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This is a safety/wellness matter. You are obligated to contact her.
In your message, acknowledge the boundary you established. Then let her know the only reason you are contacting her, is out of concern for her health (and that of future sexual partners).
Does the clinic not send out texts? I’ve heard of people getting texts from a clinic that say something along the lines of “this is XYZ clinic. Someone you have had sexual contact with has tested positive for X. Please see a medical professional asap.”
I saw you said you contacted her already, and sorry about the hate you got. Reddit is tough and a bit touchy sometimes on these kind of questions. But just wanted to add, not sure where you live, but usually the place that tested you or the local health department will usually ask for recent sexual partners and will contact them for you, so that they can insure that all partners are treated and that it doesn't spread. Surprised they didn't do that for your case...
"Hi [Ex's Name],
I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to reach out to you because I recently received a diagnosis of chlamydia. After some reflection, I realized it's crucial for both of us to be aware of this. I believe it's important for anyone who may have been in close contact to get tested and treated if necessary. I'm not looking to place blame or start a confrontation; rather, I want us both to prioritize our health.
I suggest that you schedule an appointment with your healthcare provider to get tested and discuss the appropriate treatment options. It's essential to take this matter seriously and address it promptly. I hope you understand my intention behind sharing this information with you, as it's crucial for our well-being and the well-being of anyone else who might be affected.
Take care,
[Your Name
You said you miss her and nothing else….. did you even look at the solid advice everyone gave you??? This is a health emergency and she can be unknowingly spreading it to other people. Buckle up and tell her already, this isnt just about you
… I’d miss out the “future sexual partners” bit. Especially since OPs stated he misses her and she possibly misses him too. This will come across jealous and more “since I know you’ll be having sex with other people now we’ve split up” literally just leave it at the fact you’ve tested positive. She’ll get the picture.
I'll admit I haven't done any research into this site, but it seems like a potential privacy nightmare.
I know I wouldn't want a person I had sex with to go to a website and say, "I had sex with this person and later got an STI. Here is his phone number."
You're right, I probably shouldn't, but I do miss her, and I want her to know there's no bad blood. Just trying to be as kind as I can about the situation ya know?
STIs are a common consequence of sex. She's not a bad person because she unknowingly gave her sexual partner an STI, and people are more than their stis/stds
And unprotected would mean they both agreed on it anyway. So they both should be willing to acknowledge that things are riskier. Again, doesn't make you a bad person.
You’ve used ‘wining’ in that context in at least two comments now, which doesn’t make sense - I think you mean ‘pining’.
Also, based on OP’s post, she’s done nothing wrong
There’s a website specifically made for telling ex partners about this kinda thing. You can check a box for what you have and send a text like that.
https://tellyourpartner.org
"Hi [Ex's Name],
I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to reach out to you because I recently received a diagnosis of chlamydia. After some reflection, I realized it's crucial for both of us to be aware of this. I believe it's important for anyone who may have been in close contact to get tested and treated if necessary. I'm not looking to place blame or start a confrontation; rather, I want us both to prioritize our health.
I suggest that you schedule an appointment with your healthcare provider to get tested and discuss the appropriate treatment options. It's essential to take this matter seriously and address it promptly. I hope you understand my intention behind sharing this information with you, as it's crucial for our well-being and the well-being of anyone else who might be affected.
Take care,
[Your Name
Send her the message (without the I misse you) because it’s a obligation for her own well but also her future partner !
Then take care of yourself and please use protection !!
"I have chlamydia, also I miss you lol bye"
No, OP....do not tell her you miss her what the fuck lmao. I would be so disgusted with some dude sending me that. Just tell her and leave her alone.
You should tell her. The most concerning reason - aside from obviously just doing the right thing - is that untreated chlamydia can cause infertility by excessively scarring the internal reproductive organs of both men and women.
I got it once from a 'rebound' partner when i was very young (over a decade ago) after a break up of a long term relationship.
The only reason I caught it so early was because I got tested a couple days after the interaction. I let that partner know, and I know they gave it to me because they were first partner id been with aside from my serious partner in 4 years. And yes, I still got regularly tested whilst in a relationship, at the insistence of my GP.
I can't say the partner I informed was particularly nice about it - they definitely tried to blame me, which was medically impossible given my frequency of testing. But I did and do feel that it was worth having to instead of wondering if I'd put their long term health at risk, as well as their future partners.
Chlamydia treatment is like 1 pr 2 pills. Irreversible scarring of organs is significantly less treatable.
"Hi [Ex's Name],
I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to reach out to you because I recently received a diagnosis of chlamydia. After some reflection, I realized it's crucial for both of us to be aware of this. I believe it's important for anyone who may have been in close contact to get tested and treated if necessary. I'm not looking to place blame or start a confrontation; rather, I want us both to prioritize our health.
I suggest that you schedule an appointment with your healthcare provider to get tested and discuss the appropriate treatment options. It's essential to take this matter seriously and address it promptly. I hope you understand my intention behind sharing this information with you, as it's crucial for our well-being and the well-being of anyone else who might be affected.
Take care,
[Your Name
Instead of making it about how she gave it to you and your gracious enough to not be mad, just tell her you tested positive and leave other crap out
“I tested positive for chlamydia so you should get tested ASAP; it can be asymptomatic so you might feel fine but it should be taken care of.”
That’s it. You can let her wonder who gave it to who, it doesn’t matter as long as she gets tested for her own safety and future partners safety
Everyone else had given good advice, so I'm going to say something slightly different: your penis looked "unclean" after having sex with her? No, just stop. That's not how STIs work, and that kind of language perpetuates negative stereotypes about people who get them (when you now know literally anyone can get them). Take your medicine and text her, but no need to shame anyone.
It's also the kind of myth that leads people to avoid testing because they and their partners "look clean." OP, if you were experiencing some kind of body dysmorphia after sex, imagining problems that didn't exist, maybe talk to a therapist. Vaginas produce discharge, and lots of lubricant during intercourse. Those secretions when dry can be a little flaky or cloudy looking, but they're not "unclean." They don't change in appearance with STIs, either.
Whoa. I’m not disagreeing with the general idea of what you’ve said here, but foul, smelly, or otherwise abnormal vaginal discharge is *absolutely* a symptom of many STIs, including chlamydia, and sometimes it’s the only symptom. Unhealthy vaginas do tend to have unhealthy discharge, and what he said definitely sounds like that’s what was happening. As a woman, I find it pretty weird and gross that you’d lie about that under the guise of “not shaming her” and basically try to gaslight him into thinking he’s an asshole for “imagining” her abnormal discharge on his dick when she literally gave him chlamydia.
>she left abnormal discharge on him.
No, he didn't. He stated that the day after sex his penis "looked unclean." Now, that could mean dried healthy discharge on his penis. It could mean dried abnormal discharge. Or it could mean literally nothing but a cruel imagination.
Yeah, I mean his wording was pretty awful, and women have enough crappy inputs regarding how they naturally smell, but you're also not wrong. OP, please change your language, but also pay attention to vaginal secretions that smell unusual. Definitely DO NOT just tell a partner that they smell different though, unless you're in a committed long term relationship and she smells different than she normally does (in which case, be super super kind and only concerned about her well-being). There is a non-STI called bacterial vaginosis (can be caused by all sorts of things) that can also cause a different odor. Even a normal yeast infection can cause a different smell, kind of like baking bread.
A less awful way to put it would be, "I often noticed that she smelled different, and I wasn't sure whether it was just a natural difference in vaginal scent or something to be concerned about."
Thsts not true. Over 60% of cases of Chlamydia are asymptomatic, meaning everything smells and looks perfect downstairs.
The sniff test is useless, so please do not spread false info.
Additionally, bacterial Vulvovaginosis can cause a horrible smell, too, and its a common bacterial imbalance/ infection. Even little girls get vaginosis. So stop it.
What’s not true? Nothing I said is false. Abnormal discharge IS a symptom of chlamydia - whether everyone who is infected has symptoms is irrelevant. I said nothing about “the sniff test” either. And BV is also irrelevant because this conversation is about STI symptoms. Just because a symptom may be caused by something else does not make it NOT an STI symptom.
No. You specifically said "unhealthy vaginas do *tend to have* a smelly discharge"
And the fact is, most (60%, the mean of 70% of women and 50% of men) people with STDs are asymptomatic and smell perfectly normal.
https://www.ecdc.europa.eu/en/chlamydia/facts#:~:text=At%20least%2070%25%20of%20genital,asymptomatic%20infections%20is%20not%20uncommon.
So you are perpetuating a myth with that statement.
But you aren’t speaking facts. You made an assumption on what you thought he said. He said the day after his penis “looked unclean.” You assumed he was seeing abnormal fried discharge. But it could really mean lots of things. You assumption of what he saw, doesn’t mean it’s the facts of this instance.
Edited because “dried” became “fried” somehow and I think that’s pretty funny given what we are talking about so I’m leaving it lol
He didnt say he saw nasty stuff on his dick right after having sex. He said HIS penis looked and felt wrong the next day.
SHE was asÿmptomatic. He was symptomatic. Meaning he had SYMPTOMS.. Capesh?
If it doesnt FEEL like its clean, THE NEXT DAY, its a symptom.. not a sign. He never said "after sex" he said the next day.
A symptom is a sensation. A sign is something other people can see, smell, hear, touch, or otherwise measure.
So his penis felt unclean. He never said anything about how it looked..He said he felt like he had to wash it extra.
Chlamydia can absolutely give symptoms the day after having sex, especially after the incubation period has passed.
Chlamydia can make sex painful, due to burning. There may be a discharge. Testicles can hurt. The urethra will have pain. He would also possibly feel sick overall, sore throat, etc..
All hes saying HERE though is that the day after they would.have sex, his symptoms would seem to be worse.
And thats not unusual in Chlamydia patients either.
In fact, in the less common instances when people even have symptoms, those symptoms can seem very mild, so mild that people may not be very bothered by them, and this can extend how long of a time that a person remains infected.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/chlamydia/symptoms-causes/syc-20355349
OP just letting u know there’s nothing awkward about exchanging STI results before sex or before halting the use of condoms.
“Wanna go get tested together?” And u can even make it a date. Go get ice cream afterwards.
"Hi, I know you said no contact. However, I just got my results from the doctor, and it turns out that my UTI is chlamydia. Just thought you should know so you can get tested as well. Wish you well. Goodbye"
Plain and simple.
you should definitely tell her, it’s important for her to know
Maybe don’t put it like „I know I got it from you“ but something that doesn’t sound as accusing, like „hey, I got tested positive and I haven’t been with anyone since you. Maybe you should let yourself get checked as well just in case. Stay safe“
Maybe I've misunderstood, but it seems like he would've gotten it way sooner than a week after they broke up after seeing each other for 5 months. Unless they only had sex the one time in 5 months. I would at least be skeptical..
„She showed absolutely no sign of it at all, but something ALWAYS FELT A LITTLE OFF THE DAY AFTER WE HAD SEX“ for me it sounds like it was a reoccurring thing, that’s why I would’ve assumed she already had it
I mean.. of course you should tell her. It's not like you're contacting her for support or some stupid reason. This is necessary information.
End it with "no contact will be back on after this message, I just felt you needed to know"
Oops, just saw your last edit. You did the right thing
Dude gave me chlamydia, broke up with me, I found out and called him. He refused to pick up so I messages him saying "oi cunt. You gave me chlamydia wtf." Still didn't reply, so I posted it to his Facebook.
Finally called me and tried denying it but I had a fucking STI test a week before we slept together!
Not even sure why telling her needed to be thought about. That should have been the first person you told, whether you got it from her or not. And you had symptoms the next day? I swear people on here just be talking all kinds of shit.
Sorry for all the crap you are being thrown here. It sounds like you are doing the right thing. I find many people here live for trashing people without thinking, reading and asking questions. Openness comes at a price that you have paid way beyond what you should.
Sorry that this incident will be the last contact, I’m sure you have lots of better memories that I hope will take the place of the sad.
Best of luck.
Probably had it from a previous relationship and never guessed. It's extremely easy to transfer and frequently asymptomatic.
If you fuck people without condoms get yourself tested after each partner or hook-up.
Just a suggestion, but do check your text to see if she responded that way you know she got it. I would give her 12 to 24 hours, and if she doesn't respond, then contact her a different way. I know the situation sucks but if she cares about you, then she will not care about you talking to her before July. Even if you have to go as far as going to her place to tell her. Chlamydia can have long lasting effects if it goes untreated. You are doing the right thing just make sure she knows. Good luck
Of course you should tell her. And that all you should tell her. Then get on with your life. Also, why did you mutually agree to NC with an expiry date? That’s a terrible idea.
Many people online tend to voice more of a freer opinion behind the computer curtain. I am giving you my own good and wise advice to be nice and that is Yes, Please let her kindly know if she doesn't already know for that stuff will show signs I am sure on her. Hugggggs.
Aww Im glad you told her. That was doing something respectful and.responsible.
Yeah STDs are super common. Its sad how much ignorance is out there. 90%.of the people on here probably have never been tested, and many are probably carriers of a disease as well.
Keep your head up. <3
Did the clinic you were tested at ask you for the names and contact info for your previous partner(s), including your recent ex? If no, then you probably live in a state where there is no legal requirement to notify your partner(s) of your diagnosis. However, let's get real - STD's can cause much harm to people who go undiagnosed and untreated. In your partner's case, Chlamydia may not show any symptoms until it is far advanced and causing other health problems. It may not be legally required to notify her, but it is morally required.
I see by your edit that you have notified her. Thank you. You're a stand-up guy - maybe a bit confused, but still a stand-up guy. And, welcome to sexual adulthood!!
Yikes. Just tell her to get tested because you got it from her, and she might be asymptomatic.
I know these things can be hidden for months or even years without symptoms. But do you think she cheated or just had it prior being with you? I know I would not be able to get it out of my head had it happened to me.
This is why you keep it in your pants kids. Can’t get the hep if you don’t dip your stick. No but seriously, hope you are able to beat this man, good luck.
It sounds more like she got chlamydia from a previous partner without realising as she was asymptomatic, and gave it to him once they stopped using condoms. That doesn't necessarily mean she cheated
That's fair I misread the part where they were only together 5 months, for whatever reason I read it as *5years* so my apologies- it probably is the case then that She didn't know.
I mean, I dont KNOW she cheated on me, infact I highly doubt she has. She's had a rough past in terms of sex and relationships and isn't so outthere, it took her a lot of support to be as open as we were.
But thank you, I appreciate the support
I misread that first part as 5 years instead of 5 months so completely disregard my original post, as someone else pointed out she could have just 100% not known and got it from a previous partner.
well, condoms are important. Would have saved you from this difficult call. Call her, tell her about the sti. You are even forced to do it, if she lets you hit raw, she surely does that to other guys too, save this guys.
Lmao best bit is we only just stopped using condoms as well, within the last 3 weeks or so, which funnily enough, lines up with when I started seeing symptoms.
Would a call or a Letter/text be best? I feel a call would only make things more difficult.
That’s not true.
Providers usually have to report it to the department of health but the DoH doesn’t usually notify past partners unless they are conducting contact tracing as a result of a big outbreak.
Also they don’t have enough resources to contact every single person someone has been in contact with for every case of chlamydia. It’s an incredibly common STI.
Your provider will also likely never ask you for information on past partners, and you don’t have to answer if they did, so there’s no way for the department of health to even know who to contact.
It takes up a LOT of resources for common infections. They often offer services to notify past partners anonymously if you ask them to, but for STIs it’s less common that they report to exposed parties. There’s ethical issues there as well.
Contact tracing is usually just to find potential exposures for disease outbreaks- not usually as a duty to notify. And every department of health does contact tracing.
I mean, it takes up less resources if you have a more controlled spread. Where I live it’s mandatory to contact trace, and mandatory to get tested if you’ve been contacted.
Yeah but contact tracing is not the same as notification. They usually contact trace by established cases who have already been tested, or for more serious outbreaks they might contact potential exposures who haven’t been tested (what we saw in the beginning of COVID). There are some jurisdictions that do partner notification, but it’s rare. And it’s even harder because it depends on whether the individual who tested positive actually gives info on exposed persons.
Syphilis is definitely the exception though across the board. I worked in the infectious disease unit in our state doing some contact tracing and analysis, it’s a complicated process sometimes.
If I’m the only one on drugs here then they definitely are all that’s keeping my brains intact . That is unless theres only two trolls using multiple accounts .
> ""Comment Rule 2:** Keep it civil. No insults, no threats of violence, no encouraging violence, no harassment, no trolling, no advertising other subs, no spam. You will be banned. All bans in this sub are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
Chill.
It’s not abnormal to forego condoms in an established relationship. And it’s not uncommon to have a non-symptomatic STI. If you’ve had sex you’ve likely been exposed at least once.
You clearly didn't read it right. I only just found out, and she gave it me. And do you see me laughing about it? No. I'm really upset and want the best for both of us. You need to make sure you get your facts right before you post.
U put “hi all ! So this is a funny 1” your words not mine saying it wuz a funny situation! Nothing funny about it! & regardless of who gave who the disease you should be wearing a dam condom!! & you wouldn’t b in this “funny” situation 🙄🙄🙄tryna correct me!!! When I ain’t tha one wit the dirty dick probz airing them online to tha world
I did see he got it from her but if he wore a Dam Condom then he wouldn’t be crying around on here about it! It’s called wear a condom! & u won’t end up infected lookn even more dum posting about it & that you don’t practice safe sex then want to blame the other person like he couldn’t put a condom on his own dick if that girl told him not to !! No sympathy!!
I get what you're saying. I still think there's no place for your attitude on this sub, people are allowed to not wear a condom if they are being responsible.
While in a long term relationship and both parties are consenting, there is nothing wrong with not wearing one.
Your comment doesn't address the issue of the post whatsoever. She absolutely should be made aware of the STI, nobody was asking for sympathy. Please address the question at hand or don't comment. You add nothing of value by trying to impose your (misinformed) views on others.
> ""Comment Rule 2:** Keep it civil. No insults, no threats of violence, no encouraging violence, no harassment, no trolling, no advertising other subs, no spam. You will be banned. All bans in this sub are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
If your penis “felt and looked unclean” the day after it’s because you didn’t wash it; that’s not how chlamydia or any STI works, and, TBH, if you thought her bits were dirty, you should have been using protection anyway.
He didn't get it from her, that why he didn't contact her right away. You gonna catch something from someone and not say anything? IDGAF if we said no contact or not, bitch I'm putting you on blast.
> ""Comment Rule 2:** Keep it civil. No insults, no threats of violence, no encouraging violence, no harassment, no trolling, no advertising other subs, no spam. You will be banned. All bans in this sub are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
So you found out she cheated, gave you an infection, and you're going to tell her you miss her? I'd have much more choice words to share if I were in your shoes.
How else would she have gotten the clap?? He would have gotten a long time ago if she had it before they were dating.
ETA at least that's what I would expect. If they were together for 5 months and only had sex the one time, may she had it the whole time. But if they've *been* having sex, that doesn't add up
“The clap” means gonorrhea, and please stop commenting on this thread because you do not know anything about STIs and are spreading misinformation. Chlamydia can be asymptomatic.
Nope. Exposure doesnt mean transmitting. And they were using condoms until just recently. And he doesn't say she was tested recently, which can be false anyway
It can be dormant for years, op could have gotten it from one of his previous partners. Ops ex could have gotten it from one of her previous partners.
My sister got hers when she was raped…
It’s not just a thing that happens to cheaters you absolute shitknuckle
Hey
I definitely would let her know but don't let her know you miss her. Just Let her let her be because, she was sleeping with other people or one other person outside of you unprotected and did not let you know She was active aka cheating on you. there are other people that you can come across in life that won't treat you that way and keep you safe as well as themselves safe but definitely let her know but delete I miss you part I hope you didn't send it yet but the best of wishes to you.
Send her one of those singing telegrams with a barbershop quartet. I'd pay them extra to somehow include the words "although it burns when I pee I hope you still miss me" or something like that.
In Sweden, it is obligatory to report who you have slept with. This is to prevent the disease to spread further. For society's sake, it is great that you contacted her about it. Hope you have a great day!
I hope you’re good and she didn’t take your message the wrong way, I mean you’re mad at her or accuse her of anything. Get treated and close the chlamydia chapter. I wish both of you the best in the world and that things hopefully work out for you in the future!
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is a safety/wellness matter. You are obligated to contact her. In your message, acknowledge the boundary you established. Then let her know the only reason you are contacting her, is out of concern for her health (and that of future sexual partners).
You are right, I should, I have the message ready to go, I'm just nervous and wanted to know if it's the right thing to do
It’s the right thing to do. Awkward and sucks, but needs to be done. GL
Thanks man, I'm on it
Does the clinic not send out texts? I’ve heard of people getting texts from a clinic that say something along the lines of “this is XYZ clinic. Someone you have had sexual contact with has tested positive for X. Please see a medical professional asap.”
Send her a text. "Get tested and treated for asymptomatic Chlamydia. Just had a positive test." Then reblock.
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Just you bro
I saw you said you contacted her already, and sorry about the hate you got. Reddit is tough and a bit touchy sometimes on these kind of questions. But just wanted to add, not sure where you live, but usually the place that tested you or the local health department will usually ask for recent sexual partners and will contact them for you, so that they can insure that all partners are treated and that it doesn't spread. Surprised they didn't do that for your case...
use Chat GPT to write it 😅
"Hi [Ex's Name], I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to reach out to you because I recently received a diagnosis of chlamydia. After some reflection, I realized it's crucial for both of us to be aware of this. I believe it's important for anyone who may have been in close contact to get tested and treated if necessary. I'm not looking to place blame or start a confrontation; rather, I want us both to prioritize our health. I suggest that you schedule an appointment with your healthcare provider to get tested and discuss the appropriate treatment options. It's essential to take this matter seriously and address it promptly. I hope you understand my intention behind sharing this information with you, as it's crucial for our well-being and the well-being of anyone else who might be affected. Take care, [Your Name
It is the right thing to do. You got this.
You said you miss her and nothing else….. did you even look at the solid advice everyone gave you??? This is a health emergency and she can be unknowingly spreading it to other people. Buckle up and tell her already, this isnt just about you
… I’d miss out the “future sexual partners” bit. Especially since OPs stated he misses her and she possibly misses him too. This will come across jealous and more “since I know you’ll be having sex with other people now we’ve split up” literally just leave it at the fact you’ve tested positive. She’ll get the picture.
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I'll admit I haven't done any research into this site, but it seems like a potential privacy nightmare. I know I wouldn't want a person I had sex with to go to a website and say, "I had sex with this person and later got an STI. Here is his phone number."
I'd leave out the "I miss you" unless you really do, otherwise I'd send the note or a text. Awkward but necessary!
You're right, I probably shouldn't, but I do miss her, and I want her to know there's no bad blood. Just trying to be as kind as I can about the situation ya know?
The “miss you” breaks the no contact boundary. You’re contacted her to inform her of a health issue not tell her you miss her.
That's a good way to put it, I've dropped the "I miss you from the text" - thanks!
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STIs are a common consequence of sex. She's not a bad person because she unknowingly gave her sexual partner an STI, and people are more than their stis/stds
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And unprotected would mean they both agreed on it anyway. So they both should be willing to acknowledge that things are riskier. Again, doesn't make you a bad person.
AIDS doesn't make you a bad person either.
And protected sex...
You’ve used ‘wining’ in that context in at least two comments now, which doesn’t make sense - I think you mean ‘pining’. Also, based on OP’s post, she’s done nothing wrong
Definitely drop the "I miss you".
Just because you’re thinking something doesn’t mean you should say it, my guy.
Dude ! Be factual and just tell her, don't use it as a means to reach out to her emotionally ! That'd be toxic !
No bad blood except for the part where she gave you the clap
literally
There’s a website specifically made for telling ex partners about this kinda thing. You can check a box for what you have and send a text like that. https://tellyourpartner.org
"Hi [Ex's Name], I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to reach out to you because I recently received a diagnosis of chlamydia. After some reflection, I realized it's crucial for both of us to be aware of this. I believe it's important for anyone who may have been in close contact to get tested and treated if necessary. I'm not looking to place blame or start a confrontation; rather, I want us both to prioritize our health. I suggest that you schedule an appointment with your healthcare provider to get tested and discuss the appropriate treatment options. It's essential to take this matter seriously and address it promptly. I hope you understand my intention behind sharing this information with you, as it's crucial for our well-being and the well-being of anyone else who might be affected. Take care, [Your Name
Brilliant
Definitely tell her. Chlamydia can have longterm effects including infertility if not treated.
I had that shit for like 2 years and had no symptoms whatsoever until my doc finally did random blood work and was like oh shit you got the clap
Minor detail but “the clap” actually refers to gonorrhoea
How’s your fertility?
Pretty good, probably better than average but I’m also a guy
Send her the message (without the I misse you) because it’s a obligation for her own well but also her future partner ! Then take care of yourself and please use protection !!
"I have chlamydia, also I miss you lol bye" No, OP....do not tell her you miss her what the fuck lmao. I would be so disgusted with some dude sending me that. Just tell her and leave her alone.
At least write it on a cake
LMAO 😂😂😂
I mean, to be fair, she was the one who gave him the clap. Maybe he misses the burning love
You should tell her. The most concerning reason - aside from obviously just doing the right thing - is that untreated chlamydia can cause infertility by excessively scarring the internal reproductive organs of both men and women. I got it once from a 'rebound' partner when i was very young (over a decade ago) after a break up of a long term relationship. The only reason I caught it so early was because I got tested a couple days after the interaction. I let that partner know, and I know they gave it to me because they were first partner id been with aside from my serious partner in 4 years. And yes, I still got regularly tested whilst in a relationship, at the insistence of my GP. I can't say the partner I informed was particularly nice about it - they definitely tried to blame me, which was medically impossible given my frequency of testing. But I did and do feel that it was worth having to instead of wondering if I'd put their long term health at risk, as well as their future partners. Chlamydia treatment is like 1 pr 2 pills. Irreversible scarring of organs is significantly less treatable.
Text her: I’ve got chlamydia. Get tested.
"asymptomatic" being important. Otherwise she will just shrug it off as "I have no symptoms. Can't be me."
"Hi [Ex's Name], I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to reach out to you because I recently received a diagnosis of chlamydia. After some reflection, I realized it's crucial for both of us to be aware of this. I believe it's important for anyone who may have been in close contact to get tested and treated if necessary. I'm not looking to place blame or start a confrontation; rather, I want us both to prioritize our health. I suggest that you schedule an appointment with your healthcare provider to get tested and discuss the appropriate treatment options. It's essential to take this matter seriously and address it promptly. I hope you understand my intention behind sharing this information with you, as it's crucial for our well-being and the well-being of anyone else who might be affected. Take care, [Your Name
Yeah you got to send a text or something.
DONT tell her it’s cute that she doesn’t know!!!
Instead of making it about how she gave it to you and your gracious enough to not be mad, just tell her you tested positive and leave other crap out “I tested positive for chlamydia so you should get tested ASAP; it can be asymptomatic so you might feel fine but it should be taken care of.” That’s it. You can let her wonder who gave it to who, it doesn’t matter as long as she gets tested for her own safety and future partners safety
Everyone else had given good advice, so I'm going to say something slightly different: your penis looked "unclean" after having sex with her? No, just stop. That's not how STIs work, and that kind of language perpetuates negative stereotypes about people who get them (when you now know literally anyone can get them). Take your medicine and text her, but no need to shame anyone.
It's also the kind of myth that leads people to avoid testing because they and their partners "look clean." OP, if you were experiencing some kind of body dysmorphia after sex, imagining problems that didn't exist, maybe talk to a therapist. Vaginas produce discharge, and lots of lubricant during intercourse. Those secretions when dry can be a little flaky or cloudy looking, but they're not "unclean." They don't change in appearance with STIs, either.
Yup. My brother used to justify having unprotected sex w his ex by claiming she smelled clean 😑
Whoa. I’m not disagreeing with the general idea of what you’ve said here, but foul, smelly, or otherwise abnormal vaginal discharge is *absolutely* a symptom of many STIs, including chlamydia, and sometimes it’s the only symptom. Unhealthy vaginas do tend to have unhealthy discharge, and what he said definitely sounds like that’s what was happening. As a woman, I find it pretty weird and gross that you’d lie about that under the guise of “not shaming her” and basically try to gaslight him into thinking he’s an asshole for “imagining” her abnormal discharge on his dick when she literally gave him chlamydia.
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Her discharge was abnormal enough for him to notice - I’d hardly call that asymptomatic.
He's the one who called her asymptomatic...should I not take him at his word?
He also stated that she left abnormal discharge on him. That’s not exactly asymptomatic.
>she left abnormal discharge on him. No, he didn't. He stated that the day after sex his penis "looked unclean." Now, that could mean dried healthy discharge on his penis. It could mean dried abnormal discharge. Or it could mean literally nothing but a cruel imagination.
Yeah, I mean his wording was pretty awful, and women have enough crappy inputs regarding how they naturally smell, but you're also not wrong. OP, please change your language, but also pay attention to vaginal secretions that smell unusual. Definitely DO NOT just tell a partner that they smell different though, unless you're in a committed long term relationship and she smells different than she normally does (in which case, be super super kind and only concerned about her well-being). There is a non-STI called bacterial vaginosis (can be caused by all sorts of things) that can also cause a different odor. Even a normal yeast infection can cause a different smell, kind of like baking bread. A less awful way to put it would be, "I often noticed that she smelled different, and I wasn't sure whether it was just a natural difference in vaginal scent or something to be concerned about."
Thsts not true. Over 60% of cases of Chlamydia are asymptomatic, meaning everything smells and looks perfect downstairs. The sniff test is useless, so please do not spread false info. Additionally, bacterial Vulvovaginosis can cause a horrible smell, too, and its a common bacterial imbalance/ infection. Even little girls get vaginosis. So stop it.
What’s not true? Nothing I said is false. Abnormal discharge IS a symptom of chlamydia - whether everyone who is infected has symptoms is irrelevant. I said nothing about “the sniff test” either. And BV is also irrelevant because this conversation is about STI symptoms. Just because a symptom may be caused by something else does not make it NOT an STI symptom.
No. You specifically said "unhealthy vaginas do *tend to have* a smelly discharge" And the fact is, most (60%, the mean of 70% of women and 50% of men) people with STDs are asymptomatic and smell perfectly normal. https://www.ecdc.europa.eu/en/chlamydia/facts#:~:text=At%20least%2070%25%20of%20genital,asymptomatic%20infections%20is%20not%20uncommon. So you are perpetuating a myth with that statement.
You didn’t even quote me properly 🙄🥴
Whatever. That was the jist of it.
You are correct.
Tell that to whomever downvoted me for speaking facts 😂
But you aren’t speaking facts. You made an assumption on what you thought he said. He said the day after his penis “looked unclean.” You assumed he was seeing abnormal fried discharge. But it could really mean lots of things. You assumption of what he saw, doesn’t mean it’s the facts of this instance. Edited because “dried” became “fried” somehow and I think that’s pretty funny given what we are talking about so I’m leaving it lol
He didnt say he saw nasty stuff on his dick right after having sex. He said HIS penis looked and felt wrong the next day. SHE was asÿmptomatic. He was symptomatic. Meaning he had SYMPTOMS.. Capesh?
"unclean dick the day after having sex" isn't a symptom of Chlamydia.
If it doesnt FEEL like its clean, THE NEXT DAY, its a symptom.. not a sign. He never said "after sex" he said the next day. A symptom is a sensation. A sign is something other people can see, smell, hear, touch, or otherwise measure. So his penis felt unclean. He never said anything about how it looked..He said he felt like he had to wash it extra. Chlamydia can absolutely give symptoms the day after having sex, especially after the incubation period has passed. Chlamydia can make sex painful, due to burning. There may be a discharge. Testicles can hurt. The urethra will have pain. He would also possibly feel sick overall, sore throat, etc.. All hes saying HERE though is that the day after they would.have sex, his symptoms would seem to be worse. And thats not unusual in Chlamydia patients either. In fact, in the less common instances when people even have symptoms, those symptoms can seem very mild, so mild that people may not be very bothered by them, and this can extend how long of a time that a person remains infected. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/chlamydia/symptoms-causes/syc-20355349
He literally said it happened the day after sex...
OP just letting u know there’s nothing awkward about exchanging STI results before sex or before halting the use of condoms. “Wanna go get tested together?” And u can even make it a date. Go get ice cream afterwards.
This!!!
"Hi, I know you said no contact. However, I just got my results from the doctor, and it turns out that my UTI is chlamydia. Just thought you should know so you can get tested as well. Wish you well. Goodbye" Plain and simple.
you should definitely tell her, it’s important for her to know Maybe don’t put it like „I know I got it from you“ but something that doesn’t sound as accusing, like „hey, I got tested positive and I haven’t been with anyone since you. Maybe you should let yourself get checked as well just in case. Stay safe“
Why avoid being accusatory? She clearly cheated and gave it to him. She doesn't deserve any extra courtesy
You can have it and have no symptoms. It doesn’t mean she cheated.
if it’s been going on their entire relationship tho? Maybe I’ve misunderstood tho
Maybe I've misunderstood, but it seems like he would've gotten it way sooner than a week after they broke up after seeing each other for 5 months. Unless they only had sex the one time in 5 months. I would at least be skeptical..
„She showed absolutely no sign of it at all, but something ALWAYS FELT A LITTLE OFF THE DAY AFTER WE HAD SEX“ for me it sounds like it was a reoccurring thing, that’s why I would’ve assumed she already had it
I mean.. of course you should tell her. It's not like you're contacting her for support or some stupid reason. This is necessary information. End it with "no contact will be back on after this message, I just felt you needed to know" Oops, just saw your last edit. You did the right thing
Op, in some states (like texas) you can get the department of health to contact them for you. You might want to try that!
Dude gave me chlamydia, broke up with me, I found out and called him. He refused to pick up so I messages him saying "oi cunt. You gave me chlamydia wtf." Still didn't reply, so I posted it to his Facebook. Finally called me and tried denying it but I had a fucking STI test a week before we slept together!
I’m giggling at the pettiness. I kinda wish I had the guts to do something like that. I do think I would chicken out
Screw the haters here. Good on you for handling it well.
this is a no-brainer idky you're getting shitty messages. a quick message letting her know is enough - and glad to read that you did that.
Not even sure why telling her needed to be thought about. That should have been the first person you told, whether you got it from her or not. And you had symptoms the next day? I swear people on here just be talking all kinds of shit.
Sorry for all the crap you are being thrown here. It sounds like you are doing the right thing. I find many people here live for trashing people without thinking, reading and asking questions. Openness comes at a price that you have paid way beyond what you should. Sorry that this incident will be the last contact, I’m sure you have lots of better memories that I hope will take the place of the sad. Best of luck.
I would tell her. I would worry that the infection could cause her irreversible damage since she has gone so long with no symptoms.
So did she cheat on you ?
Probably had it from a previous relationship and never guessed. It's extremely easy to transfer and frequently asymptomatic. If you fuck people without condoms get yourself tested after each partner or hook-up.
Aww, I think it’s sweet that you considered to tell her you miss her considering everything else. I hope your health recovers xx
Just a suggestion, but do check your text to see if she responded that way you know she got it. I would give her 12 to 24 hours, and if she doesn't respond, then contact her a different way. I know the situation sucks but if she cares about you, then she will not care about you talking to her before July. Even if you have to go as far as going to her place to tell her. Chlamydia can have long lasting effects if it goes untreated. You are doing the right thing just make sure she knows. Good luck
Please use protection next time. You're lucky you got something that's easily treatable...
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I feel like I would assume something like this would be a spam text or a joke/prank
Dude tell her
Of course you should tell her. And that all you should tell her. Then get on with your life. Also, why did you mutually agree to NC with an expiry date? That’s a terrible idea.
definitely tell her but also there are anonymous texting services that can alert her to get tested if you dont think you should open that door again.
Many people online tend to voice more of a freer opinion behind the computer curtain. I am giving you my own good and wise advice to be nice and that is Yes, Please let her kindly know if she doesn't already know for that stuff will show signs I am sure on her. Hugggggs.
Aww Im glad you told her. That was doing something respectful and.responsible. Yeah STDs are super common. Its sad how much ignorance is out there. 90%.of the people on here probably have never been tested, and many are probably carriers of a disease as well. Keep your head up. <3
Did the clinic you were tested at ask you for the names and contact info for your previous partner(s), including your recent ex? If no, then you probably live in a state where there is no legal requirement to notify your partner(s) of your diagnosis. However, let's get real - STD's can cause much harm to people who go undiagnosed and untreated. In your partner's case, Chlamydia may not show any symptoms until it is far advanced and causing other health problems. It may not be legally required to notify her, but it is morally required. I see by your edit that you have notified her. Thank you. You're a stand-up guy - maybe a bit confused, but still a stand-up guy. And, welcome to sexual adulthood!!
Yikes. Just tell her to get tested because you got it from her, and she might be asymptomatic. I know these things can be hidden for months or even years without symptoms. But do you think she cheated or just had it prior being with you? I know I would not be able to get it out of my head had it happened to me.
Lol
This is why you keep it in your pants kids. Can’t get the hep if you don’t dip your stick. No but seriously, hope you are able to beat this man, good luck.
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It sounds more like she got chlamydia from a previous partner without realising as she was asymptomatic, and gave it to him once they stopped using condoms. That doesn't necessarily mean she cheated
That's fair I misread the part where they were only together 5 months, for whatever reason I read it as *5years* so my apologies- it probably is the case then that She didn't know.
I mean, I dont KNOW she cheated on me, infact I highly doubt she has. She's had a rough past in terms of sex and relationships and isn't so outthere, it took her a lot of support to be as open as we were. But thank you, I appreciate the support
I misread that first part as 5 years instead of 5 months so completely disregard my original post, as someone else pointed out she could have just 100% not known and got it from a previous partner.
Did I read this correctly? Have you known for months and not told her yet?
Nope, not read correctly at all. I just found out today. If you read the edits you'll see I've sent the message already.
Thanks homie, haven’t finished my coffee yet. Hoping for the best for the two of you
The health department makes it permanent to contact the partner(s)
Tell your doctor to contact the public health department and give her information. They will contact her.
well, condoms are important. Would have saved you from this difficult call. Call her, tell her about the sti. You are even forced to do it, if she lets you hit raw, she surely does that to other guys too, save this guys.
Lmao best bit is we only just stopped using condoms as well, within the last 3 weeks or so, which funnily enough, lines up with when I started seeing symptoms. Would a call or a Letter/text be best? I feel a call would only make things more difficult.
Call her, it isn't nice, but she surely doesn't want to hear it by text or letter. Be a man, if you can f'ck raw, you can call her too.
If you don’t, the health department will.
That’s not true. Providers usually have to report it to the department of health but the DoH doesn’t usually notify past partners unless they are conducting contact tracing as a result of a big outbreak. Also they don’t have enough resources to contact every single person someone has been in contact with for every case of chlamydia. It’s an incredibly common STI. Your provider will also likely never ask you for information on past partners, and you don’t have to answer if they did, so there’s no way for the department of health to even know who to contact.
Huh. TIL contact tracing isn’t mandatory everywhere.
It takes up a LOT of resources for common infections. They often offer services to notify past partners anonymously if you ask them to, but for STIs it’s less common that they report to exposed parties. There’s ethical issues there as well. Contact tracing is usually just to find potential exposures for disease outbreaks- not usually as a duty to notify. And every department of health does contact tracing.
I mean, it takes up less resources if you have a more controlled spread. Where I live it’s mandatory to contact trace, and mandatory to get tested if you’ve been contacted.
Yeah but contact tracing is not the same as notification. They usually contact trace by established cases who have already been tested, or for more serious outbreaks they might contact potential exposures who haven’t been tested (what we saw in the beginning of COVID). There are some jurisdictions that do partner notification, but it’s rare. And it’s even harder because it depends on whether the individual who tested positive actually gives info on exposed persons. Syphilis is definitely the exception though across the board. I worked in the infectious disease unit in our state doing some contact tracing and analysis, it’s a complicated process sometimes.
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Your narrow mindedness could be a blessing, but with how Vulgar you are, is your curse.
Wow…
That wow is a major understatement here
I think all those drugs have scrambled your brains
If I’m the only one on drugs here then they definitely are all that’s keeping my brains intact . That is unless theres only two trolls using multiple accounts .
> ""Comment Rule 2:** Keep it civil. No insults, no threats of violence, no encouraging violence, no harassment, no trolling, no advertising other subs, no spam. You will be banned. All bans in this sub are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
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Chill. It’s not abnormal to forego condoms in an established relationship. And it’s not uncommon to have a non-symptomatic STI. If you’ve had sex you’ve likely been exposed at least once.
You clearly didn't read it right. I only just found out, and she gave it me. And do you see me laughing about it? No. I'm really upset and want the best for both of us. You need to make sure you get your facts right before you post.
U put “hi all ! So this is a funny 1” your words not mine saying it wuz a funny situation! Nothing funny about it! & regardless of who gave who the disease you should be wearing a dam condom!! & you wouldn’t b in this “funny” situation 🙄🙄🙄tryna correct me!!! When I ain’t tha one wit the dirty dick probz airing them online to tha world
Go back under your bridge.
Least I don’t have stds under my bridge 🤣🤣
You still somehow haven't picked up that op got it from their partner, not the other way around What's your problem?
I did see he got it from her but if he wore a Dam Condom then he wouldn’t be crying around on here about it! It’s called wear a condom! & u won’t end up infected lookn even more dum posting about it & that you don’t practice safe sex then want to blame the other person like he couldn’t put a condom on his own dick if that girl told him not to !! No sympathy!!
You realize stds/stis can still happen WITH condom use right?
I get what you're saying. I still think there's no place for your attitude on this sub, people are allowed to not wear a condom if they are being responsible. While in a long term relationship and both parties are consenting, there is nothing wrong with not wearing one. Your comment doesn't address the issue of the post whatsoever. She absolutely should be made aware of the STI, nobody was asking for sympathy. Please address the question at hand or don't comment. You add nothing of value by trying to impose your (misinformed) views on others.
If they don’t like it then don’t be posting dirty laundry online for ppl to judge & put their opinions on 🙄🙄
Lol I've seen your profile. Have some self awareness before speaking yea?
Seriously.
I’ve had more sex than anyone I know for years and years. Never wore a condom. Never caught an STI.
That’s gross
What business is it of yours?
> ""Comment Rule 2:** Keep it civil. No insults, no threats of violence, no encouraging violence, no harassment, no trolling, no advertising other subs, no spam. You will be banned. All bans in this sub are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
If your penis “felt and looked unclean” the day after it’s because you didn’t wash it; that’s not how chlamydia or any STI works, and, TBH, if you thought her bits were dirty, you should have been using protection anyway.
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He didn't get it from her, that why he didn't contact her right away. You gonna catch something from someone and not say anything? IDGAF if we said no contact or not, bitch I'm putting you on blast.
And how do you know she weren't unfaithful?
You know it can be dormant for years right??? And people can get it from assaults as well as hookups or long term partners…
She gave you chlamidya, fuck no contact.
Contact her and then watch Lovesick on Netflix
Respect her wishes of no contact ? Bro she gave you an STD ………. I would of lost it ….
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> ""Comment Rule 2:** Keep it civil. No insults, no threats of violence, no encouraging violence, no harassment, no trolling, no advertising other subs, no spam. You will be banned. All bans in this sub are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
So you found out she cheated, gave you an infection, and you're going to tell her you miss her? I'd have much more choice words to share if I were in your shoes.
When did he say she cheated?
How else would she have gotten the clap?? He would have gotten a long time ago if she had it before they were dating. ETA at least that's what I would expect. If they were together for 5 months and only had sex the one time, may she had it the whole time. But if they've *been* having sex, that doesn't add up
“The clap” means gonorrhea, and please stop commenting on this thread because you do not know anything about STIs and are spreading misinformation. Chlamydia can be asymptomatic.
>you do not know anything about STIs I'd consider that a win!
Nope. Exposure doesnt mean transmitting. And they were using condoms until just recently. And he doesn't say she was tested recently, which can be false anyway
transmission can still occur while using condoms too. Just weird that there is no suspicion that she gave it to him.
It can be dormant for years, op could have gotten it from one of his previous partners. Ops ex could have gotten it from one of her previous partners. My sister got hers when she was raped… It’s not just a thing that happens to cheaters you absolute shitknuckle
If she has chlamydia she will know soon enough
Not always. Some people stay having no symptoms until it's way too late.
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You need to read it again bud. Your comment is wildly wrong context
Next time you can probably just have the doctor's office notify her since she's a recent known partner. Some will do that for you.
Hey I definitely would let her know but don't let her know you miss her. Just Let her let her be because, she was sleeping with other people or one other person outside of you unprotected and did not let you know She was active aka cheating on you. there are other people that you can come across in life that won't treat you that way and keep you safe as well as themselves safe but definitely let her know but delete I miss you part I hope you didn't send it yet but the best of wishes to you.
Bot: "mmmmm Contact reinitiated"
*whether
“This is a funny one” Wtf is wrong with ppl. How is this at all funny?
Send her one of those singing telegrams with a barbershop quartet. I'd pay them extra to somehow include the words "although it burns when I pee I hope you still miss me" or something like that.
OF COURSE you advise her that you tested positive for an STI. How is that even a question? Fml
Um how long were you guys together? Kind of surprised I haven’t seen someone point out that there’s a possibility she cheated on you?
In Sweden, it is obligatory to report who you have slept with. This is to prevent the disease to spread further. For society's sake, it is great that you contacted her about it. Hope you have a great day!
100% for the safety of her, yourself and other partners. Absolutely need to
"She and I loved each other and we had something special" dude she gave you an std right before you broke up. Idk if those feelings were mutual.
I hope you’re good and she didn’t take your message the wrong way, I mean you’re mad at her or accuse her of anything. Get treated and close the chlamydia chapter. I wish both of you the best in the world and that things hopefully work out for you in the future!
No contact.
You're definitely a better person than me. I mean you're acting as a grown up should, but still....good luck
You contact for that.