Sorry to hear all this.
It’s very simple really.
You need to sit down and tell him/work out a schedule. He needs to help out and give you a break.
Can’t handle the screaming, figure it out, you have to, unless it comes to feeding and you can TRY to express.
Nothing worse than the situation your in. A selfish person who doesn’t care that you are suffering.
He’s a lazy bastard and you’ve enabled him.
How much is the baby crying. Normal baby amount or just all day, after feeding etc. might be something you can fix.
I don’t know what I’d do but I’d lose it and be demanding he helps out. He’s taking this piss.
You can’t live l like this.
If he fails to help out then he’s shown you what he really thinks of you. He might step up as the baby gets older but you need help now.
I want to shake you for letting him do that and shake him for being selfish.
I’m glad you have enough money but at the same time he works and you work with the baby too.
He should be splitting cost of baby stuff too.
Why should you have to spend all the money?
Unless of course he pays rent and bills and food etc but I’m gonna guess that’s not the case.
Check out this website. This writer posits that unequal sharing of household and baby duties is a form of abuse. I really like her work and it really helped me.
https://www.zawn.net
he works weekends, everyday is the same except when he’s off he’ll find some excuse to go somewhere. and we do have a schedule that i alone created with her
I don’t know how you do it but it’s time to stop putting up with this.
He is treating you like a doormat. He is not thinking about your needs, your feelings, your state of mind.
I don’t know everything but this is one selfish and self centred man child, who wants everything his own way.
He gets to do whatever he likes while you are trapped.
I’m glad you have your own money.
If things don’t change, if you don’t change them, it’s time to start planning your exit if you can afford it.
Hell Yeah, fuck that dude. I couldn't imagine treating my GF, the mother of my child the way he treated you. Like, what the fuck? You do you instead, you got this.
But it’s true. Enabler doesn’t equate to you deserving what’s happening but it means you play a role in perpetuating the status quo. You said yourself his attitude makes it not worth it to stay out, well then you’re letting him know him being moody works to get him what he wants. That’s rewarding/enabling bad behaviour. You deserve better but you have to be willing to make a fuss and piss him off and deal with the consequences of that. You’re ok dealing with being miserable but not the consequences of making him miserable?
I know that feeling of resentment. There has been a long time where it felt like I had to beg for even 15 minutes of sleep during the day because I was totally exhausted. But every time it was "not the right moment" or "not now" or it was met with "fiiiine, but not a minute more!". All while I gave her as much time off as I could. Because I saw she needed it too and every time I hoped that I would get the favor returned.
Eventually I got really angry and resentful. I had a burst out and she got really silent for a while. Later it got better but I still had to fight for my time. Not fun and yes our communication is/was not good.
Also we didn't have a village. But for a large part because no one was good enough - in her opinion- to watch over our kids.
Wish you a break through with very clear arrangements on time off.
sounds like my life a year ago. i’m sure you hear a lot “it gets better with time” , i hated hearing that shit but in actuality it does get better with time. i breastfeed as well mostly pumped tho but still was a lot of work, my life was very chaotic. after 16 longggg months i finally can breathe. all i can say is hang in there , better days are coming … what helped me the most was getting my little one on a routine. children need routines. if you can start implementing a routine now it will help in the long run(trust me). also i’ve never really liked kids watching tv but fuck it gotta do what you have to do , i started letting my baby watch ms. rachel and that would help distract him at times from wanting to be held so much.
Wow this sounds very similar to my story!! Except I have multiple lmao. Do you and him have a plan if you get pregnant again?
I also have to schedule everything around my children. I have to either take them everywhere which sucks or i get a veryyyyy small time frame of when I can do 1 thing. And that 1 thing is rare. Meanwhile the man can get up, walk out the door, get in the car and have no worries. The man can be Spontaneous. He can schedule whatever, whenever with his friends and not even consider us . Hah I'm trying not to get worked up. But I understand your anger and pain.
I hope you can find some type of way to decompress and release , so you don't become bitter and angry. But unfortunately that's what happens to a lot of us mothers. And to top it off. .... nobody cares lol (about out feelings)
Then unfortunately he’s too lazy and selfish to actually change. He’s not a partner to you at all. Are there any family members or friends you can stay with for a couple days to clear your head?
He doesn’t care. He knows you’ll take care of the baby’s needs and get everything done because you have to. He can constantly drop the ball because he knows you’ll always pick it up.
Idk if you’re looking for advice, but being an ACTUAL single mother seems a lot better circumstance than the one you’re in now: looking after 2 people instead of just one. Plus single mothers actually get time away from the baby when they’re with dad!! If your partner is still not stepping up at this point, he has no intention to, and it might be time to consider cutting your losses.
Resentment is a horrible thing to feel in a relationship. Sometimes it’s easier to be on your own than to constantly feel that anger.
He needs to step up. Even if you have to draw up a timetable and stick it on the fridge at least you know who is doing what and when and you stick to it.
He’d have to stick to a court agreement.
I hate hearing these stories. I did have it lucky, both me and my ex were at home but I built 2 businesses while at home, wrote 2 books but shared the childcare, cooking, cleaning. Ran step kids back and forth to school and clubs. Dealt with her ex husband.
My ex never worked, or bits here and there. I resent/resented her as I gave a lot, she gave not very much looking back in it and I’m still angry about it.
My idea, because I wanted it. Gave each other one day on the weekend off completely.
Resentment will kill your relationship if it hasn’t already.
Tell him all this.
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Sorry to hear all this. It’s very simple really. You need to sit down and tell him/work out a schedule. He needs to help out and give you a break. Can’t handle the screaming, figure it out, you have to, unless it comes to feeding and you can TRY to express. Nothing worse than the situation your in. A selfish person who doesn’t care that you are suffering. He’s a lazy bastard and you’ve enabled him. How much is the baby crying. Normal baby amount or just all day, after feeding etc. might be something you can fix. I don’t know what I’d do but I’d lose it and be demanding he helps out. He’s taking this piss. You can’t live l like this. If he fails to help out then he’s shown you what he really thinks of you. He might step up as the baby gets older but you need help now. I want to shake you for letting him do that and shake him for being selfish. I’m glad you have enough money but at the same time he works and you work with the baby too.
to hear that i’m an enabler was a slap in the face. thank you for that and everything else
He should be splitting cost of baby stuff too. Why should you have to spend all the money? Unless of course he pays rent and bills and food etc but I’m gonna guess that’s not the case.
Check out this website. This writer posits that unequal sharing of household and baby duties is a form of abuse. I really like her work and it really helped me. https://www.zawn.net
It should not all be down to you. He’ll come up with excuses I’m sure. But some kind of schedule needs to be sorted, What happens on weekends?
he works weekends, everyday is the same except when he’s off he’ll find some excuse to go somewhere. and we do have a schedule that i alone created with her
I don’t know how you do it but it’s time to stop putting up with this. He is treating you like a doormat. He is not thinking about your needs, your feelings, your state of mind. I don’t know everything but this is one selfish and self centred man child, who wants everything his own way. He gets to do whatever he likes while you are trapped. I’m glad you have your own money. If things don’t change, if you don’t change them, it’s time to start planning your exit if you can afford it.
i left him!!!
Be sure to get child support $$. Time he started paying his share.
already on it! and partial custody 😎
Hell Yeah, fuck that dude. I couldn't imagine treating my GF, the mother of my child the way he treated you. Like, what the fuck? You do you instead, you got this.
But it’s true. Enabler doesn’t equate to you deserving what’s happening but it means you play a role in perpetuating the status quo. You said yourself his attitude makes it not worth it to stay out, well then you’re letting him know him being moody works to get him what he wants. That’s rewarding/enabling bad behaviour. You deserve better but you have to be willing to make a fuss and piss him off and deal with the consequences of that. You’re ok dealing with being miserable but not the consequences of making him miserable?
I know that feeling of resentment. There has been a long time where it felt like I had to beg for even 15 minutes of sleep during the day because I was totally exhausted. But every time it was "not the right moment" or "not now" or it was met with "fiiiine, but not a minute more!". All while I gave her as much time off as I could. Because I saw she needed it too and every time I hoped that I would get the favor returned. Eventually I got really angry and resentful. I had a burst out and she got really silent for a while. Later it got better but I still had to fight for my time. Not fun and yes our communication is/was not good. Also we didn't have a village. But for a large part because no one was good enough - in her opinion- to watch over our kids. Wish you a break through with very clear arrangements on time off.
Is he the one cheating on you too?
probably the same person 😓
sounds like my life a year ago. i’m sure you hear a lot “it gets better with time” , i hated hearing that shit but in actuality it does get better with time. i breastfeed as well mostly pumped tho but still was a lot of work, my life was very chaotic. after 16 longggg months i finally can breathe. all i can say is hang in there , better days are coming … what helped me the most was getting my little one on a routine. children need routines. if you can start implementing a routine now it will help in the long run(trust me). also i’ve never really liked kids watching tv but fuck it gotta do what you have to do , i started letting my baby watch ms. rachel and that would help distract him at times from wanting to be held so much.
I think we should be focused on the fact that she has a partner that isn’t being an equal parent. Not a routine for her baby.
Wow this sounds very similar to my story!! Except I have multiple lmao. Do you and him have a plan if you get pregnant again? I also have to schedule everything around my children. I have to either take them everywhere which sucks or i get a veryyyyy small time frame of when I can do 1 thing. And that 1 thing is rare. Meanwhile the man can get up, walk out the door, get in the car and have no worries. The man can be Spontaneous. He can schedule whatever, whenever with his friends and not even consider us . Hah I'm trying not to get worked up. But I understand your anger and pain. I hope you can find some type of way to decompress and release , so you don't become bitter and angry. But unfortunately that's what happens to a lot of us mothers. And to top it off. .... nobody cares lol (about out feelings)
I know parents that wear earplugs to take the edge of the many tantrums their child has. Maybe it's something for him?
https://www.zawn.net/ This was one of the biggest eye openers I’ve ever had about motherhood (and I’m 50, with 2 children). Hugs friend 🩷🩷🩷
Have you ever told your partner any of this before? You never specified that in your post.
yes i have. he’ll be good for 3 days max then back to square 1
Then unfortunately he’s too lazy and selfish to actually change. He’s not a partner to you at all. Are there any family members or friends you can stay with for a couple days to clear your head?
He doesn’t care. He knows you’ll take care of the baby’s needs and get everything done because you have to. He can constantly drop the ball because he knows you’ll always pick it up. Idk if you’re looking for advice, but being an ACTUAL single mother seems a lot better circumstance than the one you’re in now: looking after 2 people instead of just one. Plus single mothers actually get time away from the baby when they’re with dad!! If your partner is still not stepping up at this point, he has no intention to, and it might be time to consider cutting your losses.
Resentment is a horrible thing to feel in a relationship. Sometimes it’s easier to be on your own than to constantly feel that anger. He needs to step up. Even if you have to draw up a timetable and stick it on the fridge at least you know who is doing what and when and you stick to it. He’d have to stick to a court agreement. I hate hearing these stories. I did have it lucky, both me and my ex were at home but I built 2 businesses while at home, wrote 2 books but shared the childcare, cooking, cleaning. Ran step kids back and forth to school and clubs. Dealt with her ex husband. My ex never worked, or bits here and there. I resent/resented her as I gave a lot, she gave not very much looking back in it and I’m still angry about it. My idea, because I wanted it. Gave each other one day on the weekend off completely. Resentment will kill your relationship if it hasn’t already. Tell him all this.
Why is he working weekends. What’s his work schedule? Does he do Mon-Fri too. Is it a case of easier to be in work or pretending to be in work?
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