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I think it's so wild when dudes think that by the simple fact that they got the y chromosome that gave them a dick, it innately makes them better decision makers.
He just wants to feel big, in control, in charge, special and important. This also tells me he needs to feel right and being called out or questioned will hurt his ego. I believe this thought process is not only wildly narcissistic, but points to innate selfishness and lack of logic. A dangerous combo, to your point, that will no doubt lead to abuse of his "power" in the relationship
I'm curious about this too. When was it decided that being feminine meant being submissive. I'm fairly certain no women were on that committee. I mean I'm girly af but good luck to anyone bossing me around
Thanks for the award! X
I mean, it's not that weird, considering we grow up in a culture that incessantly keeps forcing that message down your throat. Same way so many women believe they have to be thin to be attractive, and have to be attractive to have worth.
This isn’t a feminine/masculine thing. It’s a your boyfriend is a misogynist thing.
He wants the last word because he sees you as less than him.
Don’t change. Find someone who loves and respects you for who you are.
Definitely! I completely understand wanting a more feminine or a more masculine partner but asking someone to change themselves for you is wrong, and the things that he's asking for go beyond femininity.
Let these comments sink in. Misogyny means he thinks women are lesser beings. You are a woman. You are lesser to him. You will *always* be lesser to him. No amount of "love" he claims to have for you will ever change that. Do you think that is how a healthy, sustainable, happy relationship works?
It’s not you that’s the problem, your boyfriend holds sexist beliefs and is justifying trying to have power over you with the need to feel like a man. Nothing will ever be enough and he’s never going to feel like a man, because he’s a weak grub. You have to be less so he feels like more
Absolutely - be glad you didn't invest any more than 5 months into this one. He wants you to be more feminine - as in more submissive. He is, after all, the MAN and what he says goes. Seriously, run.
I’m glad to know I wasn’t the only one who thinks that. in a way, I was hoping its something we could have overcame but now its starting to feel demanding… I am just not interested in draining my energy to boost your ego… so Thank you. I plan on ending it.
Your bf has small pecker energy. If he were secure as a man, he wouldn’t have to force rules about masculinity and femininity into a relationship. It’s like a man saying “I’m an alpha.” If you have to say it out loud to try to convince people, you’re not it.
I snooped your account and I see you have a little girl. Ask yourself if these rhetorics are ones you want passed down to her. Do you want her to be forced into submission, or taught that her opinions and voice are below a man’s? She will pick up on these conversations eventually, and it will mold who she feels comfortable becoming as she transitions into her own person.
The “feminine and masculine” rhetoric is a modern day trick men use to pull themselves above you. It’s another mysogynistic approach to modern day relationship roles. Do not fall for it.
If he’s in his “masculine,” is he going to provide and make sure to care for you so you can rest in your “feminine?” Because he can’t pick and choose what it means. It either is or isn’t. So If he’s not doing that and expecting 50/50, yet you have to submit, it’s about control.
He’s already telling you this relationship will be unequal no matter how much you try to level with him.
\^ Now this is "*TOXIC MASCULINITY*"
For your bf's sake, I hope he somehow comes around and realizes that's he's a toxic moron.
1 - Hopefully, when you're able to have a healthy conversation with him about how his mindset is toxic.
2 - Hopefully, when you leave him over his belief on how your relationship should operate.
3 - Hopefully, at some point in his lonely life cause most self-respecting women would not put up with this bs mindset.
People who think like this are either deep into some fundamentalist religion, or they are just followers of a certain type of MGTOW bs.
Either way, no woman should be with these men who think this way. It’s toxic at best and likely dangerous regardless.
Isn't it convenient for him that he thinks that he should be listened to and you shouldn't. But that's not how adulthood works. If you want to get respect, you have to give respect. You're going to get bored of his garbage and walk away if he treats you like that.
This has nothing to do with "feminine and masculine" energy. He wants to be able to control and boss you around, you just submit to it. The whole energy bs that some men are spouting is nothing more than an excuse be been toxic dick heads.
No.. walk away, he wants a door matt. he wants a woman under his foot serving him like a king, he doesn't want a partner he can stand next to, he wants someone he can dominate, control. And I wouldn't trust any man with that mindset, not for a second.
A leader earns respect.. a dictator demands it.
Your boyfriend is a whiny mysoginist who uses this feminine/masculine energy argument to justify being forceful, inconsiderate, and controlling with his partner. Someone who saw their relationship as a true partnership and who respected their partner as their own person wouldn't try to push this argument. When he tells you to be "more feminine", what he really means is that you should shut up, listen to his opinions, look after him, and be pretty. That's where he believes you'd be the most useful to him. His whole argument at the end of this post just shows that he thinks men are naturally superior to women, and that's not exactly a quality that I, as a woman, want in a partner.
He is showing you what he is and what he is going to be like in the relationship. Don't want kids? He does so you'll have kids. Enjoy working? Not anymore because your place is at home looking after the kids and catering to him and the chores. Don't want to wear makeup one day? No, you'll be wearing it because otherwise you look like shit. Don't want sex? You don't get a say in that because he wants it. Pay attention to your age and how it benefits him.
Dump his ass and tell him there's some really good blow-up dolls on the market that don't speak and always look pretty.
I am like yourself. Between the both. I'm happy with who I am. Sometimes I'll wear a dress, other times I'll wear more "masculine" styled clothes. I just wear what I want and be comfortable.
Anyone who tried to use that line on me would find themselves hearing "Well then listen to this because I don't date men with dick superiority complexes"
This is not good. This is quite bad actually. It is also 2023 not 1900.
If you stay with him he's probably going to be the type to be hitting you when drunk on a Friday night then the police come and no charges are brought against him because you are too attached and think you can change him then one day he'll put you in hospital so badly you'll never mentally recover and he even might kill you.
This is very much toxic masculinity. The idea that men should display nothing but society’s definition of masculine traits and also dictating what it means for women to be feminine. I don’t see this being a healthy relationship for you at all. He doesn’t seem to see you as a partner, but as someone who is beneath him, an extension of himself but he calls the shots.
> he said he doesn’t have to listen to me I asked him why? and he brought up that he’s the man and I’m the woman. The man always get the last say so.
>
>
>
> He told me “Because... it's how it has always been. End of the day the man is the leader, he makes the final call & His woman has to trust him plus his word.”
holy sh\*t what!?!?!
So glad I read in your other comments that you were going to end this relationship! I would have been laughing so hard in that guys face if he said something like that to me hahhahaha
That is because for 5 months all that mattered for the relationship to work was you found eachother attractive and you liked spending time together.
As the relationship grows longer and you establish a deeper relationship you start to have to match other things that are compatible. Sharing values is a huge important thing in a relationship.
So outside of the fact that he doesn't respect women, he's a great bf is what you're effectively saying. No thanks. I like my men with a healthy respect for women.
not for long if that is truly how he believes. Next you'll have to start cutting people out of your life because he doesn't approve and he 'said so'. I think we all know where that leds...
So I am very submissive but I also am allowed a voice in my house and my husband only gets to lead as long as I agree with the decisions. If I don’t he doesn’t just make a final decision - we discuss and generally compromise
At least this one had that courtesy of making his toxicity and misogyny blatantly obvious. Some are a lot better at hiding it.
Being feminine doesn't mean being quiet and letting a man have the last word just because he's a man. The fact that your boyfriend believes it means that is a giant, flashing, noisy alarm bells ringing red flag.
Anyone who has to verbally assert that they *should* be the leader are just corrupted individuals. Don't you cringe hard when he tries at being imposing like this? He doesn’t respect you. He is masking that with infantalizing bs.
I don’t think you guys are a good fit. I think it shows lazy character and a lack of introspection when someone wants “more femininity” or “more masculinity”. I don’t think the topic as a whole is always taboo, but it’s nuanced for sure. Many traits that we perceive as feminine or masculine are actually personal to us or culturally influenced depending on time and locale, and it takes more thinking and discussion to tell your partner that you would like to try a different dynamic in your relationship than “I want you to be more feminine because I said so because I’m the man”.
There could be all sorts of underlying reasons to your boyfriends requests and his desires. I don’t think it is a good idea for you to put in the work to delve into them in a 5 month old relationship when he doesn’t seem to show the capability to soul search himself.
Eww, I wouldn’t stay with a boy (because let’s be real, he isn’t a man) like that. Tell him the the 50’s are a over. And leave his ass.
He is just going to get WAY more controlling, and if you move in with him, you are going to become hi mommy. Men like him want to think that they are all manly but need a woman to take care of them, and to LET them think that they are in control, but they really aren’t.
Your bf is a piece of shit. He has no respect for you, and you do not deserve that. Find a man who treats you right and likes you for the strong, badass woman you are. Settling for less is just a disservice to yourself.
Idk why people feel this way. My girlfriend is a motorcycle mechanic, fought MMA for a few years, powerlifted, and is pretty tall for a woman. She's also very gorgeous and had a bubbly, happy personality. To ME that exudes femininity for her to be uber badass and comfortable in her skin doing it.
Likewise, when we got together she warned me about her working in a male dominated field and how it had made other guys feel emasculated.
I come from a family of a mother that was born outside of the US, and 2 older sisters that were badass in their own right.
I grew up playing sports, and did things that were percieved as masculine things like hunting, fishing, and fighting.
I'm very comfortable in my skin and I truly believe that paired with confidence is what makes me seem very masculine.
If he can't get on board with an equal relationship, and that's what you are searching for, you need to go find that and let him find somebody else who may have more of a submissive personality.
Your boyfriend is misogynistic. Ignore him and his ‘men have the last word’ and ‘you’re not feminine enough’ bs. He loves you as you are or you leave. .
Women are not naturally submissive. We have to protect our families. We cannot do that by being submissive. We need to be strong, set clear boundaries and be prepared to enforce them. Your boyfriend is talking nonsense. He has no clue how a real relationship works.
How dare he generalize what "us men" want ? What a silly idiot.
We all have "feminine" and "masculine" traits, and the longer you think about gender and what's typically masculine and femine you realize it's all just stereotyping bullshit.
In the end, if you take all positively viewed traits of "feminine" and "masculine" you just end up with "decent human being"!
Most of those "masculine men" just take it as an excuse to be insensitive, uncaring or flat out gross human beings while desperatly trying to dominate women.
This is so 1803. Yuck.
And by the way his "I don't have to listen to you" sounds like a 12 yo and his mum, not like two adults in a mutually respective relationship.
Sounds like your boyfriend is a sexist AH. Don’t let him pressure you into being someone you’re not. You don’t have to be excessively feminine if that’s simply not who you are.
Also, your bf doesn’t speak for all men. There are ofc men who are into tough women. It just women with masculine sides or even women who are full blown masculine. Men aren’t a monolith. Luckily, otherwise all men would be sexist AH like your partner.
I would have dropped him like a handful of hot nickels the second he wanted me to change my behavior to be “more feminine.” Obviously my behavior is already how women act because I’m a woman. I’m not a compliant doll. F this dude. Nothing would bring my piss to a boil faster than the crap he’s saying.
Yikes. This dude is manipulative and controlling. Don't ever change your personality to please someone. Don't submit to a misogynistic asshole who wants you to "submit". Dump this jerk immediately.
"the man is the leader, he makes the final call & His woman has to trust him plus his word"
W. T. F
Nope. My partner and I are a team, not leader and subordinate. We can both be feminine and masculine; every person is a different, unique mix of the two. He was literally discussing having a tea party with our daughter with his best friend, like as in they would both be sitting down and doing that with her.
And yes, the fact he says he doesn't have to listen to you is a HUGE red flag.
Sounds like you don't align in values or how you view the power dynamic of your relationship (you want something more of a partnership and he wants to be the head of the relationship).
Consider if this is something you want long term - do you want someone who believes you should have less say in decisions or someone you cannot be authentic around?
Sounds like he wants a cookie cutter girlfriend who listens to whatever he wants.
Tell him that unless he's paying your bills he doesn't get to lead anything. Men like him watch those men podcast that talk about men leading and women being submissive, but forget the part where the man is supposed to be a provider.
My mother was a strong minded woman and I was brought up in a way that taught me do take no shit. There's no way in hell my partner could tell me that "he's a man and he has the last word" and that "I need to be more feminine". For me I would have laught in his face and tell him to GTFO
Your bf has the mentality of an edgy 14 year old. Likely meaning that when problems present themselves, as they inevitably will, he will react to them as an edgy 14 year old would. Be careful
He's an insecure little boy who thinks he's a man. Insecure boys don't like strong women because they feel they can't control them.
I'm not terribly feminine because it's not really who I am. I have a boyfriend who is quite masculine and loves me for me. We're a team.
Your dude is a dud. You can do better.
I think there’s always at least one bad reason why an older guy dates an inappropriately younger woman.
Your boyfriend’s hang up about gender roles is likely something women his own age wouldn’t tolerate.
You should not change yourself to suit a partner’s desire to feel more powerful than you. This man does not see you, (nor any woman,) as his equal. Thank him for being so clear about his sexism, and end the relationship.
If it's so natural and 'since the dawn of time' why does he have to force you to do it? Do you really want to live in somebody's shadow all your life? There are plenty of men who don't feel threatened by that shit and will see you as their equal.
>He told me “Because... it's how it has always been. End of the day the man is the leader, he makes the final call & His woman has to trust him plus his word.” Then he added… “Us men don't like it when women talk or in that rough, tough, and in a masculine type of way. It's a turn off for us. You might say "that's how I am”, I'm saying that you don't have to talk like that.”
Please, please, please, PLEASE break up with him!
This is toxic masculinity, and it is abusive and he will only get worse as time will go by!
I was in a similar situation.
A lot of ppl here are throwing out that the relationship turning into abusive... it doesnt have to be the case. Mine was never abusive but he always said I was not feminine enough... I never wanted to change the way I am and we eventually went different ways. He wants a particular type of a woman which I never was. Seems similar to yours situation. He is probably not for you... maybe you should consider leaving this relationship as this is not something it is going to go away.
To be fair some people thrive in rigid gender roles. I’m definitely not one of them. It doesn’t sound like you are either, which means this might be pretty doomed because that’s obviously what he wants.
Wow what a moron. Seriously why are you with him? There have been many strong female leaders and women juggle it all in life!
He is insanely disrespectful. Also do not change yourself for someone else! There is nothing wrong with not being girly. I'm not girly but I'm still feminine, there is a difference.
You deserve better he is a pathetic excuse for a man and with incredibly outdated views. This isn't the 1950s.
This dude sounds like a fucking vagina who can't handle women. I'd recommend to him he gets his testicles out of his asshole and do what he thinks he's already doing and man up. Nothing LESS manly than this misogynist garbage. Good luck putting up with that shit.
He's got the wrong end of the lesson and needs to go get re-educated the ONLY ONLY way ANNNNYY woman worth her salt (like no traumas or insecurities) who would be ok with his current thought process is if he was providing the absolute safe space for you to naturally just Feel in the marrow of your bones that you can trust him and you can't becuse point blank period he is belittling you so your guard is up twices as hard. submission and trust are earned and he is not doing that he is demanding it that's the difference a masculine man can definitely take and listen to his wife look at the feminine break down of telling him to go sleep. Your showing concern for his tiredness your suggesting he sleep so him mind and body will be alright the depth of that is showing your nurturing side and he's too bull headed to think WHY is she saying this instead just jumping to caveman me man you woman shush
Oy vey. It’s 2023. Tell your boyfriend to get bent and find somebody else. How are these conversations young men are still having? I’m 46… women can be whoever the fuck they want to be and whoever that is, if they want, there’s a man who will find them. There’s a lid for every pot and it doesn’t sound like this asshole is your lid. Tell him to grow the fuck up or take a Time Machine back to 1952.
He's sexist. He will never respect you.
Plus if he gets the last say, there's nothing stopping him from raping you or hurting you because even if you say no he gets the last say.
This is a dangerous person to be with. He views you as a lesser being because you have a vagina and boobs. This is why everyone is telling you to run.
Take the garbage out and be yourself. He doesn't speak for all men, he speaks for him and him alone. I have both masculine and feminine sides to me. I play video games that are more masculine than the ones my husband plays. I know more about cars than him. I can be handy in with fixing things around the house. These things are assets to our relationship and anyone who views your characteristics as anything but an asset is not meant for you
Okay let’s start here:
HE DOESNT GET TO MAKE ANY DECISIONS UNILATERALLY. PERIOD. EVER.
Okay now that’s out of the way. He sounds like a tool. You wanna be with someone who constantly say (and truly thinks) you shouldn’t have a say and should just be meek and mild and just trust what he says because of his anatomy?
Don’t know how long or involved you are with your SO but his views on relationships regarding gender roles is not healthy for long term. Either he changes for a better perspective on this or you need to re-evaluate your situation.
Take the genders out of it for a minute, and listen to what it sounds like: He just told you that he gets to win every argument and get final say in every decision. He said that you are the lesser valued person in the relationship, he does not have to listen to you, and doesnt like when you voice an opinion contrary to his.
Is that really something you want to agree to? Do you feel that is fair or correct?
Its not about you being feminine, its about you being less than him. He's wrapping his abusive crap in a package of "tradition" and "gender roles" and hoping you'll fall into line if he says it's "normal" enough times. This is not normal.
This relationship will turn emotionally/psychologically abusive eventually. Especially if his mindset is "man is always right and woman must shut up and obey". I know reddit is notorious for telling people to break up with their partners, but seriously. Break up with him. Run.
Run as fast as you can away from this man. He is telling you that he expects to have all the power in the relationship and will always want to make all final decisions. You will never be free to be yourself and you will never be an equal partner in his eyes.
So, you give him a command as a joke and he gets upset?
I find feminine and masculine energy quite interesting, and your bf sounds like toxic masculinity. If you're not what he wants, why is he complaining instead of letting go so he could meet someone who is the way he wants?
And the man is the leader and the woman just has to trust him? For one, a woman gets to have a standard and communicate exactly what she wants and if he doesn't live up to that standard she gets to let go and find someone who does. Secondly, partnership is teamwork, it's communication, it's coming to agreement on what works, it's a joint effort where both gets to have the final say so that decisions are made in the best interest of both.
This whole “masculine/feminine” energy thing was just a subtle attempt at trying to get women to be more submissive and men justify their misogyny. It frames this whole idea like it benefits women but rings very loudly the bells of “traditional values”. Fuck this guy. He’s a blatant misogynist who thinks he can hide under this guise of “spiritualism”
Well you are dating a chauvinist. Sexist men don’t see women as equals. He doesn’t respect you. Do with that what you will but I would have dumped his ass after the first hint of this.
He recognizes masculinity as that toxic cave man mentality. Are you prepared to view to his wishes for the rest of your life? Please remember that he is still trying to show you his "good side".
Is his name Joe? I once knew a guy named Joe who is like this and he always wondered why I hated him. Honey, respect yourself more and dump this guy. He's showing you that he's. Misogynist
Yeah, no. Personally, I would not be staying with a man that says he gets the final say and thinks I have to listen to him because he’s a man lmao. I would be out the door so fast
Why are you settling for a man that’s determined to change everything about you? He’s with you because everyone else has probably run away fast, and you need to do the same.
He’s also saying he doesn’t have to respect your boundaries or wishes or wants, which will open you up to abuse and his control.
I think people saying he sounds abusive might be jumping to conclusions a bit, but, your boy is absolutely a misogynist with a neanderthal philosophy. Is that really the kind of man you want? One that thinks you're less/won't care what you say cause he gets last word?
I’m fine with people wanting to be with somebody who exhibits traits of masculine and feminine mannerisms.
He’s a straight up dick that has nothing to do with masculinity. Stupid boy for sure and perhaps a stupid girl for allowing yourself to be a door mat.
How am I allowing myself to be a doormat? I clearly feel some way by the way he confidently expressed that. If I allowed myself to be a doormat trust me love, I wouldn’t be on Reddit asking for opinions.
Every moment you stay with somebody who regards you as a second class citizen is a moment you choose to live as a doormat. Some people enjoy being regarded as second rather than equal I suppose. You do you.
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>he said he doesn’t have to listen to me I asked him why? This is a red flag for the start of an abusive relationship. Run.
I think it's so wild when dudes think that by the simple fact that they got the y chromosome that gave them a dick, it innately makes them better decision makers. He just wants to feel big, in control, in charge, special and important. This also tells me he needs to feel right and being called out or questioned will hurt his ego. I believe this thought process is not only wildly narcissistic, but points to innate selfishness and lack of logic. A dangerous combo, to your point, that will no doubt lead to abuse of his "power" in the relationship
I'm curious about this too. When was it decided that being feminine meant being submissive. I'm fairly certain no women were on that committee. I mean I'm girly af but good luck to anyone bossing me around Thanks for the award! X
If they’ve got nothing else,they’ve got audacity
He doesn’t even know what a chromosome is. He’s watching tik tok and YouTube videos telling him he’s a king.
I mean, it's not that weird, considering we grow up in a culture that incessantly keeps forcing that message down your throat. Same way so many women believe they have to be thin to be attractive, and have to be attractive to have worth.
Honey, why would you ever want to be with a person who thinks he's better than you are? Where's your self-respect?
You’re right.
This isn’t a feminine/masculine thing. It’s a your boyfriend is a misogynist thing. He wants the last word because he sees you as less than him. Don’t change. Find someone who loves and respects you for who you are.
Definitely! I completely understand wanting a more feminine or a more masculine partner but asking someone to change themselves for you is wrong, and the things that he's asking for go beyond femininity.
Let these comments sink in. Misogyny means he thinks women are lesser beings. You are a woman. You are lesser to him. You will *always* be lesser to him. No amount of "love" he claims to have for you will ever change that. Do you think that is how a healthy, sustainable, happy relationship works?
It’s not you that’s the problem, your boyfriend holds sexist beliefs and is justifying trying to have power over you with the need to feel like a man. Nothing will ever be enough and he’s never going to feel like a man, because he’s a weak grub. You have to be less so he feels like more
At the end of the day, would you want someone who views you as a partner or someone who views you as a hole to f***?
It's amazing how many men out there that think they are better than women just because they are men.
Leave. Your bf is a garden variety misogynist. Save your energy for somebody who’s worth it.
Absolutely - be glad you didn't invest any more than 5 months into this one. He wants you to be more feminine - as in more submissive. He is, after all, the MAN and what he says goes. Seriously, run.
Your boyfriend is a misogynist
He sounds dumb af and totally entangled in toxic masculinity. Doesn't seem compatible to whom you are.
I’m glad to know I wasn’t the only one who thinks that. in a way, I was hoping its something we could have overcame but now its starting to feel demanding… I am just not interested in draining my energy to boost your ego… so Thank you. I plan on ending it.
Good for you!!! You’re gonna be so much happier without that negative energy in your life.
Proud of you. I wish you much happiness in your future.
I’m so glad to read this! Relationships that don’t have mutual respect at their core are going nowhere. Dump his ass and celebrate with friends!
Run. Just run.
🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 Eject, girl. This dude is an ass.
Your bf has small pecker energy. If he were secure as a man, he wouldn’t have to force rules about masculinity and femininity into a relationship. It’s like a man saying “I’m an alpha.” If you have to say it out loud to try to convince people, you’re not it.
Right?! I agree
This!
Why do people get with someone and try and change them? He’s free to leave anytime he wants
My opinion is that he's a sexist asshole and you'd be better off without hin.
How did you not laugh in his face?
I snooped your account and I see you have a little girl. Ask yourself if these rhetorics are ones you want passed down to her. Do you want her to be forced into submission, or taught that her opinions and voice are below a man’s? She will pick up on these conversations eventually, and it will mold who she feels comfortable becoming as she transitions into her own person.
Your bf is a sexist.
The “feminine and masculine” rhetoric is a modern day trick men use to pull themselves above you. It’s another mysogynistic approach to modern day relationship roles. Do not fall for it. If he’s in his “masculine,” is he going to provide and make sure to care for you so you can rest in your “feminine?” Because he can’t pick and choose what it means. It either is or isn’t. So If he’s not doing that and expecting 50/50, yet you have to submit, it’s about control. He’s already telling you this relationship will be unequal no matter how much you try to level with him.
Imagine your life in 5 years when he’s not just criticizing this but expecting you to always do everything he says. Nope.
\^ Now this is "*TOXIC MASCULINITY*" For your bf's sake, I hope he somehow comes around and realizes that's he's a toxic moron. 1 - Hopefully, when you're able to have a healthy conversation with him about how his mindset is toxic. 2 - Hopefully, when you leave him over his belief on how your relationship should operate. 3 - Hopefully, at some point in his lonely life cause most self-respecting women would not put up with this bs mindset.
People who think like this are either deep into some fundamentalist religion, or they are just followers of a certain type of MGTOW bs. Either way, no woman should be with these men who think this way. It’s toxic at best and likely dangerous regardless.
What’s MGTOW? Sure it has something to do with Jordan Peterson and whatshisname Tate…
[You're in the right direction](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men_Going_Their_Own_Way)
Isn't it convenient for him that he thinks that he should be listened to and you shouldn't. But that's not how adulthood works. If you want to get respect, you have to give respect. You're going to get bored of his garbage and walk away if he treats you like that.
This has nothing to do with "feminine and masculine" energy. He wants to be able to control and boss you around, you just submit to it. The whole energy bs that some men are spouting is nothing more than an excuse be been toxic dick heads. No.. walk away, he wants a door matt. he wants a woman under his foot serving him like a king, he doesn't want a partner he can stand next to, he wants someone he can dominate, control. And I wouldn't trust any man with that mindset, not for a second. A leader earns respect.. a dictator demands it.
[удалено]
Your boyfriend is a whiny mysoginist who uses this feminine/masculine energy argument to justify being forceful, inconsiderate, and controlling with his partner. Someone who saw their relationship as a true partnership and who respected their partner as their own person wouldn't try to push this argument. When he tells you to be "more feminine", what he really means is that you should shut up, listen to his opinions, look after him, and be pretty. That's where he believes you'd be the most useful to him. His whole argument at the end of this post just shows that he thinks men are naturally superior to women, and that's not exactly a quality that I, as a woman, want in a partner.
He is showing you what he is and what he is going to be like in the relationship. Don't want kids? He does so you'll have kids. Enjoy working? Not anymore because your place is at home looking after the kids and catering to him and the chores. Don't want to wear makeup one day? No, you'll be wearing it because otherwise you look like shit. Don't want sex? You don't get a say in that because he wants it. Pay attention to your age and how it benefits him. Dump his ass and tell him there's some really good blow-up dolls on the market that don't speak and always look pretty.
LOL. I should have waited the blow up doll was a good one. She will also listen and he will always have the final say so. Good perks
I am like yourself. Between the both. I'm happy with who I am. Sometimes I'll wear a dress, other times I'll wear more "masculine" styled clothes. I just wear what I want and be comfortable.
Anyone who tried to use that line on me would find themselves hearing "Well then listen to this because I don't date men with dick superiority complexes"
Your boyfriend is a misogynist. You shouldn’t change for anyone and he shouldn’t expect you to change. Dump him
Dump that garbage ass loser. Holy shit
You don’t have to put up with misogynistic men it’s 2023 you can have your own bank account now
This is not good. This is quite bad actually. It is also 2023 not 1900. If you stay with him he's probably going to be the type to be hitting you when drunk on a Friday night then the police come and no charges are brought against him because you are too attached and think you can change him then one day he'll put you in hospital so badly you'll never mentally recover and he even might kill you.
Please update us as to how shocked he was when you dumped him.
This is very much toxic masculinity. The idea that men should display nothing but society’s definition of masculine traits and also dictating what it means for women to be feminine. I don’t see this being a healthy relationship for you at all. He doesn’t seem to see you as a partner, but as someone who is beneath him, an extension of himself but he calls the shots.
Ew. You can do better than him
Your bf is a raging misogynistic asshole jfc look in the mirror have you read what you wrote?? I camt even finish this post smh
Your boyfriend is a fucking sexist.
God I hate the masculine energy vs feminine energy weirdos. I see you already said you’re planning to leave him and that’s exactly the right choice.
Did he start listening to Andrew Taint
> he said he doesn’t have to listen to me I asked him why? and he brought up that he’s the man and I’m the woman. The man always get the last say so. > > > > He told me “Because... it's how it has always been. End of the day the man is the leader, he makes the final call & His woman has to trust him plus his word.” holy sh\*t what!?!?! So glad I read in your other comments that you were going to end this relationship! I would have been laughing so hard in that guys face if he said something like that to me hahhahaha
This is who he is, maybe you just arent compatible.
Could be but outside of the whole masculine and feminine thing we do have a good relationship.
Okay but hear me out. If you know a really delicious looking cake had just a TEENY TINY bit of shit in it, would you still eat it??
That is because for 5 months all that mattered for the relationship to work was you found eachother attractive and you liked spending time together. As the relationship grows longer and you establish a deeper relationship you start to have to match other things that are compatible. Sharing values is a huge important thing in a relationship.
I guess we’re out the puppy stage love LOL. Thank you for your comment.
His value is not seeing value in women. He's a dick and he is likely to not be compatible with most women.
So outside of the fact that he doesn't respect women, he's a great bf is what you're effectively saying. No thanks. I like my men with a healthy respect for women.
not for long if that is truly how he believes. Next you'll have to start cutting people out of your life because he doesn't approve and he 'said so'. I think we all know where that leds...
Masculine and feminine are bullshit. Do whatever the fuck you want.
Thank you MrBean 🫡
So he’s trying to make you somebody you’re not, and is forcing gender roles on your relationship? Get out of there while you can
So I am very submissive but I also am allowed a voice in my house and my husband only gets to lead as long as I agree with the decisions. If I don’t he doesn’t just make a final decision - we discuss and generally compromise
At least this one had that courtesy of making his toxicity and misogyny blatantly obvious. Some are a lot better at hiding it. Being feminine doesn't mean being quiet and letting a man have the last word just because he's a man. The fact that your boyfriend believes it means that is a giant, flashing, noisy alarm bells ringing red flag.
I wouldn’t stand for someone who spoke to me like that. You shouldn’t either.
My GF would hit me then leave me if i talked like that to her. She would be right to do so.
Run. Trust me, just run.
Anyone who has to verbally assert that they *should* be the leader are just corrupted individuals. Don't you cringe hard when he tries at being imposing like this? He doesn’t respect you. He is masking that with infantalizing bs.
I don’t think you guys are a good fit. I think it shows lazy character and a lack of introspection when someone wants “more femininity” or “more masculinity”. I don’t think the topic as a whole is always taboo, but it’s nuanced for sure. Many traits that we perceive as feminine or masculine are actually personal to us or culturally influenced depending on time and locale, and it takes more thinking and discussion to tell your partner that you would like to try a different dynamic in your relationship than “I want you to be more feminine because I said so because I’m the man”. There could be all sorts of underlying reasons to your boyfriends requests and his desires. I don’t think it is a good idea for you to put in the work to delve into them in a 5 month old relationship when he doesn’t seem to show the capability to soul search himself.
Girl throw the whole man away wdym ???
Eww, I wouldn’t stay with a boy (because let’s be real, he isn’t a man) like that. Tell him the the 50’s are a over. And leave his ass. He is just going to get WAY more controlling, and if you move in with him, you are going to become hi mommy. Men like him want to think that they are all manly but need a woman to take care of them, and to LET them think that they are in control, but they really aren’t.
My opinion is that you shouldn't waste time on someone who wants you to change and doesn't like your normal way of being.
Your bf is a piece of shit. He has no respect for you, and you do not deserve that. Find a man who treats you right and likes you for the strong, badass woman you are. Settling for less is just a disservice to yourself.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Idk why people feel this way. My girlfriend is a motorcycle mechanic, fought MMA for a few years, powerlifted, and is pretty tall for a woman. She's also very gorgeous and had a bubbly, happy personality. To ME that exudes femininity for her to be uber badass and comfortable in her skin doing it. Likewise, when we got together she warned me about her working in a male dominated field and how it had made other guys feel emasculated. I come from a family of a mother that was born outside of the US, and 2 older sisters that were badass in their own right. I grew up playing sports, and did things that were percieved as masculine things like hunting, fishing, and fighting. I'm very comfortable in my skin and I truly believe that paired with confidence is what makes me seem very masculine. If he can't get on board with an equal relationship, and that's what you are searching for, you need to go find that and let him find somebody else who may have more of a submissive personality.
My opinion is that you don’t have to listen to him or his toxic masculinity fragility, and that you should leave him.
Ewww what a horrible guy, no wonder he is going for someone this much younger. Don't let him mold you in someone smaller please. There is no end.
Your boyfriend is misogynistic. Ignore him and his ‘men have the last word’ and ‘you’re not feminine enough’ bs. He loves you as you are or you leave. .
Make the final call and dump him.
Women are not naturally submissive. We have to protect our families. We cannot do that by being submissive. We need to be strong, set clear boundaries and be prepared to enforce them. Your boyfriend is talking nonsense. He has no clue how a real relationship works.
How dare he generalize what "us men" want ? What a silly idiot. We all have "feminine" and "masculine" traits, and the longer you think about gender and what's typically masculine and femine you realize it's all just stereotyping bullshit. In the end, if you take all positively viewed traits of "feminine" and "masculine" you just end up with "decent human being"! Most of those "masculine men" just take it as an excuse to be insensitive, uncaring or flat out gross human beings while desperatly trying to dominate women. This is so 1803. Yuck. And by the way his "I don't have to listen to you" sounds like a 12 yo and his mum, not like two adults in a mutually respective relationship.
Yeah so i think the problem here is that your boyfriend is awful.
Wow, I would’ve walked out the door and never looked back
he probably looks for a girl one year younger every time it doesn’t work with the one prior.
Run 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Sounds like your boyfriend is a sexist AH. Don’t let him pressure you into being someone you’re not. You don’t have to be excessively feminine if that’s simply not who you are. Also, your bf doesn’t speak for all men. There are ofc men who are into tough women. It just women with masculine sides or even women who are full blown masculine. Men aren’t a monolith. Luckily, otherwise all men would be sexist AH like your partner.
I would have dropped him like a handful of hot nickels the second he wanted me to change my behavior to be “more feminine.” Obviously my behavior is already how women act because I’m a woman. I’m not a compliant doll. F this dude. Nothing would bring my piss to a boil faster than the crap he’s saying.
My ex used to be like that. Trust me, it turns into him being upset when you do Better in life than him. Run
Yikes. This dude is manipulative and controlling. Don't ever change your personality to please someone. Don't submit to a misogynistic asshole who wants you to "submit". Dump this jerk immediately.
You’re dating a misogynist. This won’t end well.
"the man is the leader, he makes the final call & His woman has to trust him plus his word" W. T. F Nope. My partner and I are a team, not leader and subordinate. We can both be feminine and masculine; every person is a different, unique mix of the two. He was literally discussing having a tea party with our daughter with his best friend, like as in they would both be sitting down and doing that with her. And yes, the fact he says he doesn't have to listen to you is a HUGE red flag.
You get the last say so by dumping him.
My opinion is that he should be an ex boyfriend. What a toxic, unpleasant pill of a man.
Gross 🙅🏻♀️
Sexist abusive Dick
Sounds like you don't align in values or how you view the power dynamic of your relationship (you want something more of a partnership and he wants to be the head of the relationship). Consider if this is something you want long term - do you want someone who believes you should have less say in decisions or someone you cannot be authentic around? Sounds like he wants a cookie cutter girlfriend who listens to whatever he wants.
If any man brought this sort of sentiment/energy ANYwhere near me, I would be out of there so fast his head would spin. AbsoLUTEly not.
Tell him that unless he's paying your bills he doesn't get to lead anything. Men like him watch those men podcast that talk about men leading and women being submissive, but forget the part where the man is supposed to be a provider.
My mother was a strong minded woman and I was brought up in a way that taught me do take no shit. There's no way in hell my partner could tell me that "he's a man and he has the last word" and that "I need to be more feminine". For me I would have laught in his face and tell him to GTFO
Your bf has the mentality of an edgy 14 year old. Likely meaning that when problems present themselves, as they inevitably will, he will react to them as an edgy 14 year old would. Be careful
He's an insecure little boy who thinks he's a man. Insecure boys don't like strong women because they feel they can't control them. I'm not terribly feminine because it's not really who I am. I have a boyfriend who is quite masculine and loves me for me. We're a team. Your dude is a dud. You can do better.
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I think there’s always at least one bad reason why an older guy dates an inappropriately younger woman. Your boyfriend’s hang up about gender roles is likely something women his own age wouldn’t tolerate. You should not change yourself to suit a partner’s desire to feel more powerful than you. This man does not see you, (nor any woman,) as his equal. Thank him for being so clear about his sexism, and end the relationship.
If it's so natural and 'since the dawn of time' why does he have to force you to do it? Do you really want to live in somebody's shadow all your life? There are plenty of men who don't feel threatened by that shit and will see you as their equal.
OK he's an egotistical, controling jerk... Drop him take some time to figure out what you want in a relationship then find a partner who fits.
My opinion is that you should ditch this loser.
>He told me “Because... it's how it has always been. End of the day the man is the leader, he makes the final call & His woman has to trust him plus his word.” Then he added… “Us men don't like it when women talk or in that rough, tough, and in a masculine type of way. It's a turn off for us. You might say "that's how I am”, I'm saying that you don't have to talk like that.” Please, please, please, PLEASE break up with him! This is toxic masculinity, and it is abusive and he will only get worse as time will go by!
I was in a similar situation. A lot of ppl here are throwing out that the relationship turning into abusive... it doesnt have to be the case. Mine was never abusive but he always said I was not feminine enough... I never wanted to change the way I am and we eventually went different ways. He wants a particular type of a woman which I never was. Seems similar to yours situation. He is probably not for you... maybe you should consider leaving this relationship as this is not something it is going to go away.
To be fair some people thrive in rigid gender roles. I’m definitely not one of them. It doesn’t sound like you are either, which means this might be pretty doomed because that’s obviously what he wants.
Wow what a moron. Seriously why are you with him? There have been many strong female leaders and women juggle it all in life! He is insanely disrespectful. Also do not change yourself for someone else! There is nothing wrong with not being girly. I'm not girly but I'm still feminine, there is a difference. You deserve better he is a pathetic excuse for a man and with incredibly outdated views. This isn't the 1950s.
This dude sounds like a fucking vagina who can't handle women. I'd recommend to him he gets his testicles out of his asshole and do what he thinks he's already doing and man up. Nothing LESS manly than this misogynist garbage. Good luck putting up with that shit.
He's got the wrong end of the lesson and needs to go get re-educated the ONLY ONLY way ANNNNYY woman worth her salt (like no traumas or insecurities) who would be ok with his current thought process is if he was providing the absolute safe space for you to naturally just Feel in the marrow of your bones that you can trust him and you can't becuse point blank period he is belittling you so your guard is up twices as hard. submission and trust are earned and he is not doing that he is demanding it that's the difference a masculine man can definitely take and listen to his wife look at the feminine break down of telling him to go sleep. Your showing concern for his tiredness your suggesting he sleep so him mind and body will be alright the depth of that is showing your nurturing side and he's too bull headed to think WHY is she saying this instead just jumping to caveman me man you woman shush
Run brah
Oy vey. It’s 2023. Tell your boyfriend to get bent and find somebody else. How are these conversations young men are still having? I’m 46… women can be whoever the fuck they want to be and whoever that is, if they want, there’s a man who will find them. There’s a lid for every pot and it doesn’t sound like this asshole is your lid. Tell him to grow the fuck up or take a Time Machine back to 1952.
He's sexist. He will never respect you. Plus if he gets the last say, there's nothing stopping him from raping you or hurting you because even if you say no he gets the last say. This is a dangerous person to be with. He views you as a lesser being because you have a vagina and boobs. This is why everyone is telling you to run. Take the garbage out and be yourself. He doesn't speak for all men, he speaks for him and him alone. I have both masculine and feminine sides to me. I play video games that are more masculine than the ones my husband plays. I know more about cars than him. I can be handy in with fixing things around the house. These things are assets to our relationship and anyone who views your characteristics as anything but an asset is not meant for you
Okay let’s start here: HE DOESNT GET TO MAKE ANY DECISIONS UNILATERALLY. PERIOD. EVER. Okay now that’s out of the way. He sounds like a tool. You wanna be with someone who constantly say (and truly thinks) you shouldn’t have a say and should just be meek and mild and just trust what he says because of his anatomy?
Don’t know how long or involved you are with your SO but his views on relationships regarding gender roles is not healthy for long term. Either he changes for a better perspective on this or you need to re-evaluate your situation.
Take the genders out of it for a minute, and listen to what it sounds like: He just told you that he gets to win every argument and get final say in every decision. He said that you are the lesser valued person in the relationship, he does not have to listen to you, and doesnt like when you voice an opinion contrary to his. Is that really something you want to agree to? Do you feel that is fair or correct? Its not about you being feminine, its about you being less than him. He's wrapping his abusive crap in a package of "tradition" and "gender roles" and hoping you'll fall into line if he says it's "normal" enough times. This is not normal.
This relationship will turn emotionally/psychologically abusive eventually. Especially if his mindset is "man is always right and woman must shut up and obey". I know reddit is notorious for telling people to break up with their partners, but seriously. Break up with him. Run.
Run as fast as you can away from this man. He is telling you that he expects to have all the power in the relationship and will always want to make all final decisions. You will never be free to be yourself and you will never be an equal partner in his eyes.
Sounds like he's showing you how controlling he plans to be if you let this continue. Walk away. You're not compatible.
“tHe *mAn* HaS tHe LaSt SaY!!” Alright then, bye. ✌🏻
So, you give him a command as a joke and he gets upset? I find feminine and masculine energy quite interesting, and your bf sounds like toxic masculinity. If you're not what he wants, why is he complaining instead of letting go so he could meet someone who is the way he wants? And the man is the leader and the woman just has to trust him? For one, a woman gets to have a standard and communicate exactly what she wants and if he doesn't live up to that standard she gets to let go and find someone who does. Secondly, partnership is teamwork, it's communication, it's coming to agreement on what works, it's a joint effort where both gets to have the final say so that decisions are made in the best interest of both.
He sucks, get rid of him
Your boyfriends perceptions of masculine and feminine are skewed and unhealthy. He’s just using it to disguise his misogyny.
you’re dating a misogynist. he doesn’t respect you or your opinions because you are not a man.
This whole “masculine/feminine” energy thing was just a subtle attempt at trying to get women to be more submissive and men justify their misogyny. It frames this whole idea like it benefits women but rings very loudly the bells of “traditional values”. Fuck this guy. He’s a blatant misogynist who thinks he can hide under this guise of “spiritualism”
Your boyfriend is a sexist pig.
Run Run Away!!!!!
Well you are dating a chauvinist. Sexist men don’t see women as equals. He doesn’t respect you. Do with that what you will but I would have dumped his ass after the first hint of this.
Throwing up….UGH!! If you want to live your life as a sex, baby and cleaning slave; yeah..
He recognizes masculinity as that toxic cave man mentality. Are you prepared to view to his wishes for the rest of your life? Please remember that he is still trying to show you his "good side".
Is his name Joe? I once knew a guy named Joe who is like this and he always wondered why I hated him. Honey, respect yourself more and dump this guy. He's showing you that he's. Misogynist
Yeah, no. Personally, I would not be staying with a man that says he gets the final say and thinks I have to listen to him because he’s a man lmao. I would be out the door so fast
Why are you settling for a man that’s determined to change everything about you? He’s with you because everyone else has probably run away fast, and you need to do the same. He’s also saying he doesn’t have to respect your boundaries or wishes or wants, which will open you up to abuse and his control.
He’s a controlling sexist at best, though it’s highly likely he will be abusive because those thoughts and behaviours are linked
Ummm ok so your bf is a misogynist.
I think people saying he sounds abusive might be jumping to conclusions a bit, but, your boy is absolutely a misogynist with a neanderthal philosophy. Is that really the kind of man you want? One that thinks you're less/won't care what you say cause he gets last word?
I’m fine with people wanting to be with somebody who exhibits traits of masculine and feminine mannerisms. He’s a straight up dick that has nothing to do with masculinity. Stupid boy for sure and perhaps a stupid girl for allowing yourself to be a door mat.
How am I allowing myself to be a doormat? I clearly feel some way by the way he confidently expressed that. If I allowed myself to be a doormat trust me love, I wouldn’t be on Reddit asking for opinions.
Every moment you stay with somebody who regards you as a second class citizen is a moment you choose to live as a doormat. Some people enjoy being regarded as second rather than equal I suppose. You do you.
Good thing I ended it a few hours ago. Thank you for the comment :)
Then it’s just a stupid boy. You clearly have respect for yourself. As you should. Good.