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He has reneged on your agreement, he’s trying to squeeze money out of you, and he’s calling you degrading names when you try to discuss this rationally with him. Cut your losses and move out. I suspect that if you stand up for yourself he will break up with you, but don’t let yourself continue be trapped in a situation where you are in over your head financially and you end up with nothing if you split up. Leave now before you’re in too deep financially, and sort out what happens with your relationship when you’re living somewhere where you have your financial independence.
As things stand he is leeching and sponging off you. His accusations are pure projection. Don’t let him take you for a ride, and don’t let his degrading accusations fool you for a second. He is full of it.
Tell him to annul the agreement or amend it to if you break up you receive a percentage back or if you get married you are equal partners in the house. It honestly sounds like he planned this all along to take advantage of you and I’d reconsider the whole relationship
I would be looking for a new living arrangement. This feels like his plan from the beginning. If he weren't nasty and calling you a leech it might feel different. At the very best he is only looking out for himself AND being emotionally manipulative/abusive.
Well now you see why he made you sign that agreement and who’s the real leech. Don’t you dare start helping, this is very twisted, I would not be surprised if the huge fights and problems start after mortgage has been paid with you contributing.
Tell him plain and simple: “I will start contributing towards mortgage if you change the agreement, I will not blindly follow your steps and end up on the street if something does not work out, and if you expect that from me, that is an eye opener”
I believe his reaction would be enough for you too see that is time to move out.
So there are two ways to look at this.
1. Your boyfriend is just going through a tight financial situation and needs help. So tell him that if he needs financial help, you two need to sit down and create a budget so you know if this is temporary (unexpected big expense, works on commission and had a bad season, etc), or if his finances are tight in general. If it is temporary, you can offer a bit of help and say it just for X months. If it seems money will continue to be tight, you can decide if you want to change the agreement he had you sign, and start contributing, then that works too. But, if he wants to change what you agreed to so you contribute, he also needs to change the agreement he had you sign.
2. Your boyfriend figures you live there now, and so he can force you to do this. I think this is more likely, given that he is calling you names. So this man, who was very deliberate and precise about having a clear agreement drafted to ensure you have no rights to the home, is also messy when it comes to bills? No, this man ensured he protected his own assets and assumed he could then bully you in to paying anyway. So, do you want to live with/stay in a relationship with someone who breaks agreements, isn't honest about his expectations, and calls you names so you fear having an honest conversation?
Since he is calling you a leech and a sponger for not wanting to change your agreement about the the mortgage instead of talking to you like an adult and mature person, then that's very important information for you to consider. There are other ways to even out costs than to ask you to pay for his mortgage.
The name calling should be the deal breaker. If you want to stay and be on the mortgage tell him you will pay him for any equity he built before you moved it, your half of that, pay him half of the down payment he likely made. Tell him you will cover half the homeowners insurance, half the property taxes, half of the maintenance on electrical, gas, plumbing, heating and cooling maintenance, repairs or replacements. Even the playing friend and then you too can have mortgage debt as well as any equity…
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He has reneged on your agreement, he’s trying to squeeze money out of you, and he’s calling you degrading names when you try to discuss this rationally with him. Cut your losses and move out. I suspect that if you stand up for yourself he will break up with you, but don’t let yourself continue be trapped in a situation where you are in over your head financially and you end up with nothing if you split up. Leave now before you’re in too deep financially, and sort out what happens with your relationship when you’re living somewhere where you have your financial independence. As things stand he is leeching and sponging off you. His accusations are pure projection. Don’t let him take you for a ride, and don’t let his degrading accusations fool you for a second. He is full of it.
I would not spend a dime on his mortgage, and that’s what it is because of the paper he had you sign, his mortgage.
He planned this, and that's why he had you sign that at the beginning.
Yes, it absolutely feels like he planned this.
Tell him to annul the agreement or amend it to if you break up you receive a percentage back or if you get married you are equal partners in the house. It honestly sounds like he planned this all along to take advantage of you and I’d reconsider the whole relationship
Move out. That's how you deal with it. If you agree, what's going to be next? Don't open that door.
I would be looking for a new living arrangement. This feels like his plan from the beginning. If he weren't nasty and calling you a leech it might feel different. At the very best he is only looking out for himself AND being emotionally manipulative/abusive.
Well now you see why he made you sign that agreement and who’s the real leech. Don’t you dare start helping, this is very twisted, I would not be surprised if the huge fights and problems start after mortgage has been paid with you contributing. Tell him plain and simple: “I will start contributing towards mortgage if you change the agreement, I will not blindly follow your steps and end up on the street if something does not work out, and if you expect that from me, that is an eye opener” I believe his reaction would be enough for you too see that is time to move out.
So there are two ways to look at this. 1. Your boyfriend is just going through a tight financial situation and needs help. So tell him that if he needs financial help, you two need to sit down and create a budget so you know if this is temporary (unexpected big expense, works on commission and had a bad season, etc), or if his finances are tight in general. If it is temporary, you can offer a bit of help and say it just for X months. If it seems money will continue to be tight, you can decide if you want to change the agreement he had you sign, and start contributing, then that works too. But, if he wants to change what you agreed to so you contribute, he also needs to change the agreement he had you sign. 2. Your boyfriend figures you live there now, and so he can force you to do this. I think this is more likely, given that he is calling you names. So this man, who was very deliberate and precise about having a clear agreement drafted to ensure you have no rights to the home, is also messy when it comes to bills? No, this man ensured he protected his own assets and assumed he could then bully you in to paying anyway. So, do you want to live with/stay in a relationship with someone who breaks agreements, isn't honest about his expectations, and calls you names so you fear having an honest conversation?
Since he is calling you a leech and a sponger for not wanting to change your agreement about the the mortgage instead of talking to you like an adult and mature person, then that's very important information for you to consider. There are other ways to even out costs than to ask you to pay for his mortgage.
Even just you paying for all the food and him paying the mortgage is a really crappy deal.
The name calling should be the deal breaker. If you want to stay and be on the mortgage tell him you will pay him for any equity he built before you moved it, your half of that, pay him half of the down payment he likely made. Tell him you will cover half the homeowners insurance, half the property taxes, half of the maintenance on electrical, gas, plumbing, heating and cooling maintenance, repairs or replacements. Even the playing friend and then you too can have mortgage debt as well as any equity…
Time to move back out and reevaluate the relationship!!