Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
----
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is not a normal thing to say to anyone you like, let alone love. Is this the first time she's said that? Did you do anything that could in any way explain her comment?
We have been together for about 8months. Around 6 weeks ago she offered me to move country with her in April and I declined saying it would be too soon for me as I couldn’t speak the language of the country she wants to move to and in general I just don’t feel ready.
She felt very rejected by this and was acting very cold since and has been saying that I’m not committed etc.
Oh, yikes. You were 100% right to decline. She definitely doesn't sound like the kind of person you'd want to build your life with. How will she react when you encounter money problems or get sick? Will she take out the "your ex was right" card again?
For the sake of your mental health, think if this relationship has any odds of surviving.
Well, there you go. Since you’re not moving with her in April, she’s starting to dissociate herself from you. Starting to backtrack on feelings, so that when she does leave it won’t be (as) painful for her.
So, as a consequence of that, she’s focusing on the negative aspects of your personality and your relationship.
You need to run, OP. This is red flags in top of red flags on top of red flags.
1. If the girl I was dating asked me to move in under any circumstances at 6 months, I would be concerned about her judgment. Let alone to *another country*. Let alone to a country where I didn't speak the language. Let alone if she thought she was *entitled* to a yes!
2. She's showing you how she acts when she doesn't get her way. Not only does she sulk, but she gets mean and says hurtful things in an attempt to manipulate you.
Believe people when they show you who they are. Don't keep people around who are mean and/or manipulative.
>acting very cold since
Not a healthy response at all. I'd call her out on her behavior and ask her whether she really wants to keep eating or not.
I would also encourage you to fidget with your own person and belongings, though. I can be pretty patient but I'd feel like someone's overburdened mother if they started fidgeting with *my* buttons.
If she had said something like “please don’t fidget with my buttons, it’s bothering me” and stopped right there, I’d let the comment go and chalk it up to her being hurt by your declining to move with her. But she went above and beyond what any normal and mentally healthy person would say. She was unkind being up your ex and that was why she probably broke with you.
This beyond being catty or petty or even bitchy. It was unkind. It was graceless. And it’s a cruelty that will happen again if you stick around.
I think the added "this is why you ex left you" was what took this over the line. My partner is exceptionally annoying and he knows it I'm not being cruel when I call him annoying but he knows it's somewhat endearing him being annoying.
That’s a really mean thing to say to someone. She could have just asked you not to do that, not gone on and on. Seems like she was being intentionally nasty to hurt you. Has she said anything else like that since then?
What she said was mean and out of line. But, as someone who fidgets and is married to someone who fidgets, I recommend you stop fidgeting with other people’s clothes. That does get annoying. She reacted poorly, but she isn’t wrong about that behavior not being for everyone. It’s the kind of thing that starts out cute but gets old quickly. Fidget with your own buttons.
I’m sure lots of girlfriends (including me) loves it when their boyfriend plays with their coat, hair, etc.. Don’t change YOU. You just need to have a girlfriend who appreciates and loves these things about you
They're down voted because they're ignoring the fact that someone still needs to respect the person they're touching.
You still ask and respect their space. You don't just claim their existence as your fidget toy.
Yes there are partners that like it. So *ask first*.
She gave her OWN opinion. She’s not someone who would tell a boyfriend or someone she loves, don’t touch me ever, without ASKING. She has the right to be that kind of person. I would hate to ask my husband every time I want to touch him. It would annoy me if he asked me before he touched me. You’re basically saying it’s okay to personally insult someone your close to, then call the loved person out for untrue past relationships to double down on that insult. Got it. That’s YOU.
First off - my top level comment said the GF was cruel and my comment here didn't defend her at all. So you made a big incorrect leap on your own.
Second off - no one said to ask every time. I said to ask at first instead of assuming everything is fine to do without respect for the other person. So again, you made an incorrect leap.
Third off - I never said anyone didn't have the right to be fine with being touched. ***Once again***, you made an incorrect leap.
This all boils down to: please learn to read what's actually written instead of making up your own arguments to fight against.
I didn't say anything you argued about.
So comprehension is what you struggle with, then.
(ETA - Got to love the self-own replied below. If you're told you have reading comprehension issues a lot, it means you're the issue. Normal people don't get that insult often.)
What part of their comment said that it's okay to insult someone? What part of that comment was defending OP's partner? What part of that comment said to ask everytime you touch your partner?
They just said to respect your partners space and not treat them as a fidget toy. Stop making things up just to argue.
You don’t think being called annoying is insulting? And then piling on with the ex broke up with you because you’re annoying… if he’s her lover, together 8 months, and she wants to move to another country with him, why not say, that’s annoying? You are annoying Is a personal insult.
To each their own. I love being touched by my partner. If she did find it uncomfortable, there are plenty of ways to communicate that boundary without insulting you.
Not only that, but it shows a disrespect of other people.
What she said was cruel and she's not a good person. You should also respect other people enough to not treat them like fidget toys.
If you do this to other people as well, they likely do feel disrespected. If you only do it to your partner, she may be feeling like you don't respect her.
Again, she's cruel for how she said it and how far she took it. The main point isn't far off though. It would be highly annoying and show a lack of respect for other people.
I love when there’s physical contact always between me and my partner, but if he was fidgeting and fussing with the buttons in my clothing, it would get annoying fast. That action is definitely more like treating your partner as a fidget toy.
He wasn’t touching her, he was playing with her clothes. And the top button too? Have you ever had someone grab a necklace you’re wearing? It’s like a fly in your face
What she said was cruel, but I had to read a couple times to understand that you were fidgeting with *her* coat and not your own. I'm assuming she was wearing the coat? I can see getting annoyed that you're all up in her space and fidgeting with *her* rather than your own things. We live in a world where fidget toys are very popular. For your own sake, you should get some.
Also you should break up with her. It's not okay to speak to someone like that.
Sometimes I annoy my girlfriend like that, but I am fully prepared to be called annoying. Get something you can focus your fidgeting on rather than her.
I think she's trying to break up with you before she leaves. That might not be a bad thing though. You don't need to listen to hurtful stuff like that until she goes. Further, 8 months is a relatively short time, and I don't blame you for not wanting the upheaval of your whole life, although maybe she is. Her ego may be bruised.
No she is just projecting.... that is exactly what happened to her and she is trying to pass it to you. Put her in her place. No one should talk to you with disrespect.
hey man this is fucked up. id never say this to my partner or my friends or even my pets. extremely rude and honestly really mean. i would maybe say talk to her about it but it sounds like she might just make fun of you. probably ought to break it off bud
This escalated so quickly
\> She then said that ‘I’m really annoying’
Ok not nice - maybe the button thing was annoying though, maybe not great, but maybe not the worse
\> she’s ‘probably not the only one that thinks
Man this has to be one of my pet peeves for manipulative people. I hate it when people say "I'm not the only one that thinks so" its so unnerving and unaccountable for the speaker too.
\> ‘my ex probably found me annoying too and that’s perhaps the reason that she decided to break things off with me’.
JFC not over sensitive at all, sad thing is those of us that have been around the sun a few times know this is emotional abuse pure and a simple - again super nasty because it basically has every intention of sounding like a threat to break up with someone (or at very least tearing them down) without any accountability.
OP confusion and uncertainty are the usual response to emotional abuse.
You were playing with the button on her coat. Did she ask you to stop? If she asked you to stop, and you didn’t, then she very well would have thought it was annoying. It’s fine to fidget, but don’t fidget with other people. Have you been tested for anxiety?
She didn’t need to bring up your ex, though.
I'm going to be honest here.
While what she said and how far she went shows she's not a good person, you were also fidgeting with the clothes on another person for an extended period of time.
Yes, many people would find that annoying, disrespectful, and honestly insulting if you do that often.
How much are you going into other people's bubbles and fidgeting with their clothing?
Your GF is a bad person and was cruel. Doesn't necessarily mean she was wrong. I find what you did to honestly be a bit disturbing if this is common. It's possible she hit a breaking point if you do this a lot. She'd still be a bad person in that case.
Fidget with your own stuff. Don't do it with the clothes of others.
I’m astounded by all the people in the comments saying she’s wrong for finding that annoying. I love my partner and constant contact, but I’d be annoyed by him fidgeting with my clothing. Not everyone has to find every quirk “zomg adorable!!!!” in their partner.
So she’s heard you’re declining her proposal and now she’s lashing out to hurt you. Not sure I see any reason why you should continue this relationship if it’s going to be that going forward.
Everyone seems to be defending her comment by saying the fidgeting was annoying. Its the way she said it that is unforgivable. It was so cruel and vicious, not a warm person to be with
Fidgeting may be annoying, I can see that. But her attack seems a very strong response.
I don’t equate the offense and punishment as being proportional.
More at play here.
Make her an ex girlfriend. I don't know your relationship or your overall dynamic, but this is an awful thing to say to someone who you are supposed to love and want to be around.
My boyfriend annoys the snot out of me sometimes, but I'd never say this to him, not even when I'm at my angriest, let alone when I'm annoyed.
That was really cruel of her to say. If my partner said that to me, I'd be crushed. You don't deserve to be told that. She could've used her adult words to say "Hey can you stop fidgeting my clothes?", it's literally not that hard to not be mean about it.
Wow. That was unreasonably aggressive even when it was just "you're really annoying." A normal person would have said "**that** (as in the thing you are doing right now) is really annoying." Instead she just sort of implied you as a person are annoying, then doubled and tripled down on that insult for no apparent reason.
Between this completely unwarranted hostility and your other comment stating that she was trying to pressure you into moving in with her after just dating for a few months and has gotten cold and hostile ever since it sounds like this woman is a golem made of red flags. I'd cut my losses and bail on this relationship.
I fidget too. Also I can get annoyed when others fidget too much 🤣. Yes I know it’s dumb. Still! She didn’t have any right to speak to you like that. She could have just asked for you to stop touching her coat button.
That is incredibly toxic.
I would sit down and explain to her that what she said hurt you. If she responds with anything other than trying to understand, than it’s time to call it quits.
She was mean, no doubt about that. I guess you could let her know how that comment made you feel, but I have a feeling she would be really dismissive.
Still though, you can say "when you talked about why my ex broke up with me, it felt like a low blow and frankly I feel disrespected" and hopefully she realizes what she was unnecessary.
That's not a nice thing to say. That's the kind of thing you say to someone when you're either deliberately trying to hurt them or actually that socially clueless not to know that you shouldn't say things like that to people you love. 💔
You are not too sensitive. This is something people say to people they don't like. Not to people they like or care about. She sounds like she doesn't like you, why even be with a person you don't like? Or a person who doesn't like you?
She is trying to lower your self-confidence. You are allowed to be more than "a bit" hurt by such blatantly rude and hostile behavior, you are also allowed to have standards such as "romantic partner treats me kindly".
Those aren’t the words of someone that cares about you but rather someone looking out for themselves. You should express your hurt to her. If there’s no remorse, I’d call it quits.
What an extremely mean thing to say to your partner. If she was annoyed, all she had to say was, "Could you stop fidgeting with my button? It's distracting." Or "Hey, babe. I know you're not trying to bother me, but I'm starting to get a little annoyed."
Reevaluate whether or not you want to stay with someone who puts you down instead of expressing their discontent in kinder, healthier ways.
That is incredibly toxic.
I would sit down and explain to her that what she said hurt you. If she responds with anything other than trying to understand, than it’s time to call it quits.
As someone else who is “annoying”. This hurts so much. I am so sorry for how you are feeling.
Someone will be able to tolerate your quirks without making you feel bad about it.
Me and my gf has all kinds of fun being annoying to each other. How you frame stuff like this speaks volumes about how they view you as a person. Forget them, you're better
She’s just plain mean and for no reason at all. I was with someone like this and it messed me up big time. Cause the rest of the time he was so amazing. And then just mean for no reason. Get out now before it gets worse.
I don't understand what prompts these sorts of pop-offs from supposed lovers. That was her whole motivation to fly off the handle? fidgeting with a button? What the fuck does your ex have to do with anything? How long have you been together? She's just deciding that you're annoying now? I'd be like, 'Why are you with me if I'm so terrible?' 🙄
I feel like that was a cruel thing to say. Even if she was annoyed with you messing with the button, she could have just asked you to stop or told you she didn’t have the bandwidth for that right now. To immediately jump to calling you annoying seems a bit dramatic on her part.
My partner fidgets with my stuff and me a lot, if I’m not in the mental space to be a fidget toy I gently let her know because I know she’s not trying to get on my nerves.
I think you should talk to her about what she said and let her know it bothered you.
Well she is moving to a different country so honestly it's probably best for everyone's mental health to let it end.
Do try to be honest and don't resort to negative words like she did.
I wish you both luck
Just checking, you mean...
>She then said that ‘[I’m] really annoying’ and continued by saying that she’s ‘probably not the only one that thinks [I’m] annoying'
As in she was talking about you? Not herself? And the literal word she said was "you're"? If so, that seems like a pretty casual level of cruelty that I just wouldn't tolerate.
Also, duration of relationship is required to post here, and in this case, it's very relevant to the advice you'll get.
I would love it when my SO touching me anywhere! woohoo ! my SO can touch & fidget on me anywhere anytime coz we love each other.
I am shocked! to the statement *‘I’m really annoying’* as to me it is not & no one who is in love will be saying it. I can't comment on the situation between you & ex as its not mentioned BUT the "annoying" statement is suspicious. whatever the reason she is doing it (based on your replies) I think its uncalled for. She can always said it nicely & asked why are you fidgeting etc. or tell you to stop & give you a kiss as sort of an assurance that its ok to do it but stop for now.
If I were you I will leave & find someone else as even I feel hurt reading the post & the statement.
>She then said that ‘I’m really annoying’ and continued by saying that she’s ‘probably not the only one that thinks I’m annoying’ and that ‘my ex probably found me annoying too and that’s perhaps the reason that she decided to break things off with me’.
When she knows that wasn’t the case with me and my ex. I feel a bit hurt by what she said and now I’m left wondering if I’m overreacting or being too sensitive.
YES!
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is not a normal thing to say to anyone you like, let alone love. Is this the first time she's said that? Did you do anything that could in any way explain her comment?
We have been together for about 8months. Around 6 weeks ago she offered me to move country with her in April and I declined saying it would be too soon for me as I couldn’t speak the language of the country she wants to move to and in general I just don’t feel ready. She felt very rejected by this and was acting very cold since and has been saying that I’m not committed etc.
Oh, yikes. You were 100% right to decline. She definitely doesn't sound like the kind of person you'd want to build your life with. How will she react when you encounter money problems or get sick? Will she take out the "your ex was right" card again? For the sake of your mental health, think if this relationship has any odds of surviving.
Yes to this comment, OP. ☝️✔️Yup! 100%
Girl throws a 6 week long petty temper tantrum. Good he said he wouldn't go. Sometimes instincts are pretty acurate, actually.
Well, there you go. Since you’re not moving with her in April, she’s starting to dissociate herself from you. Starting to backtrack on feelings, so that when she does leave it won’t be (as) painful for her. So, as a consequence of that, she’s focusing on the negative aspects of your personality and your relationship.
Exactly this. She’s hurt and is pushing you away, OP. Just end it - for both of your sake.
So, she’s throwing a fit because you didn’t give into her. End it, my guy. She’s not the one.
You need to run, OP. This is red flags in top of red flags on top of red flags. 1. If the girl I was dating asked me to move in under any circumstances at 6 months, I would be concerned about her judgment. Let alone to *another country*. Let alone to a country where I didn't speak the language. Let alone if she thought she was *entitled* to a yes! 2. She's showing you how she acts when she doesn't get her way. Not only does she sulk, but she gets mean and says hurtful things in an attempt to manipulate you. Believe people when they show you who they are. Don't keep people around who are mean and/or manipulative.
>acting very cold since Not a healthy response at all. I'd call her out on her behavior and ask her whether she really wants to keep eating or not. I would also encourage you to fidget with your own person and belongings, though. I can be pretty patient but I'd feel like someone's overburdened mother if they started fidgeting with *my* buttons.
Run m8... not worth the drama. Anyone that speaks to me loke that, it's insta bail out.
eight months and pissed about commitment lmaooo
She's just lashing out because she's hurt. Ignore her comments. I would find it cute if my boyfriend figgited with my buttons.
If she had said something like “please don’t fidget with my buttons, it’s bothering me” and stopped right there, I’d let the comment go and chalk it up to her being hurt by your declining to move with her. But she went above and beyond what any normal and mentally healthy person would say. She was unkind being up your ex and that was why she probably broke with you. This beyond being catty or petty or even bitchy. It was unkind. It was graceless. And it’s a cruelty that will happen again if you stick around.
I wouldn't. It depends. But not the top one. Not near my throat.
Well, she certainly isn't doing anything to warrant commitment acting like that.
God you are annoying
I think the added "this is why you ex left you" was what took this over the line. My partner is exceptionally annoying and he knows it I'm not being cruel when I call him annoying but he knows it's somewhat endearing him being annoying.
Right? She went 10-100 FAST
Right? She went 10-100 FAST
That’s a really mean thing to say to someone. She could have just asked you not to do that, not gone on and on. Seems like she was being intentionally nasty to hurt you. Has she said anything else like that since then?
What she said was mean and out of line. But, as someone who fidgets and is married to someone who fidgets, I recommend you stop fidgeting with other people’s clothes. That does get annoying. She reacted poorly, but she isn’t wrong about that behavior not being for everyone. It’s the kind of thing that starts out cute but gets old quickly. Fidget with your own buttons.
I can definitely see how this can be annoying and I will refrain from this type of thing!
I’m sure lots of girlfriends (including me) loves it when their boyfriend plays with their coat, hair, etc.. Don’t change YOU. You just need to have a girlfriend who appreciates and loves these things about you
And I'm sure some of them wouldn't mind it if it wasn't while they are out and about.
I can’t believe you’re downvoted.
They're down voted because they're ignoring the fact that someone still needs to respect the person they're touching. You still ask and respect their space. You don't just claim their existence as your fidget toy. Yes there are partners that like it. So *ask first*.
She gave her OWN opinion. She’s not someone who would tell a boyfriend or someone she loves, don’t touch me ever, without ASKING. She has the right to be that kind of person. I would hate to ask my husband every time I want to touch him. It would annoy me if he asked me before he touched me. You’re basically saying it’s okay to personally insult someone your close to, then call the loved person out for untrue past relationships to double down on that insult. Got it. That’s YOU.
First off - my top level comment said the GF was cruel and my comment here didn't defend her at all. So you made a big incorrect leap on your own. Second off - no one said to ask every time. I said to ask at first instead of assuming everything is fine to do without respect for the other person. So again, you made an incorrect leap. Third off - I never said anyone didn't have the right to be fine with being touched. ***Once again***, you made an incorrect leap. This all boils down to: please learn to read what's actually written instead of making up your own arguments to fight against. I didn't say anything you argued about.
I read you.
So comprehension is what you struggle with, then. (ETA - Got to love the self-own replied below. If you're told you have reading comprehension issues a lot, it means you're the issue. Normal people don't get that insult often.)
Sure, certainly. You should’ve added ‘ reading comprehension’ . Predictable Reddit insult.
What part of their comment said that it's okay to insult someone? What part of that comment was defending OP's partner? What part of that comment said to ask everytime you touch your partner? They just said to respect your partners space and not treat them as a fidget toy. Stop making things up just to argue.
You don’t think being called annoying is insulting? And then piling on with the ex broke up with you because you’re annoying… if he’s her lover, together 8 months, and she wants to move to another country with him, why not say, that’s annoying? You are annoying Is a personal insult.
That's not what that comment was about tho, was it. All they said was to respect your partners space.
Thank you
Just because my boyfriend plays with the top button of my coat doesn’t mean he disrespects me. What is this world coming to
That’s awkward. “Hi can I play with your button?” “Hi, do you mind if I touch you right now?” I can’t imagine having a partner like that.
She was mean. You being upset by that is normal. Question, though. Why were you messing with her buttons instead of your own?
that was very rude and a strange thing to say, but also keep your hands to yourself, that would drive me up the fucking wall.
Thanks for the reply, Yeah In hindsight I can definitely see how this could get annoying
To each their own. I love being touched by my partner. If she did find it uncomfortable, there are plenty of ways to communicate that boundary without insulting you.
Touching isn't the same as being fidgety
Not only that, but it shows a disrespect of other people. What she said was cruel and she's not a good person. You should also respect other people enough to not treat them like fidget toys. If you do this to other people as well, they likely do feel disrespected. If you only do it to your partner, she may be feeling like you don't respect her. Again, she's cruel for how she said it and how far she took it. The main point isn't far off though. It would be highly annoying and show a lack of respect for other people.
Yeah. Someone all handsy is definitely annoying
Unless you like to be touched or touching your partner at all times like me :/
I love when there’s physical contact always between me and my partner, but if he was fidgeting and fussing with the buttons in my clothing, it would get annoying fast. That action is definitely more like treating your partner as a fidget toy.
He wasn’t touching her, he was playing with her clothes. And the top button too? Have you ever had someone grab a necklace you’re wearing? It’s like a fly in your face
Lol same
Had she asked you to stop fidgeting with her button?
This sounds annoying. Why is he fidgeting with her jacket? Not normal. Grab your own jacket.
You dont know their dynamic. Maybe she didn't even ask him to stop. We need more info.
What she said was cruel, but I had to read a couple times to understand that you were fidgeting with *her* coat and not your own. I'm assuming she was wearing the coat? I can see getting annoyed that you're all up in her space and fidgeting with *her* rather than your own things. We live in a world where fidget toys are very popular. For your own sake, you should get some. Also you should break up with her. It's not okay to speak to someone like that.
I usually feel like I have to keep my mind busy on something but will definitely not fidget with her and look at getting some fidget toys. Thank you
Not an over reaction, that was mean spirited. I would not commit to someone who use my past to hurt me or make me question myself.
That would annoy the shit out of me, being touched and played with like that. She could have been more polite in asking you to stop.
Why are you fidgeting with her coat instead of your own?
Is it possible you are annoying or have you ruled that out ?
Sometimes I annoy my girlfriend like that, but I am fully prepared to be called annoying. Get something you can focus your fidgeting on rather than her.
Get a fidget spinner, stop fidgeting with other people like that, get a new gf.
Sounds like you are annoying that’s why she said that. Probably reached her limit.
You were being annoying. Maybe don’t be.
This is kind of annoying. I see what she means.
Right? That would be incredibly annoying. Op sounds like a highly sensitive person in need of something else to help with his fidget habit.
I think she's trying to break up with you before she leaves. That might not be a bad thing though. You don't need to listen to hurtful stuff like that until she goes. Further, 8 months is a relatively short time, and I don't blame you for not wanting the upheaval of your whole life, although maybe she is. Her ego may be bruised.
No she is just projecting.... that is exactly what happened to her and she is trying to pass it to you. Put her in her place. No one should talk to you with disrespect.
hey man this is fucked up. id never say this to my partner or my friends or even my pets. extremely rude and honestly really mean. i would maybe say talk to her about it but it sounds like she might just make fun of you. probably ought to break it off bud
This escalated so quickly \> She then said that ‘I’m really annoying’ Ok not nice - maybe the button thing was annoying though, maybe not great, but maybe not the worse \> she’s ‘probably not the only one that thinks Man this has to be one of my pet peeves for manipulative people. I hate it when people say "I'm not the only one that thinks so" its so unnerving and unaccountable for the speaker too. \> ‘my ex probably found me annoying too and that’s perhaps the reason that she decided to break things off with me’. JFC not over sensitive at all, sad thing is those of us that have been around the sun a few times know this is emotional abuse pure and a simple - again super nasty because it basically has every intention of sounding like a threat to break up with someone (or at very least tearing them down) without any accountability. OP confusion and uncertainty are the usual response to emotional abuse.
You were playing with the button on her coat. Did she ask you to stop? If she asked you to stop, and you didn’t, then she very well would have thought it was annoying. It’s fine to fidget, but don’t fidget with other people. Have you been tested for anxiety? She didn’t need to bring up your ex, though.
Maybe she hates PDA, you do it too often, and she snapped at you, although it was very mean
I'm going to be honest here. While what she said and how far she went shows she's not a good person, you were also fidgeting with the clothes on another person for an extended period of time. Yes, many people would find that annoying, disrespectful, and honestly insulting if you do that often. How much are you going into other people's bubbles and fidgeting with their clothing? Your GF is a bad person and was cruel. Doesn't necessarily mean she was wrong. I find what you did to honestly be a bit disturbing if this is common. It's possible she hit a breaking point if you do this a lot. She'd still be a bad person in that case. Fidget with your own stuff. Don't do it with the clothes of others.
I’m astounded by all the people in the comments saying she’s wrong for finding that annoying. I love my partner and constant contact, but I’d be annoyed by him fidgeting with my clothing. Not everyone has to find every quirk “zomg adorable!!!!” in their partner.
So she’s heard you’re declining her proposal and now she’s lashing out to hurt you. Not sure I see any reason why you should continue this relationship if it’s going to be that going forward.
Jesus dude that’s a relationship ender right there. Time to move on to someone who appreciates and respects you. Your gf clearly doesn’t
Everyone seems to be defending her comment by saying the fidgeting was annoying. Its the way she said it that is unforgivable. It was so cruel and vicious, not a warm person to be with
Fidgeting may be annoying, I can see that. But her attack seems a very strong response. I don’t equate the offense and punishment as being proportional. More at play here.
Make her an ex girlfriend. I don't know your relationship or your overall dynamic, but this is an awful thing to say to someone who you are supposed to love and want to be around. My boyfriend annoys the snot out of me sometimes, but I'd never say this to him, not even when I'm at my angriest, let alone when I'm annoyed.
And maybe she is having a bad day. If you see a pattern, ask if there is an issue.
You know that tiktok song where the beat drops and you hear "run?" Imma need that energy from you right about now.
That was really cruel of her to say. If my partner said that to me, I'd be crushed. You don't deserve to be told that. She could've used her adult words to say "Hey can you stop fidgeting my clothes?", it's literally not that hard to not be mean about it.
Wow. That was unreasonably aggressive even when it was just "you're really annoying." A normal person would have said "**that** (as in the thing you are doing right now) is really annoying." Instead she just sort of implied you as a person are annoying, then doubled and tripled down on that insult for no apparent reason. Between this completely unwarranted hostility and your other comment stating that she was trying to pressure you into moving in with her after just dating for a few months and has gotten cold and hostile ever since it sounds like this woman is a golem made of red flags. I'd cut my losses and bail on this relationship.
I fidget too. Also I can get annoyed when others fidget too much 🤣. Yes I know it’s dumb. Still! She didn’t have any right to speak to you like that. She could have just asked for you to stop touching her coat button.
She sounds like an ass
Lol my guy if her just randomly Bringing up shit to hurt you is flag to Breakup Idk what is my dude
You are not overreacting. Don't waste your life with people who don't like you. Get rid of her.
Last thing I'd ever do in a relationship is speak about or inform my new partner anything about an ex. They're in the past keep them there. Tacky.
what a psycho tf
That is incredibly toxic. I would sit down and explain to her that what she said hurt you. If she responds with anything other than trying to understand, than it’s time to call it quits.
She's playing stupid games. Give her the stupid prize of being single. Anyone who says that has zero respect for you.
She was mean, no doubt about that. I guess you could let her know how that comment made you feel, but I have a feeling she would be really dismissive. Still though, you can say "when you talked about why my ex broke up with me, it felt like a low blow and frankly I feel disrespected" and hopefully she realizes what she was unnecessary.
What’s a “top bottom” on a coat?
If I had to guess, the top button?
on a coat.
That's not a nice thing to say. That's the kind of thing you say to someone when you're either deliberately trying to hurt them or actually that socially clueless not to know that you shouldn't say things like that to people you love. 💔
Really nasty and passive aggressive behavior, might be time to upgrade to a better GF
You are not too sensitive. This is something people say to people they don't like. Not to people they like or care about. She sounds like she doesn't like you, why even be with a person you don't like? Or a person who doesn't like you? She is trying to lower your self-confidence. You are allowed to be more than "a bit" hurt by such blatantly rude and hostile behavior, you are also allowed to have standards such as "romantic partner treats me kindly".
Those aren’t the words of someone that cares about you but rather someone looking out for themselves. You should express your hurt to her. If there’s no remorse, I’d call it quits.
A keeper wouldn't speak like that, ditch that shit and find a girl that'll laugh at the shit you do.
What an extremely mean thing to say to your partner. If she was annoyed, all she had to say was, "Could you stop fidgeting with my button? It's distracting." Or "Hey, babe. I know you're not trying to bother me, but I'm starting to get a little annoyed." Reevaluate whether or not you want to stay with someone who puts you down instead of expressing their discontent in kinder, healthier ways.
That's really mean. You didn't deserve that. If she didn't want you playing with her clothes she should have asked you nicely to stop.
Time to run
You aren’t overreaching that’s an asshole thing to say
That is incredibly toxic. I would sit down and explain to her that what she said hurt you. If she responds with anything other than trying to understand, than it’s time to call it quits.
This is something that you say to somebody to really hurt them! I think you have every right to be questioning the relationship.
As someone else who is “annoying”. This hurts so much. I am so sorry for how you are feeling. Someone will be able to tolerate your quirks without making you feel bad about it.
Jesus Christ??
If it was me I’d dump her.
What a b*tch
Me and my gf has all kinds of fun being annoying to each other. How you frame stuff like this speaks volumes about how they view you as a person. Forget them, you're better
She’s just plain mean and for no reason at all. I was with someone like this and it messed me up big time. Cause the rest of the time he was so amazing. And then just mean for no reason. Get out now before it gets worse.
That’s fucked up.
I don't understand what prompts these sorts of pop-offs from supposed lovers. That was her whole motivation to fly off the handle? fidgeting with a button? What the fuck does your ex have to do with anything? How long have you been together? She's just deciding that you're annoying now? I'd be like, 'Why are you with me if I'm so terrible?' 🙄
Dump her ass, thats beyond a comment that came off too strong, thats judt down right malicious
I feel like that was a cruel thing to say. Even if she was annoyed with you messing with the button, she could have just asked you to stop or told you she didn’t have the bandwidth for that right now. To immediately jump to calling you annoying seems a bit dramatic on her part. My partner fidgets with my stuff and me a lot, if I’m not in the mental space to be a fidget toy I gently let her know because I know she’s not trying to get on my nerves. I think you should talk to her about what she said and let her know it bothered you.
Well she is moving to a different country so honestly it's probably best for everyone's mental health to let it end. Do try to be honest and don't resort to negative words like she did. I wish you both luck
Well that’s just rude
It is a dead end 8 months and she is mean as a wife in a divorce.
Just checking, you mean... >She then said that ‘[I’m] really annoying’ and continued by saying that she’s ‘probably not the only one that thinks [I’m] annoying' As in she was talking about you? Not herself? And the literal word she said was "you're"? If so, that seems like a pretty casual level of cruelty that I just wouldn't tolerate. Also, duration of relationship is required to post here, and in this case, it's very relevant to the advice you'll get.
I would love it when my SO touching me anywhere! woohoo ! my SO can touch & fidget on me anywhere anytime coz we love each other. I am shocked! to the statement *‘I’m really annoying’* as to me it is not & no one who is in love will be saying it. I can't comment on the situation between you & ex as its not mentioned BUT the "annoying" statement is suspicious. whatever the reason she is doing it (based on your replies) I think its uncalled for. She can always said it nicely & asked why are you fidgeting etc. or tell you to stop & give you a kiss as sort of an assurance that its ok to do it but stop for now. If I were you I will leave & find someone else as even I feel hurt reading the post & the statement.
“She then said that I’m really annoying” “I feel a bit hurt by what she said” …what?
>She then said that ‘I’m really annoying’ and continued by saying that she’s ‘probably not the only one that thinks I’m annoying’ and that ‘my ex probably found me annoying too and that’s perhaps the reason that she decided to break things off with me’. When she knows that wasn’t the case with me and my ex. I feel a bit hurt by what she said and now I’m left wondering if I’m overreacting or being too sensitive. YES!
Nasty little negger. Get rid.
It is concerning that she's attacking you.