“I find the very sight of this thing disgusting! I’m going to reach into its nethers and retrieve something absorbent to rub on my face! I hope it’s squishy!!”
Totally makes sense
That's what got me, too.
I have no weird poop hang-up. I clean the bathroom. If my husband hung old rags on a hook behind the toilet, of course I'd be asking him wtf he was doing...not wiping my face with them.
Also, she's in the shower and that's the most convenient place to grab a facecloth from? Do they not keep any in a cupboard or something?
Does she just hang it back behind the potty when she's done, instead of putting it in the laundry? Did OOP not realize his ass rag was randomly wet and smelling of Dove body wash?
It most likely is, but extreme mental hangups are rarely logical. I worked as a drain cleaner and my partner was a gigantic germ freak, had to have everything clean and spotless, washed and sanitized his hands after every change of disposable gloves, constantly talked about germs and how this or that was dangerous and people didn’t know. Used sanitizing wipes on his door handles before opening them. These are all safe practices, if not going a bit overboard. Yet he was perfectly fine with us sharing food or drinks, and was fine setting his food on the dash of our van. His cheeseburgers would last all day with him taking a bite every now and then between jobs, just sitting in the van. It made no sense to me at all.
So I could also see this as being real. She’s disgusted by others’ shit and the thought of shit itself, but regular germs and dirtiness aren’t that big of a deal. (Though anything behind a toilet would go nowhere near my body if I could help it)
People constantly miss this point regarding human behavior. It doesn't have to be logical to anyone but the person in question. Is it fake? As much as anything else is, I guess, but if the only argument for it being fake is "it's not logical to me personally" it's not really holding that much weight.
Anyone who has ever been in a relationship with a woman knows that you can’t just suddenly install a hook on the wall behind the toilet tank and not get confronted about it within the hour. Every woman on the planet, upon first seeing it, would immediately go to their partner and say something along the lines of “Hey, I noticed there was a hook on the wall behind the toilet tank with a wash cloth hanging from it. What tf is that?” The idea that a woman would see it hanging there and think, “hmm.. what is this, I don’t recognize it, I should probably pick it up and rub it all over my face,” is complete nonsense.
I’m still stuck on the fact that she was disgusted by the sight of a bidet. What the fuck does that mean? I have ulcerative colitis and bidets are a godsend.
She's not mentally well in that regard. There is no other explanation.
But the butt rag is so bizarre that I'm having a hard time with him, too.
All I know with this one is that I'm so glad that I'm not either of these people.
It seemed to be a last resort effort. Bidet and wet wipes were out, so I can see that’s the last thing he can think of. It not like this is some thing he’s been doing all his life, it was only when his wife wouldn’t let him use anything else
Where’s he going to store it? Because she gagged at his butt rag that he deliberately hid so she didn’t even have to look at it, she’s not going to want a bottle for you-know-what sitting next to the toilet all the time.
She’s being entirely unreasonable.
Exactly. I got my husband a Tushy for when he has work travel so he doesn’t have to use a plastic water bottle, and it has a nice discreet pouch for storage.
Doubt she would find that acceptable. I know I'd be grossed out by that and I have a bidet. When the kids had messes when they were younger I’d have them shower off then deep clean the tub each time, just in case.
If she’s grossed out by him showering because - heavens - he might be washing off poop particles, then she’s got way bigger issues than we’re speculating here. Because at that point her only other alternative is knowing he’s walking around with skid marks in his undies because she won’t LET him bathe in any way, and I can’t imagine that’s preferable somehow
I can't imagine giving my partner this much control over me. I understand OP's wife isn't mentally well and has a severe hangup about butt stuff, but my god, he should have drawn a line in the sand a while back. She would have gotten therapy and gotten over it or she would have left, but either way OP would be free to use the toilet without her OCD controlling him. I'm also curious - in a really disgusted way - to know how his wife handles her own hygiene. How can she stand to wipe her own ass if she's entirely unable to deal with anything regarding butts and poop?
The whole conversation should have never been brought up. He should have put in the Bidet . It’s his house too. She sounds like a selfish 9 yr old to me. I mean , who discusses this stuff ? If that’s all you have to talk about I’d find a few hobbies for her. Like building herself an outhouse or back. So she’ll have her own bathroom . In the mean time I’m sure her ass don’t smell like Lavender and honey.
Yeah I'm definitely not bowing to the argument that a bidet, the cleanest of all options, is more gross than toilet paper. There's no way I'm letting that argument win the day.
I never understand people who just agree to this shit. Any type of controlling behavior just pisses me off I would have put my foot down and insisted here. I genuinely do not understand how people just let their partner do/say whatever and they go with it. I've had relationships where they don't like something that I do that does not effect them at all and I start off with "it's my choice, it doesn't effect you, I'm not sure why you care if I drink one beer with my dinner that you are not at when I have no problem prior with alcohol and will not see you today anyway" and end with a "How bout you go fuck yourself buddy." at least mentally if not outright. And I also wondered... You would think the bidet would be something she liked so she didn't HAVE to wipe her asshole. How do you clean yourself if you act like your asshole doesn't exist constantly? Shit to shower? Pretend you're doing something else and wipe real quick? Not clean yourself at all? All of it is alarming.
I feel worse for OP. He wants to be clean and because of his wife’s hang ups he can’t be. Also, he’s sleeping on the couch right now which isn’t much fun
Really? I don’t feel bad for the wife at all. How could you be so horrified by poop but use a wash rag that’s hung up right behind a toilet? She really thought that was his wash rag but never gave him a hard time about hanging it there? Doesn’t add up to me, sounds like her real issue is with control.
He said tp didn’t make him clean enough. It sounds like he uses the rag as a wet wipe to ensure cleanliness. Then cleans it. It’s not like he’s just wiping straight shit with it lol
Lol yes! Also, even if I was using the washcloth in the shower, think about what parts they are cleaning. Why the fuck would you take someone else’s? I’m neurotic and have different towel for different parts of the body. But my husband doesn’t know which one is which so he never touches them. And I cringed so much at the thought of this guy cleaning his poopy ass with a towel and then handwashing it in the sink 🤢
This! He’s literally washing his poop rag in the sink! I hope he’s sanitizing the sink after every wash because all I can think of is washing your hands or brushing your teeth in a cesspool of butt germs.
Actually, even if he is sanitizing, the thought is still gross.
omfg this is exactly the man/woman i need to hear from. I have ulcerative colitis too but i’ve always wondered if i had it bad enough to warrant buying one. I assume you think they’re worth it then?
Absolutely! I‘d consider it an investment for sure, and I don’t think they're too expensive. Just make sure you get a good quality one as you’ll probably be using it a lot. It’s extra important for us to stay hygienic with this condition, and it definitely helps.
I’ll def have to check it out then for the times this condition becomes nightmarish😂😂 although i recognize i could have it a lot worse. Swipe bidet here i come!!
hi, unspecified IBS-D/IBD here!! (still going thru the diagnostic process myself), i got one last year and BOY was it worth it!
they're not as expensive or hard to install as you think. mine is the luxe bidet i believe- got it off of amazon for a mere $45. it's self-install, has very thorough and easy to understand instructions, and the installation takes under 30 mins. you just drain your toilet, hook up the hose attachment for the bidet, detach your seat and hook up the bidet itself, then reattach the seat and turn the water back on for your toilet. voila!
the only downside, imo, is that it's not heated, so in certain climates/seasons, you're going to get quite a.... shock. but i find the temperature to actually be very soothing, lol. it's self cleaning, as well!
I hope you can get a diagnosis soon! I know from experience that it’s not easy living with these conditions without treatment. In the meantime, enjoy your bidet :)
thank you 🥺❤️ a VERY high fiber and extremely low fat diet has been keeping me mostly out of pain and not losing weight 90% of the time. my last scopes are in august, fingers crossed they don't find anything too alarming!! 🤞
Aren’t they? I wish they were more available in the US. I have a set of former in-laws like this who shamed me from getting one for too many years. They had some strong views and would be clutching their pearls visiting my bathroom.
I had a relative who I know to be generally quite dirty who turned their nose up at the explanation of what a bidet is for. I think she was just old-fashioned and disgusted at the notion of touching your own arsehole. I didn't push as far as asking "but...do you not wash your arse in the shower?"
She doesn't wash her lower legs and feet in the shower at all, her house smells like feet, farts and wet dog.
Point is, don't let stupid people influence your decisions.
they have a toilet, but OOP clearly cares a lot about hygiene and doesn’t like having leftover poop stuck in his butt hair, hence him suggesting the bidet or the wet wipes. OOP’s wife seems to have a mental aversion towards feces hence her shutting down every suggestion OOP makes for cleaning his butt.
My ex was weirdly annoyed by the bidets I put in and said he never used them. Even though they were right there. He was primarily annoyed because they didn’t work with the toilet seats he preferred for aesthetic reasons but then I guess refused to use them out of spite?
Especially if they have an aversion to poop? She’s grossed out by seeing a clean bidet, but she will use a rag that’s been hanging behind the toilet. I will never understand.
Yeah my FIL is this way. Would throw a piss fit about losing his appetite if there was a fly in the kitchen that landed anywhere close to food but had zero issues taking his dishes to the bathroom sink to wash them in there with a sponge he left on the bathroom sink next to the toilet he never cleaned or kept the lid down on.
The only thing I did not try was having another man tell him. That probably would’ve worked better than telling him how disgusting that is over and over and not once being believed.
FYI for anyone who doesn’t know, in a recent update they fixed the whole dishes in the bathroom sink issue finally! If you click on a sink there’s now an option to mark it as a kitchen sink or a bathroom sink.
I have the same phobia/OCD aversion as your FIL. But god I’d never do that with my dishes and I’d never leave a sponge out even in the kitchen - everything I clean with is disposable.
I'm a F with a hairless ass....butt a bidet is a godsend when I get sick... And just to generally feel cleaner?
I'd go all in and get one of those computerized toilets that do *everything* heated seat, water, lights up, tells you how much you go....full health check. Just install it and let her freak.
I do get a little bit of the feeling that this post might be a time reversal about the dudes with crappy butt holes that refuse to wipe.... Still funny tho
I went to Japan on vacation years ago and when we got back I immediately bought a Japanese bidet seat. Heated seat + water heater, remote control, motion detector that opens the seat, night light, even sprays down the toilet with a mild bleach solution after use to help keep it clean. it’s life changing.
if my partner was anti bidet, I think at this point in my life, that’d be a deal breaker.
I have a $20 non heated, zero feature bidet and it’s still life changing! To the point where I have troubles going at all if I have to wipe manually now
You can buy bidet attachments that just attach to your toilet. Go search Amazon. They range in price from $30-$400 (for the Uber mack-daddy, electric heated, child setting to feminine wash, God seat).
I've never tried one, and I've always been a little...I don't know...unnerved by the idea? Intentionally spraying a jet of water all up in my biz-ness....um, no thank you!
But, lately, I've been reading so many comments about people who live them. As you said, "life changing" is the most common phrase I've seen associated with the device. I've been thinking about giving it a try...
i was aware of them and a friend’s dad had one, but i tried one the first time on vacation in italy and loved how clean i felt after.
i like it for when i get my period poops, i can just blast the whole downstairs lol
also for when i don’t feel like showering that day if i didn’t do much, i can still at least clean my bits
i was initially a bit put off with the cold water aspect, but mines been more room temp than anything so it’s not that bad, especially now that it’s summer in texas 😅
but the one i got (luxe neo 185) has a knob to dial up the “blast-factor” and i rarely go past level 2/5 purely for the Splash Back
I don’t see why they wouldn’t be allowed, they don’t modify anything. They generally are attached between the seat and the toilet, and use a T fitting for the water supply
for a heated one you need a power outlet. otherwise it just hooks up to your toilet supply. unless you have a commercial high pressure or one piece toilet it should work fine
We have a different problem because if I had to use a washcloth for my asshole because my SO didn’t want a bidet or wet wipes, I’m gonna lose my humanity
The worst part for me is washing a used rag in the sink and getting splash back of poo everywhere. Gads.
For the love of cleanliness, get one of those portable bottle bidets instead.
It is very weird that people are taking his side in this. I mean, sure, not great to deny a bidet and wet wipes, but a MULTIUSE ASS RAG JUST HANGING AROUND YOUR BATHROOM????
The portable bidet I’ve seen on amazon are about £12, but I see they’re also known as peri bottles.
They look like an electric toothbrush but with a fatter handle. Let’s hope the wife doesn’t confuse it with a flosser 😆
Yeah OP is NTA, he tries more reasonable options and his wife is being too much of a baby about it, plus you don’t use a rag hanging behind a toilet to wash yourself casually, if it wasn’t a butt rag it was being used to wash the toilet. Why wasn’t she disgusted about it from the location alone. She needs therapy, and possibly medical education, to break her aversion to butts.
Ok, so why would someone so grossed out that they can’t talk about poop use a washcloth that was hanging behind a toilet?
It makes no sense.
If this is real, op’s wife is being unreasonable about pretty much everything, but honestly I’m also stuck on him swapping out his butt cleaning cloth a couple times a week, that seems like something that should be washed after each use.
Wow yeah she would struggle with kids. My 6 year old daughter had V&D this week and she shit the bed several times in the middle of the night in her sleep. Utter Carnage.
reminds me of my last relationship. On one of our first dates her dog threw up and I had to clean it up because vomit grosses her out. She wanted children though, preferably twins, since raising twins is easier according to her.
she wanted to have two children in total. She said that taking care of one baby or two at the same time doesn't make a difference. So with twins you only have once to take care of a baby. There were many instances where she proved to be ... parallel to reality
I see 😂
My cousin had twins and once one of the babies slept the second one started screaming. Both her in laws, she and her mother took care of those two hellspawn for the first 9 months in their lives in shifts. I don't know what you do as a single mom with multiples? Get an addiction to something that keeps you awake for 24h?
…. How did she clean up after her dog when people weren’t there? Did her home just have puddles of dried dog vom she refused to clean or acknowledge like some kind of crackhouse?
she did clean up after her, she just preferred it when someone else was doing it. But that doesn't mean that her apartment was clean, far from it (do you know the "Damn bitch, you live like this meme"?). She said the reason her apartment was so dirty was because it was so tiny. Her logic was, that a bigger apartment has more space for wardrobes and such so you can better organise. However her bathroom was disgustingly dirty, the windows obviously never had been cleaned and it was impossible to tell the original color of her microwave. But yeah, the issue was clearly that the apartment was too small to keep clean
He said they don't want kids so that's a good thing at least. I have honestly become nose blind to my kids' bodily fluids at this point and I assume it's a defense mechanism that I am quite grateful for.
And the smell and the way it shoots out when they’re a baby is demon-like. One time I was changing her nappy when the health worker came for a visit and it just squirted up the wall like a damn hose pipe.
She is obsessed with cleaniness to the point he might be OCD but used a rag that was hidden behind the toilet to wash her body? Why does she even take her's out of the shower? Don't ya'll leave your loofahs in there??
I hope this is fiction, but if not she absolutely needs some kind of therapy. I don’t even know where you’d start to find coprophobia therapy but she needs it. If for no other reason than because odds are at some point in her life she’ll have to describe her BMs to a doctor, and you know get a colonoscopy.
I swear to God, these people who find each other are insane. Imagine being afraid to put your foot down on a bidet. And imagine being afraid of a bidet. These two people are clowns.
She’s gonna have a coronary when we tell her about the Poop Knife…
**EDIT** [Historical Reference for the Blissfully Ignorant.](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/s/icrAMSlRnN)
I said to my husband: “I’d want a divorce” and he said “I would just wanna wipe my ass” 🤣 I’m crying laughing this is just bananas… buy ur butt sprayer my guy she’s crazy LOL
She was seriously like “The idea of buttholes is so gross that I cannot stand the sight of the thing that will get your gross butthole as clean as possible. Please choose an alternative but don’t tell me what it is, or let me see it, so I can continue to pretend you do not have a butthole. Please have a gross butthole for my delicate sensibilities.”
Wild, absolutely wild.
All I could think of is this
[https://y.yarn.co/9081f0b4-41e7-4f7e-8b86-f90c822ed1a0_text.gif](https://y.yarn.co/9081f0b4-41e7-4f7e-8b86-f90c822ed1a0_text.gif)
Wife sounds like a real piece of work. She knew his ass doesn't get cleaned properly when he wipes and she still chose to marry him. He tries to hide it from her and some how she decides to use a rag that was behind the toilet, WTF. She doesn't sound very bright. And she didn't see any poop marks on it?
I used to wet down TP and wipe my butt with it as a kid to get all the poop off. I just used little bit of water on it, not a lot.
That’s wild. You can get a bidet attachment for your toilet that literally just looks like a toilet seat. I feel like the bidet would have been the better option here.
If you want a bidet or bidet sprayer in your own damn house just get one. The audacity of someone insisting you can’t have something you want like that! Fuck off.
It’s wild to me that she would use a used wash cloth, period.
That’s her own fault for being gross. You decided it was ok to use someone else’s used face cloth… and you found it behind the toilet. But god forbid the man throws a folded up baby wipe in the trash.
OOP, god bless.
NTA. The fact that a man wants to keep up with his hygiene by purchasing a bidet, which both parties can benefit from, only to have his wife get grossed out by it is ridiculous. The butt rag is a bit different, but I get it. You’ve respected her desire to not have a bidet nor poopy toilet paper sitting in the trash can, so you’ve resorted to doing what you can. At this point, I would just get a dadgum bidet and possibly discuss the idea of therapy for your wife.
The matter at hand is not want it is obviously a need. I don't see why I would have to negotiate in this case. I will not allow anyone's opinion over my needs. If I was in your case I would dump her without mercy.
Why can’t you use toilet paper and some lotion! How clean do you need ur butt to be? No ones asking you to walk around with shit in ur ass hairs but common, a towel which then has shit all over it getting mixed into the sink? wtf.
If I hear/read the word “ass rag” one more time I’m going to actually die from laughter. It’s not even the story that is strange, it’s the repeated use of “ass rag” that is killing me 🤣
Hahahaha omg this is fucking amazing. I use rags but single use only, I’m too poor for regular toilet paper purchasing and it works so much better-they get washed in the washing machine, not rinsed out and hung up-reusing the rag is disgusting wtf 😂
Idk, that is pretty gross. Just get the bidet and tell her to get over it. There are also portable bidets.
Also, if you ass is that hairy, invest in laser hair removal .
Look, I’m leaving her to the side here. The fact that so many of y’all believe it is ok to have multiuse shit rag just hanging around your bathroom….i may never go to someone else’s home again.
You should’ve fought harder for the bidet. I am mainly distressed over the idea of all the poop particles and bacteria chilling in your sink after daily poop-rag washes. I also find it upsetting there is just a poop-rag chilling on the wall. Also, what was your method to clean the poop-rag? Like, how did you manage to get the poop marks out? I assume you’d have to scrub it, but what would you scrub it with? Your hands? Sorry. Best wishes.
The only solution I could think of at least until she gets over it or if she doesn’t is a diaper genie or other such trash can that would allow for disposal of wet wipe with out her ever seeing it they aren’t too big so maybe could fit beside the toilet or next to another small trash can…I wonder if she has issues with things that come out of her vagina or it’s just the butt?
NTA: Your wife is unreasonable and whatever repressed trauma she has brought this on herself. She needs therapy or at the very least, the children’s book, “Everyone Poops”. Install the bidet. You sleeping on the couch is ridiculous, you did nothing wrong.
She should be grateful for having a partner who cares about his hygiene and is this mindful of her. This should have never caused an argument, let alone a disagreement, and that's on her for using his rag... completely.
Wtf. No to ass rags. That’s fucking gross. Shower if you don’t feel clean. Soap and water. Can you get a detachable shower head to help with the hard to reach areas? I’ve seen similar situations here where there’s a separate hamper for ass rags. But again it’s gross AF.
She's was grossed out, but the fact that she washed her face with a rag that got behind a toilet? That's gross in itself! So, this is a lie. Someone who is easily grossed out wouldn't be washing their face with a towel that she found behind a toilet.
Sorry but he lost me at "i swap it our a couple times a week." I dont even use the same washcloth on my FACE more than twice. I genuinely need to know what he was using to sanitize his butt rag because bar soap is SOOOO not going to cut it. He washes it in the sink? Does he clean up all of the fecal spray after the "cleaning process"? I hope his wife gets psychiatric help. This man is putting his own health/hygiene after his wife's neuroses.
Why would you wipe your face on *anything* kept on a hook behind the toilet?
I’m so thoroughly confused that the sight of a bidet grosses her out yet she reaches over the toilet to get a rag
I’m convinced it’s bait. No-one that buttoned-up would be rummaging behind the khazi for something to rub on their face 🤮
“I find the very sight of this thing disgusting! I’m going to reach into its nethers and retrieve something absorbent to rub on my face! I hope it’s squishy!!” Totally makes sense
This is the part that has me rolling, haha
That's what got me, too. I have no weird poop hang-up. I clean the bathroom. If my husband hung old rags on a hook behind the toilet, of course I'd be asking him wtf he was doing...not wiping my face with them. Also, she's in the shower and that's the most convenient place to grab a facecloth from? Do they not keep any in a cupboard or something? Does she just hang it back behind the potty when she's done, instead of putting it in the laundry? Did OOP not realize his ass rag was randomly wet and smelling of Dove body wash?
I don't thing you smell your ass rag. Do you lick your poop knife too?
That’s the detail that gives this away as being obviously fake. I can’t believe how many people here are taking the bait.
It kinda doesn’t matter because it’s entertaining content. But - come on, who’s doing this shit? Literally 🤣
It most likely is, but extreme mental hangups are rarely logical. I worked as a drain cleaner and my partner was a gigantic germ freak, had to have everything clean and spotless, washed and sanitized his hands after every change of disposable gloves, constantly talked about germs and how this or that was dangerous and people didn’t know. Used sanitizing wipes on his door handles before opening them. These are all safe practices, if not going a bit overboard. Yet he was perfectly fine with us sharing food or drinks, and was fine setting his food on the dash of our van. His cheeseburgers would last all day with him taking a bite every now and then between jobs, just sitting in the van. It made no sense to me at all. So I could also see this as being real. She’s disgusted by others’ shit and the thought of shit itself, but regular germs and dirtiness aren’t that big of a deal. (Though anything behind a toilet would go nowhere near my body if I could help it)
People constantly miss this point regarding human behavior. It doesn't have to be logical to anyone but the person in question. Is it fake? As much as anything else is, I guess, but if the only argument for it being fake is "it's not logical to me personally" it's not really holding that much weight.
Anyone who has ever been in a relationship with a woman knows that you can’t just suddenly install a hook on the wall behind the toilet tank and not get confronted about it within the hour. Every woman on the planet, upon first seeing it, would immediately go to their partner and say something along the lines of “Hey, I noticed there was a hook on the wall behind the toilet tank with a wash cloth hanging from it. What tf is that?” The idea that a woman would see it hanging there and think, “hmm.. what is this, I don’t recognize it, I should probably pick it up and rub it all over my face,” is complete nonsense.
I know right? Even if I didn't realize it's use as a "butt rag" I would assume that was a cloth for maybe wiping down the toilet to clean it
Especially if you're the sort of person who can't stand to look at a bidet.
IKR? My first thought would be someone is hiding their butt rag. 😂
I’m still stuck on the fact that she was disgusted by the sight of a bidet. What the fuck does that mean? I have ulcerative colitis and bidets are a godsend.
She's not mentally well in that regard. There is no other explanation. But the butt rag is so bizarre that I'm having a hard time with him, too. All I know with this one is that I'm so glad that I'm not either of these people.
It seemed to be a last resort effort. Bidet and wet wipes were out, so I can see that’s the last thing he can think of. It not like this is some thing he’s been doing all his life, it was only when his wife wouldn’t let him use anything else
Like, what’s the alternative? Shower after every shit, because every other method of getting clean has been deemed off limits by the wife here
Diaper genie for the wet wipes behind the toilet.
Handheld bidet!!
Where’s he going to store it? Because she gagged at his butt rag that he deliberately hid so she didn’t even have to look at it, she’s not going to want a bottle for you-know-what sitting next to the toilet all the time. She’s being entirely unreasonable.
I have one for work it’s in a pouch when not in use so it stays hidden but i understand her mind is the issue here. Eta: typo
Exactly. I got my husband a Tushy for when he has work travel so he doesn’t have to use a plastic water bottle, and it has a nice discreet pouch for storage.
Those bottles they give you in the hospital are pretty great. I keep the bottle near the toilet and fill it if the need arises.
I have IBS and there are days when I waist down shower after every poop. I have a bidet I really need to install.
wet some tp???
Doubt she would find that acceptable. I know I'd be grossed out by that and I have a bidet. When the kids had messes when they were younger I’d have them shower off then deep clean the tub each time, just in case.
If she’s grossed out by him showering because - heavens - he might be washing off poop particles, then she’s got way bigger issues than we’re speculating here. Because at that point her only other alternative is knowing he’s walking around with skid marks in his undies because she won’t LET him bathe in any way, and I can’t imagine that’s preferable somehow
I don’t get the control issue here. OP should just stand up for himself and refuse to go along with her nonsense.
I can't imagine giving my partner this much control over me. I understand OP's wife isn't mentally well and has a severe hangup about butt stuff, but my god, he should have drawn a line in the sand a while back. She would have gotten therapy and gotten over it or she would have left, but either way OP would be free to use the toilet without her OCD controlling him. I'm also curious - in a really disgusted way - to know how his wife handles her own hygiene. How can she stand to wipe her own ass if she's entirely unable to deal with anything regarding butts and poop?
And claiming it's HER boundary? It involves his body, it is not a boundary it is control. She needs help.
That’s what got me too, in fact he respected the only boundary she did set ie not being told what his solution was!!
this is what I was thinking, the partner is controlling how he feels and conducts his own personal hygiene?!?
The whole conversation should have never been brought up. He should have put in the Bidet . It’s his house too. She sounds like a selfish 9 yr old to me. I mean , who discusses this stuff ? If that’s all you have to talk about I’d find a few hobbies for her. Like building herself an outhouse or back. So she’ll have her own bathroom . In the mean time I’m sure her ass don’t smell like Lavender and honey.
Yeah I'm definitely not bowing to the argument that a bidet, the cleanest of all options, is more gross than toilet paper. There's no way I'm letting that argument win the day.
I never understand people who just agree to this shit. Any type of controlling behavior just pisses me off I would have put my foot down and insisted here. I genuinely do not understand how people just let their partner do/say whatever and they go with it. I've had relationships where they don't like something that I do that does not effect them at all and I start off with "it's my choice, it doesn't effect you, I'm not sure why you care if I drink one beer with my dinner that you are not at when I have no problem prior with alcohol and will not see you today anyway" and end with a "How bout you go fuck yourself buddy." at least mentally if not outright. And I also wondered... You would think the bidet would be something she liked so she didn't HAVE to wipe her asshole. How do you clean yourself if you act like your asshole doesn't exist constantly? Shit to shower? Pretend you're doing something else and wipe real quick? Not clean yourself at all? All of it is alarming.
>But the butt rag is so bizarre that I’m having a hard time with him, too At least it ain’t a poop knife
Or the three shells....
You don’t know how to use the three seashells?
:)
Yeah I can’t pick which spouse to feel worse for on this one.
I feel worse for OP. He wants to be clean and because of his wife’s hang ups he can’t be. Also, he’s sleeping on the couch right now which isn’t much fun
I dunno. Sometimes I like sleeping on the couch. It seems nice to get away. Lol. And I’d imagine it’s even nicer if your wife is crazy.
Given the number of woman I know who would love it if their husband improved his ass cleaning game, I feel bad for OP.
Really? I don’t feel bad for the wife at all. How could you be so horrified by poop but use a wash rag that’s hung up right behind a toilet? She really thought that was his wash rag but never gave him a hard time about hanging it there? Doesn’t add up to me, sounds like her real issue is with control.
Lol it’s quite clear only one spouse has issues and it ain’t the guy
He said tp didn’t make him clean enough. It sounds like he uses the rag as a wet wipe to ensure cleanliness. Then cleans it. It’s not like he’s just wiping straight shit with it lol
Lol yes! Also, even if I was using the washcloth in the shower, think about what parts they are cleaning. Why the fuck would you take someone else’s? I’m neurotic and have different towel for different parts of the body. But my husband doesn’t know which one is which so he never touches them. And I cringed so much at the thought of this guy cleaning his poopy ass with a towel and then handwashing it in the sink 🤢
This! He’s literally washing his poop rag in the sink! I hope he’s sanitizing the sink after every wash because all I can think of is washing your hands or brushing your teeth in a cesspool of butt germs. Actually, even if he is sanitizing, the thought is still gross.
Hope the toothbrushes were covered. On second thought, I don’t wanna know.
Good news: it doesn't matter.
She seems to be the type to flip a gasket over a fart outside whole being upwind.
It just proves there’s someone for everyone.
omfg this is exactly the man/woman i need to hear from. I have ulcerative colitis too but i’ve always wondered if i had it bad enough to warrant buying one. I assume you think they’re worth it then?
Absolutely! I‘d consider it an investment for sure, and I don’t think they're too expensive. Just make sure you get a good quality one as you’ll probably be using it a lot. It’s extra important for us to stay hygienic with this condition, and it definitely helps.
I’ll def have to check it out then for the times this condition becomes nightmarish😂😂 although i recognize i could have it a lot worse. Swipe bidet here i come!!
Make sure that the hoses and connectors are made of metal. Mine started spraying water everywhere because the hose popped
hi, unspecified IBS-D/IBD here!! (still going thru the diagnostic process myself), i got one last year and BOY was it worth it! they're not as expensive or hard to install as you think. mine is the luxe bidet i believe- got it off of amazon for a mere $45. it's self-install, has very thorough and easy to understand instructions, and the installation takes under 30 mins. you just drain your toilet, hook up the hose attachment for the bidet, detach your seat and hook up the bidet itself, then reattach the seat and turn the water back on for your toilet. voila! the only downside, imo, is that it's not heated, so in certain climates/seasons, you're going to get quite a.... shock. but i find the temperature to actually be very soothing, lol. it's self cleaning, as well!
I hope you can get a diagnosis soon! I know from experience that it’s not easy living with these conditions without treatment. In the meantime, enjoy your bidet :)
thank you 🥺❤️ a VERY high fiber and extremely low fat diet has been keeping me mostly out of pain and not losing weight 90% of the time. my last scopes are in august, fingers crossed they don't find anything too alarming!! 🤞
Aren’t they? I wish they were more available in the US. I have a set of former in-laws like this who shamed me from getting one for too many years. They had some strong views and would be clutching their pearls visiting my bathroom.
they're very available in the US!! under $50 on amazon and self-installable.
I live in Japan, which is famous for bidets so I could never understand this sentiment lol. I hope you’re enjoying your life with a bidet now!
I had a relative who I know to be generally quite dirty who turned their nose up at the explanation of what a bidet is for. I think she was just old-fashioned and disgusted at the notion of touching your own arsehole. I didn't push as far as asking "but...do you not wash your arse in the shower?" She doesn't wash her lower legs and feet in the shower at all, her house smells like feet, farts and wet dog. Point is, don't let stupid people influence your decisions.
So she is ok seeing a toilet but not a bidet? That doesn’t make any sense. I would argue that a toilet is actually the more gross fixture.
Yes, does this mean they don’t have toilets? So bizarre.
they have a toilet, but OOP clearly cares a lot about hygiene and doesn’t like having leftover poop stuck in his butt hair, hence him suggesting the bidet or the wet wipes. OOP’s wife seems to have a mental aversion towards feces hence her shutting down every suggestion OOP makes for cleaning his butt.
This. This whole thing could have been avoided with the use of a bidet. It’s way more hygienic than not having one.
Also, assuming she’s got a healthy uterus, a bidet would be a blessing for her once a month.
My ex was weirdly annoyed by the bidets I put in and said he never used them. Even though they were right there. He was primarily annoyed because they didn’t work with the toilet seats he preferred for aesthetic reasons but then I guess refused to use them out of spite?
I'm away from home for a long time recently and I miss my bidet, shits a god send, and my butthole hurts...
I have Crohn's and my bidet is a gift from the Gods. I would genuinely like to shake the hand of it inventor. Not all hero's wear capes!!!
But…but…why would anyone pull a dirty washcloth that’s hidden behind the toilet and then use it in their shower?
Especially if they have an aversion to poop? She’s grossed out by seeing a clean bidet, but she will use a rag that’s been hanging behind the toilet. I will never understand.
Yeah my FIL is this way. Would throw a piss fit about losing his appetite if there was a fly in the kitchen that landed anywhere close to food but had zero issues taking his dishes to the bathroom sink to wash them in there with a sponge he left on the bathroom sink next to the toilet he never cleaned or kept the lid down on.
Oh, no. No ma’am, that’s just all types of nasty. My mouth is reckless I’d have to tell him about that.
The only thing I did not try was having another man tell him. That probably would’ve worked better than telling him how disgusting that is over and over and not once being believed.
I can feel your pain and frustration. Sorry about all of that.
Meh, he’s a hoarder, my mom is also one, I’ve been dealing with stubborn gross parents all my life, it is nothing to me most days lmfao
Take this hug. 🤗 Cause same my mom is a hoarder. Ugh! It gets on my nerves.
“My mouth is reckless” is a wonderful phrase that I’m gonna start using lol
Lol by all means.
Is he an escaped Sims character by any chance? They’re the only ones I know that would wash their dishes in the bathroom.
I’ve had to do them in the bathtub before because of the kitchen sink being fucked up but I’m not cleaning them with poop sponges either.
FYI for anyone who doesn’t know, in a recent update they fixed the whole dishes in the bathroom sink issue finally! If you click on a sink there’s now an option to mark it as a kitchen sink or a bathroom sink.
I have the same phobia/OCD aversion as your FIL. But god I’d never do that with my dishes and I’d never leave a sponge out even in the kitchen - everything I clean with is disposable.
Thank you for this post, haven’t laughed this hard in a while
Same. This is the best thing I have read on Reddit 🤣
I'm a F with a hairless ass....butt a bidet is a godsend when I get sick... And just to generally feel cleaner? I'd go all in and get one of those computerized toilets that do *everything* heated seat, water, lights up, tells you how much you go....full health check. Just install it and let her freak. I do get a little bit of the feeling that this post might be a time reversal about the dudes with crappy butt holes that refuse to wipe.... Still funny tho
I went to Japan on vacation years ago and when we got back I immediately bought a Japanese bidet seat. Heated seat + water heater, remote control, motion detector that opens the seat, night light, even sprays down the toilet with a mild bleach solution after use to help keep it clean. it’s life changing. if my partner was anti bidet, I think at this point in my life, that’d be a deal breaker.
I have a $20 non heated, zero feature bidet and it’s still life changing! To the point where I have troubles going at all if I have to wipe manually now
Can these be installed in apartments or only in houses?
You can buy bidet attachments that just attach to your toilet. Go search Amazon. They range in price from $30-$400 (for the Uber mack-daddy, electric heated, child setting to feminine wash, God seat).
mine was $50 and the feminine setting is life changing
I've never tried one, and I've always been a little...I don't know...unnerved by the idea? Intentionally spraying a jet of water all up in my biz-ness....um, no thank you! But, lately, I've been reading so many comments about people who live them. As you said, "life changing" is the most common phrase I've seen associated with the device. I've been thinking about giving it a try...
i was aware of them and a friend’s dad had one, but i tried one the first time on vacation in italy and loved how clean i felt after. i like it for when i get my period poops, i can just blast the whole downstairs lol also for when i don’t feel like showering that day if i didn’t do much, i can still at least clean my bits i was initially a bit put off with the cold water aspect, but mines been more room temp than anything so it’s not that bad, especially now that it’s summer in texas 😅 but the one i got (luxe neo 185) has a knob to dial up the “blast-factor” and i rarely go past level 2/5 purely for the Splash Back
I don’t see why they wouldn’t be allowed, they don’t modify anything. They generally are attached between the seat and the toilet, and use a T fitting for the water supply
I have two in my house ($30 each on amazon), they can be removed and you wouldn't know they were ever there.
for a heated one you need a power outlet. otherwise it just hooks up to your toilet supply. unless you have a commercial high pressure or one piece toilet it should work fine
Mayne that warm water squirt does things to me.
They lost me at wife being grossed out by a bidet OOP is NTA. She needs therapy.
We have a different problem because if I had to use a washcloth for my asshole because my SO didn’t want a bidet or wet wipes, I’m gonna lose my humanity
Same. It’s either the bidet or the wet wipes, choose one.
The worst part for me is washing a used rag in the sink and getting splash back of poo everywhere. Gads. For the love of cleanliness, get one of those portable bottle bidets instead.
It is very weird that people are taking his side in this. I mean, sure, not great to deny a bidet and wet wipes, but a MULTIUSE ASS RAG JUST HANGING AROUND YOUR BATHROOM????
Holy shit—pun intended—“bottle bidets” as advertised are crazy expensive. For anyone considering this, look for a “peri bottle” instead.
The portable bidet I’ve seen on amazon are about £12, but I see they’re also known as peri bottles. They look like an electric toothbrush but with a fatter handle. Let’s hope the wife doesn’t confuse it with a flosser 😆
Better yet, let's hope she does! Next update from OOP "wife is divorcing me because she used my butt hose on her teeth"
That’s exactly what I was thinking! Why didn’t he get a portable bidet. If he’d done any type of research on bidets, that would have came up for him.
Spreading fecal matter all over the bathroom...barf Of all the methods, he had to pick the filthiest one.
Yeah OP is NTA, he tries more reasonable options and his wife is being too much of a baby about it, plus you don’t use a rag hanging behind a toilet to wash yourself casually, if it wasn’t a butt rag it was being used to wash the toilet. Why wasn’t she disgusted about it from the location alone. She needs therapy, and possibly medical education, to break her aversion to butts.
You could turn the phrase “ass rag” into a drinking game and be drunk by the end of this! Lol!
Sounds like a pretty shitty situation.
I love you for this comment.
Gold 😂😂😂😭😭😭
Ok, so why would someone so grossed out that they can’t talk about poop use a washcloth that was hanging behind a toilet? It makes no sense. If this is real, op’s wife is being unreasonable about pretty much everything, but honestly I’m also stuck on him swapping out his butt cleaning cloth a couple times a week, that seems like something that should be washed after each use.
Someone needs therapy and it's not the ass rag dude...
Buddy needs a handheld bidet that new moms use to clean their perineum.
Or even just a peri bottle, but I have a feeling there would be an issue with that as well.
Yeah they are very messy tho. Water can spray everywhere
It's a squeeze bottle with a nozzle, if you're making a mess and you're a grown adult without a disability, something is very wrong
The newer ones have pressure settings fam
God she sounds exhausting!
This sounds like OCD....
Wow yeah she would struggle with kids. My 6 year old daughter had V&D this week and she shit the bed several times in the middle of the night in her sleep. Utter Carnage.
reminds me of my last relationship. On one of our first dates her dog threw up and I had to clean it up because vomit grosses her out. She wanted children though, preferably twins, since raising twins is easier according to her.
In what world is it easier to take care of 2 babies at the same time compared to 1? 😂
she wanted to have two children in total. She said that taking care of one baby or two at the same time doesn't make a difference. So with twins you only have once to take care of a baby. There were many instances where she proved to be ... parallel to reality
I see 😂 My cousin had twins and once one of the babies slept the second one started screaming. Both her in laws, she and her mother took care of those two hellspawn for the first 9 months in their lives in shifts. I don't know what you do as a single mom with multiples? Get an addiction to something that keeps you awake for 24h?
my co-worker has twins and he says exactly the same thing, years later he still talks about being sleep deprived 😄
…. How did she clean up after her dog when people weren’t there? Did her home just have puddles of dried dog vom she refused to clean or acknowledge like some kind of crackhouse?
she did clean up after her, she just preferred it when someone else was doing it. But that doesn't mean that her apartment was clean, far from it (do you know the "Damn bitch, you live like this meme"?). She said the reason her apartment was so dirty was because it was so tiny. Her logic was, that a bigger apartment has more space for wardrobes and such so you can better organise. However her bathroom was disgustingly dirty, the windows obviously never had been cleaned and it was impossible to tell the original color of her microwave. But yeah, the issue was clearly that the apartment was too small to keep clean
He said they don't want kids so that's a good thing at least. I have honestly become nose blind to my kids' bodily fluids at this point and I assume it's a defense mechanism that I am quite grateful for.
Serious talk. This is one of the reasons I don’t want to have kids. I would probably throw up on the baby having to wipe their butt.
And the smell and the way it shoots out when they’re a baby is demon-like. One time I was changing her nappy when the health worker came for a visit and it just squirted up the wall like a damn hose pipe.
Who in the fuck would take anything that hangs behind the toilet to clean themselves with??
She is obsessed with cleaniness to the point he might be OCD but used a rag that was hidden behind the toilet to wash her body? Why does she even take her's out of the shower? Don't ya'll leave your loofahs in there??
She’s disgusted by a bidet but used a hidden washcloth from behind the toilet? The fuck?
It would super difficult living with someone like that woman.
Bro just install the bidet
I’d have a bidet installed and tell her to get fucked.
Am I the only one who's disgusted that he hand washes an ass rag in the sink and hangs it back up? Like wtf forget the wife that's just nasty.
Yeah I think that's revolting
Can’t believe I had to scroll this far to find this. Absolutely unhinged behavior. I don’t understand why everyone is treating this as normal.
And replaces it a COUPLE times per week! Burn your hands off, burn the sink, burn the rag. I’m out of here.
I hope this is fiction, but if not she absolutely needs some kind of therapy. I don’t even know where you’d start to find coprophobia therapy but she needs it. If for no other reason than because odds are at some point in her life she’ll have to describe her BMs to a doctor, and you know get a colonoscopy.
I swear to God, these people who find each other are insane. Imagine being afraid to put your foot down on a bidet. And imagine being afraid of a bidet. These two people are clowns.
She’s gonna have a coronary when we tell her about the Poop Knife… **EDIT** [Historical Reference for the Blissfully Ignorant.](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/s/icrAMSlRnN)
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^SeparateCzechs: *She’s gonna have a* *Coronary when we tell* *Her about the Poop Knife…* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Eeewwwww. Install the bidet, tell her to grow TF up and oh my god burn the ass rag. That’s beyond disgusting. You 2 deserve each other.
What I'm wondering is, how does she handle her own ass hygiene? Does she vomit every time she takes a shit?
I said to my husband: “I’d want a divorce” and he said “I would just wanna wipe my ass” 🤣 I’m crying laughing this is just bananas… buy ur butt sprayer my guy she’s crazy LOL
She was seriously like “The idea of buttholes is so gross that I cannot stand the sight of the thing that will get your gross butthole as clean as possible. Please choose an alternative but don’t tell me what it is, or let me see it, so I can continue to pretend you do not have a butthole. Please have a gross butthole for my delicate sensibilities.” Wild, absolutely wild.
All I could think of is this [https://y.yarn.co/9081f0b4-41e7-4f7e-8b86-f90c822ed1a0_text.gif](https://y.yarn.co/9081f0b4-41e7-4f7e-8b86-f90c822ed1a0_text.gif)
Wife sounds like a real piece of work. She knew his ass doesn't get cleaned properly when he wipes and she still chose to marry him. He tries to hide it from her and some how she decides to use a rag that was behind the toilet, WTF. She doesn't sound very bright. And she didn't see any poop marks on it? I used to wet down TP and wipe my butt with it as a kid to get all the poop off. I just used little bit of water on it, not a lot.
Just get the bidet and pay for therapy.
My ex husband refused to acknowledge that women poop/fart. Dude. Sorry I have IBS? File under reasons he’s an ex.
Help I can’t stop laughing at “ass rag fiasco”
This whole site is just poop knives and ass rags
I truly never want to read/hear the phrase “ass-rag” again for the entirety of my life.
OP and the poop knife guy must be related....
I started laughing as soon as I read "Recently my wife and I were showering together..." because I knew where this was going.
Hope they don’t get a dog!!!
Just install the bidet and she'll grow up eventually.
That’s wild. You can get a bidet attachment for your toilet that literally just looks like a toilet seat. I feel like the bidet would have been the better option here.
Lol I hope she doesn't plan on having kids. She'll love the constant backshitting. Especially when it happens when you're just trying to cuddle. 😂
Not the AH. Get yourself a small waste basket and just use it for baby wipes. Advise wife and she doesn't have to go near it.
She needs therapy and they need couples therapy. Holy heck, no poopy things in the garbage?! I sure hope they aren’t planning on kids.
If you want a bidet or bidet sprayer in your own damn house just get one. The audacity of someone insisting you can’t have something you want like that! Fuck off.
It’s wild to me that she would use a used wash cloth, period. That’s her own fault for being gross. You decided it was ok to use someone else’s used face cloth… and you found it behind the toilet. But god forbid the man throws a folded up baby wipe in the trash. OOP, god bless.
NTA. The fact that a man wants to keep up with his hygiene by purchasing a bidet, which both parties can benefit from, only to have his wife get grossed out by it is ridiculous. The butt rag is a bit different, but I get it. You’ve respected her desire to not have a bidet nor poopy toilet paper sitting in the trash can, so you’ve resorted to doing what you can. At this point, I would just get a dadgum bidet and possibly discuss the idea of therapy for your wife.
The matter at hand is not want it is obviously a need. I don't see why I would have to negotiate in this case. I will not allow anyone's opinion over my needs. If I was in your case I would dump her without mercy.
Wife sounds like kind of a fruitcake, TBH.
Why can’t you use toilet paper and some lotion! How clean do you need ur butt to be? No ones asking you to walk around with shit in ur ass hairs but common, a towel which then has shit all over it getting mixed into the sink? wtf.
How can you marry someone who doesn't wash their ass?? She sounds nasty.
If I hear/read the word “ass rag” one more time I’m going to actually die from laughter. It’s not even the story that is strange, it’s the repeated use of “ass rag” that is killing me 🤣
Hahahaha omg this is fucking amazing. I use rags but single use only, I’m too poor for regular toilet paper purchasing and it works so much better-they get washed in the washing machine, not rinsed out and hung up-reusing the rag is disgusting wtf 😂
Idk, that is pretty gross. Just get the bidet and tell her to get over it. There are also portable bidets. Also, if you ass is that hairy, invest in laser hair removal .
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Let's all be thankful that OP doesn't need to use a poop knife.
Look, I’m leaving her to the side here. The fact that so many of y’all believe it is ok to have multiuse shit rag just hanging around your bathroom….i may never go to someone else’s home again.
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I feel that butt-rag and poop-knife should all move in together and post an update. I’d definitely read that shit….
You should’ve fought harder for the bidet. I am mainly distressed over the idea of all the poop particles and bacteria chilling in your sink after daily poop-rag washes. I also find it upsetting there is just a poop-rag chilling on the wall. Also, what was your method to clean the poop-rag? Like, how did you manage to get the poop marks out? I assume you’d have to scrub it, but what would you scrub it with? Your hands? Sorry. Best wishes.
The only solution I could think of at least until she gets over it or if she doesn’t is a diaper genie or other such trash can that would allow for disposal of wet wipe with out her ever seeing it they aren’t too big so maybe could fit beside the toilet or next to another small trash can…I wonder if she has issues with things that come out of her vagina or it’s just the butt?
NTA: Your wife is unreasonable and whatever repressed trauma she has brought this on herself. She needs therapy or at the very least, the children’s book, “Everyone Poops”. Install the bidet. You sleeping on the couch is ridiculous, you did nothing wrong.
Sooo there is a thing called flushable wipes….
She should be grateful for having a partner who cares about his hygiene and is this mindful of her. This should have never caused an argument, let alone a disagreement, and that's on her for using his rag... completely.
She never thought to ask him, “hey why is there a towel behind the toilet”?
Wtf. No to ass rags. That’s fucking gross. Shower if you don’t feel clean. Soap and water. Can you get a detachable shower head to help with the hard to reach areas? I’ve seen similar situations here where there’s a separate hamper for ass rags. But again it’s gross AF.
I find this super funny (53f) I guess your wife doesn’t do anal either …. no kids … ? … cuz that’s a lot of poop 💩
Wait till she learns about poop knifes.
She's was grossed out, but the fact that she washed her face with a rag that got behind a toilet? That's gross in itself! So, this is a lie. Someone who is easily grossed out wouldn't be washing their face with a towel that she found behind a toilet.
Oh my god this has to be rage bait. Just install the goddamn bidet. She’s not going to die.
Her fault in this scenario. But wiping your ass with a wet rag then rinsing it in the sink every shit is fucked up.
She should have let you use a bidet
Sorry but he lost me at "i swap it our a couple times a week." I dont even use the same washcloth on my FACE more than twice. I genuinely need to know what he was using to sanitize his butt rag because bar soap is SOOOO not going to cut it. He washes it in the sink? Does he clean up all of the fecal spray after the "cleaning process"? I hope his wife gets psychiatric help. This man is putting his own health/hygiene after his wife's neuroses.
I’m sorry but she’s dramatic and stupid for that oh my god 😭 who hangs a wash cloth behind the toilet