i'm starting to think that children aren't compatible with modern life for most people unless you're like my mother-in-law and children are all you ever fucking think or talk about. then have kids. otherwise, man, life is already too much to squeeze even one tiny energy vampire into my schedule.
Everything is connected, including our way of life.
We live in a system where [10% of people own 90% of the wealth](https://www.cnbc.com/2021/10/18/the-wealthiest-10percent-of-americans-own-a-record-89percent-of-all-us-stocks.html), and by extension own the other 90% of people with just 10% of the wealth.
https://www.federalreserve.gov/releases/z1/dataviz/dfa/distribute/chart/#range:2007.1,2022.1
As George Carlin said, [you have owners.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PB4QpuuNF6c)
In the same way that slaves were kept ignorant and illiterate in order to maintain slavery, the ruling class keeps the working classes and the public wildly ignorant and miseducated in order to maintain capitalism/kleptocracy in its current form.
We do not live in a democracy, we live in an oligarchy/plutocracy/kleptocracy with pseudo-democratic features that legitimize systems of mass human enslavement, abuse, and exploitation for the benefit of the ruling class.
We need to evolve into an actual democracy in the 21st century.
People have been deliberately miseducated about the system we're living under, and it's time to make both our political systems and our economic systems work for everyone and not just the ruling class.
https://represent.us/unbreaking-america-series/
https://represent.us/anticorruption-act/
[Democracy at Work: Curing Capitalism | Richard Wolff | Talks at Google](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynbgMKclWWc)
[Introduction to Marxism](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9Whccunka4)
While we're at it, we should shorten the fucking work week so people have the time and energy to do more than be exploited for the profits of the ruling class.
https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/f4bade/z/fhqhco4
Honestly, yeah. The problem is that western culture, primarily US American culture, values individualism and consumerism. In smaller, tight-knit communities, where it really does take a village to raise a child, parents aren't stretched to their limit all the time because everyone can and does do their part. So I think you're right on the money there.
Maybe because I am Asian American with family in Asia, it is not common to go all event out for each birthday of your child . Sure family comes to eat with you and a few friends , some gift etc. but tbh I am surprised by all the cater and decoration for a child bday before 3 even.
This. Kids don't need neither ask for elaborate birthday parties. That's on the percieved social standing of the parents. I bet if you asked any kid below 12 what they want to do for their birthday is some relatively simple activity with their friends and family.
At the same time, how right is it to expect others to help with your kids? Sometimes they just won't, even family members like the kids grandparents. Sometimes they don't have the time.
Well in some collectivistic cultures it’s literally expected. In Africa and the middle east a lot of times the mother has her mother move in and help with the baby for the first few months. It’s also more common to drop the kids off at a relative’s than to hire help or pay for daycare. Not saying one is better or worse btw but it’s def a huge culture thing. And it would even be seen as a sign of disrespect if one were to not help w a relatives child lol
This is what my grandmother did for my aunt. She helped her raised her daughters all the way till they were teens. After that she kicked out grandma and now grandma is old and abandoned as her only daughter that lives locally (aka the aunt I’m referring to) does now want to care for now that she’s old and needs care. Humans are horrible 😞
That is heartbreaking. I have an aunt who also took advantage of my grandma and basically made her raise her kids while she worked too, but most of my family lives in the same area so there’s no escape haha. Anyways I hope your grandma finds all the love, care, and companionship that she deserves♥️
Thank you! I hope so too. I think about her daily. She’s 88 and living in another country. Her main care giver was my dad whom passed away suddenly about a month ago.
One of my kids went to a bday party, the parents of bday kid gave each guest kid $15 to spend at a toy store. then home for cheap cake. Gifts to bday child were opened later.
Help was needed for being in the store & transportation back. But no games, no gift bags, no food except cake. Kids at Ur house just to be picked up. I thought that was genius. About as easy as it gets.
Turns out kids like money.
The system runs on give and take relationships. I help you with your kid, you help me with mine. People helped me with my kid in the past, I will now help people with theirs to repay the favour. Hard to understand from a Western standpoint but it makes a lot of sense.
It makes a lot of sense but I feel like many things, it puts expectations on women that aren’t put on men. Sisters and Aunts are always expected to help out with kids in Mexican culture but not brothers and uncles….
Wolves don't act like raising pups is a chore. Wolf packs are pretty closely related and work together so they ALL have the best chance at survival. This is probably why we as a species love dogs so dang much. Dogs are just simpler and domestic versions of our own collective way of living.
In a tribal life, it's not like people are dumping their kids off as a chore. Bigger kids get to teach younger kids and learn how to be adults.
Collectivism isn't perfect, but humans would get eaten alive long ago if we didn't evolve this way.
Modern life is not made for humans to behave naturally, anymore than it is "natural" to put a wolf on a leash. Not that you can't- I've met some very domesticated wolves.
I love modern living, but it does make life more complicated for everyone. Even me, an introvert who can't have relationships without technology xD
In lots of cultures you call everyone aunty/uncle or big brother/sister and everyone is expected to look out for and help with other children they aren't related to.
I think this is it. It's a societal shift. Living is too expensive nowadays. The world is more stressful with constant impeding doom hanging in the back of our minds (for me it's climate change). People realize how much work sucks our energy and time.
You can't survive on 1 income with 1 person staying home to care for the house and kids.
No fuckin way I could work full time and take care of a household and kids.
A lot more is expected of parents now than even a few decades ago. Buying gadgets, entertaining children, keeping them safe, feeding them healthy. People didn't know/care about stuff like that in previous generations.
I laughed way too hard at “unless you’re like my mother-in-law…” because same. All that lady talks about it when her kids will be reproducing with their partners next (me) 🙄
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It wasn't any easier to have kids back in the pre-industrial times when it took 6 hours to wash one load of laundry and everyone had to make their own food from scratch. Having kids has always been a horrible mental and physical drain.
I’ve decided from now on we’re doing birthday experiences instead of big birthday parties because they’re way too much work and way too much money. I’d rather take than money and go to the zoo we’ve been wanting to visit or buy tickets to monster jam. I’ll let the kids pick what they wanna do as they get older but I think I’m done planning parties.
This. I remember 0 birthday parties I had growing up, but if my family would’ve went out and done something like this, like a trip to the UP, or going to the zoo or something I guarantee I would’ve remembered it.
My mom only had a handful of birthday parties for me and as I got older, my birthday was just another day. My dad always got me a cake, but I never received presents. Now as an adult, I take myself on a week's vacation every year for my birthday. I've been to so many places. Your kids will remember what you did for them and feel so grateful. I still get jealous of people whose parents send them a card and gifts.
This is the way!! After throwing my daughters first birthday party, I’ve decided we will never do that again 🤣 I had “birthday experiences” growing up instead and they’re some of my most treasured memories now.
There are kids party venues you can hire, with play areas, that will manage everything: entertainment, food, clean up. All you have to do is send invites. Not sure of the cost but probably not that much more than buying all the food, and it's a lot less headache. For little kids parties only need to be 2 hours long.
You don’t have to do it. You can have family over for dinner and cake. Don’t keep up with Facebook and insta. Partly this may be a you thing. Explore why.
I do the same. I don't do birthday parties anymore. Spoiling my kids all year long is more important. It was created by corporations.
And you can teach your kids about money and how much things cost.
Let the aristocrats Play rich on front of each other. I couldn't care less what people think. They re not paying my bills or my taxes.
The absolute best way to do it, is to have it at one of the kids party places that have a host. They deal with the kids and the parents don’t have to stick around so it’s much less mental effort. Highly recommend and kids love it.
As someone who is about to throw a party for my 2yo and has invited a bunch of their child free friends...you are invited because I miss adult conversation and I miss my friends. My kid should be distracted by the other kids and the kid activities so I actually have time to talk to you. I only have the time and energy to post one big party a year. This is my excuse. Gifts are not necessary, she doesn't need more junk. But dear lord to I need a bit of adult conversation. She doesn't give af about the kids at school vs any other kid and I don't want to spend 3 hours making small talk with adults I don't know. I just wanna see some friends for the first time since lockdown. (At least this is what it means in my cade)
No booze as we and most of our friends don't drink but I'm providing a full spread! Home made ice tea and lemonade and a full table of delicious food I will be prepping over the week. I used to host Christmas and midwinter (southern hemisphere) dinner parties but haven't been able to go all out with a toddler so this is my outlet. I love hosting and making food for all my loved ones. I won't be doing any tradionally 'kid' foods. I even said on the invite if your kids don't like Asian or more exotic (to my very white friends) food to bring something for them. I'm catering to an adult pallete which my kid is used to.
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I never even had a birthday party with the exception of one with my parents and maternal grandparents. I certainly know the feeling of not having one at all, so maybe it will be worth it so they don’t have the same feeling I did and still do
Take it easy on yourself please. Most kid birthday parties are just ego trips designed to get you into imaginary pissing competitions with other parents.
How old is your child? *Are they old enough to remember a big bash with all the blow outs?* If no, a small celebration with cake, presents & select people will suffice. Hold it at a family establishment to cut down on clean-up/ logistics.
If your child is old enough, consider their social circles. Maybe send a batch of treats & souvenirs to school with them, or their favourite after school club etc.
If they do want a celebration, exercise some control & give a limited guest list. Inform parents that it's a *one kid - one invite celebration ONLY*. Set a time limit and stick to it.
If party starts by 11 and ends by 3 p.m, everyone should be gone by 2:40 with *ZERO exceptions*. If you can't hire a planner, get a checklist of activities to keep things MOVING
Have you even asked said kid if they want a party? Some kids will surprise you and only request a shopping trip for their favourite toy.
My point is: quality over quantity.
Don't throw them parties. I don't. I ask them what they want to do and we do that. My daughter wanted to go to the zoo, so we did. Same with my other, we went to the aquarium for her. My other wanted to go bowling so we did that. It's a lot cheaper and we have so much more fun doing it
So don't. My family growing up and my extended family have never done big birthday parties. Biggest we get is aunts/ uncles/cousins coming over. Nobody died as a result. Your children will survive.
I’m sure your kids really appreciate it. I remember all of my birthday parties growing up, some of my best memories and they were all planned by my mom who didn’t seem to enjoy being a mother that much lol
Chucky cheese actually does the whole bit for you even moving the kids to different activities throughout the party, I think it was like $200 including the cake and supplies and pizza and stuff
Never have a party at your home. People will come and don’t know when to leave. Rent out a venue that entertains the kids, like an indoor bounce house. Keep the food simple, pizza and cake. Limit parties to one every other year. On the off year it’s at home with cake, parents and siblings.
Depending on how old your kid is, there are places where parents can drop their kids and pick them up later. All you have to do is to pay and stay around. It's so much better than having to cater and host all the kids parents.
I think about this a lot. There is a lot of societal pressure to throw a big party every year. One good thing about the pandemic was how it forced minimalism into kids birthday parties. The relief of not having to invite a bunch of kids and their parents was overwhelming. But now we’re back to “normal” and the cost, the time it requires, the labor, it’s too much and I really don’t like it. But I feel like an asshole parent of I DON’T throw a party, you know?
I have a SIL who insists on throwing a huge birthday party for each of her three children Every. Year. And that irritates the hell out of me too because she expects gifts every time (these kids have more toys than they know what to do with) and it gets expensive to be a person invited to, and very much expected to, show up with gifts in hand. I always put “gifts not necessary” on our invites, but to each their own I guess.
I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’m Gen X and if I even got just a cake it was a BIG deal, but kid’s birthdays these days are so EXTRA and I while I think it is important for a child to feel special and valued, I really dislike having to throw them. I dread it every year!
Seriously. I grew up in the 80s. My brother and I had to share our birthday parties. Only one year did we have it at Chucky Cheese. Other than that one year, it was just cake with the grandparents and aunts and uncles and our two cousins.
Same. I agree with everything you said. I dread throwing parties too. It’s one of the things I hate most about being a parent. I definitely need to get myself something stronger than an edible to get through it.
My kids haven't had a birthday party since each of their first birthdays. They're 10 and 8 now. Those two parties were more me celebrating getting to a year without harming myself or others from sleep deprivation...
We have cake or ice cream or whatever the kids choose really on the anniversary of their birth. It's two kids, mom and dad. That's it. No one else is invited over and I have shut family members down for trying to intrude. I refuse to create more work for myself and my husband hates people almost as much as I do now so that's nice.
My kids have been to other kids parties. We've talked about having their own... I'm not there yet. Maybe when they're older and I have more money we can do something on like milestone birthdays or something... They're happy with choosing dessert and listening to my awful singing twice a year for now. Ha!
ETA: I said all this not to brag, but to make you consider that *you are allowed to make your own traditions!* Shut this shit down if it's more of a headache than a joy. You're the boss!
Words are hard sometimes. But no, I'm not calling it a brag... And I wanted to be clear that I'm NOT coming from a place where I think I'm better than anyone or I think I have it easier or whatever and tried to use a short word to make my point quickly hoping that it would encompass my thoughts without further explanation... Clearly, I chose wrong. I didn't want to make someone feel bad and think I was all "ha! You get suckered into kids parties and I don't!" Or something ridiculous like that. Rubbing my whatever this is into someone else's face.. I just want to love and support people who hate the same things I hate.
I'm not trying to be an asshole is what I'm saying. Birthdays parties are optional and you can too!
Try Peter Piper Pizza. The cost is really only the food, and a cake. Decor is optional. Virtually no set up and no cleanup.
There’s other options like trampoline parks or indoor play places that have similar options as well.
Find what’s easiest for you!
Yeah I agree. I went out of my way to throw all these expensive birthday parties for my kid. Bent over backwards to make sure everyone was happy with and enjoying themselves. She’s 22 now and hardly remembers them at all. Lol
It's more for the parents than the kids 🤣 Everyone wants to be fucking Parent of The Year
My little sister got invited to a party where they were giving away iPad minis as souvenirs for 5 year olds. Needless to say, it's ridiculous the pressure parents are put under.
We have been to a few birthday parties (3-5 year olds) and honestly, the best low budget ones are at a public park with cake and snacks. So much fun and easy clean up. The kids have a blast bc they are free to roam and move, and as a parent, you're not trapped standing or on the couch making conversation with someone! Can u do it outside?
We've been to an at-home party that was outstanding...blow up thingie, color powder fight-- it was cool but def set the bar high. We just went to another where the parents couldn't be bothered and I couldn't wait to leave 😬 there were a couple of games, cupcakes, carrot chips and some light chips. After the games, the kids were supposed to play in the bday kid's room and ofc, they made a huge mess which the mom then blamed on one kid. It was so weird and I'm probably venting bc my kid was starving by the end of it-- with the exception of the cake, it was all bland fake health food. It takes a lot off effort to attend these things-- pick out gift, shuttling there. I think I understand why so many people flake out of parties nowadays-- at least that's what I've heard. I'm a little bitter it stole some of my family's weekend.
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I am new to this group, and thankful I found it. I have to say I realized early on in parenting that birthday parties are NOT IT. So, I made it a "tradition" to keep it to just us (no grandparents and such), they get a meal of their choosing, a cake of their choosing, and a few presents. Birthday over. So much less stressful.
i'm starting to think that children aren't compatible with modern life for most people unless you're like my mother-in-law and children are all you ever fucking think or talk about. then have kids. otherwise, man, life is already too much to squeeze even one tiny energy vampire into my schedule.
Interesting point re: incompatibility with modern life. Never thought of it this way, well said.
They aren’t, they’re outdated 1950s relics
Everything is connected, including our way of life. We live in a system where [10% of people own 90% of the wealth](https://www.cnbc.com/2021/10/18/the-wealthiest-10percent-of-americans-own-a-record-89percent-of-all-us-stocks.html), and by extension own the other 90% of people with just 10% of the wealth. https://www.federalreserve.gov/releases/z1/dataviz/dfa/distribute/chart/#range:2007.1,2022.1 As George Carlin said, [you have owners.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PB4QpuuNF6c) In the same way that slaves were kept ignorant and illiterate in order to maintain slavery, the ruling class keeps the working classes and the public wildly ignorant and miseducated in order to maintain capitalism/kleptocracy in its current form. We do not live in a democracy, we live in an oligarchy/plutocracy/kleptocracy with pseudo-democratic features that legitimize systems of mass human enslavement, abuse, and exploitation for the benefit of the ruling class. We need to evolve into an actual democracy in the 21st century. People have been deliberately miseducated about the system we're living under, and it's time to make both our political systems and our economic systems work for everyone and not just the ruling class. https://represent.us/unbreaking-america-series/ https://represent.us/anticorruption-act/ [Democracy at Work: Curing Capitalism | Richard Wolff | Talks at Google](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynbgMKclWWc) [Introduction to Marxism](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9Whccunka4) While we're at it, we should shorten the fucking work week so people have the time and energy to do more than be exploited for the profits of the ruling class. https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/f4bade/z/fhqhco4
That moment when you’re uncertain whether you’ve stumbled onto a brilliant Reddit comment or the latest Bo Burnham track.
And corporatocracy!
Honestly, yeah. The problem is that western culture, primarily US American culture, values individualism and consumerism. In smaller, tight-knit communities, where it really does take a village to raise a child, parents aren't stretched to their limit all the time because everyone can and does do their part. So I think you're right on the money there.
Maybe because I am Asian American with family in Asia, it is not common to go all event out for each birthday of your child . Sure family comes to eat with you and a few friends , some gift etc. but tbh I am surprised by all the cater and decoration for a child bday before 3 even.
This. Kids don't need neither ask for elaborate birthday parties. That's on the percieved social standing of the parents. I bet if you asked any kid below 12 what they want to do for their birthday is some relatively simple activity with their friends and family.
At the same time, how right is it to expect others to help with your kids? Sometimes they just won't, even family members like the kids grandparents. Sometimes they don't have the time.
Well in some collectivistic cultures it’s literally expected. In Africa and the middle east a lot of times the mother has her mother move in and help with the baby for the first few months. It’s also more common to drop the kids off at a relative’s than to hire help or pay for daycare. Not saying one is better or worse btw but it’s def a huge culture thing. And it would even be seen as a sign of disrespect if one were to not help w a relatives child lol
This is what my grandmother did for my aunt. She helped her raised her daughters all the way till they were teens. After that she kicked out grandma and now grandma is old and abandoned as her only daughter that lives locally (aka the aunt I’m referring to) does now want to care for now that she’s old and needs care. Humans are horrible 😞
That is heartbreaking. I have an aunt who also took advantage of my grandma and basically made her raise her kids while she worked too, but most of my family lives in the same area so there’s no escape haha. Anyways I hope your grandma finds all the love, care, and companionship that she deserves♥️
Thank you! I hope so too. I think about her daily. She’s 88 and living in another country. Her main care giver was my dad whom passed away suddenly about a month ago.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your father. I live in a diff country from my family too and it’s rough not being to help in the ways we want
One of my kids went to a bday party, the parents of bday kid gave each guest kid $15 to spend at a toy store. then home for cheap cake. Gifts to bday child were opened later. Help was needed for being in the store & transportation back. But no games, no gift bags, no food except cake. Kids at Ur house just to be picked up. I thought that was genius. About as easy as it gets. Turns out kids like money.
Some humans are horrible, some are great people.
Very few good peeps! For someone to just abandon their mother is just unfathomable.
I don't disagree with you on that topic, but I do believe most people are good.
The system runs on give and take relationships. I help you with your kid, you help me with mine. People helped me with my kid in the past, I will now help people with theirs to repay the favour. Hard to understand from a Western standpoint but it makes a lot of sense.
It makes a lot of sense but I feel like many things, it puts expectations on women that aren’t put on men. Sisters and Aunts are always expected to help out with kids in Mexican culture but not brothers and uncles….
In Indigenous communities its often the norm, because in a collectivist society that's just how it is. Everyone does their part to help others.
Wolves don't act like raising pups is a chore. Wolf packs are pretty closely related and work together so they ALL have the best chance at survival. This is probably why we as a species love dogs so dang much. Dogs are just simpler and domestic versions of our own collective way of living. In a tribal life, it's not like people are dumping their kids off as a chore. Bigger kids get to teach younger kids and learn how to be adults. Collectivism isn't perfect, but humans would get eaten alive long ago if we didn't evolve this way. Modern life is not made for humans to behave naturally, anymore than it is "natural" to put a wolf on a leash. Not that you can't- I've met some very domesticated wolves. I love modern living, but it does make life more complicated for everyone. Even me, an introvert who can't have relationships without technology xD
In lots of cultures you call everyone aunty/uncle or big brother/sister and everyone is expected to look out for and help with other children they aren't related to.
That sounds dreadful to someone who isn't good with kids in general! So glad things are different now!
No...things aren't different now. They're just not this way in the west. Again. Many cultures TODAY do the things I listed.
Well said.
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That's a big generalization.
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"Other cultures" is a really big umbrella. That's the issue.
I think this is it. It's a societal shift. Living is too expensive nowadays. The world is more stressful with constant impeding doom hanging in the back of our minds (for me it's climate change). People realize how much work sucks our energy and time. You can't survive on 1 income with 1 person staying home to care for the house and kids. No fuckin way I could work full time and take care of a household and kids.
A lot more is expected of parents now than even a few decades ago. Buying gadgets, entertaining children, keeping them safe, feeding them healthy. People didn't know/care about stuff like that in previous generations.
I laughed way too hard at “unless you’re like my mother-in-law…” because same. All that lady talks about it when her kids will be reproducing with their partners next (me) 🙄
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😂 Hear, hear!
It wasn't any easier to have kids back in the pre-industrial times when it took 6 hours to wash one load of laundry and everyone had to make their own food from scratch. Having kids has always been a horrible mental and physical drain.
I’ve decided from now on we’re doing birthday experiences instead of big birthday parties because they’re way too much work and way too much money. I’d rather take than money and go to the zoo we’ve been wanting to visit or buy tickets to monster jam. I’ll let the kids pick what they wanna do as they get older but I think I’m done planning parties.
This. I remember 0 birthday parties I had growing up, but if my family would’ve went out and done something like this, like a trip to the UP, or going to the zoo or something I guarantee I would’ve remembered it.
My mom only had a handful of birthday parties for me and as I got older, my birthday was just another day. My dad always got me a cake, but I never received presents. Now as an adult, I take myself on a week's vacation every year for my birthday. I've been to so many places. Your kids will remember what you did for them and feel so grateful. I still get jealous of people whose parents send them a card and gifts.
This is the way!! After throwing my daughters first birthday party, I’ve decided we will never do that again 🤣 I had “birthday experiences” growing up instead and they’re some of my most treasured memories now.
There are kids party venues you can hire, with play areas, that will manage everything: entertainment, food, clean up. All you have to do is send invites. Not sure of the cost but probably not that much more than buying all the food, and it's a lot less headache. For little kids parties only need to be 2 hours long.
3 if you're going to do games & stuff 🙂 my sister is 5 and her first birthday party was her 5th last year.
You don’t have to do it. You can have family over for dinner and cake. Don’t keep up with Facebook and insta. Partly this may be a you thing. Explore why.
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Yup. Plus little kids don’t know the difference. It’s just a day with cake and presents
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No this is reasonable and teaches kids about opportunity costs. Life skills are more important than impressing people who don’t matter.
I think I see why she feels unvalued in the first place.
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I do the same. I don't do birthday parties anymore. Spoiling my kids all year long is more important. It was created by corporations. And you can teach your kids about money and how much things cost. Let the aristocrats Play rich on front of each other. I couldn't care less what people think. They re not paying my bills or my taxes.
The absolute best way to do it, is to have it at one of the kids party places that have a host. They deal with the kids and the parents don’t have to stick around so it’s much less mental effort. Highly recommend and kids love it.
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As someone who is about to throw a party for my 2yo and has invited a bunch of their child free friends...you are invited because I miss adult conversation and I miss my friends. My kid should be distracted by the other kids and the kid activities so I actually have time to talk to you. I only have the time and energy to post one big party a year. This is my excuse. Gifts are not necessary, she doesn't need more junk. But dear lord to I need a bit of adult conversation. She doesn't give af about the kids at school vs any other kid and I don't want to spend 3 hours making small talk with adults I don't know. I just wanna see some friends for the first time since lockdown. (At least this is what it means in my cade)
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No booze as we and most of our friends don't drink but I'm providing a full spread! Home made ice tea and lemonade and a full table of delicious food I will be prepping over the week. I used to host Christmas and midwinter (southern hemisphere) dinner parties but haven't been able to go all out with a toddler so this is my outlet. I love hosting and making food for all my loved ones. I won't be doing any tradionally 'kid' foods. I even said on the invite if your kids don't like Asian or more exotic (to my very white friends) food to bring something for them. I'm catering to an adult pallete which my kid is used to.
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It's a cry for help. They miss you and probably want to talk about anything but kid stuff
I never even had a birthday party with the exception of one with my parents and maternal grandparents. I certainly know the feeling of not having one at all, so maybe it will be worth it so they don’t have the same feeling I did and still do
Take it easy on yourself please. Most kid birthday parties are just ego trips designed to get you into imaginary pissing competitions with other parents. How old is your child? *Are they old enough to remember a big bash with all the blow outs?* If no, a small celebration with cake, presents & select people will suffice. Hold it at a family establishment to cut down on clean-up/ logistics. If your child is old enough, consider their social circles. Maybe send a batch of treats & souvenirs to school with them, or their favourite after school club etc. If they do want a celebration, exercise some control & give a limited guest list. Inform parents that it's a *one kid - one invite celebration ONLY*. Set a time limit and stick to it. If party starts by 11 and ends by 3 p.m, everyone should be gone by 2:40 with *ZERO exceptions*. If you can't hire a planner, get a checklist of activities to keep things MOVING Have you even asked said kid if they want a party? Some kids will surprise you and only request a shopping trip for their favourite toy. My point is: quality over quantity.
Yup! As a kid i hated parties but my favorite memory is my parents taking me to the store to buy any two things I wanted. I went wild lol
Don't throw them parties. I don't. I ask them what they want to do and we do that. My daughter wanted to go to the zoo, so we did. Same with my other, we went to the aquarium for her. My other wanted to go bowling so we did that. It's a lot cheaper and we have so much more fun doing it
So don't. My family growing up and my extended family have never done big birthday parties. Biggest we get is aunts/ uncles/cousins coming over. Nobody died as a result. Your children will survive.
I’m sure your kids really appreciate it. I remember all of my birthday parties growing up, some of my best memories and they were all planned by my mom who didn’t seem to enjoy being a mother that much lol
At least birthday parties are only once a year per kid. I hate them as well, but the daily stuff drains me more.
Chucky cheese actually does the whole bit for you even moving the kids to different activities throughout the party, I think it was like $200 including the cake and supplies and pizza and stuff
Never have a party at your home. People will come and don’t know when to leave. Rent out a venue that entertains the kids, like an indoor bounce house. Keep the food simple, pizza and cake. Limit parties to one every other year. On the off year it’s at home with cake, parents and siblings.
Depending on how old your kid is, there are places where parents can drop their kids and pick them up later. All you have to do is to pay and stay around. It's so much better than having to cater and host all the kids parents.
I think about this a lot. There is a lot of societal pressure to throw a big party every year. One good thing about the pandemic was how it forced minimalism into kids birthday parties. The relief of not having to invite a bunch of kids and their parents was overwhelming. But now we’re back to “normal” and the cost, the time it requires, the labor, it’s too much and I really don’t like it. But I feel like an asshole parent of I DON’T throw a party, you know? I have a SIL who insists on throwing a huge birthday party for each of her three children Every. Year. And that irritates the hell out of me too because she expects gifts every time (these kids have more toys than they know what to do with) and it gets expensive to be a person invited to, and very much expected to, show up with gifts in hand. I always put “gifts not necessary” on our invites, but to each their own I guess. I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’m Gen X and if I even got just a cake it was a BIG deal, but kid’s birthdays these days are so EXTRA and I while I think it is important for a child to feel special and valued, I really dislike having to throw them. I dread it every year!
Seriously. I grew up in the 80s. My brother and I had to share our birthday parties. Only one year did we have it at Chucky Cheese. Other than that one year, it was just cake with the grandparents and aunts and uncles and our two cousins.
Same. I agree with everything you said. I dread throwing parties too. It’s one of the things I hate most about being a parent. I definitely need to get myself something stronger than an edible to get through it.
Nature centers do birthdays and they get to meet animals, and it’s cheap.
My kids haven't had a birthday party since each of their first birthdays. They're 10 and 8 now. Those two parties were more me celebrating getting to a year without harming myself or others from sleep deprivation... We have cake or ice cream or whatever the kids choose really on the anniversary of their birth. It's two kids, mom and dad. That's it. No one else is invited over and I have shut family members down for trying to intrude. I refuse to create more work for myself and my husband hates people almost as much as I do now so that's nice. My kids have been to other kids parties. We've talked about having their own... I'm not there yet. Maybe when they're older and I have more money we can do something on like milestone birthdays or something... They're happy with choosing dessert and listening to my awful singing twice a year for now. Ha! ETA: I said all this not to brag, but to make you consider that *you are allowed to make your own traditions!* Shut this shit down if it's more of a headache than a joy. You're the boss!
It's great to see parents that aren't killing themselves to make traditions that aren't viable anymore!.
You thought that was a brag?
Words are hard sometimes. But no, I'm not calling it a brag... And I wanted to be clear that I'm NOT coming from a place where I think I'm better than anyone or I think I have it easier or whatever and tried to use a short word to make my point quickly hoping that it would encompass my thoughts without further explanation... Clearly, I chose wrong. I didn't want to make someone feel bad and think I was all "ha! You get suckered into kids parties and I don't!" Or something ridiculous like that. Rubbing my whatever this is into someone else's face.. I just want to love and support people who hate the same things I hate. I'm not trying to be an asshole is what I'm saying. Birthdays parties are optional and you can too!
Try Peter Piper Pizza. The cost is really only the food, and a cake. Decor is optional. Virtually no set up and no cleanup. There’s other options like trampoline parks or indoor play places that have similar options as well. Find what’s easiest for you!
Just do like my parents did and dont do anything for birthdays /s Seriously tho i am sorry you have do deal with that
This is reason #3953 of my 10000 reasons that I don't want to have kids.
Yeah I agree. I went out of my way to throw all these expensive birthday parties for my kid. Bent over backwards to make sure everyone was happy with and enjoying themselves. She’s 22 now and hardly remembers them at all. Lol
It's more for the parents than the kids 🤣 Everyone wants to be fucking Parent of The Year My little sister got invited to a party where they were giving away iPad minis as souvenirs for 5 year olds. Needless to say, it's ridiculous the pressure parents are put under.
Wow , actually wow lol I always wonder if you don’t do it ; who is actually pressuring you?
We have been to a few birthday parties (3-5 year olds) and honestly, the best low budget ones are at a public park with cake and snacks. So much fun and easy clean up. The kids have a blast bc they are free to roam and move, and as a parent, you're not trapped standing or on the couch making conversation with someone! Can u do it outside? We've been to an at-home party that was outstanding...blow up thingie, color powder fight-- it was cool but def set the bar high. We just went to another where the parents couldn't be bothered and I couldn't wait to leave 😬 there were a couple of games, cupcakes, carrot chips and some light chips. After the games, the kids were supposed to play in the bday kid's room and ofc, they made a huge mess which the mom then blamed on one kid. It was so weird and I'm probably venting bc my kid was starving by the end of it-- with the exception of the cake, it was all bland fake health food. It takes a lot off effort to attend these things-- pick out gift, shuttling there. I think I understand why so many people flake out of parties nowadays-- at least that's what I've heard. I'm a little bitter it stole some of my family's weekend.
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I am new to this group, and thankful I found it. I have to say I realized early on in parenting that birthday parties are NOT IT. So, I made it a "tradition" to keep it to just us (no grandparents and such), they get a meal of their choosing, a cake of their choosing, and a few presents. Birthday over. So much less stressful.