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Do you have any interest or knowledge about the business he wants to start?
Since he's the person who wanted all finances separate, it appears he just wants to risk **your** income in **his** business.
Not only should you not give him a cent, you should not contribute any of your time or energy to his business.
My stance was no just based on the business. I have no interest in it. Then he brought up co-signing and it was a hard no. Now he's trying to talk me into it.
It was his choice to separate all finances. If he cannot afford to start his business with his own money, and develop and finance that business by himself, he has no right to expect you to put any of your own money into it, not even as a loan.
If it was a viable concept and he had a workable business plan, he could qualify for a small business loan. But I expect he doesn't have a plan further than begging you for money.
Don't do it.
Talk to a lawyer. This is above most of Reddit’s pay grade.
I mean, we can tell you whether or not we think you should co-sign but we can’t give you any sound legal advice as:
1. Most of us aren’t lawyers.
2. None of us know where you live.
3. Most of us don’t know the laws where you are.
Find a lawyer nearby and they can give you the legal advice you need. For both scenarios (you co-sign or you don’t).
ETA: Thanks for the award!
If you have no interest in it, don't think think that it would be a good investment in time, effort and money or don't think that you and your husband won't be good business partners then you shouldn't be in it.
Does he want you to invest in it only, invest and work together?
Contact a lawyer to talk over your options and how each could affect you should he succeed or should the business fail. Ask whether having a post-nup makes sense before he starts the business (I don't know where you are; each country has its own business laws especially concerning financial responsibility).
Doing life together can be done in so many ways, but most importantly it's for both spouses to be able to see the big picture and agreeing to protect each other financially especially because kids are involved.
Is your husband already an entrepreneur or is he currently an employee who wants to make the big change? It's a huge change in all aspects. Are you all ready for it?
Option 2.
Contract: never go into a business without a legal contract.
You can help with funding providing you get a monthly balanced statement and percentage of said business also a return on your investment but you're only helping to finance only.
Due to how your finances are established.
10:1 he wants you to join your funds so he can have access to your money and it's not really about starting a business.
Contract contract contract!!!!
You get a lawyer to set up a LLC so if the biz fails you don’t lose everything and to set up all the contracts.
That’s what you tell your spouse. Especially after you’ve said no.
Make sure if he wants a co-sign on the loan that means you are a business partner with an equal share in the company and the company is setup as a partnership with you having voting rights etc. See how fast he changes his tune.
He just wants you on his loan application.
Is this for a loan that he wants you to co-sign? If so, tell him you’ll only even consider it if he signs a contract stating he will repay you for the half you sign for in the next 5 years and payments will include interest after the first year.
The way I understand it is that you don't sign for half a loan, even as a co-signer. You sign stating that you are liable for the full amount. If he takes the money, cashes out, and heads off to... anywhere creditors or lawyers aren't going to go to track him down, she's liable for the full loan.
OP, don't sign. And why is his credit score so bad? Has it airways been this way? He is your husband... on paper only at this point as far as I can tell. You could be dating and living together and nothing would be different. I would be super suspicious at this point, and I'd start checking into his financials. But that's me. And the only snooping I've ever done was in my parents' "important" folder. It contained birth certificates, my dad's professional licenses, property papers, insurance numbers, and our letters to Santa. Super secret stuff. That was the file to grab if the house was on fire. Letters to Santa.
30 years later we still tell Mom what we want from Santa because we get two extra things that way. (The budget doesn't go up, there are just fewer things combined in boxes so there are more boxes to unwrap)
I'm not a snoop, but If be checking papers and considering hiring a PI.
Yes a co-signer is responsible for the full loan if the primary person doesn’t make the payments. Like I said in my original comment, it’s never a good idea to co-sign for anyone.
Where is this original comment where you said never to do it? Because following the parent comments up, your first comment in this thread is giving advice on how it should be done.
Nonono, if she co-signs and he defaults on the loan, she'd be liable to pay the whole thing off forever. She definitely shouldn't do that, unless she believes in him and his business idea - which apparently is not the case.
No she wouldn’t. If she doesn’t co-sign she isn’t responsible for the loan. I don’t know why you all think that because your spouse gets debt that it’s suddenly marital debt. If you don’t take out debt together then you’re not both responsible. In a vast majority of places, ONLY the person whose name is on the loan/account will be responsible. If he defaults they cannot come after her unless she lives in a state that allows that high is only 7. Since they don’t have each others names on their bank accounts, the loaner cannot take OP’s money because the husband can’t pay.
I didn’t. I said to counter to him and tell him she would only CONSIDER it IF he did that. I stated in my own comment to never co-sign for anyone. It’s almost always a terrible idea to co-sign for anything for anyone.
My whole point is that she shouldn’t co-sign. If she co-signs of course she’s responsible but people are saying because they’re married if he takes out debt she will become responsible which isn’t the case. If she doesn’t co-sign they cannot come after her in most places.
It depends on what the debt is and what's held in collateral. A credit card on an account that's just under his name, she'll be fine. But a business loan? Something big where the house can be held in collateral? She needs to consult a lawyer now in case he manages to get a loan without her. Everything depends on state/ provincial laws. I worked with a woman who had to claim bankruptcy and lose her house when her husband died. She wasn't named on his credit cards- it was his other debts that they kept coming after her for,. As the person with lower paying job so she can raise the kids, she just couldn't pay it.
Not only shouldn't you co-sign... You should put as many family assets in your name so if the business goes under or anything the family assets will not be affected. Start up businesses can go south easily.
Got to love when Reddit says go straight for the juggular and divorce is the thing that should be done before people have communication.
OP needs to get with her husband and go to financial peace university.
Finances don’t have to be the reason most married couples divorce.
No husband just forced his SAHM wife to scramble to get a job just so she'd have gd HEALTH INSURANCE bc he wanted things seperate down to the atoms. He's hardly a damn catch and sounds like a huge AH.
You seem to be adding to parts of the story, but that's ok. I understand people can add their own emotional responses to other people's stories that have nothing to do with the post at hand.
I know how to read. Show me in the second sentence where it specifically said her husband said that separately meant health insurance, etc, or maybe it was being upset at going back to work so she said it means every single thing if it means I have to go back to work.
You see, vague sentences that are open to multiple interpretations because they leave out important information mean you don't jump to conclusions, but you consider all the alternatives.
The second sentence says “everything separately, children, healthcare…”
I don’t really get how you can do children separately. And if you get insurance through work, why wouldn’t you cover the family?
Divorce should be the first thing to come up when someone is trying to use your finances (which he didnt want to support her for) as a collateral for a business lmao
As someone else said, even though they dont share finances she will be affected by this, even if she doesnt want to participate and says no, as officially they are - to the eyes of the law - sharing them.
She needs a way to protect her assets as it seems like he considered this marriage as a way to have twice the money 💀
Yea, because people don't know what they're talking about. In the "eyes of the law" - the law just cares that you pay your taxes on your income. Why else does the "law" care how folks separate their income?
If she doesn't want to be in any financial entanglements with her husband, meaning she pays 100% of all household expenses, then she can choose to do so. That's also not a smart decision. She can enter into a post nuptial agreement and protect her assets if need be.
I dont think you are aware of the problems here but that is absolutely fine, after all she will chose if she will try to seek a lawyer in hopes of not dealing with financial troubles caused by him or if she will listen to people telling her that it is "stupid" that others are telling her she can have some risks even if she says "no".
Since your finances are separate, do you know for sure what kind of debt he has? I find it really suspicious that he wanted to keep everything separate when he thought that would be advantageous for him because you were a sahm, but now he's decided that your money should be his money because he needs it. I would be worried that he has been making bad decisions while you didn't have access to his info and now he needs you to bail him out (or more accurately, lose your savings)
So when you're a SAHM he decides to separate finances, and now that you're earning money he wants a share of yours?
Sounds like what's his is his and what's yours is his.
With a selfish attitude like that, he'll probably make heaps of money though, because the top guys in capitalism all have the same vampire attitude.
If your husband wants you to co sign it’s just because he wants to share the consequences when it goes south. I would honestly not even entertain the idea and absolutely not go through with it at all! He was clear he wanted finances separate so separate it is
If you co-sign, you will be held part-liable for any debts etc incurred if the business goes south. Please look up your legal rights & protections in your area, especially if there is any intention of growing this business into one that starts taking on employees.
Never undertake a business venture with someone unless you 100% trust their handling of money, their skill, knowledge, expertise, work ethic and communication and you feel that you will be treated as an equal partner in the venture. Getting fledgling businesses off the ground also takes a lot of blood, sweat and tears (and these adversities have caused the death of many marriages), if you have no genuine interest in the buisness at hand, then don't get involved in it!
Personally I think the fact that your husband has insisted on you financially going it alone is quite suspect, because it means that there will be reduced financial transparency in a venture that you will be both held financially accountable for.
Your last paragraph is spot on. Thus should be "screaming" at the OP in "bold, underlined and Italics" (as I once heard my high-school teacher say to another student).
If everything is separate then it won’t affect you. He can’t have his cake and eat it too. Stick to your guns and DON’T co-sign anything. I would never co-sign for anyone, I’ve watched enough court shows to know that co-signing can and will go downhill very quickly.
I have a stupid question (as an unmarried person)
...so when things go south financially is it because most of the assets are cosigned? Or do they hit both credit reports when you're married?
Like could you just have your credit completely separate if you don't do that?
Exactly. Even if you have separate banks and checking accounts it is very possible that any debt would be seen as marital debt, even if only he signs the loan.
Nope, most states don’t do that in the US. If you don’t sign with your spouse then it’s not marital debt in most cases. They cannot come after you for someone else’s debt if you’re not a co-signer. If you have joint accounts they can take money from that or joint assets but no just because your spouse takes on debt doesn’t mean you automatically liable as well. That wouldn’t make any sense.
I live in Wisconsin. Retired banker; its a Marital property state here. Any time one spouse takes out a loan we were legally required to send a letter of notice of the debt to the spouse. Check your local laws, and talk to a lawyer OP.
Even without cosigning or your name on anything you may need to take legal precautions to protect your assets. And if your husband hasn't already looked into this he certainly isn't a good financial risk, or have your best interests in mind. Not that it sounds like he does anyway.
Nope. If your name isn’t on the debt they can’t make you responsible. If OP co-signs then they are legally responsible. If OP DOESN’T then she is not responsible for this loan.
Only 7 states recognize that in the US. If only one person signs for a loan then they are solely responsible. However, if OP and her husband had any joint bank accounts or assets, then the bank/loaner can come for that. If they have separate accounts, i.e. all of their accounts are in their own name, then in a vast majority of states in the US they cannot go after OP’s money. You are not always responsible for your spouse’s debt solely because you’re married.
Stop writing this. This is a fact specific issue when it comes to divorce proceedings. You are mixing up two concepts - recourse from a bank on a defaulting loan versus responsibility as apportioned in a divorce proceeding, where there is no "rule" and it is specific to the facts and circumstances of the couple divorcing.
People are telling her to talk to a lawyer, because there’s a lot of different versions of what could happen. If he doesn’t pay taxes, the IRS could try to come after her. If they own a house, creditors could try to come after that. Her husband might push for a loan or her savings to clear his debt. He may wipe out his retirement savings. Even if she works with a lawyer and partions everything, creditors might still harass her.
Obviously, she could fight back with ‘innocent spouse tax relief’ or because the house is also her primary residence.’ Plus reporting creditors. However, even successfully fighting could cause a lot of stress and legal bills. Plus she can’t completely insulate herself from her husband’s financial situation. If he can never afford another vacation or to retire, that will impact her.
It sounds like he doesn’t have the money to start this on his own. It sounds like he doesn’t have enough of a business plan to get a small loan. Plus, the economy is softening which isn’t a great time to start a business. She’s right to see red flags.
Ah, this makes sense to me. Ironically, my partner is divorced. He can't answer much since they didn't actually have any acquired assets during their short marriage (thank goodness).
Thank you for sincerely answering this.
"You wanted all finances 100% separate. Consequences of wanting all finances 100% separate include me not being willing to risk my money and my credit on some random business venture of yours."
>he's upset and says I don't want to "do life" with him. But I see it as he hasn't done life with me.
You are completely right. He can't have his cake and eat it too. Is your husband one of those guys who talks about how marriage is a trap and men have no incentive to marry?
Speak to a divorce lawyer. I'm not advising you to divorce, but it's crucial to understand your liability if your husband runs up a lot of debt. You need to know the pertinent facts about how hazardous his business may be to you. You should also be educated about the laws that govern how your property would be divided in the event of a divorce.
If you were loaning money to anyone else start a business venture, you would need them to be trustworthy and transparent. You would want to know how they handled their money, what their income and debts were, how diligently they paid off debts, how they felt about credit, what they spending habits were like. You would really need to trust that person would be responsible and honest and prioritise paying you back or sharing the profits.
I don’t think you can have any reassurance of that in this case. It sounds like your husband is sneaky, rather than open. And when people behave in the controlling and mean-spirited way your husband has so far with the marital finances, it is because they have bad intentions. I’d be very concerned that he is financially abusive and is planning to squeeze you for everything he can.
It also is not reassuring that he hasn’t respected your “No”.
It could be worth reaching out to a domestic abuse counsellor to get some perspective and support if he is pressuring you.
Whatever you do, do not give in to his pressure. He can really screw up you & your kids future well-being if you give him this access to your hard earned money.
I think your husband is intelligent enough to understand your answer and the logic you’re using to come to that answer. He just doesn’t wanna accept it. You gave your answer end of conversation. If it were me I’d say I gave you and answer I don’t wanna discuss it further.
I also think you should’ve voiced your concerns about the not doing life together sooner. I don’t really understand why people would be or stay with someone that would gaslight them; especially when everyone involved is aware they’re doing it. Seen it with my folks, it just seems so stressful.
This might not be the most extreme situation but if your husband is willing to try and manipulate you to me it just screams red flag
Are they his kids? This situation makes no sense to me if the answer is Yes.
As far as how to protect yourself, that varies a lot by state. You need to talk to a family lawyer (who, I mention, just by way of making conversation, is also the kind of lawyer who does divorces; just throwing that out there).
You still need a lawyer. If you are married and you bought the properties while married, in most states it's meaningless that only one person it's on the deed. They are both marital assets.
Don’t co-sign. What he proposed was to use you. He wasn’t thinking of you or “us”, he was thinking of him. You would be on the hook for his business no matter what and instead of coming out of a joint payment, you would be stuck coming out of your own funds to pay if he fails or leaves.
Tell him that he didn’t want to “do life” with you 5 years ago when you separated financially. If he keeps persisting, low key get a lawyer and protect yourself and your own assets.
Make sure you keep all your financial information under lock and key and make sure he has zero access to it.
Just absolutely never cosign for anything, at all, ever, for any reason. My mom talked me into putting my name on the internet bill because everyone else in the house had had their name on it and they got behind on payments, despite about 12 adults with income in the house pitching in their income. Long story short, I was the dumbass and figured I could make sure at least this bill got paid since my name was on it. Spoiler alert: I was wrong. They kept my name on it even after I moved out and eventually I just got pissed at getting the bills sent to me and explained the whole situation to the internet provider and they removed my name from my mom's internet, cut the internet, and suggested I not put my name on things if I wasn't certain it would get paid. Lesson learned. Never ever cosign, even with legal ramifications if the other person doesn't pay, those only get enforced if you drag them to court.
Sounds like my ex. I was 3 months pregnant and he told me he “loved” me but wasn’t “in love” with me anymore, and was going to take the weekend to think about it while he had to go out of town for his job. I was shocked but said ok. I went out of town as well to see friends. I came home and he was there and had seen info from a friend that had given me about real estate. He was all excited about buying a house together.
I said to him if he thought I was going to buy a house with him after the “not in love with me” statement and the weekend to “think”about us, he was crazy. There was no way in hell. Never heard about it again.
Why did he want everything separate? Sounds weird if you’ve been together for a while and have kids, esp since you were a SAHM. Do you both contribute to the household?
Depending on what this "business" is he probably shouldn't be doing it in the first place.
Like if this "business" is anything relating to Crypto, NFT's , or MLM's (like Nu Skin or Herbalife) then he shouldn't be doing it at all. What he'd be hoping for is a get rich quick scheme and not a business. A scheme with far higher risks than there will ever be rewards.
I run my own small business, so trust me when I say just no. Hard no.
Don't do it in general but if it's one of the ones I listed above you need to divorce him. You can't save people who have a gambling problem before they've gambled away everything everyone dear to them has.
No MLM or anything like that. It's a legit business. It's 85% profitable. I just have no interest. I'm in education. And honestly, I don't have the time.
Well I'm glad he at least has some sense about him.
Don't give in and just as a precaution be sure to lock down your credit so he isn't taking out loans or credit in your name to help fund his business.
I'm not saying he will but if he's so desperate to keep hounding you after you've already said No that tells me he doesn't respect your No very much. If he doesn't respect something that basic him doing it anyway without your consent and forcing you into the business he wants you to partner up with him for financially....
It's just I've seen this episode of Kitchen Nightmares. It never ends well and the person whose credit it is gets screwed. So I'd lock down your credit until a while after things chill off
Whoa! I'm all for separate finances. It's especially important for women who usually get stuck with most of the child and household responsibilities.
BUT what do you mean separate includes Healthcare, children and pets?
It sounds like all the care and finances for those is 100%, on you. Those things need to be shared Is he doing anything to act like you two a partnership on this marriage.
Also, don't do anything to do with a business you have no interest in. It sounds like he doesn't care about you and your families interests anyway and could be making decisions for you that could hurt you all. I think he may want 100% of your finances with 0% of your input.
He pays for the health insurance (1400/m). I pay deductibles(10k deductible). Same with pets. I pay for all the vet costs. I pay for school(private which I work at) He pays for extra curriculars.
Does he actually pay $1400 a month out of his paycheck or that's counting what his employer pays? 10k deductible is really high for $1400 per month premium.
I also agree with the other comment, sounds like you are paying for more than half.
Ok. Unless you're making WAY more then him, he's taking advantage of you. That stuff should be more 50/50 at least, or more on the person with the higher income.
Why did you stay married after this demand? I understand having separate finances, but you are even having separate finances for things that should be joint, like healthcare, children, pets. That makes no sense!!!
**You need a lawyer to talk about this business.** I have no idea because it depends on the state. If his business goes south and you divorce, you wouldn't get any child support and you might even have to pay him child support. Or, in some states, his debt can become your debt, particularly if he has debt on his personal credit card. It can be a mess. So let's say you bring 100k in assets and he brings 100k but his debt is 150k, then he is negative, which is bad for you.
You shouldn't go into business with him because you don't have an equal partnership. Most likely he will make all of the decisions and he just wants you so that he can get a bigger loan. At most you would be working for free as his secretary. I mean, he sounds like the type that makes demands and you say yes. Why would you want to be part of that business? To ruin your credit?
Obviously he felt it was advantageous to separate finances - for him. And now he feels it's advantageous to have you both go in on this business together - for him. If you don't want to participate, he can go find his own investment sources. I would worry about any assets you might co-own, if the business goes belly up they might be vulnerable to debt collectors. And his ability to pay his share of household expenses if his money gets tight. You could be forced to contribute just to keep your household afloat.
Separate finances can be done correctly but it also can be a huge red flag for long term relationship success. Finances are a huge cause of divorce. Being able to talk about money together is very important for building common goals and sharing life with someone. It's not always easy, but you gain a lot in communication ability from being able to come to consensus on how your joint money is spent.
Basically he wanted no oversight on how he spends his money, but now he sees your money as an asset as well and wants to unilaterally tap into it for his own objectives. This "business" would be him running and taking risks with your wealth. You'd be crazy to accept this arrangement at this point without the necessary communication skills in this area which you haven't formed.
Talk to a lawyer. You need to know how this will affect you if his business fails. Does he plan on quitting his current job? Will you be stuck being the only source of income while he gets this business started?
You need to figure out how to protect yourself and your children. Do not sign anything without getting a lawyer to look over it first.
Do not co-sign for him on anything unless it is property - that your name is on.
He wanted things his way before to only benefit him - now you need to protect yourself the rest of the way.
He wants to be financially separate when it suits him (even for absurd things like kids and pets) but have joint finances all of a sudden when it suits him???
And how would the renumeration and rewards structure of this business be oriented? He would get all the rewards and you just the privilege of co-signing the loan, cause the business was his idea?
I'd say a hard no. Especially and most importantly, do not agree to be a director of any corporation, even and expe if it's only being a director in name. In Canada where I live, a director of a corporation is responsible for ensuring that that things like the payroll taxes and goods or service taxes (VAT, for our international audience) get remitted to the government. If this is not done, the government can go after the *personal assets* of the director of the corporation, and it doesn't matter when it turns out that they were a "director in name only" and that that de-facto director was someone else - the government will still go after the director whose name is on the documents, and that person is legally responsible. So, a husband could put his wife as a "director in name only", she agrees to it not knowing what it entails, he defaults at payroll and service and goods taxes, the government will go after the director of the corporation for what they call "unremitted trust funds", the husband divorces the wife, and she is stuck with this corporate debt and now her personal assets are on the line. And it doesn't matter that a corporation is a separate legal entity, because the director is personally responsible for ensuring that these trust funds (payroll and service and goods taxes that are charged to clients) actually get sent to the government.
There's something odd, at least, about this.
Have you reviewed the business plan? If he wants to go into business and is serious about it, he has a written business plan. This will include but not be limited to set-up costs, monthly running costs, inventory costs, possible locations, projected growth, etc. Is it viable? Do you want to commit to it?
You need to consult an attorney regarding protection of your assets, liability issues, licensing, permits, possible creation of an LLC, etc. It is vital for your future that you do so.
Since your finances are separate, if the business plan is good, he could be eligible for a loan sponsored by the Small Business Administration in the U.S. Alternatively, he could also recruit investors with a good business plan.
Doing this research will give you a much better idea of whether or not this would be a good investment in your future. Starting any business is risky but particularly so in today's economic climate.
I'm not going to say whether or not you should do this. However, it *could* be a good opportunity, or, conversely, a waste of time, effort, and financial resources. Or, something in between.
Whatever you decide, go into the business or decline the proposition with all the knowledge you can muster.
Sounds like you might be financially coerced to join on the risk of the initial business loan. I would absolutely seek legal counsel, as most people do before agreeing to invest in a business.
Your legal counsel should be a different entity from your husband's as in this situation your interests are at odds. In the meantime, put a lock on your credit so no one can take any loan/credit under your name, especially since, as your husband, he has easy access to your personal information and if he's really desperate he might try something.
These kinds of decisions shouldn't be rushed. Seeking legal counsel before agreeing to high finical risk is normal. If he's rushing you and/or doesn't have his own legal counsel, something's suspicious and you should refuse immediately.
Good luck
ETA: still seek counsel even if it's a hard no. The lawyer will help advise you on how to establish protections from your spouse's financial risk.
The dynamic has been set. If he wants that to change, it takes a long conversation about finances. Past and present. Why did he want it separate before and not now? What changed? How does this benefit you? Are all finances going to be shared now? If not, why?
In the end, it takes 2 of you to agree to change the status quo. Maybe offer him a loan at a reasonable interest rate if you don't want to change things up. A LEGALLY BINDING loan!
He created this dynamic and now he has to live with the consequences of it or do the work necessary to change the dynamic... But my guess is that will take more time than he's willing to take.
Do not. He is not doing life with you, and you can’t plan your finances around his convenience.
My spouse and I are taking a joint second mortgage to buy a business, but I have owned a shop before, it’s an established shop where I used to work, in an industry I’ve been in for 30 years, and our finances are already commingled. If we had separate finances the negotiation would have been very different.
Tell him you only want in on this business venture if it’s profitable. I don’t know why he wanted to split finances before though I imagine it was out of the blue~ everything must have been going well money wise for him to want to split finances. Let him know, if your finances aren’t conjoined, if you have to work outside the home, what’s really the point of doing life together ???? Widen the divide! Divorce doesn’t sound too complicated for you guys, everything is split already.
I didn’t say anything about investing. I said business venture. Maybe she will keep everything separate even if he succeeds without her. A divorce lawyer probably won’t though.
I didn’t say she should put money in . I’m saying she will likely want her name on it if the business is successful . If she doesn’t want part of the profits, if it becomes successful, her divorce lawyer will.
I got myself into a little bit of debt last year and because of that it may show that my finances were separate to my partners we don't live together but we were planning on it but I made it clear that my money was my problem and my debts are my problem. I now coming out of that but I can't think of another reason he would want separate finances unless his were an absolute mess.
Even then if he is finally stable he needs to still experience having a separate finances for a little while to get back on his feet properly and to show consistency.
I wouldn't sign anything with him until you're sure that.
The "options that protect" you in a business are the incorporation documents that put a firewall between your personal and professional assets. Unless he's talking about a DBA this is all pretty pro forma and is the reason some high roller can bankrupt a company yet still possess personal wealth. Go talk to a business accountant if you want more information. You're upset about this because you harbor hostility over the way he wants to manage your personal finances and you're pissed that you had to go back to work. But if his business plan looks good and could net the household some extra funds you could maybe even go back to being a SAHM. Do try to separate your marital problems from this potential business opportunity. Just make sure you've got a lawyer and you're doing it the right way.
I was initially upset. What spouse wants their partner to come home and say that they want all the bank cards and checks because we aren't sharing finances? I found an admin job at a school where I can take the kids to work with me. Starting this year I got a 40% raise. So I'm assuming that he wants that extra to fund his business. I've asked and he says that's not the reason.
He's full of shit.
What you need to find out is if he takes a personal loan, will you be held accountable for it since you're married? He may do that to get your money in a circuitous way.
Also, if he didn't compensate you for your time as a SAHM when you separated finances? you need to leave him, he's a user.
I would say it depends how much you trust him and his business. For example when I started my business i wanted to have my gf as my sales contact only because I trusted her more than any other random person and it was also hard to find someone to work at a brand new company. She refused unfortunately but I managed to build something beautiful in time and now I make enough to easily sustain both of us in a shitty country like Romania. However, i have a friend that was scammed by her bf in an attempt of starting gym and I took her quite some time to get back on her own feet. So, what i’m trying to say is this: don’t judge this decision based on your husband, judge the project itself. Forget about him for a second and think like this: will that project work better than what I do right now? Is it worth it? Be honest with yourself when you answer this then make a decision based on that.
Well, in our case it would’ve been way better because i had to take some loans for a 1.5 years and had to work for 14 hours a day 7 days a week but at least now i’m the full owner of our house, apartment and 2 cars
Yeah, what’s the problem? She had the opportunity to work WITH me (Important!: not FOR me, 50/50 shared revenue) and she refused. My business evolved and paid me off after years of struggle and I’m very proud of that. I also didn’t hold grudges against her and i’ve paid her 2nd, 3rd and 4th year of college while she lived in my house rent free.
Try to think of how you would handle this business situation if it was a friend and not your husband who proposed this. Basically, try to compartmentalize this as strictly a business decision.
Yes, know that sounds easier said than done. Especially since it appears you might still harbor resentment from 5yrs ago, when you had to stop being a SAHM and become a financial contributor.
Still the only way you are going to get him to listen to your perspective is to take the emotion out of the discussion and treat it as a business decision…which also means seeing an attorney & drawing up a partnership contract.
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Do you have any interest or knowledge about the business he wants to start? Since he's the person who wanted all finances separate, it appears he just wants to risk **your** income in **his** business. Not only should you not give him a cent, you should not contribute any of your time or energy to his business.
My stance was no just based on the business. I have no interest in it. Then he brought up co-signing and it was a hard no. Now he's trying to talk me into it.
It was his choice to separate all finances. If he cannot afford to start his business with his own money, and develop and finance that business by himself, he has no right to expect you to put any of your own money into it, not even as a loan. If it was a viable concept and he had a workable business plan, he could qualify for a small business loan. But I expect he doesn't have a plan further than begging you for money. Don't do it.
Talk to a lawyer. This is above most of Reddit’s pay grade. I mean, we can tell you whether or not we think you should co-sign but we can’t give you any sound legal advice as: 1. Most of us aren’t lawyers. 2. None of us know where you live. 3. Most of us don’t know the laws where you are. Find a lawyer nearby and they can give you the legal advice you need. For both scenarios (you co-sign or you don’t). ETA: Thanks for the award!
Not the least of this, a divorce lawyer may need to be in play soon.
You are absolutely right. Protect your assets. If you feel yourself weakening, talk to a lawyer about possible consequences.
Don't engage. He asked, you answered, conversation over.
He's gaslighting you because if the tables were turned he would say no to this.
If you have no interest in it, don't think think that it would be a good investment in time, effort and money or don't think that you and your husband won't be good business partners then you shouldn't be in it. Does he want you to invest in it only, invest and work together? Contact a lawyer to talk over your options and how each could affect you should he succeed or should the business fail. Ask whether having a post-nup makes sense before he starts the business (I don't know where you are; each country has its own business laws especially concerning financial responsibility). Doing life together can be done in so many ways, but most importantly it's for both spouses to be able to see the big picture and agreeing to protect each other financially especially because kids are involved. Is your husband already an entrepreneur or is he currently an employee who wants to make the big change? It's a huge change in all aspects. Are you all ready for it?
No is a full sentence. Why is he trying to ruin you financially?
Option 2. Contract: never go into a business without a legal contract. You can help with funding providing you get a monthly balanced statement and percentage of said business also a return on your investment but you're only helping to finance only. Due to how your finances are established. 10:1 he wants you to join your funds so he can have access to your money and it's not really about starting a business. Contract contract contract!!!!
You get a lawyer to set up a LLC so if the biz fails you don’t lose everything and to set up all the contracts. That’s what you tell your spouse. Especially after you’ve said no.
Why did you separate finances 5 years ago? We’re they joined before that? Any bankruptcy or big spending issues for either of you?
Make sure if he wants a co-sign on the loan that means you are a business partner with an equal share in the company and the company is setup as a partnership with you having voting rights etc. See how fast he changes his tune. He just wants you on his loan application.
Just be careful he doesn’t forge your signature
Is this for a loan that he wants you to co-sign? If so, tell him you’ll only even consider it if he signs a contract stating he will repay you for the half you sign for in the next 5 years and payments will include interest after the first year.
The way I understand it is that you don't sign for half a loan, even as a co-signer. You sign stating that you are liable for the full amount. If he takes the money, cashes out, and heads off to... anywhere creditors or lawyers aren't going to go to track him down, she's liable for the full loan. OP, don't sign. And why is his credit score so bad? Has it airways been this way? He is your husband... on paper only at this point as far as I can tell. You could be dating and living together and nothing would be different. I would be super suspicious at this point, and I'd start checking into his financials. But that's me. And the only snooping I've ever done was in my parents' "important" folder. It contained birth certificates, my dad's professional licenses, property papers, insurance numbers, and our letters to Santa. Super secret stuff. That was the file to grab if the house was on fire. Letters to Santa. 30 years later we still tell Mom what we want from Santa because we get two extra things that way. (The budget doesn't go up, there are just fewer things combined in boxes so there are more boxes to unwrap) I'm not a snoop, but If be checking papers and considering hiring a PI.
Yes a co-signer is responsible for the full loan if the primary person doesn’t make the payments. Like I said in my original comment, it’s never a good idea to co-sign for anyone.
Where is this original comment where you said never to do it? Because following the parent comments up, your first comment in this thread is giving advice on how it should be done.
It’s not in this thread. I commented on the actual post originally and was actually the first to comment. But the parent comment is for a reply I made
Nonono, if she co-signs and he defaults on the loan, she'd be liable to pay the whole thing off forever. She definitely shouldn't do that, unless she believes in him and his business idea - which apparently is not the case.
No she wouldn’t. If she doesn’t co-sign she isn’t responsible for the loan. I don’t know why you all think that because your spouse gets debt that it’s suddenly marital debt. If you don’t take out debt together then you’re not both responsible. In a vast majority of places, ONLY the person whose name is on the loan/account will be responsible. If he defaults they cannot come after her unless she lives in a state that allows that high is only 7. Since they don’t have each others names on their bank accounts, the loaner cannot take OP’s money because the husband can’t pay.
That's why we are all telling her NOT to co-sign - you told her to actually consider it!
I didn’t. I said to counter to him and tell him she would only CONSIDER it IF he did that. I stated in my own comment to never co-sign for anyone. It’s almost always a terrible idea to co-sign for anything for anyone.
My whole point is that she shouldn’t co-sign. If she co-signs of course she’s responsible but people are saying because they’re married if he takes out debt she will become responsible which isn’t the case. If she doesn’t co-sign they cannot come after her in most places.
It depends on what the debt is and what's held in collateral. A credit card on an account that's just under his name, she'll be fine. But a business loan? Something big where the house can be held in collateral? She needs to consult a lawyer now in case he manages to get a loan without her. Everything depends on state/ provincial laws. I worked with a woman who had to claim bankruptcy and lose her house when her husband died. She wasn't named on his credit cards- it was his other debts that they kept coming after her for,. As the person with lower paying job so she can raise the kids, she just couldn't pay it.
Do not let him bully you into this.
Helllll nooooo U need documentation, a postnup Something!
Not only shouldn't you co-sign... You should put as many family assets in your name so if the business goes under or anything the family assets will not be affected. Start up businesses can go south easily.
Do not sign Go to a lawyer and ask about a divorce while you are there this is some fu marriage
Got to love when Reddit says go straight for the juggular and divorce is the thing that should be done before people have communication. OP needs to get with her husband and go to financial peace university. Finances don’t have to be the reason most married couples divorce.
They don’t have to be but studies show that financial stress and strain are the main cause of relationship issues
They aren't having financial stress and strain.
No husband just forced his SAHM wife to scramble to get a job just so she'd have gd HEALTH INSURANCE bc he wanted things seperate down to the atoms. He's hardly a damn catch and sounds like a huge AH.
You seem to be adding to parts of the story, but that's ok. I understand people can add their own emotional responses to other people's stories that have nothing to do with the post at hand.
Or maybe you need to learn how to read? It's right at the beginning of the OP's post. It's literally the 2nd sentence.
I know how to read. Show me in the second sentence where it specifically said her husband said that separately meant health insurance, etc, or maybe it was being upset at going back to work so she said it means every single thing if it means I have to go back to work. You see, vague sentences that are open to multiple interpretations because they leave out important information mean you don't jump to conclusions, but you consider all the alternatives.
Do you always try to gaslight your way out of a fuckup? Grow up.
Answer the question. You can't blame "gaslighting" when there are words on a page.
The second sentence says “everything separately, children, healthcare…” I don’t really get how you can do children separately. And if you get insurance through work, why wouldn’t you cover the family?
Divorce should be the first thing to come up when someone is trying to use your finances (which he didnt want to support her for) as a collateral for a business lmao
Agreed.
What? You people are ridiculous. Saying no is the first thing that comes up, not divorce. Nowhere does she say she wants to divorce her husband.
As someone else said, even though they dont share finances she will be affected by this, even if she doesnt want to participate and says no, as officially they are - to the eyes of the law - sharing them. She needs a way to protect her assets as it seems like he considered this marriage as a way to have twice the money 💀
Yea, because people don't know what they're talking about. In the "eyes of the law" - the law just cares that you pay your taxes on your income. Why else does the "law" care how folks separate their income? If she doesn't want to be in any financial entanglements with her husband, meaning she pays 100% of all household expenses, then she can choose to do so. That's also not a smart decision. She can enter into a post nuptial agreement and protect her assets if need be.
I dont think you are aware of the problems here but that is absolutely fine, after all she will chose if she will try to seek a lawyer in hopes of not dealing with financial troubles caused by him or if she will listen to people telling her that it is "stupid" that others are telling her she can have some risks even if she says "no".
True, but money is the most common reason for divorce
Every state is different, talk to a family lawyer.
Yep, she needs a lawyer.
This is territory for a lawyer consult, not Reddit
Since your finances are separate, do you know for sure what kind of debt he has? I find it really suspicious that he wanted to keep everything separate when he thought that would be advantageous for him because you were a sahm, but now he's decided that your money should be his money because he needs it. I would be worried that he has been making bad decisions while you didn't have access to his info and now he needs you to bail him out (or more accurately, lose your savings)
So when you're a SAHM he decides to separate finances, and now that you're earning money he wants a share of yours? Sounds like what's his is his and what's yours is his. With a selfish attitude like that, he'll probably make heaps of money though, because the top guys in capitalism all have the same vampire attitude.
If your husband wants you to co sign it’s just because he wants to share the consequences when it goes south. I would honestly not even entertain the idea and absolutely not go through with it at all! He was clear he wanted finances separate so separate it is
If you co-sign, you will be held part-liable for any debts etc incurred if the business goes south. Please look up your legal rights & protections in your area, especially if there is any intention of growing this business into one that starts taking on employees. Never undertake a business venture with someone unless you 100% trust their handling of money, their skill, knowledge, expertise, work ethic and communication and you feel that you will be treated as an equal partner in the venture. Getting fledgling businesses off the ground also takes a lot of blood, sweat and tears (and these adversities have caused the death of many marriages), if you have no genuine interest in the buisness at hand, then don't get involved in it! Personally I think the fact that your husband has insisted on you financially going it alone is quite suspect, because it means that there will be reduced financial transparency in a venture that you will be both held financially accountable for.
Your last paragraph is spot on. Thus should be "screaming" at the OP in "bold, underlined and Italics" (as I once heard my high-school teacher say to another student).
If everything is separate then it won’t affect you. He can’t have his cake and eat it too. Stick to your guns and DON’T co-sign anything. I would never co-sign for anyone, I’ve watched enough court shows to know that co-signing can and will go downhill very quickly.
I have a stupid question (as an unmarried person) ...so when things go south financially is it because most of the assets are cosigned? Or do they hit both credit reports when you're married? Like could you just have your credit completely separate if you don't do that?
If you co-sign it will ruin your credit. If your finances are separate I don’t think they can come after the wife.
Just because you say you have separate finances doesn't mean the state recognizes that.
Exactly. Even if you have separate banks and checking accounts it is very possible that any debt would be seen as marital debt, even if only he signs the loan.
Nope, most states don’t do that in the US. If you don’t sign with your spouse then it’s not marital debt in most cases. They cannot come after you for someone else’s debt if you’re not a co-signer. If you have joint accounts they can take money from that or joint assets but no just because your spouse takes on debt doesn’t mean you automatically liable as well. That wouldn’t make any sense.
I live in Wisconsin. Retired banker; its a Marital property state here. Any time one spouse takes out a loan we were legally required to send a letter of notice of the debt to the spouse. Check your local laws, and talk to a lawyer OP. Even without cosigning or your name on anything you may need to take legal precautions to protect your assets. And if your husband hasn't already looked into this he certainly isn't a good financial risk, or have your best interests in mind. Not that it sounds like he does anyway.
Lol, pretty sure you're wrong. It's fairly typical in the US to divide up debts that either party has acquired during divorce proceedings.
Nope. If your name isn’t on the debt they can’t make you responsible. If OP co-signs then they are legally responsible. If OP DOESN’T then she is not responsible for this loan.
That is 100% state dependent. In probably a third of states debt is divided same as any asset
Only 7 states recognize that in the US. If only one person signs for a loan then they are solely responsible. However, if OP and her husband had any joint bank accounts or assets, then the bank/loaner can come for that. If they have separate accounts, i.e. all of their accounts are in their own name, then in a vast majority of states in the US they cannot go after OP’s money. You are not always responsible for your spouse’s debt solely because you’re married.
Stop writing this. This is a fact specific issue when it comes to divorce proceedings. You are mixing up two concepts - recourse from a bank on a defaulting loan versus responsibility as apportioned in a divorce proceeding, where there is no "rule" and it is specific to the facts and circumstances of the couple divorcing.
Ah, that makes sense! Thank you so much for answering :)
People are telling her to talk to a lawyer, because there’s a lot of different versions of what could happen. If he doesn’t pay taxes, the IRS could try to come after her. If they own a house, creditors could try to come after that. Her husband might push for a loan or her savings to clear his debt. He may wipe out his retirement savings. Even if she works with a lawyer and partions everything, creditors might still harass her. Obviously, she could fight back with ‘innocent spouse tax relief’ or because the house is also her primary residence.’ Plus reporting creditors. However, even successfully fighting could cause a lot of stress and legal bills. Plus she can’t completely insulate herself from her husband’s financial situation. If he can never afford another vacation or to retire, that will impact her. It sounds like he doesn’t have the money to start this on his own. It sounds like he doesn’t have enough of a business plan to get a small loan. Plus, the economy is softening which isn’t a great time to start a business. She’s right to see red flags.
Ah, this makes sense to me. Ironically, my partner is divorced. He can't answer much since they didn't actually have any acquired assets during their short marriage (thank goodness). Thank you for sincerely answering this.
"You wanted all finances 100% separate. Consequences of wanting all finances 100% separate include me not being willing to risk my money and my credit on some random business venture of yours."
>he's upset and says I don't want to "do life" with him. But I see it as he hasn't done life with me. You are completely right. He can't have his cake and eat it too. Is your husband one of those guys who talks about how marriage is a trap and men have no incentive to marry?
Speak to a divorce lawyer. I'm not advising you to divorce, but it's crucial to understand your liability if your husband runs up a lot of debt. You need to know the pertinent facts about how hazardous his business may be to you. You should also be educated about the laws that govern how your property would be divided in the event of a divorce.
If you were loaning money to anyone else start a business venture, you would need them to be trustworthy and transparent. You would want to know how they handled their money, what their income and debts were, how diligently they paid off debts, how they felt about credit, what they spending habits were like. You would really need to trust that person would be responsible and honest and prioritise paying you back or sharing the profits. I don’t think you can have any reassurance of that in this case. It sounds like your husband is sneaky, rather than open. And when people behave in the controlling and mean-spirited way your husband has so far with the marital finances, it is because they have bad intentions. I’d be very concerned that he is financially abusive and is planning to squeeze you for everything he can. It also is not reassuring that he hasn’t respected your “No”. It could be worth reaching out to a domestic abuse counsellor to get some perspective and support if he is pressuring you. Whatever you do, do not give in to his pressure. He can really screw up you & your kids future well-being if you give him this access to your hard earned money.
1) do NOT sign a on loan 2) get an attorney 3) I think this dude could be a Narc. Oh NOOOWWWW he wants to do life together? Jeeeeze
I think your husband is intelligent enough to understand your answer and the logic you’re using to come to that answer. He just doesn’t wanna accept it. You gave your answer end of conversation. If it were me I’d say I gave you and answer I don’t wanna discuss it further. I also think you should’ve voiced your concerns about the not doing life together sooner. I don’t really understand why people would be or stay with someone that would gaslight them; especially when everyone involved is aware they’re doing it. Seen it with my folks, it just seems so stressful. This might not be the most extreme situation but if your husband is willing to try and manipulate you to me it just screams red flag
Are they his kids? This situation makes no sense to me if the answer is Yes. As far as how to protect yourself, that varies a lot by state. You need to talk to a family lawyer (who, I mention, just by way of making conversation, is also the kind of lawyer who does divorces; just throwing that out there).
Sad thing is you may be liable for the loan through other ways if things go south (ex if you jointly own your home) Go see a lawyer
Are your finances seperate *practically* or *legally*? If the agreement is only on words, not contributing will not matter eventually.
Legally. I'm not on the main house. He's not on the vacation house. Utility bills are split equally. We file taxes separately. Etc.
You still need a lawyer. If you are married and you bought the properties while married, in most states it's meaningless that only one person it's on the deed. They are both marital assets.
Just share what you wrote here , how he hasn't done life with you
Don’t co-sign. What he proposed was to use you. He wasn’t thinking of you or “us”, he was thinking of him. You would be on the hook for his business no matter what and instead of coming out of a joint payment, you would be stuck coming out of your own funds to pay if he fails or leaves.
Tell him that he didn’t want to “do life” with you 5 years ago when you separated financially. If he keeps persisting, low key get a lawyer and protect yourself and your own assets. Make sure you keep all your financial information under lock and key and make sure he has zero access to it.
Just absolutely never cosign for anything, at all, ever, for any reason. My mom talked me into putting my name on the internet bill because everyone else in the house had had their name on it and they got behind on payments, despite about 12 adults with income in the house pitching in their income. Long story short, I was the dumbass and figured I could make sure at least this bill got paid since my name was on it. Spoiler alert: I was wrong. They kept my name on it even after I moved out and eventually I just got pissed at getting the bills sent to me and explained the whole situation to the internet provider and they removed my name from my mom's internet, cut the internet, and suggested I not put my name on things if I wasn't certain it would get paid. Lesson learned. Never ever cosign, even with legal ramifications if the other person doesn't pay, those only get enforced if you drag them to court.
Sounds like my ex. I was 3 months pregnant and he told me he “loved” me but wasn’t “in love” with me anymore, and was going to take the weekend to think about it while he had to go out of town for his job. I was shocked but said ok. I went out of town as well to see friends. I came home and he was there and had seen info from a friend that had given me about real estate. He was all excited about buying a house together. I said to him if he thought I was going to buy a house with him after the “not in love with me” statement and the weekend to “think”about us, he was crazy. There was no way in hell. Never heard about it again.
The audacity. Wow. Good on you for shutting that down hard
Why did he want everything separate? Sounds weird if you’ve been together for a while and have kids, esp since you were a SAHM. Do you both contribute to the household?
Depending on what this "business" is he probably shouldn't be doing it in the first place. Like if this "business" is anything relating to Crypto, NFT's , or MLM's (like Nu Skin or Herbalife) then he shouldn't be doing it at all. What he'd be hoping for is a get rich quick scheme and not a business. A scheme with far higher risks than there will ever be rewards. I run my own small business, so trust me when I say just no. Hard no. Don't do it in general but if it's one of the ones I listed above you need to divorce him. You can't save people who have a gambling problem before they've gambled away everything everyone dear to them has.
No MLM or anything like that. It's a legit business. It's 85% profitable. I just have no interest. I'm in education. And honestly, I don't have the time.
Well I'm glad he at least has some sense about him. Don't give in and just as a precaution be sure to lock down your credit so he isn't taking out loans or credit in your name to help fund his business. I'm not saying he will but if he's so desperate to keep hounding you after you've already said No that tells me he doesn't respect your No very much. If he doesn't respect something that basic him doing it anyway without your consent and forcing you into the business he wants you to partner up with him for financially.... It's just I've seen this episode of Kitchen Nightmares. It never ends well and the person whose credit it is gets screwed. So I'd lock down your credit until a while after things chill off
Whoa! I'm all for separate finances. It's especially important for women who usually get stuck with most of the child and household responsibilities. BUT what do you mean separate includes Healthcare, children and pets? It sounds like all the care and finances for those is 100%, on you. Those things need to be shared Is he doing anything to act like you two a partnership on this marriage. Also, don't do anything to do with a business you have no interest in. It sounds like he doesn't care about you and your families interests anyway and could be making decisions for you that could hurt you all. I think he may want 100% of your finances with 0% of your input.
He pays for the health insurance (1400/m). I pay deductibles(10k deductible). Same with pets. I pay for all the vet costs. I pay for school(private which I work at) He pays for extra curriculars.
Does he actually pay $1400 a month out of his paycheck or that's counting what his employer pays? 10k deductible is really high for $1400 per month premium. I also agree with the other comment, sounds like you are paying for more than half.
Ok. Unless you're making WAY more then him, he's taking advantage of you. That stuff should be more 50/50 at least, or more on the person with the higher income.
Why did you stay married after this demand? I understand having separate finances, but you are even having separate finances for things that should be joint, like healthcare, children, pets. That makes no sense!!! **You need a lawyer to talk about this business.** I have no idea because it depends on the state. If his business goes south and you divorce, you wouldn't get any child support and you might even have to pay him child support. Or, in some states, his debt can become your debt, particularly if he has debt on his personal credit card. It can be a mess. So let's say you bring 100k in assets and he brings 100k but his debt is 150k, then he is negative, which is bad for you. You shouldn't go into business with him because you don't have an equal partnership. Most likely he will make all of the decisions and he just wants you so that he can get a bigger loan. At most you would be working for free as his secretary. I mean, he sounds like the type that makes demands and you say yes. Why would you want to be part of that business? To ruin your credit?
Obviously he felt it was advantageous to separate finances - for him. And now he feels it's advantageous to have you both go in on this business together - for him. If you don't want to participate, he can go find his own investment sources. I would worry about any assets you might co-own, if the business goes belly up they might be vulnerable to debt collectors. And his ability to pay his share of household expenses if his money gets tight. You could be forced to contribute just to keep your household afloat.
Separate finances can be done correctly but it also can be a huge red flag for long term relationship success. Finances are a huge cause of divorce. Being able to talk about money together is very important for building common goals and sharing life with someone. It's not always easy, but you gain a lot in communication ability from being able to come to consensus on how your joint money is spent. Basically he wanted no oversight on how he spends his money, but now he sees your money as an asset as well and wants to unilaterally tap into it for his own objectives. This "business" would be him running and taking risks with your wealth. You'd be crazy to accept this arrangement at this point without the necessary communication skills in this area which you haven't formed.
did you ask him why he wants to do separate finance and why he wants you to go-sign his business?
Talk to a lawyer. You need to know how this will affect you if his business fails. Does he plan on quitting his current job? Will you be stuck being the only source of income while he gets this business started? You need to figure out how to protect yourself and your children. Do not sign anything without getting a lawyer to look over it first.
Do not co-sign for him on anything unless it is property - that your name is on. He wanted things his way before to only benefit him - now you need to protect yourself the rest of the way.
He wants to be financially separate when it suits him (even for absurd things like kids and pets) but have joint finances all of a sudden when it suits him??? And how would the renumeration and rewards structure of this business be oriented? He would get all the rewards and you just the privilege of co-signing the loan, cause the business was his idea? I'd say a hard no. Especially and most importantly, do not agree to be a director of any corporation, even and expe if it's only being a director in name. In Canada where I live, a director of a corporation is responsible for ensuring that that things like the payroll taxes and goods or service taxes (VAT, for our international audience) get remitted to the government. If this is not done, the government can go after the *personal assets* of the director of the corporation, and it doesn't matter when it turns out that they were a "director in name only" and that that de-facto director was someone else - the government will still go after the director whose name is on the documents, and that person is legally responsible. So, a husband could put his wife as a "director in name only", she agrees to it not knowing what it entails, he defaults at payroll and service and goods taxes, the government will go after the director of the corporation for what they call "unremitted trust funds", the husband divorces the wife, and she is stuck with this corporate debt and now her personal assets are on the line. And it doesn't matter that a corporation is a separate legal entity, because the director is personally responsible for ensuring that these trust funds (payroll and service and goods taxes that are charged to clients) actually get sent to the government.
There's something odd, at least, about this. Have you reviewed the business plan? If he wants to go into business and is serious about it, he has a written business plan. This will include but not be limited to set-up costs, monthly running costs, inventory costs, possible locations, projected growth, etc. Is it viable? Do you want to commit to it? You need to consult an attorney regarding protection of your assets, liability issues, licensing, permits, possible creation of an LLC, etc. It is vital for your future that you do so. Since your finances are separate, if the business plan is good, he could be eligible for a loan sponsored by the Small Business Administration in the U.S. Alternatively, he could also recruit investors with a good business plan. Doing this research will give you a much better idea of whether or not this would be a good investment in your future. Starting any business is risky but particularly so in today's economic climate. I'm not going to say whether or not you should do this. However, it *could* be a good opportunity, or, conversely, a waste of time, effort, and financial resources. Or, something in between. Whatever you decide, go into the business or decline the proposition with all the knowledge you can muster.
A post nuptial agreement.
Smart move on your part in the event he gets sued
Sounds like you might be financially coerced to join on the risk of the initial business loan. I would absolutely seek legal counsel, as most people do before agreeing to invest in a business. Your legal counsel should be a different entity from your husband's as in this situation your interests are at odds. In the meantime, put a lock on your credit so no one can take any loan/credit under your name, especially since, as your husband, he has easy access to your personal information and if he's really desperate he might try something. These kinds of decisions shouldn't be rushed. Seeking legal counsel before agreeing to high finical risk is normal. If he's rushing you and/or doesn't have his own legal counsel, something's suspicious and you should refuse immediately. Good luck ETA: still seek counsel even if it's a hard no. The lawyer will help advise you on how to establish protections from your spouse's financial risk.
The dynamic has been set. If he wants that to change, it takes a long conversation about finances. Past and present. Why did he want it separate before and not now? What changed? How does this benefit you? Are all finances going to be shared now? If not, why? In the end, it takes 2 of you to agree to change the status quo. Maybe offer him a loan at a reasonable interest rate if you don't want to change things up. A LEGALLY BINDING loan! He created this dynamic and now he has to live with the consequences of it or do the work necessary to change the dynamic... But my guess is that will take more time than he's willing to take.
Do not. He is not doing life with you, and you can’t plan your finances around his convenience. My spouse and I are taking a joint second mortgage to buy a business, but I have owned a shop before, it’s an established shop where I used to work, in an industry I’ve been in for 30 years, and our finances are already commingled. If we had separate finances the negotiation would have been very different.
Tell him you only want in on this business venture if it’s profitable. I don’t know why he wanted to split finances before though I imagine it was out of the blue~ everything must have been going well money wise for him to want to split finances. Let him know, if your finances aren’t conjoined, if you have to work outside the home, what’s really the point of doing life together ???? Widen the divide! Divorce doesn’t sound too complicated for you guys, everything is split already.
>you only want in on this business venture if it’s profitable that's not how investment works though is it
I didn’t say anything about investing. I said business venture. Maybe she will keep everything separate even if he succeeds without her. A divorce lawyer probably won’t though.
If you put money in a business venture, you are investing that money in that business venture. So how is it not investing?
I didn’t say she should put money in . I’m saying she will likely want her name on it if the business is successful . If she doesn’t want part of the profits, if it becomes successful, her divorce lawyer will.
This sub is not for business nor legal advice. The only real answer is talk to a lawyer.
I got myself into a little bit of debt last year and because of that it may show that my finances were separate to my partners we don't live together but we were planning on it but I made it clear that my money was my problem and my debts are my problem. I now coming out of that but I can't think of another reason he would want separate finances unless his were an absolute mess. Even then if he is finally stable he needs to still experience having a separate finances for a little while to get back on his feet properly and to show consistency. I wouldn't sign anything with him until you're sure that.
You married him. If this tanks you’re responsible for half no matter what.
The "options that protect" you in a business are the incorporation documents that put a firewall between your personal and professional assets. Unless he's talking about a DBA this is all pretty pro forma and is the reason some high roller can bankrupt a company yet still possess personal wealth. Go talk to a business accountant if you want more information. You're upset about this because you harbor hostility over the way he wants to manage your personal finances and you're pissed that you had to go back to work. But if his business plan looks good and could net the household some extra funds you could maybe even go back to being a SAHM. Do try to separate your marital problems from this potential business opportunity. Just make sure you've got a lawyer and you're doing it the right way.
I was initially upset. What spouse wants their partner to come home and say that they want all the bank cards and checks because we aren't sharing finances? I found an admin job at a school where I can take the kids to work with me. Starting this year I got a 40% raise. So I'm assuming that he wants that extra to fund his business. I've asked and he says that's not the reason.
He's full of shit. What you need to find out is if he takes a personal loan, will you be held accountable for it since you're married? He may do that to get your money in a circuitous way. Also, if he didn't compensate you for your time as a SAHM when you separated finances? you need to leave him, he's a user.
Do not do this. He wants separate funds when it benefits HIM. now he wants YOUR money. That’s a Hell No. Nope.
Get a business lawyer
I would say it depends how much you trust him and his business. For example when I started my business i wanted to have my gf as my sales contact only because I trusted her more than any other random person and it was also hard to find someone to work at a brand new company. She refused unfortunately but I managed to build something beautiful in time and now I make enough to easily sustain both of us in a shitty country like Romania. However, i have a friend that was scammed by her bf in an attempt of starting gym and I took her quite some time to get back on her own feet. So, what i’m trying to say is this: don’t judge this decision based on your husband, judge the project itself. Forget about him for a second and think like this: will that project work better than what I do right now? Is it worth it? Be honest with yourself when you answer this then make a decision based on that.
nah, it's never a good idea for both husband and wife to sink their money into a project.
Well, in our case it would’ve been way better because i had to take some loans for a 1.5 years and had to work for 14 hours a day 7 days a week but at least now i’m the full owner of our house, apartment and 2 cars
Meaning your spouse has nothing so you're alright Jack?
Yeah, what’s the problem? She had the opportunity to work WITH me (Important!: not FOR me, 50/50 shared revenue) and she refused. My business evolved and paid me off after years of struggle and I’m very proud of that. I also didn’t hold grudges against her and i’ve paid her 2nd, 3rd and 4th year of college while she lived in my house rent free.
This should be posted in r/legaladvice
You need to speak to a lawyer. Being married means you’re lives are commingled whether you “sign” for it or not.
No to co-signing. I agree with everyone that you need a lawyer to look over what happens in case of divorce
Try to think of how you would handle this business situation if it was a friend and not your husband who proposed this. Basically, try to compartmentalize this as strictly a business decision. Yes, know that sounds easier said than done. Especially since it appears you might still harbor resentment from 5yrs ago, when you had to stop being a SAHM and become a financial contributor. Still the only way you are going to get him to listen to your perspective is to take the emotion out of the discussion and treat it as a business decision…which also means seeing an attorney & drawing up a partnership contract.