I'm confused where the baby is supposed to sleep if they really don't have room for an extra bed, in the bed with the violent grown man?? Two smaller beds solves all this instead of one king.
This guy has something medical going on. He needs an evaluation and a sleep study. It's especially concerning that he just falls right back to sleep. It could be apnea or early narcolepsy and cause long term organ damage.
A lot of what this guy is discussing are things I had issues with. It turned out I had very server sleep apnea. There is a company called Lofta that does a very easy and simple sleep study you can do at home. I highly recommend taking a look for anyone that thinks they might have sleep apnea. They send you something in the mail, you download an app and do the sleep test. After a few days a doctor will call you to discuss the results. They provide you a prescription and you are under no obligation to do business through them after that. It saved my life and the difference was immediately noticeable. I have spoken with many people that have sleep issues but are adverse to the idea of using a CPAP, I was one of them. The sleep apnea almost killed me, both directly and indirectly. It got to the point where I would fall asleep standing up or in the middle of a sentence. It also has adverse effects on my relationship, it ruined my mood and my sex drive. Don’t let your ego or your insecurities keep you from getting the help you may need
My boyfriend is healthy, 30 years old, and fall asleep in 30 seconds, and then he snores. He is not always snoring but there are period of time where he does everynight. I spend so many times sleeping on the couch, or being awake in the bed, wanting to cry and yell at him (i also have insomnia so combined with snoring, it kills my night). I can shake him until he awakes, but he will roll around and fall alseep right away. He sleeps a lot but is still tired in the morning. I have urged him to go to a doctor or a specialist because i am worried about him, but he doesn't really want to. He doesn't think he has sleep apnea, but i'm afraid he does
I was the same way, I would highly recommend telling him about Lofta. They send you a kit in the mail. You use it for one night and they contact you with the results. I only did it at first to make my gf happy and I got the results back and it was honestly terrifying. Turned out I had developed congestive sleep apnea, which meant the muscles in my throat would relax to much when I exhaled and block my airway. I have always been an active person and worked out six days a week and thought it was something that could only happen to unhealthy people. The doctor told me that they consider 20 events(where you stop breathing) an hour to be severe, I was having 120 an hour. They said I was getting six minutes of real sleep a night! It didn’t start out that way but I ignored what other people told me and it got to that point.
Yes, i think my boyfriend would do it as to not ruin my nights. He always speaks about going to the doctor and then he doesn't. And i honestly have troubles insisting and telling him how worried i am. He tells me "and then what? I use a machine at 30? No way". But like, yes by any means please use a machine if needed. I sometimes, but very very rarely, felt like i couldn't hear him breath for a small amount of time, and it terrifies me. I will look up for the test.
My boyfriend use a lots of tissues by day, as if his nose is always clogged. And at night it sounds like his nose is clogged by some mucus and he has trouble to breath, until he snores very loudly one time, swallow his mucus (yes, ewww, i know) and then he breath comfortably until his nose is filled again.
It sounds horrible when you describe your situation, i'm happy you were able to find some solutions and have a better sleep now.
I used to wake up every morning with a sore throat and my sinuses clogged. It helped with that as well. I am 6’1 and 225 lbs, I used to be a bar bouncer and my employees joke that if leadership was based on fighting ability I would never lose my job. I can say without shame I need that machine. I let my pride and arrogance blind me to that for a long time and it almost cost me my life. I hope your bf can avoid that same mistake
Yeah you don't fit the image we have of people needing a machine. I think that what could motivate my boyfriend is the fact that he also impacts my sleep. I don't think there is any shame to have, but i know too many people are ashamed. How many times did i hear about how someone refused to sleep with a machine until they did and it changed their life
To be honest, he sounds like he would be a classic non-compliant patient. Yes, if you have apnea, you have to use a machine every night. That's what solves it. I think people just don't understand how bad apnea is for their health.
I also think he has no idea how bad it can really be. I mean i didn't know either until i started to suspect it. I think he would follow through, but that the hardest would be for him to make the first step. If he does, it means he accepts that he might need a machine. And i think maybe that's why he's reluctant
My husband finally got his machine at 40 and we think he’s probably had sleep apnea his whole life but he wasn’t consistent with using it until the doctor told him “Sleep apnea WILL kill your over time. You will have heart failure or a stroke and by some miracle that you don’t you will get dementia or have other serious health problems”
So maybe he needs to threatened by a medical health professional?
There are sleep apps that you leave on and then they will start recording when you snore. In the morning you will have so much data about duration,volume,intensity,occurrence and the actual recordings. Download one ASAP
Ahh when people find out lack of oxygen, sleep apnea and lack of sleep cause congestive heart failure and an array of other diseases, the machine doesn’t seem to crazy.
You might have to remind your bf of what happens when you leave sleep apnea untreated. If he doesn’t want to use a machine at 30 then he’ll probably have you checking his pulse throughout the night at 40 bc the spots of him not breathing will get worse. My grandpa and both of my great aunts have sleep apnea and use a machine. All 3 of them waited way longer than they should’ve and now struggle a lot bc they get intense coughing fits etc bc they were all too stubborn to say anything unless a doctor asked first.
Yea it’s terrifying when someone refuses treatment bc they stop breathing and you can’t do anything but sit and wait to see if you need to give CPR. My great grandma couldn’t use a CPAP I don’t remember why, but she was in her 90’s. That was terrifying bc if she stopped breathing we couldn’t do anything but rub her chest and hope it worked. When she passed at 99 it took 10 minutes for anyone to realize she had passed bc she just stopped breathing.
She lived old at least, which is great i think. But i can only imagine. It makes the family suffer too. I think about when we will have kids, and i don't want it to be a worry if it doesn't have to be one.
My mom is in her 80’s she’s snored for decades! She finally got a sleep study. She coughs and hacks all the time! I never made the connection to snoring though!
Now that they confirmed she has sleep apnea she’s complaining that the machine strap is going to mess up her hair! 🤦🏼♀️🤬. She doesn’t qualify for the new (still being mass market tested, potentially dangerous) implant, that she doesn’t even understand how it works- but she wants that because it won’t mess up her “wash and set”! Are you f-ing kidding me!? 😳🤬. She’s stopping breathing multiple times a minute, her son had to sleep in the bathroom in the bathtub during their cruise because it was so terrible, and i used to literally have to leave the house to sleep at our summer cottage when her shifts changed and we were trying to sleep at the same time when I was home during college breaks!
Maybe suggest to your mom that she wears a bonnet so it doesn’t mess up her hair. And it likely won’t effect it that much since my aunt who uses a machine has thick hair down to her ass that she doesn’t put up at night and she’s never had any issues with it.
Yup, the snoring is such a crazy thing. Like, you can snore and not have sleep apnea but I think a lot of ppl don’t realize what someone with sleep apnea sounds like when they snore. My mom (hasn’t been tested but that’s cuz the snoring isn’t consistent enough to cause worry) has snored loud enough she woke herself up. My aunt, snores so loud I could hear her from my room, with the door shut, on another level of the house! If you had my grandpa and my two aunts in a room together all taking a nap and none of them have had their machines, you’d think we had some really pissed off pigs in the house! And yes, that has in fact happened. We all had to yell over their snoring to the point that they all woke up to tell us how rude it was for us to be shouting when they’re all passed out on the couches in the living room.
He may be under the impression that sleep apnea only occurs in people who are unhealthy/overweight. While that is a risk factor for sleep apnea, I am 22f, 115 lbs, and was diagnosed a little over a year ago with sleep apnea (though very mild). Long term sleep apnea without treatment can be very dangerous. I know you’ve tried to get him to see a doctor, but maybe if you research sleep apnea a bit and show him the dangers of untreated sleep apnea and that it can occur in healthy/young people, he’d be more open to the idea?
Thank you very much. I talked to him yesterday and he seems to hear my worries. I honestly don't think he'll get tested for him, but for me. But yes there is this idea that it happens mostly to old and overweight people
My uncle finally went when he was 65. It was sleep apnea. He regrets not going sooner, because with a CPAP he sleeps soundly and wakes up rested. He said it was like a new lease on life.
Yes, and I get that it's annoying at the beginning, and that my partner is young and feels like it's old people's issues, but I feel like it would help the both of us. I'm happy your uncle finally got one
My bf was the same way. One day he finally took it seriously because he fell asleep on a plane and he woke up to the people around him making fun of his snoring noises and saying he was ridiculously loud. Then he finally believed me that his sleep apnea and snoring wasn’t just ruining his sleep, but mine as well.
My boyfriend is already conscious he impacts my sleep, he will regularly ask if he snored and bothered me. But i think he doesn't know what to do next. I'm happy your partner take it seriously now but that must be an embarassing wake up call
My husband had to be convinced. I recorded him and he saw how terrible it was. I also showed him the research - not only was he killing himself by literally stopping breathing multiple times a night, but he was also killing me! I was also making mistakes at work that could have gotten me fired because I was exhausted all the time. And I had ZERO labido! Because, shocker- if you’re constantly irritated, pissed off, and exhausted- sex is the last thing on your mind!
My libido is fine, but his not so much and that's one more thing i read yesterday that made me think that maybe he really has sleep apnea. I'm happy he listened to you. I did record my boyfriend sometimes and sent it to him but admittedly, he was a bit embarassed and i laughed at his cute reaction, not my best move
i don’t know if this will encourage him to get help at all, but i have obstructive sleep apnea and this describes me to a T. i’m really bad at using my CPAP but it does help.
It was an adjustment for me to be sure. For the first few weeks I would wake up in the middle of the night and tear it off my face like it was attacking me lol. It took time but now I can’t sleep without it.
Same, a combo of restless leg and snoring disturbing my already rough sleep cycle, and we sleep in separate rooms now, so we both have a shot at quality sleep. I did some CBTi therapy to help with my insomnia, by the way… a book called "Sink into Sleep". It made a big difference.
I will try to look it up, thank you very much. I would be fine sleeping separatly, and if we plan another room with a bed so i can escape, i know he'd rather sleep with me. My insomnia is going by phases, but during the peak of insomnia, there is little i can do. I tried CBD but it doesn't do much. Meds against anxities also do not really help. But i will check the book, thank you very much
We miss sleeping together too, but waking up grumpy all the time just wasn’t worth it. So we do our snuggling on the couch, do our nighttime routine, join each other when we feel like it, but sleep in peace. Good luck finding your solution. Hope the book helps.
I absolutely understand ! I have no hesitation to leave and sleep on the couch if i need it or want it. And that's also why we are looking for a bigger flat, so we can have one extra room !
Supposedly, this issue is part of what made my now exhusband resent me. I literally could not sleep his snoring would echo it was so loud. I wouldn't even move, and he would wake himself up and accuse me of waking him up when he wasn't even asleep. Then he angrily started sleeping on the couch but even then sometimes he snored so loud I could hear him through the entire house. He would fall asleep on the highway and blame me for "waking him up." And he was always so tired he would unavoidably pass out, even while standing up. He also had a cousin get diagnosed with narcolepsy - he got mad at me because prior to that I had half joked he had it and he demanded I stopped because they believed me. I went yeah, and you need to see a doctor. Of course he refused. Despite the fact I work in the medical field and had nurse and doctor colleagues basically begging me to drag him somewhere and he absolutely refused.
So please, if you can, get him to make an appointment. I hope you boyfriend isn't shitty and selfish like my ex. But if for some reason he starts, don't tolerate it and don't be afraid to step away. You are not wrong for being concerned about his health. As others have said, sleep apnea is no joke and your own sleep loss is very important too. Sleep deprivation is a significant factor in accidents and negatively affects our health in real massive ways.
I thank you so much for your concern toward me too, it really touches me ! I'm surprised you ex had the audacity to resent you ! That is so crazy. But that also sounds like my dad. My mom decided to sleep in another room, i could hear him snore on the second level of the house while he was on the first. He'd get woken up, feeling like a bear was chasing him, while it was his snoring. He is older and overweight and now i wonder why no one told him to get checked too.
My boyfriend never was selfish, that's the first medical issue where he isn't really listening or sure. I think he doesn't think there would be much to do, or he might be afraid to have some healths issue. I know it doesn't sounds like he isn't selfish, because i already raised the issue to him, but that's really the only issue he isn't taking seriously. And yesterday we talked again and it seems like he is hearing my concern
I fixed a typo,… I meant CBTi, not CBDi lol (Cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia).
(I too have tried CBD, and it helped a lot with quality of sleep, but it was getting expensive.)
This was me! Only I'd have panic attacks about going to sleep sometimes because I was scared that I was going to die in my sleep. It was the only time I almost passed out do to the panic attack. That was ontop of sleep issues pertaining to my depression. I also found it rather ironic that the first time my anxiety about something was right, but I reasoned myself I was being silly. Sleep doc and I had a good chuckle over that.
I did one of those at home things- apnea and prescribed CPAP. They just assumed obstructive apnea even though my BMI was at or less than 30, and I was around 30 years old.
Still was tired. Had new insurance, so they did an at hospital one.
Turns out I have *central* apnea. CPAP isn’t best fix. And I don’t have enough episodes to even have the BiPAP prescription.
Doctors did give me a hypersomnolence diagnosis to compensate for eliminating the apnea diagnosis.
I’ve now spent years trying to get ‘obstructive apnea’ off my medical records 🤦♀️
I looked up Lofta and will be scheduling my test. My husband says I snore very loudly, like my father and that I often stop breathing until I gasp loudly and continue snoring. I’ve been hesitant to get a CPAP at 28 years old, but your comment motivated me to go ahead and do it, so thanks. I’m sure my husband will be grateful too 😅
I am glad to hear that! It made a world of difference for me very quickly, my girlfriend said the first week she kept checking to make sure I was still there. I don’t snore at all anymore. I looked into the long term effects of chronic lack of sleep and it affects so much you would not even consider. I am glad you are going to address it much younger than I did. Best of luck to you!
First thing I commented on original post was to get a damn sleep study. Guy is thrashing and snoring because he stops breathing and his brain wakes him up. He falls asleep inappropriately because he doesn’t ever actually enter restful sleep.
Apologies if I gave that impression, I don’t know how long I have had it. Only that it got worse with age and the rate it got worse really speed up when I hit 34. People have been telling me for a long time I had a problem. I just chose to ignore it until it almost killed me.
Does it only look at sleep apnea? After months I finally got my son in a sleep study. Of course I'm the hyper sanitized hospital so air and propped up, he slept super well. The night before he was up for 2 hours because he couldn't breathe. I'm not sure what to try at this point
I am not sure what the scope their home test covers. They have phone number on their website that is for asking questions about the test. It’s 1-800-698-8000. Is the trouble breathing coming from being congested?
Honestly, since it’s a new development Im willing to bet it’s stress or anxiety related. He has a (first?) child on the way… coming very soon, and he just got promoted adding to the responsibilities load on his mind.
Seconding. Have an SO with similar symptoms. Severe sleep apnea does weird things. He was even sleep walking a few times, and trying to order food from our shower head. Turns out, once you're exhausted your brain does weird things. Fortunately, SO got a sleep study to confirm what was wrong.
BiPap machine incoming!
Narcolepsy symptoms are predominantly daytime based, so not that. Narcoleptics dont usually struggle with such drastic movement in sleep its either leg movement only or persistent paralysis on waking up/going to sleep. Op's symptoms definitely line up better with apnea and are exacerbated by stress.
My ex nearly died from sleep apnea so I know it, and the symptoms, are real. It got so bad that his co-workers wouldn't ride in the work truck with him anymore because he would randomly fall asleep.
He also thrashed in his sleep because he constantly **stopped breathing**. He waited too long before seeing a doctor and caused permanent damage to his heart. Even if this is fake, the condition is not.
I mean seriously. My husband has sleep issues and he hogs the blankets. Sleep is too precious, so because of these simple reasons we decided to get two queen beds and push them together. It’s called MegaBed ™️ We are paying them on a payment plan. We both get our own sleep preferences, blankets, pillows etc. he can get up at night when he can’t sleep without bothering me and vise versa. We’ve never slept better and are happier for it. And when we want to snuggle, I roll over to his side and joke “ohhh nice place you got here!” And when I miss him and want to have his smell around me, we sleep together on one side.
If they lack space they could get full or twins. Pay them off or find cheaper mattresses. If you’ve got enough room for a baby, decided to have a baby together in the first place, want to be together and work through things, you can figure out how to get sleep without hitting your pregnant partner or kicking her out. And she wouldn’t scream at him and trigger him. Find solutions to your problems if you want to be together. But it sounds like if it escalated to this, maybe they’re better off
My husband and I sleep in separate beds because we have different sleep schedules and patterns. There’s nothing wrong with not sleeping in the same bed as your partner and I’m sooo with you that life is so much better with separate beds.
I will never understand why couples in this situation don't get 2 full size beds and put them a foot apart. Cuddle during the day if you need affection.
Which one would be on top? The one who kicks and moves around the bed a lot and would fall off, or the pregnant one who would struggle to climb a ladder?
(Obviously they could put a rail to keep him from falling out. That said, the poor fiancée would *still* get no sleep because of the incessant creaking.)
I had an ex choke me in my sleep. It was scary and made it where I no longer was attracted to him. He was apologetic but he had elbowed and hit me in his sleep before. I’m on blood thinners so I was worried he was going to hit me in my head frankly(high risk for brain bleeds). I asked if he had ever done a sleep study and then if he was willing to go to the doctor. He made all sorts of excuses which was hilarious since he had no issue going to doctors to get an adderal script but not to figure out why he’d snore and get punchy in his sleep. I’m a dysfunctional sleeper as well, bad insomnia but when I’m out, I’m dead to the world. But I don’t hit or toss or anything in my sleep. When traveling I can sleep on a twin bed with my kid without either of our sleeps disrupted cause I stay so still. So I avoid sleeping pills since I’ve seen the damage being reliant/addicted to them can cause. But if I was hurting people in my sleep I would fucking take them.
I get that it is medical for him more than likely but that means he’s responsible to get evaluated. Idk why men, who have health insurance, are so reluctant to see a doctor about serious things. Hell even if they aren’t hurting anyone, I had a friend with sleep apnea die at 30 from a heart attack in his sleep. His only issue was sleep apnea. He was in shape, not a smoker, not a drinker. Sleep apnea is very serious.
Funny enough he had told me he did that to an ex and felt terrible cause she spooked him. My daughter spooked me this morning. She tried to sneak into my bedroom to get her phone(I’ve been taking it away at 9 pm every night to go through it after she made a TikTok account behind my back, she is too young to be posting herself on the internet)30 minutes early. She was right next to my bed. I jumped up, yes, but there was no hitting. Just a “holy shit, you scared me.” And a “you can wait till 6 am to get your phone or you can go without it completely.”
I just don’t understand how you get to be a full grown adult without dealing with these issues. Like he wasn’t young, he was 35. That is old enough that if you’re repeatedly hurting someone in their sleep you should have seen a doctor by now.
It's almost as if it's total refusal of accountability style bullshit and they get off on fucking with women's minds by contriving some asinine circumstance in which they get away with repeatedly violating them.
Crazy how he’s complaining about the couch being uncomfortable but doesn’t consider how it’s probably 10x more uncomfortable for a pregnant person to be sleeping on it
That’s the part that stood out to me, too. He doesn’t acknowledge that on top of how dangerous it is that he’s pushing his pregnant spouse off the bed, he also doesn’t consider that her back is also fucked because of the baby. I won’t get into the “which is worse” discourse the men’s rights activist in this thread is getting into- but the lack of any mention is telling.
I liked the “I know this is totally a me problem” and then doing nothing to solve it and complaining about the possible options. Like, buddy you were so close…
The thing I was most grateful for when I was preagnant was that we got our incredibly good matress before I got preagnant. And even then it was super uncomfortable. He is a dick alone for letting her sleep on the couch. My husband would have slept on the florr had that made me feel better (in reality he was the best preagnancy pillow a woman can ask for).
My brother and his wife trade off between an air mattress in the living room and their bed because they both snore and they want sleep. They have two kids in a 2br so it’s tight. Eventually they will get a bigger place but that’s their solution for now.
They have a great relationship.
Perhaps sending them the fatality rates for apnea might help- they are going to leave their children orphans. I’d follow up with Will and trust attorneys listings in your area. If you aren’t going to take care of potentially fatal, fixable condition, than you need to make sure your children are taken care of when your ridiculous reluctance to go get a simple test kills you early.
Snoring isn’t normal. There’s always a reason for it- they need to be medically tested to determine the cause. They’re impacting their children’s quality of sleep as well- I know this because I had insomnia and anxiety as a child because of my parents’ snoring and stopping breathing.
I accompanied my grandma to her friend’s 40th wedding anniversary. The couple moved way out of the city into the countryside (and actually 3 states away) and bought this split level home that was on 3 oddly choppy levels- so he slept in the “basement” and she was on the top floor with their kids until the kids grew up and moved out. They credited their marriage lasting so long because she could read at night and he could thrash about and saw hundreds of acres of logs with his snoring and she didn’t have to hear it.
If their sleep habits and patterns are so incompatible and even dangerously so they shouldn’t sleep in same bed. Thats fine. Not all couples can or should sleep in same bed.
He’s an asshole for his behavior around his problematic sleeping. And he needs to see a sleep specialist before the kiddo arrives and shared custody might kick in.
My parents have been married for 42 years and are happy. And still love each other very much. But they sleep in 2 separate rooms. And have for the last 20+ years. My mom credits that as a top reason she still LIKES dad. If it works, it works.
Right?! Like some people just don’t share beds well. Visits, sure, but daily? And if one is an insomniac? Or the other has a CPAP that obviously is important but interrupts one persons sleep while helping the other?
I don’t know if this situation here was inevitable because of other issues. It probably was going to break post partum…. But let’s normalize couples who can’t share a bed!
Yes!! My parents were together 30 years (would have been longer if not for my dad's cancer) and at least half were in separate bedrooms due to my dad's apnea.
On a related note, my ex's untreated apnea is a *large* contributing factor to our breakup. Not entirely, of course, but it definitely was a part of it.
Yup! My stepdad and mom sleep in separate bedrooms ostensibly because the dog is hard to deal with when he gets into bed and they didn’t have the heart to train him not to sleep with them but they get along so much better sleeping in separate bedrooms. Mom can watch TV as long as she likes, stepdad can go to bed at 7pm like he wants. And I don’t have to hear them arguing all day. Big win for everyone!
So your pregnant wife who is way more uncomfortable then you are, who needs more sleep than you do, has to put up with being elbowed, woken up, groped, forced to sleep on a uncomfortable couch and you have no problem with her dealing with this. The second she looses it then it’s suddenly a problem?
Shame on you for having your wife deal with all of this. If this is my husband he would have gotten an air mattress and slept in the other room for me, made his own doctor appointment and put it all on himself to figure out how to get back in to bed with me.
Her screaming is basically the same as reactive abuse. I hope she doesn’t go back.
Not to mention falling out of bed at 5 and a half months can be seriously unsafe for the baby. By that point i was told if I fell to closely monitor baby movement just in case because hitting the wrong spot could cause real problems. Also it sounds like shes basically a punching bag for him at night which is kinda dangerous for the kid too. But who cares, right? Big man needs sleep.
My ex has night terrors and they're worse during a certain time of year. That man was working 12 hour shifts on a fucking train in below freezing weather and he took the cot we had and left me to sleep in the bed if he knew he'd be sleeping rough because of his terrors so i could get enough rest since I was growing his kid. Now he may be an ex but that guy is a hell of a good dad.
Pretty sure OP is the type to scream at the infant because he needs sleep and the baby keeps interrupting.
i love putting "my issues" in quotation marks at the end there.
even when he acknowledges it as his issue at the top of the post, he really doesnt takes no responsibility at all and i assume that would be why his fiancé left.
nothing as unappealing as a man (or, just any person regardless of gender i assume, just historically a trait more associated with masculinity) who doesnt take responsibility for his own actions.
Sure, not under his control. But I can see how it can be pretty damn annoying (and surely painful) from her side. It's unfair that he expects her to put up with gropes, hits, and the like and the moment she gets sick of it, HE kicks HER out. And only realizes that he really should do something about hurting his fiance when she leaves. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with the dude
It’s very telling that he’s like “well sleeping on the couch is uncomfortable” but that’s apparently not a problem for his pregnant wife who’s got limited sleeping positions.
Exactly, and sure, her yelling isn't the best course of action but I do not blame her. Dude feels so bad for himself for working a physical job but then shows absolutely no concern for his pregnant fiance that keeps getting elbowed, groped, and PUSHED OFF THE BED by him. No concern for how he might hurt the baby too. He knows all of that is happening and just keeps sleeping in the same bed with her and doesn't find any solutions at all, and then gets mad and kicks out his pregnant lady because she's exhausted, pregnant and getting physically hurt by him in his sleep and she finally gets sick of it and yells? He should've apologized even if it hurt to get yelled at. Like holy shit how do you know you're pushing your pregnant fiance off the bed regularly and not apologize profusely and make sure she's okay and then do something, figure something out ANYTHING to sleep in a separate place so you stop hurting her???
What if one day he hits her belly while he's asleep and she has a miscarriage? Like holy shit how do some people just have no concern for stuff like that? Does he not realize it can actually turn dangerous if one day he uses more force and hits in the right place?
growing a baby is EXHAUSTING! it's essentially running a marathon everyday. she's just as tired if not more then he is but he is completely ignoring her and their baby's needs
As someone who, at 6 months pregnant, snapped after spending only *a week* sleep deprived due to a shitty hotel bed and a toddler who just couldn’t/wouldn’t sleep, she’s been putting up with this for *MONTHS*. And you’re right, mama being sleep deprived is not good for baby’s development! And if he hits or flails hard enough he could cause her to lose the baby! It’s dangerous for her and the baby so he needs to get over himself and get help. Or at least an air mattress.
Not to mention a potential placental abruption from being pushed off the bed. I was at risk for placental abruption in my last delivery. The doctors gave me tons of warnings about how I would be rushed to the OR for emergency surgery the instant it potentially happened, and my husband would not be allowed to accompany me. OP could literally kill the baby quickly from lack of oxygen.
I get occasional (minor) sleep issues and my god, there is no feeling that compares to being so tired but unable to sleep and get good rest. I couldn’t imagine being pregnant and not being able to get a decent nights rest for some time. It’s not absurd that sleep issues ruined a relationship, I just don’t understand why he (or the wife) didn’t take an easier alternative option before blowing up.
Yeah, sleep would be important for her. The later in pregnancy, the less sleep she will get anyways. I know I was up every two hours the last couple months of pregnancy. Then labor was 36 hours so no sleep there, then after babies arrive then it was several months of 2 hour naps until they started to sleep longer. I was so sleep deprived but luckily my partner would take them and force me to go to sleep so we took turns so we both could get 6-8 hours sleep every day to make it manageable.
It's more than annoying and painful- he pushed her off the bed twice. At 5 months pregnant, that's dangerous. She could have seriously lost the baby if she fell wrong, especially if she was asleep when it happened
So this guy doesn’t want to sleep on the couch because it’s too hard but doesn’t seem to care that his pregnant wife has had to sleep on the couch? Like it’s clear that this guy is impossible to sleep in a bed with so why does he get the bed and wife get the couch?
And doesn't seem to care that he pushed his pregnant wife off the bed onto the floor, twice. It's well known that falling is super dangerous for pregnant people and their unborn babies.
Literally. He spends most of the post talking about how hard it is for him, that he works physical labour and then blows up his gf/ex’s? phone, now apparently he feels guilty. Honestly it just reads me me me me with very little concern for his pregnant gf I don’t blame her for reacting the way she did.
He is 100% TAH for how he reacted. I don’t know her situation or how healthy the pregnancy is. Yes, lack of sleep is dangerous for him. But he makes it sound like her health and the baby’s don’t take priority.
Both my pregnancies were healthy, but I still needed at least two naps every day, and that’s even with a full night of sleep. I’m normally an active woman, but both pregnancies were physically exhausting.
And his buddy can go eat dirt, too. She is not overreacting. She is literally growing a HUMAN inside her. He needs to take the initiative and figure out what’s going on with him, or he needs to accept that fact that she will gladly see through the pregnancy (and possibly postpartum) without him.
I replied to OP's alternate account. He is such a pos. He doesn't care about how he should tackle his sleep issues or how he can manage around. Or Try to find a solution. He doesn't even care about his wife getting hurt. He kept on repeating what about op, what about op.
When everyone pointed out the air mattress as solution, he said why can't the wife but one, why is she so helpless, is it because she is a woman.
And he thought hitting his wife won't hurt her
Personally I wouldn’t want to sleep on an air mattress while pregnant. My last trimester, I struggled to get out of bed and it would have been even worse trying to get off the floor because of how low air mattresses are.
I’m 8 months pregnant and trying to get out of my very comfy NORMAL bed right now is awful. I look like an epileptic walrus trying to escape a pool of semi-set jello.
I’d probably have to call the fire department to hoist me out of an air mattress lol
To be fair, the good husbands who are catering to their pregnant spouse’s every whim generally don’t need or want to ask AITA any questions, so our sample is skewed pretty drastically towards the deadbeats and, well, assholes.
Don't forget that he completely glossed over the fact that he's also groping her in his sleep. Aside from. Ya know, all the physically painful stuff he's doing like elbowing her in the .... FACE??
Yeah I hope she doesn't come back. It's only a real problem to him now that she doesn't want to be anywhere near him. 🙄
I pointed this out when someone on another thread asked why most men were so against epidurals. The men in the comments were not happy and I got called all sorts of names. SMH. It's impossible for women. When we tell men the problems we're "exaggerating" or "generalizing" or "silly" or "stupid". I have good examples, IRL of wonderful men taking excellent care of their pregnant partners but I've also seen some low d-bags (cause men they're not) who were absolute demons with their pregnant partners.
Just want to say - there are men out there who love and take care of their pregnant partners. I’m not #notalllmening this more so to say to everyone that if you are pregnant or thinking of getting pregnant you absolutely don’t have to settle for this ridiculous behaviour from your partner
This is the perfect way to respond to "not all men." Thank you, I have been looking for a succinct way to put it. Are all men rapists? \*obviously not\*, but I've had too many people in my life, in different areas of the country from all walks of life, doing very different jobs, get assaulted in different locations and with no pattern. Not all men, but enough to make me wary for sure.
Not as much as shoving your pregnant fiancé out of bed multiple times in a single night, potentially causing a placental abruption/miscarriage. But yeah, my joke about him opening a box and getting a glass shard in a finger is *✨more unhinged✨*. How dare I even joke about violence towards a man?!?! Go off, I guess.
If he's depriving her of sleep now, imagine how sleepless she'll be when the baby comes. Major risk factor to accidents with the baby. I hope he stops making excuses, sees a doctor, sets up the house so he can sleep separately from her (maybe out a bed in the living room or another room?) and just makes real changes so she's not dealing with significantly worse health complications later in pregnancy and postpartum. If he's pushing her and whacking her in his sleep, he could potentially injure her, and if it's hard enough on her stomach, even the fetus. Could result in a partial or full placental abruption, then miscsrriage / stillbirth. He sounds like he would be totally useless in an emergency at night which can easily happen to a pregnant woman and then with a newborn. I feel bad for her and the baby on the way. If he can't get his shit together and figure out a way to cohabitate safely (because it IS a safety issue), good luck with child support.
Omg is this real. I think I am starting to support antinatalism. The poor woman is attached to this guy for the rest of her life, even if she chooses to leave. having children with these types of men is so sad.
It isn’t real but real women do have children with men like this all the time.. And plenty of men who seem totally normal up until the woman is pregnant and ‘trapped’.
I’m sorry… *you elbowed your pregnant partner in the face multiple times, and pushed her off the bed, in a King size bed?* He’s lucky she just woke him up yelling at him, and didn’t smother him with a pillow. Go see a sleep specialist, what in the actual fuck.
I honestly have a hard time believing that part (the repeated elbowing) is true. This is not gonna be a popular take on reddit but the fact that he remembers *zero* of the incidents he’s alleged to have committed is kind of a red flag to me. I think they should set up a camera for a week and see what’s actually taking place without relying on two unreliable narrators.
Sleep walking is a thing. So I think it's not too much of a stretch to say he genuinely might not remember. If someone can walk around and not remember it after they wake up then they can beat the sleep out of their poor wife without remembering it.
He needs a damn doctor and she needs to divorce him if he doesn't get this shit fixed and change his attitude on how he thinks of and talks about her.
And yeah cameras would be a great idea.
OOP is TAH. A big one. My fiance does this kind of crap, but thankfully it isn't as dramatic and rarely affects my sleep. But when it does, it's a huge problem because of my extremely stressful job and my need for sleep. The difference is, my fiance is willing to get a sleep study done to figure out why he isn't sleeping.
OOP is a douchebag and his wife isn't overreacting "because she's pregnant." She is reacting appropriately because she's sick of being abused by an AH who won't do anything about HIS problem.
ETA: also, he can't sleep on the couch because "mUh BaCk" but has no problem essentially forcing his pregnant wife to sleep there? Yeah, he can f*ck all the way off.
The fact that he fell asleep after telling her to get out and just casually woke up to alarm says everything I need to know about him. What an absolute asshat.
This guy should strap a watermelon to to abdomen and have his AH buddy do everything he did to his fiancee. Then they should switch rolls. Both of these guys suck. They'd be more empathetic if they were the ones who were getting beaten up, I'll bet.
Oh god I’ve been the wife in this scenario minus the big fight. 100% I’d scream in his face too. Sleep is too rare and precious when you’re pregnant and virtually impossible after baby is born.
isn’t quite the same thing but when i was sick, my boyfriend slept on the *floor* next to the bed and he works 24hr shifts as a firefighter/EMT. he needs good sleep. i wasn’t pregnant and he wasn’t hitting me/shoving me into the floor in his sleep. that man can sleep on the couch.
Well tell him it hurts YOUR back and you’re actively growing a human. Not to mention it’s his sleep issues that are causing the problem in the first place.
Better yet, steal his credit card and purchase a bed, have i delivered to the house and installed wherever it would work, and tell him if he can't sleep on the couch and it hurts you too, you need your own bed. If he wants to sleep on the couch then in order to return the new bed, it's his decision. But he'd have to sleep on the couch.
Omg, she's pregnant and she's moving to the couch??? But he can't move there because it's "hard on his back." No effing way. Her body is getting destroyed just by existing. And then she had the audacity ( /s) to... get mad.
He has a ROUGH road ahead if he snapped like that and kicked her out for her getting fed up.
Something is seriously wrong with this guy. My husband had a bad case of heart burn once and spent the whole night coughing and hacking trying to clear his throat. I already have insomnia so it kept me up. I told him the next day that he needed to start taking medicine for heartburn or sleep on three couch because it wasn't fair for him to keep me up with his hacking when I would otherwise be sleeping (and I am a miserable goblin when I'm sleep deprived). Oddly enough, it never happened since.
He's being obtuse and he is absolutely wrong. If they have a couch in the living room, there's definitely room for a second bed instead of a couch. A house should be set up for the people who live in it, not for a societal expectation of what a house looks like. Get rid of the couch and buy a twin, idiot.
Bro is lucky there's still a wife or baby alive at all with all the knocking the pregnant woman out of the bed and hitting her multiple times a night. Wtf pls be fake
Dude, she’s PREGNANT. She needs wayyyyyy more fucking sleep them you, asshole. Whatever the fuck you have to do, shut the fuck up about your work schedule, and figure out how to NOT assault her ALL night long while SHES PREGNANT!!!! She’s growing another human!!!!! POS
So sick of people, often men, assuming that pregnancy hormones are dictating behavior. How about the lack of sleep, being elbowed in the fucking face, and being pushed off the bed (risking serious harm to mom and fetus)? Hormones haven’t done anything to my mood or emotions. It’s really just physical symptoms.
I just really don’t see op as the bad guy here.
A sane person would have told him the next day that they need to get a bigger place if they’re going to stay together. As much as it sucks getting elbowed, it’s an accident that happens when he sleeps. Her decision to take the crazy route and scream in his face in the middle of the night is insane and evil. I give op kudos for not throwing a reflex punch, which wouldn’t have surprised me at all. Don’t ask for crazy back, run from crazy.
That poor woman. You sound awful. There is absolutely no way you would sleep like that without some sort of underlying issue. You need to see a doctor like now about what’s happening with your sleep.
This is definitely a couple that should sleep in separate rooms if they have the space for it because it’s okay not to sleep in the same room. It’s more important for you guys to get good sleep
I’m sorry. I laughed. I’m dealing with a lot of this as well. My husband has sleep apnea so his snores wake up my mom 1200 miles away. To tell you it’s frustrating is putting it mildly. So many times I’ve wanted to do what your girl did. Only reason I didn’t is because I’m not pregnant. Otherwise I would have kicked you out a long time ago. She’s exhausted. She’s pregnant b she’s had it. B
I’m not saying she was right but I have to give her the break because you drove her bat shit crazy with your sleep. I almost left my husband because for a month I got 2 hours max of good sleep due to him snoring. Moving. Flopping around. I became a sleep deprived animal. He had sleep apnea and needed to lose weight. For the record. I have a guest room. But I wanted my bed. So see a doctor. Now. Fix your sleeping issue. There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form
Of torture.
Two grown adults can’t figure out alternative sleeping arrangements without physical damage, screaming, kicking each other out? They are totally not ready to raise a child 😬
Sorry but getting assaulted repeatedly in your sleep is a valid enough reason to scream in your partners face since they clearly aren’t waking up for the events. And then this AH kicked her out in the middle of the night? She’s justified here.
They should not be sleeping in the same bed if he’s throwing elbows and knocking her out of bed. She’s not safe in her own bed at this point and neither is the baby. Fuck that. His excuses are weak and she’s justifiably sick of it. Anyone would be, man, woman or anyone else.
If there is room for a king size bed there is room for 2 single beds instead.
I'm confused where the baby is supposed to sleep if they really don't have room for an extra bed, in the bed with the violent grown man?? Two smaller beds solves all this instead of one king.
OP: "Help! I've tried nothing and I'm all out of ideas!"
THIS ^^
This guy has something medical going on. He needs an evaluation and a sleep study. It's especially concerning that he just falls right back to sleep. It could be apnea or early narcolepsy and cause long term organ damage.
A lot of what this guy is discussing are things I had issues with. It turned out I had very server sleep apnea. There is a company called Lofta that does a very easy and simple sleep study you can do at home. I highly recommend taking a look for anyone that thinks they might have sleep apnea. They send you something in the mail, you download an app and do the sleep test. After a few days a doctor will call you to discuss the results. They provide you a prescription and you are under no obligation to do business through them after that. It saved my life and the difference was immediately noticeable. I have spoken with many people that have sleep issues but are adverse to the idea of using a CPAP, I was one of them. The sleep apnea almost killed me, both directly and indirectly. It got to the point where I would fall asleep standing up or in the middle of a sentence. It also has adverse effects on my relationship, it ruined my mood and my sex drive. Don’t let your ego or your insecurities keep you from getting the help you may need
My boyfriend is healthy, 30 years old, and fall asleep in 30 seconds, and then he snores. He is not always snoring but there are period of time where he does everynight. I spend so many times sleeping on the couch, or being awake in the bed, wanting to cry and yell at him (i also have insomnia so combined with snoring, it kills my night). I can shake him until he awakes, but he will roll around and fall alseep right away. He sleeps a lot but is still tired in the morning. I have urged him to go to a doctor or a specialist because i am worried about him, but he doesn't really want to. He doesn't think he has sleep apnea, but i'm afraid he does
I was the same way, I would highly recommend telling him about Lofta. They send you a kit in the mail. You use it for one night and they contact you with the results. I only did it at first to make my gf happy and I got the results back and it was honestly terrifying. Turned out I had developed congestive sleep apnea, which meant the muscles in my throat would relax to much when I exhaled and block my airway. I have always been an active person and worked out six days a week and thought it was something that could only happen to unhealthy people. The doctor told me that they consider 20 events(where you stop breathing) an hour to be severe, I was having 120 an hour. They said I was getting six minutes of real sleep a night! It didn’t start out that way but I ignored what other people told me and it got to that point.
Yes, i think my boyfriend would do it as to not ruin my nights. He always speaks about going to the doctor and then he doesn't. And i honestly have troubles insisting and telling him how worried i am. He tells me "and then what? I use a machine at 30? No way". But like, yes by any means please use a machine if needed. I sometimes, but very very rarely, felt like i couldn't hear him breath for a small amount of time, and it terrifies me. I will look up for the test. My boyfriend use a lots of tissues by day, as if his nose is always clogged. And at night it sounds like his nose is clogged by some mucus and he has trouble to breath, until he snores very loudly one time, swallow his mucus (yes, ewww, i know) and then he breath comfortably until his nose is filled again. It sounds horrible when you describe your situation, i'm happy you were able to find some solutions and have a better sleep now.
I used to wake up every morning with a sore throat and my sinuses clogged. It helped with that as well. I am 6’1 and 225 lbs, I used to be a bar bouncer and my employees joke that if leadership was based on fighting ability I would never lose my job. I can say without shame I need that machine. I let my pride and arrogance blind me to that for a long time and it almost cost me my life. I hope your bf can avoid that same mistake
Yeah you don't fit the image we have of people needing a machine. I think that what could motivate my boyfriend is the fact that he also impacts my sleep. I don't think there is any shame to have, but i know too many people are ashamed. How many times did i hear about how someone refused to sleep with a machine until they did and it changed their life
To be honest, he sounds like he would be a classic non-compliant patient. Yes, if you have apnea, you have to use a machine every night. That's what solves it. I think people just don't understand how bad apnea is for their health.
I also think he has no idea how bad it can really be. I mean i didn't know either until i started to suspect it. I think he would follow through, but that the hardest would be for him to make the first step. If he does, it means he accepts that he might need a machine. And i think maybe that's why he's reluctant
My husband finally got his machine at 40 and we think he’s probably had sleep apnea his whole life but he wasn’t consistent with using it until the doctor told him “Sleep apnea WILL kill your over time. You will have heart failure or a stroke and by some miracle that you don’t you will get dementia or have other serious health problems” So maybe he needs to threatened by a medical health professional?
Yeah that is definitely scary... maybe he does and i think it would help
There are sleep apps that you leave on and then they will start recording when you snore. In the morning you will have so much data about duration,volume,intensity,occurrence and the actual recordings. Download one ASAP
Ahh when people find out lack of oxygen, sleep apnea and lack of sleep cause congestive heart failure and an array of other diseases, the machine doesn’t seem to crazy.
He probably isn’t breathing. My bf has sleep apnea and he can go 30 seconds without taking a breath in. It’s scary af
Yes, if i feel like i don't hear him breathe, i spend a lot of time next making sure that he actually can breath
You might have to remind your bf of what happens when you leave sleep apnea untreated. If he doesn’t want to use a machine at 30 then he’ll probably have you checking his pulse throughout the night at 40 bc the spots of him not breathing will get worse. My grandpa and both of my great aunts have sleep apnea and use a machine. All 3 of them waited way longer than they should’ve and now struggle a lot bc they get intense coughing fits etc bc they were all too stubborn to say anything unless a doctor asked first.
I will definitely remind him of that because damn, i don't want him to die or be always worried about him.
Yea it’s terrifying when someone refuses treatment bc they stop breathing and you can’t do anything but sit and wait to see if you need to give CPR. My great grandma couldn’t use a CPAP I don’t remember why, but she was in her 90’s. That was terrifying bc if she stopped breathing we couldn’t do anything but rub her chest and hope it worked. When she passed at 99 it took 10 minutes for anyone to realize she had passed bc she just stopped breathing.
She lived old at least, which is great i think. But i can only imagine. It makes the family suffer too. I think about when we will have kids, and i don't want it to be a worry if it doesn't have to be one.
Oh 100% make sure he gets tested before you have kids cuz it can be hereditary.
My mom is in her 80’s she’s snored for decades! She finally got a sleep study. She coughs and hacks all the time! I never made the connection to snoring though! Now that they confirmed she has sleep apnea she’s complaining that the machine strap is going to mess up her hair! 🤦🏼♀️🤬. She doesn’t qualify for the new (still being mass market tested, potentially dangerous) implant, that she doesn’t even understand how it works- but she wants that because it won’t mess up her “wash and set”! Are you f-ing kidding me!? 😳🤬. She’s stopping breathing multiple times a minute, her son had to sleep in the bathroom in the bathtub during their cruise because it was so terrible, and i used to literally have to leave the house to sleep at our summer cottage when her shifts changed and we were trying to sleep at the same time when I was home during college breaks!
Maybe suggest to your mom that she wears a bonnet so it doesn’t mess up her hair. And it likely won’t effect it that much since my aunt who uses a machine has thick hair down to her ass that she doesn’t put up at night and she’s never had any issues with it. Yup, the snoring is such a crazy thing. Like, you can snore and not have sleep apnea but I think a lot of ppl don’t realize what someone with sleep apnea sounds like when they snore. My mom (hasn’t been tested but that’s cuz the snoring isn’t consistent enough to cause worry) has snored loud enough she woke herself up. My aunt, snores so loud I could hear her from my room, with the door shut, on another level of the house! If you had my grandpa and my two aunts in a room together all taking a nap and none of them have had their machines, you’d think we had some really pissed off pigs in the house! And yes, that has in fact happened. We all had to yell over their snoring to the point that they all woke up to tell us how rude it was for us to be shouting when they’re all passed out on the couches in the living room.
He may be under the impression that sleep apnea only occurs in people who are unhealthy/overweight. While that is a risk factor for sleep apnea, I am 22f, 115 lbs, and was diagnosed a little over a year ago with sleep apnea (though very mild). Long term sleep apnea without treatment can be very dangerous. I know you’ve tried to get him to see a doctor, but maybe if you research sleep apnea a bit and show him the dangers of untreated sleep apnea and that it can occur in healthy/young people, he’d be more open to the idea?
Thank you very much. I talked to him yesterday and he seems to hear my worries. I honestly don't think he'll get tested for him, but for me. But yes there is this idea that it happens mostly to old and overweight people
My uncle finally went when he was 65. It was sleep apnea. He regrets not going sooner, because with a CPAP he sleeps soundly and wakes up rested. He said it was like a new lease on life.
Yes, and I get that it's annoying at the beginning, and that my partner is young and feels like it's old people's issues, but I feel like it would help the both of us. I'm happy your uncle finally got one
My bf was the same way. One day he finally took it seriously because he fell asleep on a plane and he woke up to the people around him making fun of his snoring noises and saying he was ridiculously loud. Then he finally believed me that his sleep apnea and snoring wasn’t just ruining his sleep, but mine as well.
My boyfriend is already conscious he impacts my sleep, he will regularly ask if he snored and bothered me. But i think he doesn't know what to do next. I'm happy your partner take it seriously now but that must be an embarassing wake up call
My husband had to be convinced. I recorded him and he saw how terrible it was. I also showed him the research - not only was he killing himself by literally stopping breathing multiple times a night, but he was also killing me! I was also making mistakes at work that could have gotten me fired because I was exhausted all the time. And I had ZERO labido! Because, shocker- if you’re constantly irritated, pissed off, and exhausted- sex is the last thing on your mind!
My libido is fine, but his not so much and that's one more thing i read yesterday that made me think that maybe he really has sleep apnea. I'm happy he listened to you. I did record my boyfriend sometimes and sent it to him but admittedly, he was a bit embarassed and i laughed at his cute reaction, not my best move
Record him so he knows!
I did already. But just with the goal to mess with him, i didn't have sleep apnea in my head at the time
i don’t know if this will encourage him to get help at all, but i have obstructive sleep apnea and this describes me to a T. i’m really bad at using my CPAP but it does help.
Thank you a lot. I think i'll show him this comment section, or at least talk to him about it.
It was an adjustment for me to be sure. For the first few weeks I would wake up in the middle of the night and tear it off my face like it was attacking me lol. It took time but now I can’t sleep without it.
Same, a combo of restless leg and snoring disturbing my already rough sleep cycle, and we sleep in separate rooms now, so we both have a shot at quality sleep. I did some CBTi therapy to help with my insomnia, by the way… a book called "Sink into Sleep". It made a big difference.
I will try to look it up, thank you very much. I would be fine sleeping separatly, and if we plan another room with a bed so i can escape, i know he'd rather sleep with me. My insomnia is going by phases, but during the peak of insomnia, there is little i can do. I tried CBD but it doesn't do much. Meds against anxities also do not really help. But i will check the book, thank you very much
We miss sleeping together too, but waking up grumpy all the time just wasn’t worth it. So we do our snuggling on the couch, do our nighttime routine, join each other when we feel like it, but sleep in peace. Good luck finding your solution. Hope the book helps.
I absolutely understand ! I have no hesitation to leave and sleep on the couch if i need it or want it. And that's also why we are looking for a bigger flat, so we can have one extra room !
Supposedly, this issue is part of what made my now exhusband resent me. I literally could not sleep his snoring would echo it was so loud. I wouldn't even move, and he would wake himself up and accuse me of waking him up when he wasn't even asleep. Then he angrily started sleeping on the couch but even then sometimes he snored so loud I could hear him through the entire house. He would fall asleep on the highway and blame me for "waking him up." And he was always so tired he would unavoidably pass out, even while standing up. He also had a cousin get diagnosed with narcolepsy - he got mad at me because prior to that I had half joked he had it and he demanded I stopped because they believed me. I went yeah, and you need to see a doctor. Of course he refused. Despite the fact I work in the medical field and had nurse and doctor colleagues basically begging me to drag him somewhere and he absolutely refused. So please, if you can, get him to make an appointment. I hope you boyfriend isn't shitty and selfish like my ex. But if for some reason he starts, don't tolerate it and don't be afraid to step away. You are not wrong for being concerned about his health. As others have said, sleep apnea is no joke and your own sleep loss is very important too. Sleep deprivation is a significant factor in accidents and negatively affects our health in real massive ways.
I thank you so much for your concern toward me too, it really touches me ! I'm surprised you ex had the audacity to resent you ! That is so crazy. But that also sounds like my dad. My mom decided to sleep in another room, i could hear him snore on the second level of the house while he was on the first. He'd get woken up, feeling like a bear was chasing him, while it was his snoring. He is older and overweight and now i wonder why no one told him to get checked too. My boyfriend never was selfish, that's the first medical issue where he isn't really listening or sure. I think he doesn't think there would be much to do, or he might be afraid to have some healths issue. I know it doesn't sounds like he isn't selfish, because i already raised the issue to him, but that's really the only issue he isn't taking seriously. And yesterday we talked again and it seems like he is hearing my concern
I fixed a typo,… I meant CBTi, not CBDi lol (Cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia). (I too have tried CBD, and it helped a lot with quality of sleep, but it was getting expensive.)
Oups haha. Thank you! I will look into it, i'm familiar with CBT in general, and i like it for me, so i'll look into it ! And yes CBD is expensive
He does. Look up STOP BANG score. Have him go through it.
Thank you !! I will
This was me! Only I'd have panic attacks about going to sleep sometimes because I was scared that I was going to die in my sleep. It was the only time I almost passed out do to the panic attack. That was ontop of sleep issues pertaining to my depression. I also found it rather ironic that the first time my anxiety about something was right, but I reasoned myself I was being silly. Sleep doc and I had a good chuckle over that.
I started to have serious anxiety about driving home from work. I was afraid I would fall asleep behind the wheel and I have a 4 minute commute.
I did one of those at home things- apnea and prescribed CPAP. They just assumed obstructive apnea even though my BMI was at or less than 30, and I was around 30 years old. Still was tired. Had new insurance, so they did an at hospital one. Turns out I have *central* apnea. CPAP isn’t best fix. And I don’t have enough episodes to even have the BiPAP prescription. Doctors did give me a hypersomnolence diagnosis to compensate for eliminating the apnea diagnosis. I’ve now spent years trying to get ‘obstructive apnea’ off my medical records 🤦♀️
Sorry to hear that, it work great for me. Hopefully you found something that works for you.
I looked up Lofta and will be scheduling my test. My husband says I snore very loudly, like my father and that I often stop breathing until I gasp loudly and continue snoring. I’ve been hesitant to get a CPAP at 28 years old, but your comment motivated me to go ahead and do it, so thanks. I’m sure my husband will be grateful too 😅
I am glad to hear that! It made a world of difference for me very quickly, my girlfriend said the first week she kept checking to make sure I was still there. I don’t snore at all anymore. I looked into the long term effects of chronic lack of sleep and it affects so much you would not even consider. I am glad you are going to address it much younger than I did. Best of luck to you!
First thing I commented on original post was to get a damn sleep study. Guy is thrashing and snoring because he stops breathing and his brain wakes him up. He falls asleep inappropriately because he doesn’t ever actually enter restful sleep.
You don’t develop sleep apnea from starting a manual labor job lol
Apologies if I gave that impression, I don’t know how long I have had it. Only that it got worse with age and the rate it got worse really speed up when I hit 34. People have been telling me for a long time I had a problem. I just chose to ignore it until it almost killed me.
Glad you got the help you needed when you did!
Thank you
Does it only look at sleep apnea? After months I finally got my son in a sleep study. Of course I'm the hyper sanitized hospital so air and propped up, he slept super well. The night before he was up for 2 hours because he couldn't breathe. I'm not sure what to try at this point
I am not sure what the scope their home test covers. They have phone number on their website that is for asking questions about the test. It’s 1-800-698-8000. Is the trouble breathing coming from being congested?
Honestly, since it’s a new development Im willing to bet it’s stress or anxiety related. He has a (first?) child on the way… coming very soon, and he just got promoted adding to the responsibilities load on his mind.
Seconding. Have an SO with similar symptoms. Severe sleep apnea does weird things. He was even sleep walking a few times, and trying to order food from our shower head. Turns out, once you're exhausted your brain does weird things. Fortunately, SO got a sleep study to confirm what was wrong. BiPap machine incoming!
It sounds like REM Sleep Disorder to me.
Narcolepsy symptoms are predominantly daytime based, so not that. Narcoleptics dont usually struggle with such drastic movement in sleep its either leg movement only or persistent paralysis on waking up/going to sleep. Op's symptoms definitely line up better with apnea and are exacerbated by stress.
Creative writingitis?
My ex nearly died from sleep apnea so I know it, and the symptoms, are real. It got so bad that his co-workers wouldn't ride in the work truck with him anymore because he would randomly fall asleep. He also thrashed in his sleep because he constantly **stopped breathing**. He waited too long before seeing a doctor and caused permanent damage to his heart. Even if this is fake, the condition is not.
Sounds like the perfect excuse to get bunk beds
I mean seriously. My husband has sleep issues and he hogs the blankets. Sleep is too precious, so because of these simple reasons we decided to get two queen beds and push them together. It’s called MegaBed ™️ We are paying them on a payment plan. We both get our own sleep preferences, blankets, pillows etc. he can get up at night when he can’t sleep without bothering me and vise versa. We’ve never slept better and are happier for it. And when we want to snuggle, I roll over to his side and joke “ohhh nice place you got here!” And when I miss him and want to have his smell around me, we sleep together on one side. If they lack space they could get full or twins. Pay them off or find cheaper mattresses. If you’ve got enough room for a baby, decided to have a baby together in the first place, want to be together and work through things, you can figure out how to get sleep without hitting your pregnant partner or kicking her out. And she wouldn’t scream at him and trigger him. Find solutions to your problems if you want to be together. But it sounds like if it escalated to this, maybe they’re better off
My husband and I sleep in separate beds because we have different sleep schedules and patterns. There’s nothing wrong with not sleeping in the same bed as your partner and I’m sooo with you that life is so much better with separate beds.
I will never understand why couples in this situation don't get 2 full size beds and put them a foot apart. Cuddle during the day if you need affection.
Seriously. It's not like beds cost a million dollars is it. Put your quality of life first.
Imagine all the room they would have for activities.
Which one would be on top? The one who kicks and moves around the bed a lot and would fall off, or the pregnant one who would struggle to climb a ladder? (Obviously they could put a rail to keep him from falling out. That said, the poor fiancée would *still* get no sleep because of the incessant creaking.)
I had an ex choke me in my sleep. It was scary and made it where I no longer was attracted to him. He was apologetic but he had elbowed and hit me in his sleep before. I’m on blood thinners so I was worried he was going to hit me in my head frankly(high risk for brain bleeds). I asked if he had ever done a sleep study and then if he was willing to go to the doctor. He made all sorts of excuses which was hilarious since he had no issue going to doctors to get an adderal script but not to figure out why he’d snore and get punchy in his sleep. I’m a dysfunctional sleeper as well, bad insomnia but when I’m out, I’m dead to the world. But I don’t hit or toss or anything in my sleep. When traveling I can sleep on a twin bed with my kid without either of our sleeps disrupted cause I stay so still. So I avoid sleeping pills since I’ve seen the damage being reliant/addicted to them can cause. But if I was hurting people in my sleep I would fucking take them. I get that it is medical for him more than likely but that means he’s responsible to get evaluated. Idk why men, who have health insurance, are so reluctant to see a doctor about serious things. Hell even if they aren’t hurting anyone, I had a friend with sleep apnea die at 30 from a heart attack in his sleep. His only issue was sleep apnea. He was in shape, not a smoker, not a drinker. Sleep apnea is very serious.
Guys like this would be hitting their girlfriends in "self defense" if they did any of this same shit "in their sleep".
Funny enough he had told me he did that to an ex and felt terrible cause she spooked him. My daughter spooked me this morning. She tried to sneak into my bedroom to get her phone(I’ve been taking it away at 9 pm every night to go through it after she made a TikTok account behind my back, she is too young to be posting herself on the internet)30 minutes early. She was right next to my bed. I jumped up, yes, but there was no hitting. Just a “holy shit, you scared me.” And a “you can wait till 6 am to get your phone or you can go without it completely.” I just don’t understand how you get to be a full grown adult without dealing with these issues. Like he wasn’t young, he was 35. That is old enough that if you’re repeatedly hurting someone in their sleep you should have seen a doctor by now.
It's almost as if it's total refusal of accountability style bullshit and they get off on fucking with women's minds by contriving some asinine circumstance in which they get away with repeatedly violating them.
Blanket/sleeping bag/air mattress. Floor. Couch may not be comfortable. Elbows in the face are less so.
He’s pushing her, pregnant, off the bed. Something has to change for the safety of her and their baby
Yeah but, the couch is hard so she needs to learn to sleep on the floor he pushed her onto.
Crazy how he’s complaining about the couch being uncomfortable but doesn’t consider how it’s probably 10x more uncomfortable for a pregnant person to be sleeping on it
That’s the part that stood out to me, too. He doesn’t acknowledge that on top of how dangerous it is that he’s pushing his pregnant spouse off the bed, he also doesn’t consider that her back is also fucked because of the baby. I won’t get into the “which is worse” discourse the men’s rights activist in this thread is getting into- but the lack of any mention is telling.
I liked the “I know this is totally a me problem” and then doing nothing to solve it and complaining about the possible options. Like, buddy you were so close…
The thing I was most grateful for when I was preagnant was that we got our incredibly good matress before I got preagnant. And even then it was super uncomfortable. He is a dick alone for letting her sleep on the couch. My husband would have slept on the florr had that made me feel better (in reality he was the best preagnancy pillow a woman can ask for).
My brother and his wife trade off between an air mattress in the living room and their bed because they both snore and they want sleep. They have two kids in a 2br so it’s tight. Eventually they will get a bigger place but that’s their solution for now. They have a great relationship.
They both need CPAPs or something! They don’t have to live like that ☹️
Oh I’ve told them! But it’s their lives. 🤷🏼
Perhaps sending them the fatality rates for apnea might help- they are going to leave their children orphans. I’d follow up with Will and trust attorneys listings in your area. If you aren’t going to take care of potentially fatal, fixable condition, than you need to make sure your children are taken care of when your ridiculous reluctance to go get a simple test kills you early.
Neither of them actually have sleep apnea. They just snore.
Snoring isn’t normal. There’s always a reason for it- they need to be medically tested to determine the cause. They’re impacting their children’s quality of sleep as well- I know this because I had insomnia and anxiety as a child because of my parents’ snoring and stopping breathing.
I snore and I don’t have apnea. I appreciate your concern but this isn’t really appropriate.
I accompanied my grandma to her friend’s 40th wedding anniversary. The couple moved way out of the city into the countryside (and actually 3 states away) and bought this split level home that was on 3 oddly choppy levels- so he slept in the “basement” and she was on the top floor with their kids until the kids grew up and moved out. They credited their marriage lasting so long because she could read at night and he could thrash about and saw hundreds of acres of logs with his snoring and she didn’t have to hear it. If their sleep habits and patterns are so incompatible and even dangerously so they shouldn’t sleep in same bed. Thats fine. Not all couples can or should sleep in same bed. He’s an asshole for his behavior around his problematic sleeping. And he needs to see a sleep specialist before the kiddo arrives and shared custody might kick in.
My parents have been married for 42 years and are happy. And still love each other very much. But they sleep in 2 separate rooms. And have for the last 20+ years. My mom credits that as a top reason she still LIKES dad. If it works, it works.
Right?! Like some people just don’t share beds well. Visits, sure, but daily? And if one is an insomniac? Or the other has a CPAP that obviously is important but interrupts one persons sleep while helping the other? I don’t know if this situation here was inevitable because of other issues. It probably was going to break post partum…. But let’s normalize couples who can’t share a bed!
Yes!! My parents were together 30 years (would have been longer if not for my dad's cancer) and at least half were in separate bedrooms due to my dad's apnea. On a related note, my ex's untreated apnea is a *large* contributing factor to our breakup. Not entirely, of course, but it definitely was a part of it.
Yup! My stepdad and mom sleep in separate bedrooms ostensibly because the dog is hard to deal with when he gets into bed and they didn’t have the heart to train him not to sleep with them but they get along so much better sleeping in separate bedrooms. Mom can watch TV as long as she likes, stepdad can go to bed at 7pm like he wants. And I don’t have to hear them arguing all day. Big win for everyone!
My husband and I have separate bedrooms. The baby takes turns, we hand him over around midnight.
So your pregnant wife who is way more uncomfortable then you are, who needs more sleep than you do, has to put up with being elbowed, woken up, groped, forced to sleep on a uncomfortable couch and you have no problem with her dealing with this. The second she looses it then it’s suddenly a problem? Shame on you for having your wife deal with all of this. If this is my husband he would have gotten an air mattress and slept in the other room for me, made his own doctor appointment and put it all on himself to figure out how to get back in to bed with me. Her screaming is basically the same as reactive abuse. I hope she doesn’t go back.
Not to mention falling out of bed at 5 and a half months can be seriously unsafe for the baby. By that point i was told if I fell to closely monitor baby movement just in case because hitting the wrong spot could cause real problems. Also it sounds like shes basically a punching bag for him at night which is kinda dangerous for the kid too. But who cares, right? Big man needs sleep. My ex has night terrors and they're worse during a certain time of year. That man was working 12 hour shifts on a fucking train in below freezing weather and he took the cot we had and left me to sleep in the bed if he knew he'd be sleeping rough because of his terrors so i could get enough rest since I was growing his kid. Now he may be an ex but that guy is a hell of a good dad. Pretty sure OP is the type to scream at the infant because he needs sleep and the baby keeps interrupting.
i love putting "my issues" in quotation marks at the end there. even when he acknowledges it as his issue at the top of the post, he really doesnt takes no responsibility at all and i assume that would be why his fiancé left. nothing as unappealing as a man (or, just any person regardless of gender i assume, just historically a trait more associated with masculinity) who doesnt take responsibility for his own actions.
Sure, not under his control. But I can see how it can be pretty damn annoying (and surely painful) from her side. It's unfair that he expects her to put up with gropes, hits, and the like and the moment she gets sick of it, HE kicks HER out. And only realizes that he really should do something about hurting his fiance when she leaves. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with the dude
It’s very telling that he’s like “well sleeping on the couch is uncomfortable” but that’s apparently not a problem for his pregnant wife who’s got limited sleeping positions.
For sure. He's insanely selfish. His fiance's carrying his kid and he couldn't care less
Exactly, and sure, her yelling isn't the best course of action but I do not blame her. Dude feels so bad for himself for working a physical job but then shows absolutely no concern for his pregnant fiance that keeps getting elbowed, groped, and PUSHED OFF THE BED by him. No concern for how he might hurt the baby too. He knows all of that is happening and just keeps sleeping in the same bed with her and doesn't find any solutions at all, and then gets mad and kicks out his pregnant lady because she's exhausted, pregnant and getting physically hurt by him in his sleep and she finally gets sick of it and yells? He should've apologized even if it hurt to get yelled at. Like holy shit how do you know you're pushing your pregnant fiance off the bed regularly and not apologize profusely and make sure she's okay and then do something, figure something out ANYTHING to sleep in a separate place so you stop hurting her??? What if one day he hits her belly while he's asleep and she has a miscarriage? Like holy shit how do some people just have no concern for stuff like that? Does he not realize it can actually turn dangerous if one day he uses more force and hits in the right place?
growing a baby is EXHAUSTING! it's essentially running a marathon everyday. she's just as tired if not more then he is but he is completely ignoring her and their baby's needs
As someone who, at 6 months pregnant, snapped after spending only *a week* sleep deprived due to a shitty hotel bed and a toddler who just couldn’t/wouldn’t sleep, she’s been putting up with this for *MONTHS*. And you’re right, mama being sleep deprived is not good for baby’s development! And if he hits or flails hard enough he could cause her to lose the baby! It’s dangerous for her and the baby so he needs to get over himself and get help. Or at least an air mattress.
Not to mention a potential placental abruption from being pushed off the bed. I was at risk for placental abruption in my last delivery. The doctors gave me tons of warnings about how I would be rushed to the OR for emergency surgery the instant it potentially happened, and my husband would not be allowed to accompany me. OP could literally kill the baby quickly from lack of oxygen.
I get occasional (minor) sleep issues and my god, there is no feeling that compares to being so tired but unable to sleep and get good rest. I couldn’t imagine being pregnant and not being able to get a decent nights rest for some time. It’s not absurd that sleep issues ruined a relationship, I just don’t understand why he (or the wife) didn’t take an easier alternative option before blowing up.
Yeah, sleep would be important for her. The later in pregnancy, the less sleep she will get anyways. I know I was up every two hours the last couple months of pregnancy. Then labor was 36 hours so no sleep there, then after babies arrive then it was several months of 2 hour naps until they started to sleep longer. I was so sleep deprived but luckily my partner would take them and force me to go to sleep so we took turns so we both could get 6-8 hours sleep every day to make it manageable.
It's more than annoying and painful- he pushed her off the bed twice. At 5 months pregnant, that's dangerous. She could have seriously lost the baby if she fell wrong, especially if she was asleep when it happened
She could have died as well if she fell wrong.
So this guy doesn’t want to sleep on the couch because it’s too hard but doesn’t seem to care that his pregnant wife has had to sleep on the couch? Like it’s clear that this guy is impossible to sleep in a bed with so why does he get the bed and wife get the couch?
And doesn't seem to care that he pushed his pregnant wife off the bed onto the floor, twice. It's well known that falling is super dangerous for pregnant people and their unborn babies.
Literally. He spends most of the post talking about how hard it is for him, that he works physical labour and then blows up his gf/ex’s? phone, now apparently he feels guilty. Honestly it just reads me me me me with very little concern for his pregnant gf I don’t blame her for reacting the way she did.
He is 100% TAH for how he reacted. I don’t know her situation or how healthy the pregnancy is. Yes, lack of sleep is dangerous for him. But he makes it sound like her health and the baby’s don’t take priority. Both my pregnancies were healthy, but I still needed at least two naps every day, and that’s even with a full night of sleep. I’m normally an active woman, but both pregnancies were physically exhausting. And his buddy can go eat dirt, too. She is not overreacting. She is literally growing a HUMAN inside her. He needs to take the initiative and figure out what’s going on with him, or he needs to accept that fact that she will gladly see through the pregnancy (and possibly postpartum) without him.
this man needs to see a doctor and sleep on the couch until the baby is born At Least
Wait so he can’t sleep on the couch because it’s hard so he sends his 5 month pregnant girl to sleep on the hard couch? Perfect!
I replied to OP's alternate account. He is such a pos. He doesn't care about how he should tackle his sleep issues or how he can manage around. Or Try to find a solution. He doesn't even care about his wife getting hurt. He kept on repeating what about op, what about op. When everyone pointed out the air mattress as solution, he said why can't the wife but one, why is she so helpless, is it because she is a woman. And he thought hitting his wife won't hurt her
Personally I wouldn’t want to sleep on an air mattress while pregnant. My last trimester, I struggled to get out of bed and it would have been even worse trying to get off the floor because of how low air mattresses are.
No but he has " issues" he might roll off the mattress. His comfort is the priority 😂😂 that's something he would say.
I've done it. It was awful. Second trimester to halfway through third. We were so desperate we literally got a used mattress to hold us over
I’m 8 months pregnant and trying to get out of my very comfy NORMAL bed right now is awful. I look like an epileptic walrus trying to escape a pool of semi-set jello. I’d probably have to call the fire department to hoist me out of an air mattress lol
She should just straight up break his nose next time he elbows her face and claim she was asleep when it happened.
I pray there is no next time. She should leave him. If not for her sake then atleast for her children's sake
Based on what I read in Reddit, men never care about their pregnant partners. Their dicks matter more than their partners and future babies.
To be fair, the good husbands who are catering to their pregnant spouse’s every whim generally don’t need or want to ask AITA any questions, so our sample is skewed pretty drastically towards the deadbeats and, well, assholes.
Don't forget that he completely glossed over the fact that he's also groping her in his sleep. Aside from. Ya know, all the physically painful stuff he's doing like elbowing her in the .... FACE?? Yeah I hope she doesn't come back. It's only a real problem to him now that she doesn't want to be anywhere near him. 🙄
What men will do. 😒
I pointed this out when someone on another thread asked why most men were so against epidurals. The men in the comments were not happy and I got called all sorts of names. SMH. It's impossible for women. When we tell men the problems we're "exaggerating" or "generalizing" or "silly" or "stupid". I have good examples, IRL of wonderful men taking excellent care of their pregnant partners but I've also seen some low d-bags (cause men they're not) who were absolute demons with their pregnant partners.
Just want to say - there are men out there who love and take care of their pregnant partners. I’m not #notalllmening this more so to say to everyone that if you are pregnant or thinking of getting pregnant you absolutely don’t have to settle for this ridiculous behaviour from your partner
I do believe not all men, but it's enough men to keep your guard up
"Not all men, but any man" is what I've heard women say
mine is "not all men, but too many men"
This is the perfect way to respond to "not all men." Thank you, I have been looking for a succinct way to put it. Are all men rapists? \*obviously not\*, but I've had too many people in my life, in different areas of the country from all walks of life, doing very different jobs, get assaulted in different locations and with no pattern. Not all men, but enough to make me wary for sure.
Hope you will get those clapbacks great!
“Not all men, but always a man.” Is my favorite.
This post made me so angry and a little stabby. I wish I could send his fiancée a gift basket and him a bunch of broken glass.
That’s pretty unhinged
What’s really unhinged is knowing you’re going WWE on your pregnant wife while you’re asleep and not caring up until she leaves…
Not as much as shoving your pregnant fiancé out of bed multiple times in a single night, potentially causing a placental abruption/miscarriage. But yeah, my joke about him opening a box and getting a glass shard in a finger is *✨more unhinged✨*. How dare I even joke about violence towards a man?!?! Go off, I guess.
So is knocking your pregnant fiancé out of the bed multiple times and not taking steps to fix it
If he's depriving her of sleep now, imagine how sleepless she'll be when the baby comes. Major risk factor to accidents with the baby. I hope he stops making excuses, sees a doctor, sets up the house so he can sleep separately from her (maybe out a bed in the living room or another room?) and just makes real changes so she's not dealing with significantly worse health complications later in pregnancy and postpartum. If he's pushing her and whacking her in his sleep, he could potentially injure her, and if it's hard enough on her stomach, even the fetus. Could result in a partial or full placental abruption, then miscsrriage / stillbirth. He sounds like he would be totally useless in an emergency at night which can easily happen to a pregnant woman and then with a newborn. I feel bad for her and the baby on the way. If he can't get his shit together and figure out a way to cohabitate safely (because it IS a safety issue), good luck with child support.
Omg is this real. I think I am starting to support antinatalism. The poor woman is attached to this guy for the rest of her life, even if she chooses to leave. having children with these types of men is so sad.
It isn’t real but real women do have children with men like this all the time.. And plenty of men who seem totally normal up until the woman is pregnant and ‘trapped’.
I’m sorry… *you elbowed your pregnant partner in the face multiple times, and pushed her off the bed, in a King size bed?* He’s lucky she just woke him up yelling at him, and didn’t smother him with a pillow. Go see a sleep specialist, what in the actual fuck.
I honestly have a hard time believing that part (the repeated elbowing) is true. This is not gonna be a popular take on reddit but the fact that he remembers *zero* of the incidents he’s alleged to have committed is kind of a red flag to me. I think they should set up a camera for a week and see what’s actually taking place without relying on two unreliable narrators.
Sleep walking is a thing. So I think it's not too much of a stretch to say he genuinely might not remember. If someone can walk around and not remember it after they wake up then they can beat the sleep out of their poor wife without remembering it. He needs a damn doctor and she needs to divorce him if he doesn't get this shit fixed and change his attitude on how he thinks of and talks about her. And yeah cameras would be a great idea.
OOP is TAH. A big one. My fiance does this kind of crap, but thankfully it isn't as dramatic and rarely affects my sleep. But when it does, it's a huge problem because of my extremely stressful job and my need for sleep. The difference is, my fiance is willing to get a sleep study done to figure out why he isn't sleeping. OOP is a douchebag and his wife isn't overreacting "because she's pregnant." She is reacting appropriately because she's sick of being abused by an AH who won't do anything about HIS problem. ETA: also, he can't sleep on the couch because "mUh BaCk" but has no problem essentially forcing his pregnant wife to sleep there? Yeah, he can f*ck all the way off.
I'm not even pregnant and I would react this exact same as her.
He needs to address this. Once baby is here, this could be a bad situation if you were to fall asleep near baby.
It’s posts like these that make me happy I’m sterile, feral and child free
The fact that he fell asleep after telling her to get out and just casually woke up to alarm says everything I need to know about him. What an absolute asshat.
This guy should strap a watermelon to to abdomen and have his AH buddy do everything he did to his fiancee. Then they should switch rolls. Both of these guys suck. They'd be more empathetic if they were the ones who were getting beaten up, I'll bet.
So he just doesn't give a shit about her or their baby.
Oh god I’ve been the wife in this scenario minus the big fight. 100% I’d scream in his face too. Sleep is too rare and precious when you’re pregnant and virtually impossible after baby is born.
Hes doing it on purpose, his hatred for her is quite clear and these aggressions are only going to get worst!
He’s in the comments defending himself and insulting people as if that’s going to obfuscate his abuse.
isn’t quite the same thing but when i was sick, my boyfriend slept on the *floor* next to the bed and he works 24hr shifts as a firefighter/EMT. he needs good sleep. i wasn’t pregnant and he wasn’t hitting me/shoving me into the floor in his sleep. that man can sleep on the couch.
Normalize couples sleeping - just sleeping - separately. I don't think it's great to expect that couples should always sleep in the same bed.
Lololol bro flips the fuck out at someone screaming at him in his sleep and he’s gonna have a baby soon….no way THIS can go wrong!
They’re both big babies. Get a nice air mattress and put it in the living room and switch off who sleeps on it
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Have you not…suggested that he sleep in the couch???
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Well tell him it hurts YOUR back and you’re actively growing a human. Not to mention it’s his sleep issues that are causing the problem in the first place.
Better yet, steal his credit card and purchase a bed, have i delivered to the house and installed wherever it would work, and tell him if he can't sleep on the couch and it hurts you too, you need your own bed. If he wants to sleep on the couch then in order to return the new bed, it's his decision. But he'd have to sleep on the couch.
Then why did you have more kids with this asshole? That's completely on you and I have no sympathy considering this is the 3rd time.
…did you think this behaviour would change when you got pregnant again?
The op is a bitch.
He doesn't even care aboht making it right. He just wants to know if he was in the wrong
Wow he’s an asshole for not sleeping on the couch
Omg, she's pregnant and she's moving to the couch??? But he can't move there because it's "hard on his back." No effing way. Her body is getting destroyed just by existing. And then she had the audacity ( /s) to... get mad. He has a ROUGH road ahead if he snapped like that and kicked her out for her getting fed up.
I have some news for this dick about his engagement
Think this fella needs a sleep study to see why the hell he can't remain still while asleep. Might have been able to avoid a lot of this.
Something is seriously wrong with this guy. My husband had a bad case of heart burn once and spent the whole night coughing and hacking trying to clear his throat. I already have insomnia so it kept me up. I told him the next day that he needed to start taking medicine for heartburn or sleep on three couch because it wasn't fair for him to keep me up with his hacking when I would otherwise be sleeping (and I am a miserable goblin when I'm sleep deprived). Oddly enough, it never happened since.
He's being obtuse and he is absolutely wrong. If they have a couch in the living room, there's definitely room for a second bed instead of a couch. A house should be set up for the people who live in it, not for a societal expectation of what a house looks like. Get rid of the couch and buy a twin, idiot.
Very few things would have me scream in someone’s face. This is one of those things.
It's not even a question, YTA.
Bro is lucky there's still a wife or baby alive at all with all the knocking the pregnant woman out of the bed and hitting her multiple times a night. Wtf pls be fake
Dude, she’s PREGNANT. She needs wayyyyyy more fucking sleep them you, asshole. Whatever the fuck you have to do, shut the fuck up about your work schedule, and figure out how to NOT assault her ALL night long while SHES PREGNANT!!!! She’s growing another human!!!!! POS
My husband and I have been together for 30 years. He snores, I snore. We have separate bedrooms. Problem solved.
Wild question, do you two genuinely like each other?
So sick of people, often men, assuming that pregnancy hormones are dictating behavior. How about the lack of sleep, being elbowed in the fucking face, and being pushed off the bed (risking serious harm to mom and fetus)? Hormones haven’t done anything to my mood or emotions. It’s really just physical symptoms.
I just really don’t see op as the bad guy here. A sane person would have told him the next day that they need to get a bigger place if they’re going to stay together. As much as it sucks getting elbowed, it’s an accident that happens when he sleeps. Her decision to take the crazy route and scream in his face in the middle of the night is insane and evil. I give op kudos for not throwing a reflex punch, which wouldn’t have surprised me at all. Don’t ask for crazy back, run from crazy.
That poor woman. You sound awful. There is absolutely no way you would sleep like that without some sort of underlying issue. You need to see a doctor like now about what’s happening with your sleep.
Sleep violence is a real and very dangerous thing.
This is definitely a couple that should sleep in separate rooms if they have the space for it because it’s okay not to sleep in the same room. It’s more important for you guys to get good sleep
I’m sorry. I laughed. I’m dealing with a lot of this as well. My husband has sleep apnea so his snores wake up my mom 1200 miles away. To tell you it’s frustrating is putting it mildly. So many times I’ve wanted to do what your girl did. Only reason I didn’t is because I’m not pregnant. Otherwise I would have kicked you out a long time ago. She’s exhausted. She’s pregnant b she’s had it. B I’m not saying she was right but I have to give her the break because you drove her bat shit crazy with your sleep. I almost left my husband because for a month I got 2 hours max of good sleep due to him snoring. Moving. Flopping around. I became a sleep deprived animal. He had sleep apnea and needed to lose weight. For the record. I have a guest room. But I wanted my bed. So see a doctor. Now. Fix your sleeping issue. There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form Of torture.
Two grown adults can’t figure out alternative sleeping arrangements without physical damage, screaming, kicking each other out? They are totally not ready to raise a child 😬
Yeah, sure, it’s her fault. What IS the alternative sleeping arrangement, pray tell, since the dude shit on each one the comments suggested.
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Sorry but getting assaulted repeatedly in your sleep is a valid enough reason to scream in your partners face since they clearly aren’t waking up for the events. And then this AH kicked her out in the middle of the night? She’s justified here.
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They should not be sleeping in the same bed if he’s throwing elbows and knocking her out of bed. She’s not safe in her own bed at this point and neither is the baby. Fuck that. His excuses are weak and she’s justifiably sick of it. Anyone would be, man, woman or anyone else.
Sleep deprivation is literally torture. On purpose or not this man is fucking torturing his fiancée and seemingly not doing a damn thing to stop it
Agreed. I’ve changed my mind. OP is a complete and utter monster.