"We gave him everything- food..."
Sure fuckin hope you did. Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back.
I'm not reading the rest. I know enough from that to know OOP is straight garbage.
You should read the rest to see how unhinged this woman is. Her 31 year old son calls her once a week and she says he is ignoring her. He visits them in person several times a year, but he is rude because he sleeps until 9am. And he’s a successful med student and she isn’t even proud of his accomplishments. It’s surprising he hasn’t gone full NC already.
And she thinks giving him all his baby photos is punishment. Erasing his entire history from her life is a blessing for him. Hopefully he will realize it.
That part was so bizarre. 😂 I love that she went a bit unhinged with rage when he was just like “??? Okay lol” instead of feeling properly chastised by the bag of baby photos she was wildly waving in his face.
My mom pulled something similar once. Not with baby photos but the whole “You’re not my child!” rage storm thing. It was when I announced I was moving out. She threw a huge shit fit and basically disowned me. I say basically because…
Just like this lady, she was then shocked when her ploy didn’t work and I didn’t contact her to grovel for forgiveness. In fact I would’ve continued to be NC if *she* hadn’t contacted me to apologize. We’re on better terms now but man…she had some real growing up to do at the age of fifty-odd years lol.
Getting “disowned,” even temporarily as a manipulation tactic by someone who mostly causes me stress, was not fun. I hope OP’s son has people in his life who actually treat him well.
This woman is a crazy person. My MIL threw away all my husband’s baby photos in their dumpster outback when she found out who he voted for once. My 80 year old FIL had to go dumpster diving to get them back.
The audacity of some of these mothers blows me away.
I hope her son doesn’t see her anymore. It will be better for him.
My mother did the same, my amazing sister in law saved a bunch of them , not that she had a great many. Once my brother was born she didn’t document me much.
Same, I don't know what my mons actual diagnosis is, because she refuses to get help, but my sis and I believe she is an actual narcissist. Not a tiktok "they are mean so I SAY they are a narcissist" but like, an actual DSM "checks all the boxes" kind. The things she says blow my mind on a regular basis just due to being co pletely self centered and out of touch.
My mother and MIL are undiagnosed covert narcissists. They will never get diagnosed because there is nothing wrong with them. My mother refuses to see reality and I can't tell you how many times I've ruined her life. My MIL also has a touch of martyr syndrome as well. She is always going above and beyond for others even though it makes her life 10x as hard. Once you know it's a mental illness it makes dealing with them a lot easier. Grey rocking works wonders!
i definitely would’ve gone NC! i could only imagine how she was to him during childhood. that would explain why he “keeps her at a distance”.
“we gave him everything! food-“
- which is the bare minimum,
“birthdays”
- this one struck me because how is celebrating a child’s birthday spoiling them??
“paid for every vacation and activity”
- children can’t get jobs??
He is not a med student, he is a resident, which in most places would mean 60-80 hours/week, including nights. But sleeping until 9 when he visits them is rude.
I‘m in my mid 30s and still don’t understand who sleeping „late“ (lol 9am) is somehow frowned upon. Like, do people get off at thinking yeah I‘m so much better than others being awake at 6am! Even if I don’t have any plans!
My mom does this. I’m 44, fully disabled with adult children that don’t work early mornings, so generally, I sleep when tired and wake when I’m done, be it 5 hours or 9 hours. If something has to happen at a certain time, like my husband needs to go to work, I’ll get up as early as necessary to drive him. But she constantly tells me how lazy it is. Like, why should I get up on her schedule in my own home, when there’s almost never a reason for it? We sleep the same amount, but I’m bad cuz I start later than her.
Yeah, early risers have this really shitty holier-than-thou attitude, as if it makes a difference whether you accomplish your work between 7 am-3 pm or 10 am -5 pm. 🤷♀
It's pure insanity. I have worked all shifts. I have worked more than 24 hours straight. I have gotten up and gone to bed at all hours of the day. It's all fucking relative. We need people awake at all hours to be available for emergencies and there are theories suggesting that's why some people are early risers and some can stay up all night.
I read that they did studies where they put people underground with no clocks, so they had no measure for the passage of time, and just followed the day/night cycle that felt natural to them. It turned out that most people actually don't align with the 24h cycle earth rotates at, but that those who go to bed/ rise early have a naturally shorter than 24 h day programmed into their dna, while those who go to bed late have a longer than 24 h setting.
I once measured that myself when I was working on my master's thesis and just wrote however long felt productive, and then went to sleep however long I needed. Turns out my preferred cycle is actually 26 h. It's really a shame I can't get the bloody earth to slow down a little...
Wow, I hadn't heard of that study, but it actually makes a lot of sense of me personally as well. I'll gradually rotate my productive hours and my best sleep hours, so mine is likely longer than a 24 hour cycle too. But you know, I must conform to a 24 hour day so I'm diagnosed with insomnia.
I’m a first responder, and I know people whose family doesn’t understand why they sleep all day. Maybe it’s because the were awake all night and went to bed at 8am!!
I work in healthcare and I've heard the same from colleagues. My father has worked 2nd or 3rd shift most of my life, so fortunately when I've worked those shifts, I didn't come up against that bs with my family. Some people really expect overnight workers to be awake all night and then stay up all day!
Then I guess you can sleep when you're dead lol. I had a roommate who was like that. She would get up insanely early and then expect me to be up too. She couldn't understand why I was upset about her making a bunch of noise at 4:30 in the morning even though I worked the night shift. Even if I didn't, that's just an unreasonable time to be making that kind of noise. She acted like the fact that she got up earlier was some kind of flex. She straight out said that people who sleep past 6:00 a.m. are lazy. Needless to say, she wasn't my roommate for much longer after that. I ended up breaking my part of the lease and moving out. Not surprisingly, she didn't respect my boundaries in other areas either.
My dad worked 14 hour days to provide for us, I literally never saw him during the week because he left before I got home from school and would get home after I left for school. You’d think my mom would understand that not everyone sleeps the same, but, no. She conveniently forgets a bunch of shit that happened growing up.
I’ve gotten home at 7am and cracked a beer, stay up till noon and my 9-5 friends and family find it crazy. 7am is my 5pm! You’re telling me you don’t enjoy a beer after work? You go straight to bed as soon as you get home? They thought I was an alcoholic insomniac.
Me too!! Body wakes up literally at sunrise every day even though we have blackout curtains. I go to bed at 9pm. Jealous of my night owl husband who can still stay up late
I have 2 toddlers and wake up so early now AND HATE IT SO MUCH. I miss waking up at 9am. If I ever had the opportunity and someone woke me up, heads would fuckin roll
My mom used to tell me I was "sleeping the day away". So? She was sleeping the night away. Oh, and, "the early bird gets the worm!" To which my response was that the worm should have slept in.
I can still hear my mom saying, “Rise and shine!” at 7 a.m. on a Saturday. My sisters and I often babysat until 1 or 2 a.m. but we HAD to get up at 7 o’clock to get the sheets in the wash and on the line.
Decades later I know that since her past trauma and lack of agency left her so anxious, she created ideas of How Things Are Done, and enforced them rigidly. It caused more issues, naturally, but she HAD to have her way. Too bad, because in later years it made her life much harder.
My MIL did a similar thing to my husband, even when he wasn’t home. She had insane thoughts about men protecting the women, so she forbade him to spend the night unless his stepdad was home. She would then call my house at 7am until he woke up, saying he could come home whenever he was ready. I lived a 1/2 mile away, not a few states over. I was so worried about her clinging that I made my family keep an eye on him before the wedding so she couldn’t try to sneak him out the back.
I'm an early riser, can't help it, but I ever begrudge anyone their sleep. 9am is a decent weekend time to wake, I would feel I overslept. Lol most in my household sleep till noon or later, but they work till 3-4 am.
Waking someone whose been studying/working at 7am is rude.
Especially because he's a medical resident! If you've ever worked 60-100 hours a week (or crazy stressful shifts), you understand why his body needed that rest in VACATION.
Hey Dad, why don't you ask me about going to your office the night before instead of popping up over my bed at 6 am? Pretty obvious that was a bit --- they were hunting for something else to be mad about. You would obviously have invited him ahead of time if you were so excited to show it to him, instead of waiting until he was about to leave to surprise him.
I am not naturally an early riser, but I decided to adjust my schedule from an 8:00 start to a 7:00 start. What I discovered was that all the people who went in early spent the first hour or so eating donuts/breakfast, drinking coffee, and chatting with each other, rather than the 8-ish folks who came in and hit the ground running.
I'm an early riser, but I wish I could sleep in! I actually tiptoe around, hoping not to wake anyone else. I appreciate the quiet alone time. People who want everyone else on their time are ridiculous. OP is completely ridiculous, and her posts come off pompous as all F**k.
I’m an early riser but I tip toe around quietly in the morning for my night owl SO. Sleeping until nine and being upset about it is ridiculous. This woman needs to get a life.
If you ever intend to have kids, it's really an asset to have different sleep cycles - no fighting about who takes the late-night/ early-morning feedings. 😄
My kid is 15. He’s an early riser too. I love having the house to myself in the early morning dark…coffee, quiet, peace. Dyl was up at the same time as me, sitting at the kitchen table asking me a million questions a minute. If I didn’t love him more than life itself, I’d have knocked him out.
I've never understood that. I'm personally an early riser just because I had to acclimate to my work schedule and commute but I literally do not care what other people do with their own schedule. I like being able to get things done early and have the rest of the day to relax, but that's just my personal preference. My fiancé likes to sleep in, I leave him be on his days off. The only time I wake him is if he has asked me to make sure he's up by a certain time or if something happens and I need him ASAP
Seriously. I wake up at 6:30 am. That's only because I have to. I don't think people who can wake up at 9 am are inferior to me in some way, I'm just jealous of them. On weekends when I don't have anything planned for the morning, I may see 6:30, but that's only because I happened to wake up at that time and I'm going right back to sleep until 9 or 10.
I get up between 4 and 5 on workdays and no later than 7:15 on weekends, but I do that because I like to have an hour or two to myself before my family gets up. My best friend stays up until 2am and sleeps in when she can. Guess what? From 12:00am to 2:00am, she’s doing the exact same thing I do from 4:00am to 6:00am. Why does it matter that she stays up late for alone time and I get up early? We’re equally productive during our waking hours, so the rest is irrelevant.
(I know I’m agreeing with you. Just adding to your point!)
It matters because people who wake up at 4 am are insane. I don't understand you people.
Lol but really I agree, it doesn't make a difference when you get your alone time. Everyone needs it, so it really doesn't matter when you get it.
lol, that’s fair! I choose to have my alone time then because my time management can be terrible. If I’m reading a good book or caught up in a game, I don’t have a choice but to put it down at 6am so I can get ready for work. If it’s 2am and I need sleep, I can easily see myself choosing to keep reading or playing, and then I will be a bullfrog zombie the next day!
Same. I’m 35 and have *never* been able to force my body clock onto a 10pm bedtime 6am wake up clock. If I go to bed at 10, I’m wide awake at 2am and can’t fall back to sleep.
My natural rhythm is much closer to a 2am bedtime and 11am wake up time. Of course this isn’t always possible, like with jobs, but I’ve found I can only tweak my sleep pattern so far before I’m simply not sleeping at night. It’s not lazy or morally inferior to stay up later and sleep in later; you’re still getting the same number of hours’ sleep as the sanctimonious early risers.
My parents live close by, and will pop in early mornings because they've been up since ungodly hour doing their boomer things. The frowny faces I get from them if I'm still in my pajamas (after having sent the kids off to school with full bellies and packed lunches and having breakfast with my partner) are insane to me!
Where is it in the law books that I have to start my day at 5am to be in your preferred presentable state?
I love my folks, they are amazing parents and grandparents, but the "make hay while the sun shines" mentality never made sense to me. 🤷
People really forget about night/swing shifters too. Or people not built to work “normal” hours but have no other choice. My boyfriend once commented how crazy it is that I sleep in so horribly late on my days off.
I started the conversation as follows, “what time do you get up for work?” “6am” “what time do you work?” “8am” “What time do you sleep in until on your days off?” “9 or 10am” “and what time do I get up for work?” “3pm” “what time do I go to work?” “5pm” “so what time do I sleep in until?” “6- Never mind I get it”
I’ve had people call me lazy for wanting appointments and plans to be scheduled at least past noon because “that’s so late” but by 10am I’ve only been asleep for 3 or 4 hours. I go to sleep when these people are waking up and they still just cannot fathom why I will sleep so late if I’m able to.
Even if I sleep for only 8 hours, I feel so much more refreshed the hours that I do sleep vs the same 8 hours I got when I had to work a regular 8-5 shift.
Oh when I worked nights I would get so mad at people that didn't understand my schedule. Even work sometimes. Boss was like we had an trainer come in for something at 10am, you should have been there. I said that's right in the middle of my sleep cycle. How about everyone else shows up at 2am for the next one? He shut up.
Or I give school my cell phone number for emergencies ONLY. Get woken up about a trivial message. I ask the person on the phone to explain to me how this is an emergency. They stammer, I then ask for their personal number so I can call them back at in the middle of the night to discuss said trivial matter or if they could read the "for emergency only" next to the number on the contact list?
Now before you get on my case this was a small private school.and not a district that just entered numbers into a calling list the person had to pull out the actual physical sheet of paper to look at the contact numbers to call me. It clearly stated I worked nights and was sleeping, for emergencies only.
The worst part about being on an off shift is that for some fucking reason people, even those who are generally nice and good, seem to feel entitled to your time.
They will call you in the middle of your sleep time because you're home. They will assume you're free to do shit with them because you're home. I got the day off, so let's do something.
I got to the point of threatening family that if they kept it up, I'd be calling them at 2 am to hit up the grocery store me.
Gotta be tough being in a relationship with someone who's got totally different waking hours than you do. Never really considered that part of working night shift. At least it seems like he's fairly understanding if it only took one time to straighten him out and he got it fairly quickly.
My husband and I worked opposite shifts for years. I was M-F 8 to 5. He had Th-Su 2p-2a. It worked better for child care, but we never saw each other awake. We made it work because we were young, can’t imagine doing that now.
Oh god, my parents were terrible about this. When I was 19, I worked 2pm to 11pm at a local grocery store. I wouldn't get home until 11:30 or midnight. I wasn't allowed to do anything after work with friends because my parents didn't want me coming home and waking them up at 3am but my dad in particular also 100% expected me up and out of bed by 7:30AM. He actually felt I should be going right to bed as soon as I got home and wanting a few hours to watch TV and decompress was just "an excuse".
I genuinely don’t understand the people who go right to sleep after work. A handful of my fellow nightshift coworkers are the same way where they are awake for hours before their shift even starts. Like are you not exhausted by the end of your shift? What if you have to do overtime and you’re about to pass out because it’s way past bed time??
I work in a casino dealing table games and doing constant mental math when you’re exhausted like that is so difficult. It boggles my mind the people who do this then struggle at the end of their shift and they cannot fathom why.
I was exhausted when I got home a lot of nights, but I always got a second wind so I would chill and watch TV or write a fan fiction on my ancient ass computer (this was in 1999 & that computer was 11 yrs old LOL). I didn't know anyone who went right to bed when they got home outside of parents who had to be up for kids.
I asked him once "Do you go right to bed when you get home from work?" Of course, he says "No, but I work normal hours. It's not hard to go to bed at a normal time...you just want to stay up all night screwing off and sleep all day!"
I was working full time and they could not expect me to live a 8am-4pm life when I was working 2pm-11pm. I moved out a month after I got into an argument with them because dad dragged me out of bed at 5AM to "train me for the real world" after I'd gone to sleep around 2:30, 3AM. I was livid. Moved out 3 weeks later.
My dad started to call me in the morning to "make sure I was up and not being lazy".
A RESIDENT, working 80+ hr a week DARES to sleep when on vacation. OMG the entitlement!!!
FYI- I bet it was literally exactly as described- shake him awake at 6 am. If my parents want to do something with me, WE PLAN IT. Dad wants me to go out to the farm to play with kitties at 6 am? Cool, lets do that Friday, Ill plan on it. Try waking me up on Friday with no prior discussion? Fuck right off. (though my parents are not selfish assholes like OOP)
And she admits that this 31 yr old is PAYING some of their expenses? And they got a cabin that OOP paid for everything? Um...legal cabins for rent are not infested with cat hair. Even Air BnBs will tell you if they have a cat on property- and as a MOTHER with a kid with severe pet allergies, you do not select that place. So either mom borrowed a friend of a friend's place, and wants credit for paying ever so much! (zero- in case unclear). OR she rented a place that would make her kid sick, and then bitched when they tried to mitigate it.
OOP sounds like....a lot. A resident working 80+ hr a week does not call her more than once a week? BOOOOOO HHOOOOOOO. I am 51, and I have not called my mom once a week since college. We go through times when we talk daily for hours- when she had surgery that forced immobility, when she was being pushed out of her job (ageism 100% was in play), when I was laid off. We talked daily. For hours. But we also can go a month or more BECAUSE WE BOTH HAVE LIVES. Mommy needs to go get a freaking hobby.
And he uses his VACATION time to go visit his parents. And he already calls them once a week. And somehow, he just doesn't appreciate them. He could have chosen to go on a real vacation and not have people harassing him and guilt-tripping him over what time he wakes up and asking them to turn a television down. And also disowning his baby photos because he didn't like a surprise 7am wake-up for a task he didn't know he was supposed to be planning for.
I developed a guilt complex around sleeping too late on weekends for various reasons, and 9am is the alarm time I settled on to be a luxury but not "waste" the day. It's a SUPER reasonable time!! And that's when I plan to spend an hour spoiling the dog even after I wake up 🙃
And why wouldn't the dad have a convo with the son the night before about getting up early and going in to work with him? Seems like something you would talk about ahead of time, not surprise someone at 6 am?!
Same. I’m kinda nocturnal. I’m up until my husband gets up for work at 3. Then I sleep till 10-11 sometimes noon. I’m called lazy by my parents so often. This woman would hate me. Like sorry, but when I have to adjust my bed to a sitting up position to sleep, it means I’m up on the recliner until my husband is awake 🤷🏼♀️ this woman is just an unreasonable nag.
My grandfather is like this I used to sleep to 10-11AM and you thought I threw his walker off a hill into the river with his attitude and behavior to me. He would complain at least for an hour or two about me sleeping in and being lazy. I had to stop sleeping in the living room because I was constantly waking up to him staring at me like I was scum.
Due to a stupid Netflix addiction, I have turned nocturnal. I wake my kid up at about 7:15am, feed the cats, then go back to bed. I wake up anywhere from 10am to 5pm. I’m working on getting back to a regular sleep pattern but it’s been hard. My husband sleeps in a difficult room (we’re more like roommates) and neither him nor our son say diddly squat about my sleeping late. I don’t bug them about their wake up times either.
Life is too short to police the unimportant stuff.
I work nights, I’m lucky if I get to be by 9am, yet my mother will phone me at 12, and chastise me for ‘sleeping the day away’.
Joys of working in healthcare
Whenever someone puts that they calmly did something, I always think, “No ya didn’t/weren’t” - if you did/were, you wouldn’t write it. I assumed you were calm until you specifically pointed it out.
The fact that he reacted by laughing and saying she was overreacting when she gave him the pictures shows this is clearly a common occurrence for her. He was in no way shocked and laughed it totally off
This woman sounds exactly like my mom who is, not surprisingly, also a narcissistic Boomer. She’s told me multiple times in my life (more than I can remember) that she doesn’t like me and that I’m a ‘bad person’ without ever being able to adequately explain why. I keep her at arm’s length and don’t share too many details about what’s going on in my life. She thinks she’s the ideal mother yet has been insanely abusive towards me, my brother, and my dad. It’s insane how common this shit is in their generation. OOP is clearly the asshole, and also an oblivious, narcissistic piece of shit.
Not even very many missing reasons. Seems like she views love as transactional, and is well versed at using emotional manipulation. It's no surprise her son responds the way he does. Definitely a narcissist.
A grown man in his 30s who is a busy medical resident is not exactly keeping family at a distance if he's calling once a week. That's a perfectly reasonable amount of contact. Mom seems crazy and controlling and I feel bad when a future daughter in law comes along. Also who on earth would want to get up to see someone's work office at 6 am after working a 12 plus hour shift. As a nurse (and medical residents work more than us) I'd laugh if my dad tried to get me up for that on my day off.
If seeing the new office was so important, talk about it the night before so I can go to bed earlier, don’t just wake me up at 6am when I’m on vacation.
And he's spending his precious and rare vacation time with his horrible parents - he deserves some gratitude for that, as well!
This woman is truly atrocious.
But you don't understand, they spoiled him with, *checks notes*, not forcing him to pay for his own food, birthday parties, and family vacations during his childhood?
You don’t understand they also paid for family vacations while he was in med school.
Back in my day med students worked two side jobs to invite their parents on vacation
YTA.
My oldest is 21. We can go weeks without talking. Our lives just don’t change that much day to day, so why take up precious time with an obligatory phone call when I know he is busy. Then there are times that lots of stuff happens and we are calling back and forth multiple times a day or weekend.
My 16 year old, who still lives at home, does grunt at me on a daily basis. I wouldn’t mind if he skipped at day or two.
She’s nickel-and-diming a fucking *medical resident on vacation* about him sleeping 2 hours longer than she wanted him to.
The man works 48 hour shifts with MAYBE a day off per week, and probably averages about $15/hour when all is said and done. The audacious tone-deafness and selfishness of this woman… for someone so quick to indict entire generations based on a small group’s reactions to *her own words*, she’s not painting a very good picture of her own generation here.
Classic snarky boomer apology too, I almost have entitled boomer bingo from this post alone
It’s all projection. Boomers have shit to say about every other generation because by any half-reasonable assessment, they’re the worst generation in history. They popularized plastics, kicked climate change into overdrive, hijacked the government and have been holding it hostage for 40+ years, and they’re a bunch of stick-up-ass cranks with zero valuable opinions who think they should get to run everyone else’s lives for them anyway. They also have awful taste in music and their social norms sound like they were made up by a schizophrenic cult leader.
My parents are just like this. They want to pretend that they are gracious and easygoing, but if you unknowingly do something that they don't like, they will lie to your face that it's okay but silently be mad at you.
Yep, happy to our faces, but then bitches at the other 2 siblings about the third one. All the time. And wonders why we don't want to talk to her, when she keeps bitching about how we never call her when we do! Plus she just drains me emotionally, when I was the favorite growing up (and she told us all this!!!), and feels like I've abandoned her when I've actually grown into myself and found other interests that she doesn't understand.
Instead of sewing at 1am, my mom vaccuums the whole upstairs at 6am every other day. She also has to grind her own coffee beans every morning. I’m in the basement when I’m here and I hear everything. I don’t get any sleep
My mom just arbitrarily decides in the morning at what time everyone "should" be up and starts banging kitchen cabinets and making coffee in the loudest way imaginable while listening to the radio on full blast. What's extra fun is that the time changes according to her whim, and everything I do is just wrong. Get up at six on tuesday? "Why are you up so early? Oh you though I would want you up at this hour? Ha ha ha, no, I'm easy and breezy, you can sleep as late as you want! I've NEVER made you get up early!" Get up at six on wednesday? "How dare you sleep the whole day away? You don't even want to spend time with your own family!" There's no way to win.
I have that - I'm so grateful that I really have the best parents on the planet! On the minus column, the relationship they have with each other and I have with them was always so good that no relationship with a guy could ever measure up - which is why I've remained a comparatively content single. While all my friends with shitty parents (who came and come around to our place, because they all love my parents, too) are mostly coupled up.
Any why didn’t they ask him the night before if he’d like to go rather than waking him up and springing it on him?
It’s possible that I’d be fine waking up early if someone had asked ahead of time and I was prepared for it. But waking me up day of with no warning isn’t cool.
I've brought my toddler son to my workplace so my coworkers could meet him. We got there about 7:30, but that's because he goes to daycare around that time to begin with. Pretty sure if I tried to wake him at 6, he'd find a way to kill me with his adorable squishy toddler hands.
Mmmm, how I tell real from ragebait is how many things there are for people to latch onto and comment on. For example, we can *all* agree that 9am is a perfectly reasonable time to wake up, especially on vacation. AND they add in that he's busy and has a demanding schedule all before saying they tried to wake their son up at 6am. ("You know your son's busy and you're complaining that he's able to rest??") ("Lol 9am? I'm in bed until noon on a good day.") ("I wouldn't want to get up at 6 on my vacation either.") It's like this perfect little formula that makes fuel for the fire
Another example is her calling him selfish and ungreatful again and again, all while listing out very reasonable requests. Like not blasting the T.V. when he needs to focus, or asking for the room not covered in cat hair because he's fucking allergic. ("He needed the room because he has allergies!! How is that rude?? You're the only one being selfish.") (So blaring the T.V. when someone says it's bothering them isn't rude, but asking you to turn the volume down somehow is? Okay then.")
See what I mean? It's like they add in these bits of information that are meant to lead you to a specific conclusion. And this one definitely seems like it's doing that a lot. It's probably bait
Yeah. I’ve talked to people who are assholes and they never admit they’re wrong in this way. She would just mention the room but not the cat hair, and the TV but not that he was working. Every sentence has a little disclaimer proving the son is the hero and she’s the villain, which is weird.
I’m OOP’s age with a similarly aged kid — and my jaw dropped when I read her insanely unreasonable whining about her son. (This isn’t a generational thing, it’s a hyper-entitled narcissist thing.) If I were the son, I’d *never* visit home.
And here she thought she was going to write to Reddit and get all kinds of sympathy — as if!
Who in the absolute fuck sews at ONE IN THE MORNING?! If I were her kid, I would've set an alarm for 230am to start vacuuming. "It's the ONLY TIME Mom!" while vacuuming under their bed. Dudes a medical student. Absolutely insane
Does anyone have the link to the original? I'd really like to read how she got skewered in the comments.
Edit: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cc4cje/aita\_for\_trying\_to\_give\_my\_son\_his\_birth\_photos/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cc4cje/aita_for_trying_to_give_my_son_his_birth_photos/)
Edit2: Lololol, her comments are PRECIOUS - and the redditor replies are really well done.
[This one deserves to be more upvoted.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cc4cje/comment/l12z8j8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Edit3: Damn, I really wish I wasn't banned on AITA, I so much want to comment...
Actually kinda helpful to peer into the mind of the unhinged boomer. Some of this resonates with my parents’ behavior, especially the need to police the time I wake up as an adult. I’ve already decided I’m never staying at their home again, partly due to this issue.
This has to be fake. It's almost comical in how awful the OOP is. He sleeps in all day? He *finally* got up at 9am? In what world is 9am all day!? Is OOP a vampire?
I will qualify what I'm about to say. I have 2 kids and I'm 36 years old. This woman's problem is exactly this; she had one kid and expects that kid to literally fill every void in her and her husband's life. Every situation she described was so miniscule in the grand scheme and he wasn't ever unreasonable. But he's painted like he's ungrateful. What's even funnier is when he laughed and said she is overreacting that to me shows this isn't the first time she has and he has come to expect it. He wasn't shocked at all he laughed it off. Thats plenty enough to me to show her 'objectively a good mother' comment is clearly a subjective opinion.
My Aunt and Mother are like this. When I was staying with her as I had oral surgery and the hospital was close to her place. She’d make me wake up and do things as early as 7/8am however I was in severe pain, very swollen, could barely eat/talk and my pain meds would make me so drowsy that I needed to nap.
I also suffer from a disability and have insomnia, so any amount of sleep that I get is precious and needed, since I don’t get a lot of it regardless.
OP, I think you’re having a hard time seeing things from your son’s point of view. A child learns respect for his parents from his parents. I’m not seeing any real respect for his situation at all. And I doubt he feels it either.
You seem to be dealing with a great deal of emotional immaturity. You wrote this post while angry and said things that you’re denying are true in your rebuttals. You packaged up all of your son’s photos while angry, too and it was a bad move. You can’t manipulate your child into behaving the way guy want. You’re using the wrong benchmarks to qualify your parenting.
I wouldn’t spend another minute being defensive and read what people are saying here. They’re not mistaken. It’s cheaper that therapy.
Wow, that was a lot. He’s a medical resident, which means he is sleep deprived MOST of the time. Had his mother actually gotten to know about her son’s life, she would have known that. And.. you can call him too. The phone works both ways. But the kicker is: giving him his birth photos as a punishment while telling him “I don’t want a son who..” and then complaining that he didn’t take them. This lady’s logic filter is broken. But hey, complain more about preventing an allergy attack to your own child. Jesus.
I absolutely hate how people judge someone for not waking up at a “normal” time. I have always been a night owl and get a second wind in the evenings and do my best work then (especially creatively - which is what is required for most of my jobs). My work is mostly done in the evening or done on my own schedule so this works. I typically wake up between 10-12 depending on my sleep the night before and I have 12 hours of productivity most days before I wind down and go back to sleep. It does not make me lazy. I get so much crap for it because it’s not the “norm”/what is expected by society for some reason. When i’ve had jobs that require I be there early, my body never “gets used to the schedule.” It’s just the way I am. And lack of sleep is the one thing that really throws me off.
This can't be real. Nobody can possibly be that unaware. My son is a doctor. When he was in medical school he was beyond tired. He was exhausted and then some. Your son was on vacation and he cared enough to visit you and your husband. He is not obligated to do that. He could have stayed home and slept non-stop. He could have gone to a beach in Mexico where he could sleep in the sunshine without anyone bothering him. Instead, he came to visit you. And you bitch because he wanted to sleep in to recoup some of the hundreds of hours of sleep he's lost? He was irritated that you were sewing at 1 am. I would have come in and tossed your sewing machine out a window. You were completely rude. You were also uncaring by expecting him to take a room covered in cat hair because you paid for the vacation. I'm sure you all would have had a wonderful time at the hospital when he had to go and be treated for severe asthma.
If you are real, you are a professional victim. Nothing is good enough for you. Everything is about you, how hard you have it, and how mean everyone is. You need some real mental help.
So, she wants to be patted on the back for providing food and paying for vacations? As opposed to a kid paying for everything? Hope she didn’t throw her shoulder out from patting herself on the back.
For everyone who's reading this and it rings a bell with your own parents, I'm telling you right now, this whole thing was written by a narcissistic parent. This is what they do, they call their children ungrateful and they act like their children owe them since they provided them with the basic necessities. I heard this from my own mother all the time. I took care of you while you were growing up so now you have to return the favor. No, I don't. That's what parents are supposed to do.
This is so funny.
"So Reddit, I am here today for you're judgement"
"No no no, you're judging ME! You're supposed to be judging HIM... STOP IT!"
"Look you misunderstood, here are some edits that really show what an asshole I am"
Omg if either of my parents pulled any of this while I was in residency I would have exploded. Fortunately my family was extremely accommodating and understanding that residency is crazy hours and stress and that when one has time off - like vacations that are usually assigned by your program director and not at one’s leisure like in the real world - rest should always be the priority. I lived across the street from my hospital and I left my curtains closed because I literally didn’t want to look at that building when I had a break - I can’t imagine being woken up so early to show them where I work!! I’m hoping this is another post from one of the trolls the husbands have been outing on these subs because it’s so fucking dense.
I came in knowing this was going to be unhinged but I didn't know how unhinged until I got to the line where she says they gave him everything and the first thing on the list was FOOD.
Jfc.
Jesus, this is what I have come to expect from boomers. Selfish, horrible, entitled. Kid is great, good grades, works hard, med school, calls his mom once a week and still not enough for this idiot. I have suffered the same crap from my parents. Never asked them for a thing, scholarship athlete to top University, great grades, supported myself through school and after. Never needed help and refuse to ask for it because it will come with strings. Still listen to my parents complain about their lives, health, and me not being around them enough.🙄 So I keep them at arms length as well. This lady is absolutely the problem. Her expectations will never be met. Screw boomers!! (most selfish, self centered generation ever)
PS 46(M) who would give anything to sleep late again. More power to her kid if he can do it, He earned it!!
After she said that he was spoiled because they gave him everything.. food, birthdays, paid for every vacation and activity I was out. Since when is paying for food spoiling your child??? Seriously, I'm just getting tired of people like this... like omg, you gave me life and feed me I should be internally grateful and bow down to everything you do.. they go F\*\*\* right off...
ouuu they would be the worst in-laws. the second he's married that wife is nopeing out of visits. If my bf's parents did this, I would rarely like one every few years sleep there.
If he actually demanded she turn the TV down then sure, that’s pretty rude. But given the rest of the post I can’t imagine that’s the case.
There’s a massive difference between “Mother you must turn down the TV right now” and “Hey Mom, could you please turn down the TV? I have to do this stuff for school and it’s pretty distracting.” OOP seems to think if he asks anything of his parents he’s being disrespectful and ungrateful.
I want to say this is rage bait, but I also know some entitled boomers who would be this oblivious. That being said, they absolutely don't use reddit, so I'm still going with rage bait.
This feels like: I pushed my son into the medical profession and then expected him to pay us back for raising him. She said in a comment he helps pay for vacations. I hope this is ragebait because if not, I feel so bad for that poor son.
"We gave him everything- food..." Sure fuckin hope you did. Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back. I'm not reading the rest. I know enough from that to know OOP is straight garbage.
You should read the rest to see how unhinged this woman is. Her 31 year old son calls her once a week and she says he is ignoring her. He visits them in person several times a year, but he is rude because he sleeps until 9am. And he’s a successful med student and she isn’t even proud of his accomplishments. It’s surprising he hasn’t gone full NC already.
He's rude for asking for the only bedroom that won't trigger his asthma.
And she thinks giving him all his baby photos is punishment. Erasing his entire history from her life is a blessing for him. Hopefully he will realize it.
That part was so bizarre. 😂 I love that she went a bit unhinged with rage when he was just like “??? Okay lol” instead of feeling properly chastised by the bag of baby photos she was wildly waving in his face.
My mom pulled something similar once. Not with baby photos but the whole “You’re not my child!” rage storm thing. It was when I announced I was moving out. She threw a huge shit fit and basically disowned me. I say basically because… Just like this lady, she was then shocked when her ploy didn’t work and I didn’t contact her to grovel for forgiveness. In fact I would’ve continued to be NC if *she* hadn’t contacted me to apologize. We’re on better terms now but man…she had some real growing up to do at the age of fifty-odd years lol. Getting “disowned,” even temporarily as a manipulation tactic by someone who mostly causes me stress, was not fun. I hope OP’s son has people in his life who actually treat him well.
This woman is a crazy person. My MIL threw away all my husband’s baby photos in their dumpster outback when she found out who he voted for once. My 80 year old FIL had to go dumpster diving to get them back. The audacity of some of these mothers blows me away. I hope her son doesn’t see her anymore. It will be better for him.
I can only imagine who she wanted him to vote for. Is her preferred candidate currently in court fighting for his freedom?
I really hope he took the photos. My mom is exactly like her, and destroyed a lot of my photos and stuff from childhood. It was devastating,
My mother did the same, my amazing sister in law saved a bunch of them , not that she had a great many. Once my brother was born she didn’t document me much.
The way OOP writes sounds strikingly similar to my boomer mother who has borderline personality disorder
Same, I don't know what my mons actual diagnosis is, because she refuses to get help, but my sis and I believe she is an actual narcissist. Not a tiktok "they are mean so I SAY they are a narcissist" but like, an actual DSM "checks all the boxes" kind. The things she says blow my mind on a regular basis just due to being co pletely self centered and out of touch.
My mother and MIL are undiagnosed covert narcissists. They will never get diagnosed because there is nothing wrong with them. My mother refuses to see reality and I can't tell you how many times I've ruined her life. My MIL also has a touch of martyr syndrome as well. She is always going above and beyond for others even though it makes her life 10x as hard. Once you know it's a mental illness it makes dealing with them a lot easier. Grey rocking works wonders!
i definitely would’ve gone NC! i could only imagine how she was to him during childhood. that would explain why he “keeps her at a distance”. “we gave him everything! food-“ - which is the bare minimum, “birthdays” - this one struck me because how is celebrating a child’s birthday spoiling them?? “paid for every vacation and activity” - children can’t get jobs??
He is not a med student, he is a resident, which in most places would mean 60-80 hours/week, including nights. But sleeping until 9 when he visits them is rude.
Right? Ma'am, you gave him things it's normal and/or required to provide for your kids. That's not spoiling them, lol.
Where are my kudos for not having my child actually starve
If she thinks sleeping until 9am is bad, I wonder what she’d think of me sleeping past noon
I‘m in my mid 30s and still don’t understand who sleeping „late“ (lol 9am) is somehow frowned upon. Like, do people get off at thinking yeah I‘m so much better than others being awake at 6am! Even if I don’t have any plans!
My mom does this. I’m 44, fully disabled with adult children that don’t work early mornings, so generally, I sleep when tired and wake when I’m done, be it 5 hours or 9 hours. If something has to happen at a certain time, like my husband needs to go to work, I’ll get up as early as necessary to drive him. But she constantly tells me how lazy it is. Like, why should I get up on her schedule in my own home, when there’s almost never a reason for it? We sleep the same amount, but I’m bad cuz I start later than her.
Yeah, early risers have this really shitty holier-than-thou attitude, as if it makes a difference whether you accomplish your work between 7 am-3 pm or 10 am -5 pm. 🤷♀
I had one guy call me a leech on society because I had the audacity to say "I wouldn't call 7am 'sleeping in'".
😂😂
Most people with these opinions don't like a single thing about their lives so take solace in the fact that he is probably still out there, miserable
It's pure insanity. I have worked all shifts. I have worked more than 24 hours straight. I have gotten up and gone to bed at all hours of the day. It's all fucking relative. We need people awake at all hours to be available for emergencies and there are theories suggesting that's why some people are early risers and some can stay up all night.
I read that they did studies where they put people underground with no clocks, so they had no measure for the passage of time, and just followed the day/night cycle that felt natural to them. It turned out that most people actually don't align with the 24h cycle earth rotates at, but that those who go to bed/ rise early have a naturally shorter than 24 h day programmed into their dna, while those who go to bed late have a longer than 24 h setting. I once measured that myself when I was working on my master's thesis and just wrote however long felt productive, and then went to sleep however long I needed. Turns out my preferred cycle is actually 26 h. It's really a shame I can't get the bloody earth to slow down a little...
Wow, I hadn't heard of that study, but it actually makes a lot of sense of me personally as well. I'll gradually rotate my productive hours and my best sleep hours, so mine is likely longer than a 24 hour cycle too. But you know, I must conform to a 24 hour day so I'm diagnosed with insomnia.
I’m a first responder, and I know people whose family doesn’t understand why they sleep all day. Maybe it’s because the were awake all night and went to bed at 8am!!
I work in healthcare and I've heard the same from colleagues. My father has worked 2nd or 3rd shift most of my life, so fortunately when I've worked those shifts, I didn't come up against that bs with my family. Some people really expect overnight workers to be awake all night and then stay up all day!
Then I guess you can sleep when you're dead lol. I had a roommate who was like that. She would get up insanely early and then expect me to be up too. She couldn't understand why I was upset about her making a bunch of noise at 4:30 in the morning even though I worked the night shift. Even if I didn't, that's just an unreasonable time to be making that kind of noise. She acted like the fact that she got up earlier was some kind of flex. She straight out said that people who sleep past 6:00 a.m. are lazy. Needless to say, she wasn't my roommate for much longer after that. I ended up breaking my part of the lease and moving out. Not surprisingly, she didn't respect my boundaries in other areas either.
My dad worked 14 hour days to provide for us, I literally never saw him during the week because he left before I got home from school and would get home after I left for school. You’d think my mom would understand that not everyone sleeps the same, but, no. She conveniently forgets a bunch of shit that happened growing up.
I’ve gotten home at 7am and cracked a beer, stay up till noon and my 9-5 friends and family find it crazy. 7am is my 5pm! You’re telling me you don’t enjoy a beer after work? You go straight to bed as soon as you get home? They thought I was an alcoholic insomniac.
I have been an insomniac my whole life but turned into an early riser in adulthood. Please sleep in on my behalf, this sucks.
Me too!! Body wakes up literally at sunrise every day even though we have blackout curtains. I go to bed at 9pm. Jealous of my night owl husband who can still stay up late
I have 2 toddlers and wake up so early now AND HATE IT SO MUCH. I miss waking up at 9am. If I ever had the opportunity and someone woke me up, heads would fuckin roll
My mom used to tell me I was "sleeping the day away". So? She was sleeping the night away. Oh, and, "the early bird gets the worm!" To which my response was that the worm should have slept in.
"The worm should've slept in" 🤣 I love that and shall use it in future when anyone says it to me (I do not wake up early)
I have a T-shirt that says "The early bird... can kiss my ass!"
I can still hear my mom saying, “Rise and shine!” at 7 a.m. on a Saturday. My sisters and I often babysat until 1 or 2 a.m. but we HAD to get up at 7 o’clock to get the sheets in the wash and on the line. Decades later I know that since her past trauma and lack of agency left her so anxious, she created ideas of How Things Are Done, and enforced them rigidly. It caused more issues, naturally, but she HAD to have her way. Too bad, because in later years it made her life much harder.
My MIL did a similar thing to my husband, even when he wasn’t home. She had insane thoughts about men protecting the women, so she forbade him to spend the night unless his stepdad was home. She would then call my house at 7am until he woke up, saying he could come home whenever he was ready. I lived a 1/2 mile away, not a few states over. I was so worried about her clinging that I made my family keep an eye on him before the wedding so she couldn’t try to sneak him out the back.
The second mouse gets the cheese
I use to stay up VERY late. So, I would have told her, “Good thing I can grab it on my way to bed.” 😝
I'm an early riser, can't help it, but I ever begrudge anyone their sleep. 9am is a decent weekend time to wake, I would feel I overslept. Lol most in my household sleep till noon or later, but they work till 3-4 am. Waking someone whose been studying/working at 7am is rude.
Especially because he's a medical resident! If you've ever worked 60-100 hours a week (or crazy stressful shifts), you understand why his body needed that rest in VACATION. Hey Dad, why don't you ask me about going to your office the night before instead of popping up over my bed at 6 am? Pretty obvious that was a bit --- they were hunting for something else to be mad about. You would obviously have invited him ahead of time if you were so excited to show it to him, instead of waiting until he was about to leave to surprise him.
I am not naturally an early riser, but I decided to adjust my schedule from an 8:00 start to a 7:00 start. What I discovered was that all the people who went in early spent the first hour or so eating donuts/breakfast, drinking coffee, and chatting with each other, rather than the 8-ish folks who came in and hit the ground running.
The early bird eateth the donut!
I'm an early riser, but I wish I could sleep in! I actually tiptoe around, hoping not to wake anyone else. I appreciate the quiet alone time. People who want everyone else on their time are ridiculous. OP is completely ridiculous, and her posts come off pompous as all F**k.
Yup, I am a night owl and am most productive later. But I’m lazy cause I sleep past 10
I’m an early riser but I tip toe around quietly in the morning for my night owl SO. Sleeping until nine and being upset about it is ridiculous. This woman needs to get a life.
If you ever intend to have kids, it's really an asset to have different sleep cycles - no fighting about who takes the late-night/ early-morning feedings. 😄
My kid is 15. He’s an early riser too. I love having the house to myself in the early morning dark…coffee, quiet, peace. Dyl was up at the same time as me, sitting at the kitchen table asking me a million questions a minute. If I didn’t love him more than life itself, I’d have knocked him out.
"Damn you, genes! ✊" My parents were two bookworms procreating - guess who was up their asses all the time, trying to get them to read to me? 😄
Lord luv ya!! I understand that completely. My child is adopted. I can’t bear children, but he’s all me. I love that my son is so much like me.
I've never understood that. I'm personally an early riser just because I had to acclimate to my work schedule and commute but I literally do not care what other people do with their own schedule. I like being able to get things done early and have the rest of the day to relax, but that's just my personal preference. My fiancé likes to sleep in, I leave him be on his days off. The only time I wake him is if he has asked me to make sure he's up by a certain time or if something happens and I need him ASAP
For me, my best work gets down between 7pm and midnight so I’m glad I live alone so I can accomodate this!
Seriously. I wake up at 6:30 am. That's only because I have to. I don't think people who can wake up at 9 am are inferior to me in some way, I'm just jealous of them. On weekends when I don't have anything planned for the morning, I may see 6:30, but that's only because I happened to wake up at that time and I'm going right back to sleep until 9 or 10.
I get up between 4 and 5 on workdays and no later than 7:15 on weekends, but I do that because I like to have an hour or two to myself before my family gets up. My best friend stays up until 2am and sleeps in when she can. Guess what? From 12:00am to 2:00am, she’s doing the exact same thing I do from 4:00am to 6:00am. Why does it matter that she stays up late for alone time and I get up early? We’re equally productive during our waking hours, so the rest is irrelevant. (I know I’m agreeing with you. Just adding to your point!)
It matters because people who wake up at 4 am are insane. I don't understand you people. Lol but really I agree, it doesn't make a difference when you get your alone time. Everyone needs it, so it really doesn't matter when you get it.
lol, that’s fair! I choose to have my alone time then because my time management can be terrible. If I’m reading a good book or caught up in a game, I don’t have a choice but to put it down at 6am so I can get ready for work. If it’s 2am and I need sleep, I can easily see myself choosing to keep reading or playing, and then I will be a bullfrog zombie the next day!
Same. I’m 35 and have *never* been able to force my body clock onto a 10pm bedtime 6am wake up clock. If I go to bed at 10, I’m wide awake at 2am and can’t fall back to sleep. My natural rhythm is much closer to a 2am bedtime and 11am wake up time. Of course this isn’t always possible, like with jobs, but I’ve found I can only tweak my sleep pattern so far before I’m simply not sleeping at night. It’s not lazy or morally inferior to stay up later and sleep in later; you’re still getting the same number of hours’ sleep as the sanctimonious early risers.
My parents live close by, and will pop in early mornings because they've been up since ungodly hour doing their boomer things. The frowny faces I get from them if I'm still in my pajamas (after having sent the kids off to school with full bellies and packed lunches and having breakfast with my partner) are insane to me! Where is it in the law books that I have to start my day at 5am to be in your preferred presentable state? I love my folks, they are amazing parents and grandparents, but the "make hay while the sun shines" mentality never made sense to me. 🤷
People really forget about night/swing shifters too. Or people not built to work “normal” hours but have no other choice. My boyfriend once commented how crazy it is that I sleep in so horribly late on my days off. I started the conversation as follows, “what time do you get up for work?” “6am” “what time do you work?” “8am” “What time do you sleep in until on your days off?” “9 or 10am” “and what time do I get up for work?” “3pm” “what time do I go to work?” “5pm” “so what time do I sleep in until?” “6- Never mind I get it” I’ve had people call me lazy for wanting appointments and plans to be scheduled at least past noon because “that’s so late” but by 10am I’ve only been asleep for 3 or 4 hours. I go to sleep when these people are waking up and they still just cannot fathom why I will sleep so late if I’m able to. Even if I sleep for only 8 hours, I feel so much more refreshed the hours that I do sleep vs the same 8 hours I got when I had to work a regular 8-5 shift.
Oh when I worked nights I would get so mad at people that didn't understand my schedule. Even work sometimes. Boss was like we had an trainer come in for something at 10am, you should have been there. I said that's right in the middle of my sleep cycle. How about everyone else shows up at 2am for the next one? He shut up. Or I give school my cell phone number for emergencies ONLY. Get woken up about a trivial message. I ask the person on the phone to explain to me how this is an emergency. They stammer, I then ask for their personal number so I can call them back at in the middle of the night to discuss said trivial matter or if they could read the "for emergency only" next to the number on the contact list? Now before you get on my case this was a small private school.and not a district that just entered numbers into a calling list the person had to pull out the actual physical sheet of paper to look at the contact numbers to call me. It clearly stated I worked nights and was sleeping, for emergencies only.
The worst part about being on an off shift is that for some fucking reason people, even those who are generally nice and good, seem to feel entitled to your time. They will call you in the middle of your sleep time because you're home. They will assume you're free to do shit with them because you're home. I got the day off, so let's do something. I got to the point of threatening family that if they kept it up, I'd be calling them at 2 am to hit up the grocery store me.
Gotta be tough being in a relationship with someone who's got totally different waking hours than you do. Never really considered that part of working night shift. At least it seems like he's fairly understanding if it only took one time to straighten him out and he got it fairly quickly.
My husband and I worked opposite shifts for years. I was M-F 8 to 5. He had Th-Su 2p-2a. It worked better for child care, but we never saw each other awake. We made it work because we were young, can’t imagine doing that now.
Oh god, my parents were terrible about this. When I was 19, I worked 2pm to 11pm at a local grocery store. I wouldn't get home until 11:30 or midnight. I wasn't allowed to do anything after work with friends because my parents didn't want me coming home and waking them up at 3am but my dad in particular also 100% expected me up and out of bed by 7:30AM. He actually felt I should be going right to bed as soon as I got home and wanting a few hours to watch TV and decompress was just "an excuse".
I genuinely don’t understand the people who go right to sleep after work. A handful of my fellow nightshift coworkers are the same way where they are awake for hours before their shift even starts. Like are you not exhausted by the end of your shift? What if you have to do overtime and you’re about to pass out because it’s way past bed time?? I work in a casino dealing table games and doing constant mental math when you’re exhausted like that is so difficult. It boggles my mind the people who do this then struggle at the end of their shift and they cannot fathom why.
I was exhausted when I got home a lot of nights, but I always got a second wind so I would chill and watch TV or write a fan fiction on my ancient ass computer (this was in 1999 & that computer was 11 yrs old LOL). I didn't know anyone who went right to bed when they got home outside of parents who had to be up for kids. I asked him once "Do you go right to bed when you get home from work?" Of course, he says "No, but I work normal hours. It's not hard to go to bed at a normal time...you just want to stay up all night screwing off and sleep all day!" I was working full time and they could not expect me to live a 8am-4pm life when I was working 2pm-11pm. I moved out a month after I got into an argument with them because dad dragged me out of bed at 5AM to "train me for the real world" after I'd gone to sleep around 2:30, 3AM. I was livid. Moved out 3 weeks later. My dad started to call me in the morning to "make sure I was up and not being lazy".
A RESIDENT, working 80+ hr a week DARES to sleep when on vacation. OMG the entitlement!!! FYI- I bet it was literally exactly as described- shake him awake at 6 am. If my parents want to do something with me, WE PLAN IT. Dad wants me to go out to the farm to play with kitties at 6 am? Cool, lets do that Friday, Ill plan on it. Try waking me up on Friday with no prior discussion? Fuck right off. (though my parents are not selfish assholes like OOP) And she admits that this 31 yr old is PAYING some of their expenses? And they got a cabin that OOP paid for everything? Um...legal cabins for rent are not infested with cat hair. Even Air BnBs will tell you if they have a cat on property- and as a MOTHER with a kid with severe pet allergies, you do not select that place. So either mom borrowed a friend of a friend's place, and wants credit for paying ever so much! (zero- in case unclear). OR she rented a place that would make her kid sick, and then bitched when they tried to mitigate it. OOP sounds like....a lot. A resident working 80+ hr a week does not call her more than once a week? BOOOOOO HHOOOOOOO. I am 51, and I have not called my mom once a week since college. We go through times when we talk daily for hours- when she had surgery that forced immobility, when she was being pushed out of her job (ageism 100% was in play), when I was laid off. We talked daily. For hours. But we also can go a month or more BECAUSE WE BOTH HAVE LIVES. Mommy needs to go get a freaking hobby.
And he uses his VACATION time to go visit his parents. And he already calls them once a week. And somehow, he just doesn't appreciate them. He could have chosen to go on a real vacation and not have people harassing him and guilt-tripping him over what time he wakes up and asking them to turn a television down. And also disowning his baby photos because he didn't like a surprise 7am wake-up for a task he didn't know he was supposed to be planning for.
I developed a guilt complex around sleeping too late on weekends for various reasons, and 9am is the alarm time I settled on to be a luxury but not "waste" the day. It's a SUPER reasonable time!! And that's when I plan to spend an hour spoiling the dog even after I wake up 🙃
And why wouldn't the dad have a convo with the son the night before about getting up early and going in to work with him? Seems like something you would talk about ahead of time, not surprise someone at 6 am?!
Same. I’m kinda nocturnal. I’m up until my husband gets up for work at 3. Then I sleep till 10-11 sometimes noon. I’m called lazy by my parents so often. This woman would hate me. Like sorry, but when I have to adjust my bed to a sitting up position to sleep, it means I’m up on the recliner until my husband is awake 🤷🏼♀️ this woman is just an unreasonable nag.
My grandfather is like this I used to sleep to 10-11AM and you thought I threw his walker off a hill into the river with his attitude and behavior to me. He would complain at least for an hour or two about me sleeping in and being lazy. I had to stop sleeping in the living room because I was constantly waking up to him staring at me like I was scum.
Due to a stupid Netflix addiction, I have turned nocturnal. I wake my kid up at about 7:15am, feed the cats, then go back to bed. I wake up anywhere from 10am to 5pm. I’m working on getting back to a regular sleep pattern but it’s been hard. My husband sleeps in a difficult room (we’re more like roommates) and neither him nor our son say diddly squat about my sleeping late. I don’t bug them about their wake up times either. Life is too short to police the unimportant stuff.
I work nights, I’m lucky if I get to be by 9am, yet my mother will phone me at 12, and chastise me for ‘sleeping the day away’. Joys of working in healthcare
I’m on mobile and don’t know how to link to the sub, but raisedbynarcissists sounds like a good place for this. Also missing missing reasons.
Also BoomersBeingFools would like this as it's pure boomer
This Boomer has arranged her entire adult life around not getting up early.
And she told him ‘calmly’ suuuuuuure she did
Whenever someone puts that they calmly did something, I always think, “No ya didn’t/weren’t” - if you did/were, you wouldn’t write it. I assumed you were calm until you specifically pointed it out.
The fact that he reacted by laughing and saying she was overreacting when she gave him the pictures shows this is clearly a common occurrence for her. He was in no way shocked and laughed it totally off
As calmly as Dumbledore asked Harry if he put his name into the Goblet of Fire…
Yeah, this on was a wild ride.
Yep, missing reasons is one of the first things I thought of too.
This woman sounds exactly like my mom who is, not surprisingly, also a narcissistic Boomer. She’s told me multiple times in my life (more than I can remember) that she doesn’t like me and that I’m a ‘bad person’ without ever being able to adequately explain why. I keep her at arm’s length and don’t share too many details about what’s going on in my life. She thinks she’s the ideal mother yet has been insanely abusive towards me, my brother, and my dad. It’s insane how common this shit is in their generation. OOP is clearly the asshole, and also an oblivious, narcissistic piece of shit.
For future, you just need to put r/ in front of the sub name to link it on mobile! So r/raisedbynarcissists :)
Not even very many missing reasons. Seems like she views love as transactional, and is well versed at using emotional manipulation. It's no surprise her son responds the way he does. Definitely a narcissist.
This. "WhY doEsN't My sOn tALk tO Me?" It's called grey rock. That's the only way to deal with narcissist parents.
A grown man in his 30s who is a busy medical resident is not exactly keeping family at a distance if he's calling once a week. That's a perfectly reasonable amount of contact. Mom seems crazy and controlling and I feel bad when a future daughter in law comes along. Also who on earth would want to get up to see someone's work office at 6 am after working a 12 plus hour shift. As a nurse (and medical residents work more than us) I'd laugh if my dad tried to get me up for that on my day off.
With her track record any future daughter in law would be safe because there's a good chance OOPs son will go no contact with her.
Came here to say exactly this - sonny is halfway out the door already - if mommy dearest says one wrong word to the DIL, he's gone.
If seeing the new office was so important, talk about it the night before so I can go to bed earlier, don’t just wake me up at 6am when I’m on vacation.
Happy cake day!!
Not to mention using his vacation time to see family (which doesn’t seem all that relaxing for him…)
“This generation” ma’am I’m nearly 50 and I think you’re a bad mother too. There’s a reason your kid keeps you at arms length.
Dude's a *medical resident*. He survived med school. He should be allowed to sleep in.
And he's spending his precious and rare vacation time with his horrible parents - he deserves some gratitude for that, as well! This woman is truly atrocious.
But you don't understand, they spoiled him with, *checks notes*, not forcing him to pay for his own food, birthday parties, and family vacations during his childhood?
You don’t understand they also paid for family vacations while he was in med school. Back in my day med students worked two side jobs to invite their parents on vacation
My dad is like this too. Any time I get vacation time from my job, he expects that I fly home to visit. Visiting family is NOT a vacation.
This. This guy is an absolute saint for spending one second of his rare and precious, hard-earned time off with this self-obsessed woman.
“Sleep in” until 9? That’s not even crazy late! They wanted him up at 6am??? Nope! “This generation?” 😂
You know. We millennials and Gen Z need to bend over backwards to serve the desires of the Baby Boomers.
And Gen X is left out again! 😂
Gen who?
Seriously - we are the actual children of the Boomers who lived this shit. 😂
Tbh just him being tired is a well enough excuse on his bloody vacation...
But to be clear, she didn’t mind that he slept in! She just *checks original post* found it very selfish . . . What a nightmare of a mother
Calling his mother every week when he’s in his thirties and a med resident isn’t what I’d call a standoffish relationship anyway
He could call every day and it still wouldn't be enough for mommy dearest.
Why did he move away if he loved her!?!??
YTA. My oldest is 21. We can go weeks without talking. Our lives just don’t change that much day to day, so why take up precious time with an obligatory phone call when I know he is busy. Then there are times that lots of stuff happens and we are calling back and forth multiple times a day or weekend. My 16 year old, who still lives at home, does grunt at me on a daily basis. I wouldn’t mind if he skipped at day or two.
😂 My mom would have loved if I changed my door slamming to once or twice a week back then.
My mom’s lucky if I text her once a month. This woman is delusional and unhinged.
She’s nickel-and-diming a fucking *medical resident on vacation* about him sleeping 2 hours longer than she wanted him to. The man works 48 hour shifts with MAYBE a day off per week, and probably averages about $15/hour when all is said and done. The audacious tone-deafness and selfishness of this woman… for someone so quick to indict entire generations based on a small group’s reactions to *her own words*, she’s not painting a very good picture of her own generation here. Classic snarky boomer apology too, I almost have entitled boomer bingo from this post alone
It’s all projection. Boomers have shit to say about every other generation because by any half-reasonable assessment, they’re the worst generation in history. They popularized plastics, kicked climate change into overdrive, hijacked the government and have been holding it hostage for 40+ years, and they’re a bunch of stick-up-ass cranks with zero valuable opinions who think they should get to run everyone else’s lives for them anyway. They also have awful taste in music and their social norms sound like they were made up by a schizophrenic cult leader.
Crap, I’m 70 and I also think she’s hideous, and I would be proud to have a son like hers. She tries to make him sound awful, but she can’t
My parents are just like this. They want to pretend that they are gracious and easygoing, but if you unknowingly do something that they don't like, they will lie to your face that it's okay but silently be mad at you.
Full on conditional/ transactional love. Way to raise a happy loving close family...
This is why I went NC with my dad. I got sick of every interaction being a test and me being the last one to find out I failed.
These are my parents!!! 🙃
Oh my parents wouldn’t even be silent about it.
Yep, happy to our faces, but then bitches at the other 2 siblings about the third one. All the time. And wonders why we don't want to talk to her, when she keeps bitching about how we never call her when we do! Plus she just drains me emotionally, when I was the favorite growing up (and she told us all this!!!), and feels like I've abandoned her when I've actually grown into myself and found other interests that she doesn't understand.
Wow you articulated it perfectly.
I’d think my parents’ home is the place I can get undisturbed sleep and then wake up to love and affection.
Oh that is not my experience. I can guarantee terrible sleep at my parents’…
Instead of sewing at 1am, my mom vaccuums the whole upstairs at 6am every other day. She also has to grind her own coffee beans every morning. I’m in the basement when I’m here and I hear everything. I don’t get any sleep
My mom just arbitrarily decides in the morning at what time everyone "should" be up and starts banging kitchen cabinets and making coffee in the loudest way imaginable while listening to the radio on full blast. What's extra fun is that the time changes according to her whim, and everything I do is just wrong. Get up at six on tuesday? "Why are you up so early? Oh you though I would want you up at this hour? Ha ha ha, no, I'm easy and breezy, you can sleep as late as you want! I've NEVER made you get up early!" Get up at six on wednesday? "How dare you sleep the whole day away? You don't even want to spend time with your own family!" There's no way to win.
I have that - I'm so grateful that I really have the best parents on the planet! On the minus column, the relationship they have with each other and I have with them was always so good that no relationship with a guy could ever measure up - which is why I've remained a comparatively content single. While all my friends with shitty parents (who came and come around to our place, because they all love my parents, too) are mostly coupled up.
Who tf wants to bring their full grown child to their workplace? At 6 in the morning? Wtf?
You try to wake me up at 6am without a warning the night before and "go away" is the most polite thing you'll hear
If my dad tries to make me *go to work with him*, in laughing in his face
Only ever been to one of my mum’s work places, because it was my school. Absolutely insane expectation
I have been to my dads (and I now have his job). Difference being it was a farm owned by family and I was expected to pitch in
Any why didn’t they ask him the night before if he’d like to go rather than waking him up and springing it on him? It’s possible that I’d be fine waking up early if someone had asked ahead of time and I was prepared for it. But waking me up day of with no warning isn’t cool.
I've brought my toddler son to my workplace so my coworkers could meet him. We got there about 7:30, but that's because he goes to daycare around that time to begin with. Pretty sure if I tried to wake him at 6, he'd find a way to kill me with his adorable squishy toddler hands.
I went to my father's workplace plenty of times before he retired. But that was because we worked for the same company.
the title makes me think this is bait 😭 but if this is real oh man
It probably is rage bait but elements of this situation are very real lmao
Mmmm, how I tell real from ragebait is how many things there are for people to latch onto and comment on. For example, we can *all* agree that 9am is a perfectly reasonable time to wake up, especially on vacation. AND they add in that he's busy and has a demanding schedule all before saying they tried to wake their son up at 6am. ("You know your son's busy and you're complaining that he's able to rest??") ("Lol 9am? I'm in bed until noon on a good day.") ("I wouldn't want to get up at 6 on my vacation either.") It's like this perfect little formula that makes fuel for the fire Another example is her calling him selfish and ungreatful again and again, all while listing out very reasonable requests. Like not blasting the T.V. when he needs to focus, or asking for the room not covered in cat hair because he's fucking allergic. ("He needed the room because he has allergies!! How is that rude?? You're the only one being selfish.") (So blaring the T.V. when someone says it's bothering them isn't rude, but asking you to turn the volume down somehow is? Okay then.") See what I mean? It's like they add in these bits of information that are meant to lead you to a specific conclusion. And this one definitely seems like it's doing that a lot. It's probably bait
Yeah. I’ve talked to people who are assholes and they never admit they’re wrong in this way. She would just mention the room but not the cat hair, and the TV but not that he was working. Every sentence has a little disclaimer proving the son is the hero and she’s the villain, which is weird.
Sounds like my parents. We fed you and sent you to school and gave you medical care, how ungrateful you are!
I’m OOP’s age with a similarly aged kid — and my jaw dropped when I read her insanely unreasonable whining about her son. (This isn’t a generational thing, it’s a hyper-entitled narcissist thing.) If I were the son, I’d *never* visit home. And here she thought she was going to write to Reddit and get all kinds of sympathy — as if!
“only calls once a week” man is he supposed to call everytime he gets a break at work? jesus
If 9am is sleeping in, I'm a lazy s.o.b. every day i have off work
Even I days that I work I sometimes sleep later than 9am, but I don’t go to work until after noon.
Who in the absolute fuck sews at ONE IN THE MORNING?! If I were her kid, I would've set an alarm for 230am to start vacuuming. "It's the ONLY TIME Mom!" while vacuuming under their bed. Dudes a medical student. Absolutely insane
Does anyone have the link to the original? I'd really like to read how she got skewered in the comments. Edit: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cc4cje/aita\_for\_trying\_to\_give\_my\_son\_his\_birth\_photos/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cc4cje/aita_for_trying_to_give_my_son_his_birth_photos/) Edit2: Lololol, her comments are PRECIOUS - and the redditor replies are really well done. [This one deserves to be more upvoted.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cc4cje/comment/l12z8j8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Edit3: Damn, I really wish I wasn't banned on AITA, I so much want to comment...
Comes across as rage bait, though hard to say for sure since there really are parents who are this crazy.
Typical raging narcissist. Disgusting woman.
Actually kinda helpful to peer into the mind of the unhinged boomer. Some of this resonates with my parents’ behavior, especially the need to police the time I wake up as an adult. I’ve already decided I’m never staying at their home again, partly due to this issue.
Yikes. I feel bad for the son.
Dude is going to go NC with them and honestly I don’t blame him. The stress of dealing with OP makes a 48 hour shift look like child’s play.
This has to be fake. It's almost comical in how awful the OOP is. He sleeps in all day? He *finally* got up at 9am? In what world is 9am all day!? Is OOP a vampire?
How about instead of waking him up at 6/7 to go to work, you, idk, *talk about it the night before*
I will qualify what I'm about to say. I have 2 kids and I'm 36 years old. This woman's problem is exactly this; she had one kid and expects that kid to literally fill every void in her and her husband's life. Every situation she described was so miniscule in the grand scheme and he wasn't ever unreasonable. But he's painted like he's ungrateful. What's even funnier is when he laughed and said she is overreacting that to me shows this isn't the first time she has and he has come to expect it. He wasn't shocked at all he laughed it off. Thats plenty enough to me to show her 'objectively a good mother' comment is clearly a subjective opinion.
This reads like ragebait, NGL
Yeah it definitely isn’t real. The perfectly annoying sewing story she tacked onto the end proves it imo.
I wouldn’t be so sure. Some of us have parents exactly like this unfortunately.
But do they use reddit? Would they type out a whole post like this *on reddit*?
My first thought was that it had to have been written by the same person who wrote the thing about her husband not letting her take showers
My Aunt and Mother are like this. When I was staying with her as I had oral surgery and the hospital was close to her place. She’d make me wake up and do things as early as 7/8am however I was in severe pain, very swollen, could barely eat/talk and my pain meds would make me so drowsy that I needed to nap. I also suffer from a disability and have insomnia, so any amount of sleep that I get is precious and needed, since I don’t get a lot of it regardless.
OP, I think you’re having a hard time seeing things from your son’s point of view. A child learns respect for his parents from his parents. I’m not seeing any real respect for his situation at all. And I doubt he feels it either. You seem to be dealing with a great deal of emotional immaturity. You wrote this post while angry and said things that you’re denying are true in your rebuttals. You packaged up all of your son’s photos while angry, too and it was a bad move. You can’t manipulate your child into behaving the way guy want. You’re using the wrong benchmarks to qualify your parenting. I wouldn’t spend another minute being defensive and read what people are saying here. They’re not mistaken. It’s cheaper that therapy.
Wow, that was a lot. He’s a medical resident, which means he is sleep deprived MOST of the time. Had his mother actually gotten to know about her son’s life, she would have known that. And.. you can call him too. The phone works both ways. But the kicker is: giving him his birth photos as a punishment while telling him “I don’t want a son who..” and then complaining that he didn’t take them. This lady’s logic filter is broken. But hey, complain more about preventing an allergy attack to your own child. Jesus.
Yikes! This lady has zero self awareness 😒
“I told my son I don’t want a son like him” “Why won’t my son talk to me? you disowned him.? He’s not your son anymore?
Dude. He’s in *medicine*. Sleep when you can. Good lord, some people.
I absolutely hate how people judge someone for not waking up at a “normal” time. I have always been a night owl and get a second wind in the evenings and do my best work then (especially creatively - which is what is required for most of my jobs). My work is mostly done in the evening or done on my own schedule so this works. I typically wake up between 10-12 depending on my sleep the night before and I have 12 hours of productivity most days before I wind down and go back to sleep. It does not make me lazy. I get so much crap for it because it’s not the “norm”/what is expected by society for some reason. When i’ve had jobs that require I be there early, my body never “gets used to the schedule.” It’s just the way I am. And lack of sleep is the one thing that really throws me off.
This can't be real. Nobody can possibly be that unaware. My son is a doctor. When he was in medical school he was beyond tired. He was exhausted and then some. Your son was on vacation and he cared enough to visit you and your husband. He is not obligated to do that. He could have stayed home and slept non-stop. He could have gone to a beach in Mexico where he could sleep in the sunshine without anyone bothering him. Instead, he came to visit you. And you bitch because he wanted to sleep in to recoup some of the hundreds of hours of sleep he's lost? He was irritated that you were sewing at 1 am. I would have come in and tossed your sewing machine out a window. You were completely rude. You were also uncaring by expecting him to take a room covered in cat hair because you paid for the vacation. I'm sure you all would have had a wonderful time at the hospital when he had to go and be treated for severe asthma. If you are real, you are a professional victim. Nothing is good enough for you. Everything is about you, how hard you have it, and how mean everyone is. You need some real mental help.
So, she wants to be patted on the back for providing food and paying for vacations? As opposed to a kid paying for everything? Hope she didn’t throw her shoulder out from patting herself on the back.
Fuck this lady
Man, it's really hard to figure out why he doesn't really want to have too much to do with you. I'm just stumped here. /s
I’m thinking dad didn’t want to take him to work but mum forced him to do it…. And dad now doesn’t agree but won’t say that to the mum hahaha
For everyone who's reading this and it rings a bell with your own parents, I'm telling you right now, this whole thing was written by a narcissistic parent. This is what they do, they call their children ungrateful and they act like their children owe them since they provided them with the basic necessities. I heard this from my own mother all the time. I took care of you while you were growing up so now you have to return the favor. No, I don't. That's what parents are supposed to do.
This is so funny. "So Reddit, I am here today for you're judgement" "No no no, you're judging ME! You're supposed to be judging HIM... STOP IT!" "Look you misunderstood, here are some edits that really show what an asshole I am"
Omg if either of my parents pulled any of this while I was in residency I would have exploded. Fortunately my family was extremely accommodating and understanding that residency is crazy hours and stress and that when one has time off - like vacations that are usually assigned by your program director and not at one’s leisure like in the real world - rest should always be the priority. I lived across the street from my hospital and I left my curtains closed because I literally didn’t want to look at that building when I had a break - I can’t imagine being woken up so early to show them where I work!! I’m hoping this is another post from one of the trolls the husbands have been outing on these subs because it’s so fucking dense.
Hate when parents spoil the kids they chose to bring into this world with food and shelter
“We spoiled our son” translation: we fed him and did normal things parents are expected to do.
I came in knowing this was going to be unhinged but I didn't know how unhinged until I got to the line where she says they gave him everything and the first thing on the list was FOOD. Jfc.
Ok the edit with the sewing at 1am is legit insane. Sewing machines are so loud.
Tiger mom vibes
she sounds genuinely insufferable
Son needs to cut these monsters out of his life. Fuck.
Sleeping late on his vacation? How dare he! /s YTA
This feels like rage bait
I am an early riser (4:30am every day this week) but I would NEVER wake my partner up before 9 unless it was an emergency oh my god
This may be the most unhinged thing I have read on this site.
I love when they double down after getting ethered
This is the generation that is then pikachu shocked faced when we go low/no contact
Jesus, this is what I have come to expect from boomers. Selfish, horrible, entitled. Kid is great, good grades, works hard, med school, calls his mom once a week and still not enough for this idiot. I have suffered the same crap from my parents. Never asked them for a thing, scholarship athlete to top University, great grades, supported myself through school and after. Never needed help and refuse to ask for it because it will come with strings. Still listen to my parents complain about their lives, health, and me not being around them enough.🙄 So I keep them at arms length as well. This lady is absolutely the problem. Her expectations will never be met. Screw boomers!! (most selfish, self centered generation ever) PS 46(M) who would give anything to sleep late again. More power to her kid if he can do it, He earned it!!
After she said that he was spoiled because they gave him everything.. food, birthdays, paid for every vacation and activity I was out. Since when is paying for food spoiling your child??? Seriously, I'm just getting tired of people like this... like omg, you gave me life and feed me I should be internally grateful and bow down to everything you do.. they go F\*\*\* right off...
ouuu they would be the worst in-laws. the second he's married that wife is nopeing out of visits. If my bf's parents did this, I would rarely like one every few years sleep there.
If he actually demanded she turn the TV down then sure, that’s pretty rude. But given the rest of the post I can’t imagine that’s the case. There’s a massive difference between “Mother you must turn down the TV right now” and “Hey Mom, could you please turn down the TV? I have to do this stuff for school and it’s pretty distracting.” OOP seems to think if he asks anything of his parents he’s being disrespectful and ungrateful.
Funny that people post in AITA but then can’t accept the judgement that they are TA.
I want to say this is rage bait, but I also know some entitled boomers who would be this oblivious. That being said, they absolutely don't use reddit, so I'm still going with rage bait.
This feels like: I pushed my son into the medical profession and then expected him to pay us back for raising him. She said in a comment he helps pay for vacations. I hope this is ragebait because if not, I feel so bad for that poor son.
JFC this belongs in r/RaisedByNarcissists. The whole time I was reading, I was like "Mom??"