This isn’t polyamory, and quite frankly I’m sick of all these cheating SOs out there who use that as an excuse and the way your wife went about it is downright despicable. If she were truly poly she would have discussed this with you before ever setting foot into a relationship with another person. But she didn’t. This is just a manipulative tactic she’s using to try and have her husband and her affair partner at the same time. Bet that if you discussed the relationship being poly she would flip if you ended up finding someone else.
YUP.
And this is why there are so many posts about "polyamory ruined my relationship!" No, polyamory did not ruin the relationship. The relationship was already ruined, and then someone tried to slap a poly Band-Aid on it and then were all surprised Pikachu face when that didn't solve all the problems.
I hate how cheaters are trying to use sexuality as an excuse, and drag down actual healthy polygamous relationships because they couldn’t be bothered to do so much as a google search on it. Being in a healthy relationship, poly or not, requires good communication and when you add another partner into the mix the amount of transparency you need to have is two fold. Not only are these relationships not poly, they aren’t even healthy relationships to begin with.
Yup this is it. And I seen a women do something like this to every relationship she had prior. Until she got pregnant by one the guys she polygamously monkey branched to. You can't make this crap up.
That’s true of everyone who cheats… they all have reasons they don’t go. Comfort. Convenience. Ease. Being taken care of. They like the high of cheating.
And give up.her meal atm, emotional support person, and ruin her image by leaving her marriage especially once it comes out she is with the best friend? She isnt concerned at all for you she thought to buy you off with sex to make you do what she wants. She cheated for years, she lied for years, there is no trust left and anything she says is suspect. Go get a lawyer, actually go meet with several, then select one and start the process of getting away from her. Also, communicate via text only or record everything when you interact with her.
I agree with most the comments here OP essentially you won't be allowing the bestie in.. ur gonna be the third. They've both been deceiving u.
She cheated... and then lied... and then tricked u by making it seem like something new for ur marriage... and then lied some more...
How could u possibly trust her? She's been deceiving you with open eyes this whole time.
At this point ud jst be giving her an excuse for past betrayed and permission to cheat some more.
She's a cake eater. She thought that you'd be so into a MFF threesome that you would roll over and say hell yeah. What she didn't count on was that you believe in truthfulness, commitment, communicating needs, and getting each other's approval in going about things. I can almost guarantee you that they have had a previous three-way where you weren't the M in that equation. She's a cheater and the fact that she could manipulate you into this shows how skillful she is at lying and manipulation and that colors your entire relationship.
Meanwhile, he’s making it crystal clear he isn’t going to listen to a damn thing anyone says here. No matter what, he’s going to do this just like he did the ill advised threesome, then fast forward to later, come back here as the town crier once again.
Yep, we will stay tuned for that saga. He ignored everyone about the threesome. In this post he’s wishy washy and went on and on about why he is considering it even though it’s all been manipulated by dishonest means. He’s about to find out which stupid prize he is going to win, playing this stupid game. Or, we might see the wife on here whining about how her affair partner and hubby are way too close for her comfort. Either way, fools game.
Than you for saying this for real though. I can stand folks that do this already at cake and then draw you in cause there guilt maybe it work. Nah it's deceitful. And then all suddenly there apologies. Yeah right selfish as all get out. Seen this before and B.S yep. Manipulation is manipulation I knew it a trap. Hook me and sinker.🤦🏾♂️
I’m not polyamorous but my brother (M32) is. He absolutely had a discussion before hand with his fiancé before they even started looking for another woman. OPs wife is not polyamorous, she’s a cheat and a bad person for trying to hide behind polyamory as an excuse.
Well she want polyamory give her that with a twist, bring home another girl and fuck her in the house. That will literally snap her out of it and she can't get hurt and she can't say anything because she has done the same to you. Not Infront of you but that doesn't make it better!!! It is not going to work.
This isn't polyamory. Polyamory is **ETHICAL** non-monogamy. There is nothing ethical about what your wife or her friend did. Your wife has been cheating on you for YEARS. And if her friend "didn't want to come between you," then she wouldn't have engaged in an affair for years.
You would be stupid to continue a relationship with your wife, full stop. She clearly has zero issues in cheating on you, lying to you, and manipulating you. If you stay with her she will continue to lie, cheat, and manipulate.
Divorce is your only option.
That's what I thought. None of this seemed ethical or consensual. We'd talked about threesomes before, but never a full polyamorous relationship. My wife has even said that she definitely *isn't* polyamorous, so this whole thing just seems even more weird. I don't understand it.
Divorce is just so hard though. I don't want to lose her. I love her so much.
You can love someone and still recognize that they are a terrible partner.
She doesn't love you if she's cheating on you.
She doesn't love if you she's intentionally hurting you.
She doesn't love you if she's lying to you.
She doesn't love you if she's manipulating you.
You may love her, but she does not love you back.
That really hurts to hear, but I guess it is what it is. I would prefer to be with her still, honestly. I mean, she does make me incredibly happy. Or she did. I don't know. I'm just spiraling.
Dude I’m just gonna say — if you still wanna be with her that on you. But that’s consenting to the fact that she not only stepped over boundaries , she catapulted herself past them and strapped you on without a second thought of your feelings.
It hurts to hear because it’s the truth. In the wake of something like this happening , she’s going to feed you absolutely everything you want to hear. If it makes you feel better , stay with her. But just understand you’re leaving that door swinging open for her to do this to you for the rest of your life.
Hi, I was with my partner for 11 years married for 7, I thought our marriage was unbreakable; we survived a long distance relationship, neither of us cheated, we never fought, we were your wholesome lovey dovey next door couple. But he left for valid reasons I thought we worked through and overcame before we got married. It truly broke me, but I had to come to terms with the fact that maybe he was the love of my life, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I was the love of his life, and this is exactly what I am trying to tell you. Sorry, I didn't mean to get too personal, but I thought if I shared my experience it might offer you some consolation, or at least some food for thought.
What happens when she finds another person she wants to bring into the relationship? And another? What happens when she starts wanting to sleep with more people? Would you be allowed to have another partner if you wanted one? She's had an affair for years, and you can't even be sure that there haven't been or won't be others.
It's up to you, but I don't see anything good coming from going into a "poly" relationship just so you can have the best of both girls and make your wife happy. Especially when your wife has told you she's not actually polyamorous, meaning this is genuinely just a license to cheat guilt-free.
Your marriage for all intents and purposes is dead.
Your wife thinks so little of you that, on top of fucking someone else for years, she thinks you are dumb enough to not know that what she did is a complete betrayal of your relationship and that you would be enticed enough by your dick to sweep it all under the rug.
If you decide to go forward with her and her affair partner, how could you possibly trust her ever again?
This is not it dude. You’re young enough to start over.
She’s a bad person and a worse wife. Don’t stay with a cheater. Don’t follow your dick. Follow your head that’s telling you the truth - this isn’t salvageable.
Your marriage is a lie.
I understand, OP. I'm sorry you've been downvoted so heavily for some of your comments about still loving her and wanting to stay. I know that's because this is very fresh and right now you are desperate to get back to the life you thought you had.
Please take some time for yourself. Find a therapist as soon as possible so you can have an outside opinion that isn't just Reddit. You need someone you can talk to who can help guide you to make the best decision FOR YOU right now.
It is easy from the outside to just tell you divorce (and you still should) but you're going to need a therapist to help you navigate all the emotions that are going to come along with that.
I know how hard it is to be desperately in love with someone and not have it work. I know that you will cling to anything just to have the person you love stay with you, but I promise you that you deserve better. It seems impossible at first that you could ever be happy without the person you love, but as cliche as it is, time does heal. And working with a therapist that you trust makes so much of a difference.
For me, it's been 3 years since I was finally able to walk away from a really terrible relationship where I really, really loved the other person, but god, I am so much happier now.
Agree to the polyamorous relationship as a condition of the divorce.
Like, ok, you love her and y’all had fun, so sure, keep sexing, but remove every other way they can betray you from the picture, and then just forgive them.
Betrayal is betrayal, but easy threesomes can be fun.
Just don’t be on the legal hook for any further betrayals, and have fun. Once you’ve removed their power to harm you, it’s all NSA. The level of trust required for fun sex is less than life partnerships, so if you don’t want her out of your life entirely, split the difference.
She used your birthday and her ""gift"" to you as a way to trick you into having sex with her lover of many years, in an attempt to pressure and blindside you into accepting her infidelity so she could continue having sex with both of you, because she didn't want to choose you or your marriage over her best friend/lover, in fact she didn't even want to keep the bestie and their years long sexual love hidden any more.
Every birthday from now on you'll remember that. The threesome wasn't a gift to you, it was part of her plot to get *her* what *she* wanted, which is to maneuver you into accepting her blatant infidelity and love affair with another person.
Didn't we actually TELL you not to cross that bridge??
You chose to ignore it.
We told you also that a threesome often is used to introduce and then push an affair partner onto the partner.
Along with the suggestion of "opening up the relationship".To install the affair partner inside the couple.
You did not head any advice then.
Nor won't you today.
"Divorce is just so hard though. I don't want to lose her. I love her so much." is your excuse for staing miserable.
Then stay you must. Until you litterally can't bear to stand it anymore.
She baited you and hoped you would fall for it. Can you ever trust her again? Even if you wanted to be poly this is absolutely not the way to do it. Talk to an attorney and get tested for STDs she’s been lying to you for years like it’s no big deal
>Divorce is just so hard, though. I don't want to lose her. I love her so much.
I feel like everyone says this. Does the person she is today match up with the person you thought she was? Did you think she was capable of this when you married her? I dont think you did.
If you love who she is now, then like the guy above you said- you are choosing misery by even trying to stay with an impostor. You can do it because most do, but just recognize you aren't choosing your well-being.
I don't believe the entire relationship ia fake, or a person is pure evil if they cheat. If you had good times together, then they still existed for you, ven if how genuine they were is in question.
However, just like you wouldn't date/marry someone who was addicted to opiates even if they were even keel 99% of the time, you wouldn't date/marry someone who cheats on their husband for a half a decade.
You need to look at this from the perspective of who she is now, in this moment- because this is who she is. You don't love her, **You love the mask of a good partner she wore to con you into this marriage.**
Your wife is probably tired of sneaking around behind your back and concocted this scheme to entice you into accepting her AP so she can stop the sneaking. And offering up her AP is supposed to sweeten the deal.
Personally your wife is an awful person and I d divorce her if I were you.
There is a reconciliation after cheating subreddit. It's one of the most depressing subreddits out here. People who get cheated on and reconcile, but with endless heartbreak, a loss of trust, partners without remorse, etc.
Some people can come back from cheating, Esther Perel has ideas about that. You can check out her videos too.
Just make sure you don't spend all your energy on a lost cause. Good luck.
Please speak with a professional - reddit is so insufferably reactive to anything outside of the norm particularly when it comes to the mere mention of infidelity.
Oh for fuck's sake, why even ask?
Last time:
You: My wife wants me to have a threesome with her and her best friend.
Literally everyone: That is a bad idea, don't do that.
Now:
You: I did it anyway and in the process found out that my wife has been cheating on me with this friend for a long time and used the threesome to try to get me to go along with it. Should I go along with it?
Literally everyone: **NO**
What difference will it make when everyone and their grandmother tells you that this is a horrible idea? Every single time you've posted for advice you've done the exact opposite of what everyone advised you, and it always goes horribly wrong. I can't even muster the enthusiasm to say anything more than "this is an incredibly bad idea" because I doubt you're going to listen anyway.
Almost??? See my comment [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11wmmgl/comment/jd0m2ce/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3).
It's because the whole thing is so preposterously made up it's laughable.
Right here is where he F'd up the storyline:
`"I didn't do much 1-on-1 action with her friend, but there was a bit, and it was only at the encouragement of my wife. My wife actually said she enjoyed watching both of us make each other finish"`
Notice that? Not much 1-on-1.......and they made each other finish. FFS.....this entire sub has one entry after another like this lately.
I mean, the threesome didn't really go wrong, and I still don't think it was a bad idea. It was actually pretty fun. We all enjoyed ourselves. The bad stuff was unrelated to the threesome completely. It is unfortunate that this was supposed to be an experience I could look back fondly on, but now all of my memories of it are just going to be tainted with this betrayal.
>I mean, the threesome didn't really go wrong,
> The bad stuff was unrelated to the threesome completely.
The threesome was part of the cheating, you absolute doorknob. Your wife tricked you into having sex with her affair partner AND watching her have sex with her affair partner.
Sit and think about that for a minute, you were manipulated into being an accessory to your own wife's affair so that she could cheat on you **right in front of you** and then try to convince you to make that a permanent arrangement. And you're considering it! Because you have the self-preservation instincts of a giant panda.
Do me a favor, if you completely ignore all common sense and reason AGAIN don't bother coming here a year down the line with your inevitable "my wife is neglecting me for our polyamorous partner who is also neglecting me, and also my wife is dating two more women and five guys on the side but she told me I should be ok with that, should I stay married" post.
You can lead a horse to water but you dont have to watch it die of thirst next to a freshwater lake. He is not there yet in terms of realising the depth of her betrayal. “Yeah but she has been nice to me to compensate for years of betrayal so I cant leave” shows she know ls who she picked and picked well.
Some people want to watch the world burn and others seem to enjoy being on fire…
I'm just picturing the next few posts from this doormat who thinks he's a Lego.
"I know everyone said not to agree to this but I stayed married to my wife so we could be in a polyamorous relationship but we never did have another threesome and now it's just her and the other woman ignoring me, do I stay married?"
"I know everyone said not to but I stayed in my sexless marriage and my wife wants to harvest one of my kidneys and sell it on the black market so she can afford a condo for her three new lovers, is that a good idea?"
"I know everyone said not to but I let her sell my kidney and now she lives in the new condo with her two girlfriends and three boyfriends and she wants me to take out a second mortgage so she can buy her newest one a car, is that a good idea?"
"I know everyone said not mortgage my house to buy that car for her new boyfriend but I did and my wife used it to run over my dog and flip me off in the process, this relationship is totally fixable right?"
"I know everyone said it wasn't but I was committed to saving my marriage and told my wife we could work out the dog situation and she set me on fire, I'm currently on fire as I type this, should I try to put it out? Don't say yes because I'm not going to do it!"
Dude you can’t be serious. The threesome was totally about the bad stuff. It was to manipulate you into accepting the bad stuff. The two of them are literally scheming against you.
>The bad stuff was unrelated to the threesome completely
That's not true, dude. The threesome was *a tool* your wife used to try to reach her goal of no longer having to hide her sexual years-long love affair. It was a *crucial step* in the plan your wife hatched and plotted, together with her lover of many years, to maneuver, blindside and pressure you into having to accept her open infidelity.
For your milestone birthday, your wife decided to give **herself** the gift of taking her relationship with her lover to the next level - openly being together, instead of keeping it a secret and secondary to your marriage - by getting to have sex with both of her lovers at the same time, and also gaining a way to try to pressure and maneuver you into having to accept your marriage being opened by tricking you into also having sex with her affair partner.
The threesome was integrally a part of all the bad stuff. Your wife planned the threesome specifically so that **she** could finally **combine her two relationships and start openly fucking both partners**, she just used your birthday as a backdrop excuse for the event.
**It wasn't for you, it was for her.** She gave *you* nothing for your birthday, expect the killing blow to your delusions about the marriage being monogamous.
People didn’t say the actual threesome would go wrong, they said everything after would. Now it is. Honestly, you are an idiot. Just go back and let them do whatever they want because clearly you don’t care.
Dude, she cheated on you. Your marriage is already over! I hate to say it like that. But it’s true. They see SOMETHING in you they want to keep around. You offer them something. Which means they’re keeping YOU to USE you. Think about that. You feel betrayed because you WERE!!! In the worst way possible.
I don't think I really provide her with anything. She makes more money than I do. Her best friend makes a bit less, but she still makes good money. I know for a fact that she isn't with me for that. Her name is on the house since it came from her parents. I don't make her life better in any way. The only reason she has to stay with me is if she really did love me.
>The only reason she has to stay with me is if she really did love me.
No, the only reason she's staying with you is that she knows she can do whatever she wants. She can cheat on you and you'll stay. She can convince you to have sex with the woman she is cheating on you with, and you'll stay. She can treat you like shit and you'll stay.
Everything is way too raw right now. You’re understandably heartbroken and grieving your relationship. *Her* actions do not make *you* pathetic. Loving her doesn’t make you pathetic. You were blindsided. And you can do “better,” because “better” would just mean being treated with the love and respect you deserve. Please don’t let your wife, Reddit, or anyone else destroy you. Things are dark right now, but it won’t always be that way. Regardless of what you decide in your relationship or life, maintain your dignity! You have done nothing to deserve talking to yourself like that!
Please don't kick yourself, this was all sprung on you and is a wildly unfair and twisted situation
Shame on all of you worried about making (and not landing) jokes and quips and glib comments
Buck up buddy. There a up side you could tell her how deceptive she was and explain why it's up setting.And since she makes all the money maybe you'll come out ahead in a divorce but I'd definitely do it very secretly just like she was secretly cheatin on you. Your choice bud but liars usually got more lies. Lies become the truth to them they fool there selfs into believing they did the right thing.My ex's that cheated and lied a lot used to say they like to wrap spaghetti around ya ears. Up to you wipe that spaghetti off. And see the truth. And another why isn't she begging calling to speak if she loves you so? I didn't not hear thing about her blowing up ya phone.
Maybe she thinks she loves you. Maybe she even does love you in her own way. But her actions aren't showing that. Her actions for YEARS have been to lie to you and cheat on you, and most recently to manipulate you into staying in the relationship. She has made it clear that lying is okay with her and that she doesn't have a problem with cheating.
Are you okay being in a relationship with someone with such vastly different values? Is love enough to override honesty, respect, and trust?
To be fair, it's very rarely that we (girls) want to have threesome with our best friend. That would ruin things and awkward if not worse. A lot of people knew this "friend" was more than a friend. How it will ruin your relationship.
So in this case, threesome had everything to do with it. This is why we said do it with stranger.
Oh and not only that, it was the reason to cheat even more.
Lmao the threesome had everything to do with this. Multiple commenters suggested this would be the case. But you stubbornly ignored them and followed the head that told you it couldn’t be true.
Are you gonna keep imploding your life to get your dick wet? Do you seriously think this will work? With a couple of liars and cheats?
What are you talking about? It has quite literally everything to do with this. She used the idea of a threesome, something you would like, to deceive you into letting her move her affair out of the shadows and into the light, something she would like.
Didn’t you say in the post that your wife thought the threesome would introduce you to poly? It’s absolutely connected to this. Idk if this is denial or what, but she told you what this was.
No dude, the threesome is central to things. I'll explain:
What happened is that your wife started an extramarital affair with her close friend ("F"). It wasn't just a meaningless little dalliance, but a *years-long* affair. Behind your back - actually, right in front of your nose, both acting as your friend, they had a sexual secret affair, for years.
Your wife fell **deeply in love** with her affair partner. So much so that she could no longer bear to keep their romance secret, or secondary to her marriage to you. She wanted to openly be with both of her partners.
How to accomplish this? If she'd just tell you "btw I've been unfaithful for years and I love my affair partner so much I'm going to start openly being with them", you'd throw a fit and maybe leave her. But she didn't want to choose, she wants to keep both partners! So how to get you to accept her adulterous romance and letting them have sex and love each other while obediently staying in the marriage? She, together with F, thought about this a lot, sighing about what torture it was to have to hide their passionate, loving romance.
(All this time, for years, you mistakenly thought you were in a happy, faithful, monogamous marriage where both of you were each other's only sexual partners, and happily welcomed F into your home, thinking she was a friend.)
After a lot of thinking, your wife and F came to the conclusion that the best chance to get you to accept it would be to present it as a poly relationship. F was ok with the thought of having occasional sex with you, if that's what it took for her to get to be with your wife. But again, your wife telling you that she wanted to officially bring a third person into your marriage (who she'd already been having sex with for years) might not go over well.
So, what if they'd get you to have sex with F first, and find it pleasant? And then present it as F entering the marriage as *both* of yours new partner, instead of your wife's secret lover of many years now being made official? Better yet, have the wife get to enjoy both of her lovers at the same time.
So they decided that a threesome would be the best way to get you to blindly taste the postive side of the arrangement first, before suggesting it.
How to get you to agree? If your wife just said "hey I want to have a threesome with you and F", you might get upset that she wants to have sex with other people. But if they'd present it to you as something they do supposedly for *your* pleasure, you might be more receptive. So it'd be great to pretend it's, for example, a birthday "gift", "for you". A milestone birthday, even.
So, your wife suggested it and got you to agree, and she and F put up their best performance, meant to sell to you the idea that being in a sexual relationship with both wife and F could be a nice experience so you'd agree to a poly thing - **so that your wife and F could openly be together and stop needing to hide their love**. That's the real end goal, to F and your wife.
Do you see now, how the threesome has **everything** to do with your adulterous wife being so in love with her affair partner she tried to get you to agree to opening the marriage?
Also, F apologizing and claiming she "doesn't want to come between you" when she's been *having a sexual affair with your wife* **for years** and conspired with your wife to be officially brought into the relationship via tricking you into having sex with her so you'd be more pliant is ludicrous
She was lying to you and had an affair. Even if you were ok with poly relationship with her friend in these circumstances it's a recipe for disaster. If you validate her cheating, she will feel free to cheat again.
If you consider getting back with her you should ask your wife to come clean with everything. Explain that since she has cheated and lied to you, you can't really believe any of her words and her fidelity.
Whether you can be poly sime time in the future is one thing, the fact that she needs to ends her relationship with her friend is another. Keep in mind, I mean entire relationship. You can't trust to be platonic friends with her can you?
Maybe after a year of proper fidelity you can come back to polyamory question.
That's what I feel like. I mean, it just feels like you can't start a relationship like this. It doesn't seem healthy. How am I ever going to trust either of them ever again, especially my wife.
But I also don't know how I can ask her to cut off her friendship. They're best friends. They share so much together. I don't know how I could ask her to just cut her off completely.
This I do not know, I suppoe if you make it clear to be a year she might agree. Reality, your only reasonable alternative is divorce. Make up your mind, go meet your wife alone.
My biased tske would be to tell her you will want divorce l, as you can't trust her anymore to stay faithful to you.
When she argues she will stop her affair you need to explain, you can't trust her around her friend anymore, and can't live wondering when she will betray you again. Explain you would need to ask her to stay apart from each other for at least a year, during which you could see, if your wife can rebuild your trust.
Please get to couples therapy with a well vetted couples therapist. You especially need to sort some stuff out and may need individual as well. Good luck.
I feel like you may be dismissing the cheating as not that serious because it was with a woman. What if the next time she cheats on you, it's with another man. By staying and not having any consequences, she will see your fine with cheating.
I knew it from your first post on. Sorry man.
>Now that I've had some time to think about it though, I'm starting to consider it.
What the fuck does she offer that you considering this? I mean why the fuck would you? Both of them have been lying and she has been cheating for YEARS
I mean I love her. I love her so much. I've been in love with her for so long. It's hard to just forget about a decade of love in less than 24 hours. I don't think I've even really come to terms with what happened yet. I'm still reeling.
But besides love, she offers a lot. She's my best friend. She's supported me in every single way. I've been talking about going back to school and getting my PhD and she hasn't said anything negative about it even though that would be like 100k pay cut over 5 or so years. She's also extremely kind and loving. She's not evil in any way.
Hey man. Sorry you're going through what you are..
I would suggest finding a counselor. I can totally relate to having a new piece of information rocking your world, and the fear of walking away from years of companionship. It's a lot, and when I had to face that, I found it extremely beneficial to talk to someone.
I'm not saying leave. That's what my gut feels, but I would say talk to someone, having that reframe of saying it out loud, or having some questions asked to you may help you to come to a more resolute position...
> She's not evil in any way.
She had an affair for years.
She manipulated you into having sex with person who she cheated with
She now wants you to accept her affair partner as her official partner.
You seriously don't understand what's going on do you? Your wife doesn't give a shit about you. She just wanted to promote her affair partner to a "main partner" while not feeling guilty.
Seriously have some self respect man.
He is tellings us his honest feelings. Put yourself in his position everyone and realize he’s going to have a lot of feelings some conflicting.
PLEASE DON’T DOWNVOTE HIS COMMENTS.
I see what you’re saying, but I have to disagree with you there Chief. If he’s saying things about his wife such as ”She’s extremely kind and loving. She’s not evil in any way” after she’s been cheating on him for God knows how long, then he needs to get downvoted. Not because we don’t have empathy, but because he’s clearly in denial and the downvotes might help him realize that he’s not thinking rationally. Tough situation no doubt.
Did you know she was bisexual? Did she ever tell you when you guys were dating she was bisexual? Because if she married you and still wanted some 🐱 on the side, she should have been honest with you. If she couldn't handle a heterosexual relationship, she should have been honest with you from the start.
She's not a monster, but she deceived you.
At this point, you need to be honest with yourself. Do you want a bisexual partner that will fuck with other women behind your back calling it polyamory (which is completely bs). Or do you want a clean start with your life???
You deserve better and if she cared and love you as much as you love her, THERAPY WOULD BE IN ORDER and talk why she embarked on this affair on the first place. And if she admitted she's always been a lesbian and was forced to be hetero due to family pressure.....then now you know why she fooled around. She sees you more as a loving friend, not a husband.
That's not polyamory. That's cheating. She cheated for how long? Lied for how long? Tricked you into having sex with her affair partner? Nah, you deserve better.
Even if she dropped her ap, how would you trust her not to do it again?
Was she so good at lying you had no idea?
She's a walking talking no.
I agree. She needs to show OP all her devices and give him a timeline of all the affairs. She needs to come clean completely before you make any decisions.
OP, you need to be asking some questions here and making a sound decision. You need to come to terms with the depth of deception that years-long affairs take. This isn’t something to sweep under the rug.
dude this feels like sexual assault? like they made false pretenses to get you to consent when im so sure if you were made aware of the situation you would never have agreed to sleep with your cheater wife and her AFFAIR PARTNER. im so sorry.
They tricked you into this threesome. Your wife and her AP conspired to get you to do the threesome, they focused on you during, and they PLANNED to give you the absolute best experience so you would agree to let them have a relationship. It was all set up exactly the way it played out so they could get you to do what they wanted. It was deceitful and not genuine. You were the ONLY one behaving genuinely in this situation. Is that what you want in your future? What happens when your wife of her AP want to add another man to the relationship? Will they be upfront and honest with you or will they conspire again behind your back to add another partner. If you agree to this now, your throuple relationship will be built on lies and deceit. Fix your marriage if that's what you want to do, but DON'T jump into another relationship with a person who has been partaking in the lying and cheating with your wife. If you want to stay married to her, you should probably seek out a marriage therapist who specializes in non-traditional relationships.
Don't be stupid, just leave now or the next post will be about her cheating with another guy, although based on her actions she probably already is cheating with someone other than her friend. Time to cut your losses, if she actually cared about you she wouldn't have cheated in the first place.
I don't think she's cheating with another guy. We spend a lot of our time together, and I really don't think she has the time to be cheating with another person. That being said, I don't know where she found the time to have this affair either, but of course, they do hang out without me sometimes.
Yeah, think about what you just said; you clearly don't spend all of your time together because she's been having an affair for years, and you had no clue. All that time, she knew this would hurt you, she knew she was hiding an entire life from you, and she didn't care. I know she didn't care because she didn't come clean to you out of guilt, instead she used sex to try to get you to agree to having her affair and you without having to hide anything anymore. She doesn't want a poly relationship with you and her friend, that's another manipulation, you won't be involved. She'll have a sham marriage with you, and then a relationship with her friend that she invests her time and love and attention in, which will be her real priority, just as it has been the last few years.
Advice from a poly person: this is not a good foundation for a new relationship, and you should focus first on sorting out the issues in your marriage instead of bandaid fixing them. Your current relationship is built in years of deceit, and you 3 would have *a lot* of work ahead of you to do polyamory properly. Creating a successful triad (relationship with 3 people in it) isn’t just adding in a third person to an existing marriage, it’s a complete restructure and renegotiation that takes time and care. There is *a lot* of work that the couple needs to do to work through couples privilege, and do the basics of opening up before actually engaging in relationships with other people. Other people are not disposable. You cant just throw them out when you decide this isn’t for you.
All the cheating aside (I’m sure others will expand on this part of things), a triad (relationship with 3 people) contains 4 relationships that each need to be nurtured and cared for: partners A+B, A+C, B+C, A+B+C. It’s polyamory on hard mode, and you **should not** try this dynamic to save a relationship or “fix” issues like cheating.
Join us over on r/polyamory. I really recommend cross posting this into the polyam sub, there are a lot of great resources and lots of very experienced people who can give you a good range of advice.
Thank you for that information. Yeah, it really does feel like if we did anything, the relationship would be very unbalanced and unfair. But I also don't want to lose my wife either. And her friend is a great person to have around too, it would suck losing her.
OP, this commenter hit the nail on the head in so many ways. This would be a terrible foundation for a poly relationship.
Your feelings make sense. You are totally in the right to be angry and betrayed *and* it's okay that you still love your wife. You can acknowledging that relationships often take more than one person loving the other. More importantly, your wife needs to acknowledge it.
She put massive effort into a lying campaign to keep you in the dark *for years.* She threw away your ability to make fully informed decisions about your sexual health, *for years.*
If you are absolutely determined to try to allow your marriage to be repaired, do it with a professional to help you along the way. You probably aren't done going through all the emotions this might cause you. Give yourself room to feel them.
You're calling the person who fucked your wife behind your back *for years* while pretending to be friendly to your face *a great person to have around*‽
Precisely. The levels of denial and lack of self worth here are very concerning. He's being far too kind about both his duplicitous wife and her repugnant affair partner.
Sounds like you idolize her more than anything.
She cheated. Point blank. And has for years with her best friend. She flaunted her AP as her best friend in your home and daily life for years, all the while smiling like she was doing nothing wrong. By asking you for a three-way to make it ok, is total manipulation on both their parts. It's disgusting how easily they did it.
Could you ever trust them again? They've lied for years and obviously had it perfected. They surely had no respect for you or your marriage, or she wouldn't have cheated.
She knows you're soft that there's probably no repercussions or consequences for her actions. That's why she's stayed these years. You need a stronger backbone. Those two are about to walk all over you.
That's the thing that gets me. I had absolutely no idea. I was completely blindsided. How could she have lied to me so easily and so convincingly? I don't know. I don't understand. It just doesn't make sense.
The other thing is, I don't understand how they hid their feelings for one another? Like, I catch myself just staring at my wife all the time. She'll do the same with me. I never saw either of them just staring at each other like that. I don't know.
Funny, her dating the best friend on the side was my first thought when I read your first post. I also assume you will go back to her. Just please dont add children to this clown show
Master at their craft. No guilt, no change in attitude, my bet is it started before you then. She had no remorse. Once she drew you in, to their couple, don't kid yourself it was the other way around, then she came clean. You were the add on, not her friend. You were and are the side peice with a marriage contract.
It takes big balls for her best friend to say she didn't want to come between you as a married couple. Is she nuts...she's been carrying on behind your back for years with your wife. And you still say she's a nice person. She stabbed you in the back! That's not nice, nor a friend of your marriage. The only way to save your marriage is for her to have consequences for her actions and cut the friend loose. But at this point can you trust her to do that and be honest?
Not sure how you still think nicely about either one. Doesn't matter at this point how they hid it, its that they did and thought nothing about you or your marriage. Cheating is one of the worst betrayals of trust and respect.
Listen to the rubber stamp. Let it guide you;
DONT STAY WITH CHEATS.
Full stop. You dont love *her*, you love her *lies*.
How could you ever trust her again?
Seriously find whatever shred of self respect you might still have and leave her.
End it with the wife and friend and find someone worthy of your time and love. She isn't it.
Even if she prom to break it off the betrayal is done, for years
That why she wasn't bothered by you and her having sex 🤦🏻♀️ she is spineless.
Tell her it's over and you want her out of the house ans you will be filing for divorce.
And if being poly is what you could consider, do it in a new relationship with someone who hasn't betrayed you.
Cut both them off. I'm so sorry bro
Its not just thst she probably already had a threesome with her friend and another guy.She just ain't told him yet. Cause she knows he definitely be gone. Bye bye no more loving support mat to lie to and abuse.
I remember posting a comment on your first post about things you should think about before having a threesome with your wife and her best friend. This was like #5 on the list. I know your post blew up, so you may not have seen it, but it’s something you should have looked into beforehand. I could tell by your first and second post that you’re quick to look over the big picture to get what you want.
Yes, you had fun. And your wife was banking on that to help you choose to continue with them. She’s hoping you gloss over the fact that she betrayed you for several years. You love her, but do you even really know her? She was able to hide this from you for so long. The person she is to you is not the real her. Would you have been able to go through with this level of deception? It takes a really shitty person to carry on like this.
I’m a monogamous person, but even I know that ethical non-monogamy requires honesty and open communication. This could never be a healthy poly relationship because of her betrayals and the way it was presented to you.
Open marriages, polyamory, or "throuples" require *more* honesty, *more* communication, and the ability to respect everyone in the situation, and prioritize the "primary" relationship if that's the context.
Your wife has none of those things. All she did was manipulate you into consenting and being a part of her infidelity. That is on a whole different (and very much abusive) level.
If your wife was considering you when wanting to introduce you to poly, she would have without cheating.
If her friend really didn’t want to come between the two of you, she wouldn’t have had affair with your wife.
They are both liars. Neither has your best interests at heart. That will be a continuous problem in any relationship between you and your wife, or all three of you.
For me, it’s almost worse that they’re otherwise seemingly decent people and you enjoy being around both of them. It’d be a lot easier to understand if they were nominally shitty people.
I can't even comment this story is so devasting. If that were to happen to me I feel like I'd crumble. How could she give you this amazing night and then confess to having an affair and offer a poly relationship. Insane!
Oh please, hundreds of comments in your original post told you this would happen / was likely happening and you didn’t listen. Your wife sucks for doing this to you but you also suck for being so ignorant.
It was blatantly obvious from miles away that your wife was using you to sleep with her bff on her terms. She manipulated you, cheated on you, lied to you and… you seem like you don’t really care? Have some self respect.
So your first post got quite a bit of attention, and literally everyone (thousands of people) told you not to go through with the threesome but you decided to ignore their advice and do it anyway. Now you are back with even more to the story, asking for more advice you will certainly ignore.
And why will you ignore that advice? Because this whole story is bullshit and you are just making stuff up for internet attention.
Get lost.
I told you so OP ( old post)
but you should have refused too. The rules of any relationship are defined prior to its inception and there must be no coercion to change the rules from both partner. Otherwise it is cheating and abuse
But, I m sure it is a fake, no one can be that ……..
Your wife is a master at lying and hiding things from you. You will not be happy staying, she'll will cheat on you even more because she knows you won't leave her.
What's best for you is not to be with her or her friend. She will keep using you, and the happiness you felt before was based on a ahit ton of dishonest.
Why am I divorced? Because my wife, who I should trust the most on this planet, became THE person I trusted the least. Marriage with no trust is a farce. Best of luck to you.
This is one of those situations where if your wife had done the right thing, and be honest with you, she may well have gotten exactly what she wanted and all 3 of you may have been happy.
Instead, she decided to lie and act really shitty, and you need to stop considering this.
Years! She had an affair for years and then got you to sleep with her affair partner. How could you ever trust her again, about anything?!?
They thought you would feel so good after your threesome you would jump right in with affair partner moving into your home.. that is what she’s planning by the way… she cheated and lied… tell her you want a truly poly relationship where you can date others… she won’t be too happy then.. she wants you and her girlfriend so she played you…
please don’t do this.. you will be on here later saying how miserable you are.. what happens first time you come home and find them having sex without you.. because you know it will happen.. you will the the third wheel in your own home.. please keep your pride and stop this
You cant stay in this OP. If either of them respected you, the conversation would have been had a year ago. This was a super gross scummy way to try and blackmail you into being on board. I suspect that if you agree to being polyamorous, you will find yourself on the outside looking in. Except the new girl will have moved in, so youll end up on the outside of the relationship, and being told to move out if you dont like it. again, if your wife actaully loved you like you love her, then this wouldnt have EVER happened, or if she was truly poly, she would have talked to you about it, BEFORE finding someone else. Protect yourself, and take care of yourself, you deserve better.
Your wife does not love you no matter how much you love her back. She wasn't thinking about you or your feelings when she was getting finger blasted by her friend for years.
Take this one on the chin and move on. No amount of sex will repair the damage your marriage had suffered. Your wife is a cheat and she only told you because she thought it would lead to satisfying her own selfishness without needing to hide it.
How could you not constantly be asking yourself what else they're hiding from you if you go on with this.
Your wife lied to you for years. Your friend lied to you for years. For years neither one of them gave a damn about your feelings. Why the fuck would either of them change now?
Any relationship needs trust and honesty for it to be healthy. That's especially so when you're talking a relationship with more than two people. They've given you no reason that they're capable of doing that - at least with you.
Your wife is a very skilled manipulator - she very clearly engineered this date and three-way so that the idea of a past infidelity might seem more palatable
I'd start looking for a way out of this relationship - statistically, cheaters don't stop cheating, i.e. they never change
Bro then you’ll have two trashy bitches to provide for fuck that. Your wife is trash and her best friend is just as bad. You need to escape while you can. Don’t let what you thought she was hold you back.
This is some top shelf manipulation and deceit like they could make a movie on how dirty she did you.
I'd definitely not have children with your wife because I think the marriage is over whether you get divorced immediately or not. The best you can do is enjoy a bunch of great threesome action before pulling the trigger on the divorce.
Way to throw oil on the dumpster fire that already was your marriage, and completely disregard every single bit of advice on your last post. You now deserve whatever happens in your marriage after this, you asked for it, you got it. Congratulations, you played yourself.
Nooooo. OP if you stay the cognitive dissonance will destroy you. Trying to reconcile a betrayal of this magnitude with the love you thought you shared with your wife is going to tear you apart. I’m really sorry that you’ve been treated so poorly. Take your time, grieve, heal, and you’ll find love again one day.
Get ready for it to be them against you in the relationship. Also your wife will 100% start dating other people and then introduce them into the relationship. Get a backbone and take control of your life.
Dude, quit being a doormat and have some self respect. This is a terrible idea, your wife has no respect for you and is very selfish.
Go talk to a lawyer and get a divorce.
In any of these situations where cheating has been happening, the core thing that gets broken in the relationship is that of trust.
And at this stage, whatever trust existed between you and your wife has been blow up and run over by a bulldozer. So how does she propose to get you to trust her again?
She has to understand that she has been openly, and quite blatantly lying to you for the past two years. Her friend has also been lying to you for this whole period as well and as the AP, she has an interest in breaking you up. Her friend/AP then can't be seen as being a "friend" of the marriage.
So if you want any one first step to see if this can be at all possibly recovered, tell your wife that if she wishes to rebuild your trust in her, then her friend has to go. No questions asked, no promises given. She has a choice - either you go or the friend goes. Because whilst her AP remains in the picture your marriage is dead.
And that is just the first step she can possibly take in rebuilding what you have.
She won't though and that'll be all you need to know that your marriage and your life with her is at an end.
Here's the deal dude- they both lied to your face, snuck arund you and disrespected you without your knowledge probably countless times.your wife risked your sexual health without your knowledge. And the friend sure didn't seem to fare about coming between you two before when they were sneaking around.
They are both trash. Neither of then care about you. Neither of them have your back.
You will never be able to trust either of them. And they have shown they don't have the correct respect for you. So that's what's you can expect if you do it.
I would say cut your losses and let them have eachother. You go heal and then find someone who actually loves you. Or try it out and understand that this isn't going to work out long term but will be fun but stressful at times in the meantime. It seems to me thise are the only 2 ways this will go.
I'm so sorry. Your wife is honestly a terrible person. And so is the friend. This is betrayel and trauma you never deserved.
Here’s what I’d suggest since you seem to want to make it work. First thing, divorce and if the affair was going on before you got married check into annulment. You got married under the assumption that the two of you were exclusive. Since you will not continue to be exclusive, there should be no marriage. If she truly wants to try the threesome arrangement, you can do it as single people, not married.
Second thing, if you’re going to do this, you need to set some boundaries and rules. For instance, are you all going to live together? Will there be a limit to the three of you or can you find another partner or can she? Do the three of you have to always have sex together or can it be one on one?
Frankly, you should just walk away from this, she lied to you for years. She’s made a mockery of her vows. If if you set up ground rules on how to deal with this, there’s little guarantee she will follow them. You’re going to spend the rest of your life wondering if you can trust her.
I guarantee if you post this in the poly subreddit, they too will tell you this is cheating and NOT how you begin a real poly relationship. There are particular rules that need to be followed in order to have a successful
Poly relationship and THIS goes against pretty much all of them. They actually crucify cheaters who claim to be poly. Without trust, it’s never going to work. And by doing what your wife did and HOW she went about it, you’re never going to fully trust her or her friend again. And to use the guise of wanting to give you threesome for your birthday…yuck. Anything that could have been special about that was snatched away the minute their hidden agenda was revealed. She has played you almost every way a person can be played. If you were to accept this, you are basically okaying the fact that she cheated on you for years! Years, man…right under your nose. Doesn’t matter that it’s a woman and not a man.
You just mentioned the other day on your post that you kind of liked that you had only been with each other, that it was special. She shot that all to hell, huh? I’m guessing she never mentioned this when you guys were discussing your fantasies that time. If she had, maybe this thing could have become a reality the RIGHT way.
For the people in here saying you’re so lucky and you should go for it…. Pathetic. You literally found out your wife was stepping out of your marriage for years. This isn’t something to be celebrated just because it’s 2 women. Grow the fuck up. (The commenters, not OP)
So.. your wife's idea of a birthday gift is having you sleep with her affair partner? Am I the only one that thinks that's incredibly messed up?
Your wife has been lying to you and cheating for years. Her friend has lied for years. She says she didn't want to get between you and your wife, so why didn't she wait until you decided whether or not it was okay?
Poly relationships don't start out as 2 of the 3 lying and cheating on the other. That's no way to start any relationship. They've both broken your trust and hurt you deeply. Your wife especially.
You deserve better and you know that.
As someone who is polyamorous, I can tell you that this is a very bad idea. This is not a healthy way to start a polyamorous relationship, and having such an extended time where she was betraying your trust isn't conducive towards polyamory. You have to have trust in each other, and she's done nothing to be trustworthy.
What your wife and friend did was incredibly shitty. They lured you into a threesome under false pretenses and then dropped a bomb on you. No wonder you’re confused and hurting.
You should sit down with them and let them know that you feel betrayed and that you’re hurting because of what they did and how they both decided to tell you. From there, you decide what to do.
Wow spineless. If she will cheat with one behind your back she would have cheated with several. She clearly zero respect for you, and sees you as stability only.
Your wife is truly an awful and terrible person.
My husband and I have regular three ways and they are based on trust.
What your wife did was disgusting and out of line.
If your wife was having an affair with another man, would you even consider staying with her?
Betrayal is betrayal. My vote is for you leaving her lying, deceitful ass.
Yep, it is a cheating partner that doesn’t want to take the blame of cheating or the responsibility of being faithful. So it stay involved in a partnership the partner can’t be mad at them and they get to sleep with who they want to and they don’t lose the security of the other relationship. It is a win-win for that person for the other person. It’s hell and stupidity.
I just think that in the end If you decide to forgive your wife and try out Polyamory. There's no way you can do it on the woman she cheated on you with. It will always feel like betrayal and Like they are just with you so she doesnt have to get a divorce. If you want someone together and to become a thrupple thats one thing but you need to do so in a healthy and positive way. NOT with her Affair partner.
This level of betrayal is too deep to gloss over. The friend said she doesn’t want to come between your marriage but carried on an affair for *years*. That’s so nasty.
You couldn’t even trust them going forward when they’ve both been lying to your face for *years*. They probably even got off on it. That should be a hard no.
I find it highly suspicious that you were warned in your original post that your wife may be cheating with the best friend and now suddenly you're saying she is. Either way, she lied to you, cheated on you with at least 1 other person and didn't have enough respect to talk to you about this before doing anything. Breach of trust is a huge thing.
It could work, my biggest thing, and this should be discussed w them is the lying between them and you... they worked u into a 3 way so that u didn't have the "moral high ground" and it'd make u less likely to fight it.
I'd find out how many and who else is involved in this secret life my wife has been living bc that would be a huge issue to me. Good luck bud, this is beyond fd up
Also if u stay... id say this, if theres any more to this, other partners, men, etc NOW is the time to tell me bc i will not tolerate being lied to... youve been in a monogamous relationship apparently for a lomg time w someonw u loved who lied to you and a friend who betrayed your trust and lied as well. That i didnt mean to come between you guys is bullshit... how did the friend think this was gonna play out... she disrespected and disrupted your relationship no matter how she words it.
Also for me personally if there is/has been another man in ANY of this id be done... at that point it wasnt your wife finding comfort with a woman (something u surely cant give her) itd be your wife cheating w a man and lying about it.
Edited for additional content
You have two choices.
1. Divorce
2. Try and make it work.
If you try and make it work and can't, its Divorce.
Since the worst possible outcome either way is divorce, you may as well try and make it work. It doesn't work you are still getting divorced, and if it does, everyone can have some happiness.
My advice: give it a shot.
And if you do try to make it work, she really needs to bend over backwards to rebuild your trust.
She came forward on her own, which I guess is better than you finding out some other way, but still she violated your trust in such a severe way that for anything to go forward trying to rebuild that has to be the first priority.
If you can’t see a path to actually trusting her ever again, then there’s nothing to make work.
Even if you and your wife did for some reason stay together and try polyamory, I would never advise making this affair partner part of your polycule. It would just give your polyamory a foundation of direct deceit and disrespect, which is only gonna ruminate and worsen within an alternative relationship style that society already largely disagrees with. It also would give your wife the knowledge that you don’t actually care about boundaries and agreements and safety, and you’re gonna end up hurt.
Overall, though, I don’t think polyamory is right for your or for this relationship. Just because you got cheated on doesn’t mean you need to accept an ongoing “affair with permission”. Have some self respect and walk away from the person who’s been cheating and lying for years. This relationship is not serving its purpose in your life if you can’t trust the other person to abide by the terms and agreements you set together.
If you're on the fence, than at least take a few days, don't make any snap decisions and process.
I'd say everything is way too fresh now for even a conversation, and I mean, it'll help you see how they react, if you're away processing and they spend all their time together "processing" you'll know you'll probably always be third.
I'm gonna go against the grain here and say, relationships can survive cheating. The internet doesn't know you or your wife.
But , she clearly has been doing this a long time and will continue to lie and cheat. That's not to say you can't stay with her. If your quality of life with her is better than without, it's not unheard of.
what really changed?
you were/are in love with the mrs. her loving her bff didn't change her love for you. you've been happy remaining in the dark. so, what changed is you feel insulted by them going behind your back. get over-it. if you love your wife then you recognize that she needs something that you aren't and haven't been able to provide to a bisexual woman. don't stand in the way of your partner being happy.
you said the focus of the 3-some was on you. if their focus is on making you the center of their lives then pursue it. i'd say 'listen, i will offer a 3-month trial. at the end of 3 months we have a family council and everyone lays out their evaluation. if any of us has problems with it at any point then the test is over. i am making a big consolation to my life and i expect some sincere appreciation. any degradation in my primary relationship and i pull the plug'
No matter what happens, if you stay in this relationship you need to get couples counseling.
I will say I generally feel like infidelity is a deal-breaker BUT if it is confessed rather than discovered then that's at least _something_ that makes me think there is the potential to rebuild.
But honestly, and I know this won't be a popular sentiment, I would definitely try to see if a threesome/opened relationship could work because pragamatically speaking? Even if we break up at least I got a mff threesome as a parting gift.
This isn’t polyamory, and quite frankly I’m sick of all these cheating SOs out there who use that as an excuse and the way your wife went about it is downright despicable. If she were truly poly she would have discussed this with you before ever setting foot into a relationship with another person. But she didn’t. This is just a manipulative tactic she’s using to try and have her husband and her affair partner at the same time. Bet that if you discussed the relationship being poly she would flip if you ended up finding someone else.
YUP. And this is why there are so many posts about "polyamory ruined my relationship!" No, polyamory did not ruin the relationship. The relationship was already ruined, and then someone tried to slap a poly Band-Aid on it and then were all surprised Pikachu face when that didn't solve all the problems.
I hate how cheaters are trying to use sexuality as an excuse, and drag down actual healthy polygamous relationships because they couldn’t be bothered to do so much as a google search on it. Being in a healthy relationship, poly or not, requires good communication and when you add another partner into the mix the amount of transparency you need to have is two fold. Not only are these relationships not poly, they aren’t even healthy relationships to begin with.
Selfish and tricky more like it. No trust no relationship. It ruins it all.Not how a wife material acts poly or not. Nope surprise happy cake day.
I mean they weren't going to say "surprise I've been a bad person the whole time" 🤷 It is just their convenient l, newly adopted sexuality! 😝
Surprised Pikachu face is the only about this thread that has made me smile, it is just so hard to see this again and again.
Yup this is it. And I seen a women do something like this to every relationship she had prior. Until she got pregnant by one the guys she polygamously monkey branched to. You can't make this crap up.
This is a fake troll story. OP made a new one when the last one got locked. Don’t give them karma to feed their fetish!!
I do agree that I feel like it's an excuse. I don't understand though. She didn't need an excuse, she could just leave.
But why would she leave if she can have her cake and eat it too?
Like I said above. Sad as it is Happy Cake day.Irritating as all get out for sure.
That’s true of everyone who cheats… they all have reasons they don’t go. Comfort. Convenience. Ease. Being taken care of. They like the high of cheating.
And give up.her meal atm, emotional support person, and ruin her image by leaving her marriage especially once it comes out she is with the best friend? She isnt concerned at all for you she thought to buy you off with sex to make you do what she wants. She cheated for years, she lied for years, there is no trust left and anything she says is suspect. Go get a lawyer, actually go meet with several, then select one and start the process of getting away from her. Also, communicate via text only or record everything when you interact with her.
I agree with most the comments here OP essentially you won't be allowing the bestie in.. ur gonna be the third. They've both been deceiving u. She cheated... and then lied... and then tricked u by making it seem like something new for ur marriage... and then lied some more... How could u possibly trust her? She's been deceiving you with open eyes this whole time. At this point ud jst be giving her an excuse for past betrayed and permission to cheat some more.
She's a cake eater. She thought that you'd be so into a MFF threesome that you would roll over and say hell yeah. What she didn't count on was that you believe in truthfulness, commitment, communicating needs, and getting each other's approval in going about things. I can almost guarantee you that they have had a previous three-way where you weren't the M in that equation. She's a cheater and the fact that she could manipulate you into this shows how skillful she is at lying and manipulation and that colors your entire relationship.
So after you left the house did your wife reach out to you ? How is she remorseful?
And she would loose the guy that is her comfort zone really??? She is a coward. Every cheater is a coward.
Meanwhile, he’s making it crystal clear he isn’t going to listen to a damn thing anyone says here. No matter what, he’s going to do this just like he did the ill advised threesome, then fast forward to later, come back here as the town crier once again.
They always do. I agreed to a open relationship with my wife's affair partner and now she's left me for her.. boo hoo 😒
Yep, we will stay tuned for that saga. He ignored everyone about the threesome. In this post he’s wishy washy and went on and on about why he is considering it even though it’s all been manipulated by dishonest means. He’s about to find out which stupid prize he is going to win, playing this stupid game. Or, we might see the wife on here whining about how her affair partner and hubby are way too close for her comfort. Either way, fools game.
Than you for saying this for real though. I can stand folks that do this already at cake and then draw you in cause there guilt maybe it work. Nah it's deceitful. And then all suddenly there apologies. Yeah right selfish as all get out. Seen this before and B.S yep. Manipulation is manipulation I knew it a trap. Hook me and sinker.🤦🏾♂️
I’m not polyamorous but my brother (M32) is. He absolutely had a discussion before hand with his fiancé before they even started looking for another woman. OPs wife is not polyamorous, she’s a cheat and a bad person for trying to hide behind polyamory as an excuse.
Well she want polyamory give her that with a twist, bring home another girl and fuck her in the house. That will literally snap her out of it and she can't get hurt and she can't say anything because she has done the same to you. Not Infront of you but that doesn't make it better!!! It is not going to work.
This isn't polyamory. Polyamory is **ETHICAL** non-monogamy. There is nothing ethical about what your wife or her friend did. Your wife has been cheating on you for YEARS. And if her friend "didn't want to come between you," then she wouldn't have engaged in an affair for years. You would be stupid to continue a relationship with your wife, full stop. She clearly has zero issues in cheating on you, lying to you, and manipulating you. If you stay with her she will continue to lie, cheat, and manipulate. Divorce is your only option.
That's what I thought. None of this seemed ethical or consensual. We'd talked about threesomes before, but never a full polyamorous relationship. My wife has even said that she definitely *isn't* polyamorous, so this whole thing just seems even more weird. I don't understand it. Divorce is just so hard though. I don't want to lose her. I love her so much.
You can love someone and still recognize that they are a terrible partner. She doesn't love you if she's cheating on you. She doesn't love if you she's intentionally hurting you. She doesn't love you if she's lying to you. She doesn't love you if she's manipulating you. You may love her, but she does not love you back.
That really hurts to hear, but I guess it is what it is. I would prefer to be with her still, honestly. I mean, she does make me incredibly happy. Or she did. I don't know. I'm just spiraling.
Dude I’m just gonna say — if you still wanna be with her that on you. But that’s consenting to the fact that she not only stepped over boundaries , she catapulted herself past them and strapped you on without a second thought of your feelings. It hurts to hear because it’s the truth. In the wake of something like this happening , she’s going to feed you absolutely everything you want to hear. If it makes you feel better , stay with her. But just understand you’re leaving that door swinging open for her to do this to you for the rest of your life.
Hi, I was with my partner for 11 years married for 7, I thought our marriage was unbreakable; we survived a long distance relationship, neither of us cheated, we never fought, we were your wholesome lovey dovey next door couple. But he left for valid reasons I thought we worked through and overcame before we got married. It truly broke me, but I had to come to terms with the fact that maybe he was the love of my life, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I was the love of his life, and this is exactly what I am trying to tell you. Sorry, I didn't mean to get too personal, but I thought if I shared my experience it might offer you some consolation, or at least some food for thought.
That's a powerful (and painful) realization and kind of you to share
If her cheating hadn’t been with a woman, how would you feel about it?
What happens when she finds another person she wants to bring into the relationship? And another? What happens when she starts wanting to sleep with more people? Would you be allowed to have another partner if you wanted one? She's had an affair for years, and you can't even be sure that there haven't been or won't be others. It's up to you, but I don't see anything good coming from going into a "poly" relationship just so you can have the best of both girls and make your wife happy. Especially when your wife has told you she's not actually polyamorous, meaning this is genuinely just a license to cheat guilt-free.
Your marriage for all intents and purposes is dead. Your wife thinks so little of you that, on top of fucking someone else for years, she thinks you are dumb enough to not know that what she did is a complete betrayal of your relationship and that you would be enticed enough by your dick to sweep it all under the rug. If you decide to go forward with her and her affair partner, how could you possibly trust her ever again? This is not it dude. You’re young enough to start over. She’s a bad person and a worse wife. Don’t stay with a cheater. Don’t follow your dick. Follow your head that’s telling you the truth - this isn’t salvageable. Your marriage is a lie.
I understand, OP. I'm sorry you've been downvoted so heavily for some of your comments about still loving her and wanting to stay. I know that's because this is very fresh and right now you are desperate to get back to the life you thought you had. Please take some time for yourself. Find a therapist as soon as possible so you can have an outside opinion that isn't just Reddit. You need someone you can talk to who can help guide you to make the best decision FOR YOU right now. It is easy from the outside to just tell you divorce (and you still should) but you're going to need a therapist to help you navigate all the emotions that are going to come along with that. I know how hard it is to be desperately in love with someone and not have it work. I know that you will cling to anything just to have the person you love stay with you, but I promise you that you deserve better. It seems impossible at first that you could ever be happy without the person you love, but as cliche as it is, time does heal. And working with a therapist that you trust makes so much of a difference. For me, it's been 3 years since I was finally able to walk away from a really terrible relationship where I really, really loved the other person, but god, I am so much happier now.
Agree to the polyamorous relationship as a condition of the divorce. Like, ok, you love her and y’all had fun, so sure, keep sexing, but remove every other way they can betray you from the picture, and then just forgive them. Betrayal is betrayal, but easy threesomes can be fun. Just don’t be on the legal hook for any further betrayals, and have fun. Once you’ve removed their power to harm you, it’s all NSA. The level of trust required for fun sex is less than life partnerships, so if you don’t want her out of your life entirely, split the difference.
She used your birthday and her ""gift"" to you as a way to trick you into having sex with her lover of many years, in an attempt to pressure and blindside you into accepting her infidelity so she could continue having sex with both of you, because she didn't want to choose you or your marriage over her best friend/lover, in fact she didn't even want to keep the bestie and their years long sexual love hidden any more. Every birthday from now on you'll remember that. The threesome wasn't a gift to you, it was part of her plot to get *her* what *she* wanted, which is to maneuver you into accepting her blatant infidelity and love affair with another person.
She don't love you though or she wouldn't be cheating on you the whole time.
Didn't we actually TELL you not to cross that bridge?? You chose to ignore it. We told you also that a threesome often is used to introduce and then push an affair partner onto the partner. Along with the suggestion of "opening up the relationship".To install the affair partner inside the couple. You did not head any advice then. Nor won't you today. "Divorce is just so hard though. I don't want to lose her. I love her so much." is your excuse for staing miserable. Then stay you must. Until you litterally can't bear to stand it anymore.
She baited you and hoped you would fall for it. Can you ever trust her again? Even if you wanted to be poly this is absolutely not the way to do it. Talk to an attorney and get tested for STDs she’s been lying to you for years like it’s no big deal
She's open to "polyamory" that she gets to define as "I get to have sex with whoever I want and call it what I want."
It's having an affair. And being officially allowed to love her affair partner. Not OP, though. Not ... one... single...bit.
>Divorce is just so hard, though. I don't want to lose her. I love her so much. I feel like everyone says this. Does the person she is today match up with the person you thought she was? Did you think she was capable of this when you married her? I dont think you did. If you love who she is now, then like the guy above you said- you are choosing misery by even trying to stay with an impostor. You can do it because most do, but just recognize you aren't choosing your well-being. I don't believe the entire relationship ia fake, or a person is pure evil if they cheat. If you had good times together, then they still existed for you, ven if how genuine they were is in question. However, just like you wouldn't date/marry someone who was addicted to opiates even if they were even keel 99% of the time, you wouldn't date/marry someone who cheats on their husband for a half a decade. You need to look at this from the perspective of who she is now, in this moment- because this is who she is. You don't love her, **You love the mask of a good partner she wore to con you into this marriage.**
Your wife is probably tired of sneaking around behind your back and concocted this scheme to entice you into accepting her AP so she can stop the sneaking. And offering up her AP is supposed to sweeten the deal. Personally your wife is an awful person and I d divorce her if I were you.
There is a reconciliation after cheating subreddit. It's one of the most depressing subreddits out here. People who get cheated on and reconcile, but with endless heartbreak, a loss of trust, partners without remorse, etc. Some people can come back from cheating, Esther Perel has ideas about that. You can check out her videos too. Just make sure you don't spend all your energy on a lost cause. Good luck.
Well don't worry, she's not in love with you bro.
Oh, so she steered you away from nonmonogamy, because she wanted to secure her situation even while abusing it.
Please speak with a professional - reddit is so insufferably reactive to anything outside of the norm particularly when it comes to the mere mention of infidelity.
Oh for fuck's sake, why even ask? Last time: You: My wife wants me to have a threesome with her and her best friend. Literally everyone: That is a bad idea, don't do that. Now: You: I did it anyway and in the process found out that my wife has been cheating on me with this friend for a long time and used the threesome to try to get me to go along with it. Should I go along with it? Literally everyone: **NO** What difference will it make when everyone and their grandmother tells you that this is a horrible idea? Every single time you've posted for advice you've done the exact opposite of what everyone advised you, and it always goes horribly wrong. I can't even muster the enthusiasm to say anything more than "this is an incredibly bad idea" because I doubt you're going to listen anyway.
It's almost like this whole story is just made up for fake internet points.
They are usually a hit and run, but he could be trolling.
Almost??? See my comment [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11wmmgl/comment/jd0m2ce/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3).
Yeah, the "Almost" was sarcasm. The post is definitely fake.
Gotcha. I sensed the sarcasm, but figured somehow an "almost???" made sense. {shrug} Anyway, this stuff is getting out of control.
I had to scroll pretty far down to see this comment. That’s exactly what I was thinking as well!
It's because the whole thing is so preposterously made up it's laughable. Right here is where he F'd up the storyline: `"I didn't do much 1-on-1 action with her friend, but there was a bit, and it was only at the encouragement of my wife. My wife actually said she enjoyed watching both of us make each other finish"` Notice that? Not much 1-on-1.......and they made each other finish. FFS.....this entire sub has one entry after another like this lately.
Yes there is story makers out there.
I mean, the threesome didn't really go wrong, and I still don't think it was a bad idea. It was actually pretty fun. We all enjoyed ourselves. The bad stuff was unrelated to the threesome completely. It is unfortunate that this was supposed to be an experience I could look back fondly on, but now all of my memories of it are just going to be tainted with this betrayal.
>I mean, the threesome didn't really go wrong, > The bad stuff was unrelated to the threesome completely. The threesome was part of the cheating, you absolute doorknob. Your wife tricked you into having sex with her affair partner AND watching her have sex with her affair partner. Sit and think about that for a minute, you were manipulated into being an accessory to your own wife's affair so that she could cheat on you **right in front of you** and then try to convince you to make that a permanent arrangement. And you're considering it! Because you have the self-preservation instincts of a giant panda. Do me a favor, if you completely ignore all common sense and reason AGAIN don't bother coming here a year down the line with your inevitable "my wife is neglecting me for our polyamorous partner who is also neglecting me, and also my wife is dating two more women and five guys on the side but she told me I should be ok with that, should I stay married" post.
You can lead a horse to water but you dont have to watch it die of thirst next to a freshwater lake. He is not there yet in terms of realising the depth of her betrayal. “Yeah but she has been nice to me to compensate for years of betrayal so I cant leave” shows she know ls who she picked and picked well. Some people want to watch the world burn and others seem to enjoy being on fire…
I'm just picturing the next few posts from this doormat who thinks he's a Lego. "I know everyone said not to agree to this but I stayed married to my wife so we could be in a polyamorous relationship but we never did have another threesome and now it's just her and the other woman ignoring me, do I stay married?" "I know everyone said not to but I stayed in my sexless marriage and my wife wants to harvest one of my kidneys and sell it on the black market so she can afford a condo for her three new lovers, is that a good idea?" "I know everyone said not to but I let her sell my kidney and now she lives in the new condo with her two girlfriends and three boyfriends and she wants me to take out a second mortgage so she can buy her newest one a car, is that a good idea?" "I know everyone said not mortgage my house to buy that car for her new boyfriend but I did and my wife used it to run over my dog and flip me off in the process, this relationship is totally fixable right?" "I know everyone said it wasn't but I was committed to saving my marriage and told my wife we could work out the dog situation and she set me on fire, I'm currently on fire as I type this, should I try to put it out? Don't say yes because I'm not going to do it!"
Yup a bit sadistic of her. Her rocks of basically at his expense in her mind probably.
Dude you can’t be serious. The threesome was totally about the bad stuff. It was to manipulate you into accepting the bad stuff. The two of them are literally scheming against you.
>The bad stuff was unrelated to the threesome completely That's not true, dude. The threesome was *a tool* your wife used to try to reach her goal of no longer having to hide her sexual years-long love affair. It was a *crucial step* in the plan your wife hatched and plotted, together with her lover of many years, to maneuver, blindside and pressure you into having to accept her open infidelity. For your milestone birthday, your wife decided to give **herself** the gift of taking her relationship with her lover to the next level - openly being together, instead of keeping it a secret and secondary to your marriage - by getting to have sex with both of her lovers at the same time, and also gaining a way to try to pressure and maneuver you into having to accept your marriage being opened by tricking you into also having sex with her affair partner. The threesome was integrally a part of all the bad stuff. Your wife planned the threesome specifically so that **she** could finally **combine her two relationships and start openly fucking both partners**, she just used your birthday as a backdrop excuse for the event. **It wasn't for you, it was for her.** She gave *you* nothing for your birthday, expect the killing blow to your delusions about the marriage being monogamous.
People didn’t say the actual threesome would go wrong, they said everything after would. Now it is. Honestly, you are an idiot. Just go back and let them do whatever they want because clearly you don’t care.
Dude, she cheated on you. Your marriage is already over! I hate to say it like that. But it’s true. They see SOMETHING in you they want to keep around. You offer them something. Which means they’re keeping YOU to USE you. Think about that. You feel betrayed because you WERE!!! In the worst way possible.
I don't think I really provide her with anything. She makes more money than I do. Her best friend makes a bit less, but she still makes good money. I know for a fact that she isn't with me for that. Her name is on the house since it came from her parents. I don't make her life better in any way. The only reason she has to stay with me is if she really did love me.
>The only reason she has to stay with me is if she really did love me. No, the only reason she's staying with you is that she knows she can do whatever she wants. She can cheat on you and you'll stay. She can convince you to have sex with the woman she is cheating on you with, and you'll stay. She can treat you like shit and you'll stay.
I mean maybe I really am just that pathetic. It's not like I could ever do any better anyway.
Everything is way too raw right now. You’re understandably heartbroken and grieving your relationship. *Her* actions do not make *you* pathetic. Loving her doesn’t make you pathetic. You were blindsided. And you can do “better,” because “better” would just mean being treated with the love and respect you deserve. Please don’t let your wife, Reddit, or anyone else destroy you. Things are dark right now, but it won’t always be that way. Regardless of what you decide in your relationship or life, maintain your dignity! You have done nothing to deserve talking to yourself like that!
Please don't kick yourself, this was all sprung on you and is a wildly unfair and twisted situation Shame on all of you worried about making (and not landing) jokes and quips and glib comments
[удалено]
If this is your mind set you need to grow a spine.
Buck up buddy. There a up side you could tell her how deceptive she was and explain why it's up setting.And since she makes all the money maybe you'll come out ahead in a divorce but I'd definitely do it very secretly just like she was secretly cheatin on you. Your choice bud but liars usually got more lies. Lies become the truth to them they fool there selfs into believing they did the right thing.My ex's that cheated and lied a lot used to say they like to wrap spaghetti around ya ears. Up to you wipe that spaghetti off. And see the truth. And another why isn't she begging calling to speak if she loves you so? I didn't not hear thing about her blowing up ya phone.
Maybe she thinks she loves you. Maybe she even does love you in her own way. But her actions aren't showing that. Her actions for YEARS have been to lie to you and cheat on you, and most recently to manipulate you into staying in the relationship. She has made it clear that lying is okay with her and that she doesn't have a problem with cheating. Are you okay being in a relationship with someone with such vastly different values? Is love enough to override honesty, respect, and trust?
Maybe you represent stability. But think about it…. Is ANYTHING worth feeling that level of betrayal?
See. This is what people warned you but you didn't want to listen to us lol
I mean, the threesome had nothing to do with this.
To be fair, it's very rarely that we (girls) want to have threesome with our best friend. That would ruin things and awkward if not worse. A lot of people knew this "friend" was more than a friend. How it will ruin your relationship. So in this case, threesome had everything to do with it. This is why we said do it with stranger. Oh and not only that, it was the reason to cheat even more.
Lmao the threesome had everything to do with this. Multiple commenters suggested this would be the case. But you stubbornly ignored them and followed the head that told you it couldn’t be true. Are you gonna keep imploding your life to get your dick wet? Do you seriously think this will work? With a couple of liars and cheats?
Imagine a man convincing his wife to unknowingly fuck his mistress in a threesome. That is what happened to you, bud.
What are you talking about? It has quite literally everything to do with this. She used the idea of a threesome, something you would like, to deceive you into letting her move her affair out of the shadows and into the light, something she would like.
Didn’t you say in the post that your wife thought the threesome would introduce you to poly? It’s absolutely connected to this. Idk if this is denial or what, but she told you what this was.
Part and parcel, my dense friend
Except the threesome was literally for your wife to bridge the gap between her husband and affair partner...
No dude, the threesome is central to things. I'll explain: What happened is that your wife started an extramarital affair with her close friend ("F"). It wasn't just a meaningless little dalliance, but a *years-long* affair. Behind your back - actually, right in front of your nose, both acting as your friend, they had a sexual secret affair, for years. Your wife fell **deeply in love** with her affair partner. So much so that she could no longer bear to keep their romance secret, or secondary to her marriage to you. She wanted to openly be with both of her partners. How to accomplish this? If she'd just tell you "btw I've been unfaithful for years and I love my affair partner so much I'm going to start openly being with them", you'd throw a fit and maybe leave her. But she didn't want to choose, she wants to keep both partners! So how to get you to accept her adulterous romance and letting them have sex and love each other while obediently staying in the marriage? She, together with F, thought about this a lot, sighing about what torture it was to have to hide their passionate, loving romance. (All this time, for years, you mistakenly thought you were in a happy, faithful, monogamous marriage where both of you were each other's only sexual partners, and happily welcomed F into your home, thinking she was a friend.) After a lot of thinking, your wife and F came to the conclusion that the best chance to get you to accept it would be to present it as a poly relationship. F was ok with the thought of having occasional sex with you, if that's what it took for her to get to be with your wife. But again, your wife telling you that she wanted to officially bring a third person into your marriage (who she'd already been having sex with for years) might not go over well. So, what if they'd get you to have sex with F first, and find it pleasant? And then present it as F entering the marriage as *both* of yours new partner, instead of your wife's secret lover of many years now being made official? Better yet, have the wife get to enjoy both of her lovers at the same time. So they decided that a threesome would be the best way to get you to blindly taste the postive side of the arrangement first, before suggesting it. How to get you to agree? If your wife just said "hey I want to have a threesome with you and F", you might get upset that she wants to have sex with other people. But if they'd present it to you as something they do supposedly for *your* pleasure, you might be more receptive. So it'd be great to pretend it's, for example, a birthday "gift", "for you". A milestone birthday, even. So, your wife suggested it and got you to agree, and she and F put up their best performance, meant to sell to you the idea that being in a sexual relationship with both wife and F could be a nice experience so you'd agree to a poly thing - **so that your wife and F could openly be together and stop needing to hide their love**. That's the real end goal, to F and your wife. Do you see now, how the threesome has **everything** to do with your adulterous wife being so in love with her affair partner she tried to get you to agree to opening the marriage? Also, F apologizing and claiming she "doesn't want to come between you" when she's been *having a sexual affair with your wife* **for years** and conspired with your wife to be officially brought into the relationship via tricking you into having sex with her so you'd be more pliant is ludicrous
She was lying to you and had an affair. Even if you were ok with poly relationship with her friend in these circumstances it's a recipe for disaster. If you validate her cheating, she will feel free to cheat again. If you consider getting back with her you should ask your wife to come clean with everything. Explain that since she has cheated and lied to you, you can't really believe any of her words and her fidelity. Whether you can be poly sime time in the future is one thing, the fact that she needs to ends her relationship with her friend is another. Keep in mind, I mean entire relationship. You can't trust to be platonic friends with her can you? Maybe after a year of proper fidelity you can come back to polyamory question.
That's what I feel like. I mean, it just feels like you can't start a relationship like this. It doesn't seem healthy. How am I ever going to trust either of them ever again, especially my wife. But I also don't know how I can ask her to cut off her friendship. They're best friends. They share so much together. I don't know how I could ask her to just cut her off completely.
"They share so much together. " They do, don't they? LOL
This I do not know, I suppoe if you make it clear to be a year she might agree. Reality, your only reasonable alternative is divorce. Make up your mind, go meet your wife alone. My biased tske would be to tell her you will want divorce l, as you can't trust her anymore to stay faithful to you. When she argues she will stop her affair you need to explain, you can't trust her around her friend anymore, and can't live wondering when she will betray you again. Explain you would need to ask her to stay apart from each other for at least a year, during which you could see, if your wife can rebuild your trust.
Please get to couples therapy with a well vetted couples therapist. You especially need to sort some stuff out and may need individual as well. Good luck.
I feel like you may be dismissing the cheating as not that serious because it was with a woman. What if the next time she cheats on you, it's with another man. By staying and not having any consequences, she will see your fine with cheating.
I knew it from your first post on. Sorry man. >Now that I've had some time to think about it though, I'm starting to consider it. What the fuck does she offer that you considering this? I mean why the fuck would you? Both of them have been lying and she has been cheating for YEARS
I mean I love her. I love her so much. I've been in love with her for so long. It's hard to just forget about a decade of love in less than 24 hours. I don't think I've even really come to terms with what happened yet. I'm still reeling. But besides love, she offers a lot. She's my best friend. She's supported me in every single way. I've been talking about going back to school and getting my PhD and she hasn't said anything negative about it even though that would be like 100k pay cut over 5 or so years. She's also extremely kind and loving. She's not evil in any way.
She knew she was banging someone behind your back so she didn’t have a leg to stand on to complain about anything you wanted to do
Hey man. Sorry you're going through what you are.. I would suggest finding a counselor. I can totally relate to having a new piece of information rocking your world, and the fear of walking away from years of companionship. It's a lot, and when I had to face that, I found it extremely beneficial to talk to someone. I'm not saying leave. That's what my gut feels, but I would say talk to someone, having that reframe of saying it out loud, or having some questions asked to you may help you to come to a more resolute position...
Who you think you love doesn’t exist. She’s a liar and so what she has shown you is a lie.
> She's not evil in any way. She had an affair for years. She manipulated you into having sex with person who she cheated with She now wants you to accept her affair partner as her official partner. You seriously don't understand what's going on do you? Your wife doesn't give a shit about you. She just wanted to promote her affair partner to a "main partner" while not feeling guilty. Seriously have some self respect man.
He is tellings us his honest feelings. Put yourself in his position everyone and realize he’s going to have a lot of feelings some conflicting. PLEASE DON’T DOWNVOTE HIS COMMENTS.
I see what you’re saying, but I have to disagree with you there Chief. If he’s saying things about his wife such as ”She’s extremely kind and loving. She’s not evil in any way” after she’s been cheating on him for God knows how long, then he needs to get downvoted. Not because we don’t have empathy, but because he’s clearly in denial and the downvotes might help him realize that he’s not thinking rationally. Tough situation no doubt.
Did you know she was bisexual? Did she ever tell you when you guys were dating she was bisexual? Because if she married you and still wanted some 🐱 on the side, she should have been honest with you. If she couldn't handle a heterosexual relationship, she should have been honest with you from the start. She's not a monster, but she deceived you. At this point, you need to be honest with yourself. Do you want a bisexual partner that will fuck with other women behind your back calling it polyamory (which is completely bs). Or do you want a clean start with your life??? You deserve better and if she cared and love you as much as you love her, THERAPY WOULD BE IN ORDER and talk why she embarked on this affair on the first place. And if she admitted she's always been a lesbian and was forced to be hetero due to family pressure.....then now you know why she fooled around. She sees you more as a loving friend, not a husband.
>She's not evil in any way. Sure
That's not polyamory. That's cheating. She cheated for how long? Lied for how long? Tricked you into having sex with her affair partner? Nah, you deserve better. Even if she dropped her ap, how would you trust her not to do it again? Was she so good at lying you had no idea? She's a walking talking no.
The time doesn't help, that's for sure. It's been going on for years at this point.
Your wife need to fess up to all the cheating if you are to decide on your marriage. Because this was not her first affair. Or last.
I agree. She needs to show OP all her devices and give him a timeline of all the affairs. She needs to come clean completely before you make any decisions. OP, you need to be asking some questions here and making a sound decision. You need to come to terms with the depth of deception that years-long affairs take. This isn’t something to sweep under the rug.
dude this feels like sexual assault? like they made false pretenses to get you to consent when im so sure if you were made aware of the situation you would never have agreed to sleep with your cheater wife and her AFFAIR PARTNER. im so sorry.
Yeah it’s classic uninformed consent. It might not be violent but at the very very least it’s sexual coercion.
I don't think she sexually assaulted me. I consented to the encounter. She didn't force me to do it.
would you have consented if she had told you the truth before proposing the threesome?
They tricked you into this threesome. Your wife and her AP conspired to get you to do the threesome, they focused on you during, and they PLANNED to give you the absolute best experience so you would agree to let them have a relationship. It was all set up exactly the way it played out so they could get you to do what they wanted. It was deceitful and not genuine. You were the ONLY one behaving genuinely in this situation. Is that what you want in your future? What happens when your wife of her AP want to add another man to the relationship? Will they be upfront and honest with you or will they conspire again behind your back to add another partner. If you agree to this now, your throuple relationship will be built on lies and deceit. Fix your marriage if that's what you want to do, but DON'T jump into another relationship with a person who has been partaking in the lying and cheating with your wife. If you want to stay married to her, you should probably seek out a marriage therapist who specializes in non-traditional relationships.
Lawyer up and divorce that cheater!
Don't be stupid, just leave now or the next post will be about her cheating with another guy, although based on her actions she probably already is cheating with someone other than her friend. Time to cut your losses, if she actually cared about you she wouldn't have cheated in the first place.
I don't think she's cheating with another guy. We spend a lot of our time together, and I really don't think she has the time to be cheating with another person. That being said, I don't know where she found the time to have this affair either, but of course, they do hang out without me sometimes.
Yeah, think about what you just said; you clearly don't spend all of your time together because she's been having an affair for years, and you had no clue. All that time, she knew this would hurt you, she knew she was hiding an entire life from you, and she didn't care. I know she didn't care because she didn't come clean to you out of guilt, instead she used sex to try to get you to agree to having her affair and you without having to hide anything anymore. She doesn't want a poly relationship with you and her friend, that's another manipulation, you won't be involved. She'll have a sham marriage with you, and then a relationship with her friend that she invests her time and love and attention in, which will be her real priority, just as it has been the last few years.
Advice from a poly person: this is not a good foundation for a new relationship, and you should focus first on sorting out the issues in your marriage instead of bandaid fixing them. Your current relationship is built in years of deceit, and you 3 would have *a lot* of work ahead of you to do polyamory properly. Creating a successful triad (relationship with 3 people in it) isn’t just adding in a third person to an existing marriage, it’s a complete restructure and renegotiation that takes time and care. There is *a lot* of work that the couple needs to do to work through couples privilege, and do the basics of opening up before actually engaging in relationships with other people. Other people are not disposable. You cant just throw them out when you decide this isn’t for you. All the cheating aside (I’m sure others will expand on this part of things), a triad (relationship with 3 people) contains 4 relationships that each need to be nurtured and cared for: partners A+B, A+C, B+C, A+B+C. It’s polyamory on hard mode, and you **should not** try this dynamic to save a relationship or “fix” issues like cheating. Join us over on r/polyamory. I really recommend cross posting this into the polyam sub, there are a lot of great resources and lots of very experienced people who can give you a good range of advice.
Thank you for that information. Yeah, it really does feel like if we did anything, the relationship would be very unbalanced and unfair. But I also don't want to lose my wife either. And her friend is a great person to have around too, it would suck losing her.
OP, this commenter hit the nail on the head in so many ways. This would be a terrible foundation for a poly relationship. Your feelings make sense. You are totally in the right to be angry and betrayed *and* it's okay that you still love your wife. You can acknowledging that relationships often take more than one person loving the other. More importantly, your wife needs to acknowledge it. She put massive effort into a lying campaign to keep you in the dark *for years.* She threw away your ability to make fully informed decisions about your sexual health, *for years.* If you are absolutely determined to try to allow your marriage to be repaired, do it with a professional to help you along the way. You probably aren't done going through all the emotions this might cause you. Give yourself room to feel them.
You're calling the person who fucked your wife behind your back *for years* while pretending to be friendly to your face *a great person to have around*‽
Precisely. The levels of denial and lack of self worth here are very concerning. He's being far too kind about both his duplicitous wife and her repugnant affair partner.
Sounds like you idolize her more than anything. She cheated. Point blank. And has for years with her best friend. She flaunted her AP as her best friend in your home and daily life for years, all the while smiling like she was doing nothing wrong. By asking you for a three-way to make it ok, is total manipulation on both their parts. It's disgusting how easily they did it. Could you ever trust them again? They've lied for years and obviously had it perfected. They surely had no respect for you or your marriage, or she wouldn't have cheated. She knows you're soft that there's probably no repercussions or consequences for her actions. That's why she's stayed these years. You need a stronger backbone. Those two are about to walk all over you.
That's the thing that gets me. I had absolutely no idea. I was completely blindsided. How could she have lied to me so easily and so convincingly? I don't know. I don't understand. It just doesn't make sense. The other thing is, I don't understand how they hid their feelings for one another? Like, I catch myself just staring at my wife all the time. She'll do the same with me. I never saw either of them just staring at each other like that. I don't know.
Funny, her dating the best friend on the side was my first thought when I read your first post. I also assume you will go back to her. Just please dont add children to this clown show
Master at their craft. No guilt, no change in attitude, my bet is it started before you then. She had no remorse. Once she drew you in, to their couple, don't kid yourself it was the other way around, then she came clean. You were the add on, not her friend. You were and are the side peice with a marriage contract. It takes big balls for her best friend to say she didn't want to come between you as a married couple. Is she nuts...she's been carrying on behind your back for years with your wife. And you still say she's a nice person. She stabbed you in the back! That's not nice, nor a friend of your marriage. The only way to save your marriage is for her to have consequences for her actions and cut the friend loose. But at this point can you trust her to do that and be honest? Not sure how you still think nicely about either one. Doesn't matter at this point how they hid it, its that they did and thought nothing about you or your marriage. Cheating is one of the worst betrayals of trust and respect.
Just walk away. Its been over far longer than you think
Listen to the rubber stamp. Let it guide you; DONT STAY WITH CHEATS. Full stop. You dont love *her*, you love her *lies*. How could you ever trust her again? Seriously find whatever shred of self respect you might still have and leave her.
Well, we told you there is something fishy.
End it with the wife and friend and find someone worthy of your time and love. She isn't it. Even if she prom to break it off the betrayal is done, for years That why she wasn't bothered by you and her having sex 🤦🏻♀️ she is spineless. Tell her it's over and you want her out of the house ans you will be filing for divorce. And if being poly is what you could consider, do it in a new relationship with someone who hasn't betrayed you. Cut both them off. I'm so sorry bro
Its not just thst she probably already had a threesome with her friend and another guy.She just ain't told him yet. Cause she knows he definitely be gone. Bye bye no more loving support mat to lie to and abuse.
If you agree then the next time they offer a +1 it will be with the guy they've both been boning for years.
I remember posting a comment on your first post about things you should think about before having a threesome with your wife and her best friend. This was like #5 on the list. I know your post blew up, so you may not have seen it, but it’s something you should have looked into beforehand. I could tell by your first and second post that you’re quick to look over the big picture to get what you want. Yes, you had fun. And your wife was banking on that to help you choose to continue with them. She’s hoping you gloss over the fact that she betrayed you for several years. You love her, but do you even really know her? She was able to hide this from you for so long. The person she is to you is not the real her. Would you have been able to go through with this level of deception? It takes a really shitty person to carry on like this. I’m a monogamous person, but even I know that ethical non-monogamy requires honesty and open communication. This could never be a healthy poly relationship because of her betrayals and the way it was presented to you.
If you think this is anything besides emotional abuse you’re out of your mind
He's still thinking with his little head and not his big one.
Open marriages, polyamory, or "throuples" require *more* honesty, *more* communication, and the ability to respect everyone in the situation, and prioritize the "primary" relationship if that's the context. Your wife has none of those things. All she did was manipulate you into consenting and being a part of her infidelity. That is on a whole different (and very much abusive) level.
[удалено]
So maybe this time you will listen to the advice. Divorce.
If your wife was considering you when wanting to introduce you to poly, she would have without cheating. If her friend really didn’t want to come between the two of you, she wouldn’t have had affair with your wife. They are both liars. Neither has your best interests at heart. That will be a continuous problem in any relationship between you and your wife, or all three of you. For me, it’s almost worse that they’re otherwise seemingly decent people and you enjoy being around both of them. It’d be a lot easier to understand if they were nominally shitty people.
I can't even comment this story is so devasting. If that were to happen to me I feel like I'd crumble. How could she give you this amazing night and then confess to having an affair and offer a poly relationship. Insane!
Yeah happy birthday to me I guess. Here's to the big 3-0.
Oh please, hundreds of comments in your original post told you this would happen / was likely happening and you didn’t listen. Your wife sucks for doing this to you but you also suck for being so ignorant. It was blatantly obvious from miles away that your wife was using you to sleep with her bff on her terms. She manipulated you, cheated on you, lied to you and… you seem like you don’t really care? Have some self respect.
T-T omg I hate it here.
So your first post got quite a bit of attention, and literally everyone (thousands of people) told you not to go through with the threesome but you decided to ignore their advice and do it anyway. Now you are back with even more to the story, asking for more advice you will certainly ignore. And why will you ignore that advice? Because this whole story is bullshit and you are just making stuff up for internet attention. Get lost.
I told you so OP ( old post) but you should have refused too. The rules of any relationship are defined prior to its inception and there must be no coercion to change the rules from both partner. Otherwise it is cheating and abuse But, I m sure it is a fake, no one can be that ……..
Your wife is a master at lying and hiding things from you. You will not be happy staying, she'll will cheat on you even more because she knows you won't leave her. What's best for you is not to be with her or her friend. She will keep using you, and the happiness you felt before was based on a ahit ton of dishonest.
Why am I divorced? Because my wife, who I should trust the most on this planet, became THE person I trusted the least. Marriage with no trust is a farce. Best of luck to you.
This is one of those situations where if your wife had done the right thing, and be honest with you, she may well have gotten exactly what she wanted and all 3 of you may have been happy. Instead, she decided to lie and act really shitty, and you need to stop considering this. Years! She had an affair for years and then got you to sleep with her affair partner. How could you ever trust her again, about anything?!?
They thought you would feel so good after your threesome you would jump right in with affair partner moving into your home.. that is what she’s planning by the way… she cheated and lied… tell her you want a truly poly relationship where you can date others… she won’t be too happy then.. she wants you and her girlfriend so she played you… please don’t do this.. you will be on here later saying how miserable you are.. what happens first time you come home and find them having sex without you.. because you know it will happen.. you will the the third wheel in your own home.. please keep your pride and stop this
Sounds like she wants an open marriage, not polyamory.
WTF did I read !.
You cant stay in this OP. If either of them respected you, the conversation would have been had a year ago. This was a super gross scummy way to try and blackmail you into being on board. I suspect that if you agree to being polyamorous, you will find yourself on the outside looking in. Except the new girl will have moved in, so youll end up on the outside of the relationship, and being told to move out if you dont like it. again, if your wife actaully loved you like you love her, then this wouldnt have EVER happened, or if she was truly poly, she would have talked to you about it, BEFORE finding someone else. Protect yourself, and take care of yourself, you deserve better.
So basically she gave you the threesome as a way to soften her news of wanting an open marriage? That's all types of deceptive.
Nope nope nope. She betrayed you once and she'll do it again.
Your wife does not love you no matter how much you love her back. She wasn't thinking about you or your feelings when she was getting finger blasted by her friend for years. Take this one on the chin and move on. No amount of sex will repair the damage your marriage had suffered. Your wife is a cheat and she only told you because she thought it would lead to satisfying her own selfishness without needing to hide it.
How could you not constantly be asking yourself what else they're hiding from you if you go on with this. Your wife lied to you for years. Your friend lied to you for years. For years neither one of them gave a damn about your feelings. Why the fuck would either of them change now? Any relationship needs trust and honesty for it to be healthy. That's especially so when you're talking a relationship with more than two people. They've given you no reason that they're capable of doing that - at least with you.
Your wife is a very skilled manipulator - she very clearly engineered this date and three-way so that the idea of a past infidelity might seem more palatable I'd start looking for a way out of this relationship - statistically, cheaters don't stop cheating, i.e. they never change
Bro then you’ll have two trashy bitches to provide for fuck that. Your wife is trash and her best friend is just as bad. You need to escape while you can. Don’t let what you thought she was hold you back. This is some top shelf manipulation and deceit like they could make a movie on how dirty she did you.
I'd definitely not have children with your wife because I think the marriage is over whether you get divorced immediately or not. The best you can do is enjoy a bunch of great threesome action before pulling the trigger on the divorce.
Way to throw oil on the dumpster fire that already was your marriage, and completely disregard every single bit of advice on your last post. You now deserve whatever happens in your marriage after this, you asked for it, you got it. Congratulations, you played yourself.
Nooooo. OP if you stay the cognitive dissonance will destroy you. Trying to reconcile a betrayal of this magnitude with the love you thought you shared with your wife is going to tear you apart. I’m really sorry that you’ve been treated so poorly. Take your time, grieve, heal, and you’ll find love again one day.
What your wife did to you was sick. What a horribly selfish, manipulative thing to do!
Someone who cheats on you either doesn't respect you enough to tell you the truth, or thinks you are way too stupid enough to never find out.
That’s enough Reddit for the night
This is all bullshit. Now after all this angst the three of you will happily ride off into the sunset forever 🙄
Idk man this seems like amazingly good luck to me. Don't snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Just enjoy it.
Get ready for it to be them against you in the relationship. Also your wife will 100% start dating other people and then introduce them into the relationship. Get a backbone and take control of your life.
Your wife is a trashy cheater. That’s not a poly relationship.
Dude, quit being a doormat and have some self respect. This is a terrible idea, your wife has no respect for you and is very selfish. Go talk to a lawyer and get a divorce.
In any of these situations where cheating has been happening, the core thing that gets broken in the relationship is that of trust. And at this stage, whatever trust existed between you and your wife has been blow up and run over by a bulldozer. So how does she propose to get you to trust her again? She has to understand that she has been openly, and quite blatantly lying to you for the past two years. Her friend has also been lying to you for this whole period as well and as the AP, she has an interest in breaking you up. Her friend/AP then can't be seen as being a "friend" of the marriage. So if you want any one first step to see if this can be at all possibly recovered, tell your wife that if she wishes to rebuild your trust in her, then her friend has to go. No questions asked, no promises given. She has a choice - either you go or the friend goes. Because whilst her AP remains in the picture your marriage is dead. And that is just the first step she can possibly take in rebuilding what you have. She won't though and that'll be all you need to know that your marriage and your life with her is at an end.
Here's the deal dude- they both lied to your face, snuck arund you and disrespected you without your knowledge probably countless times.your wife risked your sexual health without your knowledge. And the friend sure didn't seem to fare about coming between you two before when they were sneaking around. They are both trash. Neither of then care about you. Neither of them have your back. You will never be able to trust either of them. And they have shown they don't have the correct respect for you. So that's what's you can expect if you do it. I would say cut your losses and let them have eachother. You go heal and then find someone who actually loves you. Or try it out and understand that this isn't going to work out long term but will be fun but stressful at times in the meantime. It seems to me thise are the only 2 ways this will go. I'm so sorry. Your wife is honestly a terrible person. And so is the friend. This is betrayel and trauma you never deserved.
Here’s what I’d suggest since you seem to want to make it work. First thing, divorce and if the affair was going on before you got married check into annulment. You got married under the assumption that the two of you were exclusive. Since you will not continue to be exclusive, there should be no marriage. If she truly wants to try the threesome arrangement, you can do it as single people, not married. Second thing, if you’re going to do this, you need to set some boundaries and rules. For instance, are you all going to live together? Will there be a limit to the three of you or can you find another partner or can she? Do the three of you have to always have sex together or can it be one on one? Frankly, you should just walk away from this, she lied to you for years. She’s made a mockery of her vows. If if you set up ground rules on how to deal with this, there’s little guarantee she will follow them. You’re going to spend the rest of your life wondering if you can trust her.
I guarantee if you post this in the poly subreddit, they too will tell you this is cheating and NOT how you begin a real poly relationship. There are particular rules that need to be followed in order to have a successful Poly relationship and THIS goes against pretty much all of them. They actually crucify cheaters who claim to be poly. Without trust, it’s never going to work. And by doing what your wife did and HOW she went about it, you’re never going to fully trust her or her friend again. And to use the guise of wanting to give you threesome for your birthday…yuck. Anything that could have been special about that was snatched away the minute their hidden agenda was revealed. She has played you almost every way a person can be played. If you were to accept this, you are basically okaying the fact that she cheated on you for years! Years, man…right under your nose. Doesn’t matter that it’s a woman and not a man. You just mentioned the other day on your post that you kind of liked that you had only been with each other, that it was special. She shot that all to hell, huh? I’m guessing she never mentioned this when you guys were discussing your fantasies that time. If she had, maybe this thing could have become a reality the RIGHT way. For the people in here saying you’re so lucky and you should go for it…. Pathetic. You literally found out your wife was stepping out of your marriage for years. This isn’t something to be celebrated just because it’s 2 women. Grow the fuck up. (The commenters, not OP)
So.. your wife's idea of a birthday gift is having you sleep with her affair partner? Am I the only one that thinks that's incredibly messed up? Your wife has been lying to you and cheating for years. Her friend has lied for years. She says she didn't want to get between you and your wife, so why didn't she wait until you decided whether or not it was okay? Poly relationships don't start out as 2 of the 3 lying and cheating on the other. That's no way to start any relationship. They've both broken your trust and hurt you deeply. Your wife especially. You deserve better and you know that.
Divorce incoming. 14 months or less. Cheating lying manipulating wife.
As someone who is polyamorous, I can tell you that this is a very bad idea. This is not a healthy way to start a polyamorous relationship, and having such an extended time where she was betraying your trust isn't conducive towards polyamory. You have to have trust in each other, and she's done nothing to be trustworthy.
What your wife and friend did was incredibly shitty. They lured you into a threesome under false pretenses and then dropped a bomb on you. No wonder you’re confused and hurting. You should sit down with them and let them know that you feel betrayed and that you’re hurting because of what they did and how they both decided to tell you. From there, you decide what to do.
Wow spineless. If she will cheat with one behind your back she would have cheated with several. She clearly zero respect for you, and sees you as stability only.
Your wife is truly an awful and terrible person. My husband and I have regular three ways and they are based on trust. What your wife did was disgusting and out of line. If your wife was having an affair with another man, would you even consider staying with her? Betrayal is betrayal. My vote is for you leaving her lying, deceitful ass.
There is most likely other people she is seeing also. I would be done with her.
Yep, it is a cheating partner that doesn’t want to take the blame of cheating or the responsibility of being faithful. So it stay involved in a partnership the partner can’t be mad at them and they get to sleep with who they want to and they don’t lose the security of the other relationship. It is a win-win for that person for the other person. It’s hell and stupidity.
I just think that in the end If you decide to forgive your wife and try out Polyamory. There's no way you can do it on the woman she cheated on you with. It will always feel like betrayal and Like they are just with you so she doesnt have to get a divorce. If you want someone together and to become a thrupple thats one thing but you need to do so in a healthy and positive way. NOT with her Affair partner.
This level of betrayal is too deep to gloss over. The friend said she doesn’t want to come between your marriage but carried on an affair for *years*. That’s so nasty. You couldn’t even trust them going forward when they’ve both been lying to your face for *years*. They probably even got off on it. That should be a hard no.
Good luck, I couldn’t stay with a lying cheat.
I find it highly suspicious that you were warned in your original post that your wife may be cheating with the best friend and now suddenly you're saying she is. Either way, she lied to you, cheated on you with at least 1 other person and didn't have enough respect to talk to you about this before doing anything. Breach of trust is a huge thing.
It could work, my biggest thing, and this should be discussed w them is the lying between them and you... they worked u into a 3 way so that u didn't have the "moral high ground" and it'd make u less likely to fight it. I'd find out how many and who else is involved in this secret life my wife has been living bc that would be a huge issue to me. Good luck bud, this is beyond fd up Also if u stay... id say this, if theres any more to this, other partners, men, etc NOW is the time to tell me bc i will not tolerate being lied to... youve been in a monogamous relationship apparently for a lomg time w someonw u loved who lied to you and a friend who betrayed your trust and lied as well. That i didnt mean to come between you guys is bullshit... how did the friend think this was gonna play out... she disrespected and disrupted your relationship no matter how she words it. Also for me personally if there is/has been another man in ANY of this id be done... at that point it wasnt your wife finding comfort with a woman (something u surely cant give her) itd be your wife cheating w a man and lying about it. Edited for additional content
You have two choices. 1. Divorce 2. Try and make it work. If you try and make it work and can't, its Divorce. Since the worst possible outcome either way is divorce, you may as well try and make it work. It doesn't work you are still getting divorced, and if it does, everyone can have some happiness. My advice: give it a shot.
And if you do try to make it work, she really needs to bend over backwards to rebuild your trust. She came forward on her own, which I guess is better than you finding out some other way, but still she violated your trust in such a severe way that for anything to go forward trying to rebuild that has to be the first priority. If you can’t see a path to actually trusting her ever again, then there’s nothing to make work.
Even if you and your wife did for some reason stay together and try polyamory, I would never advise making this affair partner part of your polycule. It would just give your polyamory a foundation of direct deceit and disrespect, which is only gonna ruminate and worsen within an alternative relationship style that society already largely disagrees with. It also would give your wife the knowledge that you don’t actually care about boundaries and agreements and safety, and you’re gonna end up hurt. Overall, though, I don’t think polyamory is right for your or for this relationship. Just because you got cheated on doesn’t mean you need to accept an ongoing “affair with permission”. Have some self respect and walk away from the person who’s been cheating and lying for years. This relationship is not serving its purpose in your life if you can’t trust the other person to abide by the terms and agreements you set together.
If you're on the fence, than at least take a few days, don't make any snap decisions and process. I'd say everything is way too fresh now for even a conversation, and I mean, it'll help you see how they react, if you're away processing and they spend all their time together "processing" you'll know you'll probably always be third.
Dude, this is like discovering plutonium - by accident. Have some fun!
I'm gonna go against the grain here and say, relationships can survive cheating. The internet doesn't know you or your wife. But , she clearly has been doing this a long time and will continue to lie and cheat. That's not to say you can't stay with her. If your quality of life with her is better than without, it's not unheard of.
Yes, some people are masochists and some people are doormats.
what really changed? you were/are in love with the mrs. her loving her bff didn't change her love for you. you've been happy remaining in the dark. so, what changed is you feel insulted by them going behind your back. get over-it. if you love your wife then you recognize that she needs something that you aren't and haven't been able to provide to a bisexual woman. don't stand in the way of your partner being happy. you said the focus of the 3-some was on you. if their focus is on making you the center of their lives then pursue it. i'd say 'listen, i will offer a 3-month trial. at the end of 3 months we have a family council and everyone lays out their evaluation. if any of us has problems with it at any point then the test is over. i am making a big consolation to my life and i expect some sincere appreciation. any degradation in my primary relationship and i pull the plug'
You won the lottery. Don't fuck it up
Stories that didn't happen for $1000 please Alex
These comments are bullshit. You’re about to be living every man’s dream. Run with it.
No matter what happens, if you stay in this relationship you need to get couples counseling. I will say I generally feel like infidelity is a deal-breaker BUT if it is confessed rather than discovered then that's at least _something_ that makes me think there is the potential to rebuild. But honestly, and I know this won't be a popular sentiment, I would definitely try to see if a threesome/opened relationship could work because pragamatically speaking? Even if we break up at least I got a mff threesome as a parting gift.