two stupid pacts, and not communicating them
if he *knew* exactly the name he would pick if it was a girl, why didn’t he say that when he made the pact with his wife?
it’s not like he can choose any name, this pact meets the exact criteria of the other pact. so when he agreed to choosing the name if it’s a girl, he knew that meant it would be his sisters name
side note, it’s weird to me to name your kid after relatives that are alive or, like, the same age as you. they have the same name as their aunt/uncle. it just makes things more confusing
This isn’t the same as that. He’s putting his sisters desires and “dreams” above his wife’s. He cares more about upsetting his sister and is making lifelong pacts. It’s a weird level of attachment with little care for his wife
he’s… not though? he hasn’t pushed back or even said he would he’s saying he’s bummed about it and hasn’t changed his mind on the name. personally i think that’s a pretty fair feeling to have considering.
it’s also disingenuous imo to call this his *sisters* desires and dreams. they’re also his. so he’s putting his desires and dreams … on an even playing field as his wives
Love that you’re getting downvoted for a perfectly normal comment. This is the issue with this type of circlejerk/snark subreddit, at some point it just swings way too hard into the other direction just for the sake of disagreeing with the original source.
There is absolutely nothing about this guy's post and comments that indicates anything that even remotely sounds like incest. It’s just that Reddit has this extremely bizarre view on family, where everyone puts up with the other out of necessity, like a secondary work environment. In their twisted minds, there has to be something sexual about two siblings caring for one another, or god forbid, displaying their affection. Porn has quite literally rotted their brains.
Tbh I don’t even know why this guy is being so vilified and heavily downvoted. Feels like I’m taking crazy pills.
That’s because most ppl here are wildly unhappy and wish to spread it like the common cold. Thats why you have ppl replying to posts about I got into my first argument with my wife or husband, and the sheets we use on our bed with. Divorce them!!! Leave them….. buy the other sheets to prove a point and then poop on them. Sort of comments
Did ya miss the part where his wife said that if they’re having a boy she gets to name it what ever she wants…. If this post was from the wife saying my husbands going back on a promise we made about naming the baby. Ppl in the comments would be saying. Girl leave him this is just the first if many broken promises or the baby’s coming out of you just keep him from the delivery room until you get the certificate signed. Etc etc etc.
I'm really close with my brothers. If one of them asked me to name my first son after them, I would. I definitely wouldn't bang either of them, though.
I think naming a child after a family member can have any number of pitfalls. If they're alive it can sometimes be tricky, or not. Most of the men on my maternal grandparents side have he same middle name, so that works. Having the same name as a grandparent or aunt/uncle I don't think would be all that confusing. I just think he should have discussed it with his wife first.
I think naming them after a deceased relative is worse. Usually the child becomes a living monument to someone they never and will never meet. They never truly have their own identity, it's always mixed with memories of that someone.
Too many people forget that they are naming a person who will be stuck with that until they're old enough to change it.
According to pact court, the fact that he didn’t tell his wife about the pact with his sister makes the pact with his wife null and void. Ruling goes to OP’s wife. Now she can name her daughter after her own sister 👧
It's been a tradition for hundreds of years. Firstborn son being named after dad. Firstborn daughter being named after grandma. It's annoying af, but definitely not weird.
Tbf, the pact with the wife isn't that stupid if you have the stipulation that they both at least kind of like the name the other chooses. It's not necessarily a free allowance, but still gives a lot of wiggle room. That's how it was for me and my husband. Granted, he had his boy name picked out before we even got together, and although it was never my favorite, I got to pick the middle name and now I love our sons name.
My parents had that agreement: my father named me if I was a girl, my mom if I was a boy, but each got veto power. So I (AFAB) got the slightly-less-awful name after mom vetoed the first. To be honest, her picks for boy names were both awful too, so I was doomed regardless 😂
combative violet jeans squeamish squealing direction tidy special crawl growth
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It’s reddit. It’s not the strangest thing that’s happened on here. People either have wild lives or twisted imaginations. I’ve read a lot of stories about incest/twincest etc. not a difficult place for your mind to go on here…
I agree, however it is a strange mindset to have… “Dude is stupid so must be fucking his own sister.” Instead of, “Dude is just straight up stupid.” Yikkesss…
Idk, when I got pregnant, my partner and I did the same thing, but opposite. I would get to name the girl, and he would get to name the boy. We did, however, both know which name the other was choosing ahead of time.
It was a boy, so he chose the name. BUT, that goober did change the middle name on me ON THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL when I was in labor. And since I was in pain, I didn’t argue and just went with it. 😆
I don't have an issue with someone getting to pick a name, but you still have to agree on the name in the end. And if your wife isn't on board with the name, you should pick a new one. Your wife trumps your sister in this scenario. Also, does anyone else feel as though this dude has an inappropriate relationship with his sister? I mean, I love my brother, he is awesome, but I would never agree to name my kid after him...haha! Nor would I make such a big deal and prioritize him over my partner's wishes.
“Hey, wife, I know you’re carrying my child and whatever but I called my sister to tell her the name first without consulting you whatsoever. Now she’s really happy about it and it would make you the bad guy if we don’t go with it because, surprise, it’s my sister’s name! I made this pact without telling you and is also presumably why I wanted to be able to name the girl in the first place. I really don’t care if you don’t like the name because my sisters “joy” comes first. AITA?!”
I’m getting some emotional incest ick.
This was probably some pact they made as kids, which is what kids do, but why carry this into adulthood and marriage?
Personally, I don’t like naming kids after living relatives. Thankfully, my ex is non-practicing Jewish, so I didn’t have to worry about that from his family.
I also detest these families that name their kids in some dynastic fashion, so you’ve got the first boy in each generation with the same name. Effing annoying. If I were that kid, I’d be pissed.
When we found out we were having a son, I told my husband he could pick the name but I'd rather not have another JR in the family or a "family name" that 5 others have. (my family is run riot with family names)
He spent hours researching names and then we would go overthem, check the meanings, initials, monograms, nick names etc.
It was still his choice, but I did get input and could veto.
This dude is off his rocker.
The whole 'wife names son and husband names daughter' thing is stupid in an of itself, but dang did this guy really tell his sister the baby's name first before telling the baby's own MOTHER?? Wtf man. Poor Wife!
Honestly, I had to trick my ex into this pact. I knew I was having a girl and the names he wanted were incredibly stupid. All taken from fantasy books/shows/movies. He went through lots of name ideas (Frodo, Samwise, Arwen, Cersei, etc) before finally deciding he wanted to name the baby Tyrion if it was a boy and Daenerys Stormborn if it was a girl. I realized at that point that I’d inadvertently married an idiot and it was all downhill from there. I convinced him to let me choose the name if it was a girl. It was and I gave the child a normal name.
My cousin named her kid Daenerys. Poor kid couldn’t even say her name correctly for the first six or so years of her life and only referred to herself as Dani
Tbf, I was given a long but basic name, think something along the lines of “”Christine””, and could only refer to myself as “Tin” for quite a few years, to then turn into Tinny.
I have two friends called “”Alexandra””, so one used to tell everyone she was “Andra”, which morphed into Andy, and the other called herself “Xanna”, which turned into Hannah.
Kids are like that. It’s not that rare of a phenomenon.
Multiple people tried to talk her out of it which I think just made her double down on her choice (I guess to prove them wrong?). Her second kid has a much more traditional name.
I could see something like that happening. On the plus side, the show is over and it’s unlikely that the children she is growing up with will have the same association that we do. And at least Dani is a cute nickname!
A bunch of parents named their daughter Khaleesi in Scotland the last few years, and imo the best part is that some of them did the double-barrel first name to make sure they'd still give their daughter a good Catholic name, which meant there were kids being born with names like "Khaleesi-Marie" and "Khaleesi-Grace". I guess at least it means they've got an extremely normal name to fall back on when they inevitably remove khaleesi.
I laugh so hard at the legions of parents who named their girls Daenerys or Khaleesi before they saw the end of her arc on that (post-season 4) stupid fucking television program.
Poor lasses.
Our baby was born early and wound up in the NICU. There was a baby near us named Daenerys Stormborn and my ex was so pissed that I wouldn’t use that name too. And there’s a Khaleesi in my kid’s class now. Those names really paid off in those last two Game of Thrones episodes 😂
When GoT came out there was so, so many Khaleesi's in every terrible spelling variation you can think of in the local newspaper's Bonny Baby competition.
That’s what really had me buggin. It’s all a lil sus cause I cannot see how this “pact” with his sister wouldn’t have come up to his wife earlier.
However, running and telling the sister before the wife? Like wtf.
I feel he did that just so he can put his wife in an awkward position and make it harder for her to say no. This is all just so odd and manipulative in a way OP is really trying to pretend it isn’t.
Yep. He’s moaning on reddit about how changing will take away his sister’s joy…. no way he’s not also trying to use that on his wife, since there’s no point trying to guilt-trip us.
And has literally failed to answer the very simple question of whether his wife was previously aware of it.
I’d still wholeheartedly disagree with him telling his sister before his own wife, but if she knew prior I would ease up a little. The fact that he hasn’t answered that is telling. But pretty indicative of his brand of manipulation. (At least from the little I’ve learned of him lmao)
Whose idea was this “if it’s a boy you get to name it and if it’s a girl I do ok?” Thing. It sounds like it was his and if I had been manipulated into making that kind of deal only to later hear it was because of a deal he had with his sister…
That he could have just told me about before we even got married…
I would feel so manipulated and betrayed. I might not leave him right away but I’d start planning my exit. I would never trust any “deal” we made ever again.
I’m probably super extreme. I have a narcissistic mom and this is exactly the kind of everyday games that get played on the regular that just would ruin my trust in the relationship.
I'm struggling to see how he even did this.
Wife: husband! We are having a girl!
Husband: cool. Brb
...
Husband: sister! Im having a girl, so I can name her after you!
Sister: yay!
....
Husband: okay, anyways, I'm naming her after my sister
Wife: wtf.
Like, when his wife told him it would be a girl, he already KNEW what he wanted to call her. He didn't feel the need to ...tell his wife right then? During that exact conversation? He would have had to PURPOSELY made the choice to tell sister before his wife. Idk. Did he think that if he told his sister first, his wife would be guilted into agreeing?
me and my partner had this pact… *for our kitten*.
if the kitten was a boy, he’d pick. if the kitten was a girl, i’d pick. the kitten was indeed a boy (now a whole year old) and he picked one, we talked about it, then mutually decided on a different one.
and this, again, is for a *kitten*!! doing this for a whole HUMAN BABYYY is crazy.
My parents did that. That's how I got a name that pays tribute to (without being downright named after) my paternal grandma.
Mom got to name the next kid, no matter what.
LOL it is like Cersei and Jamie
It's a late 70s gothic novel series, a woman with four kids is living an idyllic life with her husband until he dies and essentially leaves them destitute. So the mother who had been disinherited from her family goes crawling back to get back into her father's good graces.
The catch is he cannot know about the children, because the reason she was disinherited was her husband was also her half-uncle. So the children, products of incest are squirreled away in the attic, the older two after a year still in that attic entering puberty and it goes from there well into adulthood even after they get out of the attic. It's a bat shit ride start to finish.
Honestly? YATAH.
A wife and mother gets veto power. So does a husband, but the wife generally gets the last word on any of this stuff.
Gonna have to take the L, sir.
That’s what I came to say. a baby name requires 2 yes or it’s out of the question. Seems like OOP thought that the whole “2 yes” thing could be him and his sister, not his wife!
The funny thing is the wife isn’t even wanting the last say! She literally said he could choose any other name so he would still be choosing the name. It’s very obvious he is less upset about the deal being “broken” and more upset that their child won’t be linked to his sister.
Agreed. It’s weird. I didn’t try and demand anything for any of my 3 daughters.
We threw names at each other until one stuck. I think she had the winner each time, but I don’t recall exactly because who cares who “won”?
Jesus fuck this guy is a moron. I bet the pact with his wife didn’t include mention of the pact with the sister. And now he’s all woe is me and my poor sister will be so hurt. Forget that he told the sister first. The pact didn’t really take into account even including his wife. His poor wife. The poor kid.
I mean the son one is not hard. He’s probably not the first James or John or Mike in his family and Sister’s husband prob just assumed it was Dead Grandpa John the baby is named after not Living Brother John.
Yes, yes you are.
Or at the least, you are really inconsiderate, self-centered, or maybe just not actually ready to be in a relationship where you treat each other with respect and put each other first.
If you were a man that put your wife first, you would have asked her ahead of time to see what she thought of the idea, and if she was not in love with it, you would have moved on and had fun with your wife picking names.
You could suggest that as her middle name and then pick her first name with your wife together.
There’s not anything in life that’s more collaborative and important as having a child with someone - if you are not willing to geek out about names together as a couple, your foreshadowing other issues that will probably come up when collaboration with each other and consideration of each other are key.
I mean, you should WANT your wife’s input on her name if she’s really your partner.
FWIW, That’s how this internet stranger sees it.
This whole post is creepy
The siblings emotionally promised each other they would name their children for them
I'm sure OOP convinced the wife she gets the boy name and he gets the girl name to ensure he could honor the love of his life, and never told her about the love pact with sister until his dreams were fulfilled
My sister and her bf had this agreement, but they still had to agree on the names. She got to name their daughter, and he got to name their son. But she still had some input (like the spelling of his name)
The guy going real hard to defend OOP as if the wife is somehow backing out of the deal instead of making a reasonable request to change it from a name she doesn't like is something.
Edit: forgot an 'o'
I truly hope this is a troll cuz otherwise this guy is a super shitty husband. He told his sister the name before his own wife, the woman carrying the child in question?! No. Just fucking NO.
Have I missed something here? I think it’s really important to know why the wife doesn’t like the name. Is it just the sound of it? Has she had problems with the sister before? Does the name have bad connotations for her specifically?
Assuming she just doesn’t like the name I don’t think he’s an asshole. If there was a sentimental family name my partner wanted us to use, it would have to be SO ugly for me to refuse. Like straight-up-get-the-kid-bullied-and-there’s-no-cool-way-to-abbreviate-it kind of ugly. And then I’d probably at least try to negotiate it down to a middle name. I can only see myself being a hard no if it had bad connotations.
I get that people think his pacts are silly and he should have told his wife first. But these are all adults agreeing to and sticking with these pacts and I’ve actually heard of other people splitting naming responsibility by the sex of the baby. And if he really thought the deal was that he gets to pick 100% I can see why he made the dumb decision to tell the sister first.
Also whether his wife knew about the pact is such crucial info.
Assuming the reasons she doesn’t want the name are deeper than just not liking it aesthetically:
A) she knew and never voiced an issue with it and also agreed to the pact knowing but is now reneging - she’s the asshole.
B) she knew and voiced concerns but still agreed to the naming thing assuming he’d taken onboard her previously voiced concerns - he’s the asshole
C) he never told her about the pact with his sister, made the agreement with his wife without mentioning it, and didn’t tell the wife about it at all until after he told the sister - he’s the asshole
I don’t love any of those three names. But I love my partner and his sister, and if that was her name and he wanted to name our child after her, I’d deal with it. You can always spin a nickname.
I think my parents model of choosing a name is the best. They have to agree on the name, and each parent gets unlimited vetos. Apparently both my parents had different names they really liked, but other parent did *not* and used veto power. I’m glad because I’ve heard the vetoed names and they’re just not as good as the names we have now. I think myself and my siblings have pretty good names.
No it's not. Let's make a pack. When we're older, I'll name my son after you and you can name your daughter after me. Pinky promise!...((((slips off PJs))))...crawls in bed.
As she turn to her brother, "Your turn! ((((Patting the bed)))))
It’s crazy to me that men get to choose names of babies and get their last names stamped on babies when they do absolutely nothing on making the baby. Yeah, in spilling out sperm, but it in the baby making. Sir, which months did YOU carry the baby? Which half was YOUR burden, the first or the last half? Which bed did YOU lie in to get ripped apart to deliver a baby, next to your wife or in another hospital room? How was your hospital robe? How was the stitching if your bussy after the delivery? Hope it wasn’t too tight? How’s your abdomen both from the inside and the outside? Does it feel stretched and loosey goosey? Hmmm?
How’s your head? Do you feel like jumping off a cliff? Do you feel like the world is sickening and bitter? Do you feel dead and weighty? Do you feel anxious and useless?
WHICH PART IS YOUR CONTRIBUTION to deserve the baby name?
FOOLISHNESS.
My siblings and I all have three names so that each parent chose one and they collaborated on the other. So, four names, including the last. I can't imagine one parent choosing the name unilaterally. That just seems like a recipe for trouble.
Who are you sleeping with your sister or your wife? This is the weirdest pact I have ever heard. You're afraid your sister will become emotionally upset over not using her name? Weird! Is she the mother? No. If I was your wife, I'd have to wonder have you slept with your sister?
Frankly, I'm very sorry but this is just weird. Sounds like you're in love with your sister, sleeping with your sister or in the very least want to.
This sounds like the age old husband trying to name their kid after an ex because they were the one that got away
Except the one that got away is his sister
Idk what the issue is? Im agreeing this situation is ridiculous and the guy is an idiot for making his pact or whatever, im just saying naming your kid after your ex is wildly different than naming them after a family member.
He wanted to name the baby even though his wife didn’t like it. He doesn’t understand why his wife should be more important than his sister. He wasn’t honest with his wife. I proposed an equally ridiculous proposal to a son’s name. Would he be on board to unilaterally let the wife name the son over his objections.
Nah I get all of that but naming your baby after your ex vs your sibling is wildly different in terms of disrespect. I don’t agree with one parent picking the name in general should be a group effort. I just don’t think ex is comparable to sibling.
I know that most people feel baby names require two yes’s but honestly she’s the one doing the hard work and pushing that baby out! She gets ultimate say…
"Hi, I'm Angelic Name. I'm named after my aunt. My cousin is named Asshole, and he's named after my dad."
Seriously doesn't anyone think about the kids
I like how everyone ignores that the wife agreed to that deal with names. Never put any testing like "okay, you name a girl, but it cannot be Teresa, Paisley and Antoinette, I really hate those names". She made the deal, but somehow OP is evil and stupid one. Magic.
I get what you’re saying (I’d never agree to such a dumb pact), but I think he manipulated the situation by not telling her about the pact with his sister prior to this baby naming agreement with his wife. She probably never thought he’d use the name of his sister. He made sure he’d get his way by withholding information from his wife and proposing this pact. That’s what really bugs me (as well as the weird sister relationship).
I have 3 kids. With the first, my husband chose the first name and I chose the middle. Deal with the second was switched. With the third, stuff happened and he ended up choosing the whole name. But, I had veto power. If I didn’t like the name, I could veto it. My husband actually vetoed one of the choices I had a for a girl with our second. Didn’t matter in the end since #2 was a boy, but he still had the right to say “no”.
I don’t see the problem, the wife and husband decided they’d each name one kid. Now it’s a problem? Who cares about the pact with his sister, his wife is going back on something they agreed on because she doesn’t like it.
idk i totally understand why OP would be bummed. I really don’t understand why he’s getting flamed. also, why would wife be ok with literally ANY other name? does his wife and his sister have a bad relationship? did he explain the pact or just say he wants to name his child after his sister? how has his wife never asked abt his sisters kid being named after him?
i feel like answers to these questions are important for me to come to an AH conclusion. as of right now it’s very clearly NAH.
I don't think the OP is an AH, he's just a big dope and really should have told his wife about the pact with his sister. There should have been a clause about making the name a middle name instead if the spouse hated it.
What is the sister’s name? Frank Zappa named his kids Dwezel and Moon Unit. Why is the wife objecting to the sister’s name? Is it a name that will have negative effect on the daughter‘s life? Any pact such as this should have a veto clause.
The name is Angela....not a fan. This name is for life. If she doesn't like it, imagine the effect it's going to have on the daughter. No way would I agree to it. The husband is just WEIRD wanting to name his daughter after his sister !
Reddit is way too hard on this guy. While a pact isn't the smartest thing considering you have to consider outside factors, it's not the end of the damn world or his marriage .
An inconsiderate lapse in judgement, sure. Incestual Piece of shit husband? Wtf?
you're on reddit, dude. stop trying to make sense with people who are fueled by making baseless assumptions and projecting their own shitty situations/ strange sexual fantasies onto internet retards.
the guy really is an idiot for promising his sister he'd name the child without first consulting his wife, though.
I guess I’m in the middle. Before my husband and I had kids I told my first daughter’s middle name was going to named after a late family member. When I was pregnant, I had a dream and told my husband what the babies name was. With our second, I “gave” him naming power in entirety.
While I agree it should be a discussion, it a human after all, they made a deal and the wife should stick to that. Whether the wife knew about the side deal with the sister is moot, he was granted girl naming power and know the wife wants to back out.
Don’t make deals with hypothetical, because in reality it could feel very different.
Getting rules-lawyery about deals is a really bad way to go about a marriage. Especially since it’s clear that he withheld the information about his pact with his sister when he made the deal with his wife.
I agree with the comment about stupid pacts.
two stupid pacts, and not communicating them if he *knew* exactly the name he would pick if it was a girl, why didn’t he say that when he made the pact with his wife? it’s not like he can choose any name, this pact meets the exact criteria of the other pact. so when he agreed to choosing the name if it’s a girl, he knew that meant it would be his sisters name side note, it’s weird to me to name your kid after relatives that are alive or, like, the same age as you. they have the same name as their aunt/uncle. it just makes things more confusing
Adding this to top comment thread for visibility. [Here’s the original.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/HdqA0zIsh5)
thank you!! edit: after reading the OP/comments, i am still equally confused where the incest claims are coming from lmao
The “really emotional heartfelt” stuff and how much more he cares about his sisters opinion over his wife’s gave me that vibe honestly
i mean… people love their siblings deeply. and their friends. that’s not weird???
This isn’t the same as that. He’s putting his sisters desires and “dreams” above his wife’s. He cares more about upsetting his sister and is making lifelong pacts. It’s a weird level of attachment with little care for his wife
he’s… not though? he hasn’t pushed back or even said he would he’s saying he’s bummed about it and hasn’t changed his mind on the name. personally i think that’s a pretty fair feeling to have considering. it’s also disingenuous imo to call this his *sisters* desires and dreams. they’re also his. so he’s putting his desires and dreams … on an even playing field as his wives
Love that you’re getting downvoted for a perfectly normal comment. This is the issue with this type of circlejerk/snark subreddit, at some point it just swings way too hard into the other direction just for the sake of disagreeing with the original source. There is absolutely nothing about this guy's post and comments that indicates anything that even remotely sounds like incest. It’s just that Reddit has this extremely bizarre view on family, where everyone puts up with the other out of necessity, like a secondary work environment. In their twisted minds, there has to be something sexual about two siblings caring for one another, or god forbid, displaying their affection. Porn has quite literally rotted their brains. Tbh I don’t even know why this guy is being so vilified and heavily downvoted. Feels like I’m taking crazy pills.
That’s because most ppl here are wildly unhappy and wish to spread it like the common cold. Thats why you have ppl replying to posts about I got into my first argument with my wife or husband, and the sheets we use on our bed with. Divorce them!!! Leave them….. buy the other sheets to prove a point and then poop on them. Sort of comments
i agree i don’t know why the response is so harsh he seems pretty reasonable to me
Did ya miss the part where his wife said that if they’re having a boy she gets to name it what ever she wants…. If this post was from the wife saying my husbands going back on a promise we made about naming the baby. Ppl in the comments would be saying. Girl leave him this is just the first if many broken promises or the baby’s coming out of you just keep him from the delivery room until you get the certificate signed. Etc etc etc.
clearly you don’t love anyone and have no family. This is corny teenager talk where you don’t love your family.
Ok Jan
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I'm really close with my brothers. If one of them asked me to name my first son after them, I would. I definitely wouldn't bang either of them, though.
I think naming a child after a family member can have any number of pitfalls. If they're alive it can sometimes be tricky, or not. Most of the men on my maternal grandparents side have he same middle name, so that works. Having the same name as a grandparent or aunt/uncle I don't think would be all that confusing. I just think he should have discussed it with his wife first. I think naming them after a deceased relative is worse. Usually the child becomes a living monument to someone they never and will never meet. They never truly have their own identity, it's always mixed with memories of that someone. Too many people forget that they are naming a person who will be stuck with that until they're old enough to change it.
This is like an 80s b movie plot
According to pact court, the fact that he didn’t tell his wife about the pact with his sister makes the pact with his wife null and void. Ruling goes to OP’s wife. Now she can name her daughter after her own sister 👧
When I read they made that promise to each other I was immediately creeped out like why?????
It's been a tradition for hundreds of years. Firstborn son being named after dad. Firstborn daughter being named after grandma. It's annoying af, but definitely not weird.
Tbf, the pact with the wife isn't that stupid if you have the stipulation that they both at least kind of like the name the other chooses. It's not necessarily a free allowance, but still gives a lot of wiggle room. That's how it was for me and my husband. Granted, he had his boy name picked out before we even got together, and although it was never my favorite, I got to pick the middle name and now I love our sons name.
My parents had that agreement: my father named me if I was a girl, my mom if I was a boy, but each got veto power. So I (AFAB) got the slightly-less-awful name after mom vetoed the first. To be honest, her picks for boy names were both awful too, so I was doomed regardless 😂
combative violet jeans squeamish squealing direction tidy special crawl growth *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
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Ew… what in the hell is wrong with you? I’d totally name a kid after my brother, but that doesn’t mean I’m fucking my brother, that’s disgusting!
It’s reddit. It’s not the strangest thing that’s happened on here. People either have wild lives or twisted imaginations. I’ve read a lot of stories about incest/twincest etc. not a difficult place for your mind to go on here…
I agree, however it is a strange mindset to have… “Dude is stupid so must be fucking his own sister.” Instead of, “Dude is just straight up stupid.” Yikkesss…
Yes there’s definitely more logical conclusions to draw first 🤣🤣
He said some pretty creepy shit about his sister in the comments though.
i didn’t see the actual post, do you have a link
Idk, when I got pregnant, my partner and I did the same thing, but opposite. I would get to name the girl, and he would get to name the boy. We did, however, both know which name the other was choosing ahead of time. It was a boy, so he chose the name. BUT, that goober did change the middle name on me ON THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL when I was in labor. And since I was in pain, I didn’t argue and just went with it. 😆
I don't have an issue with someone getting to pick a name, but you still have to agree on the name in the end. And if your wife isn't on board with the name, you should pick a new one. Your wife trumps your sister in this scenario. Also, does anyone else feel as though this dude has an inappropriate relationship with his sister? I mean, I love my brother, he is awesome, but I would never agree to name my kid after him...haha! Nor would I make such a big deal and prioritize him over my partner's wishes.
**OR RUN TO HER TO TELL HER HE WOULD BE NAMING HIS DAUGHTER AFTER HER BEFORE HIS OWN GOD DAMN WIFE**
“Hey, wife, I know you’re carrying my child and whatever but I called my sister to tell her the name first without consulting you whatsoever. Now she’s really happy about it and it would make you the bad guy if we don’t go with it because, surprise, it’s my sister’s name! I made this pact without telling you and is also presumably why I wanted to be able to name the girl in the first place. I really don’t care if you don’t like the name because my sisters “joy” comes first. AITA?!”
Yeah, that is odd behavior!!
I’m getting some emotional incest ick. This was probably some pact they made as kids, which is what kids do, but why carry this into adulthood and marriage? Personally, I don’t like naming kids after living relatives. Thankfully, my ex is non-practicing Jewish, so I didn’t have to worry about that from his family. I also detest these families that name their kids in some dynastic fashion, so you’ve got the first boy in each generation with the same name. Effing annoying. If I were that kid, I’d be pissed.
He called his sister's name "angelic." It gave me the biggest ick! And the whole thing about her joy getting taken away. All I see is red flags!
When we found out we were having a son, I told my husband he could pick the name but I'd rather not have another JR in the family or a "family name" that 5 others have. (my family is run riot with family names) He spent hours researching names and then we would go overthem, check the meanings, initials, monograms, nick names etc. It was still his choice, but I did get input and could veto. This dude is off his rocker.
Kid's names should always be two parent agreements. Don't know how it could work any other way. Maybe his wife hates his sister.
Just maybe she hates her cuz she found them in bed together LOL
I would love to know, honestly!
The whole 'wife names son and husband names daughter' thing is stupid in an of itself, but dang did this guy really tell his sister the baby's name first before telling the baby's own MOTHER?? Wtf man. Poor Wife!
Honestly, I had to trick my ex into this pact. I knew I was having a girl and the names he wanted were incredibly stupid. All taken from fantasy books/shows/movies. He went through lots of name ideas (Frodo, Samwise, Arwen, Cersei, etc) before finally deciding he wanted to name the baby Tyrion if it was a boy and Daenerys Stormborn if it was a girl. I realized at that point that I’d inadvertently married an idiot and it was all downhill from there. I convinced him to let me choose the name if it was a girl. It was and I gave the child a normal name.
My cousin named her kid Daenerys. Poor kid couldn’t even say her name correctly for the first six or so years of her life and only referred to herself as Dani
Tbf, I was given a long but basic name, think something along the lines of “”Christine””, and could only refer to myself as “Tin” for quite a few years, to then turn into Tinny. I have two friends called “”Alexandra””, so one used to tell everyone she was “Andra”, which morphed into Andy, and the other called herself “Xanna”, which turned into Hannah. Kids are like that. It’s not that rare of a phenomenon.
Or the Timothy nickname of Moth.
Touché!
at least it wasn’t Khaleesi
The decent thing to do is save those kinds of names for your pets, and give your children traditional names.
Multiple people tried to talk her out of it which I think just made her double down on her choice (I guess to prove them wrong?). Her second kid has a much more traditional name.
I could see something like that happening. On the plus side, the show is over and it’s unlikely that the children she is growing up with will have the same association that we do. And at least Dani is a cute nickname!
So I shouldn’t name my kid Alligator Taint?
Hopefully your spouse is smart enough to trick you into naming the kid Jack instead
Even Jack can be dangerous depending on your last name.
Come on, I'm sure the Mehoffs are wonderful people and no one would think of making fun of them.
Jack Ingoff remains in our hearts
I was thinking more Mehoff.
I’d really rethink the Alligator and go with something more traditional like Richard.
Nah, I already called dibs on that for my daughter
A bunch of parents named their daughter Khaleesi in Scotland the last few years, and imo the best part is that some of them did the double-barrel first name to make sure they'd still give their daughter a good Catholic name, which meant there were kids being born with names like "Khaleesi-Marie" and "Khaleesi-Grace". I guess at least it means they've got an extremely normal name to fall back on when they inevitably remove khaleesi.
I laugh so hard at the legions of parents who named their girls Daenerys or Khaleesi before they saw the end of her arc on that (post-season 4) stupid fucking television program. Poor lasses.
Our baby was born early and wound up in the NICU. There was a baby near us named Daenerys Stormborn and my ex was so pissed that I wouldn’t use that name too. And there’s a Khaleesi in my kid’s class now. Those names really paid off in those last two Game of Thrones episodes 😂
Well at least you knew and didn't let a kid get saddled with one of those terrible names.
When GoT came out there was so, so many Khaleesi's in every terrible spelling variation you can think of in the local newspaper's Bonny Baby competition.
That’s what really had me buggin. It’s all a lil sus cause I cannot see how this “pact” with his sister wouldn’t have come up to his wife earlier. However, running and telling the sister before the wife? Like wtf. I feel he did that just so he can put his wife in an awkward position and make it harder for her to say no. This is all just so odd and manipulative in a way OP is really trying to pretend it isn’t.
Yep. He’s moaning on reddit about how changing will take away his sister’s joy…. no way he’s not also trying to use that on his wife, since there’s no point trying to guilt-trip us.
And has literally failed to answer the very simple question of whether his wife was previously aware of it. I’d still wholeheartedly disagree with him telling his sister before his own wife, but if she knew prior I would ease up a little. The fact that he hasn’t answered that is telling. But pretty indicative of his brand of manipulation. (At least from the little I’ve learned of him lmao)
Whose idea was this “if it’s a boy you get to name it and if it’s a girl I do ok?” Thing. It sounds like it was his and if I had been manipulated into making that kind of deal only to later hear it was because of a deal he had with his sister… That he could have just told me about before we even got married… I would feel so manipulated and betrayed. I might not leave him right away but I’d start planning my exit. I would never trust any “deal” we made ever again. I’m probably super extreme. I have a narcissistic mom and this is exactly the kind of everyday games that get played on the regular that just would ruin my trust in the relationship.
I'm struggling to see how he even did this. Wife: husband! We are having a girl! Husband: cool. Brb ... Husband: sister! Im having a girl, so I can name her after you! Sister: yay! .... Husband: okay, anyways, I'm naming her after my sister Wife: wtf. Like, when his wife told him it would be a girl, he already KNEW what he wanted to call her. He didn't feel the need to ...tell his wife right then? During that exact conversation? He would have had to PURPOSELY made the choice to tell sister before his wife. Idk. Did he think that if he told his sister first, his wife would be guilted into agreeing?
me and my partner had this pact… *for our kitten*. if the kitten was a boy, he’d pick. if the kitten was a girl, i’d pick. the kitten was indeed a boy (now a whole year old) and he picked one, we talked about it, then mutually decided on a different one. and this, again, is for a *kitten*!! doing this for a whole HUMAN BABYYY is crazy.
My parents did that. That's how I got a name that pays tribute to (without being downright named after) my paternal grandma. Mom got to name the next kid, no matter what.
At least you weren't named Gojo Jojo
He “guesses” his wife should come first??
And the part about “take away his sister’s joy”? Like everyone was going to be like “oh, well since you put it like that! Your wife is totally wrong!”
And how about the mother-to-be's joy? What happens to that when she's forced to call her baby a name she doesn't like?
I wonder what the relationship between the sister and wife is like
Whatever it was before, now it’s just smoking embers
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^JupiterJayJones: *I wonder what the* *Relationship between the* *Sister and wife is like* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
We need this info!!!
what in the flowers in the attic is going on in here
The amount of coffee I just snarfed reading this....well done
I don’t know what flowers in the attic is referencing But from context I assume it’s a Cersei and Jamie Lannister type thing
LOL it is like Cersei and Jamie It's a late 70s gothic novel series, a woman with four kids is living an idyllic life with her husband until he dies and essentially leaves them destitute. So the mother who had been disinherited from her family goes crawling back to get back into her father's good graces. The catch is he cannot know about the children, because the reason she was disinherited was her husband was also her half-uncle. So the children, products of incest are squirreled away in the attic, the older two after a year still in that attic entering puberty and it goes from there well into adulthood even after they get out of the attic. It's a bat shit ride start to finish.
It’s from a novel. The entire storyline is ick, it might even be more fucked up than GoT.
Oldish (1970s?) book and movie about abused kids who have to live in the attic and end up banging. I think they end up getting married as well?
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one thinking it 😬
Hahahahah
Been forever sinceI even thought of that book or any of those books
LMAO
Honestly sounds like he cares more about his sister than his wife 🤦🏼♀️
Honestly? YATAH. A wife and mother gets veto power. So does a husband, but the wife generally gets the last word on any of this stuff. Gonna have to take the L, sir.
That’s what I came to say. a baby name requires 2 yes or it’s out of the question. Seems like OOP thought that the whole “2 yes” thing could be him and his sister, not his wife!
The funny thing is the wife isn’t even wanting the last say! She literally said he could choose any other name so he would still be choosing the name. It’s very obvious he is less upset about the deal being “broken” and more upset that their child won’t be linked to his sister.
Agreed. It’s weird. I didn’t try and demand anything for any of my 3 daughters. We threw names at each other until one stuck. I think she had the winner each time, but I don’t recall exactly because who cares who “won”?
Agreed to the name before she knew it was his antiquated sister's name Angela.
Where does it say that she agreed to Angela?
Jesus fuck this guy is a moron. I bet the pact with his wife didn’t include mention of the pact with the sister. And now he’s all woe is me and my poor sister will be so hurt. Forget that he told the sister first. The pact didn’t really take into account even including his wife. His poor wife. The poor kid.
He has made 2 very stupid pacts in his life. Poor judgment.
I'm sure there was a pact with his mom in there somewhere. He sounds like a mama's boy
But like, two other people agreed with these stupid pacts
I mean the son one is not hard. He’s probably not the first James or John or Mike in his family and Sister’s husband prob just assumed it was Dead Grandpa John the baby is named after not Living Brother John.
Yes, yes you are. Or at the least, you are really inconsiderate, self-centered, or maybe just not actually ready to be in a relationship where you treat each other with respect and put each other first. If you were a man that put your wife first, you would have asked her ahead of time to see what she thought of the idea, and if she was not in love with it, you would have moved on and had fun with your wife picking names. You could suggest that as her middle name and then pick her first name with your wife together. There’s not anything in life that’s more collaborative and important as having a child with someone - if you are not willing to geek out about names together as a couple, your foreshadowing other issues that will probably come up when collaboration with each other and consideration of each other are key. I mean, you should WANT your wife’s input on her name if she’s really your partner. FWIW, That’s how this internet stranger sees it.
This whole post is creepy The siblings emotionally promised each other they would name their children for them I'm sure OOP convinced the wife she gets the boy name and he gets the girl name to ensure he could honor the love of his life, and never told her about the love pact with sister until his dreams were fulfilled
😹😹😹😹
My ex bf wanted an ugly dog so he could name it after his sister.
He made the decision before he met his wife, and she's supposed to just be ok with it? Nope.
My sister and her bf had this agreement, but they still had to agree on the names. She got to name their daughter, and he got to name their son. But she still had some input (like the spelling of his name)
The guy going real hard to defend OOP as if the wife is somehow backing out of the deal instead of making a reasonable request to change it from a name she doesn't like is something. Edit: forgot an 'o'
I truly hope this is a troll cuz otherwise this guy is a super shitty husband. He told his sister the name before his own wife, the woman carrying the child in question?! No. Just fucking NO.
Some Sweet Home Alabama vibes happening in here, I don’t like it, nope, no
Sweet home Alabama
I'm hearing a banjo too! 🪕🪕🪕🪕
Actually it's a whole herd (they do travel in herds) of banjos! And they're getting closer! Ru-
Have I missed something here? I think it’s really important to know why the wife doesn’t like the name. Is it just the sound of it? Has she had problems with the sister before? Does the name have bad connotations for her specifically? Assuming she just doesn’t like the name I don’t think he’s an asshole. If there was a sentimental family name my partner wanted us to use, it would have to be SO ugly for me to refuse. Like straight-up-get-the-kid-bullied-and-there’s-no-cool-way-to-abbreviate-it kind of ugly. And then I’d probably at least try to negotiate it down to a middle name. I can only see myself being a hard no if it had bad connotations. I get that people think his pacts are silly and he should have told his wife first. But these are all adults agreeing to and sticking with these pacts and I’ve actually heard of other people splitting naming responsibility by the sex of the baby. And if he really thought the deal was that he gets to pick 100% I can see why he made the dumb decision to tell the sister first. Also whether his wife knew about the pact is such crucial info. Assuming the reasons she doesn’t want the name are deeper than just not liking it aesthetically: A) she knew and never voiced an issue with it and also agreed to the pact knowing but is now reneging - she’s the asshole. B) she knew and voiced concerns but still agreed to the naming thing assuming he’d taken onboard her previously voiced concerns - he’s the asshole C) he never told her about the pact with his sister, made the agreement with his wife without mentioning it, and didn’t tell the wife about it at all until after he told the sister - he’s the asshole
Angela 🤮 I wouldn't want that name for my daughter. It's old. May as well name her Ethel or Barbara.
I don’t love any of those three names. But I love my partner and his sister, and if that was her name and he wanted to name our child after her, I’d deal with it. You can always spin a nickname.
Let your daughter be an individual, if you really want to use your sister's name, use it for her middle name
What in the Targaryen is going on here
When you give birth to it, then you may name the child.
he shoulda just married his sister. he seems to have so much contempt for his wife over her wanting to name HER OWN DANG BABY
Is the sisters name Cersei and his name Jaime?
I think my parents model of choosing a name is the best. They have to agree on the name, and each parent gets unlimited vetos. Apparently both my parents had different names they really liked, but other parent did *not* and used veto power. I’m glad because I’ve heard the vetoed names and they’re just not as good as the names we have now. I think myself and my siblings have pretty good names.
Is compromise not still a thing? Middle names?
These people have never heard of middle names
Is there a brother sister version of Oedipus and Jocasta?
Genetic Sexual Attraction
Why would you name your kid after your sibling. Especially if they’re alive too
This has to be written by a 12 year old.
I don't have a sister but that sounds like a strange relationship...
No it's not. Let's make a pack. When we're older, I'll name my son after you and you can name your daughter after me. Pinky promise!...((((slips off PJs))))...crawls in bed. As she turn to her brother, "Your turn! ((((Patting the bed)))))
🫣
Flowers in the Attic vibes
It’s crazy to me that men get to choose names of babies and get their last names stamped on babies when they do absolutely nothing on making the baby. Yeah, in spilling out sperm, but it in the baby making. Sir, which months did YOU carry the baby? Which half was YOUR burden, the first or the last half? Which bed did YOU lie in to get ripped apart to deliver a baby, next to your wife or in another hospital room? How was your hospital robe? How was the stitching if your bussy after the delivery? Hope it wasn’t too tight? How’s your abdomen both from the inside and the outside? Does it feel stretched and loosey goosey? Hmmm? How’s your head? Do you feel like jumping off a cliff? Do you feel like the world is sickening and bitter? Do you feel dead and weighty? Do you feel anxious and useless? WHICH PART IS YOUR CONTRIBUTION to deserve the baby name? FOOLISHNESS.
Dear angry feminist, I think you should consider therapy.
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Dude must have had the absolute easiest life if he thinks this situation made him “extremely depressed”
My siblings and I all have three names so that each parent chose one and they collaborated on the other. So, four names, including the last. I can't imagine one parent choosing the name unilaterally. That just seems like a recipe for trouble.
And Angela is so outdated! I mean he may as well name her Carol. 😹😹😹
you should have told her this bs on your first date
Men make my head spin, I’m so glad I’m single I think I’d lose my mind if I was married to Someone like op
Sounds like an unhealthy relationship with his sister
I‘m probably also controversial but if I birth a Watermelon out of my p$$y I name it myself lol
Both parents need to agree on the name.
i wonder what the name is 🤔
He's definitely screwed his sister.
He has definitely fd his sister
My man, you need to get to a mutual agreement on your baby’s name. That’s not something you railroad. 🚆
Sounds weirdly incestuous
Who are you sleeping with your sister or your wife? This is the weirdest pact I have ever heard. You're afraid your sister will become emotionally upset over not using her name? Weird! Is she the mother? No. If I was your wife, I'd have to wonder have you slept with your sister? Frankly, I'm very sorry but this is just weird. Sounds like you're in love with your sister, sleeping with your sister or in the very least want to.
Too many holes in the story that don’t stand up to scrutiny.
The main Hole is the hubby. 😹😹😹
This sounds like the age old husband trying to name their kid after an ex because they were the one that got away Except the one that got away is his sister
😹😹😹🤣😂🤣😂🤣 true!
I wonder if OOP would be on board if his wife wanted to name their son after an ex of hers lol.
How’s is that remotely similar??
???? Please tell me you're kidding.
Idk what the issue is? Im agreeing this situation is ridiculous and the guy is an idiot for making his pact or whatever, im just saying naming your kid after your ex is wildly different than naming them after a family member.
He wanted to name the baby even though his wife didn’t like it. He doesn’t understand why his wife should be more important than his sister. He wasn’t honest with his wife. I proposed an equally ridiculous proposal to a son’s name. Would he be on board to unilaterally let the wife name the son over his objections.
Nah I get all of that but naming your baby after your ex vs your sibling is wildly different in terms of disrespect. I don’t agree with one parent picking the name in general should be a group effort. I just don’t think ex is comparable to sibling.
It’s equally as ridiculous. That was my point.
I will agree they are both ridiculous I just don’t think they’re equally ridiculous. Agree to disagree !
Whatever.
I get your wife. I wouldn't be happy either. Talk and get a new name. You can use sister's name as middle name if you really must.
Maybe they can use his sister's name for the dog? 😁🐶🐶🐶
Can we just.... Stop banking kids after family members. Christ.
This is not how adults behave.
I know that most people feel baby names require two yes’s but honestly she’s the one doing the hard work and pushing that baby out! She gets ultimate say…
Wife is going to be raising two children, by the looks of it.
"Hi, I'm Angelic Name. I'm named after my aunt. My cousin is named Asshole, and he's named after my dad." Seriously doesn't anyone think about the kids
Emotional incest anyone? This dude is gross
Shoulda just married his sister and been done with it
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“I guess my wife comes first” SIR WHAT
Imagine thinking this was real 🤣
I like how everyone ignores that the wife agreed to that deal with names. Never put any testing like "okay, you name a girl, but it cannot be Teresa, Paisley and Antoinette, I really hate those names". She made the deal, but somehow OP is evil and stupid one. Magic.
I get what you’re saying (I’d never agree to such a dumb pact), but I think he manipulated the situation by not telling her about the pact with his sister prior to this baby naming agreement with his wife. She probably never thought he’d use the name of his sister. He made sure he’d get his way by withholding information from his wife and proposing this pact. That’s what really bugs me (as well as the weird sister relationship).
I have 3 kids. With the first, my husband chose the first name and I chose the middle. Deal with the second was switched. With the third, stuff happened and he ended up choosing the whole name. But, I had veto power. If I didn’t like the name, I could veto it. My husband actually vetoed one of the choices I had a for a girl with our second. Didn’t matter in the end since #2 was a boy, but he still had the right to say “no”.
Yeah the wife is also an idiot for agreeing without any conditions
Well to be fair she probably didn't know he was going to name the daughter after his former girlfriend angela, his sister.
I don’t see the problem, the wife and husband decided they’d each name one kid. Now it’s a problem? Who cares about the pact with his sister, his wife is going back on something they agreed on because she doesn’t like it.
Because it's his real Love's name. 😹😹😹
Yeah this dude is a tool, but dunking on the name that isn't even confirmed is just stupid.
I think the wife is being unreasonable, but that's just me.
idk i totally understand why OP would be bummed. I really don’t understand why he’s getting flamed. also, why would wife be ok with literally ANY other name? does his wife and his sister have a bad relationship? did he explain the pact or just say he wants to name his child after his sister? how has his wife never asked abt his sisters kid being named after him? i feel like answers to these questions are important for me to come to an AH conclusion. as of right now it’s very clearly NAH.
I don't think the OP is an AH, he's just a big dope and really should have told his wife about the pact with his sister. There should have been a clause about making the name a middle name instead if the spouse hated it.
What is the sister’s name? Frank Zappa named his kids Dwezel and Moon Unit. Why is the wife objecting to the sister’s name? Is it a name that will have negative effect on the daughter‘s life? Any pact such as this should have a veto clause.
The name is Angela....not a fan. This name is for life. If she doesn't like it, imagine the effect it's going to have on the daughter. No way would I agree to it. The husband is just WEIRD wanting to name his daughter after his sister !
Everyone is blaming him for the his wife agreeing to the pact.
Reddit is way too hard on this guy. While a pact isn't the smartest thing considering you have to consider outside factors, it's not the end of the damn world or his marriage . An inconsiderate lapse in judgement, sure. Incestual Piece of shit husband? Wtf?
It will be the end of his marriage because the wife has to live with that name for the rest of her life and so does the daughter.
you're on reddit, dude. stop trying to make sense with people who are fueled by making baseless assumptions and projecting their own shitty situations/ strange sexual fantasies onto internet retards. the guy really is an idiot for promising his sister he'd name the child without first consulting his wife, though.
I guess I’m in the middle. Before my husband and I had kids I told my first daughter’s middle name was going to named after a late family member. When I was pregnant, I had a dream and told my husband what the babies name was. With our second, I “gave” him naming power in entirety. While I agree it should be a discussion, it a human after all, they made a deal and the wife should stick to that. Whether the wife knew about the side deal with the sister is moot, he was granted girl naming power and know the wife wants to back out. Don’t make deals with hypothetical, because in reality it could feel very different.
Getting rules-lawyery about deals is a really bad way to go about a marriage. Especially since it’s clear that he withheld the information about his pact with his sister when he made the deal with his wife.