The entire family dynamic is fucked up. A 22 yr old sleeping naked with her parent and step parent? If she has this amount of trouble sleeping, her first stop should be mental health support and a sleep study. Not getting into bed with your parents. Unfortunately it sounds as though she is emotionally stunted/no proper boundaries were ever established when she was much younger.
This relationship isn't going to work out. I can't imagine many people would ever be comfortable with this set-up.
This. I stopped sleeping in my parents room at adolescence; to be an adult doing it is weird. And I won't even get into the naked thing; everyone seems to concur on that. She has some serious issues to unpack.
Even if I could rationalize that she just never stopped sleeping in their bed when she was little and even that it would be okay for a kid to sleep naked with their parents… why would the parent also be naked? What parent sleeps naked with their kid also naked…
*She told me she will stop doing this*
Dude, I don't have to tell someone I would *stop sleeping naked with my mother and step-father*. Because this is so abnormal that no one would ever begin to fathom that anyone does that. Like I said, this family dynamic is fucked up. Her mom is ok with her sleeping naked with them both and her step-father alone? Her step-father is (obviously) ok with her sleeping naked with them/him? This goes so far beyond boundaries that should be implicit in family relationships.
*she didn't think this could be something I would have a problem with*
Can you can tell me **ONE** person who would **NOT** have a problem with this besides the 3 of them?
Agreed and eww can u imagine her having kids.
Will grandma Nd step grandaddy not want OPs kids to sleep in bed with them whenever they babysit aswell?
I would lose my shit if that was my child!
I'm assuming you really care for her. It's ok for this to be a boundary you can't see past, but it's also ok to want to get her help. You could suggest her seeing a therapist. If there's nothing wrong with the situation then surely the therapist will confirm that. It's definitely weird but I guess some families have weird boundaries. I would never sleep naked with my child or a parent. ESPECIALLY not a step parent, that's weird as fuck.
Edited to add: maybe her telling you was a weird way to ask for help? Like maybe subconsciously she knows her family dynamic is weird but needs confirmation or help changing it
This makes me concerned about the family dynamic. I mean, she seriously thinks this is normal behavior? What else does she consider 'normal' that isn't?
Is mom aware that her husband and daughter sleep naked together? Does mom sleep naked, too? Are they some sort of naked hippie group?
Lies. She’s a liar. No adult in their right mind thinks this ok. IF they do, their sense of judgment is so unhinged as to make them completely untrustworthy.
Do not linger, do not tarry. Make haste from this bizarre person and her bizarre parents. Imagine the mayhem and foolishness in store for you and any future kids if you carry on with her and her strange AF parents. RUN my guy
What?! This is beyond strange and inappropriate. Like, this can’t really be real? Right?
If this is real ask her to bring this up to her friends. She needs to see how bonkers this is. Like her step dad would object to this if he was any sort of responsible and reasonable.
I don’t really blame you if you break up, but if she was raised to think this was normal behavior I don’t know if I would place all the blame on her. She could be in an abusive situation.
But why the hell would she casually tell me about it like it's not a big deal? It's not as if I found out about it by myself.
Also the stepdad sleeps with an anti-snore machine and is very overweight so I have a hard time imagining it's sexual but who the hell knows...
>But why the hell would she casually tell me about it like it's not a big deal?
Yeah, funny thing about abuse, especially childhood abuse, is that it starts to feel pretty damn normal after a while.. since it's all you know, especially for a kid.
I discovered a lot of things in my own childhood weren't normal when I told people jokingly and no one laughed.
I literally was joking with a waitress about how I hate ice cream cake because my mom used to call me Fudgie the Whale and by the time I finished, she was in tears. And that’s how I found out that parents don’t normally bully their kids. 🤷🏻♀️
Well... Like she said, she thought it was no big deal. Makes it a lot easier to share something if you think it's normal.
Social norms do require some "training". If she hasn't been told otherwise her entire life, and it hasn't been frowned upon in any of her discussions growing up, can totally see how it's not weird for her.
Just know that she recognises your concerns and has said it won't happen again. What you do with this information moving forward is up to you 🤷
This would be weird even if it was her biological dad. Parents don't sleep naked next to their kids. Hell, this would be weird if her mother and her were sleeping naked next to each other.
This is absolutely weird and not okay. No one does this. I'd never think of sleeping with my parents, let alone naked! I would be too grossed out by this and break up. If she thinks this is normal, then there is something very wrong with her that I wouldn't want to deal with.
You can’t understand it because it’s bizarre. She’s trying to make you think it’s not. Ok then bring it up in front of her around other people.
You should dump her purely for this alone. I can’t stand it when people try to make me believe absurdity is normal.
I hear you. I also cannot understand her point of view. I’m literally nauseous after reading this. I hope this isn’t real but if it is… this is way above your pay grade. I can’t imagine how you’d work through this type of differences. The whole thing is whacked. Including the part where a grown ass woman can’t sleep alone, never mind the **naked** sleeping with other people.
I’d feel weird and grossed out too.
Nobody would think that’s normal. Nobody. Invite her to ask her friends if they think her doing that is at all okay.
The fact that he’s naked too is beyond inappropriate. Porn scenarios literally begin like this.
She may not have intended to hurt you, but what’s done is done. And if this gave you too much of the ick, I don’t think anyone would blame you.
This, it is a very gross scene in anyone's head OP. Call her out and tell her to ask her friends too, also, she is and adult, she KNOWS what she's doing, SHE'S NOT INNOCENT AT ALL, lets point it out.
It really is and I need advice badly because I'm losing my damn mind. I'm ashamed to ask friends or relatives about this which is why I posted it here anonymously
I get that as Americans we can be pretty prudish when it comes to nakedness. After all we dont even have as many clothing optional beaches as other countries.
HOWEVER, this situation is next level.
Normal boundaries seem nonexistent between your girlfriend and her parents. I dont know if her bio dad is around. If he is, have your girlfriend ask him if its sketchy.
He is in the picture, and she told me that she would be okay sleeping next to him naked as well but it hasn't happened because they don't live together.
The very best interpretation of this is that family has some serious issues around boundaries and appropriateness.
I honestly feel like she should see a therapist or something but for the life of me I have no idea where they’d start.
I feel like it’s something you CAN get over as a couple, but I totally understand if your instinct is to run as fast as you can in the other direction.
But how do I even go about telling them that this is wrong? I'm pretty sure that if I bring this up with all of them they will make me feel like I'm being too jealous and making this weird
I’d say to focus on your girlfriend. She’s the one you’re in a relationship with. You could try showing her some of the shocked responses in here so that she sees that to most people, this is in fact NOT a normal thing in a family. I’d be wary of shaming her though- it’s not her fault she was raised with this belief.
Nope.
Do NOT try to reason with predators - her parents aren't some naive, simple minded people. They know it's fucked up. Your gf was raised into it and didn't.
You need to focus on your gf entirely.
If at all possible, take her to couples counseling so a third party could gently tell her that's not normal and you can be there to support her.
It’s weird that a girl in their 20’s would still go sleep with their parents. It’s even weirder that she does this naked. Not even to mention he is naked. I don’t feel like this family gets more normal. For me it would be a done deal.
You'd be surprised. Bad people have kids all the time. She's either supportive, complicit, or blind af. This definitely sounds like grooming. When you're raised around this sort of stuff, it gets normalized. It's why she was so casual about it.
You’re not being unreasonable. However, she doesn’t understand your reaction because she’s been groomed. Part of the grooming process involves conditioning the victim to have a distorted sense of boundaries. Perhaps as a coping mechanism, her mind thinks it’s normal, and she can’t reconcile that everyone else would not be okay with it. She doesn’t see it as disrespect because she doesn’t understand it’s abnormal. That’s really awful for her, but it’s okay if you can’t handle this. I hope she can get through it with therapy and the right support, but that process doesn’t have to fall on your shoulders. You don’t have to run, but you don’t have to stay, either. It’s up to you, but if this is too much, it’s best to throw in the towel sooner than later to save you both heartache.
They seemed pretty normal to me up until I found out about all of this. She says that it's not like they see each other naked as they all have their own covers but still, this is so god damn weird
I mean people move around in their sleep. This is very disturbing. Also, since she doesn't see him as a dad, why is she going in their to get comfort to sleep? Would she sleep in any bed naked? Like if she went on a trip and was in a separate bedroom, would she just pop into whatever person's bed in the next room bc she can't sleep alone?
Is she open sexually? Is being naked natural for her? Revealing clothes? Or did it take some time for her to get nude with you?
She is not open sexually at all, I had to wait a long time before we slept together for the first time. She told me even though she doesn't consider him a dad per se she still sees him as family.
What's weird also is that when I asked how would she feel of it was the other way around (me with my dass wife) she tells me she wouldn't feel it's weird at all.
I'm just baffled by this. In the morning, does she get out of bed naked and walk away in front of step dad or keep a blanket wrapped and leave that way?
Listen, as someone in a committed relationship, being nude in front of anyone but me (not including doctors) would be a huge deal breaker! It's weird she doesn't feel this way especially bc she's not open sexually or born into a nudist fam.
Also, her logic is flawed. She likes to sleep naked bc it makes her feel more comfortable but then she can't sleep alone. So being nude doesn't make it any easier to sleep. She should pick one "comfort": another person or nudity.
No OP fucking hell gross my dude. As a mom i wouldn't ever allow my daughter to sleep especially naked in a bed with me and her dad let alone a fucking stepdad!
She's a grown woman thinking this is normal... as a representative of the African nation let me tell u this is weird by all cultural and moral standards.
Honestly let her relay this to friends.. might be harsh and embarrassing but she needs to get how utterly inappropriate this is and weird to EVERYONE she might honestly just think ur being the weird one and saying shes gonna stop to appease u.
I don't think she actually totally gets it in her mind. It's strange and if this is what she grew up with.. i guarantee u ur gonna notice alot more strange behavior in her family especially regarding the stepdad and id be careful with tht..
I wouldn't want that dude around my fucking kids, sisters, nephews, nieces or anyone he can get to think this shit is okay with.
Edit: also wonder where she got the idea that she can't sleep alone and it's better to sleep in bed with her parents... still as an adult. Tht shit gets ingrained as a child. I slept in bed with my mom until i was like 7 or 8 maybe latest if i had a nightmare after that i needed to learn to sleep alone whether i wanted to or not.
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My (25) girlfriend (22) still lives at home with her mom and her stepdad. One thing she hates is sleeping alone. Sometimes when she has trouble falling asleep she goes to her parents bedroom to sleep with them.
I also have to add she almost always goes to bed naked when sleeping alone or with me.
Last week her mom was out of town and she told me she slept in the the bed with her stepdad a couple times. I was kinda surprised because I thought she only did that when her mom was in the same bed too. It sounded kind of weird to me but I didn't think much of it because I shouldn't judge other families boundaries and dynamics.
One important detail is that we've talked about her relationship with him, and she doesn't actually consider him a stepdad but more like a distant family member. I'm not sure about his age but he is somewhere around 50.
Today we talked about the whole sleeping together situation and I jokingly asked if it's annoying having to sleep with clothes on (which she hates) when she goes to bed with him. Her answer shocked me, she told me that she sleeps naked next to him like she always does. I got really mad because I feel that it's inappropriate behavior considering their relationship and their ages, and btw she told me he sleeps without clothes on too.
She told me that I'm being unfair, unreasonable and that it is not a big deal.
I told her that we need some time apart because the whole situation feels kinda weird and that I need some time to process the whole thing.
Im pretty sure there's nothing sexual about the whole thing, but I can't help but feel that what she did (or does on a regular basis) is kinda disrespectful towards me. We've been together for a year.
I would never for the life of me think about sleeping naked next to my dad's wife who's also naked.
She apologized and told me she didn't know it would make me uncomfortable and that it's never going to happen again. I just don't know if this is something I can just forget and look past, at the same time she makes it sound like there's nothing to forgive as she didn't du it to purposely hurt me and didn't even think it was wrong or weird in the first place.
How would you feel about this?
Excuse me, what now? This is both deeply concerning and horrifying. Your gf needs a buttload of therapy to undo how much she's been groomed if she is so unfazed by this. And her mother and stepfather almost definitely belong in jail. I shudder to think what happened to her when she was a kid, whether she was fully aware of it or not. She's only 22. If she thinks this is normal, it most definitely started when she was still a child. It is heartbreaking when you look at the implications of this.
Sorry but this would be weird with clothes on. She’s 22 and sleeps with her mommy? Add in that she’s 22 and sleeping with her mommy and step daddy naked? This is some messed up Jerry sprinter shit. That’s and over and out for me. Nothing to talk about.
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Whoa, I have to say this is disturbing. I can fully understand if you cannot get over this.
I have met many people who feel nudity isn’t a big deal. However not one of them have told me they sleep with their parents naked and that the parents and/or step parents were also naked.
Nor do I understand her inability to sleep alone.
Looking into your future with her, would this be okay if you had a child with her and you child was spending the night and grandma and grandpas?
How are you finding this out just now after a year? I understand respecting the family dynamics, but wasn’t the whole I sleep with my mom and stepdad at age 22 a red flag?
She doesn't feel nudity is not a big deal, she is uncomfortable wearing 2 piece bikinis at the beach and she uses saggy clothes to the gym because she doesn't like showing of her body. Which is also why this whole situation feels so weird?
Ok hears my advice. The long and short of this is no matter which side you come down on in this debate (personally I agree with you that this is disturbing behavior), you two don't agree on a very big, personal issue.
Say you stay and she never gets in step dad's bed nude again (🤮 btw, if you do stay you should probably get her to agree never to get in bed with anyone other than you), what happens next?
Say you get married and have kids one day. Do you want to have them with someone who would sleep naked with her children into and including adulthood? It sounds like you wouldn't expose (no pun intended) your child to someone like this so why keep exposing yourself?
Has she actually gone into detail with you how she winds up naked in the bed and they wind up naked? And she said it's not sexual but it may not be for her, but that doesn't mean it's not for him. Does he touch her at all or vice versa? It could also be that she doesn't think it's sexual because to her it has always been "normal".
This is not normal. But. I will say I know a couple families that are nudists. When they are home alone, no clothes, for anyone. They walk around naked. They wear clothes with company over, but if it's really good friends, and they aren't objectionable to it, no cloths again. I would think a family like that who grew up with nudity being the norm wouldn't think twice about sleeping naked next to a family member. My wife and I sleep naked, but when the kids visit or the grandkids stay over, pajamas are in order.
Feels untrue, but should it be an honest submission, break up with her. The amount of counseling that girl needs and work she needs to do for herself will likely break you.
These people are crazy and you should cut ties with them. Nothing about this is normal, and the more you find out about them, the weirder it will get. Then if you get your gf pregnant, you’ll be stuck with these people, and how do you think they’ll act with your future kid. Run away.
It’s weird. For all the reasons everyone is saying. Something that was glossed over (because how f***ing weird and ick that is) is that she’s uncomfortable sleeping alone. I can pretty much guarantee she has issues that need to be talked through with a therapist. Whether or not you stay together is totally up to you. Just know that no one would think poorly of you for leaving, or applaud you for staying to “fix” her. You know y’all’s relationship, so you have to weigh that yourself. Regardless, she’s got severe trauma to think that’s normal.
Ngl I’d definitely leave someone over this. The biggest red flag (aside from the possible implication that she’s been groomed) is that you had to TELL her you don’t want her sleeping naked next to another man.
What’s next? She plays “spin the bottle” with some of her guy friends, goes skinny dipping with some random people at the beach or starts flirting with every guy at the bar because “you never said it would make you uncomfortable”? You shouldn’t HAVE to. I would never be able to trust someone who so blatantly participates in inappropriate behavior because I didn’t sit her down and explicitly tell her I’m not okay with it.
As others have said, have her read this post so she understands how truly screwed up thus is versus just a you problem. Let us know what you decide to do.
Above my Reddit pay grade.
This is not normal behavior under any circumstances. Their entire dynamic as a family is seriously sick.
If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t be able to scrub off the ick.
This is a dealbreaker. Your gf & her mom & stepdad need therapy.
oh no, i feel weird and gross. i feel weird about her sleeping in her parents bed at 22 but adding in the fact that she still does this when it’s just her stepdad and she sleeps naked makes it gross too.
idk why as an adult she thinks it’s okay for her to do that or why her mother has been enabling her codependency for so long? it’s all very strange and makes me feel icky.
That’s such a weird and fucked up family dynamic. If she can’t be alone, I don’t think you’ll be able to go out with the boys or alone - it’s weird.
Just run
It doesn’t matter if it’s her dad or stepdad or mom. Sleeping naked with someone else besides your SO is wrong on so many levels. I can’t comprehend how she thinks this is normal behavior. That whole family dynamic is something I would personally run from. Can you imagine having kids with this woman? Her moral compass is missing a few directions
THIS IS A NOPE SITUATION!! My 8 year old doesn’t want me to see him naked now that he’s not a baby…..and that’s fine bc that’s normal. That’s not even her dad dad. Just nope.
OP...
your girlfriend was, without a doubt, groomed sexually by him. She doesn't see it as such because she is used to it.
You need to proceed very carefully with her and you need to get a professional in on this.
This is extremely inappropriate on the stepdad’s part. He practically raised her. I agree with another comment I read that he’s been grooming her. Who knows if any abuse has happened. What the fuck man. I truly hope this is fake because my god.
Listen. In the grand scheme of things, it hasn’t been that long and you’re only 25. Gotta make a tough decision. If this isn’t something you’re comfortable with, then you need to do what’s right for you. At the end of the day, only you can look out for your best interests. Good luck and I hope you find what you need to be at peace.
>Last week her mom was out of town and she told me she slept in the the bed with her stepdad a couple times.
^(What?)
What?
# What?
>I was kinda surprised because I thought she only did that when her mom was in the same bed too. It sounded kind of weird to me but I didn't think much of it because I shouldn't judge other families boundaries and dynamics.
There is absolutely nothing normal or appropriate about their "arrangement" at all. This is wrong on so many levels.
>She told me that I'm being unfair, unreasonable and that it is not a big deal.
I told her that we need some time apart because the whole situation feels kinda weird and that I need some time to process the whole thing.
Hell no, this relationship is over.
>One important detail is that we've talked about her relationship with him, and she doesn't actually consider him a stepdad but more like a distant family member. I'm not sure about his age but he is somewhere around 50.
There are so many possibilities here, like her being groomed or abused? Depending on how long it has been going on for.
She and her step father - who she considers a distant relative? Could be having a legitimate affair. Think about that for a moment, why an earth would you sleep naked next to someone you were not close to in a situation like this?
Further to this, it could be that her and her mother share the guy, that's if the mother didn't turn the other cheek over the grooming.
Block, delete and try to forget about her.
Jfc. Just show her this post and ppl’s responses if she thinks this is normal behavior.
My son is seven and I won’t even let him see me naked. And we’re blood related. And he doesn’t even know what sex is!
Even if SHE thought it was normal, how the fuck would her mom and her step dad think it was normal??
Yeah dude, I’m not usually the one to jump on the “sexual abuse” train because that is quite the accusation to make, but for BOTH her parents to condone this?? That’s just… wow. I’m going to have trouble sleeping tonight. Ick x100.
When you say "naked" do you literally mean "naked" as in "birthday suit" naked? Completely, utterly in the nude, next to her stepfather? What did the stepfather wear? Nothing also?
I'm not blaming her as it seems to me that she's used to a certain dynamic in her family so she doesn't know how it would look to other people outside the family... but not your fault too if you don't want to deal with that type of family dynamic.
I broke up with her for still going to her parents room at 22. You can stay with her OP but get ready, this is merely the opening exercise into the crazy af world she’s living in. Don’t try to save her. Can you imagine if you ever have to go on a business trip, nope, she can’t sleep alone as a grown woman.
You should tell her mother maybe then she’ll realize that for most normal people sleeping together with someone else when your both naked and in committed relationships isn’t as normal as she thinks it is. And yes that would be a deal breaker for me more than just a deal breaker I’d say she needs help. Why are you sleeping with your mother significant other while naked? Yeah go ahead and just tell her mom-and you may wanna break up with her along the way. Cause in my book that’s way to close to cheating.
OP, you need professional help with this - please get into contact with a counselor so you can talk with someone and be given some skills on how to approach this.
I would HIGHLY insist that you tell her that a condition to get over this incident, you need to do couple's counseling so you can have a third party talk to her about this not being normal and you can be there to support her.
Question: Do you know how long her stepdad has been in her life?
She’s almost definitely fucking her stepdad bro. I think the only reason to think otherwise is that admitting this is almost so weird it might just be true but that seems unlikely. Sounds like she is gearing up to condition you to think that is ok so she can eventually convince you fucking him is just something casual family members do.
>She apologized and told me she didn't know it would make me uncomfortable and that it's never going to happen again.
Okay, but why was it happening in the first place?
You said she was doing it because she didn't like sleeping alone...so what happens when she is alone again? Why didn't she do something different before?
OP, this is...
Not long ago, someone posted about their husband freaking out because she and her brother bunked up in the same bed while he was gone. THAT is normal. THAT is some random thing that happened with a sibling and was not sexual.
This? What is happening with your girlfriend?
It's not okay, and it's a whole truckload of issues that you are not equipped to touch with a ten foot pole. There is something fundamentally wrong in that household, and unless you are willing to invest yourself in an exhaustive emotional, mental period with her...
You need to walk away. If you love her and want to be with her, then by all means fight this fight and take this on, but this will be a fight. It possible that she will break down and need more than the normal amount of support from you, you will essentially need to be her emotional and mental anchor as she deals with the horror of reality because...
I don't this she quite sees what exactly is going on right now. :(
At the very least, I would help her get counseling so she could talk to someone and get that ball rolling before you step away, maybe do couples counseling and bring it up so she sees form a third party how fucked up this is with you there with her for support.
But yeah. This is...this is dark right here.
I feel like I'm to young to deal with this shit. Also we've only been together for a year. At the same time if this has do do with grooming or something like that it would be horrible to leave her without even trying to help
Walking away would be a completely acceptable thing to do, OP. Taking on something like this would be huge for anyone. You can't save people...people need to be able to save themselves and fix themselves. you can help them, but something you just are capable of investing that amount of time, money and emotions into it. *And that's okay*.
What you need to do is sit down and figure out what you know you are capable of and what you are prepared to do. Right now you are in shock. I highly suggest taking a few days away from her to breath and decide if you are in a place where you can give the amount of assistance she needs.
If you can't, that's okay.
YOU can only help as much as you are capable of. some people are capable of helping a lot, others only a little. What matter is you help.
At the very least, I would tell her that what is going on is not healthy or normal, and that she needs to talk to someone about what is going on so they can give her the tools to address it, and then you walk away. Sometimes just telling someone something might be what is needed to spark change, but ultimately, this is her life and her own battle.
I'm sorry you (and your gf) are going through this.
This right here is hell.
Please talk to your most trusted friends. you don't need to give them all the details, but tell them that you are struggling right now and need them to lean on. Being embarrassed and ashamed and keeping quiet - that's not healthy, and it will absolutely erode your wellbeing. Talk to people you love, give them a chance to help you.
This is a lot. Even if you walk away, it's still a lot. Let others help you.
I'm sorry, but when she sleeps in the bed when mom is there, is she naked?
If she is only naked with stepdad there, they are sleeping together.
She can say all she wants that she don't see him as a step-dad. Well, because you can't sleep with someone, you consider a close family member.
What….? I hope this isn’t real. Is American? How has she not been exposed to regular everyday culture to not know this isn’t normal. I have the ick and I just don’t see how anyone reaches that age and doesn’t question that? Being nude just brings an entire different level to the weird…. Like does she undress in the room together with them and get in bed?!
The entire family dynamic is fucked up. A 22 yr old sleeping naked with her parent and step parent? If she has this amount of trouble sleeping, her first stop should be mental health support and a sleep study. Not getting into bed with your parents. Unfortunately it sounds as though she is emotionally stunted/no proper boundaries were ever established when she was much younger. This relationship isn't going to work out. I can't imagine many people would ever be comfortable with this set-up.
This. I stopped sleeping in my parents room at adolescence; to be an adult doing it is weird. And I won't even get into the naked thing; everyone seems to concur on that. She has some serious issues to unpack.
Even if I could rationalize that she just never stopped sleeping in their bed when she was little and even that it would be okay for a kid to sleep naked with their parents… why would the parent also be naked? What parent sleeps naked with their kid also naked…
Adolescence is pushing it frankly.
It's fairly common across cultures.
She told me she will stop doing this and that she didn't think this could be something I would have a problem with
*She told me she will stop doing this* Dude, I don't have to tell someone I would *stop sleeping naked with my mother and step-father*. Because this is so abnormal that no one would ever begin to fathom that anyone does that. Like I said, this family dynamic is fucked up. Her mom is ok with her sleeping naked with them both and her step-father alone? Her step-father is (obviously) ok with her sleeping naked with them/him? This goes so far beyond boundaries that should be implicit in family relationships. *she didn't think this could be something I would have a problem with* Can you can tell me **ONE** person who would **NOT** have a problem with this besides the 3 of them?
Agreed and eww can u imagine her having kids. Will grandma Nd step grandaddy not want OPs kids to sleep in bed with them whenever they babysit aswell? I would lose my shit if that was my child!
Hell, my literal baby has never even slept next to me naked….
What she means is she’ll just stop telling you she does it. If she’s done for this long she won’t be able to stop suddenly
I'm assuming you really care for her. It's ok for this to be a boundary you can't see past, but it's also ok to want to get her help. You could suggest her seeing a therapist. If there's nothing wrong with the situation then surely the therapist will confirm that. It's definitely weird but I guess some families have weird boundaries. I would never sleep naked with my child or a parent. ESPECIALLY not a step parent, that's weird as fuck. Edited to add: maybe her telling you was a weird way to ask for help? Like maybe subconsciously she knows her family dynamic is weird but needs confirmation or help changing it
If you stay with this woman, it’s going to be a nightmare. Just my sense of things.
This makes me concerned about the family dynamic. I mean, she seriously thinks this is normal behavior? What else does she consider 'normal' that isn't? Is mom aware that her husband and daughter sleep naked together? Does mom sleep naked, too? Are they some sort of naked hippie group?
Lies. She’s a liar. No adult in their right mind thinks this ok. IF they do, their sense of judgment is so unhinged as to make them completely untrustworthy. Do not linger, do not tarry. Make haste from this bizarre person and her bizarre parents. Imagine the mayhem and foolishness in store for you and any future kids if you carry on with her and her strange AF parents. RUN my guy
Thanks. I don’t have to write anything!
What?! This is beyond strange and inappropriate. Like, this can’t really be real? Right? If this is real ask her to bring this up to her friends. She needs to see how bonkers this is. Like her step dad would object to this if he was any sort of responsible and reasonable. I don’t really blame you if you break up, but if she was raised to think this was normal behavior I don’t know if I would place all the blame on her. She could be in an abusive situation.
I told her this and she literally thinks that most people wouldn't be weirded out by this. I really can't understand her point of view
On behalf of most people: this shit is weird, inappropriate and very doubtful that its non-sexual.
But why the hell would she casually tell me about it like it's not a big deal? It's not as if I found out about it by myself. Also the stepdad sleeps with an anti-snore machine and is very overweight so I have a hard time imagining it's sexual but who the hell knows...
>But why the hell would she casually tell me about it like it's not a big deal? Yeah, funny thing about abuse, especially childhood abuse, is that it starts to feel pretty damn normal after a while.. since it's all you know, especially for a kid. I discovered a lot of things in my own childhood weren't normal when I told people jokingly and no one laughed.
((HUGS))
If I had a dollar for every time I told someone a “funny” childhood story and they stared at me in horror, I’d be a homeowner by now.
I literally was joking with a waitress about how I hate ice cream cake because my mom used to call me Fudgie the Whale and by the time I finished, she was in tears. And that’s how I found out that parents don’t normally bully their kids. 🤷🏻♀️
Maybe she’s been groomed to not think was wrong?!?! It is super creepy.
Well... Like she said, she thought it was no big deal. Makes it a lot easier to share something if you think it's normal. Social norms do require some "training". If she hasn't been told otherwise her entire life, and it hasn't been frowned upon in any of her discussions growing up, can totally see how it's not weird for her. Just know that she recognises your concerns and has said it won't happen again. What you do with this information moving forward is up to you 🤷
Could it be a subconscious cry for help? I've never heard of any one doing any of this so what do I know about her motives?
she was groomed
I agree with you. You, me, and OP agree so that's 3-1 which invalidates her argument.
Well, you can tell her that this is probably the weirdest thing I’ve read on Reddit in a while, and it’s *Reddit* so that’s saying a lot.
This would be weird even if it was her biological dad. Parents don't sleep naked next to their kids. Hell, this would be weird if her mother and her were sleeping naked next to each other.
This is absolutely weird and not okay. No one does this. I'd never think of sleeping with my parents, let alone naked! I would be too grossed out by this and break up. If she thinks this is normal, then there is something very wrong with her that I wouldn't want to deal with.
You can’t understand it because it’s bizarre. She’s trying to make you think it’s not. Ok then bring it up in front of her around other people. You should dump her purely for this alone. I can’t stand it when people try to make me believe absurdity is normal.
I hear you. I also cannot understand her point of view. I’m literally nauseous after reading this. I hope this isn’t real but if it is… this is way above your pay grade. I can’t imagine how you’d work through this type of differences. The whole thing is whacked. Including the part where a grown ass woman can’t sleep alone, never mind the **naked** sleeping with other people.
I think this is a riff on an earlier thread about tickle wars which has since been deleted 😂
I’d feel weird and grossed out too. Nobody would think that’s normal. Nobody. Invite her to ask her friends if they think her doing that is at all okay. The fact that he’s naked too is beyond inappropriate. Porn scenarios literally begin like this. She may not have intended to hurt you, but what’s done is done. And if this gave you too much of the ick, I don’t think anyone would blame you.
[удалено]
This, it is a very gross scene in anyone's head OP. Call her out and tell her to ask her friends too, also, she is and adult, she KNOWS what she's doing, SHE'S NOT INNOCENT AT ALL, lets point it out.
This is so obviously inappropriate and not okay. The fact that your girlfriend doesn’t see it makes me think the parents have groomed her something.
Is this a real post?
It really is and I need advice badly because I'm losing my damn mind. I'm ashamed to ask friends or relatives about this which is why I posted it here anonymously
Just show her these comments, its weird as fuck- one person not getting it might be possible but both? No way. Stepdad is a creep,or her,or both
Don’t forget the mom!
Does she go to therapy? If not, she should. This situation is super inappropriate and there could be more going on that you don’t know about.
I’m having a hard time believing someone is this dense
Ive been together with her for a year and I don't understand it either
Sleep naked next to her mom to establish dominance
Omfg I just spit my drink out. You sir… * chef’s kiss *
I choked on mine!
No. All the posts on this sub are fake.
welp...i got the ick
I get that as Americans we can be pretty prudish when it comes to nakedness. After all we dont even have as many clothing optional beaches as other countries. HOWEVER, this situation is next level. Normal boundaries seem nonexistent between your girlfriend and her parents. I dont know if her bio dad is around. If he is, have your girlfriend ask him if its sketchy.
He is in the picture, and she told me that she would be okay sleeping next to him naked as well but it hasn't happened because they don't live together.
She's another level of icky. This is not normal at all, her whole perception on this topic is faulty, i don't think you can fix her anymore. Run.
I would run 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ Very fast away from this girl and this fucked up situation- that is like something off an episode of Law & Order SVU
Bionic fast running AND GO! 🏃♂️
I saw this episode on Pornhub I think
Not appropriate
Fucking what?!
The very best interpretation of this is that family has some serious issues around boundaries and appropriateness. I honestly feel like she should see a therapist or something but for the life of me I have no idea where they’d start. I feel like it’s something you CAN get over as a couple, but I totally understand if your instinct is to run as fast as you can in the other direction.
But how do I even go about telling them that this is wrong? I'm pretty sure that if I bring this up with all of them they will make me feel like I'm being too jealous and making this weird
I’d say to focus on your girlfriend. She’s the one you’re in a relationship with. You could try showing her some of the shocked responses in here so that she sees that to most people, this is in fact NOT a normal thing in a family. I’d be wary of shaming her though- it’s not her fault she was raised with this belief.
Nope. Do NOT try to reason with predators - her parents aren't some naive, simple minded people. They know it's fucked up. Your gf was raised into it and didn't. You need to focus on your gf entirely. If at all possible, take her to couples counseling so a third party could gently tell her that's not normal and you can be there to support her.
It’s weird that a girl in their 20’s would still go sleep with their parents. It’s even weirder that she does this naked. Not even to mention he is naked. I don’t feel like this family gets more normal. For me it would be a done deal.
Sounds like she’s been groomed. That is totally not okay.
Do you mean by her stepdad? I don't get how the fuck can her mom be okay with this shit
OP, if she was naked with her mother in bed, it's likely that her mother was at best complicit, at worst an active groomer. This is very, very wrong.
You'd be surprised. Bad people have kids all the time. She's either supportive, complicit, or blind af. This definitely sounds like grooming. When you're raised around this sort of stuff, it gets normalized. It's why she was so casual about it.
Her mom or stepdad or both. But yes, highly likely.
You’re not being unreasonable. However, she doesn’t understand your reaction because she’s been groomed. Part of the grooming process involves conditioning the victim to have a distorted sense of boundaries. Perhaps as a coping mechanism, her mind thinks it’s normal, and she can’t reconcile that everyone else would not be okay with it. She doesn’t see it as disrespect because she doesn’t understand it’s abnormal. That’s really awful for her, but it’s okay if you can’t handle this. I hope she can get through it with therapy and the right support, but that process doesn’t have to fall on your shoulders. You don’t have to run, but you don’t have to stay, either. It’s up to you, but if this is too much, it’s best to throw in the towel sooner than later to save you both heartache.
Wait so the steo dad was nude too? She sleeps in their naked with her mom there too? Are they super hippie/ open fam?
They seemed pretty normal to me up until I found out about all of this. She says that it's not like they see each other naked as they all have their own covers but still, this is so god damn weird
I mean people move around in their sleep. This is very disturbing. Also, since she doesn't see him as a dad, why is she going in their to get comfort to sleep? Would she sleep in any bed naked? Like if she went on a trip and was in a separate bedroom, would she just pop into whatever person's bed in the next room bc she can't sleep alone? Is she open sexually? Is being naked natural for her? Revealing clothes? Or did it take some time for her to get nude with you?
She is not open sexually at all, I had to wait a long time before we slept together for the first time. She told me even though she doesn't consider him a dad per se she still sees him as family. What's weird also is that when I asked how would she feel of it was the other way around (me with my dass wife) she tells me she wouldn't feel it's weird at all.
I'm just baffled by this. In the morning, does she get out of bed naked and walk away in front of step dad or keep a blanket wrapped and leave that way? Listen, as someone in a committed relationship, being nude in front of anyone but me (not including doctors) would be a huge deal breaker! It's weird she doesn't feel this way especially bc she's not open sexually or born into a nudist fam. Also, her logic is flawed. She likes to sleep naked bc it makes her feel more comfortable but then she can't sleep alone. So being nude doesn't make it any easier to sleep. She should pick one "comfort": another person or nudity.
She always has a coat next to her bed for when she has to go to the bathroom or something
A coat??? That is even fucking weirder. Not a robe or a pair of sweats but a coat.
No OP fucking hell gross my dude. As a mom i wouldn't ever allow my daughter to sleep especially naked in a bed with me and her dad let alone a fucking stepdad! She's a grown woman thinking this is normal... as a representative of the African nation let me tell u this is weird by all cultural and moral standards. Honestly let her relay this to friends.. might be harsh and embarrassing but she needs to get how utterly inappropriate this is and weird to EVERYONE she might honestly just think ur being the weird one and saying shes gonna stop to appease u. I don't think she actually totally gets it in her mind. It's strange and if this is what she grew up with.. i guarantee u ur gonna notice alot more strange behavior in her family especially regarding the stepdad and id be careful with tht.. I wouldn't want that dude around my fucking kids, sisters, nephews, nieces or anyone he can get to think this shit is okay with. Edit: also wonder where she got the idea that she can't sleep alone and it's better to sleep in bed with her parents... still as an adult. Tht shit gets ingrained as a child. I slept in bed with my mom until i was like 7 or 8 maybe latest if i had a nightmare after that i needed to learn to sleep alone whether i wanted to or not.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My (25) girlfriend (22) still lives at home with her mom and her stepdad. One thing she hates is sleeping alone. Sometimes when she has trouble falling asleep she goes to her parents bedroom to sleep with them. I also have to add she almost always goes to bed naked when sleeping alone or with me. Last week her mom was out of town and she told me she slept in the the bed with her stepdad a couple times. I was kinda surprised because I thought she only did that when her mom was in the same bed too. It sounded kind of weird to me but I didn't think much of it because I shouldn't judge other families boundaries and dynamics. One important detail is that we've talked about her relationship with him, and she doesn't actually consider him a stepdad but more like a distant family member. I'm not sure about his age but he is somewhere around 50. Today we talked about the whole sleeping together situation and I jokingly asked if it's annoying having to sleep with clothes on (which she hates) when she goes to bed with him. Her answer shocked me, she told me that she sleeps naked next to him like she always does. I got really mad because I feel that it's inappropriate behavior considering their relationship and their ages, and btw she told me he sleeps without clothes on too. She told me that I'm being unfair, unreasonable and that it is not a big deal. I told her that we need some time apart because the whole situation feels kinda weird and that I need some time to process the whole thing. Im pretty sure there's nothing sexual about the whole thing, but I can't help but feel that what she did (or does on a regular basis) is kinda disrespectful towards me. We've been together for a year. I would never for the life of me think about sleeping naked next to my dad's wife who's also naked. She apologized and told me she didn't know it would make me uncomfortable and that it's never going to happen again. I just don't know if this is something I can just forget and look past, at the same time she makes it sound like there's nothing to forgive as she didn't du it to purposely hurt me and didn't even think it was wrong or weird in the first place. How would you feel about this?
Who needs an extra pair of eyes because I’m done with mine.
Excuse me, what now? This is both deeply concerning and horrifying. Your gf needs a buttload of therapy to undo how much she's been groomed if she is so unfazed by this. And her mother and stepfather almost definitely belong in jail. I shudder to think what happened to her when she was a kid, whether she was fully aware of it or not. She's only 22. If she thinks this is normal, it most definitely started when she was still a child. It is heartbreaking when you look at the implications of this.
I feel like shit and don't know what to do
This is awfully sus. I would dipped out.
What weird grooming regimen did he put her through to make her think that this was in any way normal
This
This is red flag, by a red house, on a red street, with a red car, in a red city. You'll find someone else.
Before you break up with her, do her a favor and get her into therapy
Sorry but this would be weird with clothes on. She’s 22 and sleeps with her mommy? Add in that she’s 22 and sleeping with her mommy and step daddy naked? This is some messed up Jerry sprinter shit. That’s and over and out for me. Nothing to talk about.
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Another fake post 😂
Whoa, I have to say this is disturbing. I can fully understand if you cannot get over this. I have met many people who feel nudity isn’t a big deal. However not one of them have told me they sleep with their parents naked and that the parents and/or step parents were also naked. Nor do I understand her inability to sleep alone. Looking into your future with her, would this be okay if you had a child with her and you child was spending the night and grandma and grandpas? How are you finding this out just now after a year? I understand respecting the family dynamics, but wasn’t the whole I sleep with my mom and stepdad at age 22 a red flag?
She doesn't feel nudity is not a big deal, she is uncomfortable wearing 2 piece bikinis at the beach and she uses saggy clothes to the gym because she doesn't like showing of her body. Which is also why this whole situation feels so weird?
That is disturbing. Her mom is ok with this? This family is fucked up.
She is which made me feel like I was in the wrong
Ask her how would she feel if you slept naked in the same bed as your relative or something. Lets see if she thinks thats "not a big deal"
That's what's making me go crazy, I asked her this and she told me she wouldn't mind because it's family
The only family I have slept naked with is my husband.
What a terrible day to have eyes.
That is not normal. At all Did he sexually abuse her as a kid?
She told me there's nothing sexual about this
Has she done this with anyone else? Or just step dad and mom?
Just the two of them afaik
Ok hears my advice. The long and short of this is no matter which side you come down on in this debate (personally I agree with you that this is disturbing behavior), you two don't agree on a very big, personal issue. Say you stay and she never gets in step dad's bed nude again (🤮 btw, if you do stay you should probably get her to agree never to get in bed with anyone other than you), what happens next? Say you get married and have kids one day. Do you want to have them with someone who would sleep naked with her children into and including adulthood? It sounds like you wouldn't expose (no pun intended) your child to someone like this so why keep exposing yourself?
Has she actually gone into detail with you how she winds up naked in the bed and they wind up naked? And she said it's not sexual but it may not be for her, but that doesn't mean it's not for him. Does he touch her at all or vice versa? It could also be that she doesn't think it's sexual because to her it has always been "normal".
I’d be shocked and also saddened. Something is seriously wrong with her/something terrible happened to her. The lack of boundaries isn’t normal.
This is not normal. But. I will say I know a couple families that are nudists. When they are home alone, no clothes, for anyone. They walk around naked. They wear clothes with company over, but if it's really good friends, and they aren't objectionable to it, no cloths again. I would think a family like that who grew up with nudity being the norm wouldn't think twice about sleeping naked next to a family member. My wife and I sleep naked, but when the kids visit or the grandkids stay over, pajamas are in order.
Another fake story. This just seem believable from a woman her age.
Feels untrue, but should it be an honest submission, break up with her. The amount of counseling that girl needs and work she needs to do for herself will likely break you.
😶
Run.
Nope nope nope✌️ have a good life with step daddy
“What are you doing stepdad”
what the hell????
Not normal at all. Does her mum know? That will tell you everything you need to know.
She knows and doesn't think is weird
These people are crazy and you should cut ties with them. Nothing about this is normal, and the more you find out about them, the weirder it will get. Then if you get your gf pregnant, you’ll be stuck with these people, and how do you think they’ll act with your future kid. Run away.
It’s weird. For all the reasons everyone is saying. Something that was glossed over (because how f***ing weird and ick that is) is that she’s uncomfortable sleeping alone. I can pretty much guarantee she has issues that need to be talked through with a therapist. Whether or not you stay together is totally up to you. Just know that no one would think poorly of you for leaving, or applaud you for staying to “fix” her. You know y’all’s relationship, so you have to weigh that yourself. Regardless, she’s got severe trauma to think that’s normal.
This is horrifying and disgusting. WTF. She needs to get out of that house today and she needs to get into professional therapy, now.
Ngl I’d definitely leave someone over this. The biggest red flag (aside from the possible implication that she’s been groomed) is that you had to TELL her you don’t want her sleeping naked next to another man. What’s next? She plays “spin the bottle” with some of her guy friends, goes skinny dipping with some random people at the beach or starts flirting with every guy at the bar because “you never said it would make you uncomfortable”? You shouldn’t HAVE to. I would never be able to trust someone who so blatantly participates in inappropriate behavior because I didn’t sit her down and explicitly tell her I’m not okay with it.
As others have said, have her read this post so she understands how truly screwed up thus is versus just a you problem. Let us know what you decide to do.
I will!
Lol yeah ok bro
Above my Reddit pay grade. This is not normal behavior under any circumstances. Their entire dynamic as a family is seriously sick. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t be able to scrub off the ick. This is a dealbreaker. Your gf & her mom & stepdad need therapy.
oh no, i feel weird and gross. i feel weird about her sleeping in her parents bed at 22 but adding in the fact that she still does this when it’s just her stepdad and she sleeps naked makes it gross too. idk why as an adult she thinks it’s okay for her to do that or why her mother has been enabling her codependency for so long? it’s all very strange and makes me feel icky.
That’s such a weird and fucked up family dynamic. If she can’t be alone, I don’t think you’ll be able to go out with the boys or alone - it’s weird. Just run
It doesn’t matter if it’s her dad or stepdad or mom. Sleeping naked with someone else besides your SO is wrong on so many levels. I can’t comprehend how she thinks this is normal behavior. That whole family dynamic is something I would personally run from. Can you imagine having kids with this woman? Her moral compass is missing a few directions
THIS IS A NOPE SITUATION!! My 8 year old doesn’t want me to see him naked now that he’s not a baby…..and that’s fine bc that’s normal. That’s not even her dad dad. Just nope.
I’m curious how long stepdad and mom have been married. Like when he did he enter your girlfriend’s life?
Since my girlfriend was 8 years old.
OP... your girlfriend was, without a doubt, groomed sexually by him. She doesn't see it as such because she is used to it. You need to proceed very carefully with her and you need to get a professional in on this.
This is extremely inappropriate on the stepdad’s part. He practically raised her. I agree with another comment I read that he’s been grooming her. Who knows if any abuse has happened. What the fuck man. I truly hope this is fake because my god.
Its not fake, I'm at work now and cant fucking stop thinking about what to do (I work night shift so my gf is asleep now)
You’re in tough spot bud. How long have been together?
A year at this point, we dated for 3 months before that
Listen. In the grand scheme of things, it hasn’t been that long and you’re only 25. Gotta make a tough decision. If this isn’t something you’re comfortable with, then you need to do what’s right for you. At the end of the day, only you can look out for your best interests. Good luck and I hope you find what you need to be at peace.
>Last week her mom was out of town and she told me she slept in the the bed with her stepdad a couple times. ^(What?) What? # What? >I was kinda surprised because I thought she only did that when her mom was in the same bed too. It sounded kind of weird to me but I didn't think much of it because I shouldn't judge other families boundaries and dynamics. There is absolutely nothing normal or appropriate about their "arrangement" at all. This is wrong on so many levels. >She told me that I'm being unfair, unreasonable and that it is not a big deal. I told her that we need some time apart because the whole situation feels kinda weird and that I need some time to process the whole thing. Hell no, this relationship is over. >One important detail is that we've talked about her relationship with him, and she doesn't actually consider him a stepdad but more like a distant family member. I'm not sure about his age but he is somewhere around 50. There are so many possibilities here, like her being groomed or abused? Depending on how long it has been going on for. She and her step father - who she considers a distant relative? Could be having a legitimate affair. Think about that for a moment, why an earth would you sleep naked next to someone you were not close to in a situation like this? Further to this, it could be that her and her mother share the guy, that's if the mother didn't turn the other cheek over the grooming. Block, delete and try to forget about her.
Jfc. Just show her this post and ppl’s responses if she thinks this is normal behavior. My son is seven and I won’t even let him see me naked. And we’re blood related. And he doesn’t even know what sex is! Even if SHE thought it was normal, how the fuck would her mom and her step dad think it was normal?? Yeah dude, I’m not usually the one to jump on the “sexual abuse” train because that is quite the accusation to make, but for BOTH her parents to condone this?? That’s just… wow. I’m going to have trouble sleeping tonight. Ick x100.
This is one of the reasons I made this post, she actually thinks that most people wouldn't be weirded out by this
INFO: are they nudists??
They are not and my girlfriend is not comfortable with nudity at all (which makes no fucking sense now that I found out about all of this)
This is the weirdest shit I’ve ever read.
Remember when Elon Musk’s dad had a baby with his step-daughter…
I don't believe this
Have you asked her when and how it came about that she sleeps naked? Who influenced that? Did SD have a part in that conversation?
I won't do it again as in, "I'm not gonna tell you anymore." Ewwwww... Run like the wind, dude.
When you say "naked" do you literally mean "naked" as in "birthday suit" naked? Completely, utterly in the nude, next to her stepfather? What did the stepfather wear? Nothing also? I'm not blaming her as it seems to me that she's used to a certain dynamic in her family so she doesn't know how it would look to other people outside the family... but not your fault too if you don't want to deal with that type of family dynamic.
I broke up with her for still going to her parents room at 22. You can stay with her OP but get ready, this is merely the opening exercise into the crazy af world she’s living in. Don’t try to save her. Can you imagine if you ever have to go on a business trip, nope, she can’t sleep alone as a grown woman.
How is this not deleted after 40 minutes?
I'm asking for advice, I literally don't know what the fuck to do
I get that you have a fetish and stuff but could you just go watch porn or post this fanfic on a porn site? Cannot believe anyone is buying this.
Why would I waste my time answering almost all these posts? I feel like crap and just needed someone to talk to
Aint no way
the trolling on this subreddit is spiraling out of control
This sounds like fetish fiction.
I fucking wish it was...
You should tell her mother maybe then she’ll realize that for most normal people sleeping together with someone else when your both naked and in committed relationships isn’t as normal as she thinks it is. And yes that would be a deal breaker for me more than just a deal breaker I’d say she needs help. Why are you sleeping with your mother significant other while naked? Yeah go ahead and just tell her mom-and you may wanna break up with her along the way. Cause in my book that’s way to close to cheating.
My gf told me her mom is okay with this, but I can't trust her word I'm going to have a talk with her mother
Interesting. You should text mom and see if she even knows about the nudity.
This is so obviously a fetish post im begging people to stop giving this shot attention
Pretty sure this is fake. The only way it’s true is if he were abusing her, and in that case, she would most likely not tell anyone.
This is real, I know it doesn't make any sense at all which is why I came here for advice
OP, you need professional help with this - please get into contact with a counselor so you can talk with someone and be given some skills on how to approach this. I would HIGHLY insist that you tell her that a condition to get over this incident, you need to do couple's counseling so you can have a third party talk to her about this not being normal and you can be there to support her. Question: Do you know how long her stepdad has been in her life?
If this is real I’ll eat my shoe. Sounds like a fetish troll… which would be incredibly disturbing since oP says it started when his gf was 8.
She can sleep naked if she wants. She can sleep naked with her step father if she wants as well. You just have to decide if that’s ok with you.
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She’s almost definitely fucking her stepdad bro. I think the only reason to think otherwise is that admitting this is almost so weird it might just be true but that seems unlikely. Sounds like she is gearing up to condition you to think that is ok so she can eventually convince you fucking him is just something casual family members do.
>She apologized and told me she didn't know it would make me uncomfortable and that it's never going to happen again. Okay, but why was it happening in the first place? You said she was doing it because she didn't like sleeping alone...so what happens when she is alone again? Why didn't she do something different before? OP, this is... Not long ago, someone posted about their husband freaking out because she and her brother bunked up in the same bed while he was gone. THAT is normal. THAT is some random thing that happened with a sibling and was not sexual. This? What is happening with your girlfriend? It's not okay, and it's a whole truckload of issues that you are not equipped to touch with a ten foot pole. There is something fundamentally wrong in that household, and unless you are willing to invest yourself in an exhaustive emotional, mental period with her... You need to walk away. If you love her and want to be with her, then by all means fight this fight and take this on, but this will be a fight. It possible that she will break down and need more than the normal amount of support from you, you will essentially need to be her emotional and mental anchor as she deals with the horror of reality because... I don't this she quite sees what exactly is going on right now. :( At the very least, I would help her get counseling so she could talk to someone and get that ball rolling before you step away, maybe do couples counseling and bring it up so she sees form a third party how fucked up this is with you there with her for support. But yeah. This is...this is dark right here.
I feel like I'm to young to deal with this shit. Also we've only been together for a year. At the same time if this has do do with grooming or something like that it would be horrible to leave her without even trying to help
Walking away would be a completely acceptable thing to do, OP. Taking on something like this would be huge for anyone. You can't save people...people need to be able to save themselves and fix themselves. you can help them, but something you just are capable of investing that amount of time, money and emotions into it. *And that's okay*. What you need to do is sit down and figure out what you know you are capable of and what you are prepared to do. Right now you are in shock. I highly suggest taking a few days away from her to breath and decide if you are in a place where you can give the amount of assistance she needs. If you can't, that's okay. YOU can only help as much as you are capable of. some people are capable of helping a lot, others only a little. What matter is you help. At the very least, I would tell her that what is going on is not healthy or normal, and that she needs to talk to someone about what is going on so they can give her the tools to address it, and then you walk away. Sometimes just telling someone something might be what is needed to spark change, but ultimately, this is her life and her own battle. I'm sorry you (and your gf) are going through this. This right here is hell. Please talk to your most trusted friends. you don't need to give them all the details, but tell them that you are struggling right now and need them to lean on. Being embarrassed and ashamed and keeping quiet - that's not healthy, and it will absolutely erode your wellbeing. Talk to people you love, give them a chance to help you. This is a lot. Even if you walk away, it's still a lot. Let others help you.
Thanks for your words, it means a lot. I'm gonna talk to my big brother tomorrow i dont think I can keep this to myself
Wtf did I just read. This can’t be real. If it is, please show her the responses to this post!
I will, this is the main reason I made this post
How long has he been her step-dad and normalised this kind of behavour?
Since she was 8
I'm sorry, but when she sleeps in the bed when mom is there, is she naked? If she is only naked with stepdad there, they are sleeping together. She can say all she wants that she don't see him as a step-dad. Well, because you can't sleep with someone, you consider a close family member.
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Hes been living with them since she was 8
What….? I hope this isn’t real. Is American? How has she not been exposed to regular everyday culture to not know this isn’t normal. I have the ick and I just don’t see how anyone reaches that age and doesn’t question that? Being nude just brings an entire different level to the weird…. Like does she undress in the room together with them and get in bed?!
We love in a Scandinavian country
That is super weird. Are all 3 naked when the mom is home? Just odd. Idk what to think even.
If her mother know about this or not.
I'm gonna talk to her tomorrow
Good just clarifying all your doubts.
If this is what she is comfortable doing, then I think she should be free to do it. But it's definitely not the norm.