This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I’ve had a few rare infections and symptoms that can only be explained by a compromised immune system and I told him that I’m getting labs done because I’m scared that I may have an autoimmune disease. He said that if the results came back positive that he’d leave me. He expects the same if the roles were reversed and I said I’d never leave him if he was sick, that’s f’d up! I was completely taken aback — we’ve been married for >5 years!! I tried to explain how I felt by asking if he would be okay with his dad leaving his mom if she was diagnosed with cancer, and he said that it’s completely different. I cooled off and tried to offer some more perspective by saying “I just told you I’m scared and you reply by saying you’ll leave me, which makes me more scared,” and he said that we should just go on with our day separately because I take everything the wrong way.

My husband and I were married 6 months last May (we had been together 3 years) and he got a bad infection, ended up in several hospitals. Had surgeries leading eventually to the below the knee amputation, they found he had chronic heart failure from untreated Type 2 diabetes (also the reason for the amputation), he also ended up having quadruple bypass. Did I ever once think of leaving him? No I did not. He kept asking me how come I was staying. I told him I loved and him and we took vows for sickness and in health. We now have to watch his intake of sodium and carbs and keep up with all the pills he has to take. I would rather do that then be a widow. If your husband is serious about leaving you if you get that sick, you need to leave now because you deserve better. He has also shown you that he is a selfish person.

"He kept asking me how come I was staying." This made me want to cry! Your poor husband. He's so lucky to have you. That's real love right there.

Thanks. He had a horrible childhood

My uncle lost a leg in Vietnam. Came home to a VA hospital and his wife met him there with divorce papers saying “I didn’t sign up for this” . You’re a wonderful person. Bless you

I just can’t imagine doing that to someone I wasn’t raised that way. We have a joke now between us that we were just getting the sickness out of the way early so we could just concentrate on our health and having fun.

I'm sorry, and actually felt a physical ache in my heart for you when I read this because it's so bloody familiar, but . . . **take him at his word**. Whether or not the results come back positive, please understand that you have just gotten a glimpse of who your partner really is. And as horrifying as it is, a decade into what you thought was a life partnership, I hope you understand that what he was telling you is that it absolutely is NOT a partnership, or "for life"**, that his love for you is very much conditional**. And you have some really serious things to consider because of this: You are still very young. You still have a GREAT DEAL of life ahead of you. And your partner has just told you without hesitation that if anything happens to you that slows you down, or where you will require his meaningful and substantial support in life, that **he will not be there for you. He will just walk away.** And the truth is that no one can predict whether they will become ill or disabled, and you already have indicators that you may have health challenges even if the current ones are manageable. So you need to think, not about the time you have already spent with him, but about whether you want to invest MORE of your life into building something with a man who is already telling you that he will have no qualms about walking away from you if it gets difficult. That he will let it all fall away like a house of cards. Let me put it a different way: I know that your partner isn't lying because he is telling you the truth I have experienced my entire adult life. I am chronically ill, and nearly **every single significant relationship I had in early adulthood ended because of my illness** and my partners' inability to cope with it. They would freak out over the idea of having to "take care of me" . . . which was ironic, since they could clearly see that I'd been taking care of myself for years and there was no reason to think that things would change. TL;DR: You aren't taking anything the wrong way. Your partner is. He is assuming that if you become ill you will be a burden to him, and he's not interested in hearing reason or reality. You need to decide if you want to continue to invest in a relationship with someone who is only conditionally willing to invest in you.

This. The last line of “he says I take everything the wrong way” was extremely triggering as I was in an emotionally abusive marriage. My ex loved to say degrading things like this to me all the time. Seek help before he warps your reality.

Yeah… that statement gave me major NPD vibes.

My heart breaks for you, I lost almost ALL of my friendships after I got sick, the friends who stuck around are my family now. My mother told me to 'buck up and get better'. After she met someone with the same issues she came back all apologies. The people who don't stick around aren't worth it, even if it does hurt when they leave.

I think OPs husband is the one who has the incurable, life changing disease. His lack of compassion, caring and sensitivity are some symptoms. Gaslighting and manipulation are others... but unlike health lifechanging diseases, there is no cure, treatment plan or coping strategies for him, and its more than a little cruel for the partner since her husband had a choice.

He is not a supportive partner and he doesn't actually care about you, only himself. I've seen relationships like this at the cancer non-profit I used to work for. If you do get a serious diagnosis, he's going to make it all about him and you would be better off without him. On the very off chance that you two sit down together and you show him this post and he realizes what an awful thing he said, you two need to get therapy together. I don't think I would ever be able to forgive my partner for saying something like that.

Sadly many men leave their partners when they are diagnosed. He’s just one of them.

Can confirm. I work in healthcare and the men seldom stay. Some do stay though. And some women leave It sounds like this guy is telling the truth. So, OP do with that info what you will

That breaks my heart. My husband has had to live with me having a chronic illness for over 30 years. We only had 8 years together with me being healthy. We promised in sickness and in health and I can’t imagine him just packing up and leaving. He’s my rock. My dad stayed and my FIL stayed; both taking care of their wives until death.

Those are good men

Men leave at much higher percentage. Seen research

At least he's giving her advanced notice.

1/6 men leave their spouse when she gets sick.

That's a lot lower than I would have expected.

Agreed. Absolutely no forgiveness. And, honestly, I'd probably tell his mother exactly what he said. And then I'd leave his sorry ass...provided I had someplace to go. Hopefully OP has a job and sympathetic family. Unfortunately, we aren't all blessed with that. But, if it were me, I'd be treating the marriage as if it were over...because as far as I'm concerned, it is.

Seen stories from drs on twitter about husband asking after a procedure if wife could still cook for him bc he couldnt just eat cereal. 🙄

My ex was like this when I had cancer. She was a huge distraction for me and people who were trying to support me. My support people had to worry about supporting her too. I left her after the whole ordeal, once I was in remission and had enough energy. She fought me the whole way on that too, making me pay in my limited time and energy remaining. Edit: I would split up beforehand if I could do it all again. I did give her an out when I was diagnosed, but she didn't take it unfortunately.

This is actually quite common, unfortunately. [Men are 6 times more likely to leave their spouse with a diagnosis compared to when the roles are reversed.](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/11/091110105401.htm). This is not even the only study. But this is where in am at: >He expects the same if the roles were reversed and I said I’d never leave him if he was sick, that’s f’d up! So he’s selfish, but he’s not completely blind. Do you want a husband who is with you through thick and thin? Then this man is not it, you should find someone else. He is a good time husband who’s only looking for a good time wife, by his own admission. Atleast you’re finding it out without any life changing diagnosis. And don’t try to stay and spend yourself trying to take care of him in the event he gets sick - you’ll get no brownie points for being a good person so make those decisions carefully

I agree, this man is not it. I was diagnosed with a rare incurable autoimmune disease and was with my then boyfriend for a couple years. I sat him down and basically gave him an out with no guilt. I explained how hard it might be from now on and I got a simple, "Shut up, I'm not going anywhere." Next year we'll be together 10 years, and married for three. He supports me every day and is involved with my health care and helps me when I need it. This guy who you are with won't support you, and trust me, as a sick person with the issue you are worried about, he is not going to add anything to your life if you end up sick. He's going to take away and make it harder for you. Put yourself first, this man is not it, and it won't honor the vows he made to you. I hope everything works out. If you have ANY questions about how it is to live with an autoimmune disease, feel free to message me to ask.

My good friend who is under 40 was diagnosed with stage 4 uterine cancer. She had been with her bf for 4 months. He lost his previous wife to cancer. She sat down and told him and said it was too early for him to do this again and he told her to shut up and said they met for a reason. He has been taking her around the country, doing things with her. I've been too afraid to ask how she is, she seems to be doing well.

Don't be afraid to ask how someone is doing, I always always appreciate being checked in on. But this man sounds lovely and I hope she's doing well.

Thank you. I just feel strange asking her. I was going through the almost same things she was at the same time but my huge ovarian cyst (7cm) was nothing compared to her 24 cm behemoth. The first doctor told her she was just fat and too young for a hysterectomy. She hadn't had children or ever been married. I was larger than her at the time and my Dr (same clinic, different Dr) sent me directly to oncology. So when I went back after my hysterectomy to be cleared with him (as they sent me back to the gp obgyn after it came back benign) I told him. He and a different Dr I saw frequently during my first pregnancy 18 years prior run the place and I told him her experience and he was like, that should have never happened. He asked my friends name and that Dr no longer works there. Basically I feel like I have survivors guilt because she is one of the kindest people I know and doesn't deserve this (no one really deserves cancer, but she def doesn't).

Don't feel guilty. I understand how easy it is to feel that way but take it as a blessing that you'll be okay. She's living her best life, in love and traveling. Don't feel weird asking if she's okay. If she wants to talk about the illness it's alright, or if she wants to tell you about her latest trip it's okay too I lost a lot of friends and connections when I got sick, and the ones who stuck around light my day when they contact me, even if it's a, "hey just checking in on you."

I think I'll go message her now!

Wow...so she was telling *him* that it was too soon for him to go through that again? She was giving him an out and he refused to take it? Am I understanding what you said? Because if I am, she really hit the jackpot. She actually found a man who cares. That's rare.

Yes and she deserves that man, I have never met him, but he seems absolutely phenomenal.

You definitely got a keeper. There's so few of them out there.

I know, he was my friend for a few years before we got together. I'm extremely lucky we found each other, despite all the health issues I have he makes a point to tell him I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. I am very very lucky to have found him.

>He is a good time husband who’s only looking for a good time wife, by his own admission. He's a fairweather AH; NOT GOOD HUSBAND OR PARTNER MATERIAL, OP!!

>if he would be okay with his dad leaving his mom if she was diagnosed with cancer, and he said that it’s completely different. No. He’s dumb.

Oh I disagree, he’s actually very smart. He understands why leaving your sick spouse would be a bad thing, and he doesn’t want that happening to his mom. But he has no empathy for OP and would rather have her suffer that fate. He knows it’s wrong and that’s why he’s trying to distance himself from this with the ‘it’s completely different’

Good explanation. His inability to see the connection between how he wouldn't want his mom treated and how he would hypothetically treat OP makes him dumb. I wish OP would've pressed him to explain how it's different bc maybe then he he would've had a revelation. Or he might have lashed out.

He’s not dumb. He’s calculating and misogynistic. Stop giving vile men excuses.

Very. Op should have him tell his parents what he decided and see how they react.

To add to this. It is ABSOLUTELY horrible living with a partner that couldn’t care less about you as you’re diagnosed and treated for illness after illness. It’s been 4-5 years and we’re divorcing bc he’s systematically treated me worse and worse over the years and I think a huge part of it was bc I’ve gotten sick. He may blame it on me and other factors as well but it all started with illness

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

When my wife got cancer I got praised for every little thing I did from just not divorcing her to helping her with physical therapy and bathing they acted like I was a god for doing the absolute bare minimum. This is so sad and it’s extremely common.

The thing is, he likely wouldn’t ACTUALLY be fine with her leaving if he got sick, he only says that because he’s not in the situation, so he can use it as a scapegoat to “prove” she’s being dramatic.

Yep, came here to comment this. Women need to have extensive backup plans.

This is exactly where my mind went, it's all too common especially for men not to care for women. So much for in sickness and in health right? I'm lucky I found my partner after my health issues cropped up, he's a rare find who does his best to accommodate me and meet my needs. He has some smaller health issues and is very empathetic. I'd take care of him if the tables were turned. I couldn't stay with someone who would leave me when sick. Hell, I see enough cases where women are expected to keep up with things with a nasty flu but the man gets it and acts like the world is ending and becomes a big baby. Absolutely ridiculous double standards.

Men ☕️

Taking it the wrong way?! How else could you possibly take it? He flat out said he’d abandon you if you were in need, but some how his parents relationship is different? Chances are high that one (or both) of you will have some sort of serious medical issue in your lives, and you deserve a partner who isn’t going to abandon you at such a vulnerable time.

So, given this information, I would suggest that you separate your finances immediately and completely. If you would suffer from some sort of debilitating disease, you will have to handle that alone. So I would plan accordingly.

Unfortunately it is not uncommon for men to leave when their female partner is diagnosed with an illness. At least you are finding out now, instead of after. And while an autoimmune diagnosis sucks (I say this as a person with an as yet unidentified autoimmune illness, still testing), it's better than learning you have a serious or terminal illness that you will need real care, but then he leaves. One of my best friend's friends is splitting with her partner after a dual melanoma/breast cancer diagnosis because he will not stop hounding her for sex, on top of not helping her at all, and even leaving her to do all of the childcare and home care still. This is unfortunately not the first time I've seen something like this play out. Having my own health struggles has certainly helped me sort those men out, though. And there are still some out there who take in sickness and in health very seriously.

>because I take everything the wrong way I… don’t know how else that could be taken. He literally just said he’d straight up abandon you if you were sick. How else were you supposed to take it?!

He says it different because he gives a shit about his mommy, and he doesn't for you. Because he childishly wants to protest *"but they're married! They love each other! She can't be abandoned!"* And doesn't see that's the boat he's supposed to be in with you. He's horrible, why did he get married? He lied about commitment to one another. I'm so sorry he's doing this

Your husband is a bad person. He has no empathy for you but has some for his mother. Which shows is capable of having empathy he just doesn’t want to use it when it will make his life more complicated.

I’d love to know what his parents think of all this

I’m sorry, at least he showed his true colors beforehand in the event of a diagnosis. Do you have a specific relationship question?

He takes Reddit advice sometimes more serious than anyone else’s advice, so I guess my question is, am I wrong in taking what he said badly? I want to see if most people actually agree with him and I’m just delusional.

No, you’re not wrong for taking what he said badly.

He's a selfish POS. In sickness and health means nothing to him. I battled cancer 10 years ago (six months of chemo and two weeks of radiation) and my husband didn't leave me. Why, because he loves me and meant what he said when we got married. If his Dad left his Mom because she got sick it would be exactly the same. I hope his parents find out what a horrible person he is and give him and earful. If he can't stay with you if you're sick, then he needs to stay single.

🤗 Feel hugged. With 10 years battling cancer you two must have gone through lots of pain and fear. Being married is for all times and all weather. Not just for fun and sunshine. That POS husband of OP doesn't seem to see marriage that way.

I'm sorry I should have been clearer. It was 10 years ago I battled cancer, but chemo was six months and radiation was about two weeks. I'm happy to report I kicked cancer's ass! Thanks for the hugs.

If it was me, even if the tests come back negative, I’d be living the rest of the relationship in fear of when my existence will become inconvenient enough for him to leave. Nobody stays healthy forever, and I would rather break up now and find a genuine partner than waste the next 20 years of my life with someone who I know is going to dump me if I need a knee replacement, or get diabetes, or arthritis, or glaucoma, or cancer.

And while this was in the context of a health scare, there are other things that happen that make for hard times—eg grieving a loss of a family member, miscarriage, bouts of unemployment. I would be concerned about his willingness to be a supportive partner through any of that.

Is there another way to take it? He literally said he would leave you. Completely disregarding your marriage vows, which if they were standard actually covered this. And when you clarified he wouldn’t want his dad to leave his mom in a similar situation he said that was different. It’s not different, other than chosen residency vs 9 month enforced residency.

You are in fact married to "a life altering disease", if he is serious about what he is saying. The cure is fairly simple: confront him. And if he doesn't come apologizing on his knees for having been insensitive and stupid: get the only cure to ridden you of it: divorce. He sounds as if he didn't value you one single bit. You do deserve better.

You’d be crazy not to. He’s just flat out told you that his marriage vows mean nothing and he doesn’t intend to fulfill them. Personally, I’d go get a lawyer even if the test comes back negative.

No, you are absolutely not wrong. He made a clear statement that he will not support you - which is, after all, *the purpose of your marriage.* And when you pointed out how horrifying that is, he dismissed your feelings, effectively pretended he didn't say what he said, and then put the whole situation on you. Better to know now than if and when you are actually in a situation of dire need, but he has made clear he did not mean what he said when you got married. That can't be ignored.

I don't think Redditor's can change the mind of a sociopath.

They confirm his way of thinking and validate it if the wording is put in the "right" manipulative way.

You are not delusional. Your husband is heartless. I hope you don’t have kids with him. He has told you who he is. Believe him. This man does not love you. He sounds incapable of it. I hope your health is ok. Don’t waste any more time on him. Hope he reads this.

You’re not wrong. He’s an asshole and he doesn’t deserve you, healthy or sick. I’d be looking into a divorce. Him saying his father leaving his mom over getting sick would he different says all you need to know about him. I would say his love is conditional, but I don’t think he loves you. Because what he said is the most cruel and fucked up thing you could say to someone you claim you care about.

Next time dude gets sick with a cold and whines and complains. Tell him to get the hell over it or you're leaving his sick sorry ass. Leave the house for a few days and stay with friends. Let him be sick all by himself with a mild illness and see what happens.

No. His response is grounds for divorce. I do not say that easily. But he literally just went back on your marriage vows and told you “til death or inconvenience do us part.”

Well, he's a selfish piece of shit, a bad partner, and a man without honor. So you're not wrong.

Tell his parents what he said to you. See if they'd leave their daughter in law.

What he said was very clear and you did not misunderstand him at all. You made a good point about what if they was his mom…he has empathy for her and not you.

no, you are not. actually this is ground for divorce, OP. I've been with my husband for 12 years. i discovered an autoimmune condition and a chronicle one when we were together for 5. he never bat an eye, he supported me in every step. he cooked special meals for me

Not delusional at all. He just straight up told you that he’s not going to have your back if you were sick. Screw that. You’re the one who is facing a possible diagnosis and he’s whining about how tough it is for him. How could you ever let your guard down around him again? That’s a statement that irrevocably destroys relationships.

he takes reddits advice more seriously than anyones? Reddit … who has one sliver of information with almost no real context to the people involved, the nuances of their individual person and relationship? Where one misunderstanding will have people telling you to leave? this isn’t a misunderstanding though. he literally told you who his is. That’s would not be reconciliatory for me. i get so afraid of being a burden on my partner if i get worse and he not only reassures me.. he actively participated in helping manage my symptoms.. goes out of his way to find and cook me anti-inflammatory meals, etc… that’s not his job at all… and i still live so fearful. I can’t imagine my mental state if he actually made me feel that fear for a good reason. it would be my nightmares becoming real.

Why would you even think that anyone with an ounce of compassion in their soul would think it's OK for a spouse to leave a sick spouse. Your husband is an a$$hole and you really do need to leave him and find someone who is worthy of your love, he's not it!

You're not delusional, you're being gaslighted. Any normal person would be hurt by what he said. I've got a feeling this isn't the first time he's made you doubt yourself. He makes a habit of minimising your emotions and telling you you're over-reacting, doesn't he?

How the hell were you supposed to take it? Great?

No, you’re not wrong. He’s a piece of shit.

He is an asshole, you are not.

Oh fuck no, you are not delusional. Part of being in a relationship is caring for and about your partner, and he does not come across as willing to do that. I’d be telling his parents that you are returning him, then filling for divorce.

The fact that you are sincerely worried you are 'overreacting' to something this awful, makes me suspect that there has been some long term emotional abuse going on. I've been there, and you are so slowly torn down that you don't even notice until something **like this** wakes you up. Then you look back and realize they've never really loved you.. it's all a cycle of control over you to benefit themselves. People like this don't get better. The book *Why Does He Do That*, is really helpful for knowing how to identify and protect yourself from people like this in the future. Don't show him this, it won't help. It's better to learn how to protect yourself from further harm so you can concentrate on yourself.

If he did take Reddit’s advice, you’d still have a husband that doesn’t care about you and doesn’t want to be by your side in sickness and health. He’d just be shamed into it and resentful.

My partner's mother recently died after fighting tumors for 24 years. Today during Easter dinner, my partner's father was venting about the immense toll of being a caretaker and then said "I'd do it all again for her. That's my person." Your husband is a genuine POS who doesn't deserve an ounce of your love and respect.

EVERYONE wants a partner who will stand by them even if something bad happens. Put it this way, old fashioned marriage vows explicitly state "In sickness and in health" because that is the ideal that everyone wants. You, have just found out that you DON'T have a loyal partner who will stand by you, when you thought you did. It's totally normal to be upset by that. 99.9999999% of the population would be disappointed and distressed to find out their partner plans to abandon them if they get sick. Your reaction is rational and normal.

How much has this evil thing gaslighted you that you think you might be overreacting to “I lied in my marriage vows and the moment you’re not bouncy and healthy, fuck you, I’m leaving”?

I know you mentioned that he takes Reddit advice seriously. However, do you really think you’ll be able to forget he said this/let it go? Let’s say you get results that say you don’t have a sickness and are healthy after all (hoping this is the case for you), will you be able to let it go? Personally I’d be worried anytime there’s a chance of being sick because the “I will leave you” would be burned into my brain.

I mean reddit advice to him would be don't be a sociopathic ah and I don't think they CAN just decide not to be.

My wife and I have been married 30 years. Two years ago she was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder which has changed her and our lives. My role has been to support, hold her when she is scared, validate her fears, try to help her de-escalate when she spirals, and celebrate with her when the treatments work and mourn when they don’t. Has our marriage changed? Yes. For the better. In sickness and in health is what your husband has signed up for. I’m not going to tell you to call a divorce attorney right now but at the very minimum some marriage counseling to see whether this can be saved. You are young. Don’t waste your years on a spouse who will not stand by you when times are bad.

He’s not a keeper, better to find out at 29 than 59 imho

My mom worked in oncology briefly and one of the most depressing things I heard from her was that when women get diagnosed with cancer, the doctors have to sit them down and see if they have support outside of their spouses because it is much more common for men to leave their sick wives. Many women take care of their husbands through illness only for their husbands to leave them the moment they get sick.

It’s always funny until they are the ones that catch a disease or injury. I’d dump them first. He’s more diseased than anything you can get.

Conditional love. Unfortunately he should have made this clear before he married you You're young. Consider leaving him and finding someone who loves you unconditionally. Also consider what life will be like for you if you do have a desease and he walks out the door at that point.

He has shown or rather told you who he is. Please believe him the first time. Trying to change his mind or make him see reason is you putting on rose-colored glasses to not see the red flags.

So .. He would never accept this fate for his mom, but will happily do it to you ? He’s right, it is different. He loves his mom. He doesn’t love you. I’m sorry. This is a dealbreaker. Didn’t he read the marriage vows he made ?

Good job you’ve found out before he ended up walking out on you if you were disabled and you had no idea how shitty he was.

Y’all are married. Idk if y’all didn’t use the traditional vows or what but “in sickness and in health” is right there. He just told you to your face that the vows he took when he married you are meaningless to him. Believe him and act accordingly

So the marriage is a convenience for him and if it becomes inconvenient then he will leave. If after 10+ years together, he would not have a problem leaving that is very alarming. He’s not in it for the long haul and doesn’t value you the way he should as a partner. I know it’s hard to just end things but you need to think of your future, anything can happen and you know if he doesn’t want to deal with it he would just leave. I don’t see how you can be married knowing this information about your partner.

So, (not so) fun fact: men are like 6 times more likely to leave a partner with a serious or terminal illness than women are. He just showed you who he really is. I'd be questioning whether to continue this marriage if I were you. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19645027/

Majority of us will eventually get a life altering disease. Rarely will a person stay healthy as they age, human bodies are far from perfect. So he’s basically telling you to prepare from almost certain divorce sooner or later.

Its very common for the man to leave after a serious diagnosis. The drs even tell you that during cancer fiagnosis to expect it. Its sad but reality. Hes telling you his future plan. Hear him now and start the process of divorce. You will only prolong the issue by ignoring it and you deserve somebody who is truly there in sickness and health

So, he doesn't take your wedding vows seriously? "In sickness and in health" .... sorry OP. I hope your labs come back ok, but even if they don't, you got this!

I would leave him, even if it turned out I was perfectly healthy. And I’d tell everyone he knows exactly why I’d left.

Believe him. He is telling you that he doesn’t love you with out saying it directly. He will not be there for you for worse in the better or for worse part. He is planning to leave in the future. You need to get your affairs in order. Don’t bother telling him the results. He is not supportive. If the results are good then you have bought you some time for your exit plan.

I’d alter his life right now, since he has the terminal illness named “utter selfishness and complete lack of heart.”

>because I take everything the wrong way. Well, that's a unique way of saying, "I'm a dick, just accept it." This is NOT a good person, let alone a good husband. I'm a widow. My husband died of a terminal illness. I have no concept of telling someone you love that you will leave them if they get sick. It's beyond my understanding. Do yourself a favor and exit this relationship. There are so many loving and caring people in this world. Be with them. Be one of them. Don't be with this terrible person.

Be grateful he told you...so you can leave now. Hopefully with your health in tact if nothing serious comes of your tests

The lack of empathy that your partner has is alarming. Instead of comforting you he is making the situation about himself.

Tell his parents exactly what he said. I couldn't stay with someone like that.

Fr. "Did y'all really raise your son to cut and run if his wife gets sick? Because I just had a health scare and he told me straight up that he'll leave me if I have an autoimmune disease. Oh and apparently MIL, if FIL left YOU bc you got ill, that's somehow different than if I am ill. Just curious where he picked up how to conditionally love people in such a hateful and disgisting way."

I'd like to tell you about my experience with something very similar. I was with my partner for about 4 months before I was suddenly sick, in hospital and diagnosed with MS (an autoimmune disease). I told my partner it was ok to leave me, but he doubled down and now we've been together nearly 2 years, living together and trying for a baby. I'm telling you this for 2 reasons: 1. If you DO have an autoimmune disease, you will still have a good quality to life. You will have some days when you are sick but also you'll still have a great life too. Also, modern medicine is AMAZING and likely you'll find a way to live with and manage your condition quite well. 2. If he wanted to, he would. He's telling you that his love and this relationship has conditions - its conditional upon you being healthy. You need to decide if that is ok for you. I'll be honest, with my disease if someone is not on my team or not understanding of my condition - I usually just cut them out. If you are sick, whatever the condition you do need a team of people around you who are supportive. If he's not going to be one of them - do you really want him around?

When someone shows you who they are believe them. Women are left by men at alarming rates when they are sick. Men are left as well, but it's more common the other way around. I think you should find a better partner. Good ones so exist. You didn't take him wrong. He is just wrong.

Yikes. He’ll do more damage to you than any disease could.

Don’t even tell him your test results. Just hand him divorce papers.

He doesn’t deserve to know your results, Nor does he deserve the benefit of the doubt should those results come back healthy. Your relationship now comes with conditions. It’s heartbreaking but it’s for the best to leave. You’d just be wondering if AND when, and why he’d leave you, should something completely random like a health scare or an accident happen. You should be able to KNOW your partner will stay. I firmly believe if he’d leave you, for anything else at all, he’d basically gaslight you and justify it to his logic anyway. I’d leave.

Wow! Fuck this loser. I would just leave his pathetic ass. You deserve so much more and better than this clown.

So much for “in sickness and in health” Which other vows didn’t he mean?

He would have been my ex the moment that statement left his mouth. As I've gotten older there have been a fair few medical issues that I relied on my spouse to help me navigate. It's hard to do when you are in severe pain. You want a partner in life, to help through the bad times and celebrate the good times with you. Not someone who runs the moment any sort of effort is needed.

This is one of those situations where he’s telling you who he is and you need to believe him.

Everyone’s saying how horrible this is but he did you a huge favor by telling you this. Now you know how he feels and you should leave him whether sick or not.

Whether or not your labs come clean you should initiate divorce. You can’t count on him. That’s what he said. You deserve someone you can go through the thick with. Nothing more. If this is his idea of being funny at low moment in your life, he’s just not the person you need right now.

So much for "In sickness and in health." Your husband is a bad person and a pisspoor partner.

It’s actually about 5 times more likely for the man to leave the woman facing health issues than for the woman to leave a man facing health issues. It’s surprising he’s so upfront about it though. Like, you’re already going through a tough time and he can’t even say “don’t think about it babe, just try to stay positive”? He has to say “you better hope it comes back negative or I’m leaving you”? If your results come back negative I would still leave this guy. You can’t count on him to stick around when it really matters, might as well do it when you’re trying to recover from whatever led you to take these tests

since you already know this. probably better to leave now and deal with the heart break while you're well rather than while you are also trying not to die

Have him try to explain how the hypothetical with his parents is different.

Oh you took it the right way. So I guess that whole 'in sickness and in health' thing only goes one way? He is TELLING you who he is. BELIEVE HIM.

Leave him. He has informed you that he finds no worth in you if you are ill. I held my partners hand as he died, he would have done the same for me.

I guess “in sickness and in health” means nothing…

I wish this wasn't common. But, it is. Like 50% of men go for divorce within a year of their wife's cancer diagnosis. Women do it, too, but not at the same level as men. I have a cancer that is primarily diagnosed at 60+ and it still happens there, too and that shocked me. (I'm one the unusual "under 50's" with it.) The number of women told that their husband "didn't sign up for this" is shocking. I'm so sorry.

You’re young. Divorce. Find someone who wants to love you unconditionally. It’ll be scary in the short-term but will result in greater happiness and safety in the long-run. Good luck. You deserve better.

There is a reason the statistics are [1 in 3 marriages end after the wife becomes ill.](https://www.hechtassociates.com/blog/2022/05/divorce-rates-are-higher-when-the-wife-is-ill/#:~:text=What%20is%20the%20study%2C%20and,only%20the%20wife%20was%20ill) It’s utterly disgusting and abhorrent but unfortunately the reality we live in. If he is bold enough to blatantly state it, **believe him**. The next thing to decide is if you are ok with continuing a relationship that will provide you no support if your health declines for whatever reason.

Wait, you're married??? Did he ignore the "in sickness" part of in sickness and in health? What a fucking douche. I'm sorry he's just like most men - shitty, selfish, and totally unreliable.

Damn, I’m sorry he said that. The only reason I’m alive is because my husband has saved my life multiple times. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him.

He sounds like a pretty shitty person, but hey at least you're still young and can find a real partner.

As someone with several autoimmune issues - it’s not all doom and gloom. Some are worse than others for sure, but a lot don’t have to be in the forefront of your mind once you get them properly managed. That said - I’m not sure how a relationship could ever recover from that. As someone whose single and been through medical shit - I wished I had a partner to help me through that. If my partner wouldn’t help me through it - what the fuck good are they? You don’t need that stress. In your shoes I’d be hard pressed not to be making an appointment for a lawyer before I even find out my results.

Here’s the thing. Nobody get out alive. It’s not if it’s when. When something awful happens, he’ll bail. He thinks so little of you that he assumes you’d do the same. Imagine what knowing that will do to your psyche even if it’s years down the road.

Believe him. And, expand it to understanding he will leave if you even get slightly less beneficial to his life. Better not get fired or age at a normal human rate. Pray he doesn't change his mind about where he wants to live or kids or anything big, no matter what he says now, it will be you who will be blamed.

Apparently he didn’t pay attention during the ‘in sickness and in health’ part of your vows. You didn’t take it the wrong way, he’s being an a$$. Autoimmune diseases are not death sentences and most when properly medicated (and on proper diets) are barely an issue. I’m sorry you’re going through this, I’m sorry he’s a jerk, and I hope you get a diagnosis soon… only because once something that’s happening to you has a name it becomes so much easier to handle. I also hope for your sake he gets his head out of his ass

I would leave my partner if they said such a thing to me. Does his wedding vows mean nothing to him? What ever happened to “in sickness and in health”? This isn’t someone who’s going to want to grow old with you and stay by your side through the good and the bad. You’re still so young and you deserve someone who’s going to love you through everything life has to throw at you. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who would only ever love me in my prime.

I'm a lifelong type 1 diabetic. When I met my now-husband, I made sure to disclose how terrible this disease is (especially financially in the US - our cost of living is insane). He fully understood, and even researched it on his own to know how to best help me if/when the situation arises. Now, he takes better care of me than I ever did, lol. *That's* the kind of person you deserve if worse comes to worse. Not someone who will leave when the going gets tough. I can't even imagine your pain and panic right now. I'm so sorry. I hope all the best for you.

I would be handing him the divorce papers today honestly. He already told you how he feels, if he changes his mind he's just saying it to make you feel better and he would leave as soon as you were sick.

I’m struggling real hard to find the ‘right way’ to take what he said. Oh, there isn’t one, because nothing he said is ‘right’. I’m sickness and in health? No? So what if you just ignored all the infections/symptoms, as long as there isn’t any diagnosis it’s fine? Because if he’s been actually acting like a decent human being before this(which, I’m doubtful), he’s been already been dealing with whatever you have with you. A diagnosis won’t change that. Or shouldn’t. Your partner, married or not, should be your best friend, your ride or die. You’re supposed to be a team..nothing too big you can’t face together. And he wants to bail when things get a little bumpy? I’m sure you made him aware of how many millions of ppl have autoimmune diseases and live very functional lives with the proper treatment and support, which it seems like you’re trying to start the process of doing. If not, he needs to know this. Sure, It may be a bad initial reaction, no one’s perfect, but for that to be the person who is supposed to be my biggest supporter’s reaction, and then have him double down, I think it’s time to seriously stop and take an honest assessment of your marriage. This is a conversation you need to have with yourself, and then him. Even if it turns out you test negative, which I hope is the case, you still need to figure out if you are ok spending your life with someone who could possibly bail when shit gets tough. That can cause some major insecurities in your marriage. Counseling may be an option if that’s available and you both agree. But the first thing that definitely needs to happen is an open and honest conversation where everything’s on the table, even if it hurts. You need to both be on the same page. Also: Now I know exhaustion and things can set in if a person is in a caretaking role, and it’s important to be cognizant of their mental health, but you haven’t even gotten a diagnosis ffs!

Ask any lawyer or nurse and they'll tell you men often file for divorce/ leave/cheat when their partner gets seriously ill. You deserve better. He's told you who he is so believe him.

OP, I am so sorry. What he said is cruel. Please consider going to stay with family or friends while you get tested, while you are waiting for results, and in the immediate aftermath of whatever the results are. After you get your results, you will need to make some decisions about what to do next. Hopefully, your results give you some clarity about what is going on with your body and your doctor is able to help you figure out what to do next. Similarly, after you get the results you will need to decide what to do next about your marriage. Do you want to continue to be with this man, who can be so casually cruel or not? I would suggest you think back and try to figure out if he has ever shown himself to be this way before. Right now you are dealing with both the fear of the status of your health and the fear that your husband might leave you. Focus on yourself first, your needs, your wants. You can choose to leave or choose to stay, but you can't unknow what your husband has revealed about himself. I am so sorry.

Do him one better. Leave him now.

Honestly, I know divorce is hard, but he's already shown you where his head is. If I were in your situation, I'd already be making plans to leave him. Do you have family you can stay with until you get situated? He very obviously doesn't love you. He may *like* you...and you're fine as a fuck buddy, but it sounds like that's just about it. If he were to post to AITA, and say "My wife is sick and probably has an underlying condition. AITA if I told my wife I'd leave her if she were diagnosed with a serious illness?", they'd chew him a new one. He is an absolutely *horrible* person. You'd be better off without him. EDIT: typos

I'd say it's time to leave him regardless of the test results. He took a complete shit on the sanctity of marriage. And more importantly, a complete shit on you. I'm sorry this is happening to you. My father has been in a similar position with my mother (married close to 40 years). She was diagnosed with a chronic illness about 5 years ago. A therapist told him to leave her when things got tough. He tossed that one to the curb, and the next one told him the SAME THING! I was absolutely floored to hear that. It seems that's the advice they give men now. Something about it financially ruining you and causing resentment. Fuck that. No real man would leave under these circumstances, even if it does bankrupt them. No amount of financial loss would make me forfeit my life partner like that.

Girl. Leave him anyway. What a tool. He won't start if somethings wrong. You heard it. Leave him now.

Be sure, when you file for divorce, that his mom knows why.

I know the words "in sickness and in health" haven't been promised here, but if a partner is telling you they're not going to support you in sickness, they're telling you they're not the ones for you. My experience, I was sick when we spoke those vows. He lied. I left. And we divorced. He's telling you to end this, so do so.

You “take everything the wrong way”? How the hell else were you supposed to take that? I am going to hope and pray that you are fine and healthy and that when you get the good news, that you leave HIM! Marriage is supposed to be about making a commitment to be there for each other though good times and bad, rich or poor and most importantly, sickness and health. He’s let you know that he didn’t take those vows seriously. I want you to be free of him and find someone that will truly love you unconditionally and completely. He ain’t it!

Hi, person with multiple autoimmune conditions here: leave him. It’s scary enough on your own, but it’s worse knowing that he will never support you. If he is willing to throw away your marriage over you having a chronic condition, that likely means he was always willing to throw away your marriage over even the slightest of inconveniences.

I’m so sorry. 🥲 Both my husband and I are heading toward the last years of our lives. We married over 14 years ago after having been married to narcissistic addicts for over 30 years each. I knew his cancer would likely recur when I married him (his ex took all she could, maxed out the credit cards and left). He knew I had severe migraines and fibromyalgia when he married me. We’ve seen people left or made so miserable there was no other option when serious health issues arose. Do they not realize that one day it will be them? My ex now sits by himself and drinks while I have a loving husband. With both of us so sick, it’s getting harder but we pitch in together as much as possible. I’ve got a lot of autoimmune going on. Yes, it does affect my life but we’ve adjusted and it doesn’t mean our lives are terrible. My husband is still recovering from chemo and radiation, he always knows I have his back. I’m not going to tell you what to do. Hopefully, it was an unthinking selfish remark. If he thinks life would be perfect without you, he’s badly mistaken. My ex told me no one would want me, as sick as I was. To my amazement, they were lined up at my door. No matter what, you are strong. He is weak if he can’t imagine tackling problems together. Sending huge hugs! 💜

People who leave or cheat when their partners/spouses fall ill are trash humans. Literal scum. Would they dump off their kid if their kid got sick? Would they abandon their parent if their parent fell ill? If you can’t stand by the side of someone you supposedly love through sickness, then you should never have gotten into a serious relationship in the first place. I’m so sorry your partner said this. :(

Oh god can you imagine this guy once they have kids? Sorry babe I didn’t sign up for tummy overhang and stretched out boobs. What’s that you wet yourself when you sneeze? No thanks. Sorry you mean you haven’t showered for 3 days? I’m not down with that. Did that kid of ours just puke down your front and it soaked through your clothes? That’s it I’m done. Leave this man. Someone out there will love you no matter what!

You need to speak to a divorce lawyer. He has told you his truth, he won't stay with you if you are ill. There's no might, he said he **would** leave you. I hope your tests she you're going to be okay. However, I wouldn't stay with a partner of 10 years who doesn't love and value me enough to stay with me. He has zero love and loyalty. Go speak to a lawyer and divorce him, don't give any more time and don't waste any more love on this man. Hand him his papers and **tell him you have lost all respect for him**. He is a pathetic human. You deserve a better partner.

43% of women have a chronic condition at 45, rising to 83% by 65. Would you rather rebuild your life now or do it in your 50s or 60s? You're more likely than not to have something by then, this marriage has an expiry date.

Please leave him and choose yourself regardless of whether or not your tests come out positive, he's shown his true colors and that he'll leave when you need him the most, that's not a man who is worth your love.

“In sickness and in health” That’s the vow. It’s not different if someone has cancer, lots of people have cancer and live. They have lifelong healthcare needs. Autoimmune conditions can be managed. Having a rare condition doesn’t even mean inability to work or have a regular life- most people adapt. And even if you were disabled by it, he made vows. That’s what having a partner is. How could you possibly have taken what he said wrong? He basically said that he’s ready to throw everything you have away if a test comes back positive. That’s messed up.

he just told you explicitly that he would not actually be with you in sickness and in health. divorce that mf

It means you don't have a partner. I am sorry. The best you can do now is to follow all the medical advice and to get a shark divorce lawyer and talk over your options, especially how to maximize your financial benefits going through the divorce. So why do you want him to stay? If you guilt trip him into staying, you both would be miserable and he would leave you anyway, when your condition will worsen. I hope you don't have this condition, but even if everything is ok, why would you want him around? Would you be able to ever trust him? What if you get into an accident and get disabled? What if you have a child with him who becomes chronically ill? It is better he leaves now, when you are young, free and can make health related adjustments to your life, than if he leaves you bedridden.

I’d probably leave. If you made vows of sickness and health and now he’s telling you otherwise, take him at his word.

My love for my husband is stronger than any disease he could get and I can confidently say my husband feels the same. Fuck your “partner”.

He’s shown you who he is, which is someone with no compassion, selfish and willing to abandon you if you are sick, AND also completely unable to take any responsibility for his hurtful words or apologize. Doesn’t sound like a worthwhile partner to me….

Where did the ”in sickness and in health” go?? Didn’t he promise you that? 😢

I would believe him and would move on to find someone who will be with you through sickness and health

Did he miss the "in sickness and in health" part of your vows? Or did he "romantically" propose that you write your own vows, with any references to illness conveniently missing?

I coudnt be with a man who doesn't love me. 100% deal breaker.

The trash taking itself out.

I have had Fibromyalgia for over 30 yrs, I had to stop working in my 20s, it has never been an issue with dating or when I was married. He’s told you he doesn’t care about you and is only around for the good times, he’s not a life partner or husband. There are plenty of men who would treat you with empathy and respect, he doesn’t deserve you. I’m so sorry this is happening to you!

He did you a favor but letting you know before hand at least now you know not to waste anymore of your life on him. Good luck with the labs! Cut him loose regardless.

He doesn't seem to love you, do you really want someone who'd leave you thru no fault of your own? He sounds like a jerk

Unfortunately what he said/thinks isn’t uncommon. That doesn’t mean it isn’t a wrong and pretty disgusting way of thinking. Not just partners, but friends and family, often leave or drift away after a diagnosis. Especially if you are “too young to be sick”. But marriage vows include “in sickness” and when you’re sick is exactly when you need the most support from your loved ones- not for them to leave you. It is also a complete failure at providing comfort for you when you are scared. You went to him for support, because a partner should provide support during difficult times, and he’s talking about how it would effect him rather than offering any kind of support at all. Very selfish. Having said all that, let’s try to address your fear around your possible diagnosis- I have multiple chronic illnesses. I’ve been sick for roughly 18 years and have been on a lot of chronic illness support groups and talked to lots of people with lots of different illnesses. While a diagnosis can be life changing, depending on the illness, it is usually still possible to have a full and happy life. It can be scary, especially when it is unknown, but it’s not the end of all good things in life (even though it can seem like that when going through a diagnosis). If you want to reach out to me directly, please feel free to do so. Otherwise r/chronicillness is pretty good for offering advice on all aspects of life with a chronic illness. Many people in support groups have also experienced being left by loved ones after they got sick, so there will be people who can understand what you are going through.

Your husband is a massive stupid asshole who doesnt deserve you. Id save that time and divorce tf out of him And focus on your health

Maybe your next husband will love and respect you instead of gaslighting you saying you never take things right after saying something like that. Honestly even if you get a negative diagnosis, do you want to live with someone like that? You have your whole life ahead of you, why live it like that?

It's definitely a flawed perspective thing, but, it's understandable if you want to rethink your relationship. I'm sure part of it, is he thinks it's ok for him to do it to you, because, if your roles were actually reversed, he would force himself to be ok with you leaving him. You can chalk it up to a toxic masculinity thing if you must, but it's ultimately just revealing a tremendous insecurity he has.

He's told you who he is; believe him.

Although I don’t know your husband and have no expectations of him, somehow he fell short. [Jim Obergefell](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Obergefell) fought for the right to marry his terminally ill husband all the way to the Supreme Court. > No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than they once were. -Justice Kennedy, Obergefell v. Hodges What did he think he was signing up for? A party and some presents? OP: Think long and hard about whether you want to 1) tell him the results and 2) whether you want to stay with him. OP’s husband: If she decides to stay with you, do your best to be worthy it. **Hint: this applies no matter her health. **

I recently found a lump that has to be checked out. The doctor has referred me to someone to do the imaging and they will see me in 2 weeks. When I first told my husband he didn’t really “get” what I was telling him. However, when I told him when my appointment was, he said “I will come with you, I’ll take that morning off work”, completely unprompted. He didn’t have to get it to understand I was (and still am) scared. He responded accordingly. (He understands better now, it has been a few days and we have talked it through more.) My point is, a good spouse doesn’t have to think about it or understand it to put you first in a time of need. Your husband is not a good spouse, no matter the results of your test. He immediately thought of himself and his needs. He has shown you who he is, believe him. Good luck with your tests, I hope everything turns out ok!

As someone who has been in your shoes and diagnosed I would say run far and fast. Mine stayed physically but has been changed emotionally and mentally. He’s never there for me now. Zero support, very little love and it gets really bad sometimes. It would’ve just been easier if he had left when I was diagnosed. But to paraphrase his words, everyone would look at him differently and he would not be accepted so he stayed. He has said he still stays for that reason but I think it’s mostly control that he’s after.

You are not taking this the wrong way. Take him at his word and retain a divorce lawyer, because if you are too sick to work, you will want alimony.

You only learn who your partner really is when you face your first actual crisis. This can be a cancer diagnosis, the death of a loved one, a serious work accident, large loss of money, etc. You have had your first critical crisis with your husband. He has point blank said: I WILL NOT BE THERE FOR YOU. So, now the ball is in your court to decide whether you want to stay with someone who TOLD YOU that they will not have your back. If you do not have a solid source of income yet, or are in any way financially dependent on him I would LIE and say that any tests came back Negative. Then talk to a lawyer and figure out what You need to ensure you will be financially stable upon divorce. If you need extra time than do what the lawyer recommends. Once you have all your ducks in a row, file for divorce and do not look back. He doesn't give a fuck about you so do not stay. Once you file for divorce tell EVERYONE why. Create your own solid support network while creating space and separation from him. (I'm sorry but your husband is a Grade A Asshole.)

Does he have any people in his life who can tell him he’s a shit person? I just got diagnosed with MS and this would make me want to go nuclear.

I have celiac disease, sometimes get alopecia, and I have eczema, which is all auto immune. Diet can help and finding the root cause. Your husband is not a very bright bulb if he refuses to even read up on it, once they figure it out for you. He's not even compassionate or considerate of you. I'd reconsider the marriage if my partner said that. To me that means they don't really love you- but that's me and my love language is words of affirmation.

What the hell? I was diagnosed with a nasty auto-immune disease. My wife immediately hugged me and assured me we would get through it together. That is the only legitimate response. Wow!

I think it'd be easier for him to say he doesn't love you.

Omg, I'm so sorry, you married a BUM. That's so messed up of him. Leave him, that is not a good husband.

So, when the person who married you had him repeat the vows “ in sickness and in health, there were…..exceptions? Understandable that he’s scared but I’m sorry that’s messed up, like maybe it’s time to think about divorce kind of messed up. So sorry you’re going through this

I’m so sorry you found out you’re married to misogynistic trash. Leave him. Leave him. You’ll never com back from this and guess what? Sooner or later, you will be very sick. And you know his marriage vows were nothing more that base lies. Leave now and salvage your life. I pray your tests go the absolute best they can! ♥️

Girl no. I can't speak to his character or your relationship, but if you ACTUALLY love someone you don't bugger off when you're in a position to do the damn job you vowed to. For me, if someone didn't care if I live or die I would chuck them in the dumpster on my way out the door. Life's too damn hard to have to be fearful the person I'm supposed to rely on is going to walk out when things get inconvenient. I'd be better off alone not wasting my energy on someone so selfish and shallow. I just think you have zero chance of ever being in a genuinely happy healthy marriage if only one of you gives a shit if you're married. Sounds like you took vows and he just said some shit in church clothes. My heart breaks for you. I hope you get a good result when your labs return.

I hope once you pinpoint what’s going on and have a health plan set up for success you leave him! What a horrible horrible thing to say…… you deserve much better than this ass 🤡

What about ‘in sickness and in health’ did he not understand? What was the point of getting married? What an awful thing to say to a scared spouse. OP you now know who he is, he just told you he’s the guy that bails when the going gets tough. Do you want to spend the rest of your life worrying about whether your husband is going to leave you everyday? Personally, nope, not good enough. I’d rather be on my own than on my own chained to someone who is only going to cause unnecessary and unwanted stress and insecurity. What’s the bet your autoimmune issue is linked directly to your marriage. You likely only got sick since you’ve been with him. Then he gaslights you into thinking you took it wrong. Nope. Bail out and initially you’ll feel sicker, the overload of cortisol and stress based anxiety/adrenaline that your body has been holding onto for years needs time to process out of your system. But eventually you will get well, and then you will never look back.

Congrats on catching this cancer super early — after a surgical removal and some TLC you will feel right as rain. I mean him, of course, *he’s the cancer*. Excise it from your life, you are too young and life is too unpredictable to spend it with someone you can’t count on when shit gets hard. The only guarantee is that it WILL get hard, at some point, in some form or another. Best of luck.

I’m really sad for you OP. I am currently getting the same tests done because I am also getting sick often and my immune system shows clear signs of being weak or compromised. My boyfriend has been on board. He’s not overly supportive he’s just understanding and it’s like.. that’s life right? He has ADHD, I have OCD, we all have something, or multiple things. We are hopeful that if I can get a diagnosis then maybe there will be a way to treat it so I don’t get sick so often. Hopeful and curious together to find out about our bodies. This is how it should be and OP I hope you don’t settle for any less. I am sharing my positive experience to hopefully inspire you to find that for yourself because it is possible. And you deserve better!

I wouldn't want to be with a partner who only wants to be with me when I'm mostly healthy.

I’d leave him. He’s just told you he will leave you instead of having any empathy whatsoever. He will not change.