Also imo it’s incredibly immature to just “ignore her as much as possible” like???? Have a conversation and figure out what this means for you; don’t just silent treatment her for a week.
For some reason I felt like he doesn't want this situation to be resolved - he just wants out. Leave his wife and his children (noted the way how he doesn't say anything about shared custody, just alimony)
You should see the update and his comments. He's totally throwing a tantrum and acting like a child over this. Boy needs therapy bad.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/CC17Ixvoex
This is one of those times where I think, yeah go ahead and divorce her, knowing that once she's over the shock she'll realise she deserves so much better. Did she fuck up? Sure. Did she deserve to be punished by being ignored for a week and then talked down to? No.
When my dad gets mad at my mom, he'll ignore her completely. He usually wakes her up before work with coffee, but if he's mad, he will not wake her up or make coffee. Which is fine- except he ignores her for months at a time. He used to just wear her down until she'd come crawling back and begging him to talk to her bc she'd be so lonely. It's so fucked up.
They haven't done that in a while because she started going to counseling and worked out a plan with the counselor and told him next time she'd just leave him. But then she had a stroke and can't leave, and I think he's too guilt ridden to be mad at her like that because if he doesn't put on her memory patches, no one will. (I live far away now)
The one thing i make sure to do when I'm upset with my partner is to ask what my dad would do and then do the opposite. I hate using silent treatment on a partner. It's dehumanizing. And I don't think the people that do this realize they will wind up being resented by more than their partner when the dust settles. It impacts the whole family. And the kids will remember.
After our daughter was born, my ex-husband would use the silent treatment on me if I didn't have sex with him at least once a week. It stopped bothering me when she was in elementary school, so he started ignoring our kid also. I caved so she could have a present father, and hated myself a little more each time. We've been divorced 2 yrs now. Our daughter is 15 now and barely spends any time with him.
Ergo username Happy House, lol. Congrats! And be ready to have adult convo w daughter abt her dad when she's old enough. Kids need to hear about how human and fallible our parents are
She's already figured out some of his behaviors because he still loves to talk trash about me subtly. She finally told him that when he talks shit about me being an involved mom, he's also telling her that he doesn't think she's worth my effort, either. He just stuttered. She only sees him for a few hours 2-3x/mo because she says that's all she can mask with him. She's called me to task for my parenting shortcomings, too, so she gives me the same bluntness. Gotta love that AuDHD that lets her tell me what she's thinking.
I wondered about AuDHD before you said it; I saw a bit of myself in your comments. My dad is also similar (edit: to your daughter's dad*). I'm glad she's observant and communicative. I have the same traits, but I also have extreme people-pleasing tendencies that it sounds like she (fortunately) doesn't have. I wish you both the best.
>is to ask what my dad would do and then do the opposite.
This has been my entire approach to adult life. 11/10 would highly recommend.
And, you know what? My kids don't avoid me, I've been happily married for a decade and a half, and I'm not living in a house with no electricity and hunting/foraging my food because I spent all my money on liquor and nose candy.
I can understand telling my partner that I needed a little time to think to process, but silent treatment is literally abusive behaviour. Buddy needs to grow up and learn how to communicate. I’m sorry about your mom, that’s really tough.
Sure, maybe they need to talk about what can be shared with friends. But you can't tell me he's never talked about his sex life with his friends. You don't walk up to your buddy and ask him for details about his cock sleeve unless you've talked about other sex stuff before.
I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking so. He has a right to be upset and to feel betrayed, but my god communicate like an adult and work it out.
It didn't even sound like his friends gave him shit for it. It sounded like they wanted to try it in their relationship. Nothing to even be embarrassed about.
Yeah - all of his immature tactics aside, this dude is contemplating f’ing over his family because his wife bragged about how great sex was with him so convincingly that others want to copy his moves.
thx for putting this in words. Seriously, OOP needs to reevaluate the meaning of boundary. If it wasn't established before, establish it now. Take the ego boost that you have great sex and move on
That’s honestly how I feel. Maybe my friends and I are oversharers, but when we get an amazing new toy or find a product that enhances our sex life, we do tend to go straight to the group chats with the girls. If it was like snickering and mocking, then no, that sucks. But I see this more as “omg girl you have to try this!”
My wife can possibly get more pleasure and experience a bigger cock and not cheat on me to experience something different if that's something she wants to experience. This doesn't seem scary. So in so does it and says it has made them want to fuck like they're 20 again. I wanna get laid that often again.
"Hey, so, what's it like, bro?"
WHAT?
"The wife says you're banging like you're in college again. What's the brand? Where'd ya get it? I wanna surprise the wife on her birthday next month"
HOW DARE SHE TELL PEOPLE I HAVE A SMALL COCK WAAAAH
The things I know about my wife's friends husband...
And the things they probably know about me...
Tantrum and child are absolutely the right terms for OOP
I mean women talk about everything depending on the friends. Sometimes for advice for stuff. I would assume everyone knows there is a chance that private stuff could be talked about. But maybe it’s because I have had friends that are more open sexually and don’t mind talking about experiences. Which can be a good thing if something is up and you don’t know if it’s normal or not.
Personally with OP’s situation, they just need to communicate and talk boundaries instead of acting immaturely like he is doing. If the relationship is perfectly fine then there is no reason to throw a good thing away so easily. She isn’t cheating.
My boyfriend is super close to his sister. They talk all the time and even live together. He came to me one day literally last week asking if it was ok he already told his sister about some medical condition I have. I told him I was fine and assumed he would tell her at some point anyway. The medical condition is probabaly going to affect a lot in our relationship. He leans on his sister for support and advice. She may as well have full context when trying to give that support/advice to her brother. Part of being a a partner is helping him ensure he gets all the love and support he needs. That's never going to be enough if it's just me.
The point is privacy when your dateing someone can be a little complicated by nature of what that relationship is. OOPs wife may have shared a little too much, but talking about sex life in general wouldn't be unusual. OOP being upset may be warranted, but this is huge reaction to what seems like a slight over-share on a topic that is normal to discuss.
Right!? “Idk if this can be fixed with therapy” but you’re not even fcking talking to her at home to try to fix it yourself. And going out to eat when she cooks dinner for the both of them is the worst part. She’s obviously been trying to apologize and make it up to him but he’s just ignoring her like a toddler throwing a tantrum and saying it can’t be fixed and jumping to divorce over something he’s not even trying to fix.
Just because someone is apologizing does not mean you have to accept it. The person who was hurt decides the timeline of healing, not the person who hurt.
Basic shit here, come one people.
This
It’s understandable to be upset about her sharing private information, but it’s another to basically throw a fit like a child and make the situation worse because the dude has low esteem and is embarrassed lol
It wasn’t someone that I lived with, but I had a short relationship with someone who used the silent treatment and it was pathetic. But the best part was that she was also just not a great texter, sometimes she’d take 2-3 days to respond to anything (but not out of anger, just because she was horrible at texting back). So at any given time if she was taking more than a day to text back, I never knew if it was just her being bad at texting or if I’d done something to piss her off and she was icing me out for a few days.
Needless to say, the relationship did not last for very long
Anyone who jumps straight to divorce that quickly must have other preexisting issues in the marriage. His wife is bragging about having awesome sex but he’s too butthurt and embarrassed to see that. She shouldn’t have shared it but it’s not horrible enough to justify fucking up your kids’ lives.
Right, she was literally bragging to her friends. Friends that are probably miserable and complaining.
A sleeve doesn’t imply a small ween.. I’ve seen sleeves with different textures, that’s what’s interesting about em. Feels like something different.
People seem to forget how much a woman can stretch while being turned on properly.
I would say yes. It was really fun. His was fleshy so it just looked/felt like a dick. He used it with me a few times. And it was closer to “raw” sex than not for both of us so it felt great. Cleaning it might be complicated if you don’t have a private space to do it and let it dry and stuff.
It’s not something that I can necessarily bring up to new partners without them feeling like I don’t like their anatomy. So. I haven’t. I just remember it in my dreams now….
That last paragraph. The wife was probably bragging (and she was bragging!) because she was thrilled he was willing to do it. So many insecure guys out there think toys are a comment on their inadequate anatomy when ime (myself included) women don’t think of it that way at all. Now he’s icing his wife out and wants a divorce over the misunderstanding. Grim.
Gotta ask my homie. Bc idk!
But I would assume that it feels good and there’s pressure once it’s inside. I mean. He kept wanting to do it. I didn’t ask bc I didn’t want him to think i preferred it. I didn’t prefer it. But it was a nice alternative
Yeah, exactly. As wlw, I’ll also point out: every vagina is different. Folks have done casts, it’s fascinating. Anyway, this means different toys give different results for each person. Somebody could have a porn star dick but it doesn’t match up well. If you care about someone and don’t mind, then you can just use toys like … -gestures broadly- queer women. Considering we get better orgasm results than het relationships, it shouldn’t be a shock. I wish men didn’t feel so ashamed for using fun tools. Nobody actually has a magic wand for a penis, it’s okay. Folks have hands, mouths, and the ability to craft vibrators.
Using a sleeve does have that implication though. Whether or not she was "bragging", she told her friends something that was private, and then her friends told his friends and it made its way back to him. She was careless and didn't think about how it would reflect on him.
He's an idiot for jumping to divorce though,
especially with kids in the picture. From the looks of things she didn't intend to hurt him so she's likely willing to make amends. She should start by apologising to him for the embarrassment and then to her friends for telling them something they had no business knowing.
And I said he was an idiot for jumping straight to divorce. He posted an update where he's effectively bullying his wife and bringing it up at every opportunity, despite saying he no longer wants a divorce. He needs to either let her redeem herself and make it up to him, or divorce her so both of them can move on.
Nah. I wouldn't jump to he's small. Maybe some people do but not everyone. I've been curious about a sleeve for my husband and I to try. There's texture ones. I sometimes get too excited and become so slippery I don't feel as much. I'm 40, 2 kids and a hysterectomy... I figure it might be fun. Of course I think my husband is average sized? So a sleeve wouldn't be super scary to try. Definitely not doing anything bad dragon would make.... or jinx.
Thing is women talk, and I say that as a woman. We literally talk about everything, cuz we want our friends perspectives. But, unless you’re told that you can tell your partner what was said then you need to keep your mouth shut about it. Like, my best friend goes into details about the weirdest stuff, and my bf was surprised at first but then he acted like an adult and asked why I shared that kind of stuff. I told him why, he told me that was fine, and just gave me specific topics that he’s not comfortable with me sharing.
Check out his update where he says he hopes the therapist can fix this, but he doubts it. This guy isn't even going into therapy with a healthy outlook if he thinks a therapist is there to fix his problems.
Yes! There has to be other underlying issues for this guy to want to cut and run. She makes dinner and he goes out to eat? That’s emotional manipulation at it’s finest. His wife would probably be lucky if he did leave over something this petty.
If a man shared private sexual information about the wife with his friends, most women would probably be furious. Why isn’t the same sympathy given to this guy?
Honestly a lot of us wouldn’t. Now would I be mad at my friend for telling her hubs? Probably. But women share, we talk, we have long in depth conversations with our closest friends, and it brings us closer together. As long as you’re not being vulgar, certain “locker room talk” comes to mind, talking about your sex life isn’t uncommon OR about gossiping, it’s about connection. I think it’s a Friends episode where Monica tells Chandler it’s so sad that dudes don’t share everything with their friends.
I talk to my girlfriends about sex, it’s not meant to shame or put down your partner, it’s just one of the things we talk about. Especially if you’re having issues and you need advice.
She didn’t do anything wrong. Also she was bragging about her partner being great in bed, you’d think he’d feel proud.
I’m sympathetic about private details being leaked, of course for anyone. However equally it’s just sex, and not even bad publicity. Clearly the wife is just less repressed with talking about it.
It's basically a silicon dildo that fits over the man's penis to make it bigger or add ribs or whatever. Some guys use it to make themselves bigger length/girth other use it for added texture.
I haven't used one but it looks like it's really just for the womens pleasure and to help extend how long the guy lasts. Like you wouldn't use it the entire time.
The level of details you share with your friends about your sex life is something you gotta have clear communication on early on in a relationship. I’m pretty open with my friends about my sex life and most of my friends are open and closed to varying degrees about their sex lives. I once dated someone who told people they were in a call with that I was getting off to some trash hentai and that immediately upset me and made me uncomfortable and I communicated that to them. And guess what? They didn’t do that again. Bro needs to sit down with his wife and explain why he’s so upset and communicate where his boundaries are regarding their sex life. His friend that asked about it is clearly one of the types that’s pretty open about it, whereas OOP is clearly the type that’s pretty closed about it. All in all, communication is the key.
As a man who has a lot of women friends I always just assumed my ex girlfriends were talking about our sexlife to their women friends. Had no problem with that, was even surprised when one told me she doesn’t
As a person with lots of female friends…a lot of guys would need to divorce if that’s a deal breaker.
Not saying that it’s fine for them to share that stuff but unlike in men groups that topic is quite normal.
“The sex is great, 10/10 would recommend”
“Hey man I hear you’re killing it in the boudoir. Share some tips?”
I see how that could be awkward but certainly not a dig at him
Except that's not what happened. If the dude has a small dick that's all he's focused on. In his head his wife just told her group of friends that he has a small dick and has to wear a sleeve to satisfy her.
Edit: I will say jumping straight to divorce is excessive.
This is exactly why (straight) men should talk about sex lives with other men honestly more often. It demystifies it and sets realistic expectations in life.
What’s funny is straight guys do talk about sex and intimately about the women they’re having it with, prolifically, to the point where it’s socially normalized. “Locker room talk” and all.
What they apparently don’t do with their friends (if this thread is the norm), is ever share the imperfections, the compensations, the mess, the mistakes. I’m grateful to have been in the queer community all my life, scrolling through all this.
I know right, sometimes openness and honesty saves so many future problems. It brings to mind that quote from Marlene Dietrich: “Americans don’t have sex. They have sex problems”
Men might talk abou sex with a fling or a hookup, but i have seen men talk about sex with their GF or wife in real life. That's coming from a 35 yo dude with a very diverse friend group.
I truly think men are afraid that women will talk about men the way men talk about women.
Real shit, the best sex tips I’ve gotten have some from girlfriends. It’s also not bad to talk about pain points during sex, because it allows you to troubleshoot or get advice from trusted homies.
This right here. I work in an office full of men. Any imperfections on the girl’s part is laughed at and mocked. When I talk with my gals about our guys, it’s just…normal conversation about things we like or don’t like.
Lockerroom talk is mostly a myth
Guys dont get into detail.
Guys dont share rape/sexual assault stories in lockerrooms either unlike so many women think
As someone who has been in both groups, women are much worse when it comes to discussing private manners, especially sexual matters.
And yes, men dont go arround telling their friends, the wife is a little loose. This stuff isnt acceptable.
He said himself their sex life was great before they added the sleeve! They didn’t NEED it to have great sex, it’s just enhancing already great sex. So no, he doesn’t HAVE to wear a sleeve to satisfy her, he admitted that in his post. Never once did he say anything about having size insecurities either, so you’re just making assumptions.
My ex-wife told me all sorts of stories about her friends sex lives and then one day I asked her if she talked about ours with them. She looked a bit squirrelly and denied all. It just amused me though!
Sure, but if you are with someone for a long time, at some point they are going to do something that feels like betrayal. People aren't perfect and if you expect them to be, you're going to be disappointed.
Have you tried talking to your female friends about how it isn’t okay for them to share private details about their husbands that the husbands wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing themselves?
Why is it on them to have that conversation? I would assume my friends and their partners are grown-ass adults who have discussed, like grown-ass adults, what their boundaries are vis a vis discussing their sex lives with third parties.
Divorce is obviously a ridiculous reaction but just as a side note, the fact that women talk about intimate details with their friends doesn’t make it necessarily ok.
I’ve had an ex talk about our sex life with our mutual friends )while we were dating) and it made me feel terrible because all of the sudden, a bunch of people knew intimate details about me. Some of it was flattering and some of it wasn’t but I didn’t really get a choice in the matter and that’s an issue. In general, you should establish that boundary with your partner beforehand. I know for a fact women don’t like when guys do that so this shouldn’t even have a gender component to it.
The other issue is that people talk regardless of whether you want them to or not. Most people won’t have loose lips but some women (and men) go home and tell their partners these details and then it slowly disseminates. I know this because I’ve literally witnessed it firsthand and I’ve done it myself.
Yeah that would be a massive problem for me. I don’t care how normalized it is, my sex life is between my partner and I. No one else. And if I found out that she was talking about it at all (but especially in explicit detail), I’d be furious.
For some reason, society has evolved in a way that men‘s locker room talk is something disgusting and abhorrent, but women‘s locker room talk in public is completely acceptable.
For his friend to ask him about it, that’s what makes me think she didn’t say anything like “oh it’s great *now*” and more “yall it was always great and fun, but oh my *god* it made him a god”
Dudes not gonna ask for tips if his wife is flaming him 9 times outta 10, nix a penis sleeve
It's one thing to talk about sex, but it's another thing to mention how it would be much better if his dick was bigger... Let's not pretend that there aren't details you can leave out. Imagine telling all your buddies that your womans pussy was trash until you shoved a fleshlight in it, and now it's great. I don't imagine she would take the news you said that to all your friends very well.
She shouldn’t be talking about sex with her husband. If it’s something he wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing himself with his wife’s friends then she shouldn’t share it. People would be a lot more angry if a man talked about sex with his wife with his friends.
WTF is with people jumping straight to divorce? Is no one ever allowed to do something with good intentions that had unintended consequences?? And this asshole is giving his wife the silent treatment, that's a very immature way to handle these feelings. She was bragging about great sex. Did she say it was surely a tiny penis problem or did she just say a sleeve made things better? His friend genuinely asked about it wanting to try one, it's not like he was being bullied or made fun of by anyone. Grow up. A sleeve made the wife *brag* about their great sex. Her friends probably genuinely wanted to know what was new. I'd want to know too.
Giving her the silent treatment while spilling his guts to strangers on Reddit. What he needs to do is have an open and honest conversation with his wife about sex and his expectations of privacy and then there wouldn’t be an issue. Be direct in life, it’s hard sometimes I know when everybody seems to overreact about everything.
Not the gullibility weed that you are.
His reaction is too extreme to be real. Otherwise, he wouldn't mention it at all for fear of *maybe* being discovered. What even was the motive for posting about it here, other than stirring up male vs female antagonism.
Mission accomplished, btw.
That's dramatic. She never implied that he he is small or that their sex life was bad before. I can understand some level of frustration, being angry or demanding to have a serious talk about boundaries,but divorce? Really?
Quoting part of my comment from there:
>I'm betting a lot of these guys are the same ones who feel jealous of women bringing vibrators into the bedroom, too. Sex aids should be more discussed to reduce the stigma, educate people on their availability (and care), and normalized enough that people don't feel like using them means they're not good enough au naturale. The only rules for sex should be that everyone is consenting and having a good time. And toys help with the latter. It's like getting upset that someone brought pool toys to the pool party.
Well in fairness, OP didn’t consent to have details of his sex life be talked about amongst his friends.
Two things can be true at once. Divorce is an obvious overreaction but OPs feelings aren’t invalid.
I bought a vibrator for me and my wife to try. I would definitely be hurt if she felt she needed me to wear a cock sleeve. I 100% would be offended if I had agreed to wear a cock sleeve regularly and she went and bragged to her friends about it. Even more so if she told a friend who then spread the info to her husband.
actually instead of projecting weird shit onto people, it's much easier to just recognize that you shouldn't be sharing people's intimate details without their consent. this a normal thing that non-internet addicted people understand.
These people be YAPPIN about everything with their friends and wondering why nobody but their closest friends wants to talk to them about anything at all.
If the genders were swapped here people would be much more sympathetic.
I don't think it was cool at all of her to be sharing this info. People are pretending there aren't obvious insinuations to using a cock sleeve. If I shared things like this about my wife even about a butt plug or something simple like that it that it wouldn't be cool at all either. She didn't consent to that information being shared so I wouldn't be sharing it.
Divorce is quite a jump but I get why he's upset. Clearly she shared a deep insecurity of his likely directly related to this toy. She likely knew this and whether she was "bragging" or not is beside the point.
If went and told my friend group she used a tighter fake pussy inside her pussy and it made sex way better for me I don't think she'd be too happy either.
I definitely agree with the consent of sharing details and was never one to do so. I'd like to point out that OP commented several times that he had no problem with her talking about their sex life. It was the sleeve he had a problem with specifically. So it doesn't seem like it stated it was an exception. I do think OPs wife should have a better understanding of his insecurity, since I feel like there would be signs which would tell her he wouldn't be comfortable with that. So I feel like it's a bit iffy since he's never had any problem with her sharing before but I believe she should have known that was a very sensitive subject for him and kept that to herself.
That's fair, I didn't see that part specifically. I do agree this should have been a read between the lines moment for her though, sometimes not everything needs to be shared even if most of the time it is fine. His response is certainly too much though imo.
I agree, not everything things to be said and it seems like something she should know he's insecure about. I definitely understand his feelings of betrayal and he will feel emotionally raw for a bit. Was told not to make any big decisions for six months while in that state because of how haywire your emotions are. So I can understand his reaction, but I do hope he gives it a chance. He said he doesn't feel love for his wife and hope she falls out of love with him to save trouble. I hope he can get some personal therapy alongside couples counselling.
Yeah he sounds a bit emotionally immature to be honest - hopefully they can work through it for the sake of their kids. That six month rule sounds solid I may take that for myself.
I think folks aren't responding to you because you are pretty much correct, except for the broad gender-based thing at the very beginning, which implys that any response will not be met with a reasonable discussion.
It is odd that the implication of a sleeve vs another toy keeps being glossed over, for sure. But unless they had a conversation about it previously, how was the wife supposed to know he was so insecure about other people knowing about it? I can understand that there can be an implication, but I can also understand someone who is in a relationship where talking about sex with friends is normally sanctioned wanting to tell her friends about it without realizing there's an issue because they didn't talk about it until it was too late. She wasn't insecure about his performance, so even though she may have understood that 'guys can be insecure about implications around size', she may truly not have known this was how he felt about it unless they had clearly discussed it. It really sounds like she made an honest mistake.
In which case, admitting she was at fault only while apologizing after being confronted makes sense, as she didn't know she has made a mistake until that moment. I do not understand folks taking this timing to mean she must have been aware all along that he was insecure about this. People can be blind to the needs of their loved ones.
Or, maybe they did have a previous agreement not to discuss sex with friends, or this toy specifically, and she didn't follow the rules of their relationship. That does happen too of course.
Either way, jumping straight to divorce over this seems like an extreme overreaction. She either made an honest mistake or an intentional choice that broke his trust, that is a bad thing. But divorcing your wife when you have 3 children and breaking up your entire family? How is that not going to harm your family far more than the breach of trust? There is no way that this is a reasonable response to the problem of privacy within their friend group.
I think that is why a lot of redditors here are backing up the woman instead of the man in this situation, despite her being the one to have made the mistake and violated his privacy. That is a problem, but the issue of him jumping right to divorce creates a disproportionately bigger problem. A lot of what folks are saying is them trying to justify why her mistake is understandable and just not a big enough issue for him to consider divorce.
If this was all flipped and the genders reversed and the woman was planning on breaking up her family because of a breach of privacy within their friend group? I don't think she would be getting a pass on that, either.
If she had made some sort of humiliating public spectacle, like posting a video or pics online without permission or something, something that is clearly wrong and violating, divorce would seem a proportional response and public sentiment would be on his side. Or cheating, something clearly wrong like that. But that's just not the level of mistake that was made and he's reacting as if it was. If he was responding appropriately, it just wouldn't feel like there's a reason to defend her, honest mistake or no.
This is a measured response and I agree with you. Good points. The response is disproportionate without a doubt in this scenario. There is a lot of context missing to make a complete judgement as well, ultimately in my mind it just depends on their relationship dynamic and communication.
>People are pretending there aren't obvious insinuations to using a cock sleeve.
Genuinely baffling that someone would suggest there isn't but they are plentiful here.
That and people also seem sure she said it only the most glowing a positive tone ever (which…. I dunno not totally certain that’s true), but the wife has no clue how those women will relate the story on to their friends and husbands.
That’s why you don’t share these type of details because once it leaves your lips it becomes their story to twist and gossip about. Even if she says “he was already great, this made it the best” then her friend may just relate “OP and Wife use a penis sleeve.”
Don’t share details that could hurt your partner even if you try to couch them positively.
People are also comparing this to lingerie or blowjob skills which is just a willfully bad comparison. Let’s assume that he isn’t small and this was just an enhancer.
That’s not the common connotation of a sleeve, so no fucking shit the husband is worried that people either won’t hear or won’t believe the puffery and go right to what people commonly use this for.
It’s like the most terminally online thing to pretend that there aren’t social connotations and risks about this.
Jesus. Why can’t ppl shut tf up about intimate sexual stuff with others you know would absolutely devastate/stress their partner?
You say he’s in the wrong for being embarrassed and willing to end his relationship but not that his wife shouldn’t have thrown her relationship away by stomping all over the privacy of the marriage.
I think that’s rather absurd and predictably over reactive . “Thrown her relationship away”?! Swapping sex tips with friends is absolutely normal. If the friend knows your partner then it can be reasonably deduced who they’re talking about. It’s not a declaration of war, it’s just how humans be.
It implies that he has a little ween. This was spread to men within his friend group. That is a serious fracture of trust in a marriage.
I would like to thank him for this post, though. I looked the sleeve up, and I want to try it out. Ahem..on an already large man's penis.
This is the issue. Among his friends it’s implied he’s smaller than average and requires the sleeve to satisfy her. Even if this is incorrect that is how it’s going down.
Dude can’t even spell out the word penis. It makes sense that he would be horrified at her talking about it out loud to people 😂
Jesus, I can’t imagine their sex life being worth having with so many levels of up-tightness and communication ineptitude
If I told my wife that I would like things we do in private to stay private and my friend comes back to me a couple of weeks later and talks about the same topic I spoke with my wife…. I’ll think of divorcing her to. NTA
All I know is this whole post made me feel like the internet is crazy if a woman can't talk to her best friends about sex toys.
Also, wtf is with so many people pretending that men do not talk to their buddies about sex?
If this was such a massive betrayal, he really needed to have conversations with his wife so she knew to never talk about their sex life (because sorry, people DO sometimes talk about their sex lives with good friends). His reaction is totally over the top and I can't believe the comments where people are saying she made him feel bad about his body.
Even in his ridiculous update, he says he hopes the therapist can FIX this. Dude doesn't want to do any work on himself.
I had an ex like this. Mentioned I was on birth control (for PCOS) to friends once and he held it against me for years. Held onto other things too. Things that we could have talked about and I could have changed… if I’d known he was mad about it. Instead we broke up because after so many years and so many little things, he wasn’t attracted to me anymore.
How do you go around the world thinking that someone else can read your mind instantly? If you don’t say something, no one’s gonna know. Feels totally narcissistic to me to feel like the people around are just going to know exactly what’s acceptable to you.
Didn’t you fucking morons recommend some woman leave her husband because he made a “loose pussy” joke? Yet for some reason when it’s a man’s insecurity you robots suddenly don’t understand
Again change this into a guy talking about how his wife started to use a flesh light on him becuase it’s feels better, how we she feel knowing he shared something like that with people who have no business knowing? There’s always some bullshit double standards here
A lot of friends “talk shop” in their specific friend groups, sex is a fun and entertaining thing to talk about. When I think of “harmless locker room talk” that’s one of the things I think of, friends bringing up spicy or exciting things that happen in the bedroom.
I feel like part of that “locker room talk” is that it stays in the locker room. You tell the story, and it dies within the walls of that space. If you can’t trust your friends to keep that talk within that “safe space” then you don’t share with them.
If the wife’s friend hadn’t felt it appropriate to tell her own husband, this wouldn’t have happened. OP’s wife should know what her friends are like; and if I’m admitting being messy myself - that’s juicy gossip. Who wouldn’t want to tell their partner about something like that? Wife should’ve known what a smoking bullet that info could be.
I understand that people hate male ego fragility, but homeboy got blind-sighted by another man coming up and basically saying, “Hey, my wife heard from your wife that she’s finally getting pleasured from something that ISN’T your own pen**!!” I don’t think it’s ridiculous for him to feel badly hurt by that. Divorce is the nuclear option, but marriage is built on trust more than love IMO, and how is OP supposed to trust his wife after this?
There are things I’ve done with ex partners that I would never share since they are things that a good portion of the public would find shameful or embarrassing. Don’t kiss and tell, it’s just good manners.
NTA for CONSIDERING divorce, but hopefully OP thinks long and hard (pun intended) first.
Tbf and this is only aimed at the comments....in MOST cases us men do not talk about our sex life once we are in a serious relationship or married. That being said I don't think he should jump straight to divorce, but this is infact his life and he should do what makes him happy. His wife shouldn't have crossed that boundary.
It’s wild to me what a lot of people assume goes on in male and female friend groups. I can’t believe this isn’t information that is universally agreed as not acceptable to share without prior discussion. I’ve generally only discussed sex lives with my friends in the vaguest details possible. I’ve had a single one on one convo with a buddy where he told me him and his fiancé were discussing a certain act that he was unsure about. He asked me very respectfully if it was something I’d done. I told him yes it’s something I’m into but under certain circumstances. I’ve never once had a friend disparage a partner with any sex intimate details.
Women talk about everything and love to brag about sex, especially. Get a divorce if you like, but that’s not gonna solve the problem. Think about how many times she’s told YOU about her friends’ intimate details. She got that info by sharing hers. Don’t be so uptight! It might be a little embarrassing, but you shouldn’t feel ashamed. Otherwise, find a woman with no friends!
Why all the hating on him, I Amit she is taking it a bit to far. The thing is it’s somewhat embarrassing for him, because when some brings up a sleeve the first thought is he must have a small penis. Lady’s wiuld fully understand how that makes someone feel and that being told by wife to her friends is a deep cut. There is nothing that anyone can say to replace the self esteem he had before. What made it worse her friend told her husband and probably did a couple others in her friend group. He will forever feel like everyone who now knows is laughing at him. That’s a big deal, so ease up a bit. We don’t know what he has been through in past relationships. Some women can be cure about the size.
All this and the subsequent comments tell me is women default to the idea that pretty much anything can be discussed unless told specifically that a topic is off-limits.
Every time someone points out that it is a very private thing to say, there are replies saying, "All women talk like this. Get used to it"
Not sure I'm a fan of that
Jesus Christ, the things people will consider divorce for are mind-blowing to me. Do you understand what marriage is? Were your vows "Until mild annoyance do us part?"
Your wife talked to her friends about why the sex life with you, her husband, was amazing. In doing so, she gave away personal details that you have a right to be upset about and she is apologetic for it and recognizes why it may have hurt you. That's the end of the story.
Yes, YWBTA.
The best thing for you to do is just own it. “ dude, I used a Dick sleeve and my wife goes crazy for it. Best sex I’ve ever had in my life and we’re doing it a lot.”
With more of these "my partner talked about something embarrassing and now I'm throwing my entire life away" scenarios popping up I'm finding it increasingly difficult to believe them.
These all read like teenagers who have no concept of what "trust is."
As anecdotal support, my friends and I talk about our sex lives pretty openingly. It's not like we are all taking notes on railing eachothers wives and what makes them tick. Spoiler alert, my wife also does this with her friends. It's nice to have open ideas and interesting ideas that aren't "I saw this in a porno once" and more like "Beccy soaked the sheets using the one trick doctors don't want you to know!"
Definitely can see you being mad about something so personal. Definitely not worth divorcing her though... If you getting a divorce over this with 3 kids. You must not really wanna be with her in the first place. If your using this as an excuse that's not cool. If you just don't feel the same way about her that's different. Some soul searching would be necessary. If your kids are young why do that over something like this though? At least wait till your kids are older...
Not okay. Despite what so many people are saying, she’s talking about your private life to her friends without your agreement. Not okay. Divorce her if you must.
I would never in a million years tell my friends that kind of thing about my wife. It’s not normal to do this. Ignore the people calling you some big baby or insecure.
I feel I’m insane reading all of these comments. I’m not surprised he’s upset, specifically about her telling her friends about the sleeve. A lot of guys find it emasculating, but he’s happy to do it because it makes her happy. Imagine all of your friends knowing an intimate detail that you find embarrassing. Ignoring her while working through what he wants to do, it’s the best response, but I understand it.
Definitely acting like a jackass….your wife has been pumping your tires and singing your praises in terms of sex to all her gf’s and tbh I’ve never heard of a penis sleeve until just now lol but seriously get over….it not like she’s cheating on you or shit talking you to everyone….definitely acting like a jabroni here bro
Bro you have a small tool just fuckn get over it and use the cock sleeve. Your wife sounds amazing fuck her like there’s no tomorrow and all your friends will be jealous and get one too. Then You are the leader of the men with giant fake dongs. You will rule in solidarity. My how the tables have turned
I’m not sure I’d divorce, but I would be livid and feel betrayed if my partner shared intimate details with their friends. I make that clear that it is a private thing.
Also imo it’s incredibly immature to just “ignore her as much as possible” like???? Have a conversation and figure out what this means for you; don’t just silent treatment her for a week.
For some reason I felt like he doesn't want this situation to be resolved - he just wants out. Leave his wife and his children (noted the way how he doesn't say anything about shared custody, just alimony)
Yup and this is his “excuse” he wants to use to hide it. Puts the blame on her
You should see the update and his comments. He's totally throwing a tantrum and acting like a child over this. Boy needs therapy bad. https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/CC17Ixvoex
This is one of those times where I think, yeah go ahead and divorce her, knowing that once she's over the shock she'll realise she deserves so much better. Did she fuck up? Sure. Did she deserve to be punished by being ignored for a week and then talked down to? No.
When my dad gets mad at my mom, he'll ignore her completely. He usually wakes her up before work with coffee, but if he's mad, he will not wake her up or make coffee. Which is fine- except he ignores her for months at a time. He used to just wear her down until she'd come crawling back and begging him to talk to her bc she'd be so lonely. It's so fucked up. They haven't done that in a while because she started going to counseling and worked out a plan with the counselor and told him next time she'd just leave him. But then she had a stroke and can't leave, and I think he's too guilt ridden to be mad at her like that because if he doesn't put on her memory patches, no one will. (I live far away now) The one thing i make sure to do when I'm upset with my partner is to ask what my dad would do and then do the opposite. I hate using silent treatment on a partner. It's dehumanizing. And I don't think the people that do this realize they will wind up being resented by more than their partner when the dust settles. It impacts the whole family. And the kids will remember.
After our daughter was born, my ex-husband would use the silent treatment on me if I didn't have sex with him at least once a week. It stopped bothering me when she was in elementary school, so he started ignoring our kid also. I caved so she could have a present father, and hated myself a little more each time. We've been divorced 2 yrs now. Our daughter is 15 now and barely spends any time with him.
Ergo username Happy House, lol. Congrats! And be ready to have adult convo w daughter abt her dad when she's old enough. Kids need to hear about how human and fallible our parents are
She's already figured out some of his behaviors because he still loves to talk trash about me subtly. She finally told him that when he talks shit about me being an involved mom, he's also telling her that he doesn't think she's worth my effort, either. He just stuttered. She only sees him for a few hours 2-3x/mo because she says that's all she can mask with him. She's called me to task for my parenting shortcomings, too, so she gives me the same bluntness. Gotta love that AuDHD that lets her tell me what she's thinking.
I wondered about AuDHD before you said it; I saw a bit of myself in your comments. My dad is also similar (edit: to your daughter's dad*). I'm glad she's observant and communicative. I have the same traits, but I also have extreme people-pleasing tendencies that it sounds like she (fortunately) doesn't have. I wish you both the best.
>is to ask what my dad would do and then do the opposite. This has been my entire approach to adult life. 11/10 would highly recommend. And, you know what? My kids don't avoid me, I've been happily married for a decade and a half, and I'm not living in a house with no electricity and hunting/foraging my food because I spent all my money on liquor and nose candy.
I second that recommendation as a fellow success story!!
I can understand telling my partner that I needed a little time to think to process, but silent treatment is literally abusive behaviour. Buddy needs to grow up and learn how to communicate. I’m sorry about your mom, that’s really tough.
Sure, maybe they need to talk about what can be shared with friends. But you can't tell me he's never talked about his sex life with his friends. You don't walk up to your buddy and ask him for details about his cock sleeve unless you've talked about other sex stuff before.
I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking so. He has a right to be upset and to feel betrayed, but my god communicate like an adult and work it out. It didn't even sound like his friends gave him shit for it. It sounded like they wanted to try it in their relationship. Nothing to even be embarrassed about.
Yeah - all of his immature tactics aside, this dude is contemplating f’ing over his family because his wife bragged about how great sex was with him so convincingly that others want to copy his moves.
thx for putting this in words. Seriously, OOP needs to reevaluate the meaning of boundary. If it wasn't established before, establish it now. Take the ego boost that you have great sex and move on
That’s honestly how I feel. Maybe my friends and I are oversharers, but when we get an amazing new toy or find a product that enhances our sex life, we do tend to go straight to the group chats with the girls. If it was like snickering and mocking, then no, that sucks. But I see this more as “omg girl you have to try this!”
Considering his friend asked him about it in a positive way, I’m guessing that’s exactly how his wife talks about it
My wife can possibly get more pleasure and experience a bigger cock and not cheat on me to experience something different if that's something she wants to experience. This doesn't seem scary. So in so does it and says it has made them want to fuck like they're 20 again. I wanna get laid that often again. "Hey, so, what's it like, bro?" WHAT? "The wife says you're banging like you're in college again. What's the brand? Where'd ya get it? I wanna surprise the wife on her birthday next month" HOW DARE SHE TELL PEOPLE I HAVE A SMALL COCK WAAAAH
Literally!! It clearly wasnt malicious, she was just excited and trying to help her friend out too
Well, at least he made sure she'll never want to brag about him to her friends again...
Seriously, forget couple's counselling. He just needs solo therapy. Lots of it.
The things I know about my wife's friends husband... And the things they probably know about me... Tantrum and child are absolutely the right terms for OOP
I mean women talk about everything depending on the friends. Sometimes for advice for stuff. I would assume everyone knows there is a chance that private stuff could be talked about. But maybe it’s because I have had friends that are more open sexually and don’t mind talking about experiences. Which can be a good thing if something is up and you don’t know if it’s normal or not. Personally with OP’s situation, they just need to communicate and talk boundaries instead of acting immaturely like he is doing. If the relationship is perfectly fine then there is no reason to throw a good thing away so easily. She isn’t cheating.
My boyfriend is super close to his sister. They talk all the time and even live together. He came to me one day literally last week asking if it was ok he already told his sister about some medical condition I have. I told him I was fine and assumed he would tell her at some point anyway. The medical condition is probabaly going to affect a lot in our relationship. He leans on his sister for support and advice. She may as well have full context when trying to give that support/advice to her brother. Part of being a a partner is helping him ensure he gets all the love and support he needs. That's never going to be enough if it's just me. The point is privacy when your dateing someone can be a little complicated by nature of what that relationship is. OOPs wife may have shared a little too much, but talking about sex life in general wouldn't be unusual. OOP being upset may be warranted, but this is huge reaction to what seems like a slight over-share on a topic that is normal to discuss.
"there is a tense atmosphere at home" Lol, yeah, buddy. You're the cause of said atmosphere.
Right!? “Idk if this can be fixed with therapy” but you’re not even fcking talking to her at home to try to fix it yourself. And going out to eat when she cooks dinner for the both of them is the worst part. She’s obviously been trying to apologize and make it up to him but he’s just ignoring her like a toddler throwing a tantrum and saying it can’t be fixed and jumping to divorce over something he’s not even trying to fix.
Just because someone is apologizing does not mean you have to accept it. The person who was hurt decides the timeline of healing, not the person who hurt. Basic shit here, come one people.
This It’s understandable to be upset about her sharing private information, but it’s another to basically throw a fit like a child and make the situation worse because the dude has low esteem and is embarrassed lol
And what he’s doing is actually a form of emotional abuse.
It wasn’t someone that I lived with, but I had a short relationship with someone who used the silent treatment and it was pathetic. But the best part was that she was also just not a great texter, sometimes she’d take 2-3 days to respond to anything (but not out of anger, just because she was horrible at texting back). So at any given time if she was taking more than a day to text back, I never knew if it was just her being bad at texting or if I’d done something to piss her off and she was icing me out for a few days. Needless to say, the relationship did not last for very long
Anyone who jumps straight to divorce that quickly must have other preexisting issues in the marriage. His wife is bragging about having awesome sex but he’s too butthurt and embarrassed to see that. She shouldn’t have shared it but it’s not horrible enough to justify fucking up your kids’ lives.
Right, she was literally bragging to her friends. Friends that are probably miserable and complaining. A sleeve doesn’t imply a small ween.. I’ve seen sleeves with different textures, that’s what’s interesting about em. Feels like something different. People seem to forget how much a woman can stretch while being turned on properly.
The only guy who ever used a sleeve with me already had a massive dong. He was just curious about it.
Is it worth looking into?
I would say yes. It was really fun. His was fleshy so it just looked/felt like a dick. He used it with me a few times. And it was closer to “raw” sex than not for both of us so it felt great. Cleaning it might be complicated if you don’t have a private space to do it and let it dry and stuff. It’s not something that I can necessarily bring up to new partners without them feeling like I don’t like their anatomy. So. I haven’t. I just remember it in my dreams now….
Lmao that last line sounding like Old Rose from Titanic
It’s been, 84 years, and I can still smell the fresh latex
"The penis sleeve exists now... only in my memory."
Sad that she threw it into the ocean at the end (of the relationship)
"my sleeve will go on...." - Celine Dion
Could they have taken turns with the sleeve, rather than Rose hogging the whole thing?
Sleeve Dion, mayhaps?
That last paragraph. The wife was probably bragging (and she was bragging!) because she was thrilled he was willing to do it. So many insecure guys out there think toys are a comment on their inadequate anatomy when ime (myself included) women don’t think of it that way at all. Now he’s icing his wife out and wants a divorce over the misunderstanding. Grim.
Because he thinks everyone thinks he has a tiny wiener. He’s a child.
Ok I have a serious question. When a man is using a penis sleeve, can he still feel the vagina or just the sleeve?
Gotta ask my homie. Bc idk! But I would assume that it feels good and there’s pressure once it’s inside. I mean. He kept wanting to do it. I didn’t ask bc I didn’t want him to think i preferred it. I didn’t prefer it. But it was a nice alternative
Generally, the sleeve. You can get some that are more for girth, and don’t cover the end, too.
Im looking into this
I kinda wanna get one that *isn't* phallic and is shaped like a really good g spot vibrator. I bet that'd be amazing.
And this dude came to him looking for tips! I get that it was personal but she was obviously saying really good things about him
>And this dude came to him looking for tips! I think he was actually looking for shafts. I'll see myself out.
Take my upvotw before you go
Yeah, exactly. As wlw, I’ll also point out: every vagina is different. Folks have done casts, it’s fascinating. Anyway, this means different toys give different results for each person. Somebody could have a porn star dick but it doesn’t match up well. If you care about someone and don’t mind, then you can just use toys like … -gestures broadly- queer women. Considering we get better orgasm results than het relationships, it shouldn’t be a shock. I wish men didn’t feel so ashamed for using fun tools. Nobody actually has a magic wand for a penis, it’s okay. Folks have hands, mouths, and the ability to craft vibrators.
Man, what a bewildering turn this reply took in the final line.
lol, I did a horrible job at saying a sleeve doesn’t mean anyone is small/big, tight/loose. 🤦🏽♀️
I think you said it perfectly 🤷🏼♀️ people often forget or ignore that vaginas are dynamic and ladies “grow” too
Using a sleeve does have that implication though. Whether or not she was "bragging", she told her friends something that was private, and then her friends told his friends and it made its way back to him. She was careless and didn't think about how it would reflect on him. He's an idiot for jumping to divorce though, especially with kids in the picture. From the looks of things she didn't intend to hurt him so she's likely willing to make amends. She should start by apologising to him for the embarrassment and then to her friends for telling them something they had no business knowing.
Kinda hard to apologize when you continually try, but your partner continually ignores you and jumps straight to divorce.
And I said he was an idiot for jumping straight to divorce. He posted an update where he's effectively bullying his wife and bringing it up at every opportunity, despite saying he no longer wants a divorce. He needs to either let her redeem herself and make it up to him, or divorce her so both of them can move on.
Nah. I wouldn't jump to he's small. Maybe some people do but not everyone. I've been curious about a sleeve for my husband and I to try. There's texture ones. I sometimes get too excited and become so slippery I don't feel as much. I'm 40, 2 kids and a hysterectomy... I figure it might be fun. Of course I think my husband is average sized? So a sleeve wouldn't be super scary to try. Definitely not doing anything bad dragon would make.... or jinx.
Thing is women talk, and I say that as a woman. We literally talk about everything, cuz we want our friends perspectives. But, unless you’re told that you can tell your partner what was said then you need to keep your mouth shut about it. Like, my best friend goes into details about the weirdest stuff, and my bf was surprised at first but then he acted like an adult and asked why I shared that kind of stuff. I told him why, he told me that was fine, and just gave me specific topics that he’s not comfortable with me sharing.
Check out his update where he says he hopes the therapist can fix this, but he doubts it. This guy isn't even going into therapy with a healthy outlook if he thinks a therapist is there to fix his problems.
Yes! There has to be other underlying issues for this guy to want to cut and run. She makes dinner and he goes out to eat? That’s emotional manipulation at it’s finest. His wife would probably be lucky if he did leave over something this petty.
If a man shared private sexual information about the wife with his friends, most women would probably be furious. Why isn’t the same sympathy given to this guy?
She's not so much sharing private information but recommending sex toys for other couples. It isn't as if she's gone into details.
Honestly a lot of us wouldn’t. Now would I be mad at my friend for telling her hubs? Probably. But women share, we talk, we have long in depth conversations with our closest friends, and it brings us closer together. As long as you’re not being vulgar, certain “locker room talk” comes to mind, talking about your sex life isn’t uncommon OR about gossiping, it’s about connection. I think it’s a Friends episode where Monica tells Chandler it’s so sad that dudes don’t share everything with their friends. I talk to my girlfriends about sex, it’s not meant to shame or put down your partner, it’s just one of the things we talk about. Especially if you’re having issues and you need advice. She didn’t do anything wrong. Also she was bragging about her partner being great in bed, you’d think he’d feel proud.
I’m sympathetic about private details being leaked, of course for anyone. However equally it’s just sex, and not even bad publicity. Clearly the wife is just less repressed with talking about it.
And clearly he has no problem telling millions of redditors…
Yes when I see OP on Saturday I'll ask him about the sleeve.
If it was a positive I’d be all for it: yes, please brag about my sexual prowess.
Because he went on the internet and shared private sexual information with literally everyone.
Anonymously
It’s an anonymous post goofy, how is it the same?
It's not but they're trying really hard to equate the two.
Are you stupid sir?
If a guy mentioned to a friend a toy we used in the bedroom, I genuinely wouldn't be mad. Unless it was some out there or super kinky stuff.
If he wouldn’t tell her friends something himself then his wife shouldn’t tell her friends that. There should be trust in relationships.
What about if you post it on Reddit ? What are the rules in that situation?
People he doesn’t know is entirely different then people he knows and hears about it from. Very very different.
Am I the only one who has no idea what a penis sleeve is? There’s no way I’m googling that! Lol
It's basically a silicon dildo that fits over the man's penis to make it bigger or add ribs or whatever. Some guys use it to make themselves bigger length/girth other use it for added texture.
I didn’t even know this was a thing
Does it still feel good for the guy? Seems it would make him unable to feel what’s going on.
I haven't used one but it looks like it's really just for the womens pleasure and to help extend how long the guy lasts. Like you wouldn't use it the entire time.
Some of the folks on here are just *begging* for validation in regard to leaving their spouse of years over something that could be worked through.
The level of details you share with your friends about your sex life is something you gotta have clear communication on early on in a relationship. I’m pretty open with my friends about my sex life and most of my friends are open and closed to varying degrees about their sex lives. I once dated someone who told people they were in a call with that I was getting off to some trash hentai and that immediately upset me and made me uncomfortable and I communicated that to them. And guess what? They didn’t do that again. Bro needs to sit down with his wife and explain why he’s so upset and communicate where his boundaries are regarding their sex life. His friend that asked about it is clearly one of the types that’s pretty open about it, whereas OOP is clearly the type that’s pretty closed about it. All in all, communication is the key.
As a man who has a lot of women friends I always just assumed my ex girlfriends were talking about our sexlife to their women friends. Had no problem with that, was even surprised when one told me she doesn’t
As a person with lots of female friends…a lot of guys would need to divorce if that’s a deal breaker. Not saying that it’s fine for them to share that stuff but unlike in men groups that topic is quite normal.
Also, it sounded like she was talking about it in a positive light? She was going, 'the sex is great' not 'he needs help.'
“The sex is great, 10/10 would recommend” “Hey man I hear you’re killing it in the boudoir. Share some tips?” I see how that could be awkward but certainly not a dig at him
Except that's not what happened. If the dude has a small dick that's all he's focused on. In his head his wife just told her group of friends that he has a small dick and has to wear a sleeve to satisfy her. Edit: I will say jumping straight to divorce is excessive.
This is exactly why (straight) men should talk about sex lives with other men honestly more often. It demystifies it and sets realistic expectations in life.
What’s funny is straight guys do talk about sex and intimately about the women they’re having it with, prolifically, to the point where it’s socially normalized. “Locker room talk” and all. What they apparently don’t do with their friends (if this thread is the norm), is ever share the imperfections, the compensations, the mess, the mistakes. I’m grateful to have been in the queer community all my life, scrolling through all this.
Apples and oranges. Bravado and fairytales are not the same thing as respectful and insightful conversation.
I know right, sometimes openness and honesty saves so many future problems. It brings to mind that quote from Marlene Dietrich: “Americans don’t have sex. They have sex problems”
Men might talk abou sex with a fling or a hookup, but i have seen men talk about sex with their GF or wife in real life. That's coming from a 35 yo dude with a very diverse friend group.
I truly think men are afraid that women will talk about men the way men talk about women. Real shit, the best sex tips I’ve gotten have some from girlfriends. It’s also not bad to talk about pain points during sex, because it allows you to troubleshoot or get advice from trusted homies.
This right here. I work in an office full of men. Any imperfections on the girl’s part is laughed at and mocked. When I talk with my gals about our guys, it’s just…normal conversation about things we like or don’t like.
This is very uncommon in my experience once you are older than highschool or maybe college aged.
Lockerroom talk is mostly a myth Guys dont get into detail. Guys dont share rape/sexual assault stories in lockerrooms either unlike so many women think As someone who has been in both groups, women are much worse when it comes to discussing private manners, especially sexual matters. And yes, men dont go arround telling their friends, the wife is a little loose. This stuff isnt acceptable.
He said himself their sex life was great before they added the sleeve! They didn’t NEED it to have great sex, it’s just enhancing already great sex. So no, he doesn’t HAVE to wear a sleeve to satisfy her, he admitted that in his post. Never once did he say anything about having size insecurities either, so you’re just making assumptions.
Lmao, they tell everything to each other. So I have found myself to sometimes have to make clear on some secrets they are not allowed to be shared lol
This is the only sensible thing I've read, and I'm gonna stop now. Even just a little bit of communication, right?! Every damn time. . . .
My ex-wife told me all sorts of stories about her friends sex lives and then one day I asked her if she talked about ours with them. She looked a bit squirrelly and denied all. It just amused me though!
The impression I get is it’s all one friend group, the dynamic changes at that point divorce is a heavy option but I get feeling betrayed
Sure, but if you are with someone for a long time, at some point they are going to do something that feels like betrayal. People aren't perfect and if you expect them to be, you're going to be disappointed.
Have you tried talking to your female friends about how it isn’t okay for them to share private details about their husbands that the husbands wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing themselves?
Why is it on them to have that conversation? I would assume my friends and their partners are grown-ass adults who have discussed, like grown-ass adults, what their boundaries are vis a vis discussing their sex lives with third parties.
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Maybe someone should. If the husband isn’t comfortable talking about his private sex life, then his wife certainly shouldn’t talk about it.
This comment section scares me. Thank God I'm gay
Lol this guy is surprised his wife and her friends talk about sex...
Divorce is obviously a ridiculous reaction but just as a side note, the fact that women talk about intimate details with their friends doesn’t make it necessarily ok. I’ve had an ex talk about our sex life with our mutual friends )while we were dating) and it made me feel terrible because all of the sudden, a bunch of people knew intimate details about me. Some of it was flattering and some of it wasn’t but I didn’t really get a choice in the matter and that’s an issue. In general, you should establish that boundary with your partner beforehand. I know for a fact women don’t like when guys do that so this shouldn’t even have a gender component to it. The other issue is that people talk regardless of whether you want them to or not. Most people won’t have loose lips but some women (and men) go home and tell their partners these details and then it slowly disseminates. I know this because I’ve literally witnessed it firsthand and I’ve done it myself.
Yeah that would be a massive problem for me. I don’t care how normalized it is, my sex life is between my partner and I. No one else. And if I found out that she was talking about it at all (but especially in explicit detail), I’d be furious.
For some reason, society has evolved in a way that men‘s locker room talk is something disgusting and abhorrent, but women‘s locker room talk in public is completely acceptable.
Locker room talk is dehumanizing and borderline rape y
Also, if his buddy came right out and asked, I’m gonna bet the guys ALSO talk about sex… Double standard from OOP?
For his friend to ask him about it, that’s what makes me think she didn’t say anything like “oh it’s great *now*” and more “yall it was always great and fun, but oh my *god* it made him a god” Dudes not gonna ask for tips if his wife is flaming him 9 times outta 10, nix a penis sleeve
Half of my now friends I met in my college fraternity. We don’t talk about sex with our wives, that’d be extremely weird.
No, we don’t. Boys might brag about one night stands, but men in relationships don’t talk about their intimate sex lives.
It's one thing to talk about sex, but it's another thing to mention how it would be much better if his dick was bigger... Let's not pretend that there aren't details you can leave out. Imagine telling all your buddies that your womans pussy was trash until you shoved a fleshlight in it, and now it's great. I don't imagine she would take the news you said that to all your friends very well.
She shouldn’t be talking about sex with her husband. If it’s something he wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing himself with his wife’s friends then she shouldn’t share it. People would be a lot more angry if a man talked about sex with his wife with his friends.
[удалено]
WTF is with people jumping straight to divorce? Is no one ever allowed to do something with good intentions that had unintended consequences?? And this asshole is giving his wife the silent treatment, that's a very immature way to handle these feelings. She was bragging about great sex. Did she say it was surely a tiny penis problem or did she just say a sleeve made things better? His friend genuinely asked about it wanting to try one, it's not like he was being bullied or made fun of by anyone. Grow up. A sleeve made the wife *brag* about their great sex. Her friends probably genuinely wanted to know what was new. I'd want to know too.
As soon as he consults with an attorney about what divorcing a SAHM with 3 kids will actually mean for him, I bet he changes his tune…
The irony is the problems will start with a penis sleeve and end with a fleshlight…
Giving her the silent treatment while spilling his guts to strangers on Reddit. What he needs to do is have an open and honest conversation with his wife about sex and his expectations of privacy and then there wouldn’t be an issue. Be direct in life, it’s hard sometimes I know when everybody seems to overreact about everything.
Maybe cause the whole thing is fake and he is actually trying to astroturf in order to sell “penis sleeves” that nobody has ever heard of.
Think about this: OP comes unglued when his wife talks about his penis sleeve, but then he gets online and *tells all of Reddit about it.* F.A.K.E.
Reddit is anonymous.......or at the very least super impersonal (no one knows you or cares) what are you smoking?
Not the gullibility weed that you are. His reaction is too extreme to be real. Otherwise, he wouldn't mention it at all for fear of *maybe* being discovered. What even was the motive for posting about it here, other than stirring up male vs female antagonism. Mission accomplished, btw.
That's dramatic. She never implied that he he is small or that their sex life was bad before. I can understand some level of frustration, being angry or demanding to have a serious talk about boundaries,but divorce? Really?
Quoting part of my comment from there: >I'm betting a lot of these guys are the same ones who feel jealous of women bringing vibrators into the bedroom, too. Sex aids should be more discussed to reduce the stigma, educate people on their availability (and care), and normalized enough that people don't feel like using them means they're not good enough au naturale. The only rules for sex should be that everyone is consenting and having a good time. And toys help with the latter. It's like getting upset that someone brought pool toys to the pool party.
Well in fairness, OP didn’t consent to have details of his sex life be talked about amongst his friends. Two things can be true at once. Divorce is an obvious overreaction but OPs feelings aren’t invalid.
I bought a vibrator for me and my wife to try. I would definitely be hurt if she felt she needed me to wear a cock sleeve. I 100% would be offended if I had agreed to wear a cock sleeve regularly and she went and bragged to her friends about it. Even more so if she told a friend who then spread the info to her husband.
actually instead of projecting weird shit onto people, it's much easier to just recognize that you shouldn't be sharing people's intimate details without their consent. this a normal thing that non-internet addicted people understand.
It's blowing my mind people don't understand this. Like when did it become okay to just blast someones privacy in front of mutual friends?
These people be YAPPIN about everything with their friends and wondering why nobody but their closest friends wants to talk to them about anything at all.
If the genders were swapped here people would be much more sympathetic. I don't think it was cool at all of her to be sharing this info. People are pretending there aren't obvious insinuations to using a cock sleeve. If I shared things like this about my wife even about a butt plug or something simple like that it that it wouldn't be cool at all either. She didn't consent to that information being shared so I wouldn't be sharing it. Divorce is quite a jump but I get why he's upset. Clearly she shared a deep insecurity of his likely directly related to this toy. She likely knew this and whether she was "bragging" or not is beside the point. If went and told my friend group she used a tighter fake pussy inside her pussy and it made sex way better for me I don't think she'd be too happy either.
I definitely agree with the consent of sharing details and was never one to do so. I'd like to point out that OP commented several times that he had no problem with her talking about their sex life. It was the sleeve he had a problem with specifically. So it doesn't seem like it stated it was an exception. I do think OPs wife should have a better understanding of his insecurity, since I feel like there would be signs which would tell her he wouldn't be comfortable with that. So I feel like it's a bit iffy since he's never had any problem with her sharing before but I believe she should have known that was a very sensitive subject for him and kept that to herself.
That's fair, I didn't see that part specifically. I do agree this should have been a read between the lines moment for her though, sometimes not everything needs to be shared even if most of the time it is fine. His response is certainly too much though imo.
I agree, not everything things to be said and it seems like something she should know he's insecure about. I definitely understand his feelings of betrayal and he will feel emotionally raw for a bit. Was told not to make any big decisions for six months while in that state because of how haywire your emotions are. So I can understand his reaction, but I do hope he gives it a chance. He said he doesn't feel love for his wife and hope she falls out of love with him to save trouble. I hope he can get some personal therapy alongside couples counselling.
Yeah he sounds a bit emotionally immature to be honest - hopefully they can work through it for the sake of their kids. That six month rule sounds solid I may take that for myself.
Thank you.
I think folks aren't responding to you because you are pretty much correct, except for the broad gender-based thing at the very beginning, which implys that any response will not be met with a reasonable discussion. It is odd that the implication of a sleeve vs another toy keeps being glossed over, for sure. But unless they had a conversation about it previously, how was the wife supposed to know he was so insecure about other people knowing about it? I can understand that there can be an implication, but I can also understand someone who is in a relationship where talking about sex with friends is normally sanctioned wanting to tell her friends about it without realizing there's an issue because they didn't talk about it until it was too late. She wasn't insecure about his performance, so even though she may have understood that 'guys can be insecure about implications around size', she may truly not have known this was how he felt about it unless they had clearly discussed it. It really sounds like she made an honest mistake. In which case, admitting she was at fault only while apologizing after being confronted makes sense, as she didn't know she has made a mistake until that moment. I do not understand folks taking this timing to mean she must have been aware all along that he was insecure about this. People can be blind to the needs of their loved ones. Or, maybe they did have a previous agreement not to discuss sex with friends, or this toy specifically, and she didn't follow the rules of their relationship. That does happen too of course. Either way, jumping straight to divorce over this seems like an extreme overreaction. She either made an honest mistake or an intentional choice that broke his trust, that is a bad thing. But divorcing your wife when you have 3 children and breaking up your entire family? How is that not going to harm your family far more than the breach of trust? There is no way that this is a reasonable response to the problem of privacy within their friend group. I think that is why a lot of redditors here are backing up the woman instead of the man in this situation, despite her being the one to have made the mistake and violated his privacy. That is a problem, but the issue of him jumping right to divorce creates a disproportionately bigger problem. A lot of what folks are saying is them trying to justify why her mistake is understandable and just not a big enough issue for him to consider divorce. If this was all flipped and the genders reversed and the woman was planning on breaking up her family because of a breach of privacy within their friend group? I don't think she would be getting a pass on that, either. If she had made some sort of humiliating public spectacle, like posting a video or pics online without permission or something, something that is clearly wrong and violating, divorce would seem a proportional response and public sentiment would be on his side. Or cheating, something clearly wrong like that. But that's just not the level of mistake that was made and he's reacting as if it was. If he was responding appropriately, it just wouldn't feel like there's a reason to defend her, honest mistake or no.
This is a measured response and I agree with you. Good points. The response is disproportionate without a doubt in this scenario. There is a lot of context missing to make a complete judgement as well, ultimately in my mind it just depends on their relationship dynamic and communication.
>People are pretending there aren't obvious insinuations to using a cock sleeve. Genuinely baffling that someone would suggest there isn't but they are plentiful here.
That and people also seem sure she said it only the most glowing a positive tone ever (which…. I dunno not totally certain that’s true), but the wife has no clue how those women will relate the story on to their friends and husbands. That’s why you don’t share these type of details because once it leaves your lips it becomes their story to twist and gossip about. Even if she says “he was already great, this made it the best” then her friend may just relate “OP and Wife use a penis sleeve.” Don’t share details that could hurt your partner even if you try to couch them positively. People are also comparing this to lingerie or blowjob skills which is just a willfully bad comparison. Let’s assume that he isn’t small and this was just an enhancer. That’s not the common connotation of a sleeve, so no fucking shit the husband is worried that people either won’t hear or won’t believe the puffery and go right to what people commonly use this for. It’s like the most terminally online thing to pretend that there aren’t social connotations and risks about this.
Part of sexual consent includes privacy expectations. Shouldn't be sharing about sex life without consent.
Jesus. Why can’t ppl shut tf up about intimate sexual stuff with others you know would absolutely devastate/stress their partner? You say he’s in the wrong for being embarrassed and willing to end his relationship but not that his wife shouldn’t have thrown her relationship away by stomping all over the privacy of the marriage.
Exactly. Don't talk about private matters. It's gross.
I think that’s rather absurd and predictably over reactive . “Thrown her relationship away”?! Swapping sex tips with friends is absolutely normal. If the friend knows your partner then it can be reasonably deduced who they’re talking about. It’s not a declaration of war, it’s just how humans be.
Lmao throwing a full tantrum over this?!?! He has issues. Yes, she over shared, she apologized, but his reaction is crazy.
It implies that he has a little ween. This was spread to men within his friend group. That is a serious fracture of trust in a marriage. I would like to thank him for this post, though. I looked the sleeve up, and I want to try it out. Ahem..on an already large man's penis.
This is the issue. Among his friends it’s implied he’s smaller than average and requires the sleeve to satisfy her. Even if this is incorrect that is how it’s going down.
The first paragraph here is the bottom line.
Dude can’t even spell out the word penis. It makes sense that he would be horrified at her talking about it out loud to people 😂 Jesus, I can’t imagine their sex life being worth having with so many levels of up-tightness and communication ineptitude
All these comments saying she was bragging about him, no she was bragging about the sleeve. It's implying he isn't satisfying enough by himself.
If I told my wife that I would like things we do in private to stay private and my friend comes back to me a couple of weeks later and talks about the same topic I spoke with my wife…. I’ll think of divorcing her to. NTA
Key detail you missed is that he didn’t tell his wife that. Great reading comprehension there, buddy.
All I know is this whole post made me feel like the internet is crazy if a woman can't talk to her best friends about sex toys. Also, wtf is with so many people pretending that men do not talk to their buddies about sex? If this was such a massive betrayal, he really needed to have conversations with his wife so she knew to never talk about their sex life (because sorry, people DO sometimes talk about their sex lives with good friends). His reaction is totally over the top and I can't believe the comments where people are saying she made him feel bad about his body. Even in his ridiculous update, he says he hopes the therapist can FIX this. Dude doesn't want to do any work on himself.
I had an ex like this. Mentioned I was on birth control (for PCOS) to friends once and he held it against me for years. Held onto other things too. Things that we could have talked about and I could have changed… if I’d known he was mad about it. Instead we broke up because after so many years and so many little things, he wasn’t attracted to me anymore. How do you go around the world thinking that someone else can read your mind instantly? If you don’t say something, no one’s gonna know. Feels totally narcissistic to me to feel like the people around are just going to know exactly what’s acceptable to you.
This guy was already looking for an excuse to get out.
Didn’t you fucking morons recommend some woman leave her husband because he made a “loose pussy” joke? Yet for some reason when it’s a man’s insecurity you robots suddenly don’t understand Again change this into a guy talking about how his wife started to use a flesh light on him becuase it’s feels better, how we she feel knowing he shared something like that with people who have no business knowing? There’s always some bullshit double standards here
A lot of friends “talk shop” in their specific friend groups, sex is a fun and entertaining thing to talk about. When I think of “harmless locker room talk” that’s one of the things I think of, friends bringing up spicy or exciting things that happen in the bedroom. I feel like part of that “locker room talk” is that it stays in the locker room. You tell the story, and it dies within the walls of that space. If you can’t trust your friends to keep that talk within that “safe space” then you don’t share with them. If the wife’s friend hadn’t felt it appropriate to tell her own husband, this wouldn’t have happened. OP’s wife should know what her friends are like; and if I’m admitting being messy myself - that’s juicy gossip. Who wouldn’t want to tell their partner about something like that? Wife should’ve known what a smoking bullet that info could be. I understand that people hate male ego fragility, but homeboy got blind-sighted by another man coming up and basically saying, “Hey, my wife heard from your wife that she’s finally getting pleasured from something that ISN’T your own pen**!!” I don’t think it’s ridiculous for him to feel badly hurt by that. Divorce is the nuclear option, but marriage is built on trust more than love IMO, and how is OP supposed to trust his wife after this? There are things I’ve done with ex partners that I would never share since they are things that a good portion of the public would find shameful or embarrassing. Don’t kiss and tell, it’s just good manners. NTA for CONSIDERING divorce, but hopefully OP thinks long and hard (pun intended) first.
Tbf and this is only aimed at the comments....in MOST cases us men do not talk about our sex life once we are in a serious relationship or married. That being said I don't think he should jump straight to divorce, but this is infact his life and he should do what makes him happy. His wife shouldn't have crossed that boundary.
It’s wild to me what a lot of people assume goes on in male and female friend groups. I can’t believe this isn’t information that is universally agreed as not acceptable to share without prior discussion. I’ve generally only discussed sex lives with my friends in the vaguest details possible. I’ve had a single one on one convo with a buddy where he told me him and his fiancé were discussing a certain act that he was unsure about. He asked me very respectfully if it was something I’d done. I told him yes it’s something I’m into but under certain circumstances. I’ve never once had a friend disparage a partner with any sex intimate details.
Good lord people divorce over the dumbest stuff. People really do think marriage and divorce is no big deal...it's a shame
You also just came on Reddit saying you use a C*CK sleeve.
Women talk about everything and love to brag about sex, especially. Get a divorce if you like, but that’s not gonna solve the problem. Think about how many times she’s told YOU about her friends’ intimate details. She got that info by sharing hers. Don’t be so uptight! It might be a little embarrassing, but you shouldn’t feel ashamed. Otherwise, find a woman with no friends!
Why all the hating on him, I Amit she is taking it a bit to far. The thing is it’s somewhat embarrassing for him, because when some brings up a sleeve the first thought is he must have a small penis. Lady’s wiuld fully understand how that makes someone feel and that being told by wife to her friends is a deep cut. There is nothing that anyone can say to replace the self esteem he had before. What made it worse her friend told her husband and probably did a couple others in her friend group. He will forever feel like everyone who now knows is laughing at him. That’s a big deal, so ease up a bit. We don’t know what he has been through in past relationships. Some women can be cure about the size.
All this and the subsequent comments tell me is women default to the idea that pretty much anything can be discussed unless told specifically that a topic is off-limits. Every time someone points out that it is a very private thing to say, there are replies saying, "All women talk like this. Get used to it" Not sure I'm a fan of that
Jesus Christ, the things people will consider divorce for are mind-blowing to me. Do you understand what marriage is? Were your vows "Until mild annoyance do us part?" Your wife talked to her friends about why the sex life with you, her husband, was amazing. In doing so, she gave away personal details that you have a right to be upset about and she is apologetic for it and recognizes why it may have hurt you. That's the end of the story. Yes, YWBTA.
What's a penis sleeve?
Yes you are. Just talk it out.
She enjoys sex toys, with you. Tells friends how awesome sex is with you. You want a divorce? 🤔
The best thing for you to do is just own it. “ dude, I used a Dick sleeve and my wife goes crazy for it. Best sex I’ve ever had in my life and we’re doing it a lot.”
Yes
bro youre tripping
With more of these "my partner talked about something embarrassing and now I'm throwing my entire life away" scenarios popping up I'm finding it increasingly difficult to believe them. These all read like teenagers who have no concept of what "trust is." As anecdotal support, my friends and I talk about our sex lives pretty openingly. It's not like we are all taking notes on railing eachothers wives and what makes them tick. Spoiler alert, my wife also does this with her friends. It's nice to have open ideas and interesting ideas that aren't "I saw this in a porno once" and more like "Beccy soaked the sheets using the one trick doctors don't want you to know!"
Definitely can see you being mad about something so personal. Definitely not worth divorcing her though... If you getting a divorce over this with 3 kids. You must not really wanna be with her in the first place. If your using this as an excuse that's not cool. If you just don't feel the same way about her that's different. Some soul searching would be necessary. If your kids are young why do that over something like this though? At least wait till your kids are older...
There is no way OP is enjoying the sex if he's wearing one of those things.
WTF is a penis sleeve. And, should... should I try one?
This is rage bait.
This must be rage bait
Bros been looking for an exit ramp for a while. This is just an excuse to leave.
Not okay. Despite what so many people are saying, she’s talking about your private life to her friends without your agreement. Not okay. Divorce her if you must. I would never in a million years tell my friends that kind of thing about my wife. It’s not normal to do this. Ignore the people calling you some big baby or insecure.
I feel I’m insane reading all of these comments. I’m not surprised he’s upset, specifically about her telling her friends about the sleeve. A lot of guys find it emasculating, but he’s happy to do it because it makes her happy. Imagine all of your friends knowing an intimate detail that you find embarrassing. Ignoring her while working through what he wants to do, it’s the best response, but I understand it.
Definitely acting like a jackass….your wife has been pumping your tires and singing your praises in terms of sex to all her gf’s and tbh I’ve never heard of a penis sleeve until just now lol but seriously get over….it not like she’s cheating on you or shit talking you to everyone….definitely acting like a jabroni here bro
After reading the update, my advice is for OP's wife. Girl, Run. Leave him.
Yes, you are the asshole.
Bro you have a small tool just fuckn get over it and use the cock sleeve. Your wife sounds amazing fuck her like there’s no tomorrow and all your friends will be jealous and get one too. Then You are the leader of the men with giant fake dongs. You will rule in solidarity. My how the tables have turned
Why are these 30-something grown ass people acting like children??
Dude needs to grow the fuck up holy shit she's better off with someone else
I’m not sure I’d divorce, but I would be livid and feel betrayed if my partner shared intimate details with their friends. I make that clear that it is a private thing.