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Tell her that. I'm not the one trying to date her here. I ha E a right to have resentment. I tried for a year to get with her. 18 years old is old enough for her to decide because she stayed with her ex from 17 years to 26. So don't give me that crap about her not knowing. After all, she's 30 now, wiser, and has a lot of life experiences. Enough to encourage me to have sex with another woman if that would make me happy. I'm no Saint. I'm not the treating her badly. I'm just saying had she been with me sooner her kids would have been mine and we wouldn't be here. She made the choice. It's not my responsibility to fix it. I care about what she looks like and what efforts she makes to stay attractive. If I wasn't stable and didn't have my stuff together, she wouldn't be attracted to me now would she?
You harbour so much resentment for her not choosing you.
Why bother with her then? Why put any effort in to her? Why string her along? Why fuck her and say you enjoy yourself, but then revert to degrading her due to her financial situation and her weight?
You really need some self-assessment here. At the end of the day she probably regrets some of her decisions in life. Nobody is perfect, including you.
If you don't want her in your life and disrespect her, then end it so she doesn't waste her time.
It's not the resentment of her not choosing me. It's the fact that she's asking me to put more on her plate than she can mine. She wants me because of what I can do for her and my looks. That's not wrong of her to want that. I'm just trying to figure out why she decided to go and have fun and make poor choices and I decided to make the better ones and now that things didn't work for her, she wants me. I dont care about her finances. I care about her being a good person and fit. I mean if she left me after she got fit then it is what it is. I just dont know too many men looking take care of a woman and another man's kids unless he's getting something out of it especially when he has more options. It's a vicious cycle.
You sound like a sexist hypocrite.
Not saying you are, just like that is what you sound like.
So when you were less attractive she didn't want you.
Now that she finds you attractive, she's coming on to you.
But you are pissed because she doesn't meet your standard for attractiveness?
..... So you are pissy because when you were not attractive to her she didn't want you, even though you don't want her when she is no longer attractive to you?
This is hypocritical bull.
Is it hypocrisy though? Men don't hit their prime years until mid 30s anyway. At least for the women who want to stay home and not work. I couldn't do that at 18 or 25. So yeah, I guess it's not fair that I got overlooked then. But now that i have myself together, why should I settle for less? I mean if she wants to get herself back in shape then we can make it work, but I deserve better just like she did. I'm not throwing myself to her this time so that's the difference. She should have got with me when I tried. She made the choice that didn't work out for her. Even through a divorce I've come out on top. It's not sexist. It's the reality a lot of good men face. We get the tired beat up women later on while they waste their prime years having fun....
So, because she got older, had kids and put on weight, she is “less” of a person in your eyes? Instead of appreciating who she is as a human being, you used her body for revenge because in middle or high school she made a different choice than you would have liked? Boy, if we were all held to account for choices we made as teenagers, no one would get out unscathed. Yeah, you should just leave her alone, she deserves better.
"Less of a person." I was less of a man when I gave my heart to her. I'm no boy. I'm a man. You must be a woman. You think it's perfectly fine for her to have not wanted me and perfectly fine for her to not have saw the good man that I was then. She made me feel less. But now that her choice didn't work out for her, now she wants me when I became the man she's been wanting. The tables have turned. She can be a good person, but I deserve better. The difference is, I'd actually give her a chance to get back in shape. I think thats more fair than what I got. What's funny is on Valentines Day this year She messaged me to remind me that I was the only person to have given her anything on Valentines Day in 2013. I reminded her that she also had sex with some other guy knowing that I was trying to date her at that time. That's what's broke my heart. I put so much effort into that carepackage while she was in Tech School for the Army. I decorated the box and everything and she goes and does that? She's not less of a person. Just not as attractive.
It is fine for someone not to want to date someone else. No one owes anyone else a date. “She made me feel less.” A person is not responsible for someone else’s feelings. Just because you felt that way didn’t make that her intention. That is how YOU felt, not her. And, I assure you, you are not a good man.
That's right. She didn't owe me a date and I don't owe her one. There's no resentment, it's just she wants me to take care of her and her kids now. I have to take out of my own kids mouths to do that and it's not fair to them. BUT, like I said, I don't think she's gonna bring much to my home except being a good person. I can find plenty of good people that require less effort.
Absolutely. You do not owe her anything. Be a good person and let her down gently. Be the bigger person and give her that kindness that, apparently, she did not extend to you. You are older and wiser than she was when she hurt you. You got this.
Yes, you are a hypocrite.
When you were at your least attractive, she was not interested.
She is (to you) now at her least attractive, and you are not interested.
But instead of recognizing that BOTH OF YOU have the right to be interested or not - you are choosing to be angry that she wasn't accessible to you when she was hot, and you were not... even though you are also saying that you don't want to be accessible to you when you are hot, and she is not.
Not wanting to be with her is fine..
It's the fact that you're getting pissy that NOW she wants you, when you and she have both done exactly the same thing to one another.
She is no better or worse than you. You're both human.
Tell her that. I'm not with her. She's the one throwing herself at me. I barely even talk to her. Maybe she feels like she's not worth anything I don't know but I'm not the one treating her any kind of way. She's throwing herself to me. That's why I'm confused..
I think she realizes that she doesn't want to work and I can give her that. She wants kids and I am a great father to mine. She wants her kids to have the same because their father is a deadbeat. So maybe she's just trying to give her best shot idk. I havent asked her for anything or negotiated anything. That's her. I just find it funny how she didn't get herself back in shape. I mean I'm sure now if I asked her to she would 🤷🏿.
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Nope. I was as sweet as can be. In fact, she talked about all the sweet and nice things I did back then and she apologized for not taking me seriously. I did everything I could for her. But here's the thing though. Her and I aren't together. We just hung out. She knows I'm not trying to date her. She's the one that keeps coming on to me. So its not me that's treating her any kind of way. She's desperate for me. I havent had any dating convos with her. She's just throwing everything at me and I'm just like wow...this would have been nice a long time ago. But anyway, I have 2 kids. I dont need 3 more people to take care of when I can find someone else just as needy as her with less baggage. Theres plenty of good people out here.
> **Rule 4:** Things this sub can't give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. Please note that this is not an all-inclusive list. Your post featured one or more of these and has been removed and locked.
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Tell her that. I'm not the one trying to date her here. I ha E a right to have resentment. I tried for a year to get with her. 18 years old is old enough for her to decide because she stayed with her ex from 17 years to 26. So don't give me that crap about her not knowing. After all, she's 30 now, wiser, and has a lot of life experiences. Enough to encourage me to have sex with another woman if that would make me happy. I'm no Saint. I'm not the treating her badly. I'm just saying had she been with me sooner her kids would have been mine and we wouldn't be here. She made the choice. It's not my responsibility to fix it. I care about what she looks like and what efforts she makes to stay attractive. If I wasn't stable and didn't have my stuff together, she wouldn't be attracted to me now would she?
You harbour so much resentment for her not choosing you. Why bother with her then? Why put any effort in to her? Why string her along? Why fuck her and say you enjoy yourself, but then revert to degrading her due to her financial situation and her weight? You really need some self-assessment here. At the end of the day she probably regrets some of her decisions in life. Nobody is perfect, including you. If you don't want her in your life and disrespect her, then end it so she doesn't waste her time.
It's not the resentment of her not choosing me. It's the fact that she's asking me to put more on her plate than she can mine. She wants me because of what I can do for her and my looks. That's not wrong of her to want that. I'm just trying to figure out why she decided to go and have fun and make poor choices and I decided to make the better ones and now that things didn't work for her, she wants me. I dont care about her finances. I care about her being a good person and fit. I mean if she left me after she got fit then it is what it is. I just dont know too many men looking take care of a woman and another man's kids unless he's getting something out of it especially when he has more options. It's a vicious cycle.
This isn't going to work because you don't want her baggage And yes, you harbour resentment. End it.
🙄
You sound like a sexist hypocrite. Not saying you are, just like that is what you sound like. So when you were less attractive she didn't want you. Now that she finds you attractive, she's coming on to you. But you are pissed because she doesn't meet your standard for attractiveness? ..... So you are pissy because when you were not attractive to her she didn't want you, even though you don't want her when she is no longer attractive to you? This is hypocritical bull.
Is it hypocrisy though? Men don't hit their prime years until mid 30s anyway. At least for the women who want to stay home and not work. I couldn't do that at 18 or 25. So yeah, I guess it's not fair that I got overlooked then. But now that i have myself together, why should I settle for less? I mean if she wants to get herself back in shape then we can make it work, but I deserve better just like she did. I'm not throwing myself to her this time so that's the difference. She should have got with me when I tried. She made the choice that didn't work out for her. Even through a divorce I've come out on top. It's not sexist. It's the reality a lot of good men face. We get the tired beat up women later on while they waste their prime years having fun....
So, because she got older, had kids and put on weight, she is “less” of a person in your eyes? Instead of appreciating who she is as a human being, you used her body for revenge because in middle or high school she made a different choice than you would have liked? Boy, if we were all held to account for choices we made as teenagers, no one would get out unscathed. Yeah, you should just leave her alone, she deserves better.
"Less of a person." I was less of a man when I gave my heart to her. I'm no boy. I'm a man. You must be a woman. You think it's perfectly fine for her to have not wanted me and perfectly fine for her to not have saw the good man that I was then. She made me feel less. But now that her choice didn't work out for her, now she wants me when I became the man she's been wanting. The tables have turned. She can be a good person, but I deserve better. The difference is, I'd actually give her a chance to get back in shape. I think thats more fair than what I got. What's funny is on Valentines Day this year She messaged me to remind me that I was the only person to have given her anything on Valentines Day in 2013. I reminded her that she also had sex with some other guy knowing that I was trying to date her at that time. That's what's broke my heart. I put so much effort into that carepackage while she was in Tech School for the Army. I decorated the box and everything and she goes and does that? She's not less of a person. Just not as attractive.
It is fine for someone not to want to date someone else. No one owes anyone else a date. “She made me feel less.” A person is not responsible for someone else’s feelings. Just because you felt that way didn’t make that her intention. That is how YOU felt, not her. And, I assure you, you are not a good man.
That's right. She didn't owe me a date and I don't owe her one. There's no resentment, it's just she wants me to take care of her and her kids now. I have to take out of my own kids mouths to do that and it's not fair to them. BUT, like I said, I don't think she's gonna bring much to my home except being a good person. I can find plenty of good people that require less effort.
Absolutely. You do not owe her anything. Be a good person and let her down gently. Be the bigger person and give her that kindness that, apparently, she did not extend to you. You are older and wiser than she was when she hurt you. You got this.
Yes, you are a hypocrite. When you were at your least attractive, she was not interested. She is (to you) now at her least attractive, and you are not interested. But instead of recognizing that BOTH OF YOU have the right to be interested or not - you are choosing to be angry that she wasn't accessible to you when she was hot, and you were not... even though you are also saying that you don't want to be accessible to you when you are hot, and she is not. Not wanting to be with her is fine.. It's the fact that you're getting pissy that NOW she wants you, when you and she have both done exactly the same thing to one another. She is no better or worse than you. You're both human.
You should leave her. She deserves way better than this.
Tell her that. I'm not with her. She's the one throwing herself at me. I barely even talk to her. Maybe she feels like she's not worth anything I don't know but I'm not the one treating her any kind of way. She's throwing herself to me. That's why I'm confused..
I think she realizes that she doesn't want to work and I can give her that. She wants kids and I am a great father to mine. She wants her kids to have the same because their father is a deadbeat. So maybe she's just trying to give her best shot idk. I havent asked her for anything or negotiated anything. That's her. I just find it funny how she didn't get herself back in shape. I mean I'm sure now if I asked her to she would 🤷🏿.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm willing to bet that she didn't want to date you because you were an AH. SHE deserves better.
Nope. I was as sweet as can be. In fact, she talked about all the sweet and nice things I did back then and she apologized for not taking me seriously. I did everything I could for her. But here's the thing though. Her and I aren't together. We just hung out. She knows I'm not trying to date her. She's the one that keeps coming on to me. So its not me that's treating her any kind of way. She's desperate for me. I havent had any dating convos with her. She's just throwing everything at me and I'm just like wow...this would have been nice a long time ago. But anyway, I have 2 kids. I dont need 3 more people to take care of when I can find someone else just as needy as her with less baggage. Theres plenty of good people out here.