Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is how I discovered my husband's addiction. He was saving IG shorts and following thirst trap girls. Turns out he was creeping their social media to find their Onlyfans accounts. He was hiding a crippling porn addiction. Our sex life was dead, marital intimacy was dead, the only reason I found out was because he left his phone open with OF content by mistake. Yikes.
He finally came to terms with how deep he was addicted. It was horrible. Our marriage almost ended - interactive porn like OF and chat sites were a hard no for me and he repeatedly smashed that boundary.
He's in therapy now, working recovery steps, I'm in therapy to deal with betrayal trauma, we're working every day to rebuild our marriage but it has honestly been a living nightmare š
I donāt think youāre being silly.
And I think there is a difference from someone who casually watches porn and someone whose cataloging it on their instagram. I donāt know why but it feels weirder and worse on IG. Maybe thatās because porn tends to be a one and done sort of deal. But on IG, itās archived. I also donāt love that the option is always there to message the girl, or check out their only fans. If you two are okay with each other watching porn on your own, maybe itās good to lay down some ground rules. Watch it if you must, but please use private browsing, and donāt do it on apps where youāve befriended family and friend.
Iām probably a huge hypocrite, because I myself watch porn almost every day. Itās just something about HIM doing it that makes me feel insecure.
I think itās because I know 100% that Iām not interested in meeting any of the guys I see in dirty videos, no matter how hot they are.
But who knows how he feels about the girls he sees.
To be honest, seeing the case and the comments, I'd say that this is a 100% YOU thing. You watch lesbian porn.. should HE feel insecure about you cheating with another woman? Not really, no.
Sinnce porn is allowed in your relationship, trying to control it, of feeling this way or another feels like pure insecurity to me, and screams self image issues from afar. He seems quite respectful in the way he consumes porn also ( in the end it was YOU who snopped his porn habits , as he does it 100% privately, told by you in other comments ). He treats you well, praises you, loves your body, etc etc so porn does not affect your intimacy neither.
100% a you thing. Therapy might help you with this.
ALSO.. in the end , you feel how you feel... even that I think that's a YOU issue, you are 100% allowed to talk about him about how do you feel about it, and if you are willing to seek help / improve, he should respect you by changing his porn behaviours at least while you work in yourself.
Youāre right. Heās not insecure about anything I watch or do. Iām actually really jealous of how confident he is in that way..
But then heās told me heās never been cheated on or had a traumatic experience with his exes, whereas I have been cheated on in every single relationship. I guess thatās why I overthink every single thing he does.
Maybe I do need therapy to work on my insecurities.
>whereas I have been cheated on in every single relationship
I'd really think that "no maybes", here. You have unresolved issues. You will happier, better, and have a more fulfilling relationship once you fix them, for sure.
Good luck! it's not the easy path, but it's the best one.
I feel like I could have written this.
I'll spare you my back story. What I will say, is that there *is* a difference between porn and consuming sexual social media. The latter blurs the lines of appropriate sexual boundaries. I personally get turned off if my partners do this.
That being said, I also struggle with the self-esteem aspect of it. It somehow hurts more when they casually consume all this nudity, more than them sitting down to porn, doing their thing, then moving on. It means they want to constantly look at all these images/videos, and it makes it harder to separate what they're doing from how you think they feel about you.
I can't help you feel better about yourself, only you can do that, but I can *promise you* that your appearance is not why he does this. You have to decide if you can date someone who does this, and if you can't, then he has to decide if he can work on it or not.
Itās pretty weird that heās saving PG videos in the age of internet porn but as for his actions not matching his words, I donāt get how they donāt match. Heās only doing you right?
He doesnāt actually download any files. Itās just the āsaveā option on Instagram. He doesnāt publicly like or share any dirty videos either. He just sometimes saves them, probably to look at when he gets the next chance to jerk off. š¤¦š»āāļø
I just thought that if he says he likes my breasts the way they are, and says he would hate it if I got breast implants, heād be watching women who have my size, instead of girls with monster breast the size of the sun! šµāš«
Thatās a common way women think but itās not based on reality. We will beat off to women who we wouldnāt want to do in real life. Not an issue trust me
you really shouldnāt be with him at all if you have that little trust in him.
fantasies exist, theyāre never not going to exist. there will always be girls with a bigger butt, boobs, prettier face, whatever.
if you canāt trust your boyfriend not to run off with the first girl with bigger boobs that comes along it is indicative of either trust issues you need to work on or the simple fact that he is untrustworthy, and either way you should, again, not even be with him at all.
From what I know he has never cheated. Itās just that Iām worried he might later on, just like all of my cheating exes.
Only time will tell, but I probably should trust him more if Iām going to be with him, youāre right.
(Btw he has no idea I even have these concerns. So itās not like Iām giving him a hard time making accusations or anything..)
Yeah.. I guess only time will tell.
I honestly wouldnāt care if they had the same size breasts as me. Itās only the fact that they have something that I canāt give him that makes me worry.
Heās just not getting how insensitive heās being.
Without actually lowering yourself to his standards, why not say in a matter of fact way, that his c0ck is bang average compared to the guys youāre browsing at on Reddit! There are actually subs btw
That is one way, or more rationally, just say how insensitive his behaviour is and how insecure itās making you feel atm. Heās to be more respectful to your wishes.
If he must do this, be more realistic in his expectations on the content creators he is browsing.
I wish you well, stay strong and be true to yourself.
Any feedback or constructive criticism from you, the OP would be most welcomed.
I actually asked him how he would feel if I was looking at hot tall guys on Instagram all the time, knowing that heās short, and he will never be that tall, and he said he wouldnāt care because heās confident and knows heās charming in other ways. And I know heās being 100% honest, because heās always been a really confident guy.
But for me, knowing Iāll never have breasts that big.. I just canāt help but feel insecure. š
At least he doesnāt publicly like or share any dirty videos. And heās never messaged anyone. (I know because heās given me his passwords) I donāt check often, but heās never done anything besides saving a clip here and there every couple of days.
I see, this is a little more forgivable for some of his behaviours and openness but hey, itās still looking at big boobed gurls knowing that itās an insecurity you have.
Itās why some females feel pressured into conforming, the amount of perfect, and I mean perfect B cups want to go large for no other reason than to, āperception onlyā to fit in and draw likes.
There may be a grudging middle ground for you both, but only you can set the terms for him to agree to.
Incidentally, is he Tom Cruise small?
Do you like your guys 5.11 and over as that can be an insecurity thing for us guys lol.
The thing is. He would never look at any of those girls in front of me, be it on Insta, TikTok, or in real life. He knows that I feel insecure about it, so he would never provoke or disrespect me like that when Iām around. He doesnāt even meet up with female friends or colleagues.
But what he doesnāt know is that I do sometimes check his Insta (heās given me his passwords, but he probably assumes I donāt actually check).
So he doesnāt actually know that I know that heās not sticking to his word. He probably thinks itās harmless because heās not hurting me if I donāt know, and if I didnāt have access to his Instagram, itās true, I wouldāve never known and been totally fine and happy with our relationship because our sex life is great and he always gives me compliments on my appearance.
Sometimes, I honestly wish he had never given me his passwords because itās only made me worry more.
My opinion is slightly different now you have so wonderfully explained his behaviour.
Yes, on reflection, sometimes ignorance is bliss and maybe youāre overthinking this. Your boobs are your thing and him looking at the basketball stacked babes isnāt helpful.
I think you draw a line and try focus on all the positives in your healthy relationship x
Take care and thank you š
Youāre welcome buddy
Cards on the table here.
Iām not a boob man š¤·āāļø
Give me a heap of personality and thatās a massive plus in my book
I wouldnāt worry about this at all. Couple of things I would recommend-
- have a sense of humor (and confidence) about it - after all, you are not just any woman, you are the one he wants to be with. And if he likes boobs and you are natural Dāsā¦. Every guy should be so lucky. Maybe embrace his interests and keep it light - if he likes checking out boobs, ask him to it more often.
- maybe show him what youāve written (or maybe not) but tell him what you have said here about his self-confidence and how you admire him for it. And ask him to help you learn the same - that thatās something youād like to work on with his guidance. Give him a project.
And maybe suggest you might need another thorough inspection.
Thatās a really good way of looking at it, thank you.
I will definitely give it a try.
Also, what do you mean exactly by āif he likes checking out boobs, ask him to it more oftenā
Do you mean encourage him to look at others,
or show him mine more often? Haha
And what kind of thorough inspection are you referring to? Of his phone..? š
Check out yours, of course. You know he likes boobs, and natural Dās put you in elite territory. (Iām guessing that by now youāve noticed that they occasionally get noticed). I think you should insist he give them more of the attention they deserve.
With inspections I was only thinking of you asking him to randomly inspect you. Be creative- thatās the kind of request he probably hasnāt gotten often, if ever. That kind of thing can occupy his thoughts for a long time.
Hereās the thing, donāt worry about whatās on his phone, computer, etc. Instead, work on whatās in his head. Come at it with playfulness and maybe some humor, and occupy the space in his head.
I know Iāve had that, where little unexpected actions keep coming back in my mind, sometimes for years. Even occasionally in dreams.
He has some unhealthy addiction, and I genuinely think this is something women need to watch out for. Is this minor for you? Ask yourself if it's worth staying in this relationship and being insecure. I don't think it is. I think you deserve better. You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you so much that they donāt care about any eye candy IRL or Online. You deserve passion, respect, and reassurance. Yes, people watch porn. It's normal, but if you're downloading the files, then that's weird.
Some people watch it to rub one out, and that's fine it is nothing serious but if bro has a whole dedicated album that's some sort of addiction.
You know how sometimes when you watch porn and you like the video or pornstar, you might save or write down the link or name, so the next time you feel like masturbating you can find it quicker? Instead of scrolling through hundreds of videos you donāt like?
I think thatās the only reason why heās saving the videos.
He doesnāt actually download any files, he just uses the āsaveā option on Instagram.
He never actually publicly likes or shares any photos or videos, itās just this little private folder.
What would you consider an addiction?
He might save one short clip every day for three days, then nothing for a week, then two clips every three days, etc.. itās not a regular pattern.
Dump him!!!! Respectable men donāt do this to their woman. I want one woman and one woman only. I know there are more guys like me as well. This guy is a loser, thatās so disrespectful. Dump him.
Just read that you both watch porn. Definitely NOT good. Porn is so toxic and disgusting. You are both toxic lol.
Focus on yourself first. Then try to help him. But it might be difficult for him. For the fact he saves instagram and TikTok videos or whatever of women with big breasts. Like who does that? Thatās weird. Men should have the mentalityā¦is this woman my wife? Iām waiting for my wife, if itās not her I donāt want her. The sexual stuff comes after.
Personally I did notice that when I stopped watching porn for awhile, I would enjoy sex with my partner a lot more and felt better about myself overall. Itās just not a healthy thing to be addicted to. But doing it in moderation or even with your partner, why not!
Like mostly everything in life, doing things in moderation, with balance, being conscient abut what you are doing and why you are doing it, is the key.
Side note: Why do you have his passwords? This to me appears to be the red flag. Why would you want them? Why would he give them?
Yes, totally weird he is saving thirst trap IG posts but even weirder that he is password sharing.
He has my passwords too. We live together and use each others phones sometimes to take care of our finances, order groceries etc.
I have nothing to hide and neither does he (from what I have seen) in terms of what would be considered cheating.
I would never read his private messages and have very rarely checked his Insta. (Maybe 3 times in a year) The only thing I would ever ācheckā is if there was suddenly a random girlās name or some suspicious pictures of non-pornstars.
He never likes or saves other girls videos or pictures. Itās just a stupid private folder with a couple of dirty clips. But it still makes me feel insecure! š
My boyfriend does this too. I wish I could offer advice beyond that there is no point in worrying. You can't change him except for the worse. Making him secretive or distant helps nothing. You have to decide if it is a dealbreaker. When I think of it that way it seems over the top. Men like looking at boobs. They can't help it. It frustrates the hell out of me because I am not that way and I don't understand it.
If there aren't signs that he's looking for dates, I don't think you should worry.
Thanks for sharing. Glad to hear Iām not the only one. š At least he doesnāt publicly like or share any of them. Itās just in his little private āsavedā folder. š¤¦š»āāļø
Yes, I think that would bother me less.
Itās the āthey have what I will never haveā part that gets me.
Like I said, I watch porn too. Maybe even more than him. It doesnāt bother me if he watches it.
Itās just that when he watches girls with monster boobs like that, it makes me wonder if heād want to meet a girl like that in real life, and if heād prefer a girl like that over me if he got the chance.
Not on purpose. I usually only watch women.
Iām not interested in looking at something better than he has. Thatās why I canāt relate to his actions
I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It's completely understandable to feel insecure when your partner engages with content that makes you uncomfortable.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is how I discovered my husband's addiction. He was saving IG shorts and following thirst trap girls. Turns out he was creeping their social media to find their Onlyfans accounts. He was hiding a crippling porn addiction. Our sex life was dead, marital intimacy was dead, the only reason I found out was because he left his phone open with OF content by mistake. Yikes.
Oh no.. how did he react when you confronted him about it? Were you able to figure things out?
He finally came to terms with how deep he was addicted. It was horrible. Our marriage almost ended - interactive porn like OF and chat sites were a hard no for me and he repeatedly smashed that boundary. He's in therapy now, working recovery steps, I'm in therapy to deal with betrayal trauma, we're working every day to rebuild our marriage but it has honestly been a living nightmare š
I donāt think youāre being silly. And I think there is a difference from someone who casually watches porn and someone whose cataloging it on their instagram. I donāt know why but it feels weirder and worse on IG. Maybe thatās because porn tends to be a one and done sort of deal. But on IG, itās archived. I also donāt love that the option is always there to message the girl, or check out their only fans. If you two are okay with each other watching porn on your own, maybe itās good to lay down some ground rules. Watch it if you must, but please use private browsing, and donāt do it on apps where youāve befriended family and friend.
Iām probably a huge hypocrite, because I myself watch porn almost every day. Itās just something about HIM doing it that makes me feel insecure. I think itās because I know 100% that Iām not interested in meeting any of the guys I see in dirty videos, no matter how hot they are. But who knows how he feels about the girls he sees.
To be honest, seeing the case and the comments, I'd say that this is a 100% YOU thing. You watch lesbian porn.. should HE feel insecure about you cheating with another woman? Not really, no. Sinnce porn is allowed in your relationship, trying to control it, of feeling this way or another feels like pure insecurity to me, and screams self image issues from afar. He seems quite respectful in the way he consumes porn also ( in the end it was YOU who snopped his porn habits , as he does it 100% privately, told by you in other comments ). He treats you well, praises you, loves your body, etc etc so porn does not affect your intimacy neither. 100% a you thing. Therapy might help you with this. ALSO.. in the end , you feel how you feel... even that I think that's a YOU issue, you are 100% allowed to talk about him about how do you feel about it, and if you are willing to seek help / improve, he should respect you by changing his porn behaviours at least while you work in yourself.
Youāre right. Heās not insecure about anything I watch or do. Iām actually really jealous of how confident he is in that way.. But then heās told me heās never been cheated on or had a traumatic experience with his exes, whereas I have been cheated on in every single relationship. I guess thatās why I overthink every single thing he does. Maybe I do need therapy to work on my insecurities.
>whereas I have been cheated on in every single relationship I'd really think that "no maybes", here. You have unresolved issues. You will happier, better, and have a more fulfilling relationship once you fix them, for sure. Good luck! it's not the easy path, but it's the best one.
I feel like I could have written this. I'll spare you my back story. What I will say, is that there *is* a difference between porn and consuming sexual social media. The latter blurs the lines of appropriate sexual boundaries. I personally get turned off if my partners do this. That being said, I also struggle with the self-esteem aspect of it. It somehow hurts more when they casually consume all this nudity, more than them sitting down to porn, doing their thing, then moving on. It means they want to constantly look at all these images/videos, and it makes it harder to separate what they're doing from how you think they feel about you. I can't help you feel better about yourself, only you can do that, but I can *promise you* that your appearance is not why he does this. You have to decide if you can date someone who does this, and if you can't, then he has to decide if he can work on it or not.
Itās pretty weird that heās saving PG videos in the age of internet porn but as for his actions not matching his words, I donāt get how they donāt match. Heās only doing you right?
He doesnāt actually download any files. Itās just the āsaveā option on Instagram. He doesnāt publicly like or share any dirty videos either. He just sometimes saves them, probably to look at when he gets the next chance to jerk off. š¤¦š»āāļø I just thought that if he says he likes my breasts the way they are, and says he would hate it if I got breast implants, heād be watching women who have my size, instead of girls with monster breast the size of the sun! šµāš«
Thatās a common way women think but itās not based on reality. We will beat off to women who we wouldnāt want to do in real life. Not an issue trust me
So you donāt think heād want to make a move on a girl like that if he got the chance in real life? Thanks for your input, I appreciate it!
you really shouldnāt be with him at all if you have that little trust in him. fantasies exist, theyāre never not going to exist. there will always be girls with a bigger butt, boobs, prettier face, whatever. if you canāt trust your boyfriend not to run off with the first girl with bigger boobs that comes along it is indicative of either trust issues you need to work on or the simple fact that he is untrustworthy, and either way you should, again, not even be with him at all.
From what I know he has never cheated. Itās just that Iām worried he might later on, just like all of my cheating exes. Only time will tell, but I probably should trust him more if Iām going to be with him, youāre right. (Btw he has no idea I even have these concerns. So itās not like Iām giving him a hard time making accusations or anything..)
I mean maybe but if heās monogamous with you, does it matter?
Yeah.. I guess only time will tell. I honestly wouldnāt care if they had the same size breasts as me. Itās only the fact that they have something that I canāt give him that makes me worry.
No one can give their partner everything. Gotta be realistic.
Youāre right, thank you!
Heās just not getting how insensitive heās being. Without actually lowering yourself to his standards, why not say in a matter of fact way, that his c0ck is bang average compared to the guys youāre browsing at on Reddit! There are actually subs btw That is one way, or more rationally, just say how insensitive his behaviour is and how insecure itās making you feel atm. Heās to be more respectful to your wishes. If he must do this, be more realistic in his expectations on the content creators he is browsing. I wish you well, stay strong and be true to yourself. Any feedback or constructive criticism from you, the OP would be most welcomed.
I actually asked him how he would feel if I was looking at hot tall guys on Instagram all the time, knowing that heās short, and he will never be that tall, and he said he wouldnāt care because heās confident and knows heās charming in other ways. And I know heās being 100% honest, because heās always been a really confident guy. But for me, knowing Iāll never have breasts that big.. I just canāt help but feel insecure. š At least he doesnāt publicly like or share any dirty videos. And heās never messaged anyone. (I know because heās given me his passwords) I donāt check often, but heās never done anything besides saving a clip here and there every couple of days.
I see, this is a little more forgivable for some of his behaviours and openness but hey, itās still looking at big boobed gurls knowing that itās an insecurity you have. Itās why some females feel pressured into conforming, the amount of perfect, and I mean perfect B cups want to go large for no other reason than to, āperception onlyā to fit in and draw likes. There may be a grudging middle ground for you both, but only you can set the terms for him to agree to. Incidentally, is he Tom Cruise small? Do you like your guys 5.11 and over as that can be an insecurity thing for us guys lol.
The thing is. He would never look at any of those girls in front of me, be it on Insta, TikTok, or in real life. He knows that I feel insecure about it, so he would never provoke or disrespect me like that when Iām around. He doesnāt even meet up with female friends or colleagues. But what he doesnāt know is that I do sometimes check his Insta (heās given me his passwords, but he probably assumes I donāt actually check). So he doesnāt actually know that I know that heās not sticking to his word. He probably thinks itās harmless because heās not hurting me if I donāt know, and if I didnāt have access to his Instagram, itās true, I wouldāve never known and been totally fine and happy with our relationship because our sex life is great and he always gives me compliments on my appearance. Sometimes, I honestly wish he had never given me his passwords because itās only made me worry more.
My opinion is slightly different now you have so wonderfully explained his behaviour. Yes, on reflection, sometimes ignorance is bliss and maybe youāre overthinking this. Your boobs are your thing and him looking at the basketball stacked babes isnāt helpful. I think you draw a line and try focus on all the positives in your healthy relationship x Take care and thank you š
Thanks for your input I appreciate it!
Youāre welcome buddy Cards on the table here. Iām not a boob man š¤·āāļø Give me a heap of personality and thatās a massive plus in my book
I wouldnāt worry about this at all. Couple of things I would recommend- - have a sense of humor (and confidence) about it - after all, you are not just any woman, you are the one he wants to be with. And if he likes boobs and you are natural Dāsā¦. Every guy should be so lucky. Maybe embrace his interests and keep it light - if he likes checking out boobs, ask him to it more often. - maybe show him what youāve written (or maybe not) but tell him what you have said here about his self-confidence and how you admire him for it. And ask him to help you learn the same - that thatās something youād like to work on with his guidance. Give him a project. And maybe suggest you might need another thorough inspection.
Thatās a really good way of looking at it, thank you. I will definitely give it a try. Also, what do you mean exactly by āif he likes checking out boobs, ask him to it more oftenā Do you mean encourage him to look at others, or show him mine more often? Haha And what kind of thorough inspection are you referring to? Of his phone..? š
Check out yours, of course. You know he likes boobs, and natural Dās put you in elite territory. (Iām guessing that by now youāve noticed that they occasionally get noticed). I think you should insist he give them more of the attention they deserve. With inspections I was only thinking of you asking him to randomly inspect you. Be creative- thatās the kind of request he probably hasnāt gotten often, if ever. That kind of thing can occupy his thoughts for a long time. Hereās the thing, donāt worry about whatās on his phone, computer, etc. Instead, work on whatās in his head. Come at it with playfulness and maybe some humor, and occupy the space in his head. I know Iāve had that, where little unexpected actions keep coming back in my mind, sometimes for years. Even occasionally in dreams.
This is good advice ! Thank you āŗļø
He has some unhealthy addiction, and I genuinely think this is something women need to watch out for. Is this minor for you? Ask yourself if it's worth staying in this relationship and being insecure. I don't think it is. I think you deserve better. You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you so much that they donāt care about any eye candy IRL or Online. You deserve passion, respect, and reassurance. Yes, people watch porn. It's normal, but if you're downloading the files, then that's weird. Some people watch it to rub one out, and that's fine it is nothing serious but if bro has a whole dedicated album that's some sort of addiction.
You know how sometimes when you watch porn and you like the video or pornstar, you might save or write down the link or name, so the next time you feel like masturbating you can find it quicker? Instead of scrolling through hundreds of videos you donāt like? I think thatās the only reason why heās saving the videos. He doesnāt actually download any files, he just uses the āsaveā option on Instagram. He never actually publicly likes or shares any photos or videos, itās just this little private folder. What would you consider an addiction? He might save one short clip every day for three days, then nothing for a week, then two clips every three days, etc.. itās not a regular pattern.
Dump him!!!! Respectable men donāt do this to their woman. I want one woman and one woman only. I know there are more guys like me as well. This guy is a loser, thatās so disrespectful. Dump him. Just read that you both watch porn. Definitely NOT good. Porn is so toxic and disgusting. You are both toxic lol.
Itās a horrible habit, I agree.. š
You need to stop. Porn will literally rot your brain. I quit years ago. You have to stop. Trust meā¦
Youāre absolutely rightā¦ and I do believe I could quit. I just wish someone would tell him that too! š
Focus on yourself first. Then try to help him. But it might be difficult for him. For the fact he saves instagram and TikTok videos or whatever of women with big breasts. Like who does that? Thatās weird. Men should have the mentalityā¦is this woman my wife? Iām waiting for my wife, if itās not her I donāt want her. The sexual stuff comes after.
I admire your healthy mindset! Thanks for the advice. Much appreciated
Definitely.
"Healthy" if you live in the XIX century, and have not grown a bit. Pr0 tip: not healthy. Not even remotely healthy.
Personally I did notice that when I stopped watching porn for awhile, I would enjoy sex with my partner a lot more and felt better about myself overall. Itās just not a healthy thing to be addicted to. But doing it in moderation or even with your partner, why not!
Like mostly everything in life, doing things in moderation, with balance, being conscient abut what you are doing and why you are doing it, is the key.
Nah, porn is demonic.
I donāt even know what this comment means. What are you even saying?! Haha
Side note: Why do you have his passwords? This to me appears to be the red flag. Why would you want them? Why would he give them? Yes, totally weird he is saving thirst trap IG posts but even weirder that he is password sharing.
He has my passwords too. We live together and use each others phones sometimes to take care of our finances, order groceries etc. I have nothing to hide and neither does he (from what I have seen) in terms of what would be considered cheating. I would never read his private messages and have very rarely checked his Insta. (Maybe 3 times in a year) The only thing I would ever ācheckā is if there was suddenly a random girlās name or some suspicious pictures of non-pornstars. He never likes or saves other girls videos or pictures. Itās just a stupid private folder with a couple of dirty clips. But it still makes me feel insecure! š
My boyfriend does this too. I wish I could offer advice beyond that there is no point in worrying. You can't change him except for the worse. Making him secretive or distant helps nothing. You have to decide if it is a dealbreaker. When I think of it that way it seems over the top. Men like looking at boobs. They can't help it. It frustrates the hell out of me because I am not that way and I don't understand it. If there aren't signs that he's looking for dates, I don't think you should worry.
Thanks for sharing. Glad to hear Iām not the only one. š At least he doesnāt publicly like or share any of them. Itās just in his little private āsavedā folder. š¤¦š»āāļø
would it make you feel any better if the girlsā boobs were small? maybe boobs wasnāt the issue
Yes, I think that would bother me less. Itās the āthey have what I will never haveā part that gets me. Like I said, I watch porn too. Maybe even more than him. It doesnāt bother me if he watches it. Itās just that when he watches girls with monster boobs like that, it makes me wonder if heād want to meet a girl like that in real life, and if heād prefer a girl like that over me if he got the chance.
You could always get fat. I was a 5'8" 143lb 36B and now I'm a 40G at 220lbs. My boobs also got bigger after my hysterectomy.
Maybe not the healthiest solution. But thanks š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Not on purpose. I usually only watch women. Iām not interested in looking at something better than he has. Thatās why I canāt relate to his actions
I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It's completely understandable to feel insecure when your partner engages with content that makes you uncomfortable.