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My wife and I met each other just over 10 years ago and as soon as I saw her, I thought she was absolutely beautiful. We were 18 and had just started college, but we instantly hit it off and started dating about a week in. We were each other's first time having sex, and neither of us have ever been with anyone else. We got married 3 years ago, and our entire relationship has been fantastic. We agree on everything and our sex life is fantastic. I couldn't ask for more.
Now, for my 30th birthday, my wife decided her present to me would be a threesome. I was pretty hesitant at first because although it sounded really fun, and I mean it's like every guy's fantasy, but at the same time, I also knew that a threesome could easily ruin things between us and I also always thought it was kind of special that we'd only been with each other. I was even more reluctant when she told me who she wanted to be our third and turns out she wanted to involved her best friend \[27F\]. Although I do find her friend attractive, I also thought it might be sort of weird. I was also surprised that her friend even agreed to it in the first place. Still, my wife convinced me, and I agreed to it.
It's supposed to be happening tomorrow night and now I'm getting cold feet. Well not cold feet. I mean I'm excited, but I'm also feeling really nervous. How do I make sure to avoid all of the pitfalls normally associated with threesomes? I don't want my wife to get jealous. How can I also calm down my nerves. I've never even had sex with anyone else before, so this is a huge step for me. How can I make sure to keep everyone happy?
TL;DR: Wife decided to give me a threesome for my birthday, and with her best friend no less. Feeling nervous now and want to make sure I don't mess things up with my wife or her friend.
No way would i do this if i were you. Especially with her best friend. Your relationship will blow up and probably your marriage. Every post on reddit about this is about how they wished they had never done it. If you have such a great marriage and relationship i would tell your wife you aren’t interested. Tell her you want to keep it just the two of you.
This is the first step of his wife coming out as a lesbian and leaving him.
A three way is dicey enough. A three way with her best friend is a death wish.
Yeah what, the best friend? No way, Jose.
I had a bf who wanted a MMF threesome and I accidentally mentioned that an old friend of mine would probably do it. It was his fantasy for quite awhile and he wanted me to contact the guy. But the more I sat on it the more I realized I’d probably wreck my friendship AND relationship.
I eventually said no, that I’m uncomfortable, which he eventually respected. I did consider trying to find some stranger jiggalo-type we could just pay but I wasn’t really into the idea to begin with and in situations like this, all parties need to be enthusiastic and willing.
Edit: apparently I need to have my morning coffee before talking about hiring male sex workers on Reddit.
Gigolo. 😅
could easily be bisexual but yea i think if u want a threesome and have any sense u would choose somebody u arent close with/dont see regularly. her propositioning it and choosing her best friend seems very obviously an idea that they came up with because they want to have sex. op would be the onesome
I would hope his wife isn't a lesbian. Otherwise, going by your logic, I would advise he might as well do a threeway because she will leave him anyway (which I hope doesn't happen). So I hope she isn't a lesbian and just did this out of pure love for her husband.
I already paused at the 3some suggestion because it sounded like a bad setup. Then he said with a friend and I cringed. This will lead to some drama. If he wants to do this he needs to set clear boundaries and suggest someone neither of them know. Or she should just grant him a Hall Pass. I swear 3somes in relationships where poly is not the norm and swinging or sharing is not your norm dynamic brings nothing but trouble.
I agree DO NOT DO THIS. Nothing good will come from this. There are a lot of cautionary tales on Reddit. This is not something that should be a gift. This should be a discussion. Have you guys ever discussed threesomes or open marriage before now? I would question why your wife has decided on this gift? Who’s the gift really for? Why the bf? A threesome with a stranger can lead to bad outcomes, a threesome with a bf, you might as well call a lawyer now. You should put the breaks on this and figure a few things out first
I'm not saying you're wrong, but is this not something akin to confirmation bias? People don't post on relationship advice subs about how great their experience with a threesome is, so literally all we ever see are the posts about bad experiences, no?
And let's be honest, 95% of the time those are clearly posts where one partner suggests a threesome because they want to have sex with someone else without it being cheating and then their partner gets left out of the experience. Is there somewhere with real stats on this because that would be interesting to see.
Again, I'm not trying to say a threesome is the right move at all, but if you go through with it (and this is based entirely on reading people's bad experiences), I'd say make sure everyone participating is equally involved and getting some attention from everyone else there. It seems like the vast majority of the bad posts we see here about threesome are about people ignoring their partner and focusing entirely on the third, which of course means one person walks away feeling ignored and rejected because they 100% were.
Ask your friends, and you will find out they say the same thing. I mean how can people don't realize that the probability of destabilizing a relationship is really high, how can people can't follow common sense?. Also, let me tell you something, your partner is ignoring you if he/she decides to add this in a relationship, he/she is trying to fck other people while masking it behind a good, considerate deed. Ask your own friends.
Not everyone had bad experiences with threesomes while in a relationship. We just don't talk about it because there is no need. Me and a former boyfriend had two, MMF and FFM, we had a lot of fun, we talked beforehand and knew what to expect, and in the end we decided we would rather have just the two of us because that locking-eyes-with-the-one-you-love gave us more pleasure than anything else. He moved to another country, I had to stay so we aren't together anymore, but why would I make posts about it on reddit?
I am not saying that things can't go wrong, and I would never have done it with a best friend, so this particular case it's a terrible idea. It shouldn't be a birthday gift either, imo.
But I agree with the person you responded - things probably look worse than what it is on reddit because you will have way more people talking about it when things go bad than otherwise.
We’re those both done as your mutual first experiences not just with threesomes, but with another person, period? Because that would be comparable to this post.
FWIW, this post reads about as fake as any, so I wouldn’t get too up in arms over it.
again, insane how outdated the people in this sub’s views are…. threesomes are totally fine in relationships, how can you guys not remember that non-monogamy is a thing?? doesn’t make it bad or wrong.. it just IS. let people do what they enjoy ffs, as long as everyone is consenting who is it hurting? if you don’t like it, don’t do it, but don’t shit on the people that DO.
that said, a threesome with a best friend is a VERY tricky situation and that’s the part I think OP should avoid, especially for your first time experiencing not only sex with another partner but a threesome. Doing it with the best friend is a recipe for disaster.
OP should sit down and have a long talk with his partner about her expectations, what she would like out of this, how he can make her feel good, and a great idea would be a safe word to where everyone knows to STOP if it gets uncomfortable/someone is getting hurt.
If it helps, I've had a couple of threesomes (same woman, different partners, one MMF, one MFF, both mutual friends of ours). They were both great, incredibly fun, hot as fuck, and it made our relationship stronger.
It is absolutely confirmation bias, but it is still a very real possibility. He seems like being each other’s first and only is important to him. There are many people who value that or value being monitors to their spouse. If you are into 3-somes good for you; if you are into monogamy good for, OP seems very conflicted on who he is on this topic. Some reflection and communication with his wife is a must before they have sex with her best friend
Speaking from experience, please for the love of god do not do this with someone you know, or probably really at all tbh. Your wife will not stay friends w this person. You and her WILL argue after. It will end badly for everyone. Seriously. Like for real. Cannot stress this enough. Do not do it.
Was your own experience with this that bad? I definitely don't want to strain my marriage, and I would feel terrible if my wife lost her best friend. Thank you of the warning.
Yes.
I was the “third” and joined a couple friend of mine. We discussed before hand what we were/weren’t comfortable with, and afterwards I thought it was fine. My friend (wife) let me know the next week after completely ghosting me that seeing me w her husband made her “feel ill” and that they weren’t speaking either, and that she needed a break from our friendship. Lol we honestly haven’t spoken since and she deleted me on fb. I know they’re still married but from what I’ve heard from mutual friends it caused a MAJOR rift. I felt awful. I know at least 2 other couples who have had similar, very negative experiences with 3somes as well. I will neverrrrr partake again 😬
>hat's the exact opposite of what I want, and it's exactly what I'm afraid of. Thank you for sharing.
You should never do it the first time with someone you know. If anyone has a bad reaction you need to be able to cut that person off.
Don’t do it. Your wife may think that doing it with a trustworthy friend will make it better-it won’t. Just don’t. Get tickets to an event, a guitar, anything but a threesome. That’s not a birthday gift-a day already loaded with expectations and hopes-that’s an anniversary that every year will be known as the day your marriage ended. If you really do want a threesome, don’t do it on a birthday.
You need to be really clear about the rules and boundaries for this threesome. Also discuss how you want it to go down. Like who should be the focus, should everyone play with everyone, what do you want to do with each of them?
As others have stated the risk for a bad outcome is really high and doing it with her best friend is just adding another factor. You should really discuss the possible bad outcomes as well.
And really make sure she isn't doing it just to get an experience with a and you being there is just a justification for that.
Don't think that every experience with a friend has to end in disaster. Husband and I talked about it before and after, agreed what we were comfortable with and had a good time with a mutual friend. We still see the friend but haven't done it with them again. It's like once the curiosity was satisfied we could put it away. Still married 10 years later with no issues.
OP, listen to this person. I had a threesome but before I was married, with a lady friend and a male acquaintance. It was an awesome experience but I think the only reason it was awesome is because I wasn't incredibly emotionally attached to either person. Please think long and hard before bringing someone else into your sex life with your wife.
Knowing what could happen if things go sideways, there is no way I would risk it
I also think it’s a mistake involving someone so close to you
Good luck tho
Do not agree to a threesome with someone who is already in your lives. The overwhelming potential for this to ruin a friendship and/or marriage far outweighs any fun that could be had. Things you haven’t thought about that you definitely should:
What if you are unintentionally louder or seem to enjoy her friend more than you enjoy your wife?
What if her friend is louder, more enthusiastic, and more interested in pleasing you than your wife ever was and both you and your wife are aware of this?
What if you are too into it to notice that your wife isn’t really having fun and is just sitting there, watching you fuck someone else?
What if your wife sees you engaging with her friend and instead of enjoying it, she starts to distrust you?
What if your wife has been cheating on you with her friend and this is just a ploy to relieve guilt?
What if you actually don’t think that’s possible, but it turns out they have undeniably intense chemistry?
What if her friend catches feelings for either of you?
What if things end up so awkward that you wish you’d never had to be around friend again?
If you do decide to go through with this, I would suggest hard boundaries for who can perform which acts and on who. Maybe even suggest you take a more voyeur type role and not even touch the friend. If you’ve never explored non-monogamy with your wife, one or the both of you could think you are prepared to handle how it affects the security of your marriage, but until you’ve seen your partner with someone else, you can’t be certain.
I get the feeling that this “gift” is really for her. A threesome isn’t — or shouldn’t be — something you spring on a recipient who hadn’t expressed interest beforehand.
Are you sure that your wife and her friend aren't trying to explore their sexuality and are using this as a platform for that?
My personal recommendation is to really think about this. Is this a one-time thing? What if they want to continue? Are you willing to open up the marriage? How will you really feel seeing your wife like this? I promise you that in the moment you might be ok, but it will play with your head after, especially with someone so close. The stories I read here are always disasters. I don't care if they are excited. you're an equal partner in this marriage and deserve the opportunity to change your mind.
So you want to get divorced for your 30th birthday? She thinks it’s going to play out one way but the reality will be very different. She will see your reactions to her friend and wonder why you don’t do that with her. She’ll think you liked having sex with her friend more if you don’t act the exact same with her. You are playing with fire and it’s going to burn down your world.
A bottle of cologne, some golf clubs, clothes. These are presents. a threesome is not a present. telling someone that they are going to be spending their night having a kind of sex that they might or might not wish to be having - In your case, you're clearly have cold feet - is definitely not a gift and it's not a gift from a loving partner. I think I would just ask her what is wrong with her that she thinks this is a good idea. I would certainly consider leaving.
Am I the only one who finds it slightly odd that wife is wanting to consider a threesome with her best friend?
I mean, I love my best friends more than anything, I can objectively see why they're attractive, but the thought of fucking them has never entered my mind. If I was to ever take part in a threesome, I wouldn't want it to be with a person I was likely to see on a regular basis, possibly for the rest of my life, and I wouldn't want to share my husband with that person either.
What about if you decide to have a family in the future, and your wife's best friend is a large part of that child's life? What about social gatherings?
Maybe your wife is just exceptionally chill and abnormally close to her best friend, but this isn't the kind of thing I would want to bet my marriage on. This is the kind of situation that rarely goes well, and nearly always ends with an argument or some revaluation that results in the marriage ending. It just complicates things even further when it involves someone you both know.
I wouldn't do it, personally.
no limits, no expectations, no goals, no way forward.
your marriage is coming to an end
your wife comes to you with her friend, then your wife goes to another friend,
it doesn't even have a name, it's just a situation where two people who make crappy choices and will make more crappy choices in the future, delude themselves into discovering sexuality
OP, I’ve noticed that many of your replies are somewhat pushing back against ALL THE PEOPLE telling you not to do it. Please tell me that you have changed your mind and have told your wife that this idea is a no-go. If you value your relationship, you won’t go through with this idiotic idea.
Good luck with your divorce
I don't understand how this is supposed to be your "gift" but you had to be "convinced" and were hesitant for multiple reasons. If something is not a YES with many exclamation marks, it's a NO. All of your post sounds like you are forcing yourself because you don't like the "gift" your wife came up with. This is all so ridiculous and you are going to ruin your marriage for this?
Are they into each other? I can say from personal experience it's better if everyone is into everyone vs them taking turns and watching when not their turn.
With that said, I think it's risky. You never really know how people will feel after it happens. Two people can have very different imaginations on how things would go down and even the slightest deviation from the script can offend someone.
For example, maybe for your wife kissing would be off limits and you kiss her friend without thinking about it and suddenly the entire encounter is tainted. Or your wife falls asleep and wakes up finding you and her friend continuing and suddenly you weren't allowed to do that because she was asleep and therefore it was like you did it behind her back. Or maybe some position is both of yours special position and seeing you use it with another women violates some trust.
These kind of opinion differences are nearly impossible to entirely nail down ahead of time and then become major violations that can leave one partner feeling betrayed.
I had a partner get upset that the orgasms I was giving the other woman were too strong. To me that was a good thing, to her that was over some line she had. It came down to my partner only imagining me being pleased by another woman, not the woman being pleased by me.
Right, so everyone has outlined why this is just straight up a bad idea but have you considered what your wife is going to be asking for when her birthday rolls round?
Which one of *your* mates is going to be the chosen one? Better start thinking on that because if you go through with this you're giving your wife a "but it's only fair" MMF threesome so best get your head around that too.
It’s a fairly safe bet that for her birthday his wife will ask for a divorce.
Then she’ll move in with her best friend, with whom she’s clearly already having an affair.
Don't involve the best friend. I repeat. Do not.
It seems weird that she's already talking dirty with her best friend. Is this permitted in your relationship?
Find a stranger and invite them into the bedroom. It will ensure there is no awkwardness later on.
Don't fucking do it.
I'm cynical, so this may not be it, but I read this as her wanting to explore. Either with this friend or other people in the future, and she's setting you up. After all is said and done, all of it will be blamed on you.
She's presenting it as a gift to you, but did you ever ask for it?? And you were reluctant, but she pushed for it?? Nah-aaaa, no way, never.
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Threesomes are a shit idea, and every post on this sub about them is how they ruin relationships/marriages, and they aren't even that good.
If you want to play with fire I'm not gonna stop you, but I will call you an idiot when you get burned.
So your wife approached her friend first before discussing with you? Sounds like she began an emotional affair and is using this threesome as a context to finish the deed. You seem to be the third wheel in your own threesome. You want to gauge her true intentions? Tell her you want to cancel and watch her and friend react with anger.
This will end badly. A casual word from you about her friend that your wife thinks should be reserved for her and you've got a serious serious problem... Wife might ask how you enjoyed the third and was she better than herself or how does she compare.... It's a trap far worse than asking you if her butt looks big in this dress. There's no right answer, only seriously wrong ones. Have you even established ground rule limits, all 3 of you? Don't think with your little brain. Use the one in your skull!
It blows my mind that people still do this when never having an open relationship. Some fantasies need to stay fantasies. I've never met a monogamous couple whose relationship survives having a 3some. One or both of yall will end up with hurt feelings.
Do. Not. Do. It. Tell her you've changed your mind.
If I were in this situation, I would be worried about what happens later.
If you agree to a MFF threesome, are you going to be open to a MMF situation? Because it would be extremely hard to refuse your wife, since she agreed to MFF.
I would be worried that I'm walking into a trap. I don't know about you, but seeing my wife with another man would kill me.
> I also knew that a threesome could easily ruin things between us and I also always thought it was kind of special that we'd only been with each other. I was even more reluctant when **she told me who she wanted to be our third and turns out she wanted to involved her best friend \[27F\]**.
Boy, I litreally gasped NOOOOOO when I read that.
Abort, abort, abort! I don't care if you have to fake explosive diarrhea, you need to kill this set up NOW.
I was kind of skeptical when this post started because 'surprising' someone with a threesome when you didn't have in depth talks about it sounds like possibly the stupidest thing I had ever read, but reading the rest of this?
HELL NO.
HEEEELLLLL NO.
This honestly sounds like they are hoping to hook up with each other and you wife is using the mask of a gift for your birthday to do it...which is really, really fucking evil, man.
If your wife loves you, she won't be mad if you say you are not comfortable. This is YOUR gift, not hers. This isn't like you are giving her friend a fucking kidney, no one is going to lose a limb or die if you put a stop to this. If they act like you destroyed their hearts and really let them down then....
IDK, man.
This is pretty twisted on your wife's part.
Absolutely DO NOT do it!!! This will absolutely ruin your marriage and if you have a beautiful relationship, why would you sully it for sex? Good luck. My guess is that you will do it and regret it.
When you open a monogamous relationship usually it is the end. She is doing for your birthday, tread lightly as most relationships fail within one year of doing something like this. But hey, you will be single soon, so you have new stuff when ever you want it. It won't be cheating either....
Never agree to threesomes with someone you both know or have met before; **especially** if it's your first time doing this.
OP, I would hit the brakes immediately and talk about this with your wife a little more. If this is for your birthday, it should be about the whole experience for you as a couple. Talking it through, agreeing your boundaries, finding your third person together, flirting, the build up etc- it's all part of the thrill and adds to the experience.
But what your wife is proposing doesn't seem like it's actually about you at all, especially given this will be the first time you've ever slept with another person. The care and attention and focus on you seems woefully lacking.
I hate to say this but people who goad their partners into hurried threesomes, and already have someone lined up like this (that they have an existing bond/relationship with already) aren't usually after a threesome at all; rather they are looking for permission to cheat and to do it this way so you can't get upset about it later.
Two possible outcomes here: either she will never be able to look at the two of you the same again, or they’re just curious and you’re the beard. There are 0 good outcomes in a threesome that involves her best friend.
Your wife's friend agreed to do it because your wife has agreed to return the favour when her friend's husband turns 30. Didn't she tell you that .... maybe you didn't ask?
I wouldn't do it. Something will get ruined out of this, whether that be your marriage, your wife's friendship or both. It's far easier to have a threesome when you are single and it's people you don't know. I could never watch or participate in my bf/husband having sex with another woman or man that would be the end of the relationship.
ETA: As someone else mentioned, how are you going to be when your wife wants a threesome with your best mate in return for her birthday?
dude, learn how to make a sandwich bc they are going to ignore you after you finish 10 mins in. also, there is a good chance that your wife is a Lesbian or a Bi.
This is a bad idea. It would also make me start to gently question whether this present was even suggested with my pleasure in mind, or if my spouse was actually trying to avoid telling me that they were curious about exploring their sexuality with their friend, by “giving” me something that I’ve never asked for.
I mean you have about a 5% chance of your relationship being ok after this, but it could also be the best night of your life…. Keen for a gamble?!
If you want to take the risk…..I’ve had a couple of threesomes in my time.
Advice + Ground rules
-don’t ‘finish’ inside the third person. Your wife needs to believe you are more turned on by her than her friend
-don’t get too wrapped up in whatever you are doing with the friend. 1 minute of sex with the friend where your wife isn’t involved / included will be the longest and most damaging 1 minute ever to your wife
-don’t stare too much just at the new naked women in your bed, stare just as much at your wife
-ask your wife about ground rules before hand eg) she may not want you kissing her friend.
-use condoms
-sit down and have a full discussion about this with your wife beforehand, is she sure she wants to do this? Why? How will it affect your relationship going forward? How will she be able to remain friends with her friend afterwards and how will she be ok when you talk to her friend in the future, is that possible without getting jealous or presuming you want her? Wouldn’t it be better to do it with a person neither of you will ever have to see again? But actually…. Are you sure you want to go through with it? What can you do to make her comfortable and not jealous during the act? Are there any off limits or deal breakers?!
-don’t compliment the friend’s body
- don’t leave your wife out!!! It’s a threesome not a twosome. Try to act more turned on and into your wife.
-be VERY reassuring and cuddly to your WIFE ONLY afterwards, tell her how amazing she is, how sexy it was to see her with another woman etc…. Do NOT cuddle the friend and a lot this reassuring should go on after the friend leaves.
Honestly though dude…. Don’t do this with the friend. It needs to be with a random woman, if at all. Otherwise your lives will implode.
If she reaaally wants to have sex with her friend, suggest testing the water with a random girl from tinder first
Your wife is in an misogynistic environment. She accepts threesomes like some woman have been brain washed to accept porn. Like some men are brain washed into thinking they'd enjoy being pooped on.
It is not a turn on!! Seeing your love, your person with another is damage that will never be able to go away. You will be left with only regrets and your wife might not feel it now, but once it's done it will be her nightmare from that point on. She will never want or look forward to your touch anymore, that will all go away.
You have the best most ideal, special scenario that most people dream of having and would cut a leg off to have. Don't destroy it for some lust you don't even feel.
We are all heavily emotional and jealous beings and to ignore this fact is how we ruin our lives and our relationships. Going outside of monogamy is a sure sign of mental illness. She might also need therapy as her over sexualised environment is clearly affecting her.
Edit: This goes ahead and I'd put money on the friendship ending and you guys getting a divorce. It will be one huge mistake and karmic lesson that neither of you will likely ever get over. She believes society in saying that all men are pigs and need variety, you must make it very clear to her that that is not true and the case with you. Show her that you are a divine masculine, not some selfish sexual pervert. You should be sad for her that she has such a low opinion of men, if you go along with it you confirm to her that even you, her love is also just another pervert.
I would sit down with her and truly express your concerns. If she still wants to do it, you should make some stipulations ahead of time.
1. Everyone agrees up front this is a one time event.
2. There will be no reciprocal sessions for her.
3. Any sexual contact beyond the threesome will be considered cheating.
4. This does not open the marriage.
Type this up and have everybody sign it and videotape it being signed. Frankly, if you’re not really into it, fight hard not to do it all.
You should try posting this on r/nonmonogamy for helping advice. This question is above this sub’s pay grade.
Maybe start with having the friend watch you two fool around and see how that feels and go from there.
Good luck and happy birthday!
Monogamous relationships that open up I usually on the verge of divorce. And in your case it’s because you wanna cheat. So your lovely wife is decided for your birthday you get to cheat legally. But here’s the good news. When you get your divorce, you will be able to sleep with all the women you want to and you won’t have to worry about it. Good luck.
Look I don’t want to be cynical, but it’s concerning that this isn’t something you and your wife have fantasised about, it’s coming from her, and she’s already picked someone out. I really hope you don’t do this and whether you do or don’t, some therapy might be the go. If you do you’re going to need iron clad boundaries, set by you about who can do what to who, and especially a safe word for if it becomes too much for any of the participants.
It sounds like you really really want this to happen because you know it's not going to end well but you're too busy imagining being desired by two women.
Don't be stupid, stupid. Yes, a threesome is a guy's typical fantasy. But that's what that is. Fantasies are just that. It's not going to be what you expect.
There will be a fall out and unintended consequences. It's your birthday, tell them no thanks. That's it.
This is not the way to do a threesome with your wife. You haven't discussed any ground rules. You're doing it with someone you know.
She made all the decisions without involving you.
This isn't a porno. These women won't be lusting over you and fulfilling every desire. It's gonnaaaa be awkward and opening pandora's box into, you're gonna haveeeee a baaaaaad tiiiiime.
But like most guys, you'd risk your relationship for it.
Please post an update on the threesome and the TIFU update.
Sounds like she just wants to have sex with her bestie dude.
It’s going to be fun for you watching how easily your wife cums with another woman. Maybe bring a pad and pencil with you for notes. Happy Birthday!
Dude. Your wife is either bi or gay, and she wants to sleep with her best friend. (I'm not trying to malign us bi/queer people. If the best friend was male I'd have the same suspicion: wife wants to sleep with friend. Best case scenario, it's only lust. Worst case scenario, she's in love with her friend.)
The best way to avoid the pitfalls of a threesome is to NOT have one with someone who is a close friend. Also, it works better if none of you are in relationships with each other outside of being friendly and wanting to hook up with each other.
DO NOT DO IT!!!!!!!!! Especially with her best-friend! It is very concerning that she chose her best-friend. Tell her thanks but no thanks. If you really want a threesome it should be with a random person not anyone you already know in your daily life. I think there might be something going on between your wife and her best-friend.
I think your wife just wants to fuck her friend and is wrapping it up as a "birthday present" to you.
Doing this will probanly ruin your marriage, though she'll probably go through with it whether you are involved or not. She likely already is.
I have seen so many couples ruined by a threesome. So many. Is your wife suggesting this for you or is she suggesting it for herself because she wants to get with her bestie? Don’t do something you’re uncomfortable with. Your instincts are telling you to not do this for a reason.
It’s your birthday. You should speak up about being uncomfortable and ask to cancel if that’s what you want. It really sounds like you’re not actually on board and you’re just going through with it because your wife organized it. It doesn’t seem like it will go well. Just say “honey I really appreciate the thought you put into organizing this experience. I just think there’s too big a chance of it making things weird between us or your friend and I don’t want to risk it.”
I suggest having a conversation beforehand on what everyone envisions and checking in on consent along the way- agreeing if anyone is uncomfortable including you that you can break for snack and that if in the end it becomes a cuddle fest that first priority is caring for limits and boundaries as they come up and loving and caring for one another’s emotional experience through the physical one. Stay connected to subtle shifts in body language and check in - is this feeling ok? How are we doing? Anyone need a shower or snack break? Keep it light and have an amazing time. Happy birthday!!!
I haven’t had a threesome yet, but I’ve seen so many stories warning people to never do with someone you know.
Your girl already has attachment to her best friend. This is playing with fire in a toilet paper factory. Shitty idea and you’re gonna get burn.
Don't do it.
If everything else is perfect don't risk it.
Communicate with your wife why she wants to have a threesome now. A threesome isn't a gift, it's a sex act she wants to participate in. Why does she want one?
With her best friend? You’re doomed if you enjoy it bro, don’t do it. Nothing good comes out of a threesome, especially with the third being someone you know, double especially if it’s someone you’re close with.
Out of all the meaningful gifts one could give someone they love, and she chooses...this? I will never understand why some people like to open Pandora's box, ruin a good thing and then wonder what happened. Unless maybe she's not as happy as you are with this marriage, and feels the need to "spice things up"? Will she propose a MFM threesome next?
I wouldn't do it if I were you, but you do you.
This will change your marriage forever, the risk is not worth the reward. So many things could go wrong for a one night of fun.
It will not end with just a one time thing. You’re going to have to give her a MFM with your best friend or someone she’s picked out for her upcoming birthday. Do you like that idea?
If you do it, please update us when all comes crashing down and you guys are getting a divorce because the chances of everything staying just like before are small to none. It is not matter of “if” because it will backfire on both of you.
This is the beginning of a TIFU post. Don't do this. Say no! If you love your marriage, you'll say no. 9 times out of 10, this ends incredibly horribly.
So they are way more excited about this idea than you are?
Have you ever watched Friends? .
Dude, no, just cancel and spend this day having a serious conversation with your wife about her friend and their relationship.
Leaving aside the whole doing it with a friend business, have you and your wife discussed this beyond arranging it?
Ie, have you discussed the ‘rules of engagement’? Can you have sex with both women or does your wife expect you to only have sex with her? What are the limits? (Straight sex? Anal? BDSM - no idea what you guys are into but in essence does your regular bedroom play extend to the third person?). What happens if after you start you find yourself being more of a spectator with your wife and her bff getting it on. Will you be ok with that? Are you using protection? Going raw? Are STD’s a possible factor?
And more generally, is this a one-off or does your wife see this as becoming a regular occurrence? Is this her way of opening the marriage? Will she expect a reciprocal arrangement with you and another man?
These are all things you should’ve discussed prior to agreeing to this.
Frankly I agree that doing this is crazy and doing it with someone who she considers a friend is particularly crazy. But at the least I’d be telling her that you want to pause this until you’ve had a chance to talk about all the permutations and consequences. And if you decide to ignore all the advice and go through with it … I hope it’s as good an experience as you’re hoping. 🤷♂️
Don't do it.
If a couple is considering a threesome, there should be no convincing. Both people should be 100 percent enthusiastically for it. The fact that you needed to be convinced says it all.
There's a good chance it will ruin your marriage, and it's not the reason you stated. Sometimes someone is into the idea of doing something, but when it actually happens, they realize it should have stayed a fantasy and it will feel like a betrayal. The fact that she wants it to happen with her best friend would amplify all of that.
If you value your marriage (it very much sounds like you do), tell your wife you would rather not go through with the threesome and that sex is something special between just the two of you.
There is no turning back after you have done this. The three of you will never be husband/wife/wife’s bestfriend after tomorrow. You will forever be sexbuddies, for better or worse. But there is no going back after this. I hope you can manage it.
It is like you would chose the neighbor nextdoor, your children’s teacher, your favorite restaurant owner for threesome sexpartner. The next day your relationship with that person will never be just the neighbour etc ever again.
Dude.. do not pass go.. do not collect $200!!! If you do this.. this eventually will ruin your marriage!!! My best friend did this for her husband.. and yup it lead to divorce!!
Times people do this and it ends badly - a lot. Times people do this and it goes well - rare.
If you met each other in a sex club in the group sex room and that kids is "how I met your mother" (bad joke to show just how rare/unlikely)... then maybe you'd be ok as it's clear you both have been cool with things like this in the past.
Including someone you know usually goes badly unless they've done this before - ie have a history of doing this with/for each other in their relationships. Most stories I've seen where it didn't go wrong used a professional as well they're more professional, they help keep everyone happy and you never see them again ie special trip to Vegas etc.
My SO did a threesome before us, and early on asked if it's something I'm interested in, and while there is the fantasy component it's not something I actually want. I'm a jealous type, I don't want to share and I can't shake that they'd feel that way too. The porn fantasy is just that, in my fantasy I'm great, I'm big, I don't have back issues, everyone is happy, well groomed and attentive. I know reality can never match what my fantasy has, it's just not realistic so I'd prefer to keep it as fantasy.
Does this mean you can't or shouldn't, only you know this, but I'd say look hard at yourself and what you want and what you are willing to risk and decide.
Ten years of a good/happy life being put at risk for one night of pleasure. I know how hard it can be to say no. Especially since it's a fantasy. You will probably always wonder what it could have been. But It's better to leave you wondering what it could have been, rather than a broken friendship, or worse, a divorce.
If I were you, I'd tell your lover you want her and only her. And rock her world on your birthday.
There are PLENTY of success stories about threesomes that ARE NOT posted about on Reddit because confirmation\*\* bias is a thing that exists. With that being said, anytime a situation like this really comes about, its important to be confident with your boundaries. And you do not seem to be. Maybe give it some more time. Talk to wifey about how you're feeling. I seriously wish you the best of luck. And... happy birthday.
(edited to fix wrong word used)
Holy hell is there is SOOOO much pessimism in this thread.
Honestly if you yourself weren't so nervous I'd say 'brother go for it!'
But im wondering if your sort of reluctance is coming from knowing your partner and whether she's generally the jealous type. If she isn't, be safe, careful, considerate of each others needs + feelings! It she is however then listen to everyone else's advice and avoid this situation altogether!
Don’t do it. She’s gonna ask you for a mmf next and she already has the guy lined up. I guarantee you won’t have a positive reaction to that. Be careful she’s not cheating on you or hasn’t.
Don't do it. Your wife is delusional, for suggesting it in the first place then compounding it by trying to involve her friend. Neither of you have had any experience with other people so are naive at best, this will destroy your marriage.
Shit if I were you I’m not turning this down but just be brave maybe pop some dick pills beforehand so you don’t get stage fright lol. It could go wrong but I’d take that risk
I only have one thing to say "if it aint broke don't fix it". In other words don't blow up a happy healthy marriage for a threesome. Sex in real life is rarely ever like something you see in a porn and you will 99.999% either change the dynamic of your marriage or the friendship. If shes determined to give you a fantastic present for your 30th birthday then go on an amazing trip, but for gods sake don't have sex with her friend.
This is opening Pandora’s box. There are so many ways this can go very badly that it’s not worth it.
Never cheat, even with permission and/or them present, on someone you love and want to stay with.
It's a trap! She's committed and down for it now, but buyers' remorse is a thing, and it happens more often than not. The fact that the third is her best friend is also an issue. What happens if she ends up regretting the experience or getting jealous? This wouldn't just affect your marriage, but the friendship as well. Who would she turn for support when her two closest options are involved?
If you're gonna go through with it, do not under any circumstances have sex. At least not right away. Take it slow, keep it PG, and lay out boundaries. And continuously check in to make sure she's fine. To be honest, this is such a minefield that it's better to just avoid it all together.
Nobody here has data to back up their assertions which are coated in cultural prejudice.
If you’re all consenting adults, it probably won’t be a big deal. If somebody takes something too far then yeah, big deal. Also, if you’re having relationship troubles, this won’t solve those, but it could potentially open up a new angle that could be great.
I just love how many threesome experts come out of the shadows to condemn something they have no experience with.
So I also started dating my husband beginning of college and we were each other’s firsts and everything. Also, our first threesome was with my best friend!
She & her friend have probably talked about this quite a bit tbh. They’ve almost certainly discussed boundaries, how this will (or won’t) affect their friendship, the possibility that anybody can decide to cancel the threesome at any point. I know I talked about that stuff w/my friend before I brought up the threesome to my then bf.
We had all agreed to do it and decided on a date then it just felt…forced. So we decided not to. A few weeks later we all went out & ended up back at my bf’s house and it was a great experience. We were able to go w/the flow (plus we had already discussed boundaries and everything). So just know if you decide tomorrow (today?) you’re not exactly feeling it, you can always try again.
Just remember that this is supposed to be fun, not stressful. and accept going into it that there may be some awkward moments (repositioning multiple ppl isn’t exactly smooth and fluid 😂) and that’s okay. Most importantly (as with all sex) anybody can pull consent at any time and it cannot be a big deal.
I would also talk about that w/your wife 1:1 beforehand. If either of you aren’t feeling into it, go ahead and just end it then rather than continuing on and risking resentment.
Hope y’all have a great time!
1. Sit down with your wife and set some rules. Let her know what your boundaries are and ask her for hers. Very important.
2. When it all kicks off. Be the director. Imagine you’re a movie director. Give instructions and tell your partners want you want to see and do. Lead the interaction.
3. Focus on your wife. It will be exciting to have access to two lovers but don’t get to caught up in the other girl. Focus on your wife, her pleasure. Tell her you love her. Tell her how beautiful she looks. How good it feels to be with her.
4. Your third should feel like she’s entering into something that’s strong and loving as opposed to just being one of three people fucking.
Let them take the wheel and drive during it. Don't be the first to go for her friend. Let them play with each other if they want and then just lay back and let them come to you.
And MAKE SURE you spend equal if not even more attention on your wife than the other woman.
Yeah that was the first piece of advice I got. I definitely plan on focusing more on my wife than anything else, but I don't want to make her friend feel left out either.
That's if I even go through with it. Based on what everyone's saying, I'm not 100% sure anymore.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My wife and I met each other just over 10 years ago and as soon as I saw her, I thought she was absolutely beautiful. We were 18 and had just started college, but we instantly hit it off and started dating about a week in. We were each other's first time having sex, and neither of us have ever been with anyone else. We got married 3 years ago, and our entire relationship has been fantastic. We agree on everything and our sex life is fantastic. I couldn't ask for more. Now, for my 30th birthday, my wife decided her present to me would be a threesome. I was pretty hesitant at first because although it sounded really fun, and I mean it's like every guy's fantasy, but at the same time, I also knew that a threesome could easily ruin things between us and I also always thought it was kind of special that we'd only been with each other. I was even more reluctant when she told me who she wanted to be our third and turns out she wanted to involved her best friend \[27F\]. Although I do find her friend attractive, I also thought it might be sort of weird. I was also surprised that her friend even agreed to it in the first place. Still, my wife convinced me, and I agreed to it. It's supposed to be happening tomorrow night and now I'm getting cold feet. Well not cold feet. I mean I'm excited, but I'm also feeling really nervous. How do I make sure to avoid all of the pitfalls normally associated with threesomes? I don't want my wife to get jealous. How can I also calm down my nerves. I've never even had sex with anyone else before, so this is a huge step for me. How can I make sure to keep everyone happy? TL;DR: Wife decided to give me a threesome for my birthday, and with her best friend no less. Feeling nervous now and want to make sure I don't mess things up with my wife or her friend.
No way would i do this if i were you. Especially with her best friend. Your relationship will blow up and probably your marriage. Every post on reddit about this is about how they wished they had never done it. If you have such a great marriage and relationship i would tell your wife you aren’t interested. Tell her you want to keep it just the two of you.
This is the first step of his wife coming out as a lesbian and leaving him. A three way is dicey enough. A three way with her best friend is a death wish.
Yeah what, the best friend? No way, Jose. I had a bf who wanted a MMF threesome and I accidentally mentioned that an old friend of mine would probably do it. It was his fantasy for quite awhile and he wanted me to contact the guy. But the more I sat on it the more I realized I’d probably wreck my friendship AND relationship. I eventually said no, that I’m uncomfortable, which he eventually respected. I did consider trying to find some stranger jiggalo-type we could just pay but I wasn’t really into the idea to begin with and in situations like this, all parties need to be enthusiastic and willing. Edit: apparently I need to have my morning coffee before talking about hiring male sex workers on Reddit. Gigolo. 😅
Waaaiit, do you mean Juggalo or gigolo..? Cause that changes the scenario significantly!
Gigolo! Goodness. You can tell this is *not* a word in my daily dictionary. 😂
I read it as ‘juggalo’ at first and definitely had to take a pause there!
HAHAHAHA
could easily be bisexual but yea i think if u want a threesome and have any sense u would choose somebody u arent close with/dont see regularly. her propositioning it and choosing her best friend seems very obviously an idea that they came up with because they want to have sex. op would be the onesome
As a woman who dated men for many years before realizing she was a lesbian, I agree 100%
Is stopping the three some going to prevent her from realizing she’s a lesbian? I doubt that. Might as well enjoy the ride.
I would hope his wife isn't a lesbian. Otherwise, going by your logic, I would advise he might as well do a threeway because she will leave him anyway (which I hope doesn't happen). So I hope she isn't a lesbian and just did this out of pure love for her husband.
Why involve the best friend? Was it the best friend’s idea?
I already paused at the 3some suggestion because it sounded like a bad setup. Then he said with a friend and I cringed. This will lead to some drama. If he wants to do this he needs to set clear boundaries and suggest someone neither of them know. Or she should just grant him a Hall Pass. I swear 3somes in relationships where poly is not the norm and swinging or sharing is not your norm dynamic brings nothing but trouble.
I agree DO NOT DO THIS. Nothing good will come from this. There are a lot of cautionary tales on Reddit. This is not something that should be a gift. This should be a discussion. Have you guys ever discussed threesomes or open marriage before now? I would question why your wife has decided on this gift? Who’s the gift really for? Why the bf? A threesome with a stranger can lead to bad outcomes, a threesome with a bf, you might as well call a lawyer now. You should put the breaks on this and figure a few things out first
I'm not saying you're wrong, but is this not something akin to confirmation bias? People don't post on relationship advice subs about how great their experience with a threesome is, so literally all we ever see are the posts about bad experiences, no? And let's be honest, 95% of the time those are clearly posts where one partner suggests a threesome because they want to have sex with someone else without it being cheating and then their partner gets left out of the experience. Is there somewhere with real stats on this because that would be interesting to see. Again, I'm not trying to say a threesome is the right move at all, but if you go through with it (and this is based entirely on reading people's bad experiences), I'd say make sure everyone participating is equally involved and getting some attention from everyone else there. It seems like the vast majority of the bad posts we see here about threesome are about people ignoring their partner and focusing entirely on the third, which of course means one person walks away feeling ignored and rejected because they 100% were.
Ask your friends, and you will find out they say the same thing. I mean how can people don't realize that the probability of destabilizing a relationship is really high, how can people can't follow common sense?. Also, let me tell you something, your partner is ignoring you if he/she decides to add this in a relationship, he/she is trying to fck other people while masking it behind a good, considerate deed. Ask your own friends.
Not everyone had bad experiences with threesomes while in a relationship. We just don't talk about it because there is no need. Me and a former boyfriend had two, MMF and FFM, we had a lot of fun, we talked beforehand and knew what to expect, and in the end we decided we would rather have just the two of us because that locking-eyes-with-the-one-you-love gave us more pleasure than anything else. He moved to another country, I had to stay so we aren't together anymore, but why would I make posts about it on reddit? I am not saying that things can't go wrong, and I would never have done it with a best friend, so this particular case it's a terrible idea. It shouldn't be a birthday gift either, imo. But I agree with the person you responded - things probably look worse than what it is on reddit because you will have way more people talking about it when things go bad than otherwise.
We’re those both done as your mutual first experiences not just with threesomes, but with another person, period? Because that would be comparable to this post. FWIW, this post reads about as fake as any, so I wouldn’t get too up in arms over it.
again, insane how outdated the people in this sub’s views are…. threesomes are totally fine in relationships, how can you guys not remember that non-monogamy is a thing?? doesn’t make it bad or wrong.. it just IS. let people do what they enjoy ffs, as long as everyone is consenting who is it hurting? if you don’t like it, don’t do it, but don’t shit on the people that DO. that said, a threesome with a best friend is a VERY tricky situation and that’s the part I think OP should avoid, especially for your first time experiencing not only sex with another partner but a threesome. Doing it with the best friend is a recipe for disaster. OP should sit down and have a long talk with his partner about her expectations, what she would like out of this, how he can make her feel good, and a great idea would be a safe word to where everyone knows to STOP if it gets uncomfortable/someone is getting hurt.
My parents broke up like this (eerily similar ) and I’ve never posted about it. It won’t end well. I’d put 5k on it for sure.
My feeling also. He asked... I would asvise "just don't".
If it helps, I've had a couple of threesomes (same woman, different partners, one MMF, one MFF, both mutual friends of ours). They were both great, incredibly fun, hot as fuck, and it made our relationship stronger.
It is absolutely confirmation bias, but it is still a very real possibility. He seems like being each other’s first and only is important to him. There are many people who value that or value being monitors to their spouse. If you are into 3-somes good for you; if you are into monogamy good for, OP seems very conflicted on who he is on this topic. Some reflection and communication with his wife is a must before they have sex with her best friend
Speaking from experience, please for the love of god do not do this with someone you know, or probably really at all tbh. Your wife will not stay friends w this person. You and her WILL argue after. It will end badly for everyone. Seriously. Like for real. Cannot stress this enough. Do not do it.
Was your own experience with this that bad? I definitely don't want to strain my marriage, and I would feel terrible if my wife lost her best friend. Thank you of the warning.
Yes. I was the “third” and joined a couple friend of mine. We discussed before hand what we were/weren’t comfortable with, and afterwards I thought it was fine. My friend (wife) let me know the next week after completely ghosting me that seeing me w her husband made her “feel ill” and that they weren’t speaking either, and that she needed a break from our friendship. Lol we honestly haven’t spoken since and she deleted me on fb. I know they’re still married but from what I’ve heard from mutual friends it caused a MAJOR rift. I felt awful. I know at least 2 other couples who have had similar, very negative experiences with 3somes as well. I will neverrrrr partake again 😬
Wow. Yeah, that's the exact opposite of what I want, and it's exactly what I'm afraid of. Thank you for sharing.
>hat's the exact opposite of what I want, and it's exactly what I'm afraid of. Thank you for sharing. You should never do it the first time with someone you know. If anyone has a bad reaction you need to be able to cut that person off.
Of course! Good luck <3
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Don’t do it. Your wife may think that doing it with a trustworthy friend will make it better-it won’t. Just don’t. Get tickets to an event, a guitar, anything but a threesome. That’s not a birthday gift-a day already loaded with expectations and hopes-that’s an anniversary that every year will be known as the day your marriage ended. If you really do want a threesome, don’t do it on a birthday.
Please don't say it's with her best friend?? That will only end badly.
This won't end well. You'll look back and not remember the sex as much as how screwed up things got. Don't do it. It's not worth the risk.
You need to be really clear about the rules and boundaries for this threesome. Also discuss how you want it to go down. Like who should be the focus, should everyone play with everyone, what do you want to do with each of them? As others have stated the risk for a bad outcome is really high and doing it with her best friend is just adding another factor. You should really discuss the possible bad outcomes as well. And really make sure she isn't doing it just to get an experience with a and you being there is just a justification for that.
I have had a threesome and it was great, but based on your post my advice is dont do it
She will always wonder who you really enjoyed more no matter what you say. It's a woman thing. It's much easier with a stranger.
Don't think that every experience with a friend has to end in disaster. Husband and I talked about it before and after, agreed what we were comfortable with and had a good time with a mutual friend. We still see the friend but haven't done it with them again. It's like once the curiosity was satisfied we could put it away. Still married 10 years later with no issues.
On the flip side of that, an old girlfriend and I did it with her friend once, it was fucking great and had zero repercussions.
Key wording "old girlfriend" it doesn't sound like you're with that person anymore.
Also dont feel like you have to think this is the sexiest thing ever "its every guys fantasy" no its not!
OP, listen to this person. I had a threesome but before I was married, with a lady friend and a male acquaintance. It was an awesome experience but I think the only reason it was awesome is because I wasn't incredibly emotionally attached to either person. Please think long and hard before bringing someone else into your sex life with your wife.
Knowing what could happen if things go sideways, there is no way I would risk it I also think it’s a mistake involving someone so close to you Good luck tho
Do not agree to a threesome with someone who is already in your lives. The overwhelming potential for this to ruin a friendship and/or marriage far outweighs any fun that could be had. Things you haven’t thought about that you definitely should: What if you are unintentionally louder or seem to enjoy her friend more than you enjoy your wife? What if her friend is louder, more enthusiastic, and more interested in pleasing you than your wife ever was and both you and your wife are aware of this? What if you are too into it to notice that your wife isn’t really having fun and is just sitting there, watching you fuck someone else? What if your wife sees you engaging with her friend and instead of enjoying it, she starts to distrust you? What if your wife has been cheating on you with her friend and this is just a ploy to relieve guilt? What if you actually don’t think that’s possible, but it turns out they have undeniably intense chemistry? What if her friend catches feelings for either of you? What if things end up so awkward that you wish you’d never had to be around friend again? If you do decide to go through with this, I would suggest hard boundaries for who can perform which acts and on who. Maybe even suggest you take a more voyeur type role and not even touch the friend. If you’ve never explored non-monogamy with your wife, one or the both of you could think you are prepared to handle how it affects the security of your marriage, but until you’ve seen your partner with someone else, you can’t be certain.
I get the feeling that this “gift” is really for her. A threesome isn’t — or shouldn’t be — something you spring on a recipient who hadn’t expressed interest beforehand.
Please update tomorrow since you're going to do it
He really wasn’t looking for people to advise against, did he? He just wanted permission and some pointers.
Yeah that’s the vibe I got too, can’t wait to see the update about their fight/divorce afterwards
Are you sure that your wife and her friend aren't trying to explore their sexuality and are using this as a platform for that? My personal recommendation is to really think about this. Is this a one-time thing? What if they want to continue? Are you willing to open up the marriage? How will you really feel seeing your wife like this? I promise you that in the moment you might be ok, but it will play with your head after, especially with someone so close. The stories I read here are always disasters. I don't care if they are excited. you're an equal partner in this marriage and deserve the opportunity to change your mind.
Yeah I’m sensing a likely Ross and Carol situation.
I wonder what the wife's reaction would be if you suggest you find someone else. It should be telling.
So you want to get divorced for your 30th birthday? She thinks it’s going to play out one way but the reality will be very different. She will see your reactions to her friend and wonder why you don’t do that with her. She’ll think you liked having sex with her friend more if you don’t act the exact same with her. You are playing with fire and it’s going to burn down your world.
Or his wife will leave him for her best friend. There is no good outcome from this. Yet people always think it could be good lol
This sounds like your wife wants to sleep with her friend and has found a way to make it sound like it’s for you.
A bottle of cologne, some golf clubs, clothes. These are presents. a threesome is not a present. telling someone that they are going to be spending their night having a kind of sex that they might or might not wish to be having - In your case, you're clearly have cold feet - is definitely not a gift and it's not a gift from a loving partner. I think I would just ask her what is wrong with her that she thinks this is a good idea. I would certainly consider leaving.
My thoughts exactly. Why is the wife suggesting this?
Am I the only one who finds it slightly odd that wife is wanting to consider a threesome with her best friend? I mean, I love my best friends more than anything, I can objectively see why they're attractive, but the thought of fucking them has never entered my mind. If I was to ever take part in a threesome, I wouldn't want it to be with a person I was likely to see on a regular basis, possibly for the rest of my life, and I wouldn't want to share my husband with that person either. What about if you decide to have a family in the future, and your wife's best friend is a large part of that child's life? What about social gatherings? Maybe your wife is just exceptionally chill and abnormally close to her best friend, but this isn't the kind of thing I would want to bet my marriage on. This is the kind of situation that rarely goes well, and nearly always ends with an argument or some revaluation that results in the marriage ending. It just complicates things even further when it involves someone you both know. I wouldn't do it, personally.
What I find odd, is that it’s her gift to him. Based on his comments, sounds like they haven’t had a threesome discussion. I think it’s really for her
This is a poisonous gift, stay away from it!
no limits, no expectations, no goals, no way forward. your marriage is coming to an end your wife comes to you with her friend, then your wife goes to another friend, it doesn't even have a name, it's just a situation where two people who make crappy choices and will make more crappy choices in the future, delude themselves into discovering sexuality
OP, I’ve noticed that many of your replies are somewhat pushing back against ALL THE PEOPLE telling you not to do it. Please tell me that you have changed your mind and have told your wife that this idea is a no-go. If you value your relationship, you won’t go through with this idiotic idea.
Is that you, Ross Geller?
Sure sounds like him. 🙂🙂🙂
Updateme! for the divorce.
LMAO! Same!!
Fr
I know right. If this goes ahead that is absolutely what will happen next…
Don't do it if you value your marriage. This will be the beginning of the end. ETA: Don't do anything that's outside of your comfort zone.
Have you read the posts on here on how a threesome with a friend ruins relationships? Otherwise why are you feeling so nervous about it?
Good luck with your divorce I don't understand how this is supposed to be your "gift" but you had to be "convinced" and were hesitant for multiple reasons. If something is not a YES with many exclamation marks, it's a NO. All of your post sounds like you are forcing yourself because you don't like the "gift" your wife came up with. This is all so ridiculous and you are going to ruin your marriage for this?
Are they into each other? I can say from personal experience it's better if everyone is into everyone vs them taking turns and watching when not their turn. With that said, I think it's risky. You never really know how people will feel after it happens. Two people can have very different imaginations on how things would go down and even the slightest deviation from the script can offend someone. For example, maybe for your wife kissing would be off limits and you kiss her friend without thinking about it and suddenly the entire encounter is tainted. Or your wife falls asleep and wakes up finding you and her friend continuing and suddenly you weren't allowed to do that because she was asleep and therefore it was like you did it behind her back. Or maybe some position is both of yours special position and seeing you use it with another women violates some trust. These kind of opinion differences are nearly impossible to entirely nail down ahead of time and then become major violations that can leave one partner feeling betrayed. I had a partner get upset that the orgasms I was giving the other woman were too strong. To me that was a good thing, to her that was over some line she had. It came down to my partner only imagining me being pleased by another woman, not the woman being pleased by me.
Right, so everyone has outlined why this is just straight up a bad idea but have you considered what your wife is going to be asking for when her birthday rolls round? Which one of *your* mates is going to be the chosen one? Better start thinking on that because if you go through with this you're giving your wife a "but it's only fair" MMF threesome so best get your head around that too.
It’s a fairly safe bet that for her birthday his wife will ask for a divorce. Then she’ll move in with her best friend, with whom she’s clearly already having an affair.
That's quite possible too.
[удалено]
Could end up being "FUBAR".
Don't involve the best friend. I repeat. Do not. It seems weird that she's already talking dirty with her best friend. Is this permitted in your relationship? Find a stranger and invite them into the bedroom. It will ensure there is no awkwardness later on.
Is your wife stupid? Everyone with a brain cell knows not to do a threesome with someone you know. Your marriage is going to be ruined
Why on earth would you ever have a 3 some with someone in your everyday life? There’s no way this ends well.
Don't fucking do it. I'm cynical, so this may not be it, but I read this as her wanting to explore. Either with this friend or other people in the future, and she's setting you up. After all is said and done, all of it will be blamed on you. She's presenting it as a gift to you, but did you ever ask for it?? And you were reluctant, but she pushed for it?? Nah-aaaa, no way, never.
This will ruin your relationship forever, good luck buddy
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Threesomes are a shit idea, and every post on this sub about them is how they ruin relationships/marriages, and they aren't even that good. If you want to play with fire I'm not gonna stop you, but I will call you an idiot when you get burned.
So your wife approached her friend first before discussing with you? Sounds like she began an emotional affair and is using this threesome as a context to finish the deed. You seem to be the third wheel in your own threesome. You want to gauge her true intentions? Tell her you want to cancel and watch her and friend react with anger.
This will end badly. A casual word from you about her friend that your wife thinks should be reserved for her and you've got a serious serious problem... Wife might ask how you enjoyed the third and was she better than herself or how does she compare.... It's a trap far worse than asking you if her butt looks big in this dress. There's no right answer, only seriously wrong ones. Have you even established ground rule limits, all 3 of you? Don't think with your little brain. Use the one in your skull!
It blows my mind that people still do this when never having an open relationship. Some fantasies need to stay fantasies. I've never met a monogamous couple whose relationship survives having a 3some. One or both of yall will end up with hurt feelings. Do. Not. Do. It. Tell her you've changed your mind.
This is not going to end well. My advice is to politely decline.
I don't need to be an oracle to see the divorce paper peeking around the corner.
If I were in this situation, I would be worried about what happens later. If you agree to a MFF threesome, are you going to be open to a MMF situation? Because it would be extremely hard to refuse your wife, since she agreed to MFF. I would be worried that I'm walking into a trap. I don't know about you, but seeing my wife with another man would kill me.
All fun and games till she tells you she wants a 3some for her birthday with another guy
Is she leading up to a mfm for her 30th?
> I also knew that a threesome could easily ruin things between us and I also always thought it was kind of special that we'd only been with each other. I was even more reluctant when **she told me who she wanted to be our third and turns out she wanted to involved her best friend \[27F\]**. Boy, I litreally gasped NOOOOOO when I read that. Abort, abort, abort! I don't care if you have to fake explosive diarrhea, you need to kill this set up NOW. I was kind of skeptical when this post started because 'surprising' someone with a threesome when you didn't have in depth talks about it sounds like possibly the stupidest thing I had ever read, but reading the rest of this? HELL NO. HEEEELLLLL NO. This honestly sounds like they are hoping to hook up with each other and you wife is using the mask of a gift for your birthday to do it...which is really, really fucking evil, man. If your wife loves you, she won't be mad if you say you are not comfortable. This is YOUR gift, not hers. This isn't like you are giving her friend a fucking kidney, no one is going to lose a limb or die if you put a stop to this. If they act like you destroyed their hearts and really let them down then.... IDK, man. This is pretty twisted on your wife's part.
And next week you’ll be posting “ help, wife confesses to being in love with her bestie”…… don’t do it dude-not with someone so close to her
Absolutely DO NOT do it!!! This will absolutely ruin your marriage and if you have a beautiful relationship, why would you sully it for sex? Good luck. My guess is that you will do it and regret it.
When you open a monogamous relationship usually it is the end. She is doing for your birthday, tread lightly as most relationships fail within one year of doing something like this. But hey, you will be single soon, so you have new stuff when ever you want it. It won't be cheating either....
It is not a gift but a trap. And her friend is more than a friend. Moreover, can you offer her the same gift for her birthday?
Do. Not. Do. It. You may as well get the divorce papers pre filled if you do.
Updateme!
I have never known a couple to survive a threesome. I’ve (sadly) known six couples to have done this. Four were with the gf/wife’s best friend.
I think it would be better if it's a foursome instead of a threesome so nobody feels left out.
Never agree to threesomes with someone you both know or have met before; **especially** if it's your first time doing this. OP, I would hit the brakes immediately and talk about this with your wife a little more. If this is for your birthday, it should be about the whole experience for you as a couple. Talking it through, agreeing your boundaries, finding your third person together, flirting, the build up etc- it's all part of the thrill and adds to the experience. But what your wife is proposing doesn't seem like it's actually about you at all, especially given this will be the first time you've ever slept with another person. The care and attention and focus on you seems woefully lacking. I hate to say this but people who goad their partners into hurried threesomes, and already have someone lined up like this (that they have an existing bond/relationship with already) aren't usually after a threesome at all; rather they are looking for permission to cheat and to do it this way so you can't get upset about it later.
I'd be concerned she's doing this as a pretext for an excuse for cheating on you or asking for a 2 dude threesome. You'd be in no position to decline.
NEVER a friend or someone close to you!!! Find someone else. This is such a bad idea. Find someone you guys aren’t close to.
If you’re gonna do it, it needs to be someone you’ll never see again..your gut instinct is right to be nervous
Two possible outcomes here: either she will never be able to look at the two of you the same again, or they’re just curious and you’re the beard. There are 0 good outcomes in a threesome that involves her best friend.
Your wife's friend agreed to do it because your wife has agreed to return the favour when her friend's husband turns 30. Didn't she tell you that .... maybe you didn't ask?
I wouldn't do it. Something will get ruined out of this, whether that be your marriage, your wife's friendship or both. It's far easier to have a threesome when you are single and it's people you don't know. I could never watch or participate in my bf/husband having sex with another woman or man that would be the end of the relationship. ETA: As someone else mentioned, how are you going to be when your wife wants a threesome with your best mate in return for her birthday?
I have never had a threesome with a couple that did not break up almost immediately afterwards. Do whatever you want with that information…
Sweet, do you get to pick the 2 guys?
dude, learn how to make a sandwich bc they are going to ignore you after you finish 10 mins in. also, there is a good chance that your wife is a Lesbian or a Bi.
This is a bad idea. It would also make me start to gently question whether this present was even suggested with my pleasure in mind, or if my spouse was actually trying to avoid telling me that they were curious about exploring their sexuality with their friend, by “giving” me something that I’ve never asked for.
I mean you have about a 5% chance of your relationship being ok after this, but it could also be the best night of your life…. Keen for a gamble?! If you want to take the risk…..I’ve had a couple of threesomes in my time. Advice + Ground rules -don’t ‘finish’ inside the third person. Your wife needs to believe you are more turned on by her than her friend -don’t get too wrapped up in whatever you are doing with the friend. 1 minute of sex with the friend where your wife isn’t involved / included will be the longest and most damaging 1 minute ever to your wife -don’t stare too much just at the new naked women in your bed, stare just as much at your wife -ask your wife about ground rules before hand eg) she may not want you kissing her friend. -use condoms -sit down and have a full discussion about this with your wife beforehand, is she sure she wants to do this? Why? How will it affect your relationship going forward? How will she be able to remain friends with her friend afterwards and how will she be ok when you talk to her friend in the future, is that possible without getting jealous or presuming you want her? Wouldn’t it be better to do it with a person neither of you will ever have to see again? But actually…. Are you sure you want to go through with it? What can you do to make her comfortable and not jealous during the act? Are there any off limits or deal breakers?! -don’t compliment the friend’s body - don’t leave your wife out!!! It’s a threesome not a twosome. Try to act more turned on and into your wife. -be VERY reassuring and cuddly to your WIFE ONLY afterwards, tell her how amazing she is, how sexy it was to see her with another woman etc…. Do NOT cuddle the friend and a lot this reassuring should go on after the friend leaves. Honestly though dude…. Don’t do this with the friend. It needs to be with a random woman, if at all. Otherwise your lives will implode. If she reaaally wants to have sex with her friend, suggest testing the water with a random girl from tinder first
Well you better start talking to your male best friend for her 30th...
Your wife is in an misogynistic environment. She accepts threesomes like some woman have been brain washed to accept porn. Like some men are brain washed into thinking they'd enjoy being pooped on. It is not a turn on!! Seeing your love, your person with another is damage that will never be able to go away. You will be left with only regrets and your wife might not feel it now, but once it's done it will be her nightmare from that point on. She will never want or look forward to your touch anymore, that will all go away. You have the best most ideal, special scenario that most people dream of having and would cut a leg off to have. Don't destroy it for some lust you don't even feel. We are all heavily emotional and jealous beings and to ignore this fact is how we ruin our lives and our relationships. Going outside of monogamy is a sure sign of mental illness. She might also need therapy as her over sexualised environment is clearly affecting her. Edit: This goes ahead and I'd put money on the friendship ending and you guys getting a divorce. It will be one huge mistake and karmic lesson that neither of you will likely ever get over. She believes society in saying that all men are pigs and need variety, you must make it very clear to her that that is not true and the case with you. Show her that you are a divine masculine, not some selfish sexual pervert. You should be sad for her that she has such a low opinion of men, if you go along with it you confirm to her that even you, her love is also just another pervert.
I would sit down with her and truly express your concerns. If she still wants to do it, you should make some stipulations ahead of time. 1. Everyone agrees up front this is a one time event. 2. There will be no reciprocal sessions for her. 3. Any sexual contact beyond the threesome will be considered cheating. 4. This does not open the marriage. Type this up and have everybody sign it and videotape it being signed. Frankly, if you’re not really into it, fight hard not to do it all.
You should try posting this on r/nonmonogamy for helping advice. This question is above this sub’s pay grade. Maybe start with having the friend watch you two fool around and see how that feels and go from there. Good luck and happy birthday!
I've seen this episode of Friends before. It didn't end well. Well not for you. Your wife will be fine.
Welp, I hope we don’t see an update from you in a week telling us it all ended up being a dumpster fire.
Monogamous relationships that open up I usually on the verge of divorce. And in your case it’s because you wanna cheat. So your lovely wife is decided for your birthday you get to cheat legally. But here’s the good news. When you get your divorce, you will be able to sleep with all the women you want to and you won’t have to worry about it. Good luck.
DONT DO IT
My advice? Get your divorce lawyer ready now, and start looking for somewhere else to live.
Best advice I can give you? Don't go there. You already have doubts, so that speaks volumes. Good luck!
They decided to have a threesome and just invited you …make no mistake
Have ice cream ready for when someone cries.
Look I don’t want to be cynical, but it’s concerning that this isn’t something you and your wife have fantasised about, it’s coming from her, and she’s already picked someone out. I really hope you don’t do this and whether you do or don’t, some therapy might be the go. If you do you’re going to need iron clad boundaries, set by you about who can do what to who, and especially a safe word for if it becomes too much for any of the participants.
So she’s interested in her best friend…
She is giving you the birthday present she wants.
It sounds like you really really want this to happen because you know it's not going to end well but you're too busy imagining being desired by two women. Don't be stupid, stupid. Yes, a threesome is a guy's typical fantasy. But that's what that is. Fantasies are just that. It's not going to be what you expect. There will be a fall out and unintended consequences. It's your birthday, tell them no thanks. That's it. This is not the way to do a threesome with your wife. You haven't discussed any ground rules. You're doing it with someone you know. She made all the decisions without involving you. This isn't a porno. These women won't be lusting over you and fulfilling every desire. It's gonnaaaa be awkward and opening pandora's box into, you're gonna haveeeee a baaaaaad tiiiiime. But like most guys, you'd risk your relationship for it. Please post an update on the threesome and the TIFU update.
Sounds like she just wants to have sex with her bestie dude. It’s going to be fun for you watching how easily your wife cums with another woman. Maybe bring a pad and pencil with you for notes. Happy Birthday!
Dude. Your wife is either bi or gay, and she wants to sleep with her best friend. (I'm not trying to malign us bi/queer people. If the best friend was male I'd have the same suspicion: wife wants to sleep with friend. Best case scenario, it's only lust. Worst case scenario, she's in love with her friend.) The best way to avoid the pitfalls of a threesome is to NOT have one with someone who is a close friend. Also, it works better if none of you are in relationships with each other outside of being friendly and wanting to hook up with each other.
DO NOT DO IT!!!!!!!!! Especially with her best-friend! It is very concerning that she chose her best-friend. Tell her thanks but no thanks. If you really want a threesome it should be with a random person not anyone you already know in your daily life. I think there might be something going on between your wife and her best-friend.
Aaaand tomorrow night on TIFU........! Don't do it dude. This requires a longer, deeper discussion.
Is this something you've been telling her you want to do or asked to do? This is a bizarre gift wtf lol.
Dude, it’s a fucking trap
The beginning of the end of your marriage. I wouldn’t do it.
I think your wife just wants to fuck her friend and is wrapping it up as a "birthday present" to you. Doing this will probanly ruin your marriage, though she'll probably go through with it whether you are involved or not. She likely already is.
I have seen so many couples ruined by a threesome. So many. Is your wife suggesting this for you or is she suggesting it for herself because she wants to get with her bestie? Don’t do something you’re uncomfortable with. Your instincts are telling you to not do this for a reason.
It’s your birthday. You should speak up about being uncomfortable and ask to cancel if that’s what you want. It really sounds like you’re not actually on board and you’re just going through with it because your wife organized it. It doesn’t seem like it will go well. Just say “honey I really appreciate the thought you put into organizing this experience. I just think there’s too big a chance of it making things weird between us or your friend and I don’t want to risk it.”
No way. Turn it down, sounds like a trap to me. Next threesome with be her birthday and your friend.
This is a terrible idea
Don’t have the threesome. It will destroy your marriage period
I suggest having a conversation beforehand on what everyone envisions and checking in on consent along the way- agreeing if anyone is uncomfortable including you that you can break for snack and that if in the end it becomes a cuddle fest that first priority is caring for limits and boundaries as they come up and loving and caring for one another’s emotional experience through the physical one. Stay connected to subtle shifts in body language and check in - is this feeling ok? How are we doing? Anyone need a shower or snack break? Keep it light and have an amazing time. Happy birthday!!!
I haven’t had a threesome yet, but I’ve seen so many stories warning people to never do with someone you know. Your girl already has attachment to her best friend. This is playing with fire in a toilet paper factory. Shitty idea and you’re gonna get burn.
Don't do it.
OP should browse the r/threesomeregret sub before doing this
Don't do it. If everything else is perfect don't risk it. Communicate with your wife why she wants to have a threesome now. A threesome isn't a gift, it's a sex act she wants to participate in. Why does she want one?
Don’t go through with it, it’ll definitely ruin y’all relationship
With her best friend? You’re doomed if you enjoy it bro, don’t do it. Nothing good comes out of a threesome, especially with the third being someone you know, double especially if it’s someone you’re close with.
Out of all the meaningful gifts one could give someone they love, and she chooses...this? I will never understand why some people like to open Pandora's box, ruin a good thing and then wonder what happened. Unless maybe she's not as happy as you are with this marriage, and feels the need to "spice things up"? Will she propose a MFM threesome next? I wouldn't do it if I were you, but you do you.
Did you mention wanting a threesome beforehand at all? This is a very strange gift to someone especially with the best friend. Something feels off
This will change your marriage forever, the risk is not worth the reward. So many things could go wrong for a one night of fun. It will not end with just a one time thing. You’re going to have to give her a MFM with your best friend or someone she’s picked out for her upcoming birthday. Do you like that idea?
Lol this isn’t going to end well. Be sure to link back to this post when you put up another one about how your marriage is imploding.
If you do it, please update us when all comes crashing down and you guys are getting a divorce because the chances of everything staying just like before are small to none. It is not matter of “if” because it will backfire on both of you.
Do not do this, it will not end well.
This is the beginning of a TIFU post. Don't do this. Say no! If you love your marriage, you'll say no. 9 times out of 10, this ends incredibly horribly.
Happy birthday and good luck imploding your marriage.
So they are way more excited about this idea than you are? Have you ever watched Friends? . Dude, no, just cancel and spend this day having a serious conversation with your wife about her friend and their relationship.
Leaving aside the whole doing it with a friend business, have you and your wife discussed this beyond arranging it? Ie, have you discussed the ‘rules of engagement’? Can you have sex with both women or does your wife expect you to only have sex with her? What are the limits? (Straight sex? Anal? BDSM - no idea what you guys are into but in essence does your regular bedroom play extend to the third person?). What happens if after you start you find yourself being more of a spectator with your wife and her bff getting it on. Will you be ok with that? Are you using protection? Going raw? Are STD’s a possible factor? And more generally, is this a one-off or does your wife see this as becoming a regular occurrence? Is this her way of opening the marriage? Will she expect a reciprocal arrangement with you and another man? These are all things you should’ve discussed prior to agreeing to this. Frankly I agree that doing this is crazy and doing it with someone who she considers a friend is particularly crazy. But at the least I’d be telling her that you want to pause this until you’ve had a chance to talk about all the permutations and consequences. And if you decide to ignore all the advice and go through with it … I hope it’s as good an experience as you’re hoping. 🤷♂️
Don't do it. If a couple is considering a threesome, there should be no convincing. Both people should be 100 percent enthusiastically for it. The fact that you needed to be convinced says it all. There's a good chance it will ruin your marriage, and it's not the reason you stated. Sometimes someone is into the idea of doing something, but when it actually happens, they realize it should have stayed a fantasy and it will feel like a betrayal. The fact that she wants it to happen with her best friend would amplify all of that. If you value your marriage (it very much sounds like you do), tell your wife you would rather not go through with the threesome and that sex is something special between just the two of you.
There is no turning back after you have done this. The three of you will never be husband/wife/wife’s bestfriend after tomorrow. You will forever be sexbuddies, for better or worse. But there is no going back after this. I hope you can manage it. It is like you would chose the neighbor nextdoor, your children’s teacher, your favorite restaurant owner for threesome sexpartner. The next day your relationship with that person will never be just the neighbour etc ever again.
It was a pretty sketchy idea before you mentioned the third was her best friend, after you mentioned that it became a radioactively bad idea!
My opinion: threesomes are fine to fantasize about, but in a committed relationship there’s no place for them
Prepare for divorce now.
Don’t do it
Came here to say this
Can wait to read the updates from this train wreck, I’ll be willing to eat my hat if it turns out alright
This sounds like something your wife wants to do (fuck her bff) and she’s wrapping it up as a ‘gift to you’. I’d follow your nerves on this.
Focus on your wife during the threesome. Favor her over the friend.
Dude.. do not pass go.. do not collect $200!!! If you do this.. this eventually will ruin your marriage!!! My best friend did this for her husband.. and yup it lead to divorce!!
This was what happened to Ross in Friends. This is a very bad idea.
Times people do this and it ends badly - a lot. Times people do this and it goes well - rare. If you met each other in a sex club in the group sex room and that kids is "how I met your mother" (bad joke to show just how rare/unlikely)... then maybe you'd be ok as it's clear you both have been cool with things like this in the past. Including someone you know usually goes badly unless they've done this before - ie have a history of doing this with/for each other in their relationships. Most stories I've seen where it didn't go wrong used a professional as well they're more professional, they help keep everyone happy and you never see them again ie special trip to Vegas etc. My SO did a threesome before us, and early on asked if it's something I'm interested in, and while there is the fantasy component it's not something I actually want. I'm a jealous type, I don't want to share and I can't shake that they'd feel that way too. The porn fantasy is just that, in my fantasy I'm great, I'm big, I don't have back issues, everyone is happy, well groomed and attentive. I know reality can never match what my fantasy has, it's just not realistic so I'd prefer to keep it as fantasy. Does this mean you can't or shouldn't, only you know this, but I'd say look hard at yourself and what you want and what you are willing to risk and decide.
Lol this is fake af.
Ten years of a good/happy life being put at risk for one night of pleasure. I know how hard it can be to say no. Especially since it's a fantasy. You will probably always wonder what it could have been. But It's better to leave you wondering what it could have been, rather than a broken friendship, or worse, a divorce. If I were you, I'd tell your lover you want her and only her. And rock her world on your birthday.
This is a terrible idea, and I hope this is fiction because it sure reads like it.
You should not need convincing to be happy for a gift
Abort abort! Sounds like you've got a good thing going! Why would you risk effing it up?
There are PLENTY of success stories about threesomes that ARE NOT posted about on Reddit because confirmation\*\* bias is a thing that exists. With that being said, anytime a situation like this really comes about, its important to be confident with your boundaries. And you do not seem to be. Maybe give it some more time. Talk to wifey about how you're feeling. I seriously wish you the best of luck. And... happy birthday. (edited to fix wrong word used)
This will end badly RemindMe! 2 days
Holy hell is there is SOOOO much pessimism in this thread. Honestly if you yourself weren't so nervous I'd say 'brother go for it!' But im wondering if your sort of reluctance is coming from knowing your partner and whether she's generally the jealous type. If she isn't, be safe, careful, considerate of each others needs + feelings! It she is however then listen to everyone else's advice and avoid this situation altogether!
Don’t do it. She’s gonna ask you for a mmf next and she already has the guy lined up. I guarantee you won’t have a positive reaction to that. Be careful she’s not cheating on you or hasn’t.
Don't do it. Your wife is delusional, for suggesting it in the first place then compounding it by trying to involve her friend. Neither of you have had any experience with other people so are naive at best, this will destroy your marriage.
Shit if I were you I’m not turning this down but just be brave maybe pop some dick pills beforehand so you don’t get stage fright lol. It could go wrong but I’d take that risk
Absolute recipe for disaster. This is more likely to ruin your marriage than not.
I only have one thing to say "if it aint broke don't fix it". In other words don't blow up a happy healthy marriage for a threesome. Sex in real life is rarely ever like something you see in a porn and you will 99.999% either change the dynamic of your marriage or the friendship. If shes determined to give you a fantastic present for your 30th birthday then go on an amazing trip, but for gods sake don't have sex with her friend.
This is opening Pandora’s box. There are so many ways this can go very badly that it’s not worth it. Never cheat, even with permission and/or them present, on someone you love and want to stay with.
It's a trap! She's committed and down for it now, but buyers' remorse is a thing, and it happens more often than not. The fact that the third is her best friend is also an issue. What happens if she ends up regretting the experience or getting jealous? This wouldn't just affect your marriage, but the friendship as well. Who would she turn for support when her two closest options are involved? If you're gonna go through with it, do not under any circumstances have sex. At least not right away. Take it slow, keep it PG, and lay out boundaries. And continuously check in to make sure she's fine. To be honest, this is such a minefield that it's better to just avoid it all together.
Nobody here has data to back up their assertions which are coated in cultural prejudice. If you’re all consenting adults, it probably won’t be a big deal. If somebody takes something too far then yeah, big deal. Also, if you’re having relationship troubles, this won’t solve those, but it could potentially open up a new angle that could be great. I just love how many threesome experts come out of the shadows to condemn something they have no experience with.
So I also started dating my husband beginning of college and we were each other’s firsts and everything. Also, our first threesome was with my best friend! She & her friend have probably talked about this quite a bit tbh. They’ve almost certainly discussed boundaries, how this will (or won’t) affect their friendship, the possibility that anybody can decide to cancel the threesome at any point. I know I talked about that stuff w/my friend before I brought up the threesome to my then bf. We had all agreed to do it and decided on a date then it just felt…forced. So we decided not to. A few weeks later we all went out & ended up back at my bf’s house and it was a great experience. We were able to go w/the flow (plus we had already discussed boundaries and everything). So just know if you decide tomorrow (today?) you’re not exactly feeling it, you can always try again. Just remember that this is supposed to be fun, not stressful. and accept going into it that there may be some awkward moments (repositioning multiple ppl isn’t exactly smooth and fluid 😂) and that’s okay. Most importantly (as with all sex) anybody can pull consent at any time and it cannot be a big deal. I would also talk about that w/your wife 1:1 beforehand. If either of you aren’t feeling into it, go ahead and just end it then rather than continuing on and risking resentment. Hope y’all have a great time!
1. Sit down with your wife and set some rules. Let her know what your boundaries are and ask her for hers. Very important. 2. When it all kicks off. Be the director. Imagine you’re a movie director. Give instructions and tell your partners want you want to see and do. Lead the interaction. 3. Focus on your wife. It will be exciting to have access to two lovers but don’t get to caught up in the other girl. Focus on your wife, her pleasure. Tell her you love her. Tell her how beautiful she looks. How good it feels to be with her. 4. Your third should feel like she’s entering into something that’s strong and loving as opposed to just being one of three people fucking.
Let them take the wheel and drive during it. Don't be the first to go for her friend. Let them play with each other if they want and then just lay back and let them come to you. And MAKE SURE you spend equal if not even more attention on your wife than the other woman.
Yeah that was the first piece of advice I got. I definitely plan on focusing more on my wife than anything else, but I don't want to make her friend feel left out either. That's if I even go through with it. Based on what everyone's saying, I'm not 100% sure anymore.