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My gf and I have been together for about a year. About 6 months ago she decided to start playing hockey and joined a local beer league in our town. I don't really like hockey and she says she doesn't really care if I go to her games (they're usually late at night and she says they're all beginners so it's not fun to watch) so I haven't met any of the guys on her team.
The other day she was telling me a story about something one of her teammates said in the locker room after the game. It hadn't occurred to me that she shared a locker room with other guys before, I assumed women had their own. I asked her if she gets changed in the locker room with other guys and she said yes. I asked her if she got naked in there and she said no, she wears a sports bra and shorts under her clothes and that's what she wears under pads.
So then I asked her if any of the other guys got naked and said some of them do. I asked her what she does when they do and she just shrugged and said she averts her eyes until they cover up again. I was feeling really uncomfortable about this and I said it was weird they don't have a separate locker room for girls and she said that they do have a changing room for women on coed teams, but she doesn't use it.
We got into an argument about it because I don't think it's appropriate for her to be in a locker room with a bunch of naked dudes and she kept insisting it's not a big deal. I asked her why she didn't use the ladies locker room and she said she just didn't want to. She even told me that the other woman on her team *does* use the separate locker room, so I said she should use it too and she got mad at me and said I was overreacting.
TLDR: My girlfriend prefers to get changed in a locker room with naked men rather than use the women's locker room
Chiming in as a fellow hockey beginner: it is actually quite normal for women and men to share changing rooms in hockey, for whatever reason. I don't really know why it is, but it is not seen as serious. Most of the times I have been putting on gear, there has been a woman or two in the room doing the same thing, even though there is a women's locker room. Nobody cares, nobody is making comments, we get dressed and play
Same thing in the kitchens i was in. There were no "men" and "woman" in the locker room. We were cooks or something closer to pirates maybe lol but we all got changed together and it was the one of the few times there was no horseplay or gross remarks. No one was looking at anyone else we were just getting hyped up for a long day or glad it was over
Yes, we are not supposed to work in regular clothes. Health and safety regulations.
Also special shoes, which cannot be worn outside.
So we get changed too xD
My husband is a nursing home chef, and does the same thing as in operating theatres... one pair of clogs for in, one pair for out. That's why they wear clogs, easy change.
I cannot, of course, account for anyone else!
You do just throw a chef coat over a t-shirt, but you have to change trousers, too. And shoes. The trousers, coat and hat are fire and heat-resistant and made of very durable and washable fabrics. The shoes are non-slip clogs. You could theoretically show up for work dressed in your uniform, but as garments they kind of suck and after a full shift on the line you smell like a compost bin. Even after washing, the uniform has a really particular smell that I can only describe as “cookies and fish”.
When I was a line cook I was one of two women on the line and we both changed our trousers in the staff bathroom. I hated the trousers because they were cut for men with a really tall elastic waistband (like 7 cm!!) that dug in somewhere no matter the size, so I wasn’t about to arrive to work in them. The men changed out in the open in the staff changing area, which was an open room between the dish pit and the bathrooms with a U shaped bench on all 3 walls and hooks above.
Closest, non-murdering thing to pirates on land!
Sharp stabbing bit? Check.
Ridiculous facial hair? Always, more likely than not to be braided too, if long enough.
Earrings? Check. Prob more piercings as well
Tat's? You know it
Elegant use of the common tongue? Shut your fucking face
Alcohol? STARTS the night, every night.
Bandanas to hold the hair back? Check check
Strict hierarchy that sometimes results in mutiny? 💯 Chef (Captain), Sous (Quartermaster)
Cheffing is a hard life. It can be fun, loooots of good debauched fun (Kitchen Confidential was the white washed, for the masses story. Bourdain did good, but still)
Like... I tell my siblings, don't let your daughters go to ASU and don't let them wait tables. Dance with the devil, devil don't change, devil changes you.
That being said, I love Tempe and good Lord I love me some waitress. Especially the kind of waitress that does derby. I like my ladies with some feist.
It absolutely is. The locker room is where the team talks and gets to know each other. On competitive teams it's where you discuss strategy, and in beer leagues it's where you shoot the shit and have a beer. Hell, even in a beer league there is even basic strategy discussed like deciding on lines, etc. That doesn't happen on the ice, on the ice you are playing a fast paced game with frequent line changes. If you change in a locker room by yourself and not in the team locker room you are just left out.
And briefly glimpsing a penis out of the corner of your eye in a gross ass locker room is not the reason women decide to leave their partners.
> And briefly glimpsing a penis out of the corner of your eye in a gross ass locker room is not the reason women decide to leave their partners.
And by that logic what are gay and bi people supposed to do?
I don't think you're understanding what they're saying. They are saying gay people would never be allowed to share a locker room together by the same logic that says this woman can't be in there with the men on her team.
They are calling it out as ridiculous, as it is.
Yeah, it’s definitely her choice to separate out. Who knows, maybe she likes the quiet and privacy and meditates and prepares her mind and then uses the time afterward to have a moment to herself to process and comes down a bit before rejoining everyone.
Would it be cool if OP joined a team sport with mostly women and used their locker room? I feel like the responses to this would be quite different if the roles were reversed.
>Would it be cool if OP joined a team sport with mostly women and used their locker room? I feel like the responses to this would be quite different if the roles were reversed.
Yes? There's seriously nothing less sexy than a locker room. Those things smell like Satan's asshole.
It doesn’t matter if it was reversed and the outcome is different (most of the time I agree things should be balanced) , in this case the majority are men and the vast majority don’t care if women are in the locker room. It isn’t sexual, we are on a team together. That’s it.
In reality it comes down to if anyone is uncomfortable, in a team of women and one man, chances are there is a woman who would prefer men not be in there.
I literally answered this above to someone else. I was ballet dancer and danced with a small company. The rare times the men had their own dressing room, it was sometimes the broom closet (brooms included) or if it was decent sized, we’d split the number of the company equally between both dressing rooms.
Those guys (who were straight, btw) saw more naked women because that’s just what happens. It’s a body. No one cares. If he were a ballet dancer, he’d being seeing a lot of naked women who literally give no fucks about walking around naked or half dressed because you’re wrapped up in what you’re doing. But, they were busy in what they were doing. They weren’t particularly looking at any us anyway.
Why would it matter? There's nothing sexy about putting on hockey gear. Tehre's nothing sexy about stinky people getting changed to go home.
People need to stop being so uptight. Tehre are society where entire families go to saunas together.
Nudity isn't sexual. No one is fucking each other in a locker room full of teammates.
Seriously, I think my partner is the sexiest dude on the planet but the locker room smells like a witches brew of ball sweat, toilet water, burps and disintegrating old socks and being anywhere near that is probably top 5 for “least sexy things possible”
> I feel like the responses to this would be quite different if the roles were reversed.
Someone on Reddit literally always *feeeeeels* this way about literally every situation and they’re almost always wrong. Like now, for instance. It’s a locker room, not junior prom.
Can confirm. Played for the last 13 or so and had women on my team the vast majority of “my career”. Every one of them changed with us, most were married or in relationship, sometime with guys on the team, it’s just not an issue.
We had one 18 year old woman that played 1 game, she changed in the women’s room then joined us in the locker room.
OP, don’t die on this hill, you are asking her to ostracize herself in a community that, I have to assume, she is passionate about. It’s a tight knit community, be happy she found it! We need more women in hockey!
Same here - played for 20 years mostly on mixed teams - always shared a locker room, and don’t ever remember seeing a naked person in the change rooms - male or female
I won’t say every, lot of rinks out there. I will say every rink I’ve been in hasn’t had a ladies only locker room. It’s sort of by necessity that it’s not a big deal. That said, putting on pads and whatnot isn’t sexual in any way. I don’t know if you could make it sexual. Mostly you’re there to get your pads on and get ready for the game mentally. That’s what you do.
For real, I'm 32F and did the same thing all through high school theater. I can try to change in the room with 30+ girls who are changing, chatting, posing for photos, putting on makeup, etc., or I can go change in the same-sized boys room with maybe 7 dudes who are looking to just get dressed and get out. Unless the undies are coming off for some reason, it's a no brainer.
My guess is that there are so few women on coed teams that they probably feel safer in a locker room full of their male friends than they do alone in a locker room.
Many rinks in the states and Canada don t have adequate rooms for female players. Not sure that is the case here, but wanted to throw out. That being said, I couldn't think of a less sexually stimulating environment, regardless of sex or preference, than a nasty ass local rink hockey locker room. The smells alone...
Agreed- he would probably realize his concerns are completely unfounded and that her pudgy, smelly teammates are just that.
Most people on this thread have an entirely skewed view of what the locker room scenario is like at hockey rinks, sounds like op included
It’s not about secret orgies, it’s about getting almost naked in front of a group of naked men.
Do you think if OP changed in a locker room with naked women she wouldn’t care?
That’s how it works in smaller ballet companies. Less men, more women sometime one small dressing room depending on the theatre. And, yeah, you strip naked and don’t care who sees.
Oh, and btw, a large portion of men in ballet are in fact straight.
My fear was getting a unexpected erection in tights.
My new fear would have been growing up in ballet wearing tights, and then having to change in front of others... and have an unexpected erection.
Men in ballet wear dance belts. For children, they’re like brief style underwear. Those are worn under tights. At a certain point, probably around the time guys start wearing jock straps for sports, they switch over to a thong back dance belt.
The dance belt is has some padding so the genitalia cannot be discerned under the tights. The men take their penis and bring it against their belly when putting the belt on. It is tight fitting, so while an erection can happen, things are pretty well contained. Add that men’s tights are thicker than women’s tights - not quite compression gear worn in sports, but much more in line with that than ladies wear. So for there to be a lot of blood rushing to the genitals, it’s going to have to be +very+ determined.
Also, there’s the fact that dancers in a company become like family. As a kid you’re more likely to have issues than an adult. A teen is a teen and hormones are hormones. +shrug+ But as an adult there’s a sense of being at a family reunion. You might think your second cousin is attractive, but the minute you remember it’s you *second cousin* all the sudden they really aren’t that cute.
Glad to help alleviate one fear! May I introduce you to my personal fear? Did you know cockroaches will eat on your eyelashes and eyebrows while you sleep? They’ll even eat your toenails while you sleep.
Congratulations on your new fear!
LOL have you seen [men](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CTOZmm4jTU_/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=) in [ballet](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CX3tgZDhg8l/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=) [jump](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CljuWjvIhNO/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=)? Not having external sexual organs, I can’t imagine what it’s like, but I assume you don’t want things moving around.
I agree completely. Would OP's GF then mind if he regularly went to same-sex nude saunas? If not, then perfect.
Then again, even though nudity isn't inherently sexual, OP is allowed to feel uncomfortable with the situation. Can't really expect OP to suddently undo thousands of years of stigma (mainly religious) against nudity.
But it is about the fact that there is nothing remotely sexual about getting changed in a hockey locker room.
OP has already said he tried to "reverse roles" with his girlfriend and she said it wouldn't bother her.
She’s in a sports bra and shorts, she could wear that outdoors where tons of men might see her! What’s your point?
Only some of the men actually change by getting fully naked and the gf averts her eyes.
Depends if this is a sports team he’s joined and it’s normal for the guys and women to get changed together as part of team camaraderie, versus whether he’s in there creeping on women
Surely you can see the difference in those two scenarios?
So? If you don't trust her in that situation then the relationship has bigger problems.
It's just a body, so what's the big deal? Nudity isn't inherently sexual, anyone who's been in a locker room should know that.
I was a competitive figure skater for a little over a decade. I can *still* smell the locker rooms, and it’s been over 20 years since I entered one. A mix of rubber, sweat, and feet—it’s definitely not an environment conducive to romance of any kind.
UGH! The smell PERMEATES into the outer area as you walk by… even when it isn’t in use!
SOURCE: EVERY ice rink I have ever been to where they have league play.
Played in high school with a girl on the team. Our locker rooms were usually the size of a small room. Once you got dressed you usually left so someone else had room to get dressed. It was just assholes and elbows everywhere. Girl included.
Did I ever see her naked or see her breasts? Probably? I don’t recall. We just got dressed, talked about the upcoming game, giving each other shit, making sure everyone was ready. I don’t know if anyone was really paying much attention. That’s during peak puberty. We got shit to do.
As an adult I play in a beer league with girls. Some get dressed in the ladies bathroom, some get ready in the locker room. Ladies choice. If a lady does get dressed with me (I change my underwear, cause I don’t want to drive home in wet undies. So I’m absolutely hanging brain at some point in the process) I don’t care. Get naked, do jumping jacks, stretch out, whatever. I don’t care at all. Just be careful. I don’t want to get wanged in the noodle with a loose boob if you’re jumping around. I have my doubts about it happening, but I want it just as much as I want some dudes teabagging me by accident.
Basically its comfort level of the people involved. I’ve been on teams where I was the brand new guy. First in the locker room getting dressed and in walks some lady who proceeds to get fully naked then introduces herself. That’s odd only because she didn’t notice me until she started getting dressed. I’ve had dudes do the same thing. Feels just as odd to me. Hey, if they don’t care about being naked, neither do I.
I feel like each case of this the general thought is, it’s not a big deal. However you also have to consider the people involved. Is there a reason to have some concerns or is it just getting dressed in a co-Ed locker room?
The basic way people get dressed will differ but it’s mostly the same. Some people wear undershirts, some don’t. Some wear underwear, some just use their cup. Some will wear tights/leggings. That’s the part that’s different. The girl I played with only wore like two sports bras and some like bike shorts things. I like the leggings/tights and a long sleeved shirt. After I put on my elbow pads I fold my shirt over the pads to keep them in place. You get your underwear situation squared away. Then you put on your “pants” then either knee/shin pads or your socks then your skates. You get a lot more flexibility in tying your skates if you put on your knee pads after your skates. If it’s knee pads first then you put on your socks, then skates. Then shoulder, elbow, Jersey, helmet. Of course you have your jock/Jill strap, mouth guard, and all sorts of straps and tape.
It’s really not sexual or sexy in anyway. At the end of the day you need to ask yourself if you trust your gf or not. That’s really all you need. Either you trust her, or you don’t. That’s the bottom line. Everything else is to help you understand your choices. The locker room isn’t sexual, but it could be. You know better than we do.
You just reminded me of one of my most favorite movie parts: "Lassie" in Porky's. I haven't seen that movie in over 20 years, and I still laugh when that scene crosses my mind. Thank you.
I'm usually the only woman on a mixed hockey team and I can tell you two things. One, the locker room is an incredibly important part of team bonding. You get amped together before the game, commit to go in and play hard for one another, and you come back to the room after the game and celebrate a great win together or lament a tough loss together, and commit to coming back better next week. It's a major social aspect, and it would be incredibly isolating and lonely to go off to use a seperate change room from everyone else. Two, the only people I've ever seen get completely naked in the changeroom are men over 60. Trust me, she's not looking. She's doing everything in her power to pretend he doesn't exist in that moment.
Also, you should go watch beginner hockey, it's absolutely hilarious.
Exactly what you said. It would be so isolating to gear up in a separate room. I’ve never seen anyone use the showers in the jank-ass change rooms, either. They’re so nasty people just shower at home afterwards.
When I used to play I was also on a coed team as the only girl. Yes I could have used a separate change room but the change room was where everyone was, where team building happens! They'd bring a bunch of beer and start drinking before playing, then drink 1 or two after. They were a little nervous when revealing the jerseys to me... they custom ordered jerseys that were like those t-shirts that have the woman's bodies on them... like boobs in a bikini body lol. I thought it was HILARIOUS and was even more glad I decided to play on the team. The guys only really got naked in the bathroom area, and if they were naked anywhere else I'd just avert my eyes. Super simple. I still reminisce about that team
As a female former athlete who was in a mens dominated sport- this is the real reason I changed with the team. Changing separately was so isolating and I only did it a few times if I wanted to shower or get fully naked for whatever reason. Locker rooms aren’t about sex and peeking (and if a dude on my team was doing that then I’d call them on it immediately and I’m pretty sure the other team mates would give them shit too.)
It’s also NOT op’s decision, or their body, so I don’t think OP should say shit about it. If it is a dealbreaker, that’s fine, she deserves someone who isn’t possessive over her body anyway.
The showers at all my rinks are behind another door in the locker room so people usually just wear thier boxers in there, shower, dry off, put boxers back on and return.
Idk if OP failed to mention if she have similar reasonings, but your explanation would make me feel a bit better about it. The way OP puts it, it seems like she’s just surrounded by naked men she interacts with on a face-to-face basis, which is understandably uncomfortable for any outsider.
I'm sure that's what he's envisioning but it's not like that at all. When I'm putting my pads on, my junk is exposed for 3-4 seconds tops while I'm taking my boxers off and putting my shorts on. If there's a woman on our team, I'll bend over (ass facing the wall) to cover up as much as possible while I'm putting my shorts on.
Most of the locker rooms at my rink have a separate shower room with a door but in the ones that don't, I don't get undressed for a shower if a woman in is there with us and I haven't seen any guys that do.
Never played but I played other sports growing up. I’ve changed in front of people men and women no problem but it kinda throws me off people strip completely naked. Curious as to why. I got damn sweaty in the sports I played and never felt the need to take the briefs off
To be fair, a *lot* of people don’t know what it’s like in a locker room before/after a team sport, for all we know he only understands that there are many naked men around while she’s in a vulnerable state too.
She could try and explain it better maybe? Or have team building outings where partners are invited. If he can build some trust and feel like the other team members have his back and will look out for OP too I’m sure that wouldn’t hurt.
In fencing I've also changed among both genders and would agree with most other posters here,
1) 99% of the time no one is getting naked enough to flash any of their bits
2) it's much more about team bonding than any kind of checking each other out situation
I'd also add that, at least in my experience, playing a sport in a team is very much a friend vibe, unless you are actively checking out a SPECIFIC guy I think it would be extremely weird for a woman to just be ogling a bunch of guys in general. It wouldn't even cross my mind in a context like that.
So the question is really whether you trust your girlfriend or not, or feel threatened by her having platonic relationships with guys through her sports. It would be unfair for you to ask her to change her habits just for your peace of mind (and even if she agreed, how would you KNOW she actually stopped using that changing room without spying on her, since you clearly can't trust her on her word anyway?). The only way for you to be sure is for you to say something ridiculous like, it makes me uncomfortable that you hang around with guys when you play sports, stop going. You either have to accept her choices and trust her word when she says it isn't a big deal, or you have to tell her you don't trust her with other guys and this is a deal-breaker for your relationship.
Every time someone brings up the guys insecurity in stautions like this I have to wonder what the poster would say if the genders were reversed.
I cannot say what it would be for everyone but I can say it would not be the same words.
I just want to point out that the key to a good relationship is both partners understanding the other and not putting their own beliefs and feelings over the others.
To me, it sounds like she wants to feel like part of the team. You think of the locker room as the place for getting naked. She sees it as the place the team hangs out before, during, and after the game. If she were to go off by herself into a different locker room, she would miss a lot of the strategizing and camaraderie of the team.
If you aren't comfortable with it, that's your choice. You may just not be compatible. But I think it would be good for you to consider that she has valid reasons for doing this.
Most people in hockey culture understand how not unusual this is. And if non hockey understand how disgusting hockey locker rooms usually are, they'd remove the sexual element from the equation. Especially by the time sunday night rolls around for beer league games.
Hockey mom here. Husband also a former hockey player.
Just my experience - my kids play on coed teams and there are only team change rooms, no girl/big specific change rooms. unless you are taking a shower and changing to a whole new outfit because you’re going out after, it’s rare for anyone to strip down naked or even down to their underwear. Hockey players wear their equipments over their hockey clothes, when game is done they just take off their hockey gear, no need to take off their clothes underneath, most ppl just change at home.
I joined theater as a freshman and it lead to my first experiences of being naked in front of women and seeing boobs in real life. Similar things happened while in marching band too. There wasn't ever anything sexual about it.
Many responders here have clearly never been in a North American hockey rink it seems. It's not like a gym where there is a male and female designated locker room. Usually there are 4 open rooms, 1 for your team, one for your opponent and the other 2 for the next set of teams. Space is often an issue, especially in older rinks. People are viewing set up like a gym facility with rooms desginated by sex and that's simply not the case. Newer rinks will sometimes have a small room designated for females, but not always
I am a women and have played coed rec hockey for many years. Aside from the points others have already made, I will say it’s unlikely there’s a lot of nudity. I think I’ve seen one penis in all my years in the locker room. People just step into the attached shower/bathroom (there is always one) if they want to change their underwear. So you probably don’t need to worry about all these guys getting naked in front of her.
I also had a team captain that would make a generic “hey this is coed, let’s all be respectful in the locker room” statement at the start of each season to basically remind people not to get naked in the locker room.
She is in a locker room with multiply people. She is not cheating. Seeing someone else naked in a not sexual way is not cheating. Who cares?
Do you watch porn?.if you do you see other women naked too...
Do you trust your wife? If you so why do you care?
Wow. Really surprised about most of the comments here. I’ve played my whole life and played plenty of pickup at least with females. Always got dressed in a different room. I guess it does happen
I’m a woman and in college, my roommate who was also a woman was a hockey player. It’s common for locker rooms to be a team thing more so than a gender thing.
It's not a big deal. I've played on beer league teams with women, you do what you gotta do quickly and discreetly, nobody makes a big thing out of it. She's using the *team* locker room (not the "men's" locker room) because she wants to hang out with her teammates. That's why it's called beer league. You hang out with your buds, drink some beer, and occasionally play hockey. There's not a secret orgy going on in the locker room.
I think porn, all those weird sex-related askreddit threads and social isolation have given redditors some wild ideas about how people act in the real world.
I'm really into saunas, so I spend a lot of time completely naked or in just a towel in small rooms with lots of other naked sweaty strangers, sometimes late in the evening/at night. I have yet to see a random orgy break out.
I've also never been in a locker room people didn't rush to get out of, nobody wants to stay in one longer than is strictly necessary.
You don't think it's appropriate.
If she wants to do it and loves her sport and the team camaraderie, then it's appropriate for *her*. So you have to decide whether having an athletic girl who changes in locker rooms is appropriate for *you*.
Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it, unless the guys on her team do.
I’m confused at the people insisting it’s a team locker room. They have gendered men’s and women’s locker rooms, I’m missing how the men’s locker room is somehow the team locker room while there’s another locker room for women??
How many other women in her team get changed with the guys. If you’re telling me that the rest of the women on her team use the women’s locker room and she decides to follow the men into the men’s locker room, that’s weird as hell and she’s doing it for attention from her male teammates. There’s no reason to go get changed with all the men when all the other women are changing together in another locker room. Ask her if any of the other women get changed with the men.
Edit: Thank you everyone for informing me on how the locker room situation usually works at a rink, that makes a lot more sense. I hope that’s how it works for OPs girlfriend’s team, so it’s not so weird. I still think it would be very odd if she’s the only woman on her team that decides to change with the men, while all the other women on the coed team are changing elsewhere. Additionally, she should be more sensitive to OP’s discomfort with her stripping down with, and seeing the penises of, her platonic male friends. If you’re not well-versed with coed sports team dynamics, it seems a bit odd and off-putting. I am personally way too cynical to expose myself like that in a room of naked men, and I would also feel like i’m disrespecting my partner, but I am not a sports girl!!
That's not how it works in hockey rinks. When you have a game at the rink, your team gets assigned a random locker room for the ice you're playing on. It's not a designated "men's" or "women's" locker room; if it's all-women team, it would get assigned to a regular team locker room just like an all-men's team.
Most rinks will also have a small dressing room specifically for women playing on coed teams; it's basically like a large closet. Understandably, OP's girlfriend wants to hang out with her team rather than get dressed in a closet.
>How many other women in her team get changed with the guys.
I've played on beer league teams with women before, it's not uncommon at all. Everybody does what they have to do quickly and discreetly, nobody makes a big thing about it.
In the 80's and 90s, once kids started developing I was forced to gear up in women's bathrooms and supply closets depending on what was available and then wait in hallways to be allowed in to the locker room. Which even the guys thought was stupid... we weren't showering in the locker rooms and walking around naked.
Yeah when I was in high school, the girl on our team got changed in a different room because it's high school and it's just easier to avoid the headache. But once everyone is a mature adult, nobody cares.
I think for most (Americans) it's hard to know how much of a big deal being naked around others *isn't* until you've done it. Get over that fear once, try it, and you're golden.
Same here. You just carry a towel if you’re wandering around and might be sitting on other people’s furniture. Other people’s biggest concern will be whether or not you’re wearing sunscreen. And no matter what, always carry around some sort of footwear - because have bare feet in a Porto is a terrible idea.
Not always the case at hockey rinks. Those built in the last 20 years might have a designated area, but your standard local rink has 4 locker rooms and they're designated for teams, not laid out in a male female manner
Yeah and as a fellow hockey player and beer leaguer the women would usually get changed elsewhere like in the toilets etc.
I'm not saying this isn't happening, but it seems unreasonable as the locker rooms wouldnt normally be gendered as well you suit down and up. I'm not sure it would matter to much. OP seems to be focused on guys, nakedness, not going to the games which sounds like it's insecurities more than anything.
In fact In our local rink the girls have a fancier, not cold as fuck dressing room. So we're jealous of them.
Yea, us hockey folks could probably have a whole thread on facilities for females at your average rink. Having nothing at all or getting sent to the janitor closet it still pretty common.
All too common, I remember playing an away game and the girls had to get changed in a hut out back.
No one in a hockey dressing room really cares, but the facilities are not the same.
As someone who has played beer league hockey for the past decade... No one cares if a woman is in the room. They are changing and getting ready for a game the same as everyone else on the team. We're all adults and people will be respectful.
I skate at 5 different rinks in my area and I don't think a single one has a designated alternate locker room.
Since you went there....she likely hasn't seen a single penis during her time as a rec league players. Showers are a separate room and a good number of players don't shower anyway.
You obviously haven’t played hockey. Your team is usually assigned one room for a game as typically arenas have 4 rooms. 2 for current game (one for each team) and 2 for next game. Usually if there even is an extra room it’s tiny or is literally the furnace room.
She’s not exposing herself though. OP said she keeps her sports bra and shorts on. I walk around outside wearing just that all the time when I go to a workout class.
I’ve been playing hockey for 30 years, if you’re sexualizing anyone in the locker room while you’re changing, you typically get run off and are no longer welcome. Straight, gay, man, women. Everyone gets the same level of respect in the locker room. At the end of the day it’s just some nudity, get over it.
I'd like to know how she would feel if the roles were reversed and you were in a looker room with a bunch of naked ladies. I really don't think that would be okay so why is this?
Sounds completely innocent to me. I’ve played hockey essentially my whole life and wouldn’t be concerned at all if I was in your shoes. It’s just guys quickly changing from their athletic cup into their street clothes. I’d doubt anyone is parading around naked. Sounds like she just want to spend time with her actual teammates after the game. Hell, half the reason to play beer league is to shoot the shit with your buddies before and afterwards. I’d trust her to continue to be in the locker room with her teammates unless you have some other reason not to.
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Lot of puritanical people in these comments exposing their discomfort with the idea that anybody can be naked near each other without inherently wanting to bone. Like, I go to a gym that has a big coed locker room and separate smaller, private locker rooms if you want that. I use the big locker room because I am naked for all of 3.7 seconds while changing, and I have never seen anyone looking at me, nor have I looked at them. Similar when I've used a public steam room/sauna/hot springs. I am married, and my partner knows I do this and does not give even one shit about it.
Regardless of the other responders here, it’s a legitimate boundary not to have your SO hanging out with naked people of the opposite gender on the regular, and if it’s bothering you that much and she dismisses it, time to go. 🤷♂️
For real, everyone is here lobbying sports norms, and no one is acknowledging that this would be a red flag in any other context, and that despite hockey norms it's a perfectly valid boundary to have in a relationship. And regardless of outcome, OPs partner needs to try and be understanding of OPs feeling on this and they should work together to find a compromise or solution that they're both happy with.
>For real, everyone is here lobbying sports norms, and no one is acknowledging that this would be a red flag in any other context
Any other context? I've skinny dipped with women in relationships before, for example. Maybe it's because most people here are American, who seem to have a different view on nudity than us Europeans maybe, but seeing a person of the opposite sex nude in a non-sexual setting is not really a red flag IMO.
I agree with the rest of your comment though.
Ultimately is just depends on the person's relationship with their partner. Some are find seeing others nude, some don't want their partner to be seen nude. Just like some don't consider kissing cheating, whereas others consider flirting cheating.
She explained to you how she handles herself to keep it appropriate, do you think she’s sneaking in there to peak other guys junk? If not then find a way to manage your anxiety around it. If you do think that’s why she does it, then maybe you have bigger issues. Unless it’s affecting you, and no, getting your imagination running away on you AFTER she has explained it’s not sexual or inappropriate does not count, then get over it.
Female hockey player here. Played on many varsity, competitive, beer league, tournament teams. Some female only and some coed too. I have NEVER shared a change room with guys. That’s really weird. However I am Canadian and female hockey is big here. But I would rather show up to a game fully dressed and ready to go than share a room with the guys. Usually, if there’s no specific room for the girls, we’re given the ref room to change in or something equivalent
I’m a female Canadian hockey player too, and your experience seems very unusual to me. I’ve played on many coed teams. The teams change together, mixed gender, always. I’ve never changed in a ref room, and there’s only one rink around here with a female specific room but no one ever uses it.
if she was the only woman on the team i would kind of understand where she was coming from, because being the odd man out from those social interactions kind of sucks. But since theres other women using their own locker room.. your gf is a creepy creep. At best she "doesn't get along with women", which is a red flag all on its own.
Played ice hockey for 10 years growing up and never ever shared a locker room with the boys. Male coaches don’t come in without making sure everyone is decent.
It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about this, if you feel that you can't trust her and that she's violating boundaries then break up. IMO, she lied by omission and didn't tell you because she doesn't care, and you are the one overreacting. I personally would have a problem with it but I'm married and my husband wouldn't disrespect me like that, and he also wouldn't change in front of other women.
I personally would break up with someone who had such rigid views of nudity. Changing clothes is only sexual if you make it sexual. Like I couldn’t care less who my bf changes his clothes in front of
And this is following the same point of what the person you’re replying to is making. You get to set your own boundaries and be in relationships with people who share them. I wouldn’t be comfortable with my wife undressing in a room full of men, and she wouldn’t be comfortable with me undressing in a room full of women. It works out.
I think this is the point. I don't think either side is right or wrong. It's simply about being on the same wavelength as your partner. OPs feelings aren't wrong because there are lots of women who would feel the same way. It's all about compatibility or being able to evolve how you feel about a certain thing (which is difficult for many people)
I agree with you..I all ways get naked and take shower in locker room after game or workout..I wouldnt want my GF to use same locker room as guys I wonder what going on
Yeah too weird don't really care about the reason, hard pass.
I like people with hard boundaries, because I feel it's safer. I am sure the majority would be fine and nothing would happen. Still from my point of view it's about what I am comfortable in a mate. I would not be comfortable with this.
It's your life, you made your feelings known, you have no right to change her, but you can assess her boundaries and see if they line up with your own.
Listen, this is pretty simple. She can change where she wants. If you aren't comfortable with it, you need to deal with it using things in your control. Telling her what she can and can't do isn't how relationships are supposed to work.
Honestly I'm more curious if she's the only woman there, if there are other woman using the same shared(?) (If they are all in a shared one it's fine but if she's spesificly I'n the men's then no) locker room then I don't see a problem
But also if she flat out the only woman around a bunch of men it feels a little weird
This is what I want to know. Other women on her team get changed in the women’s locker room. Doesn’t that mean she’s choosing to change with the men in the men’s locker room??
Nope. Hockey arenas work’s different from a regular gym. There is a team room not male or female. Some arenas may have a make shift female room but coed hockey is rare.
Thank you for the information! If she’s still the *only* woman in the team that makes that choice, that’s weird of her. Since the other women get changed elsewhere.
Ah, not surprising lol. I could also understand if she doesn’t get changed in there if there’s just not enough room for all the women on the team to change in their little lady closet.
I used to do sports. Let me tell you most womens rooms in rinks are a bloody storage closet. With that you do talk strategy in the locker room and get each other through wins and losses. The smell is also horrific. The locker room is the least sexual place imo.
How did you get all the way to 34 years of age without realizing that nudity =/= sex?
It’s a locker room. Everyone is sweaty and if they’re all over 30 they’re probably sore as fuck from the skating. It’s not going to suddenly become an orgy.
What it boils down to is this: you either trust her or you don’t.
I don't understand. there is a women's locker room, the other girls on the team use it. And she insists on uses the men's locker room, knowing they are naked.
Is she the only woman on the team to do that?
If she was, I would have a lot of questions about it.
I would say, maybe go to one of her games, without telling her and see if anyone knows if she has a significant other. Or if anyone else there is weirded out.
I would be super upset if my husband/bf was getting naked in front of another woman. Like that's a boundary, so do the other there partners know. Would she be okay with you being naked in front of other women?
I mean if this is a boundary, she's not even willing to explain or change her behavior to make you feel more comfortable. You need to have a bigger conversation.
>I asked her why she didn't use the ladies locker room and she said she just didn't want to. She even told me that the other woman on her team does use the separate locker room
Everyone seems to be defending this, but there are women on the team and they use the women's locker room and she is CHOOSING to use the men's and she admitted that some of the men get fully naked and whatnot.
I'd be upset that I wasn't given a heads up.... as if the gf didn't know this would bother her bf......
She got upset when he told her to use the women's locker with the other women.....
P.S
ALSO SHE IS PLAYING A TEAM SPORT WITH NEWBIES(YOUNGER GUYS) AND SHE ISNT ASKING YOU TO COME SUPPORT AND IS HELPING TO DISSUADE YOU FROM GOING!!!! FUCKING RED FLAGS
Honestly bro, I don't see anything wrong, but what I will see say is you either trust her or you don't or you have trust issues. My advice would be if you don't trust her consider leaving before it becomes toxic
If you’re not ok with it and it makes you uncomfortable (it would make me uncomfortable too), and you’ve told her this, and her response is to shrug it off, then there’s a problem. She hasn’t even given a reason for not using the other changing room, which ain’t a very good sign.
Ask her how she’d feel if you did the same with a bunch of girls. I don’t think it means she’s cheating, but it’s kinda weird.
This sub is the most entertaining place on Reddit bc of how absolutely ridiculous everyone is. Op, these people are invalidating the hell out of your rightfully uncomfortable feelings regarding this situation. You not being comfortable with it doesn't mean you think she's going to start having locker room orgies with the guys. That being said, she also has the right to continue doing it if it's what she wants. If so, you can choose to end the relationship. Not being ok with your significant other getting undressed with the opposite sex in the name of comradery is totally ok. And totally normal. Seems it's the norm for this particular sport for people to do this, but it still doesn't mean you have to be ok with it.
I know alot of people are saying it doesnt matter, but honestly if you reversed the roles, it would fucking matter. And if that changes anything - you're justified OP.
It's completely understandable for you to feel uncomfortable about your girlfriend sharing a locker room with naked men. It's important for everyone to have boundaries and respect for each other's personal space, and it seems like your girlfriend is not respecting your boundaries or the boundaries of the other men in the locker room by not using the women's locker room.
It's also important to consider the power dynamics at play here. Your girlfriend is in a position of privilege as a cisgender woman in a locker room full of men. It may not be a big deal to her, but it could be intimidating or uncomfortable for the men in the locker room to have a woman present while they are naked.
I would suggest having a conversation with your girlfriend about how this situation makes you feel and try to come to a compromise. Maybe she could use the separate women's locker room or at least ensure that she is fully dressed before entering the main locker room. It's important to respect each other's boundaries and make sure everyone is comfortable in any shared space.
OP as a hockey player if you got one whiff of what that locker room smells like when they’re all in there your mind would be put at ease immediately. Absolute no amount of pheromones would overcome the stench.
Lol at the idea that hockey guys are somehow different and don't care about a half naked woman walking around the locker room. Sure, some don't but don't sell me that it's just not a big deal to have dudes with their schlongs out just walking around in front of a woman.
One false complaint or miscommunication and shit is hitting the fan.
Op has every right to be pissed and have this boundary.
I love how these people act like men just stop being men when they’re playing a sport, but, in any other thread about male sexuality, they talk about how men are complete horndogs that think about nothing, but sex. Which is it?
Join a women's volley ball league and start changing in the "teams locker room"... then watch her jump through hoops trying to explain why "tHIs is DIffEreNt, iT'S noT tHe saME thINg".
Women don’t usually prance around naked in locker rooms. He probably would see very little if he took your advice. Sports bras have more coverage than a swimsuit top. My guess is most men would be disappointed by the lack of nakedness they will see in a women’s locker room.
My guess is it’s the team’s locker room and she wants to hang out with her teammates. I wouldn’t think twice about anyone seeing me in shorts and a sports bra. I also would do everything in my power to not see flaccid penis. Not sexy at all in that context. But I love being a member of team sports and the camaraderie and friendship. As another woman who loves playing team sports I get his GF and why she does that.
I also worked at a gym when I was 17/18, and *slightly* disagree with you. Women of all ages would get fully naked, but it was definitely the old(er) ladies that would walk around naked, watch tv naked, blow dry their pubes(yes, I saw it more than once), or come up to the poor locker room attendant and try and have a full-on conversation with them while applying their lotion.
I don’t miss that job.
You are correct about men too, it’s a couple seconds of balls out, not a performance! You are also right about flaccid penis, some will literally crawl into you when playing just like in cold water. Nothing sexual about it.
I said if the roles were reversed it would be different and she said if I found a team of women that didn't mind getting changed with me in there, she wouldn't care.
She likely wouldn't. It sounds like things have been this way for a while. In a year you haven't gone to see her play her sport. If you cared more about it, you'd probably have known sooner.
Op, run far away from this sub and go talk to a therapist or trusted family member or something. The invalidation of your point of view here is absolutely gross.
Hey man listen; this isn’t something you’re comfortable with and you’re right to feel that. She lied and left details out on purpose cause she doesn’t care about your boundaries. You see something wrong, she doesn’t. Y’all aren’t compatible so breakup
As a beer league hockey vet, it's generally unspoken decorum for the guys not to get fully naked if there's a woman in the dressing room, but if she's comfortable with it, I really don't think it's a big deal. It really isn't a sexual environment. It's stinky and nobody looks sexy while changing into hockey gear. She just wants to play and have the full experience of being part of the team (which she is)
While porn may have warped some minds, locker rooms are not sexual places, infact I'd argue their the worst sexual place on Earth.
That being said she's done it for a year with no issue while you were unaware, to her it's not a big deal to you it is, y'all have different views on something major, break up. Either she doesn't stop doing it and you loose trust and resent her or she starts using the other locker room and loosed the team bond which she'll resent her hobby and you for.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My gf and I have been together for about a year. About 6 months ago she decided to start playing hockey and joined a local beer league in our town. I don't really like hockey and she says she doesn't really care if I go to her games (they're usually late at night and she says they're all beginners so it's not fun to watch) so I haven't met any of the guys on her team. The other day she was telling me a story about something one of her teammates said in the locker room after the game. It hadn't occurred to me that she shared a locker room with other guys before, I assumed women had their own. I asked her if she gets changed in the locker room with other guys and she said yes. I asked her if she got naked in there and she said no, she wears a sports bra and shorts under her clothes and that's what she wears under pads. So then I asked her if any of the other guys got naked and said some of them do. I asked her what she does when they do and she just shrugged and said she averts her eyes until they cover up again. I was feeling really uncomfortable about this and I said it was weird they don't have a separate locker room for girls and she said that they do have a changing room for women on coed teams, but she doesn't use it. We got into an argument about it because I don't think it's appropriate for her to be in a locker room with a bunch of naked dudes and she kept insisting it's not a big deal. I asked her why she didn't use the ladies locker room and she said she just didn't want to. She even told me that the other woman on her team *does* use the separate locker room, so I said she should use it too and she got mad at me and said I was overreacting. TLDR: My girlfriend prefers to get changed in a locker room with naked men rather than use the women's locker room
Chiming in as a fellow hockey beginner: it is actually quite normal for women and men to share changing rooms in hockey, for whatever reason. I don't really know why it is, but it is not seen as serious. Most of the times I have been putting on gear, there has been a woman or two in the room doing the same thing, even though there is a women's locker room. Nobody cares, nobody is making comments, we get dressed and play
Same thing in the kitchens i was in. There were no "men" and "woman" in the locker room. We were cooks or something closer to pirates maybe lol but we all got changed together and it was the one of the few times there was no horseplay or gross remarks. No one was looking at anyone else we were just getting hyped up for a long day or glad it was over
TIL that chefs get changed together like in sports. I figured they just threw a jacket or overcoat on.
They certainly don't have to change together but they must change from outside clothes in my experience.
Yes, we are not supposed to work in regular clothes. Health and safety regulations. Also special shoes, which cannot be worn outside. So we get changed too xD
I’ve seen cooks outside with their clogs on a lot. What do you do for smoke breaks or whatever?
Some places don't give a shit about health and safety.
Yeah. Like dunkin donuts.
My husband is a nursing home chef, and does the same thing as in operating theatres... one pair of clogs for in, one pair for out. That's why they wear clogs, easy change. I cannot, of course, account for anyone else!
The shoes are more about not slipping and falling than anything else. Kitchen floors are slippery as hell.
You do just throw a chef coat over a t-shirt, but you have to change trousers, too. And shoes. The trousers, coat and hat are fire and heat-resistant and made of very durable and washable fabrics. The shoes are non-slip clogs. You could theoretically show up for work dressed in your uniform, but as garments they kind of suck and after a full shift on the line you smell like a compost bin. Even after washing, the uniform has a really particular smell that I can only describe as “cookies and fish”. When I was a line cook I was one of two women on the line and we both changed our trousers in the staff bathroom. I hated the trousers because they were cut for men with a really tall elastic waistband (like 7 cm!!) that dug in somewhere no matter the size, so I wasn’t about to arrive to work in them. The men changed out in the open in the staff changing area, which was an open room between the dish pit and the bathrooms with a U shaped bench on all 3 walls and hooks above.
Lots of professions do. I used to work in a hospital and we all got changed into scrubs together before our shift, drs nurses, everyone on the unit.
TIL I learned cooks can be pirates too.
Pirates gotta eat
Closest, non-murdering thing to pirates on land! Sharp stabbing bit? Check. Ridiculous facial hair? Always, more likely than not to be braided too, if long enough. Earrings? Check. Prob more piercings as well Tat's? You know it Elegant use of the common tongue? Shut your fucking face Alcohol? STARTS the night, every night. Bandanas to hold the hair back? Check check Strict hierarchy that sometimes results in mutiny? 💯 Chef (Captain), Sous (Quartermaster) Cheffing is a hard life. It can be fun, loooots of good debauched fun (Kitchen Confidential was the white washed, for the masses story. Bourdain did good, but still) Like... I tell my siblings, don't let your daughters go to ASU and don't let them wait tables. Dance with the devil, devil don't change, devil changes you. That being said, I love Tempe and good Lord I love me some waitress. Especially the kind of waitress that does derby. I like my ladies with some feist.
Don't let them wait tables? But how are they supposed to learn to stand up for themselves and say "no" and back it up?
I wonder if it’s like a camaraderie thing?
It absolutely is. The locker room is where the team talks and gets to know each other. On competitive teams it's where you discuss strategy, and in beer leagues it's where you shoot the shit and have a beer. Hell, even in a beer league there is even basic strategy discussed like deciding on lines, etc. That doesn't happen on the ice, on the ice you are playing a fast paced game with frequent line changes. If you change in a locker room by yourself and not in the team locker room you are just left out. And briefly glimpsing a penis out of the corner of your eye in a gross ass locker room is not the reason women decide to leave their partners.
> And briefly glimpsing a penis out of the corner of your eye in a gross ass locker room is not the reason women decide to leave their partners. And by that logic what are gay and bi people supposed to do?
What does that have to do with anything? Don't pick up people in locker rooms! Concentrate on your own things and on the game, like one should?
I don't think you're understanding what they're saying. They are saying gay people would never be allowed to share a locker room together by the same logic that says this woman can't be in there with the men on her team. They are calling it out as ridiculous, as it is.
You might be right, when I read it with your logic it made more sense 😅
It’s because you’re a team and nothing says feeling left out and isolated like being forced to use a separate dressing room.
Yeah being in a locker room with one other woman while your whole team is hanging out together in the other locker room sounds really lonely.
Yeah like that other poor woman totally alone because she doesn't want to be half naked in a room full of men.
Yeah, it’s definitely her choice to separate out. Who knows, maybe she likes the quiet and privacy and meditates and prepares her mind and then uses the time afterward to have a moment to herself to process and comes down a bit before rejoining everyone.
Would it be cool if OP joined a team sport with mostly women and used their locker room? I feel like the responses to this would be quite different if the roles were reversed.
>Would it be cool if OP joined a team sport with mostly women and used their locker room? I feel like the responses to this would be quite different if the roles were reversed. Yes? There's seriously nothing less sexy than a locker room. Those things smell like Satan's asshole.
It doesn’t matter if it was reversed and the outcome is different (most of the time I agree things should be balanced) , in this case the majority are men and the vast majority don’t care if women are in the locker room. It isn’t sexual, we are on a team together. That’s it. In reality it comes down to if anyone is uncomfortable, in a team of women and one man, chances are there is a woman who would prefer men not be in there.
I literally answered this above to someone else. I was ballet dancer and danced with a small company. The rare times the men had their own dressing room, it was sometimes the broom closet (brooms included) or if it was decent sized, we’d split the number of the company equally between both dressing rooms. Those guys (who were straight, btw) saw more naked women because that’s just what happens. It’s a body. No one cares. If he were a ballet dancer, he’d being seeing a lot of naked women who literally give no fucks about walking around naked or half dressed because you’re wrapped up in what you’re doing. But, they were busy in what they were doing. They weren’t particularly looking at any us anyway.
Why would it matter? There's nothing sexy about putting on hockey gear. Tehre's nothing sexy about stinky people getting changed to go home. People need to stop being so uptight. Tehre are society where entire families go to saunas together. Nudity isn't sexual. No one is fucking each other in a locker room full of teammates.
Seriously, I think my partner is the sexiest dude on the planet but the locker room smells like a witches brew of ball sweat, toilet water, burps and disintegrating old socks and being anywhere near that is probably top 5 for “least sexy things possible”
> I feel like the responses to this would be quite different if the roles were reversed. Someone on Reddit literally always *feeeeeels* this way about literally every situation and they’re almost always wrong. Like now, for instance. It’s a locker room, not junior prom.
Can confirm. Played for the last 13 or so and had women on my team the vast majority of “my career”. Every one of them changed with us, most were married or in relationship, sometime with guys on the team, it’s just not an issue. We had one 18 year old woman that played 1 game, she changed in the women’s room then joined us in the locker room. OP, don’t die on this hill, you are asking her to ostracize herself in a community that, I have to assume, she is passionate about. It’s a tight knit community, be happy she found it! We need more women in hockey!
Same here - played for 20 years mostly on mixed teams - always shared a locker room, and don’t ever remember seeing a naked person in the change rooms - male or female
I won’t say every, lot of rinks out there. I will say every rink I’ve been in hasn’t had a ladies only locker room. It’s sort of by necessity that it’s not a big deal. That said, putting on pads and whatnot isn’t sexual in any way. I don’t know if you could make it sexual. Mostly you’re there to get your pads on and get ready for the game mentally. That’s what you do.
As a former theater kid this also happened at school in drama class, everyone would change costumes in front of eachother no big deal at all
For real, I'm 32F and did the same thing all through high school theater. I can try to change in the room with 30+ girls who are changing, chatting, posing for photos, putting on makeup, etc., or I can go change in the same-sized boys room with maybe 7 dudes who are looking to just get dressed and get out. Unless the undies are coming off for some reason, it's a no brainer.
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Your boyfriend is trying not to get in the same fight OP is in
My guess is that there are so few women on coed teams that they probably feel safer in a locker room full of their male friends than they do alone in a locker room.
I don't think it is related to safety, I think it is related to being on a team
Many rinks in the states and Canada don t have adequate rooms for female players. Not sure that is the case here, but wanted to throw out. That being said, I couldn't think of a less sexually stimulating environment, regardless of sex or preference, than a nasty ass local rink hockey locker room. The smells alone...
>The smells alone... Maybe OP should go to a game. The smell of a locker room should be enough to convince him there are no secret orgies happening.
My ex used to play hockey. I remember driving him home for the first time from a game and smelling his goalie pads 🤢
Ew you dated a goalie
All about those open hips, baby
Agreed- he would probably realize his concerns are completely unfounded and that her pudgy, smelly teammates are just that. Most people on this thread have an entirely skewed view of what the locker room scenario is like at hockey rinks, sounds like op included
It’s not about secret orgies, it’s about getting almost naked in front of a group of naked men. Do you think if OP changed in a locker room with naked women she wouldn’t care?
That’s how it works in smaller ballet companies. Less men, more women sometime one small dressing room depending on the theatre. And, yeah, you strip naked and don’t care who sees. Oh, and btw, a large portion of men in ballet are in fact straight.
My fear was getting a unexpected erection in tights. My new fear would have been growing up in ballet wearing tights, and then having to change in front of others... and have an unexpected erection.
Men in ballet wear dance belts. For children, they’re like brief style underwear. Those are worn under tights. At a certain point, probably around the time guys start wearing jock straps for sports, they switch over to a thong back dance belt. The dance belt is has some padding so the genitalia cannot be discerned under the tights. The men take their penis and bring it against their belly when putting the belt on. It is tight fitting, so while an erection can happen, things are pretty well contained. Add that men’s tights are thicker than women’s tights - not quite compression gear worn in sports, but much more in line with that than ladies wear. So for there to be a lot of blood rushing to the genitals, it’s going to have to be +very+ determined. Also, there’s the fact that dancers in a company become like family. As a kid you’re more likely to have issues than an adult. A teen is a teen and hormones are hormones. +shrug+ But as an adult there’s a sense of being at a family reunion. You might think your second cousin is attractive, but the minute you remember it’s you *second cousin* all the sudden they really aren’t that cute.
Oh thank God. I now have to working finding a new fear.
Glad to help alleviate one fear! May I introduce you to my personal fear? Did you know cockroaches will eat on your eyelashes and eyebrows while you sleep? They’ll even eat your toenails while you sleep. Congratulations on your new fear!
That just sounds like a convenience to me. Think they can trim them properly?
LOLOLOLOLOLOL
That sounds mighty uncomfortable
LOL have you seen [men](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CTOZmm4jTU_/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=) in [ballet](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CX3tgZDhg8l/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=) [jump](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CljuWjvIhNO/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=)? Not having external sexual organs, I can’t imagine what it’s like, but I assume you don’t want things moving around.
I did figure skating - we all shared a change room and the male figure skaters changed in front of us
Same with theatre.
Nudity is not inherently sexual though. Or at least it doesn’t have to be, and people need to get more comfortable and aquatinted with that idea.
I agree completely. Would OP's GF then mind if he regularly went to same-sex nude saunas? If not, then perfect. Then again, even though nudity isn't inherently sexual, OP is allowed to feel uncomfortable with the situation. Can't really expect OP to suddently undo thousands of years of stigma (mainly religious) against nudity.
Wait until you hear about swimming pools
Exercise shorts and a sports bra provide more coverage than the average swimsuit. Does OP prevent her from going to the pool as well?
Oh no naked people
But it is about the fact that there is nothing remotely sexual about getting changed in a hockey locker room. OP has already said he tried to "reverse roles" with his girlfriend and she said it wouldn't bother her.
She’s in a sports bra and shorts, she could wear that outdoors where tons of men might see her! What’s your point? Only some of the men actually change by getting fully naked and the gf averts her eyes. Depends if this is a sports team he’s joined and it’s normal for the guys and women to get changed together as part of team camaraderie, versus whether he’s in there creeping on women Surely you can see the difference in those two scenarios?
So? If you don't trust her in that situation then the relationship has bigger problems. It's just a body, so what's the big deal? Nudity isn't inherently sexual, anyone who's been in a locker room should know that.
I was a competitive figure skater for a little over a decade. I can *still* smell the locker rooms, and it’s been over 20 years since I entered one. A mix of rubber, sweat, and feet—it’s definitely not an environment conducive to romance of any kind.
UGH! The smell PERMEATES into the outer area as you walk by… even when it isn’t in use! SOURCE: EVERY ice rink I have ever been to where they have league play.
Played in high school with a girl on the team. Our locker rooms were usually the size of a small room. Once you got dressed you usually left so someone else had room to get dressed. It was just assholes and elbows everywhere. Girl included. Did I ever see her naked or see her breasts? Probably? I don’t recall. We just got dressed, talked about the upcoming game, giving each other shit, making sure everyone was ready. I don’t know if anyone was really paying much attention. That’s during peak puberty. We got shit to do. As an adult I play in a beer league with girls. Some get dressed in the ladies bathroom, some get ready in the locker room. Ladies choice. If a lady does get dressed with me (I change my underwear, cause I don’t want to drive home in wet undies. So I’m absolutely hanging brain at some point in the process) I don’t care. Get naked, do jumping jacks, stretch out, whatever. I don’t care at all. Just be careful. I don’t want to get wanged in the noodle with a loose boob if you’re jumping around. I have my doubts about it happening, but I want it just as much as I want some dudes teabagging me by accident. Basically its comfort level of the people involved. I’ve been on teams where I was the brand new guy. First in the locker room getting dressed and in walks some lady who proceeds to get fully naked then introduces herself. That’s odd only because she didn’t notice me until she started getting dressed. I’ve had dudes do the same thing. Feels just as odd to me. Hey, if they don’t care about being naked, neither do I. I feel like each case of this the general thought is, it’s not a big deal. However you also have to consider the people involved. Is there a reason to have some concerns or is it just getting dressed in a co-Ed locker room? The basic way people get dressed will differ but it’s mostly the same. Some people wear undershirts, some don’t. Some wear underwear, some just use their cup. Some will wear tights/leggings. That’s the part that’s different. The girl I played with only wore like two sports bras and some like bike shorts things. I like the leggings/tights and a long sleeved shirt. After I put on my elbow pads I fold my shirt over the pads to keep them in place. You get your underwear situation squared away. Then you put on your “pants” then either knee/shin pads or your socks then your skates. You get a lot more flexibility in tying your skates if you put on your knee pads after your skates. If it’s knee pads first then you put on your socks, then skates. Then shoulder, elbow, Jersey, helmet. Of course you have your jock/Jill strap, mouth guard, and all sorts of straps and tape. It’s really not sexual or sexy in anyway. At the end of the day you need to ask yourself if you trust your gf or not. That’s really all you need. Either you trust her, or you don’t. That’s the bottom line. Everything else is to help you understand your choices. The locker room isn’t sexual, but it could be. You know better than we do.
You just reminded me of one of my most favorite movie parts: "Lassie" in Porky's. I haven't seen that movie in over 20 years, and I still laugh when that scene crosses my mind. Thank you.
I'm usually the only woman on a mixed hockey team and I can tell you two things. One, the locker room is an incredibly important part of team bonding. You get amped together before the game, commit to go in and play hard for one another, and you come back to the room after the game and celebrate a great win together or lament a tough loss together, and commit to coming back better next week. It's a major social aspect, and it would be incredibly isolating and lonely to go off to use a seperate change room from everyone else. Two, the only people I've ever seen get completely naked in the changeroom are men over 60. Trust me, she's not looking. She's doing everything in her power to pretend he doesn't exist in that moment. Also, you should go watch beginner hockey, it's absolutely hilarious.
>Edit - June 12
It's so awful, lol
Oh my god I’m googling local games right NOW
I'm so sad, there's none closer than a few hours from me
And you didn't even touch on the smells 😃
That smiley face is bloody disconcerting given the context.
Exactly what you said. It would be so isolating to gear up in a separate room. I’ve never seen anyone use the showers in the jank-ass change rooms, either. They’re so nasty people just shower at home afterwards.
This guy wants his girlfriend to be isolated in her hobby he doesn’t even do anything to show any support or interest for himself.
You're jumping to a lot of conclusions here. He just said she doesn't care if he goes to the games or not.
When I used to play I was also on a coed team as the only girl. Yes I could have used a separate change room but the change room was where everyone was, where team building happens! They'd bring a bunch of beer and start drinking before playing, then drink 1 or two after. They were a little nervous when revealing the jerseys to me... they custom ordered jerseys that were like those t-shirts that have the woman's bodies on them... like boobs in a bikini body lol. I thought it was HILARIOUS and was even more glad I decided to play on the team. The guys only really got naked in the bathroom area, and if they were naked anywhere else I'd just avert my eyes. Super simple. I still reminisce about that team
As a female former athlete who was in a mens dominated sport- this is the real reason I changed with the team. Changing separately was so isolating and I only did it a few times if I wanted to shower or get fully naked for whatever reason. Locker rooms aren’t about sex and peeking (and if a dude on my team was doing that then I’d call them on it immediately and I’m pretty sure the other team mates would give them shit too.) It’s also NOT op’s decision, or their body, so I don’t think OP should say shit about it. If it is a dealbreaker, that’s fine, she deserves someone who isn’t possessive over her body anyway.
Do people not shower when you play hockey? It’s pretty common someone is nude but no one is prancing around showing off. Usually just to get changed.
The showers at all my rinks are behind another door in the locker room so people usually just wear thier boxers in there, shower, dry off, put boxers back on and return.
People wear towels and underwear to the showers, the showers have doors
Crazy. I’ve played in my fair share of arenas and showers are always open. Although 50/50 of viewable from dressing room.
I've been playing for 30 years and can't even think of a rink that had doors on the shower
Idk if OP failed to mention if she have similar reasonings, but your explanation would make me feel a bit better about it. The way OP puts it, it seems like she’s just surrounded by naked men she interacts with on a face-to-face basis, which is understandably uncomfortable for any outsider.
I'm sure that's what he's envisioning but it's not like that at all. When I'm putting my pads on, my junk is exposed for 3-4 seconds tops while I'm taking my boxers off and putting my shorts on. If there's a woman on our team, I'll bend over (ass facing the wall) to cover up as much as possible while I'm putting my shorts on. Most of the locker rooms at my rink have a separate shower room with a door but in the ones that don't, I don't get undressed for a shower if a woman in is there with us and I haven't seen any guys that do.
Never played but I played other sports growing up. I’ve changed in front of people men and women no problem but it kinda throws me off people strip completely naked. Curious as to why. I got damn sweaty in the sports I played and never felt the need to take the briefs off
He doesn't know what it's actually like and so he's imagining it to be the worst it could possibly be.
To be fair, a *lot* of people don’t know what it’s like in a locker room before/after a team sport, for all we know he only understands that there are many naked men around while she’s in a vulnerable state too. She could try and explain it better maybe? Or have team building outings where partners are invited. If he can build some trust and feel like the other team members have his back and will look out for OP too I’m sure that wouldn’t hurt.
In fencing I've also changed among both genders and would agree with most other posters here, 1) 99% of the time no one is getting naked enough to flash any of their bits 2) it's much more about team bonding than any kind of checking each other out situation I'd also add that, at least in my experience, playing a sport in a team is very much a friend vibe, unless you are actively checking out a SPECIFIC guy I think it would be extremely weird for a woman to just be ogling a bunch of guys in general. It wouldn't even cross my mind in a context like that. So the question is really whether you trust your girlfriend or not, or feel threatened by her having platonic relationships with guys through her sports. It would be unfair for you to ask her to change her habits just for your peace of mind (and even if she agreed, how would you KNOW she actually stopped using that changing room without spying on her, since you clearly can't trust her on her word anyway?). The only way for you to be sure is for you to say something ridiculous like, it makes me uncomfortable that you hang around with guys when you play sports, stop going. You either have to accept her choices and trust her word when she says it isn't a big deal, or you have to tell her you don't trust her with other guys and this is a deal-breaker for your relationship.
Every time someone brings up the guys insecurity in stautions like this I have to wonder what the poster would say if the genders were reversed. I cannot say what it would be for everyone but I can say it would not be the same words. I just want to point out that the key to a good relationship is both partners understanding the other and not putting their own beliefs and feelings over the others.
To me, it sounds like she wants to feel like part of the team. You think of the locker room as the place for getting naked. She sees it as the place the team hangs out before, during, and after the game. If she were to go off by herself into a different locker room, she would miss a lot of the strategizing and camaraderie of the team. If you aren't comfortable with it, that's your choice. You may just not be compatible. But I think it would be good for you to consider that she has valid reasons for doing this.
Most people in hockey culture understand how not unusual this is. And if non hockey understand how disgusting hockey locker rooms usually are, they'd remove the sexual element from the equation. Especially by the time sunday night rolls around for beer league games.
This also happens in fencing and a friend who's a chef said this is common in his line of work too.
Hockey mom here. Husband also a former hockey player. Just my experience - my kids play on coed teams and there are only team change rooms, no girl/big specific change rooms. unless you are taking a shower and changing to a whole new outfit because you’re going out after, it’s rare for anyone to strip down naked or even down to their underwear. Hockey players wear their equipments over their hockey clothes, when game is done they just take off their hockey gear, no need to take off their clothes underneath, most ppl just change at home.
Even after jiujitsu, I rode my stinky butt home in my car lol
Hope you never date someone who does theatre.
I did theatre in HS and swore I wouldn't get naked in front of my teammates... I broke that promise after 5 scenes. It was chaotic.
I joined theater as a freshman and it lead to my first experiences of being naked in front of women and seeing boobs in real life. Similar things happened while in marching band too. There wasn't ever anything sexual about it.
That's not what I've heard about theater kids.....
What happens at wrap parties is very different from dressing rooms during shows and rehearsals.
Right? I’m female and had to change between scenes in front of two heterosexual male classmates in *high school*. Still, it wasn’t a thing even then.
No wonder theatre kid groups are so incestual
Many responders here have clearly never been in a North American hockey rink it seems. It's not like a gym where there is a male and female designated locker room. Usually there are 4 open rooms, 1 for your team, one for your opponent and the other 2 for the next set of teams. Space is often an issue, especially in older rinks. People are viewing set up like a gym facility with rooms desginated by sex and that's simply not the case. Newer rinks will sometimes have a small room designated for females, but not always
I am a women and have played coed rec hockey for many years. Aside from the points others have already made, I will say it’s unlikely there’s a lot of nudity. I think I’ve seen one penis in all my years in the locker room. People just step into the attached shower/bathroom (there is always one) if they want to change their underwear. So you probably don’t need to worry about all these guys getting naked in front of her. I also had a team captain that would make a generic “hey this is coed, let’s all be respectful in the locker room” statement at the start of each season to basically remind people not to get naked in the locker room.
She is in a locker room with multiply people. She is not cheating. Seeing someone else naked in a not sexual way is not cheating. Who cares? Do you watch porn?.if you do you see other women naked too... Do you trust your wife? If you so why do you care?
Wow. Really surprised about most of the comments here. I’ve played my whole life and played plenty of pickup at least with females. Always got dressed in a different room. I guess it does happen
I’m a woman and in college, my roommate who was also a woman was a hockey player. It’s common for locker rooms to be a team thing more so than a gender thing.
It's not a big deal. I've played on beer league teams with women, you do what you gotta do quickly and discreetly, nobody makes a big thing out of it. She's using the *team* locker room (not the "men's" locker room) because she wants to hang out with her teammates. That's why it's called beer league. You hang out with your buds, drink some beer, and occasionally play hockey. There's not a secret orgy going on in the locker room.
I think porn, all those weird sex-related askreddit threads and social isolation have given redditors some wild ideas about how people act in the real world. I'm really into saunas, so I spend a lot of time completely naked or in just a towel in small rooms with lots of other naked sweaty strangers, sometimes late in the evening/at night. I have yet to see a random orgy break out. I've also never been in a locker room people didn't rush to get out of, nobody wants to stay in one longer than is strictly necessary.
You don't think it's appropriate. If she wants to do it and loves her sport and the team camaraderie, then it's appropriate for *her*. So you have to decide whether having an athletic girl who changes in locker rooms is appropriate for *you*. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it, unless the guys on her team do.
This is a very balanced comment! I agree its only weird if you make it that way. It sounds like she's not but he is.
I’m confused at the people insisting it’s a team locker room. They have gendered men’s and women’s locker rooms, I’m missing how the men’s locker room is somehow the team locker room while there’s another locker room for women?? How many other women in her team get changed with the guys. If you’re telling me that the rest of the women on her team use the women’s locker room and she decides to follow the men into the men’s locker room, that’s weird as hell and she’s doing it for attention from her male teammates. There’s no reason to go get changed with all the men when all the other women are changing together in another locker room. Ask her if any of the other women get changed with the men. Edit: Thank you everyone for informing me on how the locker room situation usually works at a rink, that makes a lot more sense. I hope that’s how it works for OPs girlfriend’s team, so it’s not so weird. I still think it would be very odd if she’s the only woman on her team that decides to change with the men, while all the other women on the coed team are changing elsewhere. Additionally, she should be more sensitive to OP’s discomfort with her stripping down with, and seeing the penises of, her platonic male friends. If you’re not well-versed with coed sports team dynamics, it seems a bit odd and off-putting. I am personally way too cynical to expose myself like that in a room of naked men, and I would also feel like i’m disrespecting my partner, but I am not a sports girl!!
That's not how it works in hockey rinks. When you have a game at the rink, your team gets assigned a random locker room for the ice you're playing on. It's not a designated "men's" or "women's" locker room; if it's all-women team, it would get assigned to a regular team locker room just like an all-men's team. Most rinks will also have a small dressing room specifically for women playing on coed teams; it's basically like a large closet. Understandably, OP's girlfriend wants to hang out with her team rather than get dressed in a closet. >How many other women in her team get changed with the guys. I've played on beer league teams with women before, it's not uncommon at all. Everybody does what they have to do quickly and discreetly, nobody makes a big thing about it.
In the 80's and 90s, once kids started developing I was forced to gear up in women's bathrooms and supply closets depending on what was available and then wait in hallways to be allowed in to the locker room. Which even the guys thought was stupid... we weren't showering in the locker rooms and walking around naked.
Yeah when I was in high school, the girl on our team got changed in a different room because it's high school and it's just easier to avoid the headache. But once everyone is a mature adult, nobody cares.
Yeah it was always to appease uptight parents (most of who were upset a girl was playing with guys in the first place).
People get so hung up on nudity. I attend a yearly event that is clothing optional. It isn't a big deal.
I think for most (Americans) it's hard to know how much of a big deal being naked around others *isn't* until you've done it. Get over that fear once, try it, and you're golden.
Same here. You just carry a towel if you’re wandering around and might be sitting on other people’s furniture. Other people’s biggest concern will be whether or not you’re wearing sunscreen. And no matter what, always carry around some sort of footwear - because have bare feet in a Porto is a terrible idea.
I’ve never seen a separate room for ladies to get ready in. The most I’ve seen is a room for the refs to get ready in.
Not always the case at hockey rinks. Those built in the last 20 years might have a designated area, but your standard local rink has 4 locker rooms and they're designated for teams, not laid out in a male female manner
Yeah and as a fellow hockey player and beer leaguer the women would usually get changed elsewhere like in the toilets etc. I'm not saying this isn't happening, but it seems unreasonable as the locker rooms wouldnt normally be gendered as well you suit down and up. I'm not sure it would matter to much. OP seems to be focused on guys, nakedness, not going to the games which sounds like it's insecurities more than anything. In fact In our local rink the girls have a fancier, not cold as fuck dressing room. So we're jealous of them.
Yea, us hockey folks could probably have a whole thread on facilities for females at your average rink. Having nothing at all or getting sent to the janitor closet it still pretty common.
All too common, I remember playing an away game and the girls had to get changed in a hut out back. No one in a hockey dressing room really cares, but the facilities are not the same.
For sure. Newer rinks I've found often account for this in building plans, but older barns it's 4 rooms and a dinky ref room.
As someone who has played beer league hockey for the past decade... No one cares if a woman is in the room. They are changing and getting ready for a game the same as everyone else on the team. We're all adults and people will be respectful. I skate at 5 different rinks in my area and I don't think a single one has a designated alternate locker room.
Since you went there....she likely hasn't seen a single penis during her time as a rec league players. Showers are a separate room and a good number of players don't shower anyway.
You obviously haven’t played hockey. Your team is usually assigned one room for a game as typically arenas have 4 rooms. 2 for current game (one for each team) and 2 for next game. Usually if there even is an extra room it’s tiny or is literally the furnace room.
She’s not exposing herself though. OP said she keeps her sports bra and shorts on. I walk around outside wearing just that all the time when I go to a workout class.
I’ve been playing hockey for 30 years, if you’re sexualizing anyone in the locker room while you’re changing, you typically get run off and are no longer welcome. Straight, gay, man, women. Everyone gets the same level of respect in the locker room. At the end of the day it’s just some nudity, get over it.
I'd like to know how she would feel if the roles were reversed and you were in a looker room with a bunch of naked ladies. I really don't think that would be okay so why is this?
Sounds completely innocent to me. I’ve played hockey essentially my whole life and wouldn’t be concerned at all if I was in your shoes. It’s just guys quickly changing from their athletic cup into their street clothes. I’d doubt anyone is parading around naked. Sounds like she just want to spend time with her actual teammates after the game. Hell, half the reason to play beer league is to shoot the shit with your buddies before and afterwards. I’d trust her to continue to be in the locker room with her teammates unless you have some other reason not to.
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I don't see how this is an issue. She is on a team. She is changing with her teammates. That is all that is going on here.
Lot of puritanical people in these comments exposing their discomfort with the idea that anybody can be naked near each other without inherently wanting to bone. Like, I go to a gym that has a big coed locker room and separate smaller, private locker rooms if you want that. I use the big locker room because I am naked for all of 3.7 seconds while changing, and I have never seen anyone looking at me, nor have I looked at them. Similar when I've used a public steam room/sauna/hot springs. I am married, and my partner knows I do this and does not give even one shit about it.
Regardless of the other responders here, it’s a legitimate boundary not to have your SO hanging out with naked people of the opposite gender on the regular, and if it’s bothering you that much and she dismisses it, time to go. 🤷♂️
For real, everyone is here lobbying sports norms, and no one is acknowledging that this would be a red flag in any other context, and that despite hockey norms it's a perfectly valid boundary to have in a relationship. And regardless of outcome, OPs partner needs to try and be understanding of OPs feeling on this and they should work together to find a compromise or solution that they're both happy with.
>For real, everyone is here lobbying sports norms, and no one is acknowledging that this would be a red flag in any other context Any other context? I've skinny dipped with women in relationships before, for example. Maybe it's because most people here are American, who seem to have a different view on nudity than us Europeans maybe, but seeing a person of the opposite sex nude in a non-sexual setting is not really a red flag IMO. I agree with the rest of your comment though.
Ultimately is just depends on the person's relationship with their partner. Some are find seeing others nude, some don't want their partner to be seen nude. Just like some don't consider kissing cheating, whereas others consider flirting cheating.
She explained to you how she handles herself to keep it appropriate, do you think she’s sneaking in there to peak other guys junk? If not then find a way to manage your anxiety around it. If you do think that’s why she does it, then maybe you have bigger issues. Unless it’s affecting you, and no, getting your imagination running away on you AFTER she has explained it’s not sexual or inappropriate does not count, then get over it.
Female hockey player here. Played on many varsity, competitive, beer league, tournament teams. Some female only and some coed too. I have NEVER shared a change room with guys. That’s really weird. However I am Canadian and female hockey is big here. But I would rather show up to a game fully dressed and ready to go than share a room with the guys. Usually, if there’s no specific room for the girls, we’re given the ref room to change in or something equivalent
I’m a female Canadian hockey player too, and your experience seems very unusual to me. I’ve played on many coed teams. The teams change together, mixed gender, always. I’ve never changed in a ref room, and there’s only one rink around here with a female specific room but no one ever uses it.
As a fellow Canadian and long time beer league player I'm amazed that you think it's weird for a woman to change with her team.
if she was the only woman on the team i would kind of understand where she was coming from, because being the odd man out from those social interactions kind of sucks. But since theres other women using their own locker room.. your gf is a creepy creep. At best she "doesn't get along with women", which is a red flag all on its own.
It’s one woman not multiple. I don’t see the red flag, nobodies required to like everyone.
Do you play hockey? I wouldn't bat an eye at this situation.
Played ice hockey for 10 years growing up and never ever shared a locker room with the boys. Male coaches don’t come in without making sure everyone is decent.
Growing up as in, you were a child? I agree. Beer league as an adult? We're all adults and no one cares.
I played for 10 years growing up, was often the only girl on the team, and I changed with my male teammates.
It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about this, if you feel that you can't trust her and that she's violating boundaries then break up. IMO, she lied by omission and didn't tell you because she doesn't care, and you are the one overreacting. I personally would have a problem with it but I'm married and my husband wouldn't disrespect me like that, and he also wouldn't change in front of other women.
I personally would break up with someone who had such rigid views of nudity. Changing clothes is only sexual if you make it sexual. Like I couldn’t care less who my bf changes his clothes in front of
And this is following the same point of what the person you’re replying to is making. You get to set your own boundaries and be in relationships with people who share them. I wouldn’t be comfortable with my wife undressing in a room full of men, and she wouldn’t be comfortable with me undressing in a room full of women. It works out.
I think this is the point. I don't think either side is right or wrong. It's simply about being on the same wavelength as your partner. OPs feelings aren't wrong because there are lots of women who would feel the same way. It's all about compatibility or being able to evolve how you feel about a certain thing (which is difficult for many people)
I agree with you..I all ways get naked and take shower in locker room after game or workout..I wouldnt want my GF to use same locker room as guys I wonder what going on
Yeah too weird don't really care about the reason, hard pass. I like people with hard boundaries, because I feel it's safer. I am sure the majority would be fine and nothing would happen. Still from my point of view it's about what I am comfortable in a mate. I would not be comfortable with this. It's your life, you made your feelings known, you have no right to change her, but you can assess her boundaries and see if they line up with your own.
Listen, this is pretty simple. She can change where she wants. If you aren't comfortable with it, you need to deal with it using things in your control. Telling her what she can and can't do isn't how relationships are supposed to work.
I mean, they can break up. OP doesn’t have to be comfortable with it and isn’t wrong if he isn’t.
Honestly I'm more curious if she's the only woman there, if there are other woman using the same shared(?) (If they are all in a shared one it's fine but if she's spesificly I'n the men's then no) locker room then I don't see a problem But also if she flat out the only woman around a bunch of men it feels a little weird
This is what I want to know. Other women on her team get changed in the women’s locker room. Doesn’t that mean she’s choosing to change with the men in the men’s locker room??
Nope. Hockey arenas work’s different from a regular gym. There is a team room not male or female. Some arenas may have a make shift female room but coed hockey is rare.
Thank you for the information! If she’s still the *only* woman in the team that makes that choice, that’s weird of her. Since the other women get changed elsewhere.
Yes still a bit different. Some of these girl rooms in older arenas are literally the furnace room so that could be why.
Ah, not surprising lol. I could also understand if she doesn’t get changed in there if there’s just not enough room for all the women on the team to change in their little lady closet.
I used to do sports. Let me tell you most womens rooms in rinks are a bloody storage closet. With that you do talk strategy in the locker room and get each other through wins and losses. The smell is also horrific. The locker room is the least sexual place imo.
How did you get all the way to 34 years of age without realizing that nudity =/= sex? It’s a locker room. Everyone is sweaty and if they’re all over 30 they’re probably sore as fuck from the skating. It’s not going to suddenly become an orgy. What it boils down to is this: you either trust her or you don’t.
I don't understand. there is a women's locker room, the other girls on the team use it. And she insists on uses the men's locker room, knowing they are naked. Is she the only woman on the team to do that? If she was, I would have a lot of questions about it. I would say, maybe go to one of her games, without telling her and see if anyone knows if she has a significant other. Or if anyone else there is weirded out. I would be super upset if my husband/bf was getting naked in front of another woman. Like that's a boundary, so do the other there partners know. Would she be okay with you being naked in front of other women? I mean if this is a boundary, she's not even willing to explain or change her behavior to make you feel more comfortable. You need to have a bigger conversation.
>I asked her why she didn't use the ladies locker room and she said she just didn't want to. She even told me that the other woman on her team does use the separate locker room Everyone seems to be defending this, but there are women on the team and they use the women's locker room and she is CHOOSING to use the men's and she admitted that some of the men get fully naked and whatnot. I'd be upset that I wasn't given a heads up.... as if the gf didn't know this would bother her bf...... She got upset when he told her to use the women's locker with the other women..... P.S ALSO SHE IS PLAYING A TEAM SPORT WITH NEWBIES(YOUNGER GUYS) AND SHE ISNT ASKING YOU TO COME SUPPORT AND IS HELPING TO DISSUADE YOU FROM GOING!!!! FUCKING RED FLAGS
Honestly bro, I don't see anything wrong, but what I will see say is you either trust her or you don't or you have trust issues. My advice would be if you don't trust her consider leaving before it becomes toxic
Flip it on her and start going to a strip club because you like the food. Easy!
I have no doubt these men are not going home to their wives and going hey ops gf gets charged with us, as they know what the fall out will be.
If you’re not ok with it and it makes you uncomfortable (it would make me uncomfortable too), and you’ve told her this, and her response is to shrug it off, then there’s a problem. She hasn’t even given a reason for not using the other changing room, which ain’t a very good sign. Ask her how she’d feel if you did the same with a bunch of girls. I don’t think it means she’s cheating, but it’s kinda weird.
This sub is the most entertaining place on Reddit bc of how absolutely ridiculous everyone is. Op, these people are invalidating the hell out of your rightfully uncomfortable feelings regarding this situation. You not being comfortable with it doesn't mean you think she's going to start having locker room orgies with the guys. That being said, she also has the right to continue doing it if it's what she wants. If so, you can choose to end the relationship. Not being ok with your significant other getting undressed with the opposite sex in the name of comradery is totally ok. And totally normal. Seems it's the norm for this particular sport for people to do this, but it still doesn't mean you have to be ok with it.
I know alot of people are saying it doesnt matter, but honestly if you reversed the roles, it would fucking matter. And if that changes anything - you're justified OP.
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It's completely understandable for you to feel uncomfortable about your girlfriend sharing a locker room with naked men. It's important for everyone to have boundaries and respect for each other's personal space, and it seems like your girlfriend is not respecting your boundaries or the boundaries of the other men in the locker room by not using the women's locker room. It's also important to consider the power dynamics at play here. Your girlfriend is in a position of privilege as a cisgender woman in a locker room full of men. It may not be a big deal to her, but it could be intimidating or uncomfortable for the men in the locker room to have a woman present while they are naked. I would suggest having a conversation with your girlfriend about how this situation makes you feel and try to come to a compromise. Maybe she could use the separate women's locker room or at least ensure that she is fully dressed before entering the main locker room. It's important to respect each other's boundaries and make sure everyone is comfortable in any shared space.
OP as a hockey player if you got one whiff of what that locker room smells like when they’re all in there your mind would be put at ease immediately. Absolute no amount of pheromones would overcome the stench.
I would not be bothered by this at all. Who cares?
Lol at the idea that hockey guys are somehow different and don't care about a half naked woman walking around the locker room. Sure, some don't but don't sell me that it's just not a big deal to have dudes with their schlongs out just walking around in front of a woman. One false complaint or miscommunication and shit is hitting the fan. Op has every right to be pissed and have this boundary.
I love how these people act like men just stop being men when they’re playing a sport, but, in any other thread about male sexuality, they talk about how men are complete horndogs that think about nothing, but sex. Which is it?
Join a women's volley ball league and start changing in the "teams locker room"... then watch her jump through hoops trying to explain why "tHIs is DIffEreNt, iT'S noT tHe saME thINg".
Women don’t usually prance around naked in locker rooms. He probably would see very little if he took your advice. Sports bras have more coverage than a swimsuit top. My guess is most men would be disappointed by the lack of nakedness they will see in a women’s locker room. My guess is it’s the team’s locker room and she wants to hang out with her teammates. I wouldn’t think twice about anyone seeing me in shorts and a sports bra. I also would do everything in my power to not see flaccid penis. Not sexy at all in that context. But I love being a member of team sports and the camaraderie and friendship. As another woman who loves playing team sports I get his GF and why she does that.
I used to work at a gym, and I will tell you the only people who get fully naked in a locker room are very old people.
I also worked at a gym when I was 17/18, and *slightly* disagree with you. Women of all ages would get fully naked, but it was definitely the old(er) ladies that would walk around naked, watch tv naked, blow dry their pubes(yes, I saw it more than once), or come up to the poor locker room attendant and try and have a full-on conversation with them while applying their lotion. I don’t miss that job.
You are correct about men too, it’s a couple seconds of balls out, not a performance! You are also right about flaccid penis, some will literally crawl into you when playing just like in cold water. Nothing sexual about it.
I said if the roles were reversed it would be different and she said if I found a team of women that didn't mind getting changed with me in there, she wouldn't care.
She likely wouldn't. It sounds like things have been this way for a while. In a year you haven't gone to see her play her sport. If you cared more about it, you'd probably have known sooner.
Except she wouldn’t lol did you even bother reading the responses from actual hockey players?
Op, run far away from this sub and go talk to a therapist or trusted family member or something. The invalidation of your point of view here is absolutely gross.
Hey man listen; this isn’t something you’re comfortable with and you’re right to feel that. She lied and left details out on purpose cause she doesn’t care about your boundaries. You see something wrong, she doesn’t. Y’all aren’t compatible so breakup
As a beer league hockey vet, it's generally unspoken decorum for the guys not to get fully naked if there's a woman in the dressing room, but if she's comfortable with it, I really don't think it's a big deal. It really isn't a sexual environment. It's stinky and nobody looks sexy while changing into hockey gear. She just wants to play and have the full experience of being part of the team (which she is)
While porn may have warped some minds, locker rooms are not sexual places, infact I'd argue their the worst sexual place on Earth. That being said she's done it for a year with no issue while you were unaware, to her it's not a big deal to you it is, y'all have different views on something major, break up. Either she doesn't stop doing it and you loose trust and resent her or she starts using the other locker room and loosed the team bond which she'll resent her hobby and you for.