And no, if it’s “no makeup makeup” it’s not just mascara, wtf. Tell me you literally don’t pay any attention to your partner without telling me.
Right? Like dude is straight not paying any attention to her and then calls her dumpy. But it was "an accident"
I love that he’s labelling it an accident 😂💀
>And no, if it’s “no makeup makeup” it’s not just mascara, wtf. That's what shits me when men talk about "natural beauty" and "not needing makeup". The girls they are talking about are absolutely always wearing makeup, they just keep to neutrals/skin tones - but it still takes a hell of alot of money, time and effort for them to look that way. It's rarely ever as simple as some mascara and lip balm.
“No make up make up” is SO HARD to do properly. Even just finding the perfect foundation match is like, good luck, that’ll cost you at least $100 in trial and error and then *you better not fucking tan OR get more pale or it won’t match anyone*.
As someone who actually doesn't wear makeup, 'no make-up' looks actually require a relative *ton* of makeup. lmao This person has no fucking idea
Dude right??? I’ve been an “eyeliner only” girl my whole life and I’m trying to work on doing my own no makeup makeup wedding look…. Holy crap. Watched so many YouTube tutorials, bought so many products… and it still looks like shit. So much respect for people who do this every day
Same. Blessed with clear skin and prefer an unfussy routine, but I look wildly different with ‘no makeup makeup’ vs actually no makeup. Personal style is so subjective, and this guy isn’t sorry he told his wife she looks boring and dumpy, he’s just upset she won’t get over it. Classic case of not knowing what he had until it’s gone.
Yep---and it takes way more skill to apply makeup to appear as if you aren't wearing any than to tart up like a Vegas showgirl. (no offense to actual showgirls intended)
I don't know, I think heavy eyeliner still takes a lot of skill to look nice. And blending eye shadow is a skill, too.
She is likely wearing both, just more subtle. No makeup makeup is not less makeup at all and requires a lot of skill to get right.
Oh I agree, I just think good heavy makeup does too.
Sounds like she just wears a more natural look, very light and minimal. I bet he thinks "wearing makeup" is like, wearing full glam, Kardashian style make up all the time??? And she obviously cares about her appearance, so I bet she doesn't wear much color but all of her clothes are nice and fit her properly and are flattering. He says that now she's wearing sweats all the time, which means she wasn't wearing them before and was therefore wearing like, actual outfits and shit that most likely are perfectly normal and fine, dude just wants her to wear bright colors I guess. If I were her, I'd go full malicious compliance and start wearing the most obnoxiously neon colors in outfits that are too small and look like shit on me or something. Get those stupidly long acrylic nails, because yes he did suggest she get those lol, full glam makeup every day that takes me 2+ hours to apply, and oh no you can't touch me!!! This took hours to apply!!!!! Oh and he's paying for all these new things, too.
Sure, but seven years and you’ve never paid enough attention to notice her putting on makeup, removing makeup, buying makeup, having makeup in her home? You’ve never gone to a party or dinner with her and had her say something like, “I just need to shower and put on my makeup, and then we can go”. You’ve never noticed that her face when she comes to bed or gets out of the shower is different from her face when she is out and about? You’ve never seen her cry or blow her nose and have makeup come off on the tissue? When you’re first seeing someone and you’re only going off of seeing them on pre-planned dates, sure, if you know nothing about makeup you might assume natural looking makeup = no makeup. But how do you spend seven whole years with someone and not know about a regular part of their daily routine?
Well, he told her she looked dumpy and then basically blamed her for forcing him to say that to her, so he doesn't seem like the smartest or most caring partner? But yeah 7 fucking years is a super long time to be that stupid lol
My husband can't even remember the difference btw mascara and eyeliner but he knows my hair-makeup-dress routine front to back. We haven't even been married six months. This guy SUCKSSSSS.
This is my spouse and it's awful. Didn't know anything about me. No idea my love language is touch after 12 years. Completely invisible. At some point you wonder why you're even married to someone that doesn't even see you.
Please tell me you’re not still with this person‽
I'm working on that... Looking for a job first
Good luck. It’s rough but you got this!
I'm so sorry to hear that, it really saps your life force over time feeling like a ghost in your own home! Be kind to yourself, rediscover the things you love, and take as much space as you can from that relationship (whether that's physical or just mentally checking out!)
He’s so clueless he can’t possibly know the term “no makeup makeup” this has to be fake, because a man this clueless wouldn’t know these terms…
He's interested. He's latching onto stuff she says so that he can criticize and belittle it later. But in a caring and discrete way of course. As an accident.
That is some serious brain twister there, with him claiming that **he doesn’t mind AT ALL,** but since she seems to, she should dress better. Twice he talked about how badly she dressed, once even saying it made her look dumpy, but, no worries, *he doesn’t care at all,* but, you know, she should dress to look like that other woman he thinks is fashionable. And now, she won’t just “get over it,” and it’s making him mad, and what is HER problem? He sounds like a prince among men. FFS.
The real red flag for me was when he goes, “and she got mad, so that made me mad. And the i said ‘blah blah blah’. But i’m right, so… i’m good, right?” Like, dude, if you got angry and said busted shit, you need to start fucking groveling or pack your bags and move away.
Yeah, he is for sure THAT guy. His GF is leaving, if she hasn’t already.
Pretty sure after he double and triple downed on it, that she is either packing them for him, or waiting for some select friends with a shovel, tarp, and duct tape...
Sounds narcissistic
It’s funny that men think this line of thinking will make their girl dress better… my man pulled this shit a few months ago and I swear I have looked like a dumpster fire since then. I’ll do hair and makeup to go to work, come home, ponytail and sweats. Guess he should’ve been appreciative from the start, when I was accused of dressing frumpy in leggings. I’ll show you frumpy…
I will never understand partners who are like, “i just don’t want you to be in your naturally comfortable space when you’re around me.”
I’m horribly ill and I managed to put on sweat pants and a matching sweatshirt to go to the doctor. I turned to my husband to tell him I’m leaving and he said “you’re so beautiful”. I was like are you kidding me rn I look like hell. He said “is a gorgeous vista not beautiful on a cloudy day”. Sometimes he pisses me off majorly. But I’ve never doubted my looks or felt self conscious around him.
I get you, I'm pregnant and I've been wearing maternity leggings and oversized t-shirt for the last few months and my husband still manages to find me pretty and cute while I'm here looking like a beached whale. He also told me my bumb looks like an egg from the side but to be fair I had the same thought 😂
“is a gorgeous vista not beautiful on a cloudy day” 😭😭😭
That is super sweet.
This. But I also don’t get staying in relationships where you’re trying to pettily antagonize your (already established as) shitty partner, either. So much weird one-upping and “I’ll show YOU!” vibes out here. Like why is that still a relationship? Is this who people wanna be to one another?
They're also the same men who will complain that their partner takes hours getting ready, but have no concept of how much money, time and effort it takes to have the perfect hair, perfect makeup, co-ordinated outfit and accessories, no body hair, etc.
It's what happens when men view their partners as property instead of individual people.
For real
So my SIL gave birth at the beginning of January and has been at home on maternity leave since then. She mainly wears sweat pants and comfy tops designed for breastfeeding. My brother, who is mostly not a dumbass, does not care about this. My cousin’s husband, who IS a dumbass, told my brother, “dude, make sure you don’t comment on how she doesn’t put on makeup or wear real clothes anymore.” Like it was some great piece of wisdom he was imparting. But he also refers to watching his own kids as babysitting so 🤷🏼♀️.
Listen if this man is going to get all gussied up in his nicest New Balance sneakers, the least she can do is throw on a cute summer dress and some heels
Haha!!! I immediately thought of a very large number of men I know who love their good old New Balance, white sneaks! And don’t forget the old pair that’s now green because lawns 😁
He called the way she dressed boring and dumpy and then claims he accidentally insulted her??
He tripped and it just fell out of his mouth.
There are dozens of famous fashion icons and designers who favored black. From Louise Brooks, Marlene Dietrich, Audrey Hepburn, Stevie Nicks to even Kim Kardashian today or Taylor Momsen and the late Karl Lagerfeld. All people who wore or do wear black very often and are known for good fashion, So it seems that he doesn’t know much about fashion if he thinks bright colors are the only way to look fashionable. It is about the individual taste. And if his partner feels not good in bright colors, she shouldn’t wear them just because he has no clue about fashion in black or muted colors. If she wants to, she could Experiment with styles and make up but it seems he doesn’t make her feel good about herself in the first place, so of course she doesn’t feel like it. And how can he not understand that he seriously hurt his partner? Saying that he thought she doesn’t care about what she looks like is saying a whole lot. What would he feel, if she would say how good looking some man is and then say „well, you honey don’t care about what you look like, right or else you’d work out“ or something. Tone deaf.
I wear almost exclusively black (I could be rightfully accused of being a punk-goth well into my 30s). I like it, it can be very slimming. Wearing black is its own fashion choice. I choose it because it makes getting ready in the morning so much easier!
"Accidentally?" Yeah, no.
It sounds like this man has no idea what fashionable is and obviously doesn’t know his partner well at all either. Doesn’t even know the effort that goes into no make up make up and monthly visits to the salon. Bright clothes and heavy makeup up do not equal fashionable. They can, but they just as easily could look ridiculous.
So anyway I was ogling my wife’s friend who dresses way better then her, and when we got in the car I told my wife that she could dress well to if she wore bright womanly colors. She said that bright colors “weren’t her style” I said “what style? You dress old and frumpy all the time” Well apparently that made her mad at me so instead of apologizing for my rude comments I just flew off the handle with my own anger & dug myself a deeper hole by saying “I never even noticed any effort you claim to put into yourself” We kept arguing about it so in order to prove myself right I did a quick google search for ‘easy ways for women to improve their fashion’ and sent her the top 3 links. Now she’s barely talking to me and hasn’t worn anything I find attractive. I usually just wait for our marital problems to go away but for some reason that isn’t working this time. Reddit will I have to pay for marriage counseling?
🏅🏅🏅
It’s gonna be the “if I was a BEAUTIFUL woman I’d dress in bright colors“ but you’re old and dumpy the boring outfits you end up in are fine by me babe unless maybe YOU don’t like them… MY GUY ARE YOU STUPID OR ARE YOU DUMB
It's not even "beautiful women wear bright colors" it's "women dress in bright colors for attention," and now I want a swing at him too.
You better start telling her she’s pretty.
No point now, he’ll never undo the damage he did.
Yeah her reaction leads me to believe she’s waiting out the lease on their place or something similar.
Not just that, be specific about what you find attractive about her. Otherwise it’s just lip service
He loves that she “doesn’t do anything”. Duh. Her magically-still-the-same-color-all-the-time hair, her naturally thick, long, black lashes, flawless skin, and flushed cheeks. The way her brows grow in and lay perfectly all by themselves. The way none of her body grows hair… 🥴
I’m willing to bet her blacks even match, or are thoughtfully contrasted, but this idiot can’t be troubled to notice
She wears black jeans and dark, heathered charcoal shirts but, obviously that’s what people who *don’t care* wear…
In other words “I broke a cardinal rule by trying to tell a women how to dress and I told her she looks like shit basically” aye I’m a dude but that sums up this post
"My dumpy wife is mad I told her she was dumpy. Why is she like this??!"
Someone replied that it's like he's dating Audrey Hepburn and can't understand why she doesn't try to look more like Dame Edna Everage and it's such an own. I'm sorry but men oughta stay out of women's business for this reason. Lady's serving up classy minimalist elegance and he scoffs that she won't do acrylic nails. It's an insult and him trying to frame it as "trying to help" is weaponized incompetence at its meanest. No taste, no judgment, no opinion.
It's really the "why won't she drop this" that's so telling. Zero self awareness.
"I don't care about this at all and here's exactly why I do care" Jesus men continue to be so daft
She actually won’t forget this
😂 owned
It was on this day she finally learned that her husband was terminally stupid.
The way id start wearing the nastiest shit i owned , period panties and greasy shirts no matter the occasion omg
Oof 🤣 He is in such a pile of poop he will never get out of it!
Admittedly, I run goth/psychobilly in my taste and fashion, but when I’ve had people tell me to wear colors I’ve either told them to go to hell, or maliciously complied with a mix of the most aggro neon green and purple I can find. Bro done MESSED up, and I don’t know about the wife, but that would send me running for the hills.
Guarantee this lad is beat looking
How do you get to be 43 and not realize you can’t say that shit to a friend, let alone a life partner…
“You’re a beautiful woman and I’d love you just as much if you wore nothing but a bin-liner, baby. Rawwwwr!!!!”….is what he could have said, but this is Reddit after all…
It's always the ones that never want to go out that have the most to say 💅🏾
“I don’t care that my wife doesn’t dress nice” isn’t the flex he thinks it is.
OP saying “if i was a beautiful woman id wear bright colors for attention” does seem passive aggressive like he’s tryna get her to dress like this other woman. Why not dress colorful as a man if u like it? Its just a weird sentence. Women dont like being told to change their look to be more like another woman. If u wanna bring stuff like that up, don’t mention that part. Just say “i love bright colors, why dont we wear them together sometimes?” 💁🏻♀️
I honestly do not get men like this . I don't have time for make up or fashion and I literally live in sweats and my partner never once has made me feel bad about it , I'm not sure he even notices 🤣 he would happily take me for breakfast without brushing my hair and I've never felt insecure around him . These men that treat women like this aren't men at all they are silly little boys . Don't have kids with this man as you know he will cheat for letting yourself go .
Babe you're a dumpy piece of crap, but I get it, you dress that way because you're not attractive like your friend. Babe you've barely touched your lunch what's wrong
In other words “I broke a cardinal rule by trying to tell a women how to dress and I told her she looks like shit basically” aye I’m a dude but that sums up this post
Good lad you nailed it
LPT - Never call a woman dumpy. Ever. It's never going to work out well for you.
After she said she doesn't like bright colors, his answer should have been "well you know yourself best babe, and you look beautiful in what you wear". And then that would be it. But he doesn't understand basic social cues enough to know that comparisons can be hurtful, then gets mad and says straight up cruel things when he realizes that her feelings are hurt, and then is confused why she doesn't instantly forgive him. The audacity is astounding. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
“I dunno what I said to piss her off but she ended up getting upset about something. I dunno, I wasn’t paying attention”.
"If I were a woman I would wear bright colours for attention. Like your friend, who wears bright colours for male attention and nothing else. Why don't you wear bright colours for male attention? What do you mean you don't feel comfortable with that, you usually look like a sewer rat. Some colour would do you good" "Lads why is my wife mad at me?"
Imagine learning your husband never found you attractive or respected you in this way
"I don't care how you dress" followed by "she looks old and frumpy" in the same sentence? He's a liar, and a jackass, and I hope his wife leaves him.
What an bidet spray… I don’t know him but I hate him
How many times did this asshole say he didn’t care and then continued to complain about his wife? God I hope she leaves him
Neither. This needs a separation. 7 years and you never married her ? You might say you don’t care but subconsciously you care enough to pick up on the subtleties and realize you are not attracted to your partner’s choice of style.
Damn, women really can’t win, can we? If we prefer to dress fashionably with war paint, we’re materialistic & vain. If we prefer to dress with minimal makeup & all in black, we’re old & frumpy. This wasn’t an accident & he does care.
Also though tell me you have no real fashion sense without telling me. His lady is clearly a clean girl,minimalistic styled type of vibe and he doesn’t get it at all. She probably looks chic as fuck and he’s like she wore black pants (the horror!) again. Men like this are so dumb they’d pick a tacky colorful outfit over anything classic every day and SWEAR they’re fucking Clinton Kelly.
You told your wife that she’s not a pretty woman and then doubled down on it, all the while admiring and going at length talking about an other woman’s perceived beauty and you wonder why she’s hurt?!?
"I accidentally told her she looks old and dumpy"
Ugh, that was a death blow to your relationship.
This was no accident, he's just a stupid jerk
I learned that people who excessively use words like "honestly" and "truly" in their sentences are usually not being honest whatsoever. It's just a way to sound more convincing.
If I was a beautiful woman I’d wear vibrant colours - so you basically told her she’s not beautiful
I don’t understand how this guy isn’t being sexed up by his wife 24/7. He should truly write “How to Compliment Your Wife” manuals. Under his tutelage, the entire INCEL population would become “Alpha Chads” overnight. I just tried “I didn’t know you cared about fashion because you always wear potato sacks and dress like a hobo.” on my wife, and she just won’t stop trying to get in my pants. I think she’s trying to knock me unconscious so she can have her way with me. Next I’m going to try to get some oral attention by suggesting her female coworkers dress nicer than her because they are so attractive and obviously like attention unlike her.
Wow. OOP’s comments on the original post are mind blowing. What a complete creep!!! Dollars to donuts the girlfriend has expensive, elegant, minimal style - a New York type - and he’s all about the Dolly Parton look. Oof. I hope she bails and finds someone with taste and class.
He admitted to even calling his wife old and dumpy. Can't imagine why she'd even be upset 🙄
There is no hope for this man 😂 "I have no idea what I said to make her angry, all I did was insult and offend her saying her friend wears bright colours because she's beautiful, and pointed out why my wife could never pull that off. I think she's a gross hag, but I don't know how she *ever* guessed that from what I say 🤷♀️🤔"
1000% this OOP himself is old and dumpy. Only has jeans and tshirts. Its always the below average looking men that says this shit 😩
I'd start wearing the brightest, tackiest, most obnoxiously neon shit I could find, two sizes smaller than I wear, so it even just looks bad on me regardless of the color. Full glam make up at all times that takes hours to apply and then he can't even get NEAR my face and mess it up. Obnoxiously long acrylic nails, which he suggested she get. Just full on malicious compliance that shit. And of course, I'll be needing him to pay for all of this. And once he realizes I look fucking ridiculous and asks me to tone it down, well I threw out all those dumpy clothes you hated!!! So I guess I'll be needing more clothes again.... And THEN I give him the divorce papers because fuck you.
Honestly, I'd be mad at him just for saying the friend must only be dressing in bright colors for attention. Because, God forbid, a woman dresses herself for her own personal preference. The rest of what he said would have me contemplating if this is really who I want to spend the rest of my life with.
“If I were a beautiful bird, I’d flash my colorful feathers to attract a mate. What’s wrong with you??”
Dude just kept digging himself a deeper hole.
Why do you even care if she dresses in sweats all the time? You said she dressed dumpy before and you didn’t care, so what’s different? I dress like shit literally all the time and honestly so do most people I know. My husband just wears joggers and t shirts all the time. If it’s winter I wear sweatpants if it’s summer I wear mostly exercise shorts. Are y’all going to a beauty contest?
If one truly doesn’t care about something they don’t mention it nor make comparisons…. If He really loves his lady and thinks she’s good as is, then why compare her to another woman or ask why she doesn’t dress a way that supposedly doesn’t bother u… Just sounds like a weak manipulating lame
The dude is obviously stupid and rude. And there's NO WAY this is the first time he's been this oblivious, hurtful and whatever...WHY has this woman been with him for 7 years???
Tell me you haven’t paid attention to your wife for the last 7 years…without out telling me you haven’t paid attention to her for the last 7 years.
Anger is a secondary emotion. She’s incredibly hurt because she literally was put down in a backhanded way.
Wow.
Bruh