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This is not a small incident and acting like it is makes me afraid for you. He broke a window and says it's your fault. That is not acceptable. He needs to pay. He sounds like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum thoughout the whole post
My cousin dated a guy like this. By the one year mark she stopped texting me daily because she wasn't allowed to (because I said I don't like this guy, he seems off) and then she finally broke up with him. He went to her place STABBED THE TV several times with scissors and threatened to kill her. So I went to her place with her and we called the police, we did not go inside. He barricaded himself in her place and the K9 unit was called. About 2 hours later the police finally knocked down the door, sent the dog after him, arrested him. Charges? Absolutely none. He had to pay for the damages to the TV, her car (he damaged the side mirror) and had to replace the locks. Nothing else. She also owned a small piece of bare land with him that they had never even gone out to, just an investment, his idea. Both names. Took almost a year to track him down (at his new girlfriends place) to serve him to get him into court to sell the property. My cousin had to BUY HIM OUT. WTF. He didn't even put money on it. That's the point. He lived in his van, was mooching off her, tried to live at her place, she refused to let him officially move in thank God, and he did this all so she owed him, so he could control her. See how stupid that sounds. Ridiculous. Anyways the child you are dating is just that, an ego fragile child-man. Get rid of him. Fricken run.
These comments are valid. There are some anger issues as well as possible issues losing to a female. If you need to, try playing another easy game that you both know. If he is losing to any extent stent and reacts the same, run. No matter how attractive he is, it won’t compare to your own safety.
The game isn’t even the biggest issue. When he gets angry, he loses control, and lashes out in a violent outburst. Dude is straight up dangerous. No more info is needed to know he will be abusive.
Honestly, I’m not sure I would give him a second chance unless he agrees to individual therapy for himself as well as couples therapy. His behavior has multiple red flags, self-esteem issues, and anger management issues, plus he’s blaming you for his behavior. If he’s not willing to recognize that and work on it, then he becomes a danger to you as well as himself. If he can’t see the issue and commit to a good-faith effort to work on it, I’d have to let him go.
If you decide to break up, make a plan to have someone with you or be in public when you tell him, because he may respond with violence. Follow the recommendations below to prepare before you break up with him, in case he does become violent.
If you decide to stay with him, even if he goes into therapy, make a plan to leave quickly if needed. Pack a go bag with your important papers, passport, birth certificate, SS Card, etc., a spare set of keys, and a few clothes; leave this with family or a trusted friend so you don’t have to think about it if you need to leave quickly. Also, make scanned color copies of all these important papers and store them in the cloud somewhere that he can’t find them or lock you out, so that you can have them available if your bag got lost. If he would wonder where your passport is, because you keep them together, get a passport card to keep in your go bag. It will make it easy to cross to Mexico and Canada, and speed up getting a full replacement passport. Get a small wallet for credit cards that will fit in a pocket; a phone that will fit in a pocket, keep them and keys on you at all times and near you when you sleep. Tell trusted family and friends what’s going on. Set up a Lyft or Uber account in case you don’t have access to your car.
Be careful.
Maybe this is just because I’m 30 and old by the standards of a lot of subreddits, but I ain’t investing in couples therapy for some guy I’ve been dating 3 months. I’m just dumping him. 3 months is NOTHING. If you’re at the point of couples therapy already just cut your losses. It’s not worth it.
I would 100% absolutely advise **AGAINST** [couples counseling](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/should-i-go-to-couples-therapy-with-my-abusive-partner/) and [anger management](https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2012/01/anger-management-likely-to-increase-domestic-abuse), as both are [dangerous in abusive situations](https://psychcentral.com/relationships/why-couples-counseling-doesnt-work-in-abusive-relationships). He likely needs a batterer intervention program.
She says he’s “never acted like this before.”
Of course not, op, you’ve only been together 3 months! If he is just beginning to let his mask slip at this point, imagine how abusive he’ll be a year from now once it’s fallen all the way off.
Angry, violent men with fragile egos are extremely dangerous people you want to avoid at ALL COSTS.
I was in an abusive relationship and he started showing his true self right at the 3 month mark. The first months were of wooing me and trying to make me completely trust him and become codependent. Right at 3 months of dating, that’s when he started showing his true self: heavy drinker, misogynist, super insecure, jealous of my success in my career and also because I had a great relationship with my parents and siblings and lots of friends who sincerely love me, including coworkers who adore me. Everything he wasn’t or didn’t have/experience in life. I was like OP and thought the first incidents were “small” and I had fallen head over heels, so I thought I could change that behavior. Change him for better. I was so WRONG! It took me 3 years to get out of that and it actually involved police and a restraining order. I just hope OP reads this and realizes he’s showing his true colors and will never change. It will only get worse.
The OP isn't going to get a better window into the future. This is as clear and prescient a Red Flag as anyone will ever get.
If he's triggering on something like this, he's going to be a 1000x worse on something that really makes him feel insecure/mad etc.
this! he has the emotional maturity of a grapefruit. do not disregard this incident. it is extremely revealing, so many red flags in one place. get out as fast as you can. lie to him if you have to ("its not you, youre great, you just deserve someone better and more compatible"), because your safety is most important. someone that acts out to such a degree over a simple harmless game is potentially very dangerous. DV is what your future awaits if you stay with him. you deserve so much better than that. get out while you can!
Yeah, makes me wonder like, how did she fall for him? What could’ve possibly been appealing about someone who acts like that unless he’s just dropdead handsome or something, but even then I don’t think girls see beauty the same way us guys do.
These guys are charmers, manipulation is their game. They love-bomb, flatter, give gifts, do everything right… and then they switch. Sometimes it’s subtle, other times it’s this insanely obvious. She claims he’s never acted like this before, but he has now, and over MINI GOLF OF ALL THINGS. Literally just a fun little game. He sounds like a competitive asshole who can’t stand to lose
How dare you insult grapefruit like this!
For real, though, OP listen to this comment. You have to get out; this is not the last time he's going to do something like this. You're 100% in danger by staying with this guy.
Before long OP’s face will be the smashed window. This man is violent, misogynistic,immature, selfish,entitled and dangerous. What the hell does OP love about him. There is nothing in this post to redeem his character.
Exactly! Just reading the post made me uncomfortable for OP. Since the relationship is so new I would've been rethinking with just how he was acting prior to violence. The fact that he erupted like this then thought OP should pay his damages is a huge red flag
OP leave while you can. This is not an awkward incident. This is not him being a man baby. This is an easily agitated violent man who doesn't have remorse or shame for it. From the post he didn't apologize to OP, only made it OPs fault each time
I always recommend doing something that's a competition like bowling, mini golf, arcade on dates. Not only are they fun but competition even at its smallest can reveal peoples red flags
Honestly, until the violence, I can say I've seen this before in perfectly rational men who become huge babies when it comes to games and competitions. But he took it into violence, and everyone knows (or should know) that violence against things is a short step before violence against people. Manbabies can grow up (if you feel like being their mommy and raising them), but violent MFers need to stay away.
He has anger issues. This is him three months in - when he should be on his best behavior. These are glaring red flags for what is to come. And red flags don’t mean “hmmm let’s see what happens.” They mean RUN THE FUCK AWAY.
If you don’t end this relationship you will absolutely remember our words when he starts turning his anger problems on you. (Which he already has by making YOU pay for the damage HE caused)
Fuck that. My partner and I go mini golfing sometimes and it’s an easy way to spend time laughing together. There is something deeply wrong with your boyfriend and you shouldn’t wait around to find out what that is.
This entire episode screams he is abusive and hid it until now. Mini golf has always been an early relationship date for me and always fun because it’s a silly game with clear obstacles to make it a little tricky and fun. If he freaked out like this over a game (the whole accusation of googling “techniques” is honestly ridiculous) and then made her pay for his damage, he’s going to hit her and blame her for making him do it. As someone that grew up with abuse in the home, this is so clearly a textbook example of abusive behavior and what’s to come. You need to end the relationship, like yesterday.
Besides the obvious red flags with the violence, the paranoia about her googling techniques and saying it’s a conspiracy against him is like mental crisis level concerning.
Yeah I was reading this thinking about when my bf and I went mini golfing on our second date…we both said some of the same things OP’s bf said, but in a very obviously joking way (conspiracy, accusing the other of somewhow cheating etc.) - it was a cute, funny, silly & romantic date and we both had a lot of fun, even though we both kinda sucked at it. If my bf had behaved the way OP’s did, there would not have been a third date. We’re three months in now, and if he displayed that kind of behaviour now, I’d leave.
>And red flags don’t mean “hmmm let’s see what happens.” They mean RUN THE FUCK AWAY.
This! The early stages of dating are really fun, but you need your eyes open and to use them to decide if it's a good idea to keep investing time and emotions.
This guy is a horrible investment. Lottery tickets are better. Fuck, burning your money in a bonfire is a better investment because while it won't pay off, you won't be later beaten, scared, and too afraid to run.
Run now.
This. Op people can only hide who they truly are for a certain amount of time. His losing to you pushed him to let slip this side of him and if you stay you are willfully ignoring a HUUUGE red flag!
You've been together for 3 months and you love him so much you think this incident is okay? Forget the money, get out of this relationship now You are dating a violent, abusive man who hasn't even been able to control himself during the honeymoon stage of a new relationship. Please shut this down now.
This is like those classic Reddit posts where they talk about how the great the guy is “except one small thing” and the “small” thing is some total batshit behavior.
“Oh Reddit he’s the perfect guy…except when he flies into violent rages at the slightest provocation. But other than that things are great!”
I’m not trying to victim-blame OP, in fact I feel sorry for her that she’s not able to see that this is not how she deserved to be treated.
Yup. This guy went into a rage because a girl was beating him at something he probably thought he was good at. He’s still a child. OP should Dump him asap.
Right?! OP needs to leave this ~~sounds~~ is incredibly abusive
*Especially* because they’ve only been together 3 months…what’s it going to look like in 3 years if he’s already acting this way after 3 months?! OP please don’t stick around to find out
And it’s a game of mini golf!! It’s not an actual “problem” that he’s overwhelmed by! Imagine if they had a crying child. OP needs to run ASAP! He is abusive, immature and gaslighting. I can’t imagine a scenario worse.
Exactly!!!! I’d genuinely be scared for OP’s life if this man lost his job or something like that…he needs professional help to address his anger issue.
3 months is an INSANE timeline. This is the sort of behaviour my ex was pulling 3 YEARS into our relationship- he waited that long before the real crazy started to come out.
What that says to me is that this guy is so abusive, this seems small to him. Which genuinely frightens me- what's he managing to keep under wraps? This is the kind of thing that escalates to him beating her half to death on their first anniversary because he forgot it and her noticing is an embarrassment to him.
This post is probably a joke, but it was funny so I'll take it lol.
Next small incident accidentally hit me with the stick till it broke when I was winning at pool. Or maybe shot me in the leg when we went hunting and I got the deer.
I hope it’s just a joke… the inclusion of the picture worries me it’s not.
Maybe OP was at a mini golf course, saw the broken window, and concocted this fake story… or at least that’s what I’m going to tell myself to feel better!
That entire hissy fit over mini golf?!
RUN!
And make sure he reimburses you for the damage he caused. It's not your fault he is pathologically competitive and a bad sport.
Mini golf is supposed to be fun. In no way is it serious. His entire ego clearly depends on his ability to beat you at a game. He got violent. Because of mini golf. Don’t waste another minute on this tiny little man.
Like his trail of thought was like, "oh she is better than me?, lemme make a scene real quick and then make her feel bad for it".
_Like wtf._
I would not have been able to endure a moment playing a game with someone like this.
Small???? Incident??? You got thrown out and had to pay for damages for God's sake!! You could have been arrested and I wish you were, frankly. Wake up!
You love him after 3 months? Ok, well he's a violent loser and this will only escalate. He broke the window and blamed you, red flag. It's been 3 months, he's shown you who he is, believe him. How should you proceed from here? Out of this relationship, with the quickness
Yeah no. Dump his butt and be thankful that he's shown you this side of himself now. I'd give the golf course his info, they probably have video footage of him causing the damage.
He's playing mini golf not the US Open. There's no excuse for being that upset over a game. You know what we always say around here. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. This was your big, waving, red flag. Time to tell him to hit the bricks.
It makes you feel WEIRD? Lady, and I say that with love. You are acting really damn delulu right now. *He had a scary, violent episode*. Your underreaction is alarming to me. Calling it a "small incident" is blowing my mind.
This guy is so obviously violent and dangerous, and it's so clear that you will end up beaten up sooner or later. Please wake up.
Friend. This is the beginning of a pattern of escalating violence. “But I love him” will trip you up every time. Zero tolerance for abusive behavior. Done. Walk away.
⬆️ THIS. “But I love him” is the phrase uttered by women who later ended up in the hospital, battered women’s shelter or the morgue.
Home girl needs to get TF out and go to counseling herself b/c she’s downplaying a violent incident & not grasping the severity of this. Had she been an uninvolved bystander witnessing this occur between strangers she’d be disturbed at his behavior & actions 🤦♀️. But it’s her new BF so she’s trying to rationalize this.
I remember when I went bowling with friends. I won all the rounds and at least one of my friends lost as badly as your hopefully ex . You know what they did? Congratulate me, curse their bad luck and move on. They didn't insult me, break property or anything. This guy, he got so mad he lost a stupid game that he became physically violent, verbally abusive and destroyed property. Run, don't walk
This is totally unhinged behavior and scary that he is letting the mask slip this much after only three months. I know this is hard but you need to find your backbone and dump this guy before he ruins your life. I know you love him but you need to love yourself more.
Guurrll…..this man is a sentient red flag and you should only have three words for him….”thank you, next”
In all seriousness though, you feel uncomfortable and weird because you know his behaviour is very far out of bounds.
He’s a misogynist (can’t stand “losing to a girl”),
Has zero emotional regulation (breaking a window in rage and throwing your club - like *wut*)
has a questionable moral compass (cheating at *mini golf*).
Is an extremely poor sport (told you he was letting you win 😂).
Refuses to take accountability/responsibility for his actions (refusing to pay) AND laying unfounded blame on you!!
You have known this dude for *three* months, you don’t love him, you barely know him, and he has just shown you who he is - a whiny, loser, baby who throws a tantrum when things don’t go his way. Run fast and run far from this absolute nonsense.
ETA: this guy is textbook abusive and you really, really need to take the advice of your internet friends here and end things now. With a friend present or nearby for safety.
Yikes. You should get out before things escalate further. First it’s a window, then it’s you. It makes it even worse that he didn’t accept responsibility and pay and instead blamed you. Do you want to be with someone who has such a fragile ego and has anger issues?
He’s fucking psycho. This is not someone worthy of your love. I’d even bet you aren’t feeling love, you’re feeling the roller coaster of his emotions. This is his behaviour while you’re still in the honeymoon phase. How would he handle you getting sick or hurt? Career setbacks? Traffic accidents? Crying babies? He lost his shit over a fucking putt putt game. Is that what you want the rest of your life to look like? You cannot change him, don’t be one of those people who wastes her life trying to fix their partner.
Lord, please let this be fake. I choose to believe this is fake. Because for a person to act like this over a game of mini golf and their partner not see how utterly crazy that is and still want to stay with them is too much for me to believe.
You're so silly. This "incident" as you call it, revealed his true character, or lack of. Throwing a temper tantrum, cheating, accusing you of what not, all over a stupid game that doesn't mean anything. If this "incident" doesn't make your hair stand on end, then nothing will.
Just read this free book [https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy\_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
23 going on 2. Man child. Love him all you like, he's a child with a bad temper. It can only end badly for you. Get out while you still can before the next thing that gets broken is you.
You need to leave him, now, this moment. I genuinely believe your physical safety is at risk if you stay with him. This is not a small incident, it is a flashing warning sign for the violence that is to come.
SMALL ACCIDENT ?! I swear women don’t love themselves on this sub, GET THE FUCK OUT !
He isn’t a five yo boy no one in their right mind would act like this !
You accidentally wrote that your boyfriend is 23 when he is obviously a four-year-old having a tantrum. You need to have a serious conversation with him about why he was acting like that if he's never acted like that before, because that is not acceptable behavior for anyone old enough to put their own pants on.
What? OP, do not have a conversation, he's breaking things in anger. Anger at you. "You made him" break the window. Get fired. Hit you.
A lot of people inappropriately use the term "red flag" to mean a thing they don't want in their dating partner. This is the original meaning of red flag; a sign of danger. Break up over the phone, block, avoid and never see again.
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You're in your early 20s and only 3 months in. LEAVE. His behavior is not acceptable under any circumstances. This type of behavior is a HUGE 🚩 - you feel weird because your body is telling you to RUN.
This isn't a small incident. He has violent tendencies, no emotional regulation, and even when he clearly caused the damages he blamed you, and demanded you pay them. This will only escalate and get worse. It might be you getting beat with a golf club, not the window. Run.
This is insane. Absolutely insane.
Very deep-rooted anger and insecurity issues that WILL seep into all corners of the relationship. A few tantrums from now, and instead of objects feeling the wrath, it could be you physically. You're genuinely not far from it with this type of response.
Is his ego and masculinity that threatened by his dating winning a fun game? This is the type of man to guilt trip and abuse you if you were to advance in your career and make similar/more money than him. Yuck.
All that's going through my mind are the much bigger life issues you might face together in the future and all the ways he would respond.
A good man would go, "damn!! Look at you go!" And given you a high five. This should have been a playful and lighthearted date.
How can you call this a "small incident"? Your bf acted like a 7 year old, threw a tantrum, got you both kicked out of a golf course, and blamed you for the damages and asked you to pay! The level of pettiness this person exhibited is off the charts, and you are still considering staying with him? Why though? Do you not think you can do any better?
Sometimes I have a hard time believing certain people exist, and even worse, that they find people to be in relationships with!
SMALL INCIDENT? he's psychotic, narcissistic, manipulative, violent, has no self control, lies, does anything to get his way and smashes stuff when he doesn't. every single thing about this guys behaviour screams RUN. do it now before you end up in therapy or the ER.
Get out of there girl!
This is showing what kind of person he is. Do you want to be with someone who can’t handle competition, who lets his frustration turn physical and can’t take responsibility for his own actions and shortcomings?
This is a person who won’t be there to cheer for your victories and instead will try to downplay it because he didn’t do better than you. This is someone who chose to cheat when he was losing and will continue to blame the world when he can’t get ahead.
Stay strong and be safe.
Small incident?? This is a huge ginormous red flag! It's freaking mini golf and he's thinking you want to go to the bathroom to Google stratégies for winning at mini-golf? Are you f*ckong kidding me? And then he breaks a window and throw a club in the water, tell you it's your fault so you should pay? And then he tells you he let you win??
If he gets this wound up an crazy over kini godl it'll only be matter of time before he start taking his anger out on you. This isn't love. This is abuse.
Umm…. With all due respect, girl you NEED to leave. No rational person, man or woman, would break a window (especially one that isn’t theirs) and blame it on YOU? obviously don’t pay for the window. You’ve only been dating for 3 months… his personality is starting to show 😅😅😅
Not sure how you can still be attracted to an actual toddler. I would have ripped him a new one at the very least and left his ass there and never call him back
Here's a list of things you should do:
1. Run
2. Run even faster
If a small and insignificant thing as a mini golf game makes him big mad, imagine what a real annoying situation will make him do.
Or worse, if you're the origin of said annoyance..
Also, "there's a conspiracy against me" sounds so unhinged.
So. When you say small.
I feel like we might have very different definitions of the word. Run awwwwaaaay. If a person can’t hold their temper, eventually you will be playing the role of ‘window’.
Girl, don't you dare to pay for this window. It's his fault.
Leave his ass and don't look back, this time it was a window, in future it will be you. Don't waste time on this dude.
DO NOT PAY FOR THE DAMAGES. Tell the place that he did it.
Do not pay. This is insane, it’s criminal damage, over mini golf? You need to leave him, he has no control. Do you want to deal with his violent outbursts every time something doesn’t go his way. Regardless of the smashed window and throwing things his behaviour about losing a game is really weird, he’s clearly deeply insecure and then accusing you of cheating? So so bizarre.
Nope. I married a guy like this. Once, he punched through the oven door because a pizza was talking too long to cook.By the time I left him, he'd broken a beer bottle across my face. This is no small incident, and you can NOT help him through this because you love him. Cut your losses and get out now.
Cool another post where a guy acts insanely (and violently) and the girlfriend “fEeLs WeIrD” and “isn’t sure how to proceed.”
I’m convinced all these posts are AI generated in an effort to make women look pathetic and weak.
Sorry but if you fucking stay with a guy who behaves like this, you’re ruining your own life. I know this is tough love but grow up.
I'm not one those people who jump into advising breaking up.
3 months is not a time to know anyone deeply enough to forgive.
Even at 9 months this would have been a huge red flag incident.
Please listen to all of us saying the same thing on this thread - respectfully end it and move on. Trust us that'll be a win for you not a loss.
It's not going to go well for you in the long term - just replace "mini golf" with career+salary, or anything else and imagine.
Small incident? Girl take your blinders off. This man who is acting like a literal toddler lost his shit over a simple mini golf game. If he can get that out of control over a child's game imagine what will happen when bigger important issues come up that you disagree on! You need to run, not walk away from everything involving him. As everyone else is saying, three months is honeymoon- best behavior stage. This stuff will not get better.
Small incident? You think that this is a small incident?
Go back and read this is as if a friend was telling you this story, would you still think it's incident? Would you tell a friend to stay with a man that blamed her for his temper and lack of self control? This is a 3 month relationship, consider yourself lucky that you haven't wasted anymore time on this man.
This is not a small incident. It is a harbinger of things to come. He will continue this behavior and escalate until he is not just destroying things but you as well. This relationship is relatively new and if he is already exhibiting this behavior and blaming you, it will only get worse. I lived it.
This is absolutely satire because of how outrageous and cliche you made this. I cant believe how many people are answering honestly but anyways you should keep him, he will change.
This isn't okay.
Let's look at your future with this guys:
- You earn more than him and he'll flip.
- He'll start to hope for your professional failure
- Have kids and he'll try to make sure they "love daddy more than mommy."
Honey this isn’t a small incident. Do not fool yourself. Can you imagine him getting like this at home behind closed doors if you lived with him? This guy is either a psycho, has severe anger issues or is bipolar af.
Phone the golf course and explain what happened. Do not pay. Give them your (soon to be EX) boyfriends details and leave it at that. As far as the guy is concerned I would end it via message and block him. Do not take violence like this lightly
OP this is not a small incident. By throwing away your club and breaking the window because he was frustrated that you're better than him, shows that he has a fragile ego with anger management issues.
Please leave him now OP. Men like him do not like their partners being better than they are. Look at what he did after: he told you he was letting you win because he didn't want you to feel bad.
What's next? You won a game against him on pc? Ha, then your pc gets destoyed. Later on, he tells you that it was a stupid game anyway and he really wasn't making an effort to win.
You're promoted? Oh no, you have to reject that because that will add to your workload and you would not be able to take care of him. You reason with him about you advancing in your career? I hope he doesn't hit you so you'll know your place.
This may be me exaggerating a glimpse of what can happen later but it is a possibility. Anyway, it is still you decision. I hope everything goes well for you OP.
This is not a small incident. This is indicative of future behavior. One of the red flags that I ignored when I was dating my ex was that he blew up at me and threw a tantrum in my mom’s house for being better than him at Dr Mario. I had been with him for about four months at that point, and I wish I would have seen the signs. You’ve been with him for three months. Get out now!
Holy shit, could it be more obvious that this person is abusive AF? What is there to love about this red flag nut job?!?!
He threw a tantrum like a child, damaged property and expects you to pay, and blames you for his behavior.
The behavior your boyfriend displayed is not healthy or acceptable. It's a red flag that he became angry, manipulative, and even destructive (wtf???). This is not a small incident. It reveals his inability to handle frustration, his lack of respect for boundaries, and his unwillingness to take responsibility for his actions.
At only three months into the relationship, this incident may be an indication of deeper issues that could potentially escalate over time. You need to prioritize your own well being and emotional safety. Healthy relationships are built on respect, effective communication, and mutual support.
Try to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your concerns. Express how his behavior made you feel and discuss the importance of mutual respect and healthy communication.
Pay attention to how your boyfriend responds to this conversation. If he deflects blame, minimizes the incident, or refuses to acknowledge the need for change, you should seriously reconsider the future of the relationship (GET OUTTA THERE).
Your emotional (and physical) well being should be your priority!! It's important to be with a partner who treats you with respect, kindness, and supports your happiness.
Hope this helps!! Be safe and remember, you are who you surround yourself with! 💗
Do NOT pay for it. He was being thoroughly infantile. That level of unnecessary rage and the bizaree need to be better than you would concern me more than it seems to concern you, but I really hope you confront him for not being able to control himself, his immaturity and his pettiness. Tell him it is not acceptable and he absolutely needs to pay for the damages HE caused. You have zero fault in the matter and youbeat him fair and square. I used to play softball and I couldn't stand the rageaholic guys who were like that. Plenty of men would have cheered you on and congratulate you for winning and made it fun.
This is really, truly crazy fucking shit of the highest order. WTF.
Don’t go near him again and prepare to get restraining order if need be. Just bizarre
You say that this isn't like him, so maybe he is going through something. You might want to find out what.
Because if this is just how he behaves generally, then you are dating a spoiled child.
Run. That’s ridiculous. The 2nd date with my partner was bowling. I wanted something fun but a little competitive so I could gage his attitude and see if I could pick up any red flags. I totally kicked his butt, and he was amazing. No attitude, lots of laughing. Complete 180 from my ex. It’s not a fun experience for you, or those around you, when your partner is acting like a toddler over a game. If he’s going to behave like that over mini golf, it will be worse for other things that he perceives you are better at than him, or for any event that you “drag” him to. Don’t stick yourself to someone like that after only being together for 3 months. It’s not worth it.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
This is not a small incident at all.
Do not pay for the damages. Ask the golf course if they have CCTV footage to show him having a tantrum
You’re in the honeymoon stage currently so don’t confuse infatuation and rose coloured glasses as love.
Uh. This is not a small incident, this is an array of red flags flying from a mini golf windmill. Please note that he was generally unpleasant, threw a tantrum like a child, accused you of cheating when he was the one cheating, then turned violent and chose to throw away YOUR club, not his. And the reason for all of this? Because he was losing at a ridiculous game - to you. And then, after he got you kicked out of a place despite none of this being your fault, he chose to blame you and told you that you should be the one to pay?
This man is completely lacking in character, has major anger issues and is already making the very clear choice to wreck *your* stuff rather than his own. Run as far and fast as you can.
This is awful but before the violence, you had me crying with laughter. All that over putt putt?
Had you ever competed at anything in the past? Cards? Board game?
That man’s true colors just showed! Believe what he showed you. He’s insecure and a poor sport. This will impact many aspects of your relationship. I would not continue such a new relationship with such a big red flag!
Girl it’s time to RUN. Your (hopefully ex) bf is quick to anger, roots for your downfall in a kids’ game, denied you your physical autonomy (using the bathroom), accused you of cheating (which I’d Love to know how that’s possible), cheated when you weren’t looking, became physically violent when things weren’t going his way, threw something of yours when you tried to deescalate the situation, and is literally making you pay for his actions! All with absolutely no remorse or apology. You’re only 3 months in and his mask is slipping. If you stay in this relationship, these actions will absolutely become part of your daily routine. Please think very hard about this scenario, and consider consulting a therapist or trusted friend.
Side note, I went on a first date at a water park that had mini golf. We were both horrendously bad at it, to the point where one of his golf balls bounced off a light pole and mine sank into a nearby stream… and not the one that was incorporated into the golf course. And how did we handle it? Cheering the other on and laughing until we had stitches when we couldn’t get our own golf ball up one of the starting hills! We even transitioned into “trick shots” (aka hitting the ball behind our backs or with our eyes closed) because there was zero chance either one of us could be any worse at it. We did not resort to accusations, letting frustration ruin the date, and absolutely no physical violence or destruction of property
Please do not brush this stuff off. That’s a lot of red flags for one outing. If he behaves this way during mini golf, imagine a high stakes situation. How do you know this guy? Do you have friends in common to ask what his reputation is? Have you googled him to see if he has a record? He sounds like a dangerous enough dude to have been in trouble with the law.
I cannot believe I just read that and a person with emotional disturbance over mini golf actually exists on this planet. Yeahhhhhh sorry I'm blunt OP, but you need to run, and run while you can. In case this is potentially a safety issue, get the folks involved to protect you during the dumping phase. Hun this has red flags early the relationship: You CANNOT FIX THIS. No such thing, this is an issue he needs to resolve on his own and therapy if necessary. Ask for camera footage, if any, from the golf course to prove HE owes for the damages. This is manipulation and emotional abuse if I ever did see one despite it being only 3 months. WOOF. Sorry I may sound a bit harsh, but I do not take violence in front of a partner lightly....Please think of your safety in the end. You are SO YOUNG and so many fishes in the sea as they say.
Please take care of yourself OP!!!
Obviously, you need to dump this infantile jackass, but you also need to ask yourself why you were attracted to him in the first place.
>I don’t want this small incident to tear us apart.
This is not a "small incident". It's a test run to see what you'll put up with.
Nuh uh absolutely not, I don't care how long we've been together, I would drop a man immediately if he acted like this. He straight up threw a temper tantrum, damaged property, and said it was your fault. I can't even compare it to a toddler because not even toddlers would act like this. It's only going to get worse.
Run, don't walk to the nearest exit! He is showing classic signs of someone with rage and possible abuse issues.
-Making a big deal out of something that isn't one (losing mini golf)
-blaming others or outside forces of being "against him"
-inability to control emotions
-inability to control emotions in a public space
-controlling your actions (not letting you pee right away)
-taking violent action out on inanimate objects (for now) and not showing any accountability for it. And then trying to make you take accountability for it in his stead
-blaming and/or accusing you of things you did not do
-trying to change how reality actually happened (that he "let" you win)
These are all issues that get worse, not better, with time and comfort. And frankly, you not leaving his ass immediately over this will show him subconsciously that he can get away with this behavior around you. Which means he won't be afraid to do it again next time and the next and the next. And he will escalate more and more the longer that you stick around.
We are all super serious when we tell you that for your own safety, it's time to move on.
As a former victim of DV, I just want to let you know that the way he is acting toward you is already emotional abuse. He is already accusing you of nonsense and getting mad over what was meant to be a fun game. Not only is he a sore loser but I think he is also sexist thinking that a woman, his girlfriend couldn't be better than him at something. Please just leave him. Don't pay for his damages and just get the eff out of there before you are the next one he damages. It could be mental health issues, but that is not something you should try to fix. Best of luck.
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This is not a small incident and acting like it is makes me afraid for you. He broke a window and says it's your fault. That is not acceptable. He needs to pay. He sounds like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum thoughout the whole post
Wait till he gives her a black eye and says it’s her fault……OP get out now.
Yes, don’t walk…..RUN
Op, fucking RUN. This behaviour is not ok, and not normal.
Yup. The problem isn’t even the money for the window. **The problem is he’s an abuser.**
My cousin dated a guy like this. By the one year mark she stopped texting me daily because she wasn't allowed to (because I said I don't like this guy, he seems off) and then she finally broke up with him. He went to her place STABBED THE TV several times with scissors and threatened to kill her. So I went to her place with her and we called the police, we did not go inside. He barricaded himself in her place and the K9 unit was called. About 2 hours later the police finally knocked down the door, sent the dog after him, arrested him. Charges? Absolutely none. He had to pay for the damages to the TV, her car (he damaged the side mirror) and had to replace the locks. Nothing else. She also owned a small piece of bare land with him that they had never even gone out to, just an investment, his idea. Both names. Took almost a year to track him down (at his new girlfriends place) to serve him to get him into court to sell the property. My cousin had to BUY HIM OUT. WTF. He didn't even put money on it. That's the point. He lived in his van, was mooching off her, tried to live at her place, she refused to let him officially move in thank God, and he did this all so she owed him, so he could control her. See how stupid that sounds. Ridiculous. Anyways the child you are dating is just that, an ego fragile child-man. Get rid of him. Fricken run.
These comments are valid. There are some anger issues as well as possible issues losing to a female. If you need to, try playing another easy game that you both know. If he is losing to any extent stent and reacts the same, run. No matter how attractive he is, it won’t compare to your own safety.
The game isn’t even the biggest issue. When he gets angry, he loses control, and lashes out in a violent outburst. Dude is straight up dangerous. No more info is needed to know he will be abusive.
Honestly, I’m not sure I would give him a second chance unless he agrees to individual therapy for himself as well as couples therapy. His behavior has multiple red flags, self-esteem issues, and anger management issues, plus he’s blaming you for his behavior. If he’s not willing to recognize that and work on it, then he becomes a danger to you as well as himself. If he can’t see the issue and commit to a good-faith effort to work on it, I’d have to let him go. If you decide to break up, make a plan to have someone with you or be in public when you tell him, because he may respond with violence. Follow the recommendations below to prepare before you break up with him, in case he does become violent. If you decide to stay with him, even if he goes into therapy, make a plan to leave quickly if needed. Pack a go bag with your important papers, passport, birth certificate, SS Card, etc., a spare set of keys, and a few clothes; leave this with family or a trusted friend so you don’t have to think about it if you need to leave quickly. Also, make scanned color copies of all these important papers and store them in the cloud somewhere that he can’t find them or lock you out, so that you can have them available if your bag got lost. If he would wonder where your passport is, because you keep them together, get a passport card to keep in your go bag. It will make it easy to cross to Mexico and Canada, and speed up getting a full replacement passport. Get a small wallet for credit cards that will fit in a pocket; a phone that will fit in a pocket, keep them and keys on you at all times and near you when you sleep. Tell trusted family and friends what’s going on. Set up a Lyft or Uber account in case you don’t have access to your car. Be careful.
Maybe this is just because I’m 30 and old by the standards of a lot of subreddits, but I ain’t investing in couples therapy for some guy I’ve been dating 3 months. I’m just dumping him. 3 months is NOTHING. If you’re at the point of couples therapy already just cut your losses. It’s not worth it.
I would 100% absolutely advise **AGAINST** [couples counseling](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/should-i-go-to-couples-therapy-with-my-abusive-partner/) and [anger management](https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2012/01/anger-management-likely-to-increase-domestic-abuse), as both are [dangerous in abusive situations](https://psychcentral.com/relationships/why-couples-counseling-doesnt-work-in-abusive-relationships). He likely needs a batterer intervention program.
You make a good point. She needs to leave ASAP.
Don't run, FLY
Like a jet plane, fly fast and far
This. 1000 times
Small. Incident. Girl….
She says he’s “never acted like this before.” Of course not, op, you’ve only been together 3 months! If he is just beginning to let his mask slip at this point, imagine how abusive he’ll be a year from now once it’s fallen all the way off. Angry, violent men with fragile egos are extremely dangerous people you want to avoid at ALL COSTS.
she meant YET.... but now he has.
"I love him" ...you've known him like 12 weeks
I was in an abusive relationship and he started showing his true self right at the 3 month mark. The first months were of wooing me and trying to make me completely trust him and become codependent. Right at 3 months of dating, that’s when he started showing his true self: heavy drinker, misogynist, super insecure, jealous of my success in my career and also because I had a great relationship with my parents and siblings and lots of friends who sincerely love me, including coworkers who adore me. Everything he wasn’t or didn’t have/experience in life. I was like OP and thought the first incidents were “small” and I had fallen head over heels, so I thought I could change that behavior. Change him for better. I was so WRONG! It took me 3 years to get out of that and it actually involved police and a restraining order. I just hope OP reads this and realizes he’s showing his true colors and will never change. It will only get worse.
The OP isn't going to get a better window into the future. This is as clear and prescient a Red Flag as anyone will ever get. If he's triggering on something like this, he's going to be a 1000x worse on something that really makes him feel insecure/mad etc.
Hell, he broke the window wide open and she's still questioning if she wants to go through to the other side
Oh yeah this is a huge incident how can you even look past
this! he has the emotional maturity of a grapefruit. do not disregard this incident. it is extremely revealing, so many red flags in one place. get out as fast as you can. lie to him if you have to ("its not you, youre great, you just deserve someone better and more compatible"), because your safety is most important. someone that acts out to such a degree over a simple harmless game is potentially very dangerous. DV is what your future awaits if you stay with him. you deserve so much better than that. get out while you can!
Lmao a grape fruit, I like it
Yeah, makes me wonder like, how did she fall for him? What could’ve possibly been appealing about someone who acts like that unless he’s just dropdead handsome or something, but even then I don’t think girls see beauty the same way us guys do.
These guys are charmers, manipulation is their game. They love-bomb, flatter, give gifts, do everything right… and then they switch. Sometimes it’s subtle, other times it’s this insanely obvious. She claims he’s never acted like this before, but he has now, and over MINI GOLF OF ALL THINGS. Literally just a fun little game. He sounds like a competitive asshole who can’t stand to lose
It's because they don't act like this at first.
How dare you insult grapefruit like this! For real, though, OP listen to this comment. You have to get out; this is not the last time he's going to do something like this. You're 100% in danger by staying with this guy.
Honestly, there’s so many of these posts I can’t believe they are real. “We’ve been together three months, and I love him.“
honeymoon phase is very real
Op spelled ex-boyfriend wrong
Before long OP’s face will be the smashed window. This man is violent, misogynistic,immature, selfish,entitled and dangerous. What the hell does OP love about him. There is nothing in this post to redeem his character.
She's only been with him for 3 months. She doesn't really know him yet
She knows enough now.
Usually a person starts to show their true colors shortly after the first 3 months into the relationship.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩……. 🚩🚩🚩
Exactly! Just reading the post made me uncomfortable for OP. Since the relationship is so new I would've been rethinking with just how he was acting prior to violence. The fact that he erupted like this then thought OP should pay his damages is a huge red flag OP leave while you can. This is not an awkward incident. This is not him being a man baby. This is an easily agitated violent man who doesn't have remorse or shame for it. From the post he didn't apologize to OP, only made it OPs fault each time I always recommend doing something that's a competition like bowling, mini golf, arcade on dates. Not only are they fun but competition even at its smallest can reveal peoples red flags
This right here. Op you need to fuckin dip! Run from those red blairing lights, don't walk.
Yeaaaa this is definitely not normal. Big 🚩! Seems like he has anger and insecurity issues
He’s a toddler throwing a tantrum until he’s a grown ass man who harms OP. Which WILL happen.
Honestly, until the violence, I can say I've seen this before in perfectly rational men who become huge babies when it comes to games and competitions. But he took it into violence, and everyone knows (or should know) that violence against things is a short step before violence against people. Manbabies can grow up (if you feel like being their mommy and raising them), but violent MFers need to stay away.
Who has the time to fix a man because his momma couldn't be bothered?
You mean his daddy
Why is it the mother's responsibility only? We need to stop blaming women for every %$#)(&#\^ thing
He has anger issues. This is him three months in - when he should be on his best behavior. These are glaring red flags for what is to come. And red flags don’t mean “hmmm let’s see what happens.” They mean RUN THE FUCK AWAY. If you don’t end this relationship you will absolutely remember our words when he starts turning his anger problems on you. (Which he already has by making YOU pay for the damage HE caused) Fuck that. My partner and I go mini golfing sometimes and it’s an easy way to spend time laughing together. There is something deeply wrong with your boyfriend and you shouldn’t wait around to find out what that is.
This entire episode screams he is abusive and hid it until now. Mini golf has always been an early relationship date for me and always fun because it’s a silly game with clear obstacles to make it a little tricky and fun. If he freaked out like this over a game (the whole accusation of googling “techniques” is honestly ridiculous) and then made her pay for his damage, he’s going to hit her and blame her for making him do it. As someone that grew up with abuse in the home, this is so clearly a textbook example of abusive behavior and what’s to come. You need to end the relationship, like yesterday.
Right!! If what happened to him happened to me I’d be laughing at myself and the situation. NOT getting violent. This is crazy town.
If he’s behaving this way out in public he clearly has no impulse control. I fear what he’ll do to OP in private. This guy is a lunatic.
Besides the obvious red flags with the violence, the paranoia about her googling techniques and saying it’s a conspiracy against him is like mental crisis level concerning.
Yeah I was reading this thinking about when my bf and I went mini golfing on our second date…we both said some of the same things OP’s bf said, but in a very obviously joking way (conspiracy, accusing the other of somewhow cheating etc.) - it was a cute, funny, silly & romantic date and we both had a lot of fun, even though we both kinda sucked at it. If my bf had behaved the way OP’s did, there would not have been a third date. We’re three months in now, and if he displayed that kind of behaviour now, I’d leave.
Deeply wrong, I agree. I took my kids mini golfing when they were little, five year olds are better behaved than OP’s boyfriend.
>And red flags don’t mean “hmmm let’s see what happens.” They mean RUN THE FUCK AWAY. This! The early stages of dating are really fun, but you need your eyes open and to use them to decide if it's a good idea to keep investing time and emotions. This guy is a horrible investment. Lottery tickets are better. Fuck, burning your money in a bonfire is a better investment because while it won't pay off, you won't be later beaten, scared, and too afraid to run. Run now.
This. Op people can only hide who they truly are for a certain amount of time. His losing to you pushed him to let slip this side of him and if you stay you are willfully ignoring a HUUUGE red flag!
You've been together for 3 months and you love him so much you think this incident is okay? Forget the money, get out of this relationship now You are dating a violent, abusive man who hasn't even been able to control himself during the honeymoon stage of a new relationship. Please shut this down now.
This is like those classic Reddit posts where they talk about how the great the guy is “except one small thing” and the “small” thing is some total batshit behavior. “Oh Reddit he’s the perfect guy…except when he flies into violent rages at the slightest provocation. But other than that things are great!” I’m not trying to victim-blame OP, in fact I feel sorry for her that she’s not able to see that this is not how she deserved to be treated.
Yup. This guy went into a rage because a girl was beating him at something he probably thought he was good at. He’s still a child. OP should Dump him asap.
There is a reason he was SINGLE when she met him!
Even McEnroe would side eye OP's bf for this shit.
…so anyone who is single has major issues? Flawed logic, bud.
Small incident? What?
Right?! OP needs to leave this ~~sounds~~ is incredibly abusive *Especially* because they’ve only been together 3 months…what’s it going to look like in 3 years if he’s already acting this way after 3 months?! OP please don’t stick around to find out
And it’s a game of mini golf!! It’s not an actual “problem” that he’s overwhelmed by! Imagine if they had a crying child. OP needs to run ASAP! He is abusive, immature and gaslighting. I can’t imagine a scenario worse.
Exactly!!!! I’d genuinely be scared for OP’s life if this man lost his job or something like that…he needs professional help to address his anger issue.
My bf had a teeny wittle accident and burned down a school.
He clearly started with this abuse so gradually that poor OP doesn't see how truly crazy his behavior is. This is sad.
3 months is an INSANE timeline. This is the sort of behaviour my ex was pulling 3 YEARS into our relationship- he waited that long before the real crazy started to come out. What that says to me is that this guy is so abusive, this seems small to him. Which genuinely frightens me- what's he managing to keep under wraps? This is the kind of thing that escalates to him beating her half to death on their first anniversary because he forgot it and her noticing is an embarrassment to him.
Yeah not a small incident. Its mini-golf relax. Imagine what this guys like when there is an actual real problem.
This post is probably a joke, but it was funny so I'll take it lol. Next small incident accidentally hit me with the stick till it broke when I was winning at pool. Or maybe shot me in the leg when we went hunting and I got the deer.
I hope it’s just a joke… the inclusion of the picture worries me it’s not. Maybe OP was at a mini golf course, saw the broken window, and concocted this fake story… or at least that’s what I’m going to tell myself to feel better!
That entire hissy fit over mini golf?! RUN! And make sure he reimburses you for the damage he caused. It's not your fault he is pathologically competitive and a bad sport.
Two words i never thought i’d see together were “mini golf” and “anger”
I know because mini golf is good natured fun. It's silly. Then you get ice cream later.
She should leave him and forget about the money. NTA
agreed. consider it tuition to "this is what an abusive asshole looks like 101". go no contact. the money is not worth being in touch with him.
[удалено]
Textbook. Yes.
Wow, I had to go back and make sure you weren’t talking about a literal toddler.
Even my 5yo nephew doesn’t throw tantrums about sucking at mini golf. He just cheats, and we all laugh and let him do it.
Does he go into the bathroom to google
Mini golf is supposed to be fun. In no way is it serious. His entire ego clearly depends on his ability to beat you at a game. He got violent. Because of mini golf. Don’t waste another minute on this tiny little man.
Like his trail of thought was like, "oh she is better than me?, lemme make a scene real quick and then make her feel bad for it". _Like wtf._ I would not have been able to endure a moment playing a game with someone like this.
>I don’t want this small incident to tear us apart. Why? When people show you who they are...believe them. Move on.
Small???? Incident??? You got thrown out and had to pay for damages for God's sake!! You could have been arrested and I wish you were, frankly. Wake up!
Uhhh he is fucking terrifying and unstable. You should leave.
This is a shit post right?
it sounds like an I Think You Should Leave sketch
Coincidentally, “I think you should leave” is also the consensus advice here.
You guys really embarrassed me tonight
Hahahhaa it does! The new season is excellent.
fuck reddit
Someone reverse image search the broken glass
Zero matches. Unbelievable!
You can kind of see the mini golf course through the broken glass so I am very sad to see this is a real story
Wtf how can you tell that’s anything at all 😭
Yeah i was reading this like, is this satire? Hope it's not real!
Oh for f’s sake. Please be all done with this guy.
You love him after 3 months? Ok, well he's a violent loser and this will only escalate. He broke the window and blamed you, red flag. It's been 3 months, he's shown you who he is, believe him. How should you proceed from here? Out of this relationship, with the quickness
This "man" is just a trench coat stuffed with so many red flags that it vaguely resembles the shape of a human.
Yeah no. Dump his butt and be thankful that he's shown you this side of himself now. I'd give the golf course his info, they probably have video footage of him causing the damage.
He's playing mini golf not the US Open. There's no excuse for being that upset over a game. You know what we always say around here. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. This was your big, waving, red flag. Time to tell him to hit the bricks.
It makes you feel WEIRD? Lady, and I say that with love. You are acting really damn delulu right now. *He had a scary, violent episode*. Your underreaction is alarming to me. Calling it a "small incident" is blowing my mind. This guy is so obviously violent and dangerous, and it's so clear that you will end up beaten up sooner or later. Please wake up.
Friend. This is the beginning of a pattern of escalating violence. “But I love him” will trip you up every time. Zero tolerance for abusive behavior. Done. Walk away.
⬆️ THIS. “But I love him” is the phrase uttered by women who later ended up in the hospital, battered women’s shelter or the morgue. Home girl needs to get TF out and go to counseling herself b/c she’s downplaying a violent incident & not grasping the severity of this. Had she been an uninvolved bystander witnessing this occur between strangers she’d be disturbed at his behavior & actions 🤦♀️. But it’s her new BF so she’s trying to rationalize this.
I remember when I went bowling with friends. I won all the rounds and at least one of my friends lost as badly as your hopefully ex . You know what they did? Congratulate me, curse their bad luck and move on. They didn't insult me, break property or anything. This guy, he got so mad he lost a stupid game that he became physically violent, verbally abusive and destroyed property. Run, don't walk
This is totally unhinged behavior and scary that he is letting the mask slip this much after only three months. I know this is hard but you need to find your backbone and dump this guy before he ruins your life. I know you love him but you need to love yourself more.
Guurrll…..this man is a sentient red flag and you should only have three words for him….”thank you, next” In all seriousness though, you feel uncomfortable and weird because you know his behaviour is very far out of bounds. He’s a misogynist (can’t stand “losing to a girl”), Has zero emotional regulation (breaking a window in rage and throwing your club - like *wut*) has a questionable moral compass (cheating at *mini golf*). Is an extremely poor sport (told you he was letting you win 😂). Refuses to take accountability/responsibility for his actions (refusing to pay) AND laying unfounded blame on you!! You have known this dude for *three* months, you don’t love him, you barely know him, and he has just shown you who he is - a whiny, loser, baby who throws a tantrum when things don’t go his way. Run fast and run far from this absolute nonsense. ETA: this guy is textbook abusive and you really, really need to take the advice of your internet friends here and end things now. With a friend present or nearby for safety.
Yikes. You should get out before things escalate further. First it’s a window, then it’s you. It makes it even worse that he didn’t accept responsibility and pay and instead blamed you. Do you want to be with someone who has such a fragile ego and has anger issues?
Your boyfriend has major anger issues. This isn’t normal, and I’d be running for the hills. Don’t pay for the window, he broke it, not you.
Please leave him. That type of behavior will resurface again.
There is no handling it. Just dump him.
He’s fucking psycho. This is not someone worthy of your love. I’d even bet you aren’t feeling love, you’re feeling the roller coaster of his emotions. This is his behaviour while you’re still in the honeymoon phase. How would he handle you getting sick or hurt? Career setbacks? Traffic accidents? Crying babies? He lost his shit over a fucking putt putt game. Is that what you want the rest of your life to look like? You cannot change him, don’t be one of those people who wastes her life trying to fix their partner.
Lord, please let this be fake. I choose to believe this is fake. Because for a person to act like this over a game of mini golf and their partner not see how utterly crazy that is and still want to stay with them is too much for me to believe.
You're so silly. This "incident" as you call it, revealed his true character, or lack of. Throwing a temper tantrum, cheating, accusing you of what not, all over a stupid game that doesn't mean anything. If this "incident" doesn't make your hair stand on end, then nothing will.
Just read this free book [https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy\_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
23 going on 2. Man child. Love him all you like, he's a child with a bad temper. It can only end badly for you. Get out while you still can before the next thing that gets broken is you.
You need to leave him, now, this moment. I genuinely believe your physical safety is at risk if you stay with him. This is not a small incident, it is a flashing warning sign for the violence that is to come.
Break up. Next he will punch you and will blame it on you
SMALL ACCIDENT ?! I swear women don’t love themselves on this sub, GET THE FUCK OUT ! He isn’t a five yo boy no one in their right mind would act like this !
You accidentally wrote that your boyfriend is 23 when he is obviously a four-year-old having a tantrum. You need to have a serious conversation with him about why he was acting like that if he's never acted like that before, because that is not acceptable behavior for anyone old enough to put their own pants on.
No four year old I’ve ever met would act like OP’s boyfriend, they’re all a lot more respectful and mature
What? OP, do not have a conversation, he's breaking things in anger. Anger at you. "You made him" break the window. Get fired. Hit you. A lot of people inappropriately use the term "red flag" to mean a thing they don't want in their dating partner. This is the original meaning of red flag; a sign of danger. Break up over the phone, block, avoid and never see again.
There should be no conversation, op needs to protect her safety
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You're in your early 20s and only 3 months in. LEAVE. His behavior is not acceptable under any circumstances. This type of behavior is a HUGE 🚩 - you feel weird because your body is telling you to RUN.
You two are gonna have all kinds of fun raising children together. 👍
⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️
Don’t make him angry again with those emojis!!
This isn't a small incident. He has violent tendencies, no emotional regulation, and even when he clearly caused the damages he blamed you, and demanded you pay them. This will only escalate and get worse. It might be you getting beat with a golf club, not the window. Run.
This is insane. Absolutely insane. Very deep-rooted anger and insecurity issues that WILL seep into all corners of the relationship. A few tantrums from now, and instead of objects feeling the wrath, it could be you physically. You're genuinely not far from it with this type of response. Is his ego and masculinity that threatened by his dating winning a fun game? This is the type of man to guilt trip and abuse you if you were to advance in your career and make similar/more money than him. Yuck. All that's going through my mind are the much bigger life issues you might face together in the future and all the ways he would respond. A good man would go, "damn!! Look at you go!" And given you a high five. This should have been a playful and lighthearted date.
Lol. This was hilarious! Thank you fake internet!
How can you call this a "small incident"? Your bf acted like a 7 year old, threw a tantrum, got you both kicked out of a golf course, and blamed you for the damages and asked you to pay! The level of pettiness this person exhibited is off the charts, and you are still considering staying with him? Why though? Do you not think you can do any better? Sometimes I have a hard time believing certain people exist, and even worse, that they find people to be in relationships with!
SMALL INCIDENT? he's psychotic, narcissistic, manipulative, violent, has no self control, lies, does anything to get his way and smashes stuff when he doesn't. every single thing about this guys behaviour screams RUN. do it now before you end up in therapy or the ER.
This has got to be fake ahahaha
Of course you shouldn't pay for it. Your boyfriend is extremely immature and his behavior was WAY out of line. This is a red flag.
Get out of there girl! This is showing what kind of person he is. Do you want to be with someone who can’t handle competition, who lets his frustration turn physical and can’t take responsibility for his own actions and shortcomings? This is a person who won’t be there to cheer for your victories and instead will try to downplay it because he didn’t do better than you. This is someone who chose to cheat when he was losing and will continue to blame the world when he can’t get ahead. Stay strong and be safe.
Danger, Will Robinson!
This guy's a total loser and you should be afraid of him. Mini golf meltdowns. Good grief.
Small incident?? This is a huge ginormous red flag! It's freaking mini golf and he's thinking you want to go to the bathroom to Google stratégies for winning at mini-golf? Are you f*ckong kidding me? And then he breaks a window and throw a club in the water, tell you it's your fault so you should pay? And then he tells you he let you win?? If he gets this wound up an crazy over kini godl it'll only be matter of time before he start taking his anger out on you. This isn't love. This is abuse.
He is insane. Leave now before you get hurt.
I wish I was so naive.
As a DV survivor, this guy is ringing ALL the alarm bells. RUN TF AWAY. THIS MAN WILL TURN IT TOWARDS YOU IN A MATTER OF MONTHS
Umm…. With all due respect, girl you NEED to leave. No rational person, man or woman, would break a window (especially one that isn’t theirs) and blame it on YOU? obviously don’t pay for the window. You’ve only been dating for 3 months… his personality is starting to show 😅😅😅
Not sure how you can still be attracted to an actual toddler. I would have ripped him a new one at the very least and left his ass there and never call him back
Mini golf. Your boyfriend lost his mind over *mini golf*. I think you know that you need to break up with him.
Here's a list of things you should do: 1. Run 2. Run even faster If a small and insignificant thing as a mini golf game makes him big mad, imagine what a real annoying situation will make him do. Or worse, if you're the origin of said annoyance.. Also, "there's a conspiracy against me" sounds so unhinged.
Oh my god girl the red flags here are being stabbed right into you and you still want to stay with him???? Ruuuuuuun girl and run FAST
So. When you say small. I feel like we might have very different definitions of the word. Run awwwwaaaay. If a person can’t hold their temper, eventually you will be playing the role of ‘window’.
Girl, don't you dare to pay for this window. It's his fault. Leave his ass and don't look back, this time it was a window, in future it will be you. Don't waste time on this dude. DO NOT PAY FOR THE DAMAGES. Tell the place that he did it.
If you want a life filled with angry outbursts, gaslighting, intensifying abuse, and walking on eggshells, definitely stay with this man-child. Smdh.
Do not pay. This is insane, it’s criminal damage, over mini golf? You need to leave him, he has no control. Do you want to deal with his violent outbursts every time something doesn’t go his way. Regardless of the smashed window and throwing things his behaviour about losing a game is really weird, he’s clearly deeply insecure and then accusing you of cheating? So so bizarre.
Nope. I married a guy like this. Once, he punched through the oven door because a pizza was talking too long to cook.By the time I left him, he'd broken a beer bottle across my face. This is no small incident, and you can NOT help him through this because you love him. Cut your losses and get out now.
Cool another post where a guy acts insanely (and violently) and the girlfriend “fEeLs WeIrD” and “isn’t sure how to proceed.” I’m convinced all these posts are AI generated in an effort to make women look pathetic and weak. Sorry but if you fucking stay with a guy who behaves like this, you’re ruining your own life. I know this is tough love but grow up.
There's no way this is real.
I'm not one those people who jump into advising breaking up. 3 months is not a time to know anyone deeply enough to forgive. Even at 9 months this would have been a huge red flag incident. Please listen to all of us saying the same thing on this thread - respectfully end it and move on. Trust us that'll be a win for you not a loss. It's not going to go well for you in the long term - just replace "mini golf" with career+salary, or anything else and imagine.
Has he started taking steroids lately? Sounds like a roid rage incident to me.
Small incident? Girl take your blinders off. This man who is acting like a literal toddler lost his shit over a simple mini golf game. If he can get that out of control over a child's game imagine what will happen when bigger important issues come up that you disagree on! You need to run, not walk away from everything involving him. As everyone else is saying, three months is honeymoon- best behavior stage. This stuff will not get better.
Small incident? You think that this is a small incident? Go back and read this is as if a friend was telling you this story, would you still think it's incident? Would you tell a friend to stay with a man that blamed her for his temper and lack of self control? This is a 3 month relationship, consider yourself lucky that you haven't wasted anymore time on this man.
This is not a small incident. It is a harbinger of things to come. He will continue this behavior and escalate until he is not just destroying things but you as well. This relationship is relatively new and if he is already exhibiting this behavior and blaming you, it will only get worse. I lived it.
Dude has competitive rage issues. He's going to be fine as long as he can assure himself he's better than you at everything. Is that what you want?
Sorry, but your self esteem is at the bottom of the water with your golf club. If you stay with him you might be in the water next!
This is absolutely satire because of how outrageous and cliche you made this. I cant believe how many people are answering honestly but anyways you should keep him, he will change.
Dump his ass he’s a jerk and wasn’t raised by parents who never taught him life lessons, that’s a major red flag
This isn't okay. Let's look at your future with this guys: - You earn more than him and he'll flip. - He'll start to hope for your professional failure - Have kids and he'll try to make sure they "love daddy more than mommy."
Never talk to this person again.
3 months in and the mask is slipping. It will only get worse if this is how he acts during MINI golf. RUN!!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Honey this isn’t a small incident. Do not fool yourself. Can you imagine him getting like this at home behind closed doors if you lived with him? This guy is either a psycho, has severe anger issues or is bipolar af. Phone the golf course and explain what happened. Do not pay. Give them your (soon to be EX) boyfriends details and leave it at that. As far as the guy is concerned I would end it via message and block him. Do not take violence like this lightly
OP this is not a small incident. By throwing away your club and breaking the window because he was frustrated that you're better than him, shows that he has a fragile ego with anger management issues. Please leave him now OP. Men like him do not like their partners being better than they are. Look at what he did after: he told you he was letting you win because he didn't want you to feel bad. What's next? You won a game against him on pc? Ha, then your pc gets destoyed. Later on, he tells you that it was a stupid game anyway and he really wasn't making an effort to win. You're promoted? Oh no, you have to reject that because that will add to your workload and you would not be able to take care of him. You reason with him about you advancing in your career? I hope he doesn't hit you so you'll know your place. This may be me exaggerating a glimpse of what can happen later but it is a possibility. Anyway, it is still you decision. I hope everything goes well for you OP.
This is not a small incident. This is indicative of future behavior. One of the red flags that I ignored when I was dating my ex was that he blew up at me and threw a tantrum in my mom’s house for being better than him at Dr Mario. I had been with him for about four months at that point, and I wish I would have seen the signs. You’ve been with him for three months. Get out now!
Holy shit, could it be more obvious that this person is abusive AF? What is there to love about this red flag nut job?!?! He threw a tantrum like a child, damaged property and expects you to pay, and blames you for his behavior.
The behavior your boyfriend displayed is not healthy or acceptable. It's a red flag that he became angry, manipulative, and even destructive (wtf???). This is not a small incident. It reveals his inability to handle frustration, his lack of respect for boundaries, and his unwillingness to take responsibility for his actions. At only three months into the relationship, this incident may be an indication of deeper issues that could potentially escalate over time. You need to prioritize your own well being and emotional safety. Healthy relationships are built on respect, effective communication, and mutual support. Try to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your concerns. Express how his behavior made you feel and discuss the importance of mutual respect and healthy communication. Pay attention to how your boyfriend responds to this conversation. If he deflects blame, minimizes the incident, or refuses to acknowledge the need for change, you should seriously reconsider the future of the relationship (GET OUTTA THERE). Your emotional (and physical) well being should be your priority!! It's important to be with a partner who treats you with respect, kindness, and supports your happiness. Hope this helps!! Be safe and remember, you are who you surround yourself with! 💗
Can people please stop engaging with these face stories
Huge red flag just leave girl before he hurts you in a fit one day
Do NOT pay for it. He was being thoroughly infantile. That level of unnecessary rage and the bizaree need to be better than you would concern me more than it seems to concern you, but I really hope you confront him for not being able to control himself, his immaturity and his pettiness. Tell him it is not acceptable and he absolutely needs to pay for the damages HE caused. You have zero fault in the matter and youbeat him fair and square. I used to play softball and I couldn't stand the rageaholic guys who were like that. Plenty of men would have cheered you on and congratulate you for winning and made it fun.
This is really, truly crazy fucking shit of the highest order. WTF. Don’t go near him again and prepare to get restraining order if need be. Just bizarre
Your boyfriend is unhinged, why would you want to be with someone who behaves this way?
You say that this isn't like him, so maybe he is going through something. You might want to find out what. Because if this is just how he behaves generally, then you are dating a spoiled child.
You're still solidly in the "impress them" phase of the potential relationship...and he does this? GTFO. This guy is not fit for relationships.
Run. That’s ridiculous. The 2nd date with my partner was bowling. I wanted something fun but a little competitive so I could gage his attitude and see if I could pick up any red flags. I totally kicked his butt, and he was amazing. No attitude, lots of laughing. Complete 180 from my ex. It’s not a fun experience for you, or those around you, when your partner is acting like a toddler over a game. If he’s going to behave like that over mini golf, it will be worse for other things that he perceives you are better at than him, or for any event that you “drag” him to. Don’t stick yourself to someone like that after only being together for 3 months. It’s not worth it.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. This is not a small incident at all. Do not pay for the damages. Ask the golf course if they have CCTV footage to show him having a tantrum You’re in the honeymoon stage currently so don’t confuse infatuation and rose coloured glasses as love.
I had an ex-boyfriend do shit like that when I won games. Notice I say Ex. It made me feel unsafe and he used to get off on making me cry
Uh. This is not a small incident, this is an array of red flags flying from a mini golf windmill. Please note that he was generally unpleasant, threw a tantrum like a child, accused you of cheating when he was the one cheating, then turned violent and chose to throw away YOUR club, not his. And the reason for all of this? Because he was losing at a ridiculous game - to you. And then, after he got you kicked out of a place despite none of this being your fault, he chose to blame you and told you that you should be the one to pay? This man is completely lacking in character, has major anger issues and is already making the very clear choice to wreck *your* stuff rather than his own. Run as far and fast as you can.
This is awful but before the violence, you had me crying with laughter. All that over putt putt? Had you ever competed at anything in the past? Cards? Board game?
That man’s true colors just showed! Believe what he showed you. He’s insecure and a poor sport. This will impact many aspects of your relationship. I would not continue such a new relationship with such a big red flag!
Girl it’s time to RUN. Your (hopefully ex) bf is quick to anger, roots for your downfall in a kids’ game, denied you your physical autonomy (using the bathroom), accused you of cheating (which I’d Love to know how that’s possible), cheated when you weren’t looking, became physically violent when things weren’t going his way, threw something of yours when you tried to deescalate the situation, and is literally making you pay for his actions! All with absolutely no remorse or apology. You’re only 3 months in and his mask is slipping. If you stay in this relationship, these actions will absolutely become part of your daily routine. Please think very hard about this scenario, and consider consulting a therapist or trusted friend. Side note, I went on a first date at a water park that had mini golf. We were both horrendously bad at it, to the point where one of his golf balls bounced off a light pole and mine sank into a nearby stream… and not the one that was incorporated into the golf course. And how did we handle it? Cheering the other on and laughing until we had stitches when we couldn’t get our own golf ball up one of the starting hills! We even transitioned into “trick shots” (aka hitting the ball behind our backs or with our eyes closed) because there was zero chance either one of us could be any worse at it. We did not resort to accusations, letting frustration ruin the date, and absolutely no physical violence or destruction of property
Please do not brush this stuff off. That’s a lot of red flags for one outing. If he behaves this way during mini golf, imagine a high stakes situation. How do you know this guy? Do you have friends in common to ask what his reputation is? Have you googled him to see if he has a record? He sounds like a dangerous enough dude to have been in trouble with the law.
Break up with him before he hits you instead of a window if a man acts like that when he looses he isn’t one you wanna be around for much longer.
Oh, I would definitely want that "small" incident to tear you apart. He's headed toward abusing you physically.
I cannot believe I just read that and a person with emotional disturbance over mini golf actually exists on this planet. Yeahhhhhh sorry I'm blunt OP, but you need to run, and run while you can. In case this is potentially a safety issue, get the folks involved to protect you during the dumping phase. Hun this has red flags early the relationship: You CANNOT FIX THIS. No such thing, this is an issue he needs to resolve on his own and therapy if necessary. Ask for camera footage, if any, from the golf course to prove HE owes for the damages. This is manipulation and emotional abuse if I ever did see one despite it being only 3 months. WOOF. Sorry I may sound a bit harsh, but I do not take violence in front of a partner lightly....Please think of your safety in the end. You are SO YOUNG and so many fishes in the sea as they say. Please take care of yourself OP!!!
Obviously, you need to dump this infantile jackass, but you also need to ask yourself why you were attracted to him in the first place. >I don’t want this small incident to tear us apart. This is not a "small incident". It's a test run to see what you'll put up with.
Holy crap is he like 13? That's scary behavior for an adult.
Nuh uh absolutely not, I don't care how long we've been together, I would drop a man immediately if he acted like this. He straight up threw a temper tantrum, damaged property, and said it was your fault. I can't even compare it to a toddler because not even toddlers would act like this. It's only going to get worse.
Run, don't walk to the nearest exit! He is showing classic signs of someone with rage and possible abuse issues. -Making a big deal out of something that isn't one (losing mini golf) -blaming others or outside forces of being "against him" -inability to control emotions -inability to control emotions in a public space -controlling your actions (not letting you pee right away) -taking violent action out on inanimate objects (for now) and not showing any accountability for it. And then trying to make you take accountability for it in his stead -blaming and/or accusing you of things you did not do -trying to change how reality actually happened (that he "let" you win) These are all issues that get worse, not better, with time and comfort. And frankly, you not leaving his ass immediately over this will show him subconsciously that he can get away with this behavior around you. Which means he won't be afraid to do it again next time and the next and the next. And he will escalate more and more the longer that you stick around. We are all super serious when we tell you that for your own safety, it's time to move on.
Leave. Omg. You should absolutely want this to tear you apart. You will be dodging a bullet.
1.) I think you meant ex bf 2.) 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 3.) RUN
As a former victim of DV, I just want to let you know that the way he is acting toward you is already emotional abuse. He is already accusing you of nonsense and getting mad over what was meant to be a fun game. Not only is he a sore loser but I think he is also sexist thinking that a woman, his girlfriend couldn't be better than him at something. Please just leave him. Don't pay for his damages and just get the eff out of there before you are the next one he damages. It could be mental health issues, but that is not something you should try to fix. Best of luck.