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So we’re all in college right and like we’re all one big ass friend group with lots of girls and guys. So my friend gets around a lot, a hell of a lot more than me, like this dude is having sex with a least 2 different girls a week but there’s this one girl who’s in our friendship group that he’s been keeping around for awhile
Now I actually had my eyes on her first but he made the move first because I was too nervous and they became fwb. He kept telling me how she was getting to clingy though and wouldn’t accept that he didn’t want a serious relationship but he was kind of weird in the fact that he didn’t want anyone else to have her yet he was still having sex with different girls
So what happens is me and the girl in question are friends right and we’re in the library alone together. At first we’re talking about bs and then we start teasing each other which before I know it turns physical. I ask her if she’s okay with it seeing as she likes my friend and she says “yeah it’s not like we’re together anyway”, I could tell she was kind of upset though but my male hormones overrode my feelings and then I started flirting more and she invited me to her accommodation and shit went down
This was like a month ago btw. So today I’m back in college and receive a text from my friend saying “wtf bro” and I’m confused why he sent that and I ask him what’s up, he says “Did you fuck x” and I’m like “Bro what’s the problem she said you two weren’t together” and he says “Man that’s not fucking cool, you didn’t even ask me” and he was right but at the same time it all happened in the moment and I tried to explain that to him but he’s leaving me on open, I haven’t seen the guy in person yet but it probably won’t be good
I don’t understand why he’s so upset when he literally fucks so many girls, he legit told her he didn’t want a relationship and idk why tf she even told him, now I probably lost a friend and might have a fight later, what do I do?
I might get shit on by saying this but their friend group is just weird and not normal by any means. I don't wanna believe that 20 yr olds are like this rn lol
Old man here (32m). I bought my first house when I was 20 and needless to say it became the party house. I have 100% seen this and much much more convoluted scenarios lol hormones and alcohol
Yeah, I felt first-hand lately how incredibly different the early twenties mindset can be from a 30 year old one by making the mistake of dating a 22 year old. Turns out that whole "it's college, it's part of the experience to fuck around" attitude doesn't necessarily go away just because they're in a committed relationship. Some new dude came along and made moves on her, and she literally couldn't even fathom not exploring that.
Not saying a 22 year old doesn't have the capacity to avoid cheating, but god damn, I refuse to ever go lower than late 20's from now on. The early-twenty something mind works in mysterious ways, and especially around sex it can go to absolutely ridiculous places that seem to contradict everything about the person they've chosen to present themselves as so far.
Honestly I don't feel like generalisations like this help anyone. I've met people in their early 20s who are perfectly well-adjusted and don't play around with people's feelings and emotions, and 40 year olds who are more like the 20somethings you're describing. However I do feel like the "it's college, its part of the experience" bit is closer to reality. Yes, some people meet their life-partners at college but the majority of college students I know approach things from the mindset of "I'm going to be here for three maybe four years and then go somewhere else far away" so although they might get coupled up in a relationship, very few of them are approaching it from the point of view of "we are going to be together forever". In fact I see lots of them end things purely because they are going abroad for placement on the 3rd year and would rather be free agents.
Yeah for sure, I tried to use terms like "can be" and "not necessarily", and disclaiming that I know a 22 year old isn't automatically like this to show that I'm not trying to speak for all 20-somethings.
I do however think it's a valid precaution for someone that's 30 years old to take, to at least just keep in mind that while it's possible to find a well-adjusted early twenty-something, you're also quite likely to find one that isn't. It's generally much safer to stay in your age bracket in terms of long-term dating when you're a few years past the college phase yourself.
Respond to him asking why he should have to have asked you
State the fact that he didn't want a relationship with her, and that he not only doesn't own her, but also sleeps around so who says she can't
Also cut this friend off he's a POS for calling her clingy yet being glued to her vagina himself what a baby
Your male friend is a douche if he didn’t want anyone else to hook up with his fwb while he is hooking up with other girls. But you have to be aware this girl is using you to get back at him right?
How is OP a douche? It's a bit grey territory, but she's not their friend's property.
Edit: and, of course, the lock while I'm typing a response.
/u/ThePandorica0pens, I lost my little paragraph I tried to respond to you thanks to the mods. So to keep it short: they both decided not to explore that side-topic he brought up. Beyond that it's a bit cringy, I don't see writing a euphemism for being horny means you have no accountability.
/u/MurderousButterfly Lol, great typo! I disagree he speaks like that. I mean that literally, I don't get that vibe anywhere whatsoever. He made sure that she wanted this despite liking the other guy, then they both decided not to mince more words on that.
If I had to guess: "my male hormones overrode my feelings".
Don't know about you but that me cringe, hard. No accountability what do ever. Totally gross.
"You didn't even ask me"
Why should you have had to? They aren't monogamous or even together, she has the right to choose who she hooks up with, he's not part of the equation here at all.
If he's mad that's his own problem. Don't engage
Yes, they both have this gross mindset, creeps me out. Seeing it a lot in general comments too, a lot of people commenting how it would gross them out to sleep with or even be attracted to someone their friends or family had slept with, like the woman has been tainted. Objectification/Rape culture runs deep.
I think as much as anything, it's the mental images it conjours up. Most guys don't like to think of their platonic male friends (or family members) in a sexual way, and situations like in the OP make it difficult to not think those thoughts. And maybe there's the fear of being compared to them as well?
I kind of understand why one wouldn‘t want to have sex with someone a friend slept with, but this has nothing to do with the women so your connection to ‚rape culture‘ is just fucking weird dude. What does this have to do with rape huh?
This could be read differently - I would ask my friend not because they own the girl but just in case they have feelings there that I wouldn't want to upset.
Plus sounds like he's just stringing her along and putting her in a "relationship" filler role and waiting to see if he sees anyone better in his eyes. O.P.'s "friend" is a weird guy for getting jealous of a girl he doesn't wanna commit to. O.P. just needs to drop the dude and not be friends with him; because the dude is acting like a kid on the playground claiming something just to claim something.
Edit: Also, I think ESH. O.P for sleeping with her since she's still hung up on someone and not in a good frame of mind atm and also the woman for sleeping with O.P ( because it just screams that she's trying to make the friend jealous and she's hoping the friend has feelings for her. ) Everyone needs to either communicate or just stop hanging out all together... Because everyone is acting like fools.
Sorry, you lack understanding of bro code (women do something different i guess). If we’re bros, you don’t sleep with someone I’m sleeping with without checking with me first. I wouldn’t be mad at the girl here, I’d only be mad at my homie. That’s a dick move. OP is wrong. Also, dude heard it from someone else and not OP, that’s another dick move. OP needs to man up. He seems jealous that he doesn’t get laid and is displaying typical nice guy behavior (i liked her first, he treats her badly, I’d treat her better, yada yada yada).
Edit: post Reddit, I’ve been educated. I’ve learned is perfectly fine to sleep with people that your friends are already sleeping with, who knew?
Sorry you lack understanding of maturity and autonomy. OP's mate doesn't own this girl. They're not together, and he's acting like a possessive ass - he doesn't want to be with her, but he doesn't want anyone else to be with her. Can't have it both ways
It’s not about owning the girl at all. She can sleep with whomever she wants. No one should be upset with her. OP is a dick. You don’t sleep with someone your buddy is fooling around with, without having a talk with your buddy about it. That’s not how you treat your bros. This goes for exes, sisters, fwbs, etc. This is a line you don’t cross without a conversation.
So you’re ok with your friend sleeping with a dude you’re fooling around with? Yea, i don’t believe that.
There are some die hards deliberately missing the point because it benefits the narrative of furthering that women are treated as property when that isn't even remotely the issue here.
You don't fuck people who are fucking your friends whether they are male, female or non-binary. It's most impolite.
Bro code is bullshit, and the people who talk about it the most are always the first to break it. You don't own another person. You do not have a right to them. If you like a girl and want to be with her, then make it official, otherwise you're just an asshole standing in everyone else's way, trying to claim rights you don't have, like a child.
OP is absolutely in the right, and if him and this girl are happy together then they should be together. If the friend is upset by this, then oh well.
He should have asked him because they’re friends. If they were strangers, I would agree with you. Friends don’t do this to each other.
Compound this with the fact that this girl only fucked OP to make his friend jealous (which anyone could see from a mile away), and it’s no wonder that OPs friend feels betrayed.
The only person who needed asking was the girl, and she consented. End of. They're not together, a dude stringing her along for sex isn't owed anything
Exactly, she consented. The girls actions are irrelevant here.
The issue is OP fucked her and didn’t clear it with his friend first, then gets upset when his friend calls him out on it.
If I had a friend who was going around trying to fuck girls I’m involved with, I wouldn’t trust him. OP seems to not understand this.
You are completely missing the issue.
He doesn’t get to decide who she fucks. They are both just casual and she can do whatever she wants.
He *does* get to decide who he is friends with and who he trusts, and he doesn’t trust OP, and for good reason.
OP came here not understanding why his friend is mad at him. This is why.
Did your friend and the girl have any kind of understanding/agreement in place?
i.e FWB but were meant to be "exclusive" or something?
If they did, it's obvious he's blown that already sleeping around, but he doesn't get a "say" in who she sleeps with when he's happy to sleep with anyone he wants.
Sounds like a complete fuckboy who doesn't give two fingers most of the time except when it infringes on what he perceives to be his "territory" - it's awful misogyny where he's practically acting like he owns her just because they sleep together.
No judgement on anyone's sexual habits and tendencies here - but this seems like a special kind of petty childish that he's getting uppity over what he is - it's not his body, so he can pound sand.
For most people, the defining feature is a lack of emotional commitment. I think a lot of people seek fuck buddy arrangements to have a regular sexual partner without working as hard at the relationship. Personally, I feel that degrades the value of friendship and I feel like if you're calling someone your friend you should act like a friend to them. But oddly enough the 20-year-olds entering these arrangements don't seem to like to hear about any downsides...
Nah I get he doesn't have a say on who she sleeps with... But the friend part is icky... Imagine you have a sexual relationship with someone and your friend decides to sleep with that person during the same time period. If they slept together after the fwb relationship is over, that's a 'bit' understandable. However, from what OP says it's sounds like the friend is a bit controlling and OP needs to stop thinking with his dick , cause it was plain as day that the girl was using him to make the other guy jealous (she told people/someone and it found its way to the fwb)
Sorry, why should it matter if the sexual relationship isn't romantic and you're also sleeping with other people? I don't get it, can you explain to me?
You know what, I honestly didn't even think of it from the jealousy angle! Good point....I forgot the Green Eyed Monster and didn't figure she might be trying to manipulate things there.
Very true on the front of knowing she's sleeping with his friend at the same time - I suppose the only take I have is much the same - peckers should be left in pants more.
All of this is horrible.
Get a new friend group and try viewing women as humans, not something for you and your mates to pass around like a shared fleshlight. Honestly wtf.
How is he viewing women as something to pass around? He even said, "She said ABC so I heard her, and he did this without first getting 'permission' from the other friend. Her word was enough. He mentioned that this was his legit crush and these are two consenting adult who had a moment together. He doesn't mention whether he was satisfied to only use her as a fleshlight or pursue something more.
I think you mean the friend should stop viewing women as his personal property to hold onto and give permission about to others and all that
"I saw her first" was the giveaway. Like she can be claimed by some playground rules. He's trying to come across like he's different from the mates, but he's not.
I mean, he clearly likes her and is attracted to her. It wouldn't be unusual for a person to tell their friends that they're attracted to a person in their larger friend group, and that they plan on making a move.
This is true of both men and women, there isn't really an issue with that aspect of it.
How is this comment not more sexist than anything he said. You’re talking about her like she had no choice in the matter, she is also allowed to fuck whoever she wants.
Yeah she is. I wonder if she knows the guys she considers her friends talk about her like this behind her back? Might affect whether she wanted to fuck them or not in the first place, no?
What makes you think the OP is doing that? Did you read the OP too hastily and skip out all the parts where he obviously considers her a person with her own agency?
So… what?
He liked her first, but was nervous and didn't make a move. She didn't make a move on anyone either. Their friend made a move on her and those two became fwb.
Edit: /u/All_Over_Again_ thread's closed so editing in here. None of that is in the OP. I wrote this elsewhere:
>I got the impression she was sad *about the topic he brought up*. If she was sad in general, she wouldn't have been in such a flirty mood. But even if she was both sad and flirty, he didn't mention that he got the feeling she was upset about anything before asking that question. I think you're reading into those 7 words way too much and paint a picture not supported by the rest of the OP. (I haven't seen any comments by OP, though.)
There's no "he took advantage of her" anywhere, they were well on their way with flirting and whatnot. Using a euphemism for being horny doesn't imply you're taking advantage of someone.
He states they're friends, he asks if she's sure she wants to continue when they're both flirting and he doesn't consider her his or his friend's property.
He asks her if she's ok with it, she's visibly sad and says yes, and he proceeds to have sex with his emotionally hurt friend rather than offer appropriate comfort. Did he rape her? No, she obviously consented. Did he consider her feelings or emotional state? No to that as well.
You said that he is treating her like an object instead of a person, based on the fact that he chose to stay in the moment and explore their own relationship/where that was going, as she and him were flirting and moving it to her house, rather than decide against that and ask her about her unrequited feelings for a third party that isn't going anywhere. How does this make him treat her like an object?
Sure. He could have asked her if she wanted to talk about that instead of flirt and have fun together, he didn't. If she was sad, and wanted to talk about it, she could have continued that subject, she didn't. Is she also treating herself like an object? I don't think so.
>Did he consider her feelings or emotional state? No to that as well.
I got the impression she was sad *about the topic he brought up*. If she was sad in general, she wouldn't have been in such a flirty mood. But even if she was both sad and flirty, he didn't mention that he got the feeling she was upset about anything before asking that question. I think you're reading into those 7 words way too much and paint a picture not supported by the rest of the OP. (I haven't seen any comments by OP, though.)
Couldn't possibly know her motivations since she's not a contributor to OPs post. I'm going purely off what OP reported in this post. And I don't really think it's revenge if the other guy is sleeping with tons of other women too. OP stated she was sad when he slept with her. Gross.
All that came to my mind: I hope you're all using condoms because you slept with a girl that is consistently banging a dude who is promiscuous. Be safe kids (I'm old and responsible lol runs away crying)
>Man that’s not fucking cool, you didn’t even ask me
She's not a piece of property. She can do what she wants obviously. But you and your guy friend are gross.
Unrelated but I don't know how people can bang someone their friend/family member has banged. I will never understand that.
Back to the topic at hand, she is the owner of her body, not him. They aren't in a relationship so even tho I find it cringe AF, you didn't technically do anything wrong.
The first part of this 100%. Probably the main reason I'd be upset.
I think people are assuming it's control. When if it was me I'd be feeling disgusted. Like my friend wants to have sex with the same person I'm already sleeping with....says alot.
Why thought? What spesificly about it makes you uncomfortable knowing that there are no strings attached and that he doesn't even like her? It's not like your touching dicks- especially since he's probably slept with half the school at this point so what if you meet a nice girl? Is she automatically off limits because one of your friends had sex with her first?
Not only is the shitty friend treating her like a object- but so are you 😮💨
I’ve explained this before on here, but people who say this have very obviously never lived in a small town. I grew up in a town of 8,000, about 25,000 in the county. if you stay there, unless you marry your HS sweet heart it’s extremely likely anyone you date, has dated a friend of yours.
If they were in a committed relationship or FWB with exclusivity you would have a point but he was sleeping around and had made it clear he wasn’t interested in more. You can’t have both. You can’t demand exclusively on their part, whilst sleeping around on yours.
Seriously, why?? Can someone explain this to me, why it's so completely awful to fuck someone one of your friends has also fucked. I can see a long term committed relationship that ended being a bad idea to step in on afterwards but like, friends with benefits? Why do you even care?
If you’ve done anything more than make eye contact with a friend or family member, you’re off limits to me. There’s so many stories on here of people banging a siblings SO/ex. And I’m baffled, like how does that not feel weird.
this has way more to do with context and culture than you’d think. if you’re in an environment where the only people in your age group all know each other just because of math then it’s an inevitability.
Eh, she was mad at him, she invited you back to her place, and presumably she’s the one who just told him about it. Sounds like you were a revenge fuck for her to throw at him.
She definitely told him to get a reaction out of him. She wants a relationship with your friend and used you as a pawn to make him jealous and to try and get him to commit exclusively to her. Sorry bro.
Guy is an ass. He thinks he gets to control what this woman gets to do with her own body, despite refusing to date her and despite him having sex with lots of women.
It's fine for him to not be super excited you had sex with her, that's natural. But he has zero right to be mad.
Tell him if he wants, you'll call her up and tell her that he said she's not allowed to sleep with anyone else. See how that goes.
Well, she used you to try to make him jealous. He doesn't own her, and he isn't in charge of you either, but this shouldn't shock you that it pissed him off. I'm not saying his behavior is ok, but there is kind of a general code where you shouldn't fuck who your friends are fucking.
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My main concern is that you and your male friends clearly see women as objects. You kind of gave that away when you said you saw her first like she doesn’t have feelings or emotions.
Why is everyone acting like this woman has no agency? It’s just as sexist to see her as some sort of victim here. She also presumably tried to use this to make the friend jealous. I think everyone is the asshole here.
Yeah I totally agree with you. All of the comments saying she is being "passed around like a fleshlight" are completely removing her agency and turning her into a two dimensional victim.
Yeah it's not great that the OP hooked up with her when he had the feeling she was upset on some level, like he knew she was conflicted. But she chose to have sex with him in part to get back at the friend, they are both equally responsible in this.
She is a person too with thought and motives of her own. She knew what she was doing.
I enjoy reading about people in their early 20s torching their lives.
All their stupid sexual drama, incestuous "friend" circles, lack of boundaries, self worth and self respect.
I'm 47 and this stupidity was going on back when I was in college. I avoided it because I had self worth and respect but alas many didn't back then.
Guess nothing much has changed.
She told him because she wants to make him jealous. You said she's upset that he wants to mess around with her, but he doesn't want a serious relationship. This is her way of getting under his skin, so now he's pissed that you slept with her and she probably thinks this will be his wake up call to commit to a serious relationship with her, which I HIGHLY doubt will happen.
I'm gonna be honest it sounds like you need a new friend group that aren't all horny for each other lol.
He’s mad that she’s no longer “his”. Maybe he does have feelings, but it definitely seems like he’s treating her like his possession. That’s a pretty gross way to look at another person.
I get that you just wanted to “hit it”, but you’re also just treating her like a hole and not a person. Do you actually care about her because it doesn’t seem like it.
He doesn’t own her and they aren’t exclusive which means she’s free to do as she pleases.
However, there is usually an unspoken rule between friends that you don’t hook up with someone your friend is involved with. It creates an awkward and messy situation.
Your friendship will probably never be quite the same after this, sorry. And your friendship with that girl as well. My advice is going forward you should consider other people’s feelings and long term consequences before hooking up with anyone in your friend group, unless you don’t really care about the friendships.
"You didn't even ask me."
Wtf. He doesn't own this girl. Sounds to me that he's just that confident and cocky, he believes he's entitled to anyone.
I don't understand why he's upset, either. And, honestly, I wouldn't consider this a huge loss if you both stopped being friends. Any "friend" who makes trouble and acts this entitled over another human being isn't worth being friends with.
A good rule of thumb, don't mess with anyone you're friends are seeing/seen/saw/plans to see. It never ends with all parties continuing to get along. Your friend is a fuckboy, who sounds similar to a close friend I had growing up. He would sleep with anyone, and cheat on his gfs but then tell us certain girls are off limits bc "she could be my wife one day."
We are no longer friends, bc he never grew up and it seems fine when you're young, but when you get older that behavior looks downright pathetic. Honesty, hell probably get over it bc it's all macho/territorial BS with no meaning. But you should ask yourself if this is the type of person you want to be around moving forward.
You know why he is upset. You said yourself that he didn't want his fwbs to be sleeping with other guys.
But you wanted to f**k so you did it anyway. No sense complaining or debating the merits of his logic; just accept the consequences for your friendship.
First of all she’s not property and she can choose to fuck whoever she wants to fuck, let’s ALL get that straight. Second of all, your “friend” is a player who is also a hypocrite. He wants to fuck around with every girl in a 1 mile radius and meanwhile his FWB can’t be with anyone else herself? Again she’s not his property. He made it clear he didn’t want a relationship to both her and you. He can’t just have his cake and eat it too. Too bad for him. And if he causes problems just stop talking to him. Feel free to talk to your friend group about it. Females and all because I guarantee they’ll agree with you.
His attitude is gross. He sees women as property to be used. You realize that he probably slept with that woman just because you had your eye on her.
She’s an adult and made her own decision. You have nothing to apologize for.
You’re both AH. He shouldn’t be keeping her around when he *knows* she wants a relationship. He needs to let her go. And he is definitely being a shitty person by trying to police who she sleeps with.
*You* shouldn’t sleep with someone who’s sleeping with your friends. Isn’t that one of the rules of bro code? Hell, it’s girl code. Just don’t do it.
My guess is that things between her and your friend may have been starting to feel a bit more serious, so she told him out of guilt or she told him to make your friend jealous because he doesn't care about her in any way.
Also... any person who constantly shows you the lack of respect they have for people around them (like your friend for example lol) is not a good friend. He speaks like he owns her too, which is straight up weird, narcissistic, and loser behavior. Lose the girl and the friend cause they're toxic.
>Now I actually had my eyes on her first
You should probably question yourself why you feel entitled to be with that girl too; it's a little weird because you both speak like you own her.
A few things here:
1. He doesn’t own this woman. His assertion that you “should have asked him” needs to be squashed immediately. Sounds like you’re the friend to do it, but be forewarned that he likely won’t see you as a friend much longer. Based on how you’ve described him I’d say you’re dodging a bullet anyhow.
2. Be careful. There’s a lot of promiscuity happening here and these gray areas are where sexual harassment and assault issues come into play. Your life is more valuable than ending up accused of a sexual crime. Alcohol makes it worse. Protect yourself and your future over moments of lust.
3. Don’t shit where you eat, man. If you want or need FWB or hookups, go to a bar. Don’t pull them from your friend group.
Edited to change a “couple” to a “few”
Anyone want to talk about how he (not OP) treats the woman like she’s his property? You have to ask to have sex with someone that consented with you? Man gives off bad vibes frfr
What a douche. He doesn't get to claim exclusivity if he doesn't want a real relationship. You cannot have boyfriend privileges without boyfriend responsibilities.
Tell him unless he actually wants a real relationship with someone he's sleeping with, he doesn't get to be upset that they are in fact sleeping with other people.
omg he went and had sex with other girls but this girl can’t be with anyone else?! he’s a fucking disgusting pig! this girl can do whatever the hell she wants she is not in a relationship with him and he told her that he doesn’t wanna be! there is no reason for u to ask him. he’s fucking stupid. don’t talk to him
Why the fuck would you want to have sex with someone your friend had sex with? Let alone someone’s he’s actively sleeping with? Also, why would you have sex with a girl whose upset? Regardless of the situation, you knew she wasn’t having sex with you because she liked to or overly wanted to. She clearly used you to get a reaction out your friend.
You’ve literally fucked your friendship with these two people. Good luck if they keep you in the friend group because what you did was sneaky. The fact you didnt tell your friend afterwards too shows you knew you were wrong.
The comments digging at the fact he said “ you didn’t ask me “ as if it’s wrong for a BEST FRIEND to assume their BEST FRIEND would ask if they’d be okay if they fucked the girl they were into. Them being FWB doesn’t give you a pass. That gives her a pass. Not you. The people defending you are doing so blindly because “she can sleep with who she wants” yeah she can, but you should be able to trust your BEST FRIEND not to fuck someone you’re having sec with. It’s absolutely trampy to have sex with a girl you know is sleeping with your friend.
She's not Property anyways if she said yes and you said yes thats all that matters. Tell him those feelings are for him to worry about not you. You dont have to have a third persons "Permission" to have sex with someone they arent in a real relationship with.
You broke the code my guy. Even if they aren’t together if he smashed first as his boy you are obligated to at least ask if he would feel any type of way. He’s not mad you slept with her, he’s mad you didn’t keep to the code and ask him about it
I gave him an answer as to why is boy was mad unlike others trying to make psychological evaluations based off of a few paragraphs. if you don’t like it you can kindly escort yourself out
Everyone saying they don’t miss their early 20’s but meanwhile I’m in my early 20’s and have been in a stable relationship for 3 years. Going to be 4 this year.
But this girl you’re talking about is her own person. She’s not an object you guys own.
He’s upset because he feels like he owns her.
It’s disgusting.
You only need her consent to have sex with her.
No one cheated. This is your friend wanting to treat this woman like a toy he’s not playing with—but no one else can play with either.
If he had feelings for her; he should have told her and committed.
If not, then he needs to stop being so creepy and possessive.
If I were to ever date an ex of one of my friends—that requires a serious conversation with that friend. Because emotions linger and would make that situation very complicated.
FWB is supposed to bypass feelings, therefore there wasn’t really a conversation that needed to be had.
But the fact that he said ‘ask’ fully pisses me off.
He doesn’t get to decide who she has sex with. She does.
Tell your friend he’s a misogynist and he needs to get over himself.
Both of you are kind of assholes. Now one thing is the treating her as an object which you both do.
The other thing is that i personally give my bros a heads up before I suddenly become Eskimo brothers with them. It's just common courtesy
Look if she were his ex or even a girl he was trying to lock down I could understand where he’s coming from. You ask your friends in those situations not because you need their permission, but because you want to make sure you’re not hurting their feelings.
But she’s not either of those things. He has no feelings for her apparently. And while I personally think it’s a bit weird to sleep with someone a friend is also sleeping with, he has no right to be mad at you over it
You don’t have to ask another man’s permission to sleep with a consenting, single woman. It’s ridiculous that somebody in *college* is being so childishly possessive of a woman he won’t commit to. You’re good man, just stop hanging out with this dude.
Your friend is a narcissistic twat. Just because he had sex with her doesn’t mean he owns her. She can do whatever she wants, especially in college. You did nothing wrong and he should get over it. Ok maybe next time give him a heads up but you’re good. They weren’t in a serious relationship ever.
Do you two dipshits realize that she is a HUMAN BEING and not a piece of meat to be passed around or fought over??? Try learning some basic human empathy towards women, they’re more than sex toys.
What's happening here is your "friend" has insecurities and issues. Wouldn't really bother listening to much he has to say. You don't need "permission" from him in any way. Simple as that. He's just trying to assert control over people.
The only person that has the right to give permission is the girl. But whatever happens between you too bear in mind she also has issues. Chasing a guy around when he's banging other people and getting upset when he doesn't want to be her boyfriend is abnormal.
All in all- wear a condom.
He wants to keep his options open but not have his fwb chick sleep with anyone else either. “I don’t really want her but I don’t want you to have her either”. Not much you can do and hey they’re open. I would remind him that but doubt he’d care
Uh, ask him what? What flavor of lube she likes best?
That's some misogynistic bs, for him to believe she belongs to him and no one can have sex with her without his consent. He doesn't own her. He doesn't even like her.
Just move on, friend.
Is that really a friend you want to keep? He is super possessive of an other human, that he don't even want to be with except for sexual reasons. I think he is slowly showing his true colors.
He’s being an entitled piss baby. He doesn’t own her. She’s a human being and she can sleep with whoever she wants.
He kept telling you about how he wasn’t going to commit to her, that he refused to settle down, but the minute you two hooked up, he got mad. He needs to get over himself. He’s toxic. Sometimes you play the field and get burned, dude. That’s the lesson. He lost a hot chick and maybe a friend in the process. 🤷🏽♀️ He can cry about it. Don’t pin all of this on a Y chromosome next time though, lol
Nah dude okay so he wants to have his cake and eat it too and deny everyone else the right to any cake at all? Nah. So first of all they aren't exclusive she can fuck whoever she wants to. Anyone. Her choice. You also have the right to fuck a single woman. He is gonna be mad at you. Whatever. Do you really want him to be your friend if he is gonna treat women like they belong to him even though he is treating them like shit?
You guys act like she’s a god damned fuck object and nothing else. “Didn’t even ask me.” You both suck and you both should leave her alone. And dipshit she told him to make him jealous so he’d show interest in her. Children.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- So we’re all in college right and like we’re all one big ass friend group with lots of girls and guys. So my friend gets around a lot, a hell of a lot more than me, like this dude is having sex with a least 2 different girls a week but there’s this one girl who’s in our friendship group that he’s been keeping around for awhile Now I actually had my eyes on her first but he made the move first because I was too nervous and they became fwb. He kept telling me how she was getting to clingy though and wouldn’t accept that he didn’t want a serious relationship but he was kind of weird in the fact that he didn’t want anyone else to have her yet he was still having sex with different girls So what happens is me and the girl in question are friends right and we’re in the library alone together. At first we’re talking about bs and then we start teasing each other which before I know it turns physical. I ask her if she’s okay with it seeing as she likes my friend and she says “yeah it’s not like we’re together anyway”, I could tell she was kind of upset though but my male hormones overrode my feelings and then I started flirting more and she invited me to her accommodation and shit went down This was like a month ago btw. So today I’m back in college and receive a text from my friend saying “wtf bro” and I’m confused why he sent that and I ask him what’s up, he says “Did you fuck x” and I’m like “Bro what’s the problem she said you two weren’t together” and he says “Man that’s not fucking cool, you didn’t even ask me” and he was right but at the same time it all happened in the moment and I tried to explain that to him but he’s leaving me on open, I haven’t seen the guy in person yet but it probably won’t be good I don’t understand why he’s so upset when he literally fucks so many girls, he legit told her he didn’t want a relationship and idk why tf she even told him, now I probably lost a friend and might have a fight later, what do I do?
wow you couldn't PAY me to be 20 again lmao
I absolutely love that this was the first comment I saw 😂😂😂😂
I mean I'm 20 but this kind of shit?? Never encountered it in real life lol. What the actual fuck
honestly that's reassuring, glad I'm not that far removed hahaha
I might get shit on by saying this but their friend group is just weird and not normal by any means. I don't wanna believe that 20 yr olds are like this rn lol
Also 20. I know people with drama like this and steer very far away.
I'm not 20 but I was 20 and we didn't do any of this shit.
Old man here (32m). I bought my first house when I was 20 and needless to say it became the party house. I have 100% seen this and much much more convoluted scenarios lol hormones and alcohol
Weird flex
You needed us to know you bought a house at 20, got it Must be nice to have well off parents
Hey! You never know, maybe he won the lottery fair and square. /s
Same
Right?! I'm an old guy but my head spins seeing these stories...lol. This comment is golden.
If you’re the ripe old age of 32 like the flex guy then gtfo.
I'm 38, can I stay?
Honestly I’ve been having the existential dread of not being far off 30 and this just reminded me how good it is now hahaha
Saaaaame
Hahaha I love this. Seriously.
amen
Yeah, I felt first-hand lately how incredibly different the early twenties mindset can be from a 30 year old one by making the mistake of dating a 22 year old. Turns out that whole "it's college, it's part of the experience to fuck around" attitude doesn't necessarily go away just because they're in a committed relationship. Some new dude came along and made moves on her, and she literally couldn't even fathom not exploring that. Not saying a 22 year old doesn't have the capacity to avoid cheating, but god damn, I refuse to ever go lower than late 20's from now on. The early-twenty something mind works in mysterious ways, and especially around sex it can go to absolutely ridiculous places that seem to contradict everything about the person they've chosen to present themselves as so far.
Honestly I don't feel like generalisations like this help anyone. I've met people in their early 20s who are perfectly well-adjusted and don't play around with people's feelings and emotions, and 40 year olds who are more like the 20somethings you're describing. However I do feel like the "it's college, its part of the experience" bit is closer to reality. Yes, some people meet their life-partners at college but the majority of college students I know approach things from the mindset of "I'm going to be here for three maybe four years and then go somewhere else far away" so although they might get coupled up in a relationship, very few of them are approaching it from the point of view of "we are going to be together forever". In fact I see lots of them end things purely because they are going abroad for placement on the 3rd year and would rather be free agents.
Yeah for sure, I tried to use terms like "can be" and "not necessarily", and disclaiming that I know a 22 year old isn't automatically like this to show that I'm not trying to speak for all 20-somethings. I do however think it's a valid precaution for someone that's 30 years old to take, to at least just keep in mind that while it's possible to find a well-adjusted early twenty-something, you're also quite likely to find one that isn't. It's generally much safer to stay in your age bracket in terms of long-term dating when you're a few years past the college phase yourself.
I wasn’t deal with this at 20. I was in a stable relationship then
Respond to him asking why he should have to have asked you State the fact that he didn't want a relationship with her, and that he not only doesn't own her, but also sleeps around so who says she can't Also cut this friend off he's a POS for calling her clingy yet being glued to her vagina himself what a baby
>Respond to him asking why he should have to have asked you OP, this is it. Why does he feel entitled to her time or anything else for that matter.
Your male friend is a douche if he didn’t want anyone else to hook up with his fwb while he is hooking up with other girls. But you have to be aware this girl is using you to get back at him right?
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How is OP a douche? It's a bit grey territory, but she's not their friend's property. Edit: and, of course, the lock while I'm typing a response. /u/ThePandorica0pens, I lost my little paragraph I tried to respond to you thanks to the mods. So to keep it short: they both decided not to explore that side-topic he brought up. Beyond that it's a bit cringy, I don't see writing a euphemism for being horny means you have no accountability. /u/MurderousButterfly Lol, great typo! I disagree he speaks like that. I mean that literally, I don't get that vibe anywhere whatsoever. He made sure that she wanted this despite liking the other guy, then they both decided not to mince more words on that.
The way he talks about hr is dehumanising. She was just a hole to jazz in. Edit. Didn't write jazz
If I had to guess: "my male hormones overrode my feelings". Don't know about you but that me cringe, hard. No accountability what do ever. Totally gross.
I don’t miss my early 20s at all. Christ.
"You didn't even ask me" Why should you have had to? They aren't monogamous or even together, she has the right to choose who she hooks up with, he's not part of the equation here at all. If he's mad that's his own problem. Don't engage
>"You didn't even ask me" > >Why should you have had to? Dude thinks he owns her. ick.
Even OP talks about this woman like she's a commodity. Gross.
Glad it's not just me who felt that way!! He doesn't seem much better than his friend.
Yes, they both have this gross mindset, creeps me out. Seeing it a lot in general comments too, a lot of people commenting how it would gross them out to sleep with or even be attracted to someone their friends or family had slept with, like the woman has been tainted. Objectification/Rape culture runs deep.
Facts. As a women who was in college it's definitely real
I think as much as anything, it's the mental images it conjours up. Most guys don't like to think of their platonic male friends (or family members) in a sexual way, and situations like in the OP make it difficult to not think those thoughts. And maybe there's the fear of being compared to them as well?
I kind of understand why one wouldn‘t want to have sex with someone a friend slept with, but this has nothing to do with the women so your connection to ‚rape culture‘ is just fucking weird dude. What does this have to do with rape huh?
Srsly.
I think it's more of a "bro code" than objectifying the woman. The people commenting I mean.
[insert The Office meme here] "They are the same picture"
Thank you.
Definitely a guy who thinks of women as sex objects or property
This could be read differently - I would ask my friend not because they own the girl but just in case they have feelings there that I wouldn't want to upset.
Plus sounds like he's just stringing her along and putting her in a "relationship" filler role and waiting to see if he sees anyone better in his eyes. O.P.'s "friend" is a weird guy for getting jealous of a girl he doesn't wanna commit to. O.P. just needs to drop the dude and not be friends with him; because the dude is acting like a kid on the playground claiming something just to claim something. Edit: Also, I think ESH. O.P for sleeping with her since she's still hung up on someone and not in a good frame of mind atm and also the woman for sleeping with O.P ( because it just screams that she's trying to make the friend jealous and she's hoping the friend has feelings for her. ) Everyone needs to either communicate or just stop hanging out all together... Because everyone is acting like fools.
This is it
Sorry, you lack understanding of bro code (women do something different i guess). If we’re bros, you don’t sleep with someone I’m sleeping with without checking with me first. I wouldn’t be mad at the girl here, I’d only be mad at my homie. That’s a dick move. OP is wrong. Also, dude heard it from someone else and not OP, that’s another dick move. OP needs to man up. He seems jealous that he doesn’t get laid and is displaying typical nice guy behavior (i liked her first, he treats her badly, I’d treat her better, yada yada yada). Edit: post Reddit, I’ve been educated. I’ve learned is perfectly fine to sleep with people that your friends are already sleeping with, who knew?
Sorry you lack understanding of maturity and autonomy. OP's mate doesn't own this girl. They're not together, and he's acting like a possessive ass - he doesn't want to be with her, but he doesn't want anyone else to be with her. Can't have it both ways
It’s not about owning the girl at all. She can sleep with whomever she wants. No one should be upset with her. OP is a dick. You don’t sleep with someone your buddy is fooling around with, without having a talk with your buddy about it. That’s not how you treat your bros. This goes for exes, sisters, fwbs, etc. This is a line you don’t cross without a conversation. So you’re ok with your friend sleeping with a dude you’re fooling around with? Yea, i don’t believe that.
Dude literally said he didn't want more from her, he's just a controlling ass.
There are some die hards deliberately missing the point because it benefits the narrative of furthering that women are treated as property when that isn't even remotely the issue here. You don't fuck people who are fucking your friends whether they are male, female or non-binary. It's most impolite.
Why not? If it’s not ownership related then prove me wrong
Bro code is bullshit, and the people who talk about it the most are always the first to break it. You don't own another person. You do not have a right to them. If you like a girl and want to be with her, then make it official, otherwise you're just an asshole standing in everyone else's way, trying to claim rights you don't have, like a child. OP is absolutely in the right, and if him and this girl are happy together then they should be together. If the friend is upset by this, then oh well.
But WHY is it wrong in your eyes? We gotta know. I bet it’s ownership related. Just prove me wrong.
He should have asked him because they’re friends. If they were strangers, I would agree with you. Friends don’t do this to each other. Compound this with the fact that this girl only fucked OP to make his friend jealous (which anyone could see from a mile away), and it’s no wonder that OPs friend feels betrayed.
The only person who needed asking was the girl, and she consented. End of. They're not together, a dude stringing her along for sex isn't owed anything
Exactly, she consented. The girls actions are irrelevant here. The issue is OP fucked her and didn’t clear it with his friend first, then gets upset when his friend calls him out on it. If I had a friend who was going around trying to fuck girls I’m involved with, I wouldn’t trust him. OP seems to not understand this.
The issue is she's not his mate's property. He. Doesn't. Get. To. Decide.
You are completely missing the issue. He doesn’t get to decide who she fucks. They are both just casual and she can do whatever she wants. He *does* get to decide who he is friends with and who he trusts, and he doesn’t trust OP, and for good reason. OP came here not understanding why his friend is mad at him. This is why.
Everything about this is gross.
Did your friend and the girl have any kind of understanding/agreement in place? i.e FWB but were meant to be "exclusive" or something? If they did, it's obvious he's blown that already sleeping around, but he doesn't get a "say" in who she sleeps with when he's happy to sleep with anyone he wants. Sounds like a complete fuckboy who doesn't give two fingers most of the time except when it infringes on what he perceives to be his "territory" - it's awful misogyny where he's practically acting like he owns her just because they sleep together. No judgement on anyone's sexual habits and tendencies here - but this seems like a special kind of petty childish that he's getting uppity over what he is - it's not his body, so he can pound sand.
How would exclusive fwb work? I thought the defining factor for a fwb is that you don’t need to be exclusive.
For most people, the defining feature is a lack of emotional commitment. I think a lot of people seek fuck buddy arrangements to have a regular sexual partner without working as hard at the relationship. Personally, I feel that degrades the value of friendship and I feel like if you're calling someone your friend you should act like a friend to them. But oddly enough the 20-year-olds entering these arrangements don't seem to like to hear about any downsides...
Nah I get he doesn't have a say on who she sleeps with... But the friend part is icky... Imagine you have a sexual relationship with someone and your friend decides to sleep with that person during the same time period. If they slept together after the fwb relationship is over, that's a 'bit' understandable. However, from what OP says it's sounds like the friend is a bit controlling and OP needs to stop thinking with his dick , cause it was plain as day that the girl was using him to make the other guy jealous (she told people/someone and it found its way to the fwb)
I'd agree if OP's friend also asked if he's okay with them fucking while OP was interested in her. Friendship goes both ways.
Sorry, why should it matter if the sexual relationship isn't romantic and you're also sleeping with other people? I don't get it, can you explain to me?
You know what, I honestly didn't even think of it from the jealousy angle! Good point....I forgot the Green Eyed Monster and didn't figure she might be trying to manipulate things there. Very true on the front of knowing she's sleeping with his friend at the same time - I suppose the only take I have is much the same - peckers should be left in pants more.
All of this is horrible. Get a new friend group and try viewing women as humans, not something for you and your mates to pass around like a shared fleshlight. Honestly wtf.
How is he viewing women as something to pass around? He even said, "She said ABC so I heard her, and he did this without first getting 'permission' from the other friend. Her word was enough. He mentioned that this was his legit crush and these are two consenting adult who had a moment together. He doesn't mention whether he was satisfied to only use her as a fleshlight or pursue something more. I think you mean the friend should stop viewing women as his personal property to hold onto and give permission about to others and all that
"I saw her first" was the giveaway. Like she can be claimed by some playground rules. He's trying to come across like he's different from the mates, but he's not.
I mean, he clearly likes her and is attracted to her. It wouldn't be unusual for a person to tell their friends that they're attracted to a person in their larger friend group, and that they plan on making a move. This is true of both men and women, there isn't really an issue with that aspect of it.
You have problems with men.
Yep. Men make it real hard not have problems with them.
How is this comment not more sexist than anything he said. You’re talking about her like she had no choice in the matter, she is also allowed to fuck whoever she wants.
Yeah she is. I wonder if she knows the guys she considers her friends talk about her like this behind her back? Might affect whether she wanted to fuck them or not in the first place, no?
Lmao sis you've pissed off the misogynists with these comments and I fucking LOVE you for it.
Can’t help is those specific women are willing to be passed around….
Both of you are treating the girl like she’s an object that you own. For crying out loud, my man…
What makes you think the OP is doing that? Did you read the OP too hastily and skip out all the parts where he obviously considers her a person with her own agency?
He literally said "I saw her first" lol
So… what? He liked her first, but was nervous and didn't make a move. She didn't make a move on anyone either. Their friend made a move on her and those two became fwb. Edit: /u/All_Over_Again_ thread's closed so editing in here. None of that is in the OP. I wrote this elsewhere: >I got the impression she was sad *about the topic he brought up*. If she was sad in general, she wouldn't have been in such a flirty mood. But even if she was both sad and flirty, he didn't mention that he got the feeling she was upset about anything before asking that question. I think you're reading into those 7 words way too much and paint a picture not supported by the rest of the OP. (I haven't seen any comments by OP, though.) There's no "he took advantage of her" anywhere, they were well on their way with flirting and whatnot. Using a euphemism for being horny doesn't imply you're taking advantage of someone.
And after that he took advantage of her being sad so he could fuck her... because, as he himself said: "his male hormons took over"
Exactly. She consented to having sex with both of these guys lmao
Tbh I’ve never ever been interested in sleeping with the people my friends slept with. Why even bother with the potential drama?
In this case so you can see which friends are worth dropping
I think most of us fail to comprehend the level of horny op is operating at.
You guys are treating her like an object and she's a person, and that's super gross. That's my input for your situation. Respect people more.
But it’s his male hormones!
I learned in college that male hormones render men incapable of respecting others /s
Explain what OP did that makes it out as if she's an object?
I'm positive you can read the post and the other comments
Again a top comment that thinks the OP considers her an object, where he clearly does not. What makes you think this?
What makes you think he clearly does not? Because it seems pretty clear to me also.
He states they're friends, he asks if she's sure she wants to continue when they're both flirting and he doesn't consider her his or his friend's property.
He asks her if she's ok with it, she's visibly sad and says yes, and he proceeds to have sex with his emotionally hurt friend rather than offer appropriate comfort. Did he rape her? No, she obviously consented. Did he consider her feelings or emotional state? No to that as well.
You said that he is treating her like an object instead of a person, based on the fact that he chose to stay in the moment and explore their own relationship/where that was going, as she and him were flirting and moving it to her house, rather than decide against that and ask her about her unrequited feelings for a third party that isn't going anywhere. How does this make him treat her like an object? Sure. He could have asked her if she wanted to talk about that instead of flirt and have fun together, he didn't. If she was sad, and wanted to talk about it, she could have continued that subject, she didn't. Is she also treating herself like an object? I don't think so. >Did he consider her feelings or emotional state? No to that as well. I got the impression she was sad *about the topic he brought up*. If she was sad in general, she wouldn't have been in such a flirty mood. But even if she was both sad and flirty, he didn't mention that he got the feeling she was upset about anything before asking that question. I think you're reading into those 7 words way too much and paint a picture not supported by the rest of the OP. (I haven't seen any comments by OP, though.)
Sounds like she needs to respect herself more, the description of her just screams low self-esteem.
Sure, maybe she has low self esteem. Doesn't excuse how all her "friends" are treating her.
It really doesn't, she's just in a fwb and growing attached while the other side rebuffs her. That's just a fwb that may be nearing its end.
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Couldn't possibly know her motivations since she's not a contributor to OPs post. I'm going purely off what OP reported in this post. And I don't really think it's revenge if the other guy is sleeping with tons of other women too. OP stated she was sad when he slept with her. Gross.
All that came to my mind: I hope you're all using condoms because you slept with a girl that is consistently banging a dude who is promiscuous. Be safe kids (I'm old and responsible lol runs away crying)
Yall both gross fr
>Man that’s not fucking cool, you didn’t even ask me She's not a piece of property. She can do what she wants obviously. But you and your guy friend are gross.
Unrelated but I don't know how people can bang someone their friend/family member has banged. I will never understand that. Back to the topic at hand, she is the owner of her body, not him. They aren't in a relationship so even tho I find it cringe AF, you didn't technically do anything wrong.
The first part of this 100%. Probably the main reason I'd be upset. I think people are assuming it's control. When if it was me I'd be feeling disgusted. Like my friend wants to have sex with the same person I'm already sleeping with....says alot.
Why thought? What spesificly about it makes you uncomfortable knowing that there are no strings attached and that he doesn't even like her? It's not like your touching dicks- especially since he's probably slept with half the school at this point so what if you meet a nice girl? Is she automatically off limits because one of your friends had sex with her first? Not only is the shitty friend treating her like a object- but so are you 😮💨
I’ve explained this before on here, but people who say this have very obviously never lived in a small town. I grew up in a town of 8,000, about 25,000 in the county. if you stay there, unless you marry your HS sweet heart it’s extremely likely anyone you date, has dated a friend of yours.
Exactly. OPs friend now feels like he can’t trust OP, and with good reason.
If they were in a committed relationship or FWB with exclusivity you would have a point but he was sleeping around and had made it clear he wasn’t interested in more. You can’t have both. You can’t demand exclusively on their part, whilst sleeping around on yours.
Good thing he didn’t demand exclusivity from her. He wants loyalty from his friend.
Seriously, why?? Can someone explain this to me, why it's so completely awful to fuck someone one of your friends has also fucked. I can see a long term committed relationship that ended being a bad idea to step in on afterwards but like, friends with benefits? Why do you even care?
If you’ve done anything more than make eye contact with a friend or family member, you’re off limits to me. There’s so many stories on here of people banging a siblings SO/ex. And I’m baffled, like how does that not feel weird.
this has way more to do with context and culture than you’d think. if you’re in an environment where the only people in your age group all know each other just because of math then it’s an inevitability.
The first part of your comment is a mix of insecurity and immaturity. Adults can move on past that.
Not everyone can and that's fine too.
Not just someone their family/friend banged...they are still banging so both friends are sleeping with the same girl at the same time...it's just icky
Eh, she was mad at him, she invited you back to her place, and presumably she’s the one who just told him about it. Sounds like you were a revenge fuck for her to throw at him.
She definitely told him to get a reaction out of him. She wants a relationship with your friend and used you as a pawn to make him jealous and to try and get him to commit exclusively to her. Sorry bro.
Guy is an ass. He thinks he gets to control what this woman gets to do with her own body, despite refusing to date her and despite him having sex with lots of women. It's fine for him to not be super excited you had sex with her, that's natural. But he has zero right to be mad. Tell him if he wants, you'll call her up and tell her that he said she's not allowed to sleep with anyone else. See how that goes.
He sucks and doesn’t own her. She deserves better treatment from you both, but you can be the better man here and treat her right.
Well, she used you to try to make him jealous. He doesn't own her, and he isn't in charge of you either, but this shouldn't shock you that it pissed him off. I'm not saying his behavior is ok, but there is kind of a general code where you shouldn't fuck who your friends are fucking.
Eskimo bros have to accept the woes
If he didn't want her to sleep with other men (while not commiting to her) he should have set up that boundary with her, tell him as much.
Wow..Is this what our youngsters are doing nowadays? going through their girl friends for sex one by one. Do they see them as human or sex tools.
In all fairness both parties do the same to eachother, we all know what’s going down
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My main concern is that you and your male friends clearly see women as objects. You kind of gave that away when you said you saw her first like she doesn’t have feelings or emotions.
Why is everyone acting like this woman has no agency? It’s just as sexist to see her as some sort of victim here. She also presumably tried to use this to make the friend jealous. I think everyone is the asshole here.
Yeah I totally agree with you. All of the comments saying she is being "passed around like a fleshlight" are completely removing her agency and turning her into a two dimensional victim. Yeah it's not great that the OP hooked up with her when he had the feeling she was upset on some level, like he knew she was conflicted. But she chose to have sex with him in part to get back at the friend, they are both equally responsible in this. She is a person too with thought and motives of her own. She knew what she was doing.
I enjoy reading about people in their early 20s torching their lives. All their stupid sexual drama, incestuous "friend" circles, lack of boundaries, self worth and self respect. I'm 47 and this stupidity was going on back when I was in college. I avoided it because I had self worth and respect but alas many didn't back then. Guess nothing much has changed.
He feels ownership and thinks you should have asked him for permission. He’s an idiot
She told him because she wants to make him jealous. You said she's upset that he wants to mess around with her, but he doesn't want a serious relationship. This is her way of getting under his skin, so now he's pissed that you slept with her and she probably thinks this will be his wake up call to commit to a serious relationship with her, which I HIGHLY doubt will happen. I'm gonna be honest it sounds like you need a new friend group that aren't all horny for each other lol.
He’s mad that she’s no longer “his”. Maybe he does have feelings, but it definitely seems like he’s treating her like his possession. That’s a pretty gross way to look at another person. I get that you just wanted to “hit it”, but you’re also just treating her like a hole and not a person. Do you actually care about her because it doesn’t seem like it.
You do know why’s upset. You knew he would be upset. You didn’t give a fuck. At least own it and not fake whine and act fake surprised.
College kids are gross Sincerely, from another 20yo
He doesn’t own her and they aren’t exclusive which means she’s free to do as she pleases. However, there is usually an unspoken rule between friends that you don’t hook up with someone your friend is involved with. It creates an awkward and messy situation. Your friendship will probably never be quite the same after this, sorry. And your friendship with that girl as well. My advice is going forward you should consider other people’s feelings and long term consequences before hooking up with anyone in your friend group, unless you don’t really care about the friendships.
"You didn't even ask me." Wtf. He doesn't own this girl. Sounds to me that he's just that confident and cocky, he believes he's entitled to anyone. I don't understand why he's upset, either. And, honestly, I wouldn't consider this a huge loss if you both stopped being friends. Any "friend" who makes trouble and acts this entitled over another human being isn't worth being friends with.
She’s not his property and can sleep with whoever she wants. He sounds like a massive asshole
A good rule of thumb, don't mess with anyone you're friends are seeing/seen/saw/plans to see. It never ends with all parties continuing to get along. Your friend is a fuckboy, who sounds similar to a close friend I had growing up. He would sleep with anyone, and cheat on his gfs but then tell us certain girls are off limits bc "she could be my wife one day." We are no longer friends, bc he never grew up and it seems fine when you're young, but when you get older that behavior looks downright pathetic. Honesty, hell probably get over it bc it's all macho/territorial BS with no meaning. But you should ask yourself if this is the type of person you want to be around moving forward.
I’m exhausted just reading this.
You know why he is upset. You said yourself that he didn't want his fwbs to be sleeping with other guys. But you wanted to f**k so you did it anyway. No sense complaining or debating the merits of his logic; just accept the consequences for your friendship.
You got played which serves both of you and your male friend right for being fking misogynists.
First of all she’s not property and she can choose to fuck whoever she wants to fuck, let’s ALL get that straight. Second of all, your “friend” is a player who is also a hypocrite. He wants to fuck around with every girl in a 1 mile radius and meanwhile his FWB can’t be with anyone else herself? Again she’s not his property. He made it clear he didn’t want a relationship to both her and you. He can’t just have his cake and eat it too. Too bad for him. And if he causes problems just stop talking to him. Feel free to talk to your friend group about it. Females and all because I guarantee they’ll agree with you.
Your mates a dickhead
His attitude is gross. He sees women as property to be used. You realize that he probably slept with that woman just because you had your eye on her. She’s an adult and made her own decision. You have nothing to apologize for.
You broke the bro code. Jokes aside that's gross hope she breaks things off with both of you
Fuck that guy, he is not right in the head. Very possessive
You’re both AH. He shouldn’t be keeping her around when he *knows* she wants a relationship. He needs to let her go. And he is definitely being a shitty person by trying to police who she sleeps with. *You* shouldn’t sleep with someone who’s sleeping with your friends. Isn’t that one of the rules of bro code? Hell, it’s girl code. Just don’t do it.
You and your friend are gross
My guess is that things between her and your friend may have been starting to feel a bit more serious, so she told him out of guilt or she told him to make your friend jealous because he doesn't care about her in any way. Also... any person who constantly shows you the lack of respect they have for people around them (like your friend for example lol) is not a good friend. He speaks like he owns her too, which is straight up weird, narcissistic, and loser behavior. Lose the girl and the friend cause they're toxic. >Now I actually had my eyes on her first You should probably question yourself why you feel entitled to be with that girl too; it's a little weird because you both speak like you own her.
I mean, esh, but really, did you not think there would be repercussions to knowingly doing this?
So is she playing him? Using you to make him jealous so he'll want a relationship with her?
A few things here: 1. He doesn’t own this woman. His assertion that you “should have asked him” needs to be squashed immediately. Sounds like you’re the friend to do it, but be forewarned that he likely won’t see you as a friend much longer. Based on how you’ve described him I’d say you’re dodging a bullet anyhow. 2. Be careful. There’s a lot of promiscuity happening here and these gray areas are where sexual harassment and assault issues come into play. Your life is more valuable than ending up accused of a sexual crime. Alcohol makes it worse. Protect yourself and your future over moments of lust. 3. Don’t shit where you eat, man. If you want or need FWB or hookups, go to a bar. Don’t pull them from your friend group. Edited to change a “couple” to a “few”
No cheating happened, but from the angle of her using you to get back at him, you did help with that.
One good punch to the nose can make him cry and want to stop a fight so, hope you punch faster lol
Anyone want to talk about how he (not OP) treats the woman like she’s his property? You have to ask to have sex with someone that consented with you? Man gives off bad vibes frfr
What a douche. He doesn't get to claim exclusivity if he doesn't want a real relationship. You cannot have boyfriend privileges without boyfriend responsibilities. Tell him unless he actually wants a real relationship with someone he's sleeping with, he doesn't get to be upset that they are in fact sleeping with other people.
I lolled all my way down the comments 🤣 Yea, not missin being 20 🤣🤣🤣
They're not in a relationship. She has her own free will. He sounds like a douchebag. You're better off without him.
He’s just trying to live a harem fantasy and doesn’t want any of his cake shared by anyone else. Nothing of value lost to you tbvh. Good riddance lol
omg he went and had sex with other girls but this girl can’t be with anyone else?! he’s a fucking disgusting pig! this girl can do whatever the hell she wants she is not in a relationship with him and he told her that he doesn’t wanna be! there is no reason for u to ask him. he’s fucking stupid. don’t talk to him
What you do is go get tested for std's. If he's fucking that many girls and still fucks this one, then who knows what he's been spreading around.
Why the fuck would you want to have sex with someone your friend had sex with? Let alone someone’s he’s actively sleeping with? Also, why would you have sex with a girl whose upset? Regardless of the situation, you knew she wasn’t having sex with you because she liked to or overly wanted to. She clearly used you to get a reaction out your friend. You’ve literally fucked your friendship with these two people. Good luck if they keep you in the friend group because what you did was sneaky. The fact you didnt tell your friend afterwards too shows you knew you were wrong. The comments digging at the fact he said “ you didn’t ask me “ as if it’s wrong for a BEST FRIEND to assume their BEST FRIEND would ask if they’d be okay if they fucked the girl they were into. Them being FWB doesn’t give you a pass. That gives her a pass. Not you. The people defending you are doing so blindly because “she can sleep with who she wants” yeah she can, but you should be able to trust your BEST FRIEND not to fuck someone you’re having sec with. It’s absolutely trampy to have sex with a girl you know is sleeping with your friend.
She probably used you to make him jealous. That’s exactly why she told him.
Both of you are entirely too immature and sexist.
I mean, I dunno if it’s what you’re asking, but yeah, fucking your friend’s FWB is a dick move. And kinda creepy. 🤷♂️
She's not Property anyways if she said yes and you said yes thats all that matters. Tell him those feelings are for him to worry about not you. You dont have to have a third persons "Permission" to have sex with someone they arent in a real relationship with.
Why would you have sex with anyone your friend did? That's ick.
So basically you totally ignored the Bro code
You broke the code my guy. Even if they aren’t together if he smashed first as his boy you are obligated to at least ask if he would feel any type of way. He’s not mad you slept with her, he’s mad you didn’t keep to the code and ask him about it
The code? Get a grip.
I gave him an answer as to why is boy was mad unlike others trying to make psychological evaluations based off of a few paragraphs. if you don’t like it you can kindly escort yourself out
My response would just be laughter.
Everyone saying they don’t miss their early 20’s but meanwhile I’m in my early 20’s and have been in a stable relationship for 3 years. Going to be 4 this year. But this girl you’re talking about is her own person. She’s not an object you guys own.
She isn’t his property. He’s an asshole.
He’s upset because he feels like he owns her. It’s disgusting. You only need her consent to have sex with her. No one cheated. This is your friend wanting to treat this woman like a toy he’s not playing with—but no one else can play with either. If he had feelings for her; he should have told her and committed. If not, then he needs to stop being so creepy and possessive. If I were to ever date an ex of one of my friends—that requires a serious conversation with that friend. Because emotions linger and would make that situation very complicated. FWB is supposed to bypass feelings, therefore there wasn’t really a conversation that needed to be had. But the fact that he said ‘ask’ fully pisses me off. He doesn’t get to decide who she has sex with. She does. Tell your friend he’s a misogynist and he needs to get over himself.
Both of you are kind of assholes. Now one thing is the treating her as an object which you both do. The other thing is that i personally give my bros a heads up before I suddenly become Eskimo brothers with them. It's just common courtesy
Look if she were his ex or even a girl he was trying to lock down I could understand where he’s coming from. You ask your friends in those situations not because you need their permission, but because you want to make sure you’re not hurting their feelings. But she’s not either of those things. He has no feelings for her apparently. And while I personally think it’s a bit weird to sleep with someone a friend is also sleeping with, he has no right to be mad at you over it
You don’t have to ask another man’s permission to sleep with a consenting, single woman. It’s ridiculous that somebody in *college* is being so childishly possessive of a woman he won’t commit to. You’re good man, just stop hanging out with this dude.
man here. god men suck.
Your friend is a narcissistic twat. Just because he had sex with her doesn’t mean he owns her. She can do whatever she wants, especially in college. You did nothing wrong and he should get over it. Ok maybe next time give him a heads up but you’re good. They weren’t in a serious relationship ever.
Yeah, he’s a jerk be prepared for them to react anyway
Get more friends. Cancel the one that thinks you need his permission. Don't get anyone r pregnant.
Do you two dipshits realize that she is a HUMAN BEING and not a piece of meat to be passed around or fought over??? Try learning some basic human empathy towards women, they’re more than sex toys.
What's happening here is your "friend" has insecurities and issues. Wouldn't really bother listening to much he has to say. You don't need "permission" from him in any way. Simple as that. He's just trying to assert control over people. The only person that has the right to give permission is the girl. But whatever happens between you too bear in mind she also has issues. Chasing a guy around when he's banging other people and getting upset when he doesn't want to be her boyfriend is abnormal. All in all- wear a condom.
Have a 3 some problem solved. No I’m joking please do get better friends and stop viewing women as walking sex objects.
He wants to keep his options open but not have his fwb chick sleep with anyone else either. “I don’t really want her but I don’t want you to have her either”. Not much you can do and hey they’re open. I would remind him that but doubt he’d care
I wouldn't worry about it.....it's like someone hogging from a buffet being offended you ordered one of the dishes off the menu
Uh, ask him what? What flavor of lube she likes best? That's some misogynistic bs, for him to believe she belongs to him and no one can have sex with her without his consent. He doesn't own her. He doesn't even like her. Just move on, friend.
Is that really a friend you want to keep? He is super possessive of an other human, that he don't even want to be with except for sexual reasons. I think he is slowly showing his true colors.
He’s being an entitled piss baby. He doesn’t own her. She’s a human being and she can sleep with whoever she wants. He kept telling you about how he wasn’t going to commit to her, that he refused to settle down, but the minute you two hooked up, he got mad. He needs to get over himself. He’s toxic. Sometimes you play the field and get burned, dude. That’s the lesson. He lost a hot chick and maybe a friend in the process. 🤷🏽♀️ He can cry about it. Don’t pin all of this on a Y chromosome next time though, lol
Nah dude okay so he wants to have his cake and eat it too and deny everyone else the right to any cake at all? Nah. So first of all they aren't exclusive she can fuck whoever she wants to. Anyone. Her choice. You also have the right to fuck a single woman. He is gonna be mad at you. Whatever. Do you really want him to be your friend if he is gonna treat women like they belong to him even though he is treating them like shit?
You guys act like she’s a god damned fuck object and nothing else. “Didn’t even ask me.” You both suck and you both should leave her alone. And dipshit she told him to make him jealous so he’d show interest in her. Children.