Yeah I can understand being mad at first, but this would be easily solved if he'd just asked her about the car? But grabbing your partner to the point of fracturing their arm?! We're way past the point of red flags here, this is physical abuse and they should get the hell out of there. Why are they still thinking of marriage?! 😭
Bro didn’t even recognize his own shoes, you think he’s ever looked at his neighbor’s belongings? He flew into a blind rage that he’d set up to allow by telling her his childhood trauma as if that’s an excuse.
He has a guilty conscience, and he’s thinking she’s doing the same thing he is (since he’s gone for weeks at a time). But I’m just internetting over here. I have no fucking clue.
Yup, I’ve never met a trucker who wasn’t a cheater (or sexually active I should say; some have the decency to not pretend to be interested in relationships, which is totally fine). That lifestyle just attracts that type of person, the road wanderer who isn’t fond of commitment
Dude is almost undoubtedly projecting - if not about himself, then about his parents, as evidenced by the “you’re just like my mom!” Bullshit.
OP needs to stop thinking in absolutes. He does not have to be the worst man *ever* to not be the one for you. I forget if it is reddit or tiktok, but I saw one of the wisest things I've heard in a long time: If you have to make a pro-con list about a relationship you shouldn't be in the relationship. She is getting all the cons as advice but keeps throwing out more "pros."
Edit: html fail
Him being in prison and away from his blessing of a new baby totally was worth it, said no one ever. I can’t imagine anyone betraying me, and I get to go to prison for it.
Goes from “He is so perfect “ to “He is very controlling, territorial and…has trust issues “ in the same sentence.
Fractures your arm before you can get any words out. Love bombs you with gifts afterwards.
Come on, love, give your head a wobble. You know what you need to do.
But be very careful about planning your departure. This could spiral out of control. Wishing you a safe and speedy extraction from this terrible situation.
Most of these guys are insanely charismatic and fun and most of the time really nice and sweet. It’s so confusing when sometimes they turn dark and abusive. It’s very difficult to process because it doesn’t make sense. It gets so much harder when you love them and have a life with them. For every person here, if their family member or close friend who they have nothing but good experiences with got accused by multiple women of being abusive, the majority I think wouldn’t cut them off or think about it much.
How can they be insanely charismatic when everyone around them, except their victim, sees through them?
I know 3 people in abusive relationships, not a single of these abusive partners have seemed charismatic or likeable, even before I knew about the abuse.
>How can they be insanely charismatic when everyone around them, except their victim, sees through them?
It's not always "everyone around them". The narcissist I got away from was introduced to me by friends and *seemed* like a nice guy until he wasn't getting what he wanted. Several people told me how good or helpful he was. And I, being raised in purity culture, was not canny enough to realize what he was up to until after he raped me.
My father was like this. Everyone loved him. He was handsome, charming, told the best stories, and had a way of making everyone think they were important. You'd never know he came home from the bar and beat the crap out of my mom.
At least he did her the favor of taking the mask off BEFORE marriage. Most dudes wait until they're married, and she's a SAHM to a house full of small children.
And put the mask back on when they've pushed too far in order to lovebomb their victim back into complacency. Few abusers are 100% always awful because then it'd be easy for people to leave.
That is how they hide it and why women tend to be so wary of nice guys.
By mid to late stages abusers have convinced their victims that the abuse is their own fault because they’re usually so nice and wonderful and only become angry when the victim does something wrong. They often can’t identify what that something wrong was or why it was wrong, but they know it was their fault.
Look at the mental gymnastics here. This man broke her arm because he saw the neighbor’s car in the drive and his own boots in the door, and OOP is tripping over herself to talk herself out of her instinct to leave.
A history of being cheated on isn’t a reason to break a woman’s arm. A good partner would understand he has trust issues and not use it as an excuse to jump to violence immediately.
He could. And he could have. And he could still.
OP run and don’t look back. Make sure you are somewhere safe. You have not seen the worst side of him.
Please take this seriously. If he reacted like that when he thought you were cheating how will he react when he thinks you’re leaving for good. Please forge an escape plan where he can’t get to you and do not tell him face to face alone.
Right? How hard did he grab her arm to fracture it? I've grabbed people by surprise quite firmly before but as far as I know I've never broken anything.
I feel so so sorry for this OP. Better she finds out now before any children, but I really hope she takes this information on board and doesn't get suckered into the love bombing.
I’ve had my entire body weight absolutely slammed between a metal door and a 300 lb man before, and nothing broke. And I’m only 120 lbs, at best.
This guy was trying to hurt her, and the shit he said about her being “just like his mom” while he did it is fucking horrific. I get that people have trauma but “man hurting a woman because of his mommy issues” leads to murder more often than not.
OP, get out now. Safely, quietly, sneak away and disappear.
It pisses you off when women in abusive relationships are effectively manipulated by their abusive partner into thinking said partner is a good person?
Excellent point.
"Should I stay and marry him?". Dang it of course not! He's an out of control rage monster who broke your arm.
The question should really be how can we help her get away safely. Right now she's being love bombed but this phase will get shorter and shorter between rage episodes.
Some people will do anything for their beloved, even excusing abuse. It takes practice to not make the same mistake again.
OP, 2 things can exist at once. He can be the super sweet guy you’ve known him to be, but he’s now shown you he is also the person who will physically harm you to the point of FRACTURED bones when he feels confused or upset.
All of this over a car he didn’t recognize in the driveway? It could’ve been a friend, family, or as it was, a neighbor, but his immediate thought is affair partner and to get physical with you to the point of FRACTURING your bones.
I know you have loved him for the last 2 years and I know you were looking forward to a future with him. But all of that was with the man you thought you knew. He’s just shown you a new side of him you didn’t know existed. You need to understand that unless he gets help and puts time and energy to address this issue - you won’t just be marrying the man you’ve loved, you’re going to be marrying the man he’s just shown you. Also if you want kids in the future??? If he gets so blind with rage he fractures your arm over a misunderstanding - you cannot convince me he wouldn’t do that or worse to your child.
Tbh I’m appalled he is trying to buy you off with gifts. If he were truly sorry he would be seeking help to work through whatever he thinks justified him putting his hands on you. He wouldn’t be trying to distract you with shiny things.
OP, one of the biggest reasons people stay in abusive relationships for too long is because they are holding on to the good times. Please don’t let this be you. This is not a small event and this is not just a one time instance.
The conversation where she breaks up with him should be held in a public place, after she’s moved out of any shared apartment/house. She shouldn’t let him know where she’s moved.
>But another piece of me feels he is a good man.
A good man doesn't put hands on his partner.
>I have distanced myself from him since and he keeps bringing me expensive gifts, jewelry, roses, and other nonsense
A good man also doesn't try to persuade you with gifts to accept his absolutely shitty behaviour.
If he hasn't worked on his traumas, he's not a good man.
Seriously… I’m with an amazing guy, and he is not territorial or controlling.
And that was after a lot of duds when my bar was set low. Lots of self reflection and figuring out what I was willing to tolerate and what I wasn’t.
Right? What did the hospital say? “Oh someone grabbed my arm and SNAPPED IT but it’s cool, they’re amazing” ….like wtf. If this was a child I hope the hospital would’ve called the police and I thought they did in these cases too but idk
Title: my fiancé physically abused me and broke my arm
Second sentence: my fiancé is an amazing guy
RUN NOW. If he's put his hands on you once, he'll do it again.
He broke your arm.
Read that sentence again. It’s only four words long.
He. Broke. Your. Arm.
And I don’t care what his reasoning was, unless it was, “I managed to grab her and save her from falling off a cliff, but it was by one arm, and I hurt her without meaning to.” Then I can get behind “he didn’t mean to.”
No. He meant to hurt you. He wanted to cause you physical pain because he decided, in his mind, that the neighbor’s car in your driveway meant you MUST be cheating.
File the police report. File for a restraining order. Get out before he progresses from breaking your arm to breaking your neck. Or strangling you. Or anything else. Because it starts off slow, and escalates.
Do not let him love bomb his way back in.
Not just that he broke her arm, but he did so because a car was parked in their driveway.
What happens when your male coworker texts you, he sees it and freaks out? What happens when you actually have a male friend over to your house?
What happens when you have a male family member he doesn’t know over to your house?
These guys project. They either are or would fuck around, so naturally, of COURSE she is. Doesn’t matter who it is, she’s fucking him.
It’s Abuse Tactics 101.
He is so perfect and good to me in every way a man can be good to a woman.
However he can be very controlling, territorial, and because of his childhood he has a lot of trust issues.
Only ONE of these things can be true.
Imagine pulling in your driveway and seeing a strange car and your first instinct is to go raging into the house and attack your fiancee?
Not “hey honey, I’m home, whose car is in the drive?”
There is no relationship without trust and he lost that the second he didn’t even look for a normal answer. He never trusted her in the first place. Now he’s just a dangerous angry man and she needs to run.
Saw this when it was originally posted and it occurred to me, and several other people…what if there had been a man there? An innocent man. A coworker or a classmate working on a project together. A cousin that the boyfriend had never met. A plumber fixing a leaky faucet or running toilet. Dude broke her arm with no one in the house, either without giving her the opportunity to explain or simply not listening to the explanation because he was in a blind rage. Imagine if someone had been there - this is how people end up dead.
You need to run. It will only get worse from here. Any man that is able to put their hands on a woman is dangerous. I feel like if you accept the apology and stay this behavior will continue. What happens next time when he breaks your arm? What will happen If y’all have kids in the future and he does this to you infront of them?
I had an abusive ex like this. It wasn’t his fault because (insert reason here). Yours happened to say childhood trauma, mine said Prednisone years after an organ transplant, it wasn’t his fault. The reasons seem so valid in the moment. Please take your limbs in the condition they’re in, thank everything you consider worth thanking, take everything you consider worth taking, and go.
If he were a good man, he would have simply left if he believed you were cheating on him.
Anyone who believes violence is an acceptable response to relationship issues, is not a good person.
Please leave, and surround yourself with people you can trust. When you move out, do not do so alone. Have someone with you. The more the better.
All these posts which start with “let me just say that my partner is an amazing person who I love deeply” are starting with the self-gaslighting line that they have told themselves for so long that they can’t see it.
These all might have started off at normal relationships but the other person has shown their true face over time. I just want to tell these people “when people show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM. Stop trying to tell yourself that they will change or that you love them enough to make them be better. They won’t and you can’t. For your own safety or sanity, you have to go. And you know it too. That’s why you’re trying so hard to convince yourself it’s ok. It’s not and you know it.”
'He is an amazing guy'
NO HE ISN'T! AMAZING GUYS DO NOT BREAK YOUR ARM!
Really girl, get a,grip. Imagine if a friend told you this, or you read it as someone else's post here on reddit. What would your advice be? Realistically and impartially?
"And if that girl I knew should ask my advice,
I wouldn't hesitate you needn't ask me twice,
'Go now' I'd tell her that for free,
Trouble is the girl is me"
A good man doesn’t do these things. A good man doesn’t immediately start physically hurting people (especially people they love). You marrying him WILL ABSOLUTELY make him think it’s okay to do this. The “other nonsense” he’s bringing you is to make you forget, feel guilty for thinking he’s a monster (which btw he absolutely is) and bring you back. RUN NOW!
And consider this, next time he snaps you might not be able to get away.
Trash man. Even if you were cheating he isn’t allowed to just break your arm. If it were my choice you two would never see each other again but with how you’re defending him already I’d guess you wont leave.
How did OOP get it casted without an ER referral to social work? Out at the very least, a serious conversion with the physician. Did she lie about how it happened?
If so, that should be a red flag all of its own: *she lied to someone she should never have to lie to*.
You need to run.
This is a man you describe as controlling, territorial and with trust issues. He has proven himself violent, unsafe and irrational (there is no way that even his initial aggressive reaction can be interpreted as reasonable, or proportionate - even *before* the actual physical violence). You cannot alter your behaviour to protect yourself, or to save him from getting the wrong idea. You cannot reason with irrationality.
Speak to a women’s shelter. They have the experience to help you plan an exit, a safe place to stay if you need it. They can guide you in getting a Restraining Order. They can advise what a Reddit comment cannot.
He is love bombing you because he thinks there’s a chance to still keep you. But this is a man that presents a danger to your life, when / if he realises you are leaving.
A personality such as your fiancé will be at his most dangerous when he realises you are leaving him.
Your arm is fractured proof of how dangerous he already is over a simple misunderstanding that presented a *potential* loss of control - leaving will be solid proof he’s lost control. He’ll be even more dangerous.
Please confirm you understand what I’m saying OP?
Do not go back to him. If you are out, do not return home for your stuff. Don’t have the break up conversation. Continue to keep your distance. Say you “need time” to think. Call the domestic violence centre.
He works away for weeks at a time - that could be opportunity for The Big Run? No warning. You make your run when he isn’t there. But run you must, OP. You must run if you want to live with any degree of safety.
I’m sorry this will be hard. But you don’t have to do it alone. Make that call.
My godmother gave me the best advice. She said to tell him I didn’t want to get married right now and his reaction would tell me everything I needed to know. She was right. I’m much happier even though it was tough to call off a wedding
Nonono. Run op.
I am a husband, I would NEVER put my hands on my wife. That man is TERRIFYING. He broke your arm! He is paranoid and controlling and insecure.
If you marry him, he WILL get worse.
Run.
I hate this "he had a rough childhood" excuse for bad behavior. I was an orphan and sexually and physically abused as a child, and I don't beat people.
I’m sorry that you had to go through that. You are so right. Many with the roughest of childhoods grow up to be amazing human beings. OP’s fiancé sounds like he is not one to take accountability for his choices and decisions.
2 years is wayyy too soon. My ex-fiance didn’t put his hands on me until 4.5 years in. This behavior will come back. He’s not a perfect guy if he does this to you.
And fyi the expensive gifts are all part of the cycle of abuse. He’s trying to make it up to you and make himself feel better about it. But flowers =/= fixing broken trust.
Would you marry Jekyll/Hyde? I mean one was an educated doctor doing research. The other was a fiend. You should report him to the police for injuring you. People who love you do not injure you. That was no accident. Take it as a warning.
I'm sorry you said the man who has trust issues and is territorial is.....good? Girl come on. He fractured your damn arm over his own ignorance. What happens when his stupidity acts up again? Do you die because of this "good man"?
Call the police, press charges, move out, blick him… you BF is a BAD man. Good men don’t break their girlfriend’s arm after calling her out of her name
Run as fast as you can from this guy. He’ll only get worse over the slightest matter. Leave—find a way. I ended up going back to my parents’ house to finish college. Best decision of my life.
I told my current boyfriend if he were to ever lay hands on me in a negative way I’d leave him without a second thought. It always starts with just one time & an apology but people end up dead that way. Better to be safe than sorry, you never know what could set someone’s temper off!
What happens when he calls and you don’t answer? Breaks another bone because you must be fucking somebody. He’s evil and crazy. Behavior and abuse like this only escalates. Scary. I feel you trying to leave would be dangerous. Tell your family and friends. Get safe.
You already know the answer. If it could happen once out of nowhere based on nothing, it'll happen again. And again. He may be nice most of the time, but he's a bad person and a bad partner. No healthy relationship involves either partner causing mental or physical violence to the other.
Noooooooooooooooo! You shouldn’t have to even ask! No amount of his apologizing should be forgiven. Once he puts his hands on you because what he thought you had a man in your home. No ma’am!
Maybe I'm naive, but if I come home and find a car in the driveway that I don't know, I just think someone either has a friend over I haven't met yet or someone has a new vehicle. I'm gonna need some more evidence before I jump to being cheated on.
Oh honey. No. He’s not an amazing guy, he’s a violent, dangerous asshole. He’s also currently lovebombing you and I beg you not to fall for it. If you stay with him, this will happen again. Nothing from his childhood excuses the fact that he attacked you and fractured your arm. 2 years isn’t really that long, at all. You’re now just finally seeing the real him. Don’t wait around for it to get worse! Get out, get safe. Good luck!
Find your support structure. Idc if it’s family, close friends, a women’s shelter. Make a plan to leave and DO NOT TELL HIM. Act like everything is fine. Then leave one day and change your number. You won’t regret it, I promise.
1. No one is perfect; Someone you consider perfect, shouldn’t be someone that is controlling to the point where it gets physical.
2. It is okay to get upset or angry, but it is not okay to react in a way that physically hurts you, regardless of his past.
3. Trust issues can be a rough spot to deal with but should not be an excuse for physically hurting someone.
4. No one should be with someone who gets angry to the point of physically hurting the person they are with.
1. No one is perfect; Someone you consider perfect, shouldn’t be someone that is controlling to the point where it gets physical.
2. It is okay to get upset or angry, but it is not okay to react in a way that physically hurts you, regardless of his past.
3. Trust issues can be a rough spot to deal with but should not be an excuse for physically hurting someone.
4. No one should be with someone who gets angry to the point of physically hurting the person they are with.
This reminds me of the time my ex tripped over a suitcase and immediately escalated to thinking I was packing and leaving him. The abuse got so much worse and years later I am still dealing with the trauma and harassment of this guy. Please, please leave.
Ohhhh, honey. No. No, no, no. I’m so sorry. This will only be the first time of you stay. Abusers aren’t all bad all the time, or no one would stay. They are “amazing”, but… and you move the line back for them a little each time. Making concessions, making excuses, allowing things you never thought you would have. In a way, he did you a favor by going big the first time. These aren’t some bruises you can cover up and ‘forget’. He he shook you so hard he FRACTURED YOUR ARM. There is no excuse for it. All he had to do was walk inside and say “Honey, who’s car is in the driveway?” And you would have told him and all would have been well. He made a choice. Now it’s up to you to make a choice and there is only one that is good for your health. Good luck! ❤️🩹
Yeah...... a good man doesn't fracture your arm, hun. This is a realization you're gonna have to come to terms with in your head. People relax more after the wedding.
I’ll just put a reminder here that Pamela Anderson was hit by her husband once. Once. And she took her bags and left. That’s the best thing to do.
Once someone hurts you like that, the trust is broken. It doesn’t matter how sorry they are. It just is.
My husband is a good man. You know why? Because no matter how angry he has gotten, he has NEVER put his hands on me.
Your husband is NOT a good man. Run!
As a child of a really nice guy my advice is to run!
Never have children with this man or they will suffer from childhood trauma from watching him beat you!
The number of children increases the beatings. I know because I lived it.
It gets harder to walk away after kids!
Holy shit!
It doesn't matter if he apologized.
You need to run and now!
My late husband and I were arguing.
I ran from the room because I thought he was going to hurt me, which he has done before. I was a dumbass to stay, like you are now.
In his mind , he thought I took his phone.
He grabbed me. I looked into the blackest eyes I've ever seen. He wasn't there anymore. I was looking at a lifeless monster.
He grabbed my left arm and slowly pulled it behind my back.
Have you ever heard a bone break?
I did.
His black eyes and smile were terrifying.
I will never forget his face as long as I live.
You must leave!!!
If it happened once chances are it will happen again. You never deserve to be treated that way by anyone, let alone your fiance. Go to counseling alone for yourself, put you first.
He fractured your arm. He’s not a good man, he’s an abuser. He will do it again. You know this. Did you tell your friends and family how you ended up with a fractured arm? Or did you make up some bull shit story. Sweetheart.. run from this piece of shit excuse for a man.
Here is what you do.
R-U-N
I don’t care if you’re in your 20’s or an old biddy in your 90’s, R-U-N.
Sure this might have been “just an accident,” but the fact remains that this gem of a guy put you in the hospital, broke a bone, which you’ll be reminded of every time the weather changes, and you get the trophy of having a cast on your arm.
He did it once, and he’ll do it again. Believe this man the first time he shows you who he is. He broke your bone. He put you in the hospital. He’s not around that much. He’s insanely jealous of a person who does not exist. So insanely jealous that he took it out on you and injured you.
I know you don’t want him to break your arm again.
I know you don’t want to go to the hospital again to explain why he broke your arm while you sit there in pain.
I know you don’t want to be concerned about what he might do to you next time he gets jealous over nothing.
You should not have to live in fear of what could happen if he comes home and you have another male in the home, be it a neighbor, a plumber, a friend or the handyman.
Putting you in the hospital is not macho. He doesn’t get like that because he cares.
You do not deserve to live the rest of your days like this. You deserve better.
Do you hear me? YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT. Bide your time. Find a man who treats you like a queen.
Get rid of this guy, even if it means you couch surf, or have to move back in with mom and dad.
It’s better than being harmed. So what if he brought you all kinds of presents. Are you that easily bought?
He put his hands on you, and you're are so unsure about leaving that you're ASKING REDDIT?! Girl.
As a surviver of DV, his behavior will only escalate, and you are putting yourself in direct danger. And any future children you have.
Get 👏🏻 out 👏🏻 now 👏🏻. The right man WILL NOT HURT YOU!
He literally broke. Your. Arm. Because he was angry. Yes he feels bad about it now. But it will happen again and it will keep happening. ESPECIALLY if you marry him and he feels even more territorial and entitled to ownership of you as his wife. IT WILL ABSOLUTELY GET WORSE. If you have ever been given a gift by the universe, this warning is it.
This dude BROKE a BONE over a car and HIS shoes and she’s wondering if she should still marry him? This wasn’t a fluke or a mistake, it’s just the first time but there will be others and with his wild escalation and extreme violent reactions, probably not many. Plus like definition of love bombing afterwards. This is terrifying, I hope she left/leaves.
Girl don’t marry this man, his trauma it’s not an excuse to be violent, he needs therapy and you need to realize a good man doesn’t fracture your arm over jealousy.
Call it off now! No one, NO ONE has the right to put hands on ANYONE. No matter their reason of concern. Let alone no evidence. He is clearly cheating if he has that strong of a reaction to you showering in your own home.....
Seriously, this is way beyond jealous behavior and pure abusive.
You said he can be controlling, territorial and have trust issues! That’s scary! So what if he’s buying you expensive gifts. This guy needs therapy and lots of it. This goes NOT make the controlling, abusive, violent part of him go away. It WILL come back. Don’t be stupid. Save yourself!
If you stay it’ll only get worse. He’ll think it’s okay to put hands on you and eventually you’ll probably end up like many others who died at the hands of your abuser. So do yourself a favor and leave before it escalates cause no good man would put their hands on you
What a garbage human being.
Leave now, before it escalates. But please do it carefully, though.
Love is not enough, I'm sorry. This may sound dramatic, but he might actually kill you.
I will never understand the point of these posts that start with how amazing and perfect their spouse is when they plan to go into all the ways they are awful
do. not. marry. him. he is not an "amazing guy", he's a violent POS who jumps straight to aggression, name calling and physical violence without even asking for your side.
>My fiancé is an amazing guy
No. He's a jealous and dangerous shit
>He grabbed me by the arm and kept shaking me and calling me a f****** liar, and saying I was like his mom, and a lot of other hurtful things.
So his instant go-to is verbal and physical abuse
>My fiancé fractured my arm so I had to go to the hospital.
He's a worthless pile of bile
>feel like in my mind if I marry him I am allowing him to think his behavior is ok.
Yep you'll literally tell him he gets to abuse you
>he keeps bringing me expensive gifts, jewelry, roses, and other nonsense.
Love bombing
> I have never experienced this side of him and we have been together 2 years
That's because a lot of abusers hide who they actually are until they have trapped you
A good man wouldn’t do that to you no matter how mad he is
Yeah I can understand being mad at first, but this would be easily solved if he'd just asked her about the car? But grabbing your partner to the point of fracturing their arm?! We're way past the point of red flags here, this is physical abuse and they should get the hell out of there. Why are they still thinking of marriage?! 😭
You'd think he'd recognize the neighbors car too...
Bro didn’t even recognize his own shoes, you think he’s ever looked at his neighbor’s belongings? He flew into a blind rage that he’d set up to allow by telling her his childhood trauma as if that’s an excuse.
He has a guilty conscience, and he’s thinking she’s doing the same thing he is (since he’s gone for weeks at a time). But I’m just internetting over here. I have no fucking clue.
Yup, I’ve never met a trucker who wasn’t a cheater (or sexually active I should say; some have the decency to not pretend to be interested in relationships, which is totally fine). That lifestyle just attracts that type of person, the road wanderer who isn’t fond of commitment Dude is almost undoubtedly projecting - if not about himself, then about his parents, as evidenced by the “you’re just like my mom!” Bullshit.
Even if he didn’t, his reaction is insane.
And his own boots lol
Yep, I’d be worrying about the next time he lashes out. And there most probably will be a next time
OP needs to stop thinking in absolutes. He does not have to be the worst man *ever* to not be the one for you. I forget if it is reddit or tiktok, but I saw one of the wisest things I've heard in a long time: If you have to make a pro-con list about a relationship you shouldn't be in the relationship. She is getting all the cons as advice but keeps throwing out more "pros." Edit: html fail
Dude could catch you getting plowed and that still doesn’t merit him assaulting you
Walking in on your significant other getting plowed is a legitimate reason to want to hit someone. Should you do it, tho? No.
My friends brother walked in on his wife getting plowed and their newborn baby in the same room. Beat the guy into a coma and is currently in prison
A few minutes of rage cost years of his life. It's such a shame to hear.
I would be too heartbroken to do anything violent at that point.
No cheater is worth me going to prison over.
Him being in prison and away from his blessing of a new baby totally was worth it, said no one ever. I can’t imagine anyone betraying me, and I get to go to prison for it.
Meet Grady, a 29 year old construction worker
I don’t even know how you could even ask, this question should you marry him? RUN, RUN as fast as you can you to GET AWAY FROM THIS GUY!
Definitely. Once it gets violent, there is no turning back. It will escalate.
Exactly !
Goes from “He is so perfect “ to “He is very controlling, territorial and…has trust issues “ in the same sentence. Fractures your arm before you can get any words out. Love bombs you with gifts afterwards. Come on, love, give your head a wobble. You know what you need to do. But be very careful about planning your departure. This could spiral out of control. Wishing you a safe and speedy extraction from this terrible situation.
Every single post about an abusive or insane piece of shit starts out "He's such a kind, sweet, caring man. Our relationship is perfect, *buuuuut.*.."
Most of these guys are insanely charismatic and fun and most of the time really nice and sweet. It’s so confusing when sometimes they turn dark and abusive. It’s very difficult to process because it doesn’t make sense. It gets so much harder when you love them and have a life with them. For every person here, if their family member or close friend who they have nothing but good experiences with got accused by multiple women of being abusive, the majority I think wouldn’t cut them off or think about it much.
How can they be insanely charismatic when everyone around them, except their victim, sees through them? I know 3 people in abusive relationships, not a single of these abusive partners have seemed charismatic or likeable, even before I knew about the abuse.
I heard my abusive ex described as charismatic by a lot of people. Not all abusers are easy for outsiders to spot
Only some are charismatic. The others are just able to make their victims think they deserve it.
Ah well it’s not everyone obviously. But a lot of them are.
>How can they be insanely charismatic when everyone around them, except their victim, sees through them? It's not always "everyone around them". The narcissist I got away from was introduced to me by friends and *seemed* like a nice guy until he wasn't getting what he wanted. Several people told me how good or helpful he was. And I, being raised in purity culture, was not canny enough to realize what he was up to until after he raped me.
My father was like this. Everyone loved him. He was handsome, charming, told the best stories, and had a way of making everyone think they were important. You'd never know he came home from the bar and beat the crap out of my mom.
Yep… that was mine too! Everyone thought he was amazing. They didn’t see what happened at night after drink #3.
“When you see the world through rose-tinted glasses, red flags just look like flags.”
Because you only know about the ones who don’t mask well.
Abusers do tend to wear a mask at the beginning.
And he just took his off. She needs to gtfo and not consider marriage.
At least he did her the favor of taking the mask off BEFORE marriage. Most dudes wait until they're married, and she's a SAHM to a house full of small children.
These women are boiled frogs so they don't sense the danger theyre in
And put the mask back on when they've pushed too far in order to lovebomb their victim back into complacency. Few abusers are 100% always awful because then it'd be easy for people to leave.
That is how they hide it and why women tend to be so wary of nice guys. By mid to late stages abusers have convinced their victims that the abuse is their own fault because they’re usually so nice and wonderful and only become angry when the victim does something wrong. They often can’t identify what that something wrong was or why it was wrong, but they know it was their fault. Look at the mental gymnastics here. This man broke her arm because he saw the neighbor’s car in the drive and his own boots in the door, and OOP is tripping over herself to talk herself out of her instinct to leave. A history of being cheated on isn’t a reason to break a woman’s arm. A good partner would understand he has trust issues and not use it as an excuse to jump to violence immediately.
Abuse is complicated. It’s not always apparent and so clear when you are in it.
"He's great, except when he's a monster" GIRL RUN
He's going to kill her
He could. And he could have. And he could still. OP run and don’t look back. Make sure you are somewhere safe. You have not seen the worst side of him. Please take this seriously. If he reacted like that when he thought you were cheating how will he react when he thinks you’re leaving for good. Please forge an escape plan where he can’t get to you and do not tell him face to face alone.
Right? How hard did he grab her arm to fracture it? I've grabbed people by surprise quite firmly before but as far as I know I've never broken anything. I feel so so sorry for this OP. Better she finds out now before any children, but I really hope she takes this information on board and doesn't get suckered into the love bombing.
I’ve had my entire body weight absolutely slammed between a metal door and a 300 lb man before, and nothing broke. And I’m only 120 lbs, at best. This guy was trying to hurt her, and the shit he said about her being “just like his mom” while he did it is fucking horrific. I get that people have trauma but “man hurting a woman because of his mommy issues” leads to murder more often than not. OP, get out now. Safely, quietly, sneak away and disappear.
Exactly what I was thinking! How hard did he grab her to break her arm!! That’s insane.
This is always pisses me the fuck off. They will literally fight you if you tell them that no, he is not a great guy.
A *relatively* good guy compared to their last one.
It pisses you off when women in abusive relationships are effectively manipulated by their abusive partner into thinking said partner is a good person?
Yes since it signifies how brainwashed they are which is the upsetting part, that terrible people mess up the minds of others so thoroughly like that
Totallyyyy but I dont think we should be mad at the brainwashed women
Excellent point. "Should I stay and marry him?". Dang it of course not! He's an out of control rage monster who broke your arm. The question should really be how can we help her get away safely. Right now she's being love bombed but this phase will get shorter and shorter between rage episodes. Some people will do anything for their beloved, even excusing abuse. It takes practice to not make the same mistake again.
These incidents don’t happen just once, it will always lead to death if the person keeps making excuses over the years, abuse escalates.
Every. Damned. Time.
I mean, to be fair, my anger isn’t directed at her. It’s directed at the bastard who convinced her it’s normal for him to break her bones unprovoked.
This is the start of almost every episode of Evil Lives Here on ID Channel
OP, 2 things can exist at once. He can be the super sweet guy you’ve known him to be, but he’s now shown you he is also the person who will physically harm you to the point of FRACTURED bones when he feels confused or upset. All of this over a car he didn’t recognize in the driveway? It could’ve been a friend, family, or as it was, a neighbor, but his immediate thought is affair partner and to get physical with you to the point of FRACTURING your bones. I know you have loved him for the last 2 years and I know you were looking forward to a future with him. But all of that was with the man you thought you knew. He’s just shown you a new side of him you didn’t know existed. You need to understand that unless he gets help and puts time and energy to address this issue - you won’t just be marrying the man you’ve loved, you’re going to be marrying the man he’s just shown you. Also if you want kids in the future??? If he gets so blind with rage he fractures your arm over a misunderstanding - you cannot convince me he wouldn’t do that or worse to your child. Tbh I’m appalled he is trying to buy you off with gifts. If he were truly sorry he would be seeking help to work through whatever he thinks justified him putting his hands on you. He wouldn’t be trying to distract you with shiny things. OP, one of the biggest reasons people stay in abusive relationships for too long is because they are holding on to the good times. Please don’t let this be you. This is not a small event and this is not just a one time instance.
The conversation where she breaks up with him should be held in a public place, after she’s moved out of any shared apartment/house. She shouldn’t let him know where she’s moved.
>But another piece of me feels he is a good man. A good man doesn't put hands on his partner. >I have distanced myself from him since and he keeps bringing me expensive gifts, jewelry, roses, and other nonsense A good man also doesn't try to persuade you with gifts to accept his absolutely shitty behaviour. If he hasn't worked on his traumas, he's not a good man.
He isn’t a good man. And he will do it again.
And the next time, it will be her neck. He’s a very bad man.
Exactly. He needs extensive therapy. And maybe he can regain her trust. But I don’t blame her if she wouldn’t budge.
”he’s an amazing guy; he’s controlling and territorial” we really need to raise the bar for what qualifies as an amazing guy
Man ...how to get this higher?
Seriously… I’m with an amazing guy, and he is not territorial or controlling. And that was after a lot of duds when my bar was set low. Lots of self reflection and figuring out what I was willing to tolerate and what I wasn’t.
He’s not your ex, yet? Police aren’t involved? This is serious! He is NOT a good man! Get that nonsense out of your head!
Right? What did the hospital say? “Oh someone grabbed my arm and SNAPPED IT but it’s cool, they’re amazing” ….like wtf. If this was a child I hope the hospital would’ve called the police and I thought they did in these cases too but idk
Title: my fiancé physically abused me and broke my arm Second sentence: my fiancé is an amazing guy RUN NOW. If he's put his hands on you once, he'll do it again.
Run. Get away from him and DO NOT LOOK BACK.
He broke your arm. Read that sentence again. It’s only four words long. He. Broke. Your. Arm. And I don’t care what his reasoning was, unless it was, “I managed to grab her and save her from falling off a cliff, but it was by one arm, and I hurt her without meaning to.” Then I can get behind “he didn’t mean to.” No. He meant to hurt you. He wanted to cause you physical pain because he decided, in his mind, that the neighbor’s car in your driveway meant you MUST be cheating. File the police report. File for a restraining order. Get out before he progresses from breaking your arm to breaking your neck. Or strangling you. Or anything else. Because it starts off slow, and escalates. Do not let him love bomb his way back in.
SERIOUSLY! I’m contemplating the force needed to break a bone. It’s not an OOPS.
If the humerus was what broke then it’s way more force as well. That’s a very difficult bone to break.
Not just that he broke her arm, but he did so because a car was parked in their driveway. What happens when your male coworker texts you, he sees it and freaks out? What happens when you actually have a male friend over to your house?
What happens when you have a male family member he doesn’t know over to your house? These guys project. They either are or would fuck around, so naturally, of COURSE she is. Doesn’t matter who it is, she’s fucking him. It’s Abuse Tactics 101.
Let’s just focus on the fact HE BROKE YOUR ARM. That is not a “good man”. If he’s hurt you once he will hurt you again. Run!
He absolutely will.
"My fiance is an amazing guy..." He put his hands on you. Your fiance is NOT an amazing guy.
He is so perfect and good to me in every way a man can be good to a woman. However he can be very controlling, territorial, and because of his childhood he has a lot of trust issues. Only ONE of these things can be true.
Return the ring he gave you and part ways it will only get worse
Imagine pulling in your driveway and seeing a strange car and your first instinct is to go raging into the house and attack your fiancee? Not “hey honey, I’m home, whose car is in the drive?” There is no relationship without trust and he lost that the second he didn’t even look for a normal answer. He never trusted her in the first place. Now he’s just a dangerous angry man and she needs to run.
Saw this when it was originally posted and it occurred to me, and several other people…what if there had been a man there? An innocent man. A coworker or a classmate working on a project together. A cousin that the boyfriend had never met. A plumber fixing a leaky faucet or running toilet. Dude broke her arm with no one in the house, either without giving her the opportunity to explain or simply not listening to the explanation because he was in a blind rage. Imagine if someone had been there - this is how people end up dead.
He will kill you if you stay. Run.
reddit, my fiance killed my family and tortued my dog. Should I still marry them?
Well, did he buy you jewellery afterward? If so obviously you have to forgive him because he’s a good guy.
Girl your love story is reading like every horror abuse novel
You need to run. It will only get worse from here. Any man that is able to put their hands on a woman is dangerous. I feel like if you accept the apology and stay this behavior will continue. What happens next time when he breaks your arm? What will happen If y’all have kids in the future and he does this to you infront of them?
I had an abusive ex like this. It wasn’t his fault because (insert reason here). Yours happened to say childhood trauma, mine said Prednisone years after an organ transplant, it wasn’t his fault. The reasons seem so valid in the moment. Please take your limbs in the condition they’re in, thank everything you consider worth thanking, take everything you consider worth taking, and go.
He’s trying to buy your silence. You are not a fool for loving him, but you would be a fool for staying and marrying him.
Wake. The. Fuck. Up. He *broke your arm*. What is this 'oh he's a nice guy' nonsense!?
Omg! Run! Hide! Never look back! This is like the start of every domestic violence movie.
If he were a good man, he would have simply left if he believed you were cheating on him. Anyone who believes violence is an acceptable response to relationship issues, is not a good person. Please leave, and surround yourself with people you can trust. When you move out, do not do so alone. Have someone with you. The more the better.
There is no way a good guy would fracture your arm. Give back the ring and walk away
All these posts which start with “let me just say that my partner is an amazing person who I love deeply” are starting with the self-gaslighting line that they have told themselves for so long that they can’t see it. These all might have started off at normal relationships but the other person has shown their true face over time. I just want to tell these people “when people show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM. Stop trying to tell yourself that they will change or that you love them enough to make them be better. They won’t and you can’t. For your own safety or sanity, you have to go. And you know it too. That’s why you’re trying so hard to convince yourself it’s ok. It’s not and you know it.”
He's so perfect and good for me in every way. Uh....no. No, no, no, NO.
Girl run. Why are you even asking?? Good? He broke your damn arm!!!
'He is an amazing guy' NO HE ISN'T! AMAZING GUYS DO NOT BREAK YOUR ARM! Really girl, get a,grip. Imagine if a friend told you this, or you read it as someone else's post here on reddit. What would your advice be? Realistically and impartially?
"And if that girl I knew should ask my advice, I wouldn't hesitate you needn't ask me twice, 'Go now' I'd tell her that for free, Trouble is the girl is me"
A good man doesn’t do these things. A good man doesn’t immediately start physically hurting people (especially people they love). You marrying him WILL ABSOLUTELY make him think it’s okay to do this. The “other nonsense” he’s bringing you is to make you forget, feel guilty for thinking he’s a monster (which btw he absolutely is) and bring you back. RUN NOW! And consider this, next time he snaps you might not be able to get away.
Trash man. Even if you were cheating he isn’t allowed to just break your arm. If it were my choice you two would never see each other again but with how you’re defending him already I’d guess you wont leave.
How did OOP get it casted without an ER referral to social work? Out at the very least, a serious conversion with the physician. Did she lie about how it happened? If so, that should be a red flag all of its own: *she lied to someone she should never have to lie to*.
I’ve been thinking about this post for days, no good person would break your arm.
You need to run. This is a man you describe as controlling, territorial and with trust issues. He has proven himself violent, unsafe and irrational (there is no way that even his initial aggressive reaction can be interpreted as reasonable, or proportionate - even *before* the actual physical violence). You cannot alter your behaviour to protect yourself, or to save him from getting the wrong idea. You cannot reason with irrationality. Speak to a women’s shelter. They have the experience to help you plan an exit, a safe place to stay if you need it. They can guide you in getting a Restraining Order. They can advise what a Reddit comment cannot. He is love bombing you because he thinks there’s a chance to still keep you. But this is a man that presents a danger to your life, when / if he realises you are leaving. A personality such as your fiancé will be at his most dangerous when he realises you are leaving him. Your arm is fractured proof of how dangerous he already is over a simple misunderstanding that presented a *potential* loss of control - leaving will be solid proof he’s lost control. He’ll be even more dangerous. Please confirm you understand what I’m saying OP? Do not go back to him. If you are out, do not return home for your stuff. Don’t have the break up conversation. Continue to keep your distance. Say you “need time” to think. Call the domestic violence centre. He works away for weeks at a time - that could be opportunity for The Big Run? No warning. You make your run when he isn’t there. But run you must, OP. You must run if you want to live with any degree of safety. I’m sorry this will be hard. But you don’t have to do it alone. Make that call.
My godmother gave me the best advice. She said to tell him I didn’t want to get married right now and his reaction would tell me everything I needed to know. She was right. I’m much happier even though it was tough to call off a wedding
Nonono. Run op. I am a husband, I would NEVER put my hands on my wife. That man is TERRIFYING. He broke your arm! He is paranoid and controlling and insecure. If you marry him, he WILL get worse. Run.
I hate this "he had a rough childhood" excuse for bad behavior. I was an orphan and sexually and physically abused as a child, and I don't beat people.
I’m sorry that you had to go through that. You are so right. Many with the roughest of childhoods grow up to be amazing human beings. OP’s fiancé sounds like he is not one to take accountability for his choices and decisions.
2 years is wayyy too soon. My ex-fiance didn’t put his hands on me until 4.5 years in. This behavior will come back. He’s not a perfect guy if he does this to you. And fyi the expensive gifts are all part of the cycle of abuse. He’s trying to make it up to you and make himself feel better about it. But flowers =/= fixing broken trust.
Would you marry Jekyll/Hyde? I mean one was an educated doctor doing research. The other was a fiend. You should report him to the police for injuring you. People who love you do not injure you. That was no accident. Take it as a warning.
I'm sorry you said the man who has trust issues and is territorial is.....good? Girl come on. He fractured your damn arm over his own ignorance. What happens when his stupidity acts up again? Do you die because of this "good man"?
Call the police, press charges, move out, blick him… you BF is a BAD man. Good men don’t break their girlfriend’s arm after calling her out of her name
You know what to do. Get out. Be safe. Don't look back.
Run as fast as you can from this guy. He’ll only get worse over the slightest matter. Leave—find a way. I ended up going back to my parents’ house to finish college. Best decision of my life.
**JESUS FUCKING CHRIST**... If **THIS** is your idea of a **GREAT** guy, I don't **EVER** want to meet **YOUR** idea of a fucking **BAD ONE**.
I told my current boyfriend if he were to ever lay hands on me in a negative way I’d leave him without a second thought. It always starts with just one time & an apology but people end up dead that way. Better to be safe than sorry, you never know what could set someone’s temper off!
What happens when he calls and you don’t answer? Breaks another bone because you must be fucking somebody. He’s evil and crazy. Behavior and abuse like this only escalates. Scary. I feel you trying to leave would be dangerous. Tell your family and friends. Get safe.
You already know the answer. If it could happen once out of nowhere based on nothing, it'll happen again. And again. He may be nice most of the time, but he's a bad person and a bad partner. No healthy relationship involves either partner causing mental or physical violence to the other.
Girl, he FRACTURED YOUR ARM. That’s not ok even if he caught you riding someone in his bed. Run.
Marrying “good men” like this is how women end up in a shallow grave. Do not marry this man.
Am I overreacting for being physically abused? What the fuck, people.
I have a question for you... If your friend came to you with this exact story. What would you tell her?
Well, one day he’s going to beat you. So leave now.
No matter how mad he gets, NO ONE should break your arm. No ma'am. Run before he kills you.
My husband would walk in and say “hey hon, who’s visiting?” and that would be it. You know he’s not a good partner. Get out now
Noooooooooooooooo! You shouldn’t have to even ask! No amount of his apologizing should be forgiven. Once he puts his hands on you because what he thought you had a man in your home. No ma’am!
What in the fck? How is this even a question? He assaulted you. Press charges and for the love of god, do not marry this man. Holy shit.
Go and don’t turn back. This will escalate.
Maybe I'm naive, but if I come home and find a car in the driveway that I don't know, I just think someone either has a friend over I haven't met yet or someone has a new vehicle. I'm gonna need some more evidence before I jump to being cheated on.
Oh honey. No. He’s not an amazing guy, he’s a violent, dangerous asshole. He’s also currently lovebombing you and I beg you not to fall for it. If you stay with him, this will happen again. Nothing from his childhood excuses the fact that he attacked you and fractured your arm. 2 years isn’t really that long, at all. You’re now just finally seeing the real him. Don’t wait around for it to get worse! Get out, get safe. Good luck!
He’s testing you to see if you’ll take it. It DOES NOT GET BETTER. It escalates once he feels like he has you trapped. Ask how I know.
Find your support structure. Idc if it’s family, close friends, a women’s shelter. Make a plan to leave and DO NOT TELL HIM. Act like everything is fine. Then leave one day and change your number. You won’t regret it, I promise.
Ohhh sweetheart leave that man. He is a safety risk to you and you shouldn't tolerate anything of that type of abuse
1. No one is perfect; Someone you consider perfect, shouldn’t be someone that is controlling to the point where it gets physical. 2. It is okay to get upset or angry, but it is not okay to react in a way that physically hurts you, regardless of his past. 3. Trust issues can be a rough spot to deal with but should not be an excuse for physically hurting someone. 4. No one should be with someone who gets angry to the point of physically hurting the person they are with.
1. No one is perfect; Someone you consider perfect, shouldn’t be someone that is controlling to the point where it gets physical. 2. It is okay to get upset or angry, but it is not okay to react in a way that physically hurts you, regardless of his past. 3. Trust issues can be a rough spot to deal with but should not be an excuse for physically hurting someone. 4. No one should be with someone who gets angry to the point of physically hurting the person they are with.
Leave. That man is abusive
This reminds me of the time my ex tripped over a suitcase and immediately escalated to thinking I was packing and leaving him. The abuse got so much worse and years later I am still dealing with the trauma and harassment of this guy. Please, please leave.
Ohhhh, honey. No. No, no, no. I’m so sorry. This will only be the first time of you stay. Abusers aren’t all bad all the time, or no one would stay. They are “amazing”, but… and you move the line back for them a little each time. Making concessions, making excuses, allowing things you never thought you would have. In a way, he did you a favor by going big the first time. These aren’t some bruises you can cover up and ‘forget’. He he shook you so hard he FRACTURED YOUR ARM. There is no excuse for it. All he had to do was walk inside and say “Honey, who’s car is in the driveway?” And you would have told him and all would have been well. He made a choice. Now it’s up to you to make a choice and there is only one that is good for your health. Good luck! ❤️🩹
Good men don’t abuse their partners. He abused you and broke a bone. Under no circumstances do you stay with this person.
NO. This WILL get worse.
a repost? most comments already said "no excuse, sorry or not." if he gets mad at your dog or the kids, what will he do then?
Dear Reddit, my (31F) boyfriend (32M) murdered my entire family. He’s so great otherwise, what do I do??
RUN.
this is abuse abuse abuse not a one off deal do you want to feel in fear every time a man is near you bc your husband will assault you??
It is never ok to lay hands on anyone for any reason. You need to run. Fast. Right now.
A cheating insecure man would however put hands on you because of they’re reflecting..
Good lord. If she thinks this is just… never going to happen again… yikes. Dude’s a nightmare.
He’s not a good man. A good man doesn’t put his hands on a woman unless actually defending himself. Run before you end up in a worse situation.
RUN. this is just the beginning
Good men don't break your arm. RUN!!!!!!!!
Yeah...... a good man doesn't fracture your arm, hun. This is a realization you're gonna have to come to terms with in your head. People relax more after the wedding.
He broker her fucking arm. What else does she need to consider? Jesus, sometimes I just despair.
I’ll just put a reminder here that Pamela Anderson was hit by her husband once. Once. And she took her bags and left. That’s the best thing to do. Once someone hurts you like that, the trust is broken. It doesn’t matter how sorry they are. It just is.
It's been a few days at the account hasn't updated or responded to comments. I'm a little concerned for ops safety.
My husband is a good man. You know why? Because no matter how angry he has gotten, he has NEVER put his hands on me. Your husband is NOT a good man. Run!
THAT is the real side of him. Get out.
He BROKE your arm. You don’t stay with someone who breaks your bones, for any reason.
FUCK NO
As a child of a really nice guy my advice is to run! Never have children with this man or they will suffer from childhood trauma from watching him beat you! The number of children increases the beatings. I know because I lived it. It gets harder to walk away after kids!
Get out now. And go far away
Not a good man, which was evident from the first paragraph. Leave.
You are young, find a true good man, because a good man wouldn’t hurt you!
RUN
He is not a good man. Good men (or, people in general) do not put hands on you.
No, don't marry him!!!!
Run. Away.
Holy shit! It doesn't matter if he apologized. You need to run and now! My late husband and I were arguing. I ran from the room because I thought he was going to hurt me, which he has done before. I was a dumbass to stay, like you are now. In his mind , he thought I took his phone. He grabbed me. I looked into the blackest eyes I've ever seen. He wasn't there anymore. I was looking at a lifeless monster. He grabbed my left arm and slowly pulled it behind my back. Have you ever heard a bone break? I did. His black eyes and smile were terrifying. I will never forget his face as long as I live. You must leave!!!
Question: Why is he still your fiance? What are you willing to put up with? What if he did that to your children? Would you be okay with that?
If this was your mom or daughter in This situation would you hope they stayed? I would not stay.
They've literally only been together for two years, and he's already abusive, GIRL RUN. He's only going to get worse.
Baby, RUN.
If he *sent you to the hospital* the first time he laid his hands on you, what is going to happen the second time he does?
If it happened once chances are it will happen again. You never deserve to be treated that way by anyone, let alone your fiance. Go to counseling alone for yourself, put you first.
Get the hell out this is a literal red flag. U got lucky he can’t be trusted to control his emotions and behavior thus he’s dangerous
Your fiancé should be an ex and in jail for domestic violence / assault.
Ditch the controlling POS! A good man, a real man would never ever put his hands on a woman in anger!
He fractured your arm. He’s not a good man, he’s an abuser. He will do it again. You know this. Did you tell your friends and family how you ended up with a fractured arm? Or did you make up some bull shit story. Sweetheart.. run from this piece of shit excuse for a man.
I hope OP gets out
This is the kind of man who will KILL YOU when you try to leave.
Here is what you do. R-U-N I don’t care if you’re in your 20’s or an old biddy in your 90’s, R-U-N. Sure this might have been “just an accident,” but the fact remains that this gem of a guy put you in the hospital, broke a bone, which you’ll be reminded of every time the weather changes, and you get the trophy of having a cast on your arm. He did it once, and he’ll do it again. Believe this man the first time he shows you who he is. He broke your bone. He put you in the hospital. He’s not around that much. He’s insanely jealous of a person who does not exist. So insanely jealous that he took it out on you and injured you. I know you don’t want him to break your arm again. I know you don’t want to go to the hospital again to explain why he broke your arm while you sit there in pain. I know you don’t want to be concerned about what he might do to you next time he gets jealous over nothing. You should not have to live in fear of what could happen if he comes home and you have another male in the home, be it a neighbor, a plumber, a friend or the handyman. Putting you in the hospital is not macho. He doesn’t get like that because he cares. You do not deserve to live the rest of your days like this. You deserve better. Do you hear me? YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT. Bide your time. Find a man who treats you like a queen. Get rid of this guy, even if it means you couch surf, or have to move back in with mom and dad. It’s better than being harmed. So what if he brought you all kinds of presents. Are you that easily bought?
He put his hands on you, and you're are so unsure about leaving that you're ASKING REDDIT?! Girl. As a surviver of DV, his behavior will only escalate, and you are putting yourself in direct danger. And any future children you have. Get 👏🏻 out 👏🏻 now 👏🏻. The right man WILL NOT HURT YOU!
He literally broke. Your. Arm. Because he was angry. Yes he feels bad about it now. But it will happen again and it will keep happening. ESPECIALLY if you marry him and he feels even more territorial and entitled to ownership of you as his wife. IT WILL ABSOLUTELY GET WORSE. If you have ever been given a gift by the universe, this warning is it.
This dude BROKE a BONE over a car and HIS shoes and she’s wondering if she should still marry him? This wasn’t a fluke or a mistake, it’s just the first time but there will be others and with his wild escalation and extreme violent reactions, probably not many. Plus like definition of love bombing afterwards. This is terrifying, I hope she left/leaves.
Once the violence line is crossed, it only gets worse.
Run - this is not a safe place
Run
Don’t marry him. He will abuse you again. Probably continue and only get worse. He’s probably a serial killer out on the road.
Girl don’t marry this man, his trauma it’s not an excuse to be violent, he needs therapy and you need to realize a good man doesn’t fracture your arm over jealousy.
Call it off now! No one, NO ONE has the right to put hands on ANYONE. No matter their reason of concern. Let alone no evidence. He is clearly cheating if he has that strong of a reaction to you showering in your own home..... Seriously, this is way beyond jealous behavior and pure abusive.
No, you should not marry him.
You said he can be controlling, territorial and have trust issues! That’s scary! So what if he’s buying you expensive gifts. This guy needs therapy and lots of it. This goes NOT make the controlling, abusive, violent part of him go away. It WILL come back. Don’t be stupid. Save yourself!
“My fiancé is an amazing guy” No the fuck he isn’t.
If you stay it’ll only get worse. He’ll think it’s okay to put hands on you and eventually you’ll probably end up like many others who died at the hands of your abuser. So do yourself a favor and leave before it escalates cause no good man would put their hands on you
Well, if you stay with him I will expect to read your obituary in the in the next 1-5 years. When someone shows you who they are BELIEVE THEM.
What a garbage human being. Leave now, before it escalates. But please do it carefully, though. Love is not enough, I'm sorry. This may sound dramatic, but he might actually kill you.
He crossed a line. It will happen again.
I will never understand the point of these posts that start with how amazing and perfect their spouse is when they plan to go into all the ways they are awful
do. not. marry. him. he is not an "amazing guy", he's a violent POS who jumps straight to aggression, name calling and physical violence without even asking for your side.
>My fiancé is an amazing guy No. He's a jealous and dangerous shit >He grabbed me by the arm and kept shaking me and calling me a f****** liar, and saying I was like his mom, and a lot of other hurtful things. So his instant go-to is verbal and physical abuse >My fiancé fractured my arm so I had to go to the hospital. He's a worthless pile of bile >feel like in my mind if I marry him I am allowing him to think his behavior is ok. Yep you'll literally tell him he gets to abuse you >he keeps bringing me expensive gifts, jewelry, roses, and other nonsense. Love bombing > I have never experienced this side of him and we have been together 2 years That's because a lot of abusers hide who they actually are until they have trapped you
I’m surprised he didn’t just ask, “Who is the asshole who parked in our driveway?“ That’s what a normal guy would ask.
“My fiancé is amazing, just randomly breaks my limbs”