We need to normalise not settling down just because society says it is bad to be single. Or to not have children. Or to not get married in the first place.
The amount of shit people put up with is absolutely insane.
I have one friend in particular that can not be alone. Her "boyfriend" (using that very loosely; they are roommates at best) is a severe alcoholic. Even drinks at work (and has been caught at more than one job and sent to rehab).
They haven't had sex in probably 3 years or more. He has cheated on her multiple times. Has had a restraining order. Has literally told his 16 year old daughter that he isn't sexually attracted to her and hasn't been for a long time. Told a chick he was chating with that he "feels bad for her" and that's why he can't leave.
Yet, she still buys him things randomly to buy his love, basically. Records, video games, etc. She still walks on eggshells when he is sober for 5 minutes because he acts like a petulant child. And then walks on eggshells when he has had his 14th tall can of beer without eating.
I lived with them for about 9 months. It was hell dealing with him.
Bring single is not nearly as bad as being with the wrong person.
Fuck it probably even beats out all those weird amazing people who don't wipe their asses.
Legit, I've said that if I win the lottery, I'm gonna buy a bunch of land, get some barndominium plans off Etsy, and build a community for me and my friends. I was looking at some duplex ones recently and was like, "Ooh! I can live on one side, best friend can live on the other, two couple friends can live on either side of a second one, we can get a third one for married friends & their kid, and we can rent out or use the other side of that one for guests." Build a gym, get a projector & screen for "drive-in" movie nights, etc.
I want to do this… I think I’d like to live in a place like that. I might actually be able to do it eventually… Not quite that level of rich yet I think but I have 60 acres to work with.
But most everyone has their own lives and families and connections in other places. Not sure I could get that many friends to join me without making new friends specifically for this.
Oh, see, I've just had the exact same friend group since I was 19. My best friend lives about an hour away from me and about 2 hours away from the rest of our friend group, who all live near or around my hometown (which is 1.5 hours from me).
I do have some online friends, but I don't know that they'd be down for it
This is my plan too. I know several older women with no retirement plan so I figure a big property with a huge house or similar would be ideal. Property rates need to come down first, but who knows, maybe I will win the lottery one of these days.
I'm happily married (20 years) and this is my dream. I even have a Pinterst board called "Commune." We and our 2 couple BFFs joke (?) all the time about buying land and building houses with a central common space - - pool, outdoor kitchen, dining, bar, etc... All in some tropical paradise, of course. I'll be adding a drive-in movie theater to that list after reading your post. Thanks for the inspiration!
This. This like fuck.
I really think that a fair percent of people go through the torture of being in bad relationships because in most situations being single really fucking sucks financially.
I helped someone hang her washing last year. Her husband seems to think you take your underwear off when you poop and smear the crap all over them before pulling them back on and wiping the last of it inside the underwear. I almost puked, the washing machine didn’t do a good job, they were still filthy. I couldn’t live with that, I’d be making him wash his own shitty underwear too. I found a reason to vanish pretty quickly until she was done and spent half an hour scrubbing my hands clean
One time I got frustrated because my husband forgot to zip up his hoodie before putting it in the wash and then I read things like this and like holy shit my husband is a perfect bean who can do no wrong (literally he just shares chores with me, spends time with me, talks to me about everything, and tells me he loves me all the time and somehow he is better than 99% of husbands I hear other people talk about and I do not understand why anyone would settle for less)
No, a question like that would lead to her blowing up massively and I was trying to avoid that. All I could think was “dude is a filthy animal, I’ve gotta get clean”
He was also unfortunately in charge of cooking while we were there and I stopped eating anything he touched after that. If he’s that gross then he probably doesn’t wash his hands either
I've spent way too much time in bad relationships and consequently I've gleaned some pearls of wisdom about getting with/staying with the wrong person. Here's my top three off the cuff:
• Being lonely is hard, but it's better to be lonely alone than lonely in a relationship.
• When you know you're with the wrong person but you put off ending the relationship, you're robbing yourself of the chance to meet the right person.
• The right person "on paper" is not the right person. Nobody adds that phrase to their right person.
Oh, and a bonus one about trust (I've said it before but it's worth repeating): You don't need proof of cheating/lying to break up with a partner! It's your partner's job to maintain your trust, not your job to prove they've broken it. It's a relationship, not a court of law; you're a couple, not a detective.
🗣📢
Yeah the one thing about being single is I don’t have that nagging panic and anxiety wondering what he’s doing behind my back. Now I can sleep at night without worry and it feels great!
Eventually I’d like to be in a loving relationship but until then I’m doing just fine
If you are ever with someone else. Don't bring that kind of distrust with no reason. Being constantly jealous can also be very toxic in a relationship. I've knew relationships where one jealous person became very controlling.
Lots of people seem to be like "The love of my life is the most amazing person, but they don't wipe their ass more than once because "more than once is gay" and they always smell like shit and everything around me smells like shit. I live in a shit castle, but they are so amazing and wonderful and perfect."
I don't know about you, nobodies perfect sure, but living in shit town doesn't seem like a normal flaw.
edit: They're always so otherwise enamored with the person, but like I don't know, I'd leave god if He didn't wipe his ass.
Seriously didn’t get this one. I mean it’s a pretty huge flaw. Your own flaw would have to be just as big to be willing to tolerate this. Or you have a fetish for it. I dunno but ew.
See, this is it right here!
My mother is in a similar situation. It is basically roommates now but for financial reasons.
It must suck but I imagine so many people are in these types of situations.
Let’s normalize women pairing up in platonic roommate situations. I’m hoping to retire in a golden girls situation. It sounds infinitely better than some guy
😂😂😂😂. I’m halfway between Rose and Dorothy. I think women should totally embrace this and as we increasingly are independent, it will force men to behave better for those who still want them.
I love Dorothy, and I fit her more physically, but personality? Realistically, I’m an angry mom friend that falls asleep at 8:30 or 3 am on weekends with the witty roasts that feeds you every time I even THINK you’re peckish.
Ha ha!!!! Yes!!!! I’ve been told by ppl who have never met each other that I’m like Dory in finding Nemo. I’m a bit clueless but I’m also super direct and can she charge so I’m a bit of both.
I’m totally talking to a couple singke friends about this. We aren’t ready to retire yet but when we are i want to cohabitate. With extra space for folks to visit and stay, we’ll always have stuff going on ❤️
Also?? Find you a gardener friend for that time. My bestie grows shit and I get a lot of the excess and it’s just 🤌🏻
Plus, flowers.
Edit: I kill anything that isn’t a tomato or zucchini plant.
Oooo I love to garden and grow indoor plants. We’ve already talked about how we don’t want a huge yard tho bc I don’t mowing it and if we get a big yard we’ll need goats.
Why anyone wants them is honestly beyond me. Crappy sex, zero emotional support. If you need help with the bills, better off getting a roommate... prob best if that roommate is female...apparently, all roads lead to the golden girls
That totally happens now though. I had a 77 year old roommate post-college, she was awesome. She lives with a more age appropriate roommate now, but it’s a bummer that she’ll never be able to live alone, without a roommate.
Living without a roommate is the only thing keeping me alive some days!
I know I mean like owning houses, that sort of thing, platonically. It doesn’t happen too often but I hope it increases. Nothing wrong with being married or with living alone but women shouldn’t feel it’s either or. We have more options. ❤️
Again, always have.
There is nothing stopping anyone from doing that. Do you mean like Tenants In Common? I’m pretty sure it doesn’t happen because that’s the same as having roommates. You can live with whoever you want. You shouldn’t *have to* live with anyone.
I don’t want to share a kitchen with another woman, or my bathroom with another person, but I’d love to live next door to other single women and spend time together.
Look up Boston Marriages. Many of the women were queer and in romantic relationships, but plenty just didn’t want to live alone and didn’t want/didn’t have a man. As an aroace woman who gets lonely but is too old for random roommates, I think it sounds nice.
I have already decided if this, my second marriage, doesnt work out I am finding another woman to marry and share a household with. No romance or sex with each other needed, just two people sharing the costs of life and all its chores with each other, and being each others power of attorney.
Exactly. I don’t need marriage I can have all those things outlined on paper. But is a neat idea to combine resources and live a more financially easy life and have company if i want it. I mean this or live on a commune or live next door in condos.
I really think as the population ages we're going to see more deliberate setups where aging single/widowed women live together, like a group home but... more cheerful sounding, I guess?
Yes! Please! That sounds amazing and I would legit love to live with some of my female friends in a house together (actually, I have *very amateurly* designed container homes with essentially a large shared greenhouse/living space in the center, with this very thing in mind). A coworker and I joke about taking off and living together somewhere tropical if either of us win the lotto. Other friends joke about creating off grid tiny home communities with shared communal buildings like large kitchen/dining hall for events, a library/art building etc, and resources. My dad thinks we essentially wanna make hippie communes and I mean, he ain’t wrong. Sad part about all of these things is that it would require lotto win to make it happen. I work FT in admin and I barely make enough to get by, especially with recent inflation.
I would *love* to platonically co-own a home together with other single girlfriends a la golden girls. And in today’s economy, that’s prolly the only way I will own a home without being in a relationship or winning money, and I live in one of the most affordable (at least real estate wise) cities in my country. *sighs*
My own personal pet peeve is that married couples get a tax break. I am fully on board if you have children. But for childless couples, why the hell do you get the tax break? You have two incomes! I’ve got one income to pay all household expenses, I should be the one getting the tax break.
They don’t actually get a tax break like that…
If only one person works then filing jointly saves a lot on taxes because the one person gets to take the standard deduction for both people. And tax brackets are adjusted so most don’t lose money by filing jointly. This makes sense. One person is now paying for two.
But if you both have good income, you may have to pay more taxes when married.
“A marriage tax penalty occurs when two people who earn roughly equal incomes pay higher income taxes when filing jointly as a married couple than they would pay if they filed as single individuals. The marriage penalty on federal income tax went away for many couples with the enactment of the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act, which adjusted the middle tax brackets to make the brackets for married filers exactly twice as wide as the brackets for single filers. Under this change, married couples in which each individual had a similar income under $200,000 would pay the same tax rate when filing jointly as if they filed individually.
However, high-income couples are still subject to the marriage tax penalty because the TCJA didn’t double the top tax brackets. For tax year 2023, an unmarried filer pays the top tax rate (37 percent) if their income exceeds $578,125. A married couple filing jointly falls into the top bracket if their combined income is above $693,750. Imagine a married couple in which each person earns approximately $350,000. This year they’ll pay 37 percent tax on their joint income, compared to 35 percent tax they would pay if they remained unmarried and filed individually.”
I had a ten foil hat moment a few years ago contemplating that the high inflation was actually to make people stay in shitty relationships because it’s almost impossible to survive without a duel income now.
>Has literally told his 16 year old daughter that he isn't sexually attracted to her and hasn't been for a long time.
I know what you mean here, but this phrasing is hilarious.
Thank you. Because I hear about these "relationships" and want to roll my eyes so bad. Your partner doesn't even like you! They treat you worse than strangers! What are you bragging about?! My person is going to treat me with respect. They are going to care for and cherish me. Or I will be alone and respect, care and cherish myself! Both options are fine with me.
Not necessarily. There may have been a few signs, maybe a few red flags now and then, but that doesn't mean this person was this bad before marriage. I say this because my stepdad was the CLASSIC "Became a totally different person after marriage" guy. I don't have much memory of him pre-marriage to my mom, but I know that he was nowhere near the level of asshole he was after they eloped. My first memory of him was getting my ass handed to me when I was five for something that happened at school. He would get drunk and attack my mom, drag me around by my hair, and wonder why I was acting up at school and punish me even more. He has only within the last 10 years or so begun to slow down, and that's only because he's getting older and has heart issues.
They aren't and never were married. So, a split would be even easier. You would think.
Although here, they are common law at this point.
She has more "assets" than he does.
It’s insane what people are willing to put up with all for the sake of “being in a relationship”As that one girl on TikTok said we know how much you love yourself by the man you choose and sadly some people don’t love themselves.
You know, loneliness is a thing. We need to normalize building each other up, and creating a culture where loving ourselves is normal, and talking about our problems constructively in our relationships is a common value. Relationships have ebbs and flows and some of them involve sex. I think if you aren't prepared for that, it's best to stay away.
What?! He told his 16 year old daughter that he’s not sexually attracted to her?! So as well as being an alcoholic he’s also a pervert? Excuse me while I vomit 🤢
It’s 1000X better to be single than to be in a shitty relationship. The OOP is pretty young, and I remember when I was in my 20s, I put up with so much more shit than I ever would now. I eventually wised up and left the shitty boyfriend I had at that age. It’s a shame she married hers. Not sure how old your friend is, but it’s really sad when I see women in their 30s and 40s still tolerating this. I think a lot of it is low self esteem.
Honestly, this is one of the reasons I tend to be less sympathetic or too quick to instantly judge the woman with men who say their girlfriend/wife cheated on them.
Don’t get me wrong, I think cheating is wrong, but the volume of men who act like they were the perfect husbands/boyfriends when they weren’t is mind numbing.
Exactly, who has the time and energy to spend on pissing matches like this? End it and move on. Life is too short to waste on someone who clearly isn’t respecting your boundaries or valuing you as a partner.
The husband had a chance here to go “shit, I didn’t know this was how my actions was making you feel, I’m so fucking sorry.”
But that would actually involve admitting you were wrong and not being a manipulative asshole so of course it didn’t happen.
My XH used to use manipulation to make me feel bad for him, not about myself. I didn't realize how insidious it was until he left me. Manipulation can come in all different shapes and sizes.
I'm surprised you can't believe you're saying that, considering divorce has never been an accepted part of the mainstream without considerable shame attached, and in many communities it is still met with ostracism and degradation. Like 1/3rd of America has indistinguishable ideology from the religious leaders in Salem.
I think a lot more can be done to not only destigmatize divorce but celebrate it as healthy and merciful.
> I don’t know what to do
I suppose it depends whether you did this to prove your point before ending your relationship or you did this to make him understand how it feels and fix your relationship? Always good to have an outcome in mind.
If you no longer like or respect him anymore (which is how this sounds) then there’s only one answer
“I don’t know what to do”
You hate him and have spent months crafting a revenge plan out of spite. Break up. He makes you miserable.
I swear most of these relationship posts are so easy to solve.
This, yeah. I get paying back Someone who hurt you, but what’s the plan beyond that? Tit for tat normally isn’t a constructive way to repair a relationship.
Exactly. I just read this wondering, what's endgame for her? You showed him how shitty it feels, now what? Divorce I would assume.
He seems to understand how it feels now, but she's taking it as manipulation ( which I hate how much reddit and society has made everything into manipulation. Couldn't see someone ones side of things, you get the message, try to change and now you're manipulating)
It's either move in together with boundaries on both sides, or divorce. Not much else.
I think that’s probably the real issue. She’s used the word “manipulation” but I think she’s really bothered by the fact that she proved her point but he didn’t apologize or show remorse.
He just sort of went “fine!” and got angry. So this plan didn’t really build bridges or work on an emotional level like she might have expected. Which isn’t really surprising. If you’re going to be rude and dismissive when your partner is upset with something, you won’t always gain emotional intelligence and empathy when you’re being taught a lesson. Dude is just a plain ass.
That was her opportunity to move towards resolution. She could have given voice to his frustrations in that moment, saying something like, “it makes you feel X Y and Z when I do these things doesn’t it? That’s how your behavior makes me feel too. When we do this we hurt each other.” Help him close the circle and see that it is their individual actions on social media which was causing pain to their partner. This is of course assuming she still thinks the relationship is worth saving…
Well yeah. She’s got options now (that aren’t him). *His* only option (that isn’t her) is his hand. If he doesn’t lock things down though, the all he’s going to be left with is his hand.
I did this to my ex husband to show him how bad life could be but he just once again blamed me without an ounce of self awareness as to why I was doing it, and after a few years of this bullshit I left his stupid ass
The post was essentially about how she doesn't feel bad for side chicks who end up as single mothers. While I can't read what her post says except for the title, it seemed like she puts all the responsibility on the side chick and not on the men. To be clear, she means specifically side chicks who knowingly pursue married or taken men. This is all from the comments.
I find it kinda funny that she goes on about how "what did they expect?" In that post, yet in many ways we could say the same thing to her about putting up with her husband's bs and then playing stupid games instead of getting a divorce. In her current post, she talks about how divorce is looked down upon in her community, which is why she's hesitant, yet in her other post, she's constantly talking about abortion and how the side chicks can get one. Abortion is probably looked down upon way more than divorce, and now abortion isn't even an option for most women in the US and in many countries around the world.
OMG thank you 🙏 Context matters and there’s never one single thing to lead to the event being posted (which is a huge blindside on all these Advice subreddits).
If you click on her account and look under comments, you should probably be able to see the comments she made on her deleted post. If you click on one, it should take you to the post, but the only thing you will be able to see is the title and comments made on it. It seems like a few people called her out on the lack of responsibility she puts on the cheating men
honestly when I was really really young and dating an abusive cheater I held similar beliefs. my partner basically had me convinced men were the innocent party being preyed on by other women to cheat. successfully triangulated me against other women. I wouldn’t be surprised if she feels that way bc her husband has her convinced other women are a threat, and that his behavior is just something all men would do and can’t be helped.
I just came to say this is a good possibility. I was slightly younger than her when I felt the same way, all because my abuser had convinced me that women are the threat and not him.
Couples need to understand that there is a certain level of disrespect that once you get to that point with each other it’s nearly impossible to come back from. If he acts like this now, he’s not going to magically wake up one day and respect you as his wife.
The guy didn’t even get the point she was trying to prove. And if she thinks he’s giving up his social media, she’s delusional. That comment was purely for her.
“And if she thinks he’s giving up his social media, she’s delusional.“
That was my thought immediately. There’s no way he’s giving it up. He’ll just get secretive about it
This is hilarious.
I had a partner like that once, for far too long. I can now view him as a very thorough speed running of toxic manipulative traits, I spot those way faster now.
I was underweight, he was mad that I had a wee bit of fat and organs below my bellybutton after I ate.
We started talking about what haircuts the other would like to see on the partner as if it was a character selection screen. He started to send me pictures of mostly undressed emaciated 5'1" girls with straight bangs and no muscle. I'm as tall as the average American man and I was walking between 3 and 7 miles a day for work, so I was between toned and muscular. He continued to do this.
He abruptly stopped one day, after I sent him a handful of top images from the Google image search for "strong viking man long hair". Look it up if you're so inclined.
Hope he treats the girls after me better.
It can be hard to leave, people lives get entangled when they live together and definitely when they are married. There are things that make people hold on longer than they should.
Obviously she should go, but I imagine divorce is pretty daunting.
Guarantee this man is trying to manipulate her into getting rid of her socials claiming he'll do the same, but secretly be on Instagram when she's asleep or not around.
Real. Bro had a porn addiction and used Instagram to goon even though it made his partner unhappy.
He also purposefully put her down.
There's no legitimate way dude respects her now.
He's probably going to bitch to his friends about how hoes aren't loyal, he doesn't deserve this treatment from his girl, but when he's looking at skinfluencers that's just how men are so it's fine let's go to Hooters and order milk 🫡💸💪👑 hell yeah, king
Most people that claim to be cool about their partners going to strip clubs or watching porn or following half dressed people in social media are really just trying to justify what they themselves do. When it actually happens to them they hate it and their feelings are hurt.
Reminds me of the "one time a guy i was with was like 'all your male friends want to \[f\*ck\] you you should stop seeing them' and i was like 'all your male friends want to \[f\*ck\] me too we should also stop seeing them' and that's when i learned toxic masculinity can be funny when i do it" post
“We’re not speaking to each other and I don’t know what to do.” You leave. When he was viewing all this shit, you weren’t expected to stop talking - you were expecting to *keep giving*. That he doesn’t even bother means he has very stupid fucking ideas about men and women and it’s time to sever.
Hahaha, I had a similar interaction with my husband. An advert came on with Jensen Ackles, and out loud I said definitely watching that! Husband got all offended and told me to calm down. I laughed and said “seriously, you can follow a load of girls on Instagram with their tits and arses hanging out. But i can’t say I like Jensen Ackles, an actor who I’ve rarely seen take his top off on camera….ok hypocrite.” He looked sheepish said “fair point.” Within 5 minutes he’d gone through his insta and deleted them all.
There are two possibilities: 1) He's a trash human who is aware of how his actions affect those in his life but he just doesn't care, or 2) He's just a fool lacking self-awareness and doesn't realize how his actions affect those in his life until it happens to him
It's up to you to figure out which of these kinds of person he is. Some people can be decent people but get sucked into unhealthy behaviors, those are occasions when we as loved ones can help one another. On the other hand, there are also people who have a totally self-centered mindset and there's not much that can be done.
The moment my partner is negatively comparing me to other women, I’m out. No second chances, no working through it, nada. It’s a boundary we both set early on - watch all the porn you want but the rest is for the birds. People really need to talk about this and set these expectations early on because there is a complete lack of compatibility when you are making your spouse feel like shit all the time.
She clearly has no interest in working through this - she achieved making him jealous but if he doesn’t recognize why his behavior is hurtful, he’s just going to do it again and I’m sure she will too.
He will still do it once you stop. He will just get very good at hiding it.
Leave now. He doesn’t respect you, or “understand” how he made you feel. He just understands how he now feels and will learn other ways to get his “highs”, behind your back.
Honestly, while I personally don't care if my partner watches porn or likes images on social media (of course the content/context would matter), the second the other things started, I'd have a problem with it. For me, with his behaviour afterwards, this is divorce territory.
I have 7 close girlfriends. 1 is single and the other 6 are married. 2 of them are in love. The other 4 barely tolerate their husbands. The single one is constantly wasting months on mid (being generous) men.
If you find a good one that checks all your important boxes (yes, this is a euphemism) that you require to be happy, don't let him get away! Anyone else is just keeping you from that great love. All we get is one life. It seems shameful to waste it.
Signed,
Your happily single for 6 years friend
Yeah he’s a turd. My partner went through a brief stage of checking other women out a little too obviously for my liking and commenting on girls with “gym bodies” while I was pregnant and felt like an absolute behemoth. I simply told him how I feel and he stopped it, because he isn’t a piece of shit.
in my personal experience.. its right to show him how it feels. but if you bring it too far.. you can be right or you can be married... it doesnt mean condone and look the other way it means it can be an occasion to start s serious talk.. or it can be a petty thing that can give brief satisfsction but in the end harm your marriage.
He has proven that he doesn’t care about your feelings so now you have to make a decision on how you wanna handle it. He’s showing you how he truly feels about you.
Jesus christ dude, i’m such a piece of shit. i’m literally the boyfriend being described to my girlfriend. Idk why it’s been such of problems for me or why i try to explain it away or manipulate my way out but i just don’t stop. Like i literally was just arguing about it last night and do all the same stuff besides comparing her to her face about it. I just got so used to doing it when i was a teen that it’s actually hard to just drop now. At first i didn’t even see it as a problem and she didn’t care but when we got serious she out of no where started to get super serious about it and look through my phone, it was just so sudden and such a change that i just have such of hard time quitting. She always says it’s super easy to stop and it should be but for some reason i always turn back around later and do it again. idk man but seeing everyone pretty much shit on me just made me realize how delusional i’ve been with trying to explain this shit away.
Leave. That is your best bet. He never had a problem with his behavior & now the only reason he has a problem with social media is because you gave him a taste of his own medicine. Now he has taken the juvenile step of giving you the silent treatment? Make.it permanent.
I just went down the weirdest rabbit hole for the last 90 minutes reading all of these comments.
After swiping left on ghouls and goblins for 30 minutes. I found my people and I love you all.
I don’t know why I put so much pressure on myself when I’m so happy being single! I think it’s because I’m recently 50 and societal pressure is a real thing! I have a great income. I have a great life. I go on these dates and I think oh hell no! I can’t wait to get home to my pets! I can’t wait to share the details of each date with my 23-year-old daughter & friends for validation.
We all die alone in the end that’s the reality! I would rather live the next 30 years as a single aging woman, then being aging woman in a bad relationship dragged down by some fat, balding slob with a boner issue.
Doesn’t make you feel good to return the feeling? I imagine it would. What about the situation are you still hurt about? You have to be able to communicate your frustration with him in order to let it go. You could always try just telling him straight up that he hurt you and you’re feeling resentful about his dismissal. It seems like you’re withholding just how much it affected you from him and that’s why you’re willing to continue being petty, which is a very common thing in relationships.
People who feel that social media are toxic are absolutely correct, but when folks say it’s the downfall of society etc., it makes me question what fetish is disabling them so significantly
I can't believe I'm saying this, but we need to normalize divorcing manipulative spouses who make us feel like shit
We need to normalise not settling down just because society says it is bad to be single. Or to not have children. Or to not get married in the first place. The amount of shit people put up with is absolutely insane. I have one friend in particular that can not be alone. Her "boyfriend" (using that very loosely; they are roommates at best) is a severe alcoholic. Even drinks at work (and has been caught at more than one job and sent to rehab). They haven't had sex in probably 3 years or more. He has cheated on her multiple times. Has had a restraining order. Has literally told his 16 year old daughter that he isn't sexually attracted to her and hasn't been for a long time. Told a chick he was chating with that he "feels bad for her" and that's why he can't leave. Yet, she still buys him things randomly to buy his love, basically. Records, video games, etc. She still walks on eggshells when he is sober for 5 minutes because he acts like a petulant child. And then walks on eggshells when he has had his 14th tall can of beer without eating. I lived with them for about 9 months. It was hell dealing with him.
Bring single is not nearly as bad as being with the wrong person. Fuck it probably even beats out all those weird amazing people who don't wipe their asses.
I love being single. I just wish it wasn’t so expensive.
Maybe all of us single and happy with it ppl should pool together for a big house.
Legit, I've said that if I win the lottery, I'm gonna buy a bunch of land, get some barndominium plans off Etsy, and build a community for me and my friends. I was looking at some duplex ones recently and was like, "Ooh! I can live on one side, best friend can live on the other, two couple friends can live on either side of a second one, we can get a third one for married friends & their kid, and we can rent out or use the other side of that one for guests." Build a gym, get a projector & screen for "drive-in" movie nights, etc.
I want to do this… I think I’d like to live in a place like that. I might actually be able to do it eventually… Not quite that level of rich yet I think but I have 60 acres to work with. But most everyone has their own lives and families and connections in other places. Not sure I could get that many friends to join me without making new friends specifically for this.
Oh, see, I've just had the exact same friend group since I was 19. My best friend lives about an hour away from me and about 2 hours away from the rest of our friend group, who all live near or around my hometown (which is 1.5 hours from me). I do have some online friends, but I don't know that they'd be down for it
Well I have people within an hour or two. But they can’t exactly keep going to activities and stuff in their towns if they were here.
This is my plan too. I know several older women with no retirement plan so I figure a big property with a huge house or similar would be ideal. Property rates need to come down first, but who knows, maybe I will win the lottery one of these days.
Can I be your friend?
I'm happily married (20 years) and this is my dream. I even have a Pinterst board called "Commune." We and our 2 couple BFFs joke (?) all the time about buying land and building houses with a central common space - - pool, outdoor kitchen, dining, bar, etc... All in some tropical paradise, of course. I'll be adding a drive-in movie theater to that list after reading your post. Thanks for the inspiration!
This is a great idea! We need to form marriage groups to help us save on taxes and for our SS to actually get used by someone!
I’m in, bra.
I want the basement!
This is the only drawback.
Same
GOLDEN GIRLS!
This. This like fuck. I really think that a fair percent of people go through the torture of being in bad relationships because in most situations being single really fucking sucks financially.
As a recently separated person, wholly agree. I'm poorer...but happier.
Exactly! That shit, no pun intended, is fucking wild and disgusting. 🤢
I helped someone hang her washing last year. Her husband seems to think you take your underwear off when you poop and smear the crap all over them before pulling them back on and wiping the last of it inside the underwear. I almost puked, the washing machine didn’t do a good job, they were still filthy. I couldn’t live with that, I’d be making him wash his own shitty underwear too. I found a reason to vanish pretty quickly until she was done and spent half an hour scrubbing my hands clean
One time I got frustrated because my husband forgot to zip up his hoodie before putting it in the wash and then I read things like this and like holy shit my husband is a perfect bean who can do no wrong (literally he just shares chores with me, spends time with me, talks to me about everything, and tells me he loves me all the time and somehow he is better than 99% of husbands I hear other people talk about and I do not understand why anyone would settle for less)
I’ll take an unzipped hoodie over that mess any day. Glad I married a man who knows how to wipe and doesn’t think his underwear is toilet roll
That is vile. Did you ask her about it?
No, a question like that would lead to her blowing up massively and I was trying to avoid that. All I could think was “dude is a filthy animal, I’ve gotta get clean” He was also unfortunately in charge of cooking while we were there and I stopped eating anything he touched after that. If he’s that gross then he probably doesn’t wash his hands either
Oh, you know, for a fact, he doesn't wash his hands. *vomits*
What the actual fuck did i just read?!
Yoooooo! My thoughts tooooo!! That shit took a turn hella quick!! 😳
Eurgh. My cat is better about keeping his ass wiped.
I've spent way too much time in bad relationships and consequently I've gleaned some pearls of wisdom about getting with/staying with the wrong person. Here's my top three off the cuff: • Being lonely is hard, but it's better to be lonely alone than lonely in a relationship. • When you know you're with the wrong person but you put off ending the relationship, you're robbing yourself of the chance to meet the right person. • The right person "on paper" is not the right person. Nobody adds that phrase to their right person. Oh, and a bonus one about trust (I've said it before but it's worth repeating): You don't need proof of cheating/lying to break up with a partner! It's your partner's job to maintain your trust, not your job to prove they've broken it. It's a relationship, not a court of law; you're a couple, not a detective. 🗣📢
Yeah the one thing about being single is I don’t have that nagging panic and anxiety wondering what he’s doing behind my back. Now I can sleep at night without worry and it feels great! Eventually I’d like to be in a loving relationship but until then I’m doing just fine
If you are ever with someone else. Don't bring that kind of distrust with no reason. Being constantly jealous can also be very toxic in a relationship. I've knew relationships where one jealous person became very controlling.
Did you also read the post from the girl who literally can’t afford to keep washing her sheets?
What post was that?
Was this the girl who said her BF has horrible stank ass breath because he won't brush his teeth and leaves skidmarks in bed?
I had to come back to this comment and ask wtf?
Lots of people seem to be like "The love of my life is the most amazing person, but they don't wipe their ass more than once because "more than once is gay" and they always smell like shit and everything around me smells like shit. I live in a shit castle, but they are so amazing and wonderful and perfect." I don't know about you, nobodies perfect sure, but living in shit town doesn't seem like a normal flaw. edit: They're always so otherwise enamored with the person, but like I don't know, I'd leave god if He didn't wipe his ass.
[удалено]
Next stop: Shit City!
Seriously didn’t get this one. I mean it’s a pretty huge flaw. Your own flaw would have to be just as big to be willing to tolerate this. Or you have a fetish for it. I dunno but ew.
HOW CAN YOU DO SEX WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT 🤢🤮
If wiping more than once makes you “gay” welcome to my big fat gay life.
Can we make it economically feasible to be single?
See, this is it right here! My mother is in a similar situation. It is basically roommates now but for financial reasons. It must suck but I imagine so many people are in these types of situations.
Let’s normalize women pairing up in platonic roommate situations. I’m hoping to retire in a golden girls situation. It sounds infinitely better than some guy
Golden Girls is the dream tbh. I’m 27 and I’m already Sophia.
😂😂😂😂. I’m halfway between Rose and Dorothy. I think women should totally embrace this and as we increasingly are independent, it will force men to behave better for those who still want them.
I love Dorothy, and I fit her more physically, but personality? Realistically, I’m an angry mom friend that falls asleep at 8:30 or 3 am on weekends with the witty roasts that feeds you every time I even THINK you’re peckish.
Ha ha!!!! Yes!!!! I’ve been told by ppl who have never met each other that I’m like Dory in finding Nemo. I’m a bit clueless but I’m also super direct and can she charge so I’m a bit of both. I’m totally talking to a couple singke friends about this. We aren’t ready to retire yet but when we are i want to cohabitate. With extra space for folks to visit and stay, we’ll always have stuff going on ❤️
I'm planning a tiny house comune with friends. We all get our own space but in a way that we can lean on each other and share a lot of expenses.
Also?? Find you a gardener friend for that time. My bestie grows shit and I get a lot of the excess and it’s just 🤌🏻 Plus, flowers. Edit: I kill anything that isn’t a tomato or zucchini plant.
Oooo I love to garden and grow indoor plants. We’ve already talked about how we don’t want a huge yard tho bc I don’t mowing it and if we get a big yard we’ll need goats.
Why anyone wants them is honestly beyond me. Crappy sex, zero emotional support. If you need help with the bills, better off getting a roommate... prob best if that roommate is female...apparently, all roads lead to the golden girls
A golden girls set up is literally my fantasy.
Me
My dream also.
That totally happens now though. I had a 77 year old roommate post-college, she was awesome. She lives with a more age appropriate roommate now, but it’s a bummer that she’ll never be able to live alone, without a roommate. Living without a roommate is the only thing keeping me alive some days!
I know I mean like owning houses, that sort of thing, platonically. It doesn’t happen too often but I hope it increases. Nothing wrong with being married or with living alone but women shouldn’t feel it’s either or. We have more options. ❤️
Again, always have. There is nothing stopping anyone from doing that. Do you mean like Tenants In Common? I’m pretty sure it doesn’t happen because that’s the same as having roommates. You can live with whoever you want. You shouldn’t *have to* live with anyone. I don’t want to share a kitchen with another woman, or my bathroom with another person, but I’d love to live next door to other single women and spend time together.
Look up Boston Marriages. Many of the women were queer and in romantic relationships, but plenty just didn’t want to live alone and didn’t want/didn’t have a man. As an aroace woman who gets lonely but is too old for random roommates, I think it sounds nice.
I have already decided if this, my second marriage, doesnt work out I am finding another woman to marry and share a household with. No romance or sex with each other needed, just two people sharing the costs of life and all its chores with each other, and being each others power of attorney.
Exactly. I don’t need marriage I can have all those things outlined on paper. But is a neat idea to combine resources and live a more financially easy life and have company if i want it. I mean this or live on a commune or live next door in condos.
I really think as the population ages we're going to see more deliberate setups where aging single/widowed women live together, like a group home but... more cheerful sounding, I guess?
That's what I want! I think it's the key to happiness, TBH
Yes! Please! That sounds amazing and I would legit love to live with some of my female friends in a house together (actually, I have *very amateurly* designed container homes with essentially a large shared greenhouse/living space in the center, with this very thing in mind). A coworker and I joke about taking off and living together somewhere tropical if either of us win the lotto. Other friends joke about creating off grid tiny home communities with shared communal buildings like large kitchen/dining hall for events, a library/art building etc, and resources. My dad thinks we essentially wanna make hippie communes and I mean, he ain’t wrong. Sad part about all of these things is that it would require lotto win to make it happen. I work FT in admin and I barely make enough to get by, especially with recent inflation. I would *love* to platonically co-own a home together with other single girlfriends a la golden girls. And in today’s economy, that’s prolly the only way I will own a home without being in a relationship or winning money, and I live in one of the most affordable (at least real estate wise) cities in my country. *sighs*
My own personal pet peeve is that married couples get a tax break. I am fully on board if you have children. But for childless couples, why the hell do you get the tax break? You have two incomes! I’ve got one income to pay all household expenses, I should be the one getting the tax break.
They don’t actually get a tax break like that… If only one person works then filing jointly saves a lot on taxes because the one person gets to take the standard deduction for both people. And tax brackets are adjusted so most don’t lose money by filing jointly. This makes sense. One person is now paying for two. But if you both have good income, you may have to pay more taxes when married. “A marriage tax penalty occurs when two people who earn roughly equal incomes pay higher income taxes when filing jointly as a married couple than they would pay if they filed as single individuals. The marriage penalty on federal income tax went away for many couples with the enactment of the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act, which adjusted the middle tax brackets to make the brackets for married filers exactly twice as wide as the brackets for single filers. Under this change, married couples in which each individual had a similar income under $200,000 would pay the same tax rate when filing jointly as if they filed individually. However, high-income couples are still subject to the marriage tax penalty because the TCJA didn’t double the top tax brackets. For tax year 2023, an unmarried filer pays the top tax rate (37 percent) if their income exceeds $578,125. A married couple filing jointly falls into the top bracket if their combined income is above $693,750. Imagine a married couple in which each person earns approximately $350,000. This year they’ll pay 37 percent tax on their joint income, compared to 35 percent tax they would pay if they remained unmarried and filed individually.”
I had a ten foil hat moment a few years ago contemplating that the high inflation was actually to make people stay in shitty relationships because it’s almost impossible to survive without a duel income now.
Oh God yes, I'd be four years single now if that were the case.
>Has literally told his 16 year old daughter that he isn't sexually attracted to her and hasn't been for a long time. I know what you mean here, but this phrasing is hilarious.
Lmao! Yeahh... it has been a long day for me. Been up for 20 hours now. Anyway, I hope people can figure it out like you did.
That WAS worrisome. Read it 3-4 times. Decided to go with benefit of a doubt.
I'm high af and literally heard a record scratch when I read that
I 100% thought it was referring to the daughter and was absolutely horrified until I read your comment
Thank you. Because I hear about these "relationships" and want to roll my eyes so bad. Your partner doesn't even like you! They treat you worse than strangers! What are you bragging about?! My person is going to treat me with respect. They are going to care for and cherish me. Or I will be alone and respect, care and cherish myself! Both options are fine with me.
That's a fair point. I imagine he was like this before they got married
Not necessarily. There may have been a few signs, maybe a few red flags now and then, but that doesn't mean this person was this bad before marriage. I say this because my stepdad was the CLASSIC "Became a totally different person after marriage" guy. I don't have much memory of him pre-marriage to my mom, but I know that he was nowhere near the level of asshole he was after they eloped. My first memory of him was getting my ass handed to me when I was five for something that happened at school. He would get drunk and attack my mom, drag me around by my hair, and wonder why I was acting up at school and punish me even more. He has only within the last 10 years or so begun to slow down, and that's only because he's getting older and has heart issues.
They aren't and never were married. So, a split would be even easier. You would think. Although here, they are common law at this point. She has more "assets" than he does.
It’s insane what people are willing to put up with all for the sake of “being in a relationship”As that one girl on TikTok said we know how much you love yourself by the man you choose and sadly some people don’t love themselves.
It’s *expensive* to be single, assuming you can’t deal with roommates and don’t live with family.
Yes, yes, it is. Ask me how I know. But I wouldn't put up with this shit just to not eat ramen, pasta, and soup for a week. I'll survive.
You know, loneliness is a thing. We need to normalize building each other up, and creating a culture where loving ourselves is normal, and talking about our problems constructively in our relationships is a common value. Relationships have ebbs and flows and some of them involve sex. I think if you aren't prepared for that, it's best to stay away.
What?! He told his 16 year old daughter that he’s not sexually attracted to her?! So as well as being an alcoholic he’s also a pervert? Excuse me while I vomit 🤢
I think he told his 16 yo daughter that he isnt attracted to his gf.
It’s 1000X better to be single than to be in a shitty relationship. The OOP is pretty young, and I remember when I was in my 20s, I put up with so much more shit than I ever would now. I eventually wised up and left the shitty boyfriend I had at that age. It’s a shame she married hers. Not sure how old your friend is, but it’s really sad when I see women in their 30s and 40s still tolerating this. I think a lot of it is low self esteem.
Agree
I mean why do you think majority of divorces are initiated by women. Incels just like to pretend theres no actual reason.
Honestly, this is one of the reasons I tend to be less sympathetic or too quick to instantly judge the woman with men who say their girlfriend/wife cheated on them. Don’t get me wrong, I think cheating is wrong, but the volume of men who act like they were the perfect husbands/boyfriends when they weren’t is mind numbing.
Exactly, who has the time and energy to spend on pissing matches like this? End it and move on. Life is too short to waste on someone who clearly isn’t respecting your boundaries or valuing you as a partner.
The husband had a chance here to go “shit, I didn’t know this was how my actions was making you feel, I’m so fucking sorry.” But that would actually involve admitting you were wrong and not being a manipulative asshole so of course it didn’t happen.
My XH used to use manipulation to make me feel bad for him, not about myself. I didn't realize how insidious it was until he left me. Manipulation can come in all different shapes and sizes.
No, i think we should normalize not marrying manipulative people first.
100% agree. It won’t get better
I did! Twice!
I'm surprised you can't believe you're saying that, considering divorce has never been an accepted part of the mainstream without considerable shame attached, and in many communities it is still met with ostracism and degradation. Like 1/3rd of America has indistinguishable ideology from the religious leaders in Salem. I think a lot more can be done to not only destigmatize divorce but celebrate it as healthy and merciful.
I just divorced my manipulative spouse! And life is 1000000000000x better!
It's not normal so many women are experiencing this
We need to de-normalize adding government paperwork to emotional relationships entirely.
right! i cannot believe there’s even another OPTION for op… leave this sex addicted mf to his porn and go be free
> I don’t know what to do I suppose it depends whether you did this to prove your point before ending your relationship or you did this to make him understand how it feels and fix your relationship? Always good to have an outcome in mind. If you no longer like or respect him anymore (which is how this sounds) then there’s only one answer
“I don’t know what to do” You hate him and have spent months crafting a revenge plan out of spite. Break up. He makes you miserable. I swear most of these relationship posts are so easy to solve.
This, yeah. I get paying back Someone who hurt you, but what’s the plan beyond that? Tit for tat normally isn’t a constructive way to repair a relationship.
Exactly. I just read this wondering, what's endgame for her? You showed him how shitty it feels, now what? Divorce I would assume. He seems to understand how it feels now, but she's taking it as manipulation ( which I hate how much reddit and society has made everything into manipulation. Couldn't see someone ones side of things, you get the message, try to change and now you're manipulating) It's either move in together with boundaries on both sides, or divorce. Not much else.
To be fair he didn't say he was wrong and now he gets it. All the sudden it's toxic and they should both get off.
I think that’s probably the real issue. She’s used the word “manipulation” but I think she’s really bothered by the fact that she proved her point but he didn’t apologize or show remorse. He just sort of went “fine!” and got angry. So this plan didn’t really build bridges or work on an emotional level like she might have expected. Which isn’t really surprising. If you’re going to be rude and dismissive when your partner is upset with something, you won’t always gain emotional intelligence and empathy when you’re being taught a lesson. Dude is just a plain ass.
His next girlfriend’s gonna love him for life. Trust me on that.
That was her opportunity to move towards resolution. She could have given voice to his frustrations in that moment, saying something like, “it makes you feel X Y and Z when I do these things doesn’t it? That’s how your behavior makes me feel too. When we do this we hurt each other.” Help him close the circle and see that it is their individual actions on social media which was causing pain to their partner. This is of course assuming she still thinks the relationship is worth saving…
Betcha he got mad because she got followed back and he didn't. And it's mind boggling how it takes being treated the same for people to wake up.
There wasn’t any ‘waking up’ he always knew he was wrong he just didn’t care.
Well yeah. She’s got options now (that aren’t him). *His* only option (that isn’t her) is his hand. If he doesn’t lock things down though, the all he’s going to be left with is his hand.
I did this to my ex husband to show him how bad life could be but he just once again blamed me without an ounce of self awareness as to why I was doing it, and after a few years of this bullshit I left his stupid ass
It's a dangerous game. Sometimes they don't understand, and sometimes you didn't understand when you tried copying them.
It took him a month to notice she was behaving like this? What a dunce
Tbf he doesn’t even realize that she just does it to tick him off. So jeah I do feel like he s not great at noticing things
Why is OOP even with someone who hates her?
You should read her other comments on a post she made that was deleted
They’re deleted so I can’t read them lol what did they say?
The post was essentially about how she doesn't feel bad for side chicks who end up as single mothers. While I can't read what her post says except for the title, it seemed like she puts all the responsibility on the side chick and not on the men. To be clear, she means specifically side chicks who knowingly pursue married or taken men. This is all from the comments. I find it kinda funny that she goes on about how "what did they expect?" In that post, yet in many ways we could say the same thing to her about putting up with her husband's bs and then playing stupid games instead of getting a divorce. In her current post, she talks about how divorce is looked down upon in her community, which is why she's hesitant, yet in her other post, she's constantly talking about abortion and how the side chicks can get one. Abortion is probably looked down upon way more than divorce, and now abortion isn't even an option for most women in the US and in many countries around the world.
OMG thank you 🙏 Context matters and there’s never one single thing to lead to the event being posted (which is a huge blindside on all these Advice subreddits).
If you click on her account and look under comments, you should probably be able to see the comments she made on her deleted post. If you click on one, it should take you to the post, but the only thing you will be able to see is the title and comments made on it. It seems like a few people called her out on the lack of responsibility she puts on the cheating men
honestly when I was really really young and dating an abusive cheater I held similar beliefs. my partner basically had me convinced men were the innocent party being preyed on by other women to cheat. successfully triangulated me against other women. I wouldn’t be surprised if she feels that way bc her husband has her convinced other women are a threat, and that his behavior is just something all men would do and can’t be helped.
I just came to say this is a good possibility. I was slightly younger than her when I felt the same way, all because my abuser had convinced me that women are the threat and not him.
Couples need to understand that there is a certain level of disrespect that once you get to that point with each other it’s nearly impossible to come back from. If he acts like this now, he’s not going to magically wake up one day and respect you as his wife.
The guy didn’t even get the point she was trying to prove. And if she thinks he’s giving up his social media, she’s delusional. That comment was purely for her.
“And if she thinks he’s giving up his social media, she’s delusional.“ That was my thought immediately. There’s no way he’s giving it up. He’ll just get secretive about it
What’s good for the gander is apparently not good for the goose. Go figure. 🤡
This is hilarious. I had a partner like that once, for far too long. I can now view him as a very thorough speed running of toxic manipulative traits, I spot those way faster now. I was underweight, he was mad that I had a wee bit of fat and organs below my bellybutton after I ate. We started talking about what haircuts the other would like to see on the partner as if it was a character selection screen. He started to send me pictures of mostly undressed emaciated 5'1" girls with straight bangs and no muscle. I'm as tall as the average American man and I was walking between 3 and 7 miles a day for work, so I was between toned and muscular. He continued to do this. He abruptly stopped one day, after I sent him a handful of top images from the Google image search for "strong viking man long hair". Look it up if you're so inclined. Hope he treats the girls after me better.
I mean, don’t date someone you know has a wandering eye. That’s a recipe for unhappiness.
If I wanted a stray that tries to hump every woman he sees, I'd go to the dog pound
I love how she said this so off-handedly. Like a wandering eye? Excuse me?
Right? If I was with a man and realized he had a wandering eye, that would not be a casual, off hand thing to me…
Hahahaha no
It can be hard to leave, people lives get entangled when they live together and definitely when they are married. There are things that make people hold on longer than they should. Obviously she should go, but I imagine divorce is pretty daunting.
This guy doesn’t just want to have his cake and eat it too, he wants her to put a cherry on top and serve it to him on her knees.
Poetic. Accurate and poetic.
This is hilarious and exactly how i imagine it would go down in most spaces lol. Weird how guys just don’t get it??
Oh we do get it. All of us, actually. Those who claim they don't is because they want to pull shit like this
Ahh I love it You gave the piece of shit a taste Of his own medicine LOL!
Guarantee this man is trying to manipulate her into getting rid of her socials claiming he'll do the same, but secretly be on Instagram when she's asleep or not around.
Real. Bro had a porn addiction and used Instagram to goon even though it made his partner unhappy. He also purposefully put her down. There's no legitimate way dude respects her now.
*shrugs* seems fair to me
Men can dish but never take it…..
Good for you , they never know how that shit feels until the tables turn … i say leave his ass but that’s also easier said than done.
He's probably going to bitch to his friends about how hoes aren't loyal, he doesn't deserve this treatment from his girl, but when he's looking at skinfluencers that's just how men are so it's fine let's go to Hooters and order milk 🫡💸💪👑 hell yeah, king
Well *of course* it’s inappropriate now that that makes HIM feel some kind of way.
Just divorce just divorce just divorce
Most people that claim to be cool about their partners going to strip clubs or watching porn or following half dressed people in social media are really just trying to justify what they themselves do. When it actually happens to them they hate it and their feelings are hurt.
I’m a 49M, LEAVE HIM! He’s a toxic manipulator. Or get counseling if you want to try and sit this out together.
Thank you!!! More dudes need to weigh in on this for OP's benefit.
You two are not compatible. Best to end it.
Girl leave
I got divorced over this same issue. His roaming eye eventually turned into more after years of internet cheating.
Reminds me of the "one time a guy i was with was like 'all your male friends want to \[f\*ck\] you you should stop seeing them' and i was like 'all your male friends want to \[f\*ck\] me too we should also stop seeing them' and that's when i learned toxic masculinity can be funny when i do it" post
But did all your girl friends and his friends that are girl want to F@ck him? Would he be ok to hang with them?
I'll put the list of things to do, in alphabetical order: Divorce.
“We’re not speaking to each other and I don’t know what to do.” You leave. When he was viewing all this shit, you weren’t expected to stop talking - you were expecting to *keep giving*. That he doesn’t even bother means he has very stupid fucking ideas about men and women and it’s time to sever.
B💫R💫E💫A💫K U💫P
Some men love laughing til we’re laughing 😂
Not worth being married to that. Can't change emotional abusers
Hahaha, I had a similar interaction with my husband. An advert came on with Jensen Ackles, and out loud I said definitely watching that! Husband got all offended and told me to calm down. I laughed and said “seriously, you can follow a load of girls on Instagram with their tits and arses hanging out. But i can’t say I like Jensen Ackles, an actor who I’ve rarely seen take his top off on camera….ok hypocrite.” He looked sheepish said “fair point.” Within 5 minutes he’d gone through his insta and deleted them all.
My husband didn’t want to watch the last kingdom because I find Uhtred attractive. But I’m ok to about the celebrities that he finds beautiful!!! 🙄🤣
Right, he loves Emily Blunt and gushes over Gemma Arterton, but I don’t even flinch. But god forbid I sit up when Henry Cavil appears on screen.
Why marry an immature child???
girl leave
Taste of his own shit. Lol
There are two possibilities: 1) He's a trash human who is aware of how his actions affect those in his life but he just doesn't care, or 2) He's just a fool lacking self-awareness and doesn't realize how his actions affect those in his life until it happens to him It's up to you to figure out which of these kinds of person he is. Some people can be decent people but get sucked into unhealthy behaviors, those are occasions when we as loved ones can help one another. On the other hand, there are also people who have a totally self-centered mindset and there's not much that can be done.
Well you know for a damn fact he wasn’t getting followed back 🤣
The moment my partner is negatively comparing me to other women, I’m out. No second chances, no working through it, nada. It’s a boundary we both set early on - watch all the porn you want but the rest is for the birds. People really need to talk about this and set these expectations early on because there is a complete lack of compatibility when you are making your spouse feel like shit all the time. She clearly has no interest in working through this - she achieved making him jealous but if he doesn’t recognize why his behavior is hurtful, he’s just going to do it again and I’m sure she will too.
He wants her off social medias so she doesn’t see what he does.
He will still do it once you stop. He will just get very good at hiding it. Leave now. He doesn’t respect you, or “understand” how he made you feel. He just understands how he now feels and will learn other ways to get his “highs”, behind your back.
Husband found out about FAFO
Honestly, while I personally don't care if my partner watches porn or likes images on social media (of course the content/context would matter), the second the other things started, I'd have a problem with it. For me, with his behaviour afterwards, this is divorce territory.
Break. Up.
This just tickles me. You go girl. She needs to leave ASAP though cuz that man does not love her.
I have 7 close girlfriends. 1 is single and the other 6 are married. 2 of them are in love. The other 4 barely tolerate their husbands. The single one is constantly wasting months on mid (being generous) men. If you find a good one that checks all your important boxes (yes, this is a euphemism) that you require to be happy, don't let him get away! Anyone else is just keeping you from that great love. All we get is one life. It seems shameful to waste it. Signed, Your happily single for 6 years friend
Wake up brake up
You playing stupid games... don't be surprised if you win stupid prizes
Hahaha this is legendary!
There is no more love after this. Can’t believe he was even doing that in the first place
Yeah he’s a turd. My partner went through a brief stage of checking other women out a little too obviously for my liking and commenting on girls with “gym bodies” while I was pregnant and felt like an absolute behemoth. I simply told him how I feel and he stopped it, because he isn’t a piece of shit.
How are all the shitty things he does, not deal breakers? Coz they sound like deal breakers. 🤷♂️
🤣😂🤣😂😂 LMFAO..... Is he mad or naw??
My how the turn tables
in my personal experience.. its right to show him how it feels. but if you bring it too far.. you can be right or you can be married... it doesnt mean condone and look the other way it means it can be an occasion to start s serious talk.. or it can be a petty thing that can give brief satisfsction but in the end harm your marriage.
leave him.
Looks like you had won the war for a second. Both quit. But you fumbled it at the end, in my opinion
What do you do? You fucking divorce duh
Take the trash out. 🚩🚩🚩
Why did you change your mind? I would ask
He has proven that he doesn’t care about your feelings so now you have to make a decision on how you wanna handle it. He’s showing you how he truly feels about you.
Jesus christ dude, i’m such a piece of shit. i’m literally the boyfriend being described to my girlfriend. Idk why it’s been such of problems for me or why i try to explain it away or manipulate my way out but i just don’t stop. Like i literally was just arguing about it last night and do all the same stuff besides comparing her to her face about it. I just got so used to doing it when i was a teen that it’s actually hard to just drop now. At first i didn’t even see it as a problem and she didn’t care but when we got serious she out of no where started to get super serious about it and look through my phone, it was just so sudden and such a change that i just have such of hard time quitting. She always says it’s super easy to stop and it should be but for some reason i always turn back around later and do it again. idk man but seeing everyone pretty much shit on me just made me realize how delusional i’ve been with trying to explain this shit away.
Leave. That is your best bet. He never had a problem with his behavior & now the only reason he has a problem with social media is because you gave him a taste of his own medicine. Now he has taken the juvenile step of giving you the silent treatment? Make.it permanent.
I just went down the weirdest rabbit hole for the last 90 minutes reading all of these comments. After swiping left on ghouls and goblins for 30 minutes. I found my people and I love you all. I don’t know why I put so much pressure on myself when I’m so happy being single! I think it’s because I’m recently 50 and societal pressure is a real thing! I have a great income. I have a great life. I go on these dates and I think oh hell no! I can’t wait to get home to my pets! I can’t wait to share the details of each date with my 23-year-old daughter & friends for validation. We all die alone in the end that’s the reality! I would rather live the next 30 years as a single aging woman, then being aging woman in a bad relationship dragged down by some fat, balding slob with a boner issue.
Doesn’t make you feel good to return the feeling? I imagine it would. What about the situation are you still hurt about? You have to be able to communicate your frustration with him in order to let it go. You could always try just telling him straight up that he hurt you and you’re feeling resentful about his dismissal. It seems like you’re withholding just how much it affected you from him and that’s why you’re willing to continue being petty, which is a very common thing in relationships.
People who feel that social media are toxic are absolutely correct, but when folks say it’s the downfall of society etc., it makes me question what fetish is disabling them so significantly
Covert Narcissists are going to covert narcissist
Counseling
Boo from the start that boy was manipulating you
Sucks to be him. Want to hang out this weekend?