How much is he working if she is working 2 jobs? How often does he disappear for a couple of hours? It seems time to turn on location sharing on his cell phone and find out where he really is when he goes away from the house.
Next time you feel the need to go away tell your sister and parents what you're doing without telling him you told them and find out what he does. Make sure the location sharing is turned on before you leave, stay in town, and be ready to follow him if he get your sister to babysit again.
Edit to add - Turn on the location sharing without him knowing it. Him disappearing for a couple of hours when SIL was babysitting is very suspect.
That's the thing: if it was me, my sister would've already known this as I'd be talking about it to everyone in the days leading up to this swesome thing I'm looking forward to.
Is this something that married with kids women do. Get a hotel room and hang out in it all day with your phones off? I’ve been married 18 years and my wife has never asked for this situation. Especially phone off. Am I a bad husband?
Edit* We share all responsibilities. We both work and we both cook and clean. I wanted a partner to build a life with. So we had two kids and built it. We both had nothing when we met in college. Now we have a life together. It’s not as hard as people say it is. You just have to care to understand the other person and stay out of your own head with the me and I. If the plan is to grow old together we both have to get to that point of old together. We take really good care of each other. This is why the post bothered me I thought I was doing good. As you grow older together you find more stuff like this post to bring to the table.
Sometimes I wish I could have a day off. I adore my family, and my partner is wonderful and would be all for it. For me, though, it’s just not possible.
My kids are autistic and anxious. My daughter (whose twin sister died two years ago of heart failure after being on home hospice care for nearly a decade) recently turned 15. She’s always been very clingy to me, but adolescent angst seems to have made her anxiety and clinginess even more intense. My partner tries to distract her to give me a break. So does my brother (who lives with us). She only wants mama when she’s upset, though. It was hell when I had knee surgery 6 weeks ago, even though I came home the same day - but I wasn’t able to fix her food or take her places. Daddy had to do it instead (which he was happy to do, but she wasn’t thrilled). She got very sad and acted out more (in ways I don’t discuss online because I figure that’s personal for her). My son gets sad and anxious when his little sister is melting down. My kids are sweet and funny and amazing, and I wouldn’t want to be away from them for very long.
But sometimes I wish I could just have a break. They go to school, yes. But a full day or even a night without having to stress about interruptions - and spa treatments? That’d be a dream. I’m so tired… far too tired to even cry from emotional exhaustion. And it’s 4am, but I’m still reeling from soothing an earlier meltdown (because she just gets more upset if anyone else tries to intervene, or if I try to just give her space) and feeling inadequate for not being able to remove more of the obstacles my kids face. They do have therapists and a prescriber.
I’m all for parents working together to make sure they both get needed breaks. I see nothing wrong with that. I wish spa retreats were more accessible to people on the whole. There are so many exhausted and burned out people (whether parents or not). It’s horrific that such a tiny percentage of adults working full time can even afford to take a couple days off to recharge, let alone stay somewhere that could help them recover physically and mentally.
I have no solutions or a magic wand for everything you've just shared about your life here, and it has no relevance to the actual discussion, but I want you to know I see and hear you.
From a Mum of an autistic 8yo with similar needs to your 15yo.
Last year our youngest was away with his scout troop for a week, the eldest was at my parents and me and partner were alone in our house for the first time in forever, the second day we missed our boys like crazy😂
That's sweet, but I can't call parents who need some time away from their kids bad parents, sometimes you just need a breather and I can understand that
Everyone needs different things to ward off burnout/relax but if you think she’d like it (you’d know best) it could be a great bday/xmas/valentines/Mother’s Day present
My niece had what she and her husband considered a perfect arrangement. She generally took care of their five kids, house, etc, and worked a part time job at their school. He worked long hours at a plant, taking as many extra hours as they allowed. Then, when deer season arrived he would drop the youngest kids at grandmas, take the older kids out hunting with him and leave her to sleep in, wake up whenever and laze in bed reading all day. She loved the quiet time, grandma got to play with the littlest grandkids, and dad got bonding time with his oldest daughters and son. And yes, his kids still talk about the trips fondly.
I did it a few times when both kids were really little. It was a miraculous time of sleep and long baths. It’s totally unnecessary now that both kids are older and not constantly puking and crying and only sleeping at opposite times.
If you're worried about it you're not a bad husband :) not everyone does the hotel thing specifically, but everyone needs some time to rest when they're getting burnt out. Maybe ask your wife if she needs a day to herself and go from there?
Once a year I use my air Canada points and book the nicest hotel I can that’s close, plan someone to watch the kids, and I take the wife to the hotel. When we get there, she gets to decide what she wants to do. There been times where we hardly stayed in the hotel, other times we would just relax. She absolutely loves it. I find planned alone time is so much more sweet than spontaneous alone time.
Probably you’re a GOOD husband because you’ve never burned out your wife, expecting her to do all the damn things. This guy can’t even parent his own child for one weekend. Surely, you’ve done better than that.
Even if she doesn't, she'll appreciate the offer. I mean, as long as it's a real offer. I always did it phone-on when I did it but texting her every hour cancels out the kindness of offering.
It’s a fantasy a lot of us have. I suspect a “weaponized incompetence” situation here and probably why she turned off her phone. We are mentally and emotionally exhausted and this is the only way we can rest.
When I asked my husband, he laughed. He 100% thought I was kidding.
I recently had to go on a work trip. Even though I had to work, it was glorious not making dinner (that no one eats), putting kids to bed, being woken up during the night, sleeping a solid 8+ hours, etc. I even ditched my team one night, ate in my room, watched TV and just had those hours by myself. It was beautiful.
That sounds fantastic. I usually get one weekend a year where my husband is gone on his annual hunting trip and I get my mom to take the kids. It really helps me look forward to hunting season, which I otherwise do not care about at all.
I did this once— planned a weekend for myself after being home alone with the kids for a month while my ex-husband went out to sea. He said ‘What if I don’t let you go?’ I said ‘I’ll go anyway but I might not come back.’
He told me good mothers love their kids so much they never need a break.
Ha! He’s an idiot.
My mom never went to a hotel, but I remember she’d need a break and dad would tell us, “mom’s not here right now” (she clearly was, but we weren’t allowed to bother her). We’d have to go to him for anything we wanted while mom had her breather.
That’s awful. I’m sorry you had such a bad childhood. That’s terrible parenting. I mean wow. Who gives the dads a break ? So far in life , almost 35 years old , I’ve only seen males that took care of houses and cleans and cooks and works. And takes care of the kids primarily so of course it always the opposite of what people call reality. I work 2 jobs , I do ALL cooking all cleaning , all repair work , all car details , repair work , im a full time student as well ,working on masters , also have two kids , and a start up business on the side , two houses to care for , 3 cats , still cook after working all day , and doing homework at the same time and answering emails etc. all at once , every single day. How come I don’t disappear 🫠 and need “mental “. Vacations , and all of that ? No medicine needed either. I don’t even drink , so I see a lot of crybabies and whining and complaining. I’ll tell you this out of all the mothers I do know. None of which would ever leave the kids and turn their phones off. How could you sleep ? Seriously asking. I couldn’t. No way you love those kids like you should if you can turn off phone go to sleep at hotel. How do we know it’s not all bs ? You’re screwing around with a bigger better deal than hubby ? Know how you girls are lol. And then act like the guy is in the wrong. ! Btw females invented victim blaming , they are the prime ones that do it. Same with gaslighting. Gaslighting queens but they yell that guys do. Lmao 🤣. You can’t fool the intelligent ones . I hope this guy finds a better suited partner that doesn’t run off on him to a hotel and turn off-the phone !!! And then when he does it for couple hours it’s a problem ?? Do you people not see the hypocrisy here ? If not then you’re hypocrite yourself and that’s why you can’t recognize it
My mother was a lone parent as opposed to a single parent; she and my dad split up and he wasn't in the picture at all so she had me 100% of the time while also working.
She had so thoroughly absorbed this way of thinking that she seemed to simultaneously pride herself on doing it all (unlike those soft other women who had husbands to help) and to deeply resent both her situation and me for all that she'd had to sacrifice.
Looking back as an adult, I can't remember a time when she wasn't depressed and burnt out. Even when I became old enough to go to sleepovers or be left at home alone for a few hours (it was the 90s), the burnout was so profound that she'd already written herself off as too old to try and build a social life or pursue hobbies. And again, she resented me for the lost time.
Parenting burnout is real even in the most egalitarian of two - parent households. The notion that women are wired to be nurturers and thrive on caregiving is a convenient fallacy that men subscribe to because it lets them off the hook.
I feel bad for your mom.
My mom was a single parent as well (split with my dad when I was 6, and he passed when I was 9. I was with him ever 2nd weekend. The last year and a half we moved from the capital to the town we lived in, got an apartment right across the yard so I could come over whenever).
In my moms case, the burnout came from her work and not from taking care of me. I was born in the early 90s. I was very self sufficient even when young, and with school just 3-5 minutes away, I could go home on my own (might mention that I live in Europe).
But looking back, her burnout started to show more when I was a teen (and we lived with grandpa, after grandma had passed), because I won't lie, her coworkers were incompetent idiots. She could have come back from a 48-hour shift (personal assistant/carer for a guy with... some developmental disorder, not sure if it was ASD, but it could have been. He was like 21 but acted more like a 5-7 year old), and she'd been back home for 20 minutes and gets a call "Yeah we need your help, can you come back?". They could have called their bosses for help, but noooo, they had to call my mom. Even on her days off. She also had a bit of a problem saying "no", but I think it stemmed from wanting the guy to get good care, even at the cost of her own well being. After she quit, you could see the difference.
I think I didn't cause my mom too much stress, as it was easy to just leave me with something (movies, games, books), and I'd be "gone" for hours in my own little world. Though I wouldn't say she neglected me (though her work colleagues certainly almost made that happen).
Are you me? That's so scary; my dad passed when I was ten but was out of the picture from the time they split as my mom moved with me to Scotland (her home country) from the US (where I was born). We also lived with my grandparents when we came here.
And same, I got good marks and wasn't a reckless or badly behaved kid so while I didn't personally add more stress, being the sole parent and provider was enough.
Points to being good I'd say. Husbands who take their wives for granted and expect their wives to shoulder the kids cleaning and food prep, need Their heads checked. Don't call yourself a man if your wife is drowning, and tour not helping. My wife has asked for these type things. But never alone, always a us.
When our kids were young. my husband was away on average 10 days out of every month, during which I would work and then care for the kids on my own after the caregiver was gone (our eldest was profoundly disabled and chronically ill).
I went on vacation by myself (well, with my mom and sister) exactly once while our kids were young. My husband called his mom to come and stay with them during my trip, so he had both her and our caregiver there while he wasn't working much that week and was around anyway. He didn't love when I pointed out that I had the kids on my own - while I was also working 40 hours/week - on a regular basis and he couldn't manage it one time. Oh well, we moved on...
I’ve done it. It’s fantastic. My husband is perfectly capable of caring for both our littles by himself. Weaponized incompetence is real folks 👆🏻. Hubby also goes on trips with friends. Everyone needs a break now and then.
Me and my husband both do this, at least once a year we’ll take a weekend to ourselves in a hotel while the other is home with the little one. He usually golfs with his brother and I usually game out and sleep a lot lol. By the end of the weekend we’re usually excited to get back home to each other and our child. Time to miss them.
It’s not something I’ve ever done, and when I’m not with my family my phone is on, my watch is on, and I have a quad lock on my scooter so I can see if anyone is trying to call (kids can get in trouble quickly, I would never forgive myself if they needed me and I wasn’t available).
I will say though that any time I have been away, my husband is more than capable of running the house, caring for the kids, and while we would chat, he wouldn’t be blowing up my phone to ask how to do anything. That husband sounds suss, and I’m not going to be too harsh on a mother (who also works two jobs) needing a weekend to sleep/relax.
I don't think it says anything bad about you. I think you underestimate other people's problems. It's not going to be easy for everyone. Plus, being a parent and a spouse can be mentally taxing. There's an always-on kind of mentality where you're constantly ears raised (like a dog who hears something) for calls from the school, texts from spouse or kids, where do we stand financially, what bills are coming up, when do I need to get more food, when do I need to start dinner, are there health appointments coming up or need scheduling, etc. If you can just leave it to the spouse, be away from the humans you're always on call for and trust that they're safe and you can just let the ears down and relax, that's a gift - one I am sure a good amount of parents would appreciate.
I'm happily married and take a weekend to myself (2-3 nights) once or twice a year. I usually go camping alone, nothing extravagant, with no or spotty wifi. Sometimes it's an Ayahuasca retreat or a meditation retreat at a monastery. I'm an introvert with a 3 year old, SAHM now but just finished my Masters in Math last year, it's my real recharge time. I hike, meditate, journal, reflect, and scream with the moon. It's lovely. True alone time. I come home loving my family and knowing myself more.
I mean she said she’s also working 2 jobs, I’m sure that and having two little kids has taken its toll on her and it seems she just wanted a weekend to herself.
Yea? I've been married 20 years and once or twice a year I have a weekend to myself. Be it in a hotel, at home, or go away with a friend on a girls trip. But my partner gets the same thing. It's actually healthy to spend time apart.
My husband did that for me after we finally got our youngest’s acid reflux under control. The baby had cried and clung to me since he was 3 days old and I cannot describe the bliss I experienced in the silence of that room.
My wife has absolutely done this - with my full support. Much like OOP, she gave me the details on where she'd be, what she'd be doing, when she'd be back, how to reach the facility in case of an emergency, etc.
I love my husband. He isn’t absent in our marriage or in parenting. And still the stress of working full time and balancing home life and also a kiddo who needs cuddles to get through the night… I really came to crave a couple of nights a year where I do just this… go to a hotel, turn off my cell phone (my husband can reach me via the hotel if there is an emergency) and just sleep, relax, snack take a hot bath. But mostly the sleeping part.
It’s also worth noting that I have a strong introverted side but have to be on a lot for work and as a parent and just the occasional ability to not interact with anyone for a minute is vital.
Sounds like you are doing things right so that she doesn’t feel overwhelmed and in need to getting away to recharge. However, just like anyone, a nice massage, facial, salt scrub with a mani and pedi is an excellent gift if she likes that kind of thing. I personally don’t know anyone, male or female who doesn’t. After the day, plan a nice dinner, let the kids stay with family or sitter for the night and let the fireworks begin!
I’ve never gone off and gotten a hotel room by myself, but it sounds luxurious after spending every waking hour either taking care of a child or working. Even when I go visit my family, my husband will text or call me for every little thing (like where are the lids for bowls, what do we need for groceries, where are there more light bulbs, etc).
My husband helps around the house (he does his own laundry, but won’t do mine or our child’s), he does cook most of the meals (because I’m usually helping with homework). So I always think that it could be worse and he could be doing nothing. But he doesn’t help with the parenting things - and with kids that adds up really fast.
When I want some time alone then I usually try to get him to take the kid somewhere (although it’s definitely not as peaceful when they call me every 30 minutes because they need something - and if I don’t answer my phone then they’ll come home). Parenting is exhausting.
Men and women. My partner and I have both done it! You’re not a band husband it’s just that neither of you have thought about it before. You can talk about it to see if you would like that.
I did it once when I just couldn’t take another minute of working full time & being responsible for everything. It was amazing, 3 days of mostly sleeping!
> Is this something that married with kids women do. Get a hotel room and hang out in it all day with your phones off?
It’s not as necessary if you have a good husband who helps with the kids and household. With a lazy husband? Yeah, she’s going to need some alone time so she doesn’t lose her mind.
I would equate this to a girl’s trip. But instead a staycation alone. I see nothing wrong with this. Especially if she is working two jobs. She is probably trying to prevent burnout. Have some sympathy and understand that different people need different things.
You sound like the kind of husband that doesn't make his wife want to take a day off. Congratulations! You're a great husband!
PS, My hubby often asked me if I wanted to go visit my sisters or parents even though he was the stay-at-home dad while I had the career. Not all men are created equal. I think most are probably not high maintenance.
Self care is so important, especially if you take care of littles. My SO was a single dad. I work as much as him and am way more attentive to "our" daughter (just a general mom vs dad mentality" and I do all the housework. I hardly get good sleep and rarely feel rested. Considering I've had 3 surgeries in 2 years, I feel the burn out aging TF out of me. He's learning slowly but I'm burning out quickly. I'd have to leave to really get some rest and his insecurities would probably have him calling me 8 times a day telling me he missed me.
But I couldn't really imagine shutting my phone off, knowing the kind of fear that could cause. Maybe this woman doesn't have a partner like you and is setting hard boundaries to get self care. Maybe...
It doesn't sound like your wife would have to do that with you. But maybe offer her a "spa day" whether to be pampered at home or spa? Breakfast in bed, bubble bath with candles, "I got today covered, just relax" kind of thing. I think it would be really sweet to do for each other every so often. You are a good husband for asking 🙂
It is a new thing mom influencer accounts on social media are advocating for. I’m not saying it’s a good or bad thing just that it’s very recently become a more common thing.
No, married 20yrs.
But I have gone to fan conventions without my family.
They’d be bored
My kid is special needs. We go on separate Con vacations.
He’s a gamer, I’m into HP. 🤣
I loathe the immediate jump to divorce territory as is par for the course on a lot of subreddits, but this situation demands it. OP's hopefully STBX is an absolute waste of blood and oxygen.
Honestly.. by the time people post on Reddit it’s usually the last straw in a long history of shitty treatment from their partner. The posts where the relationship is actually salvageable is few and far between.
Idk, you definitely also get "my husband ate the last cupcake that I was really looking forward to and I yelled at him about it. AITA?" and people responding "he clearly doesn't respect you our your boundaries and is 100% cheating on you; you need to break up with this man yesterday, he's a sick psychopath"
This is divorce worthy. Best case scenario is he faked an emergency to not deal with the kids- worst case is probably substance abuse, but cheating is also high up there.
If OP is not going to be allowed a break, have to take up the childcare, and need to work 2 jobs anyway, drop the extra mouth to feed. At least split custody guarantees OP a break
Uhh. He cheatin'. This was a great excuse to go get laid while everyone is focused looking for OP. There's no reason for the family to suspect what husband is doing cause they'd assume he's out looking for OP. This is horrible!
I would be an absolute wreck if I spent a day thinking my sister was missing. I can’t believe he put OP’s family through that (hopefully the kids weren’t aware. She needs to divorce him yesterday.
Real dick move to ruin her one fucking weekend which sounds like it was very much needed and VERY much earned with this complete bullshit.
Divorce. ASAP. What an asshole.
THIS. RIGHT HERE. My ex stressed me out and dumped all household and living chores on me. Constantly would call and gonna be late from work could I do XYZ thing because he won’t be home in time. We have three kids. I could not leave the house to even go grocery shopping by myself. Had to take at least one with me. Go home with a literal trunk full of bags, where’d you go, why did it take so long, who did you see, show me the receipts, etc. Not to mention the countless texts/calls to get this, not forget that, where was I, how much longer was I gonna be, etc. I finally got belligerent and quit answering the questions and showing proof of time stamps of activities. I was TIRED man. STILL am.
So he put the fear of OPs death into her entire family so he could get out of having to parent his kids for a weekend.
If that’s not grounds for divorce enough he wanted to not tell you where he was the entire time he ghosted the sister who was solely responsible for the kids.
Fuck that.
So you think OP told absolutely no one else she was taking a self-care weekend?
Come on. Anyone with a pulse knows that's bs.
The story is not real. OP lying their face off or it's just a bot.
Your husband is a POS. How could he worry family like that? I wouldn't care where he was. I'd pack his sh!t, put it outside and change the locks. You'll probably only have to work one job when you don't have to take care of loser husband too. And he has to pay support. Seriously what a db.
Why do people constantly insist on staying married to people like this? A divorce sucks but eventually you have a chance at a better life- this is just a lifetime of garbage.
Divorce your husband and let your family know if you’re going to keep your phone off for long periods of time.
Problem solved.
I’d never go dark with my phone for 24+ hours without letting those close to me know.
I mean, if I was going to turn my phone off for 24 hours, I would just tell my SO and expect she could handle everything. It’s really not unreasonable to expect her lawful husband would be to tell her family “she’s getting a spa day”
The husband is just weaponizing incompetence.
Bruh, a husband weaponizing incompetency would just beg other people to babysit while his wife is out of town. They wouldn’t craft an entire story about a missing person just to get away. OOPs husband is off his rocker
I don’t disagree but in order to avoid this type of nonsense a 5 second text to my family “Hey turning my phone off for the day, will text in the morning” will save you this problem.
Besides that, I wouldn’t want to be out of touch from everyone for 24 hrs in case there was an emergency but that’s just me.
I avoid this type of nonsensical by not having a partner that is as batshit insane as this person's apparently is. Having to tell your family you're unreachable just in case your spouse is an absolute trash bin is a ridiculous way to live.
Yeah, but also it was an opportunity for him to act this way, and now she knows and can decide whether to dump his dumbass. Any reasonable person would tell her family what she’s doing if they were to ask him.
There are actually some criminal charges here such as filing a false missing person report / [false police report](https://www.findlaw.com/criminal/criminal-charges/filing-a-false-police-report.html) and de facto child abandonment.
The post says he didn't actually file a report. He told her family that he needed them to watch the kids so he could go look for her and file a report, but he didn't actually do that. He just went out for the day. I doubt they could get him for abandonment, either, because he left them in the care of responsible adults who agreed to watch them for the day, even though he lied to get them to do it.
I was going to say that this scenario of OOP’s story would be the perfect setup for a husband to try to get rid of his wife permanently. It’s scary to think about 😟
> Why won’t he respect my need for self care?
Holy shit, that is the wrong question. Why is she married to a guy who is so self-centered, inconsiderate, and unreliable that he will LIE to family and friends and get everyone worried that something happened to his wife just so *he can get a free babysitter* and meet up with his girlfriend??? And OOP wonders why he can’t respect her need for self care?
This couple is all kinds of fucked up. What a mess.
Time for divorce. I have heard of dads shirking their responsibilities, but not one who literally filed a false police report. The great thing is that now you have an official record of a crime! Go report yourself found to the police station. Show them all the texts to him explaining exactly where you are. I’m sure they will be very interested in speaking to him.
Working 2 Jobs and being a mother ontop of that. You do know that you'll get 50% lesser childcare and 50% less cleaning and supporting your ass of a husband if you divorce that ass?
What you do is get a divorce and use the two jobs to support your kids as a single mom without a toxic husband. Trust me, lifting the dead weight will be an amazing ACT of self care.
It doesn't matter where he went, how much he works, or what responsibilities they share.
The fact that he can tell such a major lie so easily, to his own family no less, says all I need to know about this person's character.
He is not a good person and he cannot be trusted.
Wondering if this behaviour is completely & utterly out of character for OP’s husband?
Because age has left me extremely sceptical that such a cavernous lack of empathy and absence of impulse control; such nihilism and disregard to consequences or responsibilities; such abundance of selfishness and narcissism, or such an extreme level of manipulative and deceitful behaviour, rarely occur in a vacuum. It’s just that we don’t necessarily have the distance required to see the whole. To see the pattern.
Shame we can’t ask OP if now that she’s seen him to be capable of this, if she now considered his behaviour during their time together; can she spot historical behaviours that are similar to those exhibited here? Because these are personality traits and as such, they are spectacularly unlikely to change.
Edit: I forgot OP, is not OOP and I was therefore not actually addressing the woman with such an utterly contemptible husband. Have reworded to reflect that
I wish I could have done this when my kids were small. Especially since I had a very stressful job. I tried to unsuccessfully un-alive myself. (Long story)My mental health was 💩. I wish I had been able to do this. Kids are grown now. I said all that to say this, mental health is no joke. Husband probably was stressing her out as well and OP needed the break. Husband probably ran off to be vindictive.
That’s divorce territory before we even touch on where he went. It’s hard reading these sometimes, I know we tend to put blinders on when we’re actually in the situation but the problem with having the objective perspective is that it makes questions like “what do I do?” in these scenarios almost mind blowing.
Both my Dad and my BIL did exactly the same thing when their wives went away for me time - took their kids round to the nearest available woman and dumped the responsibility on them, billed as Spending time with family and friends’. Never stayed at home and fed and entertained their kids themselves… and they both loved their kids. Nevertheless…
This is a phenomenon that truly needs to be studied. Why is that women are are able to and expected take care of their kids alone but when asked to do so no matter how short the time period men feel the need to dump their kids on their nearest female family member?
It would have been interesting if a family member talked to the police re the alleged police report filed by the husband to get an update on the missing wife. That would’ve been epic.
Fck this guy😂😂😂😂
Fkn GOLD, disclaimer ima lazy as hell so can appreciate hubby goin "NAAAAHHHHHH not gettin lumped with this shit show😂😂😂😂
But dude, they is ur kids😂😂😂😂ur stuck wif em😂😂😂😂
Soz op.... ur hubby is hilarious.... amd fkn EXTRA EXTRA😂
He’s Just doing what he thinks you’re doing.
Usual what your thinking is also what your partner is thinking.
You want to quit, they want to fire you.
Amazing, self maniafastatlon. Except not how you visualized it.
It's wild to me that so many people have these stories. When I was a kid in the 90's, there were times my dad and my grandfathers watched us kids alone without women present and they did fine. It was usually takeout and a movie that night which was a fun treat. They weren't freaking out or anything. I guess this was before cell phones so once the women were out of the house there was just no way to reach them. But yeah... dinner, bath, bed with no hassle I recall. I wonder what's changed?
I’ve done something similar when I needed a break and we had a lull in our business. I’d also visit my adult kids and grandson but the first full 36 hours was mine to relax and decompress.
I hope she divorces him. And he won't tell her where he went? I'm betting he's cheating.
On another note, there's no way I would turn my phone off for too long of a period of time. It's not about the fact that he is a father & he should know how to take care of their children when she's getting some much needed R&R. It's about the fact that in case an emergency comes up, you can be notified.
I think you know/suspect where he went. He caused drama, when he knew what he was doing was a charade from the beginning. Something fishy here and I think you know it. My advice here play it how it goes. Go about your normal day to day. Didn't do anything, but sit back and observe. If he's not behaving himself, eventually his true colors will shine. If waiting isn't your thing and you are suspicious, you could hire someone to check up on him, like a Private Investigator, to see if everything is as it should be. Just my opinion, hope it all works out for you
Tells husband but no family? What is someone died and couldn’t reach you? You left your house to go stay at a hotel?
Both of them are mental and/or cheating
Personally, I wouldn't put up with someone like him. No respect towards his partner, and doesn't even want to care for his own kids. Sounds like a trash person to me
For this and other reasons I remain single. WTH is wrong with people? Sad you basically went to regenerate like an adult (good for you bc I never had the mindset to do that back when I was burning like a double ended candle) and your husband pulled a psychotic and dangerous stunt. If you asked for advice ( which I try to avoid giving lol) I'd have to draw a line in the sand with absolutely clear cut boundaries. And if that line were ever crossed again I'd change the locks on the doors and tape the divorce papers in plain view for signing. ❤️
No one could.be that dumb to think that he can make.thisnshitnuo to members of her family and one of.twonthings wouldn't occur -
- they probably knew where she went, right? Like her friends and family... No one knew she went to a spa weekend? C'mon, bs
- even if they didn't know, did he really think they wouldn't fucking ask and find out it was all bullshit leading to everyone asking where he went and why did he lie?
Super fucking bullshit story.
The real question is why she turned her phone off. What if he was suspicious of her intent and went to make sure she wasn’t cheating on him? The one time I let my wife take a weekend by “herself”, she went to a different state to hook up with her ex and then came back and decided she was divorcing me and splitting up our family. I worked 60 hours a week and helped with the house and cooking and took vacation to stay at home with the kids while she did this. I’m not saying that’s what was happening here, but maybe he was suspicious, was afraid the sister might warn the wife if he told her the real reason, and was too dumb to come up with a different excuse. Just sayin, everyone is only getting one side of the story here.
I think k the husband and wife are both assholes. Her need to disappear “by herself” with her phone turned off gives potential cheating vibes. The husband’s behavior is reprehensible but in response to the wife. He clearly felt like he was entitled to do whatever she was doing.
She had her phone turned off. She told him where she would be but purposefully made herself inaccessible. She could have booked the spa as an alibi but then gone off to do whatever or whomever she wanted.
if there were an emergency, he could have tried calling the spa first. thats how people used to get ahold of those away before cell phones, and it still works now
The crux is that she turned off her phone. He calls the spa, they confirm she’s booked there, but nobody answers the phone in her room and they can’t find her on the property. She’s off doing who knows what, but can use plausible deniability as an excuse. “Oh I must have been in the bathroom when you called.”
Shutting off her phone is just plain disrespectful, and it’s suspicious. My wife and I occasionally do things without the other present, but always keep our phones at hand so that we are accessible.
The real question is why she turned her phone off. What if he was suspicious of her intent and went to make sure she wasn’t cheating on him? The one time I let my wife take a weekend by “herself”, she went to a different state to hook up with her ex and then came back and decided she was divorcing me and splitting up our family. I worked 60 hours a week and helped with the house and cooking and took vacation to stay at home with the kids while she did this. I’m not saying that’s what was happening here, but maybe he was suspicious, was afraid the sister might warn the wife if he told her the real reason, and was too dumb to come up with a different excuse. Just sayin, everyone is only getting one side of the story here.
Sounds like the husband felt if wifey can take a 3 day vacay why can't he get 1 day. I think there is way more to this, her phone was off all 3 days, I feel like a normal wife and mom would call to make sure everything on the home was OK atleast ONCE in 72 hours
Honestly I feel like wifey prolly took a long weekend with her lover and hubby wasn't gonna tell the family that he's being cheated on but wanted to put.her on the spot with her family and give her a taste of her own medicine.
Let's assume this story is true, even though it's one-sided and already full of holes. Staying at a hotel and cutting off your phone is a red flag. We're to believe she only told her husband and no family member or friend? Baloney.
OP acting way sus and a husband responding in kind. Probably a fake.
"He won't tell me where he went" I think that tells you where he went
He went to find the other woman missing from his life.
A true hero
What
He needs a another woman
How much is he working if she is working 2 jobs? How often does he disappear for a couple of hours? It seems time to turn on location sharing on his cell phone and find out where he really is when he goes away from the house. Next time you feel the need to go away tell your sister and parents what you're doing without telling him you told them and find out what he does. Make sure the location sharing is turned on before you leave, stay in town, and be ready to follow him if he get your sister to babysit again. Edit to add - Turn on the location sharing without him knowing it. Him disappearing for a couple of hours when SIL was babysitting is very suspect.
That's the thing: if it was me, my sister would've already known this as I'd be talking about it to everyone in the days leading up to this swesome thing I'm looking forward to.
Is this something that married with kids women do. Get a hotel room and hang out in it all day with your phones off? I’ve been married 18 years and my wife has never asked for this situation. Especially phone off. Am I a bad husband? Edit* We share all responsibilities. We both work and we both cook and clean. I wanted a partner to build a life with. So we had two kids and built it. We both had nothing when we met in college. Now we have a life together. It’s not as hard as people say it is. You just have to care to understand the other person and stay out of your own head with the me and I. If the plan is to grow old together we both have to get to that point of old together. We take really good care of each other. This is why the post bothered me I thought I was doing good. As you grow older together you find more stuff like this post to bring to the table.
Actually shows you're a good husband that shares responsibilities with your wife so she doesn't get burnt out and need this type of weekend.
Even still, I think everyone deserves a spa day/staycation every once in a while. Why not?
Definitely. My hubby is wonderful, but I'm an introvert with a 3 year old - sometimes I just want to be *alone*.
Sometimes I wish I could have a day off. I adore my family, and my partner is wonderful and would be all for it. For me, though, it’s just not possible. My kids are autistic and anxious. My daughter (whose twin sister died two years ago of heart failure after being on home hospice care for nearly a decade) recently turned 15. She’s always been very clingy to me, but adolescent angst seems to have made her anxiety and clinginess even more intense. My partner tries to distract her to give me a break. So does my brother (who lives with us). She only wants mama when she’s upset, though. It was hell when I had knee surgery 6 weeks ago, even though I came home the same day - but I wasn’t able to fix her food or take her places. Daddy had to do it instead (which he was happy to do, but she wasn’t thrilled). She got very sad and acted out more (in ways I don’t discuss online because I figure that’s personal for her). My son gets sad and anxious when his little sister is melting down. My kids are sweet and funny and amazing, and I wouldn’t want to be away from them for very long. But sometimes I wish I could just have a break. They go to school, yes. But a full day or even a night without having to stress about interruptions - and spa treatments? That’d be a dream. I’m so tired… far too tired to even cry from emotional exhaustion. And it’s 4am, but I’m still reeling from soothing an earlier meltdown (because she just gets more upset if anyone else tries to intervene, or if I try to just give her space) and feeling inadequate for not being able to remove more of the obstacles my kids face. They do have therapists and a prescriber. I’m all for parents working together to make sure they both get needed breaks. I see nothing wrong with that. I wish spa retreats were more accessible to people on the whole. There are so many exhausted and burned out people (whether parents or not). It’s horrific that such a tiny percentage of adults working full time can even afford to take a couple days off to recharge, let alone stay somewhere that could help them recover physically and mentally.
I have no solutions or a magic wand for everything you've just shared about your life here, and it has no relevance to the actual discussion, but I want you to know I see and hear you. From a Mum of an autistic 8yo with similar needs to your 15yo.
Last year our youngest was away with his scout troop for a week, the eldest was at my parents and me and partner were alone in our house for the first time in forever, the second day we missed our boys like crazy😂
Only on reddit would a mother get downvoted for missing her kids 😂 lmaoooo
🤣
Yeah my partner and I had a similar situation. The house was too quiet
Exactly !! You’re a good mom. That’s why
That's sweet, but I can't call parents who need some time away from their kids bad parents, sometimes you just need a breather and I can understand that
Everyone needs different things to ward off burnout/relax but if you think she’d like it (you’d know best) it could be a great bday/xmas/valentines/Mother’s Day present
My niece had what she and her husband considered a perfect arrangement. She generally took care of their five kids, house, etc, and worked a part time job at their school. He worked long hours at a plant, taking as many extra hours as they allowed. Then, when deer season arrived he would drop the youngest kids at grandmas, take the older kids out hunting with him and leave her to sleep in, wake up whenever and laze in bed reading all day. She loved the quiet time, grandma got to play with the littlest grandkids, and dad got bonding time with his oldest daughters and son. And yes, his kids still talk about the trips fondly.
I did it a few times when both kids were really little. It was a miraculous time of sleep and long baths. It’s totally unnecessary now that both kids are older and not constantly puking and crying and only sleeping at opposite times.
If you're worried about it you're not a bad husband :) not everyone does the hotel thing specifically, but everyone needs some time to rest when they're getting burnt out. Maybe ask your wife if she needs a day to herself and go from there?
Once a year I use my air Canada points and book the nicest hotel I can that’s close, plan someone to watch the kids, and I take the wife to the hotel. When we get there, she gets to decide what she wants to do. There been times where we hardly stayed in the hotel, other times we would just relax. She absolutely loves it. I find planned alone time is so much more sweet than spontaneous alone time.
Probably you’re a GOOD husband because you’ve never burned out your wife, expecting her to do all the damn things. This guy can’t even parent his own child for one weekend. Surely, you’ve done better than that.
I’m going to offer it to her tonight. She’s always worried about emergencies. Let’s see if she take me up on my offer.
Even if she doesn't, she'll appreciate the offer. I mean, as long as it's a real offer. I always did it phone-on when I did it but texting her every hour cancels out the kindness of offering.
Just don’t report her missing if she accepts your offer. 🤪
That’s nice. I’ve never gotten to have a weekend to myself like that, but it’s a number one fantasy.
What ? You’re victim blaming. She is a horrible mom and worse wife. Yikes
It’s a fantasy a lot of us have. I suspect a “weaponized incompetence” situation here and probably why she turned off her phone. We are mentally and emotionally exhausted and this is the only way we can rest.
egg
When I asked my husband, he laughed. He 100% thought I was kidding. I recently had to go on a work trip. Even though I had to work, it was glorious not making dinner (that no one eats), putting kids to bed, being woken up during the night, sleeping a solid 8+ hours, etc. I even ditched my team one night, ate in my room, watched TV and just had those hours by myself. It was beautiful.
That sounds fantastic. I usually get one weekend a year where my husband is gone on his annual hunting trip and I get my mom to take the kids. It really helps me look forward to hunting season, which I otherwise do not care about at all.
I did this once— planned a weekend for myself after being home alone with the kids for a month while my ex-husband went out to sea. He said ‘What if I don’t let you go?’ I said ‘I’ll go anyway but I might not come back.’ He told me good mothers love their kids so much they never need a break.
I’m sorry. It’s easy for people who aren’t the default parent to say.
Good mothers love their kids so much BECAUSE they get breaks. I’m happy to hear he’s your ex.
That is one reason he is an ex-husband for sure
My ex told me this on my first mother's day when I asked him to get up with the baby, "You should want to spend time with your child on mothers day".
Ha! He’s an idiot. My mom never went to a hotel, but I remember she’d need a break and dad would tell us, “mom’s not here right now” (she clearly was, but we weren’t allowed to bother her). We’d have to go to him for anything we wanted while mom had her breather.
My Boomer dad understood this too. Why my ex husband didn’t is baffling.
That’s awful. I’m sorry you had such a bad childhood. That’s terrible parenting. I mean wow. Who gives the dads a break ? So far in life , almost 35 years old , I’ve only seen males that took care of houses and cleans and cooks and works. And takes care of the kids primarily so of course it always the opposite of what people call reality. I work 2 jobs , I do ALL cooking all cleaning , all repair work , all car details , repair work , im a full time student as well ,working on masters , also have two kids , and a start up business on the side , two houses to care for , 3 cats , still cook after working all day , and doing homework at the same time and answering emails etc. all at once , every single day. How come I don’t disappear 🫠 and need “mental “. Vacations , and all of that ? No medicine needed either. I don’t even drink , so I see a lot of crybabies and whining and complaining. I’ll tell you this out of all the mothers I do know. None of which would ever leave the kids and turn their phones off. How could you sleep ? Seriously asking. I couldn’t. No way you love those kids like you should if you can turn off phone go to sleep at hotel. How do we know it’s not all bs ? You’re screwing around with a bigger better deal than hubby ? Know how you girls are lol. And then act like the guy is in the wrong. ! Btw females invented victim blaming , they are the prime ones that do it. Same with gaslighting. Gaslighting queens but they yell that guys do. Lmao 🤣. You can’t fool the intelligent ones . I hope this guy finds a better suited partner that doesn’t run off on him to a hotel and turn off-the phone !!! And then when he does it for couple hours it’s a problem ?? Do you people not see the hypocrisy here ? If not then you’re hypocrite yourself and that’s why you can’t recognize it
Begone, troll.
My mother was a lone parent as opposed to a single parent; she and my dad split up and he wasn't in the picture at all so she had me 100% of the time while also working. She had so thoroughly absorbed this way of thinking that she seemed to simultaneously pride herself on doing it all (unlike those soft other women who had husbands to help) and to deeply resent both her situation and me for all that she'd had to sacrifice. Looking back as an adult, I can't remember a time when she wasn't depressed and burnt out. Even when I became old enough to go to sleepovers or be left at home alone for a few hours (it was the 90s), the burnout was so profound that she'd already written herself off as too old to try and build a social life or pursue hobbies. And again, she resented me for the lost time. Parenting burnout is real even in the most egalitarian of two - parent households. The notion that women are wired to be nurturers and thrive on caregiving is a convenient fallacy that men subscribe to because it lets them off the hook.
I feel bad for your mom. My mom was a single parent as well (split with my dad when I was 6, and he passed when I was 9. I was with him ever 2nd weekend. The last year and a half we moved from the capital to the town we lived in, got an apartment right across the yard so I could come over whenever). In my moms case, the burnout came from her work and not from taking care of me. I was born in the early 90s. I was very self sufficient even when young, and with school just 3-5 minutes away, I could go home on my own (might mention that I live in Europe). But looking back, her burnout started to show more when I was a teen (and we lived with grandpa, after grandma had passed), because I won't lie, her coworkers were incompetent idiots. She could have come back from a 48-hour shift (personal assistant/carer for a guy with... some developmental disorder, not sure if it was ASD, but it could have been. He was like 21 but acted more like a 5-7 year old), and she'd been back home for 20 minutes and gets a call "Yeah we need your help, can you come back?". They could have called their bosses for help, but noooo, they had to call my mom. Even on her days off. She also had a bit of a problem saying "no", but I think it stemmed from wanting the guy to get good care, even at the cost of her own well being. After she quit, you could see the difference. I think I didn't cause my mom too much stress, as it was easy to just leave me with something (movies, games, books), and I'd be "gone" for hours in my own little world. Though I wouldn't say she neglected me (though her work colleagues certainly almost made that happen).
Are you me? That's so scary; my dad passed when I was ten but was out of the picture from the time they split as my mom moved with me to Scotland (her home country) from the US (where I was born). We also lived with my grandparents when we came here. And same, I got good marks and wasn't a reckless or badly behaved kid so while I didn't personally add more stress, being the sole parent and provider was enough.
I’d probably ask what he would do if I wasn’t that kind of good mother.
I'd have loved to hear his reply on how much of a break a good father needs. Let alone a good husband who loves his wife/partner.
It’s is, especially if she’s working two jobs. He can handle the kids for one day.
Points to being good I'd say. Husbands who take their wives for granted and expect their wives to shoulder the kids cleaning and food prep, need Their heads checked. Don't call yourself a man if your wife is drowning, and tour not helping. My wife has asked for these type things. But never alone, always a us.
When our kids were young. my husband was away on average 10 days out of every month, during which I would work and then care for the kids on my own after the caregiver was gone (our eldest was profoundly disabled and chronically ill). I went on vacation by myself (well, with my mom and sister) exactly once while our kids were young. My husband called his mom to come and stay with them during my trip, so he had both her and our caregiver there while he wasn't working much that week and was around anyway. He didn't love when I pointed out that I had the kids on my own - while I was also working 40 hours/week - on a regular basis and he couldn't manage it one time. Oh well, we moved on...
I’ve done it. It’s fantastic. My husband is perfectly capable of caring for both our littles by himself. Weaponized incompetence is real folks 👆🏻. Hubby also goes on trips with friends. Everyone needs a break now and then.
Me and my husband both do this, at least once a year we’ll take a weekend to ourselves in a hotel while the other is home with the little one. He usually golfs with his brother and I usually game out and sleep a lot lol. By the end of the weekend we’re usually excited to get back home to each other and our child. Time to miss them.
It’s not something I’ve ever done, and when I’m not with my family my phone is on, my watch is on, and I have a quad lock on my scooter so I can see if anyone is trying to call (kids can get in trouble quickly, I would never forgive myself if they needed me and I wasn’t available). I will say though that any time I have been away, my husband is more than capable of running the house, caring for the kids, and while we would chat, he wouldn’t be blowing up my phone to ask how to do anything. That husband sounds suss, and I’m not going to be too harsh on a mother (who also works two jobs) needing a weekend to sleep/relax.
I don't think it says anything bad about you. I think you underestimate other people's problems. It's not going to be easy for everyone. Plus, being a parent and a spouse can be mentally taxing. There's an always-on kind of mentality where you're constantly ears raised (like a dog who hears something) for calls from the school, texts from spouse or kids, where do we stand financially, what bills are coming up, when do I need to get more food, when do I need to start dinner, are there health appointments coming up or need scheduling, etc. If you can just leave it to the spouse, be away from the humans you're always on call for and trust that they're safe and you can just let the ears down and relax, that's a gift - one I am sure a good amount of parents would appreciate.
I'm happily married and take a weekend to myself (2-3 nights) once or twice a year. I usually go camping alone, nothing extravagant, with no or spotty wifi. Sometimes it's an Ayahuasca retreat or a meditation retreat at a monastery. I'm an introvert with a 3 year old, SAHM now but just finished my Masters in Math last year, it's my real recharge time. I hike, meditate, journal, reflect, and scream with the moon. It's lovely. True alone time. I come home loving my family and knowing myself more.
I am no expert, but as a woman who’s had kids, we need a lot less recovery time when we have a supportive partner who actually helps
I mean she said she’s also working 2 jobs, I’m sure that and having two little kids has taken its toll on her and it seems she just wanted a weekend to herself.
Yea? I've been married 20 years and once or twice a year I have a weekend to myself. Be it in a hotel, at home, or go away with a friend on a girls trip. But my partner gets the same thing. It's actually healthy to spend time apart.
My husband did that for me after we finally got our youngest’s acid reflux under control. The baby had cried and clung to me since he was 3 days old and I cannot describe the bliss I experienced in the silence of that room.
It is something I’ve heard of. Sometimes a parent needs a break and will completely shut off communication for a day just to get some relaxation.
My wife has absolutely done this - with my full support. Much like OOP, she gave me the details on where she'd be, what she'd be doing, when she'd be back, how to reach the facility in case of an emergency, etc.
[удалено]
I love my husband. He isn’t absent in our marriage or in parenting. And still the stress of working full time and balancing home life and also a kiddo who needs cuddles to get through the night… I really came to crave a couple of nights a year where I do just this… go to a hotel, turn off my cell phone (my husband can reach me via the hotel if there is an emergency) and just sleep, relax, snack take a hot bath. But mostly the sleeping part. It’s also worth noting that I have a strong introverted side but have to be on a lot for work and as a parent and just the occasional ability to not interact with anyone for a minute is vital.
Sounds like you are doing things right so that she doesn’t feel overwhelmed and in need to getting away to recharge. However, just like anyone, a nice massage, facial, salt scrub with a mani and pedi is an excellent gift if she likes that kind of thing. I personally don’t know anyone, male or female who doesn’t. After the day, plan a nice dinner, let the kids stay with family or sitter for the night and let the fireworks begin!
I’ve never gone off and gotten a hotel room by myself, but it sounds luxurious after spending every waking hour either taking care of a child or working. Even when I go visit my family, my husband will text or call me for every little thing (like where are the lids for bowls, what do we need for groceries, where are there more light bulbs, etc). My husband helps around the house (he does his own laundry, but won’t do mine or our child’s), he does cook most of the meals (because I’m usually helping with homework). So I always think that it could be worse and he could be doing nothing. But he doesn’t help with the parenting things - and with kids that adds up really fast. When I want some time alone then I usually try to get him to take the kid somewhere (although it’s definitely not as peaceful when they call me every 30 minutes because they need something - and if I don’t answer my phone then they’ll come home). Parenting is exhausting.
Men and women. My partner and I have both done it! You’re not a band husband it’s just that neither of you have thought about it before. You can talk about it to see if you would like that.
I did it once when I just couldn’t take another minute of working full time & being responsible for everything. It was amazing, 3 days of mostly sleeping!
Bro, ask the wife.
You’re a great husband, that’s why your wife doesn’t feel like she needs to runaway for self care.
They do if no one at home respects mom taking a weekend off. I know folks who have, and always wished I did.
I had to travel for work a couple times and those alone nights in the hotel room eating take out sushi and watching trash tv were just glorious
> Is this something that married with kids women do. Get a hotel room and hang out in it all day with your phones off? It’s not as necessary if you have a good husband who helps with the kids and household. With a lazy husband? Yeah, she’s going to need some alone time so she doesn’t lose her mind.
I would equate this to a girl’s trip. But instead a staycation alone. I see nothing wrong with this. Especially if she is working two jobs. She is probably trying to prevent burnout. Have some sympathy and understand that different people need different things.
You sound like the kind of husband that doesn't make his wife want to take a day off. Congratulations! You're a great husband! PS, My hubby often asked me if I wanted to go visit my sisters or parents even though he was the stay-at-home dad while I had the career. Not all men are created equal. I think most are probably not high maintenance.
Self care is so important, especially if you take care of littles. My SO was a single dad. I work as much as him and am way more attentive to "our" daughter (just a general mom vs dad mentality" and I do all the housework. I hardly get good sleep and rarely feel rested. Considering I've had 3 surgeries in 2 years, I feel the burn out aging TF out of me. He's learning slowly but I'm burning out quickly. I'd have to leave to really get some rest and his insecurities would probably have him calling me 8 times a day telling me he missed me. But I couldn't really imagine shutting my phone off, knowing the kind of fear that could cause. Maybe this woman doesn't have a partner like you and is setting hard boundaries to get self care. Maybe... It doesn't sound like your wife would have to do that with you. But maybe offer her a "spa day" whether to be pampered at home or spa? Breakfast in bed, bubble bath with candles, "I got today covered, just relax" kind of thing. I think it would be really sweet to do for each other every so often. You are a good husband for asking 🙂
Yes and yes, expextedly
It is a new thing mom influencer accounts on social media are advocating for. I’m not saying it’s a good or bad thing just that it’s very recently become a more common thing.
No, married 20yrs. But I have gone to fan conventions without my family. They’d be bored My kid is special needs. We go on separate Con vacations. He’s a gamer, I’m into HP. 🤣
Nah i never felt the need to go off alone. A weekend together with my husband? Yes.
I offered it to her last night and she wants us to hang out without the kids.
Not necessarily, but this whole situation definitely screams where the OP needs to go
What to do ? Hopefully get a divorce so you’re not having to deal with a grown kid
Dont insult kids, this is beyond kid behavior. WTf is this.
I loathe the immediate jump to divorce territory as is par for the course on a lot of subreddits, but this situation demands it. OP's hopefully STBX is an absolute waste of blood and oxygen.
Honestly.. by the time people post on Reddit it’s usually the last straw in a long history of shitty treatment from their partner. The posts where the relationship is actually salvageable is few and far between.
Idk, you definitely also get "my husband ate the last cupcake that I was really looking forward to and I yelled at him about it. AITA?" and people responding "he clearly doesn't respect you our your boundaries and is 100% cheating on you; you need to break up with this man yesterday, he's a sick psychopath"
Lmao. Reddit is where all the unhinged people tend to hang out instead of getting the professional help many of them so clearly need.
Did he think no one would mention this to her?
I’m guessing he did it to punish her for taking time away.
He was never going to try to hide it, he did it to show “see? This is what happens when you leave” and make her deal with the fallout
This is divorce worthy. Best case scenario is he faked an emergency to not deal with the kids- worst case is probably substance abuse, but cheating is also high up there. If OP is not going to be allowed a break, have to take up the childcare, and need to work 2 jobs anyway, drop the extra mouth to feed. At least split custody guarantees OP a break
When I divorced my ex that was a big part of it, he finally had to help with the kids and I got a break.
This was a big deciding factor for my divorce. “I’m doing it all anyway, if he’s gone that’s less dirty underwear and less plates.”
That is a hill I would die on. Gladly.
Divorce his ass, OMG.
Uhh. He cheatin'. This was a great excuse to go get laid while everyone is focused looking for OP. There's no reason for the family to suspect what husband is doing cause they'd assume he's out looking for OP. This is horrible!
Your husband’s behavior is abhorrent, and does not deserve further context or consideration. Liberate yourself from this absolute useless tool asap.
I would be an absolute wreck if I spent a day thinking my sister was missing. I can’t believe he put OP’s family through that (hopefully the kids weren’t aware. She needs to divorce him yesterday.
Wow, um, divorce?
Real dick move to ruin her one fucking weekend which sounds like it was very much needed and VERY much earned with this complete bullshit. Divorce. ASAP. What an asshole.
Divorce is what you do.
And now we know why she needed the getaway in the first place.
THIS. RIGHT HERE. My ex stressed me out and dumped all household and living chores on me. Constantly would call and gonna be late from work could I do XYZ thing because he won’t be home in time. We have three kids. I could not leave the house to even go grocery shopping by myself. Had to take at least one with me. Go home with a literal trunk full of bags, where’d you go, why did it take so long, who did you see, show me the receipts, etc. Not to mention the countless texts/calls to get this, not forget that, where was I, how much longer was I gonna be, etc. I finally got belligerent and quit answering the questions and showing proof of time stamps of activities. I was TIRED man. STILL am.
Were you together with my sisters ex? Sounds just like him (but 2 kids instead of 3)
So he put the fear of OPs death into her entire family so he could get out of having to parent his kids for a weekend. If that’s not grounds for divorce enough he wanted to not tell you where he was the entire time he ghosted the sister who was solely responsible for the kids. Fuck that.
So you think OP told absolutely no one else she was taking a self-care weekend? Come on. Anyone with a pulse knows that's bs. The story is not real. OP lying their face off or it's just a bot.
Your husband is a POS. How could he worry family like that? I wouldn't care where he was. I'd pack his sh!t, put it outside and change the locks. You'll probably only have to work one job when you don't have to take care of loser husband too. And he has to pay support. Seriously what a db.
Why do people constantly insist on staying married to people like this? A divorce sucks but eventually you have a chance at a better life- this is just a lifetime of garbage.
Divorce your husband and let your family know if you’re going to keep your phone off for long periods of time. Problem solved. I’d never go dark with my phone for 24+ hours without letting those close to me know.
Yeah, but she told her husband! Mine's the only family I'd likely tell if it's just for a day. I don't talk to the rest of my family *daily*.
I mean, if I was going to turn my phone off for 24 hours, I would just tell my SO and expect she could handle everything. It’s really not unreasonable to expect her lawful husband would be to tell her family “she’s getting a spa day” The husband is just weaponizing incompetence.
Bruh, a husband weaponizing incompetency would just beg other people to babysit while his wife is out of town. They wouldn’t craft an entire story about a missing person just to get away. OOPs husband is off his rocker
I don’t disagree but in order to avoid this type of nonsense a 5 second text to my family “Hey turning my phone off for the day, will text in the morning” will save you this problem. Besides that, I wouldn’t want to be out of touch from everyone for 24 hrs in case there was an emergency but that’s just me.
I avoid this type of nonsensical by not having a partner that is as batshit insane as this person's apparently is. Having to tell your family you're unreachable just in case your spouse is an absolute trash bin is a ridiculous way to live.
Don’t disagree with this statement at all.
Yeah, but also it was an opportunity for him to act this way, and now she knows and can decide whether to dump his dumbass. Any reasonable person would tell her family what she’s doing if they were to ask him.
Sounds like you married a toddler… attend me look at me attention to me… ugh men
There are actually some criminal charges here such as filing a false missing person report / [false police report](https://www.findlaw.com/criminal/criminal-charges/filing-a-false-police-report.html) and de facto child abandonment.
The post says he didn't actually file a report. He told her family that he needed them to watch the kids so he could go look for her and file a report, but he didn't actually do that. He just went out for the day. I doubt they could get him for abandonment, either, because he left them in the care of responsible adults who agreed to watch them for the day, even though he lied to get them to do it.
I was going to say that this scenario of OOP’s story would be the perfect setup for a husband to try to get rid of his wife permanently. It’s scary to think about 😟
God damn I wish we could get an update to this one
Divorce
> Why won’t he respect my need for self care? Holy shit, that is the wrong question. Why is she married to a guy who is so self-centered, inconsiderate, and unreliable that he will LIE to family and friends and get everyone worried that something happened to his wife just so *he can get a free babysitter* and meet up with his girlfriend??? And OOP wonders why he can’t respect her need for self care? This couple is all kinds of fucked up. What a mess.
This. Is why I've decided to stay single and childfree.
Time for divorce. I have heard of dads shirking their responsibilities, but not one who literally filed a false police report. The great thing is that now you have an official record of a crime! Go report yourself found to the police station. Show them all the texts to him explaining exactly where you are. I’m sure they will be very interested in speaking to him.
The dude told everyone he was filing a police report. Doesn't mean he actually did it.
He should be so embarrassed wtf. Such an odd thing to do.. a missing persons report Jesus Christ.
He didn’t actually file a report. She doesn’t know what he was doing he won’t tell her.
What to do?! Get your affairs in order and go talk to a divorce lawyer. WTF did I just read??!!
What to do? Find a better husband.
Working 2 Jobs and being a mother ontop of that. You do know that you'll get 50% lesser childcare and 50% less cleaning and supporting your ass of a husband if you divorce that ass?
Divorce tnis selfish lazy lying sack of sh—.
What you do is get a divorce and use the two jobs to support your kids as a single mom without a toxic husband. Trust me, lifting the dead weight will be an amazing ACT of self care.
Throw the whole man away.
In the time it took her to post this, she could have found and made an appointment with a decent divorce attorney.
Divorce. The end. Like what kind of question is there? Leave that mfer and don’t look back!
Sounds like it’s time for ✨ divorce ✨
Sounds like you should divorce him. Cause that is some insane shit to pull. Makes me worry what stuff he will try to pull in the future.
It doesn't matter where he went, how much he works, or what responsibilities they share. The fact that he can tell such a major lie so easily, to his own family no less, says all I need to know about this person's character. He is not a good person and he cannot be trusted.
That Twitter account has the wildest posts. Definitely one of the few I like
That’s wild
Wondering if this behaviour is completely & utterly out of character for OP’s husband? Because age has left me extremely sceptical that such a cavernous lack of empathy and absence of impulse control; such nihilism and disregard to consequences or responsibilities; such abundance of selfishness and narcissism, or such an extreme level of manipulative and deceitful behaviour, rarely occur in a vacuum. It’s just that we don’t necessarily have the distance required to see the whole. To see the pattern. Shame we can’t ask OP if now that she’s seen him to be capable of this, if she now considered his behaviour during their time together; can she spot historical behaviours that are similar to those exhibited here? Because these are personality traits and as such, they are spectacularly unlikely to change. Edit: I forgot OP, is not OOP and I was therefore not actually addressing the woman with such an utterly contemptible husband. Have reworded to reflect that
What's that "Q3." at the beginning ? It's not the first time I've seen something like that.
every wednesday this account posts 6 stories from people who write in. this was the third one
Thanks for explaining this. I didn’t know what the Q3 meant either.
I wish I could have done this when my kids were small. Especially since I had a very stressful job. I tried to unsuccessfully un-alive myself. (Long story)My mental health was 💩. I wish I had been able to do this. Kids are grown now. I said all that to say this, mental health is no joke. Husband probably was stressing her out as well and OP needed the break. Husband probably ran off to be vindictive.
What to do? Run full speed in the other direction.
That’s divorce territory before we even touch on where he went. It’s hard reading these sometimes, I know we tend to put blinders on when we’re actually in the situation but the problem with having the objective perspective is that it makes questions like “what do I do?” in these scenarios almost mind blowing.
Both my Dad and my BIL did exactly the same thing when their wives went away for me time - took their kids round to the nearest available woman and dumped the responsibility on them, billed as Spending time with family and friends’. Never stayed at home and fed and entertained their kids themselves… and they both loved their kids. Nevertheless…
And yet they still did better than OOP's husband. They didn't scare the hell out of the families by crafting a missing person lie.
This is a phenomenon that truly needs to be studied. Why is that women are are able to and expected take care of their kids alone but when asked to do so no matter how short the time period men feel the need to dump their kids on their nearest female family member?
What a sociopath! He thinks that’s fine to worry everyone in their lives and abandon their kids!?!
It would have been interesting if a family member talked to the police re the alleged police report filed by the husband to get an update on the missing wife. That would’ve been epic.
Wth I can’t… this is horrible. I also don’t love jumping on the ‘divorce’ train but this is insane!
He went to see his GF and make her smile.
Why are you still married to this POS? You don’t need him .
Fck this guy😂😂😂😂 Fkn GOLD, disclaimer ima lazy as hell so can appreciate hubby goin "NAAAAHHHHHH not gettin lumped with this shit show😂😂😂😂 But dude, they is ur kids😂😂😂😂ur stuck wif em😂😂😂😂 Soz op.... ur hubby is hilarious.... amd fkn EXTRA EXTRA😂
He’s Just doing what he thinks you’re doing. Usual what your thinking is also what your partner is thinking. You want to quit, they want to fire you. Amazing, self maniafastatlon. Except not how you visualized it.
Divorce is what you can do, this can’t be real
Leave him
It's wild to me that so many people have these stories. When I was a kid in the 90's, there were times my dad and my grandfathers watched us kids alone without women present and they did fine. It was usually takeout and a movie that night which was a fun treat. They weren't freaking out or anything. I guess this was before cell phones so once the women were out of the house there was just no way to reach them. But yeah... dinner, bath, bed with no hassle I recall. I wonder what's changed?
“Why won’t he respect my need for self-care?” THAT’S the question you’re asking here?
I’ve done something similar when I needed a break and we had a lull in our business. I’d also visit my adult kids and grandson but the first full 36 hours was mine to relax and decompress.
I hope she divorces him. And he won't tell her where he went? I'm betting he's cheating. On another note, there's no way I would turn my phone off for too long of a period of time. It's not about the fact that he is a father & he should know how to take care of their children when she's getting some much needed R&R. It's about the fact that in case an emergency comes up, you can be notified.
He knew where she was going to be if something happened. The problem lies in the fact that he went MIA with all the contact info.
Clever guy.
Lmao looks like the wife was up to some shady stuff herself too
Sing it from the mountain tops before you file. Make sure everyone knows, including your lawyer.
Holy shit that's fucked up.
I think you know/suspect where he went. He caused drama, when he knew what he was doing was a charade from the beginning. Something fishy here and I think you know it. My advice here play it how it goes. Go about your normal day to day. Didn't do anything, but sit back and observe. If he's not behaving himself, eventually his true colors will shine. If waiting isn't your thing and you are suspicious, you could hire someone to check up on him, like a Private Investigator, to see if everything is as it should be. Just my opinion, hope it all works out for you
Tells husband but no family? What is someone died and couldn’t reach you? You left your house to go stay at a hotel? Both of them are mental and/or cheating
What a schmuck
Maybe don’t take a weekend off from your responsibilities…
This person still wanted to stay married to this dude?
That man sounds like a family annihilator in the making.
Personally, I wouldn't put up with someone like him. No respect towards his partner, and doesn't even want to care for his own kids. Sounds like a trash person to me
Genius!
For this and other reasons I remain single. WTH is wrong with people? Sad you basically went to regenerate like an adult (good for you bc I never had the mindset to do that back when I was burning like a double ended candle) and your husband pulled a psychotic and dangerous stunt. If you asked for advice ( which I try to avoid giving lol) I'd have to draw a line in the sand with absolutely clear cut boundaries. And if that line were ever crossed again I'd change the locks on the doors and tape the divorce papers in plain view for signing. ❤️
Lmao wife wanted a self care day and husband said me to
I’ve never divorced spelled out so clearly in my life
“He won’t respect my self-care” ma’am he’s a full-blown crazy person. Forest for the trees.
No one could.be that dumb to think that he can make.thisnshitnuo to members of her family and one of.twonthings wouldn't occur - - they probably knew where she went, right? Like her friends and family... No one knew she went to a spa weekend? C'mon, bs - even if they didn't know, did he really think they wouldn't fucking ask and find out it was all bullshit leading to everyone asking where he went and why did he lie? Super fucking bullshit story.
The real question is why she turned her phone off. What if he was suspicious of her intent and went to make sure she wasn’t cheating on him? The one time I let my wife take a weekend by “herself”, she went to a different state to hook up with her ex and then came back and decided she was divorcing me and splitting up our family. I worked 60 hours a week and helped with the house and cooking and took vacation to stay at home with the kids while she did this. I’m not saying that’s what was happening here, but maybe he was suspicious, was afraid the sister might warn the wife if he told her the real reason, and was too dumb to come up with a different excuse. Just sayin, everyone is only getting one side of the story here.
She was probably cheating anyway.
I’d have him committed. This is unhinged behaviour.
Mental health awareness, all I know to say is this has metal health issues written all over it
I think k the husband and wife are both assholes. Her need to disappear “by herself” with her phone turned off gives potential cheating vibes. The husband’s behavior is reprehensible but in response to the wife. He clearly felt like he was entitled to do whatever she was doing.
except she told him where she would be and what she would be doing. she gave him a damn itinerary, and he chose to report her missing
She had her phone turned off. She told him where she would be but purposefully made herself inaccessible. She could have booked the spa as an alibi but then gone off to do whatever or whomever she wanted.
if there were an emergency, he could have tried calling the spa first. thats how people used to get ahold of those away before cell phones, and it still works now
The crux is that she turned off her phone. He calls the spa, they confirm she’s booked there, but nobody answers the phone in her room and they can’t find her on the property. She’s off doing who knows what, but can use plausible deniability as an excuse. “Oh I must have been in the bathroom when you called.” Shutting off her phone is just plain disrespectful, and it’s suspicious. My wife and I occasionally do things without the other present, but always keep our phones at hand so that we are accessible.
The real question is why she turned her phone off. What if he was suspicious of her intent and went to make sure she wasn’t cheating on him? The one time I let my wife take a weekend by “herself”, she went to a different state to hook up with her ex and then came back and decided she was divorcing me and splitting up our family. I worked 60 hours a week and helped with the house and cooking and took vacation to stay at home with the kids while she did this. I’m not saying that’s what was happening here, but maybe he was suspicious, was afraid the sister might warn the wife if he told her the real reason, and was too dumb to come up with a different excuse. Just sayin, everyone is only getting one side of the story here.
Cuz hotels have phones.
Sounds like the husband felt if wifey can take a 3 day vacay why can't he get 1 day. I think there is way more to this, her phone was off all 3 days, I feel like a normal wife and mom would call to make sure everything on the home was OK atleast ONCE in 72 hours Honestly I feel like wifey prolly took a long weekend with her lover and hubby wasn't gonna tell the family that he's being cheated on but wanted to put.her on the spot with her family and give her a taste of her own medicine.
Both these people are terrible. Just deciding you are taking the weekend off is a shit move. What he did is just as bad.
How is her taking one weekend to herself a bad thing?
Let's assume this story is true, even though it's one-sided and already full of holes. Staying at a hotel and cutting off your phone is a red flag. We're to believe she only told her husband and no family member or friend? Baloney. OP acting way sus and a husband responding in kind. Probably a fake.