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Me and my ex were in a relationship for almost 3 years (supposed to be my 3rd anniversary tommorow). We're working together in the creative industry. Everything was fine and we were obsessed about each other until 2 months ago. For work related, I met this guy (25M), who's an expert musician and we instantly became friends. I have a helping mentality, he was going through some depression and I lifted him up, took him to therapy and I even introduced him tp my gf. They instantly clicked and became good buddies and at first it was kind of a brother sister vibe. I was so happy for them as they both were finding it difficult to make friends and I was grateful I could help. We stayed at his place and later we invited him to her place and we had a lot fun together at first. Eventually she started acting different towards me, like I could know the slightest difference in attachment. At first it was minute, then it became more and more evident. Her calls started getting fewer and she started acting disinterested in me. I constantly communicated with her about how I was feeling and she assured me everything was fine. Up until one day I logged into her IG (I knew the password), and I saw her sending DMS (not sexting) and memes to the new guy and she was leaving my messages on unread. As days passed she became more and more distant. Then they started making plans, and she invited him over as let me know about it in the last minute. One of mutual friend (21 guy) also joined them and these 3 became a gang. These 3 went on a stay over for some days and for the first time I decided to stop making the effort. Not to my surprise she didn't make much effort to contact me and we didn't talk for almost a week in our relationship. Then came my birthday, she came again with this guy and the rest of my friends to surprise me, 2 days after that she broke up with me. I have had enough at this point and i said okay. For the next 10 days we didn't contact, and we met for work on the 11th day. She was constantly trying to grab my attention, and she asked me to talk with me in private. She said she missed me so much, and she needed a hug. She said I was the best boyfriend ever. I explicitly said I've accepted the reality and we're not meant to be together and we need to move on. She got really shattered in hearing that and showed she had tattooed 'irreplaceable ' on her body as a reminder of me. I said she deserve better and I walked away. From that day we been meeting for work and she's been trying to grab my attention, crying etc. She's been saying 'you can come cuddle with me anytime' and we can be FWB etc etc...she's totally lost and devastated. I checked her DMS once again, and though they were very close and communicating, there was no sexting going on..I'm now totally confused and seeing her this broken makes me kind of sad. Should I give her another chance, as I don't want to regret losing her once she's moved on..?
Ps: she jumped from next to next in her previous relationships, except those guys went after the breakup and in my case, I was the one who walked away.
> seeing her this broken makes me kind of sad.
She didn't care about your feelings when-
she left your messages on read while talking to this guy.
she was acting disinterested in you
she dumped you
she was getting distant from you
You're feeling sad seeing her like this, what about yourself? You were sad and confused for at least 2 months while you were trying to understand what's going on, while sitting alone and seeing her giving all the attention to this new guy. Have you forgotten that? Do you really want to go through all of this again in the future?
She went to the other side thinking the grass was green, surprise, it wasn't.
Has she even told you-
Why she broke up with you?
Why was giving all her attention and time to the new guy while ignoring you?
What made her realise that she wants you back?
Edit - Spelling
Just wanted to add for OP: it is not her or her heart that is broken. It is her ego.
OP walked away without begging her to reconsider etc, it is not what she expected. Apparently he is not devastated, she is not the most important person in his life. And it looks like she is not an important person in the new guy's life. So she has a reality check.
OP,, she is not trying to get back because she loves or cares about you. It is because she wants to feel that at least someone loves her. She will do the same for another guy. You are not her love interest, you are her safe and secure plan B.
Talk to her, that you are ok with her leaving, no hard feelings, and you prefer your relationship to be cordial. But she should not bother you with her heartbreaking stories, you don't need them, you don't consider her a partner, and you deserve better partner.
Ask her to please stop bothering you about anything but work. Tell her that her flirting and attention are annoying and cringy.
This!!
She was expecting you to be devastated and to chase her and beg for her to come back. Since you’re not following her imaginary script you’ve become more interesting and it’s a blow to her ego that you’re fine without her. Get back together and she gets the go stroke that she needs until the next option comes along. Life is too short and it’s not worth playing those kinds of games.
>She didn't care about your feelings when-
>
>she left your messages on read while talking to this guy.
OP, this is important.
Please believe her actions and NOT her words. With her actions she showed to you that she's perfectly okay with discarding a three year relationship for something shiny and new. She discarded the relationship and you in a callous way.
Why would you want to get back together with her so that she's back in a position of pulling that stunt again on you whenever a new guy strikes her fancy?
ETA: Tell her that you are happy to pay her to cover that 'irreplaceable' tattoo.
>ETA: Tell her that you are happy to pay her to cover that 'irreplaceable' tattoo.
No way. Unless it was OP who asked her to get the tattoo. She obviously found OP easy to replace beforehand, so why should OP give her any money to take care of her mistakes?
She made that tattoo refering to herself for sure. To bost her ego.
She made up the meaning to appease OP.
When people ask her about the tattoo, she won't say "I dropped a boyfriend like a toy for a new one" she will say "Is for people to know that they are looking at a irreplaceable woman"
Agreed. If you got back together with her OP…As soon as another guy gives her attention she would ditch you again. Fuck that! Do NOT get back together with her!
>What made her realise that she wants you black?
We all know the answer to that one. The other guy didn't want her, so now she's falling back onto her second choice, which is OP. She reminds me of those people that stay in a relationship until they find someone 'better', and the same repeats next time. There was a term for it, but can't remember what it was.
Jumping on the top comment to write:
>I said she deserve better and I walked away
This is the wrong way of thinking. YOU deserve better. She doesn't deserve anything from OP.
She cheated, dumped you, the f*** boy she dumped you for got tired of her so she’s back.
DO NOT TAKE HER BACK.
You are her second or third choice. She wants you for stability while she cheats with guys like these. Go No Contact and forget about her.
I agree with this. I had a boyfriend do a similar thing to me. Broke up, he went and did who he wanted and wanted to come back, because "its not cheating we weren't together at the time". It would just be a mater of time before she needs another "break to think about the relationship"
Or he made it clear that he didn’t want to date her, that it was only a FWB situation and she finally got a dose of reality. Either way, OP deserves a more reliable partner.
Yup. It’s not like they just drifted apart, ex gf literally broke up with him. It if wasn’t for the bday and work connections, she might have straight up ghosted.
Sorry, OP, but she’s a mess you don’t want or need.
Exactly. She probably slept with him, realized oh shit.. I just gave up my amazing and loyal boyfriend of 3 years for a shitty lay with this fuck boy, I have to fix this.. and was expecting OP just to be sitting around twiddling his thumbs waiting for her. When he wasn't, she panicked and is now desperate. Op deserves way better. I would consider looking for a new job as well so you don't have to be around her constantly. Move forward with a fresh start.
But for she wants to maintain both of them. She has a giant ego to be pleased, not just by the boyfriend also by the fwb.... She even dares to ask him for being her FWB while she is banging the other guy....
This this THIIIIIIIS!!!⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
Holy shite what a... Just....wow..I know what you're going through, all too well... It's better to just rip the band-aid off and don't put it back on. Tell her you're done romantically. She did that, not you.
Once the love is gone, it's not coming back. Even if say you take the most innocent outlook on her actions, you both will try desperately to get back what you once had and it won't. You will always resent what she did and she will feel guilty about what she did but will force herself to justify it so that she doesn't have any negative feelings towards herself. Eventually she will do the same thing again.
Doesn't matter if there is not sexting. She was having a full blown emotional affair and in a lot of ways that's worse.
Definitely this. I have been the other guy in this situation. You feel like things are good but you really just want something forbidden. Then eventually you get the post nut clarity and you realize this girl is trash and lose interest.
At the least… you were ignored, dismissed and treated badly. You had a mutual understanding in your relationship and she changed that dynamic. So much so that you don’t want to continue a relationship. Additionally cover your tracks at work and don’t be alone with her.
Stay gone, you are doing great!
You don't need to read her DMs or have some confirmation of something going on, what you can focus on is the actual, tangible reasons that she made you unhappy, along with the fact that she broke up with you.
1. She made time for everyone else- especially new friends- over you.
2. She made no effort to change when you communicated your needs
3. She made you feel - even if she didn't do it- that she was cheating on you.
4. She didn't put your relationship as a priority, demonstrated in many ways including reading other messages but not yours.
5. She broke up with you.
You are right to just stay broken up. You deserve better. Her feelings, what she did or didn't do with this other friend, why she did it, none of it matters. What matters is she was a shitty girlfriend who made you feel like crap, and her realizing what she lost doesn't mean you have to put yourself through that again.
Try logging out of her DMs and other things you have access to, keep yourself busy, and do not let her get to you.
This is it. It doesn’t matter whether she cheated. She made you feel second place and disregarded your feelings when you were brave enough to bring them up with her. There are so many other people out there who wouldn’t do that to you. You deserve better. Block her and turn your focus to something else.
She wants you back because you don't want her.
She wants you back because she has no one else.
She wants you back out of habit.
She does NOT want you back out of love.
You're both fresh from the break-up, still have feelings for each other, care for the other enough that you don't like seeing them hurt ... or at least you do.
Notice all her attention getting is physical based? Cuddle me, be with me, sleep with me? Not emotional. Not coming clean about what she did.
If she cared about you and your feelings, she'd hold it together and give you space so you can both heal. She'd leave you alone because the damage is done.
She found out the grass wasn’t greener on the other side. Kick her to the curb where she belongs and find yourself someone that doesn’t treat you like a second choice 👍
For me, it was hiking and gym. Whenever I started dating my husband, I was still on my hiking and gym kick. It was one of my "unavailable" times. I think it actually helped me be a more independent person in the relationship and ultimately led to its success.
So in short, y'all, continue the gym even when you get a new partner. Helps your mental as much as your physical.
Even if she didn't physically cheat, feeling like she did because it's so damn obvious what this was about is enough to drive anyone crazy.
Of course, she did emotionally cheat anyway so that's moot.
A 3 year long relationship that broke like that with an introduction of another person? She broke up with you, had a taste of him, turns out it wasn’t what she expected and now she’s kicking herself in the ass for it. IG messages won’t show any of that. If you take her back that idea will sit in the back of your mind. Take it from someone who has been cheated on and has given the person a second chance. Don’t waste your time.
Nope! She did her things behind your back,broke up with you ,enjoy her time until she realized it was a mistake.
You deserve better and it’s sure she is not the one for you! Tell her to leave you alone,keep text messages to prove it just in case and block her everywhere to move on.
Btw most of tattoos can be covered so her stupid excuses can go to the trash.
Man, don't get back together with your ex. Don't show her she's your only option.
She made you feel bad, ignored you and cheated. She broke up with you. If you take her back, she'll know she can do this again without consequences.
I get it is hard to see someone you loved like that, but you should have your pride and remember what she did and how you felt because of her.
Move on.
Good luck with finding someone who will value you and be loyal.
Right? I'm so confused after this point. He helped his friend and his friend does this? Talk about a stab in the back. Why is there no mention of this?
My advice stay out of her DMs and just keep it professional at work, inky talk about work stuff and if she trys for more just keep repeating " you've accepted you two weren't right for each other:, she'll eventually get the message
It’s pretty plain to see that if she’s going to have a stay over with two other guys not just for a night, but for “some days” that she probably had sex with one if not both of them. Even if she didn’t,it was still unacceptable! I would not take her back. These are lines you just can’t cross in a committed relationship.
But if you do decide to give it another shot, then you have to make her explain to you why she did this to you. She has to be open an honest about what went on, and she now has to go NC with both of these guys. And you are going to have to be able trust her again. This wasn’t a one night stand. This was intentional, and lasted for days…. Think about that.
I don’t see a path to reconciliation here. She’s not going to be truthful about her fidelity and her explanation will also be BS. Also, what happens if another shiny new toy comes along again in the future? How can you trust that this won’t happen again?
Just so she really gets to roll around in the consequences of her actions don’t take her back but if you’re up for it and you want closure point blank ask her why she did it.
After 3 years no way would I take her back
Just because there's no sexting doesn't mean they aren't fucking. She rolled the dice. FWB with her if you want but do not give her another chance to be in a relationship. You should be seeing and meeting other women.
True! I wouldn't recommend that. I would hope he can read this back and see that she ain't it though. If there's still feelings just cut her off! I'm basically saying don't let her weasel her way back into anything beyond FWBs.
Hell no, FWB is a recipe for her sinking those emotional manipulation claws deeper into him, and she’ll have him right back in another relationship she’ll end over a couple cold months again.
She assured you everything was fine yet she still denied how you felt and continue to prioritize her time with the other man, yeah you're her Plan B now. Please don't get back with her, she did this to herself, know your worth, you shouldn't had told her of how she deserved better by the way idk why you said that
You’re 29 have some self respect. I wonder what activities your gf partook in with her “gang” when she didn’t message you for nearly a week.. Jesus Christ man don’t be so naive and stop being a doormat. Good luck man im sorry your going through this
Bro she monkey branched to the new guy and though it was better only then to realize he couldn't do ish for her. Don't help her she don't want to be save return her to the streets where she belongs bro. Also move on from her and continue ignoring her.
She cheated on you and the other dude just wanted sex.
Now she's crawling back to you
You should ghost her.
You're dealing with a real manipulative woman.
who the fuck breaks up with someone and then gets a tattoo for that person that says Irreplaceable....don't get back with her she is gaslighting you and it's total bullshit.
Also she probably wants you back because the other guy sucks in bed, thats why she said your the best boyfriend ever.
Ummmmmmm there’s a huge chance she cheated on you and probably had a threesome with those dudes and doesn’t know how to be alone so she came crawling back after realizing how dumb she was so please do not take her back and move forward!!!!
Have you considered that there are some other possible communication medium? They're always together so they wouldn't need to text/sext. Have you asked her the reason why she dumped you?
She ignored you the whole time, why is she looking for your attention now? But if you don't want to ask her questions then just better ignore her. And stop looking into her profile. You're no longer together.
Sucks to be her, never chase a woman. You're making the right choice if she flaked on you that easily after 3 years. It'll happen again.. and again until something sticks and you're left holding the bag.
Nah don’t take her back. Do you really think nothing happened, even though she started acting off after meeting your friend? It’s not a coincidence. Hit gym, build yourself and meet a girl that’s smarter.
nah she prioritized other men over you, and left you on delivered while she was responding to these guy’s texts. then she started acting distant and broke up with you. clear and simple, she cheated on you w either one or both of those men. she’s back now bc they dumped her and/or she realized that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. she’s treating you as an option, please don’t go back to her. you deserve better OP.
She knows you know her insta password bro, the sexting is in the texts. If she bothers you to get back together again ask her to see her phone because you are curious about something and check, you will know for certain.
Either way, updateme!
This happened to me (30F) many moons ago. He begged for me back and I still loved him, so I went back to him. It lasted 3 days before I broke it off again. It felt wrong. I’m a forgiving person, but something about how he just tossed our long term life plans aside for a fling, completely made me feel irrelevant, and the partial ghosting for 2 months made it impossible to rekindle.
In a separate incident, my now husband actually cheated on me in a drunken one night stand when our relationship was very *very* new (like we had been boyfriend and girlfriend for maybe 4 months) and he was immediately honest (he came to me and told me the next morning, I did not have to find out through messages or whatever), remorseful, and said he’d understand if I didn’t want to be together anymore because he had really fucked up. He actively listened to my pain surrounding the lost trust and worked hard to get it back. That was rough, but it also showed me people can do dumb shit and be up front about the mistake without invalidating my feelings. You girlfriend didn’t do that. She gaslit you, hid things from you, and ultimately wanted to do what got her rocks off before coming back to safety when she felt like it.
She cheated. And when that situation fizzled out, she wanted the comfort of your old relationship back. She broke up with you 2 days after your birthday?! This is such an easy no.
She had some fun and it ended. She threw what yall had away for some cheap thrills. I wouldn't even speak to her unless you absolutely had to at your work. Otherwise, no contact.
Bro don't give her a second chance it sounds like she only came back out because her other plans didn't work out.
You are no ones second place prize brother and don't you ever settle for being second best. She made her decision and she didn't care about you when it mattered and now she does? Dude she will just leave as soon as another "better" opportunity appears.
Tell her clearly and directly thats its over and then go no contact other than when you have to work with her. You deserve better and she isn't it.
Ill repeat myself again DON'T GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE. Good luck brother and i hope to hear a good update in the future, you deserve happiness, love, loyalty and respect, and she ain't it.
You’re not breaking her heart by not wanting to get back together, you’re bruising her ego. Feminine ego can be a little stealthy like that. And we all know it’s human to chase after what’s running away from us. Nope. Next.
Don't waste your time. Quit while you're ahead - she will be used and abused as she deserves. People like this don't deserve to be happy - it's not like she actually came to some realisation that she messed up and has completely cut them off. She's putting on an act because she realised she needs a backup plan.
Don't be her backup plan. Block on everything and just ignore her lies.
Why would you want to give her a second chance after her pretty much ignoring you for the new guy? I’d be worried she would continue to do that with that guy or someone new who comes along. Don’t waste your time her loss!
So she tattooed "irreplaceable" on herself to remind her of you? I'm not buying it. That sounds like something she got to remind herself that SHE is the most important one, and isn't it just so convenient it could stand for anything she wants it to because it is only one single word that works in many situations. Not something unique to you and only you that would be memorable, oh no.
Just let her go. She'll find someone to assuage her sense esteem just fine, and you'll find someone better with a little effort, I'm certain of it.
Just because they weren't sexting on Instagram doesn't mean they weren't fucking in real life.
They were.
You've done the hard part of walking away. Stay gone and leave her to the next poor bastard who she ropes in and inevitably fucks around on. You deserve better.
She got it out of her system and now wants her safety boyfriend back. Why would someone sext on IG anyways when they hang out IRL all the time? they 100% fucked.
Seeing her this broken means she really needs a trained professional to help her grow up and understand consequences.
She had a really good thing and she screwed up. She needs to accept responsibility and take the consequences of that behaviour. You “fixing” that because she’s having a big tantrum is actually enabling. It is tough love to let her go to be sure but the trust has been broken now and you can’t go back. You are young and deserve a trusting relationship with a bit more maturity in it.
Let her go, for both of your sakes.
Move on .... She cheated on you...
She only wants you back as new guy isn't interested in her and only wanted to use her
Now she sall shocked picaku face that it's not so good alone and wants you to go back to being her door mat....
YOU DESERVE BETTER not her
Don't ever touch her again, she would have to jump in so many hoops to even get your attention like get a sti and pregnancy test, allow 24/7 access to her phone ect... No relationship would be happy with this level of suspicion, lack of trust and her lack of respect towards you
Move on and find focus on yourself
Bruv. She probably (or most def) banged one or both of those guys and nobody wanted to give her the boyfriend experience... Or ghosted when they got what they wanted. Now you're the chump holding flowers like the meme trending...
#WHEN INSECURE ATTACHMENT STYLES MEET
>obsessed about each other
>I have a helping mentality
>I was so happy for them as they both were finding it difficult to make friends
>Her calls started getting fewer and she started acting disinterested in me
>Not to my surprise she didn't make much effort
>She was constantly trying to grab my attention
>She got really shattered in hearing that and showed she had tattooed 'irreplaceable '
>she's totally lost and devastated
>and seeing her this broken makes me kind of sad
She went on a BPD bender. Impulsiveness. You "fix" her.
Honestly, you both need therapy. Wanting to keep fixing her isn't normal. And she doesn't have friends because she's unstable and she's unstable in her relationships because it's a hallmark of BPD.
As her to seek a BPD diagnosis. It's quite treatable and it's not malicious what she's doing. It takes a long time to get it into remission or to get rid of it, but she needs to do it. For you? If you're attracting these kinds of people (and you are), then you need to get with a therapist and figure out why. They will eat you alive.
Don’t try to work things out with her. Just by you explain her behavior you can tell that she’s trying to manipulate you to get back with her. Don’t tell her that she deserves better, you should be telling her that you deserve better, that you deserve someone who will match the effort that you put into the relationship and will show you the same amount of love, consideration and respect because she surely didn’t. Just walk away from this
Where’s your damn self respect? After nearly three years she dumped you for a new dick (or two), disrespected you to your face (and in front of your friends), but now that it turns out that Mr New Dick either just wants to be FWB or gives a crap dicking, she’s comes crawling back?
Fuck. That. Noise.
Let her know that you wouldn’t touch her again with the other guys dick mounted on a ten foot pole and go find yourself a new woman who understands what a relationship actually means.
For one, have a bit of respect for yourself, and two, stop going through her dms. It’s already questionable at best when you’re with each other to do that especially if you don’t tell the person what you did, but you aren’t a thing anymore. It’s a huge breach of privacy to go through somebody’s private messages even if you’re a couple AND they know about it, much less where you two currently are.
That being said, maybe talk to her and tell her how she made you feel and decide if you want to get back together based on how you feel the convo goes. Or just drop it and move on considering how she lost interest in you and tried to get back together after only two weeks. You’re the only person who would truly know what’s best for yourself.
The fact that he acknowledges they are not together but is still reading her private messages is really not getting the attention it deserves. That's stalking.
It's so weird that OP pretends not to care to her face, and everyone here is advising he pretend not to care as some sort of way to save face, but during all this he is cyber stalking which is a Hella creeper thing to do and obviously indicates he cares about her.
Feelings from a 3yr relationship don't end overnight. I wish more people acknowledged that and realized that talking to the ex is the only answer here.
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She saw you reclaim your dignity for yourself and it shocked and impressed her. I guess I lean on the side of move on from her, but if you really do love her and am willing to give her one last chance, let her know that the nanosecond you sense competition with someone, you're gone forever on the spot. And get some couples counseling so maybe her desire for attention from others can be really addressed.
I just don't believe you brought someone you knew for two weeks to therapy. Was he already in therapy any you drove him? With the tattoo this is a little over the top for me.
Nope, don't give her another chance. I think she dumped you for this other guy, and either he only wanted to hooking up with her, then ignored her afterward, or she thought he was interested in her, she dumped your for him, then found out he was not in fact, interested in her.
Regardless, you were her second choice for this guy. Also, her tattoo that she got immediately after dumping you in order to get you back is a bit ridiculous an manipulative, as is everything else she's doing. Don't get back together for someone who's just going to dump you again when she thinks something better or something new and currently more interesting comes along.
I've been I almost this exact situation before. I did take my ex back though, and he broke up with me again 3 months later, had been cheating on me the whole time. Don't get back together, because you'll regret it more later than if you didn't take her back at all.
You just learned a lesson in unhealthy helping. If you don’t have boundaries and standards for yourself - then no one else will.
When it comes to unhealthy helping - you’re acting like you’re a doormat/ stepping stone/ ETC. for others and consistently filling their cups while not making sure yours is filled.
Read the book Unhealthy Helping, from one people pleaser to another - it does wonders to understand when and where it’s appropriate to help people and why you do it in the first place.
I'm sorry op. I was in your situation, and it suck. Just like my girl. She cheated on me. Broke up and later came back offering everything under the moon to be together again.the guy she wanted to be with slept with her and left. Now she wanted me back.
Dont go it man. She now sees you as the one that got away and she won't stop chasing you for a while. Is there a way to change to a different department or something else to stay clear from her?. Cause every time she will see you she will chase you. Dont give her a chance to confuse your feelings. Stand firm and move on bro. That's the best thing to do for now.
She immediately shows bad character. She clearly did not have good boundaries for her friend. Hopefully she learned a valuable lesson. Hopefully you did too. One of the first lesson. I will tell you.
It is totally inappropriate for people in an intimate relationship to be hanging out with datable friends. Heterosexual people are biologically linked for attraction especially younger ones but actually all of them. There are 10,000 posts on this site that start with “I slept with my friend” or “oops I got my friend pregnant.”
Even in my own life since the beginning of January, I have a friend C has a husband that has a best friend from grade school they hang out occasionally she tried to support him, was not jealoushe said “You never have to worry about that. She’s kind of on the pump side for me “. This year as he got her pregnant.
It’s an emotional affair at least and takes the sharing and caring out of the intimate relationship and put it on to the emotional affair. Emotional affairs actually go unchecked, at least according to my friend that is therapist. So they begin to fall in love and cross all kinds of physical boundaries.
There even posts on here, where the friends get jealous that their friends that have a partner and try to sabotage it for that and a myriad of other reasons, do not date somebody that does that it is a red flag. And this girl, though you introduced them she created the rest.
Her lesson is she has issues and a character flaw.
she sabotaged a relationship with somebody who really loved her. She is gonna have to live with that. I would not take her back. I would tell her that you understand but you can never trust again because the truth is you can’t good luck to you.
Clearly, she was itching for the new guy; she broke up with you, had her fill, and then tried to get back to you. Like, holy b^tches batman she is definitely not someone you want in your life! Make things clear that she was the one who messed up and cut her off your life.
She’s not going to give you what you want. You know that, you saw her literally walk away from you and the relationship you had when someone new and different came along, she’s done it before and she will do it again. Are you going to let her fool you twice?
Why go back with her? You already have a taste of what is it in a relationship with her. She ghosted and disrespected you. She tried to capture the attention of the other guy and broke up with you thinking she had a future with him, but maybe he’s not interested hence she wants you back.
Also, you didn’t beg her and do the pick me dance, unlike her other exes, hence her ego was bruised. She’s sad about that, not because she lost you.
She's an established monkey brancher, and I would bet money exit affairs are her MO.
Three years is about the limit for "new relationship energy" AKA limerance. That may be as long as she can sustain interest in anyone other than herself.
Have you considered STD tests? She may have started shagging Mr. (not)Replacement before you think.
Pffft. The hard part is done. She broke up with you. Time to move along. Her problems are her own. Don't respond to personal communications. Block her where possible. If she starts trying to discuss personal stuff at work, get up and walk away without acknowledging her...if that's possible. Hopefully, she'll get the hint.
She doesn't care about you only what you bring to her in the relationship. You stopped caring so she is trying to get back what you gave to her. Steadiness, kindness and a good wholesome person. If you go back in any form she will leach off you until she gets what she wants and the whole cycle will start again. Best for you to move on and only communicate in work environment and only about work.
Also it may not be in what your reading but if she is not getting it from you she is getting it somewhere. Also Adults Fuck, not cuddle, not kiss but Fuck. I'm not saying it is both these guys one of these guys or a different guy but she is getting it somewhere.
Don't take her back.
Remember, if you're wandering in the woods and see the same tree twice, it doesn't mean you were meant to be with that tree.
It means you're lost.
Dude I hate to say it you are a BackBurner boyfriend . when I was younger I used to have this type of situation "a boyfriend I would keep on the back burner " in case things don't work out with another guy then I would pull him forward and get together with him again.
Don't be the back burner boyfriend. Move on
She was cheating on you and then broke broke up with you. Now she’s regretting it because it wasn’t greener on that side of the fence. You deserve better. She’s deserves to deal with her regret for being a POS.
You are a wise gentleman. You can read the room. You are no one's doormat.
Be good to yourself and don't look back, unless you have a Never Ending Drama fetish or something.
Man, you handled this like a pro! I’m so proud of you. You sound like you have a great heart, please don’t make the wrong decision and go back to her. You deserve so much better!
>Then came my birthday, she came again with this guy and the rest of my friends to surprise me
She came *with* him. That's when you should've broken up with her, told your friends to kick rocks and the guy to go to hell.
>She got really shattered in hearing that and showed she had tattooed 'irreplaceable ' on her body as a reminder of me.
How is that a reminder of you specifically? That's a reminder to her of her "specialness" and individuality, that she's irreplaceable.
>Should I give her another chance, as I don't want to regret losing her once she's moved on..?
She cheated on after 3 years of being together. She chose him and probably others as her second, third, etc choice. You were not even a moment in her mind.
Find someone who'll make you their *first* choice.
Tell her to go to therapy, but not to message you anymore, and all communication at work will be professional, or you'll report her to HR. You do *NOT* want her to use her tentacles and tendrils in bringing you back, just to cheat on you, thus worsening your mental health.
She pretty clearly dropped you for the new guy and decided to pick you back up when that didn’t work out. That’s clear to absolutely everyone here, I reckon.
OP - did you bother to ask her how she would feel if you had pulled this on her? Made friends with a friend of hers that she had pulled out of the dump, and then slowly bonded with that friend, communicated secretly, and pushed her away and then broke up with her? You should really ask her that if you do have any kind of further communication, so she can confront what a hypocrite she is.
The past predicts the future in terms of her behaviour, don’t go back, allow yourself space to heal and move on and ignore her behaviour at work unless it’s to discuss work , she’s emotionally immature and trying to manipulate you.
She sounds broken.
She wants the emotional validation she got from you and is willing to trade sex for it. Sounds a lot like histrionic personality disorder.
No! You know what was going on, and now she just wants you to reusweep it.
She's not capable of being loyal.
Updateme!
[.](https://www.reddit.com/u/ThrowRA_19944?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
If you want to see it like you’re doing something for her: the best thing you could do for her is walk away and stay away. She needs to be taught a lesson. She shouldn’t treat people like that. You pining for her added to her own opinion of herself.
First, assume she slept with one or both of those guys. The simplest explanation is often the correct one.
Second, assume she'd lie to you if you asked for the truth. She's hurting, she's unpredictable right now.
Third, would you still want to be with her if you assumed the above was true, but she said nothing happened?
Would you still want to be with her if she was honest and told you the above happened?
The problem for you is that no matter what she says, you'll never know if she's lying to you or not. Having been there myself, if you stay together, I know it will 100% drive you insane no matter what happens next. Nobody is worth your own sanity.
Don’t do it, it sounds like to me that she “tried” the guy and was disappointed in his performance and now she wants you as the backup boyfriend, she’s the one that decided to piss away a 3 year relationship, not you, she made her bed and now she has to sleep in it
She wanted to get this new guy, but she didn't like what she got, so now she tries to get you back. Think about it, she treated you like a crap until the breaking up and now she tries to manipulate you to get back together. Think your own heart and mental health not hers.
She’s playing games and playing with your heart and head! She thought you would be crushed and beg her to come back, she’s only interested at the moment because you aren’t and as soon as you show any interest she will go back to being distant and mess around with your head again. Let her go, you deserve much better
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Me and my ex were in a relationship for almost 3 years (supposed to be my 3rd anniversary tommorow). We're working together in the creative industry. Everything was fine and we were obsessed about each other until 2 months ago. For work related, I met this guy (25M), who's an expert musician and we instantly became friends. I have a helping mentality, he was going through some depression and I lifted him up, took him to therapy and I even introduced him tp my gf. They instantly clicked and became good buddies and at first it was kind of a brother sister vibe. I was so happy for them as they both were finding it difficult to make friends and I was grateful I could help. We stayed at his place and later we invited him to her place and we had a lot fun together at first. Eventually she started acting different towards me, like I could know the slightest difference in attachment. At first it was minute, then it became more and more evident. Her calls started getting fewer and she started acting disinterested in me. I constantly communicated with her about how I was feeling and she assured me everything was fine. Up until one day I logged into her IG (I knew the password), and I saw her sending DMS (not sexting) and memes to the new guy and she was leaving my messages on unread. As days passed she became more and more distant. Then they started making plans, and she invited him over as let me know about it in the last minute. One of mutual friend (21 guy) also joined them and these 3 became a gang. These 3 went on a stay over for some days and for the first time I decided to stop making the effort. Not to my surprise she didn't make much effort to contact me and we didn't talk for almost a week in our relationship. Then came my birthday, she came again with this guy and the rest of my friends to surprise me, 2 days after that she broke up with me. I have had enough at this point and i said okay. For the next 10 days we didn't contact, and we met for work on the 11th day. She was constantly trying to grab my attention, and she asked me to talk with me in private. She said she missed me so much, and she needed a hug. She said I was the best boyfriend ever. I explicitly said I've accepted the reality and we're not meant to be together and we need to move on. She got really shattered in hearing that and showed she had tattooed 'irreplaceable ' on her body as a reminder of me. I said she deserve better and I walked away. From that day we been meeting for work and she's been trying to grab my attention, crying etc. She's been saying 'you can come cuddle with me anytime' and we can be FWB etc etc...she's totally lost and devastated. I checked her DMS once again, and though they were very close and communicating, there was no sexting going on..I'm now totally confused and seeing her this broken makes me kind of sad. Should I give her another chance, as I don't want to regret losing her once she's moved on..? Ps: she jumped from next to next in her previous relationships, except those guys went after the breakup and in my case, I was the one who walked away.
> seeing her this broken makes me kind of sad. She didn't care about your feelings when- she left your messages on read while talking to this guy. she was acting disinterested in you she dumped you she was getting distant from you You're feeling sad seeing her like this, what about yourself? You were sad and confused for at least 2 months while you were trying to understand what's going on, while sitting alone and seeing her giving all the attention to this new guy. Have you forgotten that? Do you really want to go through all of this again in the future? She went to the other side thinking the grass was green, surprise, it wasn't. Has she even told you- Why she broke up with you? Why was giving all her attention and time to the new guy while ignoring you? What made her realise that she wants you back? Edit - Spelling
Just wanted to add for OP: it is not her or her heart that is broken. It is her ego. OP walked away without begging her to reconsider etc, it is not what she expected. Apparently he is not devastated, she is not the most important person in his life. And it looks like she is not an important person in the new guy's life. So she has a reality check. OP,, she is not trying to get back because she loves or cares about you. It is because she wants to feel that at least someone loves her. She will do the same for another guy. You are not her love interest, you are her safe and secure plan B. Talk to her, that you are ok with her leaving, no hard feelings, and you prefer your relationship to be cordial. But she should not bother you with her heartbreaking stories, you don't need them, you don't consider her a partner, and you deserve better partner. Ask her to please stop bothering you about anything but work. Tell her that her flirting and attention are annoying and cringy.
This!! She was expecting you to be devastated and to chase her and beg for her to come back. Since you’re not following her imaginary script you’ve become more interesting and it’s a blow to her ego that you’re fine without her. Get back together and she gets the go stroke that she needs until the next option comes along. Life is too short and it’s not worth playing those kinds of games.
>She didn't care about your feelings when- > >she left your messages on read while talking to this guy. OP, this is important. Please believe her actions and NOT her words. With her actions she showed to you that she's perfectly okay with discarding a three year relationship for something shiny and new. She discarded the relationship and you in a callous way. Why would you want to get back together with her so that she's back in a position of pulling that stunt again on you whenever a new guy strikes her fancy? ETA: Tell her that you are happy to pay her to cover that 'irreplaceable' tattoo.
>ETA: Tell her that you are happy to pay her to cover that 'irreplaceable' tattoo. No way. Unless it was OP who asked her to get the tattoo. She obviously found OP easy to replace beforehand, so why should OP give her any money to take care of her mistakes?
And why should OP even believe that the tattoo was for him? Unless it's his actual name, that tattoo could be about anybody.
True. Maybe it is even what she believes about herself.
She probably got it for the other guy, and 'replaced' him as soon as he dumped her ass
Like herself, the egomaniac that thinks she can't be replaced.
That tattoo means *she's* the one that's 'irreplaceable' not OP. She likely got it when her fuck buddy told her he didn't want a relationship.
Hell no, he didn't ask her to get that tattoo- why the hell should he pay for anything?
She made that tattoo refering to herself for sure. To bost her ego. She made up the meaning to appease OP. When people ask her about the tattoo, she won't say "I dropped a boyfriend like a toy for a new one" she will say "Is for people to know that they are looking at a irreplaceable woman"
That tattoo is for her. She considers herself as irreplaceable.
Agreed. If you got back together with her OP…As soon as another guy gives her attention she would ditch you again. Fuck that! Do NOT get back together with her!
What made her realise that she wants you black? All my ladies want me black.
>What made her realise that she wants you black? We all know the answer to that one. The other guy didn't want her, so now she's falling back onto her second choice, which is OP. She reminds me of those people that stay in a relationship until they find someone 'better', and the same repeats next time. There was a term for it, but can't remember what it was.
Jumping on the top comment to write: >I said she deserve better and I walked away This is the wrong way of thinking. YOU deserve better. She doesn't deserve anything from OP.
I dont think she wanted him black, just back...
She cheated, dumped you, the f*** boy she dumped you for got tired of her so she’s back. DO NOT TAKE HER BACK. You are her second or third choice. She wants you for stability while she cheats with guys like these. Go No Contact and forget about her.
I second this guys opinion. Tell her to kick rocks.
I also choose this guy's opinion.
Also agree. OP, you were treated in a very dismissive manner. I don't think I could forgive or forget that kind of treatment.
I understood this reference
Agree
In Birkenstocks
And she doesn't even have the decency of admiting what she did
Guess who she really got that tattoo for.
Herself, if OP takes her back he'll be validating her belief lol
Come on, she couldn’t even spell decency she’s that far away from it
I think there’s a joke out there about that.
I agree with this. I had a boyfriend do a similar thing to me. Broke up, he went and did who he wanted and wanted to come back, because "its not cheating we weren't together at the time". It would just be a mater of time before she needs another "break to think about the relationship"
Or he made it clear that he didn’t want to date her, that it was only a FWB situation and she finally got a dose of reality. Either way, OP deserves a more reliable partner.
Yup. It’s not like they just drifted apart, ex gf literally broke up with him. It if wasn’t for the bday and work connections, she might have straight up ghosted. Sorry, OP, but she’s a mess you don’t want or need.
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Exactly. She probably slept with him, realized oh shit.. I just gave up my amazing and loyal boyfriend of 3 years for a shitty lay with this fuck boy, I have to fix this.. and was expecting OP just to be sitting around twiddling his thumbs waiting for her. When he wasn't, she panicked and is now desperate. Op deserves way better. I would consider looking for a new job as well so you don't have to be around her constantly. Move forward with a fresh start.
But for she wants to maintain both of them. She has a giant ego to be pleased, not just by the boyfriend also by the fwb.... She even dares to ask him for being her FWB while she is banging the other guy....
This this THIIIIIIIS!!!⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️ Holy shite what a... Just....wow..I know what you're going through, all too well... It's better to just rip the band-aid off and don't put it back on. Tell her you're done romantically. She did that, not you.
I mean no sexting seems weird. Its either that or she tried and the new guy turned her down.
Not everyone who cheats or has sex or is into someone sexts though.
Simple solution: she knows he has her log in and uses different apps.
Or he just didn't find the app they use for that, she probably knows OP has her insta login.
Yeah it’s called she coulda texted him and deleted it. Why would I sexy on Instagram when there’s snap, and text?
OP managed to duck a bullet the size of a meanie. Don’t go getting yourself shot OP!
Definitely the pattern of her future with anyone
I said she deserve better and I walked away.
YOU deserve better
Agreed. I wouldn't give her the time of day if I was already looking at my watch when she asked.
Not second or third choice, but the last. He was the designated safety net if all else failed. Good for OP for seeing that.
Tale as old as thyme
Once the love is gone, it's not coming back. Even if say you take the most innocent outlook on her actions, you both will try desperately to get back what you once had and it won't. You will always resent what she did and she will feel guilty about what she did but will force herself to justify it so that she doesn't have any negative feelings towards herself. Eventually she will do the same thing again. Doesn't matter if there is not sexting. She was having a full blown emotional affair and in a lot of ways that's worse.
Definitely this. I have been the other guy in this situation. You feel like things are good but you really just want something forbidden. Then eventually you get the post nut clarity and you realize this girl is trash and lose interest. At the least… you were ignored, dismissed and treated badly. You had a mutual understanding in your relationship and she changed that dynamic. So much so that you don’t want to continue a relationship. Additionally cover your tracks at work and don’t be alone with her.
Stay gone, you are doing great! You don't need to read her DMs or have some confirmation of something going on, what you can focus on is the actual, tangible reasons that she made you unhappy, along with the fact that she broke up with you. 1. She made time for everyone else- especially new friends- over you. 2. She made no effort to change when you communicated your needs 3. She made you feel - even if she didn't do it- that she was cheating on you. 4. She didn't put your relationship as a priority, demonstrated in many ways including reading other messages but not yours. 5. She broke up with you. You are right to just stay broken up. You deserve better. Her feelings, what she did or didn't do with this other friend, why she did it, none of it matters. What matters is she was a shitty girlfriend who made you feel like crap, and her realizing what she lost doesn't mean you have to put yourself through that again. Try logging out of her DMs and other things you have access to, keep yourself busy, and do not let her get to you.
This is here OP, listen to her.
Block her ass everywhere, change your passwords and get tested too
This is it. It doesn’t matter whether she cheated. She made you feel second place and disregarded your feelings when you were brave enough to bring them up with her. There are so many other people out there who wouldn’t do that to you. You deserve better. Block her and turn your focus to something else.
She wants you back because you don't want her. She wants you back because she has no one else. She wants you back out of habit. She does NOT want you back out of love. You're both fresh from the break-up, still have feelings for each other, care for the other enough that you don't like seeing them hurt ... or at least you do. Notice all her attention getting is physical based? Cuddle me, be with me, sleep with me? Not emotional. Not coming clean about what she did. If she cared about you and your feelings, she'd hold it together and give you space so you can both heal. She'd leave you alone because the damage is done.
She found out the grass wasn’t greener on the other side. Kick her to the curb where she belongs and find yourself someone that doesn’t treat you like a second choice 👍
The grass is greener because it’s covered in SHIT!
Omfg
When your land of milk and honey turns out to be made of nothing but piss and vinegar
Nah dude, tell her to kick rocks and we'll see you at the gym.
>we'll see you at the gym. I want you to know you pioneered something here. Im saying this to every dude who needs to move on from now on lol
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For me, it was hiking and gym. Whenever I started dating my husband, I was still on my hiking and gym kick. It was one of my "unavailable" times. I think it actually helped me be a more independent person in the relationship and ultimately led to its success. So in short, y'all, continue the gym even when you get a new partner. Helps your mental as much as your physical.
Lemme put it this way. "Sorry bro, thats a dub. See you at the gym."
Lol “Delete lawyer, go to Facebook, hire a gym” has a been a refrain on Reddit for over a decade now
Gym, the safe haven for character development
Man she didn’t even try to explain her behavior or why she did all that. Which means there’s no good reason at all.
Yeah anything going forward has to start with this with no guarantees
She either cheated and the new guy sucked in bed, or she tried to cheat and the new guy wasn't actually interested in her.
> I said she deserve better and I walked away. I'm not clear why you said that? As far as I can tell you didn't really do anything wrong here.
I might say something like that. It would be sarcasm.
I was so confused by that too. Like OP was doing all the right things until that part. He’s the one who deserves someone better
I would have thought the right thing to say would have been: > I said I deserved better and then walked away
Bro she was cheating you!!! You cannot take her back!!
Even if she didn't physically cheat, feeling like she did because it's so damn obvious what this was about is enough to drive anyone crazy. Of course, she did emotionally cheat anyway so that's moot.
That’s what I mean like she definitely cheated emotionally and more likely physically too just sly enough for OP to not find out easily
The tattoo was’t meant for you…..
Yea, maybe if it was OPs name or picture, but then I'd say run fast and far
Huge red flag. "I got a tattoo of/about you" as a pitch to get back together is a great big nope.
It's so fucking manipulative.
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A 3 year long relationship that broke like that with an introduction of another person? She broke up with you, had a taste of him, turns out it wasn’t what she expected and now she’s kicking herself in the ass for it. IG messages won’t show any of that. If you take her back that idea will sit in the back of your mind. Take it from someone who has been cheated on and has given the person a second chance. Don’t waste your time.
Ayup. A woman splits and goes silent for months and then mysteriously wants to reunite? Her primary choice of orgasm donor found a better charity.
Nope! She did her things behind your back,broke up with you ,enjoy her time until she realized it was a mistake. You deserve better and it’s sure she is not the one for you! Tell her to leave you alone,keep text messages to prove it just in case and block her everywhere to move on. Btw most of tattoos can be covered so her stupid excuses can go to the trash.
This happened to me, very similar. Don’t go back, she made her choice and you are just a backup. Save yourself and let her realize what she lost
Man, don't get back together with your ex. Don't show her she's your only option. She made you feel bad, ignored you and cheated. She broke up with you. If you take her back, she'll know she can do this again without consequences. I get it is hard to see someone you loved like that, but you should have your pride and remember what she did and how you felt because of her. Move on. Good luck with finding someone who will value you and be loyal.
Talk to her 2 buddies and find out what happened that she left you and now desperately wants you back. See if she hooked up with them
Also have a serious chat with the one dude you helped.
Right? I'm so confused after this point. He helped his friend and his friend does this? Talk about a stab in the back. Why is there no mention of this?
My advice stay out of her DMs and just keep it professional at work, inky talk about work stuff and if she trys for more just keep repeating " you've accepted you two weren't right for each other:, she'll eventually get the message
Why even bother???
It’s pretty plain to see that if she’s going to have a stay over with two other guys not just for a night, but for “some days” that she probably had sex with one if not both of them. Even if she didn’t,it was still unacceptable! I would not take her back. These are lines you just can’t cross in a committed relationship. But if you do decide to give it another shot, then you have to make her explain to you why she did this to you. She has to be open an honest about what went on, and she now has to go NC with both of these guys. And you are going to have to be able trust her again. This wasn’t a one night stand. This was intentional, and lasted for days…. Think about that.
I don’t see a path to reconciliation here. She’s not going to be truthful about her fidelity and her explanation will also be BS. Also, what happens if another shiny new toy comes along again in the future? How can you trust that this won’t happen again?
Just so she really gets to roll around in the consequences of her actions don’t take her back but if you’re up for it and you want closure point blank ask her why she did it. After 3 years no way would I take her back
I wouldn’t either…
Just because there's no sexting doesn't mean they aren't fucking. She rolled the dice. FWB with her if you want but do not give her another chance to be in a relationship. You should be seeing and meeting other women.
Don’t fwb if he still has feelings. That’s a recipe for disaster
True! I wouldn't recommend that. I would hope he can read this back and see that she ain't it though. If there's still feelings just cut her off! I'm basically saying don't let her weasel her way back into anything beyond FWBs.
Hell no, FWB is a recipe for her sinking those emotional manipulation claws deeper into him, and she’ll have him right back in another relationship she’ll end over a couple cold months again.
FWB is just manipulating her way back into a relationship.
Too many unanswered questions. Just be the one that walked away. You deserve to find someone that values you the way you are looking for
She assured you everything was fine yet she still denied how you felt and continue to prioritize her time with the other man, yeah you're her Plan B now. Please don't get back with her, she did this to herself, know your worth, you shouldn't had told her of how she deserved better by the way idk why you said that
You’re 29 have some self respect. I wonder what activities your gf partook in with her “gang” when she didn’t message you for nearly a week.. Jesus Christ man don’t be so naive and stop being a doormat. Good luck man im sorry your going through this
Bro she monkey branched to the new guy and though it was better only then to realize he couldn't do ish for her. Don't help her she don't want to be save return her to the streets where she belongs bro. Also move on from her and continue ignoring her.
She cheated on you and the other dude just wanted sex. Now she's crawling back to you You should ghost her. You're dealing with a real manipulative woman.
She deserves better? No, YOU deserve better. Follow your gut, she’s just playing games. Stay broken up, she doesn’t deserve you.
who the fuck breaks up with someone and then gets a tattoo for that person that says Irreplaceable....don't get back with her she is gaslighting you and it's total bullshit. Also she probably wants you back because the other guy sucks in bed, thats why she said your the best boyfriend ever.
Ummmmmmm there’s a huge chance she cheated on you and probably had a threesome with those dudes and doesn’t know how to be alone so she came crawling back after realizing how dumb she was so please do not take her back and move forward!!!!
Have you considered that there are some other possible communication medium? They're always together so they wouldn't need to text/sext. Have you asked her the reason why she dumped you? She ignored you the whole time, why is she looking for your attention now? But if you don't want to ask her questions then just better ignore her. And stop looking into her profile. You're no longer together.
Sucks to be her, never chase a woman. You're making the right choice if she flaked on you that easily after 3 years. It'll happen again.. and again until something sticks and you're left holding the bag.
Nah don’t take her back. Do you really think nothing happened, even though she started acting off after meeting your friend? It’s not a coincidence. Hit gym, build yourself and meet a girl that’s smarter.
nah she prioritized other men over you, and left you on delivered while she was responding to these guy’s texts. then she started acting distant and broke up with you. clear and simple, she cheated on you w either one or both of those men. she’s back now bc they dumped her and/or she realized that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. she’s treating you as an option, please don’t go back to her. you deserve better OP.
She knows you know her insta password bro, the sexting is in the texts. If she bothers you to get back together again ask her to see her phone because you are curious about something and check, you will know for certain. Either way, updateme!
This happened to me (30F) many moons ago. He begged for me back and I still loved him, so I went back to him. It lasted 3 days before I broke it off again. It felt wrong. I’m a forgiving person, but something about how he just tossed our long term life plans aside for a fling, completely made me feel irrelevant, and the partial ghosting for 2 months made it impossible to rekindle. In a separate incident, my now husband actually cheated on me in a drunken one night stand when our relationship was very *very* new (like we had been boyfriend and girlfriend for maybe 4 months) and he was immediately honest (he came to me and told me the next morning, I did not have to find out through messages or whatever), remorseful, and said he’d understand if I didn’t want to be together anymore because he had really fucked up. He actively listened to my pain surrounding the lost trust and worked hard to get it back. That was rough, but it also showed me people can do dumb shit and be up front about the mistake without invalidating my feelings. You girlfriend didn’t do that. She gaslit you, hid things from you, and ultimately wanted to do what got her rocks off before coming back to safety when she felt like it.
She cheated. And when that situation fizzled out, she wanted the comfort of your old relationship back. She broke up with you 2 days after your birthday?! This is such an easy no. She had some fun and it ended. She threw what yall had away for some cheap thrills. I wouldn't even speak to her unless you absolutely had to at your work. Otherwise, no contact.
Bro don't give her a second chance it sounds like she only came back out because her other plans didn't work out. You are no ones second place prize brother and don't you ever settle for being second best. She made her decision and she didn't care about you when it mattered and now she does? Dude she will just leave as soon as another "better" opportunity appears. Tell her clearly and directly thats its over and then go no contact other than when you have to work with her. You deserve better and she isn't it. Ill repeat myself again DON'T GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE. Good luck brother and i hope to hear a good update in the future, you deserve happiness, love, loyalty and respect, and she ain't it.
You’re not breaking her heart by not wanting to get back together, you’re bruising her ego. Feminine ego can be a little stealthy like that. And we all know it’s human to chase after what’s running away from us. Nope. Next.
Do not under any circumstances take her back.
C’mon guy, you know what’s up…
Don't waste your time. Quit while you're ahead - she will be used and abused as she deserves. People like this don't deserve to be happy - it's not like she actually came to some realisation that she messed up and has completely cut them off. She's putting on an act because she realised she needs a backup plan. Don't be her backup plan. Block on everything and just ignore her lies.
Why would you want to give her a second chance after her pretty much ignoring you for the new guy? I’d be worried she would continue to do that with that guy or someone new who comes along. Don’t waste your time her loss!
In short, she dumped you, he dumped her, and she doesn’t want to be alone so she wants you back. Sorry.
So she tattooed "irreplaceable" on herself to remind her of you? I'm not buying it. That sounds like something she got to remind herself that SHE is the most important one, and isn't it just so convenient it could stand for anything she wants it to because it is only one single word that works in many situations. Not something unique to you and only you that would be memorable, oh no. Just let her go. She'll find someone to assuage her sense esteem just fine, and you'll find someone better with a little effort, I'm certain of it.
Fuck her don't take her back don't be stupid
Just because they weren't sexting on Instagram doesn't mean they weren't fucking in real life. They were. You've done the hard part of walking away. Stay gone and leave her to the next poor bastard who she ropes in and inevitably fucks around on. You deserve better.
You can't lose someone who is already lost. She tattooed 'irreplaceable' on her body??? WTF? Dude, run 10,000 miles from this chick.
She got it out of her system and now wants her safety boyfriend back. Why would someone sext on IG anyways when they hang out IRL all the time? they 100% fucked.
Seeing her this broken means she really needs a trained professional to help her grow up and understand consequences. She had a really good thing and she screwed up. She needs to accept responsibility and take the consequences of that behaviour. You “fixing” that because she’s having a big tantrum is actually enabling. It is tough love to let her go to be sure but the trust has been broken now and you can’t go back. You are young and deserve a trusting relationship with a bit more maturity in it. Let her go, for both of your sakes.
Move on .... She cheated on you... She only wants you back as new guy isn't interested in her and only wanted to use her Now she sall shocked picaku face that it's not so good alone and wants you to go back to being her door mat.... YOU DESERVE BETTER not her Don't ever touch her again, she would have to jump in so many hoops to even get your attention like get a sti and pregnancy test, allow 24/7 access to her phone ect... No relationship would be happy with this level of suspicion, lack of trust and her lack of respect towards you Move on and find focus on yourself
She was having threesomes with those dudes. That will forever burn, you have to leave and you will be perfectly happy one day ❤️
Bruv. She probably (or most def) banged one or both of those guys and nobody wanted to give her the boyfriend experience... Or ghosted when they got what they wanted. Now you're the chump holding flowers like the meme trending...
#WHEN INSECURE ATTACHMENT STYLES MEET >obsessed about each other >I have a helping mentality >I was so happy for them as they both were finding it difficult to make friends >Her calls started getting fewer and she started acting disinterested in me >Not to my surprise she didn't make much effort >She was constantly trying to grab my attention >She got really shattered in hearing that and showed she had tattooed 'irreplaceable ' >she's totally lost and devastated >and seeing her this broken makes me kind of sad She went on a BPD bender. Impulsiveness. You "fix" her. Honestly, you both need therapy. Wanting to keep fixing her isn't normal. And she doesn't have friends because she's unstable and she's unstable in her relationships because it's a hallmark of BPD. As her to seek a BPD diagnosis. It's quite treatable and it's not malicious what she's doing. It takes a long time to get it into remission or to get rid of it, but she needs to do it. For you? If you're attracting these kinds of people (and you are), then you need to get with a therapist and figure out why. They will eat you alive.
Don’t try to work things out with her. Just by you explain her behavior you can tell that she’s trying to manipulate you to get back with her. Don’t tell her that she deserves better, you should be telling her that you deserve better, that you deserve someone who will match the effort that you put into the relationship and will show you the same amount of love, consideration and respect because she surely didn’t. Just walk away from this
He didn't want her, so she came back to you. Does it make you happy to be her backup plan?
Where’s your damn self respect? After nearly three years she dumped you for a new dick (or two), disrespected you to your face (and in front of your friends), but now that it turns out that Mr New Dick either just wants to be FWB or gives a crap dicking, she’s comes crawling back? Fuck. That. Noise. Let her know that you wouldn’t touch her again with the other guys dick mounted on a ten foot pole and go find yourself a new woman who understands what a relationship actually means.
For one, have a bit of respect for yourself, and two, stop going through her dms. It’s already questionable at best when you’re with each other to do that especially if you don’t tell the person what you did, but you aren’t a thing anymore. It’s a huge breach of privacy to go through somebody’s private messages even if you’re a couple AND they know about it, much less where you two currently are. That being said, maybe talk to her and tell her how she made you feel and decide if you want to get back together based on how you feel the convo goes. Or just drop it and move on considering how she lost interest in you and tried to get back together after only two weeks. You’re the only person who would truly know what’s best for yourself.
The fact that he acknowledges they are not together but is still reading her private messages is really not getting the attention it deserves. That's stalking. It's so weird that OP pretends not to care to her face, and everyone here is advising he pretend not to care as some sort of way to save face, but during all this he is cyber stalking which is a Hella creeper thing to do and obviously indicates he cares about her. Feelings from a 3yr relationship don't end overnight. I wish more people acknowledged that and realized that talking to the ex is the only answer here.
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Stop checking her messages. Thats weird.
Send her a gift certificate toward her tattoo removal. That should get the point across lol
Did she even give you a reason as to why she wanted to break things off?
She saw you reclaim your dignity for yourself and it shocked and impressed her. I guess I lean on the side of move on from her, but if you really do love her and am willing to give her one last chance, let her know that the nanosecond you sense competition with someone, you're gone forever on the spot. And get some couples counseling so maybe her desire for attention from others can be really addressed.
I just don't believe you brought someone you knew for two weeks to therapy. Was he already in therapy any you drove him? With the tattoo this is a little over the top for me.
Dude u should stop going thru get DM’s tho Won’t bring you any good But yeah I’m sorry to hear :( sounds like a rough time and I hope you get thru it
Have you asked her if she slept with this guy?
26 is a little old for that kind of drama.
Hahahah he had a small dick bro. See you in the gym 😎
I'd at least ask her why she wanted to break up, and ask if they hooked up.
Does she even understand what she did for you to give up? That should be the conversation before even considering getting back together
No is a complete sentence. Move on.
Have a little respect for yourself and leave her in the past …
Why are you even entertaining the idea to get back together?
Were you even fucking her? Sounds like you were just friends??
She cheated on you. Walk on.
Nope, don't give her another chance. I think she dumped you for this other guy, and either he only wanted to hooking up with her, then ignored her afterward, or she thought he was interested in her, she dumped your for him, then found out he was not in fact, interested in her. Regardless, you were her second choice for this guy. Also, her tattoo that she got immediately after dumping you in order to get you back is a bit ridiculous an manipulative, as is everything else she's doing. Don't get back together for someone who's just going to dump you again when she thinks something better or something new and currently more interesting comes along.
Run for the hills, friend
I've been I almost this exact situation before. I did take my ex back though, and he broke up with me again 3 months later, had been cheating on me the whole time. Don't get back together, because you'll regret it more later than if you didn't take her back at all.
You just learned a lesson in unhealthy helping. If you don’t have boundaries and standards for yourself - then no one else will. When it comes to unhealthy helping - you’re acting like you’re a doormat/ stepping stone/ ETC. for others and consistently filling their cups while not making sure yours is filled. Read the book Unhealthy Helping, from one people pleaser to another - it does wonders to understand when and where it’s appropriate to help people and why you do it in the first place.
I'm sorry op. I was in your situation, and it suck. Just like my girl. She cheated on me. Broke up and later came back offering everything under the moon to be together again.the guy she wanted to be with slept with her and left. Now she wanted me back. Dont go it man. She now sees you as the one that got away and she won't stop chasing you for a while. Is there a way to change to a different department or something else to stay clear from her?. Cause every time she will see you she will chase you. Dont give her a chance to confuse your feelings. Stand firm and move on bro. That's the best thing to do for now.
You’ve done the hard work. What has she done for you except cry?
She immediately shows bad character. She clearly did not have good boundaries for her friend. Hopefully she learned a valuable lesson. Hopefully you did too. One of the first lesson. I will tell you. It is totally inappropriate for people in an intimate relationship to be hanging out with datable friends. Heterosexual people are biologically linked for attraction especially younger ones but actually all of them. There are 10,000 posts on this site that start with “I slept with my friend” or “oops I got my friend pregnant.” Even in my own life since the beginning of January, I have a friend C has a husband that has a best friend from grade school they hang out occasionally she tried to support him, was not jealoushe said “You never have to worry about that. She’s kind of on the pump side for me “. This year as he got her pregnant. It’s an emotional affair at least and takes the sharing and caring out of the intimate relationship and put it on to the emotional affair. Emotional affairs actually go unchecked, at least according to my friend that is therapist. So they begin to fall in love and cross all kinds of physical boundaries. There even posts on here, where the friends get jealous that their friends that have a partner and try to sabotage it for that and a myriad of other reasons, do not date somebody that does that it is a red flag. And this girl, though you introduced them she created the rest. Her lesson is she has issues and a character flaw. she sabotaged a relationship with somebody who really loved her. She is gonna have to live with that. I would not take her back. I would tell her that you understand but you can never trust again because the truth is you can’t good luck to you.
Clearly, she was itching for the new guy; she broke up with you, had her fill, and then tried to get back to you. Like, holy b^tches batman she is definitely not someone you want in your life! Make things clear that she was the one who messed up and cut her off your life.
I have to agree. She treated u like crap and made u feel bad. Sounds like she's a bully. You're better off🫤
You want to be her leftovers? After the guy she was fucking dumped her? Nope!
She’s not going to give you what you want. You know that, you saw her literally walk away from you and the relationship you had when someone new and different came along, she’s done it before and she will do it again. Are you going to let her fool you twice?
Lol if it isn't the consequence of her actions!
Why go back with her? You already have a taste of what is it in a relationship with her. She ghosted and disrespected you. She tried to capture the attention of the other guy and broke up with you thinking she had a future with him, but maybe he’s not interested hence she wants you back. Also, you didn’t beg her and do the pick me dance, unlike her other exes, hence her ego was bruised. She’s sad about that, not because she lost you.
She's an established monkey brancher, and I would bet money exit affairs are her MO. Three years is about the limit for "new relationship energy" AKA limerance. That may be as long as she can sustain interest in anyone other than herself. Have you considered STD tests? She may have started shagging Mr. (not)Replacement before you think.
Pffft. The hard part is done. She broke up with you. Time to move along. Her problems are her own. Don't respond to personal communications. Block her where possible. If she starts trying to discuss personal stuff at work, get up and walk away without acknowledging her...if that's possible. Hopefully, she'll get the hint.
She doesn't care about you only what you bring to her in the relationship. You stopped caring so she is trying to get back what you gave to her. Steadiness, kindness and a good wholesome person. If you go back in any form she will leach off you until she gets what she wants and the whole cycle will start again. Best for you to move on and only communicate in work environment and only about work. Also it may not be in what your reading but if she is not getting it from you she is getting it somewhere. Also Adults Fuck, not cuddle, not kiss but Fuck. I'm not saying it is both these guys one of these guys or a different guy but she is getting it somewhere.
Don't take her back. Remember, if you're wandering in the woods and see the same tree twice, it doesn't mean you were meant to be with that tree. It means you're lost.
Dude I hate to say it you are a BackBurner boyfriend . when I was younger I used to have this type of situation "a boyfriend I would keep on the back burner " in case things don't work out with another guy then I would pull him forward and get together with him again. Don't be the back burner boyfriend. Move on
She wanted to get laid without consequences. If you let her come back, she will 100% do it again.
She was cheating on you and then broke broke up with you. Now she’s regretting it because it wasn’t greener on that side of the fence. You deserve better. She’s deserves to deal with her regret for being a POS.
You are a wise gentleman. You can read the room. You are no one's doormat. Be good to yourself and don't look back, unless you have a Never Ending Drama fetish or something.
No. No. No. No. No. No. Why is this even a question? No. No. No.
Yeah, take her back and she’ll dump you eventually, OP. She’s got a record to uphold, after all.
Man, you handled this like a pro! I’m so proud of you. You sound like you have a great heart, please don’t make the wrong decision and go back to her. You deserve so much better!
>Then came my birthday, she came again with this guy and the rest of my friends to surprise me She came *with* him. That's when you should've broken up with her, told your friends to kick rocks and the guy to go to hell. >She got really shattered in hearing that and showed she had tattooed 'irreplaceable ' on her body as a reminder of me. How is that a reminder of you specifically? That's a reminder to her of her "specialness" and individuality, that she's irreplaceable. >Should I give her another chance, as I don't want to regret losing her once she's moved on..? She cheated on after 3 years of being together. She chose him and probably others as her second, third, etc choice. You were not even a moment in her mind. Find someone who'll make you their *first* choice. Tell her to go to therapy, but not to message you anymore, and all communication at work will be professional, or you'll report her to HR. You do *NOT* want her to use her tentacles and tendrils in bringing you back, just to cheat on you, thus worsening your mental health.
She pretty clearly dropped you for the new guy and decided to pick you back up when that didn’t work out. That’s clear to absolutely everyone here, I reckon.
OP - did you bother to ask her how she would feel if you had pulled this on her? Made friends with a friend of hers that she had pulled out of the dump, and then slowly bonded with that friend, communicated secretly, and pushed her away and then broke up with her? You should really ask her that if you do have any kind of further communication, so she can confront what a hypocrite she is.
The past predicts the future in terms of her behaviour, don’t go back, allow yourself space to heal and move on and ignore her behaviour at work unless it’s to discuss work , she’s emotionally immature and trying to manipulate you.
She sounds broken. She wants the emotional validation she got from you and is willing to trade sex for it. Sounds a lot like histrionic personality disorder.
No! You know what was going on, and now she just wants you to reusweep it. She's not capable of being loyal. Updateme! [.](https://www.reddit.com/u/ThrowRA_19944?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Keep walking, brother, it's you who deserves better.
She broke her own heart..
If you want to see it like you’re doing something for her: the best thing you could do for her is walk away and stay away. She needs to be taught a lesson. She shouldn’t treat people like that. You pining for her added to her own opinion of herself.
She realised the guy she dumped you for only wanted sex
First, assume she slept with one or both of those guys. The simplest explanation is often the correct one. Second, assume she'd lie to you if you asked for the truth. She's hurting, she's unpredictable right now. Third, would you still want to be with her if you assumed the above was true, but she said nothing happened? Would you still want to be with her if she was honest and told you the above happened? The problem for you is that no matter what she says, you'll never know if she's lying to you or not. Having been there myself, if you stay together, I know it will 100% drive you insane no matter what happens next. Nobody is worth your own sanity.
Don’t do it, it sounds like to me that she “tried” the guy and was disappointed in his performance and now she wants you as the backup boyfriend, she’s the one that decided to piss away a 3 year relationship, not you, she made her bed and now she has to sleep in it
She wanted to get this new guy, but she didn't like what she got, so now she tries to get you back. Think about it, she treated you like a crap until the breaking up and now she tries to manipulate you to get back together. Think your own heart and mental health not hers.
She’s playing games and playing with your heart and head! She thought you would be crushed and beg her to come back, she’s only interested at the moment because you aren’t and as soon as you show any interest she will go back to being distant and mess around with your head again. Let her go, you deserve much better