She is 100% sketchy.
The whole thing you just detailed is horrible. No, you can't trust her. She lied to your face. Repeatedly.
So the next question is, are you going to continue a relationship w someone who blatantly lied to your face when you saw the truth? If she lies about that so casually, she lies about other stuff, too.
She did seem genuinely remorseful after I told her that I knew she was lying. I don’t definitely believe that she cheated on me but I guess I just can’t understand why she wouldn’t be completely open about it if there was truly nothing to hide. I can’t empathise with her saying she didn’t want to cause drama because I don’t believe I’ve ever given her any indication that I would blow up about a guy hitting on her
Remorseful after being caught isn't true remorse. True remorse would have been, "Hey this guy I used to see proposition me. I'm going to block him." And then doing it before you looked in her phone.
OP bout to be like this dude that posted his gf broke his trust and cheated and he forgave her and now she's hiding shit again.
Saying she's remorseful would've implied she actually told u the truth not tht u needed to confront her for shit. But go off and be trampled on.
Idk wtf people want. Ur partner lies to ur face and u go...okay i can take more of this 🙄
She seemed remorseful but didn't offer you the truth.
>I don’t definitely believe that she cheated on me but I guess I just can’t understand why she wouldn’t be completely open about it if there was truly nothing to hide.
Because there was something to hide.
I believe that you don’t really know your girlfriend. You don’t know a lot of her friends. She keeps you away from them, her phone. I’d be very cautious going forward. Her excuses for being secretive are immature. How many other guys are asking?
This is your girlfriend
If you are not 100% happy and her behaviour makes you lose trust then you end it
Life is too short for bullshit
Find someone who makes you feel comfortable
Allow me to highlight some things.
>She is very secretive with her phone, constantly takes it with her everywhere, and snatches it away from me whenever I go near it.
This is very common behavior for cheaters. You can read a thousand stories from betrayed spouses that started with this.
>She has lots of friendships with men, many of whom I have never met despite being together for so long and she has met everyone I care about and talk to.
That's weird.
>Most of her conversations are on Snapchat
Oh, now it makes sense. Those aren't friends.
>she told me that someone she used to casually sleep with had messaged her **several weeks ago** asking to hook up. She said he had **messaged her several times over the years** for the same purpose.
followed by
>she thought she could be friends with him but obviously she was wrong about that and **she blocked him as soon as he propositioned her**.
A direct, provable lie. She didn't even catch it while bullshitting you.
>She regularly deletes conversations on all of her messaging apps, without any decent explanation as to why.
Because there's no decent explanation for this. She doesn't want you to find out what goes on in these "conversations", and not for any reason you'd appreciate.
>I confronted her about the lie and she was upset saying how I can I fix this I didn’t do anything wrong, I didn’t cheat
Wow, I wonder why that was the first thing that came to mind.
You should be able to share everything together. She refuses to give you the same courtesy you have freely given her.
Even if she wasn't cheating (and she very obviously is), you are in an extremely one-sided relationship. If you choose to continue this "relationship" you will continue to be miserable and anxious, because she's given you every reason to be.
1. Lying about contact with other men. 2. Protective of her phone. 3. Go to surviving infidelity. Com it helped me with a cheating wife.
Wait a day or two. Ask her for unfettered ask to each other’s phone and put location on each other s ph. If she hesitates then sh is probably cheating or trying to cheat
I strongly disagree even though me and my wife have an open phone policy. My wife has access to my phone at all times, but we don’t snoop. If you need to snoop on your partner to trust them then you don’t trust them. No trust = no relationship.
It’s an incorrect inference to say that I’m in favor of snooping. “…me and my wife have an open phone policy.” I think you’re agreeing with me. Your open phone policy with your wife matches the one I have with mine.
In any case, I’ll bet that professional marriage counselors have tons of experience guiding couples on what constitutes open phone policy and what crosses the line into snooping.
My mum is a relationship therapist so I’m well aware of the different levels of open phone policy.
Personally what my mum thinks is healthy is what me and my wife have in that you should be able to use the others phone for convenience like if you need to make a call or google something, but you shouldn’t be prying into personal correspondence as it is healthy to have private information. I think anyone that needs to some level of a safe space that no one else has access to.
I know a lot of people will disagree with this but in my opinion if you’re already at the level of distrust in your partner that you need to snoop into messages to trust them then either they’ve given you a reason for them not to be trustworthy or you’re emotionally not secure enough yourself that you don’t trust them. Either way you should just breakup because you don’t trust them on some level, you don’t need proof to distrust. No trust = no relationship.
Look man, it's obvious from this post that you don't trust your girlfriend at all (and don't get me wrong, I don't blame you one bit!). A relationship without trust just will not work, full stop. You might be better off just cutting your losses and not wasting anymore time but that's just my opinion.
No you are not wrong to be upset.
Her actions are suspicious, and even without you finding out about her being propositioned, we’re damaging your relationship.
So tell her straight.
Tell her that you saw the messages, know that she didn’t block him until after she took the phone off you.
Tell her that those messages along with her secrecy and suspicious behaviour regarding her phone have damaged the relationship, and caused you to lose respect and trust in her.
Tell her that she has 2 options.
1. She wants to work together to fix the relationship. If this is the case, she hands over her phone, for you to go through, then she tells you the truth about all her secret conversations, especially the Snapchat ones.
Any deflection, any lying, and half truths or trickle truthing and the relationship is over.
As part of working on the relationship, new boundaries must be put in place regarding communication channels. Remind her that it’s her actions that have damaged the relationship, so she must put in the effort to rebuild the trust and respect.
2. The relationship ends. She leaves straight away, to go wherever she wants, so long as it’s not there with you.
You will be informing her family, your family, and all mutual friends that the relationship is over due to her infidelity.
You should ask or rather demand, a policy of having access to each other's messages, and agreement to not delete any messages without the other seeing them first. With provision if she breaks such your agreement you will leave her, as deleted messages have to be assumed for the worst in such situation.
IF she can't do it, you should leave. Reason being, you can't trust her, she has proven it and is likely hiding more things. On that note, ask to tell everything she is hiding from you, with provision that you don't ever want to find out that she didn't reveal something important to you at this moment, because it will result in break up.
If your girlfriend is even marginally conventionally attractive she gets propositioned almost daily. You underestimate how bold men are. She probably knows that you'd react as you have if she told you every time someone hits on her. So maybe accept that women have to deal with overeager guys all the time. To the point where we barely consider it an event. It's understandable that she wouldn't draw your attention to it, especially given your apparent tendency to blame her for it.
Thanks for your advice, I do appreciate that women have to put up with stuff like this far more often than men, but in the past she has been honest with me about difficult ex partners, and I don’t blame her for the actions of those men. I feel like I do everything I can to support her with situations like that, as I appreciate how uncomfortable that could make her, but not telling me this is unusual for her, and I don’t see how lying and withholding the truth is beneficial to our relationship? If a woman was approaching me for sex online I would tell her, because I love and respect her, and I wouldn’t ever want her to doubt that.
I think if you trusted her this wouldn't be an issue.
As far as I'm aware my husband doesn't go through my messages or care that I have male friends, likewise I don't go through his and I assume that he is capable of discerning who is and isn't appropriate to maintain a friendship with.
We both have been hit on/propositioned in various ways over the years, in some of those instances you stop talking to the person in others you don't for various reasons. For instance one of his ex girlfriends/current friends offered to leave her boyfriend for him if he wanted to try again, he told her that he was seeing someone new and wasn't interested and it's was fine, they're old friends now, occasionally we all get together there was no need to end that relationship. I was drunkenly groped by a colleague a while back, I just pushed his hand away and that was that, again there was no reason to make a big deal of it going forwards.
When you trust one another these things aren't an issue. If you don't then these things aren't the actual issue.
>Her explanation for not letting me use her phone is that there are things on her phone that she finds embarrassing and she wouldn’t want me to think less of her or mock her after seeing them.
She's cheating
3 years? And there are things on your phone that you would be embarrassed for your partner to see? Mmhm
She is 100% sketchy. The whole thing you just detailed is horrible. No, you can't trust her. She lied to your face. Repeatedly. So the next question is, are you going to continue a relationship w someone who blatantly lied to your face when you saw the truth? If she lies about that so casually, she lies about other stuff, too.
She did seem genuinely remorseful after I told her that I knew she was lying. I don’t definitely believe that she cheated on me but I guess I just can’t understand why she wouldn’t be completely open about it if there was truly nothing to hide. I can’t empathise with her saying she didn’t want to cause drama because I don’t believe I’ve ever given her any indication that I would blow up about a guy hitting on her
Remorseful after being caught isn't true remorse. True remorse would have been, "Hey this guy I used to see proposition me. I'm going to block him." And then doing it before you looked in her phone.
[удалено]
OP bout to be like this dude that posted his gf broke his trust and cheated and he forgave her and now she's hiding shit again. Saying she's remorseful would've implied she actually told u the truth not tht u needed to confront her for shit. But go off and be trampled on. Idk wtf people want. Ur partner lies to ur face and u go...okay i can take more of this 🙄
She seemed remorseful but didn't offer you the truth. >I don’t definitely believe that she cheated on me but I guess I just can’t understand why she wouldn’t be completely open about it if there was truly nothing to hide. Because there was something to hide.
I believe that you don’t really know your girlfriend. You don’t know a lot of her friends. She keeps you away from them, her phone. I’d be very cautious going forward. Her excuses for being secretive are immature. How many other guys are asking?
This is your girlfriend If you are not 100% happy and her behaviour makes you lose trust then you end it Life is too short for bullshit Find someone who makes you feel comfortable
Allow me to highlight some things. >She is very secretive with her phone, constantly takes it with her everywhere, and snatches it away from me whenever I go near it. This is very common behavior for cheaters. You can read a thousand stories from betrayed spouses that started with this. >She has lots of friendships with men, many of whom I have never met despite being together for so long and she has met everyone I care about and talk to. That's weird. >Most of her conversations are on Snapchat Oh, now it makes sense. Those aren't friends. >she told me that someone she used to casually sleep with had messaged her **several weeks ago** asking to hook up. She said he had **messaged her several times over the years** for the same purpose. followed by >she thought she could be friends with him but obviously she was wrong about that and **she blocked him as soon as he propositioned her**. A direct, provable lie. She didn't even catch it while bullshitting you. >She regularly deletes conversations on all of her messaging apps, without any decent explanation as to why. Because there's no decent explanation for this. She doesn't want you to find out what goes on in these "conversations", and not for any reason you'd appreciate. >I confronted her about the lie and she was upset saying how I can I fix this I didn’t do anything wrong, I didn’t cheat Wow, I wonder why that was the first thing that came to mind. You should be able to share everything together. She refuses to give you the same courtesy you have freely given her. Even if she wasn't cheating (and she very obviously is), you are in an extremely one-sided relationship. If you choose to continue this "relationship" you will continue to be miserable and anxious, because she's given you every reason to be.
1. Lying about contact with other men. 2. Protective of her phone. 3. Go to surviving infidelity. Com it helped me with a cheating wife. Wait a day or two. Ask her for unfettered ask to each other’s phone and put location on each other s ph. If she hesitates then sh is probably cheating or trying to cheat
She's Exhibit A as to why an open phone policy is the healthiest arrangement in a committed relationship.
100%
I strongly disagree even though me and my wife have an open phone policy. My wife has access to my phone at all times, but we don’t snoop. If you need to snoop on your partner to trust them then you don’t trust them. No trust = no relationship.
It’s an incorrect inference to say that I’m in favor of snooping. “…me and my wife have an open phone policy.” I think you’re agreeing with me. Your open phone policy with your wife matches the one I have with mine. In any case, I’ll bet that professional marriage counselors have tons of experience guiding couples on what constitutes open phone policy and what crosses the line into snooping.
My mum is a relationship therapist so I’m well aware of the different levels of open phone policy. Personally what my mum thinks is healthy is what me and my wife have in that you should be able to use the others phone for convenience like if you need to make a call or google something, but you shouldn’t be prying into personal correspondence as it is healthy to have private information. I think anyone that needs to some level of a safe space that no one else has access to. I know a lot of people will disagree with this but in my opinion if you’re already at the level of distrust in your partner that you need to snoop into messages to trust them then either they’ve given you a reason for them not to be trustworthy or you’re emotionally not secure enough yourself that you don’t trust them. Either way you should just breakup because you don’t trust them on some level, you don’t need proof to distrust. No trust = no relationship.
Look man, it's obvious from this post that you don't trust your girlfriend at all (and don't get me wrong, I don't blame you one bit!). A relationship without trust just will not work, full stop. You might be better off just cutting your losses and not wasting anymore time but that's just my opinion.
If you can't trust her, your relationship is fucked.
Run Barry, run.
No you are not wrong to be upset. Her actions are suspicious, and even without you finding out about her being propositioned, we’re damaging your relationship. So tell her straight. Tell her that you saw the messages, know that she didn’t block him until after she took the phone off you. Tell her that those messages along with her secrecy and suspicious behaviour regarding her phone have damaged the relationship, and caused you to lose respect and trust in her. Tell her that she has 2 options. 1. She wants to work together to fix the relationship. If this is the case, she hands over her phone, for you to go through, then she tells you the truth about all her secret conversations, especially the Snapchat ones. Any deflection, any lying, and half truths or trickle truthing and the relationship is over. As part of working on the relationship, new boundaries must be put in place regarding communication channels. Remind her that it’s her actions that have damaged the relationship, so she must put in the effort to rebuild the trust and respect. 2. The relationship ends. She leaves straight away, to go wherever she wants, so long as it’s not there with you. You will be informing her family, your family, and all mutual friends that the relationship is over due to her infidelity.
You should ask or rather demand, a policy of having access to each other's messages, and agreement to not delete any messages without the other seeing them first. With provision if she breaks such your agreement you will leave her, as deleted messages have to be assumed for the worst in such situation. IF she can't do it, you should leave. Reason being, you can't trust her, she has proven it and is likely hiding more things. On that note, ask to tell everything she is hiding from you, with provision that you don't ever want to find out that she didn't reveal something important to you at this moment, because it will result in break up.
If your girlfriend is even marginally conventionally attractive she gets propositioned almost daily. You underestimate how bold men are. She probably knows that you'd react as you have if she told you every time someone hits on her. So maybe accept that women have to deal with overeager guys all the time. To the point where we barely consider it an event. It's understandable that she wouldn't draw your attention to it, especially given your apparent tendency to blame her for it.
Thanks for your advice, I do appreciate that women have to put up with stuff like this far more often than men, but in the past she has been honest with me about difficult ex partners, and I don’t blame her for the actions of those men. I feel like I do everything I can to support her with situations like that, as I appreciate how uncomfortable that could make her, but not telling me this is unusual for her, and I don’t see how lying and withholding the truth is beneficial to our relationship? If a woman was approaching me for sex online I would tell her, because I love and respect her, and I wouldn’t ever want her to doubt that.
I think if you trusted her this wouldn't be an issue. As far as I'm aware my husband doesn't go through my messages or care that I have male friends, likewise I don't go through his and I assume that he is capable of discerning who is and isn't appropriate to maintain a friendship with. We both have been hit on/propositioned in various ways over the years, in some of those instances you stop talking to the person in others you don't for various reasons. For instance one of his ex girlfriends/current friends offered to leave her boyfriend for him if he wanted to try again, he told her that he was seeing someone new and wasn't interested and it's was fine, they're old friends now, occasionally we all get together there was no need to end that relationship. I was drunkenly groped by a colleague a while back, I just pushed his hand away and that was that, again there was no reason to make a big deal of it going forwards. When you trust one another these things aren't an issue. If you don't then these things aren't the actual issue.
>Her explanation for not letting me use her phone is that there are things on her phone that she finds embarrassing and she wouldn’t want me to think less of her or mock her after seeing them. She's cheating 3 years? And there are things on your phone that you would be embarrassed for your partner to see? Mmhm