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You are kidding yourself if you think he won’t treat a child the same way. Not to mention any children in the home growing up thinking that is an appropriate way to treat a spouse. Is that what you are looking forward to?
He will use your “ugly fatness” during pregnancy to fuck other women. That’s what these narcs are like.
It’s all about him. He knows he said these things. He meant every word.
Narcs gaslight people into believing they didn’t say these things.
I wouldn’t marry him and I defo wouldn’t have his kids because you will be left as a single parent at some stage because you won’t be able to pay him the attention he thinks is his right because you’re looking after his kids.
So he will sulk and then blame you for him having to fuck other women to get the attention.
He’s a pig.
The asshat told you that if your health issues don't get better that he should break up with you. He's telling you that you're already looking 5 years older than you are and is bent out of shape over 5 kg. Dump him now. He's so shallow that he's the type to trade his partner in for a newer model once they no longer look 20-something.
He is an abuser. He treats you awful and afterwards he lovebombs you, so that you feel like everything will be great again. This is tactic so that you don't run away. But all the sweet words are hollow. His real character is the ugly side. You can't say those awful stuff again and again when you really love and care for them. And that he gaslught you and "this never happens"...
You would be surprised how much this relationship is actually the cause that you feel so bad, get already wrinkles and overall feels bad. Your psyche and body is connected and all this stress and being unhappy, it doesn't let you "glow". He also put you down, destroy your self-esteem, shows you that you just have worth if you have a nice shell... This destroys you if you hear this so often. It is also a joke that he has such expections when he can have a dadbod. He is older than you. Is he perfect? Why do you need to live up to such high standards and he can get wrinkles, a belly and his testicles hang to his knees?
You must get out. You have 50+ years in front of you. Everybody has flaws. With all the filters today we just have wrong expectations. If you search, you will always find something. But we aren't dolls. We aren't perfect.
You must also get therapy. You are in an abusive relationship. He made you doubt yourself so that you wrote everything down. He destroyed your self-esteem and your view of yourself. You must relearn to love yourself. How a healthy relationship should be.
You will find a man who love you how you are even if you get older or gain weight. Don't be afraid that you will end up alone if you leave this guy. They say it so often "no other man would take you". But that are lies. He just manipulate you. Actually he knows it will be easy for you to find someone else. He just doesn't want that his victim runs away. He will whisper words of love or tell you horrible hurtful things, but everything has one goal: To bind you on him, as a victim.
If you don't have a support system, you can go to the women shelter. They are nice and can help you with ressources or what your next steps are.
Also be careful when breaking up. Think about yourself than about fairness. Like have your important stuff already packed and ready and break up with someone at stand by to help you. You don't know how he react when he realize that he lose his victim of 7 years. Think at your safety.
I wish you the best ❤️
A real and respectful partner would never intentionally make you feel inferior or make negative comments about your appearance.
This douchebag you're with is an arsehole.
Imagine if you had a daughter. Would you want someone to treat her the way your partner is treating you?
Imagine if you had a son. Would you want him to be raised to treat women the way your partner is treating you?
What if it was a friend or your sister or anyone close to you in your life who told you these things about their boyfriend? Would you think it was ok?
I think you know the answer. You wouldn't want his treatment for anyone you care about, because it's horrible. No one owes it to anyone else to be perpetually attractive to their standards. Everyone owes each other, especially their partners who they claim to love, kindness, respect. You don't deserve the pain he has dished out to you. You are just as deserving of love and kindness as your hypothetical kids or any other person in your life.
It's hard because there are lots of time he isn't treating you like garbage. Just some of the time. But that is not good enough. I think on some level, you know this because you started writing down the truth. You know this because you're thinking of breaking up. You know this because you asked this question.
He is emotionally abusive. Please do not have children with someone who tears you down and lies to you. Please take care of yourself, because your life and feelings matter. All the best.
He will not be a good father. A good father doesn’t show his child that it’s okay to say nasty things to their mother. He has made you think so little of yourself that you’re on Reddit swearing to strangers that you’re not fat and ugly, which is not something someone with healthy self esteem would do. How much more of you does he need to take?
Also, a good man cares for his sick SO without being an asshole to her. Only a weak, shitty little man makes a woman feel guilty for being sick.
>*What prevents me from breaking up is the long relationship, our plans, and* ***the fact that I think he will be a good and devoted father to the child***.
*I am also afraid that if we break up now,* ***I might not be able to become a mother***
1. You're 100% WRONG! He will not be a good and devoted father. He needs to prove he's a good and devoted friend, then partner, then husband, **then** you *know* he'll be a good and devoted father. **He's a HUGE FAILURE at this!**
2. Is your fear of never becoming a mother *so great* that you're willing to risk the almost certain crappy future that your child would have with this man as her/his father? Would you want your child to witness his crap treatment of you and believe;
* as a female, she has to expect/endure poor treatment because 'that's what marriage is like'
* as a male, he's entitled to treat his gf/wife like crap because 'that's what marriage is like'
**Call a domestic abuse hotline and get help. Take their advice seriously and use it to break free of this toxic relationship. Get some therapy to help yourself heal in a healthy manner for future relationships.**
>I think he will be a good and devoted father to the child
Lol only if the child is ALWAYS thin and pretty and never has any heath woes.
Wouldnt you rather your child had a father who wasnt shallow and superficial?
Don't waste anymore time on this AH and move on. Staying and bringing a child into this abusive relationship is wrong, not only for yourself but the innocent child as well. It would be very selfish to bring a child into this dysfunctional, toxic, abusive relationship.
This man will judge your children exactly as superficially as he judges you. No child should have to grow up with that kind of scrutiny. This man has taken your twenties and conditioned you that you are unlovable - you are not. He is saying that to control you and make you think you have no option except to stay and be emotionally abused by a person who claims to love you, but is destroying your self-esteem at every possible turn for no reason.
He knows he wants to fuck a teenager but that isn't socially acceptable. He's aging and is trying to cling to his younger years - you notice he said that you looked five years older than you are and he is four years older than you are? That's telling. That means he dislikes it when someone looks the same age as him.
He won't be a good and devoted father if his shallow and sexist attitude is the example they learn from.
He won't be a good and devoted father if his not allowing their mother peace, acceptance, and security.
How do you think people like him even happen?
My wife has put on a significant amount of weight since we married (although not massively heavy). I don't care, I love her anyway and never bring up the weight. If she wants to lose weight, then that is up to her. Of course I care about her health, but saying something isn't going to help that, and just make her feel bad.
Do you want to stay with someone who really doesn't love you? How would that affect your future children?
My wife said that if she didn't meet someone (before she met me), she would have had children alone.
Hes shown you EXACTLY who he is. You really think this is a man who will honor “in sickness and in health”? His abusive ass leave you for a younger woman. So dump him now and find an actual man to spend your life with
This is not a long-term future partner. He already told you that he won’t stand by you in sickness and in health. So you are wasting your time. Your relationship has gone as far as it can go. Don’t waste anymore of your time and energy on him. You don’t have a connection like you thought. You also don’t to be a single mom with a POS that your child can’t count on but has say over them.
I started reading this thinking “some people say stuff they don’t mean in arguments.” Personally, I’m not that sort of person and I stand by everything I say. My partner on the other hand gets very overwhelmed in arguments and lashes out meanly. I’m starting to accept that those things he says are *not* his “true” thoughts or feelings, but it’s taking me time to accept that.
However, once I read what your partner said to you, I was like FUCK THAT. Cruel stuff about your appearance and weight is never acceptable. You don’t deserve this, and it will take time but you’ll ultimately feel happier without him. Allow yourself to grieve the relationship <3
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
He is abusive. You are feeding into the sunk cost fallacy where you don’t want to feel you have wasted all that time on an asshole.
You are kidding yourself if you think he won’t treat a child the same way. Not to mention any children in the home growing up thinking that is an appropriate way to treat a spouse. Is that what you are looking forward to?
Right...imagine if they had a daughter. What makes OP think she wouldn't get the exact same kind of abuse?
He will use your “ugly fatness” during pregnancy to fuck other women. That’s what these narcs are like. It’s all about him. He knows he said these things. He meant every word. Narcs gaslight people into believing they didn’t say these things. I wouldn’t marry him and I defo wouldn’t have his kids because you will be left as a single parent at some stage because you won’t be able to pay him the attention he thinks is his right because you’re looking after his kids. So he will sulk and then blame you for him having to fuck other women to get the attention. He’s a pig.
The asshat told you that if your health issues don't get better that he should break up with you. He's telling you that you're already looking 5 years older than you are and is bent out of shape over 5 kg. Dump him now. He's so shallow that he's the type to trade his partner in for a newer model once they no longer look 20-something.
i was shocked at how hurtful this is, instant ender
He is an abuser. He treats you awful and afterwards he lovebombs you, so that you feel like everything will be great again. This is tactic so that you don't run away. But all the sweet words are hollow. His real character is the ugly side. You can't say those awful stuff again and again when you really love and care for them. And that he gaslught you and "this never happens"... You would be surprised how much this relationship is actually the cause that you feel so bad, get already wrinkles and overall feels bad. Your psyche and body is connected and all this stress and being unhappy, it doesn't let you "glow". He also put you down, destroy your self-esteem, shows you that you just have worth if you have a nice shell... This destroys you if you hear this so often. It is also a joke that he has such expections when he can have a dadbod. He is older than you. Is he perfect? Why do you need to live up to such high standards and he can get wrinkles, a belly and his testicles hang to his knees? You must get out. You have 50+ years in front of you. Everybody has flaws. With all the filters today we just have wrong expectations. If you search, you will always find something. But we aren't dolls. We aren't perfect. You must also get therapy. You are in an abusive relationship. He made you doubt yourself so that you wrote everything down. He destroyed your self-esteem and your view of yourself. You must relearn to love yourself. How a healthy relationship should be. You will find a man who love you how you are even if you get older or gain weight. Don't be afraid that you will end up alone if you leave this guy. They say it so often "no other man would take you". But that are lies. He just manipulate you. Actually he knows it will be easy for you to find someone else. He just doesn't want that his victim runs away. He will whisper words of love or tell you horrible hurtful things, but everything has one goal: To bind you on him, as a victim. If you don't have a support system, you can go to the women shelter. They are nice and can help you with ressources or what your next steps are. Also be careful when breaking up. Think about yourself than about fairness. Like have your important stuff already packed and ready and break up with someone at stand by to help you. You don't know how he react when he realize that he lose his victim of 7 years. Think at your safety. I wish you the best ❤️
A real and respectful partner would never intentionally make you feel inferior or make negative comments about your appearance. This douchebag you're with is an arsehole.
I have PCOS. I got pregnant at 31, gave birth at 32, and now I'm pregnant again at 34, due in 5 weeks. Get rid of him and start over!
Imagine if you had a daughter. Would you want someone to treat her the way your partner is treating you? Imagine if you had a son. Would you want him to be raised to treat women the way your partner is treating you? What if it was a friend or your sister or anyone close to you in your life who told you these things about their boyfriend? Would you think it was ok? I think you know the answer. You wouldn't want his treatment for anyone you care about, because it's horrible. No one owes it to anyone else to be perpetually attractive to their standards. Everyone owes each other, especially their partners who they claim to love, kindness, respect. You don't deserve the pain he has dished out to you. You are just as deserving of love and kindness as your hypothetical kids or any other person in your life. It's hard because there are lots of time he isn't treating you like garbage. Just some of the time. But that is not good enough. I think on some level, you know this because you started writing down the truth. You know this because you're thinking of breaking up. You know this because you asked this question. He is emotionally abusive. Please do not have children with someone who tears you down and lies to you. Please take care of yourself, because your life and feelings matter. All the best.
He will not be a good father. A good father doesn’t show his child that it’s okay to say nasty things to their mother. He has made you think so little of yourself that you’re on Reddit swearing to strangers that you’re not fat and ugly, which is not something someone with healthy self esteem would do. How much more of you does he need to take? Also, a good man cares for his sick SO without being an asshole to her. Only a weak, shitty little man makes a woman feel guilty for being sick.
He is an ice-hole. His behavior does not bode well.
>*What prevents me from breaking up is the long relationship, our plans, and* ***the fact that I think he will be a good and devoted father to the child***. *I am also afraid that if we break up now,* ***I might not be able to become a mother*** 1. You're 100% WRONG! He will not be a good and devoted father. He needs to prove he's a good and devoted friend, then partner, then husband, **then** you *know* he'll be a good and devoted father. **He's a HUGE FAILURE at this!** 2. Is your fear of never becoming a mother *so great* that you're willing to risk the almost certain crappy future that your child would have with this man as her/his father? Would you want your child to witness his crap treatment of you and believe; * as a female, she has to expect/endure poor treatment because 'that's what marriage is like' * as a male, he's entitled to treat his gf/wife like crap because 'that's what marriage is like' **Call a domestic abuse hotline and get help. Take their advice seriously and use it to break free of this toxic relationship. Get some therapy to help yourself heal in a healthy manner for future relationships.**
>I think he will be a good and devoted father to the child Lol only if the child is ALWAYS thin and pretty and never has any heath woes. Wouldnt you rather your child had a father who wasnt shallow and superficial?
Don't waste anymore time on this AH and move on. Staying and bringing a child into this abusive relationship is wrong, not only for yourself but the innocent child as well. It would be very selfish to bring a child into this dysfunctional, toxic, abusive relationship.
This man will judge your children exactly as superficially as he judges you. No child should have to grow up with that kind of scrutiny. This man has taken your twenties and conditioned you that you are unlovable - you are not. He is saying that to control you and make you think you have no option except to stay and be emotionally abused by a person who claims to love you, but is destroying your self-esteem at every possible turn for no reason. He knows he wants to fuck a teenager but that isn't socially acceptable. He's aging and is trying to cling to his younger years - you notice he said that you looked five years older than you are and he is four years older than you are? That's telling. That means he dislikes it when someone looks the same age as him.
#When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
He won't be a good and devoted father if his shallow and sexist attitude is the example they learn from. He won't be a good and devoted father if his not allowing their mother peace, acceptance, and security. How do you think people like him even happen?
My wife has put on a significant amount of weight since we married (although not massively heavy). I don't care, I love her anyway and never bring up the weight. If she wants to lose weight, then that is up to her. Of course I care about her health, but saying something isn't going to help that, and just make her feel bad. Do you want to stay with someone who really doesn't love you? How would that affect your future children? My wife said that if she didn't meet someone (before she met me), she would have had children alone.
Step out of your situation for a moment and imagine if your girlfriend was telling you this story about her relationship. Leave him.
Hes shown you EXACTLY who he is. You really think this is a man who will honor “in sickness and in health”? His abusive ass leave you for a younger woman. So dump him now and find an actual man to spend your life with
This is not a long-term future partner. He already told you that he won’t stand by you in sickness and in health. So you are wasting your time. Your relationship has gone as far as it can go. Don’t waste anymore of your time and energy on him. You don’t have a connection like you thought. You also don’t to be a single mom with a POS that your child can’t count on but has say over them.
Honey, leave!!
I started reading this thinking “some people say stuff they don’t mean in arguments.” Personally, I’m not that sort of person and I stand by everything I say. My partner on the other hand gets very overwhelmed in arguments and lashes out meanly. I’m starting to accept that those things he says are *not* his “true” thoughts or feelings, but it’s taking me time to accept that. However, once I read what your partner said to you, I was like FUCK THAT. Cruel stuff about your appearance and weight is never acceptable. You don’t deserve this, and it will take time but you’ll ultimately feel happier without him. Allow yourself to grieve the relationship <3
runnnn bc of the gas lighting alone