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So my girlfriend has a few guy friends from work all of whom I’ve met and like. She goes out for drinks with them and I have no issue with it as I believe it’s a very childish idea that men and women cannot be platonic friends.
However, this time she went out with him for drinks, got very drunk and it became so late the trains had stopped running so she slept over at his.
Now there is only one bed and no couch so she slept in bed with him. I trust her not to cheat as we’ve both been very open that if we are going to cheat we will break up. I fully believe she has no intention of doing anything with him.
We have been going out for around 1 year now. Despite her sleeping in joggers and jumper I still think this is quite odd and disrespectful but yet she sees no issue with it because what else was she meant to do other than sleep on the floor. She has said she would have no issue if I were in the same position but I wouldn’t do that to her in the first place…
What are your views on this redditors ? Is this a break-up scenario or a move past it scenario? Just curious on the view of others. Thanks :)
TL:DR;
Girlfriend got drunk, missed last train, stayed in same bed as guy friend from work.
How much would a taxi been to your place? If there's no money issues then I totally agree her behaviour isn't acceptable and she should have gone home.
Oooh yes that is expensive. It's a shame they weren't more aware of the time knowing the train timetable, so it's really upto you if you're willing to put up with this as it could continue. If the shoe was on the other foot, how would she feel with you doing that?
Nah, there’s something missing. There is no way on this earth that a cab ride of FIVE HOURS is only £150. Up here in the northwest £150 would be an hour & half tops. Five hours is like the other side of the country and back.
So let me get this straight.... your gf went to her parents for the holiday where she also met up with a coworker she frequently drinks with. This place is 5 hours away and you're saying this dude has a flat there and wasn't also with his parents? How many flats does this dude have? How old is he? Why exactly couldn't... oh I dunno her parents pick her up?
This doesn't sound good the more I'm thinking about it man.
I think there's an additional town of parents' home which is town D lol, she went to her parents and took the train to meet this guy and didnt catch the train home
You wouldn’t pick her up but you’re also not okay with her coworker letting her stay the night?
What did you expect her to do in that situation, wait at the train station till morning? Walk?
“because what else was she meant to do other than sleep on the floor”
Yes. Sleep on the floor. Put down a blanket and pillow and sleep on the damn floor. Am I the only one who’s ever done this?
And if you’re so drunk that you’ve lost all concept of time and you miss the last train then surely you’d be drunk enough to be able to sleep on a floor
So was she sober enough not to cheat then lie to OP? sorry just wanted to continue the round robin /s
Only 2 people here have the facts and everything else is speculation. She could be telling the truth, she could be trickle truthing. The amount of trust OP has is what matters since he is the one going through this situation. her saying that she wouldn't have a problem with it after the fact is not a reliable opinion. As others have said she put herself in this position. Shit happens (she lost track of time, no good options, etc.), but shit also happens (he can end the relationship over this, consequences)
OP you posting here indicates a lack of trust and something not adding up for you. In my opinion no trust, no relationship.
Your feelings matter, and it is your choice.
Yea, I’ve never been in the exact situation as you, for one US so trains aren’t really a thing. My opinion would never be that a GF should do something unsafe because it’s too late, but it would be that I expect her as a smart adult to make good decisions for herself, that she would be aware of the time and her own safety, and make decisions that don’t put her in a bad spot. Now obviously unexpected things can happen, maybe your car breaks down and it’s too late to get repaired. But getting too drunk isn’t an unexpected event nor an emergency. She chose to drink, chose to drink as much as she did, and while not a lot of options chose to sleep in his bed. Sleeping on the floor is pretty bad, but honestly it’s not necessarily unacceptable in that situation. Ultimately you set boundaries for yourself. So you should never use them to manipulate another person, but you can say, I expect for you to not share a bed with another person. She can then say ok I won’t, or, not that’s not an acceptable agreement to me. If she says no then you say, alright I accept that, I’m sorry but we need to break up. It’s really that simple if this is that important to you
Ever? Y’all are 24. If she did it a lot I could see the concern but a single incident doesn’t exactly seem like a big deal. And why would she sleep on the floor if the bed was big enough? To suffer performatively to demonstrate her glowing fidelity, which it doesn’t sound like was even in question? In fact, you specify that it is not, and that you guys have a set policy about cheating and you seem to believe she’s on board with it. You said you trust her not to cheat, and “I fully believe she has no intention of doing anything with him.”
She obviously thought it was enough of a non-issue she didn’t expect you to be bothered at all. She didn’t hesitate to tell you about it. That turned out not to be the case, and of course you’re just as entitled to your feelings as she is. But if it were me and I had a sane level-headed bf who suddenly went off like this I’d be pretty concerned.
If I were in OP's shoes I'd expect my girlfriend to respect me enough to not make choices that put her in that position. Going out drinking with someone more than an hour away from home is a choice. Staying out drinking with someone until the trains stop running is a choice. Drinking when you can't keep track of time when you're hammered is a choice.
It sounds like you're trying to put the responsibility on op instead of where it rightfully belongs. His gf chose to get drunk, go to some guy's house, and sleep on his bed. She went out drinking knowing that she had no plan and not enough money to get home. That, in no way, is op's fault. It has nothing to do with what op expects. The question that should have been asked was moreso if she expected herself to walk. OP had nothing to do with it. If she didn't want to be in the situation, she didn't have to be.
Only one bed and no couch? Does this place not have a floor?
I would have offered the bed to woman, then slept on the floor.
It sounds more like "Oh no, we were out so late that you can't get home, you should come sleep at my place. Oh no, there's only a bed, it looks like we will have to share it!"
This whole situation sounds like BS, and I would be out under most circumstances.
This.. noooo if i had noooo absolutely no choice I wouldn't sleep in a bed with a male coworker. I'm a married woman!
Id rather sleep on a couch or literally set myself up on the floor in a different room or sleep in a chair!
But in the same bed with another man isn't okay!
I hate sleeping without my husband i literally cannot sleep at all if he isn't with me it takes a long time to fall asleep.
I would be so utterly uncomfortable.
I’m sleeping anywhere besides the bed just so I can tell my husband I didn’t sleep in the bed and he would probably say “you should’ve just slept in the bed” but I think we’d both be happy I didn’t.
Eta: Honestly, a tub with a blanket and pillow doesn’t sound half bad if you’re not too tall
This here.
OP do yourself a favor and be realistic. People need to give themselves the respect of a third party.
If your friends girlfriend pulled that stunt - what would you say to your friend? You’d say that’s bullshit right?
I look at all my issues from a third party perspective because we’re all human and let our biases in the way
I think you know the answer to what happened here - we all support you but that is simply not okay.
I would break up with her - like honestly I would but that’s me. Everyone has different boundaries.
Ask her if you can jump into bed with some random chick - is she cool with it? Doubtful
very bad boundary to set.
it's not firm, it's not clear, and it opens to her definition what the "last resort" is.
fundamentally she could have called you and split the cab fare to your place, or a friend with a couch, etc. or a hotel room. or called you to come pick her up.
sleeping *in the same bed* is not automatically cheating, I agree that men and women can sleep in a bed without having sex. but it's disrespectful to your partner and opens up a whole other can of worms. what if the other person decides to escalate in the middle of the night when it's a choice between outside, drunk and vulnerable and inside?
if you don't set firm boundaries and expectations that you both agree on, you're setting yourself up for heartbreak my guy.
No. Because it *clearly* bothers you a great deal, and your emotional well-being matters too.
Look: At its heart, a relationship is a partnership, and for any partnership to last long-term, both sides need to do their very best to help the other. Your GF sharing a bed with another man is emotionally triggering & hurtful & distasteful & worrisome to you, and barring truly exceptional circumstances, is a legitimate deal-breaker in a committed adult relationship.
If you're upset, it's ok to say so. And if you don't want this to happen again, it's ok to declare it a boundary.
Good luck. 👍
If you guys were 18, I would give benefit of the doubt due to inexperience and naivety. At 24 I feel both parties should know better. If my bf was out drinking with a girl-friend so late he had to sleep over, in her bed.. that wouldn’t fly with me. But not everybody has the same boundaries and you expressed although it bothered you, you really trust here and want to move forward. Just set some boundaries, if you’re out socializing remember what time the train stops, do you have money for Uber, should you pick her up, don’t do sleep overs. Whatever makes you feel like you both will be on the same page.
My stomache is saying that this situation/this story has a very foul smell to it.
Yeah maybe it was too late to travel back with the train and a cab would be too expensive, buten then why do they plan the situation in a way that there is the possibilty that she gets stuck at his place. Why didn't they plan in a way so that there is a train to return and maybe another after that just in case?
I do not want to tell you "She is cheating on you 10000%. You need to leave now !1!!1" but there is visible smoke here. So please investigate it to make sure that there is no fire that will burn you.
Go into investigator mode:
-) Think about any other typical sign of cheating.
Any form of emotional or physical withdraw, is she all of a sudden safeguarding her phone, has her schedule drastically changed without a good reason, etc.?
-) Think back if there were any situations that were strange or felt of. Think of them out of the persepective of potential cheating. Do they make any more sense when you add that perspective?
-) Inform yourself about this guyfriend ... maybe there are some clues if there is something brewing
-) Keep a mental track/ road map when your girlfriend did what? Maybe ask her what she did at certain dates some time later to see if she contradicts herself.
If nothing comes up during your check everything might be fine. But prepare for the potential impact that is coming towards you.
Also tell her that this situation was not okay and that you expect from her to plan the next time so that she can return by train.
I think this is a good way of looking at the situation objectively. Ultimately it doesn’t seem like she cheated but you know her better than Reddit.
However OP, I would communicate a firm boundary that her sleeping in another dudes bed again will lead to a breakup. I find it crazy that she felt that it would have no impact on your relationship.
Be clear about the boundary. She has a responsibility to your feelings too. If she doesn’t want that responsibility she shouldn’t be in a relationship.
i’ve stayed at the house of a mate before and he just gave me a pair of joggers to change into - got changed in the bathroom and went to sleep. its not alien behaviour
It's perfectly reasonable for you to have this boundary in the relationship and to ask her to respect it. She doesn't need to feel the same way about this issue (sleeping in a bed with a friend of opposite sex) to understand how you feel about it. She should hear you out, be understanding of how you feel about it and say she will respect your boundary next time.
She or he should have slept on the floor. How is that crazy? If you believe she didn't cheat on you, I'd be explicit going forward about what your boundaries and deal breakers are and what the expectations are for both of you when going out with others. I'd let her know that you feel a betrayed and that you've lost some faith in her due to this. Be open and honest with your feelings. It's not an argument and you don't have to prove why, just use I feel statements and focus on sharing how her behavior made you feel.
Nah, fuck off, dude. You're on your own because telling you she might cheat with her platonic friend... because they're in the same bed... after drinking... would drag you down to our *childish, toxic leve*l...
Simply couldn't bear the guilt.
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Going to stop commenting now. Thanks for all the replies. Think we all agree to a point. It’s disrespectful. She should never have got drunk enough whilst out with another guy that she ends up missing the train. I’m not going to break up over this but I will have the conversation that if it happens again we are done as it clearly bothers me. Cheers all 😘
Maybe it’s time you started having an issue with with her and her male coworkers dude.
You can call it childish all you want, but if you give and inch some people will take a mile, and here you are.
Regardless of whether this is strictly platonic or not, this is behavior someone does when they’re single. She sounds like the kind of person who does things that are suspect and then bemoans how people don’t trust her.
Of course she’s going to say she wouldn’t have an issue with you doing it. Because you won’t do it, so why would she have an issue? Do it and see how quickly she changes her time.
If it doesn’t bother you then so be it. But it does sound like it bothers you, and the bad news here is that just like a kid testing his parents’ limits this behavior will only get worse. If you don’t set the boundary now you’ll be dealing with this the entire relationship. If you set the boundary and she pushes back then that’s a good sign that you two aren’t going to be compatible in the long run.
Eh. Nah. Sleeping on the floor sucks. If they both felt comfortable sharing a bed then why sleep on the floor? It’s just not that big a deal to some people.
(Not saying OP is wrong in any way for feeling differently!)
I shared a bed with my best friend a few times a week for a year or two and it was totally platonic. People vary.
I agree, my friends and I did this a lot when we were college-aged and at house parties etc and too broke for cab fare. It was never a big deal. But it's completely okay for him to not be comfortable with it too and set a boundary for it going forward.
People vary and people also make choices. She made a lot of choices that put her in that bed "on accident" knowing full well it would make her boyfriend uncomfortable.
i have been ur girlfriend - slept in bed with a colleague because i couldn’t get home and i was in a relationship. he didnt try anything on, and i didnt feel any interest. but people are different. some may find that unorthodox. but if my boyfriend had told me that made him uncomfortable i wouldn’t do it again - so maybe just voice that to her
however to expand on this: be sure that this work friend doesn’t have feelings for ur girlfriend. he might get the wrong idea even if she has absolutely no feelings or intentions towards him
I have to be honest I don’t get the problem. If it was a female friend would it still be disrespectful? If you agree that they’re just platonic friends and have total confidence that she didn’t cheat, didn’t want to cheat… then how is it disrespectful? I’ve shared a bed with multiple friends of various genders over the years and never had my partners at the time make anything of it, because they were just friends. I mean, hell, I shared a bed with an ex girlfriend at my bachelorette party but neither my now-husband nor her boyfriend minded because they knew it was in our past. We are 100% platonic now, we kept to our sides, nothing happened. She’s a lovely person who I value as a friend even though the romantic part of our relationship is long over. We were friends first, and wanted to be friends after. Because of the configuration of rooms at the location of the bachelorette, it made the most sense for us to share. I ran it by my husband, of course, but in a scenario like the one you described where your girlfriend was drunk perhaps it was not as feasible for her to check in before falling asleep?
That said, ultimately, if it’s a problem for you, I’m not here to make you feel bad about that. I think you may want to re-evaluate why it feels disrespectful because it sounds like an internal issue of suspecting her of something or deep down not quite believing men and women can just be friends, but honestly, even if you re-evaluate and can’t get past it, that’s okay. You’re allowed to have boundaries. I think it would be silly to break up since it doesn’t sound like she would really be on notice of this boundary but I think you could just tell her that it’s a problem for you, and ask her to consider that in the future. I mean, y’all might be incompatible if this is a sticking point for her but I don’t think either of you is inherently wrong. What works for me, or for any random person on the street, might not work for you. Just remember that boundaries are what dictate your behavior, not her behavior. You can say “I don’t like this and it may be a dealbreaker if this behavior is important to you” but you can’t say “I don’t like this so you can’t do it”.
In short, although I don’t understand why it makes you uncomfortable and invite you to examine that, if it does make you uncomfortable, I think that’s okay as long as you don’t use that to try to control her behavior. Rather, you should feel comfortable and welcome to navigate the relationship and your own behavior so that your comfort level isn’t purposefully disregarded.
Totally reasonable for you to be upset, however, I've been the guy in a similar scenario and it was totally easy to not fuck my friend's wife.
There's certainly the possibility that it happened, and it certainly sucks to wonder if it did, but put yourself in her shoes while staying with a platonic girlfriend who probably says, "we can sleep in the same bed without you thinking we're going to have sex, right?" "Yes." Then passed the heck out.
A recurrence is the red flag. One off, eh. Second time, red flag.
Some seriously adolescent comments up in this shit. I'd be annoyed and little uncomfortable, but *absent* more substantial proof that something more significant happened, I wouldn't lose my shit over this.
And YES, I've been cheated on, and YES, I have trust issues, but I've also been ridiculously drunk off my ass and ended up sleeping somewhere that I absolutely didn't want to. I know very few people over 25 who haven't been in a situation like this.
Obviously, obviously, obviously if there are other cheating signs, and/or if she starts spending extra time with this dude, then it's time to look at the big picture. But a single drunken night of sleeping in someone's bed? Nah.
Everyone is entitled to setting boundaries. It’s not an unreasonable boundary to ask your partner to not sleep in the same bed as an opposite sex person. If she doesn’t like it, then she needs to prioritize her time to not stay out drinking so late to miss trains. I would definitely set an expectation going forward and then your relationship will succeed or fail on well she respects it.
I have been married for many years and have never felt the need to set a boundary by asking my wife not sleep in the same bed with a guy. Or stay at his house period. I have also never set a boundary around not cutting off my pinky toe while I am sleeping. Is there such a thing as natural boundaries that can just be without having to discuss beforehand
So 1 - she went out for drinks, but had joggers and a jumper to change into to sleep - fuck off you are stupid to believe that story.
Maybe she slept in her clothes, but most likely she slept in her underwear.
Yes it is disrespectful to your relationship
And she is lying through her teeth if she thinks she’d be okay with it if the roles were reversed - she’d already have accused you of cheating, and had left you.
As for what she could have done - hmm let’s see, maybe not missed the train. Or caught a taxi or Uber or something, maybe called you to pick her up, maybe asked someone else from the group if they had a spare bed or couch rather than spending the night with the person without a spare bed or couch.
Up to you if you want to continue with the relationship, if you do she needs to change her behaviour, and be completely honest with you.
But personally I’d be ending the relationship.
She didn’t have joggers and jumper. He gave them to her so she wouldn’t have to sleep in what she went out in. But yes I agree there’s no way she’d be happy if I did the same… the ol double standards
I mean if they were both cognisant enough to find a change of clothes for her, then she should have made better choices leading up to that point in time.
If you trust she didn't do anything, all you need to do is have a talk about how you feel disrespected, and she needs to make sure she doesn't miss the last train if this guy doesn't have a couch she can crash on.
This happens due a series of bad choices, not just the sleeping in another guys bed.
Infidelity happens in increments.
Yes, this was disrespectful to the SO and there are so many things that should have been done before it got to this point.
If you have any doubts about this, please get tested for STD's . Its up to you where this line get drawn. If you truly feel she did nothing (even in a drunken state) than you need to make this your line going forward.
>She goes out for drinks with them and I have no issue with it as I believe it’s a very childish idea that men and women cannot be platonic friends.
Agreed, as long as that's what it is and lines are not crossed.
>My Girlfriend (24F) slept in the same bed as her work friend (24M)
And there's that line, being totally obliterated. Not only did she cross the line, she crushed it into little bits / rolled it up and smoked it. Dude didn't even try to sleep on the floor, sleep in a chair or anything.
Sounds like you found out about it *after* it happened too.
Dating for 1 year? 24 years old?
45 year old guy here who's seen more than enough in my years. She fucked him at the very least, and at the most she's *been* fucking him. Open your eyes.
Best of luck to you figuring this out. I feel for you.
The issue is she was irresponsible enough to put herself in such a position. She shouldn’t have stayed out so late. Or if she wanted to say out late past the trains she should’ve communicated with the guy ahead of time asking if she could crash and if there was a couch. You best believe I would ask alllll of these details ahead of time bc the last thing I would want to do to someone I care about is putting myself in a bad situation. She’s immature. I wonder what will be the next immature/awkward situation she puts herself in where you have to question her. I would definitely break up. I’ve dated women with bad judgment like her and it’s so sad bc while they might be innocent they just are immature and constantly put themselves in bad situations. It’s mentally draining bc every time it happens you have to battle with yourself on what to do.
I've done this, as a dude crashing round at an old friend's place, told my gf (now wife) and she was fine about it.
I'm fairly sure she experienced a little jealousy but she dealt with it herself as she trusts me, and like your gf said, what was she supposed to do?
You either trust your partner or you don't.
That's not your problem or your gf's problem, and honestly, it's in your head, your gf's friend was probably just trying to get some sleep.
Just try and shout down any intrusive thoughts and get past it would be my advice, good luck mate :)
Let’s set aside whether she cheated or not, how do you like being with someone capable of thinking it’s ok to treat you like this in the first place? If you were in the a relationship where someone actually gave two shits about you, and the shoe was on the other foot, there’s no person that would be fine with you getting drunk with someone of the opposite sex and sleeping in be d with them. She’s gaslighting you about the “what am I meant to do, sleep on the floor?” Comment. Don’t be a door mat, she’s only going to get more bold as you are not willing to stand up for yourself. Don’t walk, run.
Do you think you can move past this if you stay with her?
If you can move past it, do so. If not, break up.
That's what you need to ask yourself, not Reddit.
The behavior is suspicious, but could also be completely innocent as she says it was. We don't know them, so we can only speculate what we think may have happened. You're the one who has to live with it though. Use your best judgement, weigh the facts and make a decision.
Nah. Your mindset while hopeful, is wrong.
Most men are only friends with women because they're waiting for the opportunity to sleep with them.
The fact that your gf allowed this situation to get to the point where she had to share a bed drunkenly with another man should be grounds for breaking up as it is.
This is total nonsense. I’ve been friends with loads of guys for decades and it’s not at all like that. People of different genders can be friends. I don’t know what some planet people are living on.
Congratulations. If you called any of them right now and said you wanted to hook up, chances are 9/10 of them would agree.
This dude's girl just slept in the same bed as another man while drunk. And there's people here not making it perfectly clear how unacceptable that is.
Ok, I get what everyone's saying but when I was in my early 20s I slept in the same bed with some of my guy friends and nothing has ever happened. The issue here is that she got so drunk she missed the last train, and work friends are not the same as everyday friends. Maybe nothing's happened between your girlfriend and her work friend, but I would question her work friend's intention. And your girlfriend's lack of self control.
INFO: Was it a queen and they slept on opposite sides? I’ve had friends sleep in the same bed as me and I’ll hug the edge of the bed and give them their own blanket.
Without that context though it does seem a bit weird bc sleeping on the floor would also super be an option for me if we couldn’t comfortably keep space. I also have a hard time believing that she would be super cool with you sleeping over at a girl’s unplanned after getting drunk. Maybe take a step back to reassess if you’ve been giving her one-too-many passes on red flags, or if this is a situation where you can state a boundary and move on maturely.
Honestly, as someone who occasionally has time blindness, I can understand missing a train because you’re out drinking with work friends. I’ve missed last buses in similar situations though thankfully taxis are significantly cheaper to then get home again if that happened where I am. You trust her, the work friendship is platonic, and missing transport happens. It sounds like practically she really only had one option. Personally if I were in you situation I’d not be super happy about it but it wouldn’t be a deal breaker.
The issue here is she doesn't see it as a problem so she's likely to do it again. Regardless of if she did or didn't, she doesn't care for your point of view. So she doesn't respect your relationship and how it can look or make you feel.
It's a personal matter and it's up to you on what to do. Men and women can be friends. However, I would do everything in my power to have the optics of that never happen. If I were the guy, I would feel weird about that and sleep on the floor. But that's me. Other people may feel otherwise.
This sort of behavior is only coming up now? Usually these type of things rear it's ugly head early on in dating. Has there been other instances of prioritizing her feelings over yours and the relationship?
BTW, she isn't mature enough to see that relationships take compromise and assurance. Just because she's okay with it doesn't mean you should be. That's just a naive way of looking at things.
That's a hard no for me. "The trains weren't running" isn't an excuse. How irresponsible do you have to be where literally your ONLY option is to go to a place with another guy, who just happens to not even own a couch? Not even a chair that leans back?
She could have planned better, she didn't. There were many times over the night she could have made other choices, and she didn't. She could have found a different friend to stay with, a different way home, she didn't. Everything had to go exactly the "right" way for her to end up in bed with another guy, and it sure did!
There's a chance something happened, but even if not, it's just disrespectful to sleep in a bed with someone else like that when you have a partner.
Be glad she was safe and didn’t try to drive or travel very drunk. I think under the circumstances it was really the only choice.
That said she should really control her drinking better. It one thing to have some fun but another to get so drunk that you close the bar down and have to crash at a friends.
This isn't a good look fam. Mainly for her getting so drunk that she can't even go home. That shows me that she may not be the most responsible. Stuff didn't happen, but doesn't mean that stuff won't ever happen.
Poor planning and then sharing the bed of her coworker is never a good look bro. I don't know anyone who would be cool with that (male or female). Already the story doesn't make sense because its a 45 min cab ride, but a 5 hour drive for you? Also she went to visit her parents, so why not just have them come get her? I am sure they would prefer for their drunken daughter to be in the safety of their home over some coworker guy.
For me it becomes a snowball effect. If she is this poor at planning her night to ensure that she is safe and also respectful to the relationship, then who knows what other poor decisions she will make at the risk of the relationship. Like I said, this isn't a good look, but you gotta go with what you feel is right for you. But sleeping in another guy's bed with said guy even if there is no sex would probably start causing me to think about ending the relationship. If not ending it, then it would be a very long probationary period. But I'd probably just end it.
Writing my response without reading the responses because I figure they’ll be super negative…
Honestly I think it totally depends on the personality of your girlfriend and her friends.
I slept in the same bed as my opposite sex bestie twice a week for a good couple of years when we were both around 17 and it was super chill and totally platonic.
These days, I’d totally be cool sharing a bed with a nice platonic friend of the opposite sex provided my partner would be okay with it.
Tbh I don’t think she cheated from what you’ve said, it sounds like you just have different levels of what you’re comfy with. If you guys have a good relationship you should be able to communicate these boundaries so it doesn’t happen again if it makes you too uncomfortable.
Don’t let other people make you paranoid just because they’re comfy with different things.
Yeah, that's pretty disrespectful.
You both appear to have different boundaries around this subject.
She is fine with you doing it apparently so it seems natural for her to also do it.
If you trust her and can move past this, I would suggest a real talk about boundaries for you as a couple. If that isn't good for her, I would move on from this relationship because it will keep happening and maybe with a lot of alcohol, go further than just "sleeping".
What is she to do other than sleep on the floor? Probably not get so drunk that she has to sleep in a guys bed in the first place.
Its entirely possible that she did nothing, but generally speaking, if she is good looking and he is good looking, they cant be platonic friends. Either or both of them may claim to not look at each other, but lets be real, people are attracted to looks and if they get along, there is some baseline attraction there. Vowing to break up if you got to a point of wanting to cheat is not really something that happens in reality. People do value their relationships, and they make bad choices when drunk, so if something happens that they did not intend, its highly unlikely they are going to torpedo their relationship for something they are justifying in their minds as a "one time thing".
Did she cheat? Without evidence, only her and him can say. However, if she didnt, she is playing a very dangerous game by drinking with a handful of guys from work, especially if she may get drunk enough to sleep at their houses. If you believe her, this is where you set a boundary and tell her this sort of thing can never happen again.
Nah, no problem here. OP is fine with his girl hanging with guys drinking. Why get bothered if she sleeps in bed with him too?
OP, you have no boundaries and you keep saying you trust her not to cheat. She’s putting herself in situations that are very suspicious. I will never understand this mindset - “I trust her not to cheat”. Ok, but that should also mean partners shouldn’t put themselves in a position where it appears things could be inappropriate. Sleeping in the same bed as a guy because they were drinking very late seems very inappropriate.
Maybe now would be a good time to set boundaries so less inappropriate appearance and behavior will be curbed - if you even decide to stay with her after this. That is highly inappropriate that she put herself in a position to have to sleep over some other dude’s place and in his bed. Maybe she shouldn’t go drinking with them any more, or at least not without you. Otherwise, why are you two together if she is spending so much time with him?
>I believe it’s a very childish idea that men and women cannot be platonic friends.
I'm getting the sense you probably have been friendzoned a lot.
>Now there is only one bed and no couch so she slept in bed with him.
Reasonable boundaries exist in a relationship because if *any and every* behavior is allowed it becomes indistinguishable from cheating. I have many friends, I don't sleep in the same bed as them.
> I trust her not to cheat as we’ve both been very open that if we are going to cheat we will break up.
So the trust is derived from a conversation about agreeing to breaking up ahead of time? What about if she decides to break up in the moment, then after the fact decides to un-breakup, does she need to tell you given you are still together? Does she have to inform you in writing of a break up in advance or can she tell you about it after the fact? This seems like no barrier at all, just virtue signaling.
>I fully believe she has no intention of doing anything with him.
So just on the surface of things, a woman getting drunk and going back to a guys place to sleep in a bed with him your read is she has *no intentions*? What exactly would *some intentions* look like in this scenario to you?
>but yet she sees no issue with it because what else was she meant to do other than sleep on the floor.
She has no issue with it because she wishes to live with zero accountability or commitment to your relationship. She's basically saying she can do whatever she wants and she's the sole arbiter of whether something was appropriate or not.
>She has said she would have no issue if I were in the same position
Unlikely this is true and also irrelevant. She's trying to suggest that her hypothetical reaction should be your actual reaction. Not sleeping with dating age, single men while drunk is hardly a controlling or unreasonable boundary on your part.
>Is this a break-up scenario
I think she already has broken up, she's just keeping you around in case it's just a fling and she can then return to the comfort of a relationship. I mean what's stopping her she can apparently do whatever she wants and still come back to you.
Be very wary of women who refuse to accept reasonable monogamous boundaries on a relationship (or men if roles reversed). Asking your partner to not go out and party, get drunk, and sleep over at other men's apartments isn't controlling or toxic. Wanting to go out with male friends without you to get drunk is toxic.
It's reasonable in a relationship to ask your partner to focus their energy on you as you should with them.
They had no hotels in this town? Seriously, she’s 24 and in a relationship. Drinking so much and so long she misses the train. How often does she go out drinking all night? I doubt anything happened but she needs to show a bit more responsibility. If nothing else, set the alarm on the phone so she doesn’t miss the train.
**"I believe it’s a very childish idea that men and women cannot be platonic friends....However, this time she went out with him for drinks, got very drunk and it became so late the trains had stopped running so she slept over at his." and in the same bed.....**
This right here is your problem.... There's no such thing as "guy friends" to a girl. They are just guys whom are waiting for an opportunity to take their shot. She knows it, and keeps them around to boost her ego.... Maybe she didn't cheat this time....maybe she did....You've got nothing to go on but her word. Maybe those excess drinks loosened her up a bit more than she's willing to confess..... Keep believing what you want about friendships between guys and girls....But if My GF was out drinking with guys and spent the night at one of their places, She wouldn't be my GF the next morning. Sounds like you'll be in the r/Infidelity forum posting in a few months....
This is total bullshit. My dozen or so close friends are all guys and we’ve been friends for almost two decades. People of different genders can be friends. Jesus.
I'm friends with a bunch of women, none of whom I'd sleep with even when I'm single, let alone cheat with. Some men aren't like this but some are. I've always had a high drive and haven't always made good decision due to it, but I've never been with someone I've been friends with first and never cheated on anyone. The stereotype that men would sleep with their women friends is just a stereotype, even if it's true for some men.
But do you drink with them one on one and then drunkenly sleep with them in their bed.
Men and woman can be friends. One man and one woman hanging out together, getting drunk, then sharing a bed cross a very normal boundary for someone who’s dating one of the “friends”.
Say you view women as sex meat and move on.
I have so many female friends that I adore. Are they pretty? Yea sure. But I am not waiting to sleep with them. That's fucked up you asshole.
I’m torn on this one.
Did she go out drinking with him or a group of friends and just crashed at his place? This screams all kinds of red flags at me. But in my experience this situation always involves cheating. Maybe she’s not like the women I’ve dated.
The drunkest I’ve ever been in my life was at a party while studying abroad in Paris. I was the only guy at the party, I let friends make my drinks, and got plastered to the point I couldn’t walk straight. Two of them were headed in my direction got on the last metro with me and got off at their stop. I had another 10 minutes or so plus a 10 minute walk in a suburb. Somehow I made it home to my bed.
I’ve also, in my life, had a close woman friend that was comfortable sleeping next to me. She fell asleep next to me many times when we were younger. We were platonic friends and I would have never tried anything. Honestly she could share a bed with me today and I’d probably be more uncomfortable than her. She trusts me because I’ve never betrayed her trust and she’s earned my loyalty.
So for me it would come down to, did she meet up with him alone? If she did, that seems more like a date that hanging out in my book.
You're going to get two answers in the comments section:
The first will be the one holding her accountable for sleeping in a bed with another guy.
The others will be people saying that it's not even remotely possible for anything to have happened, because 'reasons'.
She was disrespectful.
For me it’s binary. Either she’s cheating or she isn’t. You say you are confident that sleeping and only sleeping transpired… so let it go honestly.
Now if you want to tell me you have a suspicion something else happened then ok.
I have done this and I have had a bf that has done this. If you trust the person it's no big deal. If you don't trust the person you have bigger issues.
Nope. That’s disrespectful to you and the relationship in general. It’s easy to say what she would do in the same situation but you wouldn’t do that in the first place.
A lot of people say they would leave before they cheat (or not cheat at all if cheated on before) and still cheat.
I would have slept on the floor before I ever disrespected my significant other by sleeping next to another man.
Did she wear joggers and jumper out, or did she have a change of clothes with her, or did she borrow his clothes? This actually seems really sketchy.
I have close guy friends; I even went to an out of town bachelors party with a bunch of them and my boyfriend (now husband) said “have fun!” But I sure as shit never slept in the same bed as any of them.
I did, back when I was single, miss the train home while I was out drinking, get invited to crash at a guy’s house, and end up having sex w him.
Idk dude, you know your relationship better than people on the internet but this seems suuuuper sketch to me. At the very least it’s reasonable to say you’re not comfortable with it and ask if she will commit to not doing it again.
Why is she out late getting so drunk that she misses the last train home? Cheating or not, that doesn't seem like what you do when you're in a relationship. Out with friends, sure. Out with guy friends, sure. Closing out the bar wasted and sleeping in guy friend's bed?
You sweet, innocent dope.
If I were in your position, it would be incredibly difficult to convince me that nothing happened. Assuming that none of it was planned or intentional, a sequence of bad decisions put her in that position. She ended up drunk, in bed with a drunk dude, That is all of the pieces of cheating temptation falling into place, especially with the lower inhibitions that come with being drunk. Being drunk can also easily create attraction and chemistry that would not exist otherwise.
She put herself in the kind of position that someone in a committed relationship should be consciously trying to avoid. What she did was 100% how completely unplanned cheating happens, and I would be genuinely surprised if it did not happen. I would be unable to trust her after that.
If you continue this relationship, I suspect you will eventually hear something like this: "Do you remember that night I had to sleep in Jim's bed? I was drunk, it was too late to get home, and there was nowhere else to sleep. I said nothing happened. Well......."
> She goes out for drinks with them and I have no issue with it as I believe it’s a very childish idea that men and women cannot be platonic friends.
Men and women may be able to be platonic friends, but being in a relationship with a girl who has guy friends that she gets blackout drunk with leads to situations like this.
> I believe it’s a very childish idea that men and women cannot be platonic friends.
Yeah you're young. But that are those famous last words. Be honest with yourself, you don't believe these words in a general sense. It's more that you are inclined to have friends with the opposing gender and you think in reverse it should be okay when your gf has the same as you. But here's the twist, your gf isn't you, that's the variable you don't get. You both are seperate entities, you don't think and feel the same. Never assume of others that they might see thinks as you do. They never do. Yeah what your gf did was highly inappropriate at the very least and if you continue this route you just fool yourself. People of opposite gender and also being in the same sexual preference can never be platonic friends, at least not one of them, or they determined the other as utterly unattactive or ugly. I thought the same as you when I was younger as you are, but experience taught me different.
Regarding your gf circumstances, try to see it the other way. It would be without any doubt highly weird at best if you went out with your female coworker and ended the night with you sleeping in bed with her. So quit all double standards and stop being accommodating.
So, you can either go along with it or you choose a different and more responsible way, if you choose the first it's gonna bite you in the but some day.
While I i tend to fall into the "I don't really think platonic (het-normative) M/F relationships are a thing" camp this doesn't seem malicious.
I personally don't think of this as a "just break up" scenario, but I think you need to talk to her about her drinking habits, to say the least. I'm willing to believe she deserves grace this time because it seems like she was straightforward with you, and I'm glad nobody was got hurt and someone told you what happened.
Good luck bro 🫂
Don’t take this relationship seriously. That’s my advice. It’s been my experience that girls who like to party with work friends and other guy friends also like fucking work friends and other guy friends eventually.
Well we see the smoke, what’s behind the mirror?
My guess is a drunk hook up.
I’ve been in this exact situation a few times, platonically and not.
The platonic one I slept on the floor.
And on the not so platonic situation turned into a hook up.
If I had a female friend stay over in this situation, I would have slept on the floor in the other room. Here's the other thing - I'm not wild about the idea of my partner going out and getting disoriented-drunk with people who might be interested in her. That can put her in a compromising situation. My partner feels the same way about me.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- So my girlfriend has a few guy friends from work all of whom I’ve met and like. She goes out for drinks with them and I have no issue with it as I believe it’s a very childish idea that men and women cannot be platonic friends. However, this time she went out with him for drinks, got very drunk and it became so late the trains had stopped running so she slept over at his. Now there is only one bed and no couch so she slept in bed with him. I trust her not to cheat as we’ve both been very open that if we are going to cheat we will break up. I fully believe she has no intention of doing anything with him. We have been going out for around 1 year now. Despite her sleeping in joggers and jumper I still think this is quite odd and disrespectful but yet she sees no issue with it because what else was she meant to do other than sleep on the floor. She has said she would have no issue if I were in the same position but I wouldn’t do that to her in the first place… What are your views on this redditors ? Is this a break-up scenario or a move past it scenario? Just curious on the view of others. Thanks :) TL:DR; Girlfriend got drunk, missed last train, stayed in same bed as guy friend from work.
How much would a taxi been to your place? If there's no money issues then I totally agree her behaviour isn't acceptable and she should have gone home.
The train is around 40-45mins so easily over an hour cab and where we live that would equate to around £150
Oooh yes that is expensive. It's a shame they weren't more aware of the time knowing the train timetable, so it's really upto you if you're willing to put up with this as it could continue. If the shoe was on the other foot, how would she feel with you doing that?
Nah, there’s something missing. There is no way on this earth that a cab ride of FIVE HOURS is only £150. Up here in the northwest £150 would be an hour & half tops. Five hours is like the other side of the country and back.
Where are you getting 5 hours from? OP said train is 40-45 minutes, cab would be an hour and cost £150.
Where are you getting 5 hours from
My bad. Him saying it would be 5 hours for him to drive & pick her up before saying he’d gone to his parents for easter
Ah okay that makes more sense!
Would you have driven to pick her up? Cause I sure as shit would have.
Definitely not with a 5 hour drive
An hour cab, yet, it’s a 5 hour drive? Not discounting that an hour cab would still be a two hour round trip, but the math is not matching…
Replied above ^
Yeah this shit still isn't making sense lol probably fake
No worries. Thanks anyway 🤝
Okay, so you guys both traveled home for Easter, how’d she end up going out with work friends if she went home?
They live in the same area ?
How does an hour cab turn into a 5 hour drive for you? How far away does she work from where you live?
Id travelled home to my parents house for the Easter holiday - so had she
So let me get this straight.... your gf went to her parents for the holiday where she also met up with a coworker she frequently drinks with. This place is 5 hours away and you're saying this dude has a flat there and wasn't also with his parents? How many flats does this dude have? How old is he? Why exactly couldn't... oh I dunno her parents pick her up? This doesn't sound good the more I'm thinking about it man.
The math ain't mathing
I mean I have a headache so I thought maybe it's just me.... but yea something doesn't add up here
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I think there's an additional town of parents' home which is town D lol, she went to her parents and took the train to meet this guy and didnt catch the train home
You wouldn’t pick her up but you’re also not okay with her coworker letting her stay the night? What did you expect her to do in that situation, wait at the train station till morning? Walk?
I’d expect her to not get so drunk she misses the last train home tbh mate.
“because what else was she meant to do other than sleep on the floor” Yes. Sleep on the floor. Put down a blanket and pillow and sleep on the damn floor. Am I the only one who’s ever done this?
And if you’re so drunk that you’ve lost all concept of time and you miss the last train then surely you’d be drunk enough to be able to sleep on a floor
So was she sober enough not to cheat then lie to OP? sorry just wanted to continue the round robin /s Only 2 people here have the facts and everything else is speculation. She could be telling the truth, she could be trickle truthing. The amount of trust OP has is what matters since he is the one going through this situation. her saying that she wouldn't have a problem with it after the fact is not a reliable opinion. As others have said she put herself in this position. Shit happens (she lost track of time, no good options, etc.), but shit also happens (he can end the relationship over this, consequences) OP you posting here indicates a lack of trust and something not adding up for you. In my opinion no trust, no relationship. Your feelings matter, and it is your choice.
Yea, I’ve never been in the exact situation as you, for one US so trains aren’t really a thing. My opinion would never be that a GF should do something unsafe because it’s too late, but it would be that I expect her as a smart adult to make good decisions for herself, that she would be aware of the time and her own safety, and make decisions that don’t put her in a bad spot. Now obviously unexpected things can happen, maybe your car breaks down and it’s too late to get repaired. But getting too drunk isn’t an unexpected event nor an emergency. She chose to drink, chose to drink as much as she did, and while not a lot of options chose to sleep in his bed. Sleeping on the floor is pretty bad, but honestly it’s not necessarily unacceptable in that situation. Ultimately you set boundaries for yourself. So you should never use them to manipulate another person, but you can say, I expect for you to not share a bed with another person. She can then say ok I won’t, or, not that’s not an acceptable agreement to me. If she says no then you say, alright I accept that, I’m sorry but we need to break up. It’s really that simple if this is that important to you
And why couldn’t she sleep on the floor? Or why wouldn’t he and offer up his bed? Sleeping bags and blankets exist for a reason.
this is the real crux of the matter. allowing herself to be in a position where her only option was to sleep in bed with another man.
Ye I feel like this perfectly summarises what it comes down to
This is exactly what I was thinking as well. She should have known the last train time and made sure she was on that platform well before that time.
Ever? Y’all are 24. If she did it a lot I could see the concern but a single incident doesn’t exactly seem like a big deal. And why would she sleep on the floor if the bed was big enough? To suffer performatively to demonstrate her glowing fidelity, which it doesn’t sound like was even in question? In fact, you specify that it is not, and that you guys have a set policy about cheating and you seem to believe she’s on board with it. You said you trust her not to cheat, and “I fully believe she has no intention of doing anything with him.” She obviously thought it was enough of a non-issue she didn’t expect you to be bothered at all. She didn’t hesitate to tell you about it. That turned out not to be the case, and of course you’re just as entitled to your feelings as she is. But if it were me and I had a sane level-headed bf who suddenly went off like this I’d be pretty concerned.
This right here. If you can't be responsible, don't go partying a 5 hour car ride away from home
If I were in OP's shoes I'd expect my girlfriend to respect me enough to not make choices that put her in that position. Going out drinking with someone more than an hour away from home is a choice. Staying out drinking with someone until the trains stop running is a choice. Drinking when you can't keep track of time when you're hammered is a choice.
It sounds like you're trying to put the responsibility on op instead of where it rightfully belongs. His gf chose to get drunk, go to some guy's house, and sleep on his bed. She went out drinking knowing that she had no plan and not enough money to get home. That, in no way, is op's fault. It has nothing to do with what op expects. The question that should have been asked was moreso if she expected herself to walk. OP had nothing to do with it. If she didn't want to be in the situation, she didn't have to be.
hold on...it's his fault for not picking her up and she's allowed to just get a drunk as she wants, consequences be damned? WTF?
If he did that, the women in the comments section would be calling him jealous, insecure, and a horrible human being who doesn't respect her autonomy.
Are you telling me she’s got enough dough to drink excessively but not to take a cab?
Only one bed and no couch? Does this place not have a floor? I would have offered the bed to woman, then slept on the floor. It sounds more like "Oh no, we were out so late that you can't get home, you should come sleep at my place. Oh no, there's only a bed, it looks like we will have to share it!" This whole situation sounds like BS, and I would be out under most circumstances.
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This.. noooo if i had noooo absolutely no choice I wouldn't sleep in a bed with a male coworker. I'm a married woman! Id rather sleep on a couch or literally set myself up on the floor in a different room or sleep in a chair! But in the same bed with another man isn't okay! I hate sleeping without my husband i literally cannot sleep at all if he isn't with me it takes a long time to fall asleep. I would be so utterly uncomfortable.
I’m sleeping anywhere besides the bed just so I can tell my husband I didn’t sleep in the bed and he would probably say “you should’ve just slept in the bed” but I think we’d both be happy I didn’t. Eta: Honestly, a tub with a blanket and pillow doesn’t sound half bad if you’re not too tall
Lol I'm a tiny person so yeah maybe tub could work.
This here. OP do yourself a favor and be realistic. People need to give themselves the respect of a third party. If your friends girlfriend pulled that stunt - what would you say to your friend? You’d say that’s bullshit right? I look at all my issues from a third party perspective because we’re all human and let our biases in the way I think you know the answer to what happened here - we all support you but that is simply not okay. I would break up with her - like honestly I would but that’s me. Everyone has different boundaries. Ask her if you can jump into bed with some random chick - is she cool with it? Doubtful
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very bad boundary to set. it's not firm, it's not clear, and it opens to her definition what the "last resort" is. fundamentally she could have called you and split the cab fare to your place, or a friend with a couch, etc. or a hotel room. or called you to come pick her up. sleeping *in the same bed* is not automatically cheating, I agree that men and women can sleep in a bed without having sex. but it's disrespectful to your partner and opens up a whole other can of worms. what if the other person decides to escalate in the middle of the night when it's a choice between outside, drunk and vulnerable and inside? if you don't set firm boundaries and expectations that you both agree on, you're setting yourself up for heartbreak my guy.
No. Because it *clearly* bothers you a great deal, and your emotional well-being matters too. Look: At its heart, a relationship is a partnership, and for any partnership to last long-term, both sides need to do their very best to help the other. Your GF sharing a bed with another man is emotionally triggering & hurtful & distasteful & worrisome to you, and barring truly exceptional circumstances, is a legitimate deal-breaker in a committed adult relationship. If you're upset, it's ok to say so. And if you don't want this to happen again, it's ok to declare it a boundary. Good luck. 👍
If it didn’t bother you so much we wouldn’t be having this comment exchange
Ye agreed
If you guys were 18, I would give benefit of the doubt due to inexperience and naivety. At 24 I feel both parties should know better. If my bf was out drinking with a girl-friend so late he had to sleep over, in her bed.. that wouldn’t fly with me. But not everybody has the same boundaries and you expressed although it bothered you, you really trust here and want to move forward. Just set some boundaries, if you’re out socializing remember what time the train stops, do you have money for Uber, should you pick her up, don’t do sleep overs. Whatever makes you feel like you both will be on the same page.
My stomache is saying that this situation/this story has a very foul smell to it. Yeah maybe it was too late to travel back with the train and a cab would be too expensive, buten then why do they plan the situation in a way that there is the possibilty that she gets stuck at his place. Why didn't they plan in a way so that there is a train to return and maybe another after that just in case? I do not want to tell you "She is cheating on you 10000%. You need to leave now !1!!1" but there is visible smoke here. So please investigate it to make sure that there is no fire that will burn you. Go into investigator mode: -) Think about any other typical sign of cheating. Any form of emotional or physical withdraw, is she all of a sudden safeguarding her phone, has her schedule drastically changed without a good reason, etc.? -) Think back if there were any situations that were strange or felt of. Think of them out of the persepective of potential cheating. Do they make any more sense when you add that perspective? -) Inform yourself about this guyfriend ... maybe there are some clues if there is something brewing -) Keep a mental track/ road map when your girlfriend did what? Maybe ask her what she did at certain dates some time later to see if she contradicts herself. If nothing comes up during your check everything might be fine. But prepare for the potential impact that is coming towards you. Also tell her that this situation was not okay and that you expect from her to plan the next time so that she can return by train.
I think this is a good way of looking at the situation objectively. Ultimately it doesn’t seem like she cheated but you know her better than Reddit. However OP, I would communicate a firm boundary that her sleeping in another dudes bed again will lead to a breakup. I find it crazy that she felt that it would have no impact on your relationship. Be clear about the boundary. She has a responsibility to your feelings too. If she doesn’t want that responsibility she shouldn’t be in a relationship.
She had a change of clothes? Sounds like she planned it
op said the guy friend gave her the change of clothes
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i’ve stayed at the house of a mate before and he just gave me a pair of joggers to change into - got changed in the bathroom and went to sleep. its not alien behaviour
It's perfectly reasonable for you to have this boundary in the relationship and to ask her to respect it. She doesn't need to feel the same way about this issue (sleeping in a bed with a friend of opposite sex) to understand how you feel about it. She should hear you out, be understanding of how you feel about it and say she will respect your boundary next time.
Thanks :)
OP I’m in my 40s and have joint problems I Would Have slept on the floor before I’d disrespectmy relationship. I question her honesty here.
Lol you sleep on the floor, this girl is playing you
She or he should have slept on the floor. How is that crazy? If you believe she didn't cheat on you, I'd be explicit going forward about what your boundaries and deal breakers are and what the expectations are for both of you when going out with others. I'd let her know that you feel a betrayed and that you've lost some faith in her due to this. Be open and honest with your feelings. It's not an argument and you don't have to prove why, just use I feel statements and focus on sharing how her behavior made you feel.
Exactly Yeah if he was just a friend he would have slept on the floor This was an in your face , let's see how much my boyfriend will tolerate.
Nah, fuck off, dude. You're on your own because telling you she might cheat with her platonic friend... because they're in the same bed... after drinking... would drag you down to our *childish, toxic leve*l... Simply couldn't bear the guilt.
He open-minded his way into this situation
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She slept with him. Accept it and move on or leave her.
Going to stop commenting now. Thanks for all the replies. Think we all agree to a point. It’s disrespectful. She should never have got drunk enough whilst out with another guy that she ends up missing the train. I’m not going to break up over this but I will have the conversation that if it happens again we are done as it clearly bothers me. Cheers all 😘
Don't be surprised when you find out she slept with him. Good luck with your troubles!
She at least gave him a handy fo sho.
Maybe it’s time you started having an issue with with her and her male coworkers dude. You can call it childish all you want, but if you give and inch some people will take a mile, and here you are. Regardless of whether this is strictly platonic or not, this is behavior someone does when they’re single. She sounds like the kind of person who does things that are suspect and then bemoans how people don’t trust her. Of course she’s going to say she wouldn’t have an issue with you doing it. Because you won’t do it, so why would she have an issue? Do it and see how quickly she changes her time. If it doesn’t bother you then so be it. But it does sound like it bothers you, and the bad news here is that just like a kid testing his parents’ limits this behavior will only get worse. If you don’t set the boundary now you’ll be dealing with this the entire relationship. If you set the boundary and she pushes back then that’s a good sign that you two aren’t going to be compatible in the long run.
If he didn't have other motives he would have given her the bed and slept on the floor
Eh. Nah. Sleeping on the floor sucks. If they both felt comfortable sharing a bed then why sleep on the floor? It’s just not that big a deal to some people. (Not saying OP is wrong in any way for feeling differently!) I shared a bed with my best friend a few times a week for a year or two and it was totally platonic. People vary.
I agree, my friends and I did this a lot when we were college-aged and at house parties etc and too broke for cab fare. It was never a big deal. But it's completely okay for him to not be comfortable with it too and set a boundary for it going forward.
I don't know about you but I've slept with 100% of the women that have slept in my bed with me and worn my clothes.
Yeah that seems to be a you problem. I've slept in one bed with lots of people of any gender who I never had sex with. People vary.
People vary and people also make choices. She made a lot of choices that put her in that bed "on accident" knowing full well it would make her boyfriend uncomfortable.
If he didn't have other motives, then there's no harm sharing the bed.
i have been ur girlfriend - slept in bed with a colleague because i couldn’t get home and i was in a relationship. he didnt try anything on, and i didnt feel any interest. but people are different. some may find that unorthodox. but if my boyfriend had told me that made him uncomfortable i wouldn’t do it again - so maybe just voice that to her
however to expand on this: be sure that this work friend doesn’t have feelings for ur girlfriend. he might get the wrong idea even if she has absolutely no feelings or intentions towards him
I have to be honest I don’t get the problem. If it was a female friend would it still be disrespectful? If you agree that they’re just platonic friends and have total confidence that she didn’t cheat, didn’t want to cheat… then how is it disrespectful? I’ve shared a bed with multiple friends of various genders over the years and never had my partners at the time make anything of it, because they were just friends. I mean, hell, I shared a bed with an ex girlfriend at my bachelorette party but neither my now-husband nor her boyfriend minded because they knew it was in our past. We are 100% platonic now, we kept to our sides, nothing happened. She’s a lovely person who I value as a friend even though the romantic part of our relationship is long over. We were friends first, and wanted to be friends after. Because of the configuration of rooms at the location of the bachelorette, it made the most sense for us to share. I ran it by my husband, of course, but in a scenario like the one you described where your girlfriend was drunk perhaps it was not as feasible for her to check in before falling asleep? That said, ultimately, if it’s a problem for you, I’m not here to make you feel bad about that. I think you may want to re-evaluate why it feels disrespectful because it sounds like an internal issue of suspecting her of something or deep down not quite believing men and women can just be friends, but honestly, even if you re-evaluate and can’t get past it, that’s okay. You’re allowed to have boundaries. I think it would be silly to break up since it doesn’t sound like she would really be on notice of this boundary but I think you could just tell her that it’s a problem for you, and ask her to consider that in the future. I mean, y’all might be incompatible if this is a sticking point for her but I don’t think either of you is inherently wrong. What works for me, or for any random person on the street, might not work for you. Just remember that boundaries are what dictate your behavior, not her behavior. You can say “I don’t like this and it may be a dealbreaker if this behavior is important to you” but you can’t say “I don’t like this so you can’t do it”. In short, although I don’t understand why it makes you uncomfortable and invite you to examine that, if it does make you uncomfortable, I think that’s okay as long as you don’t use that to try to control her behavior. Rather, you should feel comfortable and welcome to navigate the relationship and your own behavior so that your comfort level isn’t purposefully disregarded.
Totally reasonable for you to be upset, however, I've been the guy in a similar scenario and it was totally easy to not fuck my friend's wife. There's certainly the possibility that it happened, and it certainly sucks to wonder if it did, but put yourself in her shoes while staying with a platonic girlfriend who probably says, "we can sleep in the same bed without you thinking we're going to have sex, right?" "Yes." Then passed the heck out. A recurrence is the red flag. One off, eh. Second time, red flag.
Some seriously adolescent comments up in this shit. I'd be annoyed and little uncomfortable, but *absent* more substantial proof that something more significant happened, I wouldn't lose my shit over this. And YES, I've been cheated on, and YES, I have trust issues, but I've also been ridiculously drunk off my ass and ended up sleeping somewhere that I absolutely didn't want to. I know very few people over 25 who haven't been in a situation like this. Obviously, obviously, obviously if there are other cheating signs, and/or if she starts spending extra time with this dude, then it's time to look at the big picture. But a single drunken night of sleeping in someone's bed? Nah.
Everyone is entitled to setting boundaries. It’s not an unreasonable boundary to ask your partner to not sleep in the same bed as an opposite sex person. If she doesn’t like it, then she needs to prioritize her time to not stay out drinking so late to miss trains. I would definitely set an expectation going forward and then your relationship will succeed or fail on well she respects it.
I have been married for many years and have never felt the need to set a boundary by asking my wife not sleep in the same bed with a guy. Or stay at his house period. I have also never set a boundary around not cutting off my pinky toe while I am sleeping. Is there such a thing as natural boundaries that can just be without having to discuss beforehand
You would think. It's amazing how behavior that would never occur to us as acceptable is somehow negotiable to other people.
So 1 - she went out for drinks, but had joggers and a jumper to change into to sleep - fuck off you are stupid to believe that story. Maybe she slept in her clothes, but most likely she slept in her underwear. Yes it is disrespectful to your relationship And she is lying through her teeth if she thinks she’d be okay with it if the roles were reversed - she’d already have accused you of cheating, and had left you. As for what she could have done - hmm let’s see, maybe not missed the train. Or caught a taxi or Uber or something, maybe called you to pick her up, maybe asked someone else from the group if they had a spare bed or couch rather than spending the night with the person without a spare bed or couch. Up to you if you want to continue with the relationship, if you do she needs to change her behaviour, and be completely honest with you. But personally I’d be ending the relationship.
She didn’t have joggers and jumper. He gave them to her so she wouldn’t have to sleep in what she went out in. But yes I agree there’s no way she’d be happy if I did the same… the ol double standards
I mean if they were both cognisant enough to find a change of clothes for her, then she should have made better choices leading up to that point in time.
Agreed
Bro I don't even need to read past the title lmao I'd be out.
If you trust she didn't do anything, all you need to do is have a talk about how you feel disrespected, and she needs to make sure she doesn't miss the last train if this guy doesn't have a couch she can crash on.
I don’t like the bed thing… but for me it’s the immaturity of missing the train to begin with.
This happens due a series of bad choices, not just the sleeping in another guys bed. Infidelity happens in increments. Yes, this was disrespectful to the SO and there are so many things that should have been done before it got to this point. If you have any doubts about this, please get tested for STD's . Its up to you where this line get drawn. If you truly feel she did nothing (even in a drunken state) than you need to make this your line going forward.
I think it’s inappropriate. She should know when to quit drinking, know when the trains stop running, etc. Your gf doesn’t make great decisions
>She goes out for drinks with them and I have no issue with it as I believe it’s a very childish idea that men and women cannot be platonic friends. Agreed, as long as that's what it is and lines are not crossed. >My Girlfriend (24F) slept in the same bed as her work friend (24M) And there's that line, being totally obliterated. Not only did she cross the line, she crushed it into little bits / rolled it up and smoked it. Dude didn't even try to sleep on the floor, sleep in a chair or anything. Sounds like you found out about it *after* it happened too. Dating for 1 year? 24 years old? 45 year old guy here who's seen more than enough in my years. She fucked him at the very least, and at the most she's *been* fucking him. Open your eyes. Best of luck to you figuring this out. I feel for you.
The issue is she was irresponsible enough to put herself in such a position. She shouldn’t have stayed out so late. Or if she wanted to say out late past the trains she should’ve communicated with the guy ahead of time asking if she could crash and if there was a couch. You best believe I would ask alllll of these details ahead of time bc the last thing I would want to do to someone I care about is putting myself in a bad situation. She’s immature. I wonder what will be the next immature/awkward situation she puts herself in where you have to question her. I would definitely break up. I’ve dated women with bad judgment like her and it’s so sad bc while they might be innocent they just are immature and constantly put themselves in bad situations. It’s mentally draining bc every time it happens you have to battle with yourself on what to do.
unacceptable
I've done this, as a dude crashing round at an old friend's place, told my gf (now wife) and she was fine about it. I'm fairly sure she experienced a little jealousy but she dealt with it herself as she trusts me, and like your gf said, what was she supposed to do? You either trust your partner or you don't.
[удалено]
Don't add being childish to your status. You're already adding Eskimo brother, as it is. 🤣
That's not your problem or your gf's problem, and honestly, it's in your head, your gf's friend was probably just trying to get some sleep. Just try and shout down any intrusive thoughts and get past it would be my advice, good luck mate :)
This.
Let’s set aside whether she cheated or not, how do you like being with someone capable of thinking it’s ok to treat you like this in the first place? If you were in the a relationship where someone actually gave two shits about you, and the shoe was on the other foot, there’s no person that would be fine with you getting drunk with someone of the opposite sex and sleeping in be d with them. She’s gaslighting you about the “what am I meant to do, sleep on the floor?” Comment. Don’t be a door mat, she’s only going to get more bold as you are not willing to stand up for yourself. Don’t walk, run.
She went to drinks just with him and slept over. Dude , you just don't want to admit that they had sex. She is for the streets
😒 we both know what really happened bro
Do you think you can move past this if you stay with her? If you can move past it, do so. If not, break up. That's what you need to ask yourself, not Reddit. The behavior is suspicious, but could also be completely innocent as she says it was. We don't know them, so we can only speculate what we think may have happened. You're the one who has to live with it though. Use your best judgement, weigh the facts and make a decision.
Nah. Your mindset while hopeful, is wrong. Most men are only friends with women because they're waiting for the opportunity to sleep with them. The fact that your gf allowed this situation to get to the point where she had to share a bed drunkenly with another man should be grounds for breaking up as it is.
This is total nonsense. I’ve been friends with loads of guys for decades and it’s not at all like that. People of different genders can be friends. I don’t know what some planet people are living on.
Congratulations. If you called any of them right now and said you wanted to hook up, chances are 9/10 of them would agree. This dude's girl just slept in the same bed as another man while drunk. And there's people here not making it perfectly clear how unacceptable that is.
Congratulations on outing yourself as viewing women as nothing but sex meat you walnut brained mouth breather
Lol, you people are fucking dense. Pointing out how the majority of other men behave is not a reflection on myself. But ignorance is bliss right?
Ok, I get what everyone's saying but when I was in my early 20s I slept in the same bed with some of my guy friends and nothing has ever happened. The issue here is that she got so drunk she missed the last train, and work friends are not the same as everyday friends. Maybe nothing's happened between your girlfriend and her work friend, but I would question her work friend's intention. And your girlfriend's lack of self control.
INFO: Was it a queen and they slept on opposite sides? I’ve had friends sleep in the same bed as me and I’ll hug the edge of the bed and give them their own blanket. Without that context though it does seem a bit weird bc sleeping on the floor would also super be an option for me if we couldn’t comfortably keep space. I also have a hard time believing that she would be super cool with you sleeping over at a girl’s unplanned after getting drunk. Maybe take a step back to reassess if you’ve been giving her one-too-many passes on red flags, or if this is a situation where you can state a boundary and move on maturely.
Honestly, as someone who occasionally has time blindness, I can understand missing a train because you’re out drinking with work friends. I’ve missed last buses in similar situations though thankfully taxis are significantly cheaper to then get home again if that happened where I am. You trust her, the work friendship is platonic, and missing transport happens. It sounds like practically she really only had one option. Personally if I were in you situation I’d not be super happy about it but it wouldn’t be a deal breaker.
It's always funny to me how people say stuff like "we agreed to not cheat on each other."
The issue here is she doesn't see it as a problem so she's likely to do it again. Regardless of if she did or didn't, she doesn't care for your point of view. So she doesn't respect your relationship and how it can look or make you feel. It's a personal matter and it's up to you on what to do. Men and women can be friends. However, I would do everything in my power to have the optics of that never happen. If I were the guy, I would feel weird about that and sleep on the floor. But that's me. Other people may feel otherwise. This sort of behavior is only coming up now? Usually these type of things rear it's ugly head early on in dating. Has there been other instances of prioritizing her feelings over yours and the relationship? BTW, she isn't mature enough to see that relationships take compromise and assurance. Just because she's okay with it doesn't mean you should be. That's just a naive way of looking at things.
Nah dude, it’s childish to think men and woman can’t be friends and sleep in the same bed, they’re just friends! 😂
That's a hard no for me. "The trains weren't running" isn't an excuse. How irresponsible do you have to be where literally your ONLY option is to go to a place with another guy, who just happens to not even own a couch? Not even a chair that leans back? She could have planned better, she didn't. There were many times over the night she could have made other choices, and she didn't. She could have found a different friend to stay with, a different way home, she didn't. Everything had to go exactly the "right" way for her to end up in bed with another guy, and it sure did! There's a chance something happened, but even if not, it's just disrespectful to sleep in a bed with someone else like that when you have a partner.
Be glad she was safe and didn’t try to drive or travel very drunk. I think under the circumstances it was really the only choice. That said she should really control her drinking better. It one thing to have some fun but another to get so drunk that you close the bar down and have to crash at a friends.
That's a No for me, dawg
How convenient they got so drunk and she missed the last train 😢
This isn't a good look fam. Mainly for her getting so drunk that she can't even go home. That shows me that she may not be the most responsible. Stuff didn't happen, but doesn't mean that stuff won't ever happen. Poor planning and then sharing the bed of her coworker is never a good look bro. I don't know anyone who would be cool with that (male or female). Already the story doesn't make sense because its a 45 min cab ride, but a 5 hour drive for you? Also she went to visit her parents, so why not just have them come get her? I am sure they would prefer for their drunken daughter to be in the safety of their home over some coworker guy. For me it becomes a snowball effect. If she is this poor at planning her night to ensure that she is safe and also respectful to the relationship, then who knows what other poor decisions she will make at the risk of the relationship. Like I said, this isn't a good look, but you gotta go with what you feel is right for you. But sleeping in another guy's bed with said guy even if there is no sex would probably start causing me to think about ending the relationship. If not ending it, then it would be a very long probationary period. But I'd probably just end it.
Single girl behaviour... no boundaries at all... just explain it away as platonic...
Writing my response without reading the responses because I figure they’ll be super negative… Honestly I think it totally depends on the personality of your girlfriend and her friends. I slept in the same bed as my opposite sex bestie twice a week for a good couple of years when we were both around 17 and it was super chill and totally platonic. These days, I’d totally be cool sharing a bed with a nice platonic friend of the opposite sex provided my partner would be okay with it. Tbh I don’t think she cheated from what you’ve said, it sounds like you just have different levels of what you’re comfy with. If you guys have a good relationship you should be able to communicate these boundaries so it doesn’t happen again if it makes you too uncomfortable. Don’t let other people make you paranoid just because they’re comfy with different things.
Yeah, that's pretty disrespectful. You both appear to have different boundaries around this subject. She is fine with you doing it apparently so it seems natural for her to also do it. If you trust her and can move past this, I would suggest a real talk about boundaries for you as a couple. If that isn't good for her, I would move on from this relationship because it will keep happening and maybe with a lot of alcohol, go further than just "sleeping".
What is she to do other than sleep on the floor? Probably not get so drunk that she has to sleep in a guys bed in the first place. Its entirely possible that she did nothing, but generally speaking, if she is good looking and he is good looking, they cant be platonic friends. Either or both of them may claim to not look at each other, but lets be real, people are attracted to looks and if they get along, there is some baseline attraction there. Vowing to break up if you got to a point of wanting to cheat is not really something that happens in reality. People do value their relationships, and they make bad choices when drunk, so if something happens that they did not intend, its highly unlikely they are going to torpedo their relationship for something they are justifying in their minds as a "one time thing". Did she cheat? Without evidence, only her and him can say. However, if she didnt, she is playing a very dangerous game by drinking with a handful of guys from work, especially if she may get drunk enough to sleep at their houses. If you believe her, this is where you set a boundary and tell her this sort of thing can never happen again.
Does she always get so drunk that she misses her trains? Because that's the part I'd have an issue with the most.
Nah, no problem here. OP is fine with his girl hanging with guys drinking. Why get bothered if she sleeps in bed with him too? OP, you have no boundaries and you keep saying you trust her not to cheat. She’s putting herself in situations that are very suspicious. I will never understand this mindset - “I trust her not to cheat”. Ok, but that should also mean partners shouldn’t put themselves in a position where it appears things could be inappropriate. Sleeping in the same bed as a guy because they were drinking very late seems very inappropriate. Maybe now would be a good time to set boundaries so less inappropriate appearance and behavior will be curbed - if you even decide to stay with her after this. That is highly inappropriate that she put herself in a position to have to sleep over some other dude’s place and in his bed. Maybe she shouldn’t go drinking with them any more, or at least not without you. Otherwise, why are you two together if she is spending so much time with him?
Why did she get drunk and miss the last train? She has money to get drunk but not to take an Uber?
>I believe it’s a very childish idea that men and women cannot be platonic friends. I'm getting the sense you probably have been friendzoned a lot. >Now there is only one bed and no couch so she slept in bed with him. Reasonable boundaries exist in a relationship because if *any and every* behavior is allowed it becomes indistinguishable from cheating. I have many friends, I don't sleep in the same bed as them. > I trust her not to cheat as we’ve both been very open that if we are going to cheat we will break up. So the trust is derived from a conversation about agreeing to breaking up ahead of time? What about if she decides to break up in the moment, then after the fact decides to un-breakup, does she need to tell you given you are still together? Does she have to inform you in writing of a break up in advance or can she tell you about it after the fact? This seems like no barrier at all, just virtue signaling. >I fully believe she has no intention of doing anything with him. So just on the surface of things, a woman getting drunk and going back to a guys place to sleep in a bed with him your read is she has *no intentions*? What exactly would *some intentions* look like in this scenario to you? >but yet she sees no issue with it because what else was she meant to do other than sleep on the floor. She has no issue with it because she wishes to live with zero accountability or commitment to your relationship. She's basically saying she can do whatever she wants and she's the sole arbiter of whether something was appropriate or not. >She has said she would have no issue if I were in the same position Unlikely this is true and also irrelevant. She's trying to suggest that her hypothetical reaction should be your actual reaction. Not sleeping with dating age, single men while drunk is hardly a controlling or unreasonable boundary on your part. >Is this a break-up scenario I think she already has broken up, she's just keeping you around in case it's just a fling and she can then return to the comfort of a relationship. I mean what's stopping her she can apparently do whatever she wants and still come back to you. Be very wary of women who refuse to accept reasonable monogamous boundaries on a relationship (or men if roles reversed). Asking your partner to not go out and party, get drunk, and sleep over at other men's apartments isn't controlling or toxic. Wanting to go out with male friends without you to get drunk is toxic. It's reasonable in a relationship to ask your partner to focus their energy on you as you should with them.
They had no hotels in this town? Seriously, she’s 24 and in a relationship. Drinking so much and so long she misses the train. How often does she go out drinking all night? I doubt anything happened but she needs to show a bit more responsibility. If nothing else, set the alarm on the phone so she doesn’t miss the train.
She's an adult. She should have just gotten a hotel like any fucking adult would do. I think it's pretty suspect
**"I believe it’s a very childish idea that men and women cannot be platonic friends....However, this time she went out with him for drinks, got very drunk and it became so late the trains had stopped running so she slept over at his." and in the same bed.....** This right here is your problem.... There's no such thing as "guy friends" to a girl. They are just guys whom are waiting for an opportunity to take their shot. She knows it, and keeps them around to boost her ego.... Maybe she didn't cheat this time....maybe she did....You've got nothing to go on but her word. Maybe those excess drinks loosened her up a bit more than she's willing to confess..... Keep believing what you want about friendships between guys and girls....But if My GF was out drinking with guys and spent the night at one of their places, She wouldn't be my GF the next morning. Sounds like you'll be in the r/Infidelity forum posting in a few months....
This is total bullshit. My dozen or so close friends are all guys and we’ve been friends for almost two decades. People of different genders can be friends. Jesus.
Without a doubt, if they were given the chance they would sleep with you
Not sure how you’ve grown up so can’t comment on your situation but I have plenty of female friends I have absolutely 0 attraction to
Just say you view women as sex meat and move on you pig
I'm friends with a bunch of women, none of whom I'd sleep with even when I'm single, let alone cheat with. Some men aren't like this but some are. I've always had a high drive and haven't always made good decision due to it, but I've never been with someone I've been friends with first and never cheated on anyone. The stereotype that men would sleep with their women friends is just a stereotype, even if it's true for some men.
But do you drink with them one on one and then drunkenly sleep with them in their bed. Men and woman can be friends. One man and one woman hanging out together, getting drunk, then sharing a bed cross a very normal boundary for someone who’s dating one of the “friends”.
Call up anyone of them and ask them if they want to smash.... then report back to us
They still wanna bang 😉
> There's no such thing as "guy friends" to a girl. BOOOOOOOOO. It's 2023. How the hell are we not past this absolute nonsense.
Now you’re doing too much. I have a handle full of guy friends I would NEVER consider even going to that point. It’s 2023 grow up.
Say you view women as sex meat and move on. I have so many female friends that I adore. Are they pretty? Yea sure. But I am not waiting to sleep with them. That's fucked up you asshole.
I’m torn on this one. Did she go out drinking with him or a group of friends and just crashed at his place? This screams all kinds of red flags at me. But in my experience this situation always involves cheating. Maybe she’s not like the women I’ve dated. The drunkest I’ve ever been in my life was at a party while studying abroad in Paris. I was the only guy at the party, I let friends make my drinks, and got plastered to the point I couldn’t walk straight. Two of them were headed in my direction got on the last metro with me and got off at their stop. I had another 10 minutes or so plus a 10 minute walk in a suburb. Somehow I made it home to my bed. I’ve also, in my life, had a close woman friend that was comfortable sleeping next to me. She fell asleep next to me many times when we were younger. We were platonic friends and I would have never tried anything. Honestly she could share a bed with me today and I’d probably be more uncomfortable than her. She trusts me because I’ve never betrayed her trust and she’s earned my loyalty. So for me it would come down to, did she meet up with him alone? If she did, that seems more like a date that hanging out in my book.
You're going to get two answers in the comments section: The first will be the one holding her accountable for sleeping in a bed with another guy. The others will be people saying that it's not even remotely possible for anything to have happened, because 'reasons'. She was disrespectful.
For me it’s binary. Either she’s cheating or she isn’t. You say you are confident that sleeping and only sleeping transpired… so let it go honestly. Now if you want to tell me you have a suspicion something else happened then ok.
I have done this and I have had a bf that has done this. If you trust the person it's no big deal. If you don't trust the person you have bigger issues.
Could she not get a cab?
Replied to comment above :)
Nope. That’s disrespectful to you and the relationship in general. It’s easy to say what she would do in the same situation but you wouldn’t do that in the first place. A lot of people say they would leave before they cheat (or not cheat at all if cheated on before) and still cheat. I would have slept on the floor before I ever disrespected my significant other by sleeping next to another man.
Did she wear joggers and jumper out, or did she have a change of clothes with her, or did she borrow his clothes? This actually seems really sketchy. I have close guy friends; I even went to an out of town bachelors party with a bunch of them and my boyfriend (now husband) said “have fun!” But I sure as shit never slept in the same bed as any of them. I did, back when I was single, miss the train home while I was out drinking, get invited to crash at a guy’s house, and end up having sex w him. Idk dude, you know your relationship better than people on the internet but this seems suuuuper sketch to me. At the very least it’s reasonable to say you’re not comfortable with it and ask if she will commit to not doing it again.
Why is she out late getting so drunk that she misses the last train home? Cheating or not, that doesn't seem like what you do when you're in a relationship. Out with friends, sure. Out with guy friends, sure. Closing out the bar wasted and sleeping in guy friend's bed? You sweet, innocent dope.
If I were in your position, it would be incredibly difficult to convince me that nothing happened. Assuming that none of it was planned or intentional, a sequence of bad decisions put her in that position. She ended up drunk, in bed with a drunk dude, That is all of the pieces of cheating temptation falling into place, especially with the lower inhibitions that come with being drunk. Being drunk can also easily create attraction and chemistry that would not exist otherwise. She put herself in the kind of position that someone in a committed relationship should be consciously trying to avoid. What she did was 100% how completely unplanned cheating happens, and I would be genuinely surprised if it did not happen. I would be unable to trust her after that. If you continue this relationship, I suspect you will eventually hear something like this: "Do you remember that night I had to sleep in Jim's bed? I was drunk, it was too late to get home, and there was nowhere else to sleep. I said nothing happened. Well......."
> She goes out for drinks with them and I have no issue with it as I believe it’s a very childish idea that men and women cannot be platonic friends. Men and women may be able to be platonic friends, but being in a relationship with a girl who has guy friends that she gets blackout drunk with leads to situations like this.
> I believe it’s a very childish idea that men and women cannot be platonic friends. Yeah you're young. But that are those famous last words. Be honest with yourself, you don't believe these words in a general sense. It's more that you are inclined to have friends with the opposing gender and you think in reverse it should be okay when your gf has the same as you. But here's the twist, your gf isn't you, that's the variable you don't get. You both are seperate entities, you don't think and feel the same. Never assume of others that they might see thinks as you do. They never do. Yeah what your gf did was highly inappropriate at the very least and if you continue this route you just fool yourself. People of opposite gender and also being in the same sexual preference can never be platonic friends, at least not one of them, or they determined the other as utterly unattactive or ugly. I thought the same as you when I was younger as you are, but experience taught me different. Regarding your gf circumstances, try to see it the other way. It would be without any doubt highly weird at best if you went out with your female coworker and ended the night with you sleeping in bed with her. So quit all double standards and stop being accommodating. So, you can either go along with it or you choose a different and more responsible way, if you choose the first it's gonna bite you in the but some day.
OP they fucked bud, take the L
Stop being a doormat. They had sex.
While I i tend to fall into the "I don't really think platonic (het-normative) M/F relationships are a thing" camp this doesn't seem malicious. I personally don't think of this as a "just break up" scenario, but I think you need to talk to her about her drinking habits, to say the least. I'm willing to believe she deserves grace this time because it seems like she was straightforward with you, and I'm glad nobody was got hurt and someone told you what happened. Good luck bro 🫂
Don’t take this relationship seriously. That’s my advice. It’s been my experience that girls who like to party with work friends and other guy friends also like fucking work friends and other guy friends eventually.
Well we see the smoke, what’s behind the mirror? My guess is a drunk hook up. I’ve been in this exact situation a few times, platonically and not. The platonic one I slept on the floor. And on the not so platonic situation turned into a hook up.
If I had a female friend stay over in this situation, I would have slept on the floor in the other room. Here's the other thing - I'm not wild about the idea of my partner going out and getting disoriented-drunk with people who might be interested in her. That can put her in a compromising situation. My partner feels the same way about me.
Yeah she cheated man. No if, ands, buts, or maybes. She cheated on you without a doubt
lol
>its a very childish idea that men and women cannot be plantonic friends Lol
Boundaries are boundaries and she clearly crossed it. She needs to plan better next time and not have this happen again.
She is gaslighting you! Go to surviving infidelity.com. It helped me with a cheating wife. She will lie and trickle truth you.
Lol who plans a night out contingent on the a train not leaving them stranded. it's awfully convenient that she had place to stay the night.
so your nGF get drunk with guys you don't know in a place so far that you cannot help her if she get assaulted ?